TEN LITTLE INDIANS

TLI Managers as Finishing Moves

2014-01-27T13:05:00.002-08:00

Since the WWE kicked off its year with a fantastic Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View, I found myself thinking how many similarities there are between TLI and the WWE. Heels, babyfaces, feuds and angles abound in both.

Comparing managers to wrestlers would be much too easy (good chance I'm just going to do this in the future), so I have decided to come up with each manager's finishing move-doppelganger.

There are many components that went into these decisions: is the manager flashy or technical? Is he a high-flyer or a mat guy? Power or speed?

So what finisher did each manager draw? Let's take a look, in order of 2013 finish:

1. Dangerous Danny Krow

-Dan's season actually paralleled a real NBA angle eerily. A perennial doormat that paid his dues to finally realize his dream of clutching the title. Dan is self-proclaimed technician, which eliminates anything off the top rope and he lacks the raw explosion to generate a WOW! type finisher. Has long idolized Mr. Perfect and mat finishers in general.

The Pick: The Perfect Plex

2. Luke the Giant Alger

-The big guy has great athleticism and agility for his size. Given his stature you have to assume he would use that to his advantage to finish off his opponents, but is known more for his finesse than brute force. Having said that, can still lay the boom. Known to show a little flash and talk the trash to his opponents, which could weigh into his finisher move.

The Pick: Batista Bomb

3. Parker Texas Ranger

-It's pretty clear that the Woodard's finisher is purely based on execution and precision. I wouldn't take him to be a very high risk performer, but instead one that would wear down his opponent with his muscle and calculated approach. I had a hard time deciding whether or not PWood would opt for a submission move or not.

The Pick: The Pedigree

4. Dorry Funk Krow

-My entire life I've struggled to answer this question. Since I'm shorter would that make me a high-flyer? I always have fancied myself a technician but I lack any semblance of power to put the extra spice behind any of those moves. It would have to rely on leverage and quickness to lock in.

The Pick: STFU

5. Kevin Sullivan Hartley

-Definitely the master technician with an amateur wrestling background leads the master heel himself to definitely have a complex finisher involving a combination of real, pure wrestling moves. Possesses a lot of pop and quickness so he could probably bust out his finisher at any point.

The Pick: The Angle Slam

6. Big Daddy BC

-Every wrestler's finisher should play to their strengths, and boy does BC have a lot of them with his height, athleticism and length. But ask anyone what BC's biggest asset is and they'll all tell you the same thing:

The Pick: Flying Elbow

7. Jake The Snake Deveau

-JD seems like a real wrestler's wrestler. With a great build and solid muscle mass, but also a soccer background, JD has a lot of versatility with what his finisher could be. Something about him screams out a version of the DDT.

The Pick: Sister Abigail

8. Gorgeous Jordan Tlumak

-Jiggs was the toughest one for me. It was hard for me to get a read on the ultimate baby-face, but I see Jiggs as having a finisher that involves the crowd and his pretty face.

The Pick: The W-O-R-M

9. Evil Eric Easterday

-This was an easy one. The Bunny is a spitting image of Chris Jericho.

The Pick: The Lionsault

10. George the Animal Lifsey

-I honestly have no idea what to make of G's wrestling comparison's. I do keep coming back to CM Punk though.

The Pick: Go To Sleep

And then there was 1: An Odyssey with George

2014-01-21T07:07:00.002-08:00

by: TLI Silent Contributor

Has there ever been a more revered loser? Can you think of a more lovable, yet perennial underdog? No I’m not talking about the Browns or the Cubs. This isn’t a franchise, but a mere man. Imagine how the Mighty Ducks would have been if Charley Conway misses the triple deke. Imagine how Rookie of the Year would have been had the MLB player not freaked out when Rogengardner chucks it underhand in the bottom of the 9th. In real life, that ball would have been pummeled into next week.

Point is, what if the underdog continued to lose. What if our hero always fell just a bit short of the ultimate goal. Well get ready because that sounds a lot like real life to me. That’s we find the star of this little narrative.

George Glaydon Lifsey IV.

Hunter, Accountant, Dog Lover, Gun Enthusiast, Family Man, American. Those are a few of the better known qualities of George. The attributes that he wants the public to view. That’s the public persona if you will. You rarely get to see man’s inner demons. You rarely get to see what haunts his nightmares. His sweet sweet, his Allison is perhaps the only person to see George crying, naked, scared and alone on his water bed wondering where it all went wrong time after time, year after year.

Each year begins so promising for G. Always the optimist and always the prepper, George never truly quits or gives up on fantasy football. Sure at the end of each year, George is sitting in tenth trolling the potential trade waters to enhance his draft stock pile for the upcoming year. But, because of that can do spirit, he gets to look forward to early September as the draft nears. Each day closer to the draft brings with it an increasing and insatiable taste in his mouth so bold and strong that a lesser man would surely not survive. Most would look at a ten year body of work filled with 2 playoff appearance, 0 titles and begin to question whether or not they had the stones to persevere. A lesser man would surely pack it in and stick to things they can control.

We saw G try that this year. Another season came to the inevitable end by mid November and rumors started to swirl that G was finally hanging up the shoulder pads and picking up an apron. One of fiercest competitors had finally been broken by the cruel temptress that is fantasy football. He entered 2013 a championship hopeful, he exited with a spatula and stirring spoon.

But as each have their own heaven, we too must have our own personal hell room. George’s hell is the draft room of TLI. I don’t want to be cavalier and compare it to war, but I’ve heard that some are saying George has developed the first ever PTDSD. Post Traumatic Draft Stress Disorder. He enters the door and it’s as if he just got that one call no one wants to get from the doctor confirming it is in fact burning because of a VD (VD Stands for Venereal Disease DA Dan). Except in TLI, losing is the VD that G has carried and carried alone now for 10 years. The cure is always so close and yet seems to slip through his grasps almost immediately following the week 1 loss.

Who knows where this history of losing started and why and how long it will go. Currently, his closest and truest friend is finally the last current member of TLI without a championship. I’m not saying fate has a sense of humor, but if she did, I could see 2014 as the year where the Krow’s get their second TLI Championship. Little AJ Krow finds love and a championship in 2014. All the while, George sells off assets as another year closes looking forward to a great and promising 2015.

