This Side of Perfect

It's Not a Typo!

2022-02-05T18:34:00.002-05:00

How is 2022 treating you so far? For some of you, I'm sure great things are happening. For others, horrible, heart-wrenching things have happened. But you're here with me now and I am thankful.

As promised several months ago, This Side of Perfect (TSOP) is taking a different direction in 2022 and (hopefully!) beyond. In the past, I've focused on grace through the imperfections of life. Now, I will place my focus on living a fulfilled life while managing disabilities in yourself and loved ones (both visible and invisible).

I am still managing life imperfectly on this side of the screen. I won't be posting about them as prevalently on the blog going forward. I know the imperfect will eke out, but it won't be my main focus. Instead, the new focus is, "Living a life more full-filled."

No, that isn't a typo.

Living with someone who has a progressive disability has presented new challenges to us as a couple and a family. It has also forced us to make a decision: do we want to live a life that is defeated by the challenges or do we want to live a life that we fiercely defend despite them?

We have decided on the latter. And this is what we will focus on. Yes, I said, "we". For the first time in the history of TSOP, Danny will be joining in on the discussion. It only seems right since he is the one living with the challenges. I am beside him. He will also be helping me manage YouTube and Instagram. (I haven't added TikTok or Snapchat for TSOP. I may or may not in the future. In the interim, you'll have to snag us on one of these three platforms. Yes, we are old school).

In many ways, the old motto of TSOP and the new motto of TSOP work in tandem. It was only by embracing my imperfections that I was able to help Danny recognize what is and what could be. It's not a perfect life, but it's our life.

This is the focus of the new (and improved?) This Side of Perfect. We will share what we've learned over the past 9 years. We will talk couples' stuff, family stuff, travel, navigating benefits, finances, and everything in between.

So, I hope you'll join us on this new adventure. We encourage you to ask questions and give feedback. Is there something we haven't covered that you feel should be covered? Do you handle life differently? If so, awesome. What works for you? We know that everyone is different. Circumstances. Families. Challenges. All different. What works for us might not work for you - but we're gonna put it out there anyway because we believe it will help someone. And your input could help others, too. I encourage you to engage with us. Let this space be your space, too.

Keto Journey: Week 7

2020-02-18T18:01:00.000-05:00

Like many of you, I created a New Year's Resolution. (I know! I know!)

I stepped on the scale soon after Thanksgiving and I did not like the number I saw. So, I spent the remaining week of 2019 learning about Keto.

What is Keto?

Keto, or the Ketogenic Diet, is a diet that focuses on fat, protein, and carbohydrates. While there are variants in the amount of each macronutrient are eaten on the Keto diet, the percentages are typically as follows: fat - 75%, protein - 20%, carbohydrates - 5%. There are a lot of great macronutrient calendars online. I used this one:

Should I track? How do I track?

In a word: yes. If you don't track, you don't know what you're eating. For me, tracking (and measuring) has helped me get rid of portion distortion. Tracking is as simple as reading a label (no, really). What you do with that information, is up to you. You can either track via apps (Carb Manager and My Fitness Pal are two that are used frequently. Spark People is also another tracking app that is simple to use). Or if paper and pencil is more your flavor, you can keep a simple food log. I use this one.

When you track, start with carbohydrates. You can add the other two macros after you get the swing of tracking carbs.

There are two ways to track carbs: whole carbs or net carbs. There is varying school of thought on which you should track, but if you're used to eating All The Carbs, I'd probably track net carbs vs total carbs just to make it easier on yourself.

What is a net carb?

A net carb is a total carb MINUS fiber and sugar alcohols (please do not confuse this with sugar). Sugar alcohols are artificial sweeteners that do typically do not impact blood sugar.

Source

In the above food label, the total carbs (carbohydrates) is 31 g (grams). there is no fiber in this food, so the total carb count for this food (a 1 cup serving) is 31 carbs. However, if that same food had 6 g of fiber, you would subtract the total carbs (31) from the fiber (6), to get a net carb count (25).

Many digital food tracking websites and apps (see the ones I named above), will automatically calculate net carbs if you set it up that way in your user settings.

Once you get comfortable tracking carbs, then you can begin tracking fat and protein. Carb Manager gives you a pie graph of your macros so you can see at a glance if your percentages are in check or not).

CarbManager.com

This was a good day. You can see that my percentages are pretty good. I didn't quite eat enough to use up all of my macros and that's okay. I wasn't very hungry this day. Other days, I am hungry and when I am, I eat.

What else should I do?

Forget the devil. The scale is a liar. After being completely obsessed with the scale, I decided to put it in the closet during the week and only weigh in on Saturdays. So, how do I know what I'm doing is working? I take pictures and I take measurements.

When I took pictures back in January, I did not like what I saw. However, when I took pictures in February, I could really see some change, even though the scale wasn't a huge "success". And if that wasn't enough, I took measurements so I could sure that my eyes were not deceiving me.

I will update with three month totals on March 1st, so please stay tuned. In the meantime, come join me on Instagram and Facebook! I'd love to chat with you!

New Year, New Me!

2019-12-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes. This is yet ANOTHER New Year post. So what's one more?

It's been while since I've brushed off the old "Create New Post" button. It's been so long that Blogger has completely updated their user interface for users (on this side of the screen; I don't think much changes on your end.)

The blog has been through yet another overhaul. I just couldn't seem to find the right color combo, but I think a simple green and white suits me just fine. (Odd since my favorite color is red. But I didn't think red translated so well in blog terms. I think simple is best).

I've spent all of Christmas break researching. Goal setting. Debt management. Diet. Exercise. Pretty much everything you research right before the new year.

Y'all..I know this blog is trite. There's not much I can do about that. I want to stay that I'm knock out these goals and that will be the end of it. But the truth is, I haven't been so great about goal setting when I've been in charge. I am convinced that I graduated college because everything was laid out for me. All I had to do was show up and do the work.

Which is the secret to all goal setting, right? Show up. Do the work. I haven't been showing up to my own life lately. And it shows. I'm a mess. An utter mess. Aren't we all on some level? The only solace I can give is this: you aren't alone. This is what my blog is all about - just trying to tackle life and sometimes getting it right. If I can share my experience and allow readers to learn from my mistakes, I'm willing to be vulnerable. Which is why I'm going to share my goals for 2020.

I'm going to lay out my goals and then I might take a post for each one to discuss how I plan on tackling them (tools, guidelines, etc). Then, you'll be able to come back and get updates on whichever goals interest you. I also am going to try to be a greater presence on YouTube and Instagram. If you don't already follow the accounts for This Side of Perfect, please consider following along.

My goals tackle four areas: Health, Money, Organization, and Life

Health: Lose 50 pounds by December 2020.
Money: Pay off credit cards by December 2020.
Money: Save $1,000 in savings
Organization: Create a morning and evening routine
Life: Complete a 50,000 word project by December 2020 (NaNoWriMo)

So why should you care about my goals? You shouldn't. They are mine. *Unless you're a friend or loved one who knows me personally or an empath, you probably don't care much about these goals.* BUT, my hope this year is that I can share what I'm doing to reach these goals and these tools will help you reach your goals. And I care about you reaching your goals (no, really, I do!)

As I said, I'll go into further detail about how I'm going to reach each of these goals (they will be one blog post each, I think so that they aren't too terribly long. People are busy. Y'all don't have time to read my drivel, after all.)

Let me finish this post, however, with a tool you need for setting goals. Every teacher on the planet is familiar this type of goal setting, as are millionaires and business people.

In order for your goals to be true goals (rather than just notes on a sheet of paper or hopes, wishes, and dream) there is a formula most successful people follow: the SMART formula. This idea isn't mine (and I'm not sure who created it) but it's tested and research based (teachers - see what I did there?)

A S.M.A.R.T goal is:

S - Specific - if you noticed, I didn't say I wanted to "lose weight" for my health goal. I was specific. I want to lose 50 pounds.
M - Measurable - how will I know that I've reached my goal? I lose 50 pounds
A - Attainable - it needs to be something that you can accomplish; I might want to own {insert Fortune 500 company} but considering I have zero marketing and business experience, the chance is slim.
R- Relevant - is it a goal that you set (verses one you think you should set or one everyone else is setting). For me to set a goal of running a marathon isn't relevant OR realistic. I don't like to run. I don't plan on running. I would never reach this goal because I'm not motivated to take step to make this goal a reality.
T - Timely - how long are you going to give yourself to achieve your goal? If you leave it open-ended, the chances are good that you will never reach it. Instead, give yourself a deadline. You'll thank your future self for it.

So, there you have it. Some examples of non-S.M.A.R.T goals vs S.M.A.R.T goals :

non-S.M.A.R.T - Lose weight.
S.M.A.R.T - Lose 50 lbs by December 2020

non-S.M.A.R.T - Get out of debt.
S.M.A.R.T - Pay off 6 credit cards by December 2020.

non-S.M.A.R.T - Read more.
S.M.A.R.T - Read 2 books per month by December 2020.

Get the picture? Non-S.M.A.R.T goals, while complete sentences don't quite have the flavor that S.M.A.R.T goals do. They give you a little meat to sink into. They help guide you through your story.

In my next post, I'll break down each of my own goals and explain how I plan on achieving them, what tools I will, and how I'm going to track progress. I've never done this before. I'm the queen of setting goals, never to accomplish them. I'm taking my own advice here.

I hope you'll follow along this upcoming year and learn from my mistakes and (hopefully!) a few of my successes!

4 Ways To Plan for a Successful Summer Break

2019-06-24T13:46:00.000-04:00

Happy summer!

I trust most everyone in the county is out for the summer? For those outside of the county, when does your summer begin?

If you're subscribed to This Side of Perfect (thank you!), you've might have noticed that TSOP has gone through a few changes. It's been a process. I've been playing around with colors and format for the past month or so.

I think I've finally settled on a theme. I like it. I hope you do, too. I hope it is gentle, but pleasing to the eye. I hope that as I slowly add elements to the blog, you're able to find what you're looking for. And if you ever have any questions or comments, please feel free to comment below or (if you prefer) email me. I'll get back to you promptly.

4 Ways to Plan for a Successful Summer Break

Obviously, updating my blog isn't the only way I've been planning my summer break. I've actually created a list. I'd like to share with you six ways you can plan for summer.

1. Rest
As women, we are used to being on the go. If we're not going then we aren't accomplishing anything, right? I'm not a hard Type A personality, but even I have my tendencies. But this summer, I had a health scare that forced me to rest.

I had outpatient surgery on my ovaries to remove cysts. While the doctor was in there, he decided to remove my fallopian tubes as well, stating that doctors now know that ovarian cancer starts in the fallopian tubes. A week later, my results came back and they were benign (that's non-cancerous, by the way), which was a huge blessing.

However, outpatient or not, I was still in pain. I was tired. I had to let some things go for the summer (very important things). And at the beginning, I was a little bummed. I felt bad. I felt like I should be doing so much more than what I was. But luckily, I listened to my body (and well-meaning friends and family), and I have rested. And you know what happened? The world kept on spinning. I kept on healing. And now I'm feeling a little more back to normal.

What I was experiencing was the fear of missing out (FOMO, for short). This is an actual phenomenon where a person feels like everyone else is having an experience that they themselves are missing out on. It's actually a branch of social anxiety

The best way to combat FOMO? Stay off social media. Which is what I was forced to do at the beginning of my recovery time. But as I began feeling better, I started edging away from social media (mainly Facebook). I got on to wish people a happy birthday (June is my birthday month, so not only do I celebrate, but I want other June Babies to celebrate, too!) I also posted inspiring and uplifting sayings. This was more so for my well-being than my friends', but I posted for them, too.

2. Catch Up
This might sound counterintuitive to #1, but I use the summer to catch up on things. I catch up on my reading. I try to read one non-fiction book and one fiction book at a time (yes, I read two books at a time; don't you?)

I catch up on decluttering and organizing tasks that go by the wayside during the school year. (Don't we all do this as teachers?) I recently found Cass at Clutterbug and I adore her! Her theory on home organizing is that we aren't disorganized, we organize differently. Genius! Take her Clutterbug quiz to find out what kind bug you and your organizing style. I'm a Ladybug! Please comment below your bug type.

I sit down and catch up with family. It's been a cross between very (very!) warm and very wet here in SE GA. The family and I spend a lot of time inside during those hot, muggy days. Our favorite things to do: watch TV. I know, I know. Watching TV sounds like a horrible idea when you're spending time with family, right? Not for us. We watch educational shows (some quite graphic - our current favorite: Embarrassing Bodies on Netflix). We also watch documentaries that get us talking. Finally, I have really enjoyed sitting down and watching movies with Baby Girl. She is my horror buff and will gladly watch scary movies with me. She also enjoys natural disaster movies. We recently watched the remake of Poseidon.

