Ticky Tacky Toes

Summer days!

2012-06-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

I love days like today! It started with forgetting to bring the trash can to the edge of the curb... for the third time this month. It's usually not a big deal, as we don't got through much trash, but with old friends in town, our usage went up and the trash can was overflowing! So I watched the truck drive by, and thought to myself "this is just not going to be a good day". But then! I came to the realization that I could change this. I pretty much stalked the garbage truck, waiting for it to pick up the trash on the other side of the street, and asked him "hey, would you mind..." which he didn't! So huzzuh! It seems like such a small thing as I write it, but it helped reaffirm a "take charge" kind of attitude I thought I'd lost. So yeah!

It also doesn't hurt that's sunny, and I've left the day open to get ahead on diaper repairs and do some homework!

My diy cloth pads!

2012-02-10T18:49:00.000-08:00

I stayed up till 3:30 making some cloth menstrual pads for some moms who won them in a mini competition I put on in a group I frequent on facebook. My photos aren't great, but my camera is terrible, so it's to be expected! These still don't have snaps added and I'm still experimenting with different types of cloth pads. I'd love to make pads with snap in liners. I love how great these came out though! I still have some tweaking to do, and I plan on buying a few meters of organic cotton fleece for the inner layers, but as of now, I love them. :D
The pattern I used is from here!!

By the way, if you don't use cloth, you don't know what you're missing. :]

We're moving once again!

2012-02-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

I've been so busy! I still am, but it's important to me to keep this blog going. We found a new place, and we're moving at the beginning of the month. I've got so much to do before then, sewing, packing and fixing diapers for Cloth for a Cause. At least I'll have space for diapers and sewing space so I'm totally looking forward to moving into the beautiful 2 bedroom we found right by my school. Well I've got to go hang diapers and put together a box of diapers for shipping to the states tomorrow. Hope you all have a beautiful weekend. :D

Late night (early morning) musings.

2012-01-12T02:50:00.000-08:00

Busy busy busy said the little bee...

I've been budgeting my time out a bit better lately, and finding time to sew when I can! Mostly, I've been doing little things that can be worked on while Luca's toddling busily about. While school is still taking up a lot of my time, I've been finding myself more focused and energetic since cutting out caffeine and eating tons of fresh fruit and veggies. It allows me to be a better mom. I can't say I'm always good to myself (It IS 3am and I'm still up!), but real change takes time.

I'm going to bed. Love you all!

Counting my blessings... (the little things)

2011-12-23T19:04:00.000-08:00

We just had some old friends come and visit overnight from out of town with their little one. They left about an hour ago, and our house already feels so silent! Luca and their little one were chasing each other around, and playing like they too were old friends who had just waited too long to see one another. You never realize how lonely you are until you find yourself in good company! I've definitely been finding myself worn down lately but winter has it's way of doing that to a person. I see how much Luca enjoys watching the falling snow. He'll take my hand, and pull me to the window and point. "Look mama!" He wants nothing more then to be out in it... until it actually happens. Then he'll taste some snow, fall in it, terrified of how shockingly cold it is! He turns right around and wants to be back inside where it's warm. It's really sweet. He's been learning how to clean and pick up after himself lately. I'm always left in amazement at just how much he can do. How quickly he learns. When mama sits down to her accounting homework, he's there beside me, drawing his first lines, and curves. In a few short years- those scribbles will be letters, and numbers! We're hoping to homeschool him. I'll be in college while he's in school, so I'm not sure how, but we'll find a way to make it work. I've found myself so caught up in school, I need to remind myself several times a day, that there are other very important things I need to take care of... like taking time out to just hang out with Luca. Whether that's drawing, cuddling, or painting, and I'm so fortunate to have people in my life who help make everything possible, and put things into perspective.

Snowfall in our backyard!

2011-12-10T12:22:00.001-08:00

English and Arts.

2011-11-28T10:27:00.001-08:00

I thought I'd be relieved, or maybe it would be easier when I moved on from Math and began finishing my English courses. Nope. While I do love English, I hate writing essays. Finishing school through an adult education center is far less interesting then finishing in on of Andrew Leamy's AP English courses. I've forgotten what assonance, hyperbole, and all of these other poetic terms mean, and need to look them up every few minutes. All the while, my mind is wandering to my sewing room. I made a beautiful cloth box the other day. I gifted it to my mom for her knitting supplies. Photos are below. My camera is not the best quality but you get the idea. The pattern was taken from the book "Growing Up Sew Liberated: Making Handmade Clothes and Projects for your Creative Child" by Meg McElwee. Such an amazing book. Throughout the book, everything is concise, and well thought out. Not complicated, but still endearing. I think I'll probably end up sewing everything in the book! I should get back to school work. You have yourselves a productive day!

