Threadbared

This Is The 250th Post On Threadbared.com

It’s also the last one.

I’m sure many readers won’t be surprised; having sensed the death rattle as posting became less and less frequent over the past months. When we started this site just over two years ago we had no expectations of how it would be – maybe people would read it, maybe not. Within a couple of months we had thousands of people visiting every day. Five months in we had a book deal with a major publishing house. It’s all been pretty amazing. But by far the best part of this whole experience has been...you guys. The regular commenters who shared the site with their friends and families, who gently (or sometimes not so gently!) prodded us when we should have been posting and who were always there to chime in with their own hilarious commentary. All of the success we’ve had and the fun we’d enjoyed we owe to our readers - thank you.

As much as we’ve enjoyed doing Threadbared Kimberly and I are both concentrating on other projects these days. It’s been a hard decision to make but rather than continuing to post sporadically and let this site die a slow death I’d rather just pull the plug. Comments will remain open for the next few days and then will be closed throughout the site. Threadbared will remain up for anyone who ever wants to peruse the archives and fondly reminisce about Pattern Erotica, Pantyhose Craft Week, Fantasy Crochet and much much more. Ah, good times...

We will miss y'all.

love,
Mary & Kimberly

Never Before Have We Seen Such A Shameless, Desperate Plea For Attention.

Especially one rendered in mohair.

Not Just For Scrooge McDuck Anymore.

Even though it's currently 150 degrees in Georgia it's not too early to start thinking about fall fashions. The trend forecast calls for slimmer silhouettes, menswear-inspired pants and plenty of sequins and paillettes for sparkling evenings. But for us at Threadbared HQ, this fall is all about one trend:

That's right. Knitted spats are back - and boy are we ready for them! Heads will surely turn as we strut down Peachtree Street with these unique accessories adorning our feet. Worn with jeans, skirts or even knitted hotpants, these babies add a special touch of class to any ensemble.

Fall 2007 and Knitted Spats - you heard it here first.

Bizarre Model Poses: A Threadbared Field Guide.

The "Menstrual Cramp"

The "Discreet Armpit Sniff Test"

The "Hey, What's That Over There?"

The "Why Yes, I Do Practice Yoga"

The "Ambiguous Sexual Orientation"

The "Waiting For The Mothership"

The "Oh No, Did I Forgot To Turn Off The Iron?"

The "Bad News Coach...I Think I Pulled My Quadricep"

The "Oh My God, I Am Never Drinking Tequila Again"

Meeeeemory...All Alone In The Moooooonlight.....

Even after she left the stage to pursue a career in modeling Karen was never really able to let go of having played Grizabella in the original Broadway production of Cats.

Not Dead.

Much as I'd like to blame our absence on something really exciting, like being abducted and eaten alive by a poncho-wearing band of legless, armless zombies I'm afraid the real excuses are much more lame.

Kimberly is busy at work.

I went on vacation.

While I was on vacation I sat under a palm tree and a coconut fell upon my wee little head. I immediately blacked out and spilled a mai tai all over my bikini. When I came to I was lying in a hospital bed and a man in a white coat was waving his hand over my face and asking me my name, age, home address, favorite color and who did I think would win on "Dancing With The Stars." Of course, I couldn't remember anything. After a while a man showed up and said he was my "husband" and that he was going to take me "home." We pulled up to a ramshackle place in the country and a bunch of dirty, rowdy kids came out and were all annoying and then my "husband" was all, "Well, I guess I'll go bowl or whatever it is I do while you clean the house from top to bottom and fix our dinner." So I started sweeping this hovel that was supposedly "mine" when suddenly I realized, "Wait, a minute! This isn't me! I don't have kids! I don't sweep! This is just the plot to that damn movie Overboard!"

My real life came flooding back to me and I caught the next plane back to Atlanta, stopped at the package store for a fifth of Jack Daniel's and gleefully ran into my own home. But when I got back into my office I was confused. There was a large, shiny object sitting on my desk. I turned to my husband and pointed to the desk. "What's that?" He put his arm around me and gently said, "That's a computer, honey."

"Huh? What is...a...computer?"

"It's this thing that you sit in front of all the time."

"I sit? In front of that?"

"Yeah. Oh, and sometime you use it for this website you do."

"Web....site?"

Needless to say it's taken time for me to fully regain my memory. Earlier today I emailed Kimberly to say how completely awesome mayonnaise is and also, had she ever seen this terrific show called "Live With Regis and Kelly?" She wrote back to remind me that I completely detest mayonnaise and that Regis Philbin makes me projectile vomit.

