If you’d had concerns over leaving tradespeople alone in your home, tonight’s episode of Target would have settled it.

This week, a carpet cleaner visited Target’s hidden camera house to remove a stain from the carpet but instead of getting on with the job, he attempted to create three new ones.  Having been left alone for only a few minutes, the tradesman rifled through laundry, sniffing underwear as he went before logging onto the computer, watching Continue reading »

Tonight on Masterchef the contestants were whisked away
Where they would be cooking in the beautiful Hawkes Bay.
Their core ingredient to prepare would be lamb
No beef, no venison, turkey or ham.
With fifty dollars, around the market they went
Collecting their produce, till all the money was spent. Continue reading »

Three seasons into Masterchef and I want to take a step back and ask big question that may seem a bit silly. What defines a ‘Masterchef’? In the British ‘Masterchef professionals’ or the American ‘Top Chef’ it would be much easier to find a ‘Masterchef’ quite simply on the basis that they are in fact chefs but when you are weeding through contestants who are not allowed to have had any previous training how can you fairly judge them to professional standards.

On the latest episode the Masterchef peasants had to cook for 100 paying foodies and snobs at La Cigale under the direction of executive head chef, Warwick Brown. In my opinion Brown was a great mentor, he understood that they are simple home-cooks but still pushed them. Both the red and the blue team had their fair share of struggles from coordinating sharing the ovens, understanding how to run service, to simple communication. The red team was the cream that rose to the top with Matt Gilray and Charlene McGechan (yet again) being the standout performers of the day. Sadly it was Au revoir to sweet Chris Turner who struggled the whole way through with the chocolate mousse. Continue reading »

Indi and Romeo

Indi tells Sid what she saw with Romeo and Ruby. Romeo comes back and tries to explain nothing happened with Ruby and that she is just a friend. Indi is still furious and isn’t sure she can trust him.

Logan sees Indi and Romeo arguing and tries to step in, which doesn’t impress Romeo.

Romeo isn’t sure whether to continue on the surf tour competition.

Romeo: “Cos if you don’t trust me, then what the hell is our marriage about?”
Indi: “Right now I don’t know.”

Later, Romeo buys flowers for Indi and wants to fix things with her.

Romeo: “Why did you come to the motel last night?”
Indi: “I don’t know, I just wanted to see you compete.”
Romeo: “…or maybe you were checking up on me?”
Indi: “No, it wasn’t like that at all.”
Romeo: “I don’t believe you. Do you have any interest in getting past this? I mean, what happens next time I go away, you’re just going to turn up in the middle of the night and try and catch me cheating on you?”
Indi: “What, is that what this is about? You need to calm your hysterical wife down before the next surfing comp?”
Romeo: “No.”
Indi: “Here I am thinking our marriage might be over and you’re worried about surfing.”
Romeo: “What?”
Indi: “Forget it.”
Romeo: “No, I won’t forget it. Our marriage might be over, are you serious?”
Indi: “Look, just do whatever you need to do, cos I don’t care any more.”

Logan spots Indi going for a walk on the beach and hangs out with her.

The Hendersons

Sid suspects that Alan Henderson’s wife is trying to poison him.


Dex desperately wants a new car.


Sasha is reminded by Xavier of a signed note she wrote to Stu in the book “Romeo and Juliet” that’s at his house. She wrote: “let’s die for love, you go first”. She freaks out and decides to break in and get it from his house, against Xavier’s strong warnings.

However, she is caught by Stu’s mum in the house!

Casey and Henri

Casey decides to stay at school but continues to flirt with Henri while she’s tutoring him.

Gina and Henri have dinner together, and Gina says how much Henri reminds her of when she was younger and is so glad to have her on staff. After Casey txts Henri while she’s with Gina, Henri warns him to do nothing in public and to be very careful.

Later, when Casey and Henri are in bed together during the day, Gina knocks on the door, calls her phone and peers in the window which freaks Henri out.

Later, a tearful Henri tells Casey they can’t be together.

Indi and Romeo

Indi is grumpy at Romeo and Ruby and doesn’t go to the competition with them. When they turn up at the motel, there’s just a double bed, not two single beds so they have to get that changed.

Meanwhile, Indi’s friend’s brother Logan is back from Hong Kong and flirts with her, even though she tells him she’s married. She turns down his offer to go to a party with him but seems somewhat interested in him.

When Indi turns up at the motel and sees Romeo in his underwear, and Ruby in the double bed (even though he wasn’t in it with her), she jumps to the wrong conclusion and takes off. Romeo is so upset and wants to take off after her in Ruby’s car. Ruby tells him to go in the morning.

