Tides and Tire Swings

A year in review..Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 01:45:00 +0000

Thanksgiving Smilebox!

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 18:32:00 +0000

Personalize your own free digital scrapbooking design

Breathing “Thanks.”

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 04:47:00 +0000

I’m sitting here on Thanksgiving night, with a big mug of tea and a full heart. We had a wonderful day with family, but there is one thing that has been on my mind more than anything else when I think about what I am thankful for. It’s how far we’ve come from the daily agony of having a child with mental illness.

I watched a documentary about a boy with autism the other night and remembered all too vividly those long inconsolable meltdowns. The hopelessness of facing another day, another week, another year, with the same issues. The isolation from the world of normal family life, the separation from your child by illness that has stolen them away, wondering what the future holds for them, for you. Not daring to hope, but needing to hope enough to try the next treatment, the next therapy. Living in survival mode and when there was a lull in the symptoms only being able to try to catch up and take a breath.

I have been breathing for awhile now. She has been stable for many months. I don’t even remember since when. It wasn’t sudden or dramatic or the result of one particular thing. It has just been all of the right things coming together, in a way that only God can take credit for.

This past week she made the honor roll at school. She is figuring out her social world and building relationships with her peers. She takes personal responsibility for her homework and her time. And I most proud of how she helped me chop vegetables for our thanksgiving cooking this week. She worked WITH me. It sounds like such a simple thing but it’s one of those that I naturally expected my little girl to do with me, and I have had to set aside so many of those dreams.

I used to not even dare to think that maybe the stability would last. But it has. The right combination of 4 different medications, weekly therapy with the same therapist for 6 years, and sending her to school. But mostly just waiting. Living the life God gave us to live, with the child he gave us, one day at a time. Sometimes just barely surviving those days. Relying on the prayers of the people who loved and cared for us, when I didn’t pray myself. It was a LONG eight or so years and I’m sure there will be some very tough times ahead. But I’m taking a breath now to say, she’s stable, thank you God, she’s stable.

The Non-candy store

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 02:06:00 +0000

I don’t want my kids to miss out on the fun of getting a big bag of candy on October 31st. But I don’t want all of that candy to become part of their bodies and brains either.

^{Beatrix discovered the wonders of candy last year.}

^{And knows what she’s after this year.}

^{But how do you get those darn tootsie rolls open?!}

^{Maybe you just eat the paper…. hey Mom!}

^{I guess pretzels are good too.}

Acadia and Lily are not happy with only eating the pretzels. So we’ve come up with a happy solution all around…

The non-candy store.

In this store the goods are good for you and the candy is the cash!

Here’s last year’s store:

^{Strawberries, pistachios, spritzer, toys, games and art supplies}

And here’s this year’s store:

^{Organic fruit sour gummy worms and bears, peanut and almond butter squeeze packs, sparkling cider, art and school supplies, socks, hair things, cups, and the coolest thing: window climbing ninjas.}

They still had some candy left after buying all the stuff I had, (my prices weren’t high enough!) so they portioned out the rest for the next few days. But this is all the stuff I kept OUT of their tummies and off their teeth:

I know there’s other creative methods of cutting back on candy. What are your ideas?

Celebrating Reformation Day

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 02:20:00 +0000

When I discovered that October 31st is the day protestants celebrate Reformation Day, that was the end of trying to come up with a Halloween alternative. Not only is there something else to celebrate besides the “harvest” or the “hallows”, it is something so important that it is the foundational to our faith as believers! For the last 5 years we have thrown a Reformation Day party and celebrated the important truths of Scripture that were re-discovered during the reformation. This year we focused on the truths that are found in the 5 Solas : Sola scriptura ("by Scripture alone") Sola fide ("by faith alone") Sola gratia ("by grace alone")Solus Christus or Solo Christo ("Christ alone" or "through Christ alone") and Soli Deo gloria ("glory to God alone").

