Thoughts from a Lezzymom

Giffords Steps Down, Sets Bar High

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 19:18:00 +0000

Today, in a video message, Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords announced she will be stepping down from office to focus on her recovery this week. Giffords was shot in the head on January 8, 2011 while conducting a Congress on Your Corner event in Tucson.

In my opinion, this is just another example of her bravery during her recovery. I had a very good friend suffer a traumatic brain injury (TBI) in 1998. It was recommended to her not to make any big life changes for a year so that she could get a good feel of what progress could be made. The first year tells a lot about someone's recovery from a TBI. Gabby's progress has been amazing, miraculous in fact. But the fact remains that with TBIs there is always a before and after. Things will never be like before and you won't know what the after looks like for a very long time. Bravery is looking at the after and realizing, this is a new life now - what will I do with it.

Seeing Gabby so full of life in this video - so strong - only shows that there will be a lot in her after. She has the best medical team around her and such a strong family support system that I have no doubt she will continue to make progress in her recovery. However, it is so clear that Gabby's dedication to her constituents is so strong that she would want them to have the best representation they could. In my opinion she is making this choice at the right time after giving her recovery a good period of time to see where she could be.

Gabby will continue to serve Arizona. She will be someone for us to always look to as to how to be a public servant. She has set the bar high and I only hope those in office now and those yet to come will strive to reach for that bar.

Kyrsten Sinema Announces Run for Congress

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 03:17:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

After months of waiting the maps have finally been drawn for the Congressional districts in Arizona. There has been a lot of discussion around the new district - CD 9. Today the first person threw their hat into the race. State Senator Kyrsten Sinema, a Democrat, announced today that she will enter the race.

Senator Sinema has been a strong advocate for the LGBT community. The biggest example came in 2006, when she led the organization Arizona Together, to become the first and only successful effort in the country to defeat a ballot initiative banning same-sex marriage.

Per election rules, Sinema has submitted paperwork resigning her job as State Senator, thereby focusing on the campaign full time. The main battle will probably come in the primary with some other well known Arizona Democrats strongly thinking of entering the race. Representative Ben Quayle lives in District 9 but has said he will most likely run in CD 6 since it is more Republican leaning. It is not a require to live in the district you represent at the Congressional level.

Watch Sinema's announcement video below then go to kyrstensinema.com for more information on her campaign.

The Importance of a First Kiss

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 02:14:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

Today history was made. It was just a few seconds in the life of two women - but it made news across the country. It's a Navy tradition to have a couple do the first homecoming kiss. A raffle is done on the ship and the winner gets to be the first to greet their loved one and give "the first kiss." Today that kiss was done by a lesbian couple for the first time. Petty Officer 2nd Class Marissa Gaeta bought 50 raffle tickets and her name was chosen. Her girlfriend, Petty Officer 3rd Class Citlalic Snell was among the many family members gathered to meet the sailors as they came home. For more details on the historic kiss I recommend this article.

It's small moments like this, the everyday ones that most people take for granted that LGBT individuals dream of. In one of the links I looked at an individual commented, "Why is this news?" On the one had I couldn't agree more. It shouldn't be news. It is just normal everyday life. A ship comes into port, a plane lands at an airport, a car arrives at a house. People head to greet their loved ones that they haven't seen in days, weeks, month. They embrace - they kiss. It's not earth shattering. It's not news worthy.

Unless it's the first one after that happens after a law said you couldn't do it.

Then it puts a smile on your face for the whole day. Progress. All we want is to do the everyday things. All we want is to not make news.

Someday.

The video of the event and a short interview with the women is below.

The Straight Guy Did It

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 03:40:00 +0000

The holiday season brings many parties and activities for folks to attend and celebrate with family and friends. One of those activities in Phoenix is the Greater Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce's Festival of Trees. Trees, wreaths and menorahs are decorated and raffled off to raise money for a local youth organization and Equality Arizona, an LGBT political organization. Seems like a great event for the LGBT and allied community to get behind.

Until this was posted on their Facebook page

Wonder Man (@wondermann5) did a great post a few weeks ago titled "How Does the Salvation Army View Gays." The short version is - Unwed folks shouldn't have sex. Therefore, gays having sex can't be a part of the Salvation Army. (Don't ask me what happens in states that have marriage equality).

So why would a Gay and Lesbian organization be "honored" to have the Salvation Army joining their event? Also, why would it be one of very few announcements for the event unless they thought it would add "honor" to their event by having a national organization participate? Well many others had similar questions. After a few comments were left on that Facebook post this response was given

Hey this looks good. Reaching out and opening doors, hmmmm that could work, right? Then about a week later after getting a few more negative comments this was posted

So the Salvation Army staff is excited to be a part of the event. Good to hear. This reaching out stuff is really working. Right up until three days later when an article hit Echo Magazine. This article really brought it to the community's attention and individuals were calling for the chamber to pull the Salvation Army tree from the event. Within two days of the article hitting, the Chair of the GPGLCC, Tony Felice sent this email:

Dear Members:

As some of you may know there is some unrest in our community about the Chamber accepting an Angel Tree from the Salvation Army for our Festival of Trees event tomorrow. Some in the community have demanded we pull the tree from our event.

The tree was inadvertently offered to us and one of our board members who happens to be straight, accepted the tree without knowing that the Salvation Army is an anti-LGBT organization. You should know that our Chamber is comprised of about 40% straight allies. Not all of them are aware of the social issues we face. As a community, we are dependent upon the support of our straight allies in order to advance our causes. We simply do not have the numbers to do so on our own. So, when things like this happen we have to be flexible and understand we are all in this together.

To be clear, we are not partnering with the Salvation Army in any way. Nor do we support or condone their anti-LGBT stance or activities. We are not donating any money to them nor is the Angel Tree to be raffled off. Angel trees, which also can be found in Valley shopping malls, are covered with the names and gift wishes of needy children. Anyone can choose to take one of the angels, shop for that child and drop off their donation at various locations. We don't know, but some of those children may grow up LGBT. The tree is for children, not the organization.

I have talked to those who are angry and I understand their frustration. I have urged them to turn that anger from us and direct it towards those groups against us.

I have decided as the Chair to not pull the tree from our event. Ultimately, as the leader of the Chamber the responsibility falls to me and weighing all advice, counsel and demands that is my decision.

1n10 will bring their own Angel tree to the event and be displayed. Our guests can choose whether to support those trees instead of having that choice taken from them. If they chose to make a donation for a child, please urge them to tell the Salvation Army they have done so as a LGBT person. Now that sends a great message to be sure.

I believe that during this time, the holidays, it is important to extend an olive branch, even if it is to those like the Salvation Army who are against our community. Our community is about love and tolerance. By pulling the tree it sends the wrong message. Do I think some will be mad? Absolutely, but in end, I believe it is the right thing to do.

-Tony Felice, Chair

For me possibly the most offensive thing that has happened in this was in the one sentence I highlighted in the letter. So the GPGLCC goes from statements of "trying to open doors" and that the "Salvation Army's staff is very excited" to "the tree was inadvertently offered to us" and one of the straight board members accepted the tree.

Wait, I'm confused. How can you be opening doors when the Salvation Army gave it to you by accident and the person that accepted it just said ok? There is no education being done at that point. I am sure the Salvation Army is now aware that this is an event put on by a Gay and Lesbian organization, but that is more because of the community's opposition to their participation and them being forced to be educated than the GPGLCC doing the education at the beginning.

But the bigger issue is why is the sexual orientation of the person that accepted the tree made an issue? There are many in the LGBT community that are unaware of the Salvation Army's policies. Why bring it to light that the person is straight? The tone of that paragraph really struck me. It basically said - "Hey it wasn't us gays - the straight guy did it. But be nice because we need their support so just smile and move on." Way to throw the ally support right under the bus. I found that whole paragraph to be condescending to any ally. The line that says, "So, when things like this happen we have to be flexible and understand we are all in this together," basically said to me when the straight folks don't get it we just need to shake our heads and move on. Again this confuses me. An ally wants to stand with us. They want to get it. The letter states the GPGLCC does not "support or condone their anti-LGBT stance or activities." Then how are they allowing one of the Salvation Army activities to be held at their event? It would seem to me like the straight board member would prefer the ideals of the GPGLCC were upheld instead of being patted on the head and then thrown under the bus.

Oh and by the way, those Facebook posts have been deleted. Makes it easier to send that letter if you don't have anything else contradicting you I guess.

Now Hiring: President of the Human Rights Campaign

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 02:28:00 +0000

It was announced a few months ago that Joe Solmonese will be stepping down as the President of the Human Rights Campaign when his contract is up at the end of March. It is now up to the Board members of HRC to find suitable candidates. However, with this position seems to come with a tremendous amount of scrutiny from the LGBT community. I wonder if this will be looked at as one of the best jobs in the LGBT community or one of the worst. Can someone handle not only the pressure from the anti-gay groups but the constant second guessing and armchair quarterbacking that comes from our own community. While I believe in holding leaders accountable, you just have to wonder, who thinks they have what it takes.

Oh and by the way, it takes a lot. Let me share with you a portion of the job posting. You can see the full posting here. This is the portion that focuses on the role details and the competencies the Board is looking for. If you think you have what it takes I say go for it and apply! Just make sure you have skin as thick as an elephant.

The Role of the President

The President reports to the Boards of Directors of both the Human Rights Campaign and the Human Rights Campaign Foundation and is responsible for the overall management and leadership of HRC’s activities and programs. The President’s job is to develop and implement HRC’s strategic vision, its policies and programs to advance the interests of its membership and the LGBT community as a whole. The new President will be charged with leading this important organization during a time of great change and progress in the country. The President will be working every day to improve the lives of LGBT Americans by identifying and overcoming societal and legislative barriers to LGBT equality. At the same time, s/he will be working to engage, educate and empower millions of fair-minded Americans to advocate for equal rights for the LGBT community.

Specific responsibilities include:

Provide vision and focus for a dynamic organization. HRC is a large, diverse and highly motivated organization with activities occurring simultaneously in many locations and on a variety of issues, with a unique combination of professional staff, volunteers, allies, boards, donors, and members. The President must be able to inspire, motivate, coordinate and honor these multiple constituents in ways that advance the mission of HRC and maintain the highest standards of service and integrity.

Build, maintain and continually inspire a work environment to achieve the highest standards of performance and accountability. One of the hallmarks of HRC's mission is to assure workplace equality for all LGBT employees. HRC strives to attain those goals with its own employees by fostering a workplace that welcomes and embraces diversity and encourages industry, teamwork and mutual respect. The new President must not only embrace these values, but continually lead in creating an atmosphere that promotes teamwork, client responsiveness, diversity, accountability, professional development and succession planning – and helps the organization adapt to changing and disparate needs within the community.

Manage through change. The effectiveness of HRC as a civil rights organization will depend on how well it manages uncertain changes in the political environment and how nimble it can be in responding to external changes. Managing these changes in ways that keep HRC relevant and central to the movement will be critical for success.

Represent and lead HRC in the most positive manner, enhancing HRC’s visibility and influencing public opinion. The President of HRC has the ability to reach government and business decision-makers and influence public opinion on issues vital to HRC’s mission. It is essential that the new President be able to convey HRC’s activities (and those of the broader LGBT community) effectively and persuasively to thought leaders and the broader public through a wide variety of communication tool.

Lead the development and promotion of legislation and public policies that positively affect LGBT families and their children, as well as, oppose legislation and public policies that would adversely affect LGBT families and their children. HRC’s President also is the strategic visionary on how to elect candidates for public office who will sponsor and support HRC’s legislative agenda and the creation of equities for LGBTs throughout society, as well as oppose those candidates who have promoted policies and legislation adverse to LGBT families.

Attract new members, allies, strategic partners, advocates, donors and volunteers. HRC continues to grow and diversify its membership, which has helped to expand its impact. The new President must be able to lead HRC in building on its growth by effectively finding new ways to retain and attract a broader membership base. S/he must be skilled in coalition building, working in partnership with other LGBT and civil rights organizations to tackle legislative and policy needs on the state and federal level.

Engage diverse constituencies. Diversity and inclusion are strategic imperatives for HRC and necessary for the continued success of the organization. Diversity and inclusion have been embedded in HRC’s mission since it was founded in 1980. In the last several years however, HRC has provided diversity and inclusion objectives more sustained support internally by providing staff and resources to cultivate a diverse and inclusive environment at every level of the organization. In addition, HRC has developed significant relationships externally to evidence its commitment to diversity and inclusion. The President must work to broaden public support for LGBT equality by engaging fair-minded people and partner organizations that represent the multiple dimensions of diversity, including ethnicities, national origins, ages, sexual orientation, gender identity, beliefs, religions and faiths, geographies, experiences, cultures, socio-economic backgrounds and levels of physical ability.

