Thoughts of the Lost

College Days - II

2012-02-25T17:19:00.003+05:30

I've been alone,
I've been ignored,
It hurt within each day,
But it made me strong

I'm letting go this time,
All the rhymes for this one,
I'm letting go this time,
All the feelings that lie within

This day I go forth,
Overflowing with emotions,
These last few days,
Unable to accept the change

These days are numbered,
Countable with fingers,
These days are counted,
As the ones that shouldn't pass

What can you or I do,
To stop this time,
From slipping right through,
Leading to emptiness

Never felt this way,
Never been so attached,
Not when school ended,
Not all these years

Why is this happening now,
Why is this feeling creeping in,
What's with the tears,
Filling up the eyes so fast

Never thought this would happen,
Never thought I would change,
When I would cry for this,
When I would miss my college life

I wanna cry out loud,
I wanna hold on to this,
I just can't let go,
I just can't take this anymore

I still see myself hating this college,
I see myself waiting for the end,
Everyday I was complaining,
All those days three years long

Why should I cry,
Why should I cry,
I never cared a damn,
Then why should I now

I find no words that sound right,
The strings so tightly attached,
The sound that resonates,
Ain't anything but heart felt music

No more boring lectures,
No more silly fights,
No more funny jokes,
No more college days

College Days - I

2012-02-25T16:43:00.001+05:30

We were young,
When we came,
We were filled,
With so much hope

What was expected,
Was what we saw,
But what we saw,
Was just a movie

That was the time,
Filled with Happy Days,
Full of dreams,
Full of hope

But it wasn't so,
And left us low,
We expected more,
Cause of what we saw

Life moves so fast,
Time stalls for none,
Life changed so fast that,
Time flew like wind

Now we're at the end,
Of such a long trip,
That changed our lives,
Which was so unexpected

Those were the days,
The so called college days,
Those were the days,
Which changed our lives

Valentines Day

2012-02-15T14:04:00.002+05:30

There was a day,
There was a time,
In one of the months,
Out of an year

There is a day,
There is a time,
Teens wait for,
Every single year

There is this day,
There is this time,
The world is so filled,
By people in love

You see some love,
You see some live,
Time changes all,
But people in love

Love is so strong,
Lust is so frail,
What you see more,
Ain't people in love

You feel so cold,
You feel alone,
Cause you live a life,
Where you got no love

It is the day,
When people show love,
Is it for show,
Or is it true love

Love aint a word,
Love aint a mood,
It should prevail,
Now and for on

You say you love,
You say you care,
Then how could you leave,
The one you so love

It was this day,
It was this time,
When you swore your life,
As forever mine

Time was a game,
That took you away,
Now you live your life,
Happier than ever before

Out of Time

2012-02-11T21:01:00.002+05:30

The words I've lost,
The thoughts a mess,
The day goes by,
The night stalls in

Life's in a gloom,
Just black and white,
The colours of joy,
Known no more

Is it a transition,
Or just an infatuation,
The feelings gone numb,
And time unsensed

The day has swapped,
It's place with night,
I am at work,
When the world's asleep

There was one thing,
That I always had,
But why is it so,
That I yearn for it now

Time flies so fast,
When you're so happy,
But where is my time,
That I so badly need

Non Existant

2012-02-10T16:47:00.001+05:30

Its been so long,
Since I saw your face,
Its been so long,
Since I heard your voice

What have I missed,
Where am I lost,
I keep searching,
But I find you no where

Where have you gone,
Leaving me all alone,
Did you drift away,
Or was it me

I stand alone so low,
I see you right in front,
But you ain't there,
When I try to hold you

Where am I now,
Is this heaven or hell,
That I keep longing,
For a non existant you

Time Heals

2012-02-05T04:13:00.001+05:30

The week's been barren,
The days run slow,
I lay on my bed,
With no sense of time

Time passes unknown,
The drag felt at times,
Life has changed,
Maybe for the best

Time's said to heal,
All wounds borne,
That were inflicted,
When you were ditched

The memories forgotten,
The happiness lost,
Its all erased,
Its all gone

Where am I now,
What is the time,
Has it been so long,
Since I saw myself

So is it true,
That time heals you,
That you forget,
All your past?

