Three Bracelets

My Glass is Half-Full

2014-09-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

Today marks 2 years since I lost my dad (my Pops). Being that I haven't written here since April, it's hard to catch up on everything when so much has happened. But, in honor of him and how life has gone forward, I wanted to write a little recap and where we go from here.

My Glass is Half-Full

I can't believe the day is here, but Mike, Baris and I are on our way to Florida. In just a few short days I will marry my best friend! After Mike proposed and we were trying to think of the day to tie the knot, September was the first month that came to mind. When thinking of a day in September, the 20th immediately stood out. From the moment we got engaged up to today, I have had a hard time getting in the spirit and really dedicating these planning months to strictly wedding thoughts. Of course I've longed for this day since Mike crossed my path, but I always imagined my wedding day would have had everyone present.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not having a hard time right now thinking of these next few days and knowing my Pops won't be there. I'd be lying if I said the various weddings I've attended since his passing have hit me like a ton of bricks and reminded me that when my day arrives, I won't have his arm to lean on when walking down the aisle, I won't have his wink when Mike vows to take care of his little girl, and I won't have the dance I've always wanted to have with him.

Thinking that today officially marks 2 years without him blows my mind. Somehow over 2 years, I've gotten by, gotten engaged, started a new job, adopted the best dog out there, moved into a new place, and planned a wedding. There have been so many moments during these milestones where I know he has shown up when I least expected it. I think after you lose someone, you hold on soooo tightly for their physical self that you are knocked off your feet when they show up in a song, in a sunrise, in a flock of geese, or even when you pick your wedding date.

September will always be a rough month for me no matter how many years pass by without him. But when selecting our wedding day, I have a really good feeling my Pops wanted this month to bring about something different :)

When I think about this new chapter of my life, I have the biggest smile, the most overwhelmed heart, and the kind of feeling everyone dreams of having. Mike was the first guy I felt true, deep, Notebook-type-of-LOVE for (if you know me, you know I have a hardcore crush on The Notebook)! He has been the one guy I'd give my car up for just so we could always drive together, the ONLY guy who has opened every door for me, the guy who lets me eat Qdoba 4 nights a week without judging, the one who compliments my dance skills when everyone else laughs (along with my singing voice), the one who I want my kids to call their "Pops," the only guy I ever let meet my dad (who thankfully was the one standing next to me when I had to say goodbye), and Mike is the one person I am so thankful picked me because without a doubt I never thought I would have gotten so lucky picking him.

As these next few days take place, we're reunited with so many people we love, and we finally get to become Mr. & Mrs.Gioioso, I have to remind myself of who raised me, what he taught me, and the part of this new chapter he'd remind me to remember. My Pops was always, and I mean always, seeing life through a glass half-full type of lens. The glass could have been broken, foggy, or filled with sour milk, but that didn't stop him from seeing and thinking the best about what stood on the other side.

I am taking this approach as we go through the next few days. This is about to be one of the most memorable weekends I'll get and I know he will be there. This is the day I've wanted for so long ... the day to say "I do" as I take my best friend and vow to be the best to him, God and our life together. This is a weekend where so much love will be pouring from everyone's glasses, and from the looks of it even Mother Nature's glass, that I can't help but think he would be winking and saying, "Sweets ... do you see what I see?"

Pops, I sure do. I see you in me, the places I go and the people who have shown up. I see that life unfolded just the way you wanted for your little girl. She found the man of her dreams, the guy you always rooted for, and the day you told her would be worth waiting for. I see that when the glass does have a crack, looks a little foggy, or holds sour milk, you just keep pouring. Sweets, life is always going to be that way. You'll have a hard day, you'll have to say goodbye to a loved one, and you'll be thrown some sour situations, but remember keep pouring ... because one day you're going to be knocked off your feet by love, you're going to find that your best friend is about to become your husband, and you're going to have so many people to lean upon as you walk down the aisle. Play the song you wanted to play and just think my big feet and awkward dance moves will now save you from embarrassment. And at the end of the night, take Mike by the arm, pour yourself a drink and look around you. You are beyond blessed and you have something that so many people forget to remember, a glass that will always be (more than) half-full.

Being that my dad was the best darn electrician out there, I found a quote that sums up Mike and the man my Pops wanted for me. "What is a soul? It's like electricity, we don't really know what is it, but it's a force can that can light a room." Mike, thank you for last 6 years and being the force that has lit up my life.

Thank you ALL so much for your love and support over the last 2 years and for being there for us. We've always been so excited to tell our story about how we met, but over these last 6 years it's been a true test to the love and commitment we have to know that our story is only going to get better!

Raise your glass, fill it up, and let's go get married!
_____ _______ _______ _______

In case you're wondering what song I had saved for my Pops and I it's Rod Stewart "Forever Young." We would spend Saturday mornings cleaning the house (Mike get ready for this tradition), and my dad would blast Rod Stewart. The minute I heard "Forever Young" for the first time was the minute I knew that song would be ours :)

"May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam, and may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home. And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true, and do unto others as you'd have done to you. Be courageous and be brave, and in my heart your'll always stay forever young."

Friday Fav - Happy Birthday, Pops!

2014-04-25T09:24:00.000-04:00

It's been far too long since I wrote a Friday Fav, and to be honest, 2 weeks ago I almost wrote a farewell for now type of a post. The type of posts I was writing, outside of my Friday Fav, didn't have any flair and I wasn't digging the writing process. So I ended with just sticking to the Friday Favs and realized the weeks were flying by and I didn't have a chance to reflect on it all (and I would rather hang out with Mike and Baris).

