Tickles and Time Outs

Teaching Children Problem Solving Skills

2013-05-18T12:10:00.001-07:00

Why is it that some people just seem to be born with better problem solving skills than others? Sometimes it even seems like some kids are born happy (while other kids aren't!) I would even venture to say that I was one of the kids that may not have been born "happy". Maybe I wasn't born with the built in problem solving skills needed to be successful in life? I don't know! But I know that I experience a lot of frustration, anger, and felt misunderstood often. For me, it's taken a lot of time and patience to learn how to handle things effectively to be successful in todays world. It's an evolving process but I'm definitely not alone! I'd say about half of all people are like me! It always seems like there's one in every family (not sure why that is!) that struggles more with problem solving and always seems to "overreact". Understanding that some kids need more help with problem solving than other kids can really help create a healthier environment for your child and allow them to feel empowered and loved. These are the kids that when they can't figure things out then they often feel inadequate (ex. these children often say, "I'm stupid!") and we can help them by giving them tools and setting boundaries in order to handle challenging situations effectively. Here are a few ways that can help your child (and even help you as well!)

1. Negotiation. When a child wants a toy that another child has, he may yell because he doesn't know how to handle the situation. Try getting down on your child's level and tell him you can tell he is frustrated because he wants a toy, then help him find a toy that he may be able to offer the other child in exchange for what he wants. Of course, this doesn't work all the time but you are teaching the art of negotiation- a tool they will use for a lifetime!

2. Find a new path. I once heard a great story about a group of guys who were trying to figure out how to move a huge rock and finally decided to dig around it and let it move into the ground. This is a great lesson for thinking outside the box and being creative to find a solution. If your child is getting frustrated with his homework, ask him if he has utilized his resources (in an age appropriate way). Sometimes, he can find someone to help him, or maybe even take a 5 minute break to regroup. It may be helpful to have a little pile of index cards with reminders in case they need help....this is a step in allowing him to problem solve on his own without asking you every time.

3. Acceptance. What happens when you can't get what you want? Acceptance seems like an easy answer but it takes some time to process for some children. Think about a time when you wanted something so badly and couldn't have it. How did you feel in the moment? It can be confusing and frustrating. Avoid saying things like "Relax!" (because they probably would relax if they knew how) or "It's not the end of the world" (because to them it does seem like the end of the world and they aren't sure how to handle their frustrations). Try reminding your child of a time when they didn't get what they wanted and everything still worked out (ex. "Remember when you wanted to go fishing and it didn't turn out to be what you thought? We later joked about the fishing trip and you didn't feel sad anymore, right?"

4. Humor - Cracking a joke when your child is feeling angry may not help the situation because they will feel that you are not taking them seriously. However, using a little humor to distract a child can often help dissipate a frustrating situation (if you do it the right way). Here's how...when a child is having a challenging day, try having them stand up and turn around with you and say, "Let's turn things around!" This activity still lets them know that you understand they are frustrated but makes them smile and maybe even laugh!

5. Set a good example - What happens when you get lost or someone cuts you off on the highway? Try using some of the above tools to handle these situations without loosing your cool. Remember, your children are always watching and learning from you!

Managing Stressful Situations

2013-05-18T10:45:00.001-07:00

Life often hands us challenging circumstances. Sometimes, I get so tired of all the cliche sayings...you know..."this too shall pass", "follow your intuition", and "everything happens for a reason" Although I know that all these sayings may be true, it's often frustrating to when I really just feel sorry for myself and be mad-at least for a day or two.
Recently, life has been challenging for me-I'm going through a divorce and now I've been diagnosed with Lyme disease. Sometimes I feel like I'm those moles on the whack a mole game you see on the board walk. You know, the game where the moles keep trying to come up and someone whacks them back down. I keep trying to keep my head above water and life keeps pushing me back down. How do you get ahead when you can't see two feet in front of you I often wonder? Why is God giving me these challenges all at the same time?
One thing that often helps me in the moment is something that comes from the AA 12 Step Program called H.A.L.T (hungry, angry lonely, tired). Isn't it ironic that as mothers we constantly rule these things out when our children are having a difficult time but forget to assess ourselves when we are struggling? Often times, when we meet our basic primal needs such as food, sleep, and love, we are able to step outside the stressful situation and see the big picture (which of course is always something manageable!)

