Tigerlilly Quinn

Look at that face

2012-01-29T15:52:00.001Z

Wilfryd is now six weeks old! Although I swear he looks about four months. We went to baby clinic for the second time last week, not that I was worried about anything in particular but just to drop in really. I don't think I will go anymore unless I do have a specific concern though as one it is hot, there are lots of screaming babies and you have to wait about an hour to be seen. And two..because this time we went Wilfryd decided to wee when being weighed, in quite a impressively high arc and which landed on and soaked everyone else's red development books..
One thing I learnt from this visit though was that he is now on the 95th percentile (from the 91st) for weight and his head is on the 99.6th! When we had our 20 week scan they did tell me he had 'an above average head size' but the fact there are only 0.4% of babies with heads larger than him I think means I deserve some kind of prize..or at least present from Tom..no pain relief remember!
Our second week together has gone well and I really think I'm starting to get to know my little boy. We have a (semi) routine which involves rising about 9am and hanging out downstairs on his play mat, rocking chair for a few hours where he will nap in-between awake times for just enough time to let me eat or do a quick tidy around the living room.
I have made sure I've left the house at least three days out of five in the week (last week yesterday four!) and not watched any day time TV, go me!
Wilf is still suffering from windy-ness so by the time Tom gets home he is already a bit grizzly which is a bit hard on him on Tom I think as he doesn't get to see his smiley mornings. I have heard that is should end by three months or so, fingers crossed. In the meantime our neighbour leant us a baby massage book, there is a specific massage for colic which we are going to try twice a day (starting yesterday) if that doesn't work then at least its just a nice massage experience for him. I am hoping to find some classes too as I have heard the benefits can be great.

When Wilf was first born he looked so much like Tom however I think he's starting to look a little more like me these days! Well especially in the above picture, mainly due to the chubbiness! See?

Baby me..note the knit wear, all babies should wear knitwear I think, it should be the law ;)
Whilst we're talking baby me I just had to share this pic, doesn't my mama look beautiful? That hair! The little boy is my big brother Keir

Its funny since having Wilf I have become so much more interested in the way we live our life and the impact we have on the planet. I guess I'm seeing the world in a different light, not just about me but the world Wilfryd is going to grow up in. Whilst I think I have a fairly low environmental impact (we don't drive, we recycle, I have flown six times in 26 years and I don't eat meat). I want to make sure I can do as best as I can to bring him up in a ecological lifestyle, without being too militant about it, believe me we're not using 'the family cloth' anytime soon..
One of the things I want to make sure of is that Wilf eats well, when it comes to me I'm pretty happy to eat pasta or pizza most days. I was raised (and still am) vegetarian, my parents made lots of wide and varied meals but I have never really had a passion for cooking, eating yes but the preparation not so much. I know Wilf isn't going to be eating for another four and half months but I'm getting into learning new recipes for Tom and I. Its actually really satisfying know I made something from scratch and seeing everything that goes into it. Also its nice to have 'me time' where I can slip off to the kitchen have a sneaky glass of wine, put some tunes on and whip up something yummy. I do love eating.
Here are some of things I've made this week:

Its quite hard photographing food though! Yesterday I made a chickpea curry from scratch, buying the spices makes the meal come to like a million pounds the first time you eat it but hopefully I will keep it up so they will be worth the money!
Wilf has slept for about and hour letting mama and papa have some quiet time, although I'm sure we should be using it to 'wash,clean,sleep,cook' all of the above. But hey its Sunday, hope you all had a great one xoxo

Our life in pictures

2012-01-27T10:47:00.000Z

I came to the end of my contract so am upgrading to an even more poncey phone. I'm giving my old one to Tom which means going through all my old photos (of which there are hundreds!) its funny going back through them all and seeing how much can happen in a year!
For now these are just some from the past couple of weeks. Baby is still suffering from colic poor thing which is making the nights kinda hard..but in return he has become much more smilier in the day which makes up for it! I will try and get a picture at some point, its the cutest thing xoxo

Roar

2012-01-23T14:19:00.000Z

A little Lionheart inspired illustration I did a while ago now!

I must admit I haven't illustrated in a long time (months now) but this morning as Wilf slept in his vibrating chair and I managed to put pen to paper again, it felt gooood!

Hopefully I will be able to keep up both being an illustrator and being a mama, I think its important to keep something for yourself when your life is very much baby centred. If I can have an hour or so a week to have that 'me time' I think we will have a good thing going!

but for now I have a baby to cuddle! xox

Bits and Pieces

2012-01-22T19:40:00.001Z

1, Maddie cat
2, Papa
3, Wilf with the bib Abi made him
4, Wilf and his granny
5, Rock baby
6, My attempt as a risotto (turns out escaping to the kitchen when daddy gets home is quite a relaxing break, it will certainly improve my culinary skills!)

My Little Buddhist Monk

2012-01-20T19:55:00.001Z

My little Buddhist Monk

I finally figured out how to use one of the slings we have! Its a Kari Me and after YouTubing some tutorials we got it. Wilf has been very windy/colicy so having him upright means he can try and work through some of the gas which certainly helps by the evening. Its awful when he cries with wind as it sounds like genuine pain rather than his normal cry, although lots of people have told me its probably more distressing for us to hear than him then any distress he is actually in (not sure he would agree). We did try 'Infacol' to see if it could help the build up of the bubbles but he just sicks it straight back up. I always feel a bit 'iffy' giving him things like that anyway so we gave up pretty quickly. After a great deal of research and asking mama friends I think it may just be one of those things he has to work through, although we are keeping him upright and massaging him it seems like it may taper off by three months or so. I have been thinking about baby massage classes though, any of you tried that?

Its great having the sling so I can have my hands back to make a cup of tea/load the washing machine but as soon as I sit down he yells at me! I suppose its good exercise to be walking around though as before I was just stuck sitting down as he likes to be on me most of the time!

Whilst looking for tutorials I found this great video, I was singing it to Wilf most of yesterday (along with 'the lion sleeps tonight' he loves that one..or maybe just wants me to look like a mental lady)

Our adventure with cloth nappies begins...

