This Tainted Soul of Mine

Yearning

2010-03-27T23:16:00.003-07:00

Hold my hand and through to morn
Riding o’er thy hollow
With naught a glance bade twice forlorn
Shall we plead thee do follow

Like breath twice warmed o’er heated coals
We leave vexation behind
Lighted eyes give leave of trembling souls
So gifted within our kind

Thy hollow doth quiver beneath mine lips
Beseeching, partake of thy nectar
Thou art filled upon trailing mere fingertips
Across silky skin, thine scepter

Flesh which glows past fading light of day
A testament to our exertions
Mounting thy steed, mine hips so sweetly sway
Tormented pleasure art thine perversion

Aura Colors & Their Meanings

2010-01-12T20:06:00.007-07:00

There are many different ideas as to exactly what each specific shade means when it comes to the color of a persons aura. But I think this has something to do with the fact that even with those that can see auras, each individual person sees the shades slightly differently. What may appear violet to one person may appear to be a deeper purple to someone else or to a third person may seem closer to blue. So it can be somewhat difficult to find a completely accurate description of aura colors and their meanings. However, the main categories of color do have certain traits and meanings attached to them. As someone that is both an empath as well as an aura reader, it was a tad easier for me to check and see for myself that the meanings described, do indeed mean what they are said to mean. That being said, I'll include some of the more basic colors and their general meanings in the paragraphs below. Be aware though that every individual is different and because of that fact, there may be some variations for yourself or others. When reading someone's aura, it is important to trust your instincts.

Disclaimer:

Here are the colors and meanings as I have come to understand them. Again, this is only what the color means to me when I see it, not necessarily what it means to everyone because someone else may see the subject as an entirely different color so this is all to be taken with a measure of understanding in regards to that fact.

Red:

Passionate, Driven, Assertive, Motivated, Dominant, Creative, Problem Solver, Competitive, A Survivor. This person has a powerful personality and is extremely sensual and seductive. In short they are "sex on a stick" and it shows in everything they do or say, making them very attractive and charismatic people. They are often the life of the party and their magnetic personalities will attract a great many romantic admirers and allies. However, they can also be formidable opponents once a person finds themselves on their bad side because their passionate nature can easily spur their anger into rage. There is also a possibility of materialism and once they set their sights on a specific goal their single minded pursuit of it can be so focused that it can evolve into full blown obsession if left unchecked. People of this variety make excellent business executives, rock stars, actors, media moguls, politicians, high powered attorneys and other influential go-getters.

Gray or Smoky:

Depression, Sluggishness, Fatigue, Drained, Lethargic, Apathetic, Listless, Muscle Weakness, Poor Immune System. I have noticed this to be a more temporary type of color. I have only met one person that had an aura of this color on what seemed to be a permanent basis and that person had suffered from depression and left it untreated for many years. This is also a color that will often settle over a vampire that suffers from deep need and has gone too long between feedings. It is not uncommon to become tired and feel sleepy or even sad when in the presence of someone that has an aura of this color, especially if you are highly empathic.

Yellow:

Spirituality, Enlightenment, Knowledge, Inspiration, Ascension, Humility. There is also the possibility of physical ailments and a weak connection to the physical realities of this world. This is the color of aura said to have surrounded some very well known spiritual figures and religious leaders such as Gandhi, Mother Theresa and The Dali Lama. It is my belief that the bright and shining halo that is so often found surrounding images of the Christian Messiah, Jesus Christ, in paintings of him during the time period that preceded his crucifixion, was actually the artist’s way of depicting the yellow color of his aura which he gave off so strongly that it was even visible to those not normally sensitive to seeing aura colors. I may be a pagan but religious beliefs aside, there is no denying the fact that there was a man answering his description that was a spiritual leader to many during that time and his faith and the faith of his followers would have imbued him with a rather strong aura indicating that he was, as such, a spiritually minded man.