Lead the development of educational programs that positively affect the societal and cultural condition, as well as shift public opinion. HRC’s next President will continue to build upon the dynamic educational programs and tools of the organization such as the Corporate Equality Index, Healthcare Equality Index, Family Project and Religion & Faith programs. S/he also will push for innovation and the creation of new programs consistent with HRC’s strategic plan that will educate and gain a broader understanding of the challenges and opportunities faced by the LGBT community.

Candidate Profile

HRC is seeking a charismatic, visionary, and strategic leader with public policy acumen. The President will be a poised, confident and energetic leader who is capable of leading an organization and movement during a time of great evolution and change. The President will be a force for constructive dialogue and relentless advocacy – passionate and productive in his/her pursuit for social justice.

The ideal candidate will have a sophisticated understanding of the policy environment and be a passionate ambassador for the organization whether it be in front of a camera giving an interview on national television or in someone’s living room. In addition, because its members are woven into the fabric of numerous local communities, the new President should be able to help HRC effectively build upon and leverage these critical and decentralized constituents.

While the President must be a decisive, visionary leader, this individual also must have outstanding interpersonal skills. The successful candidate will have a style that is collegial, approachable, affable, flexible, direct and diplomatic. The President must be skilled at building bridges and developing relationships in a variety of settings with diverse constituencies. The President must have the service-orientation necessary to lead a member-driven and supported organization.

Specific competencies include:

Strategic Vision: The successful candidate will have a demonstrated record of setting priorities and leading organizations to success. S/he will be a strategic thinker who will work with HRC’s senior Staff and Board leadership team and Board of Directors to establish plans and methods to achieve its mission while providing the strategic direction necessary to evolve the organization. S/he will be capable of working with others to develop differentiated strategies with multifaceted approaches to address disparate audiences, cultures, and political contexts.

Communication and Development Skills: The successful candidate will be an inspiring and persuasive communicator who can articulate HRC’s vision and direction effectively through mass media, debate, lobbying, public speaking, writing, networking, fundraising and one-on-one discussions. S/he will have the ability to connect with and secure results from world leaders, government policy makers, corporate leaders, partners, donors, Board Members and staff.

Leadership: In addition to the critical, externally-focused competencies, the successful candidate must also possess outstanding leadership skills that will enable him/her to oversee the management of a complex, member-focused organization. S/he must be an involved and inclusive manager, who will ensure HRC functions in an orderly and fiscally responsible manner. The President will have a track record of recruiting, retaining and motivating a professional and highly performing staff. The successful candidate must be able to set strategic direction for the organization, prioritize and define clear goals for staff, and manage performance toward achievement of those goals. The candidate will be an inspirational leader to the staff, and encourage openness, transparence and mutual respect. Further, the candidate must have the executive skills to manage various Board and membership constituencies as well as leverage the energy of a dedicated, diverse, and growing membership.

Interpersonal Acumen: The successful candidate must be a person of the utmost personal and professional integrity with a high level of energy. Candidates must possess the right combination of self-confidence balanced with humility and a healthy sense of humor. The successful candidate needs to be gracious in manner and comfortable in any situation. S/he will be confident enough to hire and retain strong, smart people, and possess an understanding of his/her own strengths and weaknesses.

Judgment: The successful candidate will have the demonstrated ability to make timely and clearly communicated decisions and take appropriate risks to achieve results. Likewise, s/he will be thoughtful about deploying the organization’s budget in a way that maximizes outcomes aligned with HRC’s strategic plan and core institutional values while managing risk. S/he will listen to and learn from key stakeholders inside and outside of the organization and will be an inclusive and independent thinker, who can manage ambiguity and devise solutions even when a clear path is not evident.

Passion and Shared Values: The successful candidate will have a passion for ending discrimination against LGBT Americans and an absolute commitment towards realizing a nation that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all. At its heart, HRC is about making a difference in the lives of everyday people. The successful candidate will not only have earned the appropriate leadership credentials across their career, but be implicitly anchored by HRC’s core values.

Interview on the Joe and Babe Show

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 01:57:00 +0000

Last night I was interviewed on QTalk Arizona's The Joe and Babe Show. If you aren't familiar with it, QTalk Arizona is Arizona's LGBT Podcast Network. It features a wide variety of shows on topics that interest the LGBT community. You can find a detailed list of the shows here.

I had a great time at the interview. Joe Dugandzic and Babe Caylor are a lot of fun. Oh and they are good at their homework too! We talked about parenting, activism and how to juggle it all. Plus a topic I was surprised they even knew about.

I was very impressed with their studio and all the buttons and gadgets. Way more complex than my little podcast. Real microphones and all! There was an added surprise by a local media person that also attended to take pictures. I was very surprised by the extra attention.

I think you will enjoy the show. Have a listen and check out some of their other shows too.

My Time as an HRC Board Member Comes to an End

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 17:31:00 +0000

This weekend my time as a Board of Governor for the Human Rights Campaign came to an end. While it doesn't mean the end of my volunteering with the organization it does end 4 years in a leadership role that provided me with some extraordinary opportunities. One of those opportunities was being the Area Representative for our steering committee. I can not say enough about my fellow volunteers. Their dedication and sacrifice continues to inspire me.

During my time on the Board, our committee received awards for our accomplishments by HRC national and by the LGBT community in Arizona. While these awards are always nice, what meant event more to me were the individuals that came to me and thanked me for making a difference. These were small but powerful moments. Moments I don't usually handle well. I usually just shrug it off and say, "Oh it's no big deal" or just wave my hand in dismissal and move on to the next point of order. Eventually, I learned to pause and say, "Your welcome, there is lots more to do, I could use some help so let me know if you want to be on the team." I'm not into taking credit, I'm in to building a team and creating coalitions so more work can get done quicker. However, I learned that sometimes it was important to others for them to say thanks, for them to acknowledge the progress. I understand this. There have been many people I have been able to thank for their work and their sacrifices for LGBT equality. It just took me awhile, about 8 years, to realize I am also one of those people.

In my final weekend as a Board of Governor I spent my time working on a bullying issue at a local school, running an HRC booth at a festival, and watching President Obama speech at the HRC National Dinner on the computer. I honestly couldn't think of a better way to finish out this time. I love working booths at these events. I enjoy sharing the mission of HRC and educating people on the issues. I love working with new volunteers and seeing so many people from our community. The energy at the booth for me is addicting and it's always hard for me to leave. Yesterday though I wanted to leave. I wanted to make sure I was home and ready to see President Obama address the 3,000 attendees at the HRC National Dinner. My daughter was sitting next to me when the live feed started. She saw the HRC logos and Joe Salmonese take the stage. She went back to watching her show as she is used to seeing HRC stuff on my computer. Then Joe introduced the President. Her attention instantly turned back to my screen. She asked, "Mom were you there when President Obama spoke?" I smiled and said, "This is happening in D.C. right now. Instead of being there I get to be here and watch it with you." She smiled leaned on my shoulder and we watched our President speak. I won't say the 9 year old really stayed focused on my screen for the whole time. However, the fact that she knows what HRC is, that I meet and work with elected officials, that the reason I go to meetings and give up some family time is so that our family can one day be treated equal means a lot to me.

So my title has gone from HRC Board of Governor, Steering Committee Co-Chair, Area Representative, Political Co-Chair to just HRC Political Co-Chair. So what are my plans now?

Continue.

There is lots more to do, I could use some help so let me know if you want to be on the team.

Titles mean nothing. Actions mean everything.

In HRC Speech, Obama Says, "I'm Going to Continue To Fight Alongside You"

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 14:46:00 +0000

Last night, President Obama spoke at the Human Rights Campaign's Annual Gala Dinner. While many people have been critical of President Obama and feel he has not done enough for the LGBT community, the fact is he has done more for our community than any other President. HRC endorsed President Obama for the 2012 election a few months ago. While some felt this was too early, I personally don't see an issue with it. Clearly, his record shows he is a strong supporter of LGBT rights. Besides, what are they supposed to do = endorse Michelle Bachmann? One highlight of the speech was when President Obama called out the Republican Presidential hopefuls for ignoring a recent incident at one of their debates. A gay soldier sent in a video question asking if they planned to undo Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Members of the audience booed the soldier. The Republicans made no mention of it. In his speech last night the President made this comment on the incident, "We don’t believe in the kind of smallness that says it’s okay for a stage full of political leaders — one of whom could end up being the President of the United States — being silent when an American soldier is booed. We don’t believe in that. We don’t believe in standing silent when that happens. We don’t believe in them being silent since. You want to be Commander-in-Chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it’s not politically convenient." Here is the full video of the speech. The written transcript follows the video.

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

October 01, 2011

Remarks by the President at the Human Rights Campaign's Annual National Dinner

Washington Convention Center

Washington, D.C.

7:26 P.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you so much. It is great to be back. (Applause.) I see a lot of friends in the house. I appreciate the chance to join you tonight. I also took a trip out to California last week, where I held some productive bilateral talks with your leader, Lady Gaga. (Laughter.) She was wearing 16-inch heels. (Laughter.) She was eight feet tall. (Laughter.) It was a little intimidating.

Now, I don’t want to give a long speech. Cyndi Lauper is in the house. I can’t compete with that. (Applause.) But I wanted to come here tonight, first of all, to personally thank Joe for his outstanding years of leadership at HRC. (Applause.) What he has accomplished at the helm of this organization has been remarkable, and I want to thank all of you for the support that you’ve shown this organization and for your commitment to a simple idea: Every single American -- gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender -- every single American deserves to be treated equally in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of our society. It’s a pretty simple proposition. (Applause.)

Now, I don’t have to tell you that we have a ways to go in that struggle. I don’t have to tell you how many are still denied their basic rights -- Americans who are still made to feel like second-class citizens, who have to live a lie to keep their jobs, or who are afraid to walk the street, or down the hall at school. Many of you have devoted your lives to the cause of equality. So you know what we have to do; we’ve got more work ahead of us.

But we can also be proud of the progress we’ve made these past two and a half years. Think about it. (Applause.) Two years ago, I stood at this podium, in this room, before many of you, and I made a pledge. I said I would never counsel patience; that it wasn’t right to tell you to be patient any more than it was right for others to tell African Americans to be patient in the fight for equal rights a half century ago. (Applause.) But what I also said, that while it might take time –- more time than anyone would like -– we are going to make progress; we are going to succeed; we are going to build a more perfect union.

And so, let’s see what happened. I met with Judy Shepard. I promised her we would pass a hate crimes bill named for her son, Matthew. And with the help of my dear friend Ted Kennedy we got it done. Because it should never be dangerous -- (applause) -- you should never have to look over your shoulder -- to be gay in the United States of America. That’s why we got it done. (Applause.)

I met with Janice Langbehn, who was barred from the bedside of the woman she loved as she lay dying. And I told her that we were going to put a stop to this discrimination. And you know what? We got it done. I issued an order so that any hospital in America that accepts Medicare or Medicaid -– and that means just about every hospital -– has to treat gay partners just as they do straight partners. Because nobody should have to produce a legal contract to hold the hand of the person that they love. We got that done. (Applause.)

I said that we would lift that HIV travel ban -- we got that done. (Applause.) We put in place the first comprehensive national strategy to fight HIV/AIDS. (Applause.)

Many questioned whether we’d succeed in repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell.” And, yes, it took two years to get the repeal through Congress. (Applause.) We had to hold a coalition together. We had to keep up the pressure. We took some flak along the way. (Applause.) But with the help of HRC, we got it done. And “don’t ask, don’t tell” is history. (Applause.) And all over the world, there are men and women serving this country just as they always have -- with honor and courage and discipline and valor. We got it done. (Applause.) We got that done. All around the world, you’ve got gays and lesbians who are serving, and the only difference is now they can put up a family photo. (Laughter.) No one has to live a lie to serve the country they love.

I vowed to keep up the fight against the so-called Defense of Marriage Act. There’s a bill to repeal this discriminatory law in Congress, and I want to see that passed. But until we reach that day, my administration is no longer defending DOMA in the courts. I believe the law runs counter to the Constitution, and it’s time for it to end once and for all. It should join “don’t ask, don’t tell” in the history books. (Applause.)

So, yes, we have more work to do. And after so many years -- even decades -- of inaction you’ve got every right to push against the slow pace of change. But make no mistake -- I want people to feel encouraged here -- we are making change. We’re making real and lasting change. We can be proud of the progress we’ve already made.

And I’m going to continue to fight alongside you. And I don’t just mean in your role, by the way, as advocates for equality. You’re also moms and dads who care about the schools your children go to. (Applause.) You’re also students figuring out how to pay for college. You’re also folks who are worried about the economy and whether or not your partner or husband or wife will be able to find a job. And you’re Americans who want this country to succeed and prosper, and who are tired of the gridlock and the vicious partisanship, and are sick of the Washington games. Those are your fights, too, HRC. (Applause.)

