Tiny Green Elephants

A Hidden Treasure

2013-05-21T12:24:00.001-07:00

We were so fortunate to find Maria's two day a week charter school. At 10 years old, they put her in a second grade class no problem. Her teachers, her principal; great. Plus, we had so much extra time with her at home to work on life skills; getting dressed, brushing her hair, teeth. We worked on attachment and nurtured her as she grew in family. She could still take a nap a few hours a day as her little body and life were in recoup, perfect.

As the months passed, our goals for her changed. Her English, her abilities in school, they were all flourishing. She was able to get herself ready in the morning and eat breakfast on her own in a good amount of time, so we started asking about friends. No friends at school, her best friend was her teacher.

Sometimes, after school, we would walk down to the local public school to play on the equipment. We were approached by the sweetest little kids wanting to play with us too. I saw a girl playing all by herself and after asking her name, I asked Maria to ask her to swing. Maria shook her head no, as she clung to me, eyes on the ground. "Rosio, do you want to play on the swings with Maria?" "Yes," she said, and they ran off together, Maria shooting me a shy, yet hesitantly excited look over her shoulder.

The little girls would ask me a bunch of questions about Maria as they played, "She doesn't speak English, we didn't either when we started school, where is she from?" and when we would leave to go home, they would beg us to stay. "Our parents don't come till dark," they told us.

IN LOVE with the little boys, the feeling is mutual

Andrew and I started tossing around the idea of having her go to the public school for the last few months of the year, but the biggest problem was that she would start as a fifth grader, where her age is, then go to middle school next year. Second grade to middle school was a big leap, we knew she wouldn't be ready. They told us, "We could test her, and move her after she starts in a fifth grade class...." We said no, that seemed so cruel and unnecessary.

We sought out our advocate to see how they could help, and Andrew told me he was feeling pretty discouraged about the whole thing, it seemed like it just couldn't happen. We prayed, but told ourselves it was ok, we liked her charter school, but as summer came, and she still didn't have friends, we were feeling sad. Then one day, when I asked her which school she had more friends at, and she said the public school, even though we had only been there a handful of times, we knew we wanted to make the change, but our hands were tied, and there was nothing more we could do after calling many, many people.

Fast forward to the weekend of service, when we spent all morning cleaning up this precious school with 100 other people from our church. We went home after lunch so the kids could nap, Andrew stayed and served, and worked some more. Of course, because that's just Andrew, wanting to use his efforts to help and serve, always. We came back after they woke, and played on the play ground while I snapped this pic.

"Did you see the guy helping me lay the grass seed?" Andrew asked later.

"Oh, yeah," I said, "Was he from North Coast too?"

"No, that was the principal, I worked with him all afternoon."

"Oh cool," I said.

"Yeah, he set up a meeting with me this week to talk about Maria."

"Oh yeah?" I said, thinking that was weird. I had already given up on the idea of that school weeks ago.

"Yeah, he said he could help us get her into whichever grade we wanted, whichever we think is best, he's going to meet with the district about it..."

"Wait--what??"

Fast forward to her taking the placement test that week, and starting, in fourth grade the following day.

Each morning after breakfast, we walk as a family through the early morning air, eating wild loquat along the way to school, I get to use my Spanish with all the little mommies, we've set up play dates, and I even got to meet Rosio's mamita.

"Mom, they are all learning English too, just like me." In a week, she's learned a dance that she performed at the international fair over the weekend, she and I have so much to talk about when she gets home, her teacher is working with her each day, she has lots of friends who wave and welcome her, even when she's shy, especially Paula. "Mama, she was born in Mexico, and lives here now, she so nice to me."

Dancing at the festival with her class...of peers, her friends

An awesome guy from our church has his kids there, and we see him almost every day, bringing doughnuts, helping with the jog-a-thon, on PTA, and he and Andrew exchanged numbers so Andrew can join the PTA too. He's stoked.

Andrew playing tag with about 15 kids at back to school night, they always rope him into their games ;)

Well....we are stoked. This is her second week of the school, she is loving it. Loving it. We have met the nicest people, all who live near us. Maria, well, all of us are so happy. Oh God, you are so good.

Freaking good thing we decided to serve God that day, and not do our own thing...

' God’s kingdom is like a treasure hidden in a field for years and then accidentally found by a trespasser. The finder is ecstatic—what a find!—and proceeds to sell everything he owns to raise money and buy that field.'

Matt 13:44

It always seems what we need most is hidden, hidden in what God is already asking us to do, serve others. And when we do, he's like, don't you worry about it, I got all that stuff you think is big right here for you...

If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Matt/6:33

Happy Birthday to My Best Friend

2013-05-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

To the woman I love. I wish that words could capture how much I cherish you. You are the most beautiful mother and wife and I am so thankful to get to spend every day by your side. You inspire me to be a better husband, a better father, a better man. This past year has been bursting full of new adventures and I've loved being there by your side as we go. You are so full of love and light, and I have seen you grow into such an amazing woman over the last ten years. You still bring a smile to my face when you walk in a room just like you always have. I hope that when you read this that you know how loved you are and that you are already having a wonderful birthday. Thanks for teaching me through your examples and encouraging me at every opportunity available. It's you that I love and I know 3 other little whipper snappers that feel the same way! Happy Birthday Amy!

Your Admirer and Husband,

Andrew

The Coop Is Done, and Chickens in Evening Wear

2013-05-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

With a palate as a base, and some old fence posts Bob picked up, we built the coop. I was kind of very impressed with Andrew, the farmer man.

Although the kids were very convinced it was their own personal play house.

Andrew crafted a specialty nesting box so we can gather the eggs, but in the meantime, it makes a pretty great secret lookout.

The kids work together to make sure it's nice and cozy for the six chicken. I love having a project that we can work on as a family, they feel such ownership for their chickens. Well, honestly, they are kind of the easiest pet ever, which makes it even better for our crew.

Our chickens are so goofy, and love rolling in the dirt, getting it all mixed up in their feathers, they are kind of awesome.

"Mawia, help me down?"

"Come here, buddy."

At the end of the day, Bob looks at the kids and says, "Let's go!" and they race as fast as they can to his truck.

"Bye, mama," they tell me.

"See ya," I say.

They hop in the back, where they go loco and get to do a few laps in the drive way, while Bob plays music.

"Mama, I go to Bob's house," they tell me matter-of-factly. "We go see Bonnie."

Recently, we've been having some shy little guests at evening picnics. Such little cuties.

Maria loves the chickens so much, but mostly Ladybug. She is a nurturer by nature, which means Ladybug is one of the most pampered and cared for chickens you could imagine.

She gets the royal treatment, and is turning into the best chicken you could imagine.

Literally, eyes closed, asleep, wrapped up in Maria's doll bed. "Shhhhh, mama, she sleeping. Ladybug nap time." "Yes, I see."

"Eeeeeee-whyyyyy-sha!!! Let's be best friend-brothers!!!!!" -Finley

"No," -Elijah

And finally....here it is...

"I look good and I know it" -Ladybug

This is a chicken. Wearing a dress. Ladybug is fancy, and she knows it.

I love that all my kids want to help take care of our chickens together, a special endeavor.

Still no eggs, and we may have a secret rooster with a baby red mohawk, and since we want to stay friends with our neighbors, he may have to go, but in any case, we love these little girlies. They have a peaceful vibe about them as they peck through the yard, eating the bugs, flowing through the plants and trees.

And when it's time to round them back up at the end of the day, I literally need Maria's help as they jump right out of my catch, "Maria!"

"It's ok, I got em!" as she scoops up 3 at a time and tosses them gently into the coop.

What a pro.

