Three Forces of Evil

New City Mascot??

2011-06-30T06:46:00.000-04:00

I will call him DVP Donny

This groundhog lives in this patch of highway grass median c/w hydro towers on Don Valley Parkway south of Eglinton Avenue in Toronto

Not sure what he lives on besides grass and flowers, but I see him a lot here.

Traffic is usually slow here, so views are very likely.

Say Hi to Donny.

Street View

DVP Donny

His Home

Roaming the median

Overhead satellite map

Opinions are never Law

2011-04-28T14:53:00.000-04:00

There are many things which create and mold opinions
Religion is one
There are many pro-religion, and seemingly more anti-religion
Government is one
Obviously whoever we elect, or anyone else elects, is always a dissappointment, but get re-elected anyway
On this topic, birth certificate authenticity has been a public opinion matter
Natural disasters seem to invoke opinions about the above two topics
God has brought his wrath upon the heathens, or Government has not provided safety to its people
Let's be serious here
Weather to a great extent is entirely created by the planet itself, perhaps industry alters things a little, sending various chemical compounds in the air for which the atmosphere is likely to react a bit, but I doubt one nuclear plant or coal plant created a pile of tornadoes to wipe out a large portion of a state. God if you believe in one did not say, death to rednecks, tornadoes headed to teach you a lesson. Government did not say, hey we have some high tech weather control methods which can prevent tornadoes but we decided not to use them.
They happened. Period.
Rednecks looking for birth certificates were not the cause either.
Pray if you pray, or hope if you don't, for aid and relief to those who lost families, homes, and friends. Many suffered, you'd want help if it was you.
Donate to Red Cross if you have the ability, or squeeze your wallet if you don't think you can.
Again, I am stating an opinion, surely to be disagreed by someone.
That does not make that someone ignorant, uneducated, or heartless, but in some opinions it could.
There are other topics that create opinions
Tv shows, and humour
Many love specific shows, be it drama, comedy, or reality based, many hate the same shows.
Shows like LOST created real divisions between fans and anti-fans
Humour is very personal
If you write it, it is funny to you, whether others get it or not
Having the opportunity to find others who get you is rewarding
When people of opinions that you are not funny
Would rather spread their hate for you
Than consider it as purely opinion
That's when opinions cross the line
That's when opinions become hate
And not a difference of opinion
We aren't shoving ours down your throat
Why feel the need to shove yours down everyone else's
If you don't like it
Leave it at that
Saying because you don't, means nobody else can
Is a clear indication you have an inferiority complex
You create a need to hate in order to validate your lack of self-esteem
What you need is help
Hate mongering eats you
It may hurt your target more in the beginning
Being a target has not been ideal for me
That hate constitutes bullying
Whether it is face to face or via cyberspace
Bullying is not and never shall be acceptable
Learn to accept other opinions
Learn you cannot enforce yours upon others
Learn that whether you think you are right
Others may find you wrong
I'm sure many find me wrong in this post
That's their opinion
Valid or misinformed
They possess the right to have one
As do I
This is mine
Like it or not
It's an opinion
Not a law
So yours isn't either

Signals, More than just an inconvenience

2011-04-21T18:05:00.000-04:00

Clearly the majority of motorists I see
Belong to a slect group of people not required
To tell you where they are going or what they are doing
Because a turn signal is SOOOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAARRRDDD to operate
To me, in my logical mind
No signal of a lane means no signal to the brain
And yes most that refuse, or can't be bothered to signal
Refuse to believe there is such a thing as left and right
Only a path their ignorant self is headed
Today in Montreal a vehicle in front of me in the left turn lane
Not signalling with a 2nd left turn lane to our right
Complete with 18 wheeler truck also headed left with a signal
turned left but drifted directly in front of the 18 wheeler
like it didn't exist or wasn't turning
It's a special kind of ignorance required to be this stupid
To be so ignorant to not even see other vehicles using the same road
And think you are entitled to lanes you don't deserve
That I cannot respect
Signals are not an inconvenience
They are the law
The law of Logic
People which confuse right and left do not understand law of Logic
Its too much work to think

