Three Boys One Mommy

I Ain't Saying This For No Applause, I'm Tryin' To Tell You A Story And The Moral Of The Story Is- I SUCK!

2009-08-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

If my recent brush with death has taught me one thing, it's that I can't afford to slack off on my mom duties a minute longer. My sons must remember an involved, brilliant crafty mother that adored them and baked after school cupcakes. Which is the mom I am, really, deep down inside; so when my son requested a robot theme birthday party and ~~those bastards at~~ Target explained that they had pulled all the robot theme party supplies from the shelves, I thought, This is your moment to shine Super Mommy, TAKE IT!

The old Supermom would have ordered a birthday shirt from Etsy, Pfft! Never again...

Robots y'all, RO.BOTS!

It's at this point of the festivities that I think it's high time I change my moniker from Supermommy to Totally Awesome & Fantastic Super Duper Mommy. I smile confidently thinking of the legions of frustrated mothers that will turn to my blog for tips and advice on how to be aweso-... WAIT A MINUTE ...HOLD THE PHONE ... WHAT HAVE WE HERE?!?

WHO WAS THE IDIOT THAT PLACED A FIREY HOT SPARKING NUMBER 5 ON THE CAKE KNOWING FULL WELL HER SON IS DEADLY AFRAID OF FIREWORKS?

Some Woman Get A Steak Dinner & Champagne, I Get Poopy.

2009-08-13T14:26:00.001-07:00

I became a mom 5 years ago today.

I remember it was Friday the 13th.

I remember being surprisingly calm.

I remember my dad was over the moon.

I remember my mom was at her sisters bedside in Mexico.

I remember thinking my husband would make a great nurse, and that my sister wouldn't.

I remember freaking out because I had to poop and I couldn't get out of bed anymore.

Is this not the most beautiful poopy you've ever seen?

That night I watched my favorite televised event (the opening ceremony of the Olympic games) from my hospital bed with my sweet little ~~poopy~~ Diego in my arms.

It was a perfect day, seriously, perfect.

What do you remember the most about your 1st birth day?

Sports Illustrated Will Have To Wait

2009-08-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

All 30+ staples have been removed.

My bikini modeling days are definitely OVER.

My only concern now is a big hole in my scar. That may lend itself perfectly to a do it yourself liposuction...

so it's a blessing really.

Bigger blessing still, NO CANCER.

A million thanks to you for all of your prayers, thoughts and well wishes, as always, you overwhelm me.

Don't Read This While Eating, But Do Read It Eventually, Because There Is An Important Message That You Should Share. Just Remember, No Food!

2009-07-30T00:57:00.000-07:00

* I underwent a complete medical physical in January, where this monster was overlooked (yes that is the actual cyst) (NO, it did not have that much facial hair) (but I will, now that I'm missing an ovary). Even though I felt unhealthy, and expected to leave the Dr.s office with a fistful of prescriptions, I was satisfied with the "Just lose some weight." diagnosis.

A week ago today, I started my day with violent abdominal pain and ended it with emergency surgery. I hate that this could grow inside me, that it could control me so profoundly and even distance me from the people I adore, but I'm immensely grateful that my body took a stand and refused to be ignored any longer.

Please mommies, LISTEN TO YOUR BODIES.

Extreme To The Max!

2009-03-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

Diego discovered the skateboard recently, and while he still rides it on his knees I can't help but imagine him as one of those X-Game extreme sport punks that can't possibly love their mothers.

I can safely say that he seems to be over the board now, but he and his brothers are still very in to an equally dangerous activity that is starting to make me a little nervous.

Skate or Die from chely on Vimeo...

Knock Knock! Who's There? Illiteracy

2009-03-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the Dr.s and scientists say, but I don't remember anything that happened before I was 5.... which means I have 5 more months to freely spew obscenities like this one,

What?!? They ripped the jacket and scribbled on the forward, what was I supposed to say?!?

What's the craziest thing that's come out of your mouth in the heat of the moment?

What's The Deal With That? Wednesday

2009-03-18T01:20:00.000-07:00

What's the deal with Diego's preschool picture?