The Past Week

2012-02-03T16:45:00.000+05:30

Its been quite a while since I wrote anything on my blog. Well times changed a little bit ya know. Last Saturday was quite a day, the last one of January, well it so happened that I din't have work that day since it was a fourth Saturday, so I was at home. Dad asked me , when I will sleep and I told not anytime before 3am , because by then i got used to the work timings of being awake all night and sleeping during the day time. So he told me that I should go with him at 2:30am to see grandma as she was leaving then. So well I thought why not, I'll be awake anyway so just spent time online doing some random stuff and then switched to watching anime. Then when it was the time dad called me and I got dressed up and we went. Saw grandma , bid her goodbye and then dad told me to drive. It was around 5am , and well I so love driving the car during those empty hours of the day. It was awesome driving on empty roads so fast and dad put the AC, and then my eyes were like closing , even though I was trying to keep them open and worse , buses started rolling out on the roads and their headlights flashing straight at my eyes did me no help. Still driving was awesome. Got back home about 6am and then got ready to sleep. It was my usual time when I used to reach back home after work and so lay down to sleep, but in a few minutes, the alarm started ringing, the most irritating alarm ever , the one that my bro puts, no matter how many times I shut it down it keeps ringing, you know how that feels don't you.Then what, it felt hopeless, so took my laptop which was at arms length and then like in the pictures seen on Facebook recently I held my laptop up, I was lying upright on the bed ya know. I had a small fear in me that it may fall down right on my tummy , and since its super thin , wiki says 3mm, you know a fall from above can be pretty painful. Got up and sat and then thought I will just play the Fb games that I started playing recently. Then his alarms stopped and I went back to sleep. Waking up was pretty normal , at 2:30pm.

The most important part of that Sunday was that , Monday followed, it wasn't like any Mondays that I've been having this past month, but had exams in college. I have a habit of studying everything only on the day of the exam, so thought I will sleep early on Sunday night and wake up early on Monday morning. There was just one doubt looming in my mind, and that was whether I would fall asleep at this hour. Well I was right, and wasn't falling asleep and just when I was asleep mom woke me up unnecessarily to eat dinner. I told them not to wake me up and now it was a disaster, I just wasn't falling asleep. And well ended p sleeping just 2 hours. And then woke at 7,only time left was to dress up and get ready. Since the first exam was Networks and security related wrote something. But well the second was a disaster, no mood to even study during the break and lots of hangover of tiredness. The only aim was to get back home early cause we had a company meeting that evening. So had to reach office early. Even the meeting was crap , our MD blamed the night batch of poor performance and told we were less productive, saying the day batch is twice as productive. But is it true? We are all newbies in the night and also we are rather half in number as compared to the day batch. The day batch has all 6 or more months experience so is it a wonder that they are better? And don't we deserve credit for being able to keep up that half productivity? Well that day went like that , got back home around 4:30 am cause I had to go to college that day for the second day of exams. Told dad to wake me up , but he forgot , so ended up waking pretty late, when I took the phone and looked at the time, it was 8:30am darn , even the bus had gone by then. Then what rushed and had to go to college via car. Both exams went real bad.

Now Facebook is like monitored and banned over there in office so not using it much there, just login twice or thrice just to play the games for a bit. And thats another reason why I couldn't post anything here. 1st of February was the day , we were told to submit our rough report , but since the rest of the students had exams on 1st we got an extra life, and got one more day. So on Wednesday my friend came home at around 10:30 to start our report. Well so even that day, din't sleep well. And we started editing other reports with our content and managed to finish it by 5pm. So submitted it to teacher yesterday. Since its been quite a week for me I just decided to sleep over today and skip college. The going to college thought puts a frown on my face anyway, 4 subjects and 7 periods well how boring. Plus the sleepy feeling , altogether made me sleep today. So here I am, writing a blog after so long cause this is the only time after a week that I got some free time to write something. Well now its been said that our presentation will be on February 27 which is a relief. And as for the project we managed something within Monday and Tuesday. So completed the project without doing anything. It was so sudden, now have to know everything about it.