Official TLI Power Rankings

2014-01-14T08:58:00.001-08:00

After much debate among the league about which cities are actually more desirable than others, I wanted to get down to factual numbers and see what the Power Rankings REALLY look like when the 10 lists are compared side-by-side. This not only will eliminate any discrepancy of where one city should land versus another, but will also show us some interesting trends among the league. Congratulations to San Diego, CA on landing the #1 spot in the OFFICIAL TLI Powers.

Some quick hits:

There is not a consensus #1 spot. Of the 10 rankings there were 6 different cities that were ranked #1: San Francisco, San Diego, Seattle, New York, Boston, Denver

The bottom 5, and more specifically the bottom 2, were fairly consistent. Detroit and Oakland found themselves in second-to-last or last in 80% of the rankings.

Surprise cities? Charlotte landed 14th overall, Minneapolis ranked 16th, and Jacksonville somehow broke the top 20 and finished 19th. I think this speaks to the fact that the league is clearly top-heavy when it comes to desirable destinations and the final 10 are a nightmare.

Unbelievably, the 4 remaining cities rank in the top 6 overall. I'm sure Parker can run actual data and statistics on that, but to me that seems to be an incredible feat.

Where has TLI visited? TLI has never been to a city ranked higher than 9th but, as previously noted, we are guaranteed a top 6 city this year. Here is a complete list of previous TLI destinations:

New York: 9th
Pittsburgh: 22nd
New Orleans: 15th
Green Bay: 29th
New York: 9th
Baltimore: 21st

Wild Cards: Everyone has the right to their own opinion, but when comparing it to the rest of the league these were some wild cards that affected the rankings:

Hartley ranking Indianapolis 19th
Jiggs ranking Oakland 9th
E ranking Buffalo 8th
E ranking Detroit 16th
Dan ranking Nashville dead last, 31st

BELOW ARE THE OFFICIAL POWERS:

	City	Average
1	San Diego	3.67
2	San Francisco	3.78
3	Seattle	3.89
4	Denver	6.00
5	Chicago	7.22
6	Boston	7.78
7	Miami	7.89
8	Dallas	10.56
9	New York	10.56
10	Tampa Bay	12.11
11	Phoenix	14.33
12	DC	14.67
13	Philadelphia	15.56
14	Charlotte	17.89
15	New Orleans	18.11
16	Minneapolis	18.67
17	Nashville	19.00
18	Kansas City	19.89
19	Jacksonville	21.00
20	Atlanta	22.67
21	Baltimore	22.89
22	Pittsburgh	23.89
23	St. Louis	24.33
24	Houston	25.00
25	Cincinnati	26.11
26	Buffalo	26.22
27	Oakland	27.44
28	Indianapolis	27.78
29	Green Bay	30.44
30	Cleveland	30.56
31	Detroit	31.33

TLI Draft City Powers: Championship Round

2014-01-13T08:16:00.000-08:00

For the third straight week, there is a new leader sitting atop the Powers. In years past there was always 1 or 2 teams that held the lead throughout the entire postseason, but due to the depth of the great cities in the playoffs this year there has been much fluctuation. The remaining 4 teams would all undoubtedly fall in the top 10 of most desirable cities overall and the fact that there is not a spoiler in the mix (Indy, Cincy, Atlanta) is incredibly fortunate. By pure coincidence, the remaining 4 cities are all hosts to MLB teams and the 3 cities remaining before this weekend that did not have an MLB team were all knocked out: New Orleans, Indianapolis, Charlotte.

The San Diego dream died this weekend along with Phillip Rivers' bolo tie. The Chargers made a valiant effort, but they couldn't get by Peyton and the Broncos and therefore were eliminated from contention. The Chargers will continue to tease TLI year after year.

Saying bon voyage to the Bolts, we welcome in a new #1 to the TLI Draft City Powers:

1. San Francisco, CA

2. Seattle, WA

3. Boston, MA

4. Denver, CO

POLL: Where will the 2014 TLI draft be held?

2014-01-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

TLI Managers as Cities

2014-01-06T18:37:00.001-08:00

With the remaining playoff cities' "cool" factor playing a paramount role in the rooting interests of 10 guys that don't have a favorite team in the playoffs, I thought it only appropriate to dive into what city the ten managers would be.

I have based this off of several factors, including looks, personality, interests, habits and overall perception. Will there be some overlap between the remaining cities and TLI's finest? Perhaps. Did I mail in some of these? Perhaps. Let's take a look, in order of 2013 finish.

1. Ski Man Dan Krow

-Dan prides himself on being high energy, but really only has a handful of interests that he will focus on. Culture is largely missing from the newly-minted TLI champ, as is any sort of trendiness. What you see is essentially what you get, except that he's a master manipulator and will pretend to have a lot to offer but ultimately leave you bored.

The City: Jacksonville, Florida

2. The Big Nig Piece Luke Alger

-Lot of flash, lot of hand-shaking and picture taking. Always is at the center of the festivities but also really in love. With the Nig you always have to be prepared for some trash talk, especially towards people he doesn't know, yielding a hostility towards visitors.

The City: Boston, Mass

3. P Wood

-Salt of the Earth. Just a really, really nice guy with great humility. With superior intellect, you're going to get an educated town. Heavy emphasis on his teams and college football, the team spirit has to be alive.

The City: Iowa City, Iowa

4. Ken Dorsey Krow

-Don't look for any substance because there is none there. All he cares about is the flash but it's all just a facade that fools people into thinking there's a lot backing it up. There's nothing. Focuses heavily on food and pretending to like sports.

The City: Dallas, TX-- Duh. No greater fake-out than people in Dallas.

5. Kev Hartley

-When he's not pulling the strings of his puppet that is the city of Nashville he's running the Crescendo Club, so he would clearly need to be a city that likes networking and writing book reports for money.

The City: London, Engaland

6. Big Brent Carney

-Well he's a raging liberal so that narrows the scope. His interests are heavily rooted in dark liquors and blonde chicks, and he has a history of laying the pipe down on the ladies, so the nightlife must be important, as is the news scene.

The City: Austin, TX-- I know it's annoying, but seriously. That's him.

