Thistle Cove Farm

Sabbath Keeping

2012-02-26T08:46:00.000-05:00

~ winter on the farm ~

"Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child."

~ Exodus 22:22 ~

"Life can only be understood backwards,
but it must be lived forwards."

~ Soren Kierkegaard ~

"Give us a chance to show you that those so-called protective laws to aid women - however well intentioned originally - have become in fact restraints, which keep wife, abandoned wife, and widow alike from supporting her family." ~ Martha Griffiths ~

"He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory,

abides with us, more potent, nay,

more present than the living man."
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~

"Widow. The word consumes itself."

~ Sylvia Plath ~

"It is better to be the widow of a hero than the wife of a coward."

~ Dolores Ibarruri ~

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,

and you shall see that in truth you are weeping

for that which has been your delight."
~ Khalil Gibran ~

"Happiness is beneficial for the body,
but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind."

~ Marcel Proust ~

“May a man live well-, and long-enough,

to leave many joyful widows behind him.”

~ Roman Payne ~

"Where you used to be,

there is a hole in the world

which I find myself walking around

in the daytime and falling into at night.

I miss you like hell."
~ Edna St. Vincent Millay, Letters ~

"You can't do anything about the length of your life,
but you can do something about its width and depth."

~ Evan Esar ~

"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full."

~ Marcel Proust ~

"Music I heard with you was more than music,
and bread that I broke with you was more than bread.
Now that I am without you, all is desolate;
All that was once so beautiful is dead."

~ Conrad Aiken ~

"We must embrace pain and

burn it as fuel for our journey"

~ Kenji Miyazawa ~

"It is difficult to become accustomed to the loss of happiness."
~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld~

"While we are mourning the loss of our friend,

others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil"
~ John Taylor ~

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world" ~ James 1:27 ~

If you'd like your name added to the prayer list, please let me know.

Prayer Keeping ~ Kerrie ~ Ray ~ Ruth Anne ~ Kathy - Sandra ~ Miki ~Adrienne ~ Karena ~ Roland ~ Debbie ~ Beckwith family ~ Lea and family ~ Kary ~ Mildred ~ John ~ Noelle ~ Geoffrey ~ Terry ~ Angela, Penny and family ~ Daniel ~ Morgan ~ Meredith ~ Susan ~ Stephanie ~ Winnie ~ Wanda ~ Steve ~ Leslie ~ William and Catherine ~ Becky ~ Rick ~ Misha ~ J ~ Linda ~ Skip ~ Ryan ~ Roy ~ Tonya ~ me ~

I'm Baaaacccckkkk....

2012-02-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

~ S2 and S1 ~

Well, praise God, the computer is working! Being human, I'd love to take credit but all I did was pray, a lot, and pull plugs and push buttons.

This will be a short post because I'm still up to my eyebrows dealing with estate, paperwork, corporations and people who want me to do something PDQ but when it's me asking, I'm reminded of molasses in January. You're as tired of hearing me say it as I am of saying it but...I'm exhausted and I'm only three months into this mess. How do people manage who have children, jobs, etc.? When do they cram in all that's required when someone dies? I'm struggling and feel like I'm always slipping behind and never catching up. As I continue to struggle, the grief slips into the background until it will not be denied and then I'm a week, crawling on hands and knees again, just to survive. And so it goes.

The photo above is of my BFF, Sandra, who lives in Myrtle Beach. We've been friends for more than thirty years and are alike in so many ways. We share the same first name and the same middle initial; she's a tad bit older than I and she's ever so much more clever but we dearly love each other. I wish we could see each other more often but we make good use of the time we have together. Recently, I had business in MB and stayed with S2; we had such a good time. Dave would call me S1 and the other Sandra, S2 so the nicknames have stuck, at least with the two of us. It's one of our Dave memories that we share and it helps bring healing. The best time, for me at least, was walking on the beach and, to commemorate the day, I asked a passerby to take our photo. The last holiday Dave and I had was at MB and FL; this visit with S2 was bittersweet but also cathartic. The day was perfect: sunny, a trifle warm and an ocean breeze; more good memories in the making; bless God for His healing mercies.

~ birdie, birdie, birdie ~

Did you know, in each state, there's a department to find out if you have "lost property"? True. I've done a search in my MIL's name, Dave's name, my name, Daddy's name...heck, even Dave's first wife's name! and found lost property for all! The paperwork is horrific but it's my money and I want it; in Virginia you look here.

Are you familiar with "bundling"? That's when your -hahaha...your, get it? it's not yours, it's theirs and they do all within their power to take and keep your money...especially if their name begins with V!- I mean, someone has to pay that CEO his $350 MILLION a year; as if he's worth it, ya think? Not!

oh goodness. I think I fell off my bandwagon. 'Scuse, please. Anyway, if the phone company wants you to bundle your telephone, i-net and television...DON'T DO IT! Why? Because, when one of the contracts comes up for renewal, they renew ALL the contracts and keep you in contract hades for the rest of your life; how nasty rude!

Did you see where Whitney Houston passed away? I always felt a kinship with her because her Mom is Gospel singer Cissy Houston -absolutely LOVE Cissy and her amazing voice- and raised Whitney in a Pentecostal Holiness church. We share similar beginnings as my maternal Grandfather was a Pentecostal Holiness preacher. He was a circuit rider preacher and would take me with him to his little country churches, a different one each Sunday. In good times, he'd be paid with a ham at Christmas and during lean times, a dozen eggs. The offering plate never held much money but the garden produce was always lavish in the summer and the love of his congregations always in evidence. You know, it's silly, but when Whitney wasn't doing so well, I cried buckets for that girl and prayed for her as well. Who knows what demons she couldn't shake; what hell grabbed her and wouldn't let go. My heart just breaks for her Mama and family.

Good news...Queen Elizabeth, age 85, celebrates sixty years on the throne this year; 60 years, can you imagine! She's been Queen since 6 February 1952, longer than I've been alive and in a quote released from Buckingham Palace said, "I hope that we will all be reminded of the power of togetherness and the convening strength of family, friendship and good neighborliness, examples of which I have been fortunate to see throughout my reign." She's such an amazing role model and it always bothers me when people make fun of her; rudeness always offends and, fortunately, when it's on television, I can click the offenders out of hearing and sight. God save, and bless, the Queen!

My short break is over; it's back to paperwork I must go. As Elisabeth Elliott said, "you are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms."

Blessings ~ love ~ friendship ~ duty ~ service ~ family ~ faith ~

Sabbath Keeping

2012-02-12T18:02:00.000-05:00

"Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you. ..."

~ Psalms 55:22 ~

"O LORD, how happy should we be
If we could cast our care on Thee,
If we from self could rest;
And feel at heart that One above,
In perfect wisdom, perfect love,
Is working for the best."
~ J. Anstice ~

"I would like you to be free from concern."

~ I Corinthians 7:32 ~

"Cast all thy care on God, See that all thy cares be such as thou canst cast on God, and then hold none back. Never brook over thyself; never stop short in thyself; but cast thy whole self, even this very care which distresseth thee, upon God. Be not anxious about little things, if thou woudst learn to trust God with thine all. Act upon faith in little things; commit thy daily cares and anxieties to Him; and He will strengthen thy faith for any greater trails. Rather, give thy whole self into God's hands and so trust Him to take care of thee in all lesser things, as being His, for His own sake, whose thou art."

~ E. B. Pusey ~

"I predict future happiness for Americans

if they can prevent the government from

wasting the labors of the people under the

pretense of taking care of them."

~ Thomas Jefferson ~

"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it." ~ Abraham Lincoln ~

"Grief can take care if itself,

but to get the full value of a joy

you must have somebody to divide it with."

~ Mark Twain ~

"The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government."

~ Thomas Jefferson ~

"Love begins by taking care

of the closest ones

- the ones at home.~ Mother Teresa ~

"Casting all your care upon Him

for He careth for you."

~ 1 Peter 5:7 ~

If you'd like your name added to the prayer list, please let me know.