Attention Humble Moms!

2013-05-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

Another Mother's Day is going to come and go and millions of mothers out there are going to let it pass without REALLY thinking about their value! It's almost expected that mother's say, "Oh, I'M not a great mom!" or "Oh, I don't really do THAT much!" but the truth is accepting praise isn't a bad thing! Usually, Moms think about all the mistakes we make instead of remembering that we created a human being! After all....we BIRTHED a PERSON!!! In addition, we are raising them! We make sure they are safe, cared for, use manners, are kind to others, go to school, put on their seat belts, brush their teeth and on and on....yet we underestimate all that we do!! Here's the thing that so many women don't realize.....it's not egotistical or selfish to acknowledge your accomplishments (f you go door to door holding up a sign it might be a little different) but accepting gratitude and being proud of your accomplishments is important and necessary! So, this Mother's Day, I challenge all you humble moms out there to take a minute to acknowledge all your hard work and allow someone to make you breakfast in bed without feeling guilty!!

I am JUST A MOM

2013-05-03T13:12:00.002-07:00

I found myself tired the other day. You know the 'can't see straight, anxiety provoking, can't get out of bed, dragging yourself around and feeling like a robot' kind of tired. I was so tired that I was literally getting dizzy.
I started thinking about how I spent my day today. I started the day by making butterfly shaped pancakes for my daughters then went on my day like usual trying to be the best mom I can be with picnics, crafts, reading, etc. I want my kids to have a good childhood and be happy with fond memories so I like to do as many things as possible....but sometimes I drive myself CRAZY!
Then I started thinking about Mother's Day and it occurred to me....I'm just a Mom. I don't need to be teaching letters all the time while reading books...that's what she has a teacher for. I don't need to be googling every little ailment, that's what doctors are for...and I don't need to be entertaining her all the time...that's why God gave her an imagination.
These days we can thank Pinterest for all the ways that we can create the perfect life and the perfect child by giving elaborate birthday parties, doing the cutest crafts, and of course knowing every discipline strategy to get your child to behave perfectly. But the truth is that I am just a mom and they are just kids. The truth is putting all the stress on myself only makes my children's childhood more stressful (the exact opposite of what I want to do!). The most important thing is to love my daughters, take care of them, listen to them, be respectful, truthful, and give them lots of hugs and kisses. Does it really have to be that difficult? I don't think so!
Well, today I'm going to retire the superhero cape and simply be a mom....a loving, honest, and fun mom that's not stressing about doing everything perfect.....just a Mom.

Distraction vs. Saying No

2013-04-28T10:12:00.001-07:00

We've all been there. We are desperate for cooperation in certain situations so we offer a toy, ipad, or candy to allow us to complete what we are doing....let's face it....sometimes it's basic survival!

But it's a parent's ultimate dilemna, whether to distract their defiant child who can't have what they want or if you should just say no. Sometimes I feel so exhausted from distracting or thinking of other solutions to their problems and I ask myself "Why can't they just listen? Why do I have to offer other options all the time?" But the truth is that while there are certain times when saying no is important, distracting or offering other options is often teaching children how to problem solve (and also avoids a power struggle). Children don't have the coping skills that we do to figure out how to solve their problems....especially if they are tired or sick.

Here's an example of what kind of situation often arises...

Scenerio #1
Child: Mommy, can I play in the water table with Grandma while you are gone?
Mommy: No
Child's thoughts: Why is Mommy being mean? What am I supposed to do if I can't play in the water table? Why am I being punished?
....and then the anger begins building up.

Scenerio #2
Child: Mommy, Can play in the water table with Grandma while you are gone?
Mommy: No, I'm sorry but that is too messy. Why don't we fill up the sink and add some bubbles? You can pull a chair over and pour with the cups?

