Will you join her in The Mindi Zone?

Coming soon to a channel near you…

www.mindizone.com will be live by December 1, 2012. Till then, catch me around the Social Sphere. (See the sidebar next to this post!

She and I are on different ends of the religious spectrum, but we share a common background in religious extremism.  I respect her viewpoint as a Christian, and I feel that her writings will greatly benefit and encourage those of you who may also be spiritual.

Each week, I feature a specific writer or reader who contacts me through my Get Featured! page. I want to feature YOU, my loyal and new readers, here on the blog, too!

Click here to read Part 1 and Part 2 of my interview with Dr. Barb about Spiritual Abuse.  You can also check out her recent post about Religious Roots: Sinner or King’s Kid. Now, here’s her latest essay about feeling alone after spiritual abuse. Click here if you missed Part One.

 Spiritual Abuse and the Road to Recovery (Part 2)

Continued…

    3.  Find a suitable faith community.

How a faith community will be shaped in the future for someone who has experienced spiritual abuse is interesting to watch unfold.  Many people need to leave the ‘model’ behind that has caused them so much pain.  Others are able to find a suitable, caring church family quite quickly.  This, too, depends on the person, the depth of the pain, the nature of the abuse, and the length of time that the person needs to grieve the loss.

Here’s how these Participants described this part of their journey:

“Searched for and talked to other people who had had similar experiences to mine, mostly so that I could realize that it all wasn’t just me (which I was made to believe).

I learned in time that the church I left is known (among other pastors here in town) to be a problem church that has the bad reputation of generating spiritually broken “refugees” who wander into the other churches and need immediate spiritual care.”

“I quit doing much, allowed myself to mourn, spoke with my new pastor a little at a time.  (Thankfully he had already encountered others who had left this church.

Not only was he aware of the problems, but they had praised me, and my work.  Even though I looked like a mess, he had an expectation that I had potential!)”

Not everyone who leaves the institutional church finds their way back there again.  Many find other expressions of the Body of Christ and join in new ways of worship, Word, and fellowship.

“Processing still going on, particularly since we are good friends with many people who still attend and live in a small town and can’t really avoid encountering people who attend.

Realizing that we’re not alone in what we’ve experienced and that there’s a growing movement of people exploring their Christian beliefs outside the context of traditional church.”

4.  Move forward in Christ with the help of the Holy Spirit.

         There was nothing that a Christian can do to initiate their salvation or carry on their sanctification; these are divine works of the Godhead.  Knowing that the Holy Spirit is available for direction and comfort when the going gets tough can energize one’s thinking.

It is important to recognize that Christ has been with a person through all of their trials.  This can bring encouragement and comfort.  Going forward with God after any trial is always a step   of faith.

This Participant put their thoughts this way:

“I have been confronted in many ways with how my beliefs were naive and uninformed.  I also had to deal with my beliefs about how God could “allow” this kind of suffering in my life.

This was a stage of the grief process that I hit at about the one year point.  Finding myself angry that God had not yet exposed the falseness and lies, I ultimately had to come to a place of trusting him with the outcome, even if I never saw it.

I have also had to take more responsibility for my spiritual journey and the direction it takes rather than following along with the direction of a leader.”

Thoughts from a few others:

“God uses many things to bring us into fellowship with Him, and to open our eyes to His love and desire for a relationship with us that is meaningful and freeing.”

“I had faith in magical thinking and faith in faith.  I chased miracles, signs, and wonders rather than solid thinking and fruitful living.  I was forced to put my faith in God and His influence on me rather than trusting in others.

I also have more faith in God’s sovereignty as God has proven Himself worthy of my faith.  My faith is far less vicarious and based in the leading of men.  It’s far more of a confident and peaceful faith rather than driven by chaos and guilt and compulsion to make some kind of a difference.”

         Here is one person’s way of moving ahead:  they “mailed their letters to the fireplace!”

“I kept a journal and wrote many scathing letters which I mailed to the fireplace. I followed up on my study of “What does grace feel like?”

Recovery

         The question:  Do people recover from the wounding of spiritual abuse? can be answered by “Yes.”  Recovery takes time. Since each story is complex and individuals are complex, then it is good to realize that there are factors which can help or hinder this kind of healing.