3. Reconnecting

This aligns a bit with catching up, but reconnecting can be anything that is meaningful to you. Baby Girl recently graduated from high school (has it been that long already?!?) and she was showered with gifts from family and friends. Well, now comes the time when she sits down to write out handwritten thank you notes to family and friends, thanking them for their generous gifts. (If you were one of the gift givers, a thank you card is coming - I promise. Just a month late. This side of perfect, remember?) Sure, she could email everyone, but there is something so special about a handwritten thank you note, wouldn't you agree? Summer is the perfect time to sit down with pen and paper and draft a letter to an old friend or a loved one (Or even make a new one!) Even if you "see" each other on Facebook every day, getting a letter or card from you would make their day!

4. Get Healthy

This goes hand and hand with getting rest, but get back to taking care of YOU this summer. If you're an educator, you've spent the past nine months taking care of your students, making sure you got your paperwork completed and turned in on time, completed lesson plans, administered state-mandated testing, took care of your family, and ~~maybe~~ definitely took care of some friends in need, too. Whew! I'm exhausted just writing that list. I'm sure you are, too.

If you're anything like me, you were put on the back burner (heck, I dare say I wasn't even placed on the STOVE!) My health has suffered greatly for my lack of attention to myself. I haven't drank the water I should. I haven't eaten the foods I should. And I've definitely eaten MORE than I should. As a result, I've gained about 20-30 pounds this year between the busyness of the year and the stress of the year. Not good.

So, this summer, I'm committing to taking care of myself again. Number One on my list: drink more water. It's free and my water tastes good (I get my water from Culligan. It tastes better than tap and it's cheaper - and I think more environmentally friendly - than buying individual bottles of water.) Search the web for two seconds and you'll get differing ideas on how much water you should drink: 8x8 Rule. 1/2 your body weight in ounces. Some say you should look at your urine to determine if you're getting enough water or not. I think how much you drink depends on many factors: is it summer? Are you working out? Are you nursing? Water isn't a magical elixir that will cure all ailments.But you can't deny science. Our body is mostly water and it only stands to reason that we need to give it water so that it can carry out the daily functions. So my goal this summer is just drink more water.

I have other health related goals, but I've learned through reading some of Michael Hyatt's books that goal setting needs to be done in small chunks in order to succeed. Otherwise, you're bound to fail. And I've failed enough. I'm doing this one small thing.

4 Ways to Plan for a Successful Summer

So there you have it: 4 ways to plan for successful summer break. Is it the most exhaustive list? Not by a long shot. But I believe these four will help get you started on a great adventure of summer!

Marie Kondo: The Life Changing Art of Tidying Up - But Is It Life Changing?

2019-02-18T11:04:00.000-05:00

Five years ago, Marie Kondo published a book called, The Life Changing Art of Tidying Up. It seemed as if all of my friends were picking it up and reading it, so naturally, I followed suit. And then, I was really excited to learn that Netflix had picked up her series and it seems like Marie is making a second go around. In fact, Baby Girl and I were at Books-a-Million Saturday and the what should smack us in the face as soon as we walked in but a display of Kondo's book. (She actually has two, but for the purpose of this post, I will refer to her first.)

So, is it really all that it's cracked up to be? You don't have to search very far to see bloggers talking about it. Vloggers and YouTube stars are talking about it. (Word on the street, now is the choice time to do some thrift shopping at GW's or Savlos - Good Will and Salvation Army, respectively).

In a word, it has completely changed how I think about my belongings. Is my house tidy and kept up? No. As I look around, I see some throws on my living furniture that needs to be folded and put on the back of my couch, love seat, and recliner. (Yes, I really have that many throws in one room.) While my bedroom isn't terrible my bed isn't made and I have a few items that are thrown on my dresser.

So, no. I'm not perfect. But, I would like to share five ways that her MariKondo method has helped me.

1. I am constantly thinking about joy. One of Kondo's premise of her tiding up method talks about having items in your possession that spark joy. In fact, her first lesson is to tidying clothing. In order to do that, she says, you must hold each item in your hand and think if it sparks joy. Now, the term "spark joy" sounds rather vague, doesn't it. Really, what does it mean? When an item sparks joy, it makes you feel good. That favorite hoodie sweatshirt from your college days that bring back fond memories? That item sparks joy. That old prom dress that doesn't fit and reminds you of the horrible time you had with Derrick? Toss it.

I just went through a clothing purge not too long ago. I pulled out every article of clothing I had and placed it on my bed. I then held each item in my hand and thought about it. Did it spark joy? Did I like it? Did it fit right? No? To the donation box it goes. Yes? It is folded to be placed in my dresser or hung up, neatly, in my closet. It really didn't take that long to do, either. I didn't think about it too much. I just haphazardly flung my frocks to and fro and was done with it.

The result: I have less to wash, less to fold, and less to think about it. Research shows that we suffer from something called Decision Fatigue. There are multiple case studies on the subject, but basically decision fatigue is the fatigue you feel after making several decision in a day. This phenomenon is so serious that studies have found that decision fatigue has been known to affect court cases and parole decisions based on when each case was heard. As a teacher, I made approximately 1,500 decisions a day! This is why in the morning, I'm raring to go and will tackle All The Things, but by the time I get home at 4 o'clock, all I can think about is crashing on the couch with a cup of coffee and enjoy peace and quiet.

It's real, y'all. And the MariKondo method of tiding brings it down a couple of notches. Bliss.

2. I'm less likely to bring stuff into the house. This one is a pretty big deal for me and it's also a place where I might lose some of my readers - especially my bibliophiles.

I got rid of books. A lot of books. If I look behind me, I see in my 5-shelf bookcase two shelves dedicated to books. That's it. One shelf is for Bible study materials (I got rid of a quite of few of those, too!) and fiction/non-fiction books are on the other shelf. The rest of my shelves have notebooks and journals. (I probably should go through those shortly, too.)

I haven't bought any books for awhile. I've gone to the library to borrow some. When Baby Girl and I went to BAM, we browsed the used books. (Did you know BAM had used books? I didn't!). I found three I was interested in reading. I will update book reviews as I finish reading them. But if you're curious, the books I bought were:

The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells (it's free on Kindle today at Amazon! #notsponsored Just click the link to the Kindle version.
Getting Stuff Done by David Allen (I have the first version, this links to the newest, updated version)
Living Well Spending Less by Ruth Soukup

After I read these three books, I will decide if they will reside on my shelf or if I will gift them to someone else.

3. The folding method works! Whether you read her book or watch her show, one of the first things that everyone notices is how she folds clothes a little differently than most of us do. And to be honest, it takes some time to get it, but once I did, it really changed how I organized my drawers. I still have two drawers of t-shirts (teacher shirts, Autism shirts, Special Olympic shirts, and lounge shirts - they take up a lot of room!), but they are organized by type and I even went so far as to organize them by color (something Kondo talks about in her book, but I didn't notice her talking about in her show).

4. Baskets and boxes are life-changing! Did you know everyone has a clutter type? I never knew. But thanks to Cass at ClutterBug, I know I'm a Ladybug. A Ladybug likes things organized, out of sight, and simple. It's gotta be simple or I'm not using it! Baskets to the rescue. And guess what? KonMari method works well for us Ladybugs.

5. A tidy home really does bring peace. I've discovered something about me: I like a tidy house. A cluttered house stresses me out. But the more cluttered a house gets, the more likely I am to shut down and not do anything about it. (Anyone else? No? Just me, then...) But I've found that embracing some of Marie Kondo's ideas of possessions and the home environment, I'm more likely to keep things kept up. (Not spotless, mind you - I must get to those ceiling fans! - but kept up.) And a kept up home is easier to keep kept up than a cluttered one. It takes a lot less time to do something, once you get into the habit of doing it.

So, while I haven't embraced all of her methods (I'm not sure I can get down on my knees and connect with my house), a lot of what she teaches in her book (and in her Netflix series) really are useful and applicable to the non-housekeeper.

Please let me know in the comments section below if you've read her book or watched the Netflix show. Are you a total KonMari fan or an avid avoider? Looking forward to hearing from you!

Guess Who's Back (Back Again - Tell a Friend!)

2019-02-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

Hello, friends. Long time no type, eh? I know. I know.

It seems like at the start of every year, I spend the first couple of blog posts apologizing for not writing more frequently. (Assuming that 34 readers I have are still reading, that is. You are all still out there, aren't you?) For real, please comment below so I know the comment feature is working. Even if it's just a "Hey! Happy Monday!"

So, yes. Let me begin by apologizing for not being consistent in my writing. I really have no excuse. Not really. I could say life kind of got in the way (it did). I could say that I was too busy (I was busy, but not *too* busy). Now, friends, if I were being completely honest (and I always am), I wasn't putting priority on my writing.

And there it is. The ugly truth.

And I could whine and moan about how life is just too hard and it's too hard to write, but that wouldn't be entirely truthful. Sure, life *can* be unfair and yes, it is hard to write. But it's harder to write when you're *not* writing. Which is what I wasn't doing. So of course I thought it was hard.

And a small part (okay, maybe a large part) of me was (is) afraid of failure. But as I was sitting down in my planner today, mapping out the month of February, I made a promise to myself. And that promise is: I'm just gonna do it. Whatever it is I've been meaning to do and putting off doing, I'm just gonna do it.

But it's not enough to say you're going to do something. You actually have to plan for it (you knew that, right?). So, I sat down tonight and planned for it.

I use another person's blog schedule to slowly get into the habit of writing mine.

And this will be the first one of the month. Another one will come out in two weeks.

Why so far apart?

Because while I would love to go in whole hog and write every day, I am interested in developing a habit with quality writing - not junk thrown onto a screen just so I could say that I published something. (Admittedly, this piece is probably a little junky because I am trying to throw something up on the screen to get this published Week 1 of Month 1 (That's the first week of February. And I figure - why not publish on Monday? So here we are).

You'll get two blog posts per month from me to start. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it's a lot more than what I have been publishing!

So, slow and steady wins this blogging race. I'm more interested in getting into the habit of writing and building my readership than going all-in. I could go all-in. But I know me. I would fizzle out within a month and then feel worse about not writing than I do right now.

So, here is to a fabulous Monday to you all.

Until next time,

Organizing in 2019: Freedom Filer Review

2019-01-05T22:49:00.002-05:00

Use Freedom Filer for all of your home, office, and school filing needs

If you've found this blog post, it means one of two things:

1. I invited you here via some form of social media.
2. I used the right tags and Google led you here.

Either way, thank you for taking the time to click over and read what I have to say.

While I haven't let you into my life completely on this blog in the past, this year that will change. This year, I commit to being honest and unapologetic for who I am. And it's time you all knew who I am.

I am a very disorganized person. No, no. It's true. I've had make shift systems in place for years that have fallen by the way side. On occasion, a few have stuck. For example, I have a laundry schedule that is pretty solid. When I use it, that is. As I type this, I've had "fold and put away laundry" on my to do list for ... well, almost all of Christmas break.

Another system that I used was a clip system for my bills. I'd clip together all of my current bills and then once they were paid, "file" them behind the clip. What resulted was a huge mess of papers that looked dreadful to the eye. And worse, it wasn't the least bit functional.

Did I pay the electric bill? I dunno. Where is the phone bill? Beat me.

[beep, beep, beep] What's that noise? It's the garbage truck. The garbage truck is taking away our garbage can. Did you pay the bill?

[crickets]

(True story, by the way. Yes. My garbage can was repossessed for non-payment one year. I told you - I'm keeping things completely real this year.)

Obviously, my system for bill paying (or filing) wasn't working. I needed to do something.

Of course, like most of you - I searched YouTube. (The other lot of you probably headed to Pinterest. Amiright?)

I found tons of women (because let's face it - organization is still mostly a woman's game) who had their act together. They showed me their systems. Accordion systems. Mobile systems. Filing systems.

Once filing system kept coming up again and again. I was intrigued. Especially because every single review I found on the system was positive. Better yet, I really liked how it worked!

After I watched the videos, I searched the company's website.

Everything looked amazing! The system looked really, really easy to use. How much was it? I was ready!

What I found was a $30 price tag. There was no way I was going to spend $30 for a system. So, I clicked away and pretty much forgot about it. I continued to use my system and things were okay. (No more repossessed trash cans, so that's a win!)

But then, I was talking to my team at work about how we all organized our home files. We all had a good laugh that one time Floyd had her trash can possessed. And we all admitted that we weren't where we wanted to be in the filing game.

I started talking about the system I had spent hours researching. I explained how it worked and how really excited I was to try it out - I just couldn't swing the price tag.

That night, I went home and began looking at the same videos I looked at before. I went to the same website and read the same information.

But I looked on it with different eyes. I was ready to do something. I was going to order the system!

There were several different systems to choose from (home, business, self-employed). I opted for the home system and waited for the labels to ship. (That's right - full disclosure - the system is a set of pre-printed labels for everything you could possible label in a home filing system. But the system also teaches you how to file! Please continue reading while I explain more).

The package came and I was really overwhelmed with all of the choices I had in how I wanted to organize my files. I poured over the book that came in the reusable envelope to study the system and to determine what I would need to complete my file system.