But today is my Dad's Birthday. Today he would have been 57, and just like I continued writing a Friday Fav for his 55th Birthday here, and the same way I did the week I had to say goodbye here, well today's Friday is no different. I started the public form of journal writing in 2008, and it all started because my Dad encouraged me. He was the first one to read my blog posts, he was the one who would save them and reference for later conversations, and he would ask before the subject even came up, "Did you take time to write today?"

Friday Fav - Happy Birthday, Pops!

I never thought how tough it would be to celebrate a person's birthday when they are no longer with you. I never imagined that my Dad wouldn't live to see his 60th, 80th, or even 100th Birthday, let alone never see his 56th. From the conversations we had and the way we both thought, I know he will reach those birthday milestones. I know Heaven is a place where party hats are worn and pork chops will be served from your birthday dinner request. I know that if I can't celebrate my Dad the way he should be celebrated, then God, his family, our pets who extended our family tree, and John Wayne and Patsy Cline are for sure celebrating the wonderful man that is my Dad.

During the first few months after my Dad passed, I clung to the hope that he was still here and somewhere I could see/hear. I wanted to find him on the other end of a phone call, outside of my front door, or even where he was all along, in Utah just living his life with a smile on his face. Swallowing the reality that is, he is no longer here, still can't be processed.

When I think about my Dad and the way he approached life he was always looking up. Whether it was the stars, the sun, the moon, or the flock of birds, he always had his head where life was a little more peaceful. Being 6'7'' maybe it was his height that kept his head tilted so high, but when I think about where he is now, I can't help but look up.

I no longer cling to the hope that he will show up, but instead, live for the type of life he did. One where my laugh travels for miles, where dancing doesn't mean you have to be good at it, where a house filled with dog hair is the happiest of homes, and where you make sure everyday (no matter the time) you tell the people you love how much they mean to you. My heart fills up when I think about the last time I saw him and the last thing he did that showed the type of man he was. I was on my way to Montana for my friend's wedding and my aunt offered to take me to the airport (she works there). It only made sense so I agreed. Just as I was approaching the security checkpoint, I saw my Dad. No appointment in the world would let him miss this moment, no distance from his house to the airport would stop him, and no matter if he had to park his car in short-term parking and deal with a fee that only provided him 5 minutes to see his daughter and say goodbye, he did it. He made those in his life a priority and always made sure to go the extra mile. I can remember his hug, his smile, and the way he waved at me as I turned the corner and walked to the departure gate. I'll never forget this moment, and I'll never be able to thank him enough for showing up and proving to be, one more time, the man who was always there for me. Little did I know that less a month after this moment, that was our goodbye.

Pops, today for your Birthday, I'm looking up. Looking up at the life that is still ahead and the life that you gave me. Until we see each other again, I've got my party hat on and I'm celebrating you!

I love and miss you,

Sweets

Wednesday's Words

2014-02-26T10:16:00.001-05:00

I typically keep my Wednesday's Words short, sweet and with some wonderful quotes from Pinterest, but I do have a little catching up to do.

I saw this quote and it has truly summed up this last year for me.

You see, this last year I've really been trying to figure out what it is I want to do for my career/work. The question has been asked far too often, "What is your passion?" I can't hear it one more time. I haven't found that one thing that I was put on this earth to do. I have some ideas - you know like have babies, rescue as many animals as I possibly can, travel the world with only $5 to my name (obviously impossible), and so on. But when it comes to my professional passion, it really can be summed by "working with people." I enjoy talking, selling, informing, educating, and the list goes on with people. I think, just think, I've finally found the job that might solve my past year's dilemma - what is it that I should do?

I might be getting ahead of myself, and possibly ruining my chances of landing this job, but I've realized over the last year and reading over this quote, that life, again and again, will pull you back to your weakest moments and drag you into the place you know is far from where you're destined ... but life also has a way of testing your patience and demanding to see your focus only to show you that things can get better, and possibly become so great.

So with the possibility that's ahead, I can only keep aiming. I hope these words move you the way they have for me.

Wednesday's Words

2014-02-12T09:21:00.000-05:00

Follow more of my favorite Life Lines here.

Friday Fav - Baris Newberry

2014-01-31T11:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! As I look back on this past week I can't help but smile as I see one little warm, furry body hug my side and rest his head on my arm. Today's Friday Fav is one we've all been waiting for ... it's all about my pup!

Friday Fav - Baris Newberry

You all know him, you've seen his pictures, and without a doubt, I'm sure he's crept his way into your heart just like he did with me the first time I saw him. I can remember it perfectly, Saturday October 5th, I was asked to help out at DogFest (a local animal festival focused around the humane society and the importance of rescuing). As I drove up to the parking lot, unloaded my bag of materials, and started walking into the registration area, I saw in the distance table after table, vendor after vendor. It was at this moment I knew I might be in for a very long day and the possibility of being the only one stationed next to the bathroom tub and tile renovator (they seem to be at every show, festival, fair, you name it). I walked over until I saw table #29 and plopped my bags down. As I settled in, I noticed a caramel colored, pointy eared, and black snout little pup walk over to table #28. "Oh my goodness, your dog is so cute, what's his name?"

"Thank you. This is Baris."

As the hours passed, I couldn't help but inch closer to Baris and abandon my table. It was right then and there that I was hooked. I no longer wanted a golden retriever named Nugget (well I mean I still do), I no longer wanted to wo"man" my table, and above all, I didn't want to leave Baris or let him steal someone else's heart. As my time at this event was coming to an end and I packed everything up, I went back to #28, donated a few dollars to Col. Potter Cairn Terrier Rescue, and whispered in Baris's ears, "One day I hope to see you again."

