Thoughts from a Lezzymom

Lambda Files Lawsuit to Bring the Freedom to Marry to Arizona

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 20:14:00 +0000

My wife and I are honored to be a part of the lawsuit brought forward by Lambda Legal in Arizona. The lawsuit features several couples as well as two widowers. I think the mixture of stories paints a great picture of what happens when gays and lesbians can't have their marriage recognized or legally get recognized.

My Interviews on the Inaugural Speech

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 03:23:00 +0000

President Obama delivers his address at the 57th Presidential Inauguration, January 21, 2013 (Photo credit: Photo Phiend)

Yesterday was the 2013 Inauguration of President Obama for his second term in office. I was asked by two local news affiliates to give my thoughts on President Obama's Inaugural speech and what it meant for LGBT Americans. I am always surprised when I am just going about my business and my cell phone rings and a reporter either wants to do a TV interview or asks for a quote. I feel very comfortable speaking so it's not that. It's just still a surprise that I am a someone in the community given the opportunity to share my thoughts.

The first clip is from NBC affiliate KPNK Channel 12 News in Phoenix. I was lucky to have my partner and son join me in this one.

The second is from KTVK Channel 3 in Phoenix

President Barack Obama 2013 Inauguration Speech

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 03:48:00 +0000

2013 Presidential Inauguration Day - Preparation - Capitol Building (Photo credit: Glyn Lowe Photoworks)

Today President Barack Obama gave what will be known as a historic speech as far as LGBT Americans are concerned. It was the first time the word gay was used in an inaugural speech and it was used to speak about the need for equality. I was happy that my daughter was there in D.C. to hear her President speak so positively about her family. It was an amazing speech that drew on the fact that it was given on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and made comparison to the civil rights struggles, women's rights and rights for gay Americans. It will be exciting to see how this sets up the State of the Union address and this coming session of Congress. While I believe the President will not do the work for us, he may be willing to be a more active advocate for us. But, I do believe that this President likes to see the American people involved in the process. He wants to see us use our voices and do everything we can to be heard and help to move our elected officials to take action. We must continue to lead this fight. However, the President is clearly in our corner.

Watch the President's speech. Full transcript follows the video

The remarks of President Obama, as released by The White House and prepared for delivery:

Vice President Biden, Mr. Chief Justice, Members of the United States Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens:

Each time we gather to inaugurate a president, we bear witness to the enduring strength of our Constitution. We affirm the promise of our democracy. We recall that what binds this nation together is not the colors of our skin or the tenets of our faith or the origins of our names. What makes us exceptional — what makes us American — is our allegiance to an idea, articulated in a declaration made more than two centuries ago:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

Today we continue a never-ending journey, to bridge the meaning of those words with the realities of our time. For history tells us that while these truths may be self-evident, they have never been self-executing; that while freedom is a gift from God, it must be secured by His people here on Earth. The patriots of 1776 did not fight to replace the tyranny of a king with the privileges of a few or the rule of a mob. They gave to us a Republic, a government of, and by, and for the people, entrusting each generation to keep safe our founding creed.

For more than two hundred years, we have.

Through blood drawn by lash and blood drawn by sword, we learned that no union founded on the principles of liberty and equality could survive half-slave and half-free. We made ourselves anew, and vowed to move forward together.

Together, we determined that a modern economy requires railroads and highways to speed travel and commerce; schools and colleges to train our workers.

Together, we discovered that a free market only thrives when there are rules to ensure competition and fair play.

Together, we resolved that a great nation must care for the vulnerable, and protect its people from life's worst hazards and misfortune.

Through it all, we have never relinquished our skepticism of central authority, nor have we succumbed to the fiction that all society's ills can be cured through government alone. Our celebration of initiative and enterprise; our insistence on hard work and personal responsibility, are constants in our character.

But we have always understood that when times change, so must we; that fidelity to our founding principles requires new responses to new challenges; that preserving our individual freedoms ultimately requires collective action. For the American people can no more meet the demands of today's world by acting alone than American soldiers could have met the forces of fascism or communism with muskets and militias. No single person can train all the math and science teachers we'll need to equip our children for the future, or build the roads and networks and research labs that will bring new jobs and businesses to our shores. Now, more than ever, we must do these things together, as one nation, and one people.

This generation of Americans has been tested by crises that steeled our resolve and proved our resilience. A decade of war is now ending. An economic recovery has begun. America's possibilities are limitless, for we possess all the qualities that this world without boundaries demands: youth and drive; diversity and openness; an endless capacity for risk and a gift for reinvention. My fellow Americans, we are made for this moment, and we will seize it — so long as we seize it together.

For we, the people, understand that our country cannot succeed when a shrinking few do very well and a growing many barely make it. We believe that America's prosperity must rest upon the broad shoulders of a rising middle class. We know that America thrives when every person can find independence and pride in their work; when the wages of honest labor liberate families from the brink of hardship. We are true to our creed when a little girl born into the bleakest poverty knows that she has the same chance to succeed as anybody else, because she is an American, she is free, and she is equal, not just in the eyes of God but also in our own.

We understand that outworn programs are inadequate to the needs of our time. We must harness new ideas and technology to remake our government, revamp our tax code, reform our schools, and empower our citizens with the skills they need to work harder, learn more, and reach higher. But while the means will change, our purpose endures: a nation that rewards the effort and determination of every single American. That is what this moment requires. That is what will give real meaning to our creed.

We, the people, still believe that every citizen deserves a basic measure of security and dignity. We must make the hard choices to reduce the cost of health care and the size of our deficit. But we reject the belief that America must choose between caring for the generation that built this country and investing in the generation that will build its future. For we remember the lessons of our past, when twilight years were spent in poverty, and parents of a child with a disability had nowhere to turn. We do not believe that in this country, freedom is reserved for the lucky, or happiness for the few. We recognize that no matter how responsibly we live our lives, any one of us, at any time, may face a job loss, or a sudden illness, or a home swept away in a terrible storm. The commitments we make to each other — through Medicare, and Medicaid, and Social Security — these things do not sap our initiative; they strengthen us. They do not make us a nation of takers; they free us to take the risks that make this country great.

We, the people, still believe that our obligations as Americans are not just to ourselves, but to all posterity. We will respond to the threat of climate change, knowing that the failure to do so would betray our children and future generations. Some may still deny the overwhelming judgment of science, but none can avoid the devastating impact of raging fires, and crippling drought, and more powerful storms. The path towards sustainable energy sources will be long and sometimes difficult. But America cannot resist this transition; we must lead it. We cannot cede to other nations the technology that will power new jobs and new industries — we must claim its promise. That is how we will maintain our economic vitality and our national treasure — our forests and waterways; our croplands and snowcapped peaks. That is how we will preserve our planet, commanded to our care by God. That's what will lend meaning to the creed our fathers once declared.

We, the people, still believe that enduring security and lasting peace do not require perpetual war. Our brave men and women in uniform, tempered by the flames of battle, are unmatched in skill and courage. Our citizens, seared by the memory of those we have lost, know too well the price that is paid for liberty. The knowledge of their sacrifice will keep us forever vigilant against those who would do us harm. But we are also heirs to those who won the peace and not just the war, who turned sworn enemies into the surest of friends, and we must carry those lessons into this time as well.

We will defend our people and uphold our values through strength of arms and rule of law. We will show the courage to try and resolve our differences with other nations peacefully — not because we are naïve about the dangers we face, but because engagement can more durably lift suspicion and fear. America will remain the anchor of strong alliances in every corner of the globe; and we will renew those institutions that extend our capacity to manage crisis abroad, for no one has a greater stake in a peaceful world than its most powerful nation. We will support democracy from Asia to Africa; from the Americas to the Middle East, because our interests and our conscience compel us to act on behalf of those who long for freedom. And we must be a source of hope to the poor, the sick, the marginalized, the victims of prejudice — not out of mere charity, but because peace in our time requires the constant advance of those principles that our common creed describes: tolerance and opportunity; human dignity and justice.

We, the people, declare today that the most evident of truths — that all of us are created equal — is the star that guides us still; just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall; just as it guided all those men and women, sung and unsung, who left footprints along this great Mall, to hear a preacher say that we cannot walk alone; to hear a King proclaim that our individual freedom is inextricably bound to the freedom of every soul on Earth.

It is now our generation's task to carry on what those pioneers began. For our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers, and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts. Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law — for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well. Our journey is not complete until no citizen is forced to wait for hours to exercise the right to vote. Our journey is not complete until we find a better way to welcome the striving, hopeful immigrants who still see America as a land of opportunity; until bright young students and engineers are enlisted in our workforce rather than expelled from our country. Our journey is not complete until all our children, from the streets of Detroit to the hills of Appalachia to the quiet lanes of Newtown, know that they are cared for, and cherished, and always safe from harm.

That is our generation's task — to make these words, these rights, these values — of Life, and Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness — real for every American. Being true to our founding documents does not require us to agree on every contour of life; it does not mean we will all define liberty in exactly the same way, or follow the same precise path to happiness. Progress does not compel us to settle centuries-long debates about the role of government for all time — but it does require us to act in our time.

For now decisions are upon us, and we cannot afford delay. We cannot mistake absolutism for principle, or substitute spectacle for politics, or treat name-calling as reasoned debate. We must act, knowing that our work will be imperfect. We must act, knowing that today's victories will be only partial, and that it will be up to those who stand here in four years, and forty years, and four hundred years hence to advance the timeless spirit once conferred to us in a spare Philadelphia hall.

My fellow Americans, the oath I have sworn before you today, like the one recited by others who serve in this Capitol, was an oath to God and country, not party or faction — and we must faithfully execute that pledge during the duration of our service. But the words I spoke today are not so different from the oath that is taken each time a soldier signs up for duty, or an immigrant realizes her dream. My oath is not so different from the pledge we all make to the flag that waves above and that fills our hearts with pride.

They are the words of citizens, and they represent our greatest hope.

You and I, as citizens, have the power to set this country's course.

You and I, as citizens, have the obligation to shape the debates of our time — not only with the votes we cast, but with the voices we lift in defense of our most ancient values and enduring ideals.

Let each of us now embrace, with solemn duty and awesome joy, what is our lasting birthright. With common effort and common purpose, with passion and dedication, let us answer the call of history, and carry into an uncertain future that precious light of freedom.