The Real Left Lane slowdown

2011-03-20T08:50:00.001-04:00

Contrary to Globe and Mail columnist Road Sage Andrew Clark (@aclarkcomedy)says here:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-drive/car-life/road-sage/left-lane-hogs-and-middle-lane-morons/article1944288/

Left lanes are often not slowed by people going slow
Rather Directionally Deficit Disordered Dunces
That do not read road signs
Saying where their exit is
And make sharp right turns across traffic
At last possible moment
Because these jerks drive in the left to pass
You doing the speed limit
They felt a need to balance their speed by
Causing everyone to break for their dumb ass
On DVP south I take the left lane because my exit is in that lane
All other exits are on the right
Sure take the left lane to move, but move over before
The last sign for your exit arrives
Most of our highways have 2-3 reminders before the actual exit
Kindergarten kids can count
You should too
Driving is reading and math
Mostly geometry
Signs are posted nearly every 100m
Not reading them means you miss landmarks
Like your exit is next
And that is where the left lane gets slowed
Because the signs are overhead or on the right
And these people have tunnel vision
Left lane morons are not slow, just illiterate
Andrew is a faculty member of Humber College Comedy Program
I did the 2004 Summer Comedy Workshop at Humber
On http://Favstar.fm, my tweets have more stars than his
Just saying

Oddest Recall Reason Ever

2011-03-04T06:58:00.000-05:00

If you click the link for the story
You will have greater respect
For Arachnids
Dangerous to know
They are attracted to smell
Of Gasoline
How many engine failures have been caused by them?
Are these the same ones
Your propane BBQ lines fall victim to?

Icantbebehindanyoneitis

2011-02-25T05:51:00.000-05:00

Last night commuting home
North on the DVP between York Mills and the 401
I'm in the centre lane which can exit either 401 West or 404 North
There is one vehicle in front of me
And about 1/2 km behind me free and clear
A vehicle to my right signals for my lane
There is no space ahead
So I logically expect him to back off and go behind
But he has Icantbebehindanyonitis
It's obvious which area he can go without trouble
But he prefers to make trouble
So he inch slides toward me
I lay in on the horn
He pulls back
I point over my shoulder behind
He is clearly upset that he is not allowed to fit where there's no room
As the vehicle ahead goes up 404 North, and I turn for 401 W
This guy is still on my right
Granted now he has plenty of room ahead to pass me
Does he speed up and signal and move ahead?
No of course not
He has to inch toward me again
until he gets his rear bumper almost touching my front bumper
As the concrete barrier approaches between 401 West and 401 E ramp lanes
So I tap my brakes so he doesn't hit me
He erratically turns left before he hits the barrier
And I lay in on the horn
Stupidity comes in many forms
Icantbebehindanyoneitis is one the most dangerous versions
I can't stress this enough
If you do not fit
Go behind
Forcing your way ahead
Only pisses people off
And if it's stop and go traffic
Your plate will be recorded without doubt
I was not lucky enough this time for that to be the case
This one got away
Your car is only so big
Squeezing between 2 bumpers when a whole 1/2 km is free
Makes no sense to people using brain cells
Icantbebehindanyoneitis can be cured
Stop being stupid

Snow Today

2011-02-24T11:35:00.000-05:00

Not normal snow, it was liked Asbestos fibres, thin sticks of static snow
Like most people that use brain cells
I brushed off my car, and scraped where I needed to
Yes the defroster was on to help the process
But not on to do the job alone
Neither were the wipers
I've yet to understand how anybody with a brain
Can think wipers were meant to clear snow
EVER
They are made for rain, water, droplets, fluid
Not 1 to however many inches of snow fell
Never have been
Despite Canadian Tire, Napa or any other Wiper supply store
Advertisements created by misinformed accountants
You want to tell people to be safe in snow
SELL SNOWBRUSHES!
$5 snowbrushes save a lot more lives than $28 wiper blades
But therein lies the rub
They would rather earn $28 a blade and have you be not safe
Then sell a $5 brush that saves your life
Priorities
Money means more than Safety
That's Corporate attitude
And Uneducated people buy into it.
A snow arc just multiplied your blind spots 10 fold
The defrost lines take a lot longer than 30 seconds to clear a window
Take a good look at the photo banner of this Blog
THAT IS WRONG!
Every snowstorm the minions come out
The Three Forces Of Evil this blog is named for
Let's keep it simple
LIGHTS ON
SNOW OFF
If you cannot manage to do both of those things
Stay off the roads
You have no business endangering our lives
Just because you are too lazy to brush a few flakes
By using ELBOW GREASE
I rant on this a lot
BECAUSE IT BOTHERS ME
Please use common sense and logic
And do not drive anything that resembles the landscape
And that goes double for GREY toned cars
NOBODY can see them
NONE of them use headlights, or tail lights
It's a disease
You have to be stupid to get it
Smart people can never be that brainless
End rant.