2012-01-19T12:10:00.000Z

Our adventure with cloth nappies begins!
We started of with disposables as we agreed that in the beginning it would be easier. Everyone tells us six weeks in the magic amount of time when things get a little simpler so we were aiming to switch then. However on Wilf and I's first day alone (Tom has now gone back to work) I decided to try them out.
We were lucky enough to be given some 'Tots Bots' from our neighbour to try, however as Wilf is such a big baby he is pretty much out of the the beginner size already and only a couple of the 'size ones' will fit him at the moment. The other thing I didn't think of was that as cloth nappies are so much bigger than disposables it is a struggle to get any of his vests to fit over them. I was paranoid I was really stretching them and hurting him. As it turns out you can get vest extenders to attach to them so I am going to purchase some of those today. Because of those two issues I have switched back to disposables for the past two days but have ordered some of the larger sizes so as soon as they arrive am planning on starting again!
I have a few friends that cloth nappy their babies and it has always appealed to me firstly as a more 'right on' thing to do in regards to the environment and also as I am a little worried about the chemicals in regular disposables. (I was also wore cloth nappies as a child, in fact my dad told me that when my younger sister was in cloth nappies they didn't even have a washing machine and had to carry them to the laundrette!). I think we will still have disposables as a back up for overnight and long journeys and you can of course get more eco disposables these days but I am hoping to keep up the cloth nappies, we'll see how it goes anyway!
Do any of you cloth nappy? How do/did you get on with them?

Wilf's Press

2012-01-17T15:12:00.004Z

Because its all about him :)

Its taken me a million years to get round to post these so some are fairly old! The first bit of press my bump/Wilf received was in Pregnancy and Birth magazine. You may remember my post about my photoshoot with them here. It was such a lovely day and is a really nice keep sake to remind me of my pregnancy.

Whilst my designs for my baby range have not yet materialised yet (due to funding issues) I am determined to one day be in the position to get them made up!

The next piece of Wilfryd related press (or rather pregnancy related but he was the peach I was rabbiting on about) was for Lionheart magazine. Hels asked me to write a piece about my experiences of the first/second and third trimester and a final piece on him being born! The first issue entitled 'Bravery' features my experience of the first trimester, its very weird reading back on before I even knew that he was a little boy!

Illustration of me by Abby Wright

I was also commisioned by Lionheart magazine to illustrate this article with Pat Albeck. You can see the process behind me making this illustration in this post

And the last little bit of news about mister Wilfryd Cadno is this birth announcement in the Evening Post (our local paper). I love what Tom wrote :)

Phew, think thats it! I hadn't until now realised how many bits and pieces we had published about him. I love the idea that when he is older he can look through these and my letters to him each week and know how much he was loved already before he was even born.

It has actually taken me three days to write this, I need to perfect my one handed typing (whilst the other is nursing my baby) so I can get things done! xoxo

Baby fashion shoot

2012-01-16T14:03:00.000Z

Our family and friends have been so generous with gifts for Wilf, a lot of which are handmade. I have been meaning to take pictures of him in them for ages (and before he gets to big for some of them, baby is growing like crazy). Today Tom went back to work (or rather started his new job) and it is our first day by ourselves. Tom is such a fantastic and natural father, I have to confess I have perhaps relied on him a little too much in these past four weeks and so the thought of flying solo had been stressing me out. But so far so good! And I am really enjoying having some one on one time with my little boy. Today we managed to get up at a reasonable hour, have breakfast and shower! (me not Wilf he sat in his little chair and fell asleep to the noise of the water) I have even managed to put on some washing! Later today we are planning a walk with our friend's Abby and Theo. Tom has made me promise to leave the house once a day even if to the local shops, which I think is important so I'm going to try and keep that up.
Here are some outtakes from this mornings fashion shoot, poor boy couldn't really be expected to really stay content through three outfit changes! We will have to try again some other day to photograph his little Cadno costume! (don't worry he was only crying for a minute when I snapped these, he was consoled with cuddles straight afterwards!) xoxo
p.s the knitted booties were made my Wilf's aunty and Godmama Joc (there were matching mittens but he gets a little cross when his hands are not free), the pants by my friend Bianca and the Fox hat, gloves and booties by my friend Kimberlee!

Valentines for Paperchase

2012-01-14T17:17:00.004Z

This time last year I started to think about the coming Valentines day (we decided to go to Barcelona in the end after a particularly depressing Christmas it was beautiful and just what we needed). Tom and I usually make each other birthday/valentines cards because its all the more special and personal. Valentines day is also a bit more special to us as it is the date I moved back down from Newcastle to be with Tom, you can read about that here and here if you like.

Aaaaanyway I digress, the point of this post is that this time last year whilst thinking of valentines cards I decided to send a few designs to my favourite card shop Paperchase. I sent them via courier to the address on their site and the following morning at 9.05 I received a call from their head buyer! Their buyer Gemma (who was lovely) said they were very interested in my style and asked me to send in a few rough sketches with valentines themes such as a typewriter and the phrase 'you're just my type' and other cheesy puns! One of the ideas I sent them was the below

The funny thing is that I had drew this little illustration for Tom in a sentimental moment on a break from work and sent it to him in an email. I had no idea then that it would be useful in the future and by no means think its my best work! Often I find that the work I have worked many hours on or think is good is not necessarily the ones other people think are good. I think the prime example of this is this quick sketch I did of the 'animals I see on my way to work'

which then went on to win the cover of The Metro!
Stick to the point Fritha! (I swear my baby brain is making me not able to focus on anything at any one time). SO after sending in the rough sketches they contacted me to say they would like to buy the cat design. I sold over all right to the design, I would like to say I am very content with the amount I received for the design and feel very happy with my working relationship with Paperchase. A lot of people have asked me how much they paid me and suggested they should have sent me the range/royalties for the designs, I understand that sometimes big companies do rip of smaller illustrators but like I said I am very happy with the contract I have with them and would be happy to work with them again in the future.
The surprising thing was that I understood they were buying the design for a card only and so when a Twitter friend that works for Paperchase advised me a few weeks ago that there was a full range (including snow globes!!) I was a little taken a back. As you can see from below the design has been changed slightly but overall I am very impressed with what they have done with it, I had a cup of tea out of the mug as soon as I got home.