7. Jon Deveau

-Good looking, tough, manly, playboy, ssssssssssnake. Likes to take naps and play video games. JD is a tough one to call.

The City: Minneapolis, Minnesota (going on feel with this one)

8. Jigga Tlumak

-I've only had one conversation with Jigs and I made fun of Jews because I didn't know he was Jewish. Other than that I know just about zero about him other than he's a Titans fan and I usually don't understand 98% of what he says.

The City: Naples, Florida

9. Eric Easterbunny

-Can bring it with the best of them for extremely short spurts and then will leave you hungover and annoyed. Never been one to shy away from stirring up conflict, the Bunny's city doppelganger needs to have a lot of volatility, able to get hot one day and miserably cold the next. Fancies himself a trendy guy and a man of the people, with a heavy influence in the real estate market.

The City: Chicago, Illinois

10. Glaydon Krow

-The fourth Krow brother loves him some hunting, some whiskey, some diesel, some love and some good convo stick. He loves the comfort of the south, bringing people together, and dancing. Dancing, dancing, dancing.

The City: Park City, Utah. Duh.

TLI Draft City Power Rankings: Divisional Round

2014-01-06T09:41:00.001-08:00

This past weekend the NFL proved again, as it does over and over, that it has assembled the best product in sports. The level of parity is incredibly impressive and made for another memorable and exciting round of playoffs. I wrote last week that the Colts would have a tough schedule to get to the Super Bowl, but would it surprise anyone if Andrew Luck beat Brady and Manning in the next two weeks? After this past weekend, I wouldn't be surprised at all - and it scares me to death...

Before we discuss the power rankings and those that made it through round 1, let's take a look at the economies that will take a detrimental dive now that we will not be gracing them with our presence:

Kansas City, MO: I'm not sure anyone in the league thought we ever had a chance of going to Kansas City to begin with, but to avoid any suspense they went ahead and blew the 2nd largest lead in playoff history and are no longer in contention.

Philadelphia, PA: How painful would it have been to have Dan as our tour guide?

Cincinnati, OH: If Andy Dalton put together 3 straight turnover-free games they were a real threat. Luckily for us, Andy Dalton has never put together 3 straight turnover-free games.

Savannah, GA/Tybee Island, GA: I'm still mourning the loss of Savannah, but the great cities that still remain will get me through my grief.

Speaking of the cities that still remain, we have a NEW #1 in the Power Rankings:

1. San Diego, CA (+1)

The Gas Lamp District in San Diego could easily be considered one of the best spots this league could ask for. Nightlife, restaurants, bars, clubs, Petco Park, the beach minutes away - you name it, it's all there. San Diego was slighted last week because of the lack of belief from myself that they could ever make a deep run. The last 4 Super Bowl Champions have played at Philadelphia in Week 1 and you guessed it, San Diego played at Philadelphia in Week 1 - that has to count for something, right? Phillip Rivers loves playing in Denver - GO CHARGERS!

2. San Francisco, CA (+1)

After much thought, San Francisco is gaining ground in the powers. There is so much to do in the city by the Bay and would be an overall better trip than Seattle.

3. Seattle, WA (-1)

Don't get me wrong, Seattle would be an amazing trip. In fact you really can't go wrong with any of the top 5 cities this week. In terms of overall destinations, they land in third this week.

4. Boston, MA (+1)

I still think this is our eventual city and it would be a solid one. When Boston is 4th on the list, you know the selection of cities is stacked this year.

5. Denver, CO (-2)

Can anyone actually confirm that Denver is cool in the Summer? Denver and its surrounding cities are much more desirable destinations in the winter. If the league-wide consensus of Park City is low, then Denver must suffer as well.

6. Park City, UT (+3)

I've already made it aware that after researching the city for an entire night, I have a new infatuation. These power rankings take the league-wide opinion into account, so Park City will remain low in the powers.

7. Charlotte, NC (+3)

8. Indianapolis, IN (+4)

TLI Draft City Power Rankings: Wild Card Round

2014-01-03T08:44:00.002-08:00

In the summer of 2014 TLI will embark on another memorable draft trip. Thanks to the parity of the NFL (and much to the delight of Glaydon Lifsey), it appears the league will not need to utilize the replacement city method and will be sent to a new draft destination on natural circumstances. Make no mistake, the city power rankings are in no way directly related to the actual NFL power rankings. However, this year they are much closer than you might think (San Diego aside). For example: Indianapolis and Cincinnati will consistently be in the top 5 of least desirable destinations with the likes of Cleveland, Atlanta, and Detroit. Fortunately, I believe the Colts and Bengals have some tough sledding in front of them (see: Manning, Brady) if they want to be playing in February. But keep in mind the last 3 Super Bowl Champions have played on Wild Card weekend which means Seattle, Denver, Boston, and Charlotte will need their teams to buck that trend if they want our tourist dollars.

1. Seattle, WA: Seattle has a perfect balance for our league: enough to do, but not too much to do. With great restaurants and exceptional tourist attractions for photo opportunities including Pike Place Fish Market, the first Starbucks, and the space needle, this city has lots to offer TLI this summer.

2. San Diego, CA: It was hard putting San Diego so high knowing that P-Riv is the captain of the ship. San Diego would be unbelievable and almost earned the top spot. I'm not going into detail on this one because it's just a tease.

T-3. San Francisco, CA: By far my favorite city in the US, I'm just concerned with how much there is to do here. Do we spend time in the city? on the wharf? in Sausalito? touring Napa? No matter the allocation, this is a great problem to have and a guaranteed good time for the league.

T-3. Denver, CO: Heading to Denver might require us to do something active as a group for the first time on a TLI trip. I would throw out the idea of renting bikes or segways, but Dan's lack of coordination and Kev's abs/pecs/hamstrings get in the way of that. Even though it will be summer, exploring a city like Breckenridge with the league would be worth the trip if time allows for it.

5. Boston, MA: The Super Bowls have favored the teams in the northeast over the past 6 years. Is this the next one in the list? Exploring the city, taking in a game at Fenway, and pub crawling in Boston's finest bars. What excites me the most about this trip is the possibility of it comparing to TLI:1 being in such a high profile city.

6. Philadelphia, PA: Who didn't love Nick Cage in National Treasure? Lots of touristy things to see and eat in Philly (the childhood home of the Krow's not being one of them) and again, lots of great photo opportunities.

