THOU SHALL NOT BLOG

The unceasing pain

2018-10-18T02:57:00.000+05:30

Tears could not stop flowing, as my 18 week baby passed away in my palm. She probably did not manage to live more than 18 seconds. I had only myself to blame for the rest of my life.
Every time I see my 6 year old I realise this joy could have been doubled. If I had not trusted my gut, if I had not moved from Mumbai, if somehow we could manage to keep her safe for another 6 weeks I would not have had the misfortune of burying my 18 week old Rosie in Glasnevin cemetery.

I was told probably it was lack of faith. But God when was I ever strong. I believed but I often doubted, it was more of self doubt covered in reliance on God. I feel hard to comprehend that this is God's will for me, my wife and my child who longed for a sibling.

I searched for my baby in every new born after that and looked for those toes I could touch on that ill-fated day in January. I moan for the toys I could not buy her. I moan for the first sounds that would come from her. I could not fathom that life's most natural experience turned out to be so painful for us.
I mourned that day and the next and the weeks and months that go by. I tend to forget her in times of joy, thinking she was not viable. But there she was fully formed, with every part visible and tiny and beautiful.
If only I had persisted to be less smart and more foolish to stay back in Mumbai. If only I'd kept my selfish gut instincts under check I would have been caring for a 4 month baby.
How would I tell my only daughter I fucked up her chances to have a sibling for life, to care , share and much more. Yet I felt happy today without my 18 week old baby, I chose to forget her, thinking it was never viable and an act of God. I could forget it all away so conveniently, yet she lies there in the cold all alone, rotting away. Her soul smiling at my sorrow which will one of you day fade away like my words. Hoping to see her some day and the creator would be kind enough to show us what would have been!

List of things to be thankful for

2014-06-03T03:23:00.002+05:30

Birth : You gotta be thankful for the day you are born, might not realise it soon but still has to be a first in the chronological order of your life and nor will you be able to type after you die, so best to jot it down now and may be repeat again if you get a chance.

Loving mother : You know you have a loving mother when she takes on the world for your well being and of course for your father too in a intangible manner as he influences your life to a huge extent. I hope I can elicit better words from my daughter on my contributions.

Decent school life : A bunch of good teachers and good friends and perhaps good grades build the foundation of our lives

Youth and college : Thank God for getting the wisdom to survive and preventing from falling astray as these are the most vulnerable times of our lives where we have the least control over our good senses.

First flight, first car, first love :These are the high flying moments in our lives and probably the enthusiasm in most cases does not last long but still blessed to have some memory of it.

Brotherhood : Your life and your loved ones become most precious when someone survives an accident or illness. I believe for me this is the biggest thing to be thankful for.

First job/ career : The engine of your life if you get into a balanced career, it could give you the thrills and at times the chills but the experiences make you what you are as a human being, social being and a worker who supports his industry and at times leads and if destined leaves an impression on those around to inspire or in rare cases leave a legacy behind.

Marriage : A special feeling to have found the special one and a challenging one for the rest of life to understand each other but still loving to live with each other and care for each other, fight with each other and tread along in life

First child : Quite an experience and as the baby grows you see God's love, unconditional love which only a child or a mother can give. This is where you believe that only God could create such a thing.

To be continued...

Heartache

2014-04-02T03:29:00.000+05:30

I never realised that losing a parent could cause never ending heart burn. Every morning every night you wake up with that feeling you don't have that person to go back to. Every time you felt sympathy for someone who lost a loved one was not enough to get consoled nor could you share with a sibling for fear of halting his recovery from the loss. And probably the pain could not be shared with anyone who has not felt the same loss.
Every time you thought about the millions of healthily aging folks you fail to accept God's will and think that you are being meted punishment for your sins. Faith is questioned but prayer is the only solace and comfort in such times.
Counting your blessings and looking at the good times make us realise good times do cone to an end and the present needs to be cherished. These fears creep in everytime a loved one falls sick, faith starts wavering., nights seem to disturb you more but a prayer on the lips gets you through the night and your trials gets a new beginning in the morning full of hope and healing.
God's love prevails over us and his will too just like he did not punish Jonah nor the people of Nineveh despite their sins and was willing to forgive them if they chose God over evil .

The benchmark life

2013-09-04T05:14:00.000+05:30

My best friend at school accompanied me home to find out what language I speak at home. He was wondering despite all his efforts he could not score better than me in one subject of language i.e English. I could never explain how I scored better and to an extent I enjoyed his discomfort.Only in the last competitive exam he scored better and that laid to rest all his doubts over my supremacy in the subject and our friendship flourished. As for me I blamed my poor scores on the previous night matinee show which was more important than the exam and in return it saved my friendship.
However this was not the first time I was bench-marked. I did not realize at school that I enjoyed being a leader ( now I don't..reasons to be explained later) but in the interest of studies when my mom asked me to stay off the elections for the school captain I stepped back reluctantly. However I campaigned for my friend who seemed to be a much better leader than me. But just like elections everywhere the best don't come first and this risk was picked up by our school principal much before the elections. So he had to chose a better loser against whom my friend could win convincingly. And they could not find anyone better than me as a last minute replacement for the guy who could defeat my friend easily in the elections.
From then on I always feared I could be become a benchmark for all the wrong reasons and I dreaded being a wrong example for many to follow, so never chose to tell my silly stories to everyone, lest they spread and chose me to be the benchmark.
This made me think how do people arrive at the benchmark. It is someone who is probably a notch (with a minuscule difference) above average, but not the best, can be easily replaced with another benchmark. At the same time the benchmark could be better than the average Joe atleast for some period of time. The kind who seem to have the potential just enough to make the mark and yet stay as a surpassable benchmark.
Last time I was being set as a benchmark by some over enthusiastic parent to convince their young son to pursue an engineering degree who exposed my fallibility that I could not even buy a house after working for 10 years. Unless you are a fallible benchmark there is no hope for the one who want to cross over, otherwise you graduate into an exception and then get less talked about.
Although being a benchmark does not mean you will be spared comparison with other benchmarks, its just that you know how the rest feel when you are the benchmark itself. At work it is no different when you or your teams get slotted as benchmarks. This results in losing a chance to tread the untried or untested path where you could stumble on a better model of doing things or atleast enjoy the diversity instead of benchmarking people