Wilf is four weeks old

2012-01-12T16:55:00.000Z

The hardest most amazing four weeks of my life

Wilf is now four weeks old (yesterday) and will be one calendar month this Saturday. This past few weeks have included adrenalin, exhaustion, happiness like I have never know, tears like I cant control..I have felt content as a mama and like a failure in the space of five minutes. I have felt like I cant cope any longer and then like I cant be without him. I feel like Wilf has always been in our lives, that Tom has always been a daddy and myself a mama. Sometimes I try and step out of the picture and just laugh, at our silly baby talk, about the many kisses we plant on his head, about his comedy outfits. I smile at the times we have as a family snuggled up in bed together, just watching him sleep. I know we are functioning on a couple of hours sleep a night and it can be a struggle but I know I will look back on his new born days with nostalgia so for the most part I am trying to lap it up and take it all in.
Wilf is starting to lose his baby hair and is going through a wave of milk spots, so at the moment looks a little like a old man with problem skin poor thing (although it only makes him look more cute in my opinion). Tom is back to work on Monday and then it will be just Wilf and I for most of the week. I am slightly nervous about how I will cope but at the same time am looking forward to getting to know him a bit more just him and I.
We are still learning all the time, sometimes we get it wrong (urgh like the day we dressed him in too many layers and he got all hot I felt like THE worst mother in world). When he cries and I've fed him and changed him and he's slept and I cant work out whats wrong and think he's probably got some terrible disease but it turns out he's just doing a poop. But I think on the whole we are doing ok. We put Wilf on his play mat yesterday and were amazed at how much he can focus and take things in compared to a week or so ago, he is growing and changing so fast!

First trip out of the neighbourhood

2012-01-10T15:36:00.001Z

Up until a few days ago the furthest we had been out of the house was about 15 minutes walk. Wilf had now frequented such glamorous places such as Asda Living, Mothercare, ahem Burger King..yes I am a bad mama, Our local park and the cafe round the corner. As much as I love the area we live in it was time to branch further afield. Somewhere we couldn't just run home and somewhere I would potentially have to change and feed him. The entire time I have lived in Bristol I have only been to Clifton village around three times. Without a car its a little too far to pop to and we usualy favour places we can walk to like Gloucester Road/Stokes Croft and local to us areas such as St Werburgs and Easton. On our first trip out of our neighbourhood we decided to go for lunch with Tom's sister and his cousin Evan so Wilf got his first car ride and I made my annual visit to Clifton Village.

I have to say I was/am nervous about breastfeeding in public, although I am no longer suffering with engorgement I do still struggle with it a little and it varies on day to day as to how well we do. I have visions of attempting over and over to get the angle right with a screaming baby and me with my boobs out leaking in public! However Wilf decided to sleep the entire trip so I have yet to tackle it! Breastfeeding mamas how did you find your first public feed? I would love to know! xo

Thank You Mama

2012-01-09T19:15:00.003Z

I almost entitled this post 'mama I love you' in a spice girls-esque way (when that single came out I was 10 years old and asked my mum if she would like it for mothers day. She politely declined!).
I thought about adding this little thank you in Wilf's birth story but then realised it needed its own little post. In the past four weeks I have had a tiny insight into how hard/rewarding it is to be a mama and have a little person depend on you for everything. However I have yet to (and hope I can live up to) become the kind of mum my mum is. Even before my pregnancy and Wilfryd's birth I owed her so much but since becoming pregnant and having Wilf I feel it has made our relationship even stronger. I could go on and on about the times she has been there for me but this post would be never ending. Instead I would like to acknowledge her help during the most important even in my life, the birth of my son.
When I first became pregnant (or rather after the first nerve wracking 12 weeks) Tom and I spoke about the type of birth we would like to have. It was taken for granted that Tom would be at the birth but I never really thought about my mum being there too. It was around four months when Tom suggested she help at the birth and as soon as he said it I realised how much I would like her to be.
Tom actually said he would feel more comfortable having her present too, one as another person to help share the birth partner role and two because she is a qualified midwife which would put him at ease as we would be without a midwife for a large amount of the labour.
I never once felt worried or scared during labour and I think a lot of this was because I knew I was in safe hands with my mum being there. I knew that as long as she was calm then I had no reason to be stressed. My mum has always been a huge inspiration to me, having her first child at 21 on a small island in Greece. Being the ultimate hippy using Ina May's Spiritual Midwifery as her guide a before a donkey riding midwife was called for (who arrived just as my elder brother was born, was given camomile tea and swaddled). She then continued to have myself and other three siblings at home without any complications.
One of my proudest moments after having Wilf was my mum telling me how fantastic I had done and how impressed she was with me (sure she is my mum so probably would have said this anyway but still). It also made me realise that at 26 years old my mum is still such a huge part of my life, being a mama is a lifelong job! xoxo