Xavier and Sasha

Xavier comes back for a visit and he organises to cook dinner for Sasha, John and Gina (even though John and Gina are still cool towards each other). Xavier and Sasha tells John and Gina it’s official between them now. John and Gina reassure Sasha they’re not interested in the gossip about her.

Gina and John

Gina tells John she’s sick of all his lies.

Heath confronts Bianca about the news that he’s the father and isn’t impressed she wasn’t planning on telling him. Bianca threatens to leave Summer Bay if he tells anyone that he’s the father, so he agrees.

Bianca also threatens April that if she tells anyone else that Heath is the father, they’re “through”.

Roo and Marilyn are sick of John staying with them so try to get him to get back with Gina. However, John tells Gina it will be a “cold day in hell” before I come crawling back to you”.

Henri tells Casey they can’t be together while he’s a student of hers, so Casey quits school. Henri tries to get him to change his mind by offering to tutor him if he stays at school.

“I don’t wanna pressure you Henri but I know this can work. ”

“It’s dangerous Casey.”

“Yeah, it is. Do you want me to leave?”

They kiss……

What is the song in this episode?

Ain’t Gonna Lose You by Brett Dennen

Our opening shots of tonight’s episode are more reminiscent of ‘The Bachelor’ as Andrea Bathgate explains that she has developed a ‘special relationship with a certain someone in the house’, but she is not saying who. I am really hoping it is Matt Gillary because she seems to be pashing him on the couch a fair bit.

Just after their arrival to the Masterchef Kitchen Andy Curran bows out of the competition for health reasons, but someone will still be eliminated. Thai is the name of the game tonight: contestants have to cook the guest judge, Che Barrington’s dish with his recipe but without quantities, their own Thai curry and ‘perfect’ Jasmine rice all in 90mins. Not very long at all. Continue reading »

It was a very different debate tonight compared to the Key vs Goff episode 2 weeks ago.  The audience had a bit more life and were more vocal at various points, despite being told to behave and be quiet.  The typical message to turn off your cell phone was given but there was still one that rang in the middle of the debate.  As it turned out, it was the executive producers.

As with all these things, it’s what goes on when the cameras aren’t rolling that are often the most interesting.

Hone Harawira and Don Brash were brought in first and positioned at opposite ends of the room.  Jokes were made as to why.  Winston Peters was bought out last.

Hone Harawira was definitely the class clown of the group.  Tapping on his lecturne like a nervous student as everyone else waited for Guyon Espiner to kick off the debate.  With six leaders to accomodate, it was always going to be difficult to recall just who you hadn’t asked to answer a question.  Hone missed out a few times and sighed disgruntledly which the audience giggled at.  When Tariana Turia announced her approval for a tax on financial transactions, Hone gestured with another sigh as his former party had pinched his policy.

None of the leaders ventured into the audience during the first ad break.  In the second, Winston Peters headed to one side to have a few laughs.  Russell Norman followed close behind as if to mimick the long time campaigner but didn’t really engage with anyone, rather just standing around and stretching his legs.

Later on, Hone thanked the audience and then, after getting his face powdered, Winston told a story about a Labour candidate from many elections ago who didn’t close their eye while the make up was getting applied and ended up getting up in front of the camera with a swollen, weeping eye.  I’m sure there was a moral in there somewhere.

During the ad break after Russell Norman and Don Brash had debated the merits of an ETS, Norman came over to speak to Brash where the debate continued.

The most interesting moment of the night though belonged to Winston Peters.  For such a seasoned campaigner, Peters didn’t seem to realise that the red light on top of a camera meant that that was the one he should have been delivering his message to.  The waving arms and pointing by the camera operators to where he should have been looking still didn’t seem to help either.

It was a surprise by many to hear that Winston had won the text poll.  However, I overheard someone say it had only been 1600 texts.

Afterwards, there were commentators who were surprised that Winston hadn’t come out with all guns blazing as they had expected him to do.  Perhaps the moderate path is his plan to get back into parliament.  That and hoping people forget he still owes the taxpayer $158k.

I had written an entire entry of this while watching the show.  Then I accidentally closed my browser window, deleting everything I’d just written.  I am very annoyed.  It was a very good entry.  Sort of.

LAST TIME ON SHORTLAND STREET Gabrielle was like “hey Shane Tucker let’s have dinner” then she started making out with Jonathan, who is blind, also, he used to be gay.  Maybe he isn’t now.  Advice?

TONIGHT’S EPISODE opens with Gabrielle and Jonathan still making out, implying that they’ve been at it for nearly 24 hours now.  Then they’re like “let’s not make out” and then they start making out again.  They decide that they are now a couple, and they will be making out again in future.