Prayer Keeping ~ Kathy - Sandra ~ Miki ~Adrienne ~ Karena ~ Roland ~ Debbie ~ Beckwith family ~ Lea and family ~ Kary ~ Mildred ~ John ~ Noelle ~ Geoffrey ~ Terry ~ Angela, Penny and family ~ Daniel ~ Morgan ~ Meredith ~ Susan ~ Stephanie ~ Winnie ~ Wanda ~ Steve ~ Leslie ~ William and Catherine ~ Becky ~ Rick ~ Misha ~ J ~ Linda ~ Skip ~ Ryan ~ Roy ~ Tonya ~ me ~

Gift Package, Good Stuff, Fun Stuff

2012-02-08T13:06:00.000-05:00

Is anyone else having a wee bit of trouble with Blogger? Every time I want to load a photo I get a Security Message saying "Information from this secure page will be submitted to a page that is not secure on www.blogger.com. Submitting sensitive information is strongly discouraged."

So, I'm sufficiently frightened enough not to have photos on this post! Does anyone know what's going on or what I should do?

Bless you for asking...and you know who "you" are -smile-...I am physically well but overwhelmed with the learning curve presented to me upon Dave's death. There are so many areas I have to cover and a lot of those areas are brand new to me...such as finances. I am reading as much as possible about investing, speaking to a lot of people and trying to familiarize myself with the possibilities. I would at least like to ask intelligent questions of the professionals I approach and, additionally, would like to know when they might be leading me down a path that's more advantageous to them than to I. Tending to all the paperwork is a forty-hour a week job and then there's the farm work, tending to the animals, etc. I don't mean to complain, just want you to know why I'm seldom seen. Even so, when I think of you, you're tucked into prayer!

The Thankful Follower's gift package will be sent to Quinn, number thirty-three; she responded within the twenty-four hour limit.

Some things, perhaps, of interest to you...

Kate Smith singing God Bless America. Irvin Berlin had written it two decades earlier but had never recorded it. It's a fabulous story and if you've never heard Kate Smith, you're in for a treat. She had a fabulous voice and personality!

The Candy Man; if you're in favor of Big Government there's a good chance you won't find this funny. I was rolling on the floor, laughing myself silly but that was before I realized just how true the whole song is and that sobered me up...quick plenty!

Dog, Cat, Rat. My SIL always thought it strange that the six dogs and three cats got along so well in our household. Dave and I always thought it strange she thought it strange. If the animals don't get along together...guess who is at fault!

Harmonica in Carnegie Hall - fabulous!

"April 15 - filed my taxes and sent them in....

They sent my Tax Return back..........In response to the question:
"List all dependents?" I replied -

~12 million illegal immigrants;
~3 million crack heads;
~42 million "unemployable" people on food stamps,
~2 million people in over 243 prisons;
~Half of Mexico and
~535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer but I believe it's correct."

Blessings ~ laughter ~ animals ~ followers ~ music ~ song ~ Kate Smith ~ learning curves ~

Rural Thursday Blog Hop #1

2012-02-02T18:18:00.000-05:00

~ my garage, built to order ~

oops...forgot to say, if you're looking for the Thankful Follower give-away post, look here; you have four more days to comment.

Nancy, Rural Journal, and Lisa, Two Bears Farm, are hosting a blog hop today and invited me to join them. We're supposed to blog about rural living, recipes, homesteading tips, animals, photography... essentially anything having to do with country living. As I'm writing my post, I make number 30 and cow's tail. What can I say? It's been one of Those Days. This morning I had to go to town for yet more meetings with my Wonderful Lawyer...and I mean that sincerely, I do luv my lawyer!...meetings with other folks with whom Dave did business, library to make copies, post office to mail all those pieces of correspondence and topped off by going to WallyWorld to get an oil change. Yeah, yeah, if you don't like big box stores, do us both a favor and keep it to yourself. When I've got a time crunch, there's nothing like being able to grocery shop, pick up 'scripts and then rest my rear while my car is being serviced. When I'm not in a time crunch and when the weather is mild enough for me to sit outside, I go to our local small business auto shop. Unfortunately, those folks smoke and I'm allergic to cig smoke so big box store it is a lot of times.

Anyhooooo...I got home in very late afternoon and thought I'd blog about my garage being delivered. Dave and I never had a garage though we have plenty of barns, buildings, sheds and the like but never a garage. A garage would have been So Handy while Dave was sick. I shudder remembering the times when it was blowing sleet, snow, ice and rain and I had to get him, his oxygen gear and his previous frail self out of the house and into the car and then to the doctor or hospital. Of course, all of that was after I started the car so it could heat up enough so I could get the windows scrapped and then move it to the back porch to load Dave, etc. Mercy!

~ brilliant truck driver! ~

Daniel and I were talking one evening about garages and I told him I'd seen a shed that looked like someone was using it as a garage. He told me about a company "down on the 4-lane", as they call Rt. 460 around here, and I went to investigate. Yes, they did sell ready made and made to order buildings and they did deliver and set up. So, I ordered a 20x24 building with a roll up garage door, two three foot x three foot windows and a metal door with nine windows. It also has an eight foot loft inside for extra storage.

~ putting into place ~

The driver delivered and set the building level and all within a couple of hours; amazing! He told me to let it set for about two weeks so it could settle. We've had a lot of rain and the ground is really spongy so sitting for a while is a good thing. In time, I'll have a wooden drive ramp built so I can drive right into the garage.

Okay, you folks who have garages may not understand my total excitement but this provides shelter for my car as well as security for me. Daniel is going to put up a couple of motion detector solar lights at the front and rear and, in the spring, he's making plans to have a trench dug so I can put electricity in the garage. My nephew is a licensed electrician so it will, naturally, be to code.

~ way bye-bye to the nice delivery man ~

Come to find out, there are a lot of folks who are in this type business and a lot of them are Mennonite or Amish. Construction varies but my building has six by six skids while other companies only have four by four skids...Very Important. My floor will hold 10,000 pounds so everything from my car to my truck will not only fit but be held securely. I paid a bit extra for more blocks to be set under my building; so none of the skids are touching the ground and even though all the lumber is treated, I still opted to pay the extra money for the extra blocks. The metal roof is screwed on, not nailed on...again, Very Important with all the crazy wind we have in this valley and all doors and windows lock. There's more good stuff but they aren't paying me to say anything so I'll shush.

If you're interested in who made my garage, it's the Mennonites of Old Hickory Buildings out of Statesville, NC and, thus far, I couldn't be happier! This post might not be perxactly what Nancy and Lisa had in mind but, trust me, it's making my rural life a lot better, a lot safer and a lot more secure. Good things, all!

Blessings ~ made to order garage ~ Mennonites ~ Nancy ~ Lisa ~

Thankkful Give-Away for Followers

2012-01-30T15:00:00.000-05:00

THANK YOU!

Dave would, in great excitement, call out to me, "You've got another Follower!" That tickled him, and me, so much; thank you for that gift, that great memory. He would click on your names, visit your blogs...never leave a comment though -smile-...and tell me, "you have the nicest followers!" Very rarely did he leave a comment on my blog and mostly as "Mr. Stumbles".

Yes, there is a give-away...just keep reading!

He was right. You are the nicest folks and, a lot of times, leave the nicest comments. You've tucked me into prayer, commiserated with me when things were going not so well, blogged about me, stood in the gap for Dave and I, written Sabbath Keeping when I was unable, sent me cards with actual stamps, e-cards, gifts, poems. Truly, you have blessed me greatly and there have been dark days when I would go back over each and every comment just to feel love and loved; to know I wasn't alone in my miserable grief. When I was unable to pray, you prayed; when I was unable to post an entry, you said, "it's your blog, post when

you're able"; when I felt so absolutely bereft of life's longing, what kept me going was knowing someone was standing in the gap for me. Bless Ezekiel's heart, he found no one but God sent me you! If you're not a Christian, you can't understand what it's like...knowing someone, somewhere is taking your name to the throne of God and beseeching Him, the creator of the Universe, on your behalf. I'm telling you, it makes me want to have church...right now!

