This Week with Larry Miller Wed, 22 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Wed, 22 May 2013 10:51:20 +0000 Libsyn WebEngine 2.0 http://www.larrymillerpodcast.com en http://www.larrymillerpodcast.com larrymillershow@adamcarolla.com (larrymillershow@adamcarolla.com) http://assets.libsyn.com/content/4689938.jpg This Week with Larry Miller ACE Broadcasting adam,booze,broadcasting,carolla,comedy,companion,drunk,garrison,guffman,hangovers,home,jean,keillor,larry,miller,prarie,shepherd no Ralph Lauren. Costco. $14. Wed, 22 May 2013 01:02:10 +0000 Hear about Larry loafing in someone else's trailer on a movie set and how much he enjoyed it. Then we answer the question, "Does a bear joke in the woods?" We finally put the Poe in The Poetry Corner. And we do another lap around loving Leslie Nielsen for this week's Magic Movie Moment, plus a nod to the great actor Joe Grifasi.

Quote of the week: "Oh, that's right, I'm a bear."

Producer: Colonel Jeff Fox

Audio Engineer: Dr. Chris Laxamana

]]> 46:05 clean Cool Hand Larry Wed, 15 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000 This episode comes to a COMPLETE halt when a pretty girl walks by the studio and of course, we don't edit it out. Then, it's so hot outside that we read a poem about summer heat, even though it's only spring. 

Quote of the week: "In that case, let us know what it was like to hitchhike over there."

]]> 45:20 clean The Gold Diggers of 2013 Wed, 08 May 2013 03:29:53 +0000 Larry talks about the joys of a home-cooked meal with his family. And then everyone went into separate rooms. And we get not one but TWO jokes of the week! Then Larry says why the implausibility of "The Gold Diggers Of 1933" is exactly what makes it so great.

Quote of the week: "You couldn't get a meal like this in a hotel."

Producer: Colonel Jeff Fox
Audio Engineer: Dr. Chris Laxamana
]]> 31:43 clean Larry Visits The Uncanny Valley Wed, 01 May 2013 10:00:00 +0000 We hear about the Ballad of Yukon Jake, why the Three Stooges are so darn admirable and why wax statues are so darn creepy. Even though Larry's logey from too much Korean BBQ at lunch, he battles back from the nods to bring you this week's episode! Don't worry, it's a REGULAR joint, not a regular JOINT.

Quote of the week: "The joke is fiiiiiine."

Producer: Colonel Jeff Fox
Audio Engineer: Dr. Chris Laxamana
]]> 46:52 clean KFC, The Maltese Falcon and A Six Pack Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Hear how Larry's so-called manners lost him an agent. What goes best with KFC, The Maltese Falcon and a six-pack of beer? Nothing! Or should we say nobody. A listener asks if Larry wears a suit and tie when recording the podcast? Um, sure! The sweatpants and moccasins are just for the photo. What is he, Mr. Goodwrench?

Quote of the week: "Look, Mr. Stupid."

Producer: Colonel Jeff Fox
Audio Engineer: Dr. Chris Laxamana
]]> 49:22 clean Sidetracked By Burt Lancaster Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Larry gets so distracted by Burt Lancaster that he forgets to do The Poetry Corner. (Don't worry, the show still winds up going 17 minutes longer than it's supposed to.) We hear lots about Leslie Nielsen and Forbidden Planet. Plus, we get a triple shot of Joke Of The Week courtesy of classic comedian Myron Cohen!

Quote of the week: "Audition, eh?"

]]> 47:46 no Ode To Annette Funicello Wed, 10 Apr 2013 23:00:58 +0000 Larry admits that he would have liked to kiss Annette Funicello and also that he loves "I Love Lucy." We get a double shot of the joke of the week, plus a pretty spectacular poem on The Poetry Corner.

Quote of the week: "Boy, I sounded like someone's grandfather saying that."

Producer: Colonel Jeff Fox

Audio Engineer: Dr. Chris Laxamana

]]> 40:35 clean A Quick Message From Larry Wed, 10 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Larry got booked on a new show early this week, so this week's This Week will be released later in the day on Wednesday, instead of the usual first thing on Wednesday morning. Thanks for your patience and stay tuned! The new episode will be along shortly. Nominum quid geminus!?

]]> 01:52 clean Larry At The Bat Wed, 03 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Larry does not suffer April fools lightly. He looks up the origin of April Fools Day and the information doesn't make him like it any better. In honor of the start of baseball season, we hear a classic baseball poem and talk about the movie "The Pride of the Yankees." There is no joy in Level 5 City, the mighty Larry has struck out.

Quote of the week: "He said something in old English. And then they skinned you."

Producer: Colonel Jeff Fox

Audio Engineer: Dr. Chris Laxamana

]]> 47:10 clean The Great Garbage Disposal Story Wed, 27 Mar 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Many a PhD thesis has been written about who has told the greatest garbage disposal story of all time. Miguel De Cervantes? Sun Tzu? Hildegard of Bingen? With this episode, we believe we have settled the matter. Also, we bring you not one, but two excellent jokes of the week, another Ogden Nash poem and some odd inflections by Larry. 

Quote of the week: "Just wait, my son. Wait and watch."

]]> 44:26 clean What St. Patrick's Day Means To Me Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:00:00 +0000 Larry mulls over the meaning of St. Patrick's Day, we hear our show's motto in Klingon, Larry reluctantly tells this week's joke of the week and so much more. 

Quote of the week: "I take that back. EVERYTHING against snakes!"

]]> 40:24 clean Larry Swears Off Swearing Wed, 13 Mar 2013 10:00:00 +0000 We hear how a young Larry got duped into swearing a lot to try to impress a girl. Guess how that worked out? And he talks about Plan 9 From Outer Space and how Daylight Savings Time should be a holiday.

Quote of the week: "That's like blanking the blank if you blank the blank."

]]> 48:28 clean Larry Goes Gangster Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:00:00 +0000 Larry goes not gangsta, but gangster. This week, find out why the sequester means nothing, nothing means nothing, why you shouldn't hang out naked inside a refrigerator and why you shouldn't accept a ride to the airport from a guy named "Knuckles."

Quote of the week: "This sounds like a lot of hooey."

]]> 35:58 no Larry Miller, The Musical Wed, 27 Feb 2013 11:00:00 +0000 Larry is absurdly amused by this week's musical question. Which leads into a hilarious story about his days in high school musicals. The Hamper Update becomes the hamper stalemate, then motorcycle jokes, funny poems and more. Remember, it's This Week With Larry Miller--the world's only 50 minute long half hour show!

Quote of the week: "What an elegant bathroom we have made for ourselves."

]]> 50:16 no Larry vs. Presidents Day Tue, 19 Feb 2013 04:39:21 +0000 Larry struggles to get excited about Presidents Day and lobbies for a better holiday, like Sean Connery Day or better yet, Bond Girls Day. Now, there's a holiday worth closing a bank over. Plus a bonus poem in this week's "Poetry Corner."

Quote of the week: "A good boy always carries a clean hankie."

]]> 40:16 clean The Split Pea Soup Diet Wed, 13 Feb 2013 11:00:00 +0000 Larry drives up the coast for his first live appearance and can't stop eating split pea soup. We wait in vain hoping to hear the Pope to say, "Nominum quid geminus?" Plus, the premiere of a new segment, "The Magic Movie Moment."

Quote of the week: "It's like a blimp shot."

]]> 44:26 no Super Bowl Food Doesn't Exist Wed, 06 Feb 2013 03:32:31 +0000 Larry laments that there the Super Bowl doesn't have any purpose-made novelty foods, like the rest of American holidays. That's right, we're calling it a holiday. Larry is also unimpressed by too many replays or the fact that the Harbaugh brothers are brothers. We have one of the best Poetry Corner segments so far. 

Quote of the week: "Get your own show."

]]> 39:03 clean What IS Show Business? Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:00:00 +0000 Larry talks about the difference between being an entertainer and inspired lunacy. We hear about Andy Kaufman playing at Carnegie Hall, 99 bottles of beer and joke-telling during a city-wide blackout. Then we wonder where Car 54 really is. 

Quote of the week: "Walk that plank."

]]> 26:39 no Crime Just Isn't Funny Anymore! Wed, 23 Jan 2013 11:00:00 +0000 Inspired by a Jimmy Breslin quote Larry waxes nostalgic about the "crooks" and other characters he met while his father worked as a criminal defense attorney. We also learn how to REALLY ruin a 1964 Fury III and why honest people can't be trusted.