As the weeks went by, I found myself going straight to the Available Cairns sector of Col. Potter's Rescue website, clicking on Pennsylvania, and seeing Baris with the note that he was still available. One night I couldn't take it anymore, gave my mom a call, and asked if she would help me apply for Baris. See I was living in an apartment that didn't allow dogs, but I was so over the moon with him that I was hopeful he could find a forever home with my mom. We submitted our application at 11:55 pm, and woke up the next morning with a volunteer eager to get the process started. The process was much longer than I expected, but one that obviously ended in my favor. Part of the application was that I would provide Baris a home until I could get him on a plane to Idaho. As I mentioned earlier, my apartment didn't allow dogs, and therefore Baris wouldn't be able to stay with me during this transition time. So our application was put on hold and unfortunately there were many other families looking to call him theirs.

His picture on the Col. Potter website.

Mike came to the rescue, gave our landlord our one-month notice, and found us a new apartment (that allows furry friends) in one day! So now here we were, waiting an extra month hoping Baris wouldn't be adopted. My new application for him was on file, and I started going through various adoption procedures such as reference check, vet check, and studying of the Cairn Terrier breed (although Baris is a mix and the best mix out there).

On December 1st, we moved, we asked Baris's foster mom, PK, to cross off our home check visit, and we waited patiently hoping we would get the final approval. With so many other families looking to adopt the perfect Christmas present, it seemed as if Baris was never coming home. It was until Saturday, December 21st, I got the call that we had been approved and Baris was going to be ours!!! We arranged a pick-up date for the following day (I couldn't wait any longer), drove up to Newberrytown (hence his middle name), PA, signed the paperwork, swaddled him in his blanket sewn together by one of the fabulous volunteers with Col. Potter, fastened his leash, gave PK a big hug for loving our boy for 5 months, and drove home as a family! We decided to keep his name as it means "peace" in Turkish, and that's truly the personality he has (minus his love for chewing on slippers).

Baris has been the best dog ... ever! Coming from an Amish Puppy Mill (makes me want to vomit), he has the best personality and so much love to give. I've always loved the phrase, "Who rescued who?" In our case, I think we both got very lucky. If you're ever considering a dog, I would highly recommend Col. Potter Cairn Terrier Rescue as they have volunteers every step of the way to help you with your adoption process, they provide their rescues with the best home and training, and post-adoption they are still there as a resource for any questions, advice or even fun stories you'd like to share.

His very own stocking!

His favorite place to nap.

I am so grateful I had to "work" DogFest, my table was assigned next to Col. Potter's, PK provided my pup the best home and care during his foster stay, and Baris was the one who caught my heart! I can't wait to love him even more, continue to share all of our adventures, and begin volunteering with the organization who made this all possible for me!

Baris with his Col. Potter scarf on his first official day home :)

Wednesday Words

2014-01-22T10:18:00.000-05:00

Friday Fav - The Friends Who Get You Through

2014-01-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! This past week I received an unexpected surprise, an email with some of the nicest words I've ever read. After jotting down a Friday Fav for the past 2 years, I still can't stop smiling that I was on the receiving end of this gift. I know I've mentioned her before, but probably never given our story the details it deserves. When you've had a week with an upset you didn't see coming, 5 days of blurring your vision even more by staring at spreadsheet rows and columns all day, and a tear in your heart from not being in the same city as your mom to celebrate her birthday properly, you remember that friendship is at the heart of lifting our spirits.

Because I would say these words back to her in a heartbeat, today's Friday Fav is brought to you by my bff, Whitney Strong. When she isn't surprising me with postcards from her travels, treats for Baris, or actually participating in our bookclub, she's blogging herself over at The Brand Next Door.

Disclaimer: It's weird posting a blog that you didn't write, and is about yourself, but when you feel the same way and hope others have this type of bond that we share, you take a step back and hit "Publish."

Friday Fav: The Friends Who Get You Through

Brittanie and I have been friends since my first day at Bishop Kelly High School in October 2000. Just writing that took some thinking, and it sounds really scary. But I suppose we might as well own it. Four. Teen. Years. Of. Friendship. Our ten year reunion is approaching, and although it feels like just yesterday we were becoming locker buddies, a decade and a half has almost passed. Those years have provided ample opportunity to really get to know each other, to have vulnerable moments, to show up.

To provide a little context, you probably all know Brittanie lives in Baltimore. Well, I live in Seattle. That's a veritable 3,000 miles away from each other. But our geological divide hasn't been an excuse to not check in with each other.

You see, Brittanie and I are daddy's girls. We both super love our dads. We spent time on our dads' Harleys, went on adventures for ice cream with them, called them when we wanted to hear someone tell us they loved us. And we both lost our dads too soon. My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer in June of 2010 - he fought, but it took him in August of 2012.

And who was cahooting with my now fiance to order us Thai takeout on random Tuesdays? Who was one of the few people in the world who truly got it even though she wasn't going through it? Who was the one checking in with me constantly even when I didn't want to be checked-in-with? Who was the one sending care packages full of gossip mags, M&Ms and nail polish directly to my dad's care home when he was put on hospice? Brittanie. She was always completely present with me, even from 3,000 miles away - which, given how people react when you're going through something major, is absolutely huge. When her dad was taken three weeks after mine, neither of us could believe it. Both of us? Now? It all felt so cruel. We smile thinking about them riding Harleys in Heaven, but we still ache the way two little girls who love their daddies would. But, in the midst of so much pain, we have each other.