I headed to Staples where I bought some hanging files and some inner file folders (this is important for the system).

I set aside one Saturday and I do believe I spent several hours setting up the system. The book did say it would take about an hour and half (you could certainly divide it up into several sessions). I think it took me so long because my files were a mess. (Remember, this is a woman whose trash can was repossessed for nonpayment!)

But when I was done - oh what a glorious day it was!

I will probably do a video showcasing the filing system because it might get a little confusing to explain. But I will try, briefly, here.

The system touts itself as a "maintenance free" system. And for the most part, it really is!

I actually have two filing cabinets. One filing cabinet holds my bills and my taxes. This is really the beauty of the system. I've chosen to file my bills and other expenses on a monthly basis. (If I chose, I could have filed them by category. I chose monthly because this is how I pay bills). I have one set of folders for even years (ex. 2016, 2018, 2020) and a set of folders for odd years (ex. 2017, 2019, 2021).

Every month, after I pay my bills, I file them in the corresponding month. At the end of December of every year, I switch out my even and odd year folders. For example, this past year was an even year (2018). At the end of December, I took those 12 files (and 12 mos of paid bill receipts) and put them toward the back of the filing cabinet. I then took the odd year (2019) and placed it in the front of my filing cabinet. When I placed January's bills in January's odd-year file, I took out the bill receipts from two years ago (2017) and shredded them.

Using this system, I actually keep two year's worth of bill receipts.

Why would you want to do that when there are online statements?

Very good question. You might not want to file your bills receipts if you get the statements online or use ebilling. But I don't. So I keep paper statements.

Now, have I ever needed to pull a past month's bill?

YES. (Fooled you, didn't I?)

And how exciting for someone like me (trash can repossessed chick) to go the exact file I needed to go to in order to find the exact paper I needed to find!

This filing cabinet also has my taxes. TEN years of taxes. (Do we need ten years of taxes? I'm not sure - but I have them!) And lo and behold, I needed to pull some tax info not too long ago and I had the past two years I needed - right when I needed them! These tax files are divided up by digit years. Year O is for 2000, 2010, 2020, etc.) Year 1 is for 2001, 2011, 2021, etc.) Year 3 is for 2003, 2013, 2023). You get the idea. So when I filed tax info for 2018, I filed it in Year 8. When I start working on this year's file, I will file it Year 9. In the year 2020 (it's closer than we think!), I'll use Year 0. When I get to Year 0, I will take 2000's tax returns and shred them. I can shred them in confidence, knowing that there's a good chance, I won't need them after 10 years. (But, it is kind of fun to look back of previous years' finances and see how far we've come!)

Whew! Are you still with me?

My other filing cabinet is organized like a "standard" filing cabinet. I have auto and renter's insurance policies, medical bills, banking and other paperwork filed in this cabinet. (It's not as near as exciting).

So, would I recommend the Freedom Filer system? It depends.

If your filing organization is in such shambles that you're likely to get a trash can repossessed for non-payment, then yes. By all means. Invest the $30. (If you're short on time, buy a ready-made system - stickers, files, and folders - for $95!)

But, if you're filing system is suiting you well - well, you probably don't need such an in depth system. But you might want to do something different. In which case, yes. Sure! Go ahead and give it a try.

The Freedom Filer "philosophy" is working for me so well that I've used the idea on my files at work. I have an archived drawer and an active drawer. I might have figured out this system on my own - but it probably would have taken a long time.

Instead, I'm glad I found it.

I know this was a lot to take in. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. If you have any questions or need to me to expand on anything I've said here, please let me know in the comments below.

You can find out more about the Freedom Filer system by clicking here.

Until next time,

Flashback Wednesdays: You've Come Along Way, Baby - Part III

2018-10-10T06:00:00.000-04:00

This is the third installment of my homeless series that I wrote several years for the holiday season. It's not the holidays - YET. But you know it will be here soon. ABC Family has their 31 Days of Halloween and then Hallmark will begin their Christmas movies on November 1st. It's coming guys and it seems like it gets earlier every year.

So, without further ado - Part III.

Okay, by now, you're probably thinking - what were you thinking? Why didn't you get help? Why didn't you ask your family for help?

First, if you've ever received help from the community, know this: getting help around the holidays is really hard. That's why I encourage anyone who gives, to give especially well during the holidays - your efforts will not go unnoticed.

Second, and it's only now that I can vocalize this - I was really messed up as a young adult. I was never one for drugs or heavy alcohol use (alcohol doesn't agree me...and I don't care for it much, either). I wasn't a troublemaker by the regular definition. I just wasn't completely 'there' mentally.

My Little Bro and I were raised by my mother. Like most children who live in single-parent homes, we became very close to our mother. But no matter how close you get to a parent, that one parent cannot possibly take the place of two. So, as a result, I always felt as if there were a father figure missing from my family equation. (Well, of course, there was - my mom was a single parent. But I really didn't have ANY positive male role model while growing up).

So, somewhere along the line, I got this strange idea that when I got older, I wanted a guy to take care of me. It probably stemmed from the fact that I saw my mom struggle so much by herself. What I failed to realize, however, is that life is a struggle no matter if you're alone or with someone for life. In many ways, life IS struggle. Still, in my 20 yr old mind, I decided that the Man Beast should take care of me and our son; no matter that Man Beast was just a child himself at 18.

Anyway, back to my story.

The Man Beast and I were beat emotionally. We were both physically exhausted and it pretty much goes without saying that our spiritual life was dead. There is nothing scarier than feeling like you're all alone in the world - even if you're surrounded by people. The Man Beast's boss at the Pawn Shop was a pretty good guy. He knew our plight. The Pawn Shop had a regular customer - he was a preacher. Somehow, some way - the week after Christmas, we were out of hotel housing and living in a double-wide trailer split in half (I'll give you a second to process that. A double trailer. Split in half. A family living on each side. Small? Yes. But better than a hotel).

I later found out that The Man Beast's boss had given him a Christmas bonus even though he hadn't worked at the Pawn Shop for very long. The preacher had loaned The Man Beast money. We paid him back with TMB's next paycheck.

I'd like to tell you that at this point in the story, things magically got better and everything turned out happily ever after.

No. But this is where my story, for all intense and purposes ends.

And why do I air 'my dirty laundry' as I've heard it referred to on other blogs? Not for you to feel pity for me. Certainly not.

But what I do want you to feel is the knowledge that there are people out there - at this very moment, in your very community - who are struggling like I did with my family nine years ago.

Just because someone is in a homeless shelter does not mean that they are alcoholics, strung out on drugs or 'lazy bums'. Many times, these are people who are just down on their luck. And for someone reason, when it rains, it pours. Many would call this The Rule of Three or Karma, but since I'm a Christian, I don't believe in any of it.

What I do believe is that it's so much easier to kick us when we're down. It's easier to lose hope when we're already down, too. This is why it's so important to reach out to people when they are hopeless and give them hope.

Especially in our trying economic times.

Did you know that homeless shelters are filling up with MIDDLE CLASS; men and women who have college educations, have lost their jobs and are now too qualified to get even the simplest of jobs? It's true.

So during this holiday season I encourage all of my readers to put money in that red bucket. (And yes, I consider Halloween the beginning of the Holiday Season. Thanksgiving is just around the corner! Christmas will be here in the blink of an eye and it will be 2019 before just. like. that.) Do not avert your eyes at the bell ringer, pretend you're digging in your purse for something, or go out another door to avoid them. The Salvation Army's donations go to good use. When you walk by an Angel Tree, pluck an angel off and shop for that child.

I know times are tough. Even little things help. Next time you go to your local Dollar Tree to buy stocking stuffers for your kids, buy an extra toy or two and plop it in the donation box by the door. Literally, every little bit helps. Sounds trite, but it's so true.

One last thing - as you gather around your tree, opening gifts or around your dining room table, feasting on your bountiful (or not so bountiful) harvest, take a moment to send out a prayer to all of those who might be going through some things this year. I know two of my readers offhand whose Christmases might not be as merry as years past. But they surrounded by family and friends who love them.

And let's not forget the true meaning of the season. It's not about the gifts or the food. It's not about the cookies or even the decorations. It's about the birth of our Savior. What better way to honor our Savior than to put Him first and act more Christ-like?

Flashback Wednesday: You've Come a Long Way, Baby Part II

2018-10-03T05:00:00.000-04:00

(To read Part I of this story, click here)

The second part of my story is a bit hazy. I'll share what I remember. It will be fragmented, to be sure, but there are just some things you just cannot forget no matter how hard you might try.

Do you know what it feels like to drive in a car and not have a destination? It's not like joy-riding when you're a teenager and you're cruising, using your freedom and your wheels as a chance to escape school and home. Because you see as a footloose and fancy-free teenager, after you're done joy-riding, you have a home to go home to. When you have no home, you have no real destination and no real place to go home to.

This is how it felt for us after we left Denny's. I had some money (although not a lot) that I had brought down to FL with me. When The Man Beast left a month, previous, I had applied for a job at the local CVS down the street. I worked developing film and although I was a 'single mom', juggling work and a baby, I did enjoy the work. It was a chance to forget it all and just be Iva for a couple of hours a day. A chance to forget that my husband was 12 hours away. A chance to forget that while we lived in the Salvation Army apartments, we were, in fact, homeless, even though we had a physical address where we could receive mail.

That first night, we stayed in a motel. We got The Boy some diapers and some sandwich fixings (nothing perishable, the hotel didn't have a fridge).

The money didn't last long. One day, we found ourselves driving aimlessly, burning up gas needlessly. With no money for a hotel and no room in the car to sleep, we went to the only place we could think of: a homeless shelter.

The shelter would only take The Boy and me on one side. The other side was for men. The Man Beast dropped us off at the shelter while he went to look for a job. The job at Disney was a bust. The Man Beast was able to get a job at a local pawn shop but to ensure that we had money nightly, he got a job at Steak n Shake. But more on that later.

The Boy and I only stayed in the homeless shelter one night. But one night was enough. It absolutely killed The Man Beast to know that he couldn't provide for his family and we were stuck in a homeless shelter - hence the two jobs.

The Boy and I got a room to ourselves. There were two sets of bunk beds and a crib. The room was very small. I slept on the bottom bunk and the boy was in the crib. Most of the details are very fuzzy for me. But I do remember that I had a really bad sinus infection. I've never had a sinus infection this bad and of course, I had to wait until it went away on its own because we didn't have insurance or the money to go to the doctor and buy medicine.

I didn't talk to anyone that first night. I remember sitting around the TV, letting The Boy play with some of the other kids and the toys.

The rules were a bit strict. But I suppose they would have to be. I remember getting up in the morning after a very long night. Even though we had a room with a closed door, I had never stayed in a homeless shelter before and I was very scared. (Looking back, I knew I didn't have to be. The people who worked there were nice for the most part. There was one lady who was kind of mean, but again, I think she had to be. The people who were staying there were mostly moms with kids. I people watched and listened to conversations. They seemed to be just like me - just people down on their luck).

The next morning, after changing The Boy, I went out to the cafeteria. What I forgot to bring, however, were all of my belongings. After getting fussed out, returning to the room and getting our things, I went back out to the cafeteria for breakfast. Luckily, it was only the sleeping dorms that were separated. I saw the Man Beast in the cafeteria for breakfast. We had to leave the shelter by 8 o'clock that morning. We were allowed to return, but we'd have to come no earlier than 5 - and there was no guarantee that there would be a bed. They went fast.

We never returned.

I don't remember exactly why but the job at Disney didn't work out. After Disney, he juggled the two jobs. He would go into work at Steak n Shake for third shift, come back to the hotel to sleep a couple of hours and then go work at the Pawn Shop.

To say that life like this was hard is a huge understatement. I did not work at this time - couldn't afford to - so The Boy and I were stuck in a hotel all day long. When Daddy would come home to sleep, I'd have to keep the Boy quiet - no small feat for an active two-year-old.

Looking back, I don't see how we did it. We fought a lot. Tensions were high. It was around that time that I started withdrawing from people other than my son and my husband. I would hold on to this hermit-style attitude for many years. Truthfully, it wasn't until I started taking care of bills and grocery shopping (something I had not done during the early years of my marriage) that I started getting a voice.

We lived hand-to-mouth for three weeks down in FL. Most nights, The Man Beast only made enough in tips each night to pay for the hotel (it was around $50 a night - this was Orlando, after all). Whatever extra money we did have went to feed The Boy. Because it was close-by (and gas was an expense that we had to conserve so that The Man Beast could get to work), we went to Wendy's and Burger King. I remember praying that my boy would get full before he finished his dinner so that I could eat. More times than not, I went without. I'm not sure if The Man Beast ate at work (Steak n Shake) or not. I don't think he did because he was usually very hungry.