Our carnival style games were centered around 5 questions and answers about these Solas:

Where can we find the good news? ~Only in the Bible

How can we be saved? ~ Only by Faith

How can we be accepted by God? ~Only by Grace

Who is our only hope? ~Only Jesus Christ

Why does God save us? ~Only for his Glory

We transformed our church building into the White Horse Inn, which was a place in Cambridge where the early reformers met to discuss the ideas of Martin Luther. His books were smuggled into England hidden in bales of cloth.

The kids had fun with our “horsey” theme this year!

After playing games to earn coins, the kids traded them for candy.

And a good time was had by all.

Stay tuned to find out what happens to the candy my kids brought home!

In which we do not go down with the ship

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Fri, 28 May 2010 03:16:00 +0000

The last several months have been some rough seas for my kids. In December we went to NIH for updates in the research protocols that the girls are involved in, and they told us that Lily has ADHD. Finding that out seemed to trigger depression in her and she has really struggled with anger, sadness, and frustration in addition to attention problems. Acadia has not been very stable and her nighttime anxiety has become OCD. All of this has made homeschooling very difficult to say the least. Having two kids at home together trying to do math while riding emotional tides and attentional tire swings is a perfect storm. Throw in a vocal toddler who wants to be in the middle of everything and the S.S. Homeschooling starts going down.

We have decided not to go down with the ship. I love homeschooling, when it is what it is intended to be: A nurturing environment where kids can learn and grow. But it has become something else. And it has not been good. I care too deeply about the emotional health of each of my little girls to pretend that we can just continue this way.

This is a big leap for me. I have not thought about sending my kids to school before. I feel like I have been brought to this moment and then given the grace to make the decision and move forward.

While Dan and I were in the process of discussing this, I was reminded of a song I have loved for some time. It’s a reminder of who is in the midst of the “perfect storm” and that the safest place to be is out on the waves with the God who controls them, not clinging to the boat that is sinking fast.

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

Voice of Truth ~Casting Crowns

We heart mini donkeys

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Fri, 14 May 2010 16:18:00 +0000

We happen to think that mini donkeys are downright adorable and the other day we saw a mother and baby as we were driving by. So we stopped and asked if we could take a closer peek. The owner was kind enough to turn off the fence and let the kids have a little visit.

This little baby is 3 weeks old and his name is Jumping Jack.

“Okay everyone I am going to turn the fence on…..NOW”!

Gotta love the perks of homeschooling. Spontaneous field trips!

Losing it....the weight I mean.

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 11 May 2010 00:51:00 +0000

We started eating real whole foods last fall. But I hadn't been losing any weight. Dan asked me if it would be motivating for me to have a goal/reward/carrot. I said well, yeah! So we came up with the goal of losing 10 pounds and he would get me the Wii balance board and Wii Fit Plus. I accepted the challenge. It took me about two months and I am still losing. I LOVE playing on Wii fit, but that's not really how I'm losing weight. I promised my facebook friends I would share my secret so here's what I'm doing.

Eating whole foods as much as possible, avoiding processed foods, corn syrup and artificial sweeteners.
Replacing vegetable oils or shortenings with traditional fats and oils.

Drinking raw whole milk and eating full fat dairy, butter, cheese, etc.

Limiting breads and giving up processed cereal.

And my number one secret for making this all work.....COCONUT OIL!

Here's why I think the extra virgin coconut oil is the catalyst for my weight loss. It contains medium chain fatty acids that increase metabolism, keep me feeling satisfied longer, and reduce my sugar cravings. I cook my eggs in it for breakfast. I put it on my oatmeal, in my coffee or tea, or make a warm vanilla milk drink with it. I sometimes cook or bake with it when it fits the recipe. I use a couple of tablespoons a day, and when I hit a plateau with my weight, I make sure to work on incorporating it into my diet more. Find out more about coconut oil, good fats, and weight loss here.