7. Kansas City, MO: Apparently one of the more underrated cities in America. I can't tell you much about it aside from their good BBQ and one of the better baseball stadiums in MLB. Disclaimer: When I google searched images for KC, a picture of TJ Maxx was one of the top images - exciting!

8. Savannah, GA / Tybee Island, GA (via Green Bay): If you need to be sold on Savannah please have a conversation with Pwood about the open container laws. Couple that with the fact that there is a beach 30 minutes away and we have ourselves a good time.

9. Park City, UT (via New Orleans): When Dan first announced Park City I wished that our draft was held in the winter. However, like all ski towns there is always great bars and always things to do to keep us busy, even in the summer.

10. Charlotte, NC: This should be fun touring the national headquarters of Bank of America. I'm going to assume that since it's in the south and it's a big city that there has got to be SOME area in Charlotte that will be a good time.

11. Cincinnati, OH: This one makes me a little nervous.

12. Indianapolis, IN: Please, no.

TLI XI Year End Recap

2014-01-01T17:18:00.002-08:00

The group of fantasy football kings known as the Ten Little Indians closed out it's 11th year in a much more positive light than the way it started. After a decorated nine years as the elite fantasy football league in the United States, the last few years showed a slip in passion, organization, and overall ownership involvement. There were questions as to if the draft would go down. Alger and Krow, two of the over-organizers of the draft chose to skip the weekend for questionable reasons. The online draft order was wrong and had to be done offline. JD was hungover. E was being E. Graydon didn't know LaDanian Tomlinson was no longer in the NFL. A lot of the usual was happening, but with the lack of momentum coming in, everyone was wondering would year 11 be the last for this once powerful unit?

Then things started to turn around. A lot of the ongoing, old jokes started coming out and people started responding with enthusiasm. JD had a high optimal. BC had a gaping hole at QB2. Everyone wondered what Fruit Man Dan was thinking with half his pic units. Alger shocked the world with nothing. Graydon drafted a couple RB's over 30. Kev took abuse from E and regardless of who was right, everyone sided with E. P. Wood stuck to his board. Jordan had another good draft that everyone ignored. Dorry invested all his picks based on who they play for. E lost interest after four rounds (two of which he actually had picks in).

The trip ended up being one for the books. P. Wood, stepping into his new role as commissioner, pulls a slick one out of the wood works and sets up a 90's party on the final night, a move that I would dub the single best decision in the history of TLI. It brought the 8 guys close together again and gave the two guys who missed a reason to feel like TLI was back (although there was a minor slip the next day when E sent his patented "Best Trip Ever" email with hopes of hitting FMD and N Piece where it hurts, followed by Kev claiming he undersold it by dubbing it the best trip ever).

Moving into the season, it was quite the roller coaster for some. FMD started off 0-5, making it apparent his run to the championship the prior year was a fluke. Dorry's team was out in front on the heels of Norv Turner and and Marc Trestman's offenses. P. Wood's team appeared unstoppable, surrounding Peyton with talent like only he knows how. Kev's continued investment in the Saints and Knowshown Moreno made him a contender every week. Alger's team of backups were managing the clock and playing great defense against his opponent. Who would end up on top? Has there ever been a bigger log jam? Differentiating the first and 8th place team was tough to do, especially since the first place team had less points than 8th.

Somehow, the championship put the two guys who no showed the draft against each other. One has to question if the added focus on the draft and the lack of a hangover was the reason for their success.

This season brings a lot of key questions moving into TLI XII... Let's address individually by manager:

KPH: How much longer is he going to ride Brees before he starts re-building for the future?
EE: His patience issues shipped off Aaron Rodgers. Will he do anything with those draft picks, or are we seeing how the keeper league is going to be the destruction of Eric Easterly?
Gray: Leading the charge on getting himself kicked out of the league. When will he finally mail it in, or has he been for the last six years?
JD: An early Doug Martin injury hurt his season. Is he no longer the talent evaluator he once was?
JT: One of the league's best drafters, if he goes a season without trading his team away, will we see a championship?
Dorry: If he invests in the wrong Offensive Coordinator, will we see the first 0-13 season in the history of TLI?
Brat: Getting QB and WR right has never been a strength, but with injuries to Arian and Gronk, and a bad T. Richardson, is he no longer a RB/TE whisperer?
N Piece: Made it to the championship, but if E didn't ship him Rodgers, who would have been good enough for him to validate keeping from his beat ass roster?
P. Wood: How many more creative ways can he lose games by less than a point?
FMD: Stringing two good seasons together will almost assuredly make him change his style... For the bad.

Moving into year 12, one could say it's off to a rough start. FMD and N Piece are under fire for their choices for repeat cities. Gray is leading the charge against himself to get the boot. Those two things being said, there is a great crop of potential headlining cities for the Super Bowl (Denver, Boston, San Francisco, Seattle, Philly) that could help the TLI guys build off an impressive year 11.

For the sake of the league, let's hope N. Piece and FMD keep their nose out of the draft plans, and let the new regime (P. Wood/BC) continue to run with it after dragging TLI out of the dumps. The worst thing that could happen to this rejuvenated league is a power struggle within the Board of Directors.

Here's to Year 12.

TLI XII Draft: Replacement City #2 Announced!

2013-12-30T08:54:00.001-08:00

The 2013 season for Agency of Morgantown was defined by the positive and negative performance of the Green Bay Packers. With the hot start of Jordy Nelson and James Jones, the Agency GM set out to acquire their gunslinging quarterback, Aaron Rodgers. The acquisition took place on the evening before the Packers primetime game with the Chicago Bears in which Rodgers was knocked out of the game and missed seven weeks due to a broken collarbone. The Agency did not get to deploy Rodgers for a single snap in 2013. Fortunately for The Agency, Rodgers will be the leader on the team for years to come, and we are excited about the foundation we have built with the Rodgers and Jordy Nelson double-up going forward.