I remember vividly two very low points during this time (as if begging that your son wouldn't finish his food so that you could wasn't enough). Save a Lot was right down the street from the hotel. It was there that I bought the Boy's diapers. I remember one instance paying for a pack of diapers (I don't even remember how much they were) and crying when I got back to the hotel because someone had stolen two diapers out of the pack. Instead of taking the package off the shelves, the wise people at Save a Lot, trying to make a buck no doubt, decided to tape up the diapers and sell them at regular price. Being hungry and sleep deprived, I wasn't paying attention and grabbed the first package of diapers I came to.

I remember going to the store (I think it was Food Lion) and buying diaper inserts (do they still make those?), to make diapers more absorbent. I am absolutely ashamed to say that I would save the wet diapers and reuse them with the new inserts. It wasn't until the second round of pee or a dirty diaper, that I would throw it away. Just seeing it in print like that makes me feel that I have ultimately failed as a mother. What mother does this?!

A desperate one.

My last memory of this time in our lives was on Christmas. The Man Beast didn't work. We went to eat somewhere - I don't remember where. I think it was a hole-in-the-wall place. In the lobby was a crane machine. The Man Beast is a pro at the Crane Machine. In the 22 years, I've known him, I've never seen him walk up to one and come away empty handed.

This time was no exception. The Man Beast took a quarter out of his pocket and set his sights on an orange dog. He got the orange dog. The Boy loved it.

That year, that Crane Dog was the only gift my boy received for Christmas.

This was probably the lowest I'd ever felt. I was away from family. I was alone in a town where I didn't know anyone. There was no Christmas tree. There was no holiday dinner. There was nothing.

Luckily, most stories have a happy ending, including this one.

to be continued...

Until next time
,

Flash Back Wednesday: You've Come a Long Way, Baby

2018-09-19T22:54:00.000-04:00

In an effort to get back to writing regularly (whether or not you read this - but I'm happy if you do!), I figured I would re-publish a few older posts that seemed to really engage my readers.

I will start with a series I wrote several years ago about how far The Man Beast and I had come as a couple and a family.

Without further ado:

One Christmas, we were homeless.

It was eighteen years ago. The Boy had just turned two. My world as I knew it had just fallen apart. My folks had divorced after six years. My mom moved away and there wasn't much going for us in VA. The Man Beast and I had been together for two years and while we were deeply in love, we were still babies trying to live in a grown-up world.

It all started out innocently enough. A shut-off notice here. A burned engine there. Eviction notices bounced us from apartment to apartment. Eventually, we lived in extended stay hotels. We learned that the Salvation Army had a program for families. They provided a furnished apartment for down-on-their-luck families. The Man Beast was working at Busch Gardens Williamsburg (now Busch Gardens Europe). He was informed that he could transfer down to FL and get a job at Busch Gardens Africa (formerly The Dark Continent). We figured things were a total bust in VA, so it was worth a shot.

So, while The Boy and I were living in the Salvation Army sponsored housing, The Man Beast went down to FL to get established. The plan was he would work and get us a place to live and we'd head down there in a month.

You know what they say about the best-laid plans, right? They went south - quickly.

The Man Beast got down to FL only to find that the paperwork had failed to go through, so he was down there without a job and without a place to live.

One night, The Man Beast had decided to stay at a cheap motel. He woke up the next day to find the car broken into. All of our belongings (except for The Boy's and my clothes, which were still with us up in VA) were gone. Forever. After what little money Man Beast had run out, he lived out of the car.

He hopped from rest stop to rest stop until the cops finally told him to stop. He still did it; he just stayed out of the cops' radar.

The Man Beast eventually did get a job at Disney. He saved a bit of money to buy The Boy and I plane tickets. In the process, he became desperately sick.

Because he needed to work to make money, he muddled through working. He stopped eating because he was so sick and because he didn't have enough cash on him on a daily basis. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy two plane tickets for The Boy and myself.

A month later, The Boy and I flew down. We couldn't stay any longer in the Salvation Army sponsored apartment because I had already given notice that we were leaving. Besides, with it being the holiday season, there was a waiting list for our apartment.

I remember the afternoon we got off the plane well. We flew into Orlando on a little plane that was very crowded. I had The Boy's car seat because he was still so young. There were six other passengers on the plane. I remember trying to carry the baby, my purse, a diaper bag, and a car seat. I also remember bumping into a business lady on the plane as I was trying to exit and her giving me a dirty look.

I just wanted to cry.

It had been a month since I saw The Man Beast - the longest we'd ever been apart since we had been married. I missed him terribly and I couldn't wait to see him. When I finally did see him, I hardly recognized him. He had lost so much weight and looked very, very bad. He asked if I had any money on me and when I told him yes he said, "Let's go eat."

We had Denny's that day. It was wonderful to have the family back together again. But the feeling was short lived.

The question remained - where would our family live? The Man Beast was still living out of the car. We obviously could not all sleep in the car (although now that everything was stolen, there was a bit more room in our two-door Dodge Shadow).

The answer was very, very bleak.

To be continued...

Until next time,

You've Come Along Way, Baby was originally published December 2008.

If you give advice, you better be able to take it

2018-09-18T21:08:00.000-04:00

God has an amazing sense of humor.

How do I know this? Well, I'm created in His image and I have an amazing sense of humor. (Okay, a goofy one at best). But you can't look around at all He has made and not see humor in the every day.

Today, as I was sitting in the doctor's office lobby waiting to be called for an appointment The Man Beast made for me, I had to chuckle at the irony.

Sunday, I was waxing poetic about how important it was to rest and take time for yourself and here I was, stuck in a doctor's office instead of in the classroom where I belong.

And why was I at the doctor's office you might ask? Even if you didn't ask, I'm going to tell you anyway (I'm in a bit of a salty mood today - can you tell?)

I was in the doctor's office because I. Don't. Take. Care. Of. Myself.

Oh, how ironic that sentence is!

To exactly explain why I was at the doctor's office on a Tuesday morning, I perhaps have to go back a month.

We were at an away high school football game. It was the first half-time show Baby Girl would be performing in as a member of color guard and The Man Beast and I were very excited to watch her perform.

Right after the show, The Man Beast couldn't take the hard stadium seats any longer and had to go rest in the van. This was fine. I saved a seat for Baby Girl as she grabbed her dinner and sat by me and hungrily wolfed down her meal while we watched the third quarter of the game.

She had to go back to join her pack, so I sat watching the game, hunched over, because my back hurt, too.

All of the sudden, I had a huge sharp pain in my gut that wouldn't quit! I tried to sit up straight and it still hurt. I tried to stand and I couldn't stand up all the way! I decided to make my way to the van with TMB and had one heck of a time walking around the stadium to where our van was parked.

(TMB had pulled the van to the back so he could pick up BG at the high school band trailer.)

Y'all, I was in so much pain, I was hunched over in tears. We got home (2 hour drive) and as soon as I got into the house, I put on my PJ's and crawled into bed. I spent the rest of the weekend on the couch, wiped out.

Fast forward to this past weekend and while I didn't travel out of town, I experienced the same pain. I spent the weekend in pain but suffered. After all, if it went away the first time, it would go away again, right?

No.

I was in so much pain last night that I logged in to request a sub. I was working from home this morning before the doctor's office visit and it was then that I found the humor in my situation.

No, not that I was in pain (that kind of pain is no laughing matter!) But just the fact that I was taking a day off work to go a doctor that I probably should have seen a month ago. Me being me, I didn't. While I did initiate the visit by requesting a sub, it wasn't until TMB physically made my appointment that I went. Last time I needed to go to the doctor and wouldn't go, I had shingles. And yes, TMB made that appointment as well.

Are you seeing a trend? (Hint: If it weren't for The Man Beast, I probably wouldn't take care of myself.

And ya know what? I gotta change that. My advice yesterday was sound. It was good. And if was good yesterday and good for you, it's good for me, too.

So today, I said, "Yes!" to myself. After I came home from my doctor's appointment, I contemplated going into work. However, the sub was already there and my sick day was already used up, so I decided to work from home on paperwork. Yes, technically, I wasn't staying home and resting, but I was staying on my couch where I was comfortable. And I did have to go in this afternoon for a meeting, but I chose to leave (with permission) and not stay for a back to school night for parents.

And because I said, "Yes": I was able to take my medicine so that it could begin healing me. I was able to spend time with The Man Beast for awhile. And bonus! I got to visit with my wonderful mother-in-law (yes, really!)

As I wind down this blog post, it is nearing 9 o'clock. I will publish this and share it and then I will shut down the laptop. I will go and wash my face (a step I often forget - or choose not to do), crawl into bed and read before turning out the light and falling asleep before 10 o'clock.

Tonight, I will say, "Yes" to myself so that I can set myself up for a better tomorrow.

Until next time,

What are Mondays to you?

2018-09-17T18:32:00.001-04:00

I frequent Facebook (a lot more than I should) and I'm often entertained by the fodder I find. (I totally just Googled "fodder" because I wanted to make sure I was using the word correctly). Don't get me wrong...there is tons of great material on Facebook: good news, pictures, proposals, new babies, recipes, praises, and yes - even prayer requests.

But you have to admit: Facebook can be a huge timesuck and very little value comes from it. This subject is a different post entirely, so I'll stick with the subject at hand: Mondays.

What is a better depiction for Mondays for you:

Sunday night, you are guaranteed to see more images like the first graphic. When Sunday starts feeling like Monday. Monday Eve. In short, miserable.

But on occasion, I will see graphics like the second one. I like seeing those.

Don't get me wrong. I don't like Mondays (and I don't love them, either). Mondays for me mean getting up early after sleeping in late(er) on the weekends. It means dressing in work clothes instead of lounging in PJs on a Sunday. It means facing any number of challenges that I have no way to prepare.

But...

I like the idea of turning Monday on its ear and thinking about it in a different way. Monday is a chance at a new week. Many diets start on Monday. Many do-overs start on Monday, too. It's a chance to tackle that next project or set some new goals. And how many paper planner people (say that three times super fast!) love when the first day of the month begins on a Monday?

Mondays have their merit. Perhaps Monday gets a super bad rap? Friday is definitely the favorite child of the week. Monday is "meh".

I challenge you - I'm challenging me - to think about Mondays differently from now on. Think of one thing positive about Monday. Hey, to get you started - how many more Mondays until Christmas Eve? Or Fall Break?

Hey...I'm all about starting with the little things.

Until next time,

A Day of Rest

2018-09-16T15:25:00.001-04:00

Once again, it's been a good, long while since I've posted. I'm going to say I'm going to try to get better, but as the wise Yoda says: "Do or do not. There is no try." So, I guess if the Great Master Jedi is to be believed, I'll just do it; or I won't. Let's hope for the former, shall we?

School has been in session for 6 weeks (7 for teachers). The start of this year has been...interesting. I had hoped that in Year 6, things would get to be routine and things would just naturally "flow". What I've discovered, however, is that in education - nothing is routine and nothing has a natural flow to it (unless you count the unexpected as the natural - perhaps this is only true for special education educators?)

Baby Girl (I really must think of a different moniker for her since she turned 17 last month) has begun her senior year of school and has already experienced many, many firsts (and lasts). After two years of prodding, she has tried out for and made the cut for auxiliaries. She is in color guard and really enjoys it. Parents and other supporters have yet to see the full show, but it promises to be quite spectacular.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted on my personal Facebook page that Baby Girl's boyfriend asked her to the Homecoming Dance! She accepted, so we're gearing up for that big day (this Saturday!) She and I went out last weekend, looking for a dress. In less than four hours and just three stores, we found it. Furthermore, it was on sale, I had a mystery coupon for 50% off and I had a $10 rewards. When we left the store, we paid a grand total of $8.08 for a $90 dress!

After we left the department store, we headed over to the shoe store and got some red suede heels for $15. I can't show pictures yet because The Boyfriend hasn't seen her dressed up yet. It's got to be a surprise to get the full impact.

I was gone to a conference up in Decatur all this week. I was able to connect with a lot of fellow Georgia educators and I learned a lot. Unfortunately, Hurricane Florence cut our trip short since so many participants were flying in from out of state. Luckily, Florence made a last minute turn and my area of Georgia wasn't impacted. Unfortunately, areas of North Carolina were heavily impacted with flooding and even a few casualties.

Sundays are usually lazy days for me. This weekend, Saturday and Sunday were lazy days for me. But I'm not going to apologize for resting.

I posted this in response to the above graphic I posted on my personal Facebook page:

Speaking to my educator colleagues, especially: we are very much Type A perfectionists. We love our kids and want to do what is best for them. Maybe as women, we are all like this - nurterers to a fault. Or perhaps we feell less than worthy so we have something to prove? But the oxygen mask theory is correct: you have to put your own on before you help others (kids, students, husband's, coworkers, friends...)

Why is this such a hard concept for us to not only believe but adopt?

Luke: I don't believe it.

Yoda: This is why you fail.

(Don't ask me why I'm on such a Star Wars geek kick! It fits my message, alright?!?!😆)

Do men have this issue? My husband, who happens to be a perfectionist, doesn't seem to have this problem. He rests when he needs to rest. My animals don't have a problem. If they are tired, they sleep. Of course, I'm not comparing us (or my husband) to animals, but nature in general. All of God's creation rests when they need to rest. They listen to their bodies and they just do it. (Uh oh, Nike reference...)