Will write again, when I get time , have to go to work tonight aswell as tomorrow night. So todays break was really something I deserved. Taking both studies and work together can be a real mess with all the stress. And its been told that classes end on March 26 so this drag will go on for sometime which is gonna be pretty harsh on my health.

Main Project

2012-01-28T16:08:00.001+05:30

Well never thought it would come to this. Ya know, this is my last semester in college and like most Engineering Colleges we too have a Main Project to submit this semester. It so happens that trying to get this project done we has wandered a lot all over the city and found some places where it could be done.It was hard to find a place cause we were planning on an iPhone project and thought of Android as a backup to it. And well chose a place that was best suited for us. And well it all began so well, the preparations for a grand project. And then even ended up getting a job there, anyway I have written about getting the job in another post, My First Job, if you would like to know how. Anyways joined there in December , and days were spent like thrash, just doing small stuff. Since we were going to work on an already done project and were just going to modify it to our needs, we all expected it to be so simple, why not , even the people there told , it will just take 2 or 3 days to just replace the pictures and stuff in it. So we were like yea whatever its so easy to do.

Now the time has come, the project leave is all done. Everyone will be ready with their projects now to show the department what they have done. But what have we to show them?? The original date to show the demo to our guide was on 27th of January but well when we went to college last week to meet our guide for the first time she told the dates shifted to 1st of February. Well what should I feel about that some more life eh, but when we tried to do some reverse engineering on our existing software,its like impossible, nothing is making any sense. Even after getting a month to do our project, we still haven't even begun even beyond the point of the original demo. What do we do now? And above all that , there is another confusion that looms around us, is there Series exams in college on 30 n 31? If there is, then what? Seriously I have no memory of even attending any classes this semester. What are going to do now? Two days of exams followed by the rough report submission and demo. And the best part , the project haven't even started yet. Talk of dilemma , well have no clue as to what to do now. Totally blank and dazed. What goes around comes way back around ha.

Three days to count, two of them having exams , and the awesome part is having exams during day , two exams per day and then work at night. Hell yeah!!! This is awesome. What has life come onto now? Where am I headed to now? Plus bringing in code optimization effectively from 1st February at work will be like a pain, if I have to redo all that I have done, cause its a mess of a project, yet an interesting one, I mean the one I did over there as part of work.

Will just leave it to fate now, as I can't even think what to do now.What happens next is unknown, let it come as it is.

Dark World

2012-01-28T03:59:00.003+05:30

What you know,
Is not what is known,
What you thought,
Was never what it was

Theres more to it,
Than you ever imagined,
Theres so much to it,
That can't even be spoken of

Who dare to speak,
Everything they know,
Who dare to risk,
The only life they got

What remains untold,
Remains the mystery,
What remains unheard,
Remains deep beneath

There are untold stories,
There are unreal incidents,
That you can never digest,
That you'll never accept

The world as it is,
Ain't known to you,
What lies in the dark,
Will never see light

Choice

2012-01-26T13:49:00.000+05:30

This is the part,
Where you get lost,
The maze is same,
The exit unchanged

To left or to right,
The doubt remains,
The decision pending,
To the next step

When your choice,
Can be decisive,
For the moment,
And the future beyond

The mind in a fix,
The time still ticks,
What will you do,
In this dilemma

You have two choices,
But what will you choose,
When both require sacrifices,
When both affects the future

Broken Once Again

2012-01-24T03:35:00.000+05:30

I was bored,
I was alone,
I was feeling sick,
Life moving so slow

You came to my life,
You showed me light,
I tried resisting the feeling,
But you convinced me

I had someone in mind,
That I couldn't forget,
The thoughts flashing,
Over and over again

Then you came,
Like a savior,
To free my life,
From this imprisonment

Days passed by,
So beautiful and happy,
Time ticked like seconds,
That I never felt has passed

Then came that day,
When I opened up,
And you fell apart,
Breaking my heart apart

Why did you love me,
When you did the same,
Why did you leave me,
When all I wanted was you