Putting one’s trust in the Real God of the Bible is often the first step.  This includes leaving false views about God, about the Church, and about church leadership behind and getting answers for oneself.

Looking at all that one has gathered into their belief system over time and systematically throwing out that which is flawed and unprofitable and keeping that which is true is the beginning of a process to rebuild a valid Christian faith.

Christians do recover from spiritual abuse and their insights can be of great help to others who find themselves in a similar circumstance.  Believers can appreciate the passage in 2 Cor. 1:3-4 in fresh new ways:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.                       ~    2 Cor. 1:3-4

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For Further Reflection

There are many articles on the Church Exiters website that can be helpful to processing one’s experience of spiritual abuse.

Observing how others have felt and have worked through the grieving process can be very helpful.

Knowing that so many others have gone through this process can be a huge encouragement to moving forward.

Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.      ~ Psalm 119:165

Peace to all of you who are in Christ.  ~ 1 Peter 5:14

Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with God’s people who are in need.  Practice hospitality.   ~ Rom. 12:9-13

Moravian Prayer:

You call us, God, to peace–not the peace of sleep, but the peace of people working together, helping one another and listening to one another. Make us instruments of your peace.  Amen.

 © 2012   Barb Orlowski, D.Min.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Readers: Do you have any questions for Barb about your own Road to Recovery? Have you experienced your own road to forgiveness? Leave your comment below.

]]> http://authormeanders.com/2012/09/spiritual-abuse-road-to-recovery-part-2/feed/ 0 http://authormeanders.com/2012/09/fbc-hammond-followers-one-survivor-speaks-out/ http://authormeanders.com/2012/09/fbc-hammond-followers-one-survivor-speaks-out/#comments Wed, 05 Sep 2012 13:00:00 +0000 M.E. Anders, the Cult Slayer http://authormeanders.com/?p=5969 It’s been five weeks since the First Baptist Church of Hammond incident. Today, I check in with all of you along with the First Baptist Church of Hammond followers.

In this video:

- I acknowledges all the blog readers and YouTube viewers for all their emails.
- I give an update about what’s happening at FBC Hammond.
- I announce her upcoming series about my journey through FBC Hammond.

Click here if you cannot view the video in your browser: http://youtu.be/pHuOFb9jHQI

Readers: How do you encourage friends when they are going through a tough time? Do you have any tips for helping others get through grief? Feel free to leave your comment below.

She and I are on different ends of the religious spectrum, but we share a common background in religious extremism.  I highly respect her viewpoint as a Christian, and I feel that her writings will greatly benefit and encourage those of you who may also be spiritual.

Each week, I feature a specific writer or reader who contacts me through my Get Featured! page. I want to feature YOU, my loyal and new readers, here on the blog, too!

Click here to read Part 1 and Part 2 of my interview with Dr. Barb about Spiritual Abuse.  You can also check out her recent post about Religious Roots: Sinner or King’s Kid. Now, here’s her latest essay about feeling alone after spiritual abuse.

 Spiritual Abuse and the Road to Recovery (Part 1)

Introduction

         The primary focus of my original doctoral research on spiritual abuse and recovery was to understand how believers recovered spiritual harmony.  That is, how did believers in Christ journey from a devastating experience with their church leadership in their local church to a state or condition of renewed spiritual harmony.

The severity of the emotional and spiritual repercussions of spiritual abuse necessitates a recovery process in order to restore and rebuild what has been damaged.

This research helped to confirm many hunches.  For example, four main steps have been identified to aid in healing from spiritual abuse:

1.  Allow sufficient time to grieve.

2.  Forgive and release the situation to God.

3.  Find a suitable faith community.

4.  Move forward in Christ with the help of the Holy Spirit.

The need to help rebuild a solid theological foundation in people becomes the task of caring helpers in healthy spiritual communities.

These four topics will be used as a guide to this discussion in considering the road to recovery.

Healing from Spiritual Abuse

1. Allow sufficient time to grieve.

One thing about recovery is that it takes time.  There are no instant fixes when it comes to grieving losses.  Each person is unique  and each person grieves similarly yet differently about the various aspects of a loss.

