Titanium Woman

Love is...

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:10:00 +0000

Love is a man helping his wife out of bed on mornings when legs won't seem to work.

Love is a man dropping everything to sit at the hospital bedside for surgeries and recoveries.

Love is a man crying tears of joy mixed with sadness over seeing his wife, head swollen like a basketball, tube in throat, IVs hanging all around, in the ICU after hours of surgery on the dark day of 9-11.

Love is a man staying for three weeks or more in a hospital in a state that isn't his home.

Love is a man moving in with in-laws to care for his wife for three months of bed rest.

Love is a man who patiently waits for his wife to heal.

Love is a man giving life a chance, hoping and dreaming for a child to be conceived.

Love is a man becoming a father, loving his daughter more than life itself, allowing his heart to wrap around hers.

Love is a man growing and walking in faith in order to lead his family in spirit and in truth.

Love is a man giving his wife room to do what God places on her heart, encouraging and helping her along the way.

Love is a man working hard to provide a good life for his family, running his business with integrity and grace.

Love is a man staying with an imperfect woman for almost 14 years (17 if you count the dating years), loving her, being patient with her through the difficult times, laughing and crying with her, facing the storms of life with her, and remaining faithful and true.

Happy Valentine's Day to my precious husband. Thank you for loving me. I love you more with each passing day.

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The Real Thing

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 15:33:00 +0000

In our world today, it's become increasingly difficult to find products that are "the real thing". Cheap imitations abound. Artificial food is the norm. Nothing is real anymore. So, when we find something that's true, we want to hold on to it.

I think about vanilla extract. All my life, I was perfectly fine with the imitation because I didn't know the taste of the real thing. But a few years ago, my sister-in-law brought me a bottle of actual vanilla from Costa Rica. Oh. My. What a difference in taste, smell, and potency! Surprisingly, I could use much less of it than the imitation because a little went a long way. The imitation did not come close to measuring up to the original.

Reading the book, "Beautiful Outlaw", by John Eldredge, has opened my eyes to the way that Christians have become counterfeit representations of Christ. We have convinced ourselves, like the Pharisees, that as long as we look the part and act the part (on Sunday mornings), we are the genuine real deal. "What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness." (Matt. 23:27-28). Ouch! That hurts!

Eldredge surmises that we are not true copies of Christ because we don't really know Him. We have conjured up an image of Him that is so far from the truth. It scares us to try to get to know Him better because then we would actually have to live like Him - and we don't want to. Instead we draw from our limited knowledge and Sunday school answers to dress ourselves in the appropriate fashion. Carving out religion rather than relationship.

This is why the world is shocked to see the genuine article. Someone who truly lives out what they believe. It is the reason that Tim Tebow has undergone such scrutiny. We simply cannot fathom someone who points to Christ through their actions because it is so rare.

I'm thankful that there are many people in my life who do genuinely follow Christ. Their presence is refreshing in a sea of counterfeits. I got to be with one of them this past weekend and I came away with my faith rejuvenated. Convicted to be more "real" myself. I have written about Pastor Nall before. He's no imitation. He's the real deal. His church held a 25th anniversary celebration for him and it was evident that his congregation loves him. Not because of his gift in the pulpit, though he certainly does preach with conviction. Not because of his ability to organize and delegate in the church, though he is always thoroughly prepared. Not because of his prayer ministry, though that man can bring the heavens down with his words. His congregation, which includes people all over the world, loves him because his life is a true, accurate, pure picture of His Master. People see straight through him....to Jesus.

By the way, this is not his normal church attire!

As I learn more about this Man, Jesus, I find Him to be so much more than I was ever taught in Sunday School. As Eldredge says in his book, the Jesus of the Bible is playful, witty, fierce, humble, generous, honest, cunning, beautiful, and true. If you do not know Him to be those things, chances are, you are following after a cheap imitation. You do not need to read John Eldredge's book to know these things about Jesus, you simply need to seek Him. The Gospels are a great place to start. Once we find Christ, then we can begin to be more like Him. But this is only possible with His help. Eldredge puts it this way, "Jesus was simply stating a fact of nature when He said, 'Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it.' (Matt. 16:25). Grab for life and it falls through your fingers like sand; give your life away to God, and you will be a person His life can fill. If you want the real deal, if you want to experience the lush, generous, unquenchable, unstoppable life of Jesus in you and through you, then surrender your self-determination. LORD Jesus, I give my life to you today, to live Your life. The more you give the parts of your life over to Jesus, the more His life is able to invade yours. The relief alone is worth the price."

LORD Jesus, I give my life to you today, to live Your life. I want to be the real thing.

Ancient Words

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 18:39:00 +0000

So, I did it! I read the Bible in 90 (actually 87) days! I am so proud of myself for accomplishing this feat, but more than this, I am thankful. Thankful for God's Word. Thankful that the God of the Universe cared so much for us that He wrote this story just for me and you. Thankful that words written so many years ago still have deep meaning and significance today. Thankful for this beautiful tapestry of God's mercy and grace. Thankful that the Author knows the beginning and the end of this story (and every single detail in between).

I want to encourage everyone else out there to take on this challenge. I have read the Bible through several times in my life, but never this quickly. What I've learned from this journey is that the Bible is intended to be read from cover to cover. In order for us to fully understand the redemption God has given us through His Son, we must go back to read the story from the beginning. I wouldn't pick up a novel and start reading it 3/4 of the way through and expect to understand the plot or the background of the characters. I also don't pick up a novel, read a few pages, set it down for a few months, then pick it back up to read a few more pages. And, I usually don't just read 2 pages at a time of a great book. I get lost in reading and find that an hour has passed without notice. I do everything I can to get back to reading because I want to know what's going to happen next. I'm ashamed to admit that this hasn't been the case when it's come to reading the most important Book ever written. But, my perspective has changed over the course of the past 3 months. I now see that I can't just pick and choose which passages I want to read and know what they mean without knowing the whole story. That's not to say that God doesn't speak to us when we read select Scriptures each day or that we shouldn't spend time in deep study of small passages at a time. But, I do believe that every person who calls themselves a follower of Christ ought to read His story. The whole story! Not just the Gospels or Paul's writings or the Psalms and Proverbs. Because every Word in the Bible embodies this Christ we claim to follow. He is the Word.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life,a and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." ~ John 1:1-5

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth." ~ John 1:14

Read the Word. Read it as though you are reading a wonderful work of fiction. Full of action, adventure, romance, and drama. But, recognize that this is not a plot made up in the mind of a man. It is written by God Himself. And every Word of it is true. And He wrote it all for you. So that you would come to know Him.

"The LORD is with you when you are with Him. And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him." ~ 2 Chronicles 15:2

As one of my friends so aptly put it, God never was good at hide-and-seek. He wants us to find Him. We just have to look for Him. One of the best places to do that is in His Word.

Michael W. Smith wrote a song that beautifully describes the Bible. It's called "Ancient Words". {For those reading by email or feed reader, click over to see the video}

My 9-11 Story

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 18:15:00 +0000

September 11 is a day of mixed emotions for me. How could the same day that saved my life in more ways than one be such a horrible day for so many others? How can I do this day justice? Celebrating my healing, while mourning all that was lost that day. There is no way for me to express how I feel, other than to tell my story. My story, like so many others from 9-11, is one of calling out to God and finding Him faithful. I pray that the survivors and those who lost loved ones will be able to tell their own redemption story. That God will come near to them, as He did for me.

The God Who Came Near

Do you remember where you were when the towers came crashing down? When the world seemed to stop for a moment in horror and disbelief? I imagine that thinking about it hits you right in the gut and shakes you to the core. I do not have this kind of visceral reaction as I recall 9-11. Peaceful, quiet sleep kept me blissfully unaware of what happened that day. Heavy sedation lured me to dream as a surgeon's gifted hands sliced along the line drawn down my spine. Blurred images of nurses and family members awakened me in the ICU after 10 hours of surgery. The family had debated about sparing me the details of that day, while a nurse nonchalantly broke the news. It didn't matter. It would take days in my hospital bed, watching each awful account on television, for this surreal event to hit me like a brick. The survivors, mourners, and I were forever linked by one day in history. God came near as my view of suffering narrowed.

Another surgery a week later and another week to recover. Finally seeing light at the end of a long tunnel, I was ready to get back on my shaky feet to walk again. This time free from the pain that had plagued and haunted me. With legs that would not collapse from under me. No longer destined for a life bound to a wheelchair.