Foreign Exchange

2011-02-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

Last summer our son welcomed a boy from Switzerland into our home for 2 months
August until October
We took him camping, and saw some national museums in Ottawa
Because my son was in French Immersion
And he was a French student here to learn English
They did not attend school together
But 1 other exchange student of my son's friend
Went to the school with him, so that was good.
Now its my son's turn
He is in Switzerland
Yes he's a bit homesick, we've Skyped a couple times now
Today they head for the ski chalet for a week
No internet
My son has been nabbing open networks off his iPod
He'll be skiing in the Alps
A far cry from Horseshoe Valley
But the parents are sports pros
He'll be fine
They walk a lot in Switzerland
So his exercise is already improved
He attends same school as the boy we took in
But he's in a different grade level
Despite the school being way bigger than his here
He hasn't been lost finding class yet
He's also opted out of German and Latin
I suspect French is enough for him
There are a few trips the family has planned
So he'll be busy over next 7 weeks
You cannot equal this experience
Unless you do it again
In three years we may know.
We miss and love him.

Things

2011-02-16T11:57:00.001-05:00

I haven't been on here much
Mostly do to other online activity
I joined Myouterspace.com
Which had potential to hire you for film and tv scifi projects
I'm really not sure where that is going
Despite Shatner's overseeing the site
I ran for public office in my city
Despite no funds and an online campaign
I defeated 3 opponents
I needed to defeat 10 to win a seat though
Overall, I consider that a success
I created a new comedy Twitter
Sometimes a bit more adult themed
But not always
Still plenty of traffic complaints
A service which tracks favouriting and retweets
Called Favstar
It tracks, clebs, comedians, and tech/marketing gurus
My brother in law has been there for ages
And was even in the top 105 leaderboard for a while
I'm not there yet
But I have 2 100+ star tweets so far among comedy peers
Yes, not average citizens that like humour
Comedy people that appreciate other people's humour
Sure the odd regular person finds your material
And when they like it too, it's better still
Remember that if anyone tries to put you down
Its because they are already beneath you
I've used my middle name
And what I do comedically

Early Commute

2011-01-31T08:46:00.000-05:00

The beauty of kids having a PA day
I get to leave by 7:00am instead of almost 8:00am
Traffic is far less congested
As less cars exist at that hour.
I got to work by 8:00am
This rarely happens.
Sure it's 40km distance and it took an hour, on 3 highways of a 100km/h limit, 2 streets of 60km/h, my neighbourhood of 40km/h, and a back alley of about 10km/h
If absolutely nobody was on the road with me, it would be 30 minutes.
That may happen at 5am on a Sunday
But 7am on a Monday is way better than 8am any other day
Despite being a Monday

'Twas Night Before Christmas (Updated)

2010-12-11T23:08:00.002-05:00

(I cannot take credit but hope you enjoy as much as I did)

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house

I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,

In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required"

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,

While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:

A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to boot!

And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a Toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat...

Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;

If we can't get it right it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,

But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,

So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,

All over the carpet they were scattered about.

"Now Bolt it! Now Twist it! Attach it right there!

Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."

"Honey," said hubby, "you've just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling I knew for a fact

That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact

To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night

With "assembly required" till morning's first light

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,

Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin

Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,

We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But In said to my husband just before I passed out,

"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,

And not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set

For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,

Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...

I'd forgotten that batteries are never included.