So I’m going to need your help. I need your help to fight for equality, to pass a repeal of DOMA, to pass an inclusive employment non-discrimination bill so that being gay is never again a fireable offense in America. (Applause.) And I don’t have to tell you, there are those who don't want to just stand in our way but want to turn the clock back; who want to return to the days when gay people couldn’t serve their country openly; who reject the progress that we’ve made; who, as we speak, are looking to enshrine discrimination into state laws and constitutions -- efforts that we’ve got to work hard to oppose, because that’s not what America should be about.

We’re not about restricting rights and restricting opportunity. We’re about opening up rights and opening up opportunity -- (applause) -- and treating each other generously and with love and respect. (Applause.)

And together, we also have to keep sending a message to every young person in this country who might feel alone or afraid because they’re gay or transgender -- who may be getting picked on or pushed around because they’re different. We’ve got to make sure they know that there are adults they can talk to; that they are never alone; that there is a whole world waiting for them filled with possibility. That’s why we held a summit at the White House on bullying. That’s why we’re going to continue to focus on this issue. (Applause.) This isn’t just “kids being kids.” It’s wrong. It’s destructive. It’s never acceptable. And I want all those kids to know that the President and the First Lady is standing right by them every inch of the way. (Applause.) I want them to know that we love them and care about them, and they’re not by themselves. That’s what I want them to know. (Applause.)

Now, I also need your help in the broader fight to get this economy back on track. You may have heard, I introduced a bill called the American Jobs Act. (Applause.) It’s been almost three weeks since I sent it up to Congress. That’s three weeks longer than it should have taken to pass this common-sense bill. (Applause.) This is a bill filled with ideas that both parties have supported -- tax breaks for companies that hire veterans; road projects; school renovations; putting construction crews back to work rebuilding America; tax cuts for middle-class families so they can make ends meet and spend a little more at local stores and restaurants that need the business.

Now, you may have heard me say this a few times before -- I’ll say it again: Pass the bill. (Applause.) Enough gridlock. Enough delay. Enough politics. Pass this bill. Put this country back to work. (Applause.) HRC, you know how Congress works. I’m counting on you to have my back. Go out there and get them to pass this bill. (Applause.) Let’s put America back to work.

Now, ultimately, these debates we’re having are about more than just politics; they’re more about -- they’re about more than the polls and the pundits, and who’s up and who’s down. This is a contest of values. That’s what’s at stake here. This is a fundamental debate about who we are as a nation.

I don’t believe -- we don’t believe -- in a small America, where we let our roads crumble, we let our schools fall apart, where we stand by while teachers are laid off and science labs are shut down, and kids are dropping out.

We believe in a big America, an America that invests in the future -- that invests in schools and highways and research and technology -- the things that have helped make our economy the envy of the world.

We don’t believe in a small America, where we meet our fiscal responsibilities by abdicating every other responsibility we have, and where we just divvy up the government as tax breaks for those who need them the least, where we abandon the commitment we’ve made to seniors though Medicare and Social Security, and we say to somebody looking for work, or a student who needs a college loan, or a middle-class family with a child who’s disabled, that “You’re on your own.” That’s not who we are.

We believe in a big America, an America where everybody has got a fair shot, and everyone pays their fair share. An America where we value success and the idea that anyone can make it in this country. But also an America that does -- in which everyone does their part -- including the wealthiest Americans, including the biggest corporations -- to deal with the deficits that threaten our future. (Applause.)

We don’t believe in a small America. We don’t believe in the kind of smallness that says it’s okay for a stage full of political leaders -- one of whom could end up being the President of the United States -- being silent when an American soldier is booed. (Applause.) We don’t believe in that. We don’t believe in standing silent when that happens. (Applause.) We don’t believe in them being silent since. (Applause.) You want to be Commander-in-Chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it’s not politically convenient. (Applause.)

We don’t believe in a small America. We believe in a big America -- a tolerant America, a just America, an equal America -- that values the service of every patriot. (Applause.) We believe in an America where we’re all in it together, and we see the good in one another, and we live up to a creed that is as old as our founding: E pluribus unum. Out of many, one. And that includes everybody. That’s what we believe. That’s what we’re going to be fighting for. (Applause.)

I am confident that’s what the American people believe in. (Applause.) I’m confident because of the changes we’ve achieved these past two and a half years -– the progress that some folks said was impossible. (Applause.) And I’m hopeful -- I am hopeful --

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Fired up!

THE PRESIDENT: I’m fired up, too. (Laughter.) I am hopeful -- (applause) -- I am hopeful -- I am still hopeful, because of a deeper shift that we’re seeing; a transformation not only written into our laws, but woven into the fabric of our society.

It’s progress led not by Washington but by ordinary citizens, who are propelled not just by politics but by love and friendship and a sense of mutual regard. (Applause.) It’s playing out in legislatures like New York, and courtrooms and in the ballot box. But it’s also happening around water coolers and at the Thanksgiving table, and on Facebook and Twitter, and at PTA meetings and potluck dinners, and church socials and VFW Halls.

It happens when a father realizes he doesn’t just love his daughter, but also her wife. (Applause.) It happens when a soldier tells his unit that he’s gay, and they tell him they knew it all along and they didn’t care, because he was the toughest guy in the unit. (Applause.) It happens when a video sparks a movement to let every single young person know they’re not alone, and things will get better. It happens when people look past their ultimately minor differences to see themselves in the hopes and struggles of their fellow human beings. That’s where change is happening. (Applause.)

And that’s not just the story of the gay rights movement. That’s the story of America -- (applause) -- the slow, inexorable march towards a more perfect union. (Applause.) You are contributing to that story, and I’m confident we can continue to write another chapter together.

Thank you very much, everybody. God bless you. (Applause.)

END
7:45 P.M. EDT

Poetry From a Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 04:48:00 +0000

When I started my Taekwondo training in 1987, I was a Freshman in high school and a man named Rex Veeder was the highest ranking Black Belt in Arizona. He was my instructor's instructor's instructor - like a great grandpa, if you will. Rex was a leader and someone I looked up to and respected. While I didn't get to work with him often, when I did, it made an impression.

Four years later I moved to Tucson to attend the University of Arizona. Rex was a professor there and helped me start a Taekwondo club on the campus. He was a great mentor and was always there if I had any questions or needed any help.

Rex moved to Minnesota and became a professor in St. Cloud. We spoke rarely as the years passed.

Then came Facebook. We connected and would make occasional comments on each other's posts from time to time. Now, I am very out on social media. If people didn't know I was gay before...well it doesn't take long to figure it out. I hadn't come out until well after Rex moved to Minnesota, however, he has been very supportive of me and of the LGBT community.

This past weekend Rex performed a reading that kicked off the Second Annual Above the Clouds Pride March held at the campus where he teaches. He posted it on Facebook and I have his permission to re-post it here. I found the words very powerful and hope you will too.

Mr. Veeder, thank you again for your leadership. For standing up. speaking out, and giving hope.

Above The Clouds on Judgement Day

by Rex Veeder

[Imagine as you read this rock guitar as duet. Or, put on some Jazz and go down deep.]

Above the Clouds on Judgment Day

(What good is wit if not savage?)

Allen Ginsberg and Carl Solomon,

I am with you in Rockland

where you are madder than I am

where we remember together the all night winter-party of Normal Illinois

and memory is a Mexican volcano

where I am young and you are gay

and we Buddha on the road

waiting to be killed or dragged as you said

off roof tops waving genitals and manuscripts.

Poets doing politics

Are rodeo clowns looking for a barrel.

I don't mean to complain

only flash a grin at the bull

But, so many politicos

(the politicians of Inquisition)

JUDGE the sick, lonely, old, poor, people of color, and the gay

that I guess I'll make an adjudication about the judges.

It's judgment day.

So, marriage is for hetros only,

legally,

really,

someone wants to vote on legal love

reminding us it's a nation of laws

not justice

why arouse us

with blatant provocation --

are you crazy,

are you drinking LSD tea?

If you can’t imagine yourself gay

At least imagine what it’s like to be gay

And step away for God’s sake.

How about an invocation

a necessary provocation

to rile the steel-crusted knights of

supply-side rightness --

I'll even challenge liberals

to stop ending the world with a whimper and

BANG

come out in the streets.

It's high noon

and town’s folks have to get it up.

Show some balls

or ass.

What if Brave Heart were gay

and raising his kilt to moon the Brits

REALLY pissed them off?

There might have been no bloody battle at all,

only a huddle of family-value knights

confused and outraged,

writing Magma Carter into

the wee-willy hours of the morning,

their maces, broad swords and spears piled in the corners

like declarations of penis envy

with bright heralds fluttering

in invitation

or speculative expectation.

Being Gay in Minnesota must be

like living with Peyote in the drinking water,

Minnesota with its optimistic blue sky

and white Fluffy clouds

and cows with incredibly pink udders.

Suddenly, a vision at once utterly funk-dance

and gay

and yes queer

billows out into the streets

like deathly hollows smoke from the Mall of America.

And the politicos who hide in the cloud are afraid

of themselves and the world

demand a law to insure isolation's rules,

command with rage the vigilantes of misplaced rightness

to loose the hounds on the highway to hell --

so sure,

so nice,

so ripe with envy,

with skully grins for the sound-bites

with proclamations at tea against

a revolution

OUR revolution

that rings like a brass alarm bell

that to be born "the other"

is to find in queerness

a world more vast and kind

than white bread, white milk, and white fish.

In the schemes of the straight and narrow, Leprechauns

(they MUST be gay)

escape from prison and

cart kettles of gold

to a bow-end denied them

since the road to rainbow end is not straight . . .

no three wishes, no magic, not even the gold

and all the while those who escape march the streets

ringing cowbells,

chanting: "Bring out your queer. Bring out your queer."

And the queer do come out

along with all those who feel strange

or have been the other

who died to themselves

or to the world

or found DELIGHT a habit

delight that is by birth chosen

not to be prayed away

but saturated with joy --

God in all the glory

funk-dancing in the streets

with God’s brothers and sisters

stating publicly to the slayers of love:

"Bring it on politicians of inquisition;

your days are numbered,

and you can't count anyway.

Hell, you don't count at all."

Don't Ask, Don't Tell Repeal Certified

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 01:09:00 +0000

Photo by Pete Souza

Today, President Obama signed the certification that will lead to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" finally being gone on September 20, 2011. Some were not happy with the delay in certification, however, for a change like this in the military I am very satisfied with 7 months.

There has been a lot of information coming from the White House today and I wanted to share some of that.

First is the press release from President Obama.

THE WHITE HOUSE

Office of the Press Secretary

__________________________________________________________________________

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

July 22, 2011

Statement by the President on Certification of Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Today, we have taken the final major step toward ending the discriminatory ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ law that undermines our military readiness and violates American principles of fairness and equality. In accordance with the legislation that I signed into law last December, I have certified and notified Congress that the requirements for repeal have been met. ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ will end, once and for all, in 60 days—on September 20, 2011.

As Commander in Chief, I have always been confident that our dedicated men and women in uniform would transition to a new policy in an orderly manner that preserves unit cohesion, recruitment, retention and military effectiveness. Today’s action follows extensive training of our military personnel and certification by Secretary Panetta and Admiral Mullen that our military is ready for repeal. As of September 20th, service members will no longer be forced to hide who they are in order to serve our country. Our military will no longer be deprived of the talents and skills of patriotic Americans just because they happen to be gay or lesbian.

I want to commend our civilian and military leadership for moving forward in the careful and deliberate manner that this change requires, especially with our nation at war. I want to thank all our men and women in uniform, including those who are gay or lesbian, for their professionalism and patriotism during this transition. Every American can be proud that our extraordinary troops and their families, like earlier generations that have adapted to other changes, will only grow stronger and remain the best fighting force in the world and a reflection of the values of justice and equality that the define us as Americans.

Next is an email sent by the President to organizations like HRC and individuals who worked hard to make this victory possible.

Last year, I visited Afghanistan. I was there to thank our men and women in uniform, the brave Americans who have given so much on behalf of this country and who make me so proud to be Commander-in-Chief. At one of America’s bases there, I was shaking hands and taking pictures, walking along a pretty tight crowd of service members. A young woman in uniform pulled me into a hug. She leaned in close so I could hear her over the noise and whispered, “Get ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ done.”

I said to her, “I promise you I will.”

A few weeks later, after a struggle that lasted almost two decades, I signed a law to repeal this policy. I signed it with absolute confidence in our men and women in uniform, in their professionalism and in their capacity to adapt to this change, just as they have adapted and grown stronger with other changes throughout our history. And I signed this repeal knowing that our military would be stronger – and our nation safer – for the service of patriotic gay men and women who would no longer have to live a lie in order to defend the country they love.