]]> 37:39 no Free Bar-B-Que and Other Delights Wed, 16 Jan 2013 11:00:00 +0000 Hear about the joy of free bar-b-que, buffets and the debatable merits of the McRib. We also hear about cheap Brooklyn coats, how to repel alien invaders and how to give birth on a kitchen table, not once, but twice.

Quote of the week: "There are cavemen that would look at you and say, 'Take it easy.'"

]]> 37:37 clean Larry Miller Returns! Wed, 09 Jan 2013 08:00:00 +0000 Larry returns to his podcast and tells the story of the accident that put him in the hospital and sidelined him for nine months.

Quote of the week: "Hey, Dad, didn't you break your brain?"

]]> 43:18 clean Everyone Will Know How To Juggle (Rebroadcast) Wed, 02 Jan 2013 11:00:00 +0000 Larry's new year's resolution is to teach you the difference between a tuba and a sousaphone. (Setting achievable goals is a key to a successful life.)

Gather up your foul weather gear in your best rucksack. Larry talks about the seemingly endless sheets of rain that are soaking the Southern California area. It's OK, we really need it.

Hear "Our Man Miller's" imitation of his own ringtone, which is, of course, even funnier than the orignal ringtone. Then he talks about working with Bobbie Phillips on the movie Carnival of Souls. Find out the REAL reason that Larry's glad he's not a stunningly beautiful woman. 

Then enjoy a quick stop on Rabbit Island, as Larry discusses recipes sent in by readers. Can Larry segue from Armistice Day into how much he hates the circus? You better believe it, Otto Von Barnum.

Happy new year from Larry and everyone on the show!

Quote of the week: "It's not her job to see the romance in it."

]]> 40:44 clean Larry vs. The Gigantic Slug (Rebroadcast) Wed, 26 Dec 2012 11:00:00 +0000 The hamper update to end all hamper updates. We know we've said it before, but this time, we mean it. Yes, the hamper update takes an unexpected turn that was completely expected. By the time it's over, Larry is as close to being the Dad from A Christmas Story as he could possibly be.

Larry saves his wife from a bloodthirsty, gigantic slug. And does soap-bar melding float your boat? Then get ready for the RETURN OF THE FIVEFECTA, or "How Larry Got His Soap Mojo Back."

But wait, there's more! We award honorary doctorates and Colonel ranks to the first 500,000 listeners who download this episode!

Yes, listen to this week's This Week With Larry Miller and you'll be walking in tall cotton. Possibly in a raccoon coat. That's Dr. Colonel Larry Miller to you, sir.

Quote of the week: "Daddy has protected the house once again from all varmints & creatures."

]]> 44:19 clean Larry's Annual Christmas Story (NEW!) Wed, 19 Dec 2012 11:00:00 +0000 We couldn't let the tradition lapse, so we snuck Larry into the studio just to record the annual re-telling of his Christmas story, "Does He Drink Coffee?" Merry Christmas to all of our listeners. Thanks again for your patience and support.

Quote of the week: "If you needed a gun, call me. He'll get you one."

]]> 18:22 clean Live Larry and Prosper (Rebroadcast) Wed, 12 Dec 2012 11:00:00 +0000 Larry Miller talks about the death and burial of a loyal shirt and the socks that loved it. And admits to being a trekkie.

Yes, Larry powers through a cold to deliver another slam-bang-pow (cough) show. After weeks of preaching the wonders of the spit-bucket, Larry talks about the one time he kept eating food on a set. Yes, on this episode, we hear about Larry eating turkey with William Shatner for seven hours. And so much more.

Until next week, live Larry and prosper.

Quote of the week: "I will admit the hula-dancing, green-skinned woman is still in my mind."

]]> 42:53 clean You Can Never Fall Off The Floor (Rebroadcast) Tue, 04 Dec 2012 21:18:27 +0000 You can fall off a barstool, but you can never fall off the floor. Or so says Larry in this episode.

Larry talks about bending an elbow with some fans in Tallahassee. Also, in lieu of a secret handshake for Larry Miller Drinking Society members, we come up with a verbal code. We'd tell you about it here, but it's verbal! You'll just have to listen to this episode.

Then Larry talks about being persistently lunkheaded or lunkheadedly persistent with a big-time talent agent in New York City in the 1980s.

There are updates aplenty this week, include a hamper update, a fourfecta update (formerly the bifecta update) and an all new update that is ever so exciting.

And remember, Larry's a nice boy with a clean hankie.

Quote of the week: "He was already listing to port."

]]> 44:35 clean Larry is a Rake & Boulevardier! (Rebroadcast) Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:00:00 +0000 Our rakish raconteur talks about why a poor man's tow shot is better than a regular tow shot. Plus, hear about the horror of new hand towels! 

And could this latest hamper update be the last hamper update ever? Is Larry taking matters into his own hands? Is he putting this controversy to rest once and for all? Why, it's inconthievable! 

Quote of the week: "I hope Drano hires a million people a day."

]]> 39:27 clean Absinthe Makes The Heart Go Wander (Rebroadcast) Wed, 21 Nov 2012 11:00:00 +0000 "The theme of this show is all about throwing things up," says Larry. Well, yes and no. On a completely unrelated note, the Upland chapter of the LMDS checks in, sharing an absinthe-based drink recipe. We ruminate, confab and otherwise mull over what exactly absinthe is and ain't.

Also in this episode, Larry is a world-class "opener and closer of things" and isn't shy about admitting it. He once again expresses disgust and general loathing for the metric system. Who's with us? Burma? Liberia? Anyone else? You'll all come crawling back someday! 

And just when you thought there would be no more hamper updates, intrigue and suspense ensue! What's the future of Larry's fourfecta? Will it break? Will it go to five? Will it go on tour? Tune in to find out!

Quote of the week: "Once you start talking like Foghorn Leghorn, you really can't stop." (Selected  by a quorum of LMDS Members.)

]]> 45:10 clean Larry Has Stockholm Syndrome? (Rebroadcast) Wed, 14 Nov 2012 11:00:00 +0000 Larry gets lost in a convention of Elvis impersonators at an Indian casino and, not surprisingly, has the time of life. 

Is Larry losing the battle of the wills? Find out in this week's HAMPER UPDATE! And what do goofy guards in South Africa have to do with Sonny Burgess and the Legendary Pacers? Listen in and find out! Nominum quid geminus!?

Quote of the week: "She knew I was, what's the word...lying."

]]> 38:55 clean Larry Announces His Return & Dine and Dash With Larry Miller (Rebroadcast) Wed, 07 Nov 2012 11:00:00 +0000 Larry intros this rerun with an announcement about his return to the podcasting airwaves.

For you Larryphiles out there, note that this is the episode that was recorded the day after the "Lost Episode," which was aired last week. Stay tuned at the end of this show for a little bonus 3 minute promo for this episode that we're pretty sure was never used.

In this episode:

Larry speaks out against the dine and ditch. You know, the chew and screw? The eat and fleet? The mash and dash? The ol' grub and snub? (Is anyone still reading?) You get the point.

And why does Larry always get blamed for things? Whatever the reason is, it must be in his chromosomes, because now his kids are getting blamed for things as well.

Then we get to hear about the day Larry learned he could chug beer and him getting knocked out by a left hook. Are these two stories related? The smart money is on "yes." Later, Larry sarcastically lobbies for giving Guinness to children.

And finally comes the tale of the enemies Larry is inadvertently making on Facebook. Is another left hook coming his way? Again, the smart money is on "yes."

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us, The Count of Monte Sarcasm has left the building.

Quote of the week: "Watch out for lefty."

]]> 35:59 clean The Lost Episode & A New Message From Larry! Wed, 31 Oct 2012 10:00:00 +0000 We have a special Halloween treat for you! We've uncovered a "lost episode" of This Week With Larry Miller!

Larry talks about getting nervous around authority figures and his unsuccessful attempts to turn a profit on drinking scotch. Plus, he gets scoffed at by hobos.

This episode was originally recorded June 6th, 2011 and was supposed to be TWWLM episode #223. For reasons no one can remember, we decided to re-record the episode the next day. The result was the episode "Dine and Dash With Larry Miller" which was released on June 8th, 2011. 

But the first recording was lost in the This Week With Larry Miller archives UNTIL NOW! Interestingly, the two episodes turned out very different, despite Larry working from the same show notes.

Quote of the week: "As long as I'm pulled over, why don't I shoot it out?"

]]> 32:21 no Larry Finds a Nude Beach (Rebroadcast) Wed, 24 Oct 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry stumbles across a nude beach and makes a spectacle. No, not a pair of glasses so he could see better, he makes a spectacle with his reaction.

The great hunter returns from Vancouver with tales of long walks, comedic cheese-takes (not to be confused with comedic cheesesteaks) and eating lunch next to a toxic waste cleanup site. 