Wilfryd's birth story

2012-01-06T20:57:00.004Z

On the morning of the 13th of December I got up as usual and made my mum who was staying with us a cup of tea, asking her how she had slept she mentioned she had had a terrible tummy ache but felt better now. We joked she was getting sympathy contractions for me as she had been getting sympathy nesting instincts all week were I had none. For the past week since my mum had been down we had been doing my pregnancy yoga DVD every day which we had both noted had been making us feel more energetic, we started doing the DVD in the early afternoon and I remember saying it was making me feel a bit sick and sat out some of the exercises.
After the yoga I still felt quite queazy so went to have a lie down, I remember getting up in the evening to watch Studio Ghibli's Castle of Cagliostro but not really enjoying it due to still feeling a bit off. Tom made dinner which I couldn't finish and I decided to call it a night at 10pm. At 12pm I woke up feeling very sick and ended up running to the bathroom to be violently sick for a good half an hour, I returned to bed and started to feel some contraction like pains but ignored them as I had been having Braxton Hicks for the past week or so. At 2am I woke again with some uncomfortable contractions making it impossible to get back to sleep, I suddenly felt sick again and once again spent the next half an hour or so being violently sick.
My mum got up with me and I told her about the contraction type pains, I decided to download a contraction app on my phone in which to time them and we went downstairs as there was no way I could get back to sleep. My mum made me various different drinks in order to keep me hydrated but I found I couldn't stomach any of them I them developed a strong headache I think maybe due lack of water and the strength of the sickness. I used some cooling strips for my head which helped. I was getting contractions every five minutes or so at this point lasting 30 - 45 seconds or so but they were not bothering me. I used my birth ball and just closed my eyes through contractions which made me feel calm, I wouldn't describe them as painful just strong enough to not be able to sleep, at this point I was still convinced it was a false start and was mainly just focusing on getting my headache to go away.
Around 4am (I think?) I told my mum to wake Tom up (I had told him before it was just a false start and to go back to sleep) I still thought it was at this point but think I just wanted him up with us at this point.

I feel the need to mention the tummy bug as this was what started my contractions that put me into labour but do not include this is my labour experience.

I had previously made a play list of my hypnobirth affirmations and music mixed in with some Leonard Cohen/Mamas and Papas and Regina Spektor and decided to start playing it now. I also asked for Tom to set off the aromatherapy oils and during the labour differentiated between Lavender to calm and Clary Sage to speed up contractions.

Tom was put in charge of timing my contractions and at about 6am I called the out of hours midwife to tell her my contractions were 45 seconds and 4-5 mins apart. I was able to speak through my contractions clearly and she informed me that this was the very beginning and it would probably be this evening before anything would happen. She said to call the midwife's when they opened at 9am unless things changed dramatically. I was happy with this as I thought this would probably be the case so wasn't upset by their response. At this point my head was still hurting me but I was able to take down isotonic drinks and no longer felt sick, unfortunately I had ran out of paracetamol the day before so my mum went out to 24 hour Tesco and picked up some more of these supplies. I think at some time around this point I got out the Tens machine not because they were painful as such but mainly as something to do/distract me, I also took two paracetamol. My contractions remained the same for the next few hours and I became convinced they would die down and stop. My mum agreed that being sick would have tensed my stomach muscles into contracting which would have started them off and they could very possibly stop and not progress into labour. At 9am I called the midwifes, I think my headache had gone at this point and I was feeling a lot better.

Funny enough I was supposed to have a midwife appointment at 9.30 that morning so I began the conversation saying 'I'm sorry I'm not going to make the appointment I think I might be in labour, we chatted about how long they were etc and I remember apologising and pausing in our conversation to close my eyes and hum quietly though a contraction. Half way through the conversation I felt a sensation like I had wee'd myself a little and said 'Oh! either I've wee'd myself or my waters have just broken!' My midwife Nikki said she had a few things to clear up at the practise but would pop round in a few hours and see how I was getting on. After this I felt a lot more positive as my mum was pretty sure my waters had broken too (I kept leaking as such off and on for the next few hours) and this would mean that at some point I was actually going to have a baby! I remember having a sudden energy boost and was happy and chatting knowing things were happening! I think I may have taken the Tens machine off at this point as I felt I wanted a shower and brush my teeth after being so sick. Nikki arrived around 11am and checked my pads and confirmed my waters had broken. She said I was coping really well through contractions (I was still just using my ball and sort of closing my eyes and humming through them whilst making circular motions on the ball). She said she wasn't going to examine me as if she did and I hadn't progressed by a certain time the hospital would get funny about how long my labour had been and maybe try and get me to come in. I had been expecting her to examine me and tell me how dilated I was so I was a little disappointed at first but when she explained the reason it made perfect sense. She advised to call back if they get a lot longer/quicker or if not to call back around 3.30 anyway to let her know my temperature.

The time between this and calling her back (at 2pm) is sort of a blur, certainly during this time my contractions must have got stronger/faster but I really don't remember them being painful or hard to manage. If I was to describe the sensation it would be sort of annoying more than anything, if I was in an awkward position (for example I sat on a firm hard back chair at one point and this made my back uncomfortable). I know I took a bath at one point but again the position I was in was hurting my back a little so I didn't find it all that helpful. I decided to try the shower instead at some point and this was a great help, my mum gave me a plastic stool and I just sat in there and directed the shower head on my contractions and I could barely feel the sensation. I was even able to nap in there a little, afterwards my mum said she thought I was probably around 5cm at this point (you can tell without examination by the line from your bum apparently).

Going back downstairs my playlist of hypnobirth and calming music drifted in and out of my consciousness and occasionally I would hear things like 'I trust my body' and 'focus on the colour pink' etc mixed in with Leonard Cohen's 'Marianne'

I hadn't eaten anything by this point, I had tried a bite of banana and a bit of toast but both made my sick although this wasn't a violent sort of sick and is quite normal in labour so it wasn't too upsetting. I do remember saying that being sick was my biggest fear, and was worse part so far. Instead I drank lots of isotonic drinks which I was able to keep down and boosted my energy. At 2pm my contractions were coming on fast and longer (around one and a half minutes and every 30 seconds or so) I called Nikki and she said she would pop by the hospital to pick up the gas and air (which I didn't use in the end)and be over in about an hour. I was still finding the ball a great help, and humming through them with my eyes closed. Still i would not describe the sensation as 'painful' as such, not in the way that falling over or bashing your toe etc more like a intense surge, like a period pain perhaps? I was convinced that I was only barely dilated as was still feeling pretty comfortable (I kept telling Tom & my mum I was sure I would be 2cm so for them not to get their hopes up) because of this I didn't want to get in the pool yet (as it can slow down labour) but instead told Tom to start filling the pool in preparation just in case. Nikki arrived around 3pm and I had decided to get in the pool about 10 minutes before hand as my contractions had become back to back. I got out the pool to be examined and was shocked to be told I was 9cm! (a few days later Nikki actually told me that by the sound of my voice they assumed I was only 4/5cm and were just as shocked to find I had progressed so far)