Do you see how Scenerio 2 teaches your child how to find another fun activity? This is different, however, than other situations where a parent constantly distracts a child by offering candy (or other reward) when they are not allowed to do something. While distraction can sometimes be a good thing, it's important to not use it as a constant crutch or else your child will not learn to problem solve in other situations when being told no.

This is Why Grandmas are the Best....

2013-04-28T09:49:00.003-07:00

I went for a run and this is what happened while I was gone....

Why I am Freakin' Fabulous!

2013-04-28T09:47:00.001-07:00

I bet you are you only reading this post to find out if I am truly the self centered, gloating, and egotistical person that my title portrays???
Well, the truth is I am trying to create a fabulous life for myself....and a fabulous me. I don't believe that God created people to be evil, I believe that he created us all to be fabulous....yes....EVERYONE. Many people make 'less than fabulous choices' but that doesn't mean they don't have the capability to be totally fabulous if they choose to be and owning the label isn't a bad thing unless you go around telling everyone how fabulous you really are and expecting compliments.
So, my intent for this post is not to let you all know how great I am ;) but to remind you all how fabulous YOU are and remind you that you should own it! Being confident and proud is different than being narcissistic and vein. Own your beauty and work your strengths because....you really are fabulous!!

Dealing with Guilt

2013-04-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

It's crazy, isn't it? We have trouble letting go of our mistakes because we are afraid that if we forget we may make the same mistake again. But letting go (or forgiving ourselves) is different than forgetting or not learning from our mistakes. What would it feel like if you accidentally hurt a friend and every day they reminded you of what you did? You probably wouldn't want to even be friends with them anymore...so why are we so mean to ourselves?
If we are our own best friend than we can acknowledge our mistake, learn from them and become the person we want to be. Many successful entrepreneurs say that they make a million mistakes before they find success in their venture. The same philosophy goes for life...everyone makes mistakes but few learn from them. The choice is ours....feel bad about our mistakes and constantly live in doubt of ourselves .....or evolve and learn from our mistakes.

National Breakfast Week

2013-04-22T12:18:00.003-07:00

I have always believed that providing a healthy breakfast for my family is very important. Breakfast is the foundation for the rest of your day. Many nutritionists recommend having protein, whole grains, and fruits for breakfast but how many people really do? Let's face it-we're tired and having a few extra minutes in our morning is very tempting. Plus, healthy breakfast can get expensive and add to our already high grocery bill. SO, how can we improve what we put in our bodies to start our day?
Planning ahead helps. I often make eggs in the microwave and throw some toast and cheese together. Another great option is peanut butter on waffles or I make extra french toast on the weekend and freeze it.
How do you make time for a healthy breakfast?

Here are some recipe ideas...
http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/national-breakfast-week-raises-awareness-breakfast-204603746--abc-news-parenting.html

NEVER RUN OUT OF MEDS AGAIN

2013-04-20T14:48:00.002-07:00

I'm a single mom so I know one of the worst things is to run out of meds when you're kid is sick. So, I found these cool dry erase stickies at Target to use on my medicine cabinet. Now when I'm running to the store I can look at the list and see if I need anything!

Please Don't Thank Me

2013-04-20T13:45:00.001-07:00

I hate writing thank you notes.
I REALLY do.
However, I can understand the social ettiquette and respect of saying thank you and I write them (and make my kids write them) but I decided to let my friends off the hook....
Here's how...

PS. You can do this for weddings, birthdays, retirement, or anything else!

HEARTS FOR WATERTOWN

2013-04-20T12:23:00.001-07:00

Day of Silence

2013-04-20T12:21:00.002-07:00

Tough Mother!! Ways to Incorporate Exercise Into Playtime With the Kids

2013-04-16T18:36:00.001-07:00

I am doing the Tough Mudder in June. It is a half marathon race with military inspired obstacles through the mud. I only have about 45 days to get ready and I am not sure how I am going to get ready for this! I have been working out and doing some different things to train different muscles but I am no where near ready! One thing I have been doing is incorporating some exercising into my time with kids (playing, running around, etc.)