Thank you, God Bless you, and may He forever bless these United States of America.

When Are You Going to Run for Office

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:08:00 +0000

I have been volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign for 10 years. Over the years one of the most popular questions I am asked is, "When are you going to run for office?" My response is always the same, "I would love to do that some day." The ball has been in motion. I have gained a lot of knowledge and experience over the last decade. I have met some amazing mentors that have had a huge impact on me.

A friend of mine told me that the Victory Fund would be hosting their candidate training in Phoenix in February. This was my chance to move the ball a little further down the field. I have seen how the Victory Fund has been instrumental in helping open LGBT candidates win election across the country. One key race they played in this past election cycle was in Arizona's Congressional District 9. They were able to help get Kyrsten Sinema elected and become the first open bisexual in Congress.

I have decided to attend the training. I'm very excited with the opportunity to learn how I can be successful as an LGBT candidate and make a bigger impact in my community. They Victory Fund is running a contest that I am participating in to have my expenses paid for the training. I would love your support. Just click here and vote for me. Feel free to let others know that I'm in the contest and be part of my team in making this happen.

I appreciate the encouragement my readers have given me over the years. Your support means a lot to me. While the answer to when I am going to run for office is still unanswered, after this training I hope the answer will change. I hope I will be able to say, "Soon."

Working with the White House

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 03:03:00 +0000

Kathy Young and Assistant Secretary Kathy Greenlee
from the US Department of Health and Human Services

It was an honor recently for me to plan and event with the White House office of engagement. After sending an email asking if they would bring one of their LGBT conferences to Arizona and told they were all scheduled for the year but they would be willing to help set up something just check back in a few months I was very excited. How cool was that! Just send an email to the White House and get results. Who knew?

After a few months I contacted the office again and within a few days we were off and running with a very quick turn around. I was given about seven weeks to put this all together. No pressure! The White House was able to secure two guests from the Department of Health and Human Services - Assistant Secretary Kathy Greenlee and AJ Pearlman. I was able to get the new Director of Health and Aging from the Human Rights Campaign, Shane Snowdon, to also present. Along with getting the facility and promotion for the event all set up. Below is a great piece from AZ-TV7's Morning Scramble:

The event was amazing! It also provided me with my first opportunity to moderate a panel discussion. I learned a lot prepping for that. Special thanks to Dr. Rebecca Allison for joining the panel. While I wish that attendance for the event had been high I could not have been more happy with the quality of what was presented. I hope to get to work with the White House on a project again in the future.

Moving Marriage Equality Video with President Obama

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 14:52:00 +0000

This morning I was lucky enough to spend sometime on twitter and happened to catch something that set a great tone for the day. Legalizelove.com has released a very moving video supporting marriage equality. Great shots of various couples in wedding gear but the kicker is the use of President Obama's voice throughout the video. It is really something else to have a President that will speak not just to the LGBT community but will really speak for us as well.

Watch the video here:

LegalizeLove.com: Obama & Gay Couples "Speak with One Voice" On Gay Marriage from LegalizeLove.com on Vimeo.

Chick-Fil-A: Biggest Mega Church in Town

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 01:45:00 +0000

Today I attended a presentation at by Dan Cathy, President of Chick-Fil-A. The presentation was held at Grand Canyon University, which identifies itself as a Christian University. The summary for the presentation on the website said the following, "Grand Canyon University invites you to hear Dan Cathy as he shares his collection of life-lessons and simple, yet powerful reminders that we all have opportunities to lead and impact the lives of others. As leaders you must be constantly looking for new and inspiring ways to add value and clarity of vision to our lives and the lives of others."

I consider myself a leader. It's a label I wear proudly. I will also admit I am a sucker for a good leadership seminar and certainly hearing from a successful businessman could provide for learning opportunities. Plus, it's a free event. Sounds perfect! Except for one thing. Chick-Fil-A has developed a reputation for funding anti-gay organizations. Recent reports show that in 2010 Chick-Fil-A, through its charitable arm WinShape donated nearly $2 million to organizations that are anti-gay. Now I love Chick-Fil-A nuggets but I have chosen not to eat there for quite sometime because of the amount of money given to these organizations.

The event did not disappoint from both a leadership learning perspective and an insight into the philosophy of the company. Dan, as he like to be called, shared with us the companies philosophy,

"To glorify God by being a faithful steward to all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-Fil-A."

This statement was met with great applause and enthusiasm. Being held at a Christian University I expected that type of support. Also, since I happen to come in and sit right behind Cathi Herrod, head of the Center for Arizona Policy (the most anti-gay group in Arizona), I had guessed the spin of the presentation. The philosophy sounds great! I'll have an order of that.What a great thing to try and teach employees that they can have a positive impact on every customer's day. Sounds like a great concept for good customer service which is important in the fast food industry. The problem is obviously their donations are not having a positive influence on my family. Their stance on marriage being between one man and one woman keeps my partner and I from protecting our family and gaining all the benefits of a heterosexual couple.

Dan reinforces this concept when he said he counsels young people thinking of going into the ministry to re-think that and become a Chick-Fil-A franchise owner. After all he says,

"The biggest mega church in town is a Chick-Fil-A."

Dan feels that with each store employing 60-70 young folks working there it's bigger than most youth groups. This way operators of franchises have the opportunity to "preach" values to their employees. The company values that is.

He also shared with us this video that is used during their employee training.

The video is great. Again, what a concept for employees that are providing customer service to think about the fact that they may not know what is going on with each individual they interact with that day. Great training tool. However, it seems that Dan and his family don't extend this concept beyond the face to face interactions with their customers. They don't seem to apply this kind of thinking when looking at causes to champion.

Dan ended the day by addressing something he was very concerned about. Dan commented,

"Society and culture are getting off track. We are going to define marriage between one man and one woman."

The row in front of me went nuts! Cathi Herrod and her clan were clapping and shouting their support with all their might. However, that same excitement was not held by the majority of the room. Again, at the beginning and throughout Dan got cheers and support for his Christian positions. Things like thinking of others, supporting family, being spiritual. However, it seemed that the majority of the crowd was not with him on this. Seems to me more of the Christians in the audience realized it's not their job to judge others. Also, maybe they had listened to him and watched his video and this just didn't seem to fit with his message.

One of my favorite principals is the saying, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." Dan and I share a belief in this principal. We also share a belief that family should be a main thing. I just wished that he would focus on his and not try to tell me what defines mine.

I did speak with one of the local owner/operators about his thoughts on the company giving to anti-gay organizations. He was very open and said he really didn't know anything about it and apologized. He said that at his store his policy is to hire the best employees and he could care less about their orientation. He was very sincere and even gave me a number to the corporate office to follow up. I asked if he was able to have any input in which organizations the company donated to and he said he didn't think so since he didn't even know they did and he had been with the company for more than a decade. I told him I missed eating his nuggets and I hope I get to again soon.

Congratulations Mary Cheney, I Guess

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 01:41:00 +0000

English: Mary Cheney at Dick Cheney's second inauguration (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I usually get a warm fuzzy feeling when I hear about a lesbian couple that has been together for 20 years and have two children together getting married. However, when I heard about such a story today I got very mixed feelings. The couple is Mary Cheney and Heather Poe. Mary Cheney is the daughter of former Vice President, Dick Cheney. The former Vice President has always supported his daughter and today was no different. The statement released about the wedding can be found here.

The dilemma I have is not that she is Dick Cheney's daughter. After all he came out in favor of marriage equality before Obama did. My issue is with Mary Cheney and her role in supporting President George W. Bush in the 2004 campaign. During the 2000 presidential campaign, a group called the Republican Unity Coalition was formed. This was a type of gay/straight alliance, if you will, for the Republican Party with notable names on its board like President Gerald Ford and U.S. Senators. The group believed that the Republican Party needed to have a big umbrella that could reach out to non-traditional Republicans. The group even submitted an amicus brief to the Supreme Court in the Lawrence vs. Texas case, which overturned sodomy laws.

This all happened while Mary Cheney was on the Board. However, she resigned from the board to become the director of vice presidential operations for the Bush-Cheney 2004 Presidential re-election campaign. This is where my issue starts. Up until this point Mary Cheney had been working to make a difference for LGBT individuals. However, the 2004 campaign is when things shifted massively for LGBT individuals. This is when the Bush/Cheney team decided to use LGBT issues as a wedge issue by encouraging anti-LGBT marriage amendments to increase voter turnout.

While I understand a daughter supporting her father, I absolutely can't understand this. Prior to that election only 5 states had any type of constitutional amendment regarding same-sex marriage or civil unions. In that election cycle alone 13 states passed some kind of constitutional amendment. Not only did she stay to work on the campaign but many sources say she was a key player in the campaign. Also, because of Bush calling for the Federal Marriage Amendment as part of this election strategy, the Republican Unity Coalition basically disbanded. Leaving a void of any leadership speaking out for the position that sexual orientation should be a non-issue for the Republican Party. We all know that without these leaders the Republican Party has embraced the religious right and made LGBT issues a key part of fundraising.

In 2006, eight more states passed constitutional amendments of some kind against same-sex relationship recognition. It was at this time that Virginia, the state Mary Cheney lives in, passed one of the strictest bans in the country. The amendment in Virginia bans marriage, civil unions and any other contract that might resemble marriage (domestic partnership). The trend continued until we currently have 31 states with a constitutional amendment against same-sex marriage.

So while Mary and her partner got married in Washington D.C., her marriage is not recognized when she heads back home. Just like the majority of same-sex couples in the country. I hope she recognizes the irony of that. That she her marriage is worthless when she crosses a state line in part because of a campaign strategy she was a part of.

I hope she had a nice day celebrating with her family. The piece of paper she has is worthless. At least the domestic partnership paper I have is recognized where I live and I go to sleep every night knowing that I have not done anything to undermine the equality of my family.

Perspective

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 11 May 2012 05:14:00 +0000

Perspective, it's an interesting thing. Two days ago the citizens of North Carolina voted to ban gay marriages. The next day President Barack Obama becomes the first sitting President to say that he supports marriage equality. Some say the President came forward a day too late. We won't know if it would have made a difference or not. However, for some the perspective is a state lost. For others the perspective is a country won. What all agree on is that the President did a historic thing in coming out in favor of marriage equality. From some people's perspective his actions might even be considered heroic

Go to today. I helped put together an event for the Human Rights Campaign to benefit the Maryland Marriage Fund to help keep marriage equality in that state. Governor Martin O'Malley was the special guest at the event. Governor O'Malley was able to show incredible leadership in helping to bring marriage equality to his state. Now that its there, he is continuing to lead the fight against a ballot measure to remove it. His conviction to make sure the LGBT community in his state is shown the same dignity and freedoms as anyone else is truly inspiring. I would guess that the perspective of many in the LGBT community in Maryland is that he is a hero.