At this point I felt pretty excited that it might not be long until he was born and this is another reason I think its good perhaps not to be told how far you are progressing. The previous 'however many' hours had seemingly gone by in a blur, I was unaware of time so it didn't feel like very long at all. But knowing I was so close then made the next two hours seem very long. Unfortunately I had a lip on my cervix which was causing me to not progress any further, I had started to feel 'pushy' shortly after being examined (not sure if this was because I thought I was close or not) and with every push Nikki and my mum would say 'well done!' or 'thats great, your doing brilliantly' which made me think something was happening. Up until this point I had felt totally calm and relaxed but the frustration of awareness of time made me start to get a little impatient and I remember saying 'you keep saying well done but nothing is happening!' and 'how long do you think it will be??'. I then remember feeling ashamed for being rude and apologising. This point in labour was the first time I started to feel uncomfortable, the sensation of wanting to push was making me feel very primal and I remember making the most embarrassing 'roar' noise. I was holding on to the handles of the pool, roaring and then pushing myself underwater with the strength of the push. It was at this point I began to feel suddenly tired, and said to my mum 'I can do it but I'm just so tired, can I take a break and try again tomorrow?' and Nikki saying 'but you've done so well you done want to start again!' to which I remember saying 'no we'll just pause it here and come back to the same point'. Still the sensation was not of that of pain but of physical endurance, I would liken it to running a marathon (not that I have done) but in that the act of running is not exhausting but the act of running a great distance over a large amount of time is. Also the fact that the contractions in them self were not painful but the fact they were coming as soon as the last one had finished gives you no time to catch your breath or rest in between. My main memory of this part of labour was leaning against the side of the pool like a boxer leaning against the ropes and my mum squirting water in my mouth and wiping my brow between pushes. I think I even mentioned the comparison between a boxer and myself at the time!

At about 6pm the second midwife Frances turned up, I said hi and then mentioned again that it was taking a very long time to which she replied 'nature takes its time' which struck a cord with me and I decided then to not complain again. It was at this time that Nikki decided to examine me again and see if she could push the last bit of cervix out the way. I got out the pool to be told I was 10cm at last, hurrah! I felt that going back in the pool would continue the cycle of things taking a long time so Tom lent against the wall and I lent into him and I was told to keep pushing! I was still making this funny 'roar' noise for the first few pushes but Frances said that doing this was putting all my energy into the noise and not the push, which made sense. I was told to hold my breath and push into my bum, which was funny as my pregnancy yoga and NCT classes had made a point of telling us to breath into the push not hold our breath and the importance of being upright to let gravity help. Neither of which worked for me in the end!

Because of the two hours I had been pushing in the pool and the encouragement from Nikki and my mum in regards to my progress I was suspicious of their 'yes that's great' 'your doing so well' comments whilst pushing. I assumed they were just being encouraging and that again nothing was actually happening, at some point both midwives put on plastic aprons and Tom saying 'see something is happening Fritha, people don't put on plastic aprons if nothing is happening' I have no idea of time but suddenly my mum said 'do you want to feel the head Fritha?' and then it seemed like one big push and I had a baby! Tom laughs at me when we reminisce about this part as he said I still didn't seem to believe anything was happening and suddenly I had a baby! The final pushes did sting I'm not going to lie but this is the only part I would describe as 'painful' as such but only lasted a few minutes. I ended up getting stitches due to the angle he came out (but they just numb the area and so you cannot feel this part at all).
Wilfryd was born at 7.05pm on the 15th of December weighing 9,02lbs to Leonard Cohen's 'Famous Blue Raincoat' (which I was glad of rather than the plinky plonky hypnobirth music which is a little less cool). He was placed in my arms with me leaning against Tom and we just stared at him listening to his crying being the most amazing sound we had ever heard. He started to nurse straight away and I just stroked his hair and looked at his perfect scrunched up face. This little person I had grown inside me for nine months, writing him letters and feeling his little kicks and punches was here and it was like always had been.

I thought this was the end but clearly I still had to push out the placenta which is the part where things perhaps did not go to plan, I had been pushing for an hour and nothing was happening so Nikki advised I should try the injection to help get it out. I asked her what would happen if I had this injection and it still wasn't coming out to which I was told I would have to go into surgery to remove it but this was very unlikely. I opted for the injection but didn't feel too concerned at this point as I was too engrossed in my baby and anything else seemed a little inconsequential. Still however the placenta wasn't budging, once you have the injection you only have a short amount of time before the cervix closes again and I became aware of the midwives discussing hospital which is when I started to take notice! I knew that this was it and I was going to be dammed if I had to go to hospital now! I also remember looking over to my mum and seeing her looking a little concerned which made me realise this was serious. With a couple of big pushes and what felt like an immense amount of effort it came out just in time and by god it was huge!
I realise I am very lucky to have had such an easy and pleasant birth. I know that things can go wrong and that some people find it very traumatic/painful and I don't attempt to undermine their experiences by saying this but I actually enjoyed childbirth, yes it was hard work, physically exhausting and long but it was amazing. My birth didn't go exactly as planned, for example I didn't have the waterbirth I had hoped for, the tummy bug that put me into labour was unpleasant (but I don't count that part as labour) and had some trouble with delivering the placenta but I am very happy with the way it went. I'm not sure if it was being at home/the hypnobirth/having my mum as well as Tom there/perhaps having a high pain threshold (or a combination of the lot) but felt straight away that I would do it again. I also believe that fear heightens pain and I never once felt fear, exasperation and tiredness yes but never fear I feel empowered after giving birth, I brought a life into this world, after doing that I feel I can do anything.

picture taken about an hour after his birth

Our week in pictures

2012-01-04T14:43:00.001Z

Well the last three weeks in pictures, they have really gone in a blur. This little piglet got weighed today and is already 11lb!

p.s I just had to add that last picture, somebody does NOT like going in his sheep outfit.