1. Walk or run with kids. You can ALWAYS find a way to run or walk with them! Just get outside or find a large indoor place and start moving!

2. Squat while your baby is in his or her bumbo or baby swing. Each time you get close to them make a funny face. To really add a challenge, squat facing them then jump facing back then jump and face forward. After only a few of these you will feel it and the baby will love it!

3. Chest presses Lift the baby in the air and then bring them close to your chest doing chest presses. Count to 10 then repeat!

4. Push ups Lay your baby on the floor facing you and do a push up over top of them. Each time you come down give them a kiss!

5. Dance around the house with your baby in your arms. Bend your knees and raise to your toes whenever you feel inclined. You’re baby will love the range in levels and you will get a great lower body workout!

6. Crawl with your baby. Once they start crawling they love it when you chase them on your hands and knees!

7. Sit ups Sit your child on your lap and do sit ups. Depending on your child’s age you can adapt the sit up but you can find a way to make it work!

Finally, just start moving! Babies love movement so start throwing some punches in the air or doing jump rope…they will love it (at least for a few minutes!)

Remember, presentation is everything! If you present these activities in a fun way they will think it is fun! It also helps if you ask them, “Would you like to do an obstacle course or race me-YOU get to choose what we do! And you have all my attention!”

Obstacle course- I have made a bazillion obstacle courses in my day! On rainy days they are great for an inside activity and on sunny days they are great for an outdoor activity. Find things that you can go under, over or through. Once you come up with some ideas and add some obstacles such as chairs or jump ropes, then you can do it going the opposite way or do it while doing a crab walk. They can even do it going backward or hoping on one foot!
Races-You can race kids anywhere and kids love it! I don’t think I need to explain any more than that!! You can do races while hopping, skipping, rolling, crab walking…use your imagination! If you want to add a challenge, touch the ground at one point during the race!
Playing a sport – So you aren’t exactly the athletic type? So what? Anyone can learn to do kickball, basketball, or soccor. The best part is your kids may not know what the real rules are so you can make it up on your own! Remember to keep it simple and not expect a lot. If they want to make up a rule, let them make up a rule! Be flexible and let them have fun….heck maybe you will too!!! If you have a kid who is a little bit older ask them to TEACH you how to play (and make funny mistakes so they laugh and get to correct you!) Act like you know nothing so they have to teach you.

The trick to exercising with your kids is just to stop thinking about what you should be doing and start doing SOMETHING...anything!! Just start moving! Try to enjoy yourself when doing these activities! You will be surprised how easy it is (and how much faster your day will go!)

One Word that Can Make Your Day Smoother

2013-04-08T08:39:00.001-07:00

One of the biggest reasons that children get frustrated is because of their inability to communicate and problem solve. Communication and problem solving are skills that take children a long time to develop. Therefore, one of the biggest ways that we can avoid tantrums is to simply ask children "Why?" when faced with a problem.
Yesterday I was taking the girls for a run with them in the double stroller. They both wanted to take a stuffed animal along for the ride. As I was running Sienna started yelling about a dog that was in a car (or at least I thought) and started screaming at the top of her lungs and stomping her feet against the bottom of the stroller. Of course I immediately thought to myself "Seriously? Why are you crying about a dog that drove by?!" Then, a man yelled behind me and as I turned around I saw him holding Sienna's stuffed dog in the air asking if it belonged to us. OHHH! THAT'S what she was yelling about!! So, we got the dog back and everything was right in the world! But it made me wonder, what if I had taken an extra minute to ask her what she was trying to tell me? Perhaps there would have been no yelling, screaming, and foot stomping.

But it makes me wonder how many times does this happens in my toddler's world? How often do her meltdowns occur because she is not able to communicate her needs effectively?