But, then the fever came and consumed my body, causing me to shake, sending my stomach into knots. Nurses rushing around, filling my bed with ice packs, bringing in huge machinery for testing - the panic in their eyes unnerved me. As I was rolled rapidly down the hallway for another test, that was the moment. The moment I thought I might die. Though my life did not flash before me, I began to mourn the life I had yet to live. The children I had not been able to conceive. The long years ahead with my husband, as we would comfortably slip into a life of retirement and rediscovering each other. Those thoughts filling my mind, I slipped into full prayer mode. And, I cannot explain it. The calm that overwhelmed my soul, overtaking the panic and the fear. The God I had known most of my life, but had held at arm's distance, came down. He hovered over me and lay down in that rickety, uncomfortable bed with me. He held my hand as I listened to the hum of the CT machine. I felt Him there in the most tangible way I'd ever known. I knew in that moment that if I lived or died, He'd be with me, and it would be okay. It was a thin place, but it was well with my soul.

"'I love you, O LORD, my strength.' The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death encompassed me, and the torrents of ungodliness terrified me. The cords of Sheol surrounded me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress, I called upon the LORD and cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears." Psalm 18: 1-6

God continued to draw near to me as He healed my broken body. The staph infection that had raged within me went away and strength was restored to my back and legs. More important, though, than the physical healing I experienced was the balm He placed on my heart and healed me in a way I didn't know I needed. In a hospital bed in Atlanta, GA, I surrendered completely to the God Who Came Near.

The full story of why I needed surgery in the first place is posted here: Why "Titanium Woman?".

Free at Last!

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 18:42:00 +0000

Another school year in a new school has officially begun. Already, things are looking up from last year.

If I had one word to describe the general feeling of these first few weeks it would be "freedom". Ella is finally free from the torment of the mean kids who haunted her for 9 months. Free from a teacher who didn't seem to really care about her. Free from the restrictive structure of the old school. Free to be herself. What a precious gift!

It reminds me of the reading I've been doing in Isaiah, with the Bible in 90 Days plan. The Israelites had sinned over and over again. The consequences of their many sins were harsh. Isaiah prophesied that after years of living in the Promised Land, consistently giving their hearts and souls over to false gods, God was going to kick them out. It would break His Heart, but he had to do it to draw them back. Exile would be even more difficult than they'd ever imagined. They had not known what it was truly like to have God's Hand taken from them until they were forced from their homes, away from their families, and into slavery. So, think for a moment what they must have felt when they heard the words of Isaiah. God used his servant to tell them of a Redeemer Who would free them from their chains of bondage and sin. This Savior, Jesus Christ, would gather them back to the God Who created them and loved them more than anything. "'For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger, I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,' says the LORD your Redeemer...'In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.'" (Is. 54:7-8; 14).

The Israelites would once again be able to experience the freedom that comes from knowing the Father. The words of Isaiah must have been like water spilling over parched ground. The exiles would be gathered once again under the shadow of Yahweh's protective wings. "Instead of their shame My people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." (Is. 61:7)

I pray every day that Ella experiences the same joy over her new found freedom. That it pours like rain with each new day in a new school. That God would bestow on her a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. That she would be called an oak of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. (taken from Is. 61:3)

Dear friend, I pray the same for you. If you don't know Christ and the liberty that He bought for you when He died on the cross, I encourage you to go out and look for Him. You will find Him! ~ "Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,and to our God, for he will freely pardon." (Is. 55:6-7)

To Obey is Better Than Sacrifice

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:00:00 +0000

God has stretched my faith this summer in an unexpected way. I was not looking to find another job, but a teaching position was open at the school that Ella will attend this fall. If you have read my blog for long or know me well, you know that a) I didn't want to go back to work in the first place, b) I had dreamed of homeschooling Ella forever, and c) I thought I was done with teaching for good, at least in the classroom setting. Despite my best efforts to keep things the way I wanted them, God has had other plans for me. He sent me back to work with my husband this past year, sent Ella to a school where things were very difficult for her, helped us find this new school, then dropped this job opening in my lap.

I did my best to ignore His leading to apply for the job, with my fingers in my ears, singing, "Lalalala, I can't hear you, God!". Through friends and family, God began to open my heart to the idea. He would not relent until I filled out the application. Filled with fear and doubt, I dropped it off at the school, praying that God would give me the strength to do this job, if indeed that was His plan. I was called for an interview that same week. Nerves threatened to eat at me, but God filled me with His resolve. He even prompted a wonderful pastor friend of ours to call us on the morning before the interview. This godly man prayed that I would shine with the glory of God and that I would get the job. I have never seen a prayer of this man's go unanswered, so I went into the interview feeling good. The interview went very well - much better than I ever could have hoped, seeing that it had been 11 years since my last interview! I was told that I would find out if I had gotten the job around July 15. I prayed. Friends and family prayed. God had pushed me to do this, surely I would get the job. I had faith that even though I hadn't been in the classroom since 2002, God would equip me for this work. My creative juices began flowing like they hadn't in a while. I had several dreams that seemed to point towards me teaching at this particular school. Every circumstance suggested that the job would most likely be mine.

Today I got the call that the school had hired someone else. I felt momentarily crushed! Why had God built this dream back up in my heart, just to tear it down? Right now, I really have no answer to that question. But God has given me peace. I know that He called me to obey and I did. The words of my pastor friend ring in my mind as I sort through my feelings about this situation. In describing the work he had been doing recently, he said, "All I try to do is be obedient and do what God tells me to do." Whether that be to get down on his knees in the middle of an airport with friends who were travelling overseas, or pray over a former addict's infertile wife, or fly to Africa, or sit in a hospital room with a girl he didn't know who had just had major back surgery. He was just doing what God told him to do. And, that is how I want to live my life. Daily. Just doing what God says. Period.

As I have been reading the Bible in 90 Days, along with many others through Mom's Toolbox, I have learned so much about simple obedience. Many people read the Old Testament and get bogged down by all the rules. At first glance it does seem that God is enforcing an unrealistic set of expectations. But, if you dig a bit deeper, you find something more. You find a God that desires obedience over sacrifice. Though the blood and bread offerings were said to be a sweet aroma to the LORD, what He wanted more was for His people to listen to Him. To do what He asked them to do. 1 Samuel 15:22 says, "'Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.'" In Leviticus, Aaron and his sons, had been given very specific instructions on how to make these offerings for the sins of their people. Much of this book consists of the laws the Israelites were to obey. If they did not obey, they had to bring an offering to atone for their sins. But what God really wanted was for them to follow Him - not so that they could get check marks on a chart of rigid rules, but because He was the God Who had delivered them!

Ever since the first sin of Adam and Eve, God had been seeking men, women, and children who would just listen to Him. Trust Him. Obey Him. Because He is God. He is Sovereign. He is "I AM." Sometimes being obedient is more important than the actual task God is asking you to do. In my case, there was no end result to my obedience in my eyes. I was not rewarded by the world's standards. But, I trust that God has His reasons. Though Moses never got to see the Promised Land, God used him to show us that the obedient ones are those that get to see His Glory. And that means more to me than any job ever will.

Those of you reading by email or feedreader, click through to see the video.

Show Me Your Glory, Third Day

The Plan

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Today, I began the challenge of reading through the Bible in 90 days, put on by Mom's Toolbox. It seems like an impossible task, but with all the accountability that is offered, I figure I can't go wrong at least trying! This morning, I attempted to wake up at 5:50 and get started early, but my snooze button had other ideas. It was 7:00 before I finally dragged myself out of bed. I was glad that I did get up because I found so many jewels in my first day of reading, that I can't wait to search for more treasure tomorrow and the next day! I have read through the Bible before, but never this quickly - usually over a year or longer. This method will give me a more complete overview of God's Word, with fewer distractions (because I'm not stopping to study). I'd like to share my thoughts as I go along this journey. I probably won't write every day, but as God leads.

Day 1 = Genesis 1:1-Genesis 16:16

There are a few things that struck me as I read through this passage. I believe that God's plan for salvation began way before He ever created the earth and mankind. Other Scriptures back this up, but it starts here, "in the beginning." God carved man from the dust and blew into him life and breath. He built a beautiful garden, just for Adam, with all the food he could ever need. He brought each of the animals to Adam to name, searching for a suitable helper for him. Not finding one, He then sculpted a woman from the man's rib so that he would not be alone. Creation was not complete until the human race came to be. But, all this time that God was crafting and building and sculpting, He knew that the serpent He had made would betray Him. This snake would tempt Eve and she would eat the juicy fruit from the only forbidden tree in the garden. In turn, Eve would hand the fruit to Adam so that he could taste for himself the knowledge of good and evil. That was it. Sin had entered the world. Adam and Eve had been free to eat from the tree of life, but they now had the taste of death on their tongues. I wonder how that sweet fruit turned bitter in their mouths as they realized what they had done. I wonder what they were thinking as God called out for them, though He knew full well where they were. Did they cry in despair as God placed them outside of the garden, forever separated from Him? Did they look with disdain upon the cherubim with the flaming sword who guarded the tree of life and the entrance to the garden? Once roaming free in God's grace, love, and protection, now facing life on their own.