It seems only fitting that the Pack would sneak their way into the postseason and hand The Agency the assignment for the second and final replacement city. In 2011, the Giants won the Super Bowl for the 2nd time in 4 years and I was tasked with the assignment of replacing New York City in our lineup of destination cities. It is then that I failed the league. Many owners were pushing for tradition and New York was the final team to be replaced, so many of the good choices had already been taken. I succomed to the pressure of keeping the tradition alive of going to the city of the Super Bowl champ, even if we've already been there. I replaced New York City with New York City and the 6-seeded Giants sent us back to the Big Apple for a disaster of a trip. I reference that moment in time because I am in a similar situation; but don't worry, there is no chance I'm sending us back to Wisconsin. The league wants Austin, Texas. Hell, even I wanted Austin, Texas. After much thought, I remembered my dreaded decision to select NYC in 2011 based on what the league wanted and determined that sometimes the league doesn't know what the league truly wants.

With that said, I choose........

SAVANNAH, GA / TYBEE ISLAND, GA

TLI XII Draft: Replacement City Announced!

2013-12-29T16:06:00.002-08:00

After a one year hiatus from the fantasy football trip for the reason of attending to a child, nothing excites me more than the opportunity to get away for a weekend. Some could say not having JD's hangover face distracting me during the draft could have helped net me a championship, but regardless of the reason, it's now time to flex my shoulders and choose the replacement city in the case that the New Orleans Saints wins the Super Bowl.

My distaste for the city of New Orleans is well documented at this point, so in an effort to spite that terrible place, I'm going to attempt to leverage their football team as a means to go to a city I've had on my VERY short travel list.

Everyone has heard my song and dance before. I don't like traveling to places where the airport is far from the location. I don't like places that don't have a lot of direct flights. I don't like doing anything outdoorsy. I hate gambling.

For all those reasons, I choose...........

PARK CITY, UTAH

One more small town center for me to check off my list.

See you guys in Boston.

Lawyers of Lumberton Tops Highland Park Hitmen, Drops Them into Ninth Place

2012-10-19T07:29:00.002-07:00

Lawyers of Lumberton (5-1, 747.32 points) defeated Highland Park Hitmen (2-4, 680.89 points) 115.14 - 106.33, led by the Atlanta Falcons Defense with 16.00 points. Lawyers of Lumberton was the first to put points on the board and by Sunday was already in front 3.20 - 0. They lost the handle after the early Sunday games and trailed 45.18 - 35.10. However, Lawyers of Lumberton came out of the Sunday night game ahead by 6.48.

Lawyers of Lumberton Smooth Moves

Added James Jones, who exceeded his scoring projection by a matchup-leading 139.0%.
Benched the Seattle Seahawks Defense, which had the lowest DEF score on the team with 5.00 points.
C.J. Spiller had the fifth-highest score among RBs in the league this week with 14.97 points.
With 13.65 points scored versus a projected 9.63, Larry Fitzgerald has scored more points than projected for four straight games.
With 16.00 points, the Atlanta Falcons Defense had their highest output of the season.

Highland Park Hitmen Regret Tracker

BenJarvus Green-Ellis has now failed to reach his projection for five straight games. This week he scored 5.03 points versus a projected 10.08.
It was a bad week at RB for Highland Park Hitmen, who was outscored at the position 22.80 - 8.03 by Lawyers of Lumberton.
Connor Barth scored a season-low 5.50 points, 74.5% of his projected 7.38, which is his lowest percentage of the year.
Of the 12 starters on Highland Park Hitmen, 7 underperformed versus their projections.
The 3.39 points scored by Ryan Fitzpatrick was just 32.3% of his 10.51-point projection.

What If

If Lawyers of Lumberton played Highland Park Hitmen every week, they would be 5-1 this season.
Lawyers of Lumberton would have beaten four other teams besides Highland Park Hitmen this week.
Had they played each other last week, Lawyers of Lumberton would have defeated Highland Park Hitmen 145.90 - 89.25.
If they played the same schedule as Highland Park Hitmen, Lawyers of Lumberton would be 3-2.
Lawyers of Lumberton would be 34-20 if they played every team every week.
Highland Park Hitmen would have lost to four other teams besides Lawyers of Lumberton this week.
If they played the same schedule as Lawyers of Lumberton, Highland Park Hitmen would be 2-3.
Highland Park Hitmen would be 20-34 if they played every team every week.

Game Notes

Even though Highland Park Hitmen lost, they had two players score higher than the leading scorer for Lawyers of Lumberton.
After scoring 115.14 points against a projected 102.61, Lawyers of Lumberton has overachieved for four straight weeks.
Lawyers of Lumberton got their lowest combined scoring output from the QB position this season with only 20.69 points this week.
Highland Park Hitmen got 8.03 points from their RBs this week, the lowest combined scoring output from the RB position for any team this week.
Lawyers of Lumberton outdid their projection in the win, while Highland Park Hitmen came in under their point expectation. Lawyers of Lumberton is now 4-1 when overachieving, while Highland Park Hitmen falls to 0-3 when failing to reach their projection.
Lawyers of Lumberton is in first place in the league for the third week this season.
Wes Welker was on the losing team, but still had the fourth-highest score of any WR in the league this week with 21.26 points.
Antonio Brown was on the winning team, but scored a season-low 3.20 points, only 40.6% of his 7.89-point projection, his lowest percentage of the season.

Bay City Boozehounds Tops Denver Chieftains, Puts Them in 10th Place

2012-10-19T07:28:00.002-07:00

Bay City Boozehounds (3-3, 687.21 points) managed to defeat Denver Chieftains, 94.75 - 84.55, in spite of finishing with just the eighth-highest point total in the league this week. Bay City Boozehounds also got just 82.7% of their 114.54-points-per-matchup season average. This is the second straight lucky win for Bay City Boozehounds, who defeated Highland Park Hitmen 100.35 - 89.25 in Week 5. They've also been on the unlucky end, coming away with one tough loss earlier this season when they scored near the top of the league in points. It was a rough outing for Denver Chieftains, who fell to 2-4 (628.52 points) while also ending up ninth in points.

Bay City Boozehounds Smooth Moves

Sat Domenik Hixon, who scored fewer points than any WR in the starting lineup with 5.90.
LeSean McCoy had 12.27 points, the sixth-highest score among RBs in the league this week.
The 7.40 points scored by Jason Witten was the fifth-highest point total among TEs in the league this week.
The 13.50 points were a season-high for Jay Feely. The score beat his 6.98-point projection by 93.4%, which also was a season-high.
Roddy White overachieved by 29.5%, scoring 12.60 points against a projected 9.73.