Larry also espouses the philosophy of finding "another tiny drop," and no, Mr. Funny Person, he's not talking about booze. Well, not this time, anyway. In addition, we hear about the deceptively wisdom of Honus Wagner, Casey Stengal and Mickey Mantle.

We also find out that we don't know what tilapia is. And more importantly, we find out that we don't care. 

So, go polish up your fancy two-tone spectator shoes and take a stroll until you're walking like John Wayne.

The quote of the week: "By missile it was two hours."

]]> 38:10 clean We're Driving to Moose Jaw! (Rebroadcast) Wed, 17 Oct 2012 10:00:00 +0000 **We've thrown in a little bonus at the end of this rerun, a 3 minute audio promo for this episode that we found in our archives.**

A special international episode of TWWLM! Yes, Larry gets called away on short notice to work on a movie in Canada, but we still figure out a way to bring you this week's This Week. 

We link up to Larry through the Sensaround Satellite system to the Level Five North studios in Flin Flon, Manitoba. Okay, Larry called in with Skype from his hotel room in Vancouver. 

Join us as we hear about Larry's biennial hummus digestion dilemma. And who says America doesn't export anything anymore? And what is the metric equivalent of a volleyball-sized glop of hummus? 

Larry talks about getting great pour of Guinness with some new Canadian pals and a less-successful attempt at finding some waffles in the wee hours of the morning. 

We also hear about Larry's excessive sweating and stammering when dealing with customs agents. Then we find out why Larry spent two hours in the shower. Also, Larry races against carmageddon to come home and visit his family in Los Angeles. And don't take this personally, but YOU'RE not the Duke of Cambridge.

The quote of the week: "Chicken fried something."

]]> 43:48 no Musso and Frank and Sween (Rebroadcast) Wed, 10 Oct 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry tells tales from the start of the Million Martini March and shares signs of the end of the world. 

We hear about Larry and the crew's trip our for hot shaves, martinis, chicken and waffles. Then he talks about a commercial he saw while watching the Jets game that upset him to the very core of his soul. By the end of this episode, you'll realize the huge difference between "and...?" and "and by..."

Also, Larry waxes nostalgic for the likes of Anita Ekberg and Anne Jeffreys. Then we hear about what you DON'T want to hear at a silent auction.

That's right, honey. You're a winner.

Quote of the week: "That's the and. AND I'm calling security."

]]> 44:26 clean Super-Daddy Martinis and Superhero Underwear (Rebroadcast) Wed, 03 Oct 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Hear how to maximize the laughs you can get from an $8 pair of underwear.

Plus, we have a lotta errata. Larry offers a REALLY good apology to Ray’s Really Good Beef Jerky. Larry also talks about the joy he gets from being wrong and apologizing. Plus, the joke of the week, a fecta update, plus the story of a boy and his gun. Awwwww.

Quote of the week: “Quick like the bunny. Not slow like the bear.”

]]> 42:57 clean Larry Miller: Truck Drivin' S.O.B. (Rebroadcast) Wed, 26 Sep 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry grinds the granny gear as a chain smokin', C.B. jokin' truck driving S.O.B. (With all due respect to Deadbolt.) Yes, hear about how a teenaged Larry bluffed his way into a job behind the wheel of a commercial truck.

The battle of the battered hamper continues in the Miller household. Larry and his wife both respond by throwing their clothes in a pile on the floor for three weeks.

Larry again talks about his reluctance to chuck worn out clothes. Then we hear about a listener who is mourning the loss of his beloved soap bar collection, which was not-so-inadvertently thrown out by his wife.

What's the difference between the number 6 and the number 9? (If you said 3, you may be right and also possibly a smart aleck.) And we also learn that it's very, very difficult to park an aircraft carrier in Afghanistan. And learn the difference between white meat and the other white meat.

And by...

Quote of the week: "I'm white meat."

]]> 42:34 clean How To Juggle Hot Wings (Rebroadcast) Wed, 19 Sep 2012 10:30:00 +0000 Larry Miller -- tool maker, stacker of wheat -- opens with a tribute to actor Warren Stevens, then segues into memories of Ricardo Montalban and The Naked Gun. Then he talks about how he's not a hero with hot food, yet he does manage to rescue some hot wings from peril.

Is this episode better than pork? You make the call!

Quote of the week: "I'm usually unabashed."

]]> 46:22 clean Larry's Wardrobe Provided By Campbell's Soup (Rebroadcast) Wed, 12 Sep 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry takes Jerry Seinfeld and George Wallace to help him pick out a a brand new 1989 Mercury Colony Park wagon back in, well, 1989 obviously. Porsche? Nah. Camaro? Feh. The Colony Park winds up being his chick magnet!

Also, Larry talks about his wardrobe, including his 30-year-old pants and why there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Don't judge, you! And find out the the best place for clam chowder. Is it Boston? Is it San Francisco? Is it in your shirt pocket?

And Larry returns from the road to find his house in an odd state. Yes, of course he finds it in the state of California, smart guy. But he more specifically finds it in a state of disarray! This tale is replete with intrigue! Sabotage! Hampers! Newspapers!

Has Larry laughed in the face of the soap gods once again by pushing the bounds of how many bars of soap can be melded together? Or has he learned his lesson and stuck with four bars? Act surprised when you hear the answer, OK?

Will the show lose its edge if it starts making a million dollars? We say no, but we sure would like the chance to find out.

Remember, you can't say hiLARIous Without Larry and you don't have to be a Rockefeller to help a fella.

Quote of the week: "Talk about old fashioned. She's just a lunatic."

]]> 45:11 no Larry's Really Good Episode (Rebroadcast) Wed, 05 Sep 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry talks about spending an involuntary vacation in the snow. Plus, we hear about his search for really good beef jerky, really good pistachios and really good martini olives.

Then Larry welcomes the new year, but not for too long. That's enough. And Larry teases us with the possible existence of an eightfecta, possibly to be known colloquially as the octafecta?

We also have a long overdue and very serious hamper update. And a joke of the week? And a safety razor update? That's our update update.

Quote of the week: "What are you gonna do on the 4th? Read the Declaration of Independence?"

]]> 46:01 clean Martini 101 With Larry Miller (Rebroadcast) Wed, 29 Aug 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry does an unplanned 20 minute tutorial on making martinis, then apologizes for his previous apologies.

This is the first time a drink recipe has included the expressions, "Show it who's boss," "Big triple to the power alley" and "Beat it around the fleet."

As always, all stories are guaranteed true and stirred, not shaken.
 
Quote of the week: "Fellas, you look lonely. Would you like to meet someone who's just like you?"

]]> 49:07 no 3 Kinds of People That Walk in LA (Rebroadcast) Wed, 22 Aug 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Three kinds of people walk in LA. And courtesy of a dead car battery, Larry becomes one of them and fails to conquer time. Then Larry tells of his longing for McClure's pickles and of hinge abuses around his house during possibly his most rambunctious hamper update ever.

A John Carradine AND a David Carradine reference in one episode? Plus Larry gets the website address right for 3 weeks in a row? Plus, this is our longest episode ever by 46 whole seconds! You're welcome! (This IS a half-hour show, you know.)

Pinch yourself. You may be dreaming.

Quote of the week: "It's just as good as the pickle story."

]]> 52:47 clean Larry Miller Visits The Book Suppository (Rebroadcast) Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry talks about his trip to Dallas, continuing his tradition of plugging shows once they are already past. Then Larry visits "Camp Shakeitoff," a lovely place where we won't be talking about feelings and there will be no therapists on speed dial.

Also, we hear about possums and their habit of playing, well, you know, possum. Plus, two new segments! And of course, that means two new wacky sound effects.

As always, all stories are guaranteed true, Pluto is a planet and don't rat to Larry's wife, you.

Quote of the week: "Thank God it was a paperback."

]]> 37:05 no Larry Breaks A Leg--Figuratively (Rebroadcast) Wed, 08 Aug 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Spit buckets and broken legs are afoot in this week's episode as Larry talks about some of his favorite show business superstitions and traditions.

Who has better taste in Clairol Girls, Larry or his son? YOU make the call! The good news is that Dr. Laxamana has returned to work, more gruntled than ever! Remember, all stories guaranteed true and Homer is Homer! And this week's guest star is Larry Miller.

Quote of the week: "It was the Earl of Oxford who worked in the box factory."

]]> 40:55 no The Make 'Em Tough In Texas (Rebroadcast) Wed, 01 Aug 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry hopes you screwed up Valentine’s Day. Hear why he thinks it’s a good idea to flub this holiday or at least phone it in. See you at the all-night jewelry store!