I don't know what Adam and Eve were feeling, but I can guess. They were heartbroken. Guilt-ridden. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Though they had been told not to eat of that tree, they had not been told the consequences. How could they have known that this one decision would have caused the chasm between man and God forever? Can we fully fault them for that choice? Or, can we place the blame solely on that slimy snake? Instead of blaming all the evil in the world on this one misstep, can we try to see a bigger picture? There are many questions that arise just out of this one event in time. I do not have the answers, but I do see God's Hand in all of it.

God wasn't just creating life in these first chapters of the world. He was setting up a wonderful plan. A plan to save a world that would need Him. He did not make a bunch of robots that would automatically follow Him. He knew ahead of time that He was designing a flawed human race in need of a Savior. You see, God planned to send Jesus to save mankind even before He pulled Adam from the dust. Acts 2:22-23 says, "Men of Israel, listen to these words: Jesus the Nazarene, a man attested to you by God with miracles and wonders and signs which God performed through Him in your midst, just as you yourselves know--this Man, delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God, you nailed to a cross by the hands of godless men and put Him to death." This thought blows my mind just a little! It makes me believe that God put Adam and Eve in that lovely, life-flowing garden for a reason. It was to show them, and all of mankind who came after them, what life with God would be like. No toil. No tears. No suffering. No death. Beautiful, wonderful life. God was not surprised, though, when the sneaky snake tempted Eve and the whole garden plan went down the drain. By placing them outside of the garden as a consequence of their sin, He was giving all of us a picture of what life would be without Him. Hard. Painful. Desperate. The first time Adam and Eve saw death was when one of their sons killed the other. Harsh. Frightening. Gut-wrenching. Life in need of God. Life in need of a Savior.

From the foundation of the world, this was God's plan. I don't know about you, but this actually gives me great assurance and trust in my LORD. This life is not a plan B for Him. He's known us all along. He's loved us since before "in the beginning." His desire has always been for us to love Him for Who He Is. He longs to have a relationship with His creation. Once we were ousted from the garden, He has spent all of time wooing us back. Back to that beautiful, wonderful life. A life where He alone is our reason to live. Make no mistake. He wants no man to perish. He desires that every man, woman, and child would once again belong to Him. It's the reason He sent His Son to die. For there was no other way to make redemption for that first sin. For Him to show us once again how much He loves us.

You Scared the Joy Right Out of Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 15:00:00 +0000

The other day, Ella and I were hunting a vicious critter that had taken over our home. Buzzing could be heard all around us as we tried desperately to smack that sucker down. He had nibbled on us for way too long. We couldn't take it anymore! So, as we ate lunch and heard his nagging call once again, I reached out to grab him. Thinking I had finally gotten him, I clapped my hands hard, expecting the pest to fall out of my hands, dead. Meanwhile, Ella had run as fast as she could into the other room. Thinking she had fled because of the silly, pesky mosquito, I called to tell her that I had failed to kill the bug, but she could come back into the kitchen. She replied, "Whew, mama! You just scared the joy right out of me!". After my laughter subsided over such a cute response, my thoughts turned to the truth of her words.

Aren't there times in life when you feel like you've had the joy scared out of you?

Fear disables us. It sucks life out of us. It causes us to live in a perpetual cycle of self-pity. It effectively stops us from stepping out in faith.

Satan uses fear to mangle us in all of these ways and more. But, number one on Satan's priority list is finding ways to steal our joy. If he can take our joy, he has carved an enormous hole in our foundation. Once our joy is destroyed, the walls of our faith are likely to come crumbling down in a pile of dust.

Joy is not mere happiness. It is a deeper contentment and satisfaction that is not based on circumstances, but on the victory we have as followers of Christ. So, when joy disappears from our lives, those around us notice the difference. I was told several years ago by a teaching mentor that I had "lost my joy". At the time, I didn't know exactly what she meant by that. But, looking back, that was a time when I was relying on my own strength to get me through my first days of teaching school. My "happiness" was founded in how I felt about teaching. It wasn't coming from a place of deep trust in the Father Who put me in the classroom.

Ella and I just watched the most current version of Alice in Wonderland and this scene resonated with me as I thought about this concept of "losing my joy".

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment. He who fears is not made perfect in love." ~ 1 John 4:8

"'Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.'" ~ Isaiah 41:10

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." ~ Romans 15:13

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you." ~ 1 Peter 4:12-14

Do not be afraid, dear friends, when trials come at you like daggers. When Satan seeks to steal your joy. When all hell seems to break loose.

Be joyful. You know the Victor. You know Who wins in the end. You know that the testing of your faith only brings you closer to the Father of Life. You know that you cannot truly lose your "muchness" because when you gave your heart to Jesus, He gave you all the "muchness" you will ever need. Do not lose heart. Your joy is still there. Deep, deep down in your heart.

Come on and sing it with me:

I’ve got JOY down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart.
Spell it: J–O–Y down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart.
Jesus put it there and NOTHING can destroy it, destroy it, destroy it, NO!
I’ve got JOY down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart!

Posts, They Are A'Coming!

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 15:37:00 +0000

I want to apologize for my lack of writing over the past few months. Between finishing up a difficult school year with Ella, enrolling her in a new school, and starting our summer break, it's been a tad bit insane around here. I promise more posts are coming. In fact, I have one in the works that should be coming along some time this week. So, thanks for hanging in here with me! Here's a little glimpse of summer fun to tide you over:

Someone Who Gets You

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Fri, 06 May 2011 18:19:00 +0000

It would be hard to walk this road of chronic pain if I did not feel that anyone understood. And, in my current circle of friends and family there aren't many who can. Not to say that they don't sympathize or don't care, because they do. But, there is nothing like having someone around who just "gets" it.

Someone who knows that you cannot clean the shower or do the dishes or fold laundry today because of the shooting pain in your shoulders that will only get worse.

Someone who excuses you for not buying clothing that needs to be ironed (and the growing pile of wrinkled clothes you do own) because ironing is way too taxing.

Someone who overlooks your weight gain because, though it may be necessary and may help you feel better momentarily, exercise just aggravates the knots in your back, causing you to feel the effects for days afterward.

Someone who understands why you say "no" to social gatherings and service/ministry opportunities because you are simply exhausted.

Someone who knows how hard you try not to complain because you know it could be worse, so you keep a lot of your feelings bottled up.

Someone who shares in your sufferings. Someone who can put themselves in your shoes. Someone who knows how you feel.

In my life, that Someone is Jesus Christ. Holy God put on skin and came down to share in the sufferings of every man, woman, and child He had created.

Beaten. Crushed. Wounded. Pierced.

Stripped of His dignity, He bore the weight of all our pain, sorrow, and sin. He took on immense agony in order to know us. To bring down the wall that had separated us from God for so long. To give us a way to know Him.

In human flesh, God not only took on the worst physical pain any of us could imagine. He experienced emotional and spiritual torment as well.

When Jesus got word that one of his closest friends, Lazarus had died, He wept. Scripture also says in John 11 that "He was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled", when He saw Mary and the other Jews with her crying over the death of Lazarus. Jesus knew the heartache of losing someone He loved.

The night Jesus was arrested, He took Peter, James, and John up to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray with Him. Jesus was in distress over His coming crucifixion. Though He was prepared to do His Father's will, He begged God to take this burden from Him. And while He earnestly prayed, His disciples fell asleep, ignoring His pleas to petition the Father on His behalf. Soon after this, Judas came to betray Him with a kiss. Jesus knew agony of being obedient to God to the point of death. He knew the pain of watching His friends turn their backs on Him.

On the cross, Jesus experienced the guilt, shame, and torture of all our sins, along with the physical pain of dying such a horrible death. But, I imagine the most difficult thing He did that day was enduring the silence of His Father, Who had to look away from His Son as He bore our sins. Before His final breath, Jesus cried out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" (Matthew 27:46). He knew the pain of separation from God.

Oppressed. Abandoned. Full of sorrow. Betrayed.

Have you experienced any of these emotions? Do you feel brokenhearted and alone? Does your physical suffering make you feel isolated?

Dear friend, you may think that no one understands. But, Jesus knows you. He knows how you've hurt. He's cried tears with you as you've suffered. He's been there with you in the darkest nights. He loves you and He willingly put Himself on a cross so that you could know and love Him, too. His shoulders can take the burden of your pain, if you'll only cling to Him.

