Thoughts of an Oxymoron

Sometimes I Should Eat Soap

2012-01-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

Alright, alright. Admittedly I went a little heavy on the F--- word in my last post. And maybe I even say it more than I should. Okay, I actually might say it a lot more than I should which is never, but alas, its effective and sometimes "doggone" and dang" just don't cut it. Sometimes you have to get your point across with a little more gusto than a blush and a glare. Sometimes you have to cuss and I don't mean "hell" and "crap". I mean going straight for the big guns. And then there are those other times when you are seriously so out of patience and words, that its really the only thing that will actually make you feel better. For instance, I read somewhere just last week that swearing actually takes away pain. I know this. It also has to lower your blood pressure because after I seriously lose my s*it, and get in the car, and just drop bombs right and left (alone of course), I feel 100 times better than just sitting inside and saying "Oh Piffy", which I have never said or typed until just now.

You see, recently in a strange late night tweeting frenzy, my friend Maryann and I got onto some weird discussion where we chat about just these things. How sometimes you just have to drop the F-bomb. This lead me to put out on Twitter, "Remember when F*ck was a bad word?". I was being semi-serious because, like Ralphie, we all knew it was the coup-de-gras of cuss words. It was the F--- word! Fudge! The word that would for sure give you soap poisoning and make you go blind!! Except now we all just say it. Its the new shit. (And that is my new favorite thing I have ever typed.) Anyway, I tweeted it and seconds later it was a f*** tweeting insane-a-thon with 4 other Twitter friends, all in good fun and completely hilarious because that is one flexible piece of grammar we have when we used that word! I mean, its a noun, a verb, and adjective, a adverb... you understand, right?

So, since I still have that "Mom probably read my blog" guilt thing going, I'm going to try to not drop the big bomb of all potty mouth words so much. I would say I'm going to stop, but lets be honest - that's like making a New Year's Resolution and we all know how well those work out. I'm going to wean myself off saying "fudge" outside of my head. Not because I think its horrible or that I'm going straight to hell in a hand basket, but because I always worry about what everyone else thinks. Again, we can blame my mom. (I love you, Mom.) What happens inside my head is never under control. You don't even want to know.

Alright, so here's where you get to play along from home. How do you feel about language. I don't mean the class at school or speaking, I mean about FOUL LANGUAGE or CUSSING or SWEARING? Does it make you angry? Do you not pay attention or notice? Do you just figure it as regular speech now? Is it offensive? Come on and hit me!

I Won't Blackout

2012-01-18T10:42:00.000-05:00

*Blows an inch of dust off this place.*

Before I go too far into what is sure to be a soapbox post, I need to make one thing crystal clear. This is MY blog. I can say whatever the fuck I want. Yes, I said fuck. And guess what... I posted. I didn't throw a blackout over this baby today for one (or two) very good reasons. 1. I haven't written in forever, so what would be the point, and 2. I am going to take on this whole SOPA / PIPA bullshit head on. I'm going to arm you with things that may or may not be true. Take that congress!

BE WARNED: You might hate me and think I'm a trash mouth after this post. You've already been hit with 2 "F-Bombs" in the first paragraph. I don't normally talk like a sailor *lies* but I"m going to prove my censorship point here.

Currently, there is legislation on the table in Congress. This legislation is SOPA - Stop Online Piracy Act. Sounds logical, right? No one should be stealing from anyone else, much less distributing stolen property. This is a common sense issue. This is where I remind you that Congress often leaves its common sense on the bedside table with its box of condoms and self-control. Here's why I'm NOT happy about the idea of a WORLD governed by a law that restricts what we can and can't see on the Internet.

Number One: Since when is the United States Government's job to stop what some dude in Ireland or Belize or Australia watches on YouTube. Seriously - YouTube is owned by Google which is under US control, if I understand correctly (which I may not). So, I upload a Fantastic video of Miss 3 singing Katy Perry while she dances to Just Dance on the Wii. You can see the Wii content, hear the music and its just adorable as shit. Right? Except I don't have any right to distribute that song. Or that picture of the Wii because YOU didn't buy the game, I did. Am I a Pirate? AARRGG. Hell no.

Number Two: Mr. 11 comes home from school and asks me what the Boston Tea Party was all about. Its not for a report but just because he's curious. I pull up Google (which will be censored) and hit Wikipedia (Which will be censored). Not because Wikipedia is the end-all-be-all of correct knowledge, far from it, but because it is a HUGE online wealth of easy to read knowledge. Because its ten years in the making has a purpose. If I'm an expert and can have my entry approved, I could write for Wikipedia and so could you. Does Mr. 11 understand that Wikipedia is written by the people and for the people? Sure he does. He also knows what plagiarism is and that its BAD. He has morals.

Number Three: At SOME POINT, we have to agree that things are going to be out there. There are thousands if not MILLIONS of images that are public domain by default. Can we really stop some teenager who is in love with the Biebs from using his face as her Avi because its his face and not really hears? That is completely jacked up! I know I'm taking this to an extreme, I really do, but once the ball is rolling, how far will it go? Is my blog going to get taken down because I posted this video just now?

I mean, can't we just have that one particular video taken down if it pisses Breathe Carolina off that much that I shared their song with the billions and billions served by this blog. (Intense sarcasm intended.) Its worked so far - no harm no foul. Charging me to see this or share it is EXACTLY what YouTube is NOT about. Its a FREE video uploading channel for the world to use. Thanks a lot Senators - obviously you don't watch Marcel the Shell... assholes.

Now, what can you do to stop this madness from hitting us all.
Well, you could just never use Wikipedia, YouTube, Pintrest, Twitter, Facebook or any other form of social media again with the free will to post songs and pictures you love. Well, you could post them - but we might all have to pay to see them. And you would have to pay to watch them. And the government could take them down anyway....

You could click this link and sign the petition to STOP SOPA AND PIPA. Its easy and it takes like 30 seconds of your online life which we all know is way more important than you'll ever admit anyway. Hey, I'm just being honest. We love our Internet.