Company Drivers Not Motorists

2010-09-09T13:35:00.000-04:00

Today I followed a Toronto Hydro vehicle
North up Carlaw past Lakeshore to an alley we use
To travel west to our office
It's a one lane alley for the most part
My work colleague in a Big White Cube Van was
In that alley headed East to Carlaw
The Hydro truck was ahead of me turning for the alley
With a Taxi ahead of him
The Taxi saw the cube van but turned and did find space to let it by
As little as there was
The Hydro truck was completely oblivious to the alley
He only cared if cars were headed south on Carlaw
So he turned directly into path of Cube van
As the van was getting by the Taxi
Narrowly missed a head-on collision by inches
He then proceeded to not look back while he entered live traffic to
Allow the Cube van by
At least three cars were barely missed as he backed up
I am forced to watch as I also want to turn down the alley
In the same direction
Observing the Motorist at the wheel
He had a flipped open cellphone type device
He could have been talking or texting
But he sure as hell wasn't looking forward or backward
I had seen the Cube van from behind him
He had no excuse had he been alert and skilled
But he wasn't alert, he was distracted
He narrowly escaped a serious collision
From little more than dumb luck
Once the Cube van exited the alley
The Hydro truck took to the alley
Ordinarily I would have let the Taxi back
But I needed to record the plate with my mind's eye
By following the Hydro truck (minivan)
Which took two turns, first left, then right
Without signalling
To me and most people with intelligence
That is not driving
That is a motorist of limited skill, distracted by a phone
I recorded the plate with a pen once I was parked at work

When you have a Company Name and Phone number on your vehicle
Never Drive as though you have no idea how
Your bad habits translate to your company's reputation
And it has a negative effect on them
So they pass it on to you
Reprimands, Terminations, Training, whatever course they feel you deserve
This includes being distracted by your phone so you have an
Inability to see a Giant White Cube Van
And Tossing Cigarette Ashes out the window
Why would anyone use your services, or hire your company
When you set a poor example?
They wont!
Smarten Up
Company Vehicles are NOT your vehicle
They represent YOUR employer and THEIR business
If you are inattentive, careless, and/or littering
It relects on THEM
And they deal with YOU

Alternate Universe

2010-08-10T11:40:00.000-04:00

It seems to me at least
That all motorists around me
Must be from an Alternate Universe
Where Left and Right are Interchangeable
And counting starts from #2
It's certainly not people of this Earth
That could possibly not understand
Why Left turns do not mean right lanes
And Right turns do not mean left lanes
That counting one lane at a time is
A number they are unfamiliar with
The same Alternate Universe Motorists
Think fire lanes are parking spaces
I've never confused a Honda Civic for a Fire Truck
Or a Minivan for an Ambulance
I'm not from an Alternate Universe
They also confuse intersections with parking
By not understanding that a 20' car
Will not fit on a 4" line of white paint
And more than one, still don't fit
Traffic does move in opposite directions to your ego
Alternate Universe Motorists think the road is only in their direction
Have we been invaded?
Signs are conclusive
They certainly are not being read.