Green:

A Healer, Compassionate, Caring, Kindness, Generous Nature, Animal Lover. Many doctors, nurses, therapists, counselors, veterinarians and philanthropists can be found to have an aura of this color. This person loves to help and comfort those that need it. There is a certain rare gentility of spirit that tends to accompany these people and though their urge to help can take them into high pressure environments, they are good at keeping a cool head in the heat of the moment. This is a forgiving and intelligent type of person but there is also a natural innocence within them in regards to the forces of malevolence, which can cause them to be rather gullible in their younger years. If left unhealed after being taken advantage of or falling victim to falsehoods, this can lead to disillusionment and the eventuality of a somewhat cynical or bitter outlook later in life.

Orange:

Vibrant, Enthusiastic, Genuine, Energetic, Spontaneous, Confident, Happiness, Carefree. These people are a real joy to be around. Their infectious humor and optimistic outlook on life is refreshing and endearing. They are very friendly and are often actively flirtatious. They love to make people laugh and their smile can light up a room. Although there is no such thing as a person that is happy all of the time, this person enjoys the ups and doesn’t take the downs too seriously. There is, however, a tendency toward forgetfulness, flightiness and the possibility of a short attention span which can lead to boredom and mischief. This person is a prankster but it is always in good fun as they are also known for being a fiercely loyal friend.

Purple:

Honorable, Trustworthy, Noble, Courageous, Loyal, A Champion of Justice, Fair, A Natural Born Leader. There is a reason that royalty is often associated with this color. Those that have an aura of this color often have the charisma, passion and ambition of a red colored aura as well as the diplomacy, intelligence and wisdom of a blue colored aura. It is therefore not difficult to see why there may also be the possibility of arrogance and manipulation, albeit always with the good of the group in mind. This person carries a heavy weight on their shoulders and it is a mark of strength and fortitude to have an aura of this particular hue. It is very difficult to make such hard decisions as this person must make, because although they always act with their people in mind, it can be a lonely existence at the top and as we all know it is impossible please everyone all of the time.

Blue:

Empathic, Intuitive, Creative, Intelligent, Loving, Sensitive, Understanding, Patient, Wise, Diplomatic, Realistic, Grounded, Calm, Peaceful. This person has many attributes of a true empath and they can often be found in jobs that involve social sciences such as teachers, social workers, childcare specialists, caregivers for the elderly and non-profit organization volunteers. Their patient and understanding nature makes for good parenting skills and this becomes evident in their strong family ties. These are people that maintain close relationships with the extended families and they are fiercely protective of those that are a part of their core group. Equally good at giving advice as well as listening these people make wonderful confidantes and their compassion can be very comforting in a time that would otherwise be difficult. Where those with a green aura tend to heal the body and mind, these people settle the soul and heart. One thing to look out for with this color of aura though is a tendency to procrastinate and put off distasteful tasks until the last minute. They can also be slow to admit failure and stubborn about apologizing if they believe they are in the right.

Darkened, Shadowy or Black:

Chaotic, Predatory, Dishonest, Manipulative, Dangerous, Malevolent, Harmful, Fierce, Mentally Unstable, Criminal Inclinations, Chronic or Terminal Illness, The Presence of Death. Beware! I have run across a few people that seem to have a shadowy, dark or even black aura that either surrounds them like a mist or that they might even carry within themselves. This blackness is quick to spread to those that spend time with or speak to someone that has this color of aura. I have come to understand that these are people around which one should be on their guard and very cautious. Once this blackness spreads it tends to stick to one like a film residue and it can be difficult to rid oneself of the feeling that one has been dirtied and is unable to get clean again. This type of aura tends to accompany people that are extremely selfish, have ulterior motives and agendas, are untrustworthy or may even have malicious intent. This may not always be directed at you but use extreme caution in all dealings with this person. Another completely different meaning for having this color in the aura can also be in connection with the lingering presence of death or illness that surrounds a person. I have seen people that were terminally ill that had small patches of their aura become darkened and concealed as if in shadows, oftentimes over the area of their body that the illness has made the most impact. As they grew closer and closer to death, the darkness over them also grew until the day it overtook them and they passed on.

A Special Study In Erotica: The Women of Ink!!