So, here's to the friends who get you through. They are invaluable. They are rare. You find them at different points along the way, but they should be held as tightly as you can manage while remaining cool, and sometimes being okay with not being cool at all. They are the ones you stay up all night giggling with, the ones you send inspirational quotes to pin on Pinterest and links to your fave Utah bloggers (Cara Loren). They are the ones who gave you mixed CDs full of illegally-downloaded music and chatted with on your AOL dial-up for hours. They listen to B2K Christmas songs with you. They send you birthday presents every year and shamelessly sing "Happy Birthday" to your voice mail every year. They are the ones you miss all the time, but know are always there.

I'm so lucky to have found Brittanie when we were brace-faced little high school freshmen. I hope you all have someone like her to get you through, because Lord knows, the older we get, the more we need them.

And just as she said, I hope you all have someone to get you through.
Whit, I'm so thankful I have you, too!

Have a fabulous weekend!

Friday Fav - The Ride

2014-01-03T11:52:00.003-05:00

Every year I pick a new quote to guide me through the next 365 days. Whether it stems from wanting to be more daring to more giving, it's one of my favorite ways to think about what I want for myself, my relationships, my future, and my every day.

When thinking about 2014, I have to shake my head at the 2 years prior and hope, like all fingers and toes crossed type of hope, that 2014 is so much better. Losing my Dad and Mike's Mom over the last 2 years has taken a toll on us. We've gotten through them together in a way that felt like it was meant to be ... we were given each other to lean on, but today and moving forward our hearts need a break. This year, I've decided to mix things up a bit and guide myself through 2014 by following these words:

Friday Fav - The Ride

When you lose someone so important in your life, a big part of you falls apart. You doubt the days ahead, you shake your fist at God, you have so many unanswered questions, and you crumble every time you see their picture, remember their voice, or crave their hug.

But, you also grow in a way you never knew possible for yourself. You see life in places you never saw before, you find that God is still there watching over you, but with one more angel, you don't need an answer to all those questions ... you just need memories, and when you see a picture, think about their voice, or find yourself missing their hug, you find someone else steps up to the plate.

You realize that life, the years you've had, and hopefully the many more ahead are still shining. You realize that life, as so many people can tell you, is not perfect. It will test you, it will sink your heart, and it will teach you patience with time. It will surprise with love, laughter, and faith in something you couldn't rely on before. It will take you on a ride that no matter what happened along the way, you'll be so grateful you took the chance.

This year, I'm going to do just that. I'm going to enjoy the ride.

Friday Fav - Wrapping Up 2013

2013-12-27T12:20:00.001-05:00

Happy Friday! My last goal for 2013 was to finally get back on track, sit down and write a Friday Fav. This blog has always been an amazing outlet for me to just pour it all out and when I get sidetracked it seems that other areas of my life also get sidetracked. Today I wasn't going to let that happen ... I couldn't let 2013 end that way!

Looking back on this past year, I'm amazed and all that's happened. It seems that one big thing usually dominates your memory, but for me 2013 was a year full of lots of tears, belly laughs, career fumbles, a new place to call home,a new kind of love in my heart, and the best memory of it all ... a sparkling surprise!

Friday Fav - Wrapping up 2013

Thank you for being with for the past 285 posts and the last 365 days.
I can't to see what 2014 has in store, but until then ...

Happy New Year!

Friday Fav - Learning Your Limits

2013-10-18T10:25:00.001-04:00

Happy Friday! I was worried that with a month of not blogging I wasn't sure when I'd return, but I was hopeful it wouldn't last too long. Today, I finally feel like I'm ready to get back in the saddle, ready to share some updates, and most of all ready to write.

To say this last month was a whirlwind is an understatement. A month ago, I did something I didn't think I'd ever do - I quit my job. Yup, I had a great gig and I loved it, but there was a part of me that was looking for something more. Having no clue what I wanted to do outside of the nonprofit field, I applied and was offered a job to sale and market apartments. You're probably scratching your head right now thinking, "wait what did she just type?" Yup, I was ready for a drastic change and I dove head in. Saying goodbye to a job I had for 3 years was tough. This was the place where I established some amazing friendships, and knew at the end of each day I did something bigger and hopefully better for the community. Why on Earth would I then want to go into apartment leasing ... I love sales, I love people, and about 9 years ago I had big goals of becoming an Interior Decorator and thought I could re-live this goal through helping a resident dream up and decorate their home.

So transiting into this new job was a nightmare. I understand you get to work with new people, learn a new software system or eight, and conquer a new learning curve, but what I didn't get was the part that I wasn't being set up to succeed, I didn't have a structure in place that would allow me to do this job, and at the end of the day I quickly found out that leasing was probably the last thing I wanted to do.

Friday Fav - Learning Your Limits

After only a few weeks of giving this job a go, I wasn't sure I could make it or even had the desire to make it. During this whole storm, my Mom and Brother came to visit me! During one of our conversations, my Mom said "Just quit. That's all there is to it. I had a job very similar to this where I knew it wasn't the best fit. I went out to lunch, called my supervisor and said I'm not coming back. If you're at that point, and you'll know if you are, then just quit." Now here I was having just left one job for an exciting new opportunity only to hear the words, "just quit." There is something about a mom's advice that you can't close off. So I slept on these words and decided we're only given so many days to live our life. We all have limits of how far we'll go for something, or how much we'll take.

I decided then and there to just quit.

Now of course I can't be unemployed forever or fantasize about my dream job (owning a farm and rescuing all the animals I can) without much money to my name, so I had to act fast. This is where the conclusion to this post comes into play, life might throw you a curve ball when you least expect it, but life also throws a glimmer of hope when you might not be looking. Mike was passed along a job through another colleague asking if he knew anyone looking for employment. Now he had heard my frustrations night after night so he forwarded along this email. I quickly applied, I got an interview, and come Monday I will be preparing myself for a new adventure and of course another new learning curve!