Lanes Are Not The Answer

2010-07-19T10:44:00.000-04:00

Politicians and Transport regulators
All seem to think that
More lanes creates less traffic.
I disagree.
Case in point
Travel Highway 401 east from Toronto to Montreal
At every junction that lanes increase and decrease
It is a traffic jam
On the majority of the highway
All the way to Quebec
It is a two lane affair, with little or no traffic
It's very simple if you need to exit, you use the right lane
If you're a slow truck on a hill, you use the right lane
if you are not exiting and have to pass a slow truck, use the left lane
The more lanes you add, the greater the stupidity multiplies
The reason is very simple
Motorists are Illiterate and Geometrically Challenged
The concept that their rectangular vehicle does not fit in a triangle
Is rocket science to them
A picture diagram on a diamond shaped road sign is ignored or misunderstood
You don't have to have an architecture degree or diploma
To contemplate a difference in shapes
A five year old could do it
Yet the majority of motorists on highways and city streets
Where lanes merge higher or lower, cannot comprehend what to do
This is evident on Rutherford Road between Highway 400 and Jane street
From Yonge to just before Jane it is a two lane affair
Very few jams, relatively smooth flow
At Jane it is three lanes each way plus turning lanes to left and right
At intersections there can be between eight and ten lanes
And this is the area that barely moves at all.
It is also the area that pedestrians are most likely to be struck
As seeing around all vehicles in ten lanes of traffic is dangerous
The pedestrian signals have been timed at 32 seconds.
3.2 s per lane for a healthy teenager may be fine
Its far too quick for a senior or a family pushing a baby stroller
The Master Traffic Plan wants to add a Bus Lane
I'd prefer the Bus Lane take over the 3rd lane on each side
That doesn't solve the issues
Most motorists are oblivious to signage and will travel in that lane anyway
I've observed this on Don Mills Road North of Eglinton
A three person commuter lane for buses and carpools is on right side
99% of people in it are single occupant motorists
This is fine if they need the lane to turn at an intersection
But the majority of them are not using it that way
It is a shortcut
Same principal with HOV lanes on Highway 404 and 403
Give people a dedicated lane for commuters of more than two occupants
And many single occupant motorists will abuse it
I'll bet the best city for traffic does not have multiple lanes
Toronto and GTA has been classified as worst commute worldwide
It easily has more lanes to travel than any other city
More lanes does not help alleviate traffic
It causes it.
How can you prevent traffic jams?
Read a road sign and don't push your luck.
Triangles will never fit rectangles
No matter how many diamond shaped road signs you ignore
People who do not merge courteously deserve to get stuck
Signal intent, and don't wait for the end.
This is true on all GTA highways including Don Valley Parkway
Where most merging motorists refuse to accept space provided
By knowledgable drivers to merge
And push their luck until the lane is no more
It's a bad attitude
Driving is a courtesy not a pleasure
Give us the pleasure of some courteous respect
If you do, traffic will improve.

Moronic Motorcyclists

2010-07-07T14:49:00.000-04:00

I have no problem with motorbikes
If they respect road rules like everyone else
Organized Bikers like Brotherhood of Ontario
And others of a similar nature
Do respect road rules at least in my presence
Always signalling lane changes and being civil
By obeying speed limits and riding in a lane
In single file for the most part
And wearing appropriate leather protection.
It's the young kids on superbikes
Bikes with ridiculous speeds
That seem to have no respect for anyone.
Today one such motorbike motorist
Wearing a t-shirt and shorts no less
Drove south on DVP past last exit in right hand lane
In order to exit left for Lakeshore Blvd.
Passing several cars including me to be
Exactly in front of me at the traffic lights for Lakeshore.
As the light turned he went to the right lane
No signal, sped to pass cars in front of me
Then signalled left in intersection cutting off many
Which caused a backlog as the light turned amber
He made it through to the left, the vehicle in front of me
Barely got through and I
Was left in no man's land, across rail tracks
And blocking a bike path
When I had entered that space the light was green and
I was proceeded with the vehicles in front of me
But the Motorcycle's dart to the left from the right
Caused a chain of heavy braking
Which left me as the victim
Across a Rail Track which I do not do in traffic
Blocking a Bike Path which I also do not do
All because a Motorbike wants to use his speed
To cut the lines
I'm not impressed
Similar Motorcycle Motorists in Heavy Traffic
Confuse Lines with Lanes
To Illustrate an "i" is SKINNY and an "a" is FAT
Obviously the "a" is a safer location
Lines do not equal lanes
I don't care how fast and skinny you think you are
Running down a line in traffic on a motorbike
is an invitation to getting hit
It is not your ticket to freedom
They will not expect you there
Because you're not supposed to be there
This is also true for unpowered bicycles
Pedalled by humans, that refuse to wait
Patiently like all law abiding citizens do
In vehicles in real lanes
I could use stronger language but my point's been made

Everything I need to learn to Drive I learned in Elementary School

2010-05-27T12:57:00.002-04:00

Colours, Shapes, and Counting. Simple Math. Not Rocket Science.

What colour are traffic lights?
Red, Yellow, Green (you really think an elemenary school kid says Amber?)