Denver Chieftains Regret Tracker

Did not start Rob Bironas, who scored 15.00 points and beat his projected point total by a team-leading 139.2%.
Despite not hitting their projection (9.00 versus 9.61 projected), the Detroit Lions Defense still had the highest DEF score on the team, but it was wasted on the bench.
Got beat by Bay City Boozehounds even though they had their lowest-scoring week of the season.
Denver Chieftains had 10 starters fail to reach their projections.
The Minnesota Vikings Defense was last on the team in scoring with 2.00 points, 21.6% of their projected 9.28, which is their lowest percentage of the season.

What If

If Bay City Boozehounds played Denver Chieftains every week, they would be 5-1 this season.
Bay City Boozehounds would have beaten only one other team besides Denver Chieftains this week.
Bay City Boozehounds would be 4-1 if they played the same schedule as Denver Chieftains.
If Bay City Boozehounds had played every team in the league each week, they would be 26-28.
Besides Bay City Boozehounds, Denver Chieftains would have been defeated by seven other teams this week.
Had they played each other last week, Bay City Boozehounds would have lost to Denver Chieftains 145.70 - 100.35.
Denver Chieftains would be 1-4 if they played the same schedule as Bay City Boozehounds.
If they played every team every week, Denver Chieftains would be 19-35.

Game Notes

Bay City Boozehounds covered the 2.65-point spread, winning by 10.20 points.
The 13.74 total points by the RBs on Bay City Boozehounds was their smallest RB output this season.
Although Bay City Boozehounds won, it was no thanks to the Pittsburgh Steelers Defense, which scored 5.00 points and has now scored below their projection in five straight weeks.
This is the second week this season that Denver Chieftains is in last place in the league.
Bay City Boozehounds is now 3-0 when failing to reach their projection and Denver Chieftains falls to 1-4 when scoring below their projected total.
Denver Chieftains scored 84.55 points, ranking them ninth in the league in scoring.
Bay City Boozehounds had the lowest winning score in the league this week with 94.75 points.
In the loss, Josh Freeman ranked seventh in the league in scoring with a season-high 23.89 points.

Grassland Snakesss Rally Against Bay City Boozehounds

2012-09-11T13:55:00.002-07:00

Facing a 20.21-point deficit on Monday night, Grassland Snakesss scored 54.36 to beat Bay City Boozehounds 144.40 - 121.60 with the second-highest score of the week. While both sides played quite well, Grassland Snakesss scored 24.7% more points than projected (115.78) to pick up the win. Tony Romo racked up the second-highest score in the league this week with 23.94 points for Bay City Boozehounds. Grassland Snakesss (1-0) starts off the campaign in second place while Bay City Boozehounds (0-1) opens in sixth place.

Grassland Snakesss Smooth Moves

Ray Rice ranked 10th in the league in scoring with 19.28 points.
Brandon Marshall scored 18.45 points, the second-highest WR score in the league this week.
8 of 12 players in the starting lineup for Grassland Snakesss topped their projected points.
By scoring 18.00 points, the Baltimore Ravens Defense beat their 8.39 projected points by 114.5%.
Both of the starting QBs scored above their projected points.

Bay City Boozehounds Regret Tracker

Should have started Nate Kaeding, who beat his scoring projection with 17.50 points against a projected 6.54.
Did not start the San Diego Chargers Defense, which underachieved but still scored more than any DEF on the team with 8.00 points against a projected 9.41.
Bay City Boozehounds got beat 32.00 - 10.00 by Grassland Snakesss at the DEF position.
Bay City Boozehounds was not able to win even though only 5 of their 12 starters fell short of their projected point total.
Victor Cruz could not reach his projected point total, scoring only 65.5% of his 9.01-point projection with 5.90 points.

What If

Besides Bay City Boozehounds, Grassland Snakesss would have defeated seven other teams this week.
Grassland Snakesss would have had to score 41.51 fewer points to lose to all teams in the league this week.
Bay City Boozehounds would have lost to just two other teams besides Grassland Snakesss this week.
If Bay City Boozehounds had scored 18.71 fewer points, they would have lost to all teams in the league this week.

Game Notes

Grassland Snakesss was able to cover the 15.69-point spread in the win.
The 144.40 points scored by Grassland Snakesss ranked second in the league this week.
With 121.60 points, Bay City Boozehounds had the highest losing score in the league this week.
Bay City Boozehounds lost, but Tony Romo played well, scoring 23.94 points to rank second in the league in scoring.
Darren Sproles tried to help Bay City Boozehounds in the loss, beating his scoring projection by 26.0%, scoring 14.59 points versus an 11.58-point projection.
Despite being on the winning team, DeAngelo Williams scored only 0.68 points against his projected 7.88.
Both teams scored more points than projected this week.

Draft Review by Round

2012-09-03T10:31:00.001-07:00

With a group of guys notorious for overthinking and overanalyzing every scenario, many wondered how the move to a keeper format would throw a Luke Alger size shakeup in the early rounds of the draft. Would Andrew Luck and RGIII go in the first? Would notorious fantasy studs like Drew Brees and Tom Brady drop because they are getting old? The answer is no. This draft looked exactly like every other year, with a feeling of a much deeper talent pool than usual. Let's take a look at some draft grades through the fifth round.

Round 1:

Best Value-Matthew Stafford, DC Conspiracy
Biggest Reach-Cameron Newton, Polar Bears of PA

Analysis-It's always challenging to find rationale in the first round as to why one pick was better than the other, so consider this all relative. Stafford was a guy typically going as a top 4 QB, so grabbing him as the 5th was good value. He also has great long term prospects, as the leader of an up and coming team. Although picked in a decent spot, Newton is a guy with an aging, beat up #1 WR and no one behind him. Although a physical freak, defenses will find a way to slow down his running success more this year. I believe he is an underrated passer, but by no means is upper echelon.