Today, in accordance with this law, I signed the certification that will end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” once and for all. The Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff also have certified that the military is ready for the repeal. Sixty days from now, on September 20th, the repeal will be complete and gay men and women will be able to serve their country openly.

On that day, I’ll be thinking of the young woman I met in Afghanistan. And I’ll be thinking of the countless others like her, straight and gay alike, who love this nation and the ideals for which it was founded, and who have signed up to serve so that we might all live in freedom and uphold this simple creed: we are all created equal.

Thank you for helping to make this victory for our country possible.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama

Finally I wanted to include a copy of the actual certification document

This is a great day. The end to this awful law finally has an expiration date.

McDonald's Gay Ad in France is a Conversation Starter

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 13:27:00 +0000

I happened to catch this ad by McDonald's today in the Telegraph. I Tweeted, Facebooked, and Google+'d (yes twitter has the best social media verbs but that is another discussion). I realized that there was more I had to say on it so I am doing things a little backwards with with writing after already putting it on social media but oh well.

First here is the video...then we can discuss.

I guess the video was actually released a year ago but I missed it somehow. Maybe because I don't live in France. Regardless of when it came out, I have seen it now and I love it. I love how it shows just one of many conversations that happen daily in which LGBT individuals have to decide whether or not to come out. Many people just don't realize how often this happens. Then the decision comes - do I out myself or not? We don't actually know what the father and son discuss over fries and that is ok. Part of me really wanted to see the conversation start. Something like, "Dad, I've got something to tell you." However, is McDonald's really the place to have that conversation with Dad?

Sometimes I think that is what holds us back from coming out. Is this the right time and place? I wish that wasn't the case. I wish people felt like it was something to discuss anywhere at anytime. Doing that takes the stigma out of it that talking about being gay is only something to do in private. I understand that many risk their jobs and others could risk their safety. That's why for those of us that feel safe and secure we must not miss these opportunities. It will only help to make things better for those that can't.

Another thing I thought of as I watched this was, how many conversations did this start? Not necessarily between teens and their parents but among all generations - maybe with friends or even co-workers. Just someone commenting they had seen the commercial and liked it would be enough for an LGBT individual to recognize they had an ally and be more comfortable coming out. Even just a parent that wants their child to know they are loved no matter what could comment on the commercial in a positive way. I see many good conversations that can happen because of this.

Do I see how there could be bad conversations, of course. People could learn a close friend or family member is not accepting. However, I choose to believe that both the good and bad conversations are good. The bottom line is the more things are in the open the better.

Thanks McDonald's. I can't wait for the day we see things like this in the U.S.

Two Special Voices in New York

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 02:42:00 +0000

On June 24th, New York became the 6th state to pass marriage equality. I'm not going to "report" on the details. If you like you can just Google and read about that. What I do want to bring attention too is one state Senator in particular that voted in favor of marriage equality, Senator Mark Grisanti.

He was sworn in back in January of this year. It didn't take long for the pressure to ramp up on marriage equality. Here is a brief time line leading up to Friday's vote.

After Lady Gaga asked concert goers to reach out to Grisanti and ask him to vote yes he responded in a radio interview on March 8, 2011, saying: "Civil unions and all the proponents that go along with that, I have no problem with. I have a problem with the term marriage itself. To me, marriage is between a man and a woman. It's been a term, a term of ours for years that has been around for thousands of years. It's like calling a cat, a dog. I don't think that that needs to be changed."

On May 17, 2011, it was reported that Grisanti had publicly stated that he would vote "no" on same-sex marriage.

On June 17, 2011, it was reported that he had changed his position on same-sex marriage to "undecided".

On June 24, 2011, Grisanti voted in favor of the Marriage Equality Act

What I appreciated most was was his speech on the Senate floor on how he came to this decision. Please take some time and watch his speech below.

The second person I would like to discuss is my Aunt, who is 70+ years old. She has lived in upstate New York on a farm or in a small town her whole life. She always keeps up on state politics and other current events. She had sent me a quick note when the State Assembly passed the marriage equality bill through and that she was sure the Senate would do the same. I was glad at least she was confident. I knew we still had a fight on our hands at the time.

Apparently my Aunt knew what she was talking about because eight days later she was emailing me again. This time it was almost 11pm NY time and marriage equality had just passed the Senate. The subject: We made it in NYS. We'll come back to that.

Here is the rest of the email

Hi ladies - as you may have already heard -   NYS is passing the "equality in marriage' act this evening - job well done!
   Just wish the news folks would refrain from the term "same sex marriage act" -   that doesn't cover nearly any of the principles of this bill and really gives it a negative connotation rather than educating the public on the real need and assets of the bill.
                                                                                    Love A.

Simple right. But let's remember this is from a small town 70+ year old woman...not exactly the best demographic on this issue. What struck me first was that she just gets it. The end. The fact that she really gets it prompted me to post it on my Facebook and Tweet about it. If this 75 year old woman can get it then I know we can make this happen. If we come out, live open, educate people on how this discrimination effects us, we can change hearts and minds. We can do this.

While I got responses I had expected, a bunch of likes, a few re-tweets, etc - I also got a response I didn't expect. It was actually the first response from twitter. Here is the conversation

Let's just say that this conversation made me write a much stronger reply to my Aunt. Something that was probably going to be WOO HOO! turned into this

A.,

Thank you so much for your note. I hope you don't mind but I put it on Facebook. The understanding that you have and the support that you give is something many others in the gay community miss because their family has disowned them. I do not take it for granted and it has meant so much to me as has the support of my parents and many others in the family. The fact that this family never wavered in its support is a true statement to what family means and I believe a true statement about how you all were raised by Gram and Grandpa...to always be there for each other.

So again thanks.

Kathy

So, for me, there were two heroes on that night. One, a Senator that showed true courage by realizing that he might not know everything and seeking to understand all aspects of the issue. The other, a woman who reminded me day to day conversations matter and that I am so lucky to have a family that goes beyond the concept of just being related to each other. I am part of a family that you can count on to be there for you and give you support when needed.

By the way A., I owe you a hug.

The Death of Paula Brooks and the Apology from Bill Graber

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 06:39:00 +0000

Previously I had written that I was hoping to speak with Bill Graber and get an explanation and an apology regarding the deception that had happened by him pretending to be lesbian blogger - 'Paula Brooks', founder of the blog Lez Get Real. I am happy to say this conversation has happened. While I had planned on it being a private conversation that I would just acknowledge happened so readers would know, Bill gave me permission to do a post on it.

Bill and I spoke for about a half hour. The first thing out of his mouth was, “I’m sorry I was such an ass.” There were no excuses, in fact it was backed up with a few more statements of I’m sorry for various things. While I accepted the apology I also needed to get some things off of my chest. It was important to me that Bill understood that my issue was the lying that happened on a personal level (see the Google chat example in my previous post).

Me: Why tell me these stories about Deb, the kids, etc?

Bill: It was part of the character.

Me: I understand, but that wasn't what was important about the character for me…you had me at politics. I am a politics junkie and I respected Paula’s mind on the issues. We could discuss and debate many political topics. That’s what I enjoyed. You and I didn’t flirt and we didn’t discuss personal things all the time. So the need to go there with me I just don’t understand.

Bill: I was manipulative. I was trying to get to people’s emotions because sometimes I needed them to do and write something emotional. It was wrong…but many times it was effective. People wanted to talk to the surfer mom. They told her things they wouldn’t tell anyone else. We had the best information of any of the blogs. That was because of the surfer mom. In fact, what I find is people are mad because I killed 'Paula.' They are mad because their friend is gone.

Me: I just don't understand the need for all the lying and manipulating of us on a personal level. For me it was not needed. I wanted to write. You didn't need to manipulate me to do so. I logged, in wrote my stuff, and logged off.

Bill: When the next time I pretend to be a lesbian surfer mom I'll be sure to ask you on how to handle it.

Me: It's really not even funny to joke about doing it again.

I was also curious about the other cast of characters. Let’s face it…this felt like the end of some move that I just didn’t see the ending coming. I’m one of those people that like to see the credits and know who played their roles. This was no different.

Me: Who are the kids…are they real?

Bill: They are my Grand kids. I’m sure you noticed the progress of time throughout the pictures. Had to be someone I knew.

Me: I put one of the pictures you sent me of them in a post. I will remove it. It's not my intention to do them any harm with all of this. My anger is not at them.

Bill: Thanks, I’m sure my daughter would appreciate it. She is just as mad as my wife.

Me: I can only imagine. You seem to have a shit load of woman pissed at you. Who is the woman in the pictures we see as ‘Paula’ on all the social media?

Bill: My sister when she was 20…keep it all in the family.

Me: What about Deb?

Bill: That is from my friends…what happened to them.

Me: But no one died I thought?

Bill: That’s true. I dramatized it. I wanted to get the story on the survivor blogs to draw readers to Lez Get Real.

Me: But people donated money. That was a horrible deception. What happened to that money?

Bill: It all went to charity. I made sure nothing came to me. That was hard. Every time there was a hit on the story on a survivor blog I felt bad because I knew it had happened to them for real and they were looking to real support and the story they were reading was a fake.

This was a pretty low point. To use this death to essentially gain more readers for the blog. It was all about the blog. It seemed that anyone could be sacrificed or hurt to move the blog forward. I was a fairly new writer for the blog when this happened so I wasn't as emotionally wrapped up in it as the others. But to hear him talk about using it simply to promote on the survivor blogs really showed me a new reality. There were no boundaries to who could be hurt. Then we discussed the blog and why this had all happened.

Bill: All I wanted to do was help the LGBT community. I served 25 years in the Air Force. I served to fight for the little people. However, I didn’t even realize the gay community was the little people. I didn’t know anything about it. Then I met a great lesbian couple. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to fight for them because I didn’t feel like I had when I was in the service.

Me: It’s funny. The character of ‘Paula’s Dad’ that I would talk to on the phone is the closest to you. His character was retired military and it took him a long time to come around on LGBT issues but he did so because he learned about it from someone he knew – his daughter. That is to me the closest thing to reality in all of this.

Bill: Yes but the ‘Paula’ character is me too. That was my desire to want to fight for equality. Problem was I didn’t know anything about the gay community. Honestly, I thought all gay men did was go to the park to have sex. I have learned that is not the case. I may have infiltrated a community but the reality is the community educated me. I learned about the strength of the community. I really believe it is the women in the LGBT community that will win this battle. You have the kids, families…your voices are just so powerful. I know there were times writers were mad at me because I would say I was too busy and ask them to write a story. It was because I really did want the blog to be from a lesbian’s point of view…and I am not one. I wanted your (lesbians) voices on the blog. I kept trying to get out but things just kept happening and I was just never able to walk away.

Me: I know you kept saying you were trying to leave.

Bill: I was. You were a problem.

Me: I was?

Bill: Yes you were someone that would come to D.C. and want to meet her. I never thought that would happen. I didn’t know what to do.

Me: Yeah that pissed me off too. I didn’t need my time and that of my friends wasted like that. I wasn't in D.C. to see 'Paula' I had other stuff I was doing. Instead of just saying you couldn't meet you had me waiting for you on two different occasions. I was pissed then and now to learn that it wasn't even real?! That is the shit that drives me nuts. It's the pure manipulation. It leaves us feeling violated.

Bill: I was in panic mode I didn’t know what to do and I am sorry.

Me: So after all this time with these characters and running the blog is it hard to give up?

Bill: Yes…I loved my blog. I worked hard on it to make it something that made an impact. Since the whole thing blew up I have done some interviews and the first thing they ask me is to give them my contacts. Pretty funny, huh? They think I am a fraud yet they want my contacts! What does that say about our blog? They know we were about four days ahead on every story. People wanted to give the surfer mom info. Boy did we get great tips. They were dead on.

Me: Did you give them the contacts?

Bill: Hell no! I gave the blog to Bridget and I’m not going to give someone else the keys to destroy Lez Get Real. I know I hurt her the worst. I am doing everything I can to help set it right for her.

Me: Do you still have access to the blog?

Bill: No I am locked out. It’s all hers now.

Me: Sounds like that is for the best.

It was a good conversation because I am a person that likes closure. So to be able to confront Bill with my anger and ask him the questions I needed to have answered feels good. I am not one to dwell on anger. I find it takes way to much energy. So I am moving on.

There were things in the talk that stood out to me. His use of the words manipulation and infiltration in particular. It seemed like he was a soldier on a mission. While I understood that he was apologizing, I also felt like he was debriefing. Not a lot of emotion. Sincerity, I think, but not emotion.

I imagine this will not be my last contact with Bill. There maybe other questions I have that I would like answered. I wouldn't be surprised if we chatted on and off. I won't be able to ever trust him. The violation was just too much to go back. In fact, the only thing I fully believe is that he loved his blog. I know that because he would lie to anyone to protect it. But frankly, it's hard for me to resist talking with him. After all, once you finish the movie, wouldn't you love to sit down with the writer and see how they pulled off an ending that no one saw coming?