So that's my secret. It's working well, I'm not hungry, I try to limit portions, but I still eat dessert sometimes! I'm trying to excercise too. I have lost 15 pounds so far and am hoping to lose more. I feel like the food I am eating is nourishing me, and my body is letting go of what I don't need now, that it's happier :)

How to get a really strong iced coffee for $1.05 (and rip off DD)

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 04 May 2010 00:24:00 +0000

Yeah. I'm pretty pleased. I just got this really robust iced coffee for really cheap.

It's because I married a Java Genius. When I'm at home my JG just makes me an iced coffee with espresso, ice and half 'n half. But he figured out a way to get this same Beautiful Beverage when we're on the road, without paying a lot of money for it.

And although I'm not willing to share my JG, I will share this fantastic secret with all of my Dear Readers. Here's whatcha do.

Go to Dunkin Donuts and ask for: a double espresso, on ice, with cream (and sugar, if that's how you take it). But hold on, it's not quite that simple. Now comes the hard part. You must wait while the teller is momentarily befuddled. "Can you repeat that?" he says. And you do. "That will be a dollar five," he says. And yes, that's $1.05 for a BB at DD without even having your own JG!

So, DR, are you curious why it costs so much less than a regular iced coffee? It's because you're not paying for water. A double espresso (also known as a turbo shot at DD) is only $1.05, and they don't charge extra for cream or ice. If you make the mistake of ordering an iced coffee with a turbo shot you're going to pay somewhere around $3 which is just too much to shell out very often.

And if you don't drink coffee and you still want a novel way to cool off you can try Lily's method:

Let me know if you try either of these hot tips, I'd love to know what the tellers tell YOU!

A few of my favorite things

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Sun, 02 May 2010 02:55:00 +0000

The beautiful shape of these mangos. What a fantastic Designer!

Blue sky in the background, chubby cheeks in the foreground.

Morning sun making shadow masks, jammies stained with that one little sip of Dad's coffee.

Bair piggy toes peeking out from blue jeans, gripping the floor with all their might.

This bright yellow vintage highchair, it makes me happy when I look at it.

What would you do?

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 00:58:00 +0000

What would you do if someone threw things at you from across the room

What would you do if they threw something at your child and she screamed in pain

What would you do if someone followed your child around day after day and screamed insults and accusations at her

What would you do if they ripped photos of your children out of their frames and destroyed them

What would you do if someone could make your child cringe with just a word or a look

What would you do if someone made your baby cry in fear

What would you do if someone like this was with you and your family 24/7

What would you do if this someone ... was your little girl?

Beatrix LIVE!

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 00:24:00 +0000

Bea the Biter

Bea and the Barnyard

Bea and the Basket

b&m&b: Real Food on the Run

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 02:32:00 +0000

One of the big challenges for our family in eating real food right now is what to eat when we are in town and haven't packed a lunch. Cadi has been going through fast food withdrawal, but we are making progress.

When we are downtown on a weekday we like to go to Bagel Central, a local bagel shop that makes fresh homemade food. I get the girls a bagel with melted cheddar, and I like the potato pancake served with applesauce and sour cream. Especially in the winter it's nice to be able to have something warm and tasty to nourish us during our busy day of errands and appointments. Plus, it's one of my favorite spaces; exposed brick, long tables, and now they even have WiFi!
Tonight, we were out shopping and had planned to head over to Bagel Central but they close early on Friday night for the Sabbath. Out next stop was Target so we decided to throw in the dishtowel on getting good food and get something from the snack bar. I will NOT tell you what Dan and the kids ate other than to say it was "foodless food" as Holly has christened it. I was

going to eat the same thing for lack of better choices, when I discovered that Starbucks has oatmeal! I mixed in the dried fruit, nuts, and brown sugar, and enjoyed my sweet but nourishing supper. In fact, I kinda kept going on and on about it to Dan, who was not nearly as thrilled as I was. Our dinner entertainment was this little girl sitting in her stroller making funny faces and laughing to our uproarious response.
The girls were also highly amused by Dan's warning to them that they might not be able to get pretzels at Target because the machine might be broken or something. When we got up to the counter, lo and behold, the woman told us the pretzel machine was broken! (Miller family smirks and giggles.) She said that the pretzels in the case were just for display. I'm thinkin' those ones probably have as much nutrient content as the ones they make anyway.