Now I am left stranded,
Right where I was,
Left broken down,
All over once again

Lost Thoughts

2012-01-22T16:05:00.001+05:30

There were thoughts,
In my head,
When I lay down,
To sleep the night

There were tears,
On my cheeks,
When I lay down,
To sleep the day

The lines faded,
The lyrics lost,
I strive to retrieve,
What came but left

Those were the lines,
That struck my mind,
While trying to sleep,
After a tiresome night

The words that flow now,
Ain't even a shadow,
Of what strikes inside,
At a time unfit

Why can't I recall,
Those words of gem,
That once possessed,
My mind within

World Unknown

2012-01-20T13:59:00.000+05:30

The world is falling apart,
The souls already split,
Greed is overwhelming,
And hatred growing

Where did you go,
The sense of world,
Where did you go,
The heart of conduct

The young blood,
That once burned,
Seems content now,
Undone by lust

Feelings are unknown,
The known unfelt,
It makes no sense,
How the world changed

Life's a fast lane,
If you don't pace up,
Life goes ahead,
Leaving you behind

Money rules the mind,
Greed takes over,
The rich gets richer,
And the poor, poorer

Bill or Veil

2012-01-17T20:04:00.001+05:30

SOPA : Stop Online Piracy Act. It so seems so that the Government has decided to put an end to the piracy of movies,songs and other copyrighted stuff through the internet. Well it may seem quite like a necessary measure to prevent piracy and reduce the losses caused to the film makers and producers. But is it really the case? By passing this so called Bill , it gives the right to any company to sue any website and get it shut down. Is this some kind of dictatorship?

Already some sites have been shut down , some that have been exposing the politicians in a cartoon form. What is it that makes the Government go to this extent to take such an action. Is it the fear, the fear of being completely exposed in front of the public? It seems so. Blocking of sites , think of that? What could happen now? The news that should reach the public will never reach them as they may get censored by the board, stating it is defaming news. The truth is that why fear if you aint guilty. But as we all know , all of our so called politicians are corrupt, there maybe a few who aint out there, but with this bill all chances of a corruption free India will be well restricted.

The Internet is the most widely used media source right now , and Facebook plays a major part in sharing and spreading of news. And not to forget, Google is what we call Internet now, yesterday I saw a picture showing that 30% people use Google as a search engine and 70% use it to test if their Internet connection is working or not. Ain't that true? If censorship occurs way too many sites will be censored and the links to them through Google will be cut. If the bill is passed, that will be a huge blow for a lot of people and indirectly to the general public who surf the net. And we bloggers should take a stand against it in our own possible ways to show our discontent to this so called SOPA bill. Remember what happened in China, the same could happen to India too , if this ain't stopped now. Wikipedia English won't be available tomorrow, 18th Jan. This action is taken tos top web censorship. And a whole lot more sites won't be available as well.

Join the strike against SOPA bill : http://sopastrike.com/
Save our web. Save Internet.

Death

2012-01-17T16:12:00.000+05:30

Life was a word,
That brought so much stress,
A word that meant,
Nothing but pain

Mile were to be covered,
By steps or by hops,
The path was unknown,
The destination the same

Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
Nothing makes a difference,
To end we have to face

The good take it hard,
Adjust and tolerate,
The bad hold the reign,
Control and conquer

The date is set,
The path left free,
The decisions you shall take,
The outcome you never shall

The count unknown,
The days unnumbered,
I keep waiting for the count,
To just countdown the end

You reap what you sow,
The sins so grave,
The pain so frail,
Let death reap you apart

Now just waiting,
For the end to come,
To see it all fall,
Crashing down hard

Come now reaper,
Take this life away,
As it longs for,
Nothing but death

Is it me

2012-01-16T14:24:00.000+05:30

Is it you or is it me was the question. I have no clue. But time has passed quite a lot now. I have only myself to blame for what has happened and what is happening now. Nothing can be done about it now. The past shall never come back again to allow itself to be changed all over again, so better live with the fact that you are responsible for what you did to yourself. Life as a student has never been so good for me, ever since the first time or the only time I switched schools. It changed me completely from an outgoing and rather friendly kid to a hostile and hidden boy. Maybe it was a little too scary for me since then. Had enough of being bullied so always kept my distance from everyone. The first time I chose to trust someone with something, my trust was broken within minutes. Never again did I feel so secure there. Kept my distance from all. Who ever knew me there, in that school. How close was I to you anyway. What do you remember about me anyway. I guess there can be nothing. You would barely even remember my presence. I hated attention, hated the spotlight. Never wanted to be someone looked upon.
Never wanted to carry the weights of expectations. I became so, thanks to the opening days. I wasn't even worth being a friend was I. I guess not.