My Letter from Senator McCain

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 23:56:00 +0000

I love politics. I enjoy contacting my elected officials by email, phone, letters, etc. I want to participate in the governing process. I believe it is one of our most import responsibilities as citizens to do. We must do more than just vote. We must make sure that our elected officials know how we, as their constituents feel on the issues that matter most to us.

The tough part is I live in Arizona. I am happy to say that I live in a district where I actually feel the representation I have in the State Legislature is good. I am also very pleased with my Congressman, Ed Pastor.

Then you come to Senator Jon Kyl and Senator John McCain. I would say their representation lately couldn't be farther from my views. Although I know when I call their offices or write to them it is a long shot that they will be on my side, I do it anyway. You see, for me, these are the people it is most important I reach out to. I must continue to let them know I am here and they represent me.

I recently emailed Sen. McCain and asked him to support the Repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). I know of two other constituents that support this - Cindy McCain and Meghan McCain. Since these two constituents are family and can't seem to sway him on this I know it's a long shot. Plus this is not the first time I have engaged the Senator on this issue. I have met with his D.C. staff in the past to discuss this issue on several occasions. I have also called his office and sent other emails on numerous occasions over the years.

Today I got a response from Sen. McCain.

From: senator@mccain.senate.gov
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 1:07 PM
To: Kathy Young
Subject: Correspondence from Senator McCain

June 15, 2011

       Dear Ms. Young:

        Thank you for contacting me to express your views on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). I appreciate hearing from you.

        Recently, I was saddened to learn that the Obama administration instructed the Department of Justice not to defend any legal challenges to DOMA. I believe, like most Americans, that the institution of marriage should be protected and defined as a union between a man and a woman. It is this definition and only this definition that acknowledges and supports the vital and unique roles played by mothers and fathers in the important job of raising children.

        For this reason, I do not support the dismantling of an institution that is the very foundation of our society, and replacing it with newer and more flexible understandings that are of questionable public value. I will continue to promote unions that have traditionally provided the basis for stable families and committed relationships.

        Again, thank you sharing your thoughts on this issue. You can be assured that I will keep your concerns in mind should any legislation pertaining to DOMA be considered by the full Senate. Please feel free to contact me in the future regarding this or any other issue of concern.

                                          Sincerely,

                                          John McCain
                                          United States Senator

There was no surprises in this response. Still hard to read. Still hurtful. In no way surprising.

In the future Senator McCain will get another email from me asking him to support the repeal of DOMA. It won't surprise him. It may annoy him that I didn't seem to hear his answer.

Because the thing is it's his job to listen to me. It's my job to keep speaking to him. I will use different words and I will try different stories to convince him that recognizing my relationship has great public value instead of something that to him is "of questionable public value." The point is, when my kids are old enough to understand the fight for equality and they ask me what I did to help protect my family, giving up will not be part of the story.

Waiting for an Apology from Bill Graber aka Paula Brooks

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 07:30:00 +0000

I am in shock.

I began contributing to the blog Lez Get Real in October of 2008. The site was run by two people Julie Phineas and Paula Brooks. According to the site I contributed 128 posts. The last time I chatted with Paula was in January. During this entire time I had no idea she was not who she said she was.

It has now come out in the Washington Post that 'Paula Brooks' is actually Bill Graber, a 58 year old straight man.

What the hell is going on.

Funny thing is I started to see people questioning is Paula was real after another lesbian blogger was found to be a fraud. I tried to pull 'Paula' up on chat last night but by the time I got a response I had gone to bed. This morning I just closed the window and headed off to work without a second thought. If only I had stayed up late last night I maybe would have been told the truth from Bill himself.

It's not like I hadn't talked to the actual Bill before. I just didn't know it. Since 'Paula' was a deaf woman if the situation called for a phone call it had to go through her Dad, Bill Brooks. I have spoken to "Mr. Brooks" 4 or 5 times in the last couple of years. I have his phone number. I called it today and got the voice mailbox for a Bill Brooks...a man that doesn't exist. This is how far this whole thing goes.

But it gets better.

When Lez Get Real started 'Paula' had a partner, Deb. Shortly after I joined the blog, Deb passed away from breast cancer. This story line was played out on the blog by 'Paula'. Of course we can't forget how horrible this all was for their toddler twins. So now we have widowed deaf lesbian taking care of twins all by herself with the help of a loving father. I must say, it is an amazing character. I certainly fell for it. Here is an example of one of the pictures I was sent of the kids.

Updated 6/17/2011

I have deleted the picture that was here.

The reason posted here

This picture was sent by 'Paula' asking what I thought of their new haircuts. Just a personal conversation with no solicitation from me. Now I just wonder, who the hell are these kids?

'Paula' and I developed an online friendship. It was easy, we were both passionate about LGBT rights, had kids, many things in common. We would chat often online about politics but also about our personal life. About a year after the fictional wife Deb died I got a chat from 'Paula' asking if I could help watch the site over the weekend because she and the family we going to spread Deb's ashes in the outer banks where they had lived.

The following is a record of a google chat between 'Paula' and I the next day

5/24/09
9:32 AM Paula: Debbie is gone
9:33 AM me: Wow
Paula: Out in the Ocean now
me: Not really sure what to say
Paula: nothing to say
9:34 AM me: I hope you can all find some peace today
Must be rough
Paula: tough day... yes
9:35 AM I do know this is all real now
9:36 AM and I don't know if I will ever have someone like her again
me: Well no one will take her place
9:37 AM But that doesn't mean someone won't be able to make you as happy
Paula: I hope so Kathy
9:38 AM but i feel so alone today
me: I am sorry
Paula: I sit here in this house
our house
9:39 AM and I think she will walk through the door any monute
9:40 AM me: Can't even imagine
9:41 AM Paula: nor can I
9:57 AM Paula: This morning I asked Debs to put in the fi for us Tues
9:58 AM me: In the what?
Paula: Prop *8
9:59 AM me: Oh
Paula: if I know Debs she is the boss angel by now she was a pilot already had her wing
me: Lol I like that
Paula: so did not have to go through training
10:00 AM me: Boss angel
Paula: if nothing else I am sure she is St Micheals number 2
she was a fighter
10:01 AM me: Lol
Paula: he would like that
if she can manage it she will help Tuesday
trust that
10:07 AM me: We need it
10:08 AM Paula: hey if you can sometime today light a candle ok?
10:09 AM me: Ok we will

This was two days before the decision to uphold Prop 8.

This is my problem. Why have this conversation? If you are just doing this to blog as an activist to help the LGBT community then why create personal relationships like this. I did not start this conversation. I didn't ask if 'Deb's' ashes had ever been spread somewhere. Why not just keep it business - "Hey Kath, I am taking the weekend off so can you watch the site?" I don't need some big fabricated lie to help out. I was already helping so how hard was it to ask.

There are many more conversations of this sort that google saved for me. What a joy to look back and see all the lying.

I think this guy liked being 'Paula.' He liked creating this world and living in it. Maybe it was better than his reality. I don't know. But I do know this. He owes me an apology. I know this because the only word that I can come up with to describe how I feel is violated. I don't care what his original intentions were in starting this masquerade as a lesbian blogger the bottom line is he took this way beyond being a blogger. He took this into relationships. He violated many people's trust by doing this and he needs to face the music.

He has my phone number and my email. I'm good with either one. I'm just waiting to see if he is man enough to call. Funny thing is, Paula would of had the balls to do it.

I just know that since I was there to help with the grieving of the dead wife I think it's the least he can do.

**** Updated 6/17/2011 - I did get an apology from Bill. Read about it here.

Firing the Photon Torpedoes

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Fri, 20 May 2011 00:34:00 +0000

Image by Getty Images via @daylifeIn Tennessee they are trying to pass a law that would ban elementary and middle schools from discussing homosexuality. The bill has become known as the "don't say gay" bill. The law would mandate that before ninth grade, teachers not "provide any instruction or material that discusses sexual orientation other than heterosexuality."

Today, George Takei who played Mr. Sulu on Star Trek, and is openly gay, is offering to help teachers and students if this law does go through. Check out the video.

I don't know about you but it seems to me that Mr. Sulu is firing the photon torpedoes at the Tennessee lawmakers. I hope they don't have their shields up.

The Straight Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 01:17:00 +0000

Image via WikipediaLast night my wife and I went to a wedding. We have known the bride and her family for what seems like forever. We have known the groom for only a few years but have really enjoyed getting to know him. They are a great couple and we felt honored to be invited to their wedding.

But...

There are still those thoughts about what tone the ceremony will have. How much will be about "marriage being the joining of one man and one woman." Also, just the fact that they can get married and we can't is always leaves a bitter taste.

The ceremony began. The bride and groom were clearly happy that their day had finally arrived. While nervous, knowing all eyes were on them, what showed through it all was their love for each other. Then about ten minutes into the ceremony it happened. The officiant dives into the idea that "marriage is between one man and one woman." Now let me make this clear. This was not designed to be a stance, nor was it meant to be the official definition of marriage for the couple. This was just the officiant's standard language.

I really do believe this.

The thing is, it doesn't change the gut reaction when you hear it. My wife leaned forward and lowered her head, shaking it side to side. I just rubbed her back and then held her hand. I knew that depending on where this went it could lead to my wife's exit of the ceremony, with me right behind. Luckily, the moment passed. We made it through the ceremony and to the open bar.

The reception provides a whole new set of circumstances. Mostly, how out as a couple we would be. Do we just fast dance with the group or do we slow dance? Several people in attendance were at our ceremony and know us very well. Another large portion we know in a more professional setting. While most of these people either know we are a couple or have assumed, they really haven't seen us interact as one. Then about half of them we don't know at all.

Here's the thing. The bride and groom know us as a couple. They invited us to the wedding. Therefore, I am going to assume they wouldn't expect us to not be a couple at their wedding.

One of the events at a reception is the dance that starts with all married couple being called to the floor. Then as the song continues the DJ asks for couples that have been married for less that X years to leave the floor. In the end, the couple married the longest are the only ones still dancing. The DJ called for all married couples to go to the floor. An individual we were sitting with looked at us and said, "Uh, that means you." When I looked he continued, "You're married to me...get out there." His father happened to have performed our ceremony and he was in the bridal party this evening. Good enough for us.

That was the first of many dances. We danced, we sang favorite parts of songs to each other, we kissed. At one point the groom came over while we were dancing hugged us and tried to walk away. I grabbed him and we all danced together.

During one of the early dances I remember asking my wife, who had a better view, "Is anyone staring?" Her response, "Not at all."

Wow. Normal. The only lesbian or gay couple in the crowd and how did we feel.

Normal.

Whatever that means.

This was a young couple with a fairly young crowd. I say the future is bright.

Cheers to the happy couple!

The Old Man and the Queers

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 17:25:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

You never know when you are going to learn a lesson or where it will come from. You can only make sure you are able to recognize it when it happens.

On Saturday, February 12th, many of the Arizona State House of Representative Democrats held office hours for their constituents. This was done in part to honor Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords one month after her shooting. The lawmakers were wanting to show that Gabby's commitment to meeting with her constituents was equally important to them and something that wouldn't be stopped by the actions taken by a gunman on that day. I live in Arizona's 14th legislative district represented by Debbie McCune Davis and Chad Cambell who were holding their office hours at a local coffee shop in the district.

There were only seven of us that showed up for the chat. We settled in around one large table to be able to discuss what issues were important to us with our Representatives. An older couple was seated next to me and went first. Only the gentleman spoke. He started off about keeping the tax credits for school donations. That was cool with me and I was impressed at how he was discussing some of the education issues. Then he switched topics.

"I want to discuss the marriage amendment. The family is the most important thing in society and must be protected," he began.

I'm thinking, "Well this is interesting. We have already been here, done this, and voted marriage between one man and one woman into our constitution. What more is there to discuss?" Then I think, "Oh maybe he is upset about the amendment and wants to protect all of our families." Yeah....no.

"Marriage has been around for thousands of years and the only way this has been is between one man and one woman and we must protect that," he declared. Now the purpose of this meeting was not a group discussion. He was there to talk with his representative. Rep. Campbell had run back to his house so he was not present at the time which left Rep. McCune Davis to handle the question. I just looked at her and gave her a little smile and waited.

"I understand what you are saying but I think we would disagree on how families need to be protected. This is something that was already voted on and is done and your view won in that vote." McCune Davis said. I thought Rep. McCune Davis was handling it well since there really was no point in having a conversation on something that would not be voted on here again. It was clear she didn't agree with him but why make a big argument at this point.

Then he said, "Well we need to make sure it stays that way. If they want to have a civil union I don't care about that. They can have some rights but I do not what queers to marry."

"Ok, wow, did he just say queers," I thought to myself and looked down at the table biting my lip.