I still need to work on more ideas for eating on the run, but at least now I have two. Tomorrow I'll be making granola bars, which would also be a good thing to pack for snacks in the car, but I have a feeling they won't last long around here!

Get out and play in it!

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:54:00 +0000

'Bout time for a blog post with family pictures eh? I thought so too. When it snows, my family has a tendency to be gloomy about it. But once you get out there and start playing in it together, it is kind of fun. That is, if you can find your boots, and mittens, and your ski pants feel just right.

Beatrix, waiting for a snowflake

Lily, on the slide

Mom thinks I can't possible move in this snowsuit,
but the bathroom door is open and now is my chance.

Seals do it, and so can I. Slap-swish, slap-swish.

Bub-bye.

Merry Christmas 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:10:00 +0000

Make a Smilebox photobook

Bread and Milk and Blackberries for Supper

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 01:53:00 +0000

I haven't blogged in forever. I have thought about blogging at least every other day. Tonight the kids are in bed and Dan is watching a movie I don't care to watch, and it seems like a good time to just start.

You might remember bread, milk and blackberries from the story of Peter Rabbit. This is what the little bunnies had for a simple supper when Peter was sent to bed with chamomile tea. I am introducing Bread, Milk, and Blackberries for Supper as a new "foodie" feature of my blog. I have blogged about food before, and posted a recipe here and there. But recently food has become more of an interest for me.... specifically "real" food, like bread, and milk and blackberries. Let me tell you where I'm coming from.

For Mother's Day Dan got me some ducklings. When the starter feed ran out I went back to the farmer's supply store to get more and it was out of stock. I asked if my ducklings were old enough to switch to corn, and was told that they were. So I brought home a bag of cracked corn. I hadn't started giving them kitchen scraps yet, so all they had was corn and water. Being a very new farmer-person I thought that was good enough. Soon though, the ducklings started having seizures. It was so disturbing to watch that I didn't want to go out and see them. I went online to see what could be wrong with them and discovered that they had symptoms of vitamin deficiency. Especially the vitamin E found the green stuff they should have been eating. So that night I fixed them a big pan of spinach and scraps with vitamin E capsules drizzled on top. They loved it, and the seizures resolved right away once their poor little bird brains were sufficiently nourished. I started feeding them kitchen scraps with lots of green stuff and mixed rabbit pellets in with the corn, which they thrived on.

A few months later I came across a book called "Real food for mother and baby" by Nina Planck. It was eye-opening. Many books and articles and films later, I realized that I had been starving my own brain pretty much the same way I accidentally starved those little ducklings. I hadn't been eating real food. I had been eating whatever was at the store, which seems like food but is often so far removed from the actual thing, it is now something else entirely. And when you trace it all they way back to what most of this "food" is made from, you come back to......corn. The same thing my little ducks tried to live on but couldn't. I want to give my kids nourishing food. This family's brains can definitely use all the help we can get.

So stay tuned for more "Bread, Milk, and Blackberries for Supper". You can count on the bread being homemade, the milk being raw, and the blackberries being local. I will be serving up some recipes, ideas, and chronicling my new quest for real food, in between turns on the tire swing.

And Baby makes....Joy!