Call, or tweet, or Facebook your Representatives and let them know what a crock of shit the whole deal is anyway. Seriously... 99% percent of the world isn't posting terrorist threats or stealing videos. This is a bit much, don't you think Senator? (Also, I made up that statistic. It might be 98% or any other random number)

You can laugh this off. I'm sure most of you will but someday you'll wake up jonesing for an old Bon Jovi video on YouTube and have to enter your credit card information. Take that. Now you get it, right?

Also, I might be out of line with all the (*^&^( I'm posting in this, but again... its not a nice thing to say. I'm going to say it before I have to pay a fine for that too.

Have you read The Hunger Games or Matched where the Gov't controls everything???........ Just a thought.

Don't call me Cyblil

2011-11-19T10:11:00.000-05:00

Recently, a report was put out on why RPGs are good for kids. Before you freak about the parents that have been shopping for Rocket Propelled Grenades for Christmas, I'm talking about Role Playing Games. Games that require ~~you~~ your kid(s) to use their brains for impromptu, unrehearsed dialogue. Games that allow ~~you~~ your kids to find that place inside their brains that use all those skills that "they are never going to need in the real world" without actually knowing that they are using them. And, as @MaryannClayton once said, "An Imagination is a Terrible Thing to Waste."

If you are completely LOST, you really need to Geek yourself and research the options for table top RPGs as well as online RPGs. Now, I'm not one to sit at a table and play a board game. Its too much sitting and, truth-be-told, I am not a sit down type of girl. But... if I can have a little somethin'-somethin' going on my laptop while I get other things done, a little side distraction from the screaming and messiness that is my house, then BRING IT ON! Plus, it explains a lot about why I am, and have always been, the way I am. Its about to get ~~frightening, personal,~~ honest around here.

WHY RPG'S ARE GOOD FOR ADULTS... forget your kids. They play this stuff anyway with Barbies and Transformers and stuff. Adults, its time to summon that inner creativity that does not require stamps, yarn, felt or wood crafts and have a little side-life fun.

1. I talk to myself. I have ALWAYS talked to myself. And I'm not just saying I whisper, I TALK - with my hands and in full conversation with myself... or with whomever I am talking to in my head. Ask my kids, they look at me like I'm nuts. The thing is, this talking to myself thing has been put to a little constructive play. You know when you fall in love with a story or a situation, and you play it over, and over, and adapt it to be your's? Please tell me you have read at least one book or watched one movie that has captured you enough to make you consider alternate endings, or what happens behind the scenes, or after the fact. If not, I honestly feel sad. Now, take that conversation and play with it. Run it through your brain. Make it YOUR'S!

2. I talk to other people. My name is Megan and, yes, I am a Twitter-a-holic. I love it. I have met some of the most fantastic people online. People who I have only tweeted with a handful of times and others who I exchange Christmas cards, Birthday cards, and phone calls. (SOME of these people talk to themselves as well.) The thing about RPGs is that your conversation skills - even if they are lacking in your "real life" suddenly improve. Creating conversation with fictional characters or strangers, learning how to pull questions, answer in short, concise ways - this is a skill! You learn how to adapt to different accents, attitudes and beliefs that you may not find in your normal day to day life.

3. Just because you read it, does NOT make it true. Nor does it make the way you interpreted it to be true. It was simply words on a page. Commas are IMPERATIVE! Case and point:
"Lets Eat Grandma!" and "Lets Eat, Grandma!" - Happy Thanksgiving.
This is true for Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, your office emails, and any other form of written communication. Its a brave new, typed up world out there. Tell me now that you don't need social media, and I'll talk to you again in five years... on Twitter. People talk and vent and sometimes they are speaking out of a situation and not out of their actual lives. Case and point, I have and two separate men ask out a fictional character via Twitter - Dude, she's a freaking wolf. Play the game!! *eye roll* Self censorship and remembering that when someone posts something that you read - YOU are interpreting and feeling. Read, try to understand it, but don't attack the person who typed the words.

4. I fully understand how J.K. Rowling couldn't kill Hagrid. I get how Stephenie Meyer had a dream and couldn't just drop it. I completely understand the writers that SOB over their very fictional characters. Because I do it. My imagination has grown while my understanding of how the world works, how other cultures and people live, and how and idea grows into fruition takes place. I get how people who are spread out across the globe can come together, plot, play, let their characters battle, fight, and kill each other, then come together. Its a life lesson in a very non-threatening way. You learn how to adapt to people's beliefs and attitudes through a conversation. Its social therapy and education!

5. Geography, Math, Science, Fictional Literature, Government, Economics, Cultural Studies, Psychology, Grammar... yeah. I have a refresher course every day I play. I figure tax, research where a country or a city is located, review Greek Mythology from High School literature, long since forgotten. I learn about how a community of American Indians lives. I can feel the emotional pain of heartbreak, or abuse, or loss on some level. (Granted, and thankfully, not fully or in my real life) I consider how humans would think and process and about logical and illogical outcomes that would take place from a story line. Suddenly, I have a new wealth of knowledge. Its learning, all the time!!

I realize that I have just completely rambled about things that will likely have some of my friends ready to whip out he straight jackets but seriously, Geek yourself for awhile. Quit taking everything so seriously. Quit shutting of that creativity to work on your TPS reports (yeah, there is an Office RPG) and have some fun with me. Just watch out because they are super addictive. Meet me in La La Land people!

Duggar Math

2011-11-08T14:16:00.000-05:00

As a former Math teacher, and usually wrong mathematician, I will preface this blog by saying that the number "facts" given here are only true to the extent that I actually understand what I am doing and that I did not punch a wrong number on my cheap $2 calculator. Still, you'll get the picture.

Recently (and probably on CNN, since that's the only website I look at that provides me with actual "news" - which is also debatable.) I read that the world's population is just about to hit seven billion. SEVEN FREAKING BILLION PEOPLE!! Try to fathom that! If you stacked 1,000,000,000 pennies on top of each other, it would be 987 miles high; laid flat, it would be 87.9 acres of land. Now, if we do that for 7,000,000,000,000 it would be 6909 miles high or 615.3 acres. That's a lot of space in pennies. And just a stupid way for me to get you to think in big numbers.