This picture was taken in October so you'd think I'd be over it by now... but how? How do I get over this? ⬇

My first born son, his first year of school, my his first picture day, are you with me here? I'm talking big money folks. New clothes, new shoes, fresh new haircut, pricey soy hair products, AND I GET THIS GOOFY SHIT!?!

Don't get it twisted, the boy, gorgeous. The back drop and prop, GOOFY ASS SHIT! I mean where would you even go to get a pencil that size?

I guess I'm especially disappointed because I had a really clear vision of what this project was supposed to look like...

They're lucky I'm a photoshop wizard!

And Supermommy is super lucky to have a friend like Jen who was kind enough to design this swanky button for me. Thanks Jen!

What's The Deal With That? Wednesday

2009-03-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

What's the deal with the Windshield Tombstone?

Is this really how we want to remember our loved ones? With a dusty mosquito splattered rear windshield decal? Did these people buy that Dodge Durango with their Robert James Smith inheritance money, because then it kind of makes sense, but in a real cheapskate Robert bought me a car and all he got was this stupid sticker sort of way.

Maybe these people are seeking pity from law enforcement? Like a cop is going to say,

"Oh no speeding ticket for them, they're mourning the loss of Robert James... WAIT A MINUTE! He died 5 years ago, and he lived to be 81! Cue the siren!"

Why not pour a 40 on Robert's grave site when his birthday comes around? That's how Supermommy rolls. Windshield tombstones are 10 kinds of lame, let's agree to keep the in loving memories on bicep tattoos, and save the rear windshield shout outs for the living.

Holla!

________________________________________________

I'm going to give it to you straight my friends, the Blogosphere is in desperate need of another weekly carnival, specifically on Wednesdays! ( Wait! What? Did you just roll your eyes at Supermommy?)

Listen, I love a Wordless/Wordfull Wednesday as much as any dedicated blog commenter. It's so easy to type Your kids are cute!, Your kids are stinkin' cute!, Have I ever told you how cute I think your kids are? but to be honest, it can get a little repetitive.

I certainly don't expect to peel you away from your weekly habits every Wednesday, but if you ever come across something that makes you think WTF?!? I hope you'll forgo the usual and share your observation on...

(Feel free to copy the tag, I'll get proper codes for it soon)

Intervention

2009-03-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

Supemommy Gets Super Sappy

2009-02-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

I spent my day at my favorite place,

with one of my favorite guys.

I was thrilled to introduce him to my old friend.

I was comforted by the fact that not much has changed since I was his age.

I've dreamt of reliving this through his eyes before I even understood where he'd come from.

I could not have asked for a more beautiful day.

I could not have asked for more beautiful eyes.

although a better photographer might have been nice...

For those of you that are keeping score, it was my 33rd and it was fantastic. Thank you all for your e-mails, tweets, gifts, messages, and kind thoughts they truly were the icing on the cake.

If It's Only Hair, Why Can't I Stop Crying?

2009-02-24T15:05:00.000-08:00

Remember when I told you about the love of my life?

Well they were starting to get a little out of control...

I resisted the haircut for as long as I could, I thought long and hard about the future of my curls and then Supersister dropped some straight up Buddha shit on me...

Deep right? She must have picked that up at the Paul Mitchell Academy, so last night I gave Supersister the green light.

"Just promise me one thing" I said, "promise me you'll make him look like JT."

It was truly nerve wracking! I couldn't even stay in the room...

when it was all said and done I still had a beautiful baby boy...

Without curls.

Oh yeah, the other non-curly guys got haircuts too...

and the guy that has screamed bloody murder through EVERY haircut for the past 4 years suddenly decided that haircuts no hurt. Not one tear...

The Poopie Post

2009-02-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

Right, so I wasn't speaking hypothetically, I did it. I pooped in my pants, and I totally get that it's not something a lady should share so casually, but this is bigger than me TEMPORARILY losing control of my bowel movements, this is proof that he adores me...

No, not him. Him.

When I think of all the close calls I've had, all the heart stopping drives home from Taco Bell where I've clenched my eyes closed and wished the minivan had a siren.