As one person observed about their grief group:

We were effectively able to process our grief together without taking our ‘sour grapes’ to our respective ‘new’ churches.

Time to think:

I ‘coped’ mostly by ‘processing’ relationally, although there was also a lot of think-time involved, as well as prayer and crying out to God for relief and understanding.”

Someone else found healing through ministering to another:

I continued going to a different church ironically because of my work and I was in a unique situation because I took care of an individual with a disability.  I focused on him and his needs so I was able to observe church from a distance and stay disengaged until I was completely healed.”

2.    Forgive and release the situation to God.

As Christians, people know that forgiveness is part of the picture for them based on the forgiveness of the Godhead towards each person who has been folded into the Family of God.

Forgiveness is more for the one offended than the offender.

Forgiveness, like grief, cannot be hurried or simply done once.  Forgiveness takes time to process and work through, with God’s help.

One Participant stated it this way:

I am no longer intimidated by leaders who utilize intimidation or control.  They are still my brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of this maturity issue.

I have learned a greater measure of forgiveness and graciousness.  And that it really isn’t about how others treat me, but about how I love others.”

Another Participant traced their journey forward to forgiveness this way:

One emotion I had to deal with repeatedly was bitterness.  Forgiveness is the only antidote and I learned that forgiveness is something that may have to be offered repeatedly, every time the emotions overwhelm again.  And that’s OK.  I also later learned (in a different context) that forgiveness does not require reconciliation.  I can forgive and still protect myself from further hurt.”

The following is how one person worked through forgiveness and wove a brilliant word picture for others to envision it with them:

Eventually I coped with struggling to forgive without down-playing the seriousness of other’s sins by making up an invoice for what I thought each of these people who had hurt me so badly owed me; either by neglecting to supply me with those things which were their responsibility to provide or by destroying what I once had through some sort of violation.

I had found before that forgiving a person for a sin when I had not fully grasped the consequences of their action was incomplete forgiveness.  This took time.

For one person my ‘bill’ looked something like this:

Now Past Due:

• A sense of security
• A sense of being loved unconditionally
• The ability to trust
• The truth
• My innocence
• My purity
• A sense of being forgiven
• A sense of being good enough to function in this world
• A sense of being valued for my strengths and talents
• Respect for myself as a healthy sexual woman
• An understanding of grace and forgiveness
• A sense that I am redeemable
• The knowledge that God actually likes me.

Then I took the piece of paper which the bill was written and wrote across it “TETALESTAI” (Jesus’ last word on the cross) It is finished.  Done deal.  Paid.

I hiked up into the mountains, made an altar of stones and destroyed it (or tore it up and buried it in extreme risk fire season) for several people.  I decided to “let go” of any obligation I felt they had to ever pay back the things on those lists.

I would henceforth depend on Jesus to make up for my rather large deficiencies and give me what I had been trying to limp along without.

To Be Continued…next week in Part 2.

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Readers: Do you have any questions for Barb about your own Road to Recovery? Have you experienced your own road to forgiveness? Leave your comment below.

His Free From Doctrine campaign has been hitting the social channels…be prepared for it to go viral.

Readers: If you would like to participate in this campaign to show your support for Freethinkers around the world, contact Robert Affinis here for details. Who’s in?

In this video update, I touch on the following topics:

- Why I cut my hair for Locks of Love?
- How do cults affect survivors years later when making simple decisions?
- What’s all this talk about rebranding?

About cutting my hair…I felt like it was the last string (or strand – lol) tying me to the past: my hair. Women were supposed to have hair (as long as possible) as a sign of submission and the “ultimate spiritual beauty.” Subconsciously, I felt that if I ever cut my hair, I would automatically lose my sweet spirit and punishment for expressing my individuality (what they called “rebellion.”) Weird, eh?

I was almost in (happy) tears on the way home after my cut. It was amazing – like I’ve finally shed my old cultic Mindi and have thoroughly embraced the genuine me. As I took a nice relaxing bath afterwards, I realized, “Life really could not get any better.”

————-

Readers: What about you? Have you ever rebranded yourself or redefined who you were, either externally or internally? How did you feel about that shift?