2009-11-15T10:05:00.010-07:00

What is it about tattoos that get the gears in our minds and libidos turning? There is no denying that using the human body as a canvas has a powerful effect on both the viewer of the artwork as well as the wearer of it. Since the dawn of time, we have used the combination of dyes and cuts to create permanent marks upon our bodies so why then is this most ancient of adornments still looked at as a mark of rebellion in some western cultures? What started as a trend toward the taboo here in North America has now turned into an explosion of self expression and creativity. And along with that explosion came the sexual revolution and the women of ink. Now more then ever, women are choosing to wear their hearts upon their fully colored arm sleeves.There are various reasons that these women will choose to do so and in this posting of A Study In Erotica, I thought that I would bring to you a sampling of some of this beautiful artwork being worn by women that are gorgeous in their own right. Just as their tattoos vary in meaning and purpose, so does the beauty and the personalities of these lovely ladies. Whether they chose their tattoos for the purpose of identifying themselves with a particular group, like the beautiful and deadly member of the Yakuza directly below, or if they simply chose the art they wear as a means of flirtatious playfulness, like the butterflies or fairies you will see on some of the other women further down the post, they each have a very personal and individual reason for why they chose to wear the artwork they did. So take a moment with me and enjoy what they decided to add to this world in the way of creativity. It is my hope that you will see why I chose this subject to be an extra special edition of A Study In Erotica. Please enjoy the artwork as well as the canvas it has been placed upon for they are each, in their own way, devastatingly stunning.

Wake Up Dark One

2009-11-02T20:32:00.004-07:00

Take these colors in my soul
Ring them out and lay them down
Place them at your feet and look
What do you see?
Another world inside two places at once
How can this be?
A portal within the gateway of the mind
One side shakes and holds the chaos
Wishing to burst free
To be released and thrust forward
Needing for the world to see
What lives beneath the surface?
Just one hard breath from the divine
Breathe deep and pull me in
Hear the cry of death inside
Tamed and held just out of reach
Are you afraid?
You should be
For the hunt is on and you’ve set me loose
To run raging through this plane
No catching me now
I’ll slip through your fingers

Wake up dark son of mine
Because I’ve got something to tell you
Change is coming to take your life
The storm is brewing
Keep your head now
You’ll take it like a man this time

Quenching the thirst for death as I taunt and dive down
I’m right behind you now with an evil grin
You hold still listening
The beat of your heart is deafening
A soft tongue drawn across your neck
Warm breath against your spine
The hairs stand up I moan in ecstasy
My, aren’t you innocent?
I shall corrupt you, make you mine
Rooted, you keep eyes forward
Afraid to look while I trace a nail down your jaw
I slip my hand into your shirt caressing your chest
Smelling the soap on your shoulder
I watch your eyes roll back
Your breath coming in short gasps

Wake up dark son of mine
Because I’ve got something to tell you
Change is coming to take your life
The storm is brewing
Keep your head now
You’ll take it like a man this time

You tremble as eyelids flutter closed
Beg me for your release
I circle you, touching you
Hair, skin, nails positively jumping
I turn from you and take a few steps
I hear you follow
You are under my spell
Your soul’s for sale and I’ve made my bid
Oh yes, eternity with me
Feasts and bounty never ending
You only need slake my thirst
I glance over my shoulder
But I don’t need to look to see
You want me don’t you?
A throaty laugh rings like a bell

Wake up dark son of mine
Because I’ve got something to tell you
Change is coming to take your life
The storm is brewing
Keep your head now
You’ll take it like a man this time

My hips begin to sway slowly
I close my eyes and dance further off
Pulling you off the path
You wonder if this is dream
Do you remember me?
I’ve been visiting you
Watching you sleep so peacefully
I almost pitied you it was so easy
Now here you stand before me
On the verge of immortality
I’ll make you a God
A God that worships only me
I’ll give you a glimpse of heaven
You’ll find it in my arms
While I sink my claws in you
Reveling in delight

Wake up dark son of mine
Because I’ve got something to tell you
Change is coming to take your life
The storm is brewing
Keep your head now
You’ll take it like a man this time

I watch your halo slip and fall
You don’t even notice it shatter on the ground
Now you see my true colors don’t you?
As you take your place among the infinite
A wicked leer paints your features
And I am filled with hellish pride
You make it so easy to murder
You’ll thank me when I’m through
Oh yes, I’m guilty
But have you begged my mercy?
I leave your fate up to you
Do you want redemption?
Or will you follow me to the end while I eat you alive?
I don’t want a martyr by my side