What I've learned over this last month that has really hit home, thank you Mom, is that we all go through life taking different roads and unexpectedly a few detours are placed in front of us. What matters the most is how you react to the road that lies ahead. It will have its ups and downs, it will have icy patches and warning signs, but it will also have a path that gets you to where you want to go. Knowing and learning our own limits of how much we can take or give up is up to us. And when we reach this point, we're one mile closer to where we want to be.

Have a great weekend!

One Year

2013-09-17T08:58:00.000-04:00

Through everything in life, and I mean everything, we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, years at a job, you name it ... it's got a candle waiting to be blown out and an applause waiting to be heard. When we experience death, or a departure of any sort, it's tough to know just what to do. Today marks one year since my Pops passed away.

There are things about my dad's passing that I'll never forget:

- The call I received

- The flight home with more than enough thoughts racing through my mind

- The exhaustion of trying to plan his funeral

- The last time I got to see him

- The fear of what life would be like without him

- And lastly, the day we gave ourselves a chance to get away is the first day I knew he was still with me

During the week of planning his funeral, my mom encouraged us to take a day to focus on something different. Of course our minds were in a pure state of shock at this point, but an afternoon trip to Park City was just what we all needed. We needed the fresh air, a long drive, a chance to move our legs, and the biggest slice of pizza to comfort our bellies. While we sitting outside for lunch, I remember zoning off thinking about the fact that life isn't fair. I wanted to call my dad, I wanted to sit next to him at lunch, and I wanted to know that there would be many more trips ahead where we would be together. It wasn't but a minute later that an older guy came riding down Main Street on his crystal blue, electric glide (Harley Davidson terms we're talkin' here). My dad owned the same bike, probably loved it as much as this guy did, and would have done just what we did > take off for an afternoon to get away, cruise through the mountains, and pass by Main Street on his way home. It was at this moment I knew my dad was near by. I couldn't see him, talk to him or feel his hug, but I could sense that in this moment he was riding by to say "hi."

To sum up this last year is impossible. I've been told the first year is always the hardest. From the first week to now, I've grown a lot. Being able to sit here and write this recap, unlike the many posts from this last year, and not cry is not a sign that things are easier now or that I miss him less, it's just that I now know what it's like not having him.

I've found so much comfort in the fact that he is in a better place, that I will see him again, and that I know he's still with me. I'll never not have a day where I don't think about him, miss him, or wish life could have played out differently, but I count that as a blessing. I had the MOST amazing Pops out there. I had 26 years with a dad who taught me how to care for others, give back, brush away the stress in life, laugh uncontrollably, and know what it means to love. Year Two through however many more I'll have to go without him will always be tough. There will always be a void, a call I'll want to make, and a hug I'll want to feel, but I know he will show up in places or things when I least expect it, and until I see him again that will help make each day a little easier.

Friday Fav - 3 Years

2013-08-02T09:28:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday! I can't believe it's August, but I'm so excited for this month, what's ahead, and something very special I'm celebrating ...

Friday Fav - 3 Years

Three years ago, I packed my life to move across the country for love. To tell you the truth, I didn't even know where Baltimore, Maryland was located on a map (don't judge), but yet I was about to call it "home." Over the course of long-distance dating for a year, getting to see glimpses of Maryland through various weekend trips, and hoping to know what living on the east coast could be like, I made the decision to give my relationship and building a life in a new city a try.

Mike flew out to Denver, Colorado (where I was living at the time), helped me pack the u-haul, and made the 1,700 mile trek with me across some of the most boring states out there. During this entire trip, I couldn't help but think "If we can drive across the country together, we can make it through anything!"

This month, 3 years ago, I landed in Baltimore blinded about what was to come. I had no clue that I would miss the west coast as much as I have, I didn't think I would have such a hard time meeting people, and above all I never thought I would make it past the first year. To sum up what it's like living a million miles from your family and friends is unexplainable. To sum up what it's like living in a city 150 ways different than your hometown is exhausting.

But ... to sum up what it's like living in a place you wouldn't have been able to find on a map 3 years earlier ... well that's one of the best feelings in the world.

Baltimore, you've given me 3 of the most amazing years. We've had our ups and downs, you've made me stronger, tougher, and probably less "charming" on the road, but you've given me what I always thought was impossible - a life on the east coast.

Moving for love not only brought me closer to Mike, but it opened so many doors that Idaho and Colorado couldn't. I've grown with an inspiring organization, I've found friends who bring out the best in me and keep my soul laughing, and I know no matter how far away from home I go, I'll always carry a piece of it with me.

Baltimore, I haven't give you the credit you always deserve, but you really are a city unlike any other.

You are my home.

Federal Hill, 2010. This picture sums up the past 3 years.
I've got my best friend and love at my side, and a beautiful city to call home.

Wherever you live, whatever you do, and whoever you're able to call your friends make the most of it all.

Friday Fav - Let's Drive

2013-07-19T11:26:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday!! Once I get into a groove of writing these posts, my favorite posts, I seem to find something else that catches my attention. The summer can be blamed on this one!

As most of you know by now, I am in love with going for drives. My Pops would take me on scenic drives to appreciate nature. My Mum would take me on house-hunting drives to tour the rich and famous. And now, Mike fills that spot and takes me on drives to different areas of Maryland and neighboring states.