As a religious cult survivor, I discovered my solution to psychological healing was through crafting novels with a foundation in my religious past.  I was born into an extreme branch of the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement.  I spent my first twenty years in that suffocating cultic environment before embarking on my escape plan.  (If you’d like more details about my story, you can check out my essay, Cultic Devil Daughter.)

Five years later, I have penned three psychological thriller novels, two of which are cult-centric.  These novels are NOT autobiographical, but they do utilize much of my exposure to religious dictators, cult hierarchy, and the dark side of religion.  In essence, I turned my own negative personal history into a captivating story for my readers.

You want to do the same?  Here are five simple steps to get you started:

1.  Recognize the Trauma.

Some of us are afraid to admit that we survived trauma.  We want to appear normal.  Our society often upholds a standard of perfection for personal achievement. If we do not fit this mold, we feel damaged.  We should not be afraid to seek professional guidance or counseling in our recovery process.

For Example:  I waited five years before I felt comfortable discussing my experience with a psychologist, but I wish I would have sought immediate assistance while going through my initial cult recovery process.

Tip: Don’t rush through this first step. 

Remember – You can only move on after you fully recognize the trauma.

2.  Feel the Emotion.

Allowing ourselves to feel negative emotions can become uncomfortable.  Should we avoid feeling negative emotions in lieu of only the positive emotions? Before we can utilize these negative experiences in our writing, we must indulge our negative emotions.  If we want our readers to deeply feel the characters’ angst, we must first do so as the author.

For Example: Growing up in a cult, I was brainwashed to believe that I should never feel negative emotions.  Our motto was, “Fake it till you make it.”  In other words, ignore all the negative and focus on only the positive.   Therefore, I tend to bury all my unhappy feelings without fully feeling the hurt.  I learned to overcome this suppression.

Tip: Don’t be afraid! 

Remember – You will tap into the full extent of these emotions in your storytelling!

3.  Write Your Experience.

Should we journal our traumatic experience?  Yes! This puts us one step ahead in our writing.  We will utilize these journal entries as a resource for our writing.

For Example: I recently went through a unique divorce situation.  In my research to connect with similar soon-to-be-ex-wives, I realized there were limited discussions on the specific situation because of its sensitive nature.  Immediately, I began journaling my experience on a daily basis, which resulted in 60,000 words on the topic.  That’s a book in itself!  After allowing myself time and space to clear my perspective, I plan to utilize these pages for their raw emotional content.

Tip: Don’t feel guilty!

Remember – If you have not written about your experience, do so as soon as possible.  I would most highly recommend writing about your experience AS YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IT, if possible.

4. Choose Memoir or Fiction.

This is the shortest step of all.  We need to determine whether to tell our story through memoir or fiction.  Some writers are better suited to telling their story as fact.  These are the powerful non-fiction writers among us.  Others of us prefer to elaborate and exaggerate ad infinitum. We must make this distinction before writing.

For Example:  I prefer to dramatize my writing.  Sticking to the facts is constrictive to my creative nature, so I utilize my religious cult past as a jumping-off point for my storytelling.

Tip: Don’t feel pressured!

Remember – Each person’s story is better suited to one medium or the other.

5.  Plot your Book.

Lastly, we need to start plotting that book.  Are we Plotters or Pantsers? Plotters feel more comfortable plotting out their stories before actually writing the book itself.  Pantsers just start writing their stories from page one.  If you are a Plotter, I would recommend Save the Cat! by Blake Snyder AND Story Engineering by Larry Brooks.  You can organically pull pieces from your own story to inform your plot.  If you are a Pantser, I would recommend On Writing by Stephen King.  As we are writing our story, we simply reference our journal entries for their raw emotional content.

For Example:  I’m a Plotter! I storyboard plotted my novel before I actually began writing.  If you want to see an example and pictures of this process, you can check out my storyboarding here.

Tip: Don’t procrastinate!

Remember – Read books about writing suited to your style of plotting or pantsing.

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Readers or Writers:   What negative experiences can you be thankful for, now that you know how to transform them? What tips could you add to this list for using past experiences to inform your own writing process?

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Welcome our guest blogger, Peter Saint-Clair, to our blog today!  His post is a paradigm shifting view on the types of cults.  Challenge your current perspective through his insights.