Wake up dark son of mine
Because I’ve got something to tell you
Change is coming to take your life
The storm is brewing
Keep your head now
You’ll take it like a man this time

The pressure is building and your body shudders
I take your hands and press them down
You offer no resistance
I feel you willing, eager
Lost in the sweetness of my fruit
Our bodies reach out as one
In that moment of fire and fury
I pierce you as you pierce me

Wake up dark one of mine
I’ve got something to tell you
The change has come to take your life
Come my child, the storm beckons
Take your place with the divine
You’ll take it like a God in time

A Study In Erotica: 10/29/09 Femme Fatale Super Edition!!

2009-10-29T17:37:00.006-07:00

Tainted Soul In Publication!!

2009-10-24T21:25:00.004-07:00

Hello All! I have an exciting announcement to make! I wanted to make aware any and all readers that have enjoyed the poetry found on this blog, that it is now available in a 47 page e-book published by Lulu. We may, in the future, consider publishing another version in print but currently e-book is the only version available. To check out a preview of the book clicky here.

Title: This Tainted Soul of Mine

Author: Crystalis DeCavalier

Description: This Tainted Soul Of Mine is an anthology of poetry situated around the darker themes and primal urges within my heart and soul. Within these poems you will find passionate love, erotic longing, vengeance, grief and unbridled joy. It is my hope that you enjoy these works as much as I enjoyed creating them.

Price: $2.50

Delivery type: Immediate Download

A Study In Erotica: 10/21/09 Couples

2009-10-21T11:59:00.004-07:00

World of Shadows

2009-10-20T15:43:00.006-07:00

He lifts the lantern high above his head
Lighting the cobbled stone road
His face in shadows
Eyes gleaming with an inner light

Pretty…pretty, he says
I look to him with plain wonder
Confusion painted across my features

Pretty, I ask

Look around you…this world it shines
He spreads his fingers, hand held out
With a wide sweep of his arm he bows
Welcome to the Shadows, M’Lady
Tis the world from which you’re born
But then you’ve always known
Have you not?
Gleaming eyes flick up to me
A smirk playing on his red lips

Yes…always, my voice ethereal
I look to see him at last
Beyond the darkness that hides him
Through those eyes of shining light
And there he stands waiting
Smiling broadly, knowingly
I remember, my mind becomes clear
Whispered words float past my lips
I am home at last

Yes M’Lady…at long last
His hand remains held out to me
A smirk plays across my red lips
I take a single step to close the gap
My fingers meet his
Interlacing and clasping tightly
My eyes had dulled outside the Shadows
Filling with an inner light
Once more they find their gleam

My voice comes strong and confident
Have you kept the Hearth warm, my friend

That I have M’Lady, as requested.

Heal Me

2009-10-20T11:51:00.004-07:00

Heal me for my soul is tired and weary

This world takes its toll upon me

Trudging from one day to the next

Mundane stress and monotony

Financial security and vile materialism

Spewed forth like vomit by the masses

I want to go home

Heal my heart so heavy with grief

This world is such a burden now

When once I took joy in its creation

But now I am a part of it and I want out

Heave this yolk from upon my shoulders

Let the world be dealt its fate at last

I just want to go home

Heal me now and take me back

To the World of Shadows, my dark paradise

The place of my birth and downfall

When I chose this other path

The hearth is warm and bright

I can smell the sweet scent of flowers

As they encircle the castle grounds

Let me take you home

Let me heal your troubled mind

With cobbled streets darkly lit

And power within softly glowing eyes

Shining with an inner light

Come with me and I shall show you

A whole new way of life

But if you tremble you’ll be eaten alive

I’ll show you the way home

A healed heart that beats like a hammer

We shall touch the very heavens

While standing within our hell

One more step down the spiral of madness

Salvation awaits us with open arms

No longer tiresome or world weary

We slake our thirst for life once more

A Study In Erotica: 10/11/09 Shadow and Light

2009-10-11T14:50:00.003-07:00

A Study in Erotica: 10/10/09 Feminine Heat!

2009-10-10T18:32:00.004-07:00

A Study In Erotica: 10/02/09 Celebrity Beefcake Edition!!