What shape is a car?
Rectangle
What shape is an escape lane?
Triangle
What shape was the sign you didn't read?
Diamond, ok a tipped square

What is the most important 4 letter word when driving?
STOP

How many lanes do you get when turning once?
1
What's the difference between 1 and 2?
2 is a loser, 1 is a winner
What is the difference between Left and Right?
Frankly most GTA motorists cannot figure this out
They get it wrong frequently, related to questions above

What's the difference between a parking lot and an intersection?
Motorists park in intersections, drivers park in parking lots
What's the difference between a fire lane and a parking spot?
Fire lanes are for EMERGENCY vehicles ONLY!
Your Nissan getting groceries is NOT an EMERGENCY!

Does a rectangular car fit into a triangular lane?
NO, start reading the diamond shaped road sign.

Cheap DNA Test

2010-05-20T06:02:00.002-04:00

Take the kid in question
Ask them to do a #2 in the toilet
Once they've succeeded
Do not flush
Leave it coating the bowl walls
Then
Ask the suspected father
To do a #1 against the bowl
If his #1 removes their #2
They're related
I just saved you $1000's of dollars
On a DNA test

Against The Norm

2010-05-13T12:51:00.002-04:00

I am a descendant of Scottish Presbyterians
My wife is descendant of Irish Catholics
In Ireland, North Ireland specifically
That means WAR.
In Chinese Zodiac I am a Fire Horse
My wife according to this a Water Rabbit
Fire and Water obviously do not get along
And Rabbits and Horses are supposed to be bad pairings
In September our pairing will be 15 years of marriage.
As I am also born in June
Geminis are supposed to be Extroverted Gossips
I am an Introverted Listener
My wife is a Libra or a Scorpio depending whose chart picks the end date.
Since I am a double edged sword as a Gemini
Her balanced attitude as a Libra takes precedence.

What's also against the Norm in my commute?
I can actually drive!

Twitter has a case of the Zeros

2010-05-10T13:33:00.002-04:00

For some reason some hacker chose
May 10 2010 to have people automatically follow them
Which caused twitter to temporarily
Make all users show 0 following and 0 followers
So for once we have as many as
@aplusk (Ashton Kutcher)
@ryanseacrest (like you don't know)
@theellenshow (again as if)
@thedalailama (because you can)
@aaronpritchett (because he said so about the dalailama)
@biz (he's the twitter guy that speaks/tweets)
@beerhaze thought he may have to switch from beer to heroin
But I don't recommend that
At some point we get our following and followers back
Or we don't keep count
I'm good with that
Maybe then @oprah will have read my book I sent her
And @shortyawards will make a road safety category for next time
But I doubt it
One day likely to be forgotten when the numbers return
Where's HURLEY from L O S T when you need him?

Glasses

2010-05-03T15:27:00.002-04:00

Most people around my age,
Already have them for a few years.
Some never did.
Others like me, never checked
Because my eyes see fine.
Well that's 50% correct.
My left eye is perfect.
Sees everything properly.
My right eye has a stigmatism.
Or is it astigmatism?
I need reading glasses.
I'm exact opposite to my son
Who also thought his eyes were fine.
We are mirror images, but he uses his for computer.
I won't be.
My daughter needs fulltime glasses.
My wife has had them for longer than I knew her.
My side of the family all have them.
I suppose I was doomed.
I almost got 44 years though.
First the hair, then the eyes.
I don't want to know what's next.
Oh yeah, Drive-Clean!
That's worse.

The Yahoo.com Fashion Police

2010-04-23T13:21:00.004-04:00

Today they are ridiculing Amanda Seyfried
For wearing a certain dress backwards

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/fashion-beauty/articles/archive/yahoolifestyle/yahoolifestyle-amanda_seyfried_has_red_carpet_reversal

Which is rediculous because a day or so earlier
They thought it was hot and sexy, because of the zipper.

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/2010/04/fug_or_fab_amanda_seyfried42010.html not the original article, but they still like it here.

http://www.popoholic.com/2010/04/20/amanda-seyfried-looking-somewhat-hot/
and here

Clearly they had too much at 4/20 4:20pm

Getting on Oprah's show or her Network OWN

2010-04-14T11:02:00.002-04:00

So far two courses of action. Promoting road safety with my driver's manual, and signing up for her new network to fulfil a lifelong dream.