Happy Mother's Day

2013-05-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

Felt so loved today thanks to all my little cuties. It was not my first Mother's Day, but it was the first Mother's Day for two of my little ones. Maria's note read, "Thank you for taking care of me." And she told me again, so I knew, "Thank you for taking care of me, mama."

"A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy & the depth of that privilege are not lost on me."
-Jody Landers

Happy Mother's Day to all your wonderful mamas, you are important, unique and have a most sacred, needed, life changing job. If only there were more to go around.

xoxo

"You belong"

2013-05-09T21:56:00.002-07:00

There was one thing Maria was more afraid of than math when she first got home; swimming.

So for her birthday, she received a 4 week swimming class from grandma and grandpa, and after just a couple lessons, she is a fish. She floats on her back, extends her arms, peaceful and happy. "Mama! Mama, look at me!"

"Go, girl!"

We decided to sign Finley up to join the class as well, since we were already going....and that first day you could hear his screams from the parking lot, terrified.

Maria swam up to him, as he clutched the cement sides with his little fingers.

"Finley," she said softly, meeting his eyes, "is ok...you no crying, Maria right here for you. You jus look at me, and it be ok? You no crying...is ok."

She handed him a chipped, plastic ronald mcdonald toy, "Maria right here Finley, you no be afraid..."

And by day three,

"One, two THREE!" as they jumped to their teacher, waiting in the pool for them, side by side, their faces etched in smiles and giggles. Brave little swimmers, splashing through the water together.

The cheerleaders

-Side note-, to say that I am impressed that Elijah can actually...sit on our laps for 30 minutes is new territory for us. Actually, we are entering another new season with our children, a season of enjoying what came from heckuvah hard work.

***

Once, at a teacher staff meeting, a pastor, the dad of the guys in Switchfoot came and spoke. One thing he mentioned was how physical boys are, and how they feel loved and cared for when they can get physical and he would spend a good two hours, each day after work wrestling his boys... That really stood out to me, because two hours... and he's a busy guy.

Sometimes, our boys get that look in their eyes, that crazy look, and we know it's time. We scatter the pillows, and chuck them back and forth to each other. It's their happy place.

See that crazy look in E's eye? So ready ;)

I think it helps prevent some major behavior problems, plus, it's fun. After a bit, the kids quiet down, and get their sweaty little selves up close to us for some cuddling.

Or dancing.

JOY!

To see Elijah enjoy life, to be genuinely happy, is just... incomparable.

Brother high five

A boy who used to scream in torture when he would be cuddled, has become new, we never stopped or gave up on him, his self imposed barriers broken.

To extend your arms passed what others say is 'yours' to bring in those who aren't anyone's, the message being, "You belong" where before they didn't, to anyone.

'You belong, to us,' and 'you have value,' is our message to our children, to reach and keep reaching for them, even when their little hearts don't know how to respond, a new message to them. As humans we are naturally geared to learn from rejection, to gauge it and leave quickly when appropriate, which is why we can't gain our strength in reaching our arms wider, in drawing them in closer from our humanness. We didn't adopt altruistically because we are strong humans, we can't, in fact, we will be the first to say, we are weak. Of which we are often reminded; our hearts smart when they don't want us, we quickly caution our hearts from moving further down the road rejection leads, and with humility--learned humility, when we wish we could be champions, know that we can't do it on our own. We gain strength from the example of our God who, despite rejection, ridicule, reaches, loves, cherishes, despite.

And that is how we can.
When his little tears flow down both of our cheeks, those moments, we choose to whisper, "You belong. You belong to us. You are loved."

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourself. romans 12.10

^{And after a small time, little bodies relax, his scent turns to sweet baby smells in my nose, and his body, his heart knows, he snuggles deeper, the barriers he put up, broken with persistent, unoffended parents, barriers which have always worked in his past, barriers to protect his own broken heart, in his time without a family.}

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment.
Never be without it. col.3

We're ok with second place, behind everyone else without a bunch of kids who need extra help. In fact, we're pretty cozy here, and I would even venture to say, we much prefer it, deep down in our souls.

***

Adoption and Orphan care...

“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I'm more afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter.” Love Does

It's a tough job...

OMG his face!

But someone's gotta do it...

Jonny Mananas

This is him wanting to have a serious conversation with Putin. He wants to set him straight on a few things...

***

Last weekend we spent Saturday morning cleaning up an elementary school with our friends. When we arrived, 200 people from our church were already working.

Honestly, it seemed like the worst idea ever to do it again this year. I was thinking we wouldn't last, how would we get anything done, be of any service with our three kids, especailly the smaller two who need to be constantly watched. Most of me wanted to just say no, but we said yes, a recent habit. Yes to helping others, yes to service, when you feel like you can't.

And each and every time, that darn yes, God meets us right there, and in our feeble attempts to serve and help, he does abundantly more than us.

Best Day Ever.

Oh my gosh, God is good, while we spent hours planting, digging, weeding cleaning, my heart was filled with pride for my children, the kind of thing everyone longs to feel. I was so proud of them working so hard, shoulder to shoulder, a team.

"I'm done," they said at first, "We don't say 'I'm done,' we keep working until we are all done," I gently reminded, happy for the opportunity for my children to learn perseverance.

"I dig these hole for you, Finley, put the white flowers."

"Ok, Maria" as he carefully pulled the flowers out of their cups.

Um...were my kids just working together to plant flowers at a school...yes. I almost interrupted them just to squeeze them.

What is happening?? More than I could imagine.

We weeded, hundreds of plants were planted, everything was painted, new lunch tables were built, flower and garden boxes, new tile in all the bathrooms, just to name a few.

"Good job, buddy!" Check out those work gloves, they mean business.

Garden Boxes

New lunch tables

This used to be crazy weed area

Maria had the most beautiful, sweet, hardworking attitude. She is such a good example to her brothers, and to us as her parents of what we should expect of her two siblings. Blessing. She takes great delight in helping others, in working hard.

It's hard for us not to see the blessings when we serve God, it's inescapable, our family was so touched and changed, but the school, to be honest is unrecognizable. The kids and I walk by this school every week on the way to the library, it will be so cool to point of to my kids all they did, and how much of a difference it made, that they can SEE each time. It's funny, each time we go, Andrew and I always comment how we'd love to buy them a new playset, and grow plants along the chainlink fence...and guess what job they gave me, growing vines in the fence, while my friends fixed and painted the playset.

Does God pour blessings on you when you choose to serve him, I believe so. But I want you to notice this picture right now first, I didn't know what it meant until later. TBC...

Saw this on my run the next morning

Weekend of Service 2013: The Church Has Left The Building from North Coast Church on Vimeo.

And it made me realize how capable my children are, and how much fun hard work can be. They have been doing more work at home, and they ask for it. Today, they told me they didn't know what to play, so I told them they had to move a huge pile of bricks with me.

"YIPPEE!" said Maria. Finley got one time-out as he was remembering what hard work was, and as soon as we finished, they ran off together, playing side by side, without saying they didn't know what to play, as if fun was reinvented.
Hard work, does a kid good I now know.

***

Who wants to guess what we've been building? :)

***

On Sunday, Maria and I had a girl date with some friends. We stopped at Starbucks first.

Thank you Ally and Laney for the awesome girl day!

As she painted, she told me a funny story about Finley, and I laughed. Then I told her a funny story about the boys from when she was at school, it was fun to get to chat for so long without being interrupted. Everything I shared with her she loved, because it was her life as well, which is when it dawned on me, something that I think she's known the whole time, but I guess I have been busy, caring for, and keeping everyone in order that I just didn't even realize...that she is becoming my sweet little friend, one of my very best friends.