"But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers... Since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity so that by his death He might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels He helps, but Abraham’s descendants. For this reason He had to be made like His brothers in every way, in order that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that He might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted." ~ Hebrews 2:9-11; 14-18 (emphasis mine)

Why Does Love Always Feel Like a Battlefield?

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 18:01:00 +0000

Those lyrics from a current Jordin Sparks song keep ringing in my head as I try to formulate my thoughts for this post. Because, truthfully, my life has felt like a battlefield more often than not this past year. And I've been reminded that we were never promised that this life would be without hardships.

Satan has made every effort to leave me feeling defeated. You see, Satan wants me to wallow in pity and despair. He wants me to think that there is no use in fighting because he will ultimately win. He uses every method at his disposal to convince me that if I'm "good" enough, good things will come my way. That maybe, just maybe, the trials in my life are the result of not checking off the right boxes and doing all the Christian-like stuff I'm "supposed" to be doing.

In the midst of all these lies, God gently whispers, "The battle is not yours." These are the words I heard spoken to my heart as I desperately cried out to him last week. After yet another problem with the child that has set out to make my daughter's life hell this year. After hearing that the foreclosure on a property we financed was delayed yet again because the family had filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy. After our new house had yet another plumbing problem. After feeling that I'd done everything right, for it all to turn out so wrong. He has lifted my chin to the hills to show me where to find my help.

King Jehoshaphat, too, found himself in very difficult circumstances. A huge army was coming against the Israelites. Though he was alarmed, he called for a fast throughout the land. Then, he calmly gathered the people together and made these bold statements.

"'If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in Your presence before this temple that bears Your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and You will hear us and save us.'"

"'For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.'"

Then, the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jahaziel, and spoke to the assembly.

"He said: 'Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.'" (2 Chronicles 20)

With faces to the ground, King Jehoshaphat and all of the people gathered there cried out in worship to the God Who Delivers.

What happened the next morning was nothing short of a miracle. King Jehoshaphat continued leading his people in worship. He didn't care that they may have labeled him a lunatic. He even went so far as to appoint men to go ahead of his army, singing their hearts out to the LORD. As their voices rang in praise, God set an ambush against those who were invading Judah. In all the commotion, the armies destroyed each other. Can you imagine the look on the faces of the Israelites as they marched forward, fully prepared for battle, finding the bodies of all those soldiers lining the desert floor? Crazy. Incredible. Awesome. The work of a Holy God.

After Jehoshaphat and his men carried off the plunder, which took them 3 days to collect, they assembled for a time of thanksgiving in a place they named the Valley of Praise. They went home, rejoicing all the way, knowing that God had been faithful. He had kept His Word to deliver them.

Worship.

Thanksgiving.

Praise.

God delivered His people, not based on what they had done for Him. Not because they were mentally and physically prepared to fight. Not because they worked to solve the problem on their own. No, His deliverance came because they took the time to glorify the only One Who could save them.

There is power in worship, thanksgiving, and praise. Power to lift human eyes off of ourselves and our circumstances to see His ability to fight all of our battles. Meet all of our needs. Satisfy all of our longings.

Lift up your eyes to the hills. There you will find all the help you will ever need. (Psalm 121)

***Email Subscribers: If the video does not show up, here's the link to "I Will Lift My Eyes" by Bebo Norman.

Just Like My Daddy

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 04:24:00 +0000

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the LORD, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the LORD, the Spirit." ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

I love watching the relationship my daughter has with her Daddy. She idolizes him, wants to be like him, and longs to spend time with him. It occurred to me one day as I listened to her talk about him, that God is using her to show me the perfect example of how I am to love and adore Him, the One who is my Abba Father.

Every morning when my daughter wakes up, her first thought is “Is Daddy here?”. Many mornings, he has already gone to work for the day and there is such great disappointment that she did not get to say good-bye. But, on the mornings he is here, she barrels down the hall with such speed that you'd think her room was on fire! She just bursts forth with the thought of seeing her beloved Dad. She loves making breakfast with him, a tradition that I hope will last them well into her teenage years. After many mornings of hearing her feet rapidly pattering down the hallway, I finally realized that this is how I am to greet my precious Heavenly Father. I should be so excited to see Him in the mornings, that I ought to literally jump out of bed at the thought of meeting with Him! Sadly, this is rarely how I approach my time with Him. Often, I am dragging myself out from under the comfort of the covers, already grumpy that my daughter has woken me up. I stumble into the kitchen, slamming dishes around, trying to scrounge up some breakfast. After getting onto my daughter one more time for being so LOUD in the mornings, I finally sit down to eat. It is only then that I open the Word and try to find a connection to my God. I wonder what my day would be like, though, if I did run to Him the way my daughter runs to greet her father. He is always there, waiting for me to meet with Him.

My daughter not only loves to spend time with her Dad, she also wants to be JUST like him. We get a big kick out of some of the things she will say and do to emulate him. In her mind, he is the perfect man – her prince! If Daddy likes basketball and golf, well she is going to do her best to like those things, too. The other day, they were eating dinner at a Mexican restaurant, when she forgot to tell the waiter that she did not want beans with her meal. She freaked out a little bit that the beans were there on her plate and were leaking over into her rice! She had decided a while back that she did not like refried beans. We thought it was just her picky taste buds, but she said something to my husband that made us think differently. She told him that since he didn't eat those beans, then she didn't want to either because she wanted to be just like him. Again, God reminded me that this is how I ought to think about His ways. My utmost desire should be to look like Him, act like Him, love what He loves, and hate what He hates. If He doesn't like something in my life, I shouldn't even want it on my “plate”, for fear that it might leak into everything else on the plate, thereby ruining the meal.

I am encouraged by the fact that even though I don't always give Him my best, my Father is always waiting for me to come running to Him. He is thrilled to see me, though my hair may be in a funk, I'm wearing the same pajamas I've worn three nights in a row, and I still have sleep in my eyes! And I'm thankful that He is the Prince I can always count on to save the day. He will never steer me wrong, so I can trust Him and walk faithfully in His ways. I pray one day, I will finally treat Him as He deserves to be treated so that I can show my daughter how to love Him as she loves her Daddy.

Prayer: Abba Father, I come running to meet with You today. Thank You for Your never-ending desire to fellowship with me. I want to be just like You. Please help me to love the things You love. Forgive me when I allow things to creep into my life that shouldn't be there. May my life be a perfect reflection of You. Amen.

Further Reading: Romans 8:29, Ephesians 4:22-24, Psalm 5:3, Isaiah 50:4, Mark 1:35

****You may remember that last year, I attended the She Speaks Conference. God used this conference in so many ways and I am still trying to process it all. I would love to have the opportunity to go again this year because I truly believe in the mission of this organization. The She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of God. I hope you know from my blog that this is my desire as well. Ann Voskamp is sponsoring a scholarship contest for a chance to go to the conference this year. This is my entry for that contest. Please click on over to her blog to find out more details.

Filling Up on Empty Calories

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 16:41:00 +0000

I have been in a battle against my body for the past few weeks. And it hasn't been pretty. My stomach wants to consume endless amounts of empty calories like those luscious-looking doughnuts pictured above! Just looking at them makes my mouth water and my stomach grumble. Oh, how I wish I was one of those people who could eat all manner of sweets and not gain an ounce. This is not me. My metabolism has slowed WAY down this year and I have a difficult time just maintaining my weight, much less losing the pounds that need to go.

One of the books I am reading is called Made to Crave, by Lysa TerKeurst. Honestly, I have had a tough time reading it. I pick it up and read a chapter or two, then I have to put that thing away! It's made me take a long, hard look at the way I view food. I never really thought I had "food issues" until this book. I just thought I had "weight issues". Well, duh! The two do seem to go hand-in-hand. So...my toes have been stepped on just a little bit as I've delved into this area of my life.

Not only have I been forced to seek God regarding the food that I put in my mouth, I have had to look at other things in my life that I have sought to satisfy my deepest cravings. Because, truthfully, I can think of many ways that I am filling up on empty calories in my life.

Empty calories are those foods that that are high in calories but low in nutritional value. They give you a quick energy boost, then cause you to crash soon after. These foods do little to help your body grow and function in the way God intended. You know the foods I'm talking about - doughnuts, cake, sodas, white breads, anything fried. They look, taste, and smell so enticing. But their promises of filling us up and making us feel better fall short. The fix they provide is only temporary. In fact, these tasty treats serve to drive us further from our goals of good health, by blocking absorption of the vitamins and minerals that are essential to our well being.