The ones who were close atleast a little bit , kept going farther away with time, maybe cause they found better friends. I shall not blame them for what happened was all because of me and my nature. Silence was my best and only attribute. Used to be known for that only by the teachers. A voice unheard, unfelt, even the presence unknown. I remember the PTA meetings where teachers used to tell dad , "This kid's presence in class is unknown", ah something like that. Well I was pretty happy to hear that thou. Atleast I wasn't disturbing anyone. But well for a child that's pretty much not so natural, but I din't realize that then. It was pretty much a blessing to be mum and not respond to stuff that I shouldn't. it thou led to loneliness. But loneliness was my true teacher, taught me how to observe others, their behavior, and stuff like that. Learnt to be silent and listen to what people are saying, trying to analyze and understand what they mean and the possibilities of what they could've meant.

Loneliness never hurts when chosen by oneself , but kills when granted by force, ain't that so right. At time people choose to be alone, but I never had much of a choice anyway and I never did feel the need to break out of the loneliness back then. I have changed a bit now anyway, thanks to this college, if it were in any other college I would've change a hell lot more for sure. Ah well , never mind, I brought this onto myself by my own actions , a little bit over confidence and lack of interest got me here. But have I changed so much in my looks that people don't understand me now? Last time well , that was different, I might have been looking different but now? Ah who knows maybe it was just me after all thinking that I still look the same and feeling ignored cause they don't mind me. Maybe I changed that they fail to recognize me now after all its been quite some time. So was it me or was it them after all.......

Monday

2012-01-15T12:14:00.001+05:30

Every week begins with a Monday. Everyone hates when the day is Monday. Especially cause it comes right after Sunday, the weekend where everyone hangs around and has fun. Monday starts a whole new week. All people irrespective of age, students and the employed , hate Mondays. From their point of view, when a Monday comes you either have to wait till Friday or Saturday to enjoy again, and that's quite a lot of days to pass through to reach there, aint it? And even so , when you reach the weekend, it passes away too quickly and Monday again pops up as the villain.

Many a times we might all have wished, that everyday was a Sunday and a week was just the other way round with just two working days and rest as holidays. Mondays are such a fuss, and if you forget it , you are so done for. Imagine having Friday as a holiday as well due to some random reason. Then really , you wouldn't want to go to school or college on a Monday. I used to take these little three day holidays as a mini vacation. How lazy we feel to go to schools and colleges after such a lazy weekend.

So now since Sundays are pretty important for me , as told in Sunday , I look forward to sleeping well on Sundays and be fresh on a Monday. Atleast can keep that up till college reopens on 27th of this month, after which I got no clue as to what I'll do , and how I'll manage both work and college. It was already quite bad during those days when there weren't any proper work to do, atleast could sleep over in the office when felt. But now with quite a small load of work, what happens next is unknown, and the biggest confusion is about the Main Project, which is yet untouched.

Mondays got a lot more important with the Project manager in office deciding to set up a team meeting ever Monday at 4:30 pm , well for now its all right. Anyways the work timing was shifted to 6:30 for that day from the usual shift time of 8 as we would otherwise have to wander around and waste two hours of our time. When college reopens, what then? College leaves at 4:20 and I reach home at 5. There's no way I could reach office at 5, the new time set for meeting as per some peoples request as they couldn't make it at 4:30. What awaits is unknown, yet Mondays are disastrous anyway, always been for me anyway. Though Monday is considered to be a good to start something afresh. Mondays : everyone has a reason , good or bad, the day has to come , for future untold.