2009-10-02T17:37:00.007-07:00

A Study In Erotica: 9/29/09 Black & Whites

2009-09-29T11:04:00.011-07:00

A Study In Erotica: 9/23/09 Fantasy Art!!!

2009-09-23T15:17:00.012-07:00

A Study In Erotica: 9/20/09

2009-09-20T19:03:00.011-07:00

A Study In Erotica: 9/19/09

2009-09-19T00:28:00.009-07:00

A Study In Erotica: 9/18/09

2009-09-18T14:57:00.009-07:00

Introduction: A Study In Erotica

2009-09-18T14:20:00.004-07:00

I have been thinking about the different things I tend to post here and how they could be considered to be something of a crossection of my interests. There are the articles and self reflections concerning Vampirism as well as BDSM, not to mention the poetry, stories, music, videos and anything else that strikes my fancy. One thing that has been something of a constant though is the fact that with each post I have included an image from my extensive collection. I often find myself looking at an image that I would like to include in a post here and thinking, what can I write that will make this picture an approriate accompaniment to it? Often times though they are images that I cannot find suitable words for without veering into the category of Erotica. And I have nothing at all against Erotica, in fact I personally am a huge fan of it. ;-) I just haven't done much fictional writing in that genre.

And now I suddenly realize I have been going about it all wrong! If I wish to share an image with you, why not let it stand alone for you, the reader, to be able to truly appreciate the full impact of it. A good erotic image needs no explanation. Beauty needs no description. Sensuality needs no crutch of words. And so I present to you the beginning of a new regular segment on This Tainted Soul Of Mine, in which I will allow the art I wish to share with you to speak for itself, as it was originally intended. I do so hope you enjoy them as much as I do. *wicked grins*

Crush

2009-09-18T10:26:00.004-07:00

Standing in the shadows
I watch your every move
With a wicked grin
Passing across my face
My tongue darts out
To lick my lips
You don’t know me yet
But I guarantee
You’ve never met a girl like me

Emerald eyes shine
As I follow close behind
I can smell your skin
The musk of sweat
The aroma of life itself
Coursing through your veins
You don’t see me yet
But I guarantee
You’ve never met a girl like me

A small hand extends
My fingers caress the air
A mere inch away
I trace your shape from behind
I linger there, getting closer
One hard breath and we would touch
You don’t feel me yet
But I guarantee
You’ve never met a girl like me

My fingers tingle
With the urge to take your arm
Twirl you round
Crush my lips to yours
Until our teeth cut in
And our tongues mingle
Coated in sweetest crimson
You can’t taste me yet
But I guarantee
You’ve never met a girl like me

How I long for you
To touch you, flesh to fingers
My hair spilling down
A soft Auburn caress on your chest
The sheen of sweat gleaming
Consumed by pleasures embrace
Head thrown back in ecstasy
You don’t know me yet
But I guarantee
You’ve never met a girl like me

As you begin to turn
I snatch my hand back
A blush creeps up my face
You look past me searching
I go unnoticed, not even a glance
I duck my head, moving on
Savoring how your arm brushes by mine
I really wish you knew me
But I guarantee
You’ll never meet a girl like me

Vampiric Abilties: Fact or Fiction

2009-09-16T00:25:00.003-07:00

From the newly awakened to the seasoned mentor, most Vampires are fascinated with what abilities they might possibly be able to learn and/or master. For those that are just at the beginning stages of learning, this can be one of the most exciting parts of the process. When I first stumbled across the Vampire Community, I actually didn't believe that Real Vampires existed, despite the fact that I had awakened a little over a decade beforehand. One of the things that kept me progressing in my efforts to learn more was the fact that in continuing to read the words of other's experiences, I began to notice certain similarities between their stories and my own. The largest portion of these similarities lay within the subject of the abilities that they had noticed having. So in keeping with the effort to aid in the furthering of accurate and reliable knowledge within this group, I felt it would perhaps be beneficial to begin this thread as a place to discuss the various abilities that we as Vampires are capable of. I will address a few in the following paragraphs but please come forward to add your own questions and comments on the subject. There is no way I could possibly cover all viable abilities in this one post, but perhaps by discussing some of them it will spark some inner reflection in which you, the reader, will be spurred on to think of others.