Friday Fav - Let's Drive

Whether it's 100 degrees with buckets of humidity drowning you (and your freshly applied makeup face), or 10 below freezing and bundled up in layers I am always up for a drive. I love the wind, the freedom of being able to go anywhere, and listening to my favorite songs play as you drive through a tunnel or across a bridge. Something about getting away, and sometimes getting lost, is and always will be at the top of my list of favorite things to do.

If I was to take a look at my bank account, I'm pretty sure most of my expenses would be spent on food aka ice cream and gas aka not cheap. What matters most in life is taking the time to enjoy the things you love no matter the price tag.

You can bet my next adventure, which is less than 24 hours away, will be touring the roads and listening to my latest fav, "Whole Lotta You."

Have a great weekend and if you have a spare hour or five, take yourself for a drive!

Wednesday's Words

2013-07-10T09:55:00.002-04:00

Friday Fav - Summer Bucket List

2013-06-21T11:12:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday and Happy Summer! While summer doesn't quite mean the same for those managing the 8 - 5 routine, it does mean you soak up every hour where the sun is still shining and the weekends can't come soon enough. For me, summer is the perfect getaway even if you can't get away.

Friday Fav - Summer Bucket List

Summer to me is all about the sun, the sand, and the smell of a mowed lawn. Being in an office for 8 hours every day, living 3 hours away from the nearest beach, and not have a yard to maintain ... well I really don't get the feel of summer I crave. This time around, I plan on crossing off a few bucket list items that I've held onto all winter long.

1) Finding a lake. Yup, I'm going to drive however long it takes to dip my toes, and entire body, in a lake. See, I'm not much of an ocean girl. Living closer to the ocean might seem like a draw for most, but I'd rather find myself tucked between the mountains and enjoy the calmness of a lake. Yup, I'm gonna find one.

What I like to call the Montana Belly Flop.

April and I after a long hike in Utah.

2) I'm going to take a lot of pictures. What kind of summer bucket list is that you ask? It's one I need to work on. I never take pictures. I have a hard remembering what last year looked like, or all of the places I've been, and this needs to end. Hopefully over the next few months you'll have a better idea of where I live, what I like to do and what memories I made.

Oh Hey!

3) I'm going to indulge in this. Lots of this.

4) I'm going to go for a drive, sing my heart out, and push repeat 5 gazillion times.

5) And no matter how fast these next few months fly by, the things I forgot to do, and the nights I wish lasted longer, I'm not giving up on this. I'm going to soak up the sun.

Happy Summer!

Wednesday's Words

2013-06-19T09:40:00.000-04:00

Friday Fav - Happy Father's Day

2013-06-14T11:11:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday! This weekend's celebration of Father's Day comes as a relief, yet another tough reminder of everything that's happened this past year. Over the course of these last 9 months, I've heard "the first year is always the hardest ... you have to go through the first this and that without him." To those I've heard this from and those who are in the same boat as I am, it's true. To say I've wanted to speed through this year is an understatement. I've wanted to stop time, yet also fast forward through all these holidays.

The irony behind this Father's Day is that this will mark the last holiday of my "1st Year" without him.

Last year, I remember wanting so badly to be with my Pops on this weekend. Looking back at what I wrote, see here, tugs at my heart. This year, I would say the same thing and again ... I wish I was with him.

A good friend of mine lost her dad a few years ago and we've had the chance to talk a lot about the ride you're forced to take when you lose a parent. She's helped me endure this ride and given some of the best advice. One thing she recommended to keep doing is celebrating the holidays the same way you once did with him. If you stopped for ice cream, get a double scoop. If you went for a drive, find the longest road and turn up the music. If you sent him a card, find the perfect one you'd want to give him.

Friday Fav - Happy Father's Day

Pops,

You used to read this blog more than anyone I knew. If I was too busy to answer my phone, you would come here. Whether I was writing about my favorite nail polish or being homesick, you knew about it. You were the best listener and always had my back. This weekend, I plan on having lots of conversations with you. I hate that I can't hear you, but I'm hoping you've been able to stay updated on everything and you've even had a chance to come here.

I wish God would give us a break and let us hear each others voices. I wish we could find the perfect little ice cream hut and order our favorite treat, 2 vanilla cones, please. I wish we could get in your pickup, crank down the windows, and drive. I wish we could play the question game (you're still my favorite player). And this weekend, I wish I could get off a plane, quickly walk past the security gate, and see you. Whenever I would come home, this is where you were smiling ear-to-ear. Whenever I had to leave, this is where you were giving me the biggest hug. It hurts to think this is the last place I saw you.

Because this Father's Day is my first one without you, I'm going to celebrate you just like I did on your birthday. I'm going to call you (you know what I mean), tell you how much you mean to me, and most likely b*tch about something in my life.

Pops, I miss you more than I ever thought was possible. I can't believe we're hitting the 9-month mark and I can't believe we can never go back to what we once knew. I'm so glad this is the last big day I need to get through on our first year without you. I can't believe you won't be here for all of the things we once talked about - getting married, having kids, picking up Nugget, buying my first house, finding your retirement home (ha you know I wouldn't put you in one), taking care of you when you got older, and everything else in between.

I hope you're having the best time up there, being able to catch up with everyone, finally able to hit the snooze button, and still enjoy the taste of a vanilla cone. You were and always will be the best Dad out there. I love you and miss you so much.