Now, lets talk about the Duggars. *Clears throat.* Let me first start by saying, I'm sure that Michelle and Jim Bob (who should have dropped either the Jim or Bob a LOOOOONG time ago) are very nice people. They are faithful, obviously healthy, and self sustained. That being said, in my opinion, they are also PsYcHoTiC! Not in the fact that they love babies. I love babies. Not in the fact that they think they are blessed - obviously, since they have 19 relatively happy and healthy children, but in the fact that they have NO IDEA how to quit or what they are doing to the children they already have and the entire EARTH instead.

Now is when I jump off the cliff... Yeah, I'm going there.
Momma Duggar is preggo ... again. With number 20. That's 20 Duggar Children + 2 Duggar parents.
Forget the, already 2 grandchildren, they'll figure in soon.
Lets say each Duggar Doodle has 3 kids. A safe estimate seeing as how the average is 2.5 and, lets be honest, they have rabbit genes. So, ...
20 kids x 3 kids each = 180 grand kids
180 grand kids x 3 kids each = 540 great grand kids
540 x 3 = 1620 great great grand kids
1620 x 3 = 4860 great great great grand kids
4860 x 3 = 14, 580 great great great great grand kids
14,580 x 3 = 43,740 great great great great great grand kids
43,740 x 3 = 131,220 great great great great great great grand kids
131,220 x = 393,660 great great great great great great great grand kids
393,660 x 3 = 1,180,980 ........................................ Yeah, we've already reached over a million. Add 5 more generations and you're at two billion. You only have to add one more and the Duggars have taken over the planet.

And you thought the Mayans were frightening.

RAWR, Chirp, OooOooOoo

2011-10-19T13:52:00.000-04:00

About fifteen miles from my house is an Exotic Animal Rescue zoo. They take in retired circus animals, animals that crazy people think they can raise like Lions (you know, everyone needs a lion), gorillas, cheetahs, this really cute Bethlehem Donkey, and other animals. Its a great spot for a field trip as long as you're not afraid of angry lions in cages that don't seem quite strong enough. I am not a huge fan, but hey, to each his own. Apparently, just east of my state, there is some other sainted spirit who decided to take in the same types of animals and also raise them as his own. Lions, tigers and bears (oh my) are great unless you die, hence that spirit reference, and they decide its time to pack their things and get off the farm... zoo.... out of Dodge. You get it. They escaped. In Ohio!

So, the owner buys the farm, literally, and then there are lions, wolves, bears and all sorts of other big giant animals running around Zanesville. Which leads me to the book Click, Clack, Moo. You know, where the animals all get together and type their demands to the farmer who is blackmailed into bringing them pizzas and electric blankets. I think that the lions decided that Ohio was NOT where they wanted to be. Lets be honest, would YOU want to live there? So, the lion, the bear and the wolf get together, plot their escape and put their plan into action. All the while, the unsuspecting "farmer" is feeding them $500 in T-bone steaks a day just trying to keep up with their "selfish demands". Finally, push comes to shove and the farmer loses. He opens the cages and in a fit of insanity, offs himself to keep from being the next piece of meat. Are you following me?

So, the "farmer" is dead. The cages are open, chaos ensues and the newly freed cheetahs are out of there! The poor giraffes don't stand a chance being that not only are they slow, but tall and certainly look out of place in eastern Ohio. Sucks to be a giraffe in the states. I mean, at least if you're a camel, you MIGHT pass as a llama or something. Bears can go to the mountains if they follow the cheetahs. Lions and tigers, well, they're on their own. I'm putting my money on the wolves though. There are wolves around anyway, somewhere, and since I'm a fan I say run little doggies! Run for the hills! ((Sadly, 30/48 animals have been shot and killed. :-( ))

Sun Day

2011-10-09T13:20:00.000-04:00

I hope your Sun Day is even half as sunny as the one at my place. Despite the 1000 ladybugs swarming outside my house, its bright, beautiful, and relaxing. Bring on the football, beer, bonfires and whatever else floats your boat for what might be the last time before it gets too cold to boat. Have a fantastic day!

Occupational Hazard

2011-10-07T15:31:00.000-04:00

Picture from www.thinkprogress.org

Let me begin this post by stating outright that I know VERY LITTLE about the Occupy Wall Street movement and protests going on. I did a bit of Googling today and was reading up on things, just so I can ~~engage in intelligent conversation~~ blog about a hot topic. *Please read above warning of stupidity.* As I was picking through bullet based, dumbed-down versions of what is sure to be an interesting phase in our nation's history, I found my self doing the Yeah! Good Plan! I love these people! cheers in my head. And then my brain kicked in and I was sorely disappointed in what I figure will probably happen, because lets face it, when have the 99% of people recently impacted trillion dollar budgets. Not often... I mean seriously, if you're not a big hitter, you're not calling the shots. Sucks to be us, but its true. Call your local congressman - an please have your credit card handy.

So, if you're as stupid as I am about the whole shebang, here's a quick run-down of some of the "demands" that these protesters are asking for. I'm hoping for a lot of conversation without pointing fingers, remember, I know this is flawed and I have already admitted my ignorance - you don't need to point it out any further. Just tell me what you think. Play nicely, people.