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:07:00 +0000

Rewind 3 years. It is August and I sit writing in my journal by the lake on our family vacation:

"God has changed my heart. How else can I describe it? I do not just have a different viewpoint. My heart is full and it is God who has filled it with his Truth from His Word. He has turned my heart toward my children. (Malachi 4:6) Given me clear vision for their education. Opened my closed heart and mind to the blessing of more children. He has freed me from the fear of depression with this Scripture: "

"Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O Earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones... Lift up your eyes and look around; all your sons gather and come to you. 'As surely as I live,' declares the Lord, 'you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride. The children born during your bereavement will yet say in your hearing, 'This place is too small for us; give us more space to live in'. Then you will say in your heart, 'Who bore me these?' I was bereaved and barren; I was exiled and rejected. Who brought these up?" Isaiah 49:13-21

God was challenging me to stop living in fear and regret. "Oh, we can't have more children because Cadi is so difficult and it might make her worse, plus I can't have a baby and take an antidepressant, plus I could end up with postpartum depression...."etc. He was challenging me to leave Acadia in His hands. Who was I to say that another sibling would be bad for her?
I did not know then that my "bereavement" would not only be the depression that our family battles, but also 2 miscarriages in the next two years, and an emotionally difficult pregnancy. I also did not know the depth of joy that a child can bring, when God chooses to bless in the midst of difficult situations.

Immediately after Beatrix was born she was quiet and alert and looking up into our faces. A week or two later she started smiling while she looked into our eyes. It really didn't matter that newborns are not supposed to smile. She was blessing our family with joy in a way that nothing else could.

She is now 4 and 1/2 months old and learning to laugh. We laugh at her as she jumps and jumps in her "jolly jumper". Acadia and Lily change diapers, sing lullabies, and are fantastic babysitters already. God obviously knew what he was doing, and our growing family is simply a portrait of His grace.

Confession

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:38:00 +0000

I've been thinking I should blog about why I haven't been blogging. Did you catch the problem in that statement? It's actually the answer to why I haven't written. I've been depressed. Not everyday, but I have been struggling with it throughout this pregnancy and I think since I only have 34 or so days left until this baby arrives it's time to come clean. It's hard for me to blog when I am depressed, or even if I was depressed yesterday because I don't want to think about my life. I just want to get through it the best I can and not analyze it. I don't want to make my life sound any worse or any better than it is and I have a fear that whatever I write will do that. I also think about all the different people I know who read this and worry what they will think about this or that thing that I write. I just want to hide until I feel better.
Apparrently the hormones that are rushing through my body to make this baby grow are stronger than the medication I take to keep my brain from crashing. I tried taking more of it but it just made me so sleepy I couldn't do anything. I think, in retrospect, maybe I should have just tried a different drug earlier on. But now I want to wait until the baby comes and see what happens. My family, my therapist, and now all of you, know that my depression might worsen postpartum and that I would need to get more help, but there is also the possibility that I might start to feel better. So I will wait it out one day at a time. If you see me and I am smiling, know that I am not trying to pretend to be happy, I am probably just okay at that moment. I seem to be able to do and think about some things but not others. I am looking forward to seeing this new baby, and my newest little nephew, but let's not talk about money, or the middle east, or health care, or christian persecution, or missions or child abuse okay? Those are some of my recent triggers into the depths of despair and I can't seem to distance myself from the emotional part of them right now.
As for an update on Acadia...
I had a phone meeting with one of the researchers at NIH this week to answer questions about the last 6 months. I didn't have a lot written down, but thankfully I had blogged about the manic episode Acadia had in the fall and I was able to use that to answer most of the questions. I need to remember to keep blogging updates now and then just for my own sake since I'm not keeping any other sort of journal for her right now. She had been pretty stable until we got close to Christmas and then she started having some anxiety about how long it was going to be until Christmas, and what we were doing everyday. She wanted to fill up every minute of her day with some exciting activity until Christmas morning arrived. With help from my Mom we kept her as busy as we could, but we were still hearing a lot of "I'm so bored I can't stand it". It's been difficult for me to be depressed and unmotivated and not able to think of ideas and things for her to do when it seems like she often needs or wants me to do that for her. She likes to have her environment prepared for her because it decreases her stress and anxiety level so much. For example; Mom hasn't been making sure all the socks are clean, paired, and in the drawer, so she's had to go looking for socks when she needs them and gets very frustrated. On the other hand she CAN do many things independently and often does, so it's more a matter of figuring out what the biggest stressors are and trying to help her with those. And then there's the things you can't avoid, like Christmas. Thanks to Seroquel she slept great and then we all got up and opened presents together. Once that was done we told her there would be about an hour to wait until we left to go to Grammie's. This was apparently more than she could handle because she started getting agitated and stomping around the house. Then she was saying how much she hated Christmas, throwing things, dumping crayons everywhere and getting more out of control. We directed her upstairs, and on her way she flipped the bookcase over and all the kid's books came crashing down the stairs. Once in her room, she cried and screamed about how bad she was and how sorry she was, that she wanted to kill herself and that we could never forgive her. Because I sensed a desire in the midst of this verbal debris to make things right, I simply asked her if she was ready to clean up the books. She immediately came out and began cleaning up. I helped her until it was done, and she apologized to us for what she had done. We forgave her and left it at that. We went to my Mom and Dad's and she held it together pretty well for the rest of the day, but it wasn't until we were driving home that night from our last "Christmas" that she finally seemed happy and relieved. She said that she still felt bad about throwing the fit that morning, but the rest of the day was so wonderful and she loved all her presents and was looking forward to playing with them tomorrow. It was such a dramatic turn around from her attitude the rest of the day, I was amazed. I hadn't even thought of the concept that she probably couldn't enjoy any of her gifts until it was all over!
Since then, there have been a few times when I have seen some depressive symptoms. One day she put these signs on her bedroom door:
The piece of junk
Worthless Person
You wouldn't like me
Behold: the worst person
The Unloved
(I know, they are sad and funny at the same time, especially with the bad spelling they were written in.)
Acadia is difficult to motivate, often very bored, unfocused, always wants to go somewhere and is irritable at times. At other times she is able to play happily with her sister and friends. It might be the beginning of a depressive episode or it might be a good description of most of us in Maine in our post holiday slump. We will have to wait and see.
That's the most writing I have done in ages, so let's call it good and hopefully we can do this again soon.