Truth and some things.

2011-11-22T13:19:00.001-08:00

I've battled for some time with this overwhelming urge to take flight and go. I was really unhappy for the first 6 months of motherhood, and I had thought it might have been that I wasn't ready, or that I had made the wrong decision in not choosing to adopt Luca. I hated being stuck in the house, and when spring came, instead of being happy with the flowers, I was angry with my inability to travel like all of my nomadic friends. I would spend a great amount of my time angry, and upset because I felt like a caged bird. I wasn't a fun person to be around at the time, but that was okay because I never really left the house. The only thing that ever really made me happy at all was Luca. His little smile, soft skin and the smell of his breath.

At one point, I thought that maybe I was suffering from Postpartum Depression. I can look back objectively now, and have made a few clear revelations. Being a mother is difficult and early on, I wasn't receiving help from my partner. I was never upset with Luca, but I envied of every other mom I came across who had free hands for even just an hour. I didn't blame dennis either, because he was just as confused as I was, trying to find his way through all of it. We really were just kids. I don't think we ever really factored parenthood into our lives at all until it happened.

I had been homeless for a few years, and in an abusive relationship for years before that, and I think I just knew what everyone was saying about my pregnancy. Anytime I told anyone, I could always here the concern in their voices "Are you sure you're ready for it?" "Is it a good thing?" and the things people were saying behind my back were much worse. Knowing all of this, I guess I became so caught up with appearances, that I never talked about how I was feeling. I was so worried about messing things up that I never took a moment for myself. I would look amazing after pregnancy, my house immaculate, I ate an almost obsessively balanced diet through my pregnancy. No plastic cups (bpa) or mcdonalds for this momma. I researched everything I could about pregnancy and parenting and didn't realize how rigid the limitations I was setting for myself were. It really made everything worse, but I know I'll never give anything but support to struggling moms. I think I had trapped myself in this metality of "perfection" and when I gained weight or my house became a bit messy, I was ruthless in blaming myself.

I've learned to let go of all of that, and now I'm taking time for myself. I know my demeanor has changed. I feel much more confidant, and no longer look for fault in other moms. Feeling as if the whole world is judging you as a mother really makes you find fault with other moms who are also doing their best. There have been times where I looked at someone feeding her child McDonalds, and felt so repulsed by it, and never really realized that I was doing the same thing that made parenting so difficult for me. I was adding to the problem rather then being a part of the solution.

I've lost my "touch" with blogging, and I think it's because I've feared letting anyone know what I was really thinking, or how I was feeling. This is me, and I'm flawed. I'll be honest with you all from here on in. :]

My new tattoo

2011-11-12T12:30:00.001-08:00

I went in for my second tattoo on November 8th. Thomas Lowe from Happy Monkey tattoo in Prince George, BC is tattoo artist, and he deserves full props.

Bumblebee my birthday.

2011-11-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

Busy busy busy. I've got a year left before I'm finished highschool, and then I'm on to college! (student loans and debt.) My birthday passed by on the 1st of November. We visited the Exploration place with some family, and watched them catapult pumpkins in the parking lot before they were composted. It's the first birthday I've had where every single gift was something that I loved. Dennis bought me a family membership to the Exploration Place, and nana got me a bookshelf. Some of my favorite people gifted a copy of the zine "Hotpants", a diy gynecology book. Click the colored text to download it and share! I'm going in on Tuesday to have my second tattoo done with the voucher for a free tattoo that my sister gave to me. I won't tell you what it is... yet. I will, however, upload a photo with which to share it with you when done! :D

As of late.

2011-10-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

Good ol' google search results. They never really fail to entertain.

What are people looking up today?

big bald labia.

Someone googled that and somehow ended up at my blog.

On another note,

I know I haven't been around much, but I've been really busy! I swear. I'm not trying to give you all the run around. I started a charity called "Cloth for a Cause." We supply low income families with cloth diapers (yay!). I've been there, and I know how intimidating putting $300-$400 at once down on diapers can be.

I'm happy it's been taking off recently though. We have 5 people waiting for diapers, and the community is really giving. We're hoping to do some fundraising to cover the costs of shipping diapers and buying used ones when the supply dwindles.