1. Restore the wage movement. Make minimum wage $20 an hour. (Hellz yes, says the Y employee who only works 5 hours a week!) End free trade, there-by taxing all imports and allowing for more profitable American industries and farms.
HOW can I argue with this??
2. Universal Health Care. Tread lightly here, my friends. There are as many people for as against this.
I'm split. Part of me claims Oh Canada! has it all together. Part of me has a very conservative, insurance agent for a father who is also very intelligent.
3. Guaranteed living wage, regardless of employment.
So basically, do I get paid to sit on my ass? Umm... no. No workey, no money. Sorry. Unemployment is needed for a period of time but come on, you can find a job SOMEWHERE. You might not love it, but its a job.
4. Free College Education.
Yes. Or at least make it affordable for cryin' out loud.
5. Fast track progress to bring fossil fuel to and end and making sure that we find sustainable alternative energy sources. STAT.
My little greenie heart is glowing. Again, agree. 100%
6. $1,000,000,000 - Yes, that's TRILLION dollars in infrastructure spending........NOW!
I love the monorail at Disney. I've always wanted one to Chicago and Indy and elsewhere. Or a train, and roads... ROADS! Yes says the wife of the paving superintendent. ROADS! FTW!!!
7. $1,000,000,000 in ecological restoration. Planting trees, restoring wetlands and river systems. Getting rid of nuclear power plants.
I'm for trees. Have I ever mentioned how much I love trees? And rivers, sure. Yes. And if there was a way to get around that whole meltdown and nuclear waste issue, I'd probably love nuclear power. As for now, they look like giant looming disasters. Maybe its all those episodes of 24 that I've watched. Or maybe its Chernobyl.
8. Racial and Gender equal rights amendment.
This is a no-brainer.
9. Open boarders migration. Anyone can travel anywhere for work or leisure.
I have always wanted to go to Cuba. I'm not sure about this. It seems pretty, well, open.
10. Something about bringing our election standards up to the International standard. Something about counting and paper ballots.
I'll assume that they are talking about each individual vote counting and getting rid of the electoral college. And by paper, he meant electronic paper. Maybe there is an app. for that. (Sorry bad timing. R.I.P. Steve Jobs. #isad)
11. Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. This includes, student loans, mortgages, sovereign debt, commercial loans, home equity loans, credit card debt....
Hello, I'd like to introduce you to Karl Marx??? I don't really think this is a good idea or we're for sure going to see banks fail because basically we don't need them anymore except to hold onto our $20/hr. minimum wage. Although... I do hate paying my mortgage payment.
12. Outlaw credit reporting agencies.
Perhaps this person's score is low because of their credit card debit and late payments?
13. Something about signing things at unions. I don't know.

In all fairness this is one guy's list. In all actuality, since this is a group of people of all religions, shapes, sizes, ethnicities, cultures and educations, I'm not sure there is really a "list" but the idea they are throwing out there, that the economy needs helped and We The People need these things to happen is radical and exciting. Its about remembering whats really important like education, a clean world, health care, and jobs! I only hope that someone with some cash and some influence is listening.

Want more info? Check out
The Huffington Post

That's What Its All About!

2011-10-05T13:54:00.000-04:00

No Hokey Pokey today my peeps. Nope, no time to put my backside in and to shake it all about. I've got issues. (No gasping or snarky comments please - like you didn't know.) It seems that life is not fair. Its true and I tell Mr. 5 this. Every. Single. Flipping. Day. Its not fair and guess what, its never going to BE fair and dammit, you'd better learn to man up and play the game, because like it or not, its not what you know, its who you know - well, its also what you know but knowing people makes a big difference. And, you really do have to be better, bigger, faster, and stronger. You have to play to win because if you don't, someone else will and you won't get the cheese. Lets take this little gem, for example.

A California school system WAS giving color-coded ID tags to students based on their test scores. This ID system allowed kids with higher test scores certain privileges such as discounts at school sporting events and certain select retailers. Now, my first instinct was to be pissed that the State of California would take away some incentive for kids to work hard. Actually, its still my gut reaction as long as there are some stipulations attached. See, the fact of the matter is that when we do well at our jobs, as adults, we receive a raise, a bonus or some kind of incentive to continue our hard work. Its what pushes people to do well at their jobs. We depend on that motivational strategy to keep the work force going, don't we? If you suck, you get demoted, miss the raise, or fired. However, in school, we would hate to hurt your tender little feelings, so we'll just pretend like you're all equal and you're all smart enough, and good enough, and doggone it, people like you. And then when you graduate, if you manage to muster enough reason to continue on, we'll throw you to the sharks in college where you're a face who has to play the game we like to call life.

That being said, there are exceptions. I know there are. I know there are kids who aren't test takers. I know there are kids who, despite obscene amounts of motivation, they WILL NOT be inspired to work hard in school because they have things they would rather be doing. I know there are parents who will make excuse, after excuse, after God-forsaken excuse, about why their kid can't do something or should be exempt and to them, I say "Shame on You" for killing your kid's changes of leaning the value of some healthy competition. Yeah parents, its OK for your kids to be bad at stuff and its OK for them to fail some tests or to have kids make fun of them. It sucks! And it teaches them how to respond, how to find the steel in their spine and stand up a little taller next time. It teaches them to work and to treat other kids better. *Serious ranting issues right now.*

So, please... PLEASE let your kids have or NOT have special privileges based on how hard they work and if they don't make it, teach them to work harder next time because its a dog eat dog world out there! Or shark attacks, alligators, whatever. Its vicious and its not going to get any better.
*End Rant*

Mad Skills

2011-09-23T18:13:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this knowing that somewhere Kelley Sheiss is reading it and whoever else and thinking, Damn, she talks a lot. Leave me alone, I have a lot to say. Its been a two day run of information and my brain is sparking. I'm trying to make lists but the brain goes a lot faster than the hands and its a big mess, but I can tell you this....

If you ever need to go over the moon,
If you ever need a ginormous, detail-free idea,
If you ever need Enthusiasm or some mad problem solving skills,
I'm your girl.

Do not, however ask me to take my time.
Seek facts or, God forbid, analyze anything.
Slow down.
Like your rules and procedures, or
organize anything. - Its just not happening.... yet.

I am a giant bottle of baking soda and vinegar and absolutely do NOT look like a gamer. Which, quite frankly, kicks ass. It was the compliment of the week because from one gamer to the next, it takes one to appreciate one. After all, they did unlock some secret AIDS code.

Yes, Leadership Whitley County, You and I are going to get along quite well. As long as my brain doesn't explode. I am not complaining.

Distractions

2011-09-21T13:37:00.000-04:00

Its not that I don't want to write, its that I'm distracted. I have Avon and Swim Team and Social Media Popcorn brain and vacations and kids in school and housework and ... well, I have been writing. Just not here. Just not as myself. So, I'll nutshell this post because I'm still in slacker mode and I really WANT to write, just more on Twitter, Forums, and Tumblr. So... what's up with Megan lately you ask?

Swim team is back in action. We've been practicing three nights a week for two weeks with four kids in tow. All the while, I'm coaching with a three year old child care hater hanging on my hip, or dangling off the starting blocks. The good news is, Its practically a work out. The bad new - we don't really do dinner anymore. I shouldn't complain because also, I don't really cook anymore.