When I think of all the times I've considered stopping at a complete strangers home and offering them 20 bucks in exchange for 10 minutes with their sweet sweet porcelain.

When I accept that it was bound to happen sooner or later, and think of all the places this could of happened, I thank God that it happened in my home.

In your home Supermommy?

Yes, in my home, in my marital bed no less...

I was sick with the stomach virus, and in my defense I was half asleep AND there was no fair warning, as in a fart that could possibly be a shart, NONE OF THAT!! It just happened.

S✷✷t happens... and if God loves you like he loves me, it will happen in your home, near a scalding hot shower, and a Costco size bottle of Clorox.

Like Mother Like Son

2009-02-08T20:10:00.001-08:00

I won't get in to how many times I've done this. Real life friends can suck it!

I Would So Leave Him For You

2009-02-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

It's true friends, I am engaged in inappropriate online relationships. I know, I know, I'm happily married, we have 3 beautiful sons, I have so much to value, yada yada, but new guy, totally. Gets. Me. Hot! He's all I can think about lately.

We stumbled upon each other on some popular website and... I don't know... there was just something about him. He's so colorful and interesting and confident. RAWR! Needless to say, I've been clicking all over this hot mess for the past day or so and I may or may not have begged him to come look at my blog... okay, to be completely honest, I sort of paid him to come here. Believe me, it was the only way I was going to get Mr. Sexy to my door.

He dropped in Thursday night. I could feel him scrolling away as he made himself right at home. Soon after he left I received an e-mail from him,

Is that really your husband?

↩ Guy in the striped shirt? Yeah. Pathetic right?

Pfft! Supermommy, you need to drop that zero and get with this hero!

Can you believe this guy? Do you see why I love him so much? Do you understand why I never hesitated to dump the old guy, not even for a second?

Look I know he may take some getting used to, but I know that in time you will grow to like him as much as I do.

Before you ask, yes, he is totally pinching my rear in that last shot. I think it's high time we sex it up around here!

So tell me, what do you think of my new man?

Enjoy.

2009-01-30T23:30:00.000-08:00

Apparently snooping through medicine cabinets, A BIG NO NO. Giving your toddler a soda, also frowned upon. How am I so out of touch? I thought Coca Cola was a staple in every fridge, like milk, eggs and headcheese. NO SODA! Really? What are my kids supposed to be drinking? Milk. Juice. Water! This ☟?!?

I remember watching the families on t.v drink milk with their dinner, but I thought that was phony Hollywood stuff. I've always had a Coke with dinner. My parents came to America so I could have a Coke with dinner. They didn't want to see their children walk for miles on unpaved roads to buy a Coke, like they had to. Maybe if your ancestors had endured my fathers struggle you'd let your kids have a sip... or 3,

Seriously now, you never ever give your kids soda? When is it "okay" for them to have a drink? If you don't keep Coke in your fridge, what do you offer your guests to drink?

Disclaimer ☞ Empty beer bottle.

Enough About Them Let's Get back To MEME

2009-01-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

Open door or not, I always snoop in medicine cabinets and I fully expect my guests to peek. Which is precisely why I keep it nice and neat...

That's a lie.

I just cleaned it out today, and as I tossed hundreds of dollars in expired products I thought about each and every one of you, and your medicine cabinets, and what you keep in your medicine cabinets, and how I'd like to see what's in your medicine cabinets. Does anyone actually keep medicine in them? What kind of tooth paste do you use?

Medicine Cabinet Meme Guidelines -

1. Take a picture of your medicine cabinet.

2. You may clean, organize, dispose of the Preparation H if you'd like.

3. Write a post describing what's in the cabinet. (favorite products, least favorite, expiration dates on old products)

4. Leave a link to said post in this comment form.

5. Tag some friends to play along if you'd like. (make sure they link back to this post)

As an added incentive- I will give one lucky participant a $25 dollar e-gift card to Sephora!Entry must be in by Friday January the 30th and the winner will NOT be chosen at random. I will pick my favorite post, so make it fun.