On what seems to be a related matter but is not, Larry once again professes his love of being wrong. Then we hear about a drinker he met on a plane that put him to shame. This, plus a joke, two updates and about 14 topics we never got to on this week’s This Week With Larry Miller!

Quote of the week: “Get a load of you. Get a load of you.”

]]> 48:14 no Put That Shirt on A Fat Dummy (Rebroadcast) Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry is smitten with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. Will his love be requited, even though the top of his head is missing?

Larry talks about how hard modeling is. Don't hate him because he's beautiful. Then we hear about a woman who wouldn't believe that Larry was Larry and why you shouldn't bother starting a diet until after the Super Bowl.

And we have a new update, the update update. Is this the update to end all updates? Or is it no update at all? (A gong rings in the distance.)

That's it? You're done reading the episode description? Doesn't surprise me. You've done nothing but complain since you got here.

Quote of the week: "This way, no one knows you're bald."

]]> 48:46 clean The Million Martini March (Rebroadcast) Wed, 18 Jul 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry tells how to hide 20 bottles of Jameson's behind a quart of milk and a sheepish grin. Then we hear about how in marriage math, one hour can equal TWO POINT EIGHT HOURS!

Also, in this incredibly historic episode, we launch the Larry Miller Drinking Society Museum of Glad Tidings and the Larry Miller Drinking Society's Million Martini March! Some day, you'll tell your Grandkids where you were when you heard about this. We also get a visit from the joke of the week!

Quote of the week: "There are weddings in Dublin that don't have that much Jameson's."

]]> 48:20 clean Two Wrongs Possibly Make A Right (Rebrodcast) Wed, 11 Jul 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Sanctimonious loudmouths and hamper slackers alike receive Larry's high dudgeon this week. Yes, we get another acrimonious (but not sanctimonious) Hamper Update and a bonus joke of the week -- all at no extra charge!

Will Larry read the stage direction in the Shari's Berries ad copy again? Will he slice his face to ribbons again? Smart money is on "Oh, mmmmmaybe."

How is safety razor shaving related to the movie Network? How is the Hamper Update related the movie Patton? Tune in to our longest and therefore bestest episode ever where the answer to all of these mysteries will be revealed. All. questions will be answered. All fears will be allayed.

Over and out from stately Miller manor.

Quote of the week: "With what, a bowie knife?"

]]> 51:07 clean The Game's Over and You've Won (Rebroadcast) Wed, 04 Jul 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry takes apart his trademark sign off -- just a little bit. After getting grouchy with his family on the way to Fab Dogs, he winds up laughing his way into Ralphs. Or should we say, "Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs."

Larry then tells a very funny joke. Plus we get a hamper update, a fivefecta update AND a leg lamp all in one episode! Don't bother pinching yourself. You're not dreaming. Also on this week's This Week, our engineeer, Dr. Chris Laxamana, LMDS is MIA and presumed snoggered.

All stories guaranteed true or double your money back!

Quote of the week: "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."

]]> 40:43 no A Message From Larry! Plus One Million Downloads Can't Be Wrong (rebroadcast) Wed, 27 Jun 2012 10:00:00 +0000 The old fivefecter himself checks in with a message for the LMDS at the top of this week's show!

Then, in this week's rebroadcast, Larry eats hot Cambodian food with a tunnel rat from Drake's Drum. And so goes the world's most enigmatic episode description. Eh, shift happens.

Yes, hear about Larry dining with one of his drinking pals, whose food was so spicy, Larry couldn't even stand to SMELL it!

Also, baseball players are funnier than you think. Especially when they're pretending someone stinks. And so goes the world's least amusing rhyme. But hear about Cleveland's Josh Tomlin getting upstaged by a teammate on TV.

Then Larry talks about the wonders of nature. You know, the rainbows, the hummingbirds, the copperhead snakes that drop on you from trees, the river-borne parasites that'll make you think twice about getting your swim trunks wet.

Finally Larry declares which airport is the greatest in the US. Will it be O'Hare? Newark? Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International? Is the suspense killing you? With boredom? Tune in and find out.

The quote of the week is silence.

]]> 40:29 clean miller,drinking,society,booze,larry,hamper Musso and Frank and Sween (Rebroadcast) Wed, 20 Jun 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry tells tales from the start of the Million Martini March and shares signs of the end of the world.

We hear about Larry and the crew's trip our for hot shaves, martinis, chicken and waffles. Then he talks about a commercial he saw while watching the Jets game that upset him to the very core of his soul. By the end of this episode, you'll realize the huge difference between "and...?" and "and by..."

Also, Larry waxes nostalgic for the likes of Anita Ekberg and Anne Jeffreys. Then we hear about what you DON'T want to hear at a silent auction.

That's right, honey. You're a winner.

Quote of the week: "That's the and. AND I'm calling security."

]]> 44:45 clean This Episode is Gluten Free! (Rebroadcast) Wed, 13 Jun 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Larry goes to the emergency room with his son after he gets beaned playing baseball. Larry tells us how to enjoy spending time in a hospital and how to hail the world's biggest cab. Not in the same night, though.

Then we hear about Larry trying to act like a hot shot while at the hardware store. Other important topics covered include Larry's love of blue Bic pens and yellow legal pads, his battles over the air conditioner in his house.

Listen to this show and you'll be happy. And we'll be happy. And the lights will be happy, because they're on. And you'll wake up in manure bark.

All stories on This Week With Larry Miller are certified 100% true and MSG free!

The quote of the week: "We love the show. Does Larry like our olives?"

]]> 40:32 no Live From Larry's House! Redux Wed, 06 Jun 2012 10:00:00 +0000 Another encore presentation! Yes, you remember Roger, Dwayne and Encore Presentation from What's Happening, right?

Larry goes into the lioness' den and does a hamper update from his own home! Yes, Larry risks life and limb by doing a hamper update right under his wife's nose. How could that be a problem?

Yes, Larry's about to head out for a bunch of dates on the road, so we thought we would rehearse some remote records before he steps out into the world, so this show is brought to you live by remote from less than 10 miles from the ACE Broadcasting studio. Isn't the future amazing, folks?

Quote of the week: "You're too suspicious."

]]> 37:09 no Larry Double Downs on Borscht Redux Wed, 30 May 2012 10:00:00 +0000 This episode contains more borscht references than you can shake a soup spoon at. Hear beefy hunk Larry Miller explain the subtle comedic difference between "Ah" and "A-ha." We get a fistful of updates, including the most acrimonious hamper update to date. Then Larry tells a story about battling with other comics with food in a diner back in the day. This episode is over. Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!

Quote of the week: "I am 'In-The-Groove Jackson' now."

]]> 58:24 clean The Five Levels of Drinking Redux Redux Wed, 23 May 2012 07:00:00 +0000 A rare outtake from the TWWLM archives is unearthed and aired for your enjoyment and Colonel Jeff's shame.

Then, an encore presentation of a redux! A redux squared?

Larry performs one of his signature comedy routines, "The Five Levels of Drinking." This is the first time Larry has ever done this bit NOT in front of a live audience!

He then urges caution on the rules for a proposed Larry Miller drinking game. By the way...

Later, Larry placates the stateside listeners who feel like they are not getting as much attention as overseas listeners in "exotic" locations. Also hear about normal people, lunatics and actors and how to tell the difference. (Spoiler alert -- normal people and actors don't carry parrots around.)

In Larry Miller Drinking Society news, Larry thanks the listeners for abundant suggestions for Latin mottos. Membership cards are in the works! Thanks for your patience.

Learn about the joys of swag. Larry gets free booze from the Carolla studio and a free bathrobe from Arsenio Hall and loves them both.

]]> 41:35 no Larry Update & A Run-In With Keith Richards Redux Wed, 16 May 2012 07:00:00 +0000 Larry gets murdered (on screen) and meets a rock icon all in one episode!

Hear Larry describe running into Keith Richards in an airport, after eyeballing his wife. Is Keith Richards the coolest guy ever? Possibly, but you'll have to listen to find out for sure.

Then Larry talks about his role in the new Bobcat Goldthwait movie and goes into great detail regarding the craft of being killed onscreen. Wait, are you supposed to say "spolier alert" BEFORE or AFTER you say stuff like that? We'll look into that. At any rate, Larry talks about some of his favorite movie deaths and why he thinks they are so great, mentioning Ghost, Hunt for Red October and what's that James Bond film? Oh, OCTOPUSSY!

Are you a (ahem) "friend of the show?" Or do you know Joe? Well, come right in, pal. Meet this week's fictional guests (none of whom actually appear in the studio) Senator Claghorn, Duncan "Sticks" Wimpress and, of course, OCTOPUSSY!