So, last night we're at practice and Mr. 11's iPod touch was stolen from his zipped up, lockered, but not locked, swim bag. He melted down and I bristled up in full mama wolf mode and called the police and the Y and filed a report. After which, I had to drag Mr. 5 and Miss 3 to the Occupational Health Clinic to have a drug screen because I'm an employee of the Y. Sadly, I will pass. After the last two weeks, I need drugs.

And then there is Avon. L.O.V.E. it. Yeah, you should shop that link on the side of the page. (Its my blog so if I want to make shameless self promotions, I will.) I'll also tell you that you should be selling it too. For $10 and 40% off through Christmas, you're crazy not too. Plus, I've seen the Holiday things that are coming out and they are AWESOME! *Side note* I hate that word and I can't stop using it. I mean... AWESOME! Awesome! Awesome! Its just so over used that I'm switching to Stellar. The new selection of Avon Holiday Items is STELLAR!

Lets see, what else? Oh! I have Leadership Whitley County starting tomorrow, which I'm totally jazzed about. I'm going to figure out how to direct these ginormous thoughts in my head into something that might actually exist outside of my imagination. Great for all of you - maybe. I have some crazy shit going on up here. Take that as your warning... No seriously, it will be stellar too. I've been wanting to do this for a few years now and things are finally in full go mode.

Wow, this blog post is shallow at best. {Politics, religion, sex, drugs, ....} I've got nothing that great going on in my head. But I do have two kids who should be napping but are not in the other room. And now, I'll muster the energy to force them into submission so the picture session for Miss 3 is a success.

I Don't Wanna

2011-09-11T15:05:00.000-04:00

I don't wanna talk about today.

I don't wanna remember that paralyzing fear.
.....or how blue the sky was
.....or how I was going to buy candy corn for a kindergarten class full of blissfully unaware kids who are now driving or in high school
.....or how I held my little Ryan and couldn't think of where he would be safe.
.....or how I was suddenly afraid of the dark like I was five again.
.....or how quiet the night sky is when there isn't a plane to be found.
.....or what it was like to watch grown men jumping from sky scrapers
..... or cry during the news
..... or try to re-enlist in the Army
..... or run out to buy flags...or guns...or roses...
..... or give blood... or money...or time

I don't wanna remember what it was like before the towers fell.

I don't wanna explain to my kids how different it is when they don't know any differently.

Before there were reasons to spread 'em at the airport.
..... or security level threats
..... or bullet proof doors between pilots and passengers
..... or when we looked at Muslim men, woman, and children as people that were different than us, but not a threat to us.
..... or when you could go to lunch in Canada or Mexico and come home for dinner without a passport.
..... or when we felt safe travelling.

I don't wanna forget either. I couldn't if I tried.

I Miss....

2011-09-01T13:22:00.000-04:00

Remember the good old days? You know, when you'd get off the school bus, come inside to grab a snack then turn on you ~~Whitesnake~~ Bon Jovi cassette tape, blare the music while you did your homework. Head outside to ride your bike for awhile with your jeans hideously pegged at your stacked socks. Came in to fried SPAM for dinner than watched Little House on the Prairie, The Brady Bunch, The A-Team and The Dukes of Hazard? No? Maybe it was just me. You missed out though, because those days are over. Not that you can't find them buried in your satellite or cable TV package, but why not just because. Why not on the Farmer 5 - which no longer really exists and damn to that too! Now we're stuck with shitheads like Snookie and The Situation. Or the never-ending search for the most talented person in the country. Seriously, shouldn't that have just happened once? Didn't we get it right the fist time so we can quit looking?

I'm a self declared TV hater. I have enough reality in my life, so when I sit down to stare at a box, I want entertainment. REAL entertainment in the most fictitious way it can be presented representing normal life. I want this guy..................................or them.............................. Or Will and Grace

I want theme songs that everybody knows, like M*A*S*H and The Brady Bunch or this.

Or maybe this....

Yeah. I miss that stuff. I miss MTV when there were videos, and dolls that didn't look like psychedelic whores, and when cookies were good for you. Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. You know, back in the days of William "The Refrigerator" Perry and Joe ~~Mantenga~~ Montanta. Come on... What do YOU miss?

Criss Cross Applesauce

2011-08-22T23:24:00.000-04:00

"There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakable desirable."

Mark Twain,

Just because you make something legal does not mean that you think it is correct, or right, or something you would personally do. It just means that its not your decision to make for other's. No one will ever agree with every decision a person makes in their life and certainly, some people make hideous decisions. But then there is this; if we take a choice them are making away, will they stop doing it just because its not a choice anymore? This is surely NOT to say we need to move to a country of anarchy - hell no. I'm just saying that sometimes that shiny red apple just dangling in front of you isn't quite so appealing when someone tells you to have at it. Maybe for awhile, but once you've had a couple and your neighbor finds a worm, you just don't care so much.

FYI - this blog has nothing to do with apples really....

It more has to do with drugs and other No-No's. And surely, drugs are no-nos. But so are cigarettes really and underage drinking and it still happens. Tobacco, because its big business and funds lobbyists and stuff and drinking because its that shiny red apple. But what if, WHAT IF we took those laws away and allowed people to lean on their own judgement? Surely we would see an entire country of alcoholic pot heads wouldn't we? No? I don't think so because, like everything, it gets old. And if you're prone to alcoholism and drug abuse, you're going to find it whether its legal or not. If you don't believe me, check out prisons. They're loaded with drug related offenders! And while these people are doing something illegal, its also a sickness and prison isn't going to stop them from smoking crack. So, what about the guy who experimented a time or two and got busted but wasn't an addict. Does her really deserve to spend time in prison because he got high??? I don't think so. And neither does Portugal.

Portugal's Drug Policy Puts America's to Shame

Hmm?? Hmmmm? How 'bout them apples?

Told Ya So

2011-08-18T13:45:00.000-04:00

Leave it to Mexico. See the reason none of YOU ever caught a faerie is because you were looking in Ireland among fields of fresh, green clover. You were wrong - faeries prefer guava fields and scorching heat, as opposed to crisp mountainsides and fresh air. Then again, maybe Jose Maldonado just happened upon a faerie on holiday (Read: Is high). Hey, I'm sure they need vacations from mischief just the way we do. After all, a job is a job - unless you happen to be an unemployed brick layer in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Guadalajara (and a drug dealing machine).