My SIL, who has gone through several surgeries and rapid weight loss posted pictures on Facebook today about her scars and loose skin. All of her friends were naturally supportive of her body and all commended her on how far she'd come. (And the fact that she was alive when she shouldn't even be here is a big deal!) But I had to chime in. I don't always chime in on her posts, but I read them. This issue was deep in my heart this morning - partly because I posted the above graphic and partly because I just got finished reviewing a pre-ordered copy of a book by CA Maljavac.

Celebrating who we are. Celebrating how far we've come. Resting when we need to rest. These are all ideas that have been on my mind and I shared them with my SIL. I told her that her scars weren't as bad as she thought they were and they shared a story of what she'd gone through and how far she'd come. They were to be celebrated. Her body as a whole should be celebrated. I told her that I was speaking to myself as much as I was speaking to her.

And now I'm speaking to you. Please take this Sunday to reflect and rest. Reflect on where you are and how far you've come. I don't know what you've been through but I know you've been through something. Everybody goes through something and it's that something that makes us stronger. Recognize that. If you're a Christ follower and you're reading this, God has brought you through it. Whether you're a Christ follower, a Christ shadow-er or you don't know Christ at all, He is always with you. Always. Have you ever wondered how in the world you survived (emotionally or physically) some of the stuff you've been through? It's Him.

Yes, I totally use current pop culture to get my point across - don't you?

Rest. Were you in the path of the storm? If you were and you have flooding, I pray that you're able to get semblance back to your "normal" soon. I pray no one was hurt and whatever was lost can be rebuilt.

If you weren't in the path of the storm, rest today. Who knows what the week will bring. And for any of my educator friends or moms or women out there (and maybe a few men): if you're tired, please take time for yourself. Even if you aren't tired, rest anyway. Rejuvenate. I don't know a lot but I know that no one is going to look after you and tell you to rest. No human form. Oh, wait. I just did.

What I mean is that no one is following you around to give you advice. "You look tired. You should rest." "Did you sleep well last night?" "Make sure you get to bed on time tonight so you can get enough sleep for tomorrow." "You're a little snappy at [fill in the blank]. Maybe you should [fill in the blank]."

No one is going to do that for you. So you need to do that for you. Your body will thank you. And the world will not cease spinning if you take some time for yourself. In fact, I can almost guarantee if you make self-care a practice, you will find yourself being better. A better educator. A better mom. A better woman. A better wife. A better friend. A better human.

Rest does a body good. So go do it!

Welcome Back or Welcome To This Side of Perfect

2018-07-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

Whew! It has been a *long* time since I've pecked out a few words on the old blog. In fact, it's been a whole year (plus a few days).

I want to welcome those newcomers who have begun to follow me on Instagram. For those small readers who have been waiting to hear from me, welcome back!

Where have I been? Sadly, right here. Paralyzed by fear. Fear of what, you ask? Fear of you.

Yes, you. Why should I fear you? Well, the short answer is, I shouldn't. But the longer answer is I've been inside my head for quite some time and you've been there with me.

What if you don't like what I have to say?
What if you don't like me?
What if you think my ideas are stupid?
What if you don't agree with me?

After taking a long hiatus from the blog and delving into a Bible study (several, actually) that have caused me to pause and really think about the questions above, I've come to the following conclusions:

You probably won't like everything I have to say. I'm recommitting my purpose for this blog. If you look toward the top, you will see the following:

Several (several!) years ago, this verse came to my heart when I began thinking about writing a blog. (Back then, my blog went through several names: Woman Within. Horizontal Yo-Yo.) My mission for the blog never changed: I wanted to showcase Christ's strength through my weakness. This is where I came up with the name This Side of Perfect.

I recognize that we will never be perfect this side of heaven. But the good news is we don't have to be!

I once read a review about my blog from a reader who questioned the validity of my mission. Briefly paraphrased she said: why would I want to be reminded of my weakness? Why would I want to celebrate weakness?

Valid points. Why would you want to be reminded?

My blog is geared toward women who (I'm assuming) are trying to keep one million and one plates spinning and failing miserably. (Or maybe she's rocking it - but she's failing in other areas.)

The truth is, as women we can do it all; we just can't do it all at once. No matter what we're doing at any given point, we are not doing it in another. If we're giving it our all at work, we might not be giving it our all to our families. If we're giving it our all to our families, chances are good, we're not giving 110% at work. And at the very least, we aren't taking care of us; refilling our spiritual buckets.

Which leads me to my next point...

There's a good chance, you might not like me. Oh, I don't mean personally. But you might not like what I stand for. That previous section might have ruffled your feathers or bruised your toes a bit.

But that's okay. If I say something that offends you, I'm giving you something to think about. To analyze. And maybe you'll come to realize that what I say has a bit of truth to it.

Of course, if you decide to completely discount what I write, that's okay, too. Because I might not be writing this for you right now.

I might be writing this for you. Or you. Or you. Yes, you. I see you over there.

For the longest time, I was the woman trying to spin all the plates. Only I wasn't succeeding. I was failing miserably. And what's more, I felt bad that I was failing. And that feeling bad was making me feel less than.

Less than a woman. Less than a mom. Less than a friend. Less than a Child of God.

If this is you, I want to encourage you. You are doing awesome! I can almost guarantee that you are your worst critic. Your people - your circle - think you're pretty amazing.

So, at the end of the day after I've spent some time with The Father, I've come to realize that this isn't about me. It's about Him. And I hope that through my words, He speaks to those of you who need to hear His voice.

And for everybody else, I hope I can encourage you that you aren't alone in your struggles. You are amazing. There is only one you - celebrate that! No one can do what you do in the relationships you have. Nurture those. Give them your 110%.

Until next time,

Countdown to my 41st Birthday

2017-06-01T18:04:00.002-04:00

My birthday is in 10 days. There, I said it.

Birthdays are a big deal to me. They always have been. In my classroom, we celebrate everybody's birthday. The Man Beast started a tradition four years ago when I started my teaching gig. On each student's birthday (and lately, each adult's birthday), he makes homemade cupcakes to celebrate each birthday girl/boy's Big Day. During the years when I have a large caseload and multiple birthdays in a month, I choose one Friday out of that birthday month to celebrate.

This might sound a little ambitious to other teachers, but in my classroom, we celebrate life. In my classroom, I TELL my students I love them on a daily basis and mean it because there is no guarantee they will come back to me the next day. This is a heartache I choose not to dwell on for long. So, instead - we celebrate!

I will celebrate birthdays as long as I'm able. And in 10 days, I'd like you to join me in celebrating mine.

I have friends and family from all over the world (literally!). I enjoy reaching out to them through Facebook and Instagram. I enjoy seeing pictures posted and stories shared. I enjoy celebrating through technology. I would like to encourage you to celebrate with me.

Our local humane society is currently raising money in order to renovate their shelter. The Okefenokee Humane Society helps, on average, 2,000 animals a year. They boast (and rightly so!) that they are a no-kill shelter. This means that they do not euthanize animals to make room in their shelter. They do not euthanize healthy animals. In short, they do everything in their power to give animals a second chance at life to a Forever Home.

This shelter holds a special place in my heart. Seven years ago, we adopted a shelter kitty after my daughter's cat died in our pool. Last summer, our family fostered a mama cat and her EIGHT kittens. I'm not sorry to say that we are, indeed, foster fails as we kept Rachel and one of her sons, Tobi Wan Kenobi (Toby, Toby-Toby, Tobias for short). With five animals in the house, we're unable to foster this summer. I will miss it. Fostering isn't for everyone, but it despite the hard work, it is definitely rewarding.

Mittenz

Rachel

Tobi

So, how do I want you to celebrate? I want you to donate to Okefenokee Humane Society's Restoration Project in my honor. How do I want you to donate? Right here. (If you're local, feel free to donate in person). I want to take this challenge to the next step. (Women-of-a-certain-age get this luxury.) I challenge you to donate $41 if you can. Think about it: if just 10 friends/family donated, the shelter would have an additional $410. That's a lot of paint! If 20 friends/family donated (or got THEIR friends/family to donate) we could raise $820 for the shelter. (250 people would get them to their goal. That might be stretching it. But hey! This is the interwebs...stranger things have happened.)

I encourage you to take this viral. (Let's spread some decency for a change!) Animal welfare is something everyone can get behind regardless of which isle you sit, who you worship, or (!!) how old you are.

Thank you for considering this worthy project. Happy birthday to me!

Until next time,

{Planners for the Rest of Us} 2016 Uncalendar End-of-Year-Review

2016-12-30T11:51:00.000-05:00

It has been just about a year since I started using the Uncalendar my mother gifted me last year. I received another one this year (this time, from The Man Beast). I thought it would be an excellent time to update readers on my usage of the Uncalendar this past year - what worked and what didn't.

If you have fifteen minutes to spare, feel free to click on the link below in order to see the video version of this post.

The Uncalendar Lifestyles Pro is a three-ring binder undated planner that comes in red, blue, or black. I received the full-size version, but the company also provides a half-size version of both the Pro and the regular Lifestyles version. The Uncalendar website has pictures of their products as well as upclose screen shots of the pages. The company also provides a skills center meant to help Uncalendar users get the most out of their planner.

After watching just a handful of Uncalendar videos (seriously, there aren't a whole lot available - at least when you compare to other planners on the market), I learned that one user placed Post It Pockets in the front of her binder. I, too, placed two envelopes in the front of my binder - one which I used for different colored pens and the other I used for Post It flags and tabs.

Around July, I moved the guts of my Uncalendar into my own binder. It was a binder I had bought from Staples several years ago and at 1 1/2 - 2 inches deep, it seemed to be bigger and have more room in it than the Uncalendar binder. The plastic envelopes did not make it into my new binder because the whole thing seemed too cumbersome.

However, I did get this nifty Post It Note station from Dave and Busters. I thought it would be a great addition to my binder. Unfortunately, the post its and flags started crinkling and falling off. To be fair, I don't know if it was the product or it's the fact that this particular set up won't work in a binder. I have seen similar Post It Notes systems at various stores around my community. If, after trying the coil Uncalendar system this year and deciding on going back to the 3-ring binder system, I will definitely be trying this out again.

The first part of the Uncalendar houses the weekly view. I chose to label the three sections "work", "home" and "me". I explained this in my other post and video. It made sense for me to divide my day like this because I woke up - I went to work. I came home and dealt with home stuff. And then I had my stuff - exercise, Bible studies, reading, writing, etc. that I tackled at the end of the day. While I was last on the page, I do not feel that my needs came last, by any means.

I used a color-coding system in my Uncalendar. At the beginning, it was consistent, but toward the middle of the year, it fizzled out to a very basic color-coding system. Work has always been blue. I've off-set any special education events in red. It's a system that I adopted my first year teaching, it made sense to me, so it's stuck. This was before I even began using the Uncalendar. At the beginning, each family member had their own color - The Man Beast had orange, Baby Girl had green, The Man Child had a variation of blue and I had purple. This system didn't stick much at all. First, the colors didn't make sense. They weren't favorite colors (except for Baby Girl's), so there was no emotional attachment to the colors. I know it sounds weird, but it's how my mind works. Everything has to have significance. If it doesn't, then I want nothing to do it with. (That's an epiphany I just had while writing this out! Amazing how writing frees the mind).

Moving on...
Because my system was new, I developed a key for it. I also used the chart to track habits - at least in the beginning. It, too, fizzled out mid-way through the year.


A key for my weird system

After seeing a fellow Uncalendar user use the big space on the bottom of this page to track her food on a Post It Note notepad, I adopted the system, too. Unfortunately, what I found was it was just as easy, if not easier to track food directly into my phone. I'm unsure of what I will use this area for this upcoming year.

During the summer months, my Uncalendar hardly got used. I didn't have any work related tasks to track. I didn't set any personal goals for myself in the summer, so there was nothing for me to track for me. Even my home appointments didn't get tracked in the Uncalendar. I found it easier to sync Google Calendar with everyone in the family. This year, I think I will track habits for me personally in my Uncalendar. This way, it will be used during the summer. Of course, I plan on laying eyes on my Uncalendar much more frequently this year than I did last, too.

Over all, however, most of my summer weeks were kept blank. I believe this is why the people at Uncalendar suggest only filling out your planner for a few weeks at a time. I started doing that at the beginning but what I found was, it was just another item on my to-do list. So, around July (it must have been a magic month) I filled in the rest of my Uncalendar. I will say this: filling it out on a weekly basis did force me to interact with it more than when I filled it out for the whole year. Still, I just do not see myself going back to the weekly system. However, my main goal for the upcoming year is to really utilize the Uncalendar and touch it and interact with it several times a day verses once a day or (wore) once a week!