Yes, her new network OWN, aka Oprah Winfrey Netork.

My dream is to race professionally, so a workable solution to that dream is to race at Indy 500, as anyone is allowed to, all must attend Indy rookie training school, which I would have to, I plan to pass and compete, should Oprah allow me that opportunity.

So either she has me on her show to promote road safety with my book,
Or she gives me the Indy 500 dream.

For her sake, the book showcase is cheaper to grant, and will pay me more in the end,
provided her viewers buy it.

The Indy 500, noone will care about me or how I got there, after the race is over, unless I won. Not that I won't be trying, but it will be tough for someone my age.

Two Things

2010-04-13T12:03:00.002-04:00

1. I want to be on Oprah, with any of my books. Her show will end, and I'm thinking I need a countdown, it worked for Dave Letterman, it worked for Ellen Degeneres, it could work for me. Clearly she enjoys people wanting to meet her in this fashion, so I will try it out.

2. If Twitter has paying advertisers to pay us to tweet, sign me on. As a current user of thirteen twitter accounts, you can see how useful that could be to any advertiser. Obviously I'm picky on what I'd promote, so anything that promotes road safety, or drinking tea, or loving meat, would work. Are you reading this Tim Horton's? I love Tim Horton's tea. You can pay me to tweet that.

Space Traffic

2010-03-30T09:52:00.001-04:00

Also posted on my profile jrharv at www.myouterspace.com

Since almost nobody in my major metropolis of Toronto
(And yes Metropolis in Superman was based on Toronto)
Can drive properly at all
I say this because they have the apparent need to
Think that LEFT and RIGHT are interchangeable
By turning into TWO lanes at once to prove they are a dunce
LEFT and RIGHT have not been interchangeable since
The dawn of Time itself
Neither have UP and DOWN
Or BACKWARDS and FORWARDS
Or PAST and FUTURE
Liquid and Solid may cross lines once in a while
But LEFT and RIGHT do not
Of course while they do this
They also DO NOT SIGNAL!
Driving should be taught at an age where you can grasp
READING and SIMPLE MATH
5 year olds could figure this out
But most 5 year olds are too short
And AIRBAGS are deadly so
Thirteen makes more sense
A child perhaps not yet in puberty
May have the capacity to comprehend
The art and skills of driving
READ ROAD SIGNS, and DO GEOMETRY
Reading, and simple math
Road signs are information icons at nearly every second
Of your travels
Geometry is a simple math a road sign informs you of
In pictures or words like:
DO NOT BLOCK INTERSECTION
Or MERGE AHEAD
Rectangular vehicles do not fit in Triangular lanes
Despite an Inability to read a Diamond-shaped Road Sign
Caddilac Escalades do not fit on 4" lines of white paint.
So here's the dilemma in SPACE
There are no TRAFFIC routes
No highways, no expressways, no regional roads, No side streets, no cul de sacs
No traffic lights, no road signs, no service stations
No fire, ambulance, or police emergency services
No school zones, no intersections
No parking lots, no malls
With all that missing
How in hell will a captain know where the hell he's going?
Or where he did go?
Or why he should go?
And if another captain comes by the same region of space...
Who has Right of Way?
Do they have turn signals on starships? Or our less advanced rockets and shuttles?
Is there a group of Extraterrestrials that
Police the universe's traffic?
How are you going to explain you didn't know how to signal
And didn't know the Crago ship from Alpha Centauri had Right of Way?
What will you do in traffic in space?
Clearly we need people like me to train the starship captains
On proper driver etiquette and skills
It's a much bigger commute
But I'm up for it.

Balance

2010-03-27T14:45:00.004-04:00

All things require 2 sides
Up requires Down
Forward requires Backward
Future requires Past
Left requires Right
Despite how many motorists seem to think it doesn't
Stop requires Go
Oxygen requires Carbon Dioxide
And that is why
Vegans requires Carnivores
Without that balance
We'd suffer from Oxygen Deprivation
Because no plants would survive
Balance
Now you know