Round 2:

Best Value-Eli Manning, Lawyers of Lumberton
Biggest Reach-Chris Johnson, Dallas Bunnies

Analysis-Eli is a guy that continues to get better, establishing himself as one of the premier clutch QB's. Combine that with a strong OL and two of the top WR's and you have a recipe for a great season. I'm probably the only person on the planet that is calling Chris Johnson a reach with the last pick in the second round, but I have no reason to feel like he will perform moving forward. He has continued to get worse as he runs with no power, does not hit the hole, is lazy, and somehow can't catch despite his background as a WR.

Round 3:

Best Value-Maurice Jones-Drew, Austin Artillerymen
Biggest Reach-Ryan Mathews, Polar Bears of PA

Analysis-Adding one more year to his tenure with Brent Carney's organization seems fitting as MJD has proved time and time again that he refuses to play for anyone else. Jones-Drew's loyalty came out by reporting to camp one day after being selected by the Artillerymen. Although conditioning will be an issue, MJD is battle tested and absolutely would have been a mid-second round pick if not for his holdout. Ryan Mathews is a guy with significant upside after ridding himself of Mike Tolbert, but a collarbone issue will not only keep him out for a few games, but mess with his head when getting hit.

Round 4:

Best Value-Ben Roethlisberger, Grassland Snakessss
Biggest Reach-Ryan Fitzpatrick, Highland Park Hitmen

Analysis-Although there was a lot of value in the 4th, getting Roeth, who has been a notorious second round pick was huge for a team that bolstered their backfield in the first and second rounds. You know what you get with Roeth each year, and his weapons are the strongest they have ever been. Waiting on a QB is a huge risk, and it paid off. Fitzy is a gunslinger that can make plays, but his upside is limited as his weapons don't blow you away and he is not overly skilled.

Round 5:

Best Value-Steven Jackson, Denver Chieftans
Biggest Reach-Carson Palmer, Agency of Morgantown

Analysis-Jackson, a guy that has performed every year despite being on notoriously bad teams in complete disarray, is finally with a coach that will focus on winning with the ground game. Fisher won't take any risks on the goaline and will give Jackson the rock and let him do his thing. He is also effective catching out of the backfield. Palmer is a QB that I'm convinced hates football, so between that and playing on a bad team is a recipe for disaster. This post was not edited.

Behold the Cape Buffalo

2012-08-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

The Cape Buffalo

One of the most deadliest animals on the planet.

Responsible for goring over 200 humans every year.

Possible mascot change for the Hitmen.

What Pass Route Is Each GM?

2012-08-29T06:48:00.001-07:00

Each General Manager in TLI has a clear personality profile. Some are flashy, some are consistent, some are stupid. With all the description going on I figured I'd match up every GM with their likeness in the form of a pass pattern and why:

Eric Bun Bun Easterday: Post Route- Just like the Bunny, the post route gets everyone excited who sees it develop, yet the likelihood of it being successful and coming through is very low.

Me: Quick Hot- Just like this play, in which the QB just throws it to the receiver at the line of scrimmage (screen with no blocker) that either is a 1 yard gain or a broken tackle touchdown, I either am in the basement or in the Championship.

Kev: Jerk Route-- Just like Kev, the "jerk" route's goal is to basically fast-talk the Linebacker into making a mistake.

DK: Slant. When you run the same route enough times eventually you become it.

Pwood: Hitch-- Steady, reliable and every once in a while he'll break a tackle and make a huge play.

Alg: Back Shoulder Fade-- Remember when corners would read Marvin Harrison's eyes and think he was going to the fade and Peyton would stick it at the front pylon? That's like trying to figure out what Alg is gonna do in the first round.

BC: Fly Route. Have you seen him sprint in a hallway?

G: Stick Route-- Cuz he loves saying it.

JD: Slant and Go-- And you thought he was just running a sssssssslant….

Jiggs: Bubble Screen-- I've never understood why teams run this just like I've never understood any of Jordan's emails.

Polar Bears, Krow Announce Change In Stategy/Culture

2012-08-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

Danny Krow, general manager and coach of the Polar Bears of PA announced in an interview on Sunday evening that the organization will be going back to the drawing board ever since their relocating to Pennsylvania, vowing to get away from the losing ways that have plagued the organization that began in Altoona, moved to Plano, Boston, then Walnut Creek. The grass has not always been greener on the other side in regards to Krow moving the team around, so expect him going back to his roots of PA to be the final, and most successful stop. “I’ve always bled the city of Philadelphia, why I ever chose to leave is beyond me. The way the fans have embraced my decision to bring the team back has been an emotional experience, and I plan to reward them with a great product on the field.”

Krow has been a bit of an enigma since the league’s rookie season ten years ago. At one point in the early years claiming his future was as a real life GM of a football team, his knowledge of every team’s depth chart and every player’s background made for what would have appeared to be a heavy favorite every year. However, his hard headed approach, combined with a refusal to accept role players that weren’t #1 on their team’s depth chart has crippled the organization’s growth in past years. “I don’t think it’s rocket science that we have not been successful as of late. I have made the necessary changes strategically, and I promise you the Polar Bears will be taken as seriously as you would if you met one in a back (Josh) alley.”

What changes is Krow making you ask? It starts with the philosophy that has made him successful throughout his life thus far “I trust my instincts. I got away from what has worked, and got caught up in spreadsheets, analytics, etc. I will be making all personnel decisions based on my gut moving forward” Outside of the gut instinct mentality, Krow will be employing a new offensive philosophy, “I will be targeting good football players. I don’t care if they are #3 on the depth chart of a good team, if they make plays they will be a Polar Bear.” If there is one thing Krow has always valued in his players, it’s toughness. Will that be going away? “Absolutely not,” Krow says. Despite a lackluster five years, one thing Krow hangs his hat on is the fact that when another team comes to town, they come out hurting. “Our team, no matter what the record, has always played physical. We will never lose that edge, especially coming to a city like Philadelphia.”

When asked if he had any closing thoughts for his peers, Krow went on the offensive “I will no longer be along for the ride. I’m not interested in having a high optimal for week 1. I don’t care about having a good time in New York. I’m coming into this season with a plan to go undefeated, and we won’t be happy until that feat has been accomplished.”
Krow has the #4 overall pick this year. Our mock has him taking Matt Stafford, but who knows with the Polar Bears new philosophy what type of player that means exactly.