Mercy Father, please bless us each and every one!

Thank you for your prayers, your comments, your outpouring of love.

As Robert Frost wrote:

"Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and the day was past.
Sombre clouds in the west were massed.
Out on the porch's sagging floor,
Leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly struck at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret must be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God."

So, for the giftie...a beautiful china cup and saucer with a ten bag packet of green tea and a beloved book, The Mercy Seller. I enjoyed this book, greatly, and hope you will also. I'll ship all of it to anyone, anywhere because you only have to be a follower; this is my way of saying you're the best and I thank God for you!

The rules...

~open to TCF followers world-wide

~comment on this post for your chance to win

~leave a way for me to contact you...sorry, but no searching for e-mail

~comments taken until Sunday, February 5 at midnight

~when your name is drawn, Monday, February 6 at 9:00 a.m. and then you're notified, you have 24 hours to send me your snail mail address...at Tuesday, 9:00 a.m., if necessary, I'll do a random drawing again

Blessings ~ followers, each and every one ~

2012-01-29T07:26:00.000-05:00

~ God's Grace ~

" I love the Lord because He has heard my appeal for mercy. Because He has turned his ear to me, I will call out to Him as long as I live. The ropes of death were wrapped around me, and the torments of Sheol overcame me; I encountered trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of Yahweh: "Yahweh save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is compassionate. The Lord guards the inexperienced; I was helpless, and He saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

For You, Lord, rescued me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed, even when I said, "I am severely afflicted." In my alarm I said, "Everyone is a liar."

How can I repay the Lord for all the good He has done for me? I will take the cup of salvation and call on the name of Yahweh. I will fulfill my vows o the Lord in the presence of His people. the death of His faithful ones is valuable in the Lord's sight.

Lord, I am indeed Your servant; I am Your servant, the daughter of Your female servant. You have loosened my bonds. I will offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of Yahweh. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of His people, in the courts of the Lord's house--within you, Jerusalem.

Hallelujah!"

~ Psalm 116 ~

"Never forget - God is on both sides of the grave."

If you'd like your name added to the prayer list, please let me know.

Prayer Keeping ~ Adrienne ~ Karena ~ Roland ~ Debbie ~ Beckwith family ~ Lea and family ~ Kary ~ Mildred ~ John ~ Noelle ~ Geoffrey ~ Terry ~ Angela, Penny and family ~ Daniel ~ Morgan ~ Meredith ~ Susan ~ Stephanie ~ Winnie ~ Wanda ~ Steve ~ Leslie ~ William and Catherine ~ Becky ~ Rick ~ Misha ~ J ~ Linda ~ Skip ~ Ryan ~ Roy ~ Tonya ~ me ~

All Will Be Well

2012-01-26T11:17:00.001-05:00

"All things shall be well
You shall see for yourself that
All manner of things shall be well

For as the body is clad in the cloth,
And the flesh in the skin,
And the bones in the flesh
And the heart in the trunk
So are soul, and body, clad and enclosed
in the goodness of God
As truly as God is our Father,
so truly is God our mother
And he revealed that in everything and
especially in these sweet words where he says,

"I am the power and goodness of fatherhood,
I am the wisdom and lovingness of motherhood.
I am the light and grace which is all blessed love."

I looked at the hazel nut with the eye of my understanding
and thought, what can this be?
I was amazed that it could last for I thought that because
of its littleness it would suddenly have fallen into nothing.

And I was answered in my understanding.
It lasts and always will, because God loves it, and thus
everything has being through the love of God.

You will not be overcome.
God did not say you will not be troubled,
You will not be belaboured,
You will not be disquieted;
But God said, You will not be overcome.

What, do you wish to know your Lord's meaning
in this thing?
Know it well, love was his meaning.
Who reveals it to you? Love
What did he reveal to you? Love
Why does he reveal it to you? For Love
Remain in this.
And you will know more of the same."
~ St. Julian of Norwich ~

Blessings ~ love ~

Sabbath Keeping

2012-01-22T08:15:00.000-05:00

"The Lord has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."

~ Isaiah 61:1-3 and Luke 4:18 ~

"[Death] is what life is all about, a slow discovery of the mortality of all that is created so that we can appreciate its beauty without clinging to it as if it were a lasting possession. Our lives can indeed be seen as a process of becoming familiar with death...when we see life constantly [in the context of] death, we can enjoy it for what it is: a free gift.
The pictures, letters, and books of the past reveal life to us as a constant saying of farewell to beautiful places, good people, and wonderful experience. ...All these times have passed by like friendly visitors, leaving [us] with dear memories but also with the sad recognition of the shortness of life. In ever arrival there is a leavetaking; in each one's growing up here is a growing old; in every smile there is a tear; and in every success there is a loss."
~ Henry Nouwen, A Letter of Consolation ~

"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever come to any good."

~ W. H. Auden ~

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." ~ Washington Irving ~

"Let grief do its work. Tramp every inch of the sorrowful way. Drink every drop of the bitter cup. Draw from memory and hope all that they can offer. To see the things our loved ones have left behind will give us daily pain--the clothes they wore, the letters they wrote, the books they read, the chairs in which they sat, the music they loved, the hymns they sat, the walks they took, the games they played, their seat in church, and much beside--but what would we be without those reminders? Would we like quickly to break with the past in order to ease our grief? Those who truly love will say that they have found in sorrow a new joy, a joy which only the broken-hearted can know."
~ W. Graham Scroggie,
quoted in Billy Graham's book Facing Death ~

"I am only one, but still I am one.

I cannot do everything, but still I can do something."

~ Helen Keller ~

"We have seen a great mystery:

We shall all be changed.

We shall be raised in Christ

as we were buried in Christ.

Death is swallowed up in victory.

The dwelling of God will be with his people.

God will wipe every tear from their eyes;

and death shall be no more.

There shall be no mourning, no crying nor pain;

sorrow and sighting shall flee away.

For the old things are disappearing.

Behold, I am making all things new.

I am the Alpha and the Omega,

the beginning and the end."

~ Revelation 21 ~

Blessings ~ past ~ present ~ future ~

Pam's Story

2012-01-19T15:22:00.001-05:00

~ Tim Tebow, photographer unknown to me ~

As some may know, I am not a sports fan and don't pay attention to sports. Probably, I should be ashamed to admit I had no clue who Tim is but folks have, somewhat graciously, put me on the right road -smile-. I am however, always in the corner of another Christian who takes a stand; there aren't enough, wouldn't you agree?

The following story is gripping, real and totally wonderful; it came to me over the signature of Dr. Gerald B. (Jerry) Kieschnick, President Emeritus, The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, Presidential Ambassador for Mission Advancement, Concordia University Texas.

"In a recent email, I read about a woman named Pam, who knows the pain of considering abortion. More than 24 years ago, she and her husband Bob were serving as missionaries to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. Pam contracted amoebic dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite found in contaminated food or drink. She went into a coma and was treated with strong antibiotics before they discovered she was pregnant.

Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. She refused the abortion and cited her Christian faith as the reason for her hope that her son would be born without the devastating disabilities physicians predicted. Pam said the doctors didn't think of it as a life, they thought of it as a mass of fetal tissue.

While pregnant, Pam nearly lost their baby four times but refused to consider abortion. She recalled making a pledge to God with her husband: If you will give us a son, we’ll name him Timothy and we’ll make him a preacher.

Pam ultimately spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed and eventually gave birth to a healthy baby boy August 14, 1987. Pam’s youngest son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and serves with his father’s ministry in the Philippines. He also plays football. Pam’s son is Tim Tebow.

The University of Florida’s star quarterback became the first sophomore in history to win college football’s highest award, the Heisman Trophy. His current role as quarterback of the Denver Broncos has provided an incredible platform for Christian witness. As a result, he is being called The Mile-High Messiah.