]]> 40:13 clean Larry Update & Eating Charlie Sheen For Lunch Wed, 09 May 2012 07:00:00 +0000 If Larry was a hot dog, what would he be? You've heard Larry obsess over pies, booze, soap and pretzels. Could hot dogs be far behind? No.

Larry talks about eating a hot dog named after Charlie Sheen. He compares and contrasts his hot dog stand dining experience with that of a big-ticket steak joint in Beverly Hills. You may be surprised which one he thought was "time well spent." (Unless you are a regular listener, in which case, the answer will be quite obvious.)

Hear our man Larry go bananas over a Green Lantern pin sent in by a listener. Listen as Larry defends and slightly admires Charlie Sheen, talks about meeting Peter Billingsley, gets nostalgic for Chicago dogs and reads hand-written letters from members of the Larry Miller Drinking Society.

Quote of the week:
"If that doesn't sound pretty good, I believe you're listening to the wrong show."

]]> 37:55 clean Larry Update and Keep Pulling That Ripcord Redux Wed, 02 May 2012 07:00:00 +0000 A Larry update from producer Colonel Jeff -- Larry is doing really, really well, but is going to need more time to recuperate before he gets back into the studio. Thanks for all of your kind comments, support and patience! Rest assured, he IS on the mend!
--
Larry takes a break from his full-time job of turing off lights in his house to sit down for this week's podcast. We hear about how Larry's alleged coffee pot of death that tries to kill him in the middle of the night. Then Larry talks about almost rear-ending a cop car while trying to read its bumper sticker.

Later, a baffling trip to buy a new razor leaves Larry waxing nostalgic for his long, lost safety razor and someone in the studio inadvertently does an impression of Dr. Strangelove.

Quote of the week: "To this day, I can't eat plums."

]]> 49:02 no Larry Update and Does Level Six Exist? Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:00:00 +0000 Another encore presentation as we wait for Larry to heal up! Feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com.

Larry muses hypothetical about the possible existence of a level of drinking above level five! Does it have something to do with fractals or worm holes? Or just a hole in your head? String theorists, take a powder, chumps!

We also get a brief history of boy tenors and other vaudeville schtick, a safety razor update and of course, the joke of the week.

Stay tuned past the end of the show for a little bonus and visit our show's Facebook page to see a picture of what made Larry react like that -- www.facebook.com/LarryMillerPodcast

]]> 45:47 clean Larry Update II (Electric Boogaloo) And Leslie Nielsen, Fart Virtuoso Wed, 18 Apr 2012 05:52:36 +0000 An update on Larry's recouperation and an encore presentation of one of our most beloved episodes! Feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com.

Leslie Nielsen performs a trouser cough symphony for Larry's parents backstage at Letterman.

Also, Larry preaches sympathy for a knife salesman who has lost his focus. Spoiler alert -- it's not pretty.

Then Larry admits to stepping out on his steady supermarket. And not just to broaden his kids' horizons.

All stories guaranteed to be true.

This episode is sponsored in part by Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. No, Rowfs.

Quote of the week: "If I don't know where things are, I'd be a terrible idiot."

]]> 37:32 no A Larry Update & The Clumsy Coffee Cavalcade Redux Wed, 11 Apr 2012 04:56:57 +0000 A Larry update -- as some of you have already heard our man Larry, stacker of soap, our fearless (and hairless) leader, defender of Pluto and the great updater took a spill last week. He conked the old noggin pretty good and wound up in the hospital. We're giving you a Larry Update at the top of this show. Also, feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com

We're presenting an (ahem) encore presentation of one of Colonel Jeff Fox's personal favorite episodes, the Clumsy Coffee Cavalcade.

Larry spills an impossible number of cups of coffee in an absurdly short period of time. And then almost spills some more. Then he talks about letting his kids grow up and why it's not just OK, it's the right thing to do.

And we have yet another... HAMPER UPDATE! Yes, the hamper update was off last week, so hop off your pins and needles and get updated. You won't believe this one! Or you might.

Quote of the week: "Don't tip like a gangster."

]]> 36:43 no How To Juggle Hot Wings Wed, 04 Apr 2012 05:11:27 +0000 Larry Miller -- tool maker, stacker of wheat -- opens with a tribute to actor Warren Stevens, then segues into memories of Ricardo Montalban and The Naked Gun. Then he talks about how he's not a hero with hot food, yet he does manage to rescue some hot wings from peril.

Is this episode better than pork? You make the call!

Quote of the week: "I'm usually unabashed."

]]> 45:42 clean Litterbug Larry, Scourge of Springfield Wed, 28 Mar 2012 04:14:05 +0000 Pardon our internet hiccups, Larry does a remote show from the luxury of room 824 of the Sheraton Monarch hotel in Springfield, MA. This week, Larry's beloved macintosh apples get him the hairy eyeball from onlookers who think he's littering when he's actually recycling, or composting, or sharing the core with squirrels. Listen, don't YOU judge, too!

Quote of the week: "We're gonna get cabinets made of meat."

]]> 45:03 clean podcast,miller,this,week,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,companion,garrison,keillor,hangovers,prarie Nude Not Descending A Staircase Wed, 21 Mar 2012 07:00:00 +0000 Powered by pickles (delicious McClure's pickles to be exact) Larry launches another poetry-packed, joke-jammed podcast. This week, we hear about what Larry finds so disappointing about "Nude Descending A Staircase." Then he tells us how many times his car keys can be lost in 20 square feet of space, in the span of an hour. (Spolier alert: Marcel Duchamp is blamed for both.) Set your phasers on "mirthful" and tune in to this week's This Week With Larry Miller!

Quote of the week: "It's not quite like leafing through a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue."

]]> 47:08 no podcast,miller,this,week,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,companion,garrison,keillor,hangovers,prarie Larry Gets a Smell Tattoo Wed, 14 Mar 2012 07:00:00 +0000 Larry lifts a line from Leno to explain getting sprayed by a cologne skunk at Macy's -- a smell tattoo. Neither silkwood showers not Irish Spring can liberate Larry from this odious odiferousness.

We also hear about Larry watching "Wrath of Khan" with his family and we have a new segment -- the poetry corner! Beatniks and highbrows, rejoice! Plus, Uncle Arnie, from the "Does He Drink Coffee" story sits in the control room during the record!

Quote of the week: "I have gone through an Indiana Jones warehouse full of Old Spice."

]]> 49:13 clean The Geopolitics of Socks Wed, 07 Mar 2012 08:00:00 +0000 Larry needs a U.N. resolution just to keep his feet warm. Yes, Larry gets into a mental logjam trying to buy some socks. Then he wonders what something is worth if you get it at a discount. Give Larry some credit. No, literally, give him some credit.

The battle of the safety razor blade continues. Then Larry pines for macintosh apples (the fruit, not the computer) and waxes nostalgic about Venus Paradise (the coloring set, not the strip joint near the airport).

Later, we hear about Washington coming BACK across the Delaware, the little-known (by us) history of the Amazons, why the founding fathers were so high and how much Larry missed Mars. Hint -- completely.

And remember, don't trust anyone who watches an odometer.

Quote of the week: "They were giving credit cards to terrorists, but I couldn't get one."

]]> 50:47 no Larry's Little White Lie Wed, 29 Feb 2012 04:33:42 +0000 Larry genuinely loves to be wrong. But this week, he loves to be right! That's the truth. Not a little white lie. That comes later, if we can figure out what a white lie exactly is.

Three new updates this week! Now with semi-relevant sound effects! Larry goes overboard with the "Burial At Sea Update." Then we get a charge out of the "Dead Battery Update." Finally, he puts the "mental" in "Environmental Update." Curly lightbulbs, watch your back.

Quote of the week: "Prisoners get better toilet paper than that."

]]> 46:15 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman,guestlarry 3 Kinds of People That Walk in LA Wed, 22 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000 Three kinds of people walk in LA. And courtesy of a dead car battery, Larry becomes one of them and fails to conquer time. Then Larry tells of his longing for McClure's pickles and of hinge abuses around his house during possibly his most rambunctious hamper update ever.

A John Carradine AND a David Carradine reference in one episode? Plus Larry gets the website address right for 3 weeks in a row? Plus, this is our longest episode ever by 46 whole seconds! You're welcome! (This IS a half-hour show, you know.)

Pinch yourself. You may be dreaming.

Quote of the week: "It's just as good as the pickle story."

]]> 51:07 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman,guestlarry They Make 'Em Tough In Texas Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000 Larry hopes you screwed up Valentine's Day. Hear why he thinks it's a good idea to flub this holiday or at least phone it in. See you at the all-night jewelry store!