Over at the hospital, Hunter is helping this real sickening looking orderly:

Feeling real queasy just looking at the guy.  Anyway, “Dr Sutherland” comes in and demands Hunter does some doctor stuff or something

In the staff room, Tracey refers to Sarah’s unborn child as “bubby”.  The word “bubby” is one of those things.  If anyone uses the word “bubby” for a baby, it’s a sign that I will never be friends with them, no matter what.  It’s the kind of thing that tarnishes a person permanently in my mind.  Like people who say “PC gone mad” or the name Terry.  Nothing’s worse than meeting someone,  getting along real well with them, and then discovering their name is Terry.


Oh yeah, there’s some awkwardness because Sarah is having a kid and probably doesn’t want one, while Tracey wants one real bad but can’t because her womb is about as barren as the Gobi Desert (yeah the Gobi isn’t that barren, but it’s my favourite desert.  What’s yours?  Let me know in the comment section)

Hunter’s on the phone abusing Paige on the phone for being a real shitty med student.  Then Hunter accosts Daniel, who’s in the hospital for some reason (why?)  and demands that he goes and sees Paige in person.

TK, Shavaughn from What Now and “Dr Sutherland” are all good friends now or something.  ehhh hey someone mentions Jill’s gone?  Where is she?  I suppose she was putting on her sweet play in Wellington when they filmed this or something.  I didn’t go see it, even though I live real close to the theatre.  Like, I was just a couple of blocks away from Jill from Shortland Street.  Can you imagine it?

Anyway, Daniel’s found Paige and they’re in a park, where she’s real buggin out with drug withdrawl and yelling about “loud birds”

Phwoar, 60% off super deals at Briscoes!  Definitely know where I’m heading after this

Back at the hospital, voyeuristic cameraman is filming Tracey and Sarah talking about “bubby”:

like anyone would be interested in their conversation

Anyway, then Tracey talks to Sarah like she’s a child, and leans over to directly address “bubby” itself:


Hey, because I follow “Shortland Tweet” (clever!) on Twitter, I’ve learnt that the show’s ritalin stand-in “roytocin” is named after the show’s writer Roy Ward.  This makes for excellent viewing if you exchange all instances of “roytocin” in the script with “Roy Ward”:

Paige:  I don’t think I can get through medical school without Roy Ward.

And so on.  Well, it seems funny to me.  The other day my girlfriend sent me a text saying “hey we should have brunch”, and I sent her a text back just saying “no”.  I also thought that was really funny.  Turns out I’m kind of a jerk.

I’ve finally worked out what Shane Tucker looks like: an Easter Island statue.  Anyway, he’s all angry and stupid about how Gabrielle doesn’t want him anymore, and has moved into a relationship with … Roy Ward

Actual dialogue:

Gabrielle:  Things have changed.

Shane Tucker:  Because of Stevie Wonder here?  What, he just called to say he loves you?

That’s actually my favourite dialogue I have ever seen on Shortland Street.

At hospital reception, Wendy helpfully informs her daughter and Nicole that she would love to make out with a photograph of TK.  Then Bella embarrasses everyone by yelling about Shavaughn from What Now’s bridal shower right in front of Sarah, who’s still in a huff about the whole thing, I guess

<3 u forever Bella

Over at the IV, Shane Tucker goes over to Jonathan and starts talking to him about how he’s an asshole or something, and that he shouldn’t be sticking it to Gabrielle, because he’s an asshole or something.  I don’t really understand it, but I mean, I never really tried.

Daniel goes over to see Sarah to talk about Paige’s crippling addiction to Roy Ward. 

Sarah:  I take it your friend has been taking Roy Ward recreationally.

Sarah recommends Paige talk to Shane Tucker about her sweet drug problem, which is always a good move

Gabrielle and Jonathan come home from their sweet date (it seems to be night time now, though I think they just had lunch?) and Jonathan’s like “let’s not make out again”.  Gabrielle is very clever and surmises Shane Tucker has got his greedy face in their relationship and gets all angry and stuff

Paige and Daniel have a coffee and talk about how she’s a junkie and stuff.  Bloody love coffee.

Racist old “Dr Sutherland” comes in to ED and tells TK he needs to wash some poo off some guy, or something.  TK’s feeling real persecuted for whatever reason, but he’s just kind of a bitch, really and Shavaughn from What Now is fed up:

Anyway, then Tracey starts handing out invites for Sarah’s baby shower, and you wouldn’t believe it but it’s the same night as Shavaughn from What Now’s bridal shower!  What a coincidence!

Gabrielle goes over to talk to Shane Tucker about how much of an asshole he is, and leaves him feeling like kind of a jerk, probably.  She did, after all, “put together two and two, and got one big bully”.  So four is a bully?

