San Diego has earned a huge fail for not providing enough in the way of traffic direction for the game.  We arrived NEAR the stadium at just a hair after 12pm.  Kickoff was a 1:15 so we had plenty of time to park and get to our seats.  Except that it took 45 minutes just to exit the freeway and another 45 minutes to park.  There were NO police around to direct traffic and it was bumper-to-bumper for miles!  I understand that there was no available parking at the stadium but there should have been notices and directions for overflow parking.  At a minimum there should have been a couple of police officers directing traffic to keep things moving.  We ended up parking at a Dave and Busters a few miles from the stadium and calling a taxi.  The bottom line on that was that we didn’t end up sitting down until there were 3 minutes left in the first half.  Very angry making if you can get angry at that sort of thing…and yes, I can.  But, I was with my son so it was ok.  If I was going to meet him and stuck in that mess I would have been furious.

The game ended and we went out to the taxi stand…of course, NO taxi would pick us up because we weren’t going downtown, (larger fares).  We walked about a mile, (from the stadium exit not the taxi stand), to the red light.  I cornered a taxi driver and threatened him with great bodily harm if he didn’t drive us to Dave and Busters right now.  When we got to D&B I gave him a little bigger tip for taking us to D&B’s instead of a police station.

We had a nice dinner and played some games.  They had a Deal or No Deal video game that was fun and we won some tickets…of course I screwed up the whole thing when I told him to take the deal and he lost out on an extra 400 tickets since he had the right case the whole time.  He ended up winning something like 500 tickets and I won two tickets so…hA!  Not much you can do with tickets these days so he just saved them on his D&B card and we left.

When we got home we sat and talked for a couple hours about life, the Internet, and everything.  Cris was home so she sat with us and made some popcorn…or tried.  She had never made popcorn before so it ended up a charred, crispy mess.  Since my son works at the theater he was able to step in and make us some popcorn.  We munched on popcorn as I told him the story of the computer age; how it started, who stole what from whom, (Apple from Xerox and Microsoft from Apple).  It was a good time and a great day.

I’m not coaching his teams anymore but I guess I’m still Dad afterall.   :’-)

• Aries – If you’re not Scottish then wearing a kilt makes it a skirt and you a crossdresser.
• Taurus – Try not to catch falling rocks today.
• Gemini – Try not to look your evil twin in the eyes today.
• Leo – Really?  Hubcaps?  C’mon!
• Virgo – Put a note on the trash can that says, “Contents No Longer Edible”
• Libra – DAMN IT!  FOR THE LAST TIME…THE SALAD FORK GOES ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
• Scorpio – Do not pay for sex today.
• Sagittarius – Your OCD is acting up again.
• Sagittarius – Your OCD is acting up again.
• Sagittarius – Your OCD is acting up again.
• Capricorn – It is unwise to upset a Wookie today.
• Aquarius – Today is a good day to waterboard your children.
• Pisces – Technically crack is a gateway drug…but it’s the exit.

Here’s my top 5, (since I can only think of 5).

5. Where the Red Fern Grows / Old Yeller (dog movies get grouped)
4. Saving Private Ryan / Schindler’s List (Spielberg movies get grouped)
3. Brian’s Song
2. The Passion of the Christ
1. My Life (saddest movie ever…don’t watch it….seriously)

Honorable mention(s): Forest Gump / Joe Versus the Volcano (Hanks = grouped)  Forest Gump when Bubba dies and later when his Momma dies too, (Jenny the whore got her comeuppance).  In JVtV when he’s on the raft praying.

Sorry…I’m a little verklempt.

I would have thought of more but I’m not a crybaby like you!  

Thanks for reading,

David

If you find yourself in the unenviable path of charging bull, remember the following:

1. Do not taunt the bull.  Making the bull angrier so as to cause the bull to make a mistake is not necesarily your best option.  Bulls should leave you alone unless they are provoked or they’ve had a bad day at the ranch.
2. Find safe harbor.  Quickly look for a safe escape route.  Running away will only help if you can get to safety.
3. If you can’t find safe harbor then take off your shirt, jacket, or red cape…anything that will help you with the next step.
4. Hold still with your red cape or plain t-shirt in front of you.  As the bull approaches, throw your clothing item away from you.  Bulls are primarily attracted to movement, (much like T-Rex dinosaurs).  The bull should attack your just-now discarded clothing.  Hopefully you can find a safe path out of the matador arena before you are completely naked.

Advanced technique:

1. Don’t go where bulls congregate.
2. Never accept a gift from Johnny Dangerously while shooting a Schlitz Malt Liquor commercial.

I hope you never need to sidestep a charging bull but if you do I hope this helps.

Best of luck!

David

Sharks will only attack if they think they have the advantage so you have to do everything you can to make them think they are not safe when attacking you.

In the water:

1. Hit them with whatever you have.  Fists, camera’s, mining equipment…whatever.
2. Go for their eyes and gills.  These are the most sensitive areas on a shark.  The snout of a shark is not as sensitive but if you have no other choice then hit them there.  Remember: eyes and gills, eyes and gills.
3. Hit them repeatedly as hard as you can.

On land:

1. Run away from the shark.  Sharks are notoriously slow runners on land.
2. From a distance, show them you are carrying tartar sauce, (always carry tartar sauce just in case).  The shark knows you mean business if you’re holding a bottle of Hellmann’s.
3. Call Aquaman.  Aquaman has rapport with most species of shark and can save you from embarrassing bite marks.

I hope you never need to fend off a shark but if you do hopefully this helps.

Best of luck!

David

See?  I even edited the copy/paste code to used rel=”nofollow”

Bow to me.
David

Anyway, jump ahead now about a year.  I’m searching all over for a pen.  I grabbed a handful of penography from the mug and sifted them around in my hands.  No pen.  However, there are 2 pen caps, 4 highlighters, 4 whiteboard markers, 3 Sharpies, a broken pencil, an empty pentel, a Windows key from my keyboard, a baby phillips head screwdriver, and a picture of my dad and his cat.

WTF.  Right?

Ok…go do something else now.

David

This is only a test.