Coping in uncertain times

2013-09-04T04:39:00.000+05:30

Today my baby kissed me for the first time when I opened my eyes after evening prayers. All this while I was thinking I did not deserve it (still I think I did not deserve) and may be I deserve being punished as I liked my mom more than my dad. Or maybe even my laziness prevented me from helping my wife with all the baby chores I was asked to do.
Not that I'm going to change or I want to change, but something inside me is choking my thought process, may be it is my mother's ill health or my work. By now it was high time I should have got used to both - the absolute uncertainty within my area of work and absolutely certainty of the helplessness we get to see in Parkinsons. I did not even hope for a miracle even though I believe faith could move mountains. It would have been good if the disease did not have a name or better if modern science could come up with a cure in my mother's lifetime to benefit out of it or I would curse my misfortune that the cure could come up a tad earlier.
Melissa started walking when she is a little more than 13 months and probably 7 days old with 5-6 baby steps and next day I heard my brother buying a wheel chair for my mother. How I wished my mother could be hale and hearty like the old people I see around in Dublin, independent and bubbling with enthusiasm. It was not to be, I had to live with this helplessness. History would repeat itself, my mom would have nightmares about her mom and I was going to inherit the same legacy. Only the awareness that life is so futile at times has been probably been imbibed better as the days go by.
Often we hear we live in uncertain times but then death is supposed to be uncertain or is life being uncertain is preparing us for the uncertainty we might face in death. But then how does it work for those who are aware as to when and how they will die, is life more certain for them or for those who chose to take their own lives at a uncertain moment and if lucky enough to survive, are certain that life is still worth living despite the uncertainties as there is a hope that uncertainty would not stay certain all the time. Reading the above makes me think I was better off without writing or may be I'm just cleansing myself of my useless and aimless thought process.
I could only summarize I miss my mom already (when she is alive and does remember me so well) from the old times when she asked me to accompany her one more time to the market and I did not. If only I could get her favorite food, favorite saree or anything she liked one more time. Probably more than me if she could realize and enjoy every moment when she was well that life is so beautiful despite all the uncertainties. May be it was the times my mother lived in, the challenges she had to face, the stress or some reaction from the medicines we will never know.
The time we have at hand could be savoured and time we lost could only be cherished without regret if possible and the time that is to come we pray for strength to understand and perhaps even marvel at God's will.

Labour joys

2012-09-23T23:06:00.000+05:30

It was friday the 13th, and as usual I was thinking that I will be finished with the appointment soon and then I will be on my way back to my work waiting for a phone call to race home back and rush to the hospital. The doctor would make her causal remark to my wife - 'oh you look normal, nothing to worry, any pain is part and parcel of pregnancy'. And I would love to add- see I knew it and I told you so. But that day the doctor said the cervix has opened up and this could be the day. We were prepared all this time but this revelation seemed a tad bit early. We diidn't wanna go home and hoped to stay around the hospital. Reluctantly we drove home, we had mixed feelings. We were happy and at the same time anxious how the delivery would go. I could talk on, but I knew I could never sense the amount of pain my wife would undergo, I could just witness it with sheer helpness.
After waiting for a day we realised it wasn't supposed to happen so soon. Another week passed by and we looked forward to the next friday appointment. The doctor was pleasantly surprised and this time she did not want to make a prediction and just told it could happen anytime. In all this I could recollect my wife showed weakness on the outside but seemed to be calm and composed on the inside and I was exactly the opposite. When I came back from work that evening my wife was explaining with great delight that the baby is trying to find its way down and it was happening for hours. Thank God she's so expressive that she cared to share these thoughts with me and only now as I write I realise those were blessed moments we got to experience on that day.That night as we said our prayers we did not realise that our prayers were going to be answered very soon.
At 2:30 on saturday night the 21st day of July my wife woke me up and told me the pains were coming just like the doctor told us. A niggling pain at the back every 5 mins and the baby trying to find its way out slowly and gently. My mother -in -law woke up and made us coffee reminding us this could be a long ordeal and she was quite a calming influence on us. We landed at the hospital thinking this would take quite some time.
My wife was taken into the casaaulty for some tests and I was called in for filling forms. A little while later my mom-in-law was right behind saying that Solly was being shifted to the labour room. It did not sink in then, only when I was inside the labout room, I realise that is going to happen so soon. The pains were growing, tears swelled in her eyes and she clasped myhands tight. The doctor was rubbing her own hands as she was woken up from sleep for this delivery, probably a routine for her. Regular contractions and the pain was growing, I did not what was happening.
Int the midst of this commotion the doctor summoned for the suction pump and it did not seem to work. For a moment I could see blood and then chose not to look. The next moment I could hear the first tiny sounds, baby covered in blue wax kind of thing and the doctor told me it is a girl. My wife let out a cry, she turned out to be braver than I expected. My head was spinning, I'd to sit for a moment. The doctor told me if I crash she will not attend to me. Our prayers were answered, around 4:40 am baby Melissa was born. Our lives were about to change or rather blessed from that moment. On Day 1 baby was blue, on day 2 she was red and on day3 she was yellow, daignosed with Jaundice. In a week she got my colour and the next few months we know would be spent on sleepless nights and guessing whether she looked like me or my wife.
We thanked God, thanked the doctor who lived up to her reputation and helped us with a normal delivery and a normal healthy baby.