But food is not the only culprit of giving me temporary highs that do not ultimately satisfy. Digging deeper, I find many things in my life that are not nourishing for my soul. Things that offer no spiritual value. Things that cannot reach down into the deep, dark crevices of my life to bring healing and restoration. They may seem harmless at first, but they can actually hinder me from soaking up the truth that God longs to pour into my heart.

In the food realm, empty calories can be found by reading the labels. Most of the nutritional values are listed right there for you. Sometimes, I avoid looking at the labels because I just don't want to know how bad those Cheetos really are for me! Once you've read the label, there's no going back. You now know that those Cheetos aren't doing you any favors.

The same can be said for discovering the empty calories of life. The Bible has their spiritual values listed right there for us to read. Do you ever avoid reading God's Word because you don't want to know how bad the things you are putting into your life are for you? Once you've read it, then you know. You know that the shows you're watching, the books and magazines you're reading, the songs you listen to, the thoughts you think aren't doing you any favors. They may fill you for a moment. They may offer a temporary fix. But, in the end, they just leave you hungry for something more.

God has given us this litmus test for finding nutrition for our souls: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." ~ Philippians 4:8

Anything else is just an empty calorie.

Learning to Swim

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 21:08:00 +0000

Swimming lessons have been attempted 3 times over the past 4 years. Living in northwest Florida really leaves us no other choice. The girl has got to learn to swim. But, as you can see by the look on her face, it hasn't gone well.

This was actually the second year we tried it, and believe it or not, this was much better than the year before. At least this time, she was in the water. Her first lessons consisted of her sitting on the edge of the pool for the first few nights, then the screaming began and we couldn't even get her to sit. It was a battle not worth fighting. So, we became swim lesson drop-outs, much to the chagrin of my husband, who never quits anything sports related.

Well, three must be a charm, because the lessons went pretty well this past summer. Praise the LORD, she finally got in the water without sounding the alarms! She even put her head under water a few times (you know, while sitting on the step).

I have struggled to understand my daughter's lack of trust in me, my husband, and all those swim instructors. Every time I'm in the water with her, I have to remind her that I'm RIGHT THERE! If I let go for a second, she's searching for me, crying out to me, as if I've gotten up and left her there alone. From her perspective, unless she can feel my arm supporting her, I am not there for her. It seems as though I've abandoned her to sink or swim on her own.

This week, as I've watched the horrific coverage of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, I've been forced to think once again about trust. Do I trust God? Do I know that even in the midst of chaos and death, He is there? If everything I had was gone, would I still believe in His faithfulness?

Like tidal waves that ebb and flow, so goes my trust in God. When things are good, I ride those waves, soaring high! When things are bad, I fall with the waves, crashing to the shore. How many swim lessons will God have to give me before I learn to trust Him?

Over the past year and a half, I have felt those crushing waves of distrust. A dear friend losing her precious firstborn son. Another sweet friend losing a baby through miscarriage. People I'd trusted falling from the pedestal I'd placed them on. My baby girl and I being separated for the first time in almost 7 years, forcing me to entrust her education and 8 hours of each day to someone else, while watching her struggle and fight for her place in a new school. Earthquakes, tsunamis, war, and unrest happening all over the world. I'd be lying if I told you that my faith has not been tossed around, shaken, and turned on its head.

Were it not for the faithfulness of God in my past, it would be difficult for me to cling to Him for my future. In the rear view mirror of my life, I can look back to those times when my world seemed to be crumbling down, and see Him in the middle of it all. He has carried me through hard times and shown me His Goodness. His Word has provided me with constant reminders of His Trustworthiness. And, more than this, I have sensed His Presence. He is always near, even when I can't see or feel Him.

I'm sure that God shakes His Head at me sometimes, the way I shake my head at my daughter. He longs for me to know that when I'm in the drowning waves of distrust, He is RIGHT THERE! He is never more than an arm's reach away. He will never abandon me to sink or swim on my own. I can trust Him. He keeps His promises. He is Faithful.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." ~ Hebrews 10:23

** For further reading on the faithfulness of God, read about Joseph in Genesis 37-47.

Everything Made New

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 17:33:00 +0000

She jumped into the car with unbridled enthusiasm. Her excitement just could not be contained. Her day had been great. Wonderful! Awesome! On this particular day, her second grade class had been given a glimpse of what it will be like to be third grade students next year. She was thrilled by the prospect. So much so that she continued in her happy little mood, even while telling me about the boy who had hit her in the face. Nothing could deter her joy. Not even the bullies. She looked forward to the year ahead, when the bullies would no longer bother her. When she would not be the "new" kid. When school would finally feel like home. And everything would be made new.

New songs to sing.

New skills to learn.

New friends to make.

New teacher.

New schedule.

New classroom.

Her faith challenges me. She truly believes that things will be better next year. I pray they will. It's been a tough year, plugging through her first time in a school building. She has done so well, navigating all of the obstacles along the way. She has made huge academic strides. Unfortunately, she has also had to figure out how to cope with what it means to struggle. Those kids around her haven't been the kind, compassionate sort that I had hoped would surround her. Working her way into a group of children who have been together for 3-4 years has been difficult to say the least. But still she has faith in what will be.

This is the kind of faith I desire. Faith that overlooks the bumps in the road for the vision of what's to come. This world is not my home. My struggles pale in the light of an eternal inheritance. How I long to live with joy and passion that comes from knowing that, one day, things will be better.

One day, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

One day, "The sons of those who afflicted you shall come bending low to you, and all who despised you shall bow down at your feet." (Isaiah 60:14)

One day, "The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad; the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus; it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing. The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it, the majesty of Carmel and Sharon. They shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty of our God. Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.' Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped; then shall the lame man leap like a deer, and the tongue of the mute sing for joy. For waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert; the burning sand shall become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water; in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down, the grass shall become reeds and rushes. And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it. It shall belong to those who walk on the way; even if they are fools, they shall not go astray. No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it; they shall not be found there, but the redeemed shall walk there. And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away." (Isaiah 35)

One glorious day, all my enemies will be put to rest. Pain, doubt, fear and insecurity will fall away. I will no longer feel like a stranger in that place. I will finally be home. And everything will be made new!

New body with none of the aches and pains.

New songs to sing.

New city with a mansion prepared just for me.

New friends to make (Paul, Moses, Joseph, and Ruth!).

New schedule of constant worship before my King.

And when I think about all that is to come, nothing can deter my joy. Not even the bullies.

I Heart Faces Photo Challenge ~ Cell Phone

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 23:07:00 +0000

I have never enetered one of these contests before because I'm always intimidated by the beautiful photos of the professional photographers out there! This challenge appealed to me, though, because the theme is cell phone photos! I love this photo I took recently of Ella at the park. We'd had a lovely afternoon together at the library and were just hanging out. The library park had this fun swing that fits 2 people. We stayed on that swing for almost half an hour, just chatting about life. Sweet memories! I took this with my Samsung Solstice and ran a few of Pioneer Woman's actions on it.

The contest ends tonight, so if you'd like to enter, follow the link below:

One Thousand Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 19:44:00 +0000

Once in a while, a book completely knocks me off my feet. Oh, I've read many books (not as many as I'd like) and some of my more recent reads have impacted me greatly, but this one sticks with me. It gnaws at my soul and rips apart notions I've long held tight. I mull the beautiful words over and over throughout the day. I pray these words impart change that's long overdue.

Ann Voskamp may be one of the most gifted writers of our time. Her blog has been on top of my feed reader for a while now, so I was very excited to get her book and read more of her words. The book is called One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. And I just cannot say enough about it. And I'm only on chapter five. The book came out of a dare from a friend of Ann's to write down one thousand things that made her happy. Things she loved. The result of such a dare was a life changed. A life lived more fully. A life closer to the heart of God. A thankful life. Oh, how I want that kind of life!

So I begin my list. And I dare you to begin one, too. Let's go on a treasure hunt together. Finding the gifts God gives us in the day-to-day.

#1 ~ The life of Yancy Spencer, who lived for Christ and died doing what he loved.
#2 ~ Sound of children laughing and playing across the street.
#3 ~ Ladybug dancing across my windshield yesterday, trying to take flight.
#4 ~ Rays of beautiful sunshine beaming down on my way to work.
#5 ~ Warmer weather that makes me think of spring and new beginnings.
#6 ~ A husband who recently committed to making dinners so his poor wife could have time to exercise! (thank you!)
#7 ~ Plethora of school choices for my daughter. Many parents have no choice.
#8 ~ A skater who inspired me to boldness.
#9 ~ Sport and dance programs led by godly men and women whose goal is to win the hearts of the kids...not the game.
#10 ~ An old microwave I've kept for unknown reasons....until we needed a spare....on Valentine's Day.