So, you know...I'm just trying to get back in the swing of things. I appreciate everybody's patience as I relearn how to use this whole world wide interspace. I may be able to regain enough memory to put up an actual "post" (I think that's what they're called?) on Friday. Let's all keep our fingers crossed...

Night Of The Flying Ponchos.

Mary 60's

Hey Man, Anything You Can Wear I Can Wear Better. Like, I Can Wear Ponchos Much Better Than You.

In 1946 the smash hit musical Annie Get Your Gun opened on Broadway. Loosely based on the life of sharpshooter Annie Oakley, the show featured music and lyrics by Irving Berlin. The production opened on May 16, 1946 and ran through February 12, 1949, with a total of 1,147 performances.

In 1969 a new production opened off Broadway. Loosely based on the life of some freak chick named Ann, Annie Get Your Poncho featured "far out" music and lyrics by Jefferson Airplane. This mescaline-fueled production opened on May 17, 1969 and closed sometime around 3:00 pm on May 17, 1969, with a total of one performance.

Ode To Spring: A Haiku.

Spring! I dance for thee.
My skirt! With so many holes.
Panties! A good thing.

The Results Are In....

And the winner is......sly! The slyster wowed us with a near perfect score, she answered 15 out of 16 questions correctly. Congrats sly!

And what does sly win?

Well Bob, sly will receive:

a copy of the Threadbared book

a collection of mix cds featuring music from the Threadbared book party (we played music from each decade covered in the book - 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s)

and last but not least...her very own Threadbared t-shirt!

Yay! Thanks to everyone for participating....it was fun reading your responses.

Now...how about some answers?

How Well Do You Know Your Threadbared?

1. The first post on Threadbared depicted:
A group of schoolboys. Specifically, these schoolboys.

2. "The 1968 Reunion" features:
Knitted hats. Ah yes, never are the times so jolly.

3. The Jolly Green Goober enjoys wearing:
Mirrored sunglasses. In fact, the Goob has been known to wear mirrored sunglasses on multiple occasions.

4. Threadbared has featured parody lyrics by:
The Lovin' Spoonful. Almost every quiz taker got this one right.

5. Why should Tom go out with Sandra?
She has a great personality AND she makes her own panties. And what alluring undies they are too...

6. Kimberly is employed as a:
Psychologist. That's right, Dr. Kimberly is completely qualified to dispense advice on matters of mental health.

7. In her past life Mary worked in:
Marketing. Though very similar to drug-trafficking, the field is just slightly less glamorous.

8. Mary and Kimberly have received emails or comments calling them:
Unfortunately, the answer is all of the above. And then some.

9. Kimberly and Mary have been interviewed by:
BBC Radio. Hah! You pretty much had to guess to get this one right. We were interviewed by someone with BBC Local Radio (in the West Midlands) for a time slot at like, 12:00 am, sometime in late 2005. It's entirely possible that no one heard our interview but it was a fun experience.

10. Kimberly and Mary dedicated the Threadbared book to:
Threadbared readers of course!

11. What do pirates like to do when they're feeling crafty?
They like to macramé hanging plantARRRRs! And after they've finished with the planter, they pose in the Tampax stance and look all proud.

12. Of all the gangs at Westwood Middle School which one is the roughest?
Purple Diamond Gang. Though I'd like to point out that the Mittens of Fury are even tougher. Their reputation has suffered however, as it's nearly impossible to throw a gang sign while wearing mittens.

13. Which auteur's "early work" has been displayed on Threadbared?
David Lynch. Possibly the most bizarre knitting booklet I've ever seen. And in the last two years, we've seen some strange ones....

14. Whose tunic is indeed truly wondrous, so pleated and blousen it is?
Halvdan The Tunic-wearer. Hast thou ever seen a Croatian Shirt as pleasing to thy eyes? Come on, thou know thou haven't!

15. Where did the Walker sisters meet the McFarland twins?
The Gas 'N Sip. Why, it's the hottest spot in town!

16. Which Threadbared post has the largest number of comments?
With 76 comments A Threadbared Epic: Barbie & Ken - Living In A Crocheted Paradise is the winner. But the short-shorts gang is right behind them with 65 comments. All about short-shorts. And how people miss short-shorts. And where can people buy short-shorts. And how sexy a guy's butt looks in a pair of short-shorts. And I need to stop now because I have the feeling I'm going to have nightmares about short-shorts tonight if I don't end this immediately.