Shavaughn from What Now and Sarah childishly argue about shower dates and it’s like “ladies please just be nice” you know?  Man I don’t want any tension anymore.  Hey, didn’t Winston kill a guy or something?  Why isn’t that being covered this episode?  As much as I love a nice shower, murder’s a lot more interesting

Paige goes to talk to Shane Tucker and she’s like “hey DID U KNOW I used to be a junkie?” and he’s like “GET OUT I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU”.  Man, he’s a jerk.

Paige:  It’s withdrawl

Shane Tucker: From caffeine, or something?

Paige:  Roy Ward.

Tonight we open our episode with Tracey. She is really sad because she just found out she has no (I think maybe they said low) fertility. Either way, she ain’t happy.

Sarah (who is currently full of baby) is the one to comfort her. A little awkward.

Hunter, now on drugs as financed unwittingly by Callum, is trying to impress Jill enough to get  back into her britches. While Hunter smooches around all high on drugs and waxy Jill and Callum continue their flirtatious May-December friendship/courtship in front of his nose. 

Bella is suddenly really attracted to Daniel? Sure, why not.

Basically any spare single character is fair game for any other similarly single character, regardless of backstory or sometimes even gender. Hey Nicole!

Bella and Daniel carry on this awkward wooing over glasses of beer and pinot gris. I don’t really like where this is going, Daniel and Bella would make an awful couple.

Scotty comes home from a hard day of Scottying and sees Tracey hanging out on the couch. He is all “oooh you wanna make a baby, baby?” but she’s lke “um. No. Um check out my fertility form. I might be barren”. Scotty isn’t too fussed though, it just means more practice or something?

Hey! This is a set I haven’t seen before! We are smack bang in the middle of the Cooper home and it doesn’t look like the crapshack I would have expected based on the “we are so destitute” Cooper legends. Daniel doesn’t know if he engaged in COOPULATION the night before because he was so wasted he has blocked the entire thing out. Oh Daniel.  Anyway, he is stumbling around the Cooper lounge when the entire family shows up and start saying things like “Why were you so loud last night?” “You kept me up all night!”and “What was with all the yelling?”. Bella is all “That was just me taking Daniel’s pants off”. What? I don’t understand. Are we meant to?

I went on some website to see what a Bella/Daniel baby might look like- and to be honest, I am not confident that this is an accurate representation of that

Like, I am not sure where that sweet hair came from, but man, that kid would take over Ferndale!

Anyway, Scotty is now being really nice to Tracey and has decided to give her the day off. That is the benefit of marrying your boss. Scotty plies her with juice and stuff and then starts talking about going to some ovary specialist. Tracey hates to hear that Scotty is positive about the whole thing and would prefer him to be depressed and defeatist like her. Maybe they will have some fertility stuff and then have quints! I would enjoy that.

Do you want to know what a Scotty/Tracey progeny might look like as envisioned by this weird babymaking website?



Regan is STILL ON THIS SHOW. I really loathe him. Especially his stupid leather jacket and boring lies. They should start some kind of “Shortland Street: Survivor” gimmick so we could all vote, kind of like American Idol or whatever, and each week the one voted as most disliked would be cast out immediately. It could kind of be like those old “Choose your own adventure” books that were so cool when you were 10. Like, text A to SHORTY789 to send Regan to the quicksand, text B to bring back the ghost of Kieran Mitchell or text C to shave all of Hunter’s hair off. Actually, that would be a tough one for me to choose.

Anyway, Regan is ABOUT TO LEAVE, he is gussied up in his god damned jacket (making lots of squelchy sounds every time he moves) and all hugging Jill “Probably never see you again, babe” etc when Jill suddenly grabs his backpack and pull out fistfulls of marijuana/other drugs stinked cash. She’s all “what’s this about then?” and Regan is all wide mouthed. TO THE QUICKSAND REGAN.

I think the best “Collisions” biscuits are the chocolate chip/squiggle top ones.

Jill grills Regan on his drug dealing and then is all “I’m calling the police on you buster” then he yells “GIVE ME THE MONEY YOU STUPID SELF RIGHTEOUS COW!” and he throws her to the ground and she runs out all spooked. She hoofs it straight into the loving silver foxesque arms of none other than CALLUM MCKAY. They embrace, sexual tension leaping off them like a fork in a microwave.

Over at Scotty/Tracey house Scotty is nice to Tracey about her uterus. It’s quite nice.

In Callum’s lounge nook Jill is sobbing and Callum is trying his hardest not to propose to her on the spot. Jill, sensing his desire leans forward and finally the two star crossed lovers make contact. Its sort of like the Ben/Yvonne relationship but people probably don’t think its gross. Stupid hegemony!

We close on the image of the two unlikely lovers and all is right with the world. Do you think someone might brutally murder Regan a la Maia? She was given the all clear to keep on not being in prison so it could, conceivably, happen, right?

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