Pictures taken on my Iphone using the app Instagram (I'm tigerlillyquinn on there if you want to find me)

Thank You

2012-01-04T13:19:00.001Z

Whenever I have doubted myself in the past few weeks I have received so much support, from family, friends and the online community. No one has given me as much support however as Tom and I think this is probably a good time to say what an amazing job he is doing. I think dad's get a rough deal sometimes as the main focus is on the mama but I literally would have fallen apart without Tom's help. He is there at 4.30am when Wilf will not sleep and I am at my wits end, for a couple of days last week he made me go sleep in the spare room for a few hours in the night so I could get my sanity back.
Whilst its not about the material things the other day he braved the sales and surprised me with new boots and breast feeding friendly dresses. I haven't needed to enter the kitchen in weeks and there is always a cup of tea (yes! I can drink it again!) when I need it most.
I have to admit I have had dark moments where I think I'm doing the worst job ever. I have certainly had my baby blues moments and he is always there telling me what a great job I am doing, making me laugh again, picking me up (not literally I am still 11stone).
I dont say it enough (although I think it often) but I don't know what I would do without his support. Whats more he is the most natural and fantastic dad already and is pretty much the rock of our little family.
Love you Thomas Quinn xxx

When family came to stay

2011-12-31T16:15:00.000Z

Having my family come to stay and meet Wilf has been lovely, I think they are all pretty taken with him! It was nice for my mum to see how much he has changed already since the day he was born and great for me to have her support again, I really do wish they lived nearer. I think my dad is very proud to be a grandparent, I love the fourth picture down where they are looking at each other. It was great to see them interacting and nice to have someone else walk him up & down when he got a little grizzy!
My little sister Serin did a great job singing to Wilf, he really loved it. I have already told her I'm going to be skyping her at 3am for some lullabies and it was so cute to see my baby brother Madog with him, Wilf looks huge in his arms!
Although we are not religious we have asked my older brother Keir and sister in law Jocelyn to be godparents (or the non religious alternative) it was actually Tom that suggested them and as soon as he said it it made perfect sense. They have always been the greatest support for me throughout various stages in my life and I know they will do the same for Wilfie. They haven't been able to visit yet as they are in the process of moving house and working abroad but I cant wait for them to!
Wilf is now two and a half weeks old, I am very thankful that Tom doesn't have to go back to work for another two weeks. He has been such a great support and I'm sure there will be a few tears when he does go back but I think we are starting to getting into the swing of things a little more now. That being said our house is a tip and we are still getting zero sleep but that is to be expected right?
The past few days have been a little stressful health wise, I have had a little problem with heavy bleeding and had to spend yesterday afternoon waiting for a scan at the hospital.
Funny story, just before the scan I popped to the toilet and accidentally pulled the emergency cord instead of the flush, cue two nurses coming to my rescue and me apologising profusely, did someone say 'sleep deprived'?
All is well and I am now on antibiotics which will hopefully help with my breast engorgement too as they have been making me a little feverish!
The whole time I was pregnant all I thought about was the birth being the big thing and had just imagined myself serenely breastfeeding without any problem. It is getting a little easier and I do love the closeness of it and the bond it gives us but I think its good to be honest about these things and admit I am finding it a challenge.
Well I have a baby calling! Speak soon xoxo

Wilf's first Christmas

2011-12-29T18:40:00.000Z

I think its safe to say that Wilf was pretty unaware of Christmas this year, being only a week & a half weeks old and all that. I think its safe to say I was also pretty unaware of it too, hours seem to blur into days and now weeks and its just all back to basics in regards to priorities. That being said it was lovely to have our first Christmas as a family. Tom's family came over in the morning for canapés and present opening. Tom dressed up as an Elf and we dressed Wilf as a reindeer (because I am going to be that mum) unbeknown to us Tom's brother in law and nephew had also dressed up which was pretty funny and cute to get the cousins pictured together in their outfits. I put the second picture in for comedy value, (disaster was averted) although the boys are only ten months apart in age the gap is rather significant at the moment, although will seem like nothing a year or so down the line.

After the in-laws had left Tom looked after Wilf whilst I grabbed a few hours sleep and made a lovely Christmas meal, it was actually one of the best I've ever had (we had Quorn Turkey which we call roast beast in my family and has kinda stuck). I find myself excited for Christmas next year when Wilf will be one! xoxo

Two Weeks In...

2011-12-28T20:41:00.000Z

Sorry for the lack of posts, as you can imagine things have been a little crazy around here! On day eight and nine I came down with a fever, not what you need with a baby just over a week old who wont sleep and wants to feed ALL the time! The midwives came round on day nine to see if I had an infection and told me my breasts were enflamed and engorged which is why I have been finding breastfeeding so hard and had a temperature. The trouble is Wilf wants to feed pretty much all the time and a lot of it I think is a comfort thing (as he seriously cannot be that hungry) the MW's said as he was such a good weight (and putting on lots, he was 9,12 on Monday) I can leave him for a least two hours to give them a rest and not produce so much but its hard when he gets so upset.
I think the first week I was still running on adrenaline, the first few days I didn't even feel tired, when he slept I would just watch and watch him and long for him to wake up (ha!). But a week in and one full night of no sleep it really hit me, I was finding feeding so painful and the following night when fever hit me I just cried and cried. Wilf was feeding and the tears were just falling onto his face, I was sobbing uncontrollably and felt guilty on top of everything for feeling sad! I know all of this is normal and that it will get better but I just had no comprehension of how hard and how tired and how emotional it can make you.
That being said two weeks in, this has been the most difficult yet most amazing two weeks of my life. I cant imagine life without Wilfie now, every time I feel like its too hard he does something that makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world just to be near him.
Yesterday we bought a breastfeeding pillow (for £45!! they sure know how to pray on the desperate and sleep deprived) which has made feeding easier today, and Wilf let me sleep for about six hours last night (not in a row but still!). I am taking these things one day at a time and just trying to go with Wilf and enjoy these moments. xoxo

(Hat by Kimberlee)

Merry Xmas! 2011

2011-12-25T19:42:00.001Z

Merry Christmas from Fritha, Tom and Wilfryd xoxo

Day Six (or the one where we get dressed and leave the house)

2011-12-20T23:38:00.000Z

Today we got dressed and left the house!