If we ask people in our lives "why?" when faced with a problem, than we can create better relationships and even increase our overall happiness. How? Most of our frustrations occur from misunderstanding another person's intentions. For example, a waitress is not providing good service at a restaurant and you immediately become frustrated and assume they are a nasty person. If we ask them why the food is taking so long we may find out that their coworker never showed up or that it's their first day on the job.

When people do something that we don't like it's rarely about us. Finding out more information when faced with a problem can help us to be more understanding and feel less stress about why the problem is happening.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE...
When your child becomes frustrated and begins to whine or cry...get down on their level and ask them why they are frustrated and even take it a step further and help them communicate exactly what happened and why they are frustrated.

Why My Toddler is Smarter than Me

2013-04-06T05:39:00.001-07:00

This morning I got up and headed out the door to go to the gym. I realized I was too late to hit the class I wanted to go to so I decided to just work out on my own at the gym. I almost got to the gym and realized I forgot my ear buds (which is a necessity for me!). Instead of getting mad, I decided to think like my 1 year old daughter, Jacklyn who makes the best of most situations.
I admit one is not my favorite age for children but there is so much I admire about toddlers. Toddlers can adapt to situations by jumping from one activity to another and being easily distracted...so I decided to distract myself...get a coffee at the store and head back home to get my ear buds and start my day again. Not a big deal.
Then I saw this video on YouTube....how smart is this toddler???
This toddler thought "outside the box" (pun intended) and found an easier way to solve her problem!

She couldn't fit the peg into the hole so she came up with an easier way! How many times do we do this in our lives? How many times have you tried to get a person to see something the way you see it or get your child to do something just the way you want only to create a stressful situation for yourself? I know I do this all the time!
But why can't we think the way toddlers think? Why do we put up so much resistance and create our own stress. Did you ever try to pick up a resisting toddler and have them completely relax their muscles and slip through your hands? Yes, they have learned that if they relax their muscles they can get out of going where they don't want to go! How genius! Maybe instead of trying to be so smart about everything we do we should just learn from our toddlers and relax or find an easier way to solve our problems. Maybe life isn't always as complicated as it seems!

Can You Relate to a Single Mom?

2013-04-04T20:48:00.001-07:00

It's occurred to me many times that the challenges I go through as a single parent are challenges that many other parents feel that are married. For one reason or another, many parents feel alone when it comes to raising their children. Maybe a spouse is working a lot, sick, or unavailable for whatever reason. When I tell some of my friends that my kids are gone for the weekend they look at me with envious, almost angry eyes with a hint of jealousy. Sometimes I think there are married single moms out there that are more alone than me. Is this you?

How to Be a Rock Star Uncle

2013-04-02T18:04:00.002-07:00

1. Give piggy back rides

2. Sit on them and flatten them into a pancake

4. Make cool forts together

5. Do a magic trick (c'mon you can google something easy!)

6. Sneak candy before dinner

7. Call them something funny like "Larry" or "Pickles"

8. Make milkshakes together

9. Do strange things like roll on the floor laughing hysterically when someone tells a silly joke

10. Give lots of hugs and a million tickles

P.S My brother REALLY is a rock star..he is the bass player for Joan Jett and the Blackhearts..and he's super cool too!

Fun and Informative

2013-04-02T04:35:00.001-07:00

This is the board we use on a regular basis to engage the kids in the accountability for the choices they make. They enjoy earning stars! This also reminds me to give them positive reinforcement for their good choices (without material rewards such as candy or stickers, etc.)

Easter Fun!