"Well we can have some agreement that they do deserve to have equal rights," said McCune Davis happy that there was a point she could turn into agreement.

Unfortunately, he continued, "Sometimes judges decide to make laws and this is a decision that the people need to make."

At this Rep. McCune Davis did have to strongly disagree by saying, "Judges don't make laws the legislature does. The courts do check to make sure laws are constitutional. I do believe there will be court challenges on this issue. We are already seeing challenges to the marriage law in California. However, the judges will not be making laws when they decide a case."

"Oh but they are," the man continued. "Who are they to decide? This decision must be made by the majority. It is the majority of the people that say marriage is between one man and one woman and that is the only way it should be decided...by the people's vote."

Again Rep. McCune Davis could not let that pass and had to strongly disagree. "Sir, we as lawmakers have a responsibility to make sure that we protect all Arizonans. That means we do things to protect the minority at times. In this situation it was brought to a vote by the public and your position won. However, we do have a responsibility to protect the minority."

He was not satisfied with this answer but Rep. McCune Davis was able to end the conversation successfully because there were other constituents that needed a turn. During this conversation Rep. Campbell had rejoined the group. He had assessed the situation and made a smart move choosing not to ask, "So what did I miss?"

Then Rep. McCune Davis looked at me and said, "So what brought you here today?"

"Well I hadn't come here to discuss something that had been decided on two years ago but I must strongly disagree with what he just said. While I don't think we need to take up our time here today discussing an issue that will not come before the legislature I will say that I have a partner and we have two kids. I would like to have the same rights and protections everyone else at this table has when it comes to their family. I can't adopt my children because this state doesn't have second parent adoptions and so I have no legal rights to my children. Marriage would solve that and protect my family."

"It appears that most of you around the table are married. As far as Civil Unions go the only way that is equal is if you each have to tear up your marriage licenses and we all get a Civil Union license. All the tax codes and any other legal documents that reference marriage would need to change to Civil Union. The problem isn't that I want to call it marriage, the problem is that our government does. Therefore, all the rights and protections that you say you are ok with me having are tied up in that word with our government. To just make up something for me is not equal. Either I get marriage or you all get Civil Unions. Either way is ok with me."

I then went on to discuss the anti-bullying bill and the adoption bill that I had come to address. Rep Campbell did address these bills and they both stated they supported my position on them.

As I was finishing up the man interrupted, "When you say you have a partner - is it a man or a woman?"

"It's a woman," I said.

Not looking at me the man asked, "And you have kids?"

"Yes," I responded.

Still not bothering to look at me he asks, "Then what do you say when they are going to ask who their father is?"

"They don't have one, they have two mommies," I answered simply.

At this point the man next to me interrupted. He said this discussion could happen at another time and that we were all here to ask questions of our legislators and we should use the time for that. I agreed and we moved on.

Conversation continued and many other issues were discussed. After things wrapped up both Representative McCune Davis and Representative Campbell talked with me about the conversation. I told Rep. McCune Davis that I appreciated her answers and thought she handled it well. I spent more time with Representative Campbell, who is currently the minority leader, about the redistricting process and the importance of LGBT people showing up to that process. Then I left.

Here is the lesson I learned. It's all about showing up.

Had I not shown up the only voice that would have been heard on LGBT issues would have been his. While others that were there privately told me of their support as well they would have not spoken on LGBT issues that day. They were there for their own reasons. This is why LGBT individuals need to participate. All I did was sit down and have a cup of hot chocolate with people, my neighbors, to discuss what we think are important issues facing Arizona.

It was the most important thing I had done all week.

Facts of Life Star Comes Out and How it Could Have Been

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:18:00 +0000

It's about time one of the cast of The Facts of Life came out. While many people had their guesses, the cast member that has made the announcement is Geri Jewell. Jewell played Blair's cousin Geri who was a comedian and someone with Cerebral Palsy. Her character provided a personal look at Cerebral Palsy and the stigma around disabilities in general. While it was a small role, she was on 12 episodes from 1980-1984, it made Jewell the first person with a disability cast in a recurring role. Jewell has also been a regular on the series Deadwood and The Young and the Restless.

Geri discusses the discrimination in Hollywood and the fear she had about coming out among many other topics in her memoir, "I'm walking As Straight As I Can."

The Facts of Life is by far my all time favorite show. I even went to a live taping and it is one of my favorite memories. Now my main reason for watching the show was the character Jo played by Nancy McKeon. Many people feel that if the show was made today Jo's character would have been gay. While we will never know if that is true we can still dream.

There are a ton of fan videos out there that have some fun with the "chemistry" the characters Blair, played by Lisa Welchel, and Jo have on the show. While I had a blast looking at a bunch of videos from the show and from fans, I couldn't resist putting this one up.

Oh, don't we wish!

LGBT Virtual Convention Panels Announced

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 21:43:00 +0000

The folks over at eQualityGiving.org have developed a great way to interact with leaders of various areas in the LGBT community. They have created a free virtual convention that has various panels. Individuals are able to submit questions to a panel and hear the discussion. The panels are also recorded and can be listened to any time. Below is some information on the upcoming panels.

Sunday January 30, 2011
7:00 pm to 8:00 pm EDT
DOES THE "T" IN "LGBTQ" MEAN ANYTHING MORE THAN "TOKEN"?
After HRC appended the "T" in 2004 and the bruising battle over an inclusive ENDA in 2007, are we again forgetting trans and gender-non conforming concerns?

Panelists

Stephen Glassman, Chairperson, Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission
Diego Sanchez, Legislative Assistant to Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA)
Melissa Sklarz, New York City transactivis
Meghan Stabler, Board of Directors, Human Rights Campaign

Question Moderators

Jessica Lee, Board Member, GOProud
Lisa Turner, Political Strategist, The Turner Group

Monday February 7, 2011
Noon to 1:00 pm EDT

WHY HIV CRIMINALIZATION MATTERS
Do current policies still discriminate against HIV? In which ways the law still discriminates against HIV?

Panelists

Edwin J. Bernard, Editor of HIV and the Criminal Law (NAM, 2010) and Criminal HIV Transmission
Vanessa Johnson, JD, Executive VP, National Association of People with AIDS
Sean Strub, Senior advisor, Center for HIV Law & Policy's Positive Justice Project, founder of POZ Magazine

Question Moderators

Todd A. Heywood, Reporter, Michigan Messenger

To submit questions just go to http://www.equalitygiving.org/eQualityThinking.

Podcast - Episode 9

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 03:11:00 +0000

Episode 9 of "Thoughts From A Lezzymom" is now available FREE on iTunes. You can subscribe and listen to it here. Please use the tell your friends, Twitter, and Facebook links in the drop down section next to the subscribe button in iTunes and spread the word about the show. If you don't have iTunes use the player in the sidebar on the blog to listen to the show.

In this episode there is an interview with 16 year old, Caleb Laieski, the Executive Director of Gays and Lesbians United Against Discrimination, gluad.org. Caleb has taken on school districts in Arizona over bullying. Hear his powerful story. We also play a song from Music Alley by Ann Wilson and Elton John called Where To Now St. Peter from Ann's album Hope and Glory. The song can be found at musicalley.com. We wrapped things up with a final thought about the current state of the LGBT movement and where we go from here.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the show. You can rate it and leave comments on the iTunes page.

Thanks for listening.

Giffords Responds to Girl Power

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 04:18:00 +0000

Image by Jewish Historical Society of Greater Washington via FlickrThis is one of the most touching stories I have seen in a long time. Yesterday, President Obama announced that Congresswoman Gabby Giffords opened her eyes for the first time since being shot in the head just four days before. This extraordinary moment happened when her friends - Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Senator Kirsten Gillibrand - visited her in the hospital. Below is the story told to the press on Air Force One following the memorial event in Tucson, Arizona.

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release January 13, 2011
Press Gaggle by Senator Gillibrand and Representative Wasserman Schultz Aboard Air Force One en route Andrews Air Force Base

Aboard Air Force One
En Route Andrews Air Force Base

12:14 A.M. EST

Q So tell us what it was like in there. You were just standing around a friend of yours and -- just put it in your terms.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Okay, well, I’ll go, and then you’ll go -- okay. Well, we were very excited that we were even going to have the chance of getting to visit her hospital room. We didn’t know when we first came whether we had that opportunity. And so when we did have the chance, we were so excited to get to see her. And when we came in the room, the doctor was there, her parents were there, Mark is there, and the Speaker -- Speaker Pelosi and Debbie and I went in.

And we just were so excited, so we were telling her how proud we were of her and how she was inspiring the whole nation with her courage and with her strength. And then Debbie and I started joking about all the things we were going to do after she got better. And we were holding her hand and she was responding to our hand-holding. She was rubbing our hands and gripping our hands so we could -- she could really -- we knew she could hear and understand what we were saying and she moved her leg, and so we knew she was responding. And the more we joked about what we were going to do, she started to open her eyes literally.

And then you have to recognize, her eyes hadn’t opened -- we didn’t know that -- and so she started to struggle. And one of her eyes is covered with a bandage because it was damaged in the gunfire. So her eye is flickering. And Mark sees this and gets extremely excited. And we didn’t -- I didn’t know what that meant. And so he said, Gabby, open your eyes, open your eyes. And he’s really urging her forward. And the doctor is like perking up and everyone is coming around the bed. And she’s struggling and she’s struggling and it’s a good -- we couldn’t figure it out, maybe 30 seconds, where she’s really trying to get her eyes open, like doing this, this, this.

And then she finally opens her eyes and you could she was like desperately trying to focus and it took enormous strength from her. And Mark could just -- can’t believe it. I mean, he’s so happy. And we’re crying because we’re witnessing something that we never imagined would happen in front of us.

And so Mark says, he says -- he said, Gabby, if you can see me, give us the thumbs up, give us the thumbs up. And so we’re waiting and we’re waiting and --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: And she didn’t at first.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: And we just thought, okay -- and you could watch -- when you’re watching her eyes, she’s really trying to focus. Like you could see she hadn’t opened her eyes in days. And then instead of giving the thumbs up, she literally raises her whole arm like this -- like this. It was unbelievable. And then she reaches out and starts grabbing Mark and is touching him and starts to nearly choke him -- she was clearly trying to hug him.

And so like -- she was -- it was such a moment. And we were just in tears of joy watching this and beyond ourselves, honestly. And then Mark said, you know, touch my ring, touch my ring. And she touches his ring and then she grabs his whole watch and wrist. And then the doctor was just so excited. He said, you don’t understand, this is amazing, what’s she’s doing right now, and beyond our greatest hopes.

And so then they decided we had to go because it was a lot -- (laughter) -- of excitement for her and it was -- we just told her how proud we were and how much we loved her and said we’d visit soon.

But, Gabby, you should describe a little about how you felt --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: You know what, she keeps -- she’s been calling me Gabby the whole day. (Laughter.)

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Debbie has to tell you --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: That’s the sixth time she’s called me Gabby. (Laughter.)

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Debbie has to tell you about what she said after because the way she -- the way Debbie phrased it was I thought very amazing.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: It was just -- really, it felt like a miracle. It felt like we were watching a miracle. And Kirsten is totally right -- we just both wanted so badly to be there for her as her friends. We wanted to do -- we wanted to be there for Mark and for her parents. And just the strength that you could see just flowing out of her to get -- it was like she was trying to will her eyes open. It was just -- I mean, it felt --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Debbie, you should say about -- when you had your children -- that it was like the only experience that’s similar is when you have a child.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Exactly. The only way I could describe the feeling that we had, that I had, was other than the birth of my kids, this was the most incredible feeling, to see literally your -- one of your closest friends just struggle to come back to you, to come back to her family, to come back to her friends. I mean, we know how strong Gabby is and you could see all the strength pouring out of her to touch her husband --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: And to tell us she’s there. Like she was -- it was -- you imagine this when you watch a movie, but it’s like she wanted to tell us, I’m here, I can hear you, I’m with you, and I appreciate everything you’re doing.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: We told her -- when Kirsten was talking to her, she said -- because she and her husband had just gone and had pizza with Gabby and Mark, so she said, you know, come on -- come on, Gabby, you got to get going here, we’re going to go out for pizza. The last couple of summers, Gabby and Mark and Mark’s kids have vacationed with my family and I in New Hampshire. And I said, Gabby, we fully expect you to be up and ready to go to come back up to New Hampshire this summer, and that’s when she started to open her eye. And the Speaker was talking to her this whole time. We just kept alternately talking to her.

And literally the doctor said, no, you don’t understand, this is really, really significant progress. He starts pounding out a message on his BlackBerry. Her mother and father are just crying. When we -- when they finally pretty much kicked us out because, you know, obviously --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: It was a lot of excitement.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: A lot of excitement, she had to rest. We told her how much we loved her and we’d be back to see her and whatever she needed us to do, we’d be here for her. And we went out, Dr. Lemole, who is the one that’s been on TV and has been so good about explaining everything, he literally said to us, you know, I’ve discounted -- on TV, I’ve discounted emotion being -- and friendship and family -- really, I’ve sort of discounted that as meaningless out loud. He said, I just witnessed the impact of friendship and what you guys -- he said, you did this here today.