***

Have a wonderful weekend, and we want to wish a very special happy Mother's Day to our friends who have their children stuck behind red tape in Russia. You are incredible mothers, your children's lives are forever changed because of you, because they were chosen by you. That child, in a sea of others will forever be changed, because they not only have your love, but they have your prayers, and the prayers of so many who now know about them because of your sacrificial love to them as their mothers. We love you, we love your children, forever.

When you say yes

2013-05-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

"When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign" or "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this because it is hard," but all that is garbage. You know what's hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will."
--Jen Hatmaker

$15,494.14

2013-04-28T13:38:00.001-07:00

It is with great happiness that I share Iris' grant has grown more than $3,000 today, bringing her up to more than $15,000.

But is is with a heavy heart to share that much of it came for most of Kate's adoption grant fund, which has closed, and now shared due to the Russian adoption ban.

As we wait for Iris' family, may we never forget all of the children, begging for families in Russia, especially Kate, who's legacy will live through Iris when a very lucky family chooses her as their own, to fill her heart with the love she deserves, and probably won't even believe she's receiving. One day.

Oh Kate and Iris, you are not forgotten, you have value, you are in the hearts of many.
http://reecesrainbow.org/52215/iris

Laughter, as a mark of healing

2013-04-23T22:53:00.001-07:00

One of the things Finley has said most since the arrival of Elijah, through laughter is, "Haha, Elijah so funny, mama! Elijah so funny!"

Which always made Andrew and I laugh because Elijah was probably the least funny kid, ever.

Those first weeks home, he was shut into himself, a life of neglect leaving a little boy very vacant, distant. A look of concern etched deep into his eyebrows, eyes constantly roving to survey for danger, which he prepared all 16 pounds of himself to deal with, by himself. Sorrow and pain.

And as the weeks passed, and he learned, for the first time that he was safe, as his needs were met and he wasn't hungry, as he slowly changed the hearts of two parents to believe Jesus' words more deeply; that sacrificial love is truly ideal, pushing past ourselves to find a hidden boy deep inside a weakened body.

As time passed, we would sometimes comment to each other, "He's kinda turning into a real boy..."

But this week, he has surprised us again. Ok, actually kind of shocked us.

For the first time ever, Finley is right. He is funny, and he's trying to be funny, and he's good at it.

And kinda of hilarious.

Oh my gosh, crazy goofy.

"Mama! Elijah so funny!"

"Seriously!"

We officially have a house full of comedians.

Yesterday I told the boys to help me weed and water, so they doused each other with the hose instead.
And thought it was hilarious. Actually, I did too.

Life is fun, even soaking wet.


Face etched now in laughter.

sup ladies

***

Last week, as Maria cuddled with Mama and Papa. She soaks up these moments, burying her face into our arms, unable to wipe the huge smile off her face, often, in between sharing her heart with us saying, "My papa. My mama," as she hugs our arms. When the boys are sleeping, she loves telling us all that's on her heart, last week she shared, "Yesterday, at school, I feel scared, so I pray, 'Jesus! Help Maria,'and I feel better, and Maria no scared."

"That's so great honey, you can always pray when you need God. Did you used to pray when you were in Russia?"

"No mama, Maria don't know pray in Russia."

***

Today at lunch, I promised Elijah a special treat if he finished his meal, a yogurt covered raisen. He got all batty eyed, and bounced in excitment as he finished up his meal.

"Yaaay!" I clapped, "You did it!" as his whole face lit up, while I dramatically, slowly put his treat in his hand. He squealed in delight.

Finley, who shares an equal love for yogurt raisins, had just finished, was just walking by Elijah's seat. Elijah saw Finley, and slowly, gently, put his hand up to Finley's mouth, careful to cup his tiny hand around the yogurt raisin so it wouldn't fall out, holding it up to his brother's lips so that his brother could have it, slowly feeding him his special treat.

One of the things God is revealing within Elijah as his personality is beginning to surface is his tender heart. He has a really sweet spirit, hidden for so long in the crib, the one furthest from the door in the orphanage. Oh, it touches our hearts so.

***

It's really feeling like summer these days, and we are soaking up the longer days, the warm weather.

I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.

// Luke 6/35-36

***

A really tough part of our adoption was Elijah's eating. We had the hardest time getting him to eat at first, anything. And he would scream. And we would stare at each other, like whaaaat? as he recoiled from us. And we'd stick little bits of food in his mouth, but it just didn't feel right. Andrew and I are both in bsf, where we have been studying Genesis for the good part of a year. In Genesis, God would tell someone that he has this big, fatty blessing for them, and the person would respond, "Sweet! I so want that! But, actually, now that you bring it up, I just want to get it myself, my own way, and not stick with you in this, peace." At which point their lives when to crap. It effected their kids, spouses, all their relationships. And you saw the same issues in the lives of their kids, grandkids...

It took a while for it to sink in for us, until we finally realized that this was God's promise, this whole healing broken kids thing, not us. So, we prayed, like dropped what we were doing and flash prayed, like right then, "God, you are the healer, not us. Please, we give it all back to you..."

And I've told this story to friends and family before, but as soon as we said amen, he picked up his tiny fork, for the very first time, put food on his fork. And ate it.

I got this, suckas

And this huge relief swept over all of us. It was this really big step for us, in so many ways.

We've been trying to pray first more often these days, cause God knows, and he will lead. And I see why God would lay this so heavy on our hearts, why he would impress this story into both our minds through his word, because Elijah's comfort level with food has given way to so much of his inner healing, it is connected to so much.

If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.//

matt 6/31-32

Katie Davis, when asked how it is she does her ministry in Uganda...

"I don't. It's just a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus!"

Amen, sister.

***

//Bits and pieces//

1. We watched this Amish documentary, and this family really touched my heart, I mean once you get past the beards and hats and all. Andrew just watched it with me, and has so much respect for the father, "He's a man all men should look up to."

2. A sweet young family, who's orphanage was just down the street from Elijah's, has had the door shut in their faces because of the Russian adoption ban, all after they met him, held him. As they prayed, they just committed to two older boys with special needs in another country: http://reecesrainbow.org/38706/sponsorpittman Dang, they are such blessed little boys, and Dale will always be in all of our hearts.

If it has wheels around here, it's the coolest thing ever

4. And never forget:

2013-04-22T12:37:00.002-07:00

7QYPBRTXXPSV

Maria's first birthday party!

2013-04-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, Maria turned 11 years old.

And for the very first time, Maria had a birthday party.

Together, we celebrated her life and how loved she is. And maybe for the first time, the day of her birth was celebrated.

So we made it special, with cake and pink and wildflowers.

We boiled water for tea.

The moment Maria woke up, she was just in awe. Mama and Papa embraced her as soon as she creaked her door open, wrapping her arms quickly around us too, and jumping.

Our voices finished, "...happy birthday, tooooooo you..." as Finley chimed in, "Y-ewwww! Yew, 'Aria!!"

An open mouth grin on her face, eyes wide, not wanting to miss one second of these moments, of a day where she was being celebrated.

In her day, she was filled with awe, wonderment and joy.

***

From a time back in last June. Shy, tiny, silent and timid, receiving her first gift. I think of that battle, the one to bring her home, and how close we came to a door shutting in our faces, and I think about how every moment, every step, which brought us to this first birthday, so worthy.

Moving slowly, unsure how to open it.

To this weekend, surrounded by people who love her, as she is filled to the brim with pure, free happiness. She is loved, and today she is celebrated.

And she truly knows.

***

No regular stores would have the type of dress Maria would have loved with short, modern styles, so we went to 'Trendy' the Mexican superstore!!!! And it did not disappoint. When she opened her fancy, pink, flowing dress with ribbons and bows, she was beside herself with joy that she was receiving anything so lovely.

"WOW Mama! 'MAZING!!!"