First, let's dispel a few myths regarding Vampiric Abilities.

There are two separate varieties that these myths often take form as. First there is the outright fictional type of myths. These are the ones that we could not accomplish by any stretch of the imagination. Such as the ability to change our form to that of a bat or the ability to fly. Real Vampires can do neither unfortunately (though I admit it would be pretty cool if we could). The second type of myth are those that serve as an exaggeration of real abilities. A couple examples of this would be the myth that states that we have "superhuman" strength and speed and could easily outrun a speeding car or even lift a bus as if it weighed nothing. These are the tricky sort of myths because, although we may have slightly quicker reactions or may be stronger then one would expect for someone of our stature, we still remain within the range of human possibility. For instance, we could not lift a car on a whim but much as it has been known that a mother can find the strength to lift a vehicle off of her toddler by the strength of her will and adrenaline alone, many of us are also capable of such feats of strength in the event of an emergency. In a non-emergency situation however, we are only capable of slightly increased strength. Though we cannot outrun a speeding car, we can often at will put on a burst of speed as we run that is slightly faster then one would imagine to be possible. In other words, upon taking notice of our abilities an outside observer might say something like, "Wow...that person is stronger then they look!" or "That person has great reflexes!". However you should not expect to hear anyone refer to you as being "faster then a speeding bullet" anytime soon because if you do, you will surely be disappointed.

So what types of abilities are possible?

There are some that are physical in nature such as having a more sensitive sense of smell, acute hearing or highly developed night vision. These are common. There are also those that are more mental or psychic in nature such as Empathy which, although they not exclusively vampiric abilities, they do occur in higher percentages within the Vampire population then they do within the Mundane (mainstream human) population. Below I will list some of these abilities.

Empathy - the ability to transmit emotions over a distance or experience someone else's emotions as one's own

Telepathy - the ability to transmit thoughts over a distance or read someone's mind

Clairvoyance - the ability to see things that are outside the normal range of perception

Clairaudience - the ability to hear things outside the normal range of perception

Precognition - having knowledge of an event before it occurs by means of extrasensory perception

Astral Projection - the ability to seperate one's soul from their physical body and leave the physical body for a limited time to roam the astral plane or travel to other locations within the physical world and/or interact with other people.

Divination - the ability to foretell future events or reveal truth with unusual insight by means of occult practices such as the reading of tarot cards, tea leaves, crystal balls, astrological charts, numerology, palm reading, etc, etc.

Retrocognition - the ability to see objects or events in the past that one has no way of having had previous knowledge of

Psychokinesis (PK) - the ability to move objects or affect physical processes outside the body through mental effort alone. This is also often referred to as Telekinesis.

Aura reading - learning about people by perceiving the colored aura that surrounds them

Dreamwalking - entering another person's dream while you also are in a unconsious state or calling another into your own dream.

Pyrokinesis (one of several forms of elemental manipulation) - being able to manipulated fire by sheer will of thought.

Forever His Heart, Mind, Body and Soul

2009-09-12T23:39:00.006-07:00

My heart
It screams a battle cry
Not of fear or courage
A cry of triumph
It bursts forth
And rumbles in my throat
Victory!
The sweetest taste
Of love long lost
Regained once more
And through the halls
Of Valhalla I walk
Nirvana bliss
My Shangri-La

My body
It finds rapture
Entwined within me
Baited breath
Desperate longing
A current of touch
Across my skin
Soft breaths
Beating heart
Tender kiss
His heated gaze
Sets me aflame
With desire
Running rampant
As it courses
Through my veins

My mind
It reels in delight
Dizzy in anticipation
Marveling at thoughts
Taken over
Captured in love
Released from doubt
No longer afraid
To trust freely
No reservations
No fears can take hold
Gratitude fills me
For I know Him
Remember Him

My soul
It takes flight
I find my wings
I soar above all
The poison gone
From my being
The light shines bright
Golden threads
Interlaced
Whole once again
Completed
Freedom so pure
Take me higher
I crave Him
This addiction
My true home
He is my…
Forever

The Freedom Of Slavery

2009-09-11T08:52:00.005-07:00

There are many images that come to mind whenever anyone thinks of the word slave. Most of the time the word itself is used in a negative context in reference to being forced to behave in a way that one does not wish to behave. It is a word that references a person that is under the complete authority of another with little to few rights of their own. The definition of the word has been put forth as having several meanings, one of which would be “a form of forced labor in which people are considered to be, or treated as, the property of another”. There is much stigma attached to the word itself since the days of the slave trade that was abolished in this country upon the closing of the civil war.