Sadly, Mr. Maldonado ~~killed~~ watched the tiny pixie perish and keeps it in a glass jar charging a whopping $1.60 a glance. The dude, sadly, will probably end up the wealthiest man in the city at the expense of a poor vacationing ~~mythical~~ creature. I couldn't make this shit up people. OK, well I could make it up but I wouldn't have video evidence. Check it out.

Yeah - my day is shot. No way am I catching a faerie. I can't beat that guy. Did you do anything exceptional today?

Welcome to China

2011-08-14T14:32:00.000-04:00

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

If you are unfamiliar with the above text, it is the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. Living in this country guarantees you the right to worship as you please, speak your mind, print what you like, strike against work or have a peaceful protest, and petition the government. NO WHERE in this document does it state that just because you think it, means that you are correct. It also does not guarantee you that you will like and/or agree with what others have to say. At some point, you must use some personal restraint and understanding of others basic rights, and shut your over opinionated mouth. *Says the girl that likes controversy.*

Here's the root of all my GRRR this morning. Or should I say rootS. Its been a sad weekend for the state of Indiana. Although there is more than corn in Indiana, we Hoosiers like our State Fair - which is farming and agriculture based. Its farm animals, fried food, amusement park rides and big name concerts in the dirt. You can't beat an outdoor venue in the summer and the State Fair had Sarah Barreillis and Sugarland this year. And since this is Indiana, we're prone to some amazing pop up summer storms. One minutes its sunny, the next its 70 m.p.h. wind gusts and cloud to ground lightning. Sadly, that was the case last night. Over forty people were injured and five were killed when the stage collapsed at the fair. Attendees ran screaming and some ran to help. It was a tragedy that, of course, needed fingers pointed immediately. Lets blame the governor! Lets blame the construction team! Its a cover up! Some one's lying! Someone did this! ..... IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! It was terrible and unpredictable and maybe there was something off, but pointing it out now won't fix anything!

And its not that I don't think you have the right to say what you want, but damn... you sound like a legalistic greedy moron. Really. If you think the governor planned to kill people at a State Fair concert or allowed it to happen, you need something else to focus on. Like Wind farms. And don't even get me started on this topic. *Too late*

See, there will forever be two sides to every issue and, yes... this does go along with what I was talking about. Don't ask. Just keep reading.

Recently, there has been a lot of heated public debate in my pinpoint of the map over whether a wind farm in the county would cause A) Health problems B) Reduce property values C) Be fair. Have I studied the health issues, and property values of the idea? Nope. Is life fair? Nope. Am I going to go study them after I get hate mail from people who have also taken the opposing view that I hold on the topic? Nope. But I'm also not going to point fingers and send them hate mail. I'm not going to fault their opinions - even if I COMPLETELY DISAGREE just because they are certainly entitled to believe what they want. They can write it down, yell it through a bull horn and engage in some very fun and heated debates, but the name calling and finger pointing over opinions is beyond my tolerance threshold. I just can't.....

So please, pray for the families of those that were hurt or lost last night at the fair. Consider the idea that there may have been an unintentional accident - or an act of God that caused this tragedy and leave it. Express your opinions in a way that allows others to have theirs as well and most of all - if you're not willing to let everyone share their opinion, move to China.

Bat, My Ass

2011-08-13T11:11:00.001-04:00

Last week, or maybe it was 2 weeks ago I caught Mr. 5 walking around the house scraping a butter knife against his teeth. I stopped to stare at him for a few minutes just to listen to what he had to say about what was going on. Nothing. Finally I asked him what in the world he was doing when he looked at me straight in the face and said, "I'm a vampire. I'm sharpening my fangs. See, I got FANGS!". Its what I refer to as Lefever teeth and, yes, they are fangish. Before you ask, NO, I didn't tell him he was a vampire and confirmed that, in fact, vampires are not real. He argued ... and I appreciate that more than you know. Especially since he denied that Mickey Mouse, was indeed Mickey Mouse only 2 days later but only a guy in a costume. But... maybe he's on to something. Check this out.

2010 death first U.S. known case of vampire bat rabies virus

Bats, my ass. Seriously, I've been surrounded outside by bats before outside at night and never has one ever come CLOSE to dive bombing my head. And if it did, it would be because it crashed accidentally. But that's because they're just bats and not.... *whispers* vampires.

So this migrant worker dude gets attacked by a ~~bat~~ ~~vampire~~ CHUPACABRA. Yeah, I went there. Maybe the poor unfortunately man who actually thinks he got bitten by bat was secretly attacked by a rabid chupacabra. Because really, the rumor is that bats don't really carry rabies anyway. At least, that's what my dad told me.

But again, we are talking about CNN and they do like to try to give me a stroke on a daily basis, so lets read on. Yes, the man died in New Orleans (Watch Out Nate and Jess) but he also acquired the rabies from a bat in Mexico and we all know that ~~Maria~~ ~~The Southern Armies~~ ~~Chupacabras~~ bats in Mexico have rabies - and love burritos. Ask Gavin.

Bat, My Ass

2011-08-13T11:10:00.000-04:00

2010 death first U.S. known case of vampire bat rabies virus

Lets not Complain Please

2011-07-20T15:59:00.000-04:00

It comes to this. I hear a lot of complaining - from my kids, from the adults, from the general population of the world, and its making me a little batty. So here it is, my two cents on why you should STFU and get over it. Be warned, you may hate min in less than ten minutes. Stop complaining.

1. Its hot.
Are you sure? I mean, the last time I checked it was July. Isnt' it always hot in July? Sure, its a bit stuffy out right now and its humid, but then again.... ITS JULY! And next it will be August, and guess what... Its going to be hot because its summer. And please, please, please, don't tell me what a hot summer we're having because we hit the mid to upper 90s. Its not strange for us. I will remind you of this repeatedly in January when you start to complain because its cold. And here's another thing... its going to get cold. {And then its my turn to complain.}

2. Its not fair.
No, its not. And here's the God's honest truth... Nothing ever is, so get used to it. Adults, please teach your children that just because they show up does NOT mean that they deserve a prize, a trophy, a "Great Job, Kid!" or a special token. Often times, and unfortunately not often enough - there is only one winner. Ask the guy that got out touched in the Olympics by Michael Phelps. Fair is Fair and better luck next time. Now, got give the other person a "Good Game" handshake and get over it! Expecting special recognition for showing up does nothing good for anyone. The winner is demoted to the level of everyone else and the losers learned that they will get something regardless. Its a giant FAIL!