As some mamas got the tables and tea sets ready, the girls were sent to pick flowers for the little vases. They skipped, and laughed and filled their buckets.

With each new guest, she excitedly ran to greet them, they were all here for her!

We love Gena!

The little ones had big jobs to make the day special.

But they sometimes got distracted.

At the end of the day, she sat quietly on her bed, with a big stack of brightly colored birthday cards. The ones most kids discard as quickly as possible to get to the presents. But she held each card gently, silently reading and rereading each one, and each of the little notes. At the end of each card, just before they would sign their name, it said, "Love,"

"Mama," she stopped and asked me. "Mama, everyone write love. Everyone love Maria?"

"Yes," I smiled, that she would notice something most would take for granted. "Yes, everyone loves Maria."

Her face lit up again. "Oh my goodness!"

"Mama?"

"Yes?"

She smiled now, eyes still looking at the cards,

"Mama, I know."

When tea was served, we talked about fancy things and ate tea sandwiches and strawberries.

And when it was time for cake, she about jumped out of her seat, this was the part she had known would happen.

"Ev-y-body sing on my birthday?"

"Yes!"

So we lit the two little 1 candles, and slowly walked it over, everyone's voices singing together for the birthday girl.

(Cutest cake ever, KMCakery, the best.) Strawberry shortcake, her favorite.

She was so happy, this was the part she was waiting for.

She was so excited she blew out the candles before she could say a wish, so we relit and let her blow them out one more time.

Hurray!

When it was time for gifts, we had her sit on a pink and white flowered chair, and we handed her her first gift. As she opened the beautiful wrapping, she would look at the gift, picked just for her, and stare and hold it. "Mama, I open?" she would want to play with it right then, not knowing that there were more.

"Maria, you can play with your gifts in a little bit, there are more to open," we told her.

"Oh, more?" as her friends offered her their gifts, and she grabbed them for a hug.

A pink octopus from Luna

Her cute friends with the sweetest gifts.

Feeling so special

So loved

So sweet and appreciative of her gifts.

This puppy is so special to her, she loves him so much!

Her own teapot!

After presents, we bashed a pinata. The girls killed it. We also got the pinata at the Trendy, and filled it with cheap, neon marshmallows, que rico!

Savannah gave her a best friends bracelet that they can both wear, presh!

Our chickens are growing into their awkward teenager phase, but the kids still loved meeting and holding them. Maria kept looking at her friends and said to me, "So cute, mama! Everybody so cute!"

They jumped and played and ran around.

It was a fun, beautiful day.

***

Today was one of those days, where we could almost remember those memories of traveling, of children hidden away in rooms, almost.

Today is a day of celebration of this little life who is loved and cherished, fought for.

Her sweet, gracious spirit, who outwardly showed how blessed she was each moment throughout the day, has undoubtedly blessed us more. And that we get to be a part? Truly priceless, a joyful honor, I can say no more than that.

Life is beautiful, love heals and sacrifices are worth making .

It’s not all planned out for us either, and that’s where most people get too nervous to take the next step. But know this: when Jesus invites us on an adventure, He shapes who we become with what happens along the way. -Love Does

And in her own words,

"Mama, today so special, my own birthday party, I just so happy!"

And then later, without a question mark,

"Everyone love Maria."

Cause for the first time in her life, she's really knowing it's true.

***

Dedicated to all the little girls in orphanages who's birth has never been celebrated. We pray that each feels loved and cherished on their special day one day, overflowing with kind people who love them, just like Maria had on her day.

Cause eleven is cool!

We love Bob and Bonnie

2013-04-10T22:43:00.000-07:00

So Andrew and his buddies are in bsf on Monday nights, where he met Bob. He and Bob became friends, and went to play tennis one day. When he found out we had three kids, and that two of them were adopted, he said he and his wife believe God's heart is to help orphans and widows, so he wanted to help us, then play tennis with Andrew after.

"Amy, come meet Bob when he comes over, he's going to help us with something," he told me.

"He is? That's so nice. What's he going to help us with?" I asked.

"He said he would come look and see."

So he came over, a big smile, nicest guy you could ever meet. Turns out I know his daughter in law and his granddaughter is close in age to Finley.

"Well, my wife and I pray each morning that God would use us how He would see fit, and we want to help you guys," he told us.

We showed him around, I think we were thinking a leaking sink, or unhinged door, and Andrew happened to mention how we kind of wish our sloping yard had a level area for the kids to play on.

"Well, that's it then!" he told us.

A month or two back, I had tried to be proactive as a responsible adult, and emailed some landscaper on Craiglist, who came over, and started doing all sorts of crazy talk, and told us some huge number that we would never be able to afford, and as we waved goodbye, we told ourselves that the slope would give our kids calve stamina, or something like that, cause they would never see a day it was level. Ever.

"What?" We asked Bob, cause you know, leveling a yard is a big deal.

"Yeah, if that's what you need, we can even put a little fence around it, and maybe some gates," he mentioned as Finley and Elijah had both taken the opportunity of us chatting to beeline for the open driveway from the yard.

"Oh, wow...um..." we tried to say.

"Well, I'll start tomorrow. I hope 6:30 isn't too early for you, I just head back here and start then if that's ok."

"Oh, we don't know what to say, thank you..."

Tomorrow? Our yard? Gates?

What was happening? He just wanted to help us because he loves God and feels like using his time is well spent serving others, even messy strangers with Russian speaking kids, and a very sloping yard, with all sorts of weird, twisting brick walkways, translation: toddler concussion.

Sure enough, he was there the next morning, we brought all the kids outside after breakfast and they all greeted him. I looked at the yard, and he had already done more in one morning than Andrew and I could have done in a week, even if we were working together. And had two cups of coffee.

And all the uneven brick walkways were gone, it was already better.

And in our yard, Bob has come. Every day, unless he's out captaining a ship, for more than a month. Yes, seriously! Sometimes he hires a friend named Sergio, which is a beautiful story of grace in itself, and other times his brother Don comes and helps alongside too. His wife Bonnie comes each day and brings lunch for Bob and the guys, and helps too.

My kids are in heaven. Seriously.

"Yets go, Bob!" "Let's go, Finley."

As Bob is working, the kids, who just love him, want to talk to him while they are playing out back.

"Hi Bob!" they say with hopeful voices, first thing when they see him, as his back is bent over a project. He always stops what he's doing, faces them, greets them, chats with them. He stops what he's doing and pushes Elijah on a bike, or shows Finley the cement mixing in the mixer, shows him the new project.

One day, when the boys woke up from their naps with grumpiest of all grumpies, and Finley was just a mess of tears and whining, the kind of thing most people would avoid, Bob heard, stopped what he was doing, walked over, looking at Finley.

"Finley, what is this? Chernobyl?"

"Waaaaaaah!!!"

"Come here. Get up, you need to get to work and water the grass, come on, I need your help."

To which Finley stopped crying, (Wait, what?) got up, picked up the hose and got to work, silently. After a few minutes, "I workeeeeing, mama. I workeeeing wif Bob!"

"Yeah, you are buddy!" Thank goodness! It was such a sweet moment. Oh, and quiet.

Sometimes when the kids are sleeping, and I am folding laundry, I hear Andrew and Bob, having deep conversations about God, marriage, life. Bob always saying how Bonnie is the best thing that has ever happened to him. As soon as you say her name, he will tell you all her best qualities.

"Some people, end up bringing out the worst in each other, but I think Bonnie and I bring out the best in each other. Stuff like that, it takes work, but when it happens, everything in life is just easy," he told me just the other day, as he poured concrete to make steps for our home.