Merry Christmas from the Millers!

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:28:00 +0000

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Flaky Pastry and Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:10:00 +0000

UPDATE 1/29/10: I have changed this "traditional" recipe now to use traditional, real fats: half butter and half coconut oil. My mom and I both did this for Thanksgiving and the pie crusts came out even better than usual. Yum!

I made pastry dough today using a family recipe. It came from my mother's family, I don't know how far back. It may not be ancient, but it makes really good pie. I was amused at how easy it was for me to make compared to other recipes, it seemed like my hands just knew what they were doing, and my fingers knew when the texture was just right. I have been making this pastry since I was little; watching my mother at first and playing with the dough, then trying my own pies and hearing my dad say (with a twinkle in his eye) "It's good... just needs a little more practice!" So now, it's natural to me. I don't get lost in the recipe, I don't forget the ingredients, there is nothing to figure out. The pies come out great, and Dad still says "Just a little more practice!"
While I was mixing my dough today, I was wishing that parenting was more like making pastry. In fact, I used to think that it was. You follow the recipe, you make a good kid. You raise your children the way you were taught (in my case, coming from a loving home) and things will work out fine. Don't have an old family recipe for raising children? Never fear, just choose one from Dr. Dobson, Michael Pearl, or even Super Nanny! Read the books, follow the steps, and the result will be one nice shining kid.
Anyone who is a parent knows it doesn't work like that. I don't even have a great analogy for parenting, I don't think it fits one. My experience with parenting isn't even the same with each child, and yours would be quite different from mine. The closest thing I can think of at the moment is mining and cutting diamonds. It's hard work, messy, takes forever, and then each diamond has to be cut to bring out the radience of the individual stone. The best part of that analogy is that only a diamond can cut a diamond. So both diamonds are being shaped in the process. We are not creating children like we create a pie, we are being used to shape them. And we too, are being changed.
I need my experience with parenting to conform me into the image of Christ. I form my pastry into pie, and pray that I will be as pliable in his hands. But not quite so flaky.