The person that introduced the Governor was former Arizona State Senator and current candidate for Congress in Arizona, Kyrsten Sinema. Sinema has been a leader in the LGBT community for years and is known for having led the only successful campaign to defeat an anti-LGBT marriage amendment in the country. Her ability to make things happen for the LGBT community in Arizona has been remarkable. I have had the pleasure to work with her on many projects over the years and for me personally, she is a hero. That is my perspective.

So why would someone from Arizona host an event like this? Why send money in a very important election year out of the state? Perspective. It is not likely that Arizona will repeal its constitutional ban on gay marriage. The only way Arizonan's are going to see marriage equality is by enough states having it that the Federal government takes action and the Defense of Marriage Act is repealed. So from our perspective here this is how we bring marriage equality to our state - one state at a time across the country.

So my perspective of heroes this week have been of President Obama, Governor O'Malley and Congressional Candidate Kyrsten Sinema. So it surprised me when I received this post on my Facebook

Perspective. One never knows who is watching and the impact your words and actions have on them. This is not the first time someone has shared this type of sentiment with me. However, each time it catches me off guard. I mean come on, who am I? I am not the President or a Governor. How can I possibly be a hero? Perspective. You see most of the time when I hear this it comes from our youth. While I know that the time I give is not only for myself but to make a difference in the lives of many others, I forget that people actually get that too. I gotta say - it makes all the defeats and struggles worth it. To know that I am giving our youth inspiration and hope is a very humbling experience. It also fuels me to keep going.

The funny thing is from my perspective the youth today are heroes. They are so brave to come out or to be an ally for their friends that do. I can't wait for today's youth to be in the lead and take this fight for equality to a whole other level.

A lot has happened in the last two days. I think I have a new perspective on a few things.

Reality Check from the Five Year Old

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 05:39:00 +0000

My son was goofing around with me the other day. He was in one of his funny moods and just saying all sorts of happy and silly things. Some were correct, some were made up, and others were just plain wrong but there was no convincing him of that. At one point he called Jess (my wife) my daughter. He laughed when he said it so I figured he was being silly so I laughed and said, "No she's not, silly." He came back and was a little more insistent that he was right. He was sounding pretty sure of himself it seemed and I started to second guess that he was kidding. I said, "You are being so silly! She's not my daughter, she is my wife." He looked right at me and said, "No Mommy." I was expecting more silliness but then he said, "She is your partner."

Jess and I exchanged a glance and agreed with him. "Yes, that too," we answered and that finished the game. It struck a cord in me though.

Now I know that it's not because he is aware that the law prevents his Mommies from getting married. He hears when introductions are made and we usually use partner more than wife and that is why he responded that way. However, it was one of the harshest reminders of the reality of our family.

We are not married, by law.

Even a five year old knows that.

Our five year old.

I know that the Defense of Marriage Act will be repealed one day. I know that marriage equality will come to all 50 states. I believe I will see it happen. Some days the waiting is just harder than others.

The Importance of Community Events

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 16:19:00 +0000

Yesterday I had the honor of speaking at the 4th Annual March for Equality. The event is hosted by Central Arizona Rainbow Education (C.A.R.E.). It kicks off with a march and then goes into a festival. The theme this year was the importance of community and I was asked to speak on the importance of community events. It was a great day and I wanted to share the speech with you all here:

It is an honor to be here today. The 4th Annual March for Equality is an event that gives us a chance to come together – create awareness about the injustices that face the LGBT community and participate in a festival that allows us to celebrate who we are. Our community loves events. From Prides to parades – from dinners to the drag shows – we have community events constantly. The events are important to our community. Not just as fundraisers and time to see each other but because of the direct impact they have had on our movement.

The famous lesbian poet and activist, Audre Lorde once said, “Without community there is no liberation.” I couldn’t agree more. A perfect example of this is the Stonewall Riots. On June 28th, 1969 police raided the Stonewall Inn, known to many as the only gay bar in NY City. But this riot wouldn’t end like the others. See these individuals had found a place where they could meet, they could dance, they could drink, they could establish a sense of strength in each other. They were not alone. That night the patrons of the bar fought back against the police. Within days, gay rights organizations formed and within two years there was a gay rights organization in every major city across the country. This small bar community led to visible communities all across the country. On the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots the first Gay Pride March was held and is a tradition that we honor by marching today and each time we attend a Pride event.

While Pride marches and festivals let us celebrate and provide an opportunity to be visible in the society we live in, Marches also allow us to show our strength and to let our voices be heard. In 1979, the first March on Washington was held. The purpose was to nationalize the gay movement, which had previously been focused on local struggles. The event had approximately 100,000 participants and included a Congressional Lobby Day and organizational trainings. Having such a large number of LGBT and allied individuals participate in the March showed that our community was not willing to be in our closets. The LGBT community was willing to fight publicly for our rights. When the next March on Washington was held in 1987 more than 500,000 people participated. This March was held on Oct. 11th – which has become known as National Coming Out Day. To date there have been five Marches on Washington by the LGBT community. Each one has strengthened our community and our voice.

So whether the community event happens in a bar or on the National Mall they have importance. The event has importance because it reminds us that we are not alone - that we are all fighting for the same thing - that there is strength in numbers. Author and activist Terry Tempest Williams said, “I have inherited a belief in community, the promise that a gathering of the spirit can both create and change culture. In the desert, change is nurtured even in stone by wind, by water, through time.” What a powerful statement – to believe that a community can come together to create and change culture. That’s why I am so excited to be here today. To watch as our Arizona LGBT community comes together to change the culture of our state to a place where LGBT individuals are no longer discriminated against. To look out and see so many faces looking to create that culture. This is a critical time for our movement. Our visibility and the visibility of our allies have never been more important. So thank you for being here today and for being an active part of our community and I will see you at the next community event!

Giffords Steps Down, Sets Bar High

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 19:18:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

Today, in a video message, Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords announced she will be stepping down from office to focus on her recovery this week. Giffords was shot in the head on January 8, 2011 while conducting a Congress on Your Corner event in Tucson.

In my opinion, this is just another example of her bravery during her recovery. I had a very good friend suffer a traumatic brain injury (TBI) in 1998. It was recommended to her not to make any big life changes for a year so that she could get a good feel of what progress could be made. The first year tells a lot about someone's recovery from a TBI. Gabby's progress has been amazing, miraculous in fact. But the fact remains that with TBIs there is always a before and after. Things will never be like before and you won't know what the after looks like for a very long time. Bravery is looking at the after and realizing, this is a new life now - what will I do with it.

Seeing Gabby so full of life in this video - so strong - only shows that there will be a lot in her after. She has the best medical team around her and such a strong family support system that I have no doubt she will continue to make progress in her recovery. However, it is so clear that Gabby's dedication to her constituents is so strong that she would want them to have the best representation they could. In my opinion she is making this choice at the right time after giving her recovery a good period of time to see where she could be.

Gabby will continue to serve Arizona. She will be someone for us to always look to as to how to be a public servant. She has set the bar high and I only hope those in office now and those yet to come will strive to reach for that bar.

Kyrsten Sinema Announces Run for Congress

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 03:17:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

After months of waiting the maps have finally been drawn for the Congressional districts in Arizona. There has been a lot of discussion around the new district - CD 9. Today the first person threw their hat into the race. State Senator Kyrsten Sinema, a Democrat, announced today that she will enter the race.

Senator Sinema has been a strong advocate for the LGBT community. The biggest example came in 2006, when she led the organization Arizona Together, to become the first and only successful effort in the country to defeat a ballot initiative banning same-sex marriage.

Per election rules, Sinema has submitted paperwork resigning her job as State Senator, thereby focusing on the campaign full time. The main battle will probably come in the primary with some other well known Arizona Democrats strongly thinking of entering the race. Representative Ben Quayle lives in District 9 but has said he will most likely run in CD 6 since it is more Republican leaning. It is not a require to live in the district you represent at the Congressional level.

Watch Sinema's announcement video below then go to kyrstensinema.com for more information on her campaign.

The Importance of a First Kiss

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 02:14:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

Today history was made. It was just a few seconds in the life of two women - but it made news across the country. It's a Navy tradition to have a couple do the first homecoming kiss. A raffle is done on the ship and the winner gets to be the first to greet their loved one and give "the first kiss." Today that kiss was done by a lesbian couple for the first time. Petty Officer 2nd Class Marissa Gaeta bought 50 raffle tickets and her name was chosen. Her girlfriend, Petty Officer 3rd Class Citlalic Snell was among the many family members gathered to meet the sailors as they came home. For more details on the historic kiss I recommend this article.

It's small moments like this, the everyday ones that most people take for granted that LGBT individuals dream of. In one of the links I looked at an individual commented, "Why is this news?" On the one had I couldn't agree more. It shouldn't be news. It is just normal everyday life. A ship comes into port, a plane lands at an airport, a car arrives at a house. People head to greet their loved ones that they haven't seen in days, weeks, month. They embrace - they kiss. It's not earth shattering. It's not news worthy.

Unless it's the first one after that happens after a law said you couldn't do it.

Then it puts a smile on your face for the whole day. Progress. All we want is to do the everyday things. All we want is to not make news.

Someday.

The video of the event and a short interview with the women is below.

The Straight Guy Did It

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 03:40:00 +0000

The holiday season brings many parties and activities for folks to attend and celebrate with family and friends. One of those activities in Phoenix is the Greater Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce's Festival of Trees. Trees, wreaths and menorahs are decorated and raffled off to raise money for a local youth organization and Equality Arizona, an LGBT political organization. Seems like a great event for the LGBT and allied community to get behind.

Until this was posted on their Facebook page

Wonder Man (@wondermann5) did a great post a few weeks ago titled "How Does the Salvation Army View Gays." The short version is - Unwed folks shouldn't have sex. Therefore, gays having sex can't be a part of the Salvation Army. (Don't ask me what happens in states that have marriage equality).