Tim’s notoriety and the family’s inspiring story have given Pam numerous opportunities to speak on behalf of women’s centers across the country. Pam Tebow believes that every little baby you save matters. I pray her tribe will increase!

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you always!"

An addendum:

"You ever feel like there's too much Tim Tebow news? Neither do I. Here's a roundup of some of the most interesting Timbits from the aftermath of the Denver Broncos 29-23 overtime victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers.

• The fact that Tebow had 316 yards passing and averaged 31.6 yards per pass in the game didn't escape notice on Sunday night. Tebow wore "John 3:16" on his eye black in the 2009 BCS Championship game and has since become identified with the famous Bible message. The coincidental stats caused millions of fans to perform Google searches on the Bible passage in the past 24 hours. Here's one more unbelievable stat: John Ourand of Sports Business Journal reports that the final quarter-hour television rating for the Broncos-Steelers game was, you guessed it, 31.6.

(John 3:16 reads: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.")"

Blessings ~ Mr and Mrs. Tebow ~ Tim Tebow ~ a gracious and merciful God who has forgiven me, and will forgive you, for all sins, including abortion ~

The Stages of Grief

2012-01-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

Way back when, I went to Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA to obtain a Bachelor of Science in Recreation, Parks and Tourism. I specialized in convention and visitor bureau development and geriatric recreation and worked various internships including senior centers. Part of the prep work for the geriatric recreation portion of my degree was taking geriatrics classes and in one of those classes I studied the 1969 ground breaking work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying.
"If you shield the canyons from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their carvings.”
In it Ms Kubler-Ross describes the five stages of grief when we lose a loved one. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance but not everyone goes through them in a prescribed order or even goes through each one. The stages are merely tools and no one, No One, can tell anyone else in what order to take them or even to take each one. It's okay to skip one, even more, but you need to let God and yourself tell you what to do. Others cannot tell you what you need or have to do; they can tell you what they did or how they handled their grief but it's still their grief and your grief is your grief. God, in His infinite mercy, deals with each of us, and our grief, as individuals.

Capice?

I think most Westerner's are uncomfortable with real emotions. Perhaps you've seen those foot ball games or commercials where men are naked, painted blue, hefting a beverage and screaming their heads off. Oh...that's okay -???- but a person sobbing in public or needing, yet again, to speak of their dead loved one, that's not okay.
Say whuuuttt?!
Some of us are so out of touch with God, ourselves, our emotions and feelings, we haven't a clue who we are as a person. Some of us have depths never plumbed; frankly, I am fearful of a skin deep faith because it's not if, but when, hard times come.
We seem to be comfortable with over the top emotions or emotions that require nothing in return, save perhaps a quick hug or pat on the back, but real emotions make most people uncomfortable. Real emotions are messy but real emotions are what help us cope and, more importantly, begin the healing process. That's something else...the healing p.r.o.c.e.s.s. . It's a process, meaning it takes time and, again, no one can tell you how much, or how little, time. Anyway, time is irrelevant and as the Bible tells us a day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day to God. Have you not experienced a day that fairly fled from sun to sun while another day dragged on for, seemingly, a lifetime?
There's an old saying, "grieve for three months for a parent, a year for a child and a lifetime for a spouse." Now do you understand why so many old portraits and photographs show women in black widow weeds? I'm not suggesting you grieve according to the old saying but I am suggesting you take your time; if need be, I'm giving you permission to take your time.

Remember this: it takes as long as it takes.

Subsequent studies are similar and say the stages are

shock - initial paralysis

denial - avoidance

anger - out-pouring of emotion

bargaining - trying to find a way out

depression - realization of the situation's reality

testing - trying to find solutions

acceptance - moving forward

but it was Swiss born Kubler-Ross who first introduced us to the stages of grief.

From my experience, grief is physical; dang physical as well as being a black hole that, initially, is totally overwhelming. It's all consuming and life is, at the very best, hard. Extremely hard and even breathing, at times, is all consuming. There are times I gulp air like a guppy and only because I realize I've not breathing. I've been holding my breath and haven't taken a breath in several seconds so I gulp air in an effort to restore oxygen to the organs and brain.

The few good hours, eventually, turn into a few good days which turn into a few good weeks, months...in time or so I'm told and hoping. Time is the key, don't try and rush it, grief cannot be rushed.

Amongst the grieving, there's a lot of living yet to be done, especially if you have children or go to an outside job every day. Thank God, my job has always been taking care of Dave, the farm, the animals and myself but I'm still finding it hard to remember to put myself first. I still forget to eat three meals a day, to sleep eight hours a night and to do two things, daily, that move me forward. I try, but I don't always remember, to be gentle with myself. God knows there are plenty of folks standing in line to kick my fanny so remembering to be being gentle with myself is a Very Good Thing!
If you're a Christian and know someone who has lost a loved one, please, don't judge them. Don't tell them what they should, or shouldn't, be doing; don't tell them they are grieving "incorrectly" or "it's been xx amount of time, don't you think it's time you moved on?" If you're not a Christian, be tolerant. It's so easy for any of us to tell someone else what to do, but remember, when we're pointing a finger at someone else, we've got three fingers pointing back at us. While we're busy looking at someone else's life, telling them what to do, there are others looking at our lives and thinking we could be doing better as well.

I'm cross posting here and on the Wife to Widow blog. There are so many things that can be done now while you're still among the living that will make it so much easier for those left behind when you die. Doesn't matter if you're the wife or husband, one of you will, more than likely, go first and, statistically speaking, it will be the husband.
Oh, you're not married? Guess what? You can still do some of these same things to make it easier on whomever you've designated to be your Executor or Executrix. It will also be less stressful, money will be saved and precious resources won't be lost during the grieving process...when one can ill afford to lose anything because losing something means you have less at hand to deal with an already overwhelming situation. What I write is meant to be helpful but use what you want and toss the rest. It's your life and your decisions; what works for me might not, for whatever reason, work for you.

Please, do not fret over any of this!

HOMEWORK - get together a three-ring notebook, lined note paper, plastic sleeves that are open at the top, plastic sleeves that can close at the top, section dividers, three-ring pen holder attached to the notebook and contained therein a pen, small calculator, small ruler, paper clips

Blessings ~ Kubler-Ross ~ friends ~ stages of grief ~ grieving ~ emotions ~ kindness ~ patience ~ gentleness ~

Sabbath Keeping

2012-01-15T12:38:00.000-05:00

"I will be glad and rejoice in your love;

for you saw my affliction

and knew the anguish of my soul."

~ Psalms 31:7 ~

"O Lord I my best desires fulfil. And help me to resign

Life, health, and comfort, to Thy will,

And make Thy pleasure mine."

~ William Cowper ~

"Nay, all by Thee is ordered, chosen, planned

Each drop that fills my daily cup; Thy hand

Prescribes for ills none else can understand.

All, all is known to Thee."

~ A. L. Newton ~

"No star is ever lost we once have seen,

We always may be what we might have been.

Since Good, though only thought, has life and breath,

God's life--can always be redeemed from death

And evil, in its nature, is decay,

And any hour can blot it all away

The hopes that lost in some far distance seem,

May be the truer life, and this the dream."

~ Adelaide Anne Procter ~

"If thou hast Yesterday thy duty done,

And thereby cleared firm footing for To-day

Whatever clouds make dark To-morrow's sun,

Thou shalt not miss thy solitary way."

~ J. W. Von Goethe ~

"My father, teach us not only thy will, but how to do it.

Teach us the best way of doing the best thing,

lest we spoil the end by unworthy means."

~ Rev. J. H. Jowett ~

"It is by doing our duty that we learn to do it. So long as men dispute whether or no a thing is their duty, they get never the nearer. Let them set ever so weakly about doing it, and the face of things alters. They find in themselves strength which they knew not of. Difficulties which it seemed to them they could not get over, disappear. For He accompanies it with the influences of His blessed Spirit, and each performance opens our minds for larger influxes of His grace, and places them in communion with Him."