Skidamarinkadinkadink,

Sweets

P.S. For all of you amazing readers who have been with me on this journey, thank you! Thank you for listening and reading to everything I've had to say. These last few months have been so hard, but coming here to write has helped in more ways than you'll know. And if your dad is still here, please give him the biggest hug and take in the longest conversation. You'll look back one day and remember how he felt and what he said. You'll need this memory :)

5 Years

2013-06-05T10:13:00.002-04:00

Five years ago today, I ventured to Florida to soak up the sun, spend time with my bff, and dip my toes in the sand. Five years ago today, I met a boy ... in a bar ... on my last night of vacation ... in Florida ... after dipping my toes in the sand. It only took one look, one conversation, and one unforgettable smile to know that I wanted more. Looking back now, I have no clue how it all came together, how we did the distance, how we afforded the flights, how I had the courage to get up and move across the country, how he put everything into making Baltimore feel like home for me, how we stood by each other through many ups and downs, how we've gotten through this last year and how we are where we are today.

Our first photo - Washington, D.C. metro station, '09

Life is a wonderful ride and even better when you meet that one person you've been dreaming about while on vacation ... in a bar ... on your last night of vacation ... in Florida ... after dipping your toes in the sand. Mike, these have been the best 5 years I've known and I can't wait for many more.

xoxo

Friday Fav - Forward

2013-05-31T06:17:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday! It's been awhile since I've posted one of these, and it feels so good to be back! The best part about these posts is the chance to look back over the last week and think about how you've felt and what you've learned.

This has been a post I was hoping would come at some point. I wasn't sure when it would happen, what it would feel like, or if it was even a possibility. But it did and it was this last week.

Of course I have to apologize for the amount of posts that revolve around death and grief, but when you've just been hit with that train, you and your feelings go there before anything else. This last week, Memorial Day specifically, something happened. I received a picture from my Aunt showing me all the love my Pops, Aunt, and Great Grandmother received over the weekend at their grave-sites. (Side note, it's odd to write grave-site and think about your dad in the same sentence.) After looking at this picture and the amount of love brought to them, I lost it. I lost it just like I did when I found out he was gone, I lost it just like I did when I reached the 1-month mark, and I lost it like I think I always will. I lost it right then and there, seeing his resting place, because I've lost him.

Mike came to the rescue, hugged me and help wipe the tears, and together we both had the same stare in each others eyes thinking, "Life sucks." It wasn't far from 2-minutes after this that I got back to the stove and finished making breakfast. Right at that moment, I felt what I was hoping would come and have heard is a part of this process - I continued forward.

Friday Fav - Forward

As we get closer to the 1-year mark without my Pops around, I can't help but look around and find him in different places and things I do. My Pops cooked the best eggs. What happened during this same moment of losing it is my scrambled eggs were almost done and needed my attention. It's weird to think he was somewhere nearby in the kitchen, but I have a good feeling that he knew these eggs and the rest of the breakfast were calling my name, and he would have done the same thing. Moved forward.

Death is the hardest part of life. You might lose your job, you might total your car, and you might even go through the worst heartbreak, but to lose someone like your best friend and dad ... well there is nothing that can top that. With Father's Day around the corner, I can't help but tear up in the card section and I immediately delete any emails with mention of "Father's Day gifts" in them, but at the end of the day and this year, I'm going to do something different ... something he would do - cook the best plate of eggs you'd ever had and continue moving forward.

We never know when our road is going to stop, but we all know how to keep moving. Whether it's planning for your best summer yet, figuring out how to move yourself out of debt, or picking up the pieces after someone has passed away, keep on. Life without my Pops is starting to feel like my new reality, and while it hurts like no other, it's my life. It's my chance now and given this last week to know what moving forward feels like. It's something we all deserve to give ourselves. And without a doubt, it's something that life gives us everyday.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Update

2013-05-29T09:09:00.000-04:00

So often when you go through a few days, weeks, or possibly months without blogging, it's a hard task to sit down and consider, "where do I even start?" This last month has sorta been that way for me. I've wanted to blog, but either didn't have the time, was enjoying having my mom in town, or was off working away. So now here I am with a few minutes to spare and thought I'd fill you in on life lately.

I spent 2 amazing weeks with my mom! When Homegirl gets some time off, she spends it wisely - with me! She's been to Baltimore several times before, but this trip was all about trying new things and having some much needed girl time. We did a lot of shopping, treated ourselves to lots of walks and coffee stops, enjoyed a pedicure, and I took advantage of having her home cooking under my roof. Some of my favorite moments of her trip were participating in The Color Run and enjoying the Preakness festivities!

How cute is she?

The aftermath.

We didn't need big ol' hats to have a good time. We had each other!

Since she left, I can't stop thinking about the next time we'll see one another, which will hopefully be very soon! I'm still working 2 jobs and while it's going well, it is exhausting. I started working my part-time gig over a year ago in hopes of making a few extra pesos and hopefully meeting some new friends. Thankfully, both have happened (minus that I might spend more now)! One day I'll have to write a post about the amazing friends I have here in Bmore! It's been a tough road meeting friends, but those who I have met ... I wouldn't have asked for anyone else! I've also caught up on a little tv - has anyone else watched Polygamy, USA? Kinda hooked!

My Memorial Day weekend was spent thinking of those who serve our country (Thank You), working, and taking care of a sick boy. Mike caught some bug that he's kindly passed along to me. With the official start of summer only 2 weeks away, I'm determined to make this one better than any other. I'm currently creating my Summer Bucket List, which I can't wait to share.

In the meantime and between all that's going on, I've found a few favorite quote via Pinterest that I'm focusing on for all that's ahead.

And with that, I think we're all caught up. I'll see you Friday for another edition of my Friday Favs!

Happy Mother's Day, Mum!

2013-05-12T07:39:00.000-04:00

A Mother is the one who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take.