So why would a Gay and Lesbian organization be "honored" to have the Salvation Army joining their event? Also, why would it be one of very few announcements for the event unless they thought it would add "honor" to their event by having a national organization participate? Well many others had similar questions. After a few comments were left on that Facebook post this response was given

Hey this looks good. Reaching out and opening doors, hmmmm that could work, right? Then about a week later after getting a few more negative comments this was posted

So the Salvation Army staff is excited to be a part of the event. Good to hear. This reaching out stuff is really working. Right up until three days later when an article hit Echo Magazine. This article really brought it to the community's attention and individuals were calling for the chamber to pull the Salvation Army tree from the event. Within two days of the article hitting, the Chair of the GPGLCC, Tony Felice sent this email:

Dear Members:

As some of you may know there is some unrest in our community about the Chamber accepting an Angel Tree from the Salvation Army for our Festival of Trees event tomorrow. Some in the community have demanded we pull the tree from our event.

The tree was inadvertently offered to us and one of our board members who happens to be straight, accepted the tree without knowing that the Salvation Army is an anti-LGBT organization. You should know that our Chamber is comprised of about 40% straight allies. Not all of them are aware of the social issues we face. As a community, we are dependent upon the support of our straight allies in order to advance our causes. We simply do not have the numbers to do so on our own. So, when things like this happen we have to be flexible and understand we are all in this together.

To be clear, we are not partnering with the Salvation Army in any way. Nor do we support or condone their anti-LGBT stance or activities. We are not donating any money to them nor is the Angel Tree to be raffled off. Angel trees, which also can be found in Valley shopping malls, are covered with the names and gift wishes of needy children. Anyone can choose to take one of the angels, shop for that child and drop off their donation at various locations. We don't know, but some of those children may grow up LGBT. The tree is for children, not the organization.

I have talked to those who are angry and I understand their frustration. I have urged them to turn that anger from us and direct it towards those groups against us.

I have decided as the Chair to not pull the tree from our event. Ultimately, as the leader of the Chamber the responsibility falls to me and weighing all advice, counsel and demands that is my decision.

1n10 will bring their own Angel tree to the event and be displayed. Our guests can choose whether to support those trees instead of having that choice taken from them. If they chose to make a donation for a child, please urge them to tell the Salvation Army they have done so as a LGBT person. Now that sends a great message to be sure.

I believe that during this time, the holidays, it is important to extend an olive branch, even if it is to those like the Salvation Army who are against our community. Our community is about love and tolerance. By pulling the tree it sends the wrong message. Do I think some will be mad? Absolutely, but in end, I believe it is the right thing to do.

-Tony Felice, Chair

For me possibly the most offensive thing that has happened in this was in the one sentence I highlighted in the letter. So the GPGLCC goes from statements of "trying to open doors" and that the "Salvation Army's staff is very excited" to "the tree was inadvertently offered to us" and one of the straight board members accepted the tree.

Wait, I'm confused. How can you be opening doors when the Salvation Army gave it to you by accident and the person that accepted it just said ok? There is no education being done at that point. I am sure the Salvation Army is now aware that this is an event put on by a Gay and Lesbian organization, but that is more because of the community's opposition to their participation and them being forced to be educated than the GPGLCC doing the education at the beginning.

But the bigger issue is why is the sexual orientation of the person that accepted the tree made an issue? There are many in the LGBT community that are unaware of the Salvation Army's policies. Why bring it to light that the person is straight? The tone of that paragraph really struck me. It basically said - "Hey it wasn't us gays - the straight guy did it. But be nice because we need their support so just smile and move on." Way to throw the ally support right under the bus. I found that whole paragraph to be condescending to any ally. The line that says, "So, when things like this happen we have to be flexible and understand we are all in this together," basically said to me when the straight folks don't get it we just need to shake our heads and move on. Again this confuses me. An ally wants to stand with us. They want to get it. The letter states the GPGLCC does not "support or condone their anti-LGBT stance or activities." Then how are they allowing one of the Salvation Army activities to be held at their event? It would seem to me like the straight board member would prefer the ideals of the GPGLCC were upheld instead of being patted on the head and then thrown under the bus.

Oh and by the way, those Facebook posts have been deleted. Makes it easier to send that letter if you don't have anything else contradicting you I guess.

Now Hiring: President of the Human Rights Campaign

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 02:28:00 +0000

It was announced a few months ago that Joe Solmonese will be stepping down as the President of the Human Rights Campaign when his contract is up at the end of March. It is now up to the Board members of HRC to find suitable candidates. However, with this position seems to come with a tremendous amount of scrutiny from the LGBT community. I wonder if this will be looked at as one of the best jobs in the LGBT community or one of the worst. Can someone handle not only the pressure from the anti-gay groups but the constant second guessing and armchair quarterbacking that comes from our own community. While I believe in holding leaders accountable, you just have to wonder, who thinks they have what it takes.

Oh and by the way, it takes a lot. Let me share with you a portion of the job posting. You can see the full posting here. This is the portion that focuses on the role details and the competencies the Board is looking for. If you think you have what it takes I say go for it and apply! Just make sure you have skin as thick as an elephant.

The Role of the President

The President reports to the Boards of Directors of both the Human Rights Campaign and the Human Rights Campaign Foundation and is responsible for the overall management and leadership of HRC’s activities and programs. The President’s job is to develop and implement HRC’s strategic vision, its policies and programs to advance the interests of its membership and the LGBT community as a whole. The new President will be charged with leading this important organization during a time of great change and progress in the country. The President will be working every day to improve the lives of LGBT Americans by identifying and overcoming societal and legislative barriers to LGBT equality. At the same time, s/he will be working to engage, educate and empower millions of fair-minded Americans to advocate for equal rights for the LGBT community.

Specific responsibilities include:

Provide vision and focus for a dynamic organization. HRC is a large, diverse and highly motivated organization with activities occurring simultaneously in many locations and on a variety of issues, with a unique combination of professional staff, volunteers, allies, boards, donors, and members. The President must be able to inspire, motivate, coordinate and honor these multiple constituents in ways that advance the mission of HRC and maintain the highest standards of service and integrity.

Build, maintain and continually inspire a work environment to achieve the highest standards of performance and accountability. One of the hallmarks of HRC's mission is to assure workplace equality for all LGBT employees. HRC strives to attain those goals with its own employees by fostering a workplace that welcomes and embraces diversity and encourages industry, teamwork and mutual respect. The new President must not only embrace these values, but continually lead in creating an atmosphere that promotes teamwork, client responsiveness, diversity, accountability, professional development and succession planning – and helps the organization adapt to changing and disparate needs within the community.

Manage through change. The effectiveness of HRC as a civil rights organization will depend on how well it manages uncertain changes in the political environment and how nimble it can be in responding to external changes. Managing these changes in ways that keep HRC relevant and central to the movement will be critical for success.

Represent and lead HRC in the most positive manner, enhancing HRC’s visibility and influencing public opinion. The President of HRC has the ability to reach government and business decision-makers and influence public opinion on issues vital to HRC’s mission. It is essential that the new President be able to convey HRC’s activities (and those of the broader LGBT community) effectively and persuasively to thought leaders and the broader public through a wide variety of communication tool.

Lead the development and promotion of legislation and public policies that positively affect LGBT families and their children, as well as, oppose legislation and public policies that would adversely affect LGBT families and their children. HRC’s President also is the strategic visionary on how to elect candidates for public office who will sponsor and support HRC’s legislative agenda and the creation of equities for LGBTs throughout society, as well as oppose those candidates who have promoted policies and legislation adverse to LGBT families.

Attract new members, allies, strategic partners, advocates, donors and volunteers. HRC continues to grow and diversify its membership, which has helped to expand its impact. The new President must be able to lead HRC in building on its growth by effectively finding new ways to retain and attract a broader membership base. S/he must be skilled in coalition building, working in partnership with other LGBT and civil rights organizations to tackle legislative and policy needs on the state and federal level.

Engage diverse constituencies. Diversity and inclusion are strategic imperatives for HRC and necessary for the continued success of the organization. Diversity and inclusion have been embedded in HRC’s mission since it was founded in 1980. In the last several years however, HRC has provided diversity and inclusion objectives more sustained support internally by providing staff and resources to cultivate a diverse and inclusive environment at every level of the organization. In addition, HRC has developed significant relationships externally to evidence its commitment to diversity and inclusion. The President must work to broaden public support for LGBT equality by engaging fair-minded people and partner organizations that represent the multiple dimensions of diversity, including ethnicities, national origins, ages, sexual orientation, gender identity, beliefs, religions and faiths, geographies, experiences, cultures, socio-economic backgrounds and levels of physical ability.

Lead the development of educational programs that positively affect the societal and cultural condition, as well as shift public opinion. HRC’s next President will continue to build upon the dynamic educational programs and tools of the organization such as the Corporate Equality Index, Healthcare Equality Index, Family Project and Religion & Faith programs. S/he also will push for innovation and the creation of new programs consistent with HRC’s strategic plan that will educate and gain a broader understanding of the challenges and opportunities faced by the LGBT community.

Candidate Profile

HRC is seeking a charismatic, visionary, and strategic leader with public policy acumen. The President will be a poised, confident and energetic leader who is capable of leading an organization and movement during a time of great evolution and change. The President will be a force for constructive dialogue and relentless advocacy – passionate and productive in his/her pursuit for social justice.

The ideal candidate will have a sophisticated understanding of the policy environment and be a passionate ambassador for the organization whether it be in front of a camera giving an interview on national television or in someone’s living room. In addition, because its members are woven into the fabric of numerous local communities, the new President should be able to help HRC effectively build upon and leverage these critical and decentralized constituents.

While the President must be a decisive, visionary leader, this individual also must have outstanding interpersonal skills. The successful candidate will have a style that is collegial, approachable, affable, flexible, direct and diplomatic. The President must be skilled at building bridges and developing relationships in a variety of settings with diverse constituencies. The President must have the service-orientation necessary to lead a member-driven and supported organization.

Specific competencies include:

Strategic Vision: The successful candidate will have a demonstrated record of setting priorities and leading organizations to success. S/he will be a strategic thinker who will work with HRC’s senior Staff and Board leadership team and Board of Directors to establish plans and methods to achieve its mission while providing the strategic direction necessary to evolve the organization. S/he will be capable of working with others to develop differentiated strategies with multifaceted approaches to address disparate audiences, cultures, and political contexts.