So many different meanings can be addressed and yet I find that they are not what come to my mind when I think of the word slave. Upon hearing the word or thinking of it I am filled with warmth and a gentle joy deep in my heart. You may want to ask, why would anyone feel that way? I will tell you happily. It is because I myself am a slave. Not only am I willing, but I am an eager one in my service to my Master. You see there is another meaning to this word that I have come to treasure so. You may in fact find it a truly ironic meaning, for I have come to see my own slavery as the only form of true freedom.

How could this be? You may be thinking to yourself, surely this girl is mistaken and confused in her use of language. But no! It is true! I see my slavery as freedom indeed. You see, it allows me the freedom to behave toward my Master in the ways that feel natural to me when it comes to how I relate to the man I love. I respect Him greatly of course, and I value his thoughts and opinions, but this isn’t the driving force behind my internal serenity. I enjoy being able to behave as a slave because it is the ultimate expression of my true feelings for Him. When He requests something of me by way of action or words, He is able to freely express His wishes without being hindered by society’s views of what is and is not appropriate in His requests. In turn, by bending to His will, learning from His instruction, serving Him and following His lead obediently, I am freed from society’s confinements on what is viewed as inappropriate behavior in my expression of adoration.

Perhaps I should explain a bit further with example. If a woman of mainstream society is seen to approach her mate with lowered eyes then kneel before him and bow reverentially to then be patted on the head and called a “good girl” as she gives a beaming smile in response to his words, it would be seen as a lowering of her station and an act of disrespect toward herself. No matter how much she loves him, he is then seen as something of a bully that treats his mate as a dog. The real magic behind consensual slavery is that, with the simple act of declaring one’s slavery, a woman can walk proudly in her status as slave and a man can be seen as a strong and loving mate who cares deeply for her and treats her well. When a slave bows before her Master it is done out of love and an eagerness to express that love in a physical way that bellies the true level of adoration she has for Him. To be limited to societies accepted acts of love such as kisses, hugs and other “vanilla” forms of affection; a true and natural slave is in essence being bound from expressing herself to the full extent that she desires. Only, the difference is, the ties that bind her are not being held by someone she loves and trusts but rather by a cold unfeeling society that arbitrarily doles out its views of right and wrong.

Take a moment to think this over in your mind. If it is wrong to deny women the vote based on their gender because they are equals, then isn’t it also wrong to determine for them how they are to display their feelings for their mate? Is it not wrong to tell a person that was born with a natural inclination toward submission to behave in any other way then that which comes to them as the right thing to do? And finally is it not wrong for one that is an internal slave to be forced upon with the “freedom” society would have for her? In my humble opinion, that is tantamount to emotional rape for it is, in essence, a violation of a woman’s right to decide for herself how she will lead her life.

It is natural for a slave to be as she is and to behave as she does and that my friends, is a beautiful thing. Quite contrary to popular belief a true slave is a very strong person that must know her own mind in order to achieve happiness and success in her endeavors in life. She must be strong enough to cast aside the bonds that society has placed on her. She must know herself well enough to trust her decisions in choosing a Master. She must display courage in bending her will to His so that she may know the elation of a deed well done and a Master well pleased. She must have the fortitude to walk the gauntlet of disapproving stares directed at her from those in the world around her so that she may be able to take the opportunity to truly be whom she was born to be. Yes, a slave is a strong individual indeed for she has chosen her only true freedom. Rather then simply dream of it or fantasize about it when no one is watching she has spread her wings and leapt forth to grab it, only to find that at long last she can finally soar!

You Bring Me To Life!!

