Thought 4 the Day

We've moved

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 15:06:00 +0000

T4td has now moved to its new home at t42day.co.uk

So stop hanging around here and go there now.

South Park Mac vs. PC

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 26 May 2007 21:37:00 +0000

Suspended

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 May 2007 18:15:00 +0000

The service from T4td has been temporarily suspended whilst we face an aggressive takeover bid from a party of elderly English professors who are hell bent on spending their retirement in reeking havoc on all the people who didn't buy their academically respected but largely ignored work on the obscure poets of the lower mezzanine era, i.e. the entire human civilisation, which they hope to bring to its knees through the medium of the internet.

We thank you for your custom and your patience at this difficult time.

Posting will resume once we have amassed a suitably large number of comments, because it's our ball and anyway, we've got to go in for our tea.

Sincerely,
T4td.
We're not behind you just now.

Please spare a moment to comment on this post. Lives depend on it.
T4td.

Almost Topical Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 22 May 2007 19:59:00 +0000

The latest T4td Sale - large quantity of charcoal - suitable for that Summer barbecue.

Made from high quality oak.

Previously known as the Cutty Sark.

Relive your maritime heritage whilst burning your sausages.

And for that perfect party venue, why not hire the mother of all gazebo's, previously known as the Millennium Dome. For an extra fee, we'll even paint the roof in green stripes.

And for our trans-Atlantic readers, who may not have understood a word of this, here is some music whilst you wait for a cutting remark about how stupid George Bush is.
Thank you for travelling with T4td.

Sincerely,
T4td
Fastening your seatbelt.

You'll Never Get Out of it Alive

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 21 May 2007 18:26:00 +0000

Previous signs you take life way too seriously (it's a link - just click it).

Chapter 2 - Family.

10.

You and your partner have decided to have separate relationship counsellors.

More Yngooia next Monday.
Or, for your convenience, click here to subscribe to our splendid Feed.

Sincerely,
T4td
Keep us in mind.

Oh, and another thing - if you enjoy T4td, please tell your friends and we'll send you a nice biscuit - not a custard cream or a rich tea - but a really, really good biscuit, individually wrapped in gold paper and which we were actually saving in case someone really extra especially nice came round but they never did and now we've forgotten how long it's been there but don't worry because it isn't past its sell-by date and anyway, this is one of the things that makes us British.
T4td.

Celebrity Friday - Lara Croft Arrested

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 May 2007 15:50:00 +0000

Lara Croft arrested in the UK by those fun guys we call the British Police. Follow this link to watch the full story on the BBC website.

A post as short as possible.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 17 May 2007 19:36:00 +0000

We found this Dear Reader

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 16 May 2007 17:12:00 +0000

and thought of you.

It speaks for itself, but if you really, really want to send in a caption, then we shall read it carefully before passing your name to an appropriate therapist.

But we might also give full credit to the sender of the most satirical entry.

Give it a go.

Sincerely,
T4td.
Speaking a thousand words
charging for fifteen hundred.

Ninja Warrior: Makoto Nagano

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 15 May 2007 12:52:00 +0000

Welcome to T4td's new early morning regime - compulsory for all the staff. Even senior management - although they are expected to delegate the difficult bits and just turn up to press the button at the end.

You'll Never get Out of it Alive

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 May 2007 19:28:00 +0000

Previous signs you take life way too seriously (it's a link - just click it).

Chapter 2 - Family.

9.

You are fond of reminding everyone that everything has an allocated place to 'live'.
Especially in the wake of one of your frenzied three day re-organizations.

More Yngooia next Monday.
Or, for your convenience, click here to subscribe to our splendid Feed.

Sincerely,
T4td
Keep us in mind.

Celebrity Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 11 May 2007 18:41:00 +0000

Today, Celebrity Friday is unwell.

In other words, it's in rehab.

Unfortunately, CF became addicted to aphorisms. It's condition worsened until it finally collapsed into a messy cliche, muttering something about rumours of its demise.