Q That was not the doctor in the room; that was a different one?

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Different doctor.

Q Different doctor. And what was his name?

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: I don’t know.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: I forget.

Q And just real quick, which hand were you holding?

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: I was holding her left hand.

Q And it was you who was holding the hand?

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Yes.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULT: We were alternating holding here hand.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: I’ll show you what she was doing -- I’ll demonstrate it on your hand. Can you hold this for her?

Q Sure.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: So this is Gabby’s hand and I’m just holding it like this and her hand -- she kept doing this, she kept going like that, like her thumb was reacting. And then she squeezed, like she totally was present in every way.

Q And then when she lifted up her arm, that was her right arm?

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: The same one. Same arm. She lifted it up like this -- it was like a whole hand thumbs up.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: And he was trying to -- he kept telling her, if you can see -- he said, Gabby, if you can see me, give me a thumbs up sign, give me the thumbs up sign. And then she went -- she pulled up her whole arm.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Whole hand, like that.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Actually, they wanted her to calm down --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: They’re untying her arm because when she started to move more --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: -- involuntary movements --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: -- they wanted to give her the freedom to move so -- her hand had been secured. They unsecured it so she could move freely, and that’s when she brought the whole arm up to do her thumb up. Because they don’t want her to take the --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: The neck tube. She was going back to reach for the breathing tube.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Yes, she obviously doesn’t like the breathing tube.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Clearly uncomfortable.

Q Could you talk a little bit about the friendship between -- among the three of you and how you got to know each other? We talked on the phone about this the other day a little bit, but I’d be interested in knowing a little bit more from you guys about the bond that you share.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: I think I told you the other day, I mean, there’s very few of us --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Young women.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: -- young women who -- so we naturally gravitate to each other. And Kirsten and I were -- I was assigned as Kirsten’s mentor when she --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Before I ran for office in 2006, I called Debbie and she gave me advice about what was it like to have young children and serve in Congress. So Debbie was instrumental in making me feel comfortable before I even ran for office to be able to know that I could be a good mom and a good legislator at the same time.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: So literally right from when I was elected, these were my two girlfriends. I mean, I met Gabby before I was elected, Kirsten before she was elected -- or Gabby before she -- both of them before they were elected.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Well, you ran Red to Blue.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Right.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: She ran Red to Blue --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: The year they were elected, right.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: So that’s how we -- so were entwined in many ways. But Gabby and I were on Armed Services together as freshmen members after we won in 2006. And what I admired about her so much is the way she brought something different to our committee. I always complimented Speaker Pelosi because one way she transformed Congress was she put five women on the Armed Services Committee all at one year. And our nature of our questions were always different.

And one thing Gabby always focused on was the well-being of the troops and their families. And she would talk about how she’d be talking about the troops with the doctor at the military base where she represents, and he would always say, I’m concerned about sending these men and women back into harm’s way when they’re not mentally or physically ready. And so I’d often bring up her stories as evidence that women in Congress matter because we have a different perspective.

And then I always wanted to get our husbands together because a lot of -- some of the women don’t have their husbands in D.C., and so -- and as you know, Gabby’s husband is an astronaut so he travels all the time. So we always talk about, we got to double date, double date, double date. So we started to do these double dates and her husband is one of the most charming men in the world. He’s not only brilliant and fascinating and an astronaut, but he’s a nice person and they love each other so clearly.

And what they seem to enjoy most about each other as a couple is how interesting each other -- each of the other one is. And so they take their New Years and they go to the renaissance weekend and they were telling me all about their New Years and the different speakers. And both of them were like finishing each other’s sentences.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: The best way to describe them --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Clearly in love.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: -- they’re really in a perpetual state of newly-wed. I mean, they really are. Steve and I -- my husband Steve and I met Gabby and Mark because Gabby and I were both chosen for this legislative fellowship, the same one that Trey Grayson was in; we were all in the same fellowship together. And so we were a part of this couple-year fellowship and we travelled around to different places and spent a lot of time together.

And then Gabby ran for Congress -- she was a state senator, she ran for Congress. I was the head of the Red to Blue program, so we got to know -- I travelled to Tucson that cycle. Mark’s last shuttle launch, our family went with Mark and Gabby’s family to see the launch. We were able to be there the night before with the family when the shuttle is all lit up at night. And we’ve had them in New Hampshire for the last couple summers.

And then as far as social time -- we don’t get a lot of social time -- but like I said, we gravitate to each other so Gabby is one of the girlfriends that I spend time with after -- I mean, we really miss Kirsten because she’s on the other side of the --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: -- I had planned and we had lunch, a ladies lunch at the Senate dining room.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: She had us all over.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Gabby, Debbie, and Stephanie -- it was the four of us.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Yes, Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, Kirsten, Gabby and I all had lunch --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: I just wanted them, I missed them so much -- I was like, you have to come have lunch with me.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: It was great.

Q Moving back to the hospital room just a little bit, once the eyes were open, was she smiling? Can you describe her --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: No, she has a tube in her mouth. No, she can’t move her face.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: No expression. No expression. She just --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: She couldn’t because of the equipment. Even if she tried -- I mean, she kept pursing her lips and I felt like she was trying to talk, but she has the breathing apparatus in her mouth so she can’t really --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: But you could see -- you could clearly see the determination in her face that she was struggling to get her eyes open because she was responding to our voices. It was like she wanted us to know that she knew we were -- that we were there. It was --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: It was raw courage. It was raw strength. It was so beautiful and so moving. And, I mean, as I said, we were in tears. We couldn’t believe our eyes how courageous she was and how much she wanted to talk to us, that she wanted to -- she wanted us to know that she was with us a hundred percent and understood everything we were saying and appreciated it.

Q Can you talk a little bit about what you were told kind of going into the hospital, what you were expecting?

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: They didn’t really tell us a whole lot. They didn’t warn us about anything. I mean, I had spoken to Mark on the phone and he kind of gave me an idea a couple days ago of what she looked like -- I mean, where there was a big scar and what bandages there were and things like that. So I wasn’t so -- actually she looked --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: She looked beautiful.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: She did look beautiful.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Absolutely beautiful.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: And she looked not anything like you would imagine someone with a gunshot wound to the head would look. She looked angelic, I have to tell you. It was stunning. I mean, she -- the strength that she has is -- we were already aware of, but it clearly -- I mean, it just resonates all the way through her.

Q Describe the room a little bit for us.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Well, if you ever have a chance to talk to her mother, you can understand where Gabby gets it from, because her mother was just sparkling with pride and her own level of determination and will.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: I mean, we’re bordering on violating her privacy now by describing -- I don’t want to get into what she looked like or, you know, the --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: Between her mother and Mark, there’s no doubt -- both Debbie and I know Gabby has the courage and strength it will take to recover from this. We know her spirit is indomitable. We know she’s got the kind of conviction that it would take someone to recover from this kind of incident. But when I finally met her mother, I knew where it came from because her mother says, of course she’s getting better, of course she’s going to be walking soon.

And when I talked to Mark two days ago -- both Debbie and I have been sharing this story -- he said, Gabby is going to be walking. I told the doctor that Gabby would be walking on two weeks.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: A couple, two weeks. He said the same thing to both of us.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: And so when Mark told to both Debbie and I the story, we said --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Separately, and we didn’t even know that we both had talked to him.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: So you can understand the world she’s in. There’s the people who are around who believe in her, who know of her strength, and we just feel so lucky that we could have been a small part of this -- of the hope that I think the whole nation has for her future.

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: She’s totally enveloped by the love of her family, of her friends, of her constituents, and now the whole nation. And I think it’s absolutely clear that all that energy has been felt by her.

Q Thank you. We really appreciate it.

Q What was the name of the pizza place where you were joking about going back to?

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: We went to --

REPRESENTATIVE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Matchbox.

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: It was Matchbox.

Q The Matchbox on the Hill or --

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: On H Street. (Laughter.) They have really good pizza.

Q What’s her favorite pizza?

SENATOR GILLIBRAND: I don’t know, but then -- the funny thing about the dinner was we were supposed to go to a more conservative, fancy restaurant and when I saw it on the schedule, I said, no, I’m not in the mood. So I called Gabby and I say, where do you want to go? And I talked to her scheduler and I gave her four options of restaurants I knew were good. They picked Matchbox and they had been there the night before, so they really like it. (Laughter.) And they had had pizza the night before so -- it’s Mark’s favorite. It’s his favorite restaurant.

Q Thank you both very much.

END
12:31 A.M. EST

President Obama's Speech at Tucson Memorial - Video and Transcript

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 04:05:00 +0000

This tragedy has hit Arizona hard. I thought the President delivered a speech that was exactly what we needed to hear. This is the full video of President Obama's speech. The transcript follows.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release January 12, 2011
Remarks by the President at a Memorial Service for the Victims of the Shooting in Tucson, Arizona

McKale Memorial Center
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona

6:43 P.M. MST

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. (Applause.) Thank you very much. Please, please be seated. (Applause.)

To the families of those we’ve lost; to all who called them friends; to the students of this university, the public servants who are gathered here, the people of Tucson and the people of Arizona: I have come here tonight as an American who, like all Americans, kneels to pray with you today and will stand by you tomorrow. (Applause.)

There is nothing I can say that will fill the sudden hole torn in your hearts. But know this: The hopes of a nation are here tonight. We mourn with you for the fallen. We join you in your grief. And we add our faith to yours that Representative Gabrielle Giffords and the other living victims of this tragedy will pull through. (Applause.)

Scripture tells us:

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

On Saturday morning, Gabby, her staff and many of her constituents gathered outside a supermarket to exercise their right to peaceful assembly and free speech. (Applause.) They were fulfilling a central tenet of the democracy envisioned by our founders –- representatives of the people answering questions to their constituents, so as to carry their concerns back to our nation’s capital. Gabby called it “Congress on Your Corner” -– just an updated version of government of and by and for the people. (Applause.)

And that quintessentially American scene, that was the scene that was shattered by a gunman’s bullets. And the six people who lost their lives on Saturday –- they, too, represented what is best in us, what is best in America. (Applause.)

Judge John Roll served our legal system for nearly 40 years. (Applause.) A graduate of this university and a graduate of this law school -- (applause) -- Judge Roll was recommended for the federal bench by John McCain 20 years ago -- (applause) -- appointed by President George H.W. Bush and rose to become Arizona’s chief federal judge. (Applause.)

His colleagues described him as the hardest-working judge within the Ninth Circuit. He was on his way back from attending Mass, as he did every day, when he decided to stop by and say hi to his representative. John is survived by his loving wife, Maureen, his three sons and his five beautiful grandchildren. (Applause.)

George and Dorothy Morris -– “Dot” to her friends -– were high school sweethearts who got married and had two daughters. They did everything together -- traveling the open road in their RV, enjoying what their friends called a 50-year honeymoon. Saturday morning, they went by the Safeway to hear what their congresswoman had to say. When gunfire rang out, George, a former Marine, instinctively tried to shield his wife. (Applause.) Both were shot. Dot passed away.

A New Jersey native, Phyllis Schneck retired to Tucson to beat the snow. But in the summer, she would return East, where her world revolved around her three children, her seven grandchildren and 2-year-old great-granddaughter. A gifted quilter, she’d often work under a favorite tree, or sometimes she'd sew aprons with the logos of the Jets and the Giants -- (laughter) -- to give out at the church where she volunteered. A Republican, she took a liking to Gabby, and wanted to get to know her better. (Applause.)

Dorwan and Mavy Stoddard grew up in Tucson together -– about 70 years ago. They moved apart and started their own respective families. But after both were widowed they found their way back here, to, as one of Mavy’s daughters put it, “be boyfriend and girlfriend again.” (Laughter.)

When they weren’t out on the road in their motor home, you could find them just up the road, helping folks in need at the Mountain Avenue Church of Christ. A retired construction worker, Dorwan spent his spare time fixing up the church along with his dog, Tux. His final act of selflessness was to dive on top of his wife, sacrificing his life for hers. (Applause.)

Everything -- everything -- Gabe Zimmerman did, he did with passion. (Applause.) But his true passion was helping people. As Gabby’s outreach director, he made the cares of thousands of her constituents his own, seeing to it that seniors got the Medicare benefits that they had earned, that veterans got the medals and the care that they deserved, that government was working for ordinary folks. He died doing what he loved -– talking with people and seeing how he could help. And Gabe is survived by his parents, Ross and Emily, his brother, Ben, and his fiancée, Kelly, who he planned to marry next year. (Applause.)