Today, I am so thankful and fortunate to have the opportunity to be with my Mum! The minute she arrived in town is the second I already started dreading her departure. When you live a gazillion miles apart you really have to savor the time you do have together. Today, I'll be taking many second glances at her, smiling and reminding myself just how lucky I am to call her mine.

Mum, thank you for stepping up to the plate this last year to take care of me when so many stepped back, thank you for giving me the support and extra push to get me where I am today, thank you for showing me that age is nothing but a number and to know life you've really got to go out on a limb and live it, thank you for taking care of me no matter how "grown up" I am, thank you for showing me that through any storm we still have one another, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing me that moms and daughters can truly be best friends.

Mum, I love you and only can hope to someday be the mother and friend you've been to me!

Tomorrow

2013-05-06T09:17:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow morning I'll wake up, fluff my pillows, put in a few hours at work, head to the airport and pick up my Mum!!!! Living on the other side of the country as your family is harder than one would ever seem, but somehow I've gotten by for 3 years now ... crazy. Where am I going with this? Tomorrow is going to be amazing!

She'll be here for 2 weeks and giving you all fair warning, I most likely won't be blogging during this time. Instead, I'll be going for walks, drinking lots of lattes, shopping until my her wallet tells us to stop, staying up late chatting our ears off, showing her the beach, golfing and celebrating Mother's Day!

Tomorrow can't some soon enough.

Happy Birthday Pops!

2013-04-25T09:15:00.000-04:00

Today, my Pops would have celebrated his 56th Birthday. Today is just one more day that it all sets in (again) that he's gone. At 55 you should have been planning your next 50+ years ahead, but life, sadly, doesn't always give us what we plan for.

My brother, Pops and I in San Francisco

Pops, because we can't celebrate you today like we used to (you know a new pair of shoes that also served as flashlights they were so bright, or making sure we went to dinner someplace that had porkchops on the menu, and of course we would stop for a soft serve ice cream cone on our way home) and because this year is much different and harder than we all expected, I just hope God is giving you the best birthday party you've ever had!

My Pops and friend Andrea. He loved Harley's.

It's still tough for me to grasp the fact that you aren't here and my next visit to Utah won't be complete because I won't get to see you. It's still tough hearing others talk about their dads and getting the chance to call them after work, or hang out with them on the weekends. It's still tough not hearing your voice, feeling your hugs, or planning our next father/daughter date. And most of all, today is really tough not being able to say, "Happy Birthday ... and many more!"

My Pops and friend Tuba. Caught them mid-laugh!

Your Birthday will never be the same, I wish I had a chance to visit you, I wish I could have one more phone call with you, and of course I wish this wasn't how life played out.

Today, I'll be celebrating you, the beautiful life you led, and of course treating myself to 2 ice cream cones - 1 for you and 1 for me :)

Happy Birthday Pops!

I love you and miss you,

Sweets

My Sweet 16!

Friday Fav - Survivor

2013-04-19T10:49:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday!!! As I mentioned earlier this week, things have been pretty hectic in my world, but I definitely didn't want to skip today's Friday Fav. In a few short hours, I'll be picking up the boy and heading to the beach! This isn't a getaway filled with umbrella cocktails or polka-dot bikinis, but rather a weekend for one cause - breast cancer awareness! As most of you know, I work to fight this disease. Cancer is a b*tch, but when you're faced with it everyday through a loss or a survivor's story (my favorite), you fight really hard.

With the way this week has shaped up through Boston's tragedy, I was reminded once again how quickly our lives can take a turn for the worst. For an individual who has been diagnosed with cancer, this "tragedy" sets in a much different way. This individual is not only fighting a disease taking over their body, but this individual is fighting to stay alive.

Friday Fav - Survivor

Over the last 2 1/2 years, I have taken calls from supporters who want to donate, community members who want to give their time, educators who want to speak up about early-detection, and survivors who want to empower other women and men. Through each of these calls and stories, I learn so much more about this disease, what it takes from a person and their family/friends, and above the fight that each of them give. Over these last few years, I've seen what cancer can take away, but I've also seen what cancer can give.

When you think about cancer, you might think about someone you know, chemotherapy, treatment after treatment, radiation, loss of appetite, loss of hair, next-to-nothing strength or energy, and the word cures. When I think about cancer, I think about the # of survivors out there providing a face of hope to this disease. I think about all they have been through (including those who have lost their battle) and all that they still fight for. I think about what cancer has taken from them, yet everything they have done to fight back.

As I get ready to be a part of one more Race for the Cure, I can't wait to watch the parade of survivors walk proudly and take in the crowd whose racing for their mothers, daughters, cousins, best friends, and for their own fight.

I hope you all have a great weekend, and remember there is always someone out there fighting their own battle, but at the end of the day they are a survivor!

Lately ...

2013-04-17T10:26:00.000-04:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I've been on here .... I mean missing TWO Friday Favs...yikes! As most of you know, life picks up at different times whether it's work or personal, and right now I really have a lot on my plate with working 2 jobs, hence the not being here situation.

But, through the long days and stressful moments (also exciting moments), I have to remind myself to find a place where I can breathe and shake it all off.

Here are a few pictures I captured of where I find this place ...

Even in bumper-to-bumper traffic, the sun has a way of shining through.

Weekend morning walks are the best. The streets are quiet, the birds are chirping,
and there isn't a phone ringing or email waiting for a reply.

And at night ... when I need to kick my feet up and close my eyes, I could care less if the TV is on,
but I need my candles. (Disregard the bats. He needed some boy flair.)

In a few short days, life will calm down and I'll have my mom in town. I am counting down!