No Time

2012-01-13T14:56:00.002+05:30

It's always the same,
The same old thought,
The same old thing,
The same old me

I try to get over,
But never succeed,
I try to walk over,
But keep falling in

There are people around,
Many in numbers,
But they are just people,
Not the friend I need

Ain't it so true,
That when you need someone,
There's none around,
But otherwise they are

So many dreams,
So many wishes,
But nothing comes real,
Everything stays a wish

I too wish for the same,
To hang around,
To mess around,
And enjoy the day

When you needed my time,
I gave you mine,
When I ask you now,
You haven't a minute to spare

Would it even matter,
If I Ain't around no more,
Would you ever notice,
That I'm long gone

Inexpressible

2012-01-11T13:35:00.001+05:30

I feel like writing,
But don't know what to,
Theres a feeling inside,
That still urges me to

I have no title,
But I still want to,
I have no idea,
Still I'm trying to

Is it the pain,
Of this ignorance,
Or is it the pain,
Trying to cover it up

Spending my time,
Listening songs randomly,
But those touchy ones,
Creates teardrops on my cheeks

I try to be numb,
But I cant be,
I pretend to be allright,
But I am not

What comes out as words,
Are nothing but feelings,
Which I try to express,
But always fail to

Use Me

2012-01-10T16:33:00.002+05:30

You told you were rude,
I knew you weren't,
You told you were crude,
I knew you weren't

You gave me light,
You changed me inside,
You gave me hope,
You changed me outside

When you were gloom,
I made you bloom,
Things were so in doom,
But it ended in a boom

I had my faith in you,
That I could cheer you,
I had my hope in you,
That you would change

I changed myself for you,
I let go of what I was,
Just to see you smile,
Just to change you mood

Now you are so happy,
The way you used to be,
I am so glad to see,
That you are back

But where am I,
I see me no where,
Who am I now,
That you just ignore

I may not be good,
But I try not to be bad,
I can't be ignorant,
Even if you ignore me

You were my friend,
That you will be,
Were I a thing,
Which is now useless

You have used me,
But I don't mind,
The time spent was nice,
To cherish for life

Reality

2012-01-08T20:29:00.001+05:30

When you were lost,
I was right by your side,
When you were sad,
I cheered you up

It's always been you,
All this time,
You were in pain,
I gave you my word

When the tides changed,
You swapped sides,
I am left lying low,
With nothing to hold on

Was it you ,
Or was it me,
That let me down,
I still wonder

I keep trying,
But end up crying,
Wishing for another rain,
To wash the tears away

Walking down the park,
Thinking where i belong,
Listening Linkin Park,
Somewhere I belong

What was the reality,
Was it virtual reality,
I kept searching,
The answer still unknown

Betrayed

2012-01-07T17:51:00.001+05:30

I feel betrayed,
I feel so used,
I feel like I am thrashed,
I feel like being crushed

We were just friends,
but best friends,
have you forgotten that,
for you to do this now

Was it the help,
was it the cash,
that made you,
stick on me

I've been a joke,
I've been a bait,
that got you,
what you want

Was I a toy,
was I a game,
that you played,
and left for cash

Love was gone,
are friends too,
that's the question now,
cause thats what happens now

It was so fake,
yet you call me fake,
for what I've done for you,
that you forgot now

The Heat is On

2012-01-07T13:55:00.001+05:30

I joined this job,my first job on December 1st . Well, till 23rd had class in college aswell. But since we dint have much work to do at office then, the only thing that was a concern was sleep. The lack of sleep was a major issue. During those days the daily schedule was like , er where do I start, well say waking up at 7am. Then get ready by 8 am and go to bus stop and wait for my college bus to come. The bus comes between 8:20 and 8:30 usually and reaches college by 9. Then boring lectures, the breaks were meant to be awesome as its the last sem, but I get the hangover of not sleeping and be drowsy all day long, you will see why soon. Then college closes by 4:30 and I get home by 5pm. Then I bathe , eat and again get ready by 6 and go for work. Reach there at 7pm , then working till 4am and get back at 5am. Sleep till 7 and wake up and the cycle continues. So you see the sleep I get is like 2hrs plus a little sleep in car when coming back home, also try to sleep in college bus if I can.