Finley loves Bonnie so much, sometimes he asks for her at random times of the day, "See Bonnie, mama?" Maria loves Bonnie, and Bonnie even made her a special tutu and wings. When Maria first put them on, we all laughed as she ran around the yard, convinced she could fly. Bonnie even made tutus and wings for Maria's two special dolls, can you believe it!? I always end up talking her ear off when she's over, and she's so sweet and listens to everything. She's in my bsf group on Wednesday mornings, and sometimes we talk about how much we love it. She even offered to watch the kids for us so we could have date nights, "Even if you guys want to do once a month!" she told us. It was just the kindest thing.

He would knock Finley over, and pick him up. Finley was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Also, how CUTE is that Tutu!?

I think the day we have a big, beautiful yard, a yard more wonderful than we could ever had hoped for, will also be a sad day when we don't get to see Bob and Bonnie each day. I think our days are so much better with them there. I know we just finished an adoption and all, but I think we kind of adopted them into our family too, without their permission.

We are planting grass, some trees and plants, but they are planting more than that. They are teaching Andrew and I so much about love and service, about marriage and parenting. I'm not kidding, they tell us stuff that we could have heard a million times elsewhere, but when they say it, it clicks. They are a living legacy to us and their kids, our children and we could never thank them enough. It's so much more than our yard, and so much more than even all the time they put in,the kind things they do for our kids. It's the kind of thing that changes our lives forever, a permanent reminder of the beauty of humble servitude, and hopefully, like Bob, with always a smile on our faces, and time to give to anyone who interrupts.

Have a Wonderful Weekend

2013-04-06T09:03:00.003-07:00

Remembering and Cherishing

2013-04-03T22:42:00.002-07:00

"Hop in bed, miss," I told her as she grabbed the book that we had left off with and opened to the dog-eared page.

We had a really fun day, playing and laughing, drawing and dance class. As she sounded out each word, with so much ease these days, laughing at sections with abandon, delighted at the story, making me interested in what Josh and Zack were doing in the story, I decided to ask her if she ever missed Russia, or missed the orphanage.

I'm pretty sure she thought she could fly with her new tutu from Bonnie :)

Without breaking gaze with the book, her eyes popped in shock. And then she smiled, and laughed a little bit.
"No, mama. I don't like it there," eyes still on the pictures of the kids in the story. She laughed and said, "I don't like it there. Maria is happy. Maria is home!"

"What was it called in Russian, the orphanage?" I asked.

"Internat. I don't like it there. Everyone hit us, break my friends glasses, bonking my head," she explained as she turned the page. "I don't like it there, I like it home. Maria happy," she smiled, and kept reading her story, which she really thought was the funniest thing she's ever read.

"And," I added, whimsically, "You have a mama and a papa, and a family who loves you so much!"

"Mhmm," she nodded, like, duh mom, obviously,

Then, with more zest, "Aaaaaaaand," she added, "Maria dancy!!!"

Our little ballerina

***

Last night as I was getting the boys in pajamas and ready for bed in their room, their last ditch efforts at their naked dances, stomping their toddler feet in utter glee.

"Pssst, mama," Maria said, "something show you in room!"

"Not right now honey, mama will be there soon."

Five minutes later, a little more quietly, "Pssst, mama, show you something in room."

"Ok babe, hold on," I said over my should as the boys were winding down, and most had clothes on, or teeth brushed I'm sure.

When the boys were sleeping soundly, I walked down to her room to see what it was, "No mama, not my room, your room!"

I walked in to my room.

It had been cleaned up and it looked better than it had in a month. (or two)

"Ta-Da!!!" she said, sweeping her arms dramatically before she burst into happy laughter. "I love you, mama!! Special surprise!"

"Oh my gosh!" I said, honestly so surprised that someone would clean my room, when does that happen? "Thank you so much, sweetie! You are so sweet!"

Most days, I can't believe how far this girl has come since that first day we met her in a teeny, tiny, crumbling orphanage in Russia. Those moments? Those are ones I hold in my heart, the first time you meet your child, the one God always meant for you because he is oh so good. The moments that almost feel unreal, are we here? Is this happening? The ones that bond you and your husband, as you fall in love this precious child.

"Were you sad when mama and papa had to leave and come home for a bit before we came and got you?"

She shook her head, "No, because I knew you were coming back. I remember Nikita running, running to me and say, 'Maria! Maria! Your parents are here!'

"And when I saw you, I knew you were coming back for me."

Meet the 6 newest family members

2013-04-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, we loaded up all the kids in the car and headed to the local feed store (We have a local feed store? I guess we do! We're new at all this still :)

We got in line and got six tiny chicks, just three days old.

Our kids have fallen head over heels in love with these fuzzy little cuties. Finley named his Ladybug, or as he calls her, "Way-dee bug."

They are so gentle and kind with them.

And definitely delighted!

They were actually just giddy about it all, they talked about it the whole week prior. This one was named by Papa, Derby.

Maria named hers Ora. And you would have thought she was a professional chicken handler by the way she cares for these little girls. We have Ladybug, Ora, Clementine, Blue Bell, Bonnie and Derby.

Raising chickens will give our family great eggs, as we give them a great life and good home. It is also very beneficial for kids to help raise chickens, and learn how to care for them.

Even our littlest loved to feel their soft, downy heads with his little hands. (We named his Bonnie, after one of the kids favorite ladies)

We are reading the book, A Chicken in Every Yard, which says chicks like to be rubbed in their tummies. It's true, they often relax and close their eyes and fall asleep as they get their tummies rubbed. They are SOOOOOOOO cute, did I mention that?

As they grow in a brooder box, we are building them a coop out of free wood we find on craigslist. The kids show each time we have a guest over, but are quick to swap them out for a new one, 'so they don't get tired.'

After a little while, we let the chickies rest, and the kids played.

Maria taught Finley how to use they new squirters from Grandma. "Finley, two hands, pull like this, look! Good job, buddy! You did it!" We heard them giggling and laughing so hard together, even a little bit past nap time, until they came up soaking and dirty,

"Mama, I all wet!" they both told us.

***

There are so many big kids who would love the chance to be an amazing older sibling.

(This is Maria and Finley at the farm when we were picking up our chickens. They didn't know I was taking this picture as she showed him each of the animals, put her hands on her knees to be at his level, "Finley, I have something special to show you, so so special, a big, big, bunny! Come look!" They didn't know I was taking this picture, and then I died of cuteness)

Brothers

2013-03-25T13:58:00.002-07:00

Do you think these two were meant to be brothers, or what? <3

I always encourage my boys to be helpers to one another, and to look at how happy they make their brother when they are helping him or showing him kindness.

There is a special verse I pray for my boys who are oh so close in age

// Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.//

Hebrews 10:25

May they be bonded as they grow up together, helping one another, their family and those around them. May they be more about giving than taking, loving than hurting, now and as they begin forming relationships in the future to come.
May they be inventive encouragers.

And when people ask me how close in age they are,

"7 months!" while I shrug my shoulders and smile, then continue playing.

"Ohhhh...." they respond slowly.

"Let's do this together"

2013-03-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

One morning when the outside was still mostly quiet and still, early morning light only beginning to shine through the leaves, Maria heard birds in the trees out the window, and opened the door to see them singing their songs. "Wow, Finley! You want to see?" she whispered to him.

"Yeah!"

So she pulled up a little chair for him to stand on so he could see too, and listened to him as he pointed out all the birds.

"Maria, yook-it!"

***

For the Lord your God is living among you.
    He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
    With his love, he will calm all your fears.
    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:17

Maria watched me airplane feed Elijah and tried it with Finley, who always happily obliges, even if he has just finished eating his own meal. "Mmmmm, fank you, 'Aria!" She knows the key to his heart ;)

"Ok Finley, say ahhhhh!"