On what seems to be a related matter but is not, Larry once again professes his love of being wrong. Then we hear about a drinker he met on a plane that put him to shame. This, plus a joke, two updates and about 14 topics we never got to on this week's This Week With Larry Miller!

Quote of the week: "Get a load of you. Get a load of you."

]]> 46:53 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman,guestlarry Two Wrongs Possibly Make A Right Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:15:33 +0000 Sanctimonious loudmouths and hamper slackers alike receive Larry's high dudgeon this week. Yes, we get another acrimonious (but not sanctimonious) Hamper Update and a bonus joke of the week -- all at no extra charge!

Will Larry read the stage direction in the Shari's Berries ad copy again? Will he slice his face to ribbons again? Smart money is on "Oh, mmmmmaybe."

How is safety razor shaving related to the movie Network? How is the Hamper Update related the movie Patton? Tune in to our longest and therefore bestest episode ever where the answer to all of these mysteries will be revealed. All questions will be answered. All fears will be allayed.

Over and out from stately Miller manor.

Quote of the week: "With what, a bowie knife?"

]]> 50:11 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman,guestlarry Larry Double Downs on Borscht Wed, 01 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000 This episode contains more borscht references than you can shake a soup spoon at. Hear beefy hunk Larry Miller explain the subtle comedic difference between "Ah" and "A-ha." We get a fistful of updates, including the most acrimonious hamper update to date. Then Larry tells a story about battling with other comics with food in a diner back in the day. This episode is over. Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!

Quote of the week: "I am 'In-The-Groove Jackson' now."

]]> 43:55 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman,guestlarry Put That Shirt on A Fat Dummy Wed, 25 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000 Larry is smitten with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. Will his love be requited, even though the top of his head is missing?

Larry talks about how hard modeling is. Don't hate him because he's beautiful. Then we hear about a woman who wouldn't believe that Larry was Larry and why you shouldn't bother starting a diet until after the Super Bowl.

And we have a new update, the update update. Is this the update to end all updates? Or is it no update at all? (A gong rings in the distance.)

That's it? You're done reading the episode description? Doesn't surprise me. You've done nothing but complain since you got here.

Quote of the week: "This way, no one knows you're bald."

]]> 47:21 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,lindsay,lohan,storytelling,american,best,guest,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,kim,kardashian,scarlett,johansson,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding Martini 101 With Larry Miller Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000 Larry does an unplanned 20 minute tutorial on making martinis, then apologizes for his previous apologies.

This is the first time a drink recipe has included the expressions, "Show it who's boss," "Big triple to the power alley" and "Beat it around the fleet."

As always, all stories are guaranteed true and stirred, not shaken.
 
Quote of the week: "Fellas, you look lonely. Would you like to meet someone who's just like you?"

]]> 48:07 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,guest,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman Super-Daddy Martinis and Superhero Underwear Wed, 11 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000 Hear how to maximize the laughs you can get from an $8 pair of underwear.

Plus, we have a lotta errata. Larry offers a REALLY good apology to Ray's Really Good Beef Jerky. Larry also talks about the joy he gets from being wrong and apologizing. Plus, the joke of the week, a fecta update, plus the story of a boy and his gun. Awwwww.
 
Quote of the week: "Quick like the bunny. Not slow like the bear."

]]> 41:17 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,guest,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman Larry's Really Good Episode Wed, 04 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000 Larry talks about spending an involuntary vacation in the snow. Plus, we hear about his search for really good beef jerky, really good pistachios and really good martini olives.

Then Larry welcomes the new year, but not for too long. That's enough. And Larry teases us with the possible existence of an eightfecta, possibly to be known colloquially as the octafecta?

We also have a long overdue and very serious hamper update. And a joke of the week? And a safety razor update? That's our update update.

Quote of the week: "What are you gonna do on the 4th? Read the Declaration of Independence?"

]]> 43:48 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,guest,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,christoper,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman A Yearly Annual Holiday Tradition Begins Mon, 26 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Larry starts a new holiday tradition with the retelling of his favorite holiday-related story, colloquially known as "Does He Drink Coffee?" Like a visit from an old friend, it's great to hear this story re-told.

Plus, we have a visit from our old friends The Joke of the Week (not-so-naughty) and the Safety Razor Update (absolutely nice).

From Larry Miller, Colonel Jeff Fox and Dr. Chris Laxamana, we thank you for being here with us. It means the world to us. Let's all take the yoke off, if only for a few days. We'll see you in the new year.

Quote of the week: "What about the flap steak?"

]]> 34:02 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman Does Level Six Exist? Wed, 21 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Larry muses hypothetical about the possible existence of a level of drinking above level five! Does it have something to do with fractals or worm holes? Or just a hole in your head? String theorists, take a powder, chumps!

We also get a brief history of boy tenors and other vaudeville schtick, a safety razor update and of course, the joke of the week.

Stay tuned past the 42:00 minute mark for a little bonus and visit our show's Facebook page to see a picture of what made Larry react like that -- www.facebook.com/LarryMillerPodcast

]]> 42:41 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman Musso and Frank and Sween Wed, 14 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Larry tells tales from the start of the Million Martini March and shares signs of the end of the world.

We hear about Larry and the crew's trip our for hot shaves, martinis, chicken and waffles. Then he talks about a commercial he saw while watching the Jets game that upset him to the very core of his soul. By the end of this episode, you'll realize the huge difference between "and...?" and "and by..."

Also, Larry waxes nostalgic for the likes of Anita Ekberg and Anne Jeffreys. Then we hear about what you DON'T want to hear at a silent auction.

That's right, honey. You're a winner.

Quote of the week: "That's the and. AND I'm calling security."

This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

]]> 43:08 no podcast,the,miller,show,gray,drinking,life,in,for,this,society,week,storytelling,american,best,moth,larry,shepherd,home,with,jean,cocktails,waiting,companion,garrison,keillor,spalding,hangovers,raconteur,prarie,guffman The Million Martini March Wed, 07 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Larry tells how to hide 20 bottles of Jameson's behind a quart of milk and a sheepish grin. Then we hear about how in marriage math, one hour can equal TWO POINT EIGHT HOURS!

Also, in this incredibly historic episode, we launch the Larry Miller Drinking Society Museum of Glad Tidings and the Larry Miller Drinking Society's Million Martini March! Some day, you'll tell your Grandkids where you were when you heard about this. We also get a visit from the joke of the week!

Quote of the week: "There are weddings in Dublin that don't have that much Jameson's."

This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

]]> 47:19 no miller,humor,moth,larry,shepherd,home,jean,companion,garrison,keillor,fitzdog,prarie,keilor Live Larry and Prosper Wed, 30 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Larry Miller talks about the death and burial of a loyal shirt and the socks that loved it. And admits to being a trekkie.

Yes, Larry powers through a cold to deliver another slam-bang-pow (cough) show. After weeks of preaching the wonders of the spit-bucket, Larry talks about the one time he kept eating food on a set. Yes, on this episode, we hear about Larry eating turkey with William Shatner for seven hours. And so much more.

Until next week, live Larry and prosper.

Quote of the week: "I will admit the hula-dancing, green-skinned woman is still in my mind."

]]> 41:36 no miller,story,star,trek,larry,christmas,shepherd,home,fanboy,jean,companion,garrison,keillor,trekkies,prarie Larry Miller Visits The Book Suppository Wed, 23 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Larry talks about his trip to Dallas, continuing his tradition of plugging shows once they are already past. Then Larry visits "Camp Shakeitoff," a lovely place where we won't be talking about feelings and there will be no therapists on speed dial.

Also, we hear about possums and their habit of playing, well, you know, possum. Plus, two new segments! And of course, that means two new wacky sound effects.

As always, all stories are guaranteed true, Pluto is a planet and don't rat to Larry's wife, you.

Quote of the week: "Thank God it was a paperback."

This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

]]> 35:47 no miller,air,drinking,book,fresh,dallas,larry,shepherd,home,jean,companion,garrison,keillor,possums,depository,prarie Keep Pulling That Ripcord Wed, 16 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Larry takes a break from his full-time job of turing off lights in his house to sit down for this week's podcast. We hear about how Larry's alleged coffee pot of death that tries to kill him in the middle of the night. Then Larry talks about almost rear-ending a cop car while trying to read its bumper sticker.

Later, a baffling trip to buy a new razor leaves Larry waxing nostalgic for his long, lost safety razor and someone in the studio inadvertently does an impression of Dr. Strangelove.

This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

Quote of the week: "To this day, I can't eat plums."