But it was all ok till now, never had the stress of a job, always was free and what did I use to do when in office, just Facebook and youtube and movies, and also sleep if I felt sleepy. Those days were fun. But starting this month , job new project to complete. Gave me just 2 days telling its a simple project and today is going to be the fourth day with that project. Its starting to get on my nerves now. But its almost like complete just a few more tweaks which seem pretty hard to implement thou.
Will see what happens today, since its my first project , or the first one that I am doing alone I am so not able to cope up with it and also since my friend is having a similar one and when he inches a step closer to the target I just try to bring that up to get mine working and finish off the job but unfortunately it still dint end yet. Besides I shouldn't be dragging it for too long. But now the pressure is on my head, inside me. Just thinking of 27th Jan gives me the creeps. We dint even start with our own college project yet , and the weeks to follow, if I can't adjust with the project stress when I am having holidays, what will be the case when college reopens. Lots of work, lots of pressure and no sleep at all. It could turn out to be a huge disaster. I just hope things work out fine.

Lonely

2012-01-06T14:32:00.001+05:30

This feeling right now,
that kills me from inside,
I can't take the pain,
I can't hold the tears

I lie on my bed,
face against the pillow,
blanket over my head,
tears wetting the pillow

Lonely, feeling so lonely,
in this tiny world,
growing so slowly,
in this cruel world

What did I do,
that you ignore me now,
wasn't I there always,
when you needed me so

I feel so weak,
I feel so sick,
I shall walk away,
leaving no scars

Mullaperiyar : New dam

2012-01-05T12:59:00.001+05:30

From quite a long time the Mullaperiyar dam issue has been going on,with Kerala and Tamil Nadu not coming to terms over the strengthening of the dam, which actually left the lives of the people downstream at high risk and peril. The two Governments were never able to come into terms with each other for strengthening the dam and the Tamil Nadu Government was bringing irrelevant matters and making unrealistic excuses why the dam needs not be rebuilt like comparing Mullaperiyar dam with the Kallanai Dam and also bringing out the contract signed ages ago.

The risk kept rising as no progress was found in this matter as both Governments were being contradicting with each other for some time now. And now Kerala Government has decided to put forth a new deal for the lives of the people living there. The CM has decided that they should rather construct a new dam over the river than strengthen the existing one. And also being favorable to Tamil Nadu, he has told that Kerala will construct the dam on their own expense and also that Kerala and Tamil Nadu can share the authority of the dam, ie joint control over the dam.

Atleast now the TN Government should accept the terms and let the construction begin. Also the other tiny matters can be left for laters, as they can be negotiated or left for the final judgement from the Supreme Court. Hoping that they come to terms with Kerala government now atleast, cause we are more concerned about the lives of the people living downstream than the profit made by the dam. Also there are lots of people living at the border who depend on the water from the dam for their daily lively hood. Hoping that the Mullaperiyar dam controversy comes to an end with this all new deal put forward.

The Response :
It seems they are not willing to accept the new dam proposal. They still seem to stick with their claims that Mullaperiyar dam is still strong enough and a question of even building a new dam doesn't even arise. Why are they so damn adamant that they will not co-operate with Kerala government , even when given equal power over the dam and all of the water. The conflict continues and both sides are still not able to come to terms, as Kerala tries to somehow come into a compromise, the Tamil Nadu government seems to turn its back on Kerala government. Why can't they just deal with the paperwork later and get on with the work? It feels like they don't understand the situation or they don't care even after knowing.

As per todays newspaper (7/1/12) :
The Kerala Cm has decided the there will be no joint ownership for the proposed new dam, the dam will be completely owned and run by Kerala government and as for the water supply regulations. There will be a team comprising of engineers from both states and will try to make it an independent unit. There are already dams which follow the same norms between the two states. The CM also mentioned that a dam within a state should be under the control of that state. Well what happens now? Both states seem to hold on to their own views still , Kerala wanting a new dam , and Tamil Nadu opposing the idea and the need for a new dam. The controversy continues, will this be like a never ending argument which will only end when the dam collapses , and then what will both parties do??