~ E. B. Pusey ~

"Dear friends, now we are children of God,

and what we will be has not yet been made known."

~ I John 3:2 ~

A Usual Snowy Saturday in January

2012-01-14T15:57:00.001-05:00

~ Buffy and Polly...or is it Sally... ~

There's an old saying, "no rest for the righteous and the weary don't need none". Ain't it the truth! Oh, and by the way, the word ain't was in popular usage as late as the 1960's and considered correct use of the language. Also, the word et for eat. I know language evolves and changes but, frankly, I don't think in a good way when words like gay no longer means happy or booty no longer means spoils of war. And, since I'm on an rant, did you know the word booty is used in the Old Testament? Yep, meaning spoils of war and not a fat girls backside. Oh, is that un-PC? sorreeeee....my bad.

~ if you were a man, I'd marry you Sam! ~

~ Ranger, my hero ~

Polaris makes a UTV, Utility Terrain Vehicle, that is a powerhouse; I'm not sure I could do what I do if I didn't have the Ranger. Dave bought it for me a few years back and it's made farm chores so much easier, safer and warmer. Although, when four dogs and I are crammed inside, the going is slower than usual. At the touch of a button, the bed lifts and dumps the contents to the ground while the heater, once warm, will make me open windows. There's a windshield wiper and each wheel has independent suspension...whooohooo! My Ranger, it's the Bomb!

Clinton, my neighbor, feeding his sheep. I think it's odd that Thistle Cove Farm still has so much snow but neighboring farms are bare and barren again. That should change as we're to get a couple more inches of snow tonight but Monday, the temps are supposed to be in the 50's which means boot sucking mud...again. sigh.

To feed cattle the men unroll a round bale of hay; the cattle line up, either side, and eat until it's gone or their calves take a snooze on what's left. The hay makes a soft, warm bed that's Very Attractive to the youngins.

~ don't hate me because I live in a beautiful place ~

I didn't make it to WalMart yesterday but went this morning, after chores. In between snow storms today, we did have some clear skies and Morris Knob is viewed from a different direction.

This fine buck was camera shy but I managed to get a photo or two of he and his family. I'm not sure but he could be at least a ten-pointer, perhaps 12; certainly he's beautiful and I hope he makes it to a ripe old age. Hear that, Daniel?!

~ John and Daniel, taking a meeting ~

One of my favorite things about living in a rural area is our version of taking a meeting. All of which means, when you see a neighbor, you stop and chat...the weather, feeding, cattle, dogs, children, spouses, neighbors...the usual stuff everyone talks about. It's just our board room is the great outdoors -smile-.

Perhaps I should have started with this photo. I made bread yesterday, a couple of soft oatmeal loaves that are delicious toasted and slathered with butter and my home made jam or my brother's honey. A neighbor has an uncle who keeps a milk cow and he's promised to get me a couple of gallons of milk. In return, I've promised to churn for butter and buttermilk and will share and, of course, I'll put a loaf of home made bread in the poke as well.

So, that's my usual Saturday; any day, really that's not Sunday or I have to go to town. Feeding my animals takes a while, especially with all the good helpers I've got, especially with all the picture taking I do, especially with all the rubber necking I enjoy. God has blessed me so much; my daily prayer is, "Please, God, give me the strength to do what You have set before me." He never disappoints.

Blessings ~ strength ~ health ~ beauty ~ bread ~ neighbors ~ hay ~ deer ~ Ranger ~

A Dog's Life, All Six of 'Em!

2012-01-13T14:48:00.002-05:00

~ waiting for breakfast ~

We're having Ole Man Winter visit the farm today; wind chills are around zero, temps are around 10 above F and the sun is playing hide and seek...mainly hide. We've been to the barn to count noses, feed animals, check water and now it's after lunch, time to do...well, what needs to be done is yet more paperwork dealing with Dave's death. However, I am so weary of paperwork; 'deed, what I'd really like is to run away from home if only for a night or two. Just to get a different perspective, to blow the cobwebs out, to have ~~a meal~~ food that's more than a handful of nuts or jellybeans or, for breakfast, Grapenuts cereal. It seems I can't get away from nuts -smile-.

~ no sweater for Jake B. Goode ~

It takes me a while to get everyone ready for the barn trek. The dogs all have sweaters and I have layers; by the time I get their sweaters on them, I've worked up a sweat, both from the exertion and from continually saying, "Stand still; wait a minute, stop that, move please!" Everyone is excited, they know what's coming and it makes them happy. All that is, save Jake, my Prodigal Son Border Collie, who is too dogly to wear a sweater. I think. At least, I've never tried putting a sweater on him. Jake has been coming here for ~~around a year~~ a while, can't really remember, and now that it's harsh winter, Jakes sleeps inside but still deigns to go to the barn for chores. He needs to keep an eye on the sheep and horses, you see. Jake is a Rambling Man and as a matter of fact, he and the Blue Heeler bitch on the farm behind us, just had a litter of puppies. As soon as I'm able to get off the farm, I'm going to buy a huge bag of dog food to contribute to their table. The folks who own the proud Mom hardly have two pennies to rub together so a bag of dog food will help Mom and puppies alike. BTW, anyone want a beautiful working dog? Those puppies are likely to have more brains than you and I put together and as both parents are beautiful, the puppies are button cute as well. Photos asap.
I'd ask Dave, "want me to take Jake to the animal shelter?" and Dave would always say, "no, but dadgummit! I hate having a dog that's smarter than me!" Jake comes and goes, as he wills and as always, and we're growing accustomed to each other's ways.

~ Abigail Von Rotten the Terrier and Sadie Hawkins ~

Abbie has been here since May 1997 but only God knows her beginnings or her age but we do know she's a rough coat Jack Russell. She was an adult when we found her and, even though aged, she's still got a heart the size of Montana. Her eyes are dimmed, her hearing almost gone and she requires two sweaters when the weather is harsh yet she refuses to stay behind. I know the feeling; I'd rather die with my boots on than watching television and, God willing, when it's my time, I'll go with my boots on, doing what I love, chores on this farm.

Sadie, aka Sada Hawkins, is from Keniba Ridgebacks and almost three; she's the only one we actually know their birth date. She's still puppyish and that's because I've allowed her to grow at her own pace and rate. Sadie, as are all Ridgebacks, is a chow hound and a counter surfer; if it's food, it's not safe. I cannot begin to tell you how many pounds of butter and bacon, glasses of milk, roasts, mashed potatoes, etc. she's consumed over the years. If it's not in the oven or placed high, it's not safe; she'll eat it. I know for a fact she burnt her tongue when she ate shortbread right from the hot pan! I was sure the shortbread was safe as it sat cooling for ten minutes but nope; Sadie said, "gosh it was hot but good!" Bad girl but it was my fault so no, she wasn't punished beyond my yelling...at lot and loudly. By the by, Keniba has a litter of puppies in February and if you're able to get on their buy list, more hurrah for you. Edith, Keniba's breeder, has Excellent Quality Ridges and I unreservedly recommend her. Yes, you can get less expensive Ridgebacks but as Dave always said, "Pay now or pay later, probably triple." It's always much better to put your money on the table in the beginning and get a quality companion animal, one who is deemed free of disease and health problems. Later on, it's not only financially expensive but it's heart breaking to deal with a friend who is sickly and in poor health so don't do it; buy quality and save yourself heartbreak. But, please, please...someone head slap me...I CAN ~~NOT~~ GET ANOTHER DOG...either a Ridge or one of Jake's puppies. ~~Please help me say "NO"!~~

Dave used to tell me the Drudge Report would, eventually, say, "Cove couple has 57 dogs!" I'd look at him and reply, "you say that like it's a bad thing!"