We wish CF well in its efforts to recover, and would like to remind it that any attempt at claiming an allowance for its dizzyingly expensive rehab treatment will be met with a visit from our Extreme Accounting Dept. and their hungry polecats.

Sincerely,
T4td
We're behind you.

Position Sought

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 10 May 2007 19:58:00 +0000

Retired gentleman seeks employment in an advisory role. The position must come be 'live in', preferably in London. Salary must be extremely large and have a number of perks, including, but not limited to, free international air travel, car allowance, personal security, and occasional backhanders from people who'd like to be lords.

Please get in touch via T4td.

Thank you.
Tony.

p.s.
People of Scottish origin need not apply.

Increase Your Watercooler Power

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 May 2007 19:36:00 +0000

caveat emptor A latin phrase meaning 'Let the buyer beware'.

For example, a second hand car salesman will happily sell you a creaking deathtrap, safe in the knowledge that you should have asked these specific questions:

When you assure me that the car has air-conditioning, does it chill the incoming air, or do you actually mean that one of the windows actually opens?
When you use the phrase 'custom edition', do you actually mean that this car has been made by welding several others together?
Is the stain in the boot (trunk) from a bottle of cola, or is it the result of this vehicle being used to carry a recently murdered member of the organised crime fraternity?

Happy shopping.

Sincerely,
T4td
Doing it to them before they do it to us.

Almost Topical Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 May 2007 20:19:00 +0000

So the Irish are all friends now are they?

Republicans and loyalists shake hands, laugh at each others' jokes and pop round each others' houses for tea and a nice piece of fruit cake.

Perhaps, at this point, it's edifying to study the school playground.

Remember that horrible kid you went to school with? He wasn't the one who just came up and thumped you. No. He was so much more devious. He told you he was your best friend. He told you his secrets and learned yours. He came round your house and was polite to your mother.

And then, one day, just because he felt like it, he turned on you. He told everyone your secrets (and it turned out his had been fake). He told everyone embarrassing facts about your household. He suggested terrible things about your mother. And when he'd gained enough credibility with his jeering audience, he even made up a few more embarrassments for good measure.

Yeah, that kid. He was a real psycho wasn't he?

I wonder what he's doing now.

Have a nice day.

Sincerely,
T4td.
We're behind you.

Please note:
T4td accepts no responsibility for childhood flashbacks you experience as a result of reading this post. Similarly, we cannot be held responsible for any nightmares, thumb-sucking or bed-wetting you may fall victim to.

Just pull yourself together - you big cissy.
T4td.
Leaving the light on.

You'll Never Get Out of it Alive

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 07 May 2007 19:51:00 +0000

Previous signs you take life way too seriously (it's a link - just click it).

Chapter 2 - Family.

8.

Every January, you buy birthday cards for everyone you know. You spend all day writing them and addressing and labelling the envelopes with posting dates. As you put them away in a safe place, you find a large, and identical, pile of envelopes that you carefully put away last January.

More Yngooia next Monday.
Or, for your convenience, click here to subscribe to our splendid Feed.

Sincerely,
T4td
Keep us in mind.

Celebrity Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 04 May 2007 15:29:00 +0000

Today's Celebrity Friday continues our 'Meet the Team' theme.

We are proud to introduce Edwin. Edwin is a General Manager:

Hi there. I'm Edwin, we're not formal here, no need to call me sir, but 'The Boss' or 'Governor' will do very nicely. Not that we'll be involved in much one-to-one interfacing, unless you give me cause for concern. But you're not going to do that are you - give me cause for concern? Come in early, leave late and whilst you're here, work hard. And also, wearing a short skirt wouldn't do any harm. OK. Now , let's throw a couple of ideas at the concept wall and see if any of them stick.

Right.
I'll get some in a minute.
I'm a whizz at ideas. Quite an ideas man.

A creative whirlpool of erm, creativity.

OK. This paradigm isn't firming up for me so I'll toss it onto the back burner and we'll pencil in a conference call for next month.

So that's that dealt with. God I'm good. Anyway, here's a joke I heard recently:

A sales rep at a luxury hotel, an admin assistant and

the general manager

are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

hey rub it and a genie comes out.

The genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”

“Me first, me first,” says the admin assistant.

“I want to be in the Bahamas driving a speedboat without a care in the world.” Puff, she’s gone

The sales manager says, “Me next, me next—

I want to be in Hawaii on the beach with my personal masseuse,

an endless supply of pina coladas and

the love of my life.”

Puff, she’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the genie says to the GM.

He says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Ciao.

That was Edwin.

Have a nice weekend.

Sincerely,

T4td

We're behind you.

Meet the New Group

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 03 May 2007 17:57:00 +0000

T4td is proud to announce the opening of a new Google Group...

Biting Satire.

We would be interested to hear from any T4td readers who claim to have an active interest in satire and would like to be in our gang/come out to play/stay for tea.

Just contact us via email or a comment to this post and make sure you leave a link to your satirical site. We'll then visit your site, find your email address and invite you to join the group. Then we can all start uploading and sharing and the whole thing will evolve beautifully/come crashing down around our ears in an ugly e-mess.

People who claim to have a good sense of humour need not apply - just go back to your dating sites and mind your own business.

Today's humorous content follows:

Q. Friction - where would we be without it?
A. Somewhere else.

Sincerely,
T4td
No strait jacket required.

Increase Your Watercooler Power

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 02 May 2007 19:52:00 +0000

Catch up with the rest of this series here.

Today's IYWP word is Kismet.

It comes from a Turkish or Arabic word and literally means fate or destiny.

When spoken with gritted teeth and a throbbing vein at the temple (the one on your head, not the building) it translates better as:

Damn damn damn damn damn it was bound to happen anyway but damn damn damn it all the same.

Use this phrase to vent stress at work without getting fired, or in public places - preferably after just scratching your new car by reversing into a sturdy wall - to show your feelings without punching that man walking by with a smug grin on his stupid face.

So there you are - T4td better than being arrested.

Those of you who like historical trivia (please see our You'll Never get Out of it Alive series), might like to know that some people believe Lord Nelson, fatally wounded at the Battle of Trafalgar just as he was really starting to enjoy himself, never said, 'Kiss me Hardy,' but actually uttered, 'Kismet Hardy.'

Other authorities insist though, that Nelson went on to say, 'you look so damn sexy in those breeches.' Who knows? Perhaps 'Hardy' was only a nickname .

Add us to your favourites - we've given you enough buttons.
Then you can come back to T4td tomorrow for more of some things and less of others.

See you then.
Sincerely,
T4td
Pressing your button.

Almost Topical Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 May 2007 18:31:00 +0000

May day in London, T4td observes, is no longer a day of riotous anti-somethingorother demonstrations.

Instead, according to the BBC, demonstrators have become so anti-everything, that they've actually become pro-humour.

A man stood in silence holding a blank placard.

Apparently, he hopes to repeat the exercise next year and call it art.

Perhaps he'll be awarded a grant.

At T4td we did toy with the idea of placing a blank post today, but then, you wouldn't have known what we we're doing and you'd probably assume that Blogger was playing up.

Instead, we'd like to stage our own protest.

Join with us now.

Say it loud:

Bring Back Protests!

Otherwise we might as well all go around just shrugging our shoulders and saying, 'Oh well, never mind, that's life,' about everything, and that is dangerously close to becoming French.

Stand firm readers. Accept no substitute.

Sincerely,
T4td
United we stand, divided we sit down for a nice hot drink.

You'll Never Get Out of it Alive

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 19:29:00 +0000

Sure signs you take life way too seriously.

Previously on You'll Never Get Out of it Alive...
To catch up on any episodes you've missed, use this link.

Chapter 2 - Family

7.

You send weekly email bulletins to your family, to inform them of your plans and whereabouts at all times.

Of course, you have to stick to these plans rigidly.

Which is why you spent today learning Japanese whilst climbing a medium-sized mountain.

More Yngooia next week.
Almost Topical Tuesday tomorrow, providing something topical almost happens.