And then there is nine-year-old Christina Taylor Green. Christina was an A student; she was a dancer; she was a gymnast; she was a swimmer. She decided that she wanted to be the first woman to play in the Major Leagues, and as the only girl on her Little League team, no one put it past her. (Applause.)

She showed an appreciation for life uncommon for a girl her age. She’d remind her mother, “We are so blessed. We have the best life.” And she’d pay those blessings back by participating in a charity that helped children who were less fortunate.

Our hearts are broken by their sudden passing. Our hearts are broken -– and yet, our hearts also have reason for fullness.
Our hearts are full of hope and thanks for the 13 Americans who survived the shooting, including the congresswoman many of them went to see on Saturday.

I have just come from the University Medical Center, just a mile from here, where our friend Gabby courageously fights to recover even as we speak. And I want to tell you -- her husband Mark is here and he allows me to share this with you -- right after we went to visit, a few minutes after we left her room and some of her colleagues in Congress were in the room, Gabby opened her eyes for the first time. (Applause.) Gabby opened her eyes for the first time. (Applause.)

Gabby opened her eyes. Gabby opened her eyes, so I can tell you she knows we are here. She knows we love her. And she knows that we are rooting for her through what is undoubtedly going to be a difficult journey. We are there for her. (Applause.)

Our hearts are full of thanks for that good news, and our hearts are full of gratitude for those who saved others. We are grateful to Daniel Hernandez -- (applause) -- a volunteer in Gabby’s office. (Applause.)

And, Daniel, I’m sorry, you may deny it, but we’ve decided you are a hero because -- (applause) -- you ran through the chaos to minister to your boss, and tended to her wounds and helped keep her alive. (Applause.)

We are grateful to the men who tackled the gunman as he stopped to reload. (Applause.) Right over there. (Applause.) We are grateful for petite Patricia Maisch, who wrestled away the killer’s ammunition, and undoubtedly saved some lives. (Applause.) And we are grateful for the doctors and nurses and first responders who worked wonders to heal those who’d been hurt. We are grateful to them. (Applause.)

These men and women remind us that heroism is found not only on the fields of battle. They remind us that heroism does not require special training or physical strength. Heroism is here, in the hearts of so many of our fellow citizens, all around us, just waiting to be summoned -– as it was on Saturday morning. Their actions, their selflessness poses a challenge to each of us. It raises a question of what, beyond prayers and expressions of concern, is required of us going forward. How can we honor the fallen? How can we be true to their memory?

You see, when a tragedy like this strikes, it is part of our nature to demand explanations –- to try and pose some order on the chaos and make sense out of that which seems senseless. Already we’ve seen a national conversation commence, not only about the motivations behind these killings, but about everything from the merits of gun safety laws to the adequacy of our mental health system. And much of this process, of debating what might be done to prevent such tragedies in the future, is an essential ingredient in our exercise of self-government.

But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized -– at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who happen to think differently than we do -– it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we’re talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds. (Applause.)

Scripture tells us that there is evil in the world, and that terrible things happen for reasons that defy human understanding. In the words of Job, “When I looked for light, then came darkness.” Bad things happen, and we have to guard against simple explanations in the aftermath.

For the truth is none of us can know exactly what triggered this vicious attack. None of us can know with any certainty what might have stopped these shots from being fired, or what thoughts lurked in the inner recesses of a violent man’s mind. Yes, we have to examine all the facts behind this tragedy. We cannot and will not be passive in the face of such violence. We should be willing to challenge old assumptions in order to lessen the prospects of such violence in the future. (Applause.) But what we cannot do is use this tragedy as one more occasion to turn on each other. (Applause.) That we cannot do. (Applause.) That we cannot do.

As we discuss these issues, let each of us do so with a good dose of humility. Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let’s use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy and remind ourselves of all the ways that our hopes and dreams are bound together. (Applause.)

After all, that’s what most of us do when we lose somebody in our family -– especially if the loss is unexpected. We’re shaken out of our routines. We’re forced to look inward. We reflect on the past: Did we spend enough time with an aging parent, we wonder. Did we express our gratitude for all the sacrifices that they made for us? Did we tell a spouse just how desperately we loved them, not just once in a while but every single day?

So sudden loss causes us to look backward -– but it also forces us to look forward; to reflect on the present and the future, on the manner in which we live our lives and nurture our relationships with those who are still with us. (Applause.)

We may ask ourselves if we’ve shown enough kindness and generosity and compassion to the people in our lives. Perhaps we question whether we're doing right by our children, or our community, whether our priorities are in order.

We recognize our own mortality, and we are reminded that in the fleeting time we have on this Earth, what matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame -– but rather, how well we have loved -- (applause)-- and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better. (Applause.)

And that process -- that process of reflection, of making sure we align our values with our actions –- that, I believe, is what a tragedy like this requires.

For those who were harmed, those who were killed –- they are part of our family, an American family 300 million strong. (Applause.) We may not have known them personally, but surely we see ourselves in them. In George and Dot, in Dorwan and Mavy, we sense the abiding love we have for our own husbands, our own wives, our own life partners. Phyllis –- she’s our mom or our grandma; Gabe our brother or son. (Applause.) In Judge Roll, we recognize not only a man who prized his family and doing his job well, but also a man who embodied America’s fidelity to the law. (Applause.)

And in Gabby -- in Gabby, we see a reflection of our public-spiritedness; that desire to participate in that sometimes frustrating, sometimes contentious, but always necessary and never-ending process to form a more perfect union. (Applause.)

And in Christina -- in Christina we see all of our children. So curious, so trusting, so energetic, so full of magic. So deserving of our love. And so deserving of our good example.

If this tragedy prompts reflection and debate -- as it should -- let’s make sure it’s worthy of those we have lost. (Applause.) Let’s make sure it’s not on the usual plane of politics and point-scoring and pettiness that drifts away in the next news cycle.

The loss of these wonderful people should make every one of us strive to be better. To be better in our private lives, to be better friends and neighbors and coworkers and parents. And if, as has been discussed in recent days, their death helps usher in more civility in our public discourse, let us remember it is not because a simple lack of civility caused this tragedy -- it did not -- but rather because only a more civil and honest public discourse can help us face up to the challenges of our nation in a way that would make them proud. (Applause.)

We should be civil because we want to live up to the example of public servants like John Roll and Gabby Giffords, who knew first and foremost that we are all Americans, and that we can question each other’s ideas without questioning each other’s love of country and that our task, working together, is to constantly widen the circle of our concern so that we bequeath the American Dream to future generations. (Applause.)

They believed -- they believed, and I believe that we can be better. Those who died here, those who saved life here –- they help me believe. We may not be able to stop all evil in the world, but I know that how we treat one another, that’s entirely up to us. (Applause.)

And I believe that for all our imperfections, we are full of decency and goodness, and that the forces that divide us are not as strong as those that unite us. (Applause.)

That’s what I believe, in part because that’s what a child like Christina Taylor Green believed. (Applause.)

Imagine -- imagine for a moment, here was a young girl who was just becoming aware of our democracy; just beginning to understand the obligations of citizenship; just starting to glimpse the fact that some day she, too, might play a part in shaping her nation’s future. She had been elected to her student council. She saw public service as something exciting and hopeful. She was off to meet her congresswoman, someone she was sure was good and important and might be a role model. She saw all this through the eyes of a child, undimmed by the cynicism or vitriol that we adults all too often just take for granted.

I want to live up to her expectations. (Applause.) I want our democracy to be as good as Christina imagined it. I want America to be as good as she imagined it. (Applause.) All of us -– we should do everything we can to make sure this country lives up to our children’s expectations. (Applause.)

As has already been mentioned, Christina was given to us on September 11th, 2001, one of 50 babies born that day to be pictured in a book called “Faces of Hope.” On either side of her photo in that book were simple wishes for a child’s life. “I hope you help those in need,” read one. “I hope you know all the words to the National Anthem and sing it with your hand over your heart." (Applause.) "I hope you jump in rain puddles.”

If there are rain puddles in Heaven, Christina is jumping in them today. (Applause.) And here on this Earth -- here on this Earth, we place our hands over our hearts, and we commit ourselves as Americans to forging a country that is forever worthy of her gentle, happy spirit.

May God bless and keep those we’ve lost in restful and eternal peace. May He love and watch over the survivors. And may He bless the United States of America. (Applause.)

END 7:17 P.M. MST

Shocked by the Shooting of Gabrielle Giffords

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 00:25:00 +0000

The tragedy that happened at a Safeway in Tucson, Arizona yesterday is something I am still having trouble comprehending. Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords had been shot. My brain clearly was not reading that tweet on my phone correctly. But no matter how many times I read it it came out the same.

Then it got worse. A few tweets later and the news had shifted to her being dead. What in the world was going on. Clearly no one was making sense. This just couldn't be happening. Luckily, that report turned out to be wrong. But all of that set the roller coaster of the day in motion.

I had wanted to blog, to report, but there were no words I could write.

Rep. Giffords was someone I had come to know through my work with the Human Rights Campaign. I had been in Gabby's office in Washington, D.C. several times. I would go to lobby her on issues from Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). I had pressed her on some issues and asked her tough questions even though her track record with HRC was very positive. Gabby always was gracious, thoughtful and happy to be a supporter of LGBT rights. She would meet with us personally which is something not all members would do. Recently, after the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell our local committee received this message from her:

I just wanted to congratulate you and all of the HRC team for the DADT repeal. This was one of the most extraordinary accomplishments I could have hoped for. As much as I am sad to lose the majority, when I look back on all that we accomplished, I have no regrets.

Have a wonderful holiday and thank you for all of your great work against this discriminatory law.

Best,

G

I was lucky to meet her husband and spend some time with them and Gabby's parents after an awards event. I was taking a picture for someone and Gabby was excited they wanted to include Mark Kelly, her husband, in the picture. She said, "He's an astronaut you know?" Clearly proud of her husband and his accomplishments. Her parents couldn't say enough about how proud they were of Gabby. However, Gabby was just as proud of them. It was actually her parents that had been honored that night and the Congresswoman had beamed on stage discussing how they had raised her and how proud she was of them.

But now things had changed. 22-year-old Jared Lee Loughner had shown up to Gabby's Congress on Your Corner event and shot her at point blank range in the head.

I have known two people with head injuries, one from a gun shot wound. These people survived, but they are not the same people. Head injuries are tricky things. Doctors can't predict how anyone's recovery will be and Gabby's doctors are no different. They are staying far away from discussing recovery. A smart thing to do.

The roller coaster continues with erroneous reports still cropping up. I hope there will be less of those.

There has got to be something positive that comes out of this. Of course, the fact that so many survived and the doctors are extremely hopeful Gabby will continue to recover is the most positive. But on a bigger picture I think there will be more. Gabby has a way of working with both sides of the aisle. There has been much discussion about whether the increasing negativity of the political rhetoric drove Loughner to do this awful act. We may never know that. But I believe Gabby is working her magic right now through this incident. Both sides respect her too much to not take a hard look and check themselves. At least this is my hope.

Something good has to come from it...

Human Rights Campaign Releases 2011 Flashpoints for LGBT Equality

noreply@blogger.com (Lezzymom) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 01:48:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

Today the Human Rights Campaign released it's Flashpoints for LGBT Equality. The document highlights the challenges and opportunities facing the LGBT community both on a national level and at the state level. The document can be seen in its entirety here.

One of the first points discussed in the document is how the last election shifted the Congress toward a more anti-LGBT make-up.

According to HRC this shift puts a roadblock on getting pro-LGBT legislation passed. While it is highly unlikely, HRC and it's allies do plan on introducing or reintroducing pro-LGBT legislation. This bills include:

Employment Non-Discrimination Act
Repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act
Safe Schools Improvement Act
Student Non-Discrimination Act
Domestic Partnership Benefits and Obligations Act
Tax Equity for Heath Plan Beneficiaries Act
Uniting American Families Act
Freedom from Discrimination in Credit Act
Every Child Deserves a Family Act

Other items to work on include HIV/AIDS funding, and legislation to protect LGBT people from housing discrimination. According to HRC the bills that deal with students have a good chance because of all the national attention around bullying. Also, the Republicans also like to hear about items that deal with tax cuts so those items may get some positive attention as well.

HRC will continue to push the Obama administration to make changes in federal policy. There have already been some big victories in this area and that should continue.

In terms of state legislation, HRC sees 6 states that could make progress in marriage and relationship recognition: Maryland, New York, Rhode Island, Hawaii, Delaware and Illinois. However there are also states where HRC sees a risk that protections for same-sex couples could be rolled back. New Hampshire and Iowa could lose marriage equality while Indiana, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina could have a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. Other issues to fight will be adoption bans.

The HRC also discusses possible victories in the courts. These cases will have impacts on marriage equality and will be worth keeping an eye on. As HRC states these cases, "could make an impact on the marriage equlaity landscape in subsequent years."

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