City of Heroes

2010-04-19T22:51:00.002+05:30

When I landed in Moscow, just as I would have expected spring chose to delay its arrival, winter was glad to overstay its welcome. Much to my surprise I was surrounded by quite a few caring folks who were ready to guide me every step lest I fall. Thankfully they were not aware I was so used to falling that it didnt matter on most of the occasions.
With the holy week coming to an end I chose reluctantly go to a nearby church and it was closed. So I chose another one the next one and much to my disillusionment that was closed too. I knew I had not done much to appease the Gods but all doubts were put to rest in the third attempt when I got a chance to enter the church.
I'd very little enthusiasm to go to the Red square, on multiple occasions I came near striking distance of the place but walked away hoping I would be there some other day. To kill my despondent thoughts I was about to splurge on a pricey tag heuer but somehow could gather myself at the last moment to turn away, only to have known later I would have probably paid 3 times the price.
It was yet another wednesday when I told my cabbie that I want to go to St Petersberg. I did not have a reason, I did not understand architecture or the language or the heritage nor did I value the history. Yet I tugged along and even if I did reason enough to find a reason I had judged long back that my reasons would never be good enough.
Saturday morning I was on the bullet train , I'd hoped the journey to be scenic but spring has deserted me long enough and I've made amends with winter. My expectations were at an astonishing low after the unexciting train journey in the bullet train kaizan which ran the 880km distance from moscow to St Petersberg in flat 4 hours. Only when the cabbie at St Petersberg told me that is the city of heroes who had held the city for 900 days before giving in during the world war, it resembled a faint chord in me, I could give my best only when I already knew that I'd lost the battle.
As he drove me to the first cathedral he showed me a few buildings, to me all of them seemed typical, european vintage they had preserved over the years. When I entered St Isaacs cathedral the atmosphere and the acoustics inside the dome structure seized me. I clicked as many times as I could but my eyes could not capture the fine architecture, the fantastic biblical paintings, I could not seek anything , I just wanted to breathe from my eyes. This was one of the best cathedrals I'd seen in my life , it seemed better than the St Peters square at vatican.
Time had stopped, I did not want to go anywhere when my cabbie called and took me to Pushkin where the famous Catherine's palace is located. It was quite a museum but somehow I was not in a mood to appreciate art and we hurried off to Peterhoff. It was quite a sight to see the palace standing tall over the bay of finland which was frozen as far as the naked eye could reach.
On our way we spent some moments in the Cathedral of Peter and Paul, it was quite a majestic structure standing tall on one side of a lake.
As we chose to unwind our day on the riverside very few were around to witness the lonely sunset at the Neva river where we were making our plans for the next day. Early morning we visited The Resurrection Cathedral which was constructed over a hundred years. On our way we took a glimpse of the famous bridges of St. Petersberg which would open up every summer to give way to commercial and cruise ships treading along the Neva river basin.
Finally it was time to visit the hermitage, the king's winter palace that housed a million paintings and artefacts which if observed carefully would take more than 3 years to cover everything. The word art never struck a chord , I was confident I would finish this visit quite soon. The first hall had Remembrandt's paintings, I looked around amused and with mischief. I was observing the people around and was pretty sure like me most of them could not appreciate art. But still I chose to have a look at the paintings. I strolled around the hall quite fast the first time, and then again the second time and then a third time. I was beginning to understand the painting , I could not believe my own eyes. As I walked around, the painting revealed themselves, a unique feature of the style was that as you viewed those paintings under the light from a distance the different facets of painting would emerge which could not be experienced from a close distance the first time. But once you notice them it stays with you even when you move closer to the painting.
As I reluctantly moved away from the paintings I could see many such halls with paintings of the great european artists of the 18th and the 19th century. I spent close to three hours in the hermitage, which is the king's winter palace now transformed into a museum and an art gallery.
Every city I visited I always chose to skip the museums but here I did not regret the decision of visiting the hermitage. This visit had transcended me from the daily monotony and mediocrity to a level of excellence and understanding I did not create or even grasp yet it made me realise that this was some magic we could only experience and capture in our memories where they would always stay unexplained as a mystery.
As I reluctantly walked out of the hermitage the next destination was the Church of the Savior on Spilled blood. The architecture, pictures on the wall, the dome , the pillars and every minute detail made me wonder how this could have been built so well and surprisingly preserved for the future generations to wonder at such great structures.
It was my last day in St Petersberg, I knew I had only a couple of hours and I wanted to visit the first cathedral I'd seen in the city for one more time. On our way back we visited the Peter and Paul Church and also checked out the first Russian ship built a 100 years ago and to this day it was preserved and functioning as a museum. My cabbie told me a story as how it was sunk on purpose in the neva river to save it from aerial attacks during world war II.
Just when I was wondering I'd visited so many cathedrals and churches very few of them was functioning as a real church. Though I do not consider myself to be religious, somewhere deep inside I longed to hear the proceedings of a church, the hymns , the worship sequence or may be even the choir. As I went to Kazaan , yet another cathedral , my prayers were partially answered , I could witness the service , but somehow I was impatient to see Isaac's cathedral one last time again.
This time when I entered there was quite a gathering inside the church, this was not a gathering of tourists, it seemed like a festive occasion for the locals where the choir was practising. I could see bishops making speeches followed by a presentation of songs from different choirs and the last song was sung by the whole group together. It was quite an experience to hear the beautiful choir supported by the acoustics of the dome based architecture on which the cathedral was built.
By the end of the trip I had the answer, I knew I was blessed enough to see one of the finest and oldest cities in Europe which had probably the world's best cathedrals and churches.

Humility

2010-04-19T22:19:00.001+05:30

I always doubted if my mistakes were good enough to teach me unforgettable lessons in humility. After every perceived fall I would gather myself and wonder this does not seem to be the last fall. With every passing thought dissected in a dim lit closet, disturbed only by the humming sound of an irritating fan of the last generation of the thinkpad you would have loved to dump, I was trying to weed out the bad ones and sow the good seeds in my mind every night.

But somehow on most mornings I could only reap the dying weeds and be startled out of the deep cosy slumber. With darkness turning to light I would stay away from any object that would cause to self reflect. I dread both my internal and external reflections, I do not know which is worse. Every attempt to fit in made me doubt my intent or the facade I was trying to develop around me.

My actions deserted my thoughts,sometimes even defeat them and every good action seemed sinister, fading away in the darkness, passing as though it was some kind of a failed attempt at atonement. Every bad thought seemed magnifying very much like the ash emanating of the volcanic Iceland, I smirked first and then prayed if only the ash could cover the skies where my eyes could wander and stop the piercing rays to wake me up and push me once again to give a shot at humility.

Solitude

2010-03-27T23:37:00.002+05:30

The never ending search for answers ends in solitude as the mind calms down and it gets tired playing out the thousands of possibilities. No challenge seems impossible, no loss seems too big, no worry threatens to ruin your feeling of bliss, no foreign surroundings make you run away, no fear makes you sweat. Its as if your life is like a river charting its own course irrespective of whether it will lose its identity as it joins the sea or lose its existence as it dries out into a small stream.
The urge for righteousness does not deem you guilty anymore, the urge for truth does shout liar in your head,the urge to weed out the gray into the black and white does not matter anymore. Its as if music is playing in your ears and every note seems to come out of no where and life becomes the magic you always wanted to be. Its as if the universe is ready to accept your every command and you stoop down to let the universe have its own way as you are just happy breathing in harmony with the world.
Every stranger looks into your eyes with kindness and with no doubt of malaise. Even when you have closed your mind from your own self the whole word tends to reach out to you with warmth. Its not that the commotions cease to exist but it probably loses it power to ruffle you once you are in solitude. Even your mutating thoughts tend to shed the cancerous tumours with no effort, they just tend to dissolve. What we end up with is just to be and live in the moment without getting nervous or excited of the wonderful tomorrow that awaits us.