2013-04-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

The Grass is Greenest on my Side

2013-03-31T08:41:00.001-07:00

I went to church this morning with the girls. As I was sitting in church behind a nice little family I started to feel sad, envious, and jealous. I was wishing my life was like theirs and (yet I knew nothing about them!). They look 'so happy and so perfect' I thought. Tears started welling up in my eyes quickly. But then I stopped myself. I looked around again and thought about everyone's hearts-instead of their beautiful dresses. I wonder what everyone is feeling or thinking?
Holidays often bring up a lot of emotions. Often people miss loved ones that have recently passed, they might wish they had children, or maybe even wish their lives were better. What I try to remind myself is that I am right where I need to be. God has a plan. Even if my life isn't where I want it to be, there's a reason that I am sitting here, breathing here and enjoying this moment. Today, I will remember that the grass is greenest right where I am sitting. Anyway, the holiday isn't about me, is it? It's about Jesus dieing for us and it is about recreating our lives-a new beginning. It's about living in a Christian way-the way that God wants us to live. Today I thank God for my many blessings and I do my best to be present.

Undo Day

2013-03-27T19:21:00.002-07:00

Today was one of those days when I wish that I could have just pressed the 'undo button' and erased all my mistakes. It just seemed like I was making one mistake after another, losing my patience, not getting things done, saying the wrong things and not being productive, etc.
Everyone has those days but isn't it ironic that when our children make a mistake we tell them "It's OK, everyone makes mistakes and it doesn't mean they are a bad kid" Yet when we make a mistake we immediately have a "bad mom" flag pop up in our minds. Why can't we be kinder and gentler to ourselves? Why can't we follow our own advice? It's human nature to catastrophize things at times by jumping to extremes but it's important to catch yourself and say, "Wait a minute. This isn't the end of the world." If we don't stop ourselves, we are likely to get depressed, have anxiety, or use other things (alcohol, shopping, etc.) to band aid our feelings (which of course only makes matters worse).

Lately I have been journaling a lot. Journaling really helps me to process my thoughts and recreate my life. It sounds silly but I actually write letters to myself as if I'm my own best friend (which is my ultimate goal) It's amazing how nice I am to myself when I pretend to be someone else!!

Tonight I took the girls to Peace of Pizza for dinner then "car danced" to Motley Crue on the way home (I know... mother of the year teaching my daughter the song 'Smokin in the Boys Room'!)Then I came home and rocked this little cutie in the rocking chair....

and had ice cream with this cutie...

THEN some mommy cuddle time...

then some ME time....

Is my life so bad???? No, not at all! When I have a day that does not seem to go my way, I remind myself that I'm allowed to make mistakes too.....and it doesn't make me a bad mom!

Listen

2013-03-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

I love the saying, "You have two ears and one mouth for a reason". Do I practice what I preach? I try! But of course listening is an art form and something I always try to improve.
As you know, I like to talk....a lot. Duh....I'm a blogger! Maybe I'm arrogant? I don't know why I like to talk a lot. I guess I like to share information that I've learned or funny things that make me laugh with others. When it comes to parenting, I realize how important listening really is. Listening is the ultimate form of respect. Think about it. Do you ever respect people that don't listen to you? I'm willing to bet the answer is no. The same goes for children. Not only do we need to listen to them but we need to help them communicate. Here's an example...
My daughter asked me a few weeks ago, "Mommy, why is your house different than Daddy's house?". My stomach dropped and I immediately panicked trying to think of how to answer this question. Everything I've read says that I should only tell the kids about the separation based on what they ask since they are so young. Luckily, I asked Sienna, "What do you mean?" and she replied, "Why does your house have big windows and Daddy's house have little windows?" Turns out she wasn't asking about why Mommy and Daddy separated (like I initially thought)-she was merely interested in the architecture. BUT if I wouldn't have asked, I wouldn't have known!
I know this idea is going to be unpopular but I believe that our children are don't listen because we don't listen to them enough. How often are we too busy trying to do what we plan and what we think they want that we forget to really stop and listen to them? It's really not complicated!
Stop.
Look.
Listen.

MUG SHOTS!!!

2013-03-25T07:31:00.006-07:00

The Witching Hour

2013-03-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I'm getting frustrated because I'm trying to make dinner and Jacklyn's pulling at my shirt wanting me to pick her up I remind myself this....someday when she is all grown up I will be looking back wishing that these beautiful eyes and sweet little hands were wanting me to pick her up and hold her tight...