Twenty Blue Devils and Pumpkin Spice Latte

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 20:47:00 +0000

“A cup of coffee, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream…such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils and will exorcise them all.”
- H. W. Beecher

There are two things that this post grew out of: My annual pumpkin-anything craving and the nurse that Dan saw awhile ago who was adamant that he cut way back on coffee. He did try, but was rather miserable. Those of you who know us well, know that coffee is the culture of the Miller household and we quite agree with someone who has called decaf "useless warm brown water". Susannah once commented on how everyone's house has a certain smell, and I (very afraid) asked what my house smelled like. It was coffee of course. I had been imagining all the other undesirable smells I deal with every day.

This week I tried a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks and determined to find a way to have one more often. So, here is my recipe for pumpkin spice syrup which you can add to your coffee, or latte. It is especially helpful for those who are battling twenty blue devils.

Pumpkin Spice Syrup

Add to pot:

2 cups water
2 cups sugar
Bring to a simmer and stir to dissolve sugar.

Add:

1 1/2 tbsp pumpkin pie spice

or

1 tbsp of ground cinnamon.
1/2 tbsp of ground ginger.
1 tsp of cloves (or allspice).
1 tsp of freshly grated nutmeg.

Simmer for several minutes
Cool and strain
Add 1 tbsp vanilla extract

I use about 1 oz syrup for a double shot latte, less for coffee.
Top with whipped cream and sprinkle with spice! Enjoy!

Full moon mania

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 20:37:00 +0000

This was the scene at our house earlier this week as the moon reached it's fullness and Cadi reached her..um.. "hypomanicness". I found this cartoon on a website that has "positive mental health humor". We love that kind of thing around here because laughing releases all kinds of good brain chemicals and keeps us from getting sad/mad/bitter. You can click here to go to their website.

To start from the beginning of this manic episode, about 6 weeks ago Cadi was really hyper and unfocused. She was having trouble staying on task and it looked like her ADHD flaring up. Her Adderall used to help with this kind of thing so we (parents and pdoc) thought perhaps she needed a little more. We cautiously tried a tiny bit higher dose for 3 days and then discontinued because Cadi said it made her feel different, more angry, and we didn't see any improvement. We also raised her Lithium dose a bit to help prevent more mood swings. After that she continued with the hyperactivity and inattention and her impulsivity increased. One night when I called her inside for the night she climbed up a ladder and broke in my upstairs bedroom window. She was more talkative, and on labor day she sat down and talked to a table full of adults about what it was like in the hospital at NIH. They thought it was great that she was having a conversation with them, but it was really out of character for her. She began getting obsessed with one thing that she wanted to do, refusing to do anything else or be helped. This got very difficult when she started obsessing about a certain shirt that she wanted to wear that no one had seen for awhile or knew where to find it. Getting dressed started taking a very long time.

The climax of this episode (so far!) was Monday night (which happened to be a full moon) when she snuck out of the house at 11:30 pm. I heard her coming back in the house and found out that she had gone across the road to her friends house and talked to her. She had also picked up a caterpillar and was breaking out in a rash on her neck when she came back in the house. I treated the rash and put her to bed on the couch so I could watch her until she fell asleep. The rest of the week I discontinued her Adderall (just in case it was adding to the mess of brain chemicals), tried to get in contact with the pdoc and gave her lots of Benadryl. It doesn't make her groggy at all, but it does seem to help her calm down and she had a rash besides.

Tomorrow we will see the pdoc and get her input. The last couple of days have been more manageable. We had such a great summer though and the longest period of stability I have seen; at least 3 months. The fall swing seemed to come a bit earlier than other years, but I have been feeling the seasonal changes too, the light has changed and we have to adjust.

I have some more blog posts rolling around in my head so hopefully I can get them out and posted soon!