Communication and Development Skills: The successful candidate will be an inspiring and persuasive communicator who can articulate HRC’s vision and direction effectively through mass media, debate, lobbying, public speaking, writing, networking, fundraising and one-on-one discussions. S/he will have the ability to connect with and secure results from world leaders, government policy makers, corporate leaders, partners, donors, Board Members and staff.

Leadership: In addition to the critical, externally-focused competencies, the successful candidate must also possess outstanding leadership skills that will enable him/her to oversee the management of a complex, member-focused organization. S/he must be an involved and inclusive manager, who will ensure HRC functions in an orderly and fiscally responsible manner. The President will have a track record of recruiting, retaining and motivating a professional and highly performing staff. The successful candidate must be able to set strategic direction for the organization, prioritize and define clear goals for staff, and manage performance toward achievement of those goals. The candidate will be an inspirational leader to the staff, and encourage openness, transparence and mutual respect. Further, the candidate must have the executive skills to manage various Board and membership constituencies as well as leverage the energy of a dedicated, diverse, and growing membership.

Interpersonal Acumen: The successful candidate must be a person of the utmost personal and professional integrity with a high level of energy. Candidates must possess the right combination of self-confidence balanced with humility and a healthy sense of humor. The successful candidate needs to be gracious in manner and comfortable in any situation. S/he will be confident enough to hire and retain strong, smart people, and possess an understanding of his/her own strengths and weaknesses.

Judgment: The successful candidate will have the demonstrated ability to make timely and clearly communicated decisions and take appropriate risks to achieve results. Likewise, s/he will be thoughtful about deploying the organization’s budget in a way that maximizes outcomes aligned with HRC’s strategic plan and core institutional values while managing risk. S/he will listen to and learn from key stakeholders inside and outside of the organization and will be an inclusive and independent thinker, who can manage ambiguity and devise solutions even when a clear path is not evident.

Passion and Shared Values: The successful candidate will have a passion for ending discrimination against LGBT Americans and an absolute commitment towards realizing a nation that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all. At its heart, HRC is about making a difference in the lives of everyday people. The successful candidate will not only have earned the appropriate leadership credentials across their career, but be implicitly anchored by HRC’s core values.

Interview on the Joe and Babe Show

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 01:57:00 +0000

Last night I was interviewed on QTalk Arizona's The Joe and Babe Show. If you aren't familiar with it, QTalk Arizona is Arizona's LGBT Podcast Network. It features a wide variety of shows on topics that interest the LGBT community. You can find a detailed list of the shows here.

I had a great time at the interview. Joe Dugandzic and Babe Caylor are a lot of fun. Oh and they are good at their homework too! We talked about parenting, activism and how to juggle it all. Plus a topic I was surprised they even knew about.

I was very impressed with their studio and all the buttons and gadgets. Way more complex than my little podcast. Real microphones and all! There was an added surprise by a local media person that also attended to take pictures. I was very surprised by the extra attention.

I think you will enjoy the show. Have a listen and check out some of their other shows too.

My Time as an HRC Board Member Comes to an End

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 17:31:00 +0000

This weekend my time as a Board of Governor for the Human Rights Campaign came to an end. While it doesn't mean the end of my volunteering with the organization it does end 4 years in a leadership role that provided me with some extraordinary opportunities. One of those opportunities was being the Area Representative for our steering committee. I can not say enough about my fellow volunteers. Their dedication and sacrifice continues to inspire me.

During my time on the Board, our committee received awards for our accomplishments by HRC national and by the LGBT community in Arizona. While these awards are always nice, what meant event more to me were the individuals that came to me and thanked me for making a difference. These were small but powerful moments. Moments I don't usually handle well. I usually just shrug it off and say, "Oh it's no big deal" or just wave my hand in dismissal and move on to the next point of order. Eventually, I learned to pause and say, "Your welcome, there is lots more to do, I could use some help so let me know if you want to be on the team." I'm not into taking credit, I'm in to building a team and creating coalitions so more work can get done quicker. However, I learned that sometimes it was important to others for them to say thanks, for them to acknowledge the progress. I understand this. There have been many people I have been able to thank for their work and their sacrifices for LGBT equality. It just took me awhile, about 8 years, to realize I am also one of those people.

In my final weekend as a Board of Governor I spent my time working on a bullying issue at a local school, running an HRC booth at a festival, and watching President Obama speech at the HRC National Dinner on the computer. I honestly couldn't think of a better way to finish out this time. I love working booths at these events. I enjoy sharing the mission of HRC and educating people on the issues. I love working with new volunteers and seeing so many people from our community. The energy at the booth for me is addicting and it's always hard for me to leave. Yesterday though I wanted to leave. I wanted to make sure I was home and ready to see President Obama address the 3,000 attendees at the HRC National Dinner. My daughter was sitting next to me when the live feed started. She saw the HRC logos and Joe Salmonese take the stage. She went back to watching her show as she is used to seeing HRC stuff on my computer. Then Joe introduced the President. Her attention instantly turned back to my screen. She asked, "Mom were you there when President Obama spoke?" I smiled and said, "This is happening in D.C. right now. Instead of being there I get to be here and watch it with you." She smiled leaned on my shoulder and we watched our President speak. I won't say the 9 year old really stayed focused on my screen for the whole time. However, the fact that she knows what HRC is, that I meet and work with elected officials, that the reason I go to meetings and give up some family time is so that our family can one day be treated equal means a lot to me.

So my title has gone from HRC Board of Governor, Steering Committee Co-Chair, Area Representative, Political Co-Chair to just HRC Political Co-Chair. So what are my plans now?

Continue.

There is lots more to do, I could use some help so let me know if you want to be on the team.

Titles mean nothing. Actions mean everything.

In HRC Speech, Obama Says, "I'm Going to Continue To Fight Alongside You"

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 14:46:00 +0000

Last night, President Obama spoke at the Human Rights Campaign's Annual Gala Dinner. While many people have been critical of President Obama and feel he has not done enough for the LGBT community, the fact is he has done more for our community than any other President. HRC endorsed President Obama for the 2012 election a few months ago. While some felt this was too early, I personally don't see an issue with it. Clearly, his record shows he is a strong supporter of LGBT rights. Besides, what are they supposed to do = endorse Michelle Bachmann? One highlight of the speech was when President Obama called out the Republican Presidential hopefuls for ignoring a recent incident at one of their debates. A gay soldier sent in a video question asking if they planned to undo Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Members of the audience booed the soldier. The Republicans made no mention of it. In his speech last night the President made this comment on the incident, "We don’t believe in the kind of smallness that says it’s okay for a stage full of political leaders — one of whom could end up being the President of the United States — being silent when an American soldier is booed. We don’t believe in that. We don’t believe in standing silent when that happens. We don’t believe in them being silent since. You want to be Commander-in-Chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it’s not politically convenient." Here is the full video of the speech. The written transcript follows the video.

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

October 01, 2011

Remarks by the President at the Human Rights Campaign's Annual National Dinner

Washington Convention Center

Washington, D.C.

7:26 P.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you so much. It is great to be back. (Applause.) I see a lot of friends in the house. I appreciate the chance to join you tonight. I also took a trip out to California last week, where I held some productive bilateral talks with your leader, Lady Gaga. (Laughter.) She was wearing 16-inch heels. (Laughter.) She was eight feet tall. (Laughter.) It was a little intimidating.

Now, I don’t want to give a long speech. Cyndi Lauper is in the house. I can’t compete with that. (Applause.) But I wanted to come here tonight, first of all, to personally thank Joe for his outstanding years of leadership at HRC. (Applause.) What he has accomplished at the helm of this organization has been remarkable, and I want to thank all of you for the support that you’ve shown this organization and for your commitment to a simple idea: Every single American -- gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender -- every single American deserves to be treated equally in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of our society. It’s a pretty simple proposition. (Applause.)

Now, I don’t have to tell you that we have a ways to go in that struggle. I don’t have to tell you how many are still denied their basic rights -- Americans who are still made to feel like second-class citizens, who have to live a lie to keep their jobs, or who are afraid to walk the street, or down the hall at school. Many of you have devoted your lives to the cause of equality. So you know what we have to do; we’ve got more work ahead of us.

But we can also be proud of the progress we’ve made these past two and a half years. Think about it. (Applause.) Two years ago, I stood at this podium, in this room, before many of you, and I made a pledge. I said I would never counsel patience; that it wasn’t right to tell you to be patient any more than it was right for others to tell African Americans to be patient in the fight for equal rights a half century ago. (Applause.) But what I also said, that while it might take time –- more time than anyone would like -– we are going to make progress; we are going to succeed; we are going to build a more perfect union.

And so, let’s see what happened. I met with Judy Shepard. I promised her we would pass a hate crimes bill named for her son, Matthew. And with the help of my dear friend Ted Kennedy we got it done. Because it should never be dangerous -- (applause) -- you should never have to look over your shoulder -- to be gay in the United States of America. That’s why we got it done. (Applause.)

I met with Janice Langbehn, who was barred from the bedside of the woman she loved as she lay dying. And I told her that we were going to put a stop to this discrimination. And you know what? We got it done. I issued an order so that any hospital in America that accepts Medicare or Medicaid -– and that means just about every hospital -– has to treat gay partners just as they do straight partners. Because nobody should have to produce a legal contract to hold the hand of the person that they love. We got that done. (Applause.)

I said that we would lift that HIV travel ban -- we got that done. (Applause.) We put in place the first comprehensive national strategy to fight HIV/AIDS. (Applause.)

Many questioned whether we’d succeed in repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell.” And, yes, it took two years to get the repeal through Congress. (Applause.) We had to hold a coalition together. We had to keep up the pressure. We took some flak along the way. (Applause.) But with the help of HRC, we got it done. And “don’t ask, don’t tell” is history. (Applause.) And all over the world, there are men and women serving this country just as they always have -- with honor and courage and discipline and valor. We got it done. (Applause.) We got that done. All around the world, you’ve got gays and lesbians who are serving, and the only difference is now they can put up a family photo. (Laughter.) No one has to live a lie to serve the country they love.