~ Sophie Lauren Butterball ~

My little fat girl still hasn't lost weight but that's not her fault. Her dang human, me, gives treats in the morning and feeds at night. I have cut back on the treats so, maybe, she'll start losing a pound or four. Sophie came here the week after Dave was buried; her human Pa had cancer and died leaving her human Ma in dire straits. Dave and I'd discussed bringing Sophie to live with us and just because Dave died, I saw no reason to reverse my offer. Soph is a broken coat brown and white Jack Russell and thinks she owns the place; between she and Abbie, they're probably right.

~ Sam P. Spade, Secret Agent ~

Sam still hasn't told us what the P. stands for but that's okay; a man of mystery is always welcome. One first Sunday in June, while on the way to church, Dave and I found Sam. He was just a little thing and had, probably, been thrown out with his litter. He was the only one we found so we turned around, brought him home and put him in the kennel with fresh water and food. sigh. Dave and I being humans, are slow so it took us two weeks to get it through out thick skulls Sam was meant to live here, on the farm, and we would be his humans. It's been a good arrangement and all are happy with this little Basket Hound, aka Basset Hound, Spaniel, Terrier mix.

~ Grandma Grace and Miss Kitty ~

Gracie is the oldest dog, we're guessing around seventeen but, again, only God knows. She was wandering around on the side of the road when she was, easily, persuaded to live on the farm. Her bones are old, she's slow and dim of sight but is yet able to dance for a treat. Grace is an Australian Shepherd Corgi mix and loves to herd me. If I'm not moving quickly enough or in the "right" direction, Grace will take a little nip at my heels to hurry me along. Alas, Miss Kitty has gone on before and she and Dave are saving me a place.

I've not even gone into detail on the rescued horse or sheep; that's for another entry. I do know I need to get to the grocery store, if I'm going; there's sure to be black ice on the road so I need to go and come during daylight hours.

So, tell me...who have you rescued lately? Who owes their life to your being willing to extend a hand?

Blessings ~ Abigail ~ Grace ~ Sadie ~ Sam ~ Jake ~ Sophie ~ and all those gone before and to come after, God bless us, everyone! ~

A Howling Wilderness

2012-01-09T20:40:00.001-05:00

A few days ago, Millie and I were talking; she asked how I was doing. I told her, "where Dave used to be, here on the farm with us, is now a black hole and everything is rushing toward that black hole, being pulled into, sucked inside, and wanting, needing to be wholly obliterated. It's all a horrible dream, a nightmare that is never ending. It goes on, day after day after day, breath after breath after breath... ."

See what lies before you, dear ones? At a time when one is most vulnerable, most grief stricken, most emotionally distraught...now is the time when the vultures come forth to feast on the psyche.

~ Very loud, very heavy organ music is appropriate here ~

"Oh, we're so sorry for your loss. Your husband owed us xx dollars on his last credit card bill so if you'll give us your checking account information, we can deduct it immediately, as in today, right now, to pay his account in full," said one credit card rep.

"That's not possible. I need to go to the bank rearrange some funds and will send a check tomorrow," said I.

Said credit card rep, "no, that's not our policy. We want our money NOW and if you don't give us your checking account information, we'll search for your husband's estate and seize the estate."

WHAT!!?

"What part of "I called you" don't you understand? I called you to find out how much money he owes so I can pay the bill...but only after I ascertain there is enough money in my checking account. I've paid a lot of bills this week and need to make sure I have enough money in the account to cover the check. There's no need to treat me like a criminal! Finally, I am the estate...get it?!"

So, when I disappear for days on end, it's because my energy levels have been sucked entirely dry by some emotional vampire in their day job as a corporate employee.

One thing about grief that has entirely caught me off-guard is how physically exhausting it is to simply put one foot before the other. I knew it was emotionally overwhelming but the physical exhaustion has caught me altogether by surprise. I'll have one good morning or afternoon, or, once or twice, a time or two almost a day, but those few good hours cost me ten times more in days of feeling totally submerged, of being dead-headed, of seeing through a glass darkly, if at all.

Remember that black hole mentioned earlier? Inordinate amounts of time are spent pulling back from that black hole edge; trying to maintain some semblance of balance in a fight to stay upright, on my feet and not completely drowning in an emotional quarry of grief and other emotions. It's my experience I cannot pray myself out of it, I cannot talk myself out of it, I cannot cry myself out of it...I must bear the weight of grief as a mantilla; bowed, bloody, breathless, exhausted until it passes and, for a short time, I am given respite. A relief, all too brief, from it all.

Grief is a howling wilderness where I stumble around, for the most part, blind to everything but the pain of grief, while it drenches me in fog as in the photo above.

There are two Bible verses I clutch with whatever strength God gives me.

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still."

~ Exodus 14:14 ~

and

"He will command His angels to guard you in all your ways."

~ Psalms 91:11 ~

I'm beginning to understand why no one, much, speaks of grief. It's too personal, too raw, too emotional, too messy. Yet, is that not why we are called to be Christians? To help one another? I tell you truthfully, I believe if I were not a Christian, I would have killed every living thing on this farm and myself last. It is being a Christian, casting myself on Abba's, my heavenly Father's lap, that gets me out of bed each morning. It is He who gets me through the days, the weeks, the months, the moments. In time, grief subsides, tiny bit by tiny bit, and, I think, but am not sure, I am left, perhaps, a tiny bit stronger.

"I walked a mile with Pleasure

She chattered all the way

But left me none the wiser

For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow.

And ne'er a word said she

But oh! the things I learned from her

When Sorrow walked with me."

~ Robert Browning Hamilton ~

Blessings ~ Stephanie ~ Millie ~ Timi ~ Sandra ~ Jill ~ Vicki ~ Mary Lois ~ Ray ~ Fred ~

Sabbath Keeping

2012-01-08T09:38:00.001-05:00

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

~ Exodus 14:14 ~

"For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways."

~ Psalms 91:11 ~

If you'd like your name added to the prayer list, please let me know.

Prayer Keeping ~ Karena ~ Roland ~ Debbie ~ Beckwith family ~ Lea and family ~ Kary ~ Mildred ~ John ~ Noelle ~ Geoffrey ~ Terry ~ Angela, Penny and family ~ Daniel ~ Morgan ~ Meredith ~ Susan ~ Stephanie ~ Winnie ~ Wanda ~ Steve ~ Leslie ~ William and Catherine ~ Becky ~ Rick ~ Misha ~ J ~ Linda ~ Skip ~ Ryan ~ Roy ~ Tonya ~ me ~

Meteor Shower, Wife to Widow, Etc.

2012-01-03T16:05:00.001-05:00

~ serenity, thy name is Thistle Cove Farm ~

The first meteor shower of 2012 begins tonight but the best viewing is after midnight/pre-dawn tomorrow morning. The Quadrantid Meteor Shower is supposed to peak about 2:30 tonight and is supposed to be one of this year's best. Science Daily has another report.

I'm planning on having hot chocolate and my heavy boots and coat ready with sweaters on the dogs. Guess I'll find out how they like being awakened in the wee hours for something I want to do!
-smile-

The Joy of Quiet - what farmers have known all along is now being touted as the new, best, biggest, brightest and folks are paying huge
$$$ for the privilege of silence. There are people going to the Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur who are paying more than $2,000 a night to not have a television, i-net or radio in their rooms. Heck, they can just come here and I'd only charge them $2K even and make sure they had farm chores to do mornings and evenings. They could really commune with nature!

There are also Internet Rescue Camps...I kid you not!...for those who are addicted to computers. Is it just me or is anyone else wondering why people don't have a life anymore?

Additionally, in the above referenced article, the author says s/he has friends who buy some kind of software which enables them to disable their i-net connections. HELLLLOOOO! My computer has an off button but, then again, perhaps I am special, just like Dave always told me, eh? -smile- I don't know how to text, can't take pictures with my cell phone and don't have a tablet...at least not one that doesn't use a number two pencil.