'No prob, sis, my most bff!' Flippin cuties

We are in such a sweet spot in our adoption, where our children have reached a place for the first time in their lives where they are healthy, happy and joyful. They no longer live in survival mode, but are filled up with safety, love and fun, knowing their needs will be met.

It's exhausting for orphans to be so small, yet constantly be on alert to try to care for themselves. We saw a gradual relaxing in their hearts in those first few weeks we cared for them, which gave way to a sharp increase in their physical and mental growth. They were free to be kids, relying on parents for the first time. What was once fear and pain, is now happiness, where they splash their new found joy onto others as they continue to grow.

If I'm convinced of anything, it's that children are resilient, and grow with love, even if they had been denied it their whole lives prior.

Andrew and I just can't even believe it, we can't put into words just how thankful and happy we are, it feels very abundant. But, at many moments throughout the day, as I look at my children, I sometimes can't believe that there are 'waiting children.' That children wait, and wait and hope and long for families, and that families miss out on it all. I can't believe our children waited as long as they did. I know many people looked at each of our children, but to many they weren't 'perfect enough.' Man, can you even imagine how much those people are missing out? Or, I suppose how close we came to missing out ourselves.

Sweet moments that fill our hearts.

***

"To not be wanted is toxic to the soul. Kids need someone to believe in their goodness."

-Dr. Barbara Sorrels

***

Oh to be loved. Oh to be cherished for just who you are, each day. To have arms ready to embrace you at any moment, where there were once none.

I think one of my favorite moments of each day is after papa gets home from work and plays out back with the kids, and as I call them for dinner, hearing laughter first, then seeing them. Little ones who so desire the love of a father, one who tells them they are not just good enough, but loved beyond measure, the simple stuff that changes lives forever.

Our neighbors recently gave us a trampoline, which has been all sorts of fun. It's a low one, and Andrew totally hit his butt on the ground while trying to show off a sweet move, it was maybe the funniest moment of my life, even he couldn't help laughing through his pain as the kids fell over from giggles.

“But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It's a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright.”
-Bob Goff, Love Does

It's funny how big and invincible kids feel when they bounce on a trampoline.

Two of my cool dudes, so darn cute

***

“Every day God invites us on the same kind of adventure. It's not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us. God asks what it is He's made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers,

"Let's go do that together.”

//Bob Goff

Praising God--daily, usually more

I recently started baking healthy muffins with vegetables and such in them and not adding sugar, my kids think it's the biggest treat, and I'm all, "I know, riiiiight guys?"

Turns out, he loves to dance a bit

We are reading Genesis in bsf, and it's kind of changing my life, and parenting for the better, learning from others mistakes, hah!

Maria and Andrew are so into catching lizards recently, and there must have been a lizard mating fest because they are everywhere.

What the freaking heck is that long tail!?

The boys were kind of iffy on the whole thing, but Papa and Maria's joy for these tiny guys is contagious while I smile and nod and encourage, while making sure I don't touch them myself.


My boys are blessed to have such a wonderful big sister. Constantly noticing and pointing out the passing firetrucks to Finley, obliging to play trucks with them....yet again, and again, "Ok, buddy." Kind and gentle.

If you were wondering why Finley's speech has suddenly blossomed, as well as his sharing and play skills, well, now you know why, oh my gosh, this picture is so cute with their little dolls. Addie and 'Safina.'

She is always willing to play with an eager toddler, even if it means sharing her most precious toys.

My kids are cooler than me

Shopping trips with my cute crazies.

I love when this little guy falls asleep on me. When people meet him, I almost want to warn them not to guess his age, because they will be so far off and then get embarrassed that no, he's not 10 months old, but this little one has a spark in his heart now, and is catching up each day, and we love him no matter what, no matter how fast or slow, we know we are better people now that he's here. In fact, sometimes I feel like except for the One who sent us to get him, he may be our greatest teacher of true sacrificial love.

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
― E.E. Cummings


I started making the boys protein/green smoothies when they get up from their long afternoon naps, and it has been huge for them, I think boys just need a lil' extra protein in their lives. Banana/Protein powder/Spinach/water keeps the afternoon weepies at bay.

We make many efforts to get our kids in nature each day. Venturing away from the man made play structures, finding leaves, sticks, rocks to climb where they can explore, hike and imagine. My kids thrive out here, and chomp on 'sour grass.'

I feel like they eat and nap better after a day of exploring nature, and it bonds them together.

Our kids love church, they don't even say goodbye to us as they run in to play, except Elijah, who still cries each time we leave him, which is sad, but I am secretly happy at such a tangible view of his attachment. I kiss him on his crying lips and tell him I'll be back soon, while secretly celebrating-I know, kind of mean/awesome.

I'll leave you with this lil' chubby boy who ate his weight in a burrito:

Psssst, hey Putin, I think we found out your secret....You're just mad that you don't have Chipotle so you banned all your orphans from being able to have any. #we'reontoyou

So reach out and welcome one another to God’s glory. Jesus did it; now you do it!

Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!
//Romans 15:13 MSG//

Thank you!

2013-03-13T13:42:00.003-07:00

You guys, we DID IT! We met the goal for little Iris, and it has been MATCHED! Seriously, she has over TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS in her adoption fund. $10,000.

See for yourself: http://reecesrainbow.org/52215/iris I bet you this sweet girl has no idea how many fans she had, how many people are rooting her on, how many people have come together to help her realize her dream, a family of her own!

Please share Iris and celebrate with us today!

Oh MY!

2013-03-11T13:51:00.002-07:00

We have been offered a matching grant of $500 for Iris!

Meaning, if #TeamIris can pull together $500, it will be doubled to $1,000.

If this happens, it would put her adoption fund at just about exactly $10,000....

Which is huge.

It always seems true that the little ones who reach around $5,000 in their adoption funds don't wait much longer, so maybe because Iris is a bit older, this matching grant will put her at just the right spot.

Ok, I am getting ahead of myself, can we do this? It could be 5 more people to jump into TeamIris, that would be one way, but even just a $5 donation would turn into a $10 one!

I think when Maria wakes up from her nap, we will put one more scarf on our Facebookpage which will maybe get us that much closer.

We were supposed to be done fundraising at the end of Feb, but this is an offer we just couldn't pass up. Hey, it's better than the casino, it will double your money the moment you enter :)

Help Iris meet her matching grant, also spread the news about Iris and her adoption fund. Perhaps someone is looking for a sweet little girl they can call daughter, someone they can help with school, brush her hair, read her stories, invest in a little life who is so full of love. Our lives are short, you know?

Help Make Iris' Life

Oh my goshhhhhhhhh, as matching grant for Iris!

***

Blue/Green Iris Scarf, $25, but will be matched!

My Sweetie

2013-03-07T21:15:00.003-08:00

So after Maria killed it in school today, I told her she and I could use our gift cards and go to the mall, where we were totally embarrassing and took model shots of each other to see which clothes were best, (Obviously her shirt was picked) she had never picked out clothes in Russia. On the way to the car she helped me open the door, "Thank you, sweetie." "What's that, sweetie, mama?" "It's just a word that means I love you." "Oh, I love you too, sweetie!"

A Valid Emotion

2013-03-04T21:46:00.001-08:00

To be honest, I've thought of most displays of anger as a sign of weakness.

"Pull it together person, change your voice, is it really worth all that?"

Even while reading the places in old testament, I would wonder, 'but why angry, God? I mean, why so upset?" even in the case of injustice. And now I know, I had never seen it.

Until the day, I was sitting on the side of a couch so sagging and broken, I had to try and not roll into Dasha sitting next to me. The stark white walls with it's peeling paint had stacks and stacks of yellow, faded papers roughly jammed into full folders, each one piled onto the next. Medical files, hand written, telling of each child's impairments, "CP, bent knee, protein deficiency, failure to thrive..." Written and marked, a child's fate in a few sentences.