The big fat Bikaneri Wedding

2010-02-10T00:58:00.002+05:30

From nowhere 4 of us combined forces to take the same flight on Friday, even if it was at the cost of burning quite a few bucks. By midnight we were at jaipur waiting for the elusive cab driver, finally the one that turned up was napping along with our co-pilot Vinit. Finally mighty Gaurav came to our rescue as usual and drove for the rest of the journey.On our way we managed to lay our hands on some authentic Rajasthani food and we devoured it as if we were hungry since last 1 week. But the best was yet to come
When we reached Bikaner on the wintry morning we could barely move our bones, we crash landed in the hotel only to be woken up for lunch. Along with different Rajasthani preparations one that stood out was the mouthwatering Gajar ka halwa made in pure ghee. Our stomachs were full but we couldnt satiate our hunger for Gajar ka halwa. With a heavy stomach we went back to our rooms and started planning for the drinking binge that weekend.
By the time we came back in the evening in our self styled Kurtas and Sherwanis the music had begun and Saurabh's family were busy displaying their talents in song and dance events. Thats when we realised apart from Saurabh the whole family was quite talented. Saurabh's talent was probably buried by his laziness to move which was effectively in display every time he pretended to bend to seek his elders blessings.
Just when there was competition as to which group (bride vs the groom's side) could pull in more numbers on the dance floor our guys were busy fighting to live upto the Royal Challenge and I'd to incur Saurabh's sister's wrath that our guys never turned up on time.But when our charged group reached the dance floor we captured the stage for the rest of the night till we were forced out by the family elders.Again we took solace in the grand food laid out in the gardens of Kothari palace and everyone was pushing us to try out the local food on display there. It was time for Royal Challenge again in the night which continued till the wee hours of morning.Breakfast was the only motivation to get up on a cold and cosy morning in Bikaner. When we reached for breakfast(it was already lunch time)some of the best variety of sweets,badam ka halwa , dal ka halwa, Rajbhog and God knows what, but we tried everything and we were trying to satiate our hosts hospitality.
We decided to skip lunch and spend the afternoon in leisure but a call from Saurabh after 2 hours changed our mind and we devoured the after meal with the same vigour.Thats when we saw they were making safas(turbans) for everyone in the family in the typical Rajashtani style and in the next 1hourwe got our ourselves clicked in Rajasthani safas.Being lazy we never bothered to get a gift for Saurabh, but kudos to Rajasthani hospitaly we were gifted boxes of sweetsand a high quality bedsheets which my mom would like.We never missed an oppourtunity to get ourselves photographed and shot some funny moments on video as well.
For the first time I shed my inhibitions and danced for 2 hours on the streets of Bikaner when the procession/Baarat was out in the evening.Just when we thought we had shaken quite aleg the DJ blared out music for another hour.
We took a break and chose to haveone final look on wat was on display on the wedding day.It was a mind boggling scene, on one corner I could see someone dishing out hot jalebis and flavoured milk, other side I could see the bestsalad and fruit dressings. Moving forward we could see different varieties of desserts and gulab jamun and other sweets which I could neither identify nor count as there was so much to try out.Gaurav's favorite was the chaat corner and much to our surprise they were also serving dosas.Somebody then pointed they had got tandoors installed in the garden and were dishing out different kinds of rotis which were served with some authentic sabzis likegatte ki sabzi, sangni ki sabzi etc. Gaurav liked sangni ki sabzi so much, he got a week's quota packed for him.

Lesson of fig tree

2010-02-03T01:05:00.003+05:30

I had read over and over again that the human mind is like a garden and you should not let a single bad thought enter your mind. I had promised myself that I wont blog till I got rid of the mess cleared from my head. I stopped brooding about the past, didnt care a damn for the future. I was on the look out for anything which would burden my infertile mind which could sow only negative impulses.

I feared I had become quite like the fig tree in the parable which refused to grow despite being watered regularly and given enough opportunity and time to mend its ways. It was as if I enjoyed feeling this way and there was a strong sense of unwillingness to let go of misery. For the first time I feared happiness, as if I was afraid to come out of the self created quagmire.

I tried everything in the book, first being the natural impulse to run away from conflict but I knew there was never a finishing line. I was always on the run not knowing where to go , where to stop and sometimes wondering how I could not run out of steam. My search for a bigger crisis could keep me engaged for some days, however as soon as I chose to seek rest the same thoughts would play havoc with my mind.

The fig tree was dispensable, with all humility I saw myself as just another cog in the wheel. But I was not sure the cog could let go of its responsibility especially when so much effort was put by so many to make me fit in the wheel.
I dont want to give up my quest for wisdom, righteousness, redemption though I strayed a million times. If this was my destiny I dont want to go down without putting a fight lest my soul wearily tread in this universe with remorse that I chose to defeat my own self.

Autumn blues

2009-09-21T01:46:00.003+05:30

For every step I took forward I was taking 2 steps backward. I was counting days till I could hold on , not that I was proud of when I stumbled upon this line from a movie. There comes a time when we gotta give up the thing which we want the most and even our dreams.

I wanted to let go of my dreams which were turning nightmarish by the day. I wanted to desert my very own thoughts which would spring up every time I was awake. I was afraid to wish for anything good, lest they turn true I would not be brave enough to face them.

My only focus was this tremendous urge to live in the present, and do whatever it takes to massage my bruised ego in whichever way I could. Till I got humbled I thought of myself being more grounded than I actually was. With the ego crushed and my soul sunk in self pity I was hitting a state of heightened nothingness and the only thing that frightened me was the lesson I learnt doesnt get lost in me.

I could laugh through the irony when on the outside I'm surrounded by joy and happiness and all the blessings I aways prayed for, lingered around me, like a much awaited and surprisingly lasting joyous spring. Even though on the inside I was unwilling to let go of the tortuous and depressing barren winter like thoughts which were never supposed to have lasted more than a wicked second in time.

Overdrive

2009-08-04T23:52:00.003+05:30

When I said yes to Sid I had no idea that how the two of us could make it on our own all the way to Goa, so we pulled in Keanu in the discussion. Any such discussion would be incomplete without Gaurav who was not willing to move his big ass beyond water kingdom. I pulled the plug on this discussion and decided that may be only 2 frustrated souls would embark on this trip.

Next day brought in hope when Keanu with all his matrix like convincing powers brought on 8 people on board and I was on my way to Ganpati phule having one of the best rides of my life inKeanu's K(c)orolla. Thanks to me staying in the countryside miles away from the city I got shelter in Gaurav's house and after staying up till 4 did I realise it was too late to sleep. With Keanu's timely call I decided to catch a quick nap while our baby elephant was busy in the bathroom. I can say with pride and slight remorse I managed to maintain Gaurav's reputation of turning up late for the second time.

We had a good look at the new machines Sid's Elantra and Keanu's Corolla whose power was about to be unleashed on the meanest of roads for a gruelling 8 hour journey.Once the pessimistic Kushal joined onboard I was sure our vehicle had the 2 most negative forces in the world so both of us did not take wanna take any chances with our already screwed up fate. It was quite a sight to see the two of us tugged in our seat belts at the rear side when one of the safest drivers on the circuit was on the steering wheel and to balance the centrifugal force we had our 1 tonner man Gaurav to make up for any imbalance on the road.

Keanu was hitting speeds of hundred and twenty plus with such elan on the hilly terrain as if it was his home circuit and was slowly demonstrating his matrix like skills of the man becoming the machine itself. After a few hours we changed seats and I got to witness Keanu's driving skills up close sitting right next to him. I resisted my urge to pull his leg and was enjoying the ride as Keanu was overtaking every other mortal on the road effortlessly.

For the next 2 seconds my legs froze, thank God I kept my mouth shut out of shock and rued that I dint take that insurance cover, Kushal chose to stay silent and Gaurav tried to say No once before he chose silence. In the midst of all this Rahul hit the pedal hard and manoeuvred his way from right to left overtaking the truck, missing the one coming head on by a whisker to see another tempo coming right onto us missing us again by tenth of a second . And then we started laughing and shouting, in 2 seconds we summoned all our Gods just like Constantine did in the movie to call on Gabriel and for a change our prayers got answered instantaneously.