I would be lying if I said it wasn't daunting and there may or may not have been a few tears in the park but I think we did OK. Afterwards I had an awful craving for a certain King of the Burgers (don't judge me, last time I ate one was a year and a half ago). I did of course feel disgusting afterwards but sometimes like every few years when you are that hungover or y'know just had a baby and your body says 'nasty junk food please' you just have to accept.

I'm writing this at 23:00 Tuesday night and it just occurred to me that this time last week I was lying in bed thinking..'god I feel sick' only to start being sick an hour later and send me on the course that started my contractions and sent me into labour. This wasn't the greatest of starts (being sick so much your tummy tightens and confuses itself into going into labour) but after a few hours of sickness and actually going into labour it was great, I really will get round to telling you all about it properly sometime soon!

So Wilf is almost a whole week old! Things I have learnt over the past seven days are:

The feeling of nursing your baby is unique and amazing, even when your milk comes in and your boobs hurt like Billy O (..who is Billy O by the way?)

On that note mamas really do know best and thanks to my mum for the cabbage leaf tip, yep I smells like milky cabbage but at least my boobs are no longer hotter than the sun (I am just realising how much I have said the word 'boobs' in the last couple of sentences but it cant be helped, they are a big (no pun intended) part of life at the moment).

Smart phones are amazing, checking Twitter or blogs at 3am is a boredom life saver as are the Iplayer and 4OD apps (I wear headphones)

I need to sleep when he does, its hard to when you need to get things done and I am not a sleep in the day person naturally but even just getting an hour in the afternoon makes all the difference if I've only had three hours the night before!

Even when he is asleep and I should be also I can't help but stare at him to make sure he is OK

and lastly

I had no idea it was possible to love someone as much as this and its terrifying and wonderful at the same time xoxo

last picture I look a little sleep deprived and teary, this is an accurate representation of myself at the moment.

Third picture down, yep that is a man dressed as an old lady hula hooping in the background

Day Four

2011-12-18T14:58:00.001Z

Thanks so much for all your messages on here/twitter/facebook. I announced Wilf's birth on Wednesday evening before collapsing into bed and woke up to over 100 twitter messages! We feel very loved, I wish I could reply to you all.
I am hoping to get round to writing Wilfryd's birth story at some point (before it becomes a vague memory) but I don't want to rush it as it was truly amazing and I need to do it the justice it deserves.
It seems quite normal already now to be a mum and have this little gloworm depend on me. Life has been pretty much back to basics and mine and Wilf's priorities are pretty much tantamount, eating and sleeping (and a lot of pooing from Wilfie). Day three was certainly our hardest day, my mum had left and the night before Tom had got the tummy bug (that I had on Tuesday that actually sent me into labour) and had been sick all night. Wilf hadn't slept for more than 15/20 mins at a time and wanted to feed constantly so I hadn't slept a wink either. Also my milk came in yesterday and I found feeding extremely painful. Luckily today is another day and its amazing how refreshed you can feel on four hours sleep (not four hours in a row I have to add but still four hours at all is a great improvement on zero). I find it easier if you just think of time as sleep time and awake time and not necessarily day or night, that way when you can sleep you sleep and when you cant you don't feel cheated out of anything. That being said at the moment I haven't yet left the house or needed to do anything in the day so night and day don't really have much significance at the moment anyway.
Wilf is so amazing, my favourite times are just after he has fed and he looks up at me and it feels like we are sharing this amazing connection. His daddy sings him Britney songs and changes the words to make up silly versions about Wilfryd, its the cutest thing and he seems to really love them! You can tell that straight away he recognises our voices and knows we are his family.
Well thats it for now, kisses from Wilfryd Cadno xoxo

Wilfryd Cadno Quinn

2011-12-17T14:27:00.000Z

Wilfryd Cadno Quinn was born at home on Wednesday the 14th of December at 7.05pm, weighing 9lb,2
We are in love xoxo

Feature - What I have learnt since becoming a mum

2011-12-12T10:28:00.003Z

The final 'What I have learnt' comes from my friend Gemma. After graduation in 2007 I went back to my hometown of Aberystwyth for a year and rather than move back into my family home chose to live in a shared house. The house consisted of Gemma, her partner Rob and daughter Lauren, also another family and their sweet little boy and myself and then partner. The second family only lived with us for a few months but I lived with Gemma and her family for the entire year. It was lovely to see Lauren grow over that year and to spend time with her, I actually really miss her (and her parents of course but Lauren is so dam cute). Thank you to Gemma for this lovely piece and all the help and advise over the course of my pregnancy! xoxo

If only I had a DeLorean….

Seven and a half years ago I met the most amazing person in the world. From the get go she completely took my breath away and over the time we’ve been getting to know each other she has taught me so much, about myself and about other people. Of course I am talking about my daughter…The only trouble is that she keeps growing up and ever since she was about two she has always been one step ahead of me…

At first it seemed as if I knew her every wish, the meaning behind each core-shaking stare and each stomach-churning cry. And as much as she was teaching me she was learning, thinking and forming her own ideas and opinions.

I like to think that at that time the inner workings of her mind were an open book and that I knew everything that was going on in that brilliant little head of hers. Now I know that with each passing day she saves more of her thoughts, more of her notions and inventions and observations purely for herself. She squirrels them away in her delicious little mind and spends some time with them before sharing with friends or family.

As she grows she makes more of her own decisions, and she does more things by and for herself. She deals with the consequences of these decisions and actions in her own way and now that I have to share her with school I miss the majority of her little victories, discoveries and failures. I cherish every little nugget of information I am lucky enough to find offered up but have long since learned that it does me no good to try and pry. I must wait patiently until needed.

We have come so far the two of us. I could talk about so many things that we have done, so many battles fought and won. But I think that the most important lesson that I can pass on to other mums is to cherish every single tiny moment.