3. I can't believe how disorganized this is!
Perhaps you should try organizing. Or volunteering. Or doing it yourself. Or offering assistance. Or paying attention to what is going on. ... I can't even.....

4. I don't think I should have to....... *insert random I don't want to comment here.*
You are not an exception to the rule. I know you're shocked, but really, the rules are there for a reason. Everyone else had to follow them and so do you. Sorry you don't like it. Next time, don't participate.

Admittedly, all of these came from a day or two but yesterday, I was IRATE. That's putting it mildly.
You understand... right?

Pathetic

2011-07-18T16:24:00.000-04:00

*Blows the dust off the blog, just to make sure its still here.* I've been busy and its sunny. That's my excuse. I'm going to try to do a better job, because honestly, I haven't had much read worthy information other than bragging on the kiddos swim team awesomeness and selling you a bit of Avon, which you totally want. You do want it, I know.

But today it is hot. As in Hades, and I'm tired and PMSish, so I'm inside and I can't even blink when I type because my eyes are frozen in sheer exhaustion - and I just took a nap. Its pathetic really. And I'm thinking that I really need to get my bloggity blog back in gear because I truly miss spouting off nonsensical garbage to you all. And from what I hear, you seem to enjoy reading it. Or that's the word on the street anyway.

I blame summer. And Writer's block which is totally odd because I have an opinion on nearly everything. I'll be better. Promise. *Crosses fingers - either to lie or for luck - take your pick.*

The End is Near

2011-07-12T14:48:00.000-04:00

It comes to my attention that there are a few of you out there that have yet to read the Harry Potter. I won't name any names {Amanda} but what on God's Green Earth are you waiting for? If you know me even a teeny tiny little bit, then you understand my ~~obsession~~ love of Twilight. That's nothing... NOTHING compared to my love of Harry.

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. ~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 1999, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore

Its been a long time coming, but Friday, the end comes. Friday the final film will be there... but then what? What do we do after we have the culmination in front of us? We watched Harry grow up and learned more than we care to admit from this boy wizard. Some of us... and I may or may not be talking about ~~my kids~~ myself have tried to Accio things from the couch. ;-) So, take a little walk through some memories with me in preparation for THE END.

If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. ~J.K. Rowling, "Padfoot Returns," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000, spoken by the character Sirius Black

No, I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up.... It always does in the end. ~J.K. Rowling, "The Second War Begins," Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, 2003, spoken by the character Luna Lovegood

Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~J.K. Rowling, "King's Cross," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore

Special thanks to quotegarden.com for the fantastic reminders of some words to live by... via Harry Potter and friends.

A Jump in the System

2011-07-07T14:35:00.000-04:00

So maybe we are one of the last states to sign up for that idea about Daylight Savings Time (which I personally love) and maybe we're number 15 in the fat ass poll, and maybe, just maybe, you can't buy alcohol in the grocery and only in a bar on Sunday's. But guess what we're first at... handwriting! Or, the lack of handwriting. Its been noted that Indiana school are no longer required to teach handwriting, but to make sure students are proficient in keyboarding. This is going to burn Miss 8's butt because the girl has been trying to "write fancy" for as long as I can remember, and this was her year. Sorry kiddo, have a laptop instead. And don't you even say one thing to me because I love, love, LOVE my laptop and can't tell you the last time I actually wrote in "real" cursive. Its a dead art, unless of course, you have to sign some legal document. So the question is, are we going to teach kids to sign their name, or are we counting on those thumb scanners because I'm pretty sure that a graphologist can still tell one person's writing from another. Whatever happens, whether the schools teach cursive or not, someone is sure to be fired up over this. But there are other things that maybe we should be far more worked up over. Maybe I'm being backward or forward, or short sighted or something but there are somethings going down that erk me. You're shocked, I know.

1. School is for learning, yes. But at some point in time, ~~we decided~~ a small group of people who like to ruin things decided to take all the fun out of school. For example, no more costumes at Halloween because Bobby doesn't celebrate Halloween - even if 19 other kids in the class do.

2. Nutrition is a must at all times. True, its important, but so are birthdays. So telling kids that they have to bring a healthy, non allergenic snack for the class - say apples, in lieu of cookies or cupcakes, blows. Sorry, but it does. This is why my kids can't have sugar during snack time but are permitted to purchase "Fruit"Roll Ups - because they're fruit (No) or Peanut Butter cups - because they're protein. (False).

3. Nutrition is important. Exercise is important. Recess is not. Whatever. Don't yell at that eight year old kid that's squirming in his seat when he's been stuck inside for hours. He's eight. Let him run already!

4. School should be longer and you should start as ~~soon as you're potty trained~~ soon as you turn 5. Forget being a kid; FOCUS! Do your math so you can excel and keep up with the Japanese kids, because yeah, that's what we want. I disagree. You get one childhood. One chance to be little and run and play and sleep with your blankey and watch cartoons. Take it all in and, for the love of GOD, don't send your kid to school just because they know their letters and numbers and like to play school. Let them be little.

5. Everyone should have the same thing. Lets keep things fair. Since when is life fair? Hey kiddo, you're in it to win it, right? Do you want a good job and a house and all that? You have to work for it, but still come out balanced or you'll end up jaded and crazy. Don't let them tell you that things are fair, they never are. If the kid next to you kicks your butt in the spelling bee, find something else you're good at or work harder next time but don't whine around and tell me, "Its not fair." Nothing ever is. Get used to it. Lesson #1.

I think I went on a tangent. Who know cursive could cause so much GRAWR in me. Truth be told, I'm OK with no cursive. Bring on the keyboards.