This list is going to be on-going. I'm not going to designate a certain day for posting my list, like Thankful Thursday, because I need to be about this thankful journey every single day. Please join me in the journey. Here are some links to help you along the way:

** The Bloom book club from (in) courage is discussing the book, HERE.
** Here's a new website and place where you can list your gifts: One Thousand Gifts.
** Ann Voskamp's blog is such a blessing. Trust me, you will get caught up in her words at A Holy Experience.

~ Note: I bought this book on my own and have not been contacted to write a review! :) ~

Are You Hungry?

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 20:30:00 +0000

peinao - (pine); to famish (absolutely or comparatively); figuratively, to crave -- be an hungered. (Greek translation of the word "hunger")

hunger - 1. a feeling of pain, emptiness, or weakness induced by lack of food. 2. an appetite, desire, need, or craving hunger for something.

I have never been very fond of New Year's resolutions. But, I do get the desire for change. There's just something about the start of a new year. A blank page upon which to write. A fresh start. A time to move forward with goals that have long been forgotten. So, when this new year rolled around, I was challenged by something I heard on the radio about choosing just one word for the year. One word to live by. One word to strive toward. I like the simplicity of one word.

After going through weeks of prayer and fasting with my church, I felt God speak one word to my heart. It is the word "hunger". It encompasses so much of what I learned through this month-long journey.

Here are some ways that I hope this word will apply to my life this year:

Hunger for God's Word. Fasting taught me that I have lost a hunger for His truth. There is not a feeling of pain, emptiness of weakness that makes me long for the nourishment only the Words of my God can provide. I pray that God gives me this kind of ravenous hunger for reading and hearing Scripture daily. I recognize the need to memorize His Word. So that I can chew on it. Savor it. Be filled by it. Without His Word, I will die a spiritual death. Nothing living can come from me if I am not eating of the Bread of Life. "And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." ~ Deuteronomy 8:3. "Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.'" ~ John 6:35

Hunger to do what is right in the eyes of the LORD. My daughter and I have been going head to head in a battle over who is in charge. It has been tough. Ever since she confessed Jesus as her LORD a few weeks ago, Satan has tried to get a grip on her heart. I often hear, "Mom, Jesus knows that no one is perfect. I can't be perfect!" I want to shake her and scream that while Jesus knows we're not perfect (sinners, all), He does expect us to strive to live like Him. But, conviction comes to strike my core. This is me. Daily, I make excuses for my unrighteousness. I look Jesus in eye and boldly say, "But, nobody's perfect". Ouch. Jesus calmly, lovingly reminds me, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." ~ Matthew 5:6. If I pursue righteousness, seek it, and long for it, I will be satisfied.

Hunger for God's Voice. To wrap myself in prayer so that I can hear Him when He calls. To know my Master intimately, my prayers intertwined with His. "The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers." ~ John 10:3-5. "And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." ~ Isaiah 30:21.

Feed those who hunger spiritually, physically or emotionally. I want it to be said of me that I seek the needs of others before my own. For there are many needs that have to be met. Through prayer. Through a hug. Through a kind word. Through understanding. Through a non-judging attitude. "If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday." ~ Isaiah 58:10. "When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?' He said to him, 'Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Feed my lambs.'” ~ John 21:15. "Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love." ~ Ephesians 4:2

Hunger for God's Kingdom work to be done. In me. In my loved ones. In the lost and dying world around me. "And he said to them, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.'" ~ Luke 10:2. "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." ~ Matthew 6:10

And with this hunger, I pray for deep satisfaction. "My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips" ~ Psalm 63:5.

No more longing for the things of this world, but only for a taste of His goodness. "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!" ~ Psalm 34:8.

What is your one word for this year?

Tough Pill to Swallow

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 18:57:00 +0000

"You're mean! You're the worst mom in the world!" These words, like a knife, ripped through my heart as I heard them pour out of my daughter's mouth. The precious child I gave birth to seven years ago - after 24 hours of labor - and an emergency C-section - had the nerve to say these words to me! These words make me want to spit fire and, quite frankly, throw her across the room. Don't worry, I did not resort to such violence. Because God has been working on my reactions, I calmly informed her that she would not be watching television that afternoon. She'd already lost the toys she'd thrown down in challenge to my authority. So, yes, I suppose to a 7-year-old girl, this makes me the worst mom ever. I had taken away all that she cherished in a 5-minute time span over the command that she go take a shower before school. Horrible mom, I know. All this is part of an effort to reign in some attitude problems she's having lately. And, as you can tell, she doesn't like it. Truthfully, I don't either.

Discipline. What do you think of when you hear this word? Does it cause you to shrink back in fear of a heavy fist coming your way? Does your body tense at the thought of it? Or do you see it as something that is necessary?

It's a hard word. One that comes with many connotations in our society. Across the spectrum of our country, there are strong opinions on how parents should discipline their children. There is much talk about how athletes and politicians should be disciplined for their wrongful actions. We do not like discipline. We do not welcome consequences for the way we behave.

Like this child who bucks the system when the reigns tighten around her, discipline does not feel natural to me. Self rises up within me and bulges up and out against the Authority over me. Stubborn flesh does not like being told what to do.

But, I know that a loving Father disciplines those He loves, just as I discipline my daughter out of my love for her.

Those who do not love allow others to stumble along, wildly, in the dark. They care not which way others go - to the left or to the right.

But, Love wants the absolute best. Love does not want you to stumble and fall. Love shines light on the right way so you can walk in it.

"And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, 'My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.' As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever? For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong." ~ Hebrews 12:5-13

Our pastor has called for a Solemn Assembly at our church this Sunday night. In preparation for this night, the church has been asked to pray and fast and repent. It has been a month of discipline. A difficult time of hashing out the ways in which I am still self-reliant. The intentions of my heart. The words that come from my mouth. The flippant way with which I spend (waste) my time...God's time, given to me as a gift. All has come under the microscope of the Spirit...and it doesn't look pretty.

In humility, I break before Him. I am broken. I pray that this won't be the last time. I pray that I will continue to be truly spilled out in confession at all times. I pray that this month changes me. I know it has. I want to encourage you, dear readers. When God comes after you in discipline, don't run from Him. Run to Him. For He loves you. And He wants the very best for you.

Healing Comes Through Brokenness

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 23:07:00 +0000

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." ~ Psalm 51:17

Pain shoots like a razor through muscle, bone and sinew. Makes me take notice. Doubles me over. Takes my breath away. It does not relent. Though it comes like lightening, it settles in like fog. Weighing me down and bolting me to the easy chair. Tears come, but I fight them back until they disappear - not wanting to appear weak. I've done enough complaining. I've shed enough tears.

The pain has become my constant companion and I've had to accept that it will not leave.

This pain, though I did not ask for it, is a blessing. A reminder of what it means to be broken. Rent. Weak. Dependent.

A reminder of my sin. Of the sins of man. Of the fallen world in which we live.

This sin is the very thing that drove the nails into godly flesh, tearing into muscle, bone, and sinew. It broke Him. Ripped His heart apart.

If I will bow my life before Him, it breaks me, too. Here I stand, bleeding before Him. Torn apart by my sin.  The sin that separated me from Him for far too long.

For now, I let that pain linger. I let it sit and mull and dwell in my soul. It stirs me. It sifts my intentions and the motives of my heart.

But, if I am not careful, I can medicate this pain with the things of this world. Shiny distractions. Self-carved idols.  They help to dull the ache of the reality of my sin. I busy myself with everyday life in order to hush the still, small voice that calls to me from the depths.

The pain comes once again. Sharp, unrelenting. I fall to my knees in repentance. Beg for a clean, new heart. For the Great Physician to sew up my wounds. Release me from this pain.

I have had to learn this lesson all too often. Healing only comes from being broken. Oh, that God would break our hearts for our sins and the sins of our land. Only then will true healing come.

"Let your hearts be broken, and not your clothing, and come back to the Lord your God: for he is full of grace and pity, slow to be angry and great in mercy, ready to be turned from his purpose of punishment." ~ Joel 2:13

"Brokenness is the way of blessing, the way of fragrance, the way of fruitfulness, but it is also a path sprinkled with blood. Yes, there is blood from many wounds. When we offer ourselves to the Lord to be at His service, we cannot afford to be lenient, to spare ourselves. We must allow the Lord utterly to crack our outward man, so that He may find a way for His out working."   The Importance of Brokenness ~ Watchman Nee

Below is a song I wrote out of a time of physical and spiritual brokenness. I pray God uses it to speak to your heart.