I often look back at photos of my darling little girl. Running on stout little squeezable legs through Castle Park all wispy hair and banana streaked cheeks. I often think…If only I had a DeLorean I could go back and steal her up into my arms again (without having to think about my back or about bumping her head on the doorframe) and re-live each moment of baby babble and funny talk.

But even if I did have a DeLorean the reality of the situation is that it would stay parked outside the house until we both decided to go off on an adventure together.

The beauty of Lauren growing up is that every day we get closer in other ways. We dress up together and she is the best stylist I will ever have. We spur each other on to be braver and kinder than each day that went before. We learn the art of patience and test it to the very limits.

She may be more able to keep her own little secrets but she is also better at understanding the needs and the feelings of other people. And we learn together how to keep each other strong and how to find an open and honest dialogue that is appropriate to our relationship.

Each passing day she becomes more fully formed, more of the person she will grow up to be. I cannot pretend that this doesn’t terrify me. I cannot pretend that this process of having to let go a little each day is not excruciating. But it is also sublime.

In those first few hours when there was nothing but Rob and I and our girl I thought my heart would burst with joy and that it would be impossible to love more than I did in those moments. But the truth is that love only grows. It deepens and many things that you would never expect and that I could never hope to explain get tangled up in the warp and weft of it.

In the first few hours of the morning when I am still sometimes lucky enough to have her cuddled up to me I often think ‘this will never last, this could be the last time we spend like this’ And I am right. But what comes next is so laden with excitement and possibility. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And I cannot wait to see what she will teach me tomorrow.

Thank you Gemma for this beautiful piece, a lovely way to finish the feature! (P.S you should check out her pretty boutique also) I hope you have all enjoyed reading them as much as I have xoxo

39 Weeks

2011-12-10T15:25:00.000Z

OK so this picture is FAR from flattering, I thought about not posting it but then decided against being so vain. It's a true reflection of how I look at the moment (even if those thighs make me sink inside a little...). Through this entire pregnancy I think the thing that has confused me the most is why oh why my thighs had to change so much..your lucky the pic is in black and white, those stretch marks in Technicolor look like I have been mauled by a bear *le sigh*. Anyway, this is what 9 months pregnant is looking like, yep i'm three stone heavier and my legs and boobs will never be the same again but in the grand scheme of things that is a very silly thing to be concerned about :)
39 Weeks (last Thursday) we blew up the pool to test for leaks and to see how long it takes to heat/how long the heat stays in for (a surprisingly long time) and any other things we could think of so we wouldn't have to panic on the day. We actually tried to do this on Tuesday and then again on Wednesday but Tuesday we were unable to as the 'universal' hose attachment it came with didn't work on our IKEA taps. Tom then went to buy another one on Wednesday to find the same problem so he spent most of the night fashioning a homemade hose attachment. This is why its good to do practise runs I guess!
We went for a La Bassine pool in the end, although there was very little between that one and the Birth Pool in a Box in terms of price and reviews, the La Bassine ran a tiny bit cheaper which was the only thing that swayed us. Its really comfy and comes with two handles which from reviews has been a redeeming feature. It was nice to have the bump fully submerged and took a lot of weight off my back which I guess is the idea. My mum and I had been to the swimming pool earlier in the day and I find that swimming creates the same weightlessness, when you climb out you feel as if someone has handed you a few breeze blocks to hold!
I haven't really been feeling any discomfort up until this point but for the past couple of days my (still constantly moving baby) has been playing a fun game of pressing against my sciatic nerve every so often and rendering my left leg helpless. Its such a surprise kind of pain it really takes my breath away, it also started to make me nervous about how I will deal with very strong contractions. Speaking of which I have had dull period pain type pain for the past five days now, increasing in strength, I am also experiencing Braxton Hicks fairly regularly and last night a constant back pain. I did wonder yesterday if this could be the start of something but no it was just where acrobatics baby had decided to go 'back to back' giving me a pretty tiring back ache. He has moved back round again now but thats not to say he will stay the right way, as he's not fully engaged and seems to be the most energetic baby I have come across, he still enjoys to do full flips and turns which vary from being bearable to actually kinda uncomfortable. I do wonder if he may have got himself all twisted in his cord and is trying to detangle himself, but he's probably just looking for a comfy place to settle.
I always wondered why people get fed up and try all these tricks to induce labour, up until a few days ago I was quite happy to wait a few more weeks, but I am really feeling like I would like him to come along now. I feel ready and far too excited to wait any longer (of course I'm sure this means he will stay in there until after Xmas to be stubborn).
My mum arrived last Saturday to stay until the baby is born, she lives about 5/6 hours away so there was no chance of just being able to call her when I went into labour and I really want her here. She had my elder brother (her first) a week early and me (her second) a few days early so we wanted to make sure she was here in plenty of time just incase I followed the same pattern.
She has been a great help so far helping me organise/clean the house, Mothercare trips and advise on anything I can think of. Before she arrived I was getting into a serious 'Greys Anatomy' addiction, I was watching about four episodes a day and not really leaving the house, I was feeling really exhausted and just felt like there wasn't any way I could do anything than lie in bed. Since she has been up however we have been doing my Pregnancy Yoga DVD together, organising house things, going for lunch and even swimming and I feel like I have got a new burst of energy, I think this is also why I am feeling much more ready for the birth.
I know statistically most first babies are late but I really hope he turns up soon, I'm a little tired of this pregnancy thing now and want to start the mama thing :) xoxo

Bits and Pieces

2011-12-06T20:10:00.000Z

1 to 10, Photos around Wilfryd's room/spare room as I try to sort it!
11, A few years ago I went away for a long weekend with a group of girls when I got home Tom was still at work but had left me a lovely letter and gifts he had made me such as the pictured. The weekend had ended up being a bit of a strain to be honest and it was so lovely to come home and feel so loved.
12, Progress on the tree I am painting in Wilfryd's room
13, The typewriter Tom got me for my birthday
14, My Birthpool all blown up and ready to go...