On our way back we were wondering just in case if the 4 of us didnt make it, it would have been so difficult for our colleagues to attend 4 funerals since each one of us stayed at 4 corners of the city. I wanted to build onto that topic but was stopped by Keanu as Kushal was trying his best to make up the last leg of our journey more adventurous by hitting speeds of 140 and above.

Once we reached the beach Keanu donned the role of a photographer clicking each and every thing, he even went out in the midnight and came back disappointed there wasnt enough light.
Close to dawn one by one we fell flat out, some by the effects of alcohol and others by the sheer tiredness of the long drive and the exploits on the beach.

The knocked out feeling

2009-05-03T12:05:00.002+05:30

A close friend of mine reminded me of a line from Rocky which goes like Life's not all about how many punches you can give but how many you can take. As I woke up another morning with this feeling that I got knocked out last night, I prayed and hoped I could garner strength for the rest of the day to get knocked out again.

As I lay on my bed, was trying hard to reminisce that how long I could summon sadness and misery at my beck and call so effortlessly and how hard I tried to fight my way into happiness or atleast pretend to be happy. By pretending to be happy I only ended up trying to fool myself out of my sorry predicament.

Like always I hoped for rescue from destiny, then sought help from friends and finally I'm hanging on to some kind of divine intervention. The only problem it seems with divine help is you never get a soft landing, you get knocked out and you get that strength out of nowhere to stand up even in the midst of pain.

Thankfully work turned out to be the ultimate solace and the challenge it brings though daunting enough but not earth shattering enough for someone who loved to be knocked out and stand up with a phony smile ready to get knocked out again.

Negative thinking

2009-03-22T22:11:00.001+05:30

Last couple of months I have been so negative that I'm pretty convinced that no good could come ever out of any of my actions. Just like that old fable where anything the king touches into gold, I was bringing bad luck to any project and to those around whom I could set my eyes on.
As I was looking at various options to come out of my defeatist attitude I thought work could save me from my misery but recession was taking a toll on me indirectly this year. Last year it drained me of my finances and taught me humility by reducing my stocks to zilch, thank God they dont go into negative.
When work didnt provide any solace I thought working out might serve to boost both my sagging body and spirit. Just like my mind my body could not stand the ordeal. Someone suggested burning money could bring back one to his senses and I could help the world economy by spending. I was blown away by the quality of sound and then by the cost of the headfone. On a normal day with a miserly outlook I would have never bought that damn thing.
Again on the suggestions of like minded dejected souls I switched to rock music, never loved nor understood such music but now I was hooked for a good part of the day and even without the headfones the effect lasted for the remaining part of the day.
After the stock market crash I could no longer stand the depressing business news channels and the optimistic single concept based Happy Ending Hindi movies could only add insult to injury. So thought of watching premier league matches and there my bad luck was hitting ManU which had to undergo the misery of losing back to back games after a long time in premier league history.Luckily for India I'm not following the test series in New Zealand keenly.
Finally I hoped nothing worse could happen but I was wrong and so I decided to fulfill my long cherished dream of picking up an addictive vice. I was not enjoying this vice but was not willing to let go.As usual when the mind was about to give up the body got afflicted and I landed up at the physician's desk. His diagnosis relegated the illness to occupational stress and the physical tests confirmed the same. Thank God they dont have a test for detecting depression yet or else atleast I could have scored well in this test on a consistent basis.

Christmas tidings

2008-12-25T21:40:00.000+05:30

A wednesday, the day before Christmas as I kept praying for things out of reach I'd decided I'm not gonna spend the eve in disillusionment. The day had started on a terrible note, as usual I'd tried my best to cover up yet another sleepless night but this time my detective mom was upto the task. All I could manage was a dumb stare to her battery of questions and thankfully she's getting used to it.
I was glad to step out of the house, another habit of mine which I need to curb, ran into my brother and his bunch of friends. I knew it would be tough to lie to him every wednesday but somehow I knew he was aware of it but turned a blind eye.
As I sat through the sermon I was hoping for some relief, but it was the regular stuff priests love to strut on such occasions like dont drink, dont make merry and there's more to Christmas etc. etc. One quote from the priest that prevented me from falling asleep was God loved the common man so much that he created so many of them and that Christ himself lived the life of a common man. This got me interested since I realised one could sense God even in the mundane trivialities in the life of a common man.
After the mass I waited for some time and then some more but I had tall expectations which had to be quashed. Finally when I left to meet a friend whom I'd ditched the previous day thanks to work, which pops up only at the most inopportune time, he was kind enough to trust me the second time.
Since we were meeting after a year we had a lot of catching up to do, we were keen to have a peek in the detailed screw-ups we had indulged in the past 1 year. The only screw up of the eve was when we decided to watch the latest SRK flick and ended up screwing up our 3 hours. The emotional melodramatic stuff these movies come up with again and again may not invoke the same feeling but it does provide some comic relief.
We came out of the movie hall with a not so good feeling having wasted both time and money, that too in such recessionary times. By now my friend was getting impatient to know my story which had made me such a big fan of John Denver. In the beginning he expected this to be yet another futile sob story that I come up with but by the end he was pretty jealous of my current position irrespective of the pain and misery it bought along. Like most of my friends he convinced me that whatever is gonna happen will turn out to be in my favour.
On our way back home we took a brief halt at his alma matter church and school. On Christmas eve just like the priest had preached, we were away from the commercial stuff, merry making and the drunken revelry and nor did we try to be part of the supposedly faithful who hope for redemption every year and then get on with their phony lives.
As we left the church thanking God with a prayer on our lips we did not hope for the best, we sought courage to laugh at ourselves even in the midst of our self created mediocre adversities.

Birthday woes

2008-11-23T16:53:00.000+05:30

Just a week before my birthday I was praying that God help me accept your will and more courage to change the things and the wisdom to know the difference. A friend advised from his own experience cut down on our expectations and you will be happy. For more than half a decade I have come to expect something only from myself, but now that was turning out to be agonising more than ever.

So just like the bubble burst in the financial world , the bubble in my life had burst. I was ready to pick up the pieces and move on. As I reflected on the past year that went by, the first half of october and the most of my november till my birthday seemed to take some kind of a wretched pattern. This pattern assumed a self destructing form and it seems to grow till my birthday and then dies down. And when I look back, probably it seemed like a nightmare which was waiting to fade away after my birthday. This happened year after year but I never realised it until I shared it my brother who was living under the same curse and was happy that my birthday was near and the jinx would be over atleast till the next birthday. And yes the D-day my birthday was a jinx for the whole city if not the country itself, however I could reach home safely and thankfully all friends and family in the city were spared the trouble. Its difficult to cope up and continue as if nothing happened especially in the midst of terror attacks in every indian city.