2009-09-10T15:19:00.003-07:00

I once walked the lonely path in isolation
Moving from one day to the next
Each one a haze that blurred together
Taking each step in determination
Knowing that one day
I would not walk alone
A hand would reach from the dark
And our fingers would interlace
Bringing light to the path ahead
Filling me with life
Removing the shroud
From my very soul
Fueling my heart's flame
And now, my love
That dream has come true
You are my day of joy
The smile that touches my lips
The glint in my eye
You are my night of passion
A shiver up my spine
The touch I crave
An addiction of the mind
And so we walk
The less lonely path
Through to the wooded glen
So that we may once again
Feel alive!

Departs The Lonely Mourner

2009-09-09T16:36:00.003-07:00

The overcast clouds roll across the sky
A draft flows over the grass
Giving the appearance of soft waves
Eternally stretching for a non-existent shore
The tombstones interrupt the gentle hills
Crosses and cement markers
Displaying the passing of lives
Too unknown to be visited by occasional flowers
An old woman wears black
Walking through the forest of marble and stone
She pauses in places and visits those who have no one else
And she continues on
Her feet lead her deftly and she remembers the past
A time when she would not come near this place
Now it calms her to know that she can come
And sit for hours with her childhood friends
Finally she reaches her dearest
The marble is dull, the grass overgrown
Tears escape her as they have for years
And she lowers herself to the ground
She lays down, careful not to disturb the frail dried flowers
That she carried to the grave weeks ago.
As she closes her eyes a breeze blows gently
And the black veil lifts from her ghostly pale skin
A bright light opens the heavens
The clouds vanish from the sky
Her life slowly drains away and is lifted from her
And still her hand does clutch the locket at her neck
A newlywed couple lives on in her very last thought
Their happiest times together
As they again will soon be
For today she will join her beloved
Nevermore gripped within this mournful world
Free at last

What is the cause of Vampirism??

2009-09-08T13:57:00.005-07:00

I was recently asked, "Does anyone know why vampires have 'leaky energy' in the first place?" There are a multitude of theories out there regarding what the cause of vampirism (or more specifically, the need to feed) really is. Some say it is caused by damaged chakras, a theory which would lend itself to the concept of the vampire's inability to keep the energy that their systems produce. Others say it is something akin to a scientific or medical malady created by man by way of a virus that has caused some sort of mutation on the basic DNA makeup of an otherwise completely normal individual. A virus which is currently only able to be treated through metaphysical means by way of feeding. Which of course, would cause one to wonder if perhaps someday there will be a medical answer...a "cure" for vampirism so to speak. Still others believe that vampires don't necessarily leak energy but instead just don't produce enough of it on their own to be able to maintain a healthy and happy life. There are even those that believe that feeding isn't needed to replenish a deficient energy system so much as simply being a tool. One which is used to achieve greater use and control of one's abilities and therefore eventually leading to the ascension of one's higher self.

However, no one really knows for sure why we are the way we are. I suspect this is because there actually isn't one universal answer that covers all of us. I say this because despite the many different theories available out there, most have one specific theory that seems to make more sense to them then the others. Even among those that haven't heard any the various theories, upon deep self reflection many find that they will pose a theory on their own. And it will, most times, be among one of the already proposed possibilities for the cause of vampirism.

My personal thoughts on the subject is that there isn't one cause, one reason. In my opinion, I think there are various causes. Perhaps, only when we look at each person on a case by case basis, will we be discover each person's individual reason for being of such a nature. In my case, I know that the cause of my own vampirism is due to none of the above theories. The reason I need to feed is that I use my energy up very quickly. I produce it just as well as any non-vampiric person. In fact I would actually hazard to guess that if there were a way to physically measure such a thing, one would find I might even produce energy within my personal stores faster then normal. However I still use it up too fast and this is not something I have control over. It just takes a great deal of energy to maintain many of my abilities. Empathy, telepathy, telekinesis, astral projection, energy work, healing and dream walking all take energy to maintain and/or accomplish. Because many of these abilities are not of the sort that I can easily switch on or off, i have no say in whether my energy get's used this way or not. The abilities are there to stay but they do cost me. Therefore vampirism is the only answer for me. Even if I went to a healer, they could not help me because it is not caused by some sort of damage that would benefit from a healers touch.