]]> 45:26 no miller,donald,drinking,society,booze,larry,dr,safety,duck,strangelove,steam,rooms,baths,hangovers,towels,razors Larry Breaks A Leg (Figuratively) Wed, 09 Nov 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Spit buckets and broken legs are afoot in this week's episode as Larry talks about some of his favorite show business superstitions and traditions.

Who has better taste in Clairol Girls, Larry or his son? YOU make the call! The good news is that Dr. Laxamana has returned to work, more gruntled than ever! Remember, all stories guaranteed true and Homer is Homer! And this week's guest star is Larry Miller.

This show is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

Quote of the week: "It was the Earl of Oxford who worked in the box factory."

]]> 38:27 no miller,drinking,hot,girls,a,society,dogs,break,booze,larry,leg,hangover,superstitions,clairol The Game's Over and You've Won Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:00:00 +0000 Larry takes apart his trademark sign off -- just a little bit. After getting grouchy with his family on the way to Fab Dogs, he winds up laughing his way into Ralphs. Or should we say, "Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs."

Larry then tells a very funny joke. Plus we get a hamper update, a fivefecta update AND a leg lamp all in one episode! Don't bother pinching yourself. You're not dreaming. Also on this week's This Week, our engineeer, Dr. Chris Laxamana, LMDS is MIA and presumed snoggered.

All stories guaranteed true or double your money back!

Quote of the week: "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."

]]> 40:01 no miller,drinking,hot,society,dogs,larry,supermarket,hangover,honorary,doctorate,fivefecta,lmds,ralps Larry's Wardrobe Provided By Campbell's Soup Wed, 26 Oct 2011 07:00:00 +0000 Larry takes Jerry Seinfeld and George Wallace to help him pick out a a brand new 1989 Mercury Colony Park wagon back in, well, 1989 obviously. Porsche? Nah. Camaro? Feh. The Colony Park winds up being his chick magnet!

Also, Larry talks about his wardrobe, including his 30-year-old pants and why there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Don't judge, you! And find out the the best place for clam chowder. Is it Boston? Is it San Francisco? Is it in your shirt pocket?

And Larry returns from the road to find his house in an odd state. Yes, of course he finds it in the state of California, smart guy. But he more specifically finds it in a state of disarray! This tale is replete with intrigue! Sabotage! Hampers! Newspapers!

Has Larry laughed in the face of the soap gods once again by pushing the bounds of how many bars of soap can be melded together? Or has he learned his lesson and stuck with four bars? Act surprised when you hear the answer, OK?

Will the show lose its edge if it starts making a million dollars? We say no, but we sure would like the chance to find out.

Remember, you can't say hiLARIous Without Larry and you don't have to be a Rockefeller to help a fella.

Quote of the week: "Talk about old fashioned. She's just a lunatic."

]]> 43:15 no miller,update,george,larry,jerry,station,five,levels,wallace,roadtrip,soup,seinfeld,campbells,porsche,camaro,wagons,hypothetical,hamper,topsiders Absinthe Makes The Heart Go Wander Wed, 19 Oct 2011 07:00:00 +0000 "The theme of this show is all about throwing things up," says Larry. Well, yes and no. On a completely unrelated note, the Upland chapter of the LMDS checks in, sharing an absinthe-based drink recipe. We ruminate, confab and otherwise mull over what exactly absinthe is and ain't.

Also in this episode, Larry is a world-class "opener and closer of things" and isn't shy about admitting it. He once again expresses disgust and general loathing for the metric system. Who's with us? Burma? Liberia? Anyone else? You'll all come crawling back someday!

And just when you thought there would be no more hamper updates, intrigue and suspense ensue! What's the future of Larry's fourfecta? Will it break? Will it go to five? Will it go on tour? Tune in to find out!

Quote of the week: "Once you start talking like Foghorn Leghorn, you really can't stop." (Selected  by a quorum of LMDS Members.)

]]> 43:02 no miller,system,drinking,up,society,larry,absinthe,throwing,metric,fivefecta,barfing,foghorn,leghorn You Can Never Fall Off The Floor Wed, 12 Oct 2011 07:00:00 +0000 You can fall off a barstool, but you can never fall off the floor. Or so says Larry in this episode.

Larry talks about bending an elbow with some fans in Tallahassee. Also, in lieu of a secret handshake for Larry Miller Drinking Society members, we come up with a verbal code. We'd tell you about it here, but it's verbal! You'll just have to listen to this episode.

Then Larry talks about being persistently lunkheaded or lunkheadedly persistent with a big-time talent agent in New York City in the 1980s.

There are updates aplenty this week, include a hamper update, a fourfecta update (formerly the bifecta update) and an all new update that is ever so exciting.

And remember, Larry's a nice boy with a clean hankie.

Quote of the week: "He was already listing to port."

]]> 42:27 no miller,comedy,drinking,secret,society,booze,larry,handshake,scotch,tallahassee,hangovers,fivefecta,jamesons Larry vs. The Gigantic Slug Wed, 05 Oct 2011 07:00:00 +0000 The hamper update to end all hamper updates. We know we've said it before, but this time, we mean it. Yes, the hamper update takes an unexpected turn that was completely expected. By the time it's over, Larry is as close to being the Dad from A Christmas Story as he could possibly be.

Larry saves his wife from a bloodthirsty, gigantic slug. And does soap-bar melding float your boat? Then get ready for the RETURN OF THE FIVEFECTA, or "How Larry Got His Soap Mojo Back."

But wait, there's more! We award honorary doctorates and Colonel ranks to the first 500,000 listeners who download this episode!

Yes, listen to this week's This Week With Larry Miller and you'll be walking in tall cotton. Possibly in a raccoon coat. That's Dr. Colonel Larry Miller to you, sir.

Quote of the week: "Daddy has protected the house once again from all varmints & creatures."

]]> 42:40 no miller,drinking,update,story,empire,booze,larry,christmas,darren,boardwalk,whiskey,hangovers,hamper,mcgavin,fivefecta Larry is a Rake & Boulevardier! Wed, 28 Sep 2011 07:00:00 +0000 Our rakish raconteur talks about why a poor man's tow shot is better than a regular tow shot. Plus, hear about the horror of new hand towels!

And could this latest hamper update be the last hamper update ever? Is Larry taking matters into his own hands? Is he putting this controversy to rest once and for all? Why, it's inconthievable!

Quote of the week: "I hope Drano hires a million people a day."

]]> 37:41 no of,miller,comedy,drinking,update,larry,five,levels,hangovers,hamper Larry Has Stockholm Syndrome? Wed, 21 Sep 2011 07:00:00 +0000 Larry gets lost in a convention of Elvis impersonators at an Indian casino and, not surprisingly, has the time of life.

Is Larry losing the battle of the wills? Find out in this week's HAMPER UPDATE! And what do goofy guards in South Africa have to do with Sonny Burgess and the Legendary Pacers? Listen in and find out! Nominum quid geminus!?

Quote of the week: "She knew I was, what's the word...lying."

]]> 36:03 no miller,booze,larry,ted,indian,kennedy,syndrome,stockholm,casinos,hangovers,hampers Live From Larry's House! Wed, 14 Sep 2011 07:33:10 +0000 Larry goes into the lioness' den and does a hamper update from his own home! Yes, Larry risks life and limb by doing a hamper update right under his wife's nose. How could that be a problem?

Yes, Larry's about to head out for a bunch of dates on the road, so we thought we would rehearse some remote records before he steps out into the world, so this show is brought to you live by remote from less than 10 miles from the ACE Broadcasting studio. Isn't the future amazing, folks?

Quote of the week: "You're too suspicious."

]]> 35:12 no of,miller,comedy,drinking,booze,larry,five,levels,hangovers,hampers Larry's Clumsy Coffee Cavalcade Wed, 07 Sep 2011 07:00:00 +0000 Larry spills an impossible number of cups of coffee in an absurdly short period of time. And then almost spills some more. Then he talks about letting his kids grow up and why it's not just OK, it's the right thing to do.

And we have yet another... HAMPER UPDATE! Yes, the hamper update was off last week, so hop off your pins and needles and get updated. You won't believe this one! Or you might.

From Larry, Jeff and Chris and everyone at ACE Broadcasting on the occasion of the show's one-year anniversary, we'd like to say thanks for tuning your podtrola in to our humble little show. We genuinely could not have done it with out you. It wouldn't have been much fun, anyway.

Quote of the week: "Don't tip like a gangster."

]]> 35:11 no of,miller,drinking,update,coffee,booze,larry,shopping,five,levels,hamper Drunken Ballpark Fistfights Wed, 31 Aug 2011 07:00:00 +0000 The sound of fist on face makes Larry wax nostalgic for lazy summer days at the ballpark. Or to put it another way, "Hey, Fatso!"