I vowed to keep up the fight against the so-called Defense of Marriage Act. There’s a bill to repeal this discriminatory law in Congress, and I want to see that passed. But until we reach that day, my administration is no longer defending DOMA in the courts. I believe the law runs counter to the Constitution, and it’s time for it to end once and for all. It should join “don’t ask, don’t tell” in the history books. (Applause.)

So, yes, we have more work to do. And after so many years -- even decades -- of inaction you’ve got every right to push against the slow pace of change. But make no mistake -- I want people to feel encouraged here -- we are making change. We’re making real and lasting change. We can be proud of the progress we’ve already made.

And I’m going to continue to fight alongside you. And I don’t just mean in your role, by the way, as advocates for equality. You’re also moms and dads who care about the schools your children go to. (Applause.) You’re also students figuring out how to pay for college. You’re also folks who are worried about the economy and whether or not your partner or husband or wife will be able to find a job. And you’re Americans who want this country to succeed and prosper, and who are tired of the gridlock and the vicious partisanship, and are sick of the Washington games. Those are your fights, too, HRC. (Applause.)

So I’m going to need your help. I need your help to fight for equality, to pass a repeal of DOMA, to pass an inclusive employment non-discrimination bill so that being gay is never again a fireable offense in America. (Applause.) And I don’t have to tell you, there are those who don't want to just stand in our way but want to turn the clock back; who want to return to the days when gay people couldn’t serve their country openly; who reject the progress that we’ve made; who, as we speak, are looking to enshrine discrimination into state laws and constitutions -- efforts that we’ve got to work hard to oppose, because that’s not what America should be about.

We’re not about restricting rights and restricting opportunity. We’re about opening up rights and opening up opportunity -- (applause) -- and treating each other generously and with love and respect. (Applause.)

And together, we also have to keep sending a message to every young person in this country who might feel alone or afraid because they’re gay or transgender -- who may be getting picked on or pushed around because they’re different. We’ve got to make sure they know that there are adults they can talk to; that they are never alone; that there is a whole world waiting for them filled with possibility. That’s why we held a summit at the White House on bullying. That’s why we’re going to continue to focus on this issue. (Applause.) This isn’t just “kids being kids.” It’s wrong. It’s destructive. It’s never acceptable. And I want all those kids to know that the President and the First Lady is standing right by them every inch of the way. (Applause.) I want them to know that we love them and care about them, and they’re not by themselves. That’s what I want them to know. (Applause.)

Now, I also need your help in the broader fight to get this economy back on track. You may have heard, I introduced a bill called the American Jobs Act. (Applause.) It’s been almost three weeks since I sent it up to Congress. That’s three weeks longer than it should have taken to pass this common-sense bill. (Applause.) This is a bill filled with ideas that both parties have supported -- tax breaks for companies that hire veterans; road projects; school renovations; putting construction crews back to work rebuilding America; tax cuts for middle-class families so they can make ends meet and spend a little more at local stores and restaurants that need the business.

Now, you may have heard me say this a few times before -- I’ll say it again: Pass the bill. (Applause.) Enough gridlock. Enough delay. Enough politics. Pass this bill. Put this country back to work. (Applause.) HRC, you know how Congress works. I’m counting on you to have my back. Go out there and get them to pass this bill. (Applause.) Let’s put America back to work.

Now, ultimately, these debates we’re having are about more than just politics; they’re more about -- they’re about more than the polls and the pundits, and who’s up and who’s down. This is a contest of values. That’s what’s at stake here. This is a fundamental debate about who we are as a nation.

I don’t believe -- we don’t believe -- in a small America, where we let our roads crumble, we let our schools fall apart, where we stand by while teachers are laid off and science labs are shut down, and kids are dropping out.

We believe in a big America, an America that invests in the future -- that invests in schools and highways and research and technology -- the things that have helped make our economy the envy of the world.

We don’t believe in a small America, where we meet our fiscal responsibilities by abdicating every other responsibility we have, and where we just divvy up the government as tax breaks for those who need them the least, where we abandon the commitment we’ve made to seniors though Medicare and Social Security, and we say to somebody looking for work, or a student who needs a college loan, or a middle-class family with a child who’s disabled, that “You’re on your own.” That’s not who we are.

We believe in a big America, an America where everybody has got a fair shot, and everyone pays their fair share. An America where we value success and the idea that anyone can make it in this country. But also an America that does -- in which everyone does their part -- including the wealthiest Americans, including the biggest corporations -- to deal with the deficits that threaten our future. (Applause.)

We don’t believe in a small America. We don’t believe in the kind of smallness that says it’s okay for a stage full of political leaders -- one of whom could end up being the President of the United States -- being silent when an American soldier is booed. (Applause.) We don’t believe in that. We don’t believe in standing silent when that happens. (Applause.) We don’t believe in them being silent since. (Applause.) You want to be Commander-in-Chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it’s not politically convenient. (Applause.)

We don’t believe in a small America. We believe in a big America -- a tolerant America, a just America, an equal America -- that values the service of every patriot. (Applause.) We believe in an America where we’re all in it together, and we see the good in one another, and we live up to a creed that is as old as our founding: E pluribus unum. Out of many, one. And that includes everybody. That’s what we believe. That’s what we’re going to be fighting for. (Applause.)

I am confident that’s what the American people believe in. (Applause.) I’m confident because of the changes we’ve achieved these past two and a half years -– the progress that some folks said was impossible. (Applause.) And I’m hopeful -- I am hopeful --

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Fired up!

THE PRESIDENT: I’m fired up, too. (Laughter.) I am hopeful -- (applause) -- I am hopeful -- I am still hopeful, because of a deeper shift that we’re seeing; a transformation not only written into our laws, but woven into the fabric of our society.

It’s progress led not by Washington but by ordinary citizens, who are propelled not just by politics but by love and friendship and a sense of mutual regard. (Applause.) It’s playing out in legislatures like New York, and courtrooms and in the ballot box. But it’s also happening around water coolers and at the Thanksgiving table, and on Facebook and Twitter, and at PTA meetings and potluck dinners, and church socials and VFW Halls.

It happens when a father realizes he doesn’t just love his daughter, but also her wife. (Applause.) It happens when a soldier tells his unit that he’s gay, and they tell him they knew it all along and they didn’t care, because he was the toughest guy in the unit. (Applause.) It happens when a video sparks a movement to let every single young person know they’re not alone, and things will get better. It happens when people look past their ultimately minor differences to see themselves in the hopes and struggles of their fellow human beings. That’s where change is happening. (Applause.)

And that’s not just the story of the gay rights movement. That’s the story of America -- (applause) -- the slow, inexorable march towards a more perfect union. (Applause.) You are contributing to that story, and I’m confident we can continue to write another chapter together.

Thank you very much, everybody. God bless you. (Applause.)

END
7:45 P.M. EDT

Poetry From a Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 04:48:00 +0000

When I started my Taekwondo training in 1987, I was a Freshman in high school and a man named Rex Veeder was the highest ranking Black Belt in Arizona. He was my instructor's instructor's instructor - like a great grandpa, if you will. Rex was a leader and someone I looked up to and respected. While I didn't get to work with him often, when I did, it made an impression.

Four years later I moved to Tucson to attend the University of Arizona. Rex was a professor there and helped me start a Taekwondo club on the campus. He was a great mentor and was always there if I had any questions or needed any help.

Rex moved to Minnesota and became a professor in St. Cloud. We spoke rarely as the years passed.

Then came Facebook. We connected and would make occasional comments on each other's posts from time to time. Now, I am very out on social media. If people didn't know I was gay before...well it doesn't take long to figure it out. I hadn't come out until well after Rex moved to Minnesota, however, he has been very supportive of me and of the LGBT community.

This past weekend Rex performed a reading that kicked off the Second Annual Above the Clouds Pride March held at the campus where he teaches. He posted it on Facebook and I have his permission to re-post it here. I found the words very powerful and hope you will too.

Mr. Veeder, thank you again for your leadership. For standing up. speaking out, and giving hope.

Above The Clouds on Judgement Day

by Rex Veeder

[Imagine as you read this rock guitar as duet. Or, put on some Jazz and go down deep.]

Above the Clouds on Judgment Day

(What good is wit if not savage?)

Allen Ginsberg and Carl Solomon,

I am with you in Rockland

where you are madder than I am

where we remember together the all night winter-party of Normal Illinois

and memory is a Mexican volcano

where I am young and you are gay

and we Buddha on the road

waiting to be killed or dragged as you said

off roof tops waving genitals and manuscripts.

Poets doing politics

Are rodeo clowns looking for a barrel.

I don't mean to complain

only flash a grin at the bull

But, so many politicos

(the politicians of Inquisition)

JUDGE the sick, lonely, old, poor, people of color, and the gay

that I guess I'll make an adjudication about the judges.

It's judgment day.

So, marriage is for hetros only,

legally,

really,

someone wants to vote on legal love

reminding us it's a nation of laws

not justice

why arouse us

with blatant provocation --

are you crazy,

are you drinking LSD tea?

If you can’t imagine yourself gay

At least imagine what it’s like to be gay

And step away for God’s sake.

How about an invocation

a necessary provocation

to rile the steel-crusted knights of

supply-side rightness --

I'll even challenge liberals

to stop ending the world with a whimper and

BANG

come out in the streets.

It's high noon

and town’s folks have to get it up.

Show some balls

or ass.

What if Brave Heart were gay

and raising his kilt to moon the Brits

REALLY pissed them off?

There might have been no bloody battle at all,

only a huddle of family-value knights

confused and outraged,

writing Magma Carter into

the wee-willy hours of the morning,

their maces, broad swords and spears piled in the corners

like declarations of penis envy

with bright heralds fluttering

in invitation

or speculative expectation.

Being Gay in Minnesota must be

like living with Peyote in the drinking water,

Minnesota with its optimistic blue sky

and white Fluffy clouds

and cows with incredibly pink udders.

Suddenly, a vision at once utterly funk-dance

and gay

and yes queer

billows out into the streets

like deathly hollows smoke from the Mall of America.

And the politicos who hide in the cloud are afraid

of themselves and the world

demand a law to insure isolation's rules,

command with rage the vigilantes of misplaced rightness

to loose the hounds on the highway to hell --

so sure,

so nice,

so ripe with envy,

with skully grins for the sound-bites

with proclamations at tea against

a revolution

OUR revolution

that rings like a brass alarm bell

that to be born "the other"

is to find in queerness

a world more vast and kind

than white bread, white milk, and white fish.