If you're reading this consider yourself tagged, but I'll extend some personal invitations to ensure I'm not totally ignored-

Renee- Cutie booty

Elaine A- Miss Elaine- ous Life

Jen- Daily Mish Mash

EM- Life, Liberty and the Pursuit

Leslie-Stethoscopes and Stilletos

Wendy- Ruens On The Run

Heidi- Blah Blah Blah Blog

Pear Mama- Hello World

Marinka- Motherhood in NYC

Debbie- Suburb Sanity

Annie- This Girls Life

Kami- KAMI'S KHLOPCHYK

Beth- Anti Supermom

Janah -Not Momalicious

Coleen-Mommy Always Wins

Ciara- Ciara's Ramblings

Misty- Rainy Day in May

Mandy- Millennium Mom

(Don't feel bad if you choose not to play, no hard feelings.)

Have fun! I look forward to snooping through your stuff.

Related Post- I Am Not a Medicine Cabinet Snoop by Neil at Citizen of the Month.

Ready to start snooping?

Leslie's Medicine Cabinet

Katrine's Medicine Cabinet

Tenakim's Medicine Cabinet

One Crazy Mom's Medicine Cabinet

Colleen's Medicine Cabinet

Wendy's Medicine Cabinet

EM's Medicine Cabinet

Kristin's Medicine Cabinet

Elaine's Medicine Cabinet

Mommy Mo's Medicine Cabinet

Ciara's Medicine Cabinet

Casey's Medicine Cabinet

Cass's Medicine Cabinet

Candi's Medicine Cabinet

Jill's Medicine Cabinet

Vintage Dutch Girl's Medicine Cabinet

The Arch Nemesis Revealed

2009-01-19T02:15:00.000-08:00

Superman has Lex Luther. Batman has the Joker. Supermommy has Ketchup.

CAN'T STAND THE STUFF!

I make that perfectly clear to whomever I dine with, and I made it crystal clear to my husband when we first started dating,

"DON'T PUT IT ON THE FRIES!"

"You don't like it?"

"I hate it! It makes me want to gag!"

He set the bottle down.

"You can put in on the side, if you want"

"No, it's fine."

"Awww, would you give up ketchup for me?"

I went on and on about how much I despised the stuff, about how the world would be a better place without it, to which he replied,

"Dude, what are you going to do when you have kids?"

"I'll keep it from them, they'll never know it exists... (nervous laugh) I'm crazy right?... Would you help me protect our children from Ketchup?"

He got to see the boobies, he stopped eating Ketchup and he actually helped keep my arch nemesis away from me and the boys... or so I thought,

(For those of you who have met my mommy, I know this will be very hard to believe, but THAT IS NOT MY REAL MOMMY!)

The Whole Super Thing

2009-01-13T10:20:00.000-08:00

We all know what he really meant by that, "YOU, are not super my wife!."

It's true my friends, I have no argument against him. I'm not supermommy...

Just mommy.

Actually, the whole super hero angle came from my boys fashioning capes out of bath towels, and leaping off the couch with extended arms. Acting like super heros, before they ever saw or heard of Superman. These boys think they are all kinds o super, and I'm supposed to hang back and be the only non hero in the house,-NO WAY JOSE! I get a cape too. Even if I am totally and completely un-super...

That just happened!

I'm standing in the mall holding Aaron's hand. Staring at a real mall cop that happens to be standing in front of a Mall Cop movie poster, internally giggling at the irony of it all, when all of a sudden some woman passes out on my New Balances.

My first inclination is to gently slide the New Balances out from under her head, bolt into The Dress Barn and hide inside the moo moo rack until this whole thing blows over.

Right, The Dress Barn is like the worst idea ever... The Vitamin Shoppe!

Stop it!

Focus!

The mall cop, tell the mall cop!

Then, while he's distracted, snatch the Segway and ride off into the sunset...

Uhm yeah, so Fainty is fine, I think, I don't remember, that's not really the point here. The point is I buckle under pressure, I panic, I freeze, I don't run to the mall cop, I stand around and wait for these things to handle themselves. Not super!