OTOH, I've either been without telephone service or intermittent service since Christmas Day, but when I call Verizon to tell them about it, they speak to me...Angel, are you listening...and I don't think she's one of the heavenly realm...tells me, "Well, I don't know why you're calling, my computer shows you have service." Yes, dear, however, it's intermittent...do you know what that big word means, Angel? It means spotty, sometimes, not all the time, infrequently and, sometimes, Not At All. Fortunately, or so time will tell, a supervisor Heather listened to me and said she'd give me a $25 one time credit and I wouldn't pay for the days I've been without service.

Tie that in with the electricity that's been off and it's been Really Quiet here on the farm. That is, if I don't count the wind which has been Really Harsh. You know, I can stand the cold as well as the silence and, in fact, love both, but the wind is something else. It's determined to suck the warmth out of everything living and last night the temps in my bedroom were 45F above zero. I'm not sure what the wind chill was and don't really want to know. I do know it was a four dog night but it is every night around here -smile-.

~ please, take button from top left, not this one ~

In an attempt to muddle my way through this Wife to Widow journey, I am starting a new blog to help other people do some things that will make the paperwork, etc. just a tad easier. Someone asked me if I'd make it pertinent to men as well as women. Anyone, wives, husbands, singles can glean the information but, statistically speaking, it's the husband who dies first and the wife left. So, the new blog is written from my, the wife's, point of view. However, trust me when I tell you this: Everyone can benefit from what I've learned and, I'm hoping, others will chime in with their experiences.

The new blog address is WifetoWidow; please grab the button on the top left of my Thistle Cove Farm blog and spread the word. As EBB so beautifully said

"Knowing that when light is gone

Love remains for shining"

Blessings ~ Madge ~ silence ~ serenity ~ dogs ~ meteor showers ~ journeys ~ we're all on our way from somewhere to eternity ~

Sabbath Keeping

2012-01-01T19:18:00.001-05:00

~ the road ahead ~

"When he maketh inquisition for blood, he remembereth them:

he forgetteth not the cry of the humble."

~ Psalms 9:12 ~

"Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being.

Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric?

Think first about the foundations of humility.

The higher your structure is to be,

the deeper must be its foundation."

~ Saint Augustine ~

"If I have seen further than others; it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."

~ Isaac Newton ~

"A man can counterfeit love, he can counterfeit faith, he can counterfeit hope and all the other graces, but it is very difficult to counterfeit humility." ~ D. L. Moody ~

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task;

but my chief duty is to accomplish small tasks

as if they were great and noble."

~ Helen Keller ~

"The smallest things become great when God requires them of us; they are small only in themselves; they are always great when they are done for God." ~ Francois Fenelon ~

"True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes."

~ Edward Frederick Halifax ~

"Be not proud of race, face, place, or grace."

~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon ~

"The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."

~ Thomas More ~

"If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

~ Amy Carmichael ~"Blessed the man and woman who is able to serve cheerfully in the second rank -- a big test." ~ Mary Slessor ~

"How do we know if we have a servant’s heart?

By how we act when we are treated like one!"

~ Unknown ~

"Just because God is working through us does not mean that we are right with God." ~ Unknown ~

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself

but thinking of yourself less."

~ C.S. Lewis ~

"Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.

For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved,

but the one whom the Lord commends."

~ 2 Corinthians 10:17-18 ~

If you'd like your name added to the prayer list, please let me know.

Prayer Keeping ~ Karena ~ Roland ~ Debbie ~ Beckwith family ~ Lea and family ~ Kary ~ Mildred ~ John ~ Noelle ~ Geoffrey ~ Terry ~ Angela, Penny and family ~ Daniel ~ Morgan ~ Meredith ~ Susan ~ Stephanie ~ Winnie ~ Wanda ~ Steve ~ Leslie ~ William and Catherine ~ Becky ~ Rick ~ Misha ~ J ~ Linda and Skip ~ Ryan ~ Roy ~ Tonya ~ me ~

Happy New Year's Eve

2011-12-31T11:50:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year

May the worst of 2012 be from the best of 2011.

Blessings ~ the year is almost ended ~ heating oil in the tank ~ new de-icer in the water trough ~ hay ready to be set out for horses and sheep ~ farm is readied for the coming storm ~ Psalms 91:11 ~

"Christmas With Friends"

2011-12-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

The snowflakes are lovely,

Though 'Snowmen' are few;

Fond mem'ries sustain us,

Now isn't that true?

Recall the huge mantle

All hung with our socks?

We played on the floors

With our dolls and our blocks.

The popcorn we strung wrapped

Around the whole tree;

The games that we played

Aren't on your TV.

We all could play checkers,

Or skate or jump rope;

Our simple lives thrived

On much kindness and hope.

The foods were all splendid--

Sweet holiday fare--

We dine like that daily

With never a care.

The REAL CHRISTMAS taught us

to follow a Star;

We've traveled great pathways

And now here we are.

We sing Alleluias

The praise never ends;

But nothing compares with

The LOVE of our FRIENDS.

We're blest to have found this

Our haven of joy,

God bless you....be thankful

For one tiny Boy."

~ Harriette Winters ~

Blessings ~ God has blessed me with you dear folks who read, pray and comment on this blog. You have made these past long months bearable. May God hold you in His righteous right hand of mercy, grace and love now and forever. Amen ~

Dear Dave,

2011-12-22T16:38:00.000-05:00

It's almost Christmas Eve eve and as we get closer to Christmas, my feet drag slower and slower. It's been a ~~day~~ ~~weeks~~ month and more of pain, sorrow and grief. People who barely know me have asked the Most Intensely Personal Questions and it has Boggled my mind! People have treated me with utmost shabbiness, dare I say even rudeness, and have felt ??? compelled to ask me "so, are you moving now that Dave is gone?" or "where are you spending Christmas?" or "are you selling the farm?" To the woman who asked the later, I was tempted to say, "does it matter? You can't afford it." but, at the last moment, God stayed my mouth.

Bless Him.

I think.

To the woman...why is it mostly women who are so rude???...who said, "where are you spending Christmas?" I responded, "where ever I spend it, I'll do my best to be happy." She doesn't have the best reputation; was she asking so she could case the joint? One feller asked, "what was wrong with you the other night?" I said, "some days are harder than others." He said, "yeah, but you usually just let things slide off your back." I tell you what, Fat Boy; grief doesn't slide; it's dead weight pinned to my shoulders and I carry it, daily. This is my life right now; if you don't like it, do us both a favor, keep it to yourself and move on.

I do strive to be happy and when that's not possible...which is the majority of the time...I strive to be content. In contentment, at least, I am succeeding.

What I want to say to people, and may yet do, is, "If you're a Christian, please pray for me." Although, surely if they were Christian, they wouldn't be asking such rude questions, right? Ah, I can hear you now, "Jeremiah, you think this is real; you've never known it was all a game." Like you told your cousin one time, "Sandra is the thing of substance. She's totally unaware most people are outward appearances only." Oh Dave, there will Never be anyone like you; God broke the mold when He made you. I'm just so grateful He allowed me to be your companion wife; He blessed me in ways only He understands! No one, save me, will ever know why your nickname for me was 'Jeremiah'; that name was laid to rest the day you died. So many dreams were laid to rest that day; I suppose new dreams will be dreamt but they will never, I don't think, be as wonderful as the dreams you and I had together nor as the realization of some of those dreams.

Over the Christmas holidays, I'm keeping Mary and Donald's three children. Yes, you're right, I have lost my mind. If not before, certainly since -laughing-. It saves Mary and Donald a boatload of child care fees and it's been, mostly, good for the children and for me. Although, it did take my breath when K. said to me, "I think Sam is sad because Dave died. You're probably sad too, aren't you?" Oh child. I pray to God you never know!

Nelson has put me in touch with someone who is going to help me. I've spoken with G. on the phone and none of my bells went off. You would always tease me, Dave, about my ability to discern when something or someone was "off". God has blessed me with discernment and He has taught me to listen to that "still, small whisper". What a Friend We Have in Jesus indeed! Things are still up in the air but there's light and I have breathing room now; a good thing because so many times I struggle to catch my breath.