Broken

As I look in the mirror, all that I see
Is a shattered reflection of who I'm supposed to be
These scars that I bear tell of hurt and regret
Constant reminders of the life I have led (and I am)

Chorus 1:
Broken, before You now
Broken, and I don't know how
To let You come in
And let the healing begin

Staring at that old mirror, I can barely make out
A glimmer of light, in spite of all my doubt
The veil slips away, and Your glory shines through
But, how can I be a reflection of You (when I am)

(Chorus 1)

As I sit and ponder the cross,
Consider all that You've lost,
You know it's hard to believe
That You did that just for me

Chorus 2:
Your body was broken before me now
Broken, just to show me how
To let You come in
And let the healing begin

There will come a day, when I see Your precious face
And the heartache I've known, will all be erased
I've seen just a glimpse of what I will behold
When I stand transformed at the sight of my LORD

Chorus 3:
No longer broken, before You now
No longer broken, and I don't know how
You let me come in
And let the healing begin
Oh, let the healing begin
Oh, let the healing begin

Words & Music by Jenny Thompson © 2011

Thankful Thursday ~ Thankful for Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 18:42:00 +0000

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." ~ James 4:14

A secretary who used to work for my dad.

Two troubled young women who lived nearby.

The estranged wife of a former Senator who had to live a public life in the light of his scandalous mistakes.

All four lives lost.

Recent losses that have forced me to think once more on the brevity of this life. It is but a vapor. A speck on the line of eternity.

I don't know much about Irene, other than that I'd talked to her a few times at my dad's office. She was a sweet woman who loved to see Ella whenever we came in. Ella reminded her of her own granddaughter. Irene died alone. She and her daughter had been on difficult terms and had not spoken in some time. She had some health issues, but nothing that seemed life threatening. She was here one day, gone the next.

Two young women were murdered near my house and their bodies were found this past week. Jamie Broxson and Debra Jones. The local paper has given us a lot of information about Jamie. She led a difficult life, all mixed up with drugs and prostitution. She was only 25 and had 2 children. The patrons at an establishment where she danced from time to time didn't even know her name. We still don't know much about the other victim, Debra Jones, other than that she was only 19 years old. Two lives, taken brutally, without much notice.

Elizabeth Edwards had to live out the worst days of her life in public view. She is married to John Edwards, a former U.S. Senator who sought a presidential nomination in 2004. When he lost the nomination, he became the running mate of John Kerry. During his bid for the vice presidency, Elizabeth found out she had breast cancer. It was revealed in January of this year that her husband had cheated on her and fathered a child. This lie was kept under covers for 2 years, while his wife battled a horrible disease. I cannot imagine her pain. Earlier this week, doctors told her that the cancer had become untreatable and she was sent home. She died on Tuesday at the age of 61. She was surrounded by friends and family. Another life, gone too soon.

"Indeed, you have made the length of my days [only] a few inches. My life span is nothing compared to yours. Certainly, everyone alive is like a whisper in the wind." ~ Psalm 39:5

"Man is like a mere breath; his days are like a passing shadow." ~ Psalm 144:4

My heart is troubled by how flippantly I waste minute upon minute of my days here on this earth. I long to make my life mean something more. To use every breath God has given me to glorify Him. To make His Name known. To speak words that need to be spoken today, instead of putting them off until tomorrow. To urgently proclaim Christ's message of hope and healing to a dying world.

By the grace of God, you have this one day He has given you. Use it well. Make it mean something. And be thankful for this day. You may not have tomorrow.

Auto-Tune Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 16:39:00 +0000

I recently stumbled upon the phenomenon called "Auto-Tune" that apparently has been used to shape pop music for several years now. The computer program, created by Andy Hildebrand, can fine tune a performer's recording to make it sound pitch perfect. Artists are using the software so much so that you hardly hear a wrong note on the radio anymore. In fact, the program can make human voices sound almost robotic. Are we really that desperate for perfection in our society? Or have we made people with sub-par talent into super stars because of the way they look?

Thinking about this standard of "perfection" that the culture has set, I believe we've completely missed the mark. We force our bodies into shapes they weren't meant to hold. We smooth out our wrinkles and carve out the belly fat - willing to undergo major surgery to meet the expectations of the world around us. We throw up our food or eat nothing at all to fulfill this need to fit in - to be perfect.

1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind. 2. Being without defect or blemish. 3. Thoroughly skilled or talented in a certain field or area; proficient. 4. Completely suited for a particular purpose or situation. 5. a.) Completely corresponding to a description, standard, or type. b.) Accurately reproducing an original: a perfect copy of the painting. 6. Complete; thorough; utter. 7. Pure; undiluted; unmixed. 8. Excellent and delightful in all respects.

Reading that definition, it's hard to imagine that any of us could ever measure up.

But, here's the good news. Our standard of perfection is not found in this world. Because, in this life there really is no "perfect" without Jesus Christ. Instead of making us feel defeated about not measuring up, Christ came to give us victory over the barometer with which the world judges us.

It is only in Him that we find true perfection and beauty. This is what His Word says about Him:

"He is the Rock, His works are perfect, and all His ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He." ~ Deuteronomy 32:4

"The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple." ~ Psalm 19:7

"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him." ~ 2 Samuel 22:31

The absolute miracle is that God, in His perfection, chose to reconcile His imperfect children to Himself through the blood of His only Son. And, through the blood that flows in us once we believe and accept His grace towards us, we can be made perfect.

Complete.

Whole.

Without Blemish.

Not in the world's eyes. In the eyes of the One Who made us. In the only eyes that really matter. Covered by His mercy, this is what He says of us:

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." ~ 2 Samuel 22:33

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." ~ James 1:2-4

"Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest [Jesus Christ] had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time He waits for His enemies to be made His footstool, because by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy." ~ Hebrews 10:11-14

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." ~ 1 Peter 5:10

This perfection is not forced upon us in the way that the Auto-Tune software forces voices into perfect pitch. It is a gift. A free gift, given to us by the Giver of Life. Once we have accepted His grace, His Holy Spirit comes to help us. He does not coerce us to live a perfect life. He does not manhandle us until we obey. But, if we choose to listen, He will gently guide our lives into auto-tune with Him.

"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." ~ Matthew 5:48

"The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First He says: 'This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the LORD. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.' Then He adds: 'Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.'" ~ Hebrews 10:15-18

Christ's blood gives us the ability to stand unblemished before a Holy God.

His Spirit gives us the power to live a perfect life in a fallen world.

You don't have to live your life based on the expectations of this rotten, sin-filled world. You don't have to measure up. Christ has died to set you free from seeing yourself as the world sees you. He wants you to see yourself as He sees you: Perfect. Beautiful.

Wuv, Twue Wuv, Foweveh!

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 12:00:00 +0000

This was the day I had waited for all my life. I had found a man who had swept me off my feet. A man who would sing to me if I asked, take me to musicals even if it meant missing the World Series, and leave sweet poems on my windshield. A man who loved me enough to let me be myself. With him, my walls dropped. He made me a better person. I had found love. True, pure love.

The church was beautiful. Exactly as I had envisioned it. The flowers, the candles, the music. All perfect. It was a dream come true. Everything was going as planned. The day of the wedding, I was cool and confident. At peace.

As my groom awaited my entrance into the sanctuary, joy filled my soul. It was the perfect moment. The doors opened, the music played, and I prepared myself to take that long walk.

What happened next startled me out of my sweet dream.

My precious little ring bearer was urgently tugging on my Dad's sleeve, stating the very obvious fact that he had to go to the bathroom. right. at. that. very. moment!!!! I flashbacked to a time when babysitting him that he had gotten himself so upset, he said he was going to throw up. Paul and I didn't believe him, just thought it was a tactic to get out of going to bed, but sure enough...there it was. And, now, here I was, in this very important moment, trying to decide whether or not he was serious. Because, after all, they were playing MY song. THE song. But, before I could even say a word, I turned around and my dad was gone. To the bathroom. The father of the bride - the one who was supposed to be walking me down the aisle RIGHT NOW - had disappeared with the ring bearer who was supposed to go down the aisle before me!

Well, the calm, collected part of me came undone and the tears streaked down my perfectly made up face on my perfect day. I was standing in the doorway, as people watched me expectedly, having a total nervous breakdown. I mean, how on earth could this little boy ruin my day? Fully involved in my little pity party, I hardly noticed my dad take my arm. We took off flying as if we were racing the music to get to the alter on time. Little did the people in the congregation know that these were not tears of joy. They were tears of utter horror.

Though I may have been crying the most ugly cry ever, my groom still took my as his own. He loved me. He wanted me as his bride for the rest of his life.