How do you feel about referring to me as the mom formally known as Super? No. Hmm K, we'll work on that one... OMG! You know what would be super? A ride on a Segway! Have you ever been on one? I haven't, but I'm definitely adding it to my bucket list.

How do you handle high pressure situations?

That Tiger Didn't Go Crazy, That Tiger Went Tiger!

2009-01-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

Just after Christmas, we drove 6 hours north to my brother in laws home.

This is my brother in laws "baby" Kilo (Why yes, I did marry into the Colombian cartel. Why do you ask?)

The first thing I thought when I saw Kilo was...

The baby didn't seem to share my concern...

My husband and his brother have a strained relationship, so me yelling out

"FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY PUT THAT BEAST OUTSIDE BEFORE HE BITES MY BABY'S FACE OFF!"

would only add to the awkward tension. So I kept my mouth shut, and desperately tried to get this thought out of my head...

My brother in law sensed my discomfort because he kept telling me to chilax,

"He's my baby, he won't hurt anyone."

Uhm, NO. My baby is a baby. Your DOG is a killing machine!

SEE!

I'm so glad we only visit once a year.

My Funny Valentine

2008-12-31T11:12:00.000-08:00

So if you're out there Miss Jackie, and you happen to find yourself all alone on this New Years Eve...

SeeqPod - Playable Search

The Blog Is Out Of The Bag

2008-12-29T03:00:00.000-08:00

When I shared that I was ready to tell my husband all about my blogging secret, many of you requested a detailed play by play of the confession. The goat wanted pictures, Bar-b wanted it on film. Regrettably I didn't have the chutzpah to point a camera at him, but I did have the presence of mind to document the event in my handy dandy notebook.

"Let me see."

"Yes, I'm Super'wait why are you laughing?... You don't... you don't think she looks like me, is that it?"

" Whatev! I wouldn't want to look like her. She has knobby knees and a gnarly cowlick!"

"Okay so you spend hours making these cartoons and writing this stuff but does anybody actually read it?"

"OF COURSE PEOPLE READ IT! A lot of people do!"

Okay, so we both got a good laugh from that one. After he expressed some concerns about the boys security, and suggested I change the blog title to THREE BOYS ONE MOMMY ONE MACBOOK AND A DADDY he asked the inevitable...

"This is way cheaper than eBay was... Oh and have you noticed I've stopped going out for drinks too? I'd rather spend my nights on Twitter."

"Twitter! What's Twitter?"...

Have A Super Christmas

2008-12-22T12:25:00.000-08:00

*He also wanted me to add that he looks nothing like this drawing, but I'll get into all that later.

We hope you have a Super safe and Super fun Christmas with your family and friends. Enjoy!

Twitter Miss

2008-12-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

Twitter is many things to many people. For me it is a fun social networking site. I like to log on to Twitter and say something clever like-

3boys1mommy I like root beer.

to which my Twitter followers will reply-

elainea@3boys1mommy Root beer, yum!

iHeartStilettos @ 3boys1mommy @elainea Root beer is gross!

RuensOnTheRun Did someone say beer?

3boys1mommy @ elainea @ iHeartStilletos (drinky drinky motion pointing @ RuensOnTheRun) Rummy is here.

RuensOnTheRun @ 3boys1mommy You're a jerk!

Martha Stewart Lady (Not her real Twitter name) is the editor in chief of Martha Stewart's Food magazine. She uses Twitter as a research and marketing tool. She logs on to Twitter and says-

MarthaStewartLady Do you like curry? Would you serve curry to your children?

MarthaStewartLady Come to marthastewart.com and check out our "new twist" on Chicken Parmesan.

MarthaStewartLady used to be on Twitter ALL. OF. THE. TIME. I even remember thinking she must get paid for this. I never tweeted with her directly, but when she suddenly vanished off of the Twitterverse a few months back, I took notice.

Hmm wonder what happened to MartaStewartLady

Fast forward to last Wednesday. I notice someone tweeting about one of my favorite shows.