I stared into the stern woman's icy gaze as I smiled, something important I wanted to share with her, and so I began,"We would like to purchase a rocking chair for this floor, just for adoptive parents who are visiting to have a place to sit while they are visiting their..."

I was stopped mid offer.

"No, there is no one here who will rock the babies, we have much too many," and looked at me, waiting for the expected questions of our specific child's medical information.

So sudden, slightly harsh to say that no one would rock them, she must have misheard me, so re-smiling, "Oh no, of course, I hear you, it is for parents, who are visitng you see, so that they can have a place to sit while they hold their babies."

She frowned, "No. We have no room for one. We do not need it."

She was done with this conversation, which stuck me as odd, and I started to get bothered, and my cheeks began to feel warm. She was done, and I folded my hands.

"Well, what about in the play room?" I 'offered.' The obvious solution, to put it in the room where the children don't go and it won't be in the way. "I think we could fit it there, it would be our pleasure."

Dasha shot me a look as the woman folded her arms across her chest, a menacing frown on her carefully painted pink lips, tilting her face back to look at me through slitted eyes.

Sveta started talking, trying to smooth things over when suddenly their words started to fade into a murmur as my ears were filled with the silence of the hall around me, and I slightly turned my head to the empty hall. The hall lined with doors cracked open, not a sound escaping. The silence filled me up, a strange, almost echoing silence, drowning out all else.

And out of the corner of my eye, movement, a flicker through a white door, catching and blocking the light.
Side to side, side to side, rhythmic, side to side, rocking rocking, silent.

Tiny, infant-sized hands gripping the cold, metal rail of it's crib as she rocked her thin body, putting her weight from foot to foot, staring at the white wall ahead of her. Side to side as her little body worked to comfort herself.

The dull, cold winter air from the window behind the crib made her a gray flickering silhouette, a flicker of movement catching my eye. No one else's. In this baby house. A house, for babies.

As the silence filled my ears, the silent sounds of the babies, their mouths closed, eyes open, each doing thier own flicker, their bodies taking over for their lack of care, some on hands and knees, back and forth rocking, rocking, comforting themselves, back and forth, side to side. Staring, at the walls, at their mattresses.

The murmuring woman started to take shape in my ears again, as I started to feel hot in my chest, and like my teeth were starting to press against each other. I was no longer smiling. I was starting to feel angry, and I wanted her to hear just one more time what we were offering, and it wasn't for her.

I could feel anger in my face, "We could buy it at the store, and assemble it here..." I didn't care, the flicker was the only thing I could see.

Sveta put her hand on my leg.

The woman put her ice blue eyes on me, and I think she may have been very beautiful at one point in her life.

She waited, "What we need are cookies and candy. The children never get these things, you see," as she threw her hands up in the air at the injustice of it all.

"That," she looked at my eyes, "is what you can get. Cookies and candy," and she closed her medical book.

Thoughts and phrases flew through my head, and I felt this strange strength that I wanted to use on the desk as my palms started to sweat. I was angry, and it was taking over my body.

"Great," I said and I kept my voice low and even, using all my control, "I would love to buy some cookies and candy, heck, maybe even some fruits and vegetables, I mean, you are a doctor, right? But, we could buy all of those in addition to a rocking chair," as heat filled my chest. "We'll get it all."

The answer was no. They denied us the opportunity to offer such a small item of comfort.

I realize that one rocking chair wouldn't change an institutional setting, I realize that children left in their cribs all day wouldn't suddenly have the love a family brings, good nutrition, comfort or necessarily interaction due to one piece of new furniture, but I didn't expect, that even one tiny start, one offering of help, would be denied.

It represented more to me than a no to a free object. It showed me a lack of effort, or desire to change, a pride in a system that isn't working to raise children, a system set in it's antiquated ways, despite new research, changes in the knowledge of child development.

And the next day we showed up with food for the kids.

As they rocked their bodies, and reached their skinny, small arms to us up from the sides of their cribs, eyes pleading with us to lift them up, and nothing more.

And we couldn't do more than buy them some treats before we were ushered out.

And there they still sit, as winter turns to spring. Little flickers.

Yippee!

2013-03-02T10:41:00.001-08:00

Here's a few fun things to start your weekend:

First Iris has over $8400 in her adoption fund, ummm, what!?!? That means almost half of her whole adoption is taken care of for a family. We're talking, plane tickets, homestudy, hotel, etc etc all thanks to #TeamIris! (THAT is pretty fun...) ALSO WINNERS!!! BIG congrats to 3 special ladies, Tanna Smith, Grace Straus AND Jacki Cadden!!!

You gals are the whole package, you care enough to do something, and you get the Kisses from Katie book sent straight to you with love from us! (Email me! :)

Thank you to everyone who cares about Iris, let's keep praying for a family, and maybe still dropping some change in her account when we can until that day. HAPPY WEEKEND!!!!

Team Iris, last day to join!

2013-02-28T14:14:00.002-08:00

Today is the very last day to donate to be a part of the #TeamIris for our Kisses from Katie give away.

I wanted to share a couple things that happened this week that made me think of little Iris, hidden away, and what a blessing she would be to a family of any size.

1. "Mama, I put this in Finley and Elijah's room so they don't miss me when I'm at school" -Maria (Maria who is still sometimes blonde in drawings like mama)

2. On the way to the zoo, Maria sat in back with the boys, she ticked Elijah who spilled over with giggles. "Finley, Maria? Finley?" Finley asked her hopefully, with his tiny toddler voice, looking at her with hopeful eyes.

"Ok buddy," and ticked him, lighting up his whole face as he laughed with joy.

(Notice how all of these pictures of Finley are blurry, which gives you an idea....and also, notice how unfazed she is by any of it. She just loves being a big sister, and the boys just love their Maria.)

The family that adopted Iris's best friend specifically commented on the fact that they knew Iris would make a wonderful sister, and I believe it to be true. Beautiful sister, wonderful daughter, sweet child who is in such need.

***

I also wanted to address her HIV+ diagnosis. Did you know that the adoption of children with hiv is on the rise? There are greater levels of education about the virus, making families realize how doable it truly is.

Did you know that HIV is 100% preventable?

Yep, it's true! Treatment is amazing now a days as well, in the US hiv can be treated so well, that their hiv becomes undetectable (seriously!) People who are treated in this country can live long full lives. (Sadly, this is not the case in many other countries, and truly sad things await those who age out of orphanges)

Check out this super cute video about hiv and the adoption of children with hiv.

(I want to be best friends with all of them, did you notice which children her hiv+? No? ;)

Check out Project Hopeful, a website just for adoptive or prosepective adoptive parents of children with HIV. It's truly an amazing website with every sort of information.

There has never been one case in the US where hiv has been transmitted by normal family living and interactions. So if your most recent education on the matter was in 8th grade health class, learn something new today, because an open mind could lead to an open heart, and an open heart could lead to saving a life, because the type of conditions and medical care we offer in this country aren't offered in others.

***

You CANNOT contract HIV from casual contact. HIV is not found in tears, sweat, snot, feces and urine. You don ’ t have to fear catching HIV through day to day activities with people who are HIV+. You are free to share plates, cups, utensils, food, toilets, towels, linens and other household items without risk of

transmission. There has never been a case of accidental transmission in a normal household setting.

-Project Hopeful

***

PLEASE share, donate, get involved, help sweet Iris escape a life of institutionalization and loneliness, and allow her to grow, thrive, love and bless a family.

Help Iris here

Share Iris's video, picture anywhere. Her family is out there, they just need to know about her.

In one word, how would you describe Iris?