You can check it out here:

https://www.facebook.com/clothforacause

Well... I have to run to school now. I'm now babysitting so I can pay babysitters.

(thank you for napping so I could write this, Luca!)

ps; I should mention... at almost 15 months, he's already begun to say "no" he shakes his head and goes "no!" when we ask him to give us hugs. Too cute. For now.... haha!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2011-09-08T02:03:00.000-07:00

It's been such a busy day here at our house. I went to town, and bought 6 new-to-me Kawaii diapers, and began a new project called "Cloth for a Cause". It's a cloth diaper network. I'm hoping to provide low income families with free cloth diapers. We've already had people interested in donating diapers! I've been buying diapers out of pocket and giving them away for awhile now so it's going to be nice to have some help.

We also got a hedgehog named Lilly not long ago. She's really not very friendly. She bite a lot when we first got her but she's coming around. It'll get better, the more love and time we give her. She's actually sleeping in my lap right now, and Luca's snoozing beside me. Well I'm going to join them in dreamland.

Goodnight, friends!

2011-09-03T19:41:00.000-07:00

I've been getting a lot of google search results for The Third Ave Collective, and I just wanted to share their new website and facebook pages.

Website:

http://3rdavecollective.com/

Facebook:

Personal page: great for updates and things of that sort:

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002012752454

https://www.facebook.com/pages/3rd-ave-collective/185971838104351

The end of summer

2011-09-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

It's one of the most beautiful sun shining days Prince George has seen this summer. It may also be our last so I'll be leaving to enjoy it soon. I went semi-vegan a few weeks ago, and I've been really energetic as a result. It's forced me to prepare my own meals, and eat more vegetables. You end up eating far more often, but if I'm not mistaken, isn't it recommended that you eat 5-7 small meals throughout the day opposed to 3 large meals? It's supposed to keep your metabolism running I believe. Anyways, we've been really busy lately, trying to take in the last bits of summer. Hiking, swimming, and hanging out with Luca's little friends. I've been feeling adventurous in terms of meals and have been making almost all of our food from scratch. I've also been trying to eat more raw veggies, and oh my gosh! I love this new world of food. Check out this trippy veggie I found at the market last week:

ronanesco cauliflower

the best of times.

2011-08-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to stay away from you, computer. But I do miss blogging.

I'll let all of you in on what's been up since my last entry. Artswells got better, even though it did rain the entire time, I had lots of friends around to lend me a hand with Luca. Some of my favorite performances were at night, so I ended up dancing with Luca until he went to sleep, and then I'd dance until 3 or 4 in the morning, and the bands would quit playing. Luca would sleep in his umbrella stroller or on the bleachers with his little noise blocking earmuffs on while I danced beside him. The ride home was even enjoyable, with good music and amazing friends, and we hit up barkerville before heading home on the last day. Wells is such a sweet little town, with adorable little houses all very colorful and box shaped. Next year I'll be better prepared and I won't come alone. Here are a few pictures from Artwells. :]


Luca's uncle helping him get his balance.


We pedaled this thing around town with Luca on my lap, and picked up a few hitchhikers while we went.

When it was really rainy, and we needed a break, we'd hang out in the tent, and I'd let Luca root through the bags.


Just one example of one of the houses in Wells.


barkerville.

Pulling off his socks! Also, I'm never using an umbrella stroller again!

When we actually arrived home, Dennis had invited a hitchhiker to stay the night. Can't say I loved the fellow, but whatever. :P

So yeah, since getting back, we've basically been jogging, and out all of the time. I'm starting to go to yoga every Wednesday, and slow down on eating dairy. I think it was contributing to my feeling lethargic, and my weight gain. I gained 30 pounds in a few months time. It was a bit tough to get out of the cycle of not exercising/eating unhealthily, but I guess all I really needed to do was get out more often, and be more picky with my food. I ended up buying a BOB Revolution SE stroller, and I feel more inclined to get out since getting it. It's like pushing air.. especially after pushing that damned umbrella stroller all weekend.

In addition to making my own lifestyle more healthy, I've been trying to do the same for Luca. We've been waking up at 10am most mornings, and I'm hoping to get it down to 7am and eventually 6:30. I've been writing down his nap times, and I never really realized it, but his naps are fairly consistent. This should help me plan our days more, and help us figure out how to get him to bed by 9 or 10pm. Well... the munchkin is waking up now.