This area is for monthly planning. I didn't touch it. I don't even know what to do with it. I'm going to try to delve deeper into all things Uncalendar and really try to utilize this for a goal. I think the reason why I never used it is because I never had any real goals. I wasn't a goal setter last year. I was all talk - and even after awhile that fizzled out. I welcome any suggestions on how you use the area. Please comment, below!

Left side goal page

Right side goal page - top

Right side goal page - bottom

The monthly view layout was consistently used throughout the year. I guess I'm just a Big Picture kind of girl who has no interest in breaking the picture down into manageable goals. (Ironic considering I'm a SPED teacher whose whole world revolves around year-long IEP goals that are broken down into bite-sized pieces). I kept the color-coding - the basic color coding - throughout the year in the month view - blue was work and red was SPED (Hey! I rhyme!) All the other color-coding went by the way side.

Monthly view

Do you see that area on the far left, highlighted in red? This is where I put my weekly to-dos on the monthly calendar. For example, when my son graduated high school this past May, I needed to be sure to get out invitations and announcements and consider sleeping arrangements at the house. I placed these things on my "big calendar". They did not, however, consistently make it to my weekly to do lists.

To make the monthly calendar section easier to use, I used these tabs. They come in four colros: red, blue, green and yellow. I divided my months according to "seasons" (read: as the colors made sense to me). Blue were the cooler months, yellow were the spring months, green were the summer months, and red were the back to school/fall months. I stuck the tabs in the Uncalendar and they never once came loose the whole year (and remember, while the majority of my Uncalendar went untouched, the monthly view got *a lot* of use.) I will transfer these tabs over to my new Uncalendar. If they end up not sticking, I will be buying more. The system really worked for me.

On the very back page of the monthly view is a next-year-at-a-glance page. As a teacher, this page was invaluable to me! Since I began my Uncalendar in January (the middle of the school year), I have future dates that do not fit in my current Uncalendar. January through May/June dates are listed on this page in my Uncalendar and now that I have my new one, I'll transfer these dates over. And, in August, when I get dates for next January through May/June, I will place those dates on this page in my *new* Uncalendar. My only regret is that half of this page ends up going unused. I hardly ever get dates further than a year ahead. I suppose I could use this area for more goal setting in the new year? I will have to give more thought to this. I used color coding in this area too - but very basic. Again, blue for work, red for SPED, etc.

Upcoming year-at-a-glance

I think my biggest issue with my Uncalendar use this past year was just not using it as much as I should/could have. The phone book feature in the back went completely untouched because - you guessed it - all my contacts were in my phone. This was one reason why I opted for the coil-bound Uncalendar this year. It's more streamlined and it doesn't have a lot of features that the Pro does, but it still has the writing space I crave (but apparently don't use) that the half sized version does not.

Waste of paper for me

My over all opinion about the Uncalendar after one year of "use": I really like it. I will continue to use it this year, too. (Be sure to be on the lookout for a video and blog post outlining my plans for the upcoming year in more detail).

Pros: Blank - start whenever you'd like; spacious - a lot of room to write; durable pages - aside from a few coffee stains, my pages look just as good as the unboxing last December; affordable - with several versions, you can find a planner to fit any budget.

Cons: Blank - a lot of space means there is a lot of opportunity to be overwhelmed; Bare Bones - it's not very pretty as planners go BUT you can always decorate it to your liking; Color Scheme - a lot of people are put off by the red, blue, green and yellow color scheme. I contacted the company and they said that a grey scale was in the works for 2017, so that's promising. I'll be sure to keep you updated if I hear anything.

Until next time,

Making it official: NaNoWriMo Participant Announcement {NaNoWriMo 2016}

2016-10-29T12:14:00.002-04:00

I am making it official and just three short days from the official kick off of National Novel Writing Month (henceforth lovingly referred to as NaNoWriMo): I am participating this year!

For anyone not familiar with the project, NaNoWriMo is an opportunity for anyone crazy enough to attempt the goal of writing 50,000 words in a 30 day period, which roughly translates to 1,667 words per day. Sound easy enough, right? I suppose it is. Except that the month of November is one of the craziest and busiest months of the year, professionally AND personally.

But participate, I will.

If you're brave, watch my official video announcement.

This year will bring forth a number of challenges. Most of the participants write fiction or sci-fi. I will write fiction, based on life because this is what I have. I'm using this past year's heartaches to create a story. I think it's going to be a very loose sequel to Uncharted Dreams, my 2007 NaNoWriMo novel. (It's unpublished, please do not look for it. You won't find it. And if you DO find it, please tell me immediately.)

Aside from the emotional aspect of writing this year, I've also got the general busyness of life. This will be my first year participating as a lead teacher. It will be a challenge, but I want to get back to writing. As I mention in the above video, I'm giving myself permission to completely suck at writing next month. I'm putting away my inner editor and just writing. I don't have delusions of grandeur. I know that this piece will not get published. Not right now. Maybe not ever. But I'm giving myself permission to write it.

There are three ways that people approach writing 50,000 words during the month of November.

1. Planner - These people completely plan out their novel weeks (maybe months) in advanced and use pages of outlines write their novels. Many authors have up to 60 pages of outlines detailing each and every event in their novels and write from that.

2. Panters - These people sit down at their computers and begin typing. I wrote my 2007 novel like this. It worked. As I was nearing 50,000 words, however, I felt like my novel needed to be finished, so I rushed the ending. I don't like the ending at all and I feel like my story could be and should be "fleshed out" more to include a stronger story with a stronger plot and stronger characters. Also, as I was writing it, I felt that it would be part of a series, following the main characters through many of their adventures through life as young adults.

3. Planters - These people are a mix of Planners and Pantsers - hence the name. They flesh out a basic understanding of their story, but let their characters determine the story. Pistol Packin' Annie wants to travel to the big city? Okay, let's do that.

I will be plantsing my novel this year. I have a basic idea of characters and plot, but really want to see where I "go" with it. I used a new strategy this year that was completely foreign to me in years past: deep character development. Not only have I fleshed out how my characters look, but I have their bad habits, overall mood and mannerisms as well as internal and external conflicts. This was a fun exercise to complete because it forced me to think about my characters. As such, I feel they are already stronger than my characters in my first NaNoWriMo novel. So, I see myself already improving in my craft.

But I'm not there yet and I'm totally okay with that. As I explain in my video, I want to use this year's NaNoWriMo to jump start my writing habit. The more I write, the better I will get. It's science.

So, there you have it. My official announcement. I'm looking forward to writing every day. I look forward to creating a new (healthy!) habit. I do not look forward to traveling back home and figuring out how to get my daily word counts in. This should make for good blog reading or video viewing...

Until next time,

I Tom Hanks'd My Kitchen {Saturday Brain Dump}

2016-09-24T17:45:00.001-04:00

Back in 2009, I went back to school. It was about that time that the kids picked up some of the "mom chores". Up to this point, I was doing everyone's laundry and helping little hands clean their rooms. Dad thought that if the kids picked up these two chores, it would lessen my load, considerably.

He was right.

The Man Child started washing his own clothes. He had been cleaning his own room with little help from Mom for a few years.When I went back to school, she wasn't quite ready to wash her clothes, so she started by cleaning her room, solo.

Skip ahead to the kids getting a little older and mom getting a lot busier. Suddenly, most chores were divided between the two of them. They did dishes together every night and on Saturdays (fondly called "Saturday Chores" - inventive, eh?), they swept, mopped and vacuumed floors; dusted; and cleaned the bathroom. When they got old enough to wash the dogs, they did that, too.

And of course, they got paid for these chores when we could afford to pay them (which was about a year after I started teaching).

Things change, as they are wont to do and the chore list has once again changed.

In The Man Child's senior year, when he was working and involved in the school play, Baby Girl took over most of his chores. She got more money and he got less (he was making his own, after all). Then he graduated.

And now we have an adult Man Child living in our home. And, up until two weeks ago, was only working part time. But we wanted to give him the time and opportunity to work more and/or go to school, so we absolved him of all of his household chores (aside from his laundry, bedroom, and bathroom because...well, he's an adult).

And now Baby Girl is a sophomore in school, taking challenging classes, and attempting to find "her pace". Sooo...

The Man Beast cooks every night. I do dinner dishes every night. Every Saturday, Baby Girl does her Saturday chores. I take care of the kitchen.

And I say all this to give you a back story which leads you, dear readers, to the setting of my *real* story.

Do you remember that opening scene of Turner and Hooch where Scott Turner (played by Tom Hanks) opened his refrigerator and found a disgusting mustard mess? He started by wiping down the bottle and the puddle of mustard on the shelf. But the next scene shows Scott completely emptying out his refrigerator, wiping everything down, and reorganizing his refrigerator.

All because of spilled mustard.

I did not have spilled mustard in my refrigerator. In fact, this story doesn't have anything to with the refrigerator. Instead, my story begins with the microwave.

On Saturdays, in addition to putting up clean dishes and loading the dishwasher, I also sweep and mop the kitchen floor. After I emptied the sink of dirty dishes, I decided to clean the dish drainer because it was looking a little sad with some hard water stains. And then since I did that, I pulled out the carrousel plate in the microwave, washed it with soap and water, dried it and wiped out the microwave. Before replacing the plate, I decided to wipe out the microwave with disinfectant, noting that flu season was starting soon and it would be a good idea to "deep clean" once a week to keep the really bad germs at bay.

And then it just went downhill from there. It was like a really bad rendition of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie:

If You Give Mom a Saturday Chore

If you give a mom a Saturday chore, she’s going to make sure she does it right.

And because she’s going to make sure she does it right, she’s going to deep clean the microwave.

And when she cleans the microwave, she’s going to have to rinse out her sponge.

And when she rinses out her sponge, she’s going to notice that the shelves above the sink are dusty.

And when she notices the shelves are dusty, she’s going to be compelled to clean them.

And because she’s compelled to clean them, she has to clean the right.

And because she has to clean them right, she has to remove everything from each dusty shelf.

And because she has to remove everything from each dusty shelf, she’s going to notice that the objects are dusty, too.

And because she’s going to notice that the objects are dusty too, she’s going to have to clean them.

And because she has to clean them, she starts looking around at what else needs to be cleaned.

And when she starts looking around at what needs to be cleaned, she notices several things.

And because she notices several things, she cleans several things.

And so I did clean several things. I noticed the window sills because I wiped the shelves above the sink. Then I cleaned the backsplash by the sink. This led me to the outside of the kitchen cabinets.

By the time I got finished, my kitchen looked pretty good. While I was scrubbing dust off my kitchen surfaces, I thought about how crazy it is that someone would paint kitchen cabinet white. This is not our house. We've been renting for several years. If it was our house, I'd like to think we would not have white kitchen cabinets.

We are not White Kitchen Cabinet People. We just aren't. In fact, we don't have a lot of white in our lives, period. I have very little in my wardrobe. If I wear white, it doesn't stay white for very long. Our furniture is brown (it's not as drab as it sounds; I happen to like it). We had a white living room suite once. It was beautiful. It didn't stay white for long. I think, when we traded it in, there was a chocolate streak on the front of it. I'm pretty sure it wasn't my chocolate. But it was just the proof I needed to get a darker set of furniture. So, brown it is. It doesn't show chocolate. But it does show white (!!) dog hair.

While I was cleaning, I was thinking of what it would take to redo our kitchen cabinets. We'd have to ask permission, of course. The chances are good that we'd hear a "yes". When you look at the inside of my cabinet doors (which are dust-free at the moment, thank you very much), you'll notice a muted yellow color. It would seem that the kitchen used to be a muted, baby yellow. (Why are kitchens yellow? Is it so they are sunny and bright?)

As I'm scrubbing tea stains that had dribbled down the cabinet (I'm keeping things completely real, here), I wondered how many times the cabinets had been painted over. I thought, "Maybe, they could be stripped down before they were repainted." And then I noticed some of the natural wood and considered staining them after stripping them. Unfortunately, I also noticed where some of the wood was flaking and thought it might be more damaging to the wood to completely strip it.

Maybe a new coat of paint would do the trick?

Maybe some updated hardware, ala Fixer Upper on HGTV?

By the time I finished doing the cabinets, sweeping and mopping the floor, and wiping down the kitchen mats, I forgot all redoing the kitchen cabinets.

Apparently, my DIY bug has the lifespan of a mayfly.*

Until next time,

*The average lifespan of a mayfly is 24 hours. (source)

The List {Book Review}

2016-07-17T14:13:00.001-04:00

The great thing about being a teacher on summer break is the ability to read books on your own time. I've read several books this summer but haven't completed any of them.

I charged my kindle two weeks ago and saw that I had downloaded a book. I don't remember when I downloaded it or from where I downloaded it. Originally, I thought that I might have requested to review the book from NetGalley - but it's not listed on the site. I figured I would read the first couple of pages and figure out why I would have downloaded it.

I read the first line:

"I found the head."

With a great first line like that how could I not continue reading? So, I continued reading. And I found myself going back to read it when I had time. I even took my kindle with me to Atlanta when I attended a conference earlier this week.