And then wax nostalgic for this (ahem) encore presentation of one of our favorite episodes from the very early days of TWLLM. The heady days when we didn't have our "sea legs" yet, didn't have good mics and Larry didn't know how to pronounce Chris' last name. How far we've come! Larry can now recite his own website on command!

Yes, public outcry for a rebroadcast of this episode was too huge to ignore any longer! On a completely unrelated matter, we are all on vacation. But stay tuned, as next week will be our one year anniversary here at TWWLM! We couldn't have done it without YOU!

]]> 34:26 no of,baseball,booze,dreams,field,ramirez,manny,fistfights The TSA Took My Toothpaste Away Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:00:00 +0000 The TSA nabs a full tube of Larry's toothpaste and then gets grabby with him. But Larry is compliant, if not soft and pliant.

Also in this episode, Larry continues his love affair with newspapers and the ink-stained wretches that write them. And speaking of news, a chapter of the Larry Miller Drinking Society makes the paper, and not even in the local crime blotter, if you can believe that!

Then we hear about tough German helmets, worn by tough guys on not-so-tough bikes. Also, Larry talks about how sometimes he like memories better than he likes photos. And here's an update on the hamper update... this episode does contain another hamper update!

And so ends the second TWWLM with a punk song rock-inspired show title. Which is probably two more than anyone ever expected.

Quote of the week: "She has not found one that satisfies whatever the conditions are."

]]> 35:41 no miller,marriage,booze,larry,motorcycles,rules,tsa,ramones,hangovers,hampers,lmds Blame It On George Wallace Wed, 17 Aug 2011 08:00:00 +0000 Comedian George Wallace talks Larry into bribing an airline clerk, with disastrously hilarious results. Or hilariously disastrous results. It wasn't pretty. Let's just say that.

Then hear about a pint-sized Larry (and cronies) trying to perform outpatient surgery on a friend with a pen knife. And we hear about Larry's continuing love affair with wrestling and office supplies.

Also, Larry makes a few Freudian slips. You know what a Freudian slip is, right? It's when you say one thing when you mean your mother.

Quote of the week: "What's the word? Beer!"

]]> 41:20 no miller,marriage,guns,george,booze,larry,wallace,bb,hampers The Tao of Larry Wed, 10 Aug 2011 07:00:00 +0000 Is this episode your path to total spiritual enlightenment? Legally, we can't say yes, so, let's just say more than likely. Consider the following zen koans presented in this week's episode. Is a yogurt maker still a yogurt maker if it has never been used to make yogurt? And what is the sound of two pears not ripening? Yes, grasshopper, only when the boozehound is ready will the bartender appear.

And remember, nobody likes a narc. What happens on the podcast stays on the podcast. Don't rat Larry out to his wife! So, they don't have a hamper yet. Big deal! And ick-snay on the eye-ay ows-bray! Not to mention the ani-may edi-pay!

But enough of that alarkey-may. Also learn why people enjoy eating lunch so much and how to not make your own carbonated water.

]]> 37:48 no miller,water,drinking,spiritual,enlightenment,booze,larry,zen,narc,koan,carbonated,hampers Larry Finds a Nude Beach Wed, 03 Aug 2011 06:59:00 +0000 Larry stumbles across a nude beach and makes a spectacle. No, not a pair of glasses so he could see better, he makes a spectacle with his reaction.

The great hunter returns from Vancouver with tales of long walks, comedic cheese-takes (not to be confused with comedic cheesesteaks) and eating lunch next to a toxic waste cleanup site.

Larry also espouses the philosophy of finding "another tiny drop," and no, Mr. Funny Person, he's not talking about booze. Well, not this time, anyway. In addition, we hear about the deceptively wisdom of Honus Wagner, Casey Stengal and Mickey Mantle.

We also find out that we don't know what tilapia is. And more importantly, we find out that we don't care.

So, go polish up your fancy two-tone spectator shoes and take a stroll until you're walking like John Wayne.

The quote of the week: "By missile it was two hours."

Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to:

Larry Miller Drinking Society
c/o ACE Broadcasting
10061 Riverside Dr. #276
Toluca Lake, CA 91602 USA

]]> 37:20 no mickey,casey,mantle,baseball,booze,bathing,congress,vancouver,nude,huac,wagner,tilapia,honus,stangal We're Driving to Moose Jaw! Wed, 27 Jul 2011 06:59:00 +0000 A special international episode of TWWLM! Yes, Larry gets called away on short notice to work on a movie in Canada, but we still figure out a way to bring you this week's This Week.

We link up to Larry through the Sensaround Satellite system to the Level Five North studios in Flin Flon, Manitoba. Okay, Larry called in with Skype from his hotel room in Vancouver. Sure, it's not as impressive, but it's still better than a rerun.

Join us as we hear about Larry's biennial hummus digestion dilemma. And who says America doesn't export anything anymore? And what is the metric equivalent of a volleyball-sized glop of hummus?

Larry talks about getting great pour of Guinness with some new Canadian pals and a less-successful attempt at finding some waffles in the wee hours of the morning.

We also hear about Larry's excessive sweating and stammering when dealing with customs agents. Then we find out why Larry spent two hours in the shower. Also, Larry races against carmageddon to come home and visit his family in Los Angeles. And don't take this personally, but YOU'RE not the Duke of Cambridge.

The quote of the week: "Chicken fried something."

Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to:

Larry Miller Drinking Society
c/o ACE Broadcasting
10061 Riverside Dr. #276
Toluca Lake, CA 91602 USA!

]]> 38:26 no miller,house,canada,secret,hockey,larry,general,vancouver,chicken,fried,steak,parliament,victorias,hummus,waffle,sensaround,burgoyne This Episode is Gluten Free! Wed, 20 Jul 2011 07:01:00 +0000 Larry goes to the emergency room with his son after he gets beaned playing baseball. Larry tells us how to enjoy spending time in a hospital and how to hail the world's biggest cab. Not in the same night, though.

Then we hear about Larry trying to act like a hot shot while at the hardware store. Other important topics covered include Larry's love of blue Bic pens and yellow legal pads, his battles over the air conditioner in his house.

Listen to this show and you'll be happy. And we'll be happy. And the lights will be happy, because they're on. And you'll wake up in manure bark.

All stories on This Week With Larry Miller are certified 100% true and MSG free!

The quote of the week: "We love the show. Does Larry like our olives?"

Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to:

Larry Miller Drinking Society
c/o ACE Broadcasting
10061 Riverside Dr. #276
Toluca Lake, CA 91602

]]> 38:53 no miller,drinking,society,hospital,booze,larry,taxicab Larry On Playboy and In Penthouse Wed, 13 Jul 2011 07:01:00 +0000 The finer points of Playboy playmates are discussed on this week's show. And you've heard of "flop sweats?" Well, Larry talks about coming down with a case of "porn sweats" while trying to buy Penthouse and Playboy magazines.

Larry admits to not knowing anything about cars or electronics. (Please feign surprise.) And he once again does the dance of the slowly sinking mic stand.

The quote of the week: "I thought I was losing my mind."

Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to:

Larry Miller Drinking Society
c/o ACE Broadcasting
10061 Riverside Dr. #276
Toluca Lake, CA 91602 USA

]]> 40:42 no miller,booze,larry,playboy,hangover,penthouse,playmate One Million Downloads Can't Be Wrong Thu, 07 Jul 2011 02:40:55 +0000 Larry eats hot Cambodian food with a tunnel rat from Drake's Drum. And so goes the world's most enigmatic episode description. Eh, shift happens.

Yes, hear about Larry dining with one of his drinking pals, whose food was so spicy, Larry couldn't even stand to SMELL it!

Also, baseball players are funnier than you think. Especially when they're pretending someone stinks. And so goes the world's least amusing rhyme. But hear about Cleveland's Josh Tomlin getting upstaged by a teammate on TV.

Then Larry talks about the wonders of nature. You know, the rainbows, the hummingbirds, the copperhead snakes that drop on you from trees, the river-borne parasites that'll make you think twice about getting your swim trunks wet.

Finally Larry declares which airport is the greatest in the US. Will it be O'Hare? Newark? Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International? Is the suspense killing you? With boredom? Tune in and find out.

We also announce that we have reached one million downloads! Thanks, everyone!

The quote of the week is silence.

Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to:

Larry Miller Drinking Society
c/o ACE Broadcasting
10061 Riverside Dr. #276
Toluca Lake, CA 91602

]]> 39:34 no josh,drum,booze,rats,airport,tunnel,tomlin,drakes,sacramento