Have a beautiful day.

Of wells.

2011-07-30T17:03:00.000-07:00

Wells is a beautiful city, the music is amazing, and the people are great but oh my goodness. I wish dennis were here, it's so rough taking care of Luca on my own in a new place. Luca's sleeping right now and we're in a little store around the size of my bathroom back home. It's just been dreary and rainy and cold at night. I hope things get better, because I'm just really frustrated. We brought cloth diapers because I was told there was a laundromat but then found out there was none, and there are no places selling disposible diapers. I might sneak into the bathroom and handwash them but I don't know if they'd dry with all of the rain. Blah, I'm just frustrated. Can't wait to talk to dennis at 9:30. Can't wait for the rain to go away. Last night, I danced until 1am, while Luca slept in his stroller with his Peltor ear protection nearby. When I left him with his uncle Jay, I ran back to the camp and on my way back from the tent, I was hurrying and tripped over the huge concrete block, and ended up winding myself. Such an odd sensation to not be able to breath. Okay well I'm going to try to go and do something. Not sure what yet, but venting was nice. See you all in a few days.

Venting!

2011-07-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

I'm still packing but oh my gosh. Luca has so much stuff! I'm bringing all sorts of warm clothes because apparently Wells gets pretty cold at night. We have a sleeping bag but you can't really be too careful with the baby! I have like 4 bags of stuff, a sleeping bag, a tent, and a jogging stroller. I hope my ride to the festival doesn't mind the heap of stuff I'm bringing... yikes. I just got a call from Everything Baby, and my B.O.B. jogging stroller just came in!!! I can't wait to go cruising in it! It's a devilishly attractive stroller. They said it wouldn't be in till the 15th of next month so it's just great that it's in so early! Yay! I wasn't able to find unbleached, compostable diapers in the hart so it looks like I'll be using cloth at the festival. I'm not too dissapointed about it, it just sucks not knowing where the laundromat is and how far it is from the festival grounds. I'm so nervous about everything haha. Haven't really gone anywhere in a year and a half and never far with Luca.

Our summer so far.

2011-07-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from our summer, taken by Luca's nana Jan. Enjoy!

Uncle Jesse got Luca's handprint tattooed on his leg.

Luca wakes up in time for his first birthday party!

My mom helped make his birthday happen. She helped so much!

Uncle Jesse's birthday gift to Luca.

He loves his indoor sandbox


Nana and poppys birthday gift, and Luca's first slam dunk.

Luca's first time in his mushroom pool!

Cute little bloomers.

He got out, but turned back realizing that the water was much warmer then outside was.

Such a cute facial expression.

Nana drying him off. :]

Love, from our family to yours.

Festival tomorrow!

2011-07-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for Artswells tomorrow! The friend who had originally offered to give me a ride was unable to after hitting a deer, but 24 hours later, someone posted on the ride share board offering a ride from prince george to wells so... yay! I've been going going going all day today, and asked my mom to take Luca for the next ttwo hours so I could really start packing. We went and visited his aunty dawn today, and I also bought a pair of Nomads Hempwear organic cotton/hemp "Grab Pants" and an organic cotton/soy "Blossom" shirt. Both are made in Nelson BC, and I've been a fan of their facebook for sometime now, but didn't know until today that they sell clothes out of the Homeworks store in downtown Prince George. I love them so much! The were on sale for 20% off to boot. Now that I've got my comfy hemp wear, unbleached, compostable diapers for luca, enough Amy's canned organic soup for the weekend, and Luca's hearing protection, and I feel like I'm ready to go to Wells. I'm going to see if they have any sort of computer cafe or something I can hop on and give you all an update but I doubt I'll try that hard, I'll probably be so immersed in the festivities. I'm looking forward to camping out the most probably. Still a bit weary about going with Luca, especially with all of this rain. Hoping it will work out favorably though. Oh, and I forgot to mention! Luca's nana and I went out and bought a B.O.B. jogging stroller. They're top of the line, and I just can't wait to run my butt off when it comes in on the 15th. I gained a ton of weight and I just feel lethargic when I don't exercise for long periods of time. I can't even hula hoop because I'm making a rug with my hoop! I'm such a procrastinator!

I won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past.