Sincerely,
T4td
Tapping progress on the shoulder and saying, 'Get the hell out of the way.'

Post 101

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 19:20:00 +0000

100 Thoughts 4 the Day have now been posted.

Which makes this an ideal opportunity to increase the membership fee for T4td.

From now on, thinking any of our thoughts will incur an increased charge ranging, depending on global economic variations, exchange rates and your income, from somewhere in the region of 'Ouch! That's expensive' to 'Oh no my wife/husband/partner/bank manager is going to kill me.'

We hope that you find it reassuring to discover that everyone else is in the same boat, even though said boat is sinking at an alarming rate, you've only got a sieve to bail it out, and there are several objects in the water that look suspiciously like the dorsal fins of great white sharks.

Monday's Yngooia follows shortly.

Thank you.

T4td
We're all in it together - well you are anyway.

Missing

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 15:33:00 +0000

Our regular readers may have noticed that last Friday's edition of Celebrity Friday has gone missing.

It seems that this post has escaped, we mean 'run away', from T4td whilst the balance of its mind was disturbed.

If you find this missing post, please inform the authorities here at T4td.

Members of the blogging public (blublic? Blogublic?) are advised not to approach or confront this post in any way, since satire has been known to bite.

We will endeavour to return to normal service as soon as possible.

In the meantime, here is some music.

Thank you.
Sincerely,

T4td
We're behind everyone.
ps.
You didn't really think we'd pay out for real music did you?

What do you want?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:54:00 +0000

No, not that.

We all want that.

We mean, what do you want from T4td?

This is a unique opportunity to express a few opinions about us.
Normally, such suggestions might result in an almost instantaneous visit from one of our Dissatisfied Customer Care teams. If you're dissatisfied, they take care of you.

But on this occasion, we're keeping those particular operatives under lock and key. And under sedation. And making sure the straps are especially tight. And checking they haven't chewed through their muzzles again (kevlar just isn't what it used to be).

So let us have it.
What do you like or dislike?
What would you like to see more of?
We've just changed the widgets - are they any good?
We've put the T4td blidget back - now you can take T4td away with you.

Please leave us a comment.
We'll show our appreciation for useful comments by linking to you in a future post.

Thank you.
Sincerely,
T4td
We're listening to your thoughts.

An experiment

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 19:54:00 +0000

T4td, ever the patron of the hopeless cause, is participating in Hammer's attempt to get himself listed the world's smartest man. We wish him well because the world needs a few smart people, even if only in an ironic sense (US translation: ironic='go figure').

We hope that our participation in this experiment does no offend any purist blog readers, i.e.the people who regard a cheery 'Good morning' as some sort of underhand spamming.

If you are one of those people, we'd like to draw your attention to our You'll Never Get Out of it Alive series, which is here, even though you probably won't understand that it's meant to be humorous.

Please don't feel any obligation to click on the above link.

Sincerely,
T4td
Just for the hell.

Increase Your Watercooler Power

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 19:26:00 +0000

Previously on Increase Your Watercooler Power...
If you're a newcomer, this link will help you catch up.

Because there will be a test afterwards.

This week, we will look at the language of appraisals and how to interpret them.

The real meanings of each phrase are given in italics.

How do you think you're doing?

You have absolutely no idea of the amount of trouble you're in have you?

What do you regard as your weaknesses?

I know exactly what your weaknesses are, but just for fun, see how many of them you can guess. It should be easy - it's a LONG list.

What have been your most significant achievements this year?
And no, I'm not referring to the fact that you hold the office record for most time spent downloading porn.

What opportunities for professional development could we offer you?

Because it would be nice if you could do at least ONE damn thing properly.

Where do you see yourself in a year's time?
And if you if you even THINK about saying, 'In your job Sir,' I won't be responsible for my actions.

What do you hope to achieve in the future?
And by 'future' I mean the next hour or so, because after that, I have a vision of you holding your personal possessions in a cardboard box.

We trust that this small selection will assist you in your future appraisals - if you make it that far.

Sincerely,
T4td
Thinking outside the envelope - to avoid the cost of a stamp.