You know what? Though that scene will be forever etched in my mind, it was still a perfect day. I still married the man on my dreams. (And now I have a fun story to tell at parties!)

A. W. Tozer jogged my memory of this day as I read his chapter on God's love in Volume 2 of The Attributes of God. He speaks of the love God has for us. For just as my earthly groom waited for me to join him in our life together, so awaits my heavenly Groom.

Earthly love is imperfect.

The love of God is perfect.

Human relationships are conditional. With boundaries and limits.

God's love is unconditional. Limitless.

Our love fades. We die. The love we have for each other cannot go on forever.

God's love for us endures forever.

When I first believed in this love, I forsook all others and walked down the aisle with my Father to meet my Groom, Jesus.  All my dreams came true. I found the love I had been longing for. A love that would never let me go. And He looked on me, His bride, with such adoring lovingkindness and mercy, that He gave up His life to be with me for eternity.

That was the perfect wedding. That was the most important day of my life. The day I married into God's family and accepted the beautiful love of God.

Though my Groom is not physically here with me on this earth (He sent His Helper, the Holy Spirit to stay with me here), one day He is returning for me. He will once again sweep me off my feet, riding His beautiful white horse. He will give me a gown of fine, clean linen to replace my rags of unrighteousness.  My Prince will forever slay the beast that has haunted me all my life. Together, we will enjoy a wedding feast unlike any the world has ever seen. Then, He will carry me off to the Holy City He has built just for me. I will be His and He will be mine forevermore. (Revelation 19-22)

That is what I call "Wuv, Twue Wuv, Foweveh!!"** Amen!

Do you know the most wonderful part of this story God has written? He longs to make each and every one of us His "bride". All those who come to Him and believe on His Name will have their own love story with the Savior of the world.

Forget romance novels, try reading the Bible! It contains the sweeping romance of God towards those who follow Him. He loves you. Oh, how He loves you. And He wants you to be a part of the best ending in history.

**Note: In case you don't recognize it, this line is from The Princess Bride, one of my all-time favorite movies!**

Music helps me relate to this great love God has for me:

Thankful Thursday ~ 11/11/10

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 00:38:00 +0000

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things? For we are not like many, peddling the word of God, but as from sincerity, but as from God, we speak in Christ in the sight of God." 2 Corinthians 2:14-17

My pastor preached on this passage recently and he challenged us to write down 10 things we are thankful for each day for 40 days. I haven't been all that faithful in writing these down since his sermon last Sunday, but I have tried to have a more grateful attitude each day.

Today, I am thankful for:

Military personnel and their spouses and families who sacrifice so much to serve and protect this great country.
A godly mother-in-law who taught me how to laugh louder, live harder, and love more deeply. I can still smell the fragrance of Christ that she left behind. She went to be with Jesus 4 years ago this week and I'm thankful she's at home with Him. We miss her so much, but we hold dearly to the knowledge that we will see her again one day.
A Sovereign, Faithful God.
Not having to worry about how I might get my next meal.
Having a closet bursting full of clothes. So many clothes that I have to actually give some of them away.
Having a roof over my head and shelter from incoming storms. Haiti has once again been on my heart and mind with the recent hurricane and cholera outbreak.
Brave, courageous families who give of their lives to care for orphans. (Check out those 3 links to see 3 of those amazing families!)
Pastor Traylor, who just celebrated 20 years with us at Olive Baptist Church. I'm grateful for a man of integrity who preaches the Word of God and actually lives it out.
A workplace where I can share Jesus any time the Spirit leads.
My husband, who works so very hard to provide for our family. He puts in long hours, but still makes time for me and Ella. She is going to remember all the breakfasts he's cooked for her, the soccer games he attended and the basketball games he coached. He's a special man and I'm extremely thankful that God brought the two of us together.

I wanted to also share Ella's list. So sweet. And, she made her list before I made mine!

My cousin, Lucas.
The Bible.
My friends.
My family.
That Jesus died on the cross for us.
Food to eat.
A house to live in.
My school.
Animals.
A beautiful day.

Father God, we come to You with grateful hearts, knowing that we do not deserve any of these gifts. We pray that we will live a life that pleases and honors You, the giver of all good things. Amen.

Giving Up My Right to Vote

noreply@blogger.com (Jenny) — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 19:02:00 +0000

In my recent resolve to be obedient to God in whatever He asks of me, I have found myself becoming a bit unsettled. Maybe even disenfranchised.

In striving to do take these baby steps of obedience, I must will myself to give up my vote. To give up what I had once considered my "legal right".

Prior to bowing the knee to Christ, and allowing Him to dictate my walk, I had convinced myself that I am in charge. Me, me, me! Now that the right to my life is gone, my flesh is going crazy. I totally understand what Paul says in Romans 7.

The flesh wars against the Spirit. It is a daily battle. Make that hourly. No, better make that second by second.

Obedience is hard, difficult work. It goes against every natural tendency of my body, mind, and soul.

Those who know me well know that I am stubborn to the core. My parents always thought I would make a great lawyer (just like Dad) because of my determination to argue my point into the ground. Leave it to God to give me a daughter who is every bit as willful and obstinate as I am...possibly more. Great sense of humor, God!

Ella has entered a phase in which she wants to do the exact opposite of whatever her dad or I tell her to do. She is testing her limits and trying to find out who she is. She wants to do things her way. Though I completely empathize with her, it is my job as her mother to point her towards obedience. Because, whether she wants to believe it or not, I have nothing but the best in mind for her. I want her to learn certain lessons now so that she doesn't have to endure harder lessons later in life. My goal is not to make her life miserable. It is to point her in the right direction. To make her path easier. To shelter her from unnecessary pain. She can't see that right now. All she sees is that I am making her do things she does not want to do. And she is fighting back. She is resisting my authority over her. She is making her life more complicated and difficult than it has to be. See, if she would just walk in my rules and the plan I set out for her, her days would be peaceful (and so would mine!). If she would just submit her will to mine, her life would be so much better.

Isn't it just like God to put people in our lives that remind us of ourselves to force us to look deeper into our own hearts? God, in His infinite wisdom, blessed me with this child (whom I love more than life) so that I could have a firsthand view into the way I treat Him. To Him, I am that ornery child, pushing against His Will for my life. I fight back against His loving hand that longs to make my way easy and my burdens light. You see, when I am not in control and I allow Him to rule my daily life, the burden is lifted off of me.

Of course, obedience to God does not mean that everything is coming up roses. It is a tough road. Loneliness sets in at times. I see others getting their way and I wish I could take back the reins over my life. Just like a child, I whine to God,

"But, Jane Doe gets to do (fill in the blank with whatever it is that I wish I were doing other than what God had told me to do) ____________. Why can't I have that kind of ministry??"

Then, Jesus says to me, "'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'" (Matt. 16:24) And, I have to follow Him. I have to leave my own desires and "rights" behind. I have to fall in step with Him. To me, there really is no other choice.

Here is what A.W. Tozer says on submission to God (taken from The Divine Conquest, Chapter 10 - The Spirit-filled Life):

If the Spirit takes charge of your life He will expect unquestioning obedience in everything. He will not tolerate in you the self-sins even though they are permitted and excused by most Christians. By the self-sins I mean self-love, self-pity, self-seeking, self-confidence, self-righteousness, self-aggrandizement, self-defense. You will find the Spirit to be in sharp opposition to the easy ways of the world and of the mixed multitude within the precincts of religion. He will be jealous over you for good. He will not allow you to boast or swagger or show off. He will take the direction of your life away from you. He will reserve the right to test you, to discipline you, to chasten you for your soul's sake. He may strip you of many of those borderline pleasures that other Christians enjoy but that are to you a source of refined evil. Through it all He will enfold you in a love so vast, so mighty, so all-embracing, so wondrous that your very losses will seem like gains and your small pains like pleasures. Yet the flesh will whimper under His yoke and cry out against it as a burden too great to bear. And you will be permitted to enjoy the solemn privilege of suffering to fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in your flesh for His body's sake, which is the Church. Now, with the conditions before you, do you still want to be filled with the Holy Spirit?"

If this appears severe, let us remember that the way of the cross is never easy. The shine and glamour accompanying popular religious movements is as false as the sheen on the wings of the angel of darkness when he for a moment transforms himself into an angel of light. The spiritual timidity that fears to show the cross in its true character is not on any grounds to be excused. It can result only in disappointment and tragedy at last.

Dear friend, if you are struggling with this issue of obedience, let me encourage you. I can honestly tell you that though it is difficult, it is the road to peace. Once you submit your will to God, He can do in and through you things you never thought possible. Come to Him, broken ones. Give Him your life. He is worth it.