Hugger

2011-07-06T14:06:00.000-04:00

I don't want to talk about that one trial that happened yesterday or what I think about semantics or burdens or bullshit or any of that. No. I refuse. So... I'm going to talk about things I like. Say, trees. Yes, lets talk about trees and why I need more of them and like them better than my flowers. You might be bored, but tree shopping is more fun than clothes shopping for me - by far. Its also far more expensive and that sucks. But, like much of middle America, my house is built on the land formerly known as corn field so its treeless. Except for the tree line in the back yard and a few randoms. Its sunny like you wouldn't believe, but its also eighty degrees in the living room in the winter. I'm not complaining. I love it - my AC does not. So... I need more BIG trees.

I had this plan once to join the Arbor Day foundation to get a good stock pile going. This is what they sent me - except without leaves. Or tiny little branches.

Its cute, right! But what I was really hoping for is this. OK, maybe not THIS, but something bigger than that.

What was the point of this blog? Oh yeah.... to avoid talking about "she who must not be named" and to ask for tree donations. Have a great Wednesday.

What a Day

2011-07-05T14:08:00.000-04:00

I can't bring myself to comment on all the sad, bad, and non-news around me today. There is way too much death and its too gorgeous a day outside so I'm going to keep it short and sweet.

Love your kids every single second and don't take anything for granted. I read a Facebook status today that puts it all into perspective. Thanks Leanne.

♪♫Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain...♫♪

Oh Say can you Sing...

2011-07-03T14:00:00.000-04:00

Aww, don't cry xTina, no one else knows the words either.

When I was in the first grade, my teacher taught us all the words to the National Anthem. We sang it in class, and it was a big deal. We thought it was really hard, and really fun, and we had NO IDEA what we were singing, but we knew it was important. To this day, I know the words.

When I was in eighth grade, my teacher made us read the Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem and actually understand what they meant. He made us understand that just because we stand up every morning and go through the motions of saying the Pledge of.... oh wait, they don't do that anymore, do they? Regardless, we knew the words and what they meant.

But here's the thing, it seems obvious by the number of people who watermelonwatermelonwatermelon over the words, the number of slip ups we have on live TV, and the number of people who just outwardly admit they don't have a clue what the real words to the Star Spangled Banner actually are, let alone what they really mean, that maybe we need a new national anthem. I mean, are we really that devoted to a song if we don't even understand or know the words? Plus, four verses is a lot and its not easy to sing and, what did you say its actually called again?

I was having coffee and looking over Parade in the Sunday paper this morning and an article about the disaster of trying to actually belt out the words to the Star Spangled Banner caught my eye sparking enough brain power to actually blog the idea of a new anthem. They mentioned Ray Charles singing America the Beautiful vs. XTina screeching out the wrong words, and it made me smile just to think about the change. I like it. No, I love the idea! What do you think?

Sticks and Stones

2011-07-01T14:30:00.000-04:00

You know that saying, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words can't ever hurt me"? Yeah... FALSE. See, we've been taught over and over to say what we think, to put ourselves out there, to be assertive and truthful, but at some point, we also have to be tactful. Maybe I"m pushing the little white lie syndrome here, or maybe I'm asking you to go by that other old saying, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." See, it was one of those weeks, where some very smart kids needed to call out some very stupid adults.

Here's the situation. It was a meet night and we were the visiting team. If you've never been to a swim meet, there are parent helpers to direct kids to the right lanes, get them lined up, time, stroke judge, etc. You can't possibly run a meet without the parents and, for the most part, these parents are EXCELLENT! They help their own kids as well as their kids' teammates, and the other team's kids. Its amazing how smoothly (or horridly) a meet can run, based on your parent support. I love it when I see a parent from the opposing team congratulate one of our swimmers, or help them find where they are supposed to go. It not usually a problem, and generally, any hostility between teams is directed toward the coaches and parents and the kids, at least the younger kids, stay blissfully ignorant of so much of trivialities.

Swimming is a funny sport. Its a crash course in economics at times. You have your country club teams, your older, long lived neighborhood teams, your new exceptional teams, and your teams that skim the cusp of everything - which is where our team falls. For the most part, our team is made up of a group of talented kids who's parents love to let them compete, encourage them to do their best, and let them determine how much they are willing to work. We don't have a LOT of swimmers that swim in some of the more developed winter teams, but we have our few. We have a lot of Y team swimmers from winter and a lot of summer only swimmers, but all in all, we hold our own and do a damn good job, in my opinion. When you look at a lot of the other clubs, they have the same talent but quite a bit more pool time and more resources to develop that talent. Its frustrating, but again, we hold our own and are proud of our kids - wherever they fall on that spectrum. We have farm kids, private school kids, autistic kids, big kids, small kids, uber talented kids and kids who swim because they just like to play in the water.

When this mish-mashed team of fish go to certain area pools, the tension goes from zero to the moon in a flash. Its this feeling of wanting to prove you have what it takes, and protect who you are at the same time. Its a wanting and an avoidance I can only describe in an economic sense. Whether its real or not, depends on who you talk to, but I can feel it and I know others can as well. The point of this blog is to explain where economics and social status stop, and where being an adult and a parent step in.

This past week, one of our swimmers, one of my son's friends heard a parent from another team comment on one of our swimmer's size. Right there, in the middle of a meet in front of all the other swimmers and parents, not having a clue who this kid belonged to or caring who his friends were. They called the kid fat to another parent. Right in front of his friend. And his friend was LIVID! I was livid. And the kid who was the target found out and was hurt by an adult who apparently thinks that her big house gives her the right to run her big mouth and share her inflated opinions with the world. So, here's my message to you lady.

I hope you're proud of the lesson you taught my son and his friends this past week. They learned that they have the right to stand up to adults when those adults are obviously in the wrong, and to tell you that you are not only hurtful, but disrespectful. I hope you know that an entire team will stand behind their one swimmer. Maybe we don't have $3 million dollar houses, but we have tact and self respect and a sense of community that you are severely lacking. I hope you're satisfied with yourself and that you have countless nights of fitful sleep for hurting the feelings of a twelve year old boy who has a heart that's bigger than his waistline, and I certainly hope that your child is NEVER the subject of another adult's hurtful commentary. You should be ashamed of yourself and, in my opinion, your time as a parent volunteer should be over. You FAIL!