The List, written by J.A. Konrath is a labelled as a "techno thriller". It's a who done it with a scientific twist. It also happens to be a book I would not pull off the shelves and read, so the mystery remains: what was I thinking when I downloaded this book?

The story revolves around several individuals who have one thing in common: a mysterious blue number tattoo on the bottom of their left foot. The book opens with one of these individuals found dead in his apartment which starts the lead detective's investigation, who also has a tattoo on the bottom of his foot.

The reader discovers the connection rather quickly but Konrath doesn't divulge the whole plot until the very end of the book, which leaves for a great opening for a sequel. However, as far as I can tell, there is no direct sequel to this book. It's a real shame, though. It leaves a few loose ends to tie up that never get tied up. (According to Amazon, Konrath has written 11 books in the collective as stand-alone novels.) As I said, it's a real shame because this could have easily become a series of two, if not three, books.

The book is rather graphic. The head from the opening line is the head of the first victim which has comically rolled under a chair. The language is rough at points but the dialogue is strong through most of the book. Some parts of laugh-out-loud funny while others are groan worthy. There are some rough patches that don't quite "flow" as smoothly as they could and the ending felt pretty rushed. It was presented to the reader in rapid-fire, which considering it was the ultimate climax, would have been okay. But it didn't seem to flow with the rest of the book. The additional story toward the end was good and was a complete surprise to this reader but felt thrown together like the author was nearing a word limit or a deadline.

However, overall, I would give this book 4 out of 5 stars. Will I read it again? No. But to be fair, I rarely read books for a second time. But I would definitely recommend this read to anyone who likes thrillers/mysteries. I'd also recommend this book to anyone who doesn't. I am this reader. I read this, completely out of my comfort zone, and I liked it.

Overall:
Sex - 1
Violence - 10
Gore - 10
Language - 10

Until next time...

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The Sky is the Limit

2016-06-25T20:38:00.000-04:00

I've been sitting on this idea for a couple of weeks. I've been trying to formulate words that would adequately express my thoughts on the subject without cheapening the idea. The worse thing I could is to share something that would totally turn someone off an idea. Of course, to be fair, I'm never going to have everyone agree with me or even like what I have to say. This is par for the course, I suppose.

A couple of weeks ago, I traveled out of town for a week-long conference, which focused on educating all students, regardless of disability. The conference focused heavily on what a huge impact assistive technology can have on individuals. It's an excellent conference and I always walk away amazed and empowered to...yes, I'm going to say it...change the world.

Having just finished my third year in the classroom, seasoned teachers probably still consider me a novice. I consider myself a novice. Still wet behind the ears. That's me. But that's okay. I'm also somewhat of an idealist and a dreamer. I know that my ideas would be considered "out there" by some people. I understand that while my classroom has challenges of its own, I am ultimately sheltered from mainstream education. Well, as an educator. I still have one child in the public school system, so I'm still a vested stakeholder as a parent. But for all intense and purposes, I'm a dreamer and an idealist.

I recognize this and embrace it.

One thing about living in the community I do is that in order to get to anything "good", a drive is involved. Just this past week, I took Baby Girl and some teacher friends to the beach. It was about an hour and a half drive. The conference I attended was also an hour and a half drive. This year, I opted to drive rather than stay on site.

Workshop schedules began at 8 in the morning and lasted until 4:30 in the evening. They were long days that meant getting on the road by 6 am. I'm an early riser, for the most part. And getting up at 5ish to get on the road by 6 should not have been a stretch for me. I do it every day during the school year. But there's something about those summer months. I drug myself out of bed every day despite the fact that I was excited about the workshop. The drive wasn't so bad, either.

In fact, the drive gave me an opportunity to think and contemplate things. Sometimes, I just mindlessly listened to the radio. Sometimes, my mind drifted to places I don't even remember. But one thing I do remember was looking at the sunrise every morning. If I timed my drive just right, the sun wasn't in my eyes. Rather, it was off to the side.

Aren't sunrises beautiful? Sunsets are pretty but sunrises feel so promising. The dawn of a new day. Endless possibilities.

As I drove, I came to a realization. How beautiful the sky became was dependent solely on where I chose to put my focus.

If I looked to the left, I was greeted with a bright sun and beautiful colors. If I focused my gaze on the road ahead of me, I still saw the light from the sun, but the colors were muted, significantly. Finally, if I looked to my right, it was light, but not bright. The sky was blue, but the kaleidoscope of colors from the view on my left was missing completely.

As I looked, I came to realize that it was a perfect representation of perspective. Everyone looks at the same sky, but what they choose to see depends on where they focus their gaze. How significant is this in my own life?

Every morning, the sun rises. Every evening, the sun sets. What I see that day (and night) depends on my focus. During the week of the conference, I was actually awake to view the sunrise and I did, gratefully, every day. Since then, I haven't been up early enough to see the sun rise. I haven't seen many sun sets, either. But as I sit here writing, I am observing the sun set right outside my living room window. But even as I look at it, I realize that I've missed the most beautiful part of the sunset. Sure, it's still pretty...take a look for yourself:

Sunset from my front yard

But it's not as pretty as it was.

And so it is with my perspective, oftentimes. Some days, I'm spot on. I see the beauty in all its glory. Other days are like today where I see it, but I don't see it quite in all of its glory. Still other days, I miss it completely because my focus has been elsewhere. But it's always there for the taking. I just need to choose to look.

Until next time...

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Wounded Hearts

2016-06-23T21:56:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I'm a hot head. Sometimes I'm reactive. When I'm "done wrong", I want to retaliate. Usually it's my mouth (I've never been physical - but my tongue is lethal, I'm afraid). If I'm not speaking to the person who has offended me (because I really am a non-confrontational person), I'm burning you in my mind. Or (worse), I vent to a loved one/friend about you. And because they love me, they back me up. They never really emotionally gut-check me.

But they totally should.

Some days, I'm "good" and your attitude/behavior/speech do not offend me. It just rolls off my back and I don't give it another thought.

Still other days, I'm "great" and I analyze your attitude/behavior/speech and wonder why you're behaving how you're behaving.

I'm smart enough to know that I am never great, but sometimes I'm connected to my fellow man and I act how I should (all the time) and am empathetic. I'm understanding. I'm quasi-wise and realize it's not about me because - let's face it - the world doesn't revolve around me.

But what if I did do something to warrant the affront?

Something happened to me just this week. I didn't do anything, but be me. And while I'm not the problem, what was perceived was a very big problem.

Earlier this week, Baby Girl and I went to our local convenience store to get sodas for The Man Beat, the Man Child, Baby Girl and myself.

I was wearing a shirt with this message:

picmonkey

Understand that in the South, this is not an offensive shirt.

Except that it was. To one person.

And it wasn't so much in what he said - he didn't say anything about the shirt - it was all in how he said what he said. What had been a jovial and highly spirited individual to the customer ahead of me turned into a sullen and short-tempered clerk when I approached the counter with my purchases.

I am one of those people. I smile. I kid. I make small talk. Most of the time, if someone is having a bad day, I don't exacerbate it by being a jerk. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. If nothing else, I want to at least make their day better while I'm in their world. (Dreamer and Idealist, Level 50)

Even still, I am of the opinion, that no matter what has been done wrong to you, I did not do it so you need to clean up your attitude. If I don't give you attitude, please do not give me attitude. This is just how I am. Is it right? I don't know. But it's how I am.

No matter what I did, this dude was not having any of it.

And at first, I was angry. And I said as much, in the car, to Baby Girl. (Not my finest mothering moment, I'll grant you).

But then I got a heavy, heavy heart. And I started thinking, out loud. (A better mothering moment).

Maybe, I theorized to Baby Girl, this individual had been offended by my shirt. And maybe, he wasn't offended so much by my shirt as what my shirt represented. Maybe he had been "done wrong" by a Christian. Maybe in light of the recent Orlando shootings, he's associating all hate toward the homosexual community as involving Christians.

Maybe.

Of course, there is no way for me to really know what the clerk was thinking or feeling. I guess I could have gone back and asked, but in reality, it probably would have stirred up more problems than it solved.

But it did get me to thinking about what I represent. It has been suggested that oftentimes, you are the only Bible someone will read. While I'm not sure that's entirely true, I do think we become the face of what we represent. What an awesome responsibility this is! If you are the only chance at positive exposure toward an idea, how would it change how you act?

The only thing I thought about this individual after my initial hurt ego, was that he must have had a bad experience with something that I represented. I can assume it was my shirt. But it might not have been. I could assume all day and probably not even get close to the real reason for his sudden behavior change.

But that's not the point. The point is that I need to be sure that I'm putting my best face forward. I won't be perfect. I'll show my butt, on occasion. I'll miss the opportunity. I'll falter. But, now that I'm aware of what I feel I really need to do, I can work toward doing it. Not perfectly, mind you. But making the gallant effort.

What does this look like? For me, it means love. Just love. And loving doesn't have a thing to do with lifestyle, race, or religion. It just is. It just does. That other stuff? I need to let the Creator deal with that. I have one job.

microphonjones

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I've been thinking {Keepin' It Real Series}

2016-03-11T21:29:00.001-05:00

It's been almost two months since Mom died.

I still don't feel like I'm completely "here". I still feel like I'm going through the motions of what is expected of me in life. I'm just existing.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Eat. Work. Sleep. Sleep some more. Can I have more sleep please?

The truth is, I could sleep all day. I don't want to deal with life because life is really hard right now. I want to check out. I want my pillow, my blanket and my comfy bed. I'm sorry. Iva can't come out and do life right now. Please leave a message at the beep. She won't be getting back to you.

Beep.

I'm seeing a doctor. I'm not ashamed to admit this. I'm a huge fan of talking and believe that most problems can be talked out. So, we talk every month. Well, I talk - he listens. But then he talks and I listen.

And I've been doing a lot of listening. I've been trying to make sense of the noise that is going on in my head. Is it normal? I don't know what normal is right now because:

1) nobody really talks, really talks, about what they are going through. Put on a happy face because nobody really wants to be around a sad face. Sad faces make people uncomfortable. Especially when they can't fix them or don't understand what you're going through.
2) I'm treading new ground. I've never been here before.

I'm turning 40 in a couple of months. I also started reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

These two sentences are not unrelated.

At least I don't think they are.

I'm feeling a shift in how I'm feeling about everything in my life. I don't know if it's because I'm dealing with mom's death (I can't really use the past tense dealt. Will I ever truly get over this?) I don't know if it's because I'm turning 40 or if it's because I've been reading this amazing book about simplifying life.

The truth is: I'm tired of the noise. I'm tired of the insignificant. I cannot be bothered by things that I feel are not worth my time, my energy, or my emotion.

I've put myself out there for a long time. I am the classic People Pleaser. I bend so that others don't break. I've always put myself on the back burner while I give everyone else the best of me.

This is what good people do.

However, when that's not reciprocated, you're left with an injured spirit. You begin to give because you want to avoid the unpleasantness. After giving that way for 40 years of life, when the primary person who has hurt you over and over (and over) again is gone, your mind begins to shift. Suddenly, you wake up from a nightmare and what you discover is that who you've always been is not who you really are.

Who am I?

I am a wife, mother, sister, friend. I am a teacher, a nurturer, a healer. I am a writer, a thinker, and an inquisitive mind. I am a lot of good things. These things I do not want to change about myself. I like these things. I want these things. I don't want to lose these things. These things are at the root of who I am and I enjoy being those things.

Who am I not?

I'm not a doormat, a scapegoat, the cause of someone elses misery. I'm not a second thought, a pot on the back burner, or someone to be discarded at a whim.

I am learning that life is short. God might call me home tonight. He might call my husband or one of my children home (Please, God - don't take them now). When you are at your lowest, you find out who your true friends and family are.

Who are these people?

They are people with integrity, who can see through your walls and your pain and hurt and push through. The harder you push away, the harder they push back. They are the people who tell you the truth: words you don't always want to hear, but words you need to hear. They are people who allow you to be your own true self - full of fault, bruises, and a little darkness - and love you all the while. In short, they love you when you are unloveable. When you can't love yourself, they wrap you in their arms and love you more.

These are the type of people I want to make time for in this next chapter of my life. Not because I'm narcissistic but because this is how I love. This is how I've always loved and this is how I will continue to love. This is the only love I know how to give.

I'll love you during your highs and celebrate with you, but I'll especially love you in your lows and weep with you. I'll walk through the door when everyone else is walking out because that's who I am.

But this paradigm shift comes at a cost. You see, when you start changing, people aren't always open to your change. Why? They might like it when you're in a rut so they can feel superior to you. They might like it when you're in a rut so they can have company. They might like when you're in a rut because it means leaving them behind when you dig yourself out.

Whatever the reason, however good the change might be for me, it's painful.

But as my doctor said - change and growth, even if they are good things, hurt. Sometimes a lot.

And this is where I am currently. I'm trying to find my new balance. What does life look like right now?

I'm just trying to draw a map.

Until next time...