2011-07-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

I just ordered some PUL! It's basically a polyester with a film inside that traps moisture and works great for diapers! Unfortunately, I don't know if I can keep selling my diapers at 10 dollars each, with 4 pieces of PUL being $22.50. I'd still have to pay for materials for inserts, velcro, fleece. Not to mention all the time it takes me to make them.. Oi! I'll have to work all of this out without compromising quality.

On another note! I just made Luca spaghetti with quinoa. also, note Dennises glazed video game face.

Zombie zombie Zombie

2011-07-25T03:59:00.000-07:00

I'm finally tugging myself out of my depression, and getting outside a bit more. I've been missing so much since my little slump. It's just so beautiful outside, and being out there more makes the apartment seem so stuffy and confining. I think I need to replenish and focus inwards. Fix some self esteem issues I didn't really realize I had. I think I have some sort of weird social anxiety issues. When hanging out with anyone- even friends, I just feel pretty out of place. Sort of incredibly awkward.

I'm trying to pin the cause of it down, and I think it's really just that I've convinced myself that nobody wants to hear anything I have to say. I just sort of sabotage myself mid conversation, clam up, and then leave feeling like the biggest weirdo. Really offsets the rest of my day, and I never end up getting anything out of the interaction, and I never really say my point eloquently because I've convinced myself nobody wants to hear it. Ah! I've got tons of things I can change about myself though. Lots of time to do it too. I think I'll go on a little hiatus from the internet for a week or two after the festival. If I end up going. The friend who volunteered to give me a ride hit a deer today (he's fine!) and I'm pretty sure he has no windsheild so we'll see how things unfold.

Going to Artswells Music Festival!

2011-07-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

Artswells music festival is coming up in just a week and I'm starting to get really excited! I just got back from getting my fringe cut, and found a ten dollar second hand sleeping bag in a store window! I love the Hart for stuff like that. After buying the sleeping bag, I went into the little cafe in the mall, and bought myself a fair trade coffee, and chatted with the owner about cloth diapers. I showed her one of the ones i make and she wants to start selling them! If I sell enough, I can invest in some lovely organic cottons. Maybe even a snap press! Oh so many possibilities... if only I could stop giving my diapers away!!! :P

Dennis and I are splitting the cost and buying a Beco baby carrier so Luca can enjoy the music from my arms, and I'm so happy we bought hearing protection for him. I've never even been to Wells or Barkerville so I'm not really sure what's there in terms of grocers or whether I should cloth diaper while I'm there and just do laundry every day or use disposables. I'm leaning towards cloth but I don't really want to be packing them around all day, with our campsite being a half hour walk from the festival grounds, and taking the time out to wash the cloth would prove difficult. It's crazy how much more there is to plan when going somewhere with a child!

I'm going to start working on making a twirly circle skirt out of some cute flower print sheets for the festival today... if I can get Luca busy with something. It's hard to sew with him around. He just loves unwinding my threads. Well I should get to it! I'll be blogging more soon, seeing as my school is now on summer break until August I should have more time for blogging. Tons to do in the next week though! I'll try putting a blog up if there are any internet cafes in the little town of Wells BC. Have a good one, guys!

why you no post?

2011-07-18T02:40:00.001-07:00

I'm so tired.

That being said, after about 6 hours of homework, I'm finally getting somewhere. I really need to finish highschool.

2011-07-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

Even a bird would want a taste of dirt from abyssal dark
The prick of a feather could make a kingdom burn and the bloodshed start

If she shows her breasts, she's asking for it???

2011-07-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

While going through old news stories about the Vancouver Riots last night, I found a post about an unnamed young lady who was sexually assaulted by Olympic hopeful Nathan Kotylak while flashing her breasts to a crowd of rioters.

While the assault itself disturbed me, the comments below the post were an even bigger slap in the face.

Gwen Fitzgerald comments:

"maybe the woman shouldn't be throwing them out there?"

Dave LeBlanc has this to say about the assault:

"she provoked attention, so she got it simple"

and

"Didn't say she deserves it, like i say real women know better, THAT MEN LACK SELF-CONTROL that's why we have certain places for that crap (maybe you've never heard of a strip club?) there's a time and a place for everything, simple..."

Is it acceptable for a person to be molested if they shows skin? Is it admissible to say that if she shows her breasts, men, because of their inherant "lack of self control" are not guilty of wrong? Is it okay to blame the victim while defending the person commiting the rape?

Does this remind anyone else of the Toronto police officer who said "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized"?

Are these comments just symptomatic of a culture which represses sexuality and sexual equality or was she "asking for it" by showing her breasts?