Lately, it has been the strangest of times. I've wanted to wallow in grief, even though the three children need, nay demand my attention, but God had other plans. Several people have told me, "Oh, you're so strong; you'll be fine." They seem nonplussed when I say, "No, I'm not strong and have wanted to quit, to just stop eating and die. My purpose is gone; I am bereft of even breath and there are times I catch myself gulping air, my body depleted of oxygen and starving for air." There are those, I am quite sure, who would condemn me, a Bible believing Christian, for saying my purpose is gone. But Dave, you have been my purpose these last twenty-plus years. We saved each other from certain horror and, for me, the saving grace is knowing you made peace with Christ the week before you died. Was that what these last decades have been about? Then, Beloved, it was...it is...worth it all.

Bless you for giving me the assurance you loved me. Cathy was the love of your youth and, after she died, it took years for your grief to subside. Even after we married, you mourned Cathy; even so, I was glad to be second because it was better than not at all. Most women will go to their graves never knowing the love of a great man; bless God I knew your love. In the week before you died, you told me, "as much as I ever loved Cathy, I have loved you more." Oh Dave, what a gift you gave me; bless your heart, you prepared me as well as I was able to bear.

Merry Christmas, Dave. Thank you for loving me and thank you for letting me love you.

Blessings ~ Christmas ~ oxygen ~ Dave ~ three children ~ God's arm around my shoulder and His hand over my mouth ~

Sabbath Keeping

2011-12-18T08:15:00.001-05:00

"Those who know your name trust you,

O LORD,

because you have never deserted

those who seek your help."

~ Psalms 9:10 ~

"My dear child,

you must believe in God,

no matter what the clergy tell you."

~ Benjamin Jowett ~

"Duty is ours, events are God's."

~ Samuel Rutherford ~

"There is but one way to tranquility of mind and happiness. Let this therefore be always ready at hand with thee, both when thou wakest early in the morning, and when thou goest late to sleep, to account no external thing thine own, but commit all these to God." ~ Epictetus ~

"Nothing is worth more than this day."

~ Goethe ~

"Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we shall soon see them in their proper figures." ~ Joseph Addison ~

"Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, then, put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations and say continually: the Lord is my strength and my shield: my heart has trusted in Him and I am helped. He is not only with me...but in me...and I in Him. ..." ~ St. Francis de Sales ~

"Lord, I know not what to ask of Thee;

Thou knowest what I need;

Thou lovest me better than I know how to love myself.

O Father, give to Thy child, that which he himself knows not how to ask. I dare not ask either for crosses or consolations; I simply present myself before Thee. I open my heart to Thee.

Behold my needs which I know not myself;

see and do according to Thy tender mercy."

~ Francois de Salignac Fenelon ~

"...did you not know I must be about my Father's business?"

~ Luke 2: 49 ~

If you'd like your name added to the prayer list, please let me know.

Prayer Keeping ~ Roland ~ Debbie ~ Beckwith family ~ Lea and family ~ Kary ~ Mildred ~ John ~ Noelle ~ Geoffrey ~ Terry ~ Angela, Penny and family ~ Daniel ~ Morgan ~ Meredith ~ Susan ~ Stephanie ~ Winnie ~ Wanda ~ Steve ~ Leslie ~ William and Catherine ~ Becky ~ Rick ~ Misha ~ J ~ Linda and Skip ~ Ryan ~ Roy ~ Tonya ~ me ~

A Letter to the Most Illustrious the Contessina Allagia Dela Aldobrandeschi

2011-12-15T19:12:00.002-05:00

There is nothing I can give you which you have not got; but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No Heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it to-day. Take Heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see; and to see, we have only to look. Contessina I beseech you to look.

Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendour, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the Angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty: believe me, that angel's hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing Presence. Our joys, too: be not content with them as joys, they too conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and of purpose, so full of beauty--beneath its covering--that you will find that earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then to claim it: that is all! But courage you have; and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.

And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you; not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem, and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away.

by FRA GIOVANNI, A Letter to the Most Illustrious the Contessina Allagia Dela Aldobrandeschi, Written Christmas Eve Anno Domini 1513

Blessings ~ Giovanni ~ "...pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home" ~

Christmas card 2011

2011-12-13T18:50:00.000-05:00

This is the photo placed inside ~~our~~ my Christmas cards this year. Dave and I were in the Azores Islands, about one thousand miles off the coast of Portugal. When we traveled, I'd wear a red or other brightly colored scarf so Dave could find me out in a crowd easier; it was one of our safety measures.

Today, someone asked, "how are you doing?" Well, I have bad days and then I have worse days and that's the way it is right now. Those two "almost normal, almost ordinary days"...well, they didn't last. That's one thing about grief; it catches me ~~one~~ me so blasted unaware. Writing Christmas cards today, putting photos in for some family and friends was meant to be the remembering of good times. It worked too, for a while and then the reality of now set in; knowing Dave is gone and I'll never hear his voice again, seem him again, hear him ask, "How's everything down at the barn?" It's a gut punch, all over again.

Earlier this evening, I went to a 4-H volunteer training meeting but that didn't last. I left about twenty minutes after I got there; it was just too much, too soon and a mistake on my part to think I'm up for any kind of volunteer work right now. In fifteen minutes, there's a community meeting and I'm not any more excited about going there than I was to find myself at the first meeting. Grief takes a lot of energy and emotional energy, especially, chews through the precious few reserves left to me. The next time I get the bright idea to do anything for anyone other than myself or my family, someone head slap me, 'k?

By the way, visit Sunday's Sabbath Keeping post and say a prayer for all those mentioned, please and thanks. Especially, the Beckwith family who lost a 26 year old son and husband in a horrible farming accident; he left behind a wife, a four year old daughter and a three month old daughter. Life is bleak for them right now.

Blessings ~ I'm still breathing ~ the dogs love me ~ the horses have hay ~ beautiful weather today ~

Sabbath Keeping

2011-12-11T18:12:00.001-05:00

~ gateway to the world ~

"Be strong and courageous.

Do not be afraid or discouraged."

~ 1 Chronicles 22:13 ~

"Let me do my work each day;

And if the darkened hours of despair overcome me,

May I not forget the strength that comforted me

In the desolation of other times

May I still remember the bright hours that found me

Walking over the silent hills of my childhood

Or dreaming on the margin of the quiet river,

When a light glowed within me,

And I promised my early God to have courage

Amid the tempests of the changing years...."

~ Max Ehrmann ~

"Never let us be discouraged with ourselves; it is not when we are conscious of our faults that we are the most wicked, on the contrary we are then less so. We see by a brighter light, and let us remember for our consolation that we never perceive our sins till we begin to cure them. We must neither flatter nor be impatient with ourselves in the correction of our faults.

Despondency is not a state of humility; on the contrary, it is the vexation and despair of a cowardly pride--nothing is worse; whether we stumble or whether we fall, we must think only of rising again and going on in our course. Our faults may be useful to us, if they cure us of a vain confidence in ourselves, and do not deprive us of a humble and salutary confidence in God.

Let us bless God with as true thankfulness if He have enabled us to make any progress in virtue as if we had made it through our own strength, and let us not be troubled with the weak agitations of self-love; let them pass; do not think of them.

God never makes us feel our weakness but that we may be led to seek strength from Him.

What is involuntary should not trouble us; but the great thing is never to act against the light within us, and to desire to follow where God would lead us."

~ Fenelon ~

" Though I may stumble, I may fall,

My weakness is His strength;

No one is lost who hears His call:

His grace, my recompense."

~ E. C. M. ~

"He has kept and folded us from ten thousand ills when we did not know it: in the midst of our security we should have perished every hour, but that He sheltered us "from the terror by night and from the arrow that flieth by day"--from the powers of evil that walk in darkness, from snares of our own evil will. He has kept us even against ourselves, and saved us even from our own undoing...."

~ H. E. Manning ~

"For God has not give us a spirit of fear,

but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

~ I Timothy 2:7 ~