Thriving too

Confessions of a Parent

2009-11-26T16:18:10+00:00

There have been some interesting items on parents this month, not least my own parental angst as I help guide my oldest child apply for university. The complex set of feelings associated with the applications are not unfamiliar. I want her to extend herself to the fullest ....I fear that the possible failure will be upsetting....

Am I a helicopter parent? Defined as overparenting an article this week in Time talks about a marvellous parent backlash to overprotecting:

"The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they'll fly higher. We're often the ones who hold them down."

The article goes on the describe their parent polls that highlight the effects of the recession:

"A backlash against overparenting had been building for years, but now it reflects a new reality. Since the onset of the Great Recession, according to a CBS News poll, a third of parents have cut their kids' extracurricular activities. They downsized, downshifted and simplified because they had to — and often found, much to their surprise, that they liked it. When a TIME poll last spring asked how the recession had affected people's relationships with their kids, nearly four times as many people said relationships had gotten better as said they'd gotten worse."

I certainly started life as mostly a 'free-range' parent and this new move away from overprogramming is all beginning to sound rather wonderful... but is it that simple?

A new paper published by DEMOS Building Character: Parents are the principle architects to a fairer society' describes how good parenting can make a huge difference long term. This paper is fascinating and in a more professional/formal vein on Matthew Taylor's blog I have praised the authors for an important and balanced piece of work.

Since reading the paper I have been reflecting on my own parenting style using the axes described by the DEMOS report (below). I have also been thinking about the style of other parents I know... and am struggling with the idea of the consistency implied by these descriptors. I am more often warm than hostile... but I move across the scale between permissive and controlling constantly. I have teenagers and I consider that they need a degree of flexibility and this is context specific. And being a human I also have different moods.

Here are my parent confessions this week:

- I have made excuses to school - twice (I have 2 children after all).

- I have said 'pull yourself together', 'just get on with it' and 'I'm too busy for a drama right now'.

- I have given them big hugs and said 'poor you'.

- I have worried about whether we should have hired an interview coach for university interviews.

- I have flown off the handle.

- I have had moments of silliness and joy.

- I have spoken seriously at length about striving and disappointment, managing expectations.

- Helped with homework.

Parenting is hard... not least the excruciating difficulty of trying to get the balance between protection and allowing your child to experience pain, isolation, disappointment and failure, all of which are essential for developing resilience. However, I see many instances where experience of these difficult things happens in an environment lacking love and support... and this is just heartbreaking.

And on a lighter note: Below is the answer phone message from a school in Australia.

Waste and Hunger

2009-11-24T22:35:58+00:00

Great new film made by Good and Whole Foods

Cheerful Old Bags

2009-11-22T18:27:18+00:00

A tweet by friend Randy Hunt led me explore a really interesting looking book called 'I Swear To Good You Are God At This'. Inside I found reference to Baggu... they make brightly coloured reusable bags.

"Because reusable bags only reduce waste when you use them, we made BAGGU light weight, so it's easy to keep with you for an unexpected errand, and so beautiful you’ll actually want to carry it. Using one BAGGU for one year replaces 300 to 700 disposable bags."

Pie Lab Launch Video

2009-11-20T15:18:12+00:00

This project is so inspiring.
Grand Opening 28th November!

PieLab Promo from Project M on Vimeo.

Send a Singing Email

2009-11-19T09:18:22+00:00

Send someone a singing email .... immediately!

We are the people we've been waiting for

2009-11-18T09:30:46+00:00

This new film, We are the people we've been waiting for, looks amazing!

"This landmark independent documentary, inspired and guided by Lord Puttnam and Sir Michael Barber, explores the education system in the UK and asks whether the current system provides young people with the opportunity to develop their talents.

High-profile figures sharing their personal experiences and views include Sir Richard Branson, Germaine Greer, Henry Winkler, Bill Bryson, Sir Ken Robinson and a wide range of education experts from around the world. This thought-provoking film offers unique insight across generations and nations, and reveals a very inconvenient truth about education. The world is changing rapidly but our education system is not keeping pace."

Detecting Heart Beats

2009-11-18T07:55:42+00:00

Further research has been done recently into the mechanisms for physical self-awareness.

In an article in New Scientist, researchers described how tests on a man believed to have a damaged insula, the part of the brain believed to process sensory feelings from around the body. The test showed that the man was aware of an increased heartbeat, until the researchers anaesthetised his chest. The believe that the skin is also responsible for signalling awareness of increased heart rate.

The ability to have this visceral awareness is referred to as interoception. In 'The Mind has a Body of its Own' which we discussed on the blog last year, the authors describe in detail the tests other researchers have done to measure levels of interoception, this time asking subjects to indicate if small electric shocks coincide with beats of their heart. Some work has being done to examine correlations between high interoception and high empathy and sensitivity for other people's emotional states.

The researchers are looking at ways these findings about the skin's role in reporting increased heart activity may help people who suffer from panic attacks etc.

Love Letters To the Future

2009-11-14T10:29:54+00:00

Love Letters to the Future is collecting letters in advance of Coepnhagen and the top 100 lettets will be included in a locked time capsule on 13th December.