Looking ahead I am trying to come up with a not to do list during this phase of my life every year like do not invest in stocks, do not try too hard to be good at work, do not try anything extra ambitious and last but not the least do not fall for a girl during this period. Hopefully the last habit would be curbed sooner if not later and definitely this cannot be an annual affair since I'm inching towards nearly 3 decades of my existence or precisely 28 years. The only positive from this phase is that I am emerging stronger from these self inflicted crises and when I look back I do manage to get a good laugh at some of my foolishness I've indulged in. Probably some of my friends who are reading this are already laughing at me.

In fact this theory of the jinx was building up so badly that it was affecting the ones I associated during this period, I managed to turn upside down the life of a loved one in flat 3 days and the nightmare which I always feared would happen to me I am so close to inflicting it on somebody else. I have pulled off yet another challenge to live upto the ideals I have always wanted to but never managed so far. And this time when I come out of this self inflicted crisis I know I might not come out unscathed as I would want to hope for.

I'm trying to take heart from a recent quote which says when it gets difficult to change your situation then the bigger challenge is changing yourself to live upto that situation. Thats why blogging is such a good medium, you make strong statements, propagate your thoughts, stay away from negativity and hope that something good happens out of the stuff you write or atleast you get to experience self imposed deja vu year after year when you read your old posts .

Annie's song

2008-08-13T23:52:00.000+05:30

As I grabbed on the rod I was happy I'd gotta place to stand on the door of a crowded local for the next 1 hour. I managed to pass on my bags inside at the expense of some grumbling passengers and then was struggling with my earphones and phone and the rod for support while standing on the door.

Thanks to my latest craze Annie's song by John denver I dont need to shuffle for songs while travelling. Just before I could get started on the song, vikhroli was approaching, I said a small prayer as the train passed by the church besides the railway track and then concentrated on my music. I was happy that now I could manage to sing this song with ease and I'd almost an hour to day dream as I travel back home from work. In between my mind would drift from the song and I would seek help from God for that elusive dream and end up asking for courage to accept his will.

I was blissfully unaware that I'd covered more than half the distance and I was trying to get each line right from Annie's song when the train stopped at Thane. By this time, it was half past 10 there were hardly any people to fight for the door. A guy came up and was happy to stand near the door. But soon another aggressive dude came up, pushed him and took over the door. Thanks to wisdom and probably pleasant weather this did not turn into another local train fight we get to witness every other day.

As the train moved slowly away from the station, my body half outside, I could feel the breeze on my face and darkness all around and the voice of John denver in my ears and suddenly I heard a thud noise. I moved inside and I thought probably it was a bush or something. The guy who had fought aggressively for the door was hit by a thief standing on the nearby pole. He lost his mobile, thankfully he did not lose his balance. Meanwhile the guy who was pushed inside seemed to be delighted and reminded how he was pushed inside in a unfair manner.

For a few moments we sympathised with the guy who lost his phone. I was kinda tempted to ask if the mobile was a costly one or not, but thankfully I could keep my curiosity under check. I could recollect my mom advising every morning not to stand on the footboard which has become a part of my daily travel. I'd read of such incidents in the papers, got to witness one today. I spent some time inside but after a few minutes I was back at the door with John Denver singing Annie's song into my ears for the nth time and as the train reached the destination I pulled of my earphones and plugged into reality.

Volunteering for TFI

2008-08-11T09:33:00.000+05:30

The moment I saw Teach for India as one of the citi community initiatives I signed up and the in the next 10 mins 20 seats were filled up. I could not get my friend Sid register for it. We wanted to do it together and so I was wondering whether I should de-register and sign up for some other event. I was browsing the site and I found suddenly the seats had increased to 30. I got Sid to sign up and managed to convince one more friend of mine Megha to sign up.
On the D-day we landed up at Chowpatty we were quite early for the event. CCD was not open and so we decided to walk on the beach. We were quite apprehensive as how we could go back to that college atmosphere and get people to sign up for Teach for India.Our event coordinator Shaheen Mistry CEO of Teach for India and founder of Akansha was a very pleasant lady and she was quite happy to know that we have quite some information about teach for India. But she was slightly disappointed at the turnout, only 10 out of the 30 (who had registered) had turned up for the event.As she explained about the event, this was quite different from Teach for India which was being advertised in the newspapers. They were on the look out for 100 graduates for a 2 year fellowship program who would undergo a rigorous in-house training and then get on to teach in government schools in remote areas of Mumbai and Pune. Since big corporate houses would be involved and they have plans to scale it up in the coming years on the lines of Teach for America, they have a mechanism to pay these fellows a stipend of 15000. But the challenge was to find that 1 percent of crowd who were deeply motivated and committed to spread education in the country. This is where we as employees of citi had to play to a role.
We were split into small groups and were assigned a college in south mumbai. We were supposed to spread information about this new initiative of teach for India and get the contact details of those who might make the cut for this program. I was imagining myself in college and if somebody like this turned up I would have probably not even shown the patience to listen or my notorious friends who would had their dose of fun at the expense of such volunteers.When we landed in Elphinstone we were quite apprehensive , we could not locate our single point of contact Prof. Vyaas. So we decided to stick together and students were looking at our T-shirt
which brightly announced Citi Global Volunteer day. In fact a couple of students stopped us and enquired what we were up to. We explained patiently what this initiative is and they guided us onto our first contact who might be interested or might know somebody is interested. After explaining to this new guy (who was referred to as Bavaji) for around 20 minutes he told us he was not interested, and that hes more of a introvert and that he didnt know anyone out there. So me and Sid had our first experience of what we would have done to such volunteers. But by then Megha had got the permission from the head of IT department to speak to a class.
Suddenly we had to address a entire class and Megha in a quick transformation was speaking loudly somewhat like Hillary Clinton campaigning for the primaries. I was taken aback, there were times I would ask her on why the issue was handled in a particular way it would take quite some time for the sound to travel the half yard distance from her cubicle to mine. I chose to take a back seat because Megha was turning out to be an excellent speaker. I was studying the responses of 60 0dd students in class who were listening quite attentively to Megha. Initially I could see students working on their assignments but as we drilled down the importance of this program the interest levels were growing. When we would pester them to ask questions quite a few enthusiastic students asked questions about the program and how it would help them in the long run. I was afraid to conclude our lecture because we were about to pose that dreaded question how many would be interested to sign up.
As soon as that question was posed I could see hands raised from each row and yes it was a great feeling. We had converted a good number to our cause and even the young teacher was interested. During all of these 45 mins Sid was missing from the scene and when he came back he looked like a man who has won the war. He had a list with him , which had the names and contacts of those students who were good in academics or sports or extra curricular activities -- the focus group for Teach for India.
At the outset we were afraid that whether we could manage even a single contact and by the end we had managed close to 50 students who would be contacted by Teach for India.