In the schemes of the straight and narrow, Leprechauns

(they MUST be gay)

escape from prison and

cart kettles of gold

to a bow-end denied them

since the road to rainbow end is not straight . . .

no three wishes, no magic, not even the gold

and all the while those who escape march the streets

ringing cowbells,

chanting: "Bring out your queer. Bring out your queer."

And the queer do come out

along with all those who feel strange

or have been the other

who died to themselves

or to the world

or found DELIGHT a habit

delight that is by birth chosen

not to be prayed away

but saturated with joy --

God in all the glory

funk-dancing in the streets

with God’s brothers and sisters

stating publicly to the slayers of love:

"Bring it on politicians of inquisition;

your days are numbered,

and you can't count anyway.

Hell, you don't count at all."

Don't Ask, Don't Tell Repeal Certified

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 01:09:00 +0000

Photo by Pete Souza

Today, President Obama signed the certification that will lead to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" finally being gone on September 20, 2011. Some were not happy with the delay in certification, however, for a change like this in the military I am very satisfied with 7 months.

There has been a lot of information coming from the White House today and I wanted to share some of that.

First is the press release from President Obama.

THE WHITE HOUSE

Office of the Press Secretary

__________________________________________________________________________

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

July 22, 2011

Statement by the President on Certification of Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Today, we have taken the final major step toward ending the discriminatory ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ law that undermines our military readiness and violates American principles of fairness and equality. In accordance with the legislation that I signed into law last December, I have certified and notified Congress that the requirements for repeal have been met. ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ will end, once and for all, in 60 days—on September 20, 2011.

As Commander in Chief, I have always been confident that our dedicated men and women in uniform would transition to a new policy in an orderly manner that preserves unit cohesion, recruitment, retention and military effectiveness. Today’s action follows extensive training of our military personnel and certification by Secretary Panetta and Admiral Mullen that our military is ready for repeal. As of September 20th, service members will no longer be forced to hide who they are in order to serve our country. Our military will no longer be deprived of the talents and skills of patriotic Americans just because they happen to be gay or lesbian.

I want to commend our civilian and military leadership for moving forward in the careful and deliberate manner that this change requires, especially with our nation at war. I want to thank all our men and women in uniform, including those who are gay or lesbian, for their professionalism and patriotism during this transition. Every American can be proud that our extraordinary troops and their families, like earlier generations that have adapted to other changes, will only grow stronger and remain the best fighting force in the world and a reflection of the values of justice and equality that the define us as Americans.

Next is an email sent by the President to organizations like HRC and individuals who worked hard to make this victory possible.

Last year, I visited Afghanistan. I was there to thank our men and women in uniform, the brave Americans who have given so much on behalf of this country and who make me so proud to be Commander-in-Chief. At one of America’s bases there, I was shaking hands and taking pictures, walking along a pretty tight crowd of service members. A young woman in uniform pulled me into a hug. She leaned in close so I could hear her over the noise and whispered, “Get ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ done.”

I said to her, “I promise you I will.”

A few weeks later, after a struggle that lasted almost two decades, I signed a law to repeal this policy. I signed it with absolute confidence in our men and women in uniform, in their professionalism and in their capacity to adapt to this change, just as they have adapted and grown stronger with other changes throughout our history. And I signed this repeal knowing that our military would be stronger – and our nation safer – for the service of patriotic gay men and women who would no longer have to live a lie in order to defend the country they love.

Today, in accordance with this law, I signed the certification that will end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” once and for all. The Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff also have certified that the military is ready for the repeal. Sixty days from now, on September 20th, the repeal will be complete and gay men and women will be able to serve their country openly.

On that day, I’ll be thinking of the young woman I met in Afghanistan. And I’ll be thinking of the countless others like her, straight and gay alike, who love this nation and the ideals for which it was founded, and who have signed up to serve so that we might all live in freedom and uphold this simple creed: we are all created equal.

Thank you for helping to make this victory for our country possible.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama

Finally I wanted to include a copy of the actual certification document

This is a great day. The end to this awful law finally has an expiration date.

McDonald's Gay Ad in France is a Conversation Starter

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 13:27:00 +0000

I happened to catch this ad by McDonald's today in the Telegraph. I Tweeted, Facebooked, and Google+'d (yes twitter has the best social media verbs but that is another discussion). I realized that there was more I had to say on it so I am doing things a little backwards with with writing after already putting it on social media but oh well.

First here is the video...then we can discuss.

I guess the video was actually released a year ago but I missed it somehow. Maybe because I don't live in France. Regardless of when it came out, I have seen it now and I love it. I love how it shows just one of many conversations that happen daily in which LGBT individuals have to decide whether or not to come out. Many people just don't realize how often this happens. Then the decision comes - do I out myself or not? We don't actually know what the father and son discuss over fries and that is ok. Part of me really wanted to see the conversation start. Something like, "Dad, I've got something to tell you." However, is McDonald's really the place to have that conversation with Dad?

Sometimes I think that is what holds us back from coming out. Is this the right time and place? I wish that wasn't the case. I wish people felt like it was something to discuss anywhere at anytime. Doing that takes the stigma out of it that talking about being gay is only something to do in private. I understand that many risk their jobs and others could risk their safety. That's why for those of us that feel safe and secure we must not miss these opportunities. It will only help to make things better for those that can't.

Another thing I thought of as I watched this was, how many conversations did this start? Not necessarily between teens and their parents but among all generations - maybe with friends or even co-workers. Just someone commenting they had seen the commercial and liked it would be enough for an LGBT individual to recognize they had an ally and be more comfortable coming out. Even just a parent that wants their child to know they are loved no matter what could comment on the commercial in a positive way. I see many good conversations that can happen because of this.

Do I see how there could be bad conversations, of course. People could learn a close friend or family member is not accepting. However, I choose to believe that both the good and bad conversations are good. The bottom line is the more things are in the open the better.

Thanks McDonald's. I can't wait for the day we see things like this in the U.S.

Two Special Voices in New York

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 02:42:00 +0000

On June 24th, New York became the 6th state to pass marriage equality. I'm not going to "report" on the details. If you like you can just Google and read about that. What I do want to bring attention too is one state Senator in particular that voted in favor of marriage equality, Senator Mark Grisanti.

He was sworn in back in January of this year. It didn't take long for the pressure to ramp up on marriage equality. Here is a brief time line leading up to Friday's vote.

After Lady Gaga asked concert goers to reach out to Grisanti and ask him to vote yes he responded in a radio interview on March 8, 2011, saying: "Civil unions and all the proponents that go along with that, I have no problem with. I have a problem with the term marriage itself. To me, marriage is between a man and a woman. It's been a term, a term of ours for years that has been around for thousands of years. It's like calling a cat, a dog. I don't think that that needs to be changed."

On May 17, 2011, it was reported that Grisanti had publicly stated that he would vote "no" on same-sex marriage.

On June 17, 2011, it was reported that he had changed his position on same-sex marriage to "undecided".

On June 24, 2011, Grisanti voted in favor of the Marriage Equality Act

What I appreciated most was was his speech on the Senate floor on how he came to this decision. Please take some time and watch his speech below.

The second person I would like to discuss is my Aunt, who is 70+ years old. She has lived in upstate New York on a farm or in a small town her whole life. She always keeps up on state politics and other current events. She had sent me a quick note when the State Assembly passed the marriage equality bill through and that she was sure the Senate would do the same. I was glad at least she was confident. I knew we still had a fight on our hands at the time.

Apparently my Aunt knew what she was talking about because eight days later she was emailing me again. This time it was almost 11pm NY time and marriage equality had just passed the Senate. The subject: We made it in NYS. We'll come back to that.

Here is the rest of the email

Hi ladies - as you may have already heard -   NYS is passing the "equality in marriage' act this evening - job well done!
   Just wish the news folks would refrain from the term "same sex marriage act" -   that doesn't cover nearly any of the principles of this bill and really gives it a negative connotation rather than educating the public on the real need and assets of the bill.
                                                                                    Love A.

Simple right. But let's remember this is from a small town 70+ year old woman...not exactly the best demographic on this issue. What struck me first was that she just gets it. The end. The fact that she really gets it prompted me to post it on my Facebook and Tweet about it. If this 75 year old woman can get it then I know we can make this happen. If we come out, live open, educate people on how this discrimination effects us, we can change hearts and minds. We can do this.

While I got responses I had expected, a bunch of likes, a few re-tweets, etc - I also got a response I didn't expect. It was actually the first response from twitter. Here is the conversation

Let's just say that this conversation made me write a much stronger reply to my Aunt. Something that was probably going to be WOO HOO! turned into this

A.,

Thank you so much for your note. I hope you don't mind but I put it on Facebook. The understanding that you have and the support that you give is something many others in the gay community miss because their family has disowned them. I do not take it for granted and it has meant so much to me as has the support of my parents and many others in the family. The fact that this family never wavered in its support is a true statement to what family means and I believe a true statement about how you all were raised by Gram and Grandpa...to always be there for each other.

So again thanks.

Kathy

So, for me, there were two heroes on that night. One, a Senator that showed true courage by realizing that he might not know everything and seeking to understand all aspects of the issue. The other, a woman who reminded me day to day conversations matter and that I am so lucky to have a family that goes beyond the concept of just being related to each other. I am part of a family that you can count on to be there for you and give you support when needed.

By the way A., I owe you a hug.

The Death of Paula Brooks and the Apology from Bill Graber

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 06:39:00 +0000

Previously I had written that I was hoping to speak with Bill Graber and get an explanation and an apology regarding the deception that had happened by him pretending to be lesbian blogger - 'Paula Brooks', founder of the blog Lez Get Real. I am happy to say this conversation has happened. While I had planned on it being a private conversation that I would just acknowledge happened so readers would know, Bill gave me permission to do a post on it.

Bill and I spoke for about a half hour. The first thing out of his mouth was, “I’m sorry I was such an ass.” There were no excuses, in fact it was backed up with a few more statements of I’m sorry for various things. While I accepted the apology I also needed to get some things off of my chest. It was important to me that Bill understood that my issue was the lying that happened on a personal level (see the Google chat example in my previous post).

Me: Why tell me these stories about Deb, the kids, etc?

Bill: It was part of the character.