Still Praying for Justice in Kenya (video link and my thoughts)

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 16:43:00 +0000

I continue to receive updates on the situation with our friend Jeremiah, in Kenya. There is a video you can see from the local news at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUy9jKZE87w

"Friends, As of today, Jeremiah remains in jail. I was able to speak with him today and, while he remains confident that he will be exonerated, he sounded very tired. The police have concluded the investigation and the findings have been forwarded to the regional court for review and recommendation. The police feel that there is no evidence that has been uncovered that, in any way, implicates Jeremiah. However, the final determination of what comes next depends upon the judge who will examine the case. Please continue to pray that the Truth will prevail and that the healing can begin for the Pallangyos and for Naivasha. As a pastor friend of Jeremiah said to me, "Next will be damage control". Accusation (especially false accusation) can be devastating and only God knows the ultimate effect of this crisis upon the New Hope for All Nations Church and the ministry of Jeremiah and Beth. May we pray that it comes out of this stronger than ever! Continue to remember the Pallangyo children (Faith, Grace, Caleb and Winnie) as they try to deal with this attack upon their dad. Pray for the Church leaders as they stand for their Bishop and their ministry. Pray for the young man who committed these terrible acts. Pray that the Lord teach all of us what He would have us to learn in the midst of trials such as these."

"Beth returned home about 9PM her time today (2PM our time) . She had just
returned from visiting and taking food to Jeremiah. She 's been going there
3 times a day to visit and to bring him meals and bring him water to wash in
his cell. I asked her if he is comfortable and she told me that it is
difficult for him to be comfortable because he is sharing the cell with
others, including Geoffrey Matheri, the serial murderer and rapist who is
the accuser who implicated Jeremiah in the horrible crimes Geoffrey admitted
to commiting."
Can you imagine being in the same cell with these guys?

A final note: Jeremiah has been represented during this process by a group of attorneys recommended by his advisers. It has been their duty to see that all of the appropriate legal processes have been followed and to assure that Jeremiah is not "railroaded" in the heat of the moment. They have performed their work well---but, unfortunately, not pro bono. Consequently, there is an obligation of $3,500 owing to this firm. This is a sum that the Pallangyos do not have. If you would be willing to help defray this cost, you can do so through Child's Hope International on line @ www.childshopeinternational.org"

I am praying that this money does not have to come out of the mouths of orphans. The price of basic food like rice has gone so high around the world and there are so many orphans still starving in Africa. My heart has been broken over this lately, especially while we are complaining about affording the gas to put into our shiny cars, and my church is pouring money into colored glass. We live world's away from the reality of life in places like Kenya. May our hearts be tender and ready to act as we are able.

Please Pray! ....UPDATE

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:06:00 +0000

From an email I received this morning:

"Jeremiah was on television last night and appeared very calm and spoke very clearly. This case has galvanized churches all over the nation and East Africa. Leaders from all over the region have begun to come to his aid.

Mama said the investigation is continuing, which she and Jeremiah want to happen, because until the investigation is fully done his name cannot be completely cleared."

I will keep you updated here when I find out more. Thanks for praying with us, Kathryn

Please Pray!

noreply@blogger.com (Alder Stream) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:30:00 +0000

I received an urgent prayer request for Jeremiah Paragyo, who is a national pastor in Kenya and cares for many orphans in his home. Dan is involved with an organization that works to raise support and involvement with this man's ministry in Kenya. He is pictured below with "his kids".

Jeremiah has been implicated and named as an accomplice in a terrible crime.

"A shocked Bishop Paragyo told the reporters that his detractors were trying to malign him in public. Kisang' said the Bishop would remain in police custody to shed more light on the saga that has left many people reeling in shock and disbelief."
I don't want to share the entire story here on my blog because of it's graphic nature, but please do click the link to read the news article explaining the situation here.

Also visit Child's Hope to find out more about the organization that Dan is involved with, and Jeremiah's ministry.

"Please join us all in praying for Jeremiah and Beth and that the truth is brought out as loud as the National News broadcast these horrid accusations."

Thanks, Kathryn