(If you donate today, email me amy@tinygreenelephants.com so I can add you into the drawing, too! Save a life, win a prize, etc etc all in a days, right? ;)

Interviewing the Children

2013-02-25T14:33:00.002-08:00

When Russia banned all adoptions to the US, no one asked the kids how they felt about it, until now when CNN interviewed these children in Moscow.

Oh be still my heart.

One, the sweet little girl in purple, was given back after being adopted by a Russian family at age 5 when they found out she has learning disabilities, "I just want to go back to my family, I love them." And the beautiful 16 year old at the end who cries because she's given up on the hope for a family even though she desperately wants one.

I think maybe the hardest part is the beautiful boy in a wheel chair with the bright face has a Reece's Rainbow family, who can't finish and get him because of the ban.

....Russia, you are so blowing it right now, these kids are begging for families.

TODAY IS THE DAY!

2013-02-23T08:49:00.004-08:00

Help us be a voice

Wahooo, home stretch, and surprising close. You can vote today until midnight! We would love to shout to the world that there are SO many kids who need homes and parents, especially imperfect ones, those are the best :) Plus, I am pretty sure many more people need to see Iris's face, especially her parents. Yay, thanks!

VOTE HERE

***

Especially this one, I mean, right?

Thank You!

xoxo

Some thoughts on adopting an 'older child' and Iris update

2013-02-20T15:05:00.001-08:00

Last night, Andrew went to go play drums at TNL, "Yeah, just go babe, you'll have fun."

Elijah was being the pickle of all pickles during dinner time, and when the big two were finished, "It's ok mama, Finley, you wan come play my room?"

"I want mama!"

"But, look, look at these!"

He toddled into her room right behind her and I heard them playing sweetly on their own, as I finished feeding little 'lijah. When I peaked in, they had gotten out the letter flash cards and she was helping him practice.

And as I wrapped up with Elijah, who ended up having a nice, big dinner, I heard, "Mama, look Finley, baby! Play baby."

She even gave him her doll's pacifier

"Finley, is Elijah your best friend?" I asked him the other day.

"No. 'aria" -Finley

I haven't seen him with a pacifier in more than a year, it's so darn cute! No seriously, just look at this picture. Stick a fork in me...

It's these moments that I remember our feelings when God asked us to adopt an 'older' child. How I actually felt a bit sad, yet resigned to following God's will for our life. "Why not someone a better fit for our young family? Why not someone closer to play age with Finley," which I remember as I see Finley play better, more tenderly, creatively and apparently even educationally with Maria than with anyone I have ever see him play with. And this girl gets to live with us, and we get to call her daughter, and my boys get to call her sister.

***

There is not only one way to add a child to your family, there are beautiful, life saving, wonderful ways that will change and alter for the better those involved. As people line up, one after another, waiting for a perfect 9 month old baby, older children wait, they hurt, they are told to leave the only home they know when they become 17 where many, or most, find destruction or worse.

Which is when I remember,

//Provide justice for the needy and the fatherless;
uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute.

Rescue the poor and needy;
save them from the power of the wicked.//

Proverbs 82:3-4

We didn't know what we were doing, who adopts an older child? But those moments we spent with those 'older' kids, up in some hole in the wall room, the light of afternoon filling the space, a little hand slipping into my palm, hopeful eyes reaching mine, a head on my shoulder, a young boy hoping for a spot on our lap, joy on their faces, thankfulness over the offering of stickers, gentle, kind, one thing in my mind was concreted, and it's that I would have taken any of them, we couldn't offer much, except ourselves, which is all they wanted.

Precious, wonderful, created to be loved, but told otherwise.

But the thing I just can't get over it what a gift it all is, to us. It seriously is not what we were looking for. And now I know, and now we experience how much it is a gift to be a piece in God's plan for their redemption, to show and tell them that they are actually of value, and worth, and worthy of love each day. That stuff that used to crowd the space in our minds sometimes tries to come back, but meanwhile you are living the truth daily with these little ones, that service and love and God are best of all.

And when you are part of it, and you see them grow, nothing will compare. We didn't even know before we started, just naively said yes, trusting God's goodness...

Trust worthy guy I tell you.

Maria's answer on her bsf homework last week...

Playing dress up

Music Lesson

We don't know much, but Andrew and I know that our kids, all three of them need love, much love, despite the way their ages make them act, despite their fears and needs, which is so darn good for Andrew and I. Love is hard work that takes so many forms, grace, discipline, laughter, lots of time, but it causes us to push ourselves aside and offer love--freedom from self, so good, cause we're not that great.

Are we part of a group of people who are about second chances? Are we a people of redemption, who will go to those hard places and find the little ones and chose to be a part of God's plan of their redemption? Because, I know, and I feel, and it is our greatest honor to be the ones to bind up their broken hearts. To proclaim their freedom from the darkness. To give them clothing of praise instead of ashes.

And I am constantly reminded that their growth is not in our strength, but oh my gosh God's strength, who was the one who planned this whole thing to begin with. Two people, much too young, much to broke, much to inexperienced to adopt, let alone parent the one we already had, but in the midst of that still seeing their thriving. And a kind God who allows thriving in our own hearts as well, pushing us towards our ultimate goal which is always to love God more and love others better, all others. Even the ones who don't treat us how we want, or the ones who cry when we try to feed them, or who we feel like having an attitude with when the answer is grace. All of 'em, and that's what we are growing to do, and for that we give big thanks.

“We bend. I bend to sweep crumbs and I bend to wipe vomit and I bend to pick up little ones and wipe away tears... And at the end of these days I bend next to the bed and I ask only that I could bend more, bend lower. Because I serve a Savior who came to be a servant. He lived bent low. And bent down here is where I see His face. He lived, only to die. Could I? Die to self and just break open for love. This Savior, His one purpose to spend Himself on behalf of messy us. Will I spend myself on behalf of those in front of me? And people say, “Don’t you get tired?” and yes, I do. But I’m face to face with Jesus in the dirt, and the more I bend the harder and better and fuller this life gets. And sure, we are tired, but oh we are happy. Because bent down low is where we find fullness of Joy.”
― Katie J. Davis

***

I'd say, if you feel like God is leading you to adopt an older child, don't feel crazy, go for it. Seriously, what a huge need you are filling, we wouldn't only just support you but stand on our chairs and cheer, and give you big kisses, *on the mouth.* You can even just host them for a bit.

***

Team Iris

To say I am proud of #TeamIris is a huge understatement. My goodness, she is almost at $7,000 in her adoption fund! Iris, I kind of have to thank you for getting me to clean out the garage. I sold a bunch of stuff, took some small stuff to the thrift store, and Andrew even found a huge, free organizer shelf on Craiglist. I've had other friends tell me they returned items they'd been meaning to, getting stuff done to get their $100.

We are almost at the half way mark! If we sell 3 more scarves then we will officially be at $7000, and we will only need 130 more people to donate $100! Shoot, that's pretty good! We are also giving away three copies of Kisses from Katie at the end of February to those who have joined #TeamIris.

High lighted scarf still for sale: Mustard/Gray Skies $30 to Iris

Maria's prayer warrior from Reece's Rainbow before she had a family emailed me and told me she wanted to be on #TeamIris, but didn't have money just then (She's in college)

"No worries," I said, "Who knows maybe you'll find money on the street!"

And the next day she said she didn't find it on the street, but her dad transferred it to her. Cool, right?

Family by Christmas?

***

Also, Elijah loves biting into food when he's outside, go figure! We've been picking a lot of oranges from the tree in the empty lot.

Goodbye, love, kisses!

Adoption, bravery, love, big kids, yes to love!

xoxo

Muah!

Don't be afraid, there's kids who need just you to say yes.