Me: I understand, but that wasn't what was important about the character for me…you had me at politics. I am a politics junkie and I respected Paula’s mind on the issues. We could discuss and debate many political topics. That’s what I enjoyed. You and I didn’t flirt and we didn’t discuss personal things all the time. So the need to go there with me I just don’t understand.

Bill: I was manipulative. I was trying to get to people’s emotions because sometimes I needed them to do and write something emotional. It was wrong…but many times it was effective. People wanted to talk to the surfer mom. They told her things they wouldn’t tell anyone else. We had the best information of any of the blogs. That was because of the surfer mom. In fact, what I find is people are mad because I killed 'Paula.' They are mad because their friend is gone.

Me: I just don't understand the need for all the lying and manipulating of us on a personal level. For me it was not needed. I wanted to write. You didn't need to manipulate me to do so. I logged, in wrote my stuff, and logged off.

Bill: When the next time I pretend to be a lesbian surfer mom I'll be sure to ask you on how to handle it.

Me: It's really not even funny to joke about doing it again.

I was also curious about the other cast of characters. Let’s face it…this felt like the end of some move that I just didn’t see the ending coming. I’m one of those people that like to see the credits and know who played their roles. This was no different.

Me: Who are the kids…are they real?

Bill: They are my Grand kids. I’m sure you noticed the progress of time throughout the pictures. Had to be someone I knew.

Me: I put one of the pictures you sent me of them in a post. I will remove it. It's not my intention to do them any harm with all of this. My anger is not at them.

Bill: Thanks, I’m sure my daughter would appreciate it. She is just as mad as my wife.

Me: I can only imagine. You seem to have a shit load of woman pissed at you. Who is the woman in the pictures we see as ‘Paula’ on all the social media?

Bill: My sister when she was 20…keep it all in the family.

Me: What about Deb?

Bill: That is from my friends…what happened to them.

Me: But no one died I thought?

Bill: That’s true. I dramatized it. I wanted to get the story on the survivor blogs to draw readers to Lez Get Real.

Me: But people donated money. That was a horrible deception. What happened to that money?

Bill: It all went to charity. I made sure nothing came to me. That was hard. Every time there was a hit on the story on a survivor blog I felt bad because I knew it had happened to them for real and they were looking to real support and the story they were reading was a fake.

This was a pretty low point. To use this death to essentially gain more readers for the blog. It was all about the blog. It seemed that anyone could be sacrificed or hurt to move the blog forward. I was a fairly new writer for the blog when this happened so I wasn't as emotionally wrapped up in it as the others. But to hear him talk about using it simply to promote on the survivor blogs really showed me a new reality. There were no boundaries to who could be hurt. Then we discussed the blog and why this had all happened.

Bill: All I wanted to do was help the LGBT community. I served 25 years in the Air Force. I served to fight for the little people. However, I didn’t even realize the gay community was the little people. I didn’t know anything about it. Then I met a great lesbian couple. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to fight for them because I didn’t feel like I had when I was in the service.

Me: It’s funny. The character of ‘Paula’s Dad’ that I would talk to on the phone is the closest to you. His character was retired military and it took him a long time to come around on LGBT issues but he did so because he learned about it from someone he knew – his daughter. That is to me the closest thing to reality in all of this.

Bill: Yes but the ‘Paula’ character is me too. That was my desire to want to fight for equality. Problem was I didn’t know anything about the gay community. Honestly, I thought all gay men did was go to the park to have sex. I have learned that is not the case. I may have infiltrated a community but the reality is the community educated me. I learned about the strength of the community. I really believe it is the women in the LGBT community that will win this battle. You have the kids, families…your voices are just so powerful. I know there were times writers were mad at me because I would say I was too busy and ask them to write a story. It was because I really did want the blog to be from a lesbian’s point of view…and I am not one. I wanted your (lesbians) voices on the blog. I kept trying to get out but things just kept happening and I was just never able to walk away.

Me: I know you kept saying you were trying to leave.

Bill: I was. You were a problem.

Me: I was?

Bill: Yes you were someone that would come to D.C. and want to meet her. I never thought that would happen. I didn’t know what to do.

Me: Yeah that pissed me off too. I didn’t need my time and that of my friends wasted like that. I wasn't in D.C. to see 'Paula' I had other stuff I was doing. Instead of just saying you couldn't meet you had me waiting for you on two different occasions. I was pissed then and now to learn that it wasn't even real?! That is the shit that drives me nuts. It's the pure manipulation. It leaves us feeling violated.

Bill: I was in panic mode I didn’t know what to do and I am sorry.

Me: So after all this time with these characters and running the blog is it hard to give up?

Bill: Yes…I loved my blog. I worked hard on it to make it something that made an impact. Since the whole thing blew up I have done some interviews and the first thing they ask me is to give them my contacts. Pretty funny, huh? They think I am a fraud yet they want my contacts! What does that say about our blog? They know we were about four days ahead on every story. People wanted to give the surfer mom info. Boy did we get great tips. They were dead on.

Me: Did you give them the contacts?

Bill: Hell no! I gave the blog to Bridget and I’m not going to give someone else the keys to destroy Lez Get Real. I know I hurt her the worst. I am doing everything I can to help set it right for her.

Me: Do you still have access to the blog?

Bill: No I am locked out. It’s all hers now.

Me: Sounds like that is for the best.

It was a good conversation because I am a person that likes closure. So to be able to confront Bill with my anger and ask him the questions I needed to have answered feels good. I am not one to dwell on anger. I find it takes way to much energy. So I am moving on.

There were things in the talk that stood out to me. His use of the words manipulation and infiltration in particular. It seemed like he was a soldier on a mission. While I understood that he was apologizing, I also felt like he was debriefing. Not a lot of emotion. Sincerity, I think, but not emotion.

I imagine this will not be my last contact with Bill. There maybe other questions I have that I would like answered. I wouldn't be surprised if we chatted on and off. I won't be able to ever trust him. The violation was just too much to go back. In fact, the only thing I fully believe is that he loved his blog. I know that because he would lie to anyone to protect it. But frankly, it's hard for me to resist talking with him. After all, once you finish the movie, wouldn't you love to sit down with the writer and see how they pulled off an ending that no one saw coming?

My Letter from Senator McCain

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 23:56:00 +0000

I love politics. I enjoy contacting my elected officials by email, phone, letters, etc. I want to participate in the governing process. I believe it is one of our most import responsibilities as citizens to do. We must do more than just vote. We must make sure that our elected officials know how we, as their constituents feel on the issues that matter most to us.

The tough part is I live in Arizona. I am happy to say that I live in a district where I actually feel the representation I have in the State Legislature is good. I am also very pleased with my Congressman, Ed Pastor.

Then you come to Senator Jon Kyl and Senator John McCain. I would say their representation lately couldn't be farther from my views. Although I know when I call their offices or write to them it is a long shot that they will be on my side, I do it anyway. You see, for me, these are the people it is most important I reach out to. I must continue to let them know I am here and they represent me.

I recently emailed Sen. McCain and asked him to support the Repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). I know of two other constituents that support this - Cindy McCain and Meghan McCain. Since these two constituents are family and can't seem to sway him on this I know it's a long shot. Plus this is not the first time I have engaged the Senator on this issue. I have met with his D.C. staff in the past to discuss this issue on several occasions. I have also called his office and sent other emails on numerous occasions over the years.

Today I got a response from Sen. McCain.

From: senator@mccain.senate.gov
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 1:07 PM
To: Kathy Young
Subject: Correspondence from Senator McCain

June 15, 2011

       Dear Ms. Young:

        Thank you for contacting me to express your views on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). I appreciate hearing from you.

        Recently, I was saddened to learn that the Obama administration instructed the Department of Justice not to defend any legal challenges to DOMA. I believe, like most Americans, that the institution of marriage should be protected and defined as a union between a man and a woman. It is this definition and only this definition that acknowledges and supports the vital and unique roles played by mothers and fathers in the important job of raising children.

        For this reason, I do not support the dismantling of an institution that is the very foundation of our society, and replacing it with newer and more flexible understandings that are of questionable public value. I will continue to promote unions that have traditionally provided the basis for stable families and committed relationships.

        Again, thank you sharing your thoughts on this issue. You can be assured that I will keep your concerns in mind should any legislation pertaining to DOMA be considered by the full Senate. Please feel free to contact me in the future regarding this or any other issue of concern.

                                          Sincerely,

                                          John McCain
                                          United States Senator

There was no surprises in this response. Still hard to read. Still hurtful. In no way surprising.

In the future Senator McCain will get another email from me asking him to support the repeal of DOMA. It won't surprise him. It may annoy him that I didn't seem to hear his answer.

Because the thing is it's his job to listen to me. It's my job to keep speaking to him. I will use different words and I will try different stories to convince him that recognizing my relationship has great public value instead of something that to him is "of questionable public value." The point is, when my kids are old enough to understand the fight for equality and they ask me what I did to help protect my family, giving up will not be part of the story.

Thoughts from a Lezzymom

Lambda Files Lawsuit to Bring the Freedom to Marry to Arizona

My Interviews on the Inaugural Speech

President Barack Obama 2013 Inauguration Speech

When Are You Going to Run for Office

Working with the White House

Moving Marriage Equality Video with President Obama

Chick-Fil-A: Biggest Mega Church in Town

Congratulations Mary Cheney, I Guess

Perspective

Reality Check from the Five Year Old

The Importance of Community Events

Giffords Steps Down, Sets Bar High

Kyrsten Sinema Announces Run for Congress

Related articles

The Importance of a First Kiss

The Straight Guy Did It

Now Hiring: President of the Human Rights Campaign

Interview on the Joe and Babe Show

My Time as an HRC Board Member Comes to an End

In HRC Speech, Obama Says, "I'm Going to Continue To Fight Alongside You"

Remarks by the President at the Human Rights Campaign's Annual National Dinner

Poetry From a Friend

Don't Ask, Don't Tell Repeal Certified

Today, President Obama signed the certification that will lead to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" finally being gone on September 20, 2011. Some were not happy with the delay in certification, however, for a change like this in the military I am very satisfied with 7 months.

McDonald's Gay Ad in France is a Conversation Starter

Two Special Voices in New York

The Death of Paula Brooks and the Apology from Bill Graber

Related articles

My Letter from Senator McCain