Mission Impossible

2008-06-28T18:15:00.000+05:30

Why does not the dying urge to achieve the impossible die out with the passage of time. Sheer thought of invincibility to achieve that impossible dream keeps you down in the dusk, but then the first dream that creeps up with the passage of dawn creating the hopes of trampling over that impossible vision. Just like a compulsive trader keeps betting till he loses his shirt and then borrows to lose more hoping that someday his contra bets would rise up against the tide and get him back his past glory. Probably this habit of risk taking would explain the behaviour of traders at investment banks causing much agony to the banking world.
When Achilles was given the option of living a settled life, he chose a path of glory knowing that he might end up losing everything and even his life chose to beat the invincible. Every now and then the Achilles in us wakes up in our hearts amidst much pain to beat the monotony in our lives to seek glory or tread on the untravelled roads where every step could be questioned, challenged even when we have had the choice of continuing to lead the secure, tried and tested and much travelled path.
Even the fear of failure will not let you stop pursuing that bloody dream and I recently read the depression of failure is better than the depression of success. I would rather rephrase this as depression of mediocre failures is the worst than any other form. It doesnt cease to exist but it gets instilled on every corner of your conscious and subsconscious brain waiting for a trigger to explode.
Probably this is why we keep trying fighting against the demons within, constantly move our milestone a few miles ahead to reach somewhere we could coalesce with the invincible.

How to kill ambition

2008-05-18T02:06:00.000+05:30

As a 15 year old when I encountered an essay in a exam My ambition in Life, I was pretty relieved and went on to write one of the high scoring essays in the class. Another friend of mine who was sitting ahead of me wrote the same essay and chose the same profession for his essay as well and that was to become a priest. Thankfully our essays had quite a different content otherwise the teacher would not have labelled it as mere coincidence. As time passed I did manage to kill that ambition by choosing to follow a conventional career path.
Time and again that thought would creep in my mind what if I'd followed the first calling of my life. Oh yes my friend did went on to become what he had written in that essay and even much better. I'm happy not have to met him since so many years not out of jealousy but out of a inferior feeling of having not followed something you had put on paper.
But at saner times I would want to think it was just my sub conscious or shrewd mind that was at its nascent stage(when I was 15) trying to score the maximum by writing something novel that would impress one and all. Sooner or later the next ambition began to creep into my head, and these demons would surface every now and then. It would not help me enjoy my mediocre successes, it would make me yearn day in day out for something bigger of which I was not sure whether I really deserved. I don't like to judge myself or anybody else unless it comes in the way of my job. Every time I judge I fear I would be judged on stricter criteria, yes the Bible does inculcate a good amount of fear for God in you and my mother has done the rest by reminding me every time just in case I forget.
The best way to kill the ambition is to try and fail. That would give you the excuse of having put in the efforts, or wasted efforts to put it precisely. The human mind's gotta be pre-occupied with something or the other. May be with age the ambitions would cease to exist but many a time with age you start thinking about it every time you are awake. Choosing not to act makes it worse, so your latest ambition would be to defeat your own ambition.
Getting busy at work can keep your ambition tied down for sometime but not for too long.
A friend of mine managed to kill his ambition by getting married and now he has his mind filled with a collective ambition formed by the couple. So marriage didn't help him much on that account and with the passage of time his ambitions got close to becoming finite and more achievable.
Procrastination doesn't delay the pain of not having lived up to it, but it does diminish the hopes and expectations others have had on you. That in turn takes off the pressure and the demons come back with a bang. Travelling, pursuing that impossible hobby or may be even the next crush may keep the thing on a tight leash but when the excitement wanes out the mundane ambition raises its ugly head to cause insomnia in the night especially if you have slept for 10 hours in the day.

The Ordinary Life

2008-05-04T23:41:00.000+05:30

If you gotta travel daily for more than a couple of hours and then realise that there's not much to do other than watch the rigged up IPL matches or switch over to the intellectually defying news channels then welcome to the club formed for those hoping (but not acting) and even blogging that things would get better whilst living the Ordinary Life.
Few months back when my brother asked him to join for a pilgrimage down south I refused saying God exists within and is not be searched elsewhere. I did team up with him when he decided he would go for it alone. It was a good opportunity for me to escape the ordinary weekend and seek solace in divine company. The ten hour drive to the shrine from Chennai was nothing but adventurous; an inexperienced driver coupled with reckless driving by the local truck drivers and the continuous struggle by our taxi driver to stay awake. The Gods had to be on our side, lest we would not have made it.
The church looked like the Vatican of South India and is known to be blessed with miraculous powers. Well I decided to shed my unspoken arrogance and was asking for something much more than a miracle with all the humility I could fake. Instead I knew that the thousands who gathered there deserved more than me to get their prayers answered. Long back Christ said that if you have faith equivalent to that of a mustard seed you can move mountains.All I was asking was to get myself on the move, quite literally so, out of my inaction and reluctance or may be the inertia or I'm afraid to coin it as Laziness.
Our journey back was quite blessed, obviously the Gods help you so much that we could push yourselves a little farther.

Birthday blues

2007-11-26T02:22:00.000+05:30

Its 2:30 a.m., i'm up wide awake thanks to dogs working(barking) overtime. As I plug in the power chord my notebook comes back out of hibernation playing the same bloody song for the umpteenth time.

I have turned 27 today, so I thought why not take some time to introspect and thank God for the kinda life I ve got to lead till date. I can see the street light staring into my face through the window just as my conscience jeers at the mirror cracking material when I stand in front of the mirror.

I have been blessed in every sense, be it my faith, my family, my education, my work and last but not the least my friends. So difficult to list the number of blessings, easier would be to list the chicks whom I could never dare to propose.

As I curse myself for being so lazy to fetch water from downstairs I'm lying on my bed hoping that someday wisdom would instill in me the answers to all my questions, although trivial, but keep me awake on such nights. I'd overslept during the day, perhaps i'm too religious to tinker around on a day of sabbath!

During the sermon I'd heard earlier this morning the priest spoke about the scriptures where one of the thieves who was crucified with Christ, sought forgiveness, and was promised a seat in paradise by none other than Christ himself. I wondered after a life time of messing around the bloke could pull up such a feat in his last moments.

I thanked God I woke up out of my slumber during the sermon just at the right time, there are so many characters in the Bible, yet this one tops the list of my favorites.

More than anything I await that moment in life when I shall find heaven within my own being. Probably then I wouldnt need any answers as the questions would cease to exist.

For the sake of sanity and my valuable readers (who would have torn their hair apart by now) I would bury myself under the sheets till my mom calls me up to wish me Happy Birthday.