Peter Saint-Clair is a writer interested in cults and how they work, specializing in Jim Jones and Peoples Temple. He is also involved with the Jonestown Institute, digitizing audio tapes recovered by the FBI from Jonestown in 1978. His blog can be found here.

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Cults are easy to spot. They wear weird clothes and live in communes together. They worship the Devil. They are all brainwashed idiots.

If you believe any of the above, you couldn’t be more wrong.

Cults come in various shapes and forms and initially, you may not even realize you are dealing with a cult. There are four basic types of cults-Religious, Commercial, Self Help/Counselling and Political. One thing that should be of note is that some cults can overlap the different types.

Look familiar?

Religious Cults

These cults come in the form of a popular religion. It could be Christianity, Hindu, Islam, etc., etc. The leaders of these groups may try to disguise or rationalize their teachings with the doctrines of their chosen ‘cover religion’, so that what they say may not seem that far off at first. While some religious cults physically abuse their followers, most others play on emotions and use sex as a way to control. The leaders of these groups tend to be charismatic and know exactly what to say to get what they want out of people.

Some examples include:

• Jim Jones and Peoples Temple
• David Koresh and the Branch Divdians
• Shoko Asahara and Aum Shinrikyo (Sarin gas attack in the Tokyo subways in the 90s)
• Claude Vorilhon and Raëlism (A UFO religion cult)
• Marshall Applewhite and Heaven’s Gate (A hybrid UFO/Christian Group)

Commercial Cults

Some cults use commercial gain as their base. They promise untold riches using their special program or system. Their leader is cast as an example that the program/system really works. It all starts with a small investment, which grows with the completion of step after step after step. They use motivational tapes, videos, books and seminars to relieve you of your money without actually making good on their end of the bargain. What they don’t tell you is that the leader became successful and rich by taking your money for bogus products that do little, if anything, of what is promised.

Some examples include:

• Amway
• Some door-to-door magazine subscription companies
• Harland Stonecipher and his company Pre-Paid Legal
• Trek Alliance (No, not Star Trek)
• Any of the various Pyramid Schemes

Self Help/Counselling Cults

These cults often target business people and corporations and, in the case of Scientology, celebrities. Self Help and Counselling cults are very similar to Commercial Cults, as money is often the goal. They claim that by doing courses and seminars, you can be more successful and productive. Some of these groups will lock participants away in hotel rooms where they are subjected to quasi-religious indoctrination. Once that’s completed, participants are told they need an advanced course or seminar, which of course, costs more. As with most cults, they specialize in creating powerful emotional experiences which are then used to validate involvement.

Some examples include:

• Scientology
• Jasmuheen and Breatharianism
• Whitewind Swan Fisher and Friends Landing
• Charles Dederich and Synanon
• Alfonso Acampora and Waldon House

Political Cults

When one thinks of a political group, the term “cult” is not often a word that comes to mind. Groups that advocate far “left” and far “right” political agendas are sometimes classified as Political Cults. The term “cult of personality” also comes into play here, where like the Religious Cults, the political movement is headed by a highly charismatic leader that holds enormous power over his/her “followers”. This type of group is also focused on making money, through excessive fundraisers via illegal practices. In a “cult of personality” situation, the group’s leader is not held accountable to anyone (i.e. a dictator). As with some Religious Cults like Jim Jones and Peoples Temple, the end always justifies the means and they will try to instill an us-vs-them attitude in their “followers”. Black/White supremacists groups as well terrorist and rebel groups could also be included.

Some examples include:

• Hitler and Nazi Germany
• Stalin and Communist Russia
• Rocky J. Suhayda and the American Nazi Party (a modern Nazi movement in America)
• People’s Mujahedin of Iran
• Lyndon LaRouche and the LaRouche Movement

Conclusion

Like I said above, cults come in a variety of forms and no one is immune to their allure. The best way to avoid these types of groups is to pay attention to them. They’ll offer ‘all the answers’, or the ‘only truth’. Some groups will say things that sound to good to be true, and more often than not, it is. If you or someone you know is involved with a group like this, do what you can to get them out. As we’ve seen with Peoples Temple and Heaven’s Gate, sometimes being a member in one of these group can be fatal.