FellowTopChefFan I can't wait for tonight's Top Chef! Martha Stewart will be on.

To which I didn't reply, but thought Thanks for the reminder FellowTopChefFan (not her actual Twitter name)

About an hour later she Tweets this-

FellowTopChefFan Contestant just referred to Martha as a "bad ass", I don't think anyone has ever said that about Martha.

To which I gleefully replied-

3boys1mommy@FellowTopChefFan Martha Stewart is such a bad ass! She's been in prison, yo! Holding it down in cell block C!

I sat back and waited for her LOL reply, maybe even a LMAO reply... nothing. After about 5 minutes I thought Whatevs FellowTopChefFan you wouldn't know funny if it Twittered you in the face!

I caught up to FellowTopChefFan this morning as she tweeted-

FellowTopChefFan I have 6 guest in my home, any menu ideas?

Good luck getting a reply from me, or from anyone else for that matter! Who cares about your stupid guests!?!

Apparently a few people did, because she got several replies to her request. I was disgusted. Who is this FellowTopChefFan? I wondered.

I'll click on your profile, but I don't really care who the heck you arSHIT, F**CK, SHIT!!!! It's the Martha Stewart lady!!!! OH MY GO'Did you say "holding it down in cell block C!?!"

It seems MarthaStewartLady was in the Twitterverse all along.

Same MarthaStewartLady

Different MarthaStewartLady avatar

Rats! Guess I won't be working at Martha Stewart Living anytime soon.

It's Time To Come Clean

2008-12-18T09:30:00.000-08:00

My husband doesn't know I'm a blogger... you might of guessed that by now. I hate keeping secrets from him, but telling him I have a blog would mean I'd have to explain what a blog is. He's that guy, simple, un-wired, "real" people lover, toting around the original 2 pound cell phone. He wants no part of the Internet, even though he's constantly amazed by what I can do with it,

"I thought you were ordering pizza?"

"I did."

"... but I didn't hear you speak to anyone."

"INTERNET!"

"What!?! LET ME SEE!"

Separate incident, same reaction ☟

"You know my niece Ali?"

"Yeah."

"Don't tell anyone, but she just told my sister she's gay."

"I knew that."

"Huh! How?"

"MY SPACE!"

If and when I come clean, I'll have to let him see it. He'll see the unflattering cartoon image I use to represent him. He'll see that I openly share this picture with random strangers, but drag my feet when it comes to e-mailing pictures of the boys to his only sister.

This can't be good.

It's time though. It's definitely time. I've run out of replies to the daily "What are you doing on that thing?" question, and after last nights incident I really see no way around it...

I'm Giving Some Green Away Y'all!

2008-12-15T03:00:00.000-08:00

Did you know Supermommy is Super Green?

Okay, so I'm not green enough to use cloth diapers...

but I do use my cute-O-la Envirosax every chance I get.

Groceries-B.Y.O.B, Target- B.Y.O.B, Costco- B.Y.O.B

Bringing your own bags is so convenient with Envirosax...

Want a set? Of course you do, and Supermommy is going to hook one of you up!

See that widget on the left? The one that says I have 14 followers. 14? How un-super is that? REAL un-super!

To enter to win your very own set of Envirosax-

Follow this blog, then leave a comment.
Don't have a Blogger account? Add me to your blogroll, then leave a comment.
Already have me on your blogroll? Leave a comment, you're in.

But wait there's more!

If I get 40 followers or more I'll celebrate by adding a Klean Kanteen to the prize! Imagine how cute you'll look strolling through the farmers market toting your Envirosax while taking a sip from your Klean Kanteen!

Can you stand it?

HURRY!

Head on over to Nubius Organics and start browsing through their Envirosax collection. Choose your favorite design, then find a coordinating Klean Kanteen, you can even finish your holiday shopping while you're there.

Contest ends on Friday the 19th, and the winner will be chosen at random. Good Luck!

ON TWITTER? Copy and Tweet this-

@3boys1mommy is giving away some green! Go enter! http://tinyurl.com/5vpj87

to increase your shot at getting a Klean Kanteen with you Envirosax prize.