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{Planners for the Rest of Us} Unboxing: Uncalendar Lifestyles Pro

2015-12-25T19:13:00.000-05:00

Since my mother's diagnosis three months ago, my life feels like it has gone off the rails. Friends, colleagues and family have assured me that on the outside, I'm holding it all together. But I know differently.

I know I can do better. {Read: I am a perfectionist.}

So, a couple of weeks ago, I was on Facebook, chatting with fellow You Need a Budget (YNAB) users and the discussion was: "How do you get it all done?"

Ever the student, I eagerly read comment and after comment (there were several) about how different people "got it done".

Someone mentioned the Uncalendar. Having never heard of it, I went on a search.

The website led to a pretty basic layout of an undated planner. What seemed unique about this undated calendar was 1) you could start at any time and 2) the creators broke it down that provided enough parameters for people to meet their goal while, simultaneously (and this is the genius part) allowing it to be completely customizable.

I was intrigued.

The next stop is where everyone goes to learn everything about nothing at all: YouTube.

What I discovered was that while there were tons of videos on planners (for every planner under the sun, including but not limited to, making your own from a dollar notebook), there weren't a whole lot for Uncalendars. But they were there, so I devoured everything I could on the subject. I even found (joy!) a Uncalendar Users Facebook group.

So, naturally with it being the Christmas season, I asked for it for Christmas. I asked for the Lifestyles Full-Size version and received the Lifestyles Pro Full-Size version. When I shared this on the Facebook group, I had several people beg for pictures of the planner (and even an unboxing. You can view it here, but I'm warning you - as my first video it is beyond rough. This why I've created this blog post. It's much, much less painful.)

I will be unboxing the Uncalendar exactly as I received it. I did spend a couple of hours this afternoon customizing it for my use. I will share that as a later date.

One thing I did mention in my video was the idea of creating a series for planners who were anything but natural planners. Certainly, I cannot be the only person who is grasping at straws trying to find something that works for her. If the interwebs has taught me anything, it's that whenever you think you're alone or unique, you are not. There are millions of people just like you. As such, whenever I write about the Uncalendar, I will label it Planners for the Rest of Us. Being new to the Uncalendar, I know that I'm going to be constantly tweaking my system. And I want to be transparent in my journey in hopes of it helps someone out there. If it does, great. If it doesn't, well that's okay, too.

Uncalendar Unboxing

The Uncalendar Lifestyles Pro Full Size comes in a 1 inch textured vinyl three-ring binder. There is a pocket inside the front cover. The planner comes divided into four tabs: Day/Week, Month/Goals, Notes/Techs and Data. Each tab is printed on durable card stock with suggested uses for each section.

First page of planner

Overview of planner

Suggested weekly schedule w/ example day

Month/Goals

Notes/Techs

Suggested mantras for different areas of your life: Interacting w/ Others, Family, Personal Efficiency, Diet and Exercise


NOTEsystemPAPER (notes) suggestions

At the very back - and I believe this is what sets the Lifestyle Pro apart from the regular Lifestyle is a phone book/contacts log. As I mentioned in my video, most of my contacts are stored in my phone or on my various emails, however, as The Man Beast pointed out - if I'm ever in a training and I need to jot down contact information, this would be a good place to put it.

Index at the beginning of the address/contact log

Address/contact log (there are 40 contacts per page - front and back; contacts are divided up alphabetically: AB, CD, EF, GH, IJ, KL, MN, OPQ, RS, TU, VW, XYW)

Index at the back of address/index log (I'm not sure why - unless these are frequently used numbers/contacts OR these are the contacts you will carry into your next year's Uncalendar. Honestly, I see this part of my Uncalendar physically being moved to my new Uncalendar next year. This might change.

The Uncalendar is color-code with primary colors: red, yellow, blue, green and sometimes black (depending on the section). While there are suggestions throughout, the general blocking of the planner is very empty (and thus customizable).

Weekly planning page which is adjacent to Weekly page (52 of each)

Weekly layouts begin on Monday and end on Friday (with the weekends underneath in large blocks). Each day is divided into three sections. What these are used for is up to the user's discretion: morning/afternoon/evening; work, home, personal; home, personal, finance - options are endless)

Monthly goal planner sheet

Bottom of goal planner sheet (complete with larger grid for monthly tracking)

Monthly planning

Monthly layout (12)

Projection for the next year (appointments, planning, goals, etc)

Notes Section w/ blocking and large tracking grid

Full sheet, numbered (45 lines) note page

Data sheet (very large tracking grid) w/ boxed-out areas

Frequently used numbers (data sheet)

Three-year at-a-glance (data)

The Uncalendar comes in two sizes (half and full) with three color options (black, blue, and red). The Lifestyle (full and half size) come coiled-bound. All Lifestyle Pro planners come in three ring binders. The company also offers full and half size refill planners.

Prices are as follows: (Please note that since I received this planner as a gift, I do not have working knowledge of shipping cost, how the product is packaged or how long delivery takes - my apologies)

Lifestyle

Lifestyle Pro

Lifestyle Pro Refill

I will get into how I am planning on using the planner in another blog post. This one is just to get readers a general idea of what the Uncalendar Lifestyles Pro entails.

While many product reviews found on the web offer paid compensation, I want readers to know that I in no way, shape, or form received any compensation of any kind for completely this unboxing. Like most people on the interwebs, I just like sharing.

Until next time,

Healthy Outlets

2015-11-22T21:12:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I cried.

I was on the brink of tears all day and managed to keep it together - because, you know, it's unprofessional to cry at work - right? My emotions didn't get the memo. A professional planning meeting and dropping the Littles off at PE were two such instances where I did not keep my emotions in check.

But yesterday, I did.

But I wasn't fooling anybody. I could never be in a position where I would have to lie (or not tell the whole truth) to protect a secret because, apparently, I wear my heart on my sleeve. At the very least, my eyes are an open window to my soul. They are a spiritual TMZ of the body. They know all. They tell all. All they don't care when it's appropriate.

So, even when I think I'm keeping it together; I'm really not. At least to those who have my figured out. And man! Do I hate that! On one hand, it's extremely comforting knowing that there are a select few on this planet that really understand how I work (and probably a little bit more than myself). This is comforting. However, it's extremely frustrating having these people in your space when you feel like you don't want to share what is going on in your head - either because you just don't want to share or because you don't know what's going on.

And yesterday was one such day. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know what I was feeling exactly.

Magenta. That was me.

And I hid it well. Not really. But I managed.

Until I got home and TMB saw it all and asked those all-too-imposing questions that get the waterworks flowing.

What's wrong?

Everything. Nothing. I don't know.

And then I did. And then we talked. And then he said something extremely profound:

"You need to find a healthy outlet."

And I do. But what? What can I do that will relieve all the magenta feelings that well up inside of me, day after day?

And he's not the only person to say this. Several people who love me very much have said I need to find a healthy outlet. Recently, I was told that I give and give and give and if I don't take time for myself, all my giving is going to use me up. (It was a little bit more eloquent that that, but that was the general gist.)

I enjoy reading and now, since I'm on break, I feel almost certain that I can finish a book I started two weeks ago but haven't quite gotten through. I'm also pretty certain I can make it to the library before Thanksgiving to borrow the third book in the series (I love series, don't you?)

But the problem is, I don't feel refreshed when I read. If anything, it makes me feel more anxious - especially if a main character is going through something dramatic and I want to see him or her through to the very end.

My readers will understand that all readers go through this. It's just what we do.

But the problem is, it does not really renew anything. I can't even say it relaxes me. I do enjoy it and I will continue to enjoy it and will continue doing it (although not as much as I'd really hoped because I choose not to take time to read.) Still, that is not my healthy outlet.

Which brings me to writing. Is writing my healthy outlet?

I believe that yes, it can be. I recently wrote a loved one an eight page letter, pouring out my love and support to them. (They will be receiving it soon, so I cannot reveal to whom the letter is addressed, lest they read my blog - and I really hope they do.) I remember having a great pen pal relationship with a friend in California. We would take a week or two to write to one another and we'd end up emailing pages and page of general chit chat to one another.

And I loved keeping in touch with my friend this way. I loved connecting with her trials and her joys. The "voice" in which we each wrote to one another was almost like we were talking face-to-face. I would laugh. I would cry. I used to devour those letters.

As I write this, I think I've discovered what my healthy outlet is. It is writing but more than that, it's connecting with people I love and cherish.

And it's the one thing that's really been missing in my life.

Once upon a time, I used to write. I wrote letters. I wrote stories. I wrote little anecdotes. Most of my writing was never read by anyone. And to be honest, putting some of my "stuffs" out in the open is very scary. I want to share but I'm afraid of what you will think about what I have to share. Will you like it? Will you agree with me? Will I insult you? Anger you? Will you reject me?

The People Pleaser in me shines through.

But despite it all, I still have that urge - that need - to connect with people. I'm not as eloquent live and in person as I tend to be on paper. Once upon a time, I was great on paper. I look back over past things I've written and I feel they were really well formulated. I feel I've lost that. No, "lost" is the wrong word. I've placed in the back burner - so much so that it's been collecting dust. It's still there. I just need to dust.

Ultimately, I feel the need to get my thoughts on paper (or screen). It's even more therapeutic when it's read and enjoyed by someone. Hence the letter writing.

I could be doing another type of writing. Every November, writers spend 30 days at their computers, at their desk or in coffee shops, pecking out 50,000-word documents for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I competed one year. I finished a manuscript. I have been meaning to flesh it out (50,000 words hardly constitutes a novel). Yet, there it sits, printed out in six manila envelopes, unedited.

I contemplated participating this year, but thought with everything going on, I probably shouldn't add something else to my plate. I even commented on Facebook that while I couldn't do it this year, as a 40th birthday present to myself, I'd do it next.

I still want to do that. But this morning, while I was taking a shower, I thought of two sequels to the novella I wrote in 2007. And I just know if I don't put something down on paper (or screen), I'm going to completely lose the ideas. I already lost a flash drive that had several stories on it. I really should get some ideas down and save them in a place where they won't accidentally get lost. (I suspect there was a rip in one of my purses and when I donated the purse, I didn't check the hole.

For all I know, the person who bought the purse doesn't know that the flash drive is in there. Wouldn't it be spectacular if the person, tiring of the purse, donated it to the same store she bought it from and then on whim, I went to the store, found the purse, bought the purse, and found my flash drive?)

What a story that would make!

Until next time,

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Funerals are the for the living

2015-10-09T18:42:00.000-04:00

It's been quite awhile since I've written anything on my blog. But seeing as how today marks the first day of a five-day weekend (Fall Break) and I have something I want to say, now is as good of time as any to get back to it.

My mom is dying.

There. I said it. Out loud. Well, in print. I've said it in my head a million times. I've said it to my mom in conversations. I've said it to my husband. I've said it to friends. But I don't think I've ever put it in print. I just did. And if it's on the internet, it's true.

Only, in this case, it really does happen to be true. No Google search will tell me what my mother's doctors haven't already.

Cancer.

A lot of cancer.

My mother and I have been pretty transparent about her passing. As time goes by, she has shared with me what she wants as her final wishes. I suspect I'm not the only one she's told, so I won't really be going through this alone. My husband is going through it. My children are going through it. My brother is going through it. My aunts and uncles and cousins are going through it.

But I'm the only daughter going through it.

Part of my mother's funeral includes readings from the old and new testaments as well as one psalm and one gospel. And my mother wants me to choose them.

As I'm reading through all of them, trying to find the perfect one, it suddenly dawns on me that funerals aren't for the dead.

They are for the living.

Once my mother is dead, she is dead. I do not believe in people coming back as spirits or angels. And to be honest, I really don't believe loved ones watch over us. So I do not believe my mother will be "hanging around" at her funeral.

As a believer, I believe my mother will be healed and she will no longer be in any kind of pain once she dies. I do believe in a Heaven and if what people tell me is true, I believe she will be there.

But one place I do not believe she will be is at her funeral.

But, that said, it's nice that God is giving her time to plan for her funeral. This saves loved ones the agonizing experience of choosing things when they are clouded by their grief and really don't know what the loved would have liked or wanted.

So, I'm reading through these verses and I feel like I'm just going through the motions. My mother is a new believer and unless she's studied the books of Isiah, Lamentations, Job, Psalms, 1 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians, Romans or Revelation in detail, I don't think she's going to be familiar with many of them. I think the people in the congregation may have studied from these books, and as such, will be familiar with and comforted by them.

But mom? I don't think so.

I have contemplated if I wanted to speak at my mother's funeral or not. I wasn't sure what I would say. What I could say. Or what I wanted to say. (Maybe some things are better left unsaid.)

But then I had a revelation of sorts. I do believe in divine intervention and I do not believe in luck or coincidence.

I will speak at my mother's service.

But I will not read a verse from the Bible. I will let the minister do that.

Instead, I will read something that will mean the most to mom. The one constant that has kept her grounded, even if only by a thread at times.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

- by Mary Stevenson

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