B'nglored @ #3

2007-11-24T00:44:00.000+05:30

When I reached House nr 3 a year ago I had a feeling it was not a good idea to stay with a bunch of guys in the same house out of which I could not even remember their names for the first few days. I was used to staying alone and this was a disruptive change for me, but I needed acco for 1 month so I took my friend's word that I would not regret this decision of staying at House nr 3.Looking back I have had some of my best times after college in House nr 3 . So I decided to keep my promise that I would write about them. Although this will look like a testimonial but I would request my readers to take this with a pinch of salt.

Raj : - The only stain on his sparkling and lively image is that he spent most of his childhood and youth in Kalyan. The guy is a fitness freak, very popular among girls especially committed ones and always willing to lend a shoulder to cry upon. He will be the happiest person on earth if somebody offers him tea, noodles and bread omlette. He is highly ambitious, wants to lead a PSU life style in a fortune 20 firm and hopes to get a chick that could match his drop dead looks(as his testimonials say) with loads of sex appeal.

Josy:- Had it not been for his wiry frame this guy would have been the super model of the 21st century. Grossly talented he can win any talent shows with his song and dance antics. A devout christian, goes to church every sunday without fail and thanks to him I get to confess my sins every sunday! His humility and cheerful attitude tend to downplay the underlying genius running through his slim structure. He is a ideal candidate for parents of catholic brides looking out for the God fearing and highly qualified and extremely well paid groom.

Lalit:- This guy is the best event manager I have seen, has managed every trip, every event in house nr 3 and executed the day to day chores of house nr 3 with perfection and efficiency. Deservingly he is the ideal candidate to start family life as he has shouldered bigger responsibilities at such a young age. Most of us are awaiting the D-day in his life where all of us hope to make it to Jaisalmer for the marriage. He is the one who helped me insert ads in my blog, always on the look out for earning opportunities be it blogging or employee referrals or sometimes even the kitchen pool..naah I'm just kidding about the last part.

Shubhendu:- He is a living legend (for reasons to be shared with #3 inmates only), a colourful personality , has a wide range of designer apparel (available only in tarapur) in autumn colours.Youngest of the lot, hasnt given up on his big dreams yet and hopes to a be a dollar millionaire some day. When he is not around at house nr 3 people cast lots to get hold of his bedsheet as if it has been gifted by the Queen. The only dude in the house to have said no to atleast a dozen girls; as soon as he opens his eloquent mouth loads of maturity and intelligence pour out but unfortunately there aint many takers for such wisdom in the house!

Abhishek:- Self proclaimed techie he is , amongst a bunch of wannabe managers in the house. He is satisfied with his ORA-0600 errors and looking forward to the next hike or the next jump whichever happens earlier. Shy and conservative from birth, opens his mouth only to give gyaan or oneliners whenever he is home and not sleeping.

Gopal:- He is a budding consultant, gives presentations to PSU CEOs on how consultants can change the world. He is always on the lookout for learning opportunities and reads books like Indian Polity which most of us could not read even for a minute. He is also keen on inventing a new dialect for English, deviating from the Queen's way of speaking English. Sooner or later we will have a new version which will have its origins from House nr 3. Inmates at #3 use only 2 words that describe him best :- awesome and charismatic.

Anand:- This chap is our in house fitness expert, a strong believer of the axiom sound mind in a sound body. He provides us with valuable insight and tips to maintain fitness and a healthy lifestyle. This guy is a pretty good bowler with express pace but hasnt managed to win any of the matches he got to play for house nr 3. We are hoping sooner or later he would come good and his extra protien diet, complan and tough fitness regimen would benefit him and the team at #3.

Narendra:- A born introvert, always busy on his laptop be it work or video games or movies. He has done me the biggest favour for which I will always be grateful for the rest of my life. He bowled one delivery on the leg, to which I could close my eyes and give a wild swing. It was a six and to this date we could not find the ball.

A year ago I hated Bangalore and now when I get a chance to go back home I dont feel like leaving this city thanks to House nr 3.

Sweet November

2007-11-06T10:50:00.000+05:30

I was lazing around in the cool climes of the IT capital of India with plenty of time to dream, play cricket , see movies and travel to God`s own country multiple times in the last couple of months.Seeing so many mallus at the same place for the first time I was excited to be a part of this tradition. I was trying hard to complete my dream when I shared the first part of my dream with a couple of friends. One of them even wanted to be a part of that dream.
The dream
A traditional house more appropriately called as some tharavadu situated on the banks of the soothing back waters on one side and a temple on the other side. You could hear the crackers being burst in the temple as part of some festival. I was standing outside the house just about to enter when I hear a faint voice chanting Deepam Deepam emerging out of darkness and then suddenly I m disturbed by my some moron (my roomie) who reminds it was my turn to make tea. The dream ends abruptly but the pleasantness felt does enchant me time and again.
Even the slightest amount of work can intimidate you if you have been away from work for a while. So I was not so keen even when I was offered a chance to go back to Mumbai. But the day I landed at that God forsaken bank(atleast my mom hasnt heard of it) my dreams and reality were getting mixed or the dream was about to bust. I saw a chick or more appropriately my counterpart in a semblance of clothing I would have liked to see in that bloody dream of mine. My brains started working overtime , I was losing touch with reality.The blankness on my face was more prominent but this didnt deter my dad from calling up his acquaintances to find the right match for me.
Everyday I was losing out on my fight with reality but somehow managed to keep my senses at work. I was always of proud of being a part of a country with a diverse culture, mutiple religions , languages, creed and caste. Thanks to diversity the first chick I liked after this dream didnt seem to fit the bill. But I was just not ready to give up my dream. As days passed every little moment spent around the sublime presence of my dream was to be cherished as a moment to remember whenever the realities of your mundane existance shreds you apart.
The last 3 days with my dream were the most pleasant, the only regret is that I made some assumptions one the dream would encompass only kerala but it does cover south india in a fair manner. Second was we lived quite far, it took quite some time to figure out that the distance wasnt too far and I didnt waste any time and travelled with my dream for the last 3 days. I was afraid to speak , chose to indulge in non sensical talk , trying hard not to despair at the thought that the dream would never see the light of the day. Yet I was not ready to disown my dream, was trying hard to find loop holes in my dream but the non chalant innocent smile could only foil such half-hearted attempts.
I was loosing my appetite for food, wasnt keen to get in terms with reality.Reality struck yet another blow and some bloody relative in kerala had come up with a prospect again, the ideal match from some IT company. I have never done any wrong to these people in thought or deed,yet they manage to screw whatever little happiness I seek. As I told my Dad umpteem times that I'm not ready, he wanted me to classify a type of chick with whom I would want to spend the rest of my life.I didnt have answers as usual but on second thoughts I wanted to shout from the top of my head I wouldnt mind a Tam Brahm!!
On the last day as I prayed hard for wisdom and went about finsihing my work with clinical efficiency(pun intended) I chose to suffer, said goodbye and walked away silently as the chap who wouldnt want to blink lest his dreams elude him forever.