2012 TLI Two Round Mock Draft

2012-08-27T14:34:00.001-07:00

The intriguing part about doing a mock draft going into TLI’s 10th anniversary is the fact that 1-In a league filled with guys that thrive on over thinking every situation, a keeper format will change every single coach’s drafting style in a big way and 2-I have done zero fantasy research and spoken to next to no one about their picks, which should make for a mess of a first mock. All that being said, let me kick off the first ever official TLI Keeper Mock Draft:

Round 1:

Dallas Dinosaurs-Aaron Rodgers (Not even E could talk himself out of this)
Highland Park Hitmen-Tom Brady (Hopefully putting the Hitmen’s terrible QB play behind them)
Lawyer’s of Lumberton-Drew Brees (Bad pick)
Polar Bears of PA-Cameron Newton (Will be a bad pick no matter what)
DC Conspiracy-Matt Stafford (Thankfully can’t overthink and throw this pick away)
Agency of Morgantown-Matt Ryan (Getting consistently better with great pocket presence)
Austin Artillerymen-Ray Rice (Bell cow run first coach get’s his type of guy)
Denver Chieftans-Arian Foster (Love for following on Twitter finally gets the QB first coach off his horse)
Grassland Snakkkkes-Calvin Johnson (Loves picking top players at their position for optimal)
BC Boozehounds-Michael Vick (Too much potential to pass on)

Round 2:

BC Boozehounds-Chris Johnson (Delusional Titans fan blows a pick)
Grassland Snakkkes-Eli Manning (Week 1 projected has him #6 overall)
Denver Chieftans-Darren McFadden (Showing he no longer enjoys the QB picks since it got popular)
Austin Artillerymen-LeSean McCoy (RB guru setting himself up for to go back to the glory years of winning championships with terrible QB’s)
Agency of Morgantown-Maurice Jones-Drew (High character guy playing for a low character coach)
DC Conspiracy-Tony Romo (Literally can’t get away from his obsession with this guy)
Polar Bears of PA-Wes Welker (Taking a flyer that he hasn’t lost a step)
Lawyers of Lumberton-Rob Gronkowski (Hoping to claim he is a “Hartley Guy” having him for year 2)
Highland Park Hitmen-Adrian Peterson (Showing the world he doesn’t care about injury reports)
Dallas Dinosaurs-Darren Sproles (Affinity for his efforts last year brings him back for a second run)

Draft Outlook: Highland Park Hitmen

2012-08-27T14:33:00.001-07:00

2011 Record: 5-8

2011 Bel-Cow: Ray Rice

2012 Pick: #2

Mock Selection: Tom Brady

NFL Head Coach Comparison: Jim Harbaugh

2012 Outlook

In every league there was one person that got hit in a hard way by Peyton Manning not playing all year. To make matters worse, the Colts refused to put him on the IR. Because of that, Manning not only did not play a game, but he took up a roster space all year long. The HPH led by Dorry Krow were the unlucky representatives of TLI in the fantasy world that got crushed by not having Manning. In a QB heavy league, losing a first round pick is hard to bounce back from. It didn’t help that he followed that pick up with the disappointing Josh Freeman in the QB2 hole. Fortunately for Krow, he was on the receiving end of the “Tebow Magic,” which really was based around the fact that he could not pass, and was forced to run every time the Broncos were on the goal line.
Krow has a reputation that he embraces as a build through the draft guy. He wants no parts of trades and believes in standing by the roster he selected, no matter how good or bad his team is performing. He has done a nice job in his first two years with late round QB picks, with Michael Vick in 2010 then Tebow in 2011. A known lover of the RB heavy system, he has always had a solid run game.
With the new keeper format and the #2 pick, expect Krow to build around a favorite of his in Tom Brady. Brady will bring the much needed stability at the QB position to build around, effectively opening up his focus on the ground game in round two with one of his all time love/hate relationship RB’s, Matt Forte. I would expect Krow to fire back in the third with a WR or top TE, then polishing it off with his patented fourth round QB2 selection.
Coming to the draft via a webcast, one would wonder if Krow will be able to focus on what is important, or if outside distractions will get the best of him.

Draft Outlook: Dallas Bunnies

2012-08-27T14:32:00.005-07:00

2011 Record: 7-6 (League Champion)

2011 Bel-Cow: Arian Foster

2012 Pick: #1 Overall

Mock Selection: Aaron Rodgers

NFL Head Coach Comparison: Mike Tomlin

2012 Outlook

Coming off his first league championship, Coach Eric Easterly and the Dallas Bunnies are as hot as ever. Always being known as a coach that would find a way to manage his team out of contention, Easterly went back to the drawing board, tweaked his strategy and it has paid huge dividends. I would compare The Bunnies relationship with the Polar Bears of PA like the Phillies and Astros of the MLB. The Bunnies utilize the worst team in the league as a farm system, taking the few good players off his roster to bolster his own.
One thing the fantasy world has learned is that Easterly is an emotional coach that will make rash decisions that come under fire by his peers, but ultimately appear to work out more times than not. His player’s love playing for him because of it and few get more out of the talent they have.
I expect Easterly and the Bunnies to build off their 2011 success by handing the reigns to Aaron Rodgers for the next five years. Look for E to start with A-Rod, build up his backfield that have made him so successful the last few years with his back to back selections in the 2nd and 3rd, then fire back to round out the heart of his roster with a TE/WR in the 4th and 5th. One thing that is guaranteed on a Dallas Bunnies team is a stout backfield that usually consists of a TD producing bell cow, along with a shifty change of pace back that combines 5 catches a game with about 60 yards rushing and a TD. The biggest question marks that come with coach Easterly is his inability to stay focused for long periods of time, and his obsession with spiting whichever coach is drafting next by trying to guess whoever they would draft. Ultimately, that could end up working to his advantage, especially when he is drafting by Coach Kevin Hartley, a self-proclaimed great talent evaluator in his own right.
Handing the reigns to Rodgers will be the perfect start to solidify the most important fantasy position. When it’s all said and done, expect Easterly to be a strong candidate to pull off the first repeat in TLI history.

2012 Outlook: New York City

2012-08-27T14:32:00.002-07:00

written by: Dan Krow

Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday. Before I go outside to do my weekend yardwork, I thought I would blast out an email letting everyone know what I’m looking forward to from each, along with what I’m not looking forward to: