To Write a Better Story

Pizza, Eye Doctors & Ear Muffs - Finance Friday

2012-02-24T09:00:00.000-06:00

In the last few weeks it's become evident that my attitude has certainly turned a corner
and I gotta tell ya;
perspective makes all the difference in the world.
(Can I get an Amen?)

Oh, don't get me wrong - you still hafta walk the looooooong road to get where you're going.

I'd like to think we can magically get over our hurts/pain/frustrations/hurdles
but we can't.

What we should do is learn to be more appreciative of the process.
Process. What an ugly, little, necessary word.

It's Finance Friday on To Write a Better Story. The day I dedicate my blog to our journey into the depths of poverty, how we cope, how I've come to grips with my situation and what we're doing to get out of it.

Here's 3 quick stories from our Tribe:

1. I never take my kids shopping. They don't know what it's like to step into a dressing room, try on sizes, pick out colors and shop. If my kids need something, they usually let me know and I will pick it up for them when I can (unless Grandma is nearby - what a life$aver). This is because a.) I have 5 kids and b.) I have no shopping money. That being said, my little twins have been asking me for well over 3 months for earmuffs. I, watching the clearance rack at my part-time retail job, finally scored the last 2 pair in the store. They were $2.30 each - my 15% employee discount. That = a deal I couldn't pass up! That was over a week ago and my twins literally cannot stop wearing the earmuffs.; outside, inside, at school, while watching T.V. and (as you can see) while reading at the kitchen table. Never, in my life have a spent a better $4 bucks. They love the earmuffs. And that warms my heart.

2. It was time for my big son's annual eye check up. As a 6'3" 13 year old it looked kinda strange that I would accompany such a strapping fella into the exam but truth is (don't tell him) he still needs his mommy. Sure enough he needed new glasses and together we picked out a pair from the 6 he gets to choose from as a State of IL KidCare recipient. Behind us all the sparkly, shiny, fancy glasses were arranged but those we're not options for us. Thankfully he's never asked me why. However, today I needed to do some investigating into the cost of getting him a pair of prescription sports glasses. He survived basketball with his regular glasses but with baseball season on the horizon I knew it was time to check into a safer option for him. With the help of the optometrist E tried on a variety of glasses. I watched him become attached to the 'cool' glasses and felt a little twinge of dread develop in the pit of my stomach. I reminded him we were just here to look. I left with an estimate in my hand and a prayer on my heart. $175 for frames + $102 for clear poly lens or + $186 poly transitional lens (for outside sports) = a lot of money. The optometrist said they have payment plans. I thanked her and promptly exited the store.

3. Our schedule in this season of our life is ridiculously hectic and family meals are practically extinct. Take Wednesday, for example. The twins were off to their lil church program (with a complimentary dinner). Darling hubby had an away basketball game (coaching) and I was happy to settle for leftovers for my dinner but the 3 big kids were facing a meal of cereal or mac n cheese (as they have an overzealous hostility for rewarmed food). Usually quick dinners don't bother me but on this day I felt one more moment of disconnectedness was too much for the dynamics of our relationships. I anticipated everyone would make their own food, disappear to their own corners with their own screens and never would a meaningful exchange take place. And I wasn't about to cook. Heck, the kitchen was still dirty from last nights dinner's explosion ... So, I did what I never do. I took 'em out for pizza. I even let them order pop (overpriced highway robbery fountain machines, blast you!). Yet I bought more than their food that night. I bought time. Time for us to be in the same space, not be interrupted by the loud, little kids or homework or television or ... It cost me $38 dollars (do you know how much food I could buy for our pantry for $38 dollars!?!?!?) but I choose to let the bill go and I choose them. And never, I mean never, have you seen more appreciative kids. I was hugged and thanked as if I'd just given them a trip to Disney.

the 3 big kids after Pizza - think they bonded?!?

I'm not kidding.
Which leads me to believe that the old saying is true:
You really can't appreciate something until you don't have it anymore.

Ear Muffs.
Eye Doctors
and Pizza.

It's Finance Friday, friends. Thanks for reading my blog!

Re-Occurring Characters

2012-02-23T09:00:00.000-06:00

My motto is that my life is a story. And it's my desire that it be a good one. However and unfortunately that means it must have drama. I mean nobody loves a book/movie or story about a woman who lives happily ever after. She must overcome evil or triumph over her past or mend a shattered heart with a new lover.
These
settings, plots, themes and conflicts
are the elements of a good story.

And certainly my story has had
heartbreak
and joy
and laughter
and betrayal
and highs
and lows
and twists
and turns.

Who's doesn't right?

In addition, every story must have characters. Good stories have characters that we love or love to hate. But they are people that connect to us, draw us in and make us feel emotional. Every story needs characters.

If my life were a book right now, and you were my reader you would have met and fallen in love with my story's most popular reoccurring characters: The Gelhars.

The Gelhars are an amazing couple. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. It's been 20 years since we first met and none of us knew then that we were to become lifelong friends.

But beyond time and space, distance and diversions, heartaches and drama
these two have faithfully remained in our life.

I'm writing a better story with my life. And it's partly because of them.
Their love
support
kindness
gentleness
wisdom
generosity
and love of coffee
have made my story better. They haven't done any one thing that makes them stand out from any other character, they just simply and humbly pop up in a chapter every now and again. And every time they do the story just keeps getting better and better.

Thanks Gelhars.
Our story wouldn't be the same without you!

1995

2010

Who are the characters in your story? Would a reader love them? Hate them? Are you ok with what kind of drama they bring into your story? If not what can you do about it? If yes! Make them a reoccurring character!

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Presence and Pink Dinosaurs

2012-02-21T09:00:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I really hate it when I get a good idea. Why? Because having an idea or solution is much different from implementing one. Like I need one more thing to do on my plate!

I was inspired by a tweet this week I saw from a mother who was going to try to be absolutely mentally present for her children for the day. As I am a mother to five children this touched my heart as I am well aware that I often give some of my attention to some of my kids but never all of my attention to all of my kids. I mean how could I? It's not only impossible it's unsustainable. But for one day I was going to try.

For me, this meant I would determine to look into my children's faces when they talked to me, listen to all that they had to say without rushing them and answer any questions or requests immediately as opposed to promising I'd get back to them later.

And while I'd like to astound you with the details of how amazing it was, that would be a lie. It wasn't totally amazing. It was mostly exhausting.

But, it was completely worth it.

First, I know beyond any doubt that I connected with my kids. We didn't orbit around each other in our home. We connected. We engaged. We lived with each other instead of near each other. This experiment didn't require me to go to any special feats, I didn't plan a special meal or call a family meeting. I simply decided to engage myself into every little interaction and it was surprisingly effective. The windows of conversation had been opened! It is as if recognizing an opportunity encouraged my children to share.

And share they did. Some might even call it over-sharing but I didn't mind. I learned about every detail of every subject they were studying. I was impressed with the random facts they (and I) learned and we had an impressively in depth conversation about the color of dinosaurs. You see, my second grader is convinced that while scientists can surmise the size of the extinct creatures from fossils she argues that without proof of their exteriors we can't be sure dinosaurs weren't purple and pink.

Never in a normal day would I have taken the time to entertain such a random thought! But since deciding to be present in her moment I was in awe with her ability to articulate her logical thinking. I fear I would have missed this moment under normal circumstances as I usually half listen while shooting off an email, cooking dinner or making tomorrows to do list. Instead I sat down. Looked into her eyes and listened. What a moment we shared! My heart was brimming as I watched her expressions. It was brilliant! She's brilliant! I swear I re-fell in love with her in that very moment.

But don't hand over that Mother-of-the-Year Award yet!

Recently (and certainly adversely) my oldest son was on his way out the door. I called to him, "Where are you going?" He answered and expressed frustration that I had stopped him to inquire. Not to take attitude from a teenager, I became angry too and did not allow him to leave. He was very upset with me and the situation escalated quickly. As he argued he insisted I had already given him permission to go but I didn't remember him asking.

I got a sinking feeling in my stomach that he was telling me the truth. I hadn't listened to him when he asked. I was so preoccupied or un-present when he approached me that I don't even remember exchanging words with him.

What kind of mother am I?

Parenting is hands down one of the most demanding jobs on the planet. Little people growing up into big people needing us, wanting us, requiring us to shape them and send them off. Quite honestly it's exhausting. I often feel like the day is successful if all the kids are fed, home and tucked in bed at the end of the day. But how many blessed moments am I missing when I live each day in survival mode? Sure every moment of every day can't be intense. The demands of life require us to do the best we can with what we have, but I will not let the habit of cruising through life steal one more moment from me. I may have fell into bed the night of my ‘being present’ experience utterly exhausted, but I was also grinning from ear to ear. Because I can do better. We all can. And because maybe dinosaurs were pink. Why? Because I'm the mom and I said so! That's why!

(This article appears as a part of my weekly Practical Parenting series for The Monmouth Daily Review Atlas)

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Menu Monday

2012-02-20T10:06:00.001-06:00

Felt good to get at the stove again
and cut stuff
and dice stuff
and broil meat.

Ah! When I have time to cook it's like my outlet for creativity.
I love it when I collect a recipe (Pinterest!! follow me!!), cook food and plate it up only to have my family be nourished and happy.
Ah, nurturing. I can't get away from it.
Anyway ... this is what was on our menu this week!

Monday
Jumbo Shells n Cheese w Best Ever Garlic Bread
(slice sweet bread and smoother with equal parts butter & mayo, sprinkle with garlic powder & italian seasoning and broil!)

Tuesday
Perfect Restaraunt Steak with Baked Potato and Spinach Salad
(FYI it was NOT the perfect steak. I'll stick to my Foreman Grill next time!)

Wednesday
YoYo your on your own

Thursday
Chicken Patty Cordon Blue Sandwiches with Macaroni and Cheese

Friday
Chili and Hot Dogs, Corn Bread & Chips
(Thank you KG as Brooks Beans DO make all the difference in the world!)

Saturday
Chicken Supreme, Mashed Potatoes, Green Bean Casserole and Butter Corn
(my version: boneless chicken in pan, slap on a slice of swiss cheese, cover with cream of mushroom soup and top with 1 stick of butter melted and mixed with 1 box of Stove Top, bake 350 for 40 minutes)

gluttony in a pan right here folks!

Also! After searching high and low I found and made the most addicting snack ev-ah! Frito Nachos! (I added chocolate chips, DUH!)

*If you love to collect recipes and are tired of the same old boring stuff go visit organizedjunkie.com! I love all the link ups!

If you enjoy my blog would you please

the love? Please and Thank You!

Oh Happy Day

2012-02-15T21:13:00.001-06:00

Friends make the world a better place
And
Friends who think your blog is worth sharing with their friends are like gold!

Today I:
* Met a lovely psychology professor from Monmouth College who complimented my Practical Parenting article on failure and learning. She said she cut it out for her students!!!

**Had a friend share my shuttle van blog entry on her Facebook page!!!

***My Practical Parenting blog was picked up by SmartBeginnings and published in their little virtual paper!!

**Got 3 brand new commenters on my blog!!

**My friend in the UK read my blog for the first time and share it on her Facebook page!!!

And all of it means over 107 views on my blog today alone!
An all time high!

Today I set up AdSense (could I really make money at this??)
And splurged! I bought this BlogPost app (I've never paid for an app) so I can blog effectively from my iPad!

What do ya think?
Good day?

If you've shared my blog, supported me, offered me a compliment, hit forward or tweeted To Write A Better Story I thank you!

So much!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Can I get a Ride?

2012-02-15T09:00:00.000-06:00

This is me

This is The Tribe

And this is our Van

which is better than this

(this is a real van in my really small town that really often parks next to me at the really cheap grocery store)
Everyday I load it up and do the morning run!
The morning run consists putting my 3 littlest kids in the van,
picking up the neighbor girls
and driving around town until I've dropped every last one of 'em off.
This is my route.

I. Go. The. Same. Way. Every. Day....
Coffee in hand
backpacks, lunch boxes and children in tow.
Yesterday, however, my mundane morning was rudely interrupted.
A taxi cab followed me to drop off location number 1
But no children got out.
Hmmm, interesting.
The taxi cab followed me to drop off location number 2.
And again, he had no children with him.
Finally, and quite concernedly, the taxi followed me to
our final destination aka drop off location number 3
and he parked next to me in the back of the building.
Somewhat alarmed and completely hesitant
I acted like I didn't see him.
But he was having none of that.
He got out of his cab and rapped on my passenger side window.
I cracked the window and asked "Can I help you?"
What follows is the actual conversation that ensued.
Cab Guy: Yeah, I was wonderin' how'd you get that job?
Me: Excuse me? What job?
Cab Guy: This job! I want the school district to contract me to drop kids off at school.
Me: Buddy, these are my kids!
Cab: But you go to every school!
Me: Yep, I take my kids to school.
Cab: Well I'm looking for some work.
Me: I can't help you fella. These are my kids.
Cab: But I noticed another blue van drops off at every school too.
Me: I don't know about that! Like I said, these are my kids!
Cab: Whodoya think I should call?
Me: Listen up. Nobody pays me. This isn't a shuttle van. It's my van. These are my kids.
Cab: (extended silence) Huh?
This is my life folks. I ain't makin' this stuff up.
(sigh)

**addendum, upon telling this story to the lovely secretaries at my school I was asked in complete sincerity if I'd ever consider adding her kids to my route. sure K! why not?!? :)

Learning to Fail

2012-02-14T15:00:00.000-06:00

I send my kids to school for two main reasons. Primarily it gets them out of my hair. Their formal education has been the salvation to my sanity. Sending my kids to school is (I'm slightly embarrassed to admit) a respite for myself and a gazillion other moms. Also, it's where they learn. And learning is good.

But unfortunately learning doesn't happen by osmosis. I've spent more than the average American mother giving birth and raising babies but that doesn't make me an obstritrician or pediatrician. Likewise, sending my kids into a school building everyday isn't going to make them smart either. Work must be done. Teaching must take place and encouragement must ensue because education isn't magic.

The physicist Niels Bohr once defined an expert as “a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.” Bohr’s quip summarizes one of the essential lessons of learning, which is that people learn how to get it right by getting it wrong again and again. So in other words, if he's right I’m sending my kids to school so that they can get it wrong.

Doesn't that sound like the exact opposite of "No Child Left Behind" where schools and teachers are rewarded for how many correct answers their students get? Could Bohr be onto something? Is education and wisdom wrung from failure?

A study done by Carol Dweck emphasizes that it is not only the quality of education a child receives that impacts his or her ability to learn. What a student believes about his ability to learn plays a very important role as well.

Dweck of Columbia University conducted a student in twelve different New York City schools involving more than 400 fifth graders. She gave the students a relatively east test consisting of nonverbal puzzles. Upon completion of the test the students were told their score and were given a single line of praise. Half of the kids were praised for their intelligence. "You must be smart at this," while the other students were praised for their effort: "You must have worked really hard."

The students were then administered another test, this one of their choosing. The first test was described as a more difficult set of puzzles, but the kids were told that they would learn more from trying. The second option was a test that was significantly easier and similar to the test they'd just finished.

Dweck was astounded how the different forms of praise affected the student's choice of tests. Almost 90% of the children who were praised for their effort choose to take the more difficult test. However, the children who had been praised for their intelligence went for the easier test. Could the form of praise really make that significant of a difference? According to Dweck, yes. Praising kids for intelligence encourages them to "look" smart which means they won't risk making a mistake and looking dumb.

Next Dweck gave the same fifth graders another test this one extremely difficult. She wanted to see how the students would now respond to a challenge. The kids who were initially praised for their effort worked hard at figuring out the new, eighth grade level puzzles. The students praised for their smarts were easily discouraged viewing their mistakes as a sign of failure contemplating maybe they weren't as smart as they thought they were.

Upon completion of the test the two groups of students were given a chance to look at the exams of the other students. Students praised for their intelligence almost always choose to view the tests of students who did worse then did, thus bolstering their self esteem. The kids praised for their hard work? You guessed it! They were more interested in viewing the kids’ tests that did better than they did indicating they desired to learn from their mistakes so they would know how to do better.

What does this mean for us as parents? Do we tell our kids they are smart so they will believe it or should we compliment their attempts at learning to boost their confidence? I'm no psychologist by any means, but even I can see that it is important for us to let our kids have a chance to learn for themselves. As I have worked with PreK families for over 16 years, I have observed countless number of well meaning parents complete puzzles for their toddlers, color for their kids and give an answer by counting for the child.

Learning is not and will never be a spectator sport. Your child will not understand how to do a puzzle by watching you show them. They will only learn how to do a puzzle when the weight of the piece is in their hand, their eyes measure the spacial relationship and their brain calculates which way to turn their wrist in comparison the other pieces already aligned in front of them. It is a very tricky neurological process.

Listen, our kids are smart. However, if Dweck is right and if how I respond to my kid's intelligence can help or hinder their attempts at future learning why would I not weigh every word that comes out of mouth with great measure? What a challenge this would be for me on report card day. Dare I praise all the A's or congratulate the very hard fought well earned B? All I know is this; I want my kids to want to try. And if that means allowing failure first and success second, well that will have to be a test I learn to live with. Why? Because I'm the mom and I said so! That's why!

*This article appears as a part of my weekly Practical Parenting series for The Monmouth Daily Review Atlas

20 years of Love

2012-02-14T10:52:00.003-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today's blog is dedicated to my husband of (almost) 20 years.

And while you might expect a blog dedicated to him today because of the Love Holiday, I write today as my gift to him.

I share my words so freely on my blog
and in the paper
for whoever will read it but rarely
have I ever
saved, written and dedicated every one of my words to
the man of my dreams.

And while you might expect I would call my husband the man of my dreams because this blog is dedicated to him

I really mean that.
I mean, I really mean it.

Aaron is the man of my dreams. He has and continues to love me very well.
He adores me
likes me
is friends me
makes my coffee the way I like it
knows how to wake me up in the morning
and says he can't sleep in our bed without me.

He keeps me in consideration in all he does.
He includes me because he wants me near.

He's brave and tough and so smart.
He's a dreamer with the gumption to pursue his hearts desire.

He is a gentle and loving father
and every time he kisses our girls on the head my heart swells with joy.

He makes me believe that my success is a source of his joy. (see last years Valentine's gift)

It's easy to love Aaron.
I'm quite smitten actually.

On this Valentine's Day it's not about the flowers, dinners out or weekend excursions. On this day we celebrate love. 20 years of it. On this Valentine's Day and for every one we've yet to have together my darling, I celebrate you.

Aaron, will you be my Valentine?

Menu Monday

2012-02-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

Are you cooking this week?
Why not?
There are so many easy to throw together recipes that you're family will love (well, will probably love). You can nourish your family, bring the kids round the table, have some actual real life no texting required conversations and it doesn't have to cost you an arm and a leg or an entire night cooking in the kitchen!

How do I know?
Cuz I do it.
And it's not like I'm home all day. I'm totally not.
Trust me, it can be done.
You can fill your crock pot, oven and pantry with items that come together in a snap!
Don't have the time?
Steal my menu.
I'm serious! Do it! You can take all my hard work and totally glean from it! All you gotta do is go get the ingredients. Everything is planned for you right here! It's Menu Monday folks! Get cookin'!

plainchicken.com

Monday - Appetizer Night
Bitty Burgers, Buffalo Chicken Soup, Mozzarella Stix and Pepperoni Roll Ups
BB=tiny burgers cook in half the time on the Foreman grill served on Sweet Hawiian bread (for the soup I pulled chicken out of the freezer. I always always make more meat than I need for exact cases like this!)

Tuesday
Meatball Sub Sandwiches & Seasoned French Fries
(forget Subway frozen meatballs simmered in your fav sauce is da-cheaperBomb!)

Wednesday
Crock Pot Roast with oven roasted potatoes and carrots with Grands biscuits
(I always make an extra large roast and save the leftovers)

Thursday
YoYo
(your on your own aka leftover night)

Friday
Sweet Bread Hot Ham and Cheese Sub sandwiches and homemade Chicken Noodle Soup

pillsbury.com

Saturday
Pillsbury Grands Taco Melts with lettuce, chips and cheese dip

Also this week I made Bugel Mix for a satisfying after school snack, box mix cupcakes with homemade butter cream icing and Monster Cookies (easiest recipe ev-ah! plus I u$e Sav-A-Lot generic package mixes)

please give me some Twitter love &

check out this awesome website too for more Menu ideas:

The (Former) Un-Happy Non-Consumer, Finance Friday

2012-02-10T11:31:00.003-06:00

There is a HUGE nonconsumer movement happening.
Some call it minimalism,
others green living

but no matter what label you give it, there is an army of people making decisions to spend their money less and enjoying life more.
Take @thenonconsumer - a very thrifty gal I follow in Twitter.

Her blog is an awesome compilation of savings tips and thrifty inspiration. Her motto:

Use it up. Wear it out. Make Do. Or do without.

I like it. Has a nice ring, yeah? She's totally making having little look cool.

I, too, am living a nonconsumer lifestyle.
But I've not been one to brag about it or embrace it!
Why?
Because thrifty living was thrust upon me - I didn't choose it, it choose me.

And for anybody who knows me well knows I'm a bit of a contrarian (meaning my very core baulks whenever I am forced or expected to do/feel/or say something).

I want to be free to speak my mind. (I lost my voice for a few years)
I want to be free to do what I want (mothering 5 kids was an adjustment for me)
I like feeling free to make my own choices (what do you mean this town only has one grocery store!?!)
I want to feel like I am conducting my life, not the other way around.

So when life didn't go the way I had planned (can we say way off course?) I lived in the land of tears and frustration.

Determined to learn from this experience rather than cave to it
required an awful lot of soul searching
journal-ing
and blogging

and I think I finally found the source of my discontentment
the main nerve
the nail on the head ... (and without expensive therapy thankyouverymuch)

I wasn't struggling because of our financial situation
I was struggling because of the lack of freedom I had because of our financial situation.

I didn't care that I didn't have a brand name bag.
I cared that I couldn't buy one if I wanted one.
I didn't want to go on a cruise
I was angry because I couldn't go.
I don't need another sweater, but I was mad that I couldn't buy one if I did.

get what I'm sayin'?

The core of my dissatisfaction wasn't in what I didn't own, it was that I wasn't free to own whatever I wanted.

I felt like a slave to numbers that were missing from our check book.
And, as I mentioned, I don't do well with restrictions.

So that's my confession this Finance Friday. And I gotta tell ya ... it's like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. It was a personal light bulb moment for me. And I needed it. I needed to understand the source of my frustration so that I could learn
grow
deal
with it like a grownup
instead of a sulky teenager.

So whether or not I found myself a volunteer for the minimalist movement is irrelevant. I'm in it. And I'll be dammed if I struggle against it one minute longer than I have to. It's Friday, friends. Finance Friday. Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

In Case Pinterest Frustrates You ...

2012-02-09T10:07:00.001-06:00

If you, like me are crafty but skill-less when it comes to crafts
Pinterest is a LOVE/HATE relationship.

I LOVE to look and dream of crafting
but
I never will.

Maybe because I got 5 kids
4 part time jobs
meals to cook
blogs to write
& laundry to do
or maybe it's because the nearest craft store is over 18 miles away.

Either way I would craft if I could

but I don't.

Instead for me, looking at Pinterest -with a holiday like Valentines Day- approaching is
frustrating.

I mean, it's torture to dream about making such cute things
when you know full well you'll never make it.

So this is what I did.

My home is decorated with a
Pinterest-meets-Kindergarten look.

I collected material;
pink, white, paper, string, yarns, stickers .... you name it I collected it
and
arranged it in the middle of my dining room table.

My kid's interest was piqued.
"What do we make with this?" they asked
"Anything you want" I said.
"But what should we make?" they pressed
"Anything at all! Anything you want" I said.
"But what's it supposed to look like?" they asked
"Use your imagination" I said. "Make anything! A garland, a valentine, a love note a wall decoration, a bookmark! The possibilities are endless."
And off they went to creating!

So just when I was about to write off Pinterest for frustrating me, it turns out it inspired me! Now our home is decorated for the holiday and while my floors are covered with glitter, sequins and tiny scraps of paper, my children are happy, their imaginations soared and Valentines Day is all the more special because they helped make it special. Not me.

How about you? How can you get your kids involved in making holidays special? And try letting them make what they can dream of! No project oriented crafts but free creative creations! What a great way to let the imaginations soar!

My Sideline Commentary

2012-02-07T11:17:00.002-06:00

I'm a little shy to admit this and I hope you take me at my word, but I've developed quite a severe case of bleacher butt. You see, I've sat on more than my fair share of the cold, flat, uncomfortable bleachers as my kids get first downs, shoot hoops, swing away and spike the ball. But it's my own fault as I've always encouraged my kids to play sports. I think it's good for them to be a part of a team, try their hand at a new skill and make new friends. But it's not all fun and games unfortunately. Just as I've seen the benefits of playing sports there is also a downside. Every coin has two sides doesn't it?

Sadly, the good ol' days of friendly neighborhood pick up games are gone and the only opportunity my child has to play in a game is on a structured and organized team. That means league play, competition and conference match ups. And whenever you have competition you have fans, fans who cheer and unfortunately jeer. Nothing ruins the fun like a foul mouthed, over demanding parent with unrealistic expectations on their child, the ref or the coaches.

Have we forgotten referees are employed to judge the game? That means they use their judgment, not yours to make the calls. You sit on the sidelines. They are on the playing field. You can be assured they will literally see things from a different point of view. In all my years of bleacher sitting I've never once overheard a fan say, "Boy, that referee was fantastic!” Usually, both the winning and losing team leave the game frustrated. You can count on the umpires to accuse your team of being out of time, over the line and off sides. But guess what? It will be ok. You don't have to come unglued and have a coronary for disagreeing with a call. Let's let them make their judgments and we can be free to understand that is part of the game.

After the referees, the coaches are the most vilified person in the game. This has always confused me since coaches give up amazing amounts of time, energy and talents for your kid. And they don't get paid nearly enough if they get paid at all. Many of these courageous men and women coach because they have a servant’s heart. They desire to help, encourage and be a positive role model for a generation dying for mentors. So to sit on the sidelines and criticize the individual you’ve allowed to shape your child's talent and attitude is the ultimate definition of counter productivity. If you can do a better job, by all means volunteer next season and you can lead the team to a perfect season.

Except that you'll never be able to coach a perfect team in a perfect season. Why? Because we're talking about children. Chances are the same kid, who can't remember to put the milk away and his socks in the hamper, is probably not going to be the next child prodigy athlete. Despite your shouting from the bleachers, kids won't remember the play, even though they've run it all year. They will swing at bad balls and make terrible passes. I've never been able to understand the parent who, as soon as the game is over, greets their kids with nothing more than criticism and disdain. I want to interrupt the barrage of insults and remind the adult that they are talking to a child! Have they just endured an entire game from the bleachers so that they can be the loudest voice of discouragement in their child’s life?

But this is not to say we're unrealistic about our children's ability. If my kid never hits the ball (and he hasn't) or gets off the bench (been there done that) I make no excuses for him. The last thing my son needs is for me to puff him up unrealistically. Likewise I won't blame the coach, the weather, the umpire or the other team. My kid struck out. Kids strike out. It's ok to strike out. It's ok if he is not the greatest every time in every sport. We play to learn the game, and be a part of a team and have fun. Josh Hamilton, famous Texas Ranger outfielder once said, "Baseball is a game of failure. You can't expect to succeed every time you go to the plate, or strike out every batter, or throw out every base runner. Accepting failure is a tough thing to do. Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes you must fight the urge of perfectionism." I think players and parents of players would do well to heed his advice.

Listen, I know there are bad coaches and terrible referees out there. I know there are super fans and sore losers. I wish every team experience was a positive one but I know that is not possible. Instead I believe it's the responsibility of parents to support and cheer for their team and offer appropriate encouragement or criticism when absolutely necessary. Playing on a team should be a fun and learning experience for everyone. Even for those of us watching from the bleachers. Why? Because I'm the mom and I said so! That's why!

(This article appears in The Daily Review Atlas as a part of my weekly Practical Parenting Series)

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Menu Monday

2012-02-06T09:00:00.000-06:00

I love food. I love food so much. I love good food. I love when I cook good food. I love good food at breakfast! Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. I could eat biscuits and gravy, pancakes and omelets, cinnamon rolls and quiches E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y.

So not kidding.
So menu planning for me....well (dork alert!) ... I sorta enjoy it. I just simply don't want to eat bad food. I don't want to cook something for the sake of cooking something. I'd rather not eat than eat bad food. Gosh, I sound like a food snob don't I? Well, I probably am.

So some of you ask me "How do you do a menu so faithfully?" Well, I do it so I can eat good food. AND I do it because I hate the grocery store. I only want to go there one day a week, get everything I need and be done with it.

This week to save time I cooked taco soup, casserole and the chicken dinner on Sunday afternoon. It took a good hour but it was worth it because turns out our family schedule was INSANE this week. Maybe you'll be inspired to cook good food too! It's not hard! It just takes some good recipes, fresh ingredients and practice! Go on! Make something in your kitchen!

Here's my Menu:

Sunday
Crock pot taco soup

Monday
Italian Hamburger Casserole (thanks L.R.)

Tuesday
Sage Chicken & Sausage, Roasted Red Potatoes, Corn & Grands Biscuits
(Red Potatoes- washed, diced tossed with 1 or 2 TableSp olive oil. Sprinkle generously with your favorite seasoning. Baked on greased pan till fork tender.)

Wednesday
Leftovers (man did we have a lot! The first 3 recipes made a TON! Yeah!)

Thursday
Ham & Cheesy Potatoes with Biscuits

Friday
Campbell's Chicken Enchiladas with Rice and Beans
(I bought a Rotisserie Chicken deboned it and froze the meat for snap preparation!)

Saturday
Ribeye Steaks, Baked Potatoes and Steamed Broccoli

I also made:
Crecent Rolls Breakfast Casserole
Sorta Monkey Bread
Oatmeal Scotchie Cookies
Frozen Hot Chocolate

Lessons in Greater Than & Equals Finance Friday

2012-02-03T09:00:00.000-06:00

I was working one night at the store when my boss asked me a little more about my story.
"Your husband is a student?"
"Yes, full time"
"He doesn't work?"
"No he does has found some great side jobs as ..."
"Oh, that's right! A coach."
"Yep!"
"And you have five kids?"
"Uh-huh!"
She: stares at me with a tilty head as if computing my hourly wage versus your standard cost of living expenses.
Me: smiles and continues working my mad customer service skills.

Later as it's just her and I closing up the store boss says,
"Not to be personal but how do you make it with a family your size?"
Thinking that was pretty personal I smiled and answered "Well, things are pretty thin right now. G'night"

Lemme tell ya something! You'd be amazed at what you can live without. Even at our lowest since-before-I-had-kids-income-level I still have more, much more than many people.
But just incase you too wonder how we do it. Watch:

our INCOME = our Living Expenses

our Living Expenses are not > than our INCOME

What qualifies as Living Expenses?

mortgage
food
electricity
gas
water
phone
insurance
internet

What our Living Expenses are NOT:

going out to eat
clothes
purses
scarves (sigh)
accessories
movies
dates
vacations
car payments
credit card bills
manicures
pedicures
hair cuts
golf memberships
cable or digital t.v.
concession stand food
updating our computers
updating our phones
sports gear
team photos
Starbucks
books
toys
dance class
piano lessons
swimming lessons
or in other words, basically we don't consume, buy or rent anything extra.

We do we have?
A warm home, healthy kids and lots of free fun!
We have love.
And for us, for now
that's enough.
In fact, it's more than enough.

Sure someday our INCOME will be > than my Living Expenses.
But I don't think at the end of this race the one with the most money wins.
It's not important to me to make money so much as it is to make memories.

I don't blame my boss for her amazement as she peers into our lives from her little window outside my life. Really! How could she understand we have enough? More than enough?

What about you? Think you don't have a penny to spare? Disappointed that you're not saving every month? I have a radical idea. Stop spending money. Cut out the shopping and eating out and entertainment. If you did that for 30 days, how much money could you sock away in savings?

The Party Parable

2012-02-01T11:08:00.001-06:00

(image from here)

It was the most special time of the year. It was time for the annual Holiday.

People from all over the world gathered with friends and family to have great celebrations on this day. No one worked on the Holiday and children did not attend school. No matter your race or religion, no mind if you were single, married, young or old, everybody looked forward to celebrating the Holiday. There were parties, fireworks, special feasts, many flowers and parades for the Holiday.

But for one woman the Holiday was not going to be very special.
She did not have many friends.
No one sent her Holiday greetings.
No friends invited her to a party.

She had no plans to celebrate the biggest Holiday of the year.
She had no plans to be merry.

Sad that a most important day would pass uncelebrated, the woman developed a plan. Surely, she thought, there must be others like her. Other uninvited people with no plans to celebrate the Holiday. Maybe she mused, she could have a Holiday party and invite the uninvited.

So she sent out the invitations that read:

"If you were not invited to a Holiday party you are invited to my Holiday party. Please bring yourself, your family or any friends you may have who were also formerly uninvited."

Not knowing if anyone would actually come the woman watched anxiously for replies. Each day she would check her box for acceptance letters. At first no one replied to her invitation. Then she received two regrets, "Thank you for the invitation but we have other Holiday plans". Forlorn and sad the woman worried she would have no one with which she could celebrate the Holiday.

Nonetheless, she made preparations for her party. She planned a delicious menu, organized entertainment and cleaned her home preparing for guests she may not have.

Then one day a lone reservation came to her box. And then another. And even another. Before she knew it many different people accepted her invitation. She was thrilled! What an eclectic group of people she would hostess!

When the Holiday came everyone was in good spirits and gathered merrily around food and drink. Men shook hands and women whispered compliments. New friendships were made as the children scurried around nibbling on candies and chocolate cookies. Laughter rang from every corner of the house. The Holiday party of the uninvited was a smashing success!

You see at this party it didn't matter who you were, what you did, where you lived or what you believed. All that mattered was that you were invited. At the party everyone was included and that made everyone happy. Even the woman. For now didn't have just a few friends. The woman was very happy to have many friends.

Luke 14:7-15 "...he went on to tell a story. The next time you put on a dinner, don't just invite your friends and family and rich neighbors, the kind of people who will return the favor. Invite some people who never get invited out, the misfits from the wrong side of the tracks. You'll be -and experience- a blessing with great favor returned on you at the Great Banquet..." (excerpted and edited from The Message)

Just Say "No!"

2012-01-31T08:37:00.000-06:00

There is something wrong in the world. In the parenting world, that is. Parents everywhere are going against their gut instinct and giving kids relatively constant permission.

I think we are telling our kids "Yes" too much.
We let our kids wear us down. We give permission when we really want to deny them. Our kids protest and so we, the adults give in. We make rules and then we change them.

Why do we do this? And if we chronically say yes how will our kids ever deal with the day when someone tells them no? A college professor perhaps? Or a boss? You know, in the real world?

Who doesn't want their kids to be happy? I mean I've never asked a parent I've worked with what their dreams are for their child only to hear "I want them to be miserable". That would be silly. We all want our children to be happy and we want them to be happy with us. We want their little lives, from the time they are born until they leave our nest, to be one long string of happy memories. And that's very noble. I certainly want that for my kids as well. But isn't it unrealistic? Is our job as parents to make our kids as happy as possible or as prepared as possible? When did we come to believe the responsibility of their happiness should rest on our shoulders?

Also, let's admit it that we tell our kids "Yes" because it's easier on us. Observe the parent of a temper tantrum throwing toddler give in to her child's demands. The mom doesn't give in because she wants her child to be happy. Her child is being a brat. Mom doesn't really want to reward that behavior; she just wants the shenanigans to stop. Rather than deal with the kicking, screaming and embarrassing behavior she gives the kids a candy bar. It's easier to say, "Yes" to the demands of the child than let the temper tantrum run its course. It's easier and less embarrassing.

I watched a young child ask his mom permission during a basketball game to go to the public restroom. She said "No." He asked again. She said "No". He asked again in a threatening I'm-going-to-scream-if-I-don’t-get-my-way and Mom said, "Yes. But you better make it quick". He did. He returned only moments later bee-lined for the bleachers but not before running onto the basketball court stopping the game. Mom was very angry and she shamed her son scolding him "What the -expletive- were you thinking?"

I'm pretty sure he was thinking, "What's your problem? I hurried like you said!"

Here's the thing. We can't control our kids. You can't bribe them, manipulate them or trick them into not noticing you telling them “No”. Even if you are the most skilled parent on the planet you will have a misbehaving, disagreeing child. Parents need to understand kids will be mad at you for parenting them. Kids will disobey, talk back, throw fits, refuse to nap, throw bottle at you, stay out past curfew, sneak food into their room and lie about homework. There is not much we can do about that. We can't choose good behavior for our kids. We can only control the consequences that are enforced after the infraction has been committed.

These are the times we must say “No. No you can't go out again. No you can't refuse to pick up your room. No you can't be unsupervised for hours on end. No you can't watch as much television as you like. No you can't play until you've done your homework. No you can't be online until one in the morning. No you can't talk to me like that. No. No. No.”

Say "No" and then brace yourself for the negativity. But it's ok. It's normal. It’s kinda how parenting works.

This isn't to say we have a heavy arm of parenting justice just for the sake of it. We should strive to be responsible parents who give our kids many wonderful opportunities. But we must also be brave enough to say “No” knowing our kids will be disappointed, frustrated and accuse us of unfairness.

Go with your gut parents. If you know it's an unsafe time to let your child loose in the gym don't give them permission to run off. Set and stick with a reasonable curfew. Say "No" to excessive video game playing and late bedtimes. Stop negotiating with your kids over homework, eating dinner and toilet training. It’s becoming too much. Parenting would be so much simpler if we would just put this one thing into practice. Let you’re no mean no and your yes mean yes. Why? Because I’m the mom and I said so! That’s why!

This article appears as a part of my weekly series entitled Practical Parenting.

The Bench Warmer

2012-01-29T11:18:00.000-06:00

Do We Look Poor? Finance Friday

2012-01-27T09:00:00.000-06:00

This is my daughter.
She's been competing every Saturday on her high school speech team with an essay I posted here a few weeks ago. She's doing very well. She's improved greatly since her first competition. She's climbed from not placing, to sixth to her best ranking; 3rd. All with the same speech.

Her topic? Poverty. Or more specifically the new face of poverty. (You really should take 5 minutes to read it).

As my oldest she is more aware than her siblings of our family's current financial situation.
She knows what I tell her but because of her maturity she knows more than I think she knows.
(like when she caught me swiping the food card at the grocery store a few weeks back despite my best covert efforts)

We're a big family. She's the oldest of 5.
And only in the last year (after our savings were all gone) did things get really hard.
I've stood in lines I never thought I would stand in.
Ashamed.
Embarrassed.
Standing collecting help not because I wanted to, but because if I didn't ....

I don't "look" like I need assistance.
We're a hard working family.
We live very modestly.
And my teenager? She works for what she wants.

Most of her classmates don't have to work for 'fun money'.
They ask their parents to take them clothes & prom dress shopping or for lunch money.
Not my kid.
And never not once has she ever complained about it.

She's a hard worker.
She has an excellent attitude.
She's going to go very far in life.

But at a speech meet last week a team mate had some suggestions for her.
He said perhaps she would score better on her speech if she "...looked, well, more poor."

I am not kidding.

If my daughter - who's competitive speech was about how tough times have hit a record number of people in our county so much so that those you wouldn't expect to be considered living below the national poverty line - looked poorer she would be more believable and therefore do better.

I don't know if I can single-handedly, one blog at a time - make a difference but this is exactly why I started to dedicate Friday's on my blog to finances. There is a discrimination that takes place amongst the poor. Either food stamp recipients are lazy-good-for-nothings or capable-system-milkers who could work but won't.

This is not always the case and to carry such a broad discriminatory attitude in this day and age is very hurtful.

It's hurtful to me and I have my blog to release those emotions
but now
it's hurt my my daughter.
And the MammaBear in me gets really angry about that.

It's Friday. Finance Friday. And this is my blog.

Here's why...

2012-01-25T13:52:00.000-06:00

I got a million flippin' excuses just like everybody else as to why I don't have the time to write.

But just to be clear - lemme line them up for you.

Today I:
got up at 6 am
got ready
woke my son up at 6:30 am
took out the dog, packed my breakfast, poured a cup of coffee
and
warmed up the van.

I clocked in at 7 am
wrestled with the safe - literally, wrestled -
ran my blood pressure sky high,
attempted to do thousands of dollars of math,
while warding off aforementioned panic attack,
and single handedly opened the retail store.

Then I managed people,
ran reports,
lost twenty bucks,
failed a pop quiz,
learned how to make an automated cash order
(1,300 dollars anyone?)
and chased down runaway shopping carts
(please for the love of all that is good - people! please put your carts back in a corral! Don't make me chase it down!).

I was asked to stay 2 hours over
(why can't I learn to say no?!?)
and had a chapstick lid come off in my pocket.

I clocked out,
returned 2 items,
hit the drive thru and got the wrong sandwhich. (really!?!)

I ate lunch on my bed with my feet elevated
for approx 8.5 minutes.

Whereby I put on school clothes,
grabbed chocolate from the fridge
and drove to school (aka job #2).

Here I shared said chocolate
sat in my chair,
checked the time and started filtering through emails.

I've got 2 hours before I hafta pick up the kids,
including 2 little friends for a playdate,
disseminate after school snacks,
start the laundry,
(man I hope those towels haven't started getting stinky yet!)
pick up my son from the bus,
waiting for hubby to get home,
check in with my teenager,
figure out what's for dinner
and deliver the twins and their friends to children's club at church.
(Note to self: remember their vests).

The kids need to be picked up at 8,
friends taken home,
check to make sure homework, book in the bag and papers have
been signed for tomorrow.

Try to remember the laundry.
Try to think about what's for dinner tomorrow
(do I need to defrost anything?)
Try to connect with hubby.
Try to watch my favorite show.
Try to lower my blood pressure.
Try to be happy when I kiss the kids goodnight.
Try to find a window to write article or work on blog
before lights out.
Try to get a good night's sleep and not think about
everything I need to do tomorrow.

This is why I haven't written today.
God help me.
My feet hurt.

Stuggling with a Struggle

2012-01-24T09:16:00.000-06:00

Don't mistake me for a masochist, hear me out.

There's a student at Monmouth College who was highlighted in our local newspaper recently. He's trying to make it into the music business as a performer. Apparently he's had some breakthroughs and may indeed be on his way to making a name for himself. That's cool, right?

Realizing the odds are not in his favor to have long term success performing, the student said he is learning the business side of the industry as well studying music management.

Smart, right?

I thought so too. Until I read his quote, "I am getting older. My parents don't want me to graduate (and struggle). It is a difficult road to follow," he said, adding he has worked to learn "as many different aspects of the music business as possible.”

Which makes me ask the question: why are we so afraid of the struggle?

So many people spend so much time and effort avoiding difficulty and work ceaselessly to make sure they never struggle. When did we adopt the easy-street philosophy in our culture? I mean my grandparents, just one generation ago, certainly didn't live this way.

Isn't it exhausting to spend so much energy avoiding something that we can't avoid anyway?

For example, when my children were learning to walk I let them practice walking. They had to struggle to learn how to put one foot in front of the other. They had to test their leg muscles to see if they'd hold up under their weight and they had to strain and work and sometimes, especially at first, they fell down.

And I let them. I didn't pick them up instead; I stood by, offered encouragement and bid them to try it all over again. I literally instigated them to try to walk again knowing full well they would probably fall and fail. Again and again. Over and over.

As parents we know if kids don't work through the struggle of learning to walk - they won't learn to walk.

Likewise if we don't let our kids work through the struggle of relationships, friendships, brokenness, unfair treatment, dashed expectations and disappointments how will they ever learn?

My thirteen year old son has biceps. I know because he shows them off to us on a daily basis. Twice a week in P.E. his instructor takes the class to the weight room. When my boy first started lifting weights he could only lift the 40 pound bar. Now, after a semester, only three other boys in the whole 7th grade can lift more than him. He's very proud of this fact and he's aiming to be the record holder by the end of the year.

My son has learned the only way to lift more weight is to add more weight -little by little- to his limit. He must consciously make his work harder in order to get better. He must struggle.

He learned how to walk by struggling and he is getting stronger by struggling. Maybe there is a lesson for me to learn in these examples. Maybe it's a good idea for me let my kid struggle in other areas.

But man, as a parent doesn't it just rip your heart out when your kid is trying and failing and is completely disappointed?

The strength to be gained from a struggle however, is the reason why we should let our kids do their homework on their own
(so they can see and fix their mistakes)
and why we shouldn't buy them everything they want
(so they can appreciate the concept of hard earned money)
and why when something doesn't go their way we consider not fixing it because we know there is a lesson to be learned. We know the struggle will make them stronger in the long run.

But as a mom of five kids I know firsthand that realizing this is good for our kids doesn't make it easy to watch them struggle. Yet we have a great assurance in knowing it is good for them. It’s hard for us, but good for them.

Don't be afraid of hard. Not in your own life and certainly not in your child's. Whether you feel brave enough to dive headlong into struggle or wade in little by little, rest assured that the struggle is not to be feared. I fear rather what will happen if we raise our children in the absence of struggle. Why? Because I'm the mom and I said so! That's why!

Stephanie is a Parent Educator for the Monmouth-Roseville School District. She blogs at stephaniesikorski.blogspot.com and is available for parent consultation. This article appears in the 1/24/12 edition of The Daily Review Atlas as a part of her Practical Parenting series.

Hi, I'm Stephanie

2012-01-23T01:00:00.000-06:00

Hi! What's your name?

It's nice to meet you!

My name is Stephanie and if you've found me today because of my guest post on Julie Lindsey's blog Musings from the Slush Pile thanks for taking the time to click over to my site.
Julie's was my first guest post ev-ah! and I am so thankful to her for the opportunity.

I'm nervous you won't like my blog or worse it won't catch your attention and you'll click by before I get a chance to meet you.

Truth is my blog itself isn't probably going to impress you.
I barely know how to set up a template.
I know nothing about WordPress.
I have a only handful of subscribers (who love me! Mu'wah! to you faithful readers I love you more!)
and my only writing "jobs" don't pay.

(sigh)

But I write from my heart.
And my heart is full lately.
Full of empathy for the over-worked, stressed-out parents out there who need just a s'midge of motivation (I call it Practical Parenting)
and
encouragement for the spiritually dry or cynical (Life thru my Lens)
or
to change the way you think about people living in poverty as statistically our family falls below .... quite a bit below .... national average household income levels (Finance Friday)
all
while raising 5 kids and supporting my student-husband AND trying to be a writer.

I'm struggling and learning and writing and sharing it all on my blog.
I made a decision 16 months ago that no matter what comes my way I will choose to live out my story well.

Come plot twists and betrayal and bread crumbs and minimum wage jobs ...
I will live my life, walk my journey and realize it all makes for one great story.
This is my blog.

I am writing a better story.

I thank you for visiting today!

I really, really thank you!

Struggle

2012-01-19T13:18:00.001-06:00

Don't mistake me for a masochist, hear me out.

There's a student at Monmouth College who was highlighted in our local newspaper recently (read the article here). He's trying to make it into the music business as a performer. Apparently he's had some breakthroughs and may indeed be on his way to making a name for himself. That's cool, right?

The journalist asked why is the student in college studying if he had his sight set on playing. He replied he is learning the business side of the industry as well because in the chance he doesn't "make it" he wants a career to fall back on; music management.

Smart, right?

I thought so too. Until I read his quote, "I am getting older. My parents don't want me to graduate (and struggle). It is a difficult road to follow," he said, adding he has worked to learn "as many different aspects of the music business as possible.

Which makes me ask the question:

Why are we so afraid of the struggle?

So many people spend so much time and effort avoiding difficulty and/or work ceaselessly to never struggle.

Isn't that exhausting?

I mean really? You can't ever actually avoid difficulty in life anyway.

When my children were learning to walk I let them practice walking. They had to struggle to learn how to put one foot in front of the other, to test the muscles in their legs to see if they'd hold up under their weight, they had to strain and work and sometimes, almost all the time, especially at first - they fell down.

And I didn't pick them up. I stood by, encouraged them to do it over again. I literally encouraged them to try to walk again knowing full well they would probably fall. Fail. Again.

As parents we know if kids don't work through the struggle of learning to walk - they won't learn to walk.

Likewise if we don't let our kids work through the struggle of
relationships
friendships
brokenness
unfair treatment
dashed expectations
and disappointments

how will they ever learn?

My thirteen year old son (oh, he was such a cute little baby) has biceps. Like, for-real muscles. I know because he shows them off to us on a daily basis. Every Tuesday and Thursday in gym class his instructor takes the class to the weight room. When E.first started lifting weights he could only lift the 40 pound bar. Now, after a semester, only two other boys in the whole 7th grade can lift more than him. He's very proud of this fact and he's aiming to be the record holder by the end of the year.

My son has learned the only way to lift more weight is to add more weight -little by little- to his limit. He must consciously make his work harder in order to get better. He must struggle.

He learned how to walk by struggling.
He is getting stronger by struggling.
Maybe I should learn a lesson here and not be afraid to let him struggle in other areas.
But God, as a parent doesn't it just rip your heart out when your kid is trying and failing and is disappointed?

The strength we gain from a struggle however, is the reason why we should let our kids do their homework on their own
so they can see and fix their mistakes
and why we shouldn't buy them everything they want
so they can appreciate the value of a dollar
and why when they go off to college
we understand that if it's hard for them that it will be ok because they are learning
and getting stronger.

It doesn't make it easy for us to watch our kids struggle
but we have a great assurance in knowing it is making them stronger.

Don't be afraid of hard.
Don't run from it.
Wade in little by little or dive in - whatever you brave,
but no matter what, I implore you don't run from struggle.
Don't run.
Struggle.
And come out stronger.
Much, much stronger.

https://twitter.com/steph_sikorski

Internet Issues

2012-01-17T11:46:00.002-06:00

image from www.upenn.edu

I love the Internet. Because of the World Wide Web I know how to cook a perfect restaurant-style steak, tie a scarf like a fashionista, watch my favorite television shows, advance my writing career and keep in touch with my friends in the United Kingdom.

But I could also get hacked, catch a virus, have my identity stolen and look at unclothed men and women.

Which are all things I am uninterested in doing.

While I do what I can to keep the hackers and viruses at bay I can't always, try as I might, keep the pornographic images off my screen. (You know what I mean if you have ever searched "how to make a cherry pie".)

It's kinda scary to think those images are so freely available. Wherever I can access the Internet I have a completely straight connection to graphic and restricted images. Gone are the days when pornography was purchased in the dimly lit back corner of a store.

So then why would I ever, in a million years give my children unsupervised, unrestricted access to the Internet?

We have in mass given our children smart phones, video gaming systems, handheld devices and tablets while purchasing high speed Internet and granting them free surfing reign.

I am gravely concerned that we have given our children tools that they are not mature enough to handle. I'm not inferring that all children with Internet access are viewing inappropriate sites or searching for nude pictures but I am convinced giving them these devices without safety guards is no different than me sending my son out on the football field without proper equipment. He might not get hurt but he could. What kind of mother would I be if I let him play unprotected? Why would online gaming be any different?

There are precautions all parents of Internet accessing children should take. First, familiarize yourself with your child's device. It's not ok to not know how the machine works. Regardless as to whether or not you feel ill equipped to operate your child’s device you must learn basic maneuvering skills. You must.

It's important that you know how to access the parent controls on the device. All Apple products, portable games and internet accessible gaming systems all have a password protected setting that allows parents to limit what sites are accessible, what words can't be searched and/or a timing restriction.

If you're child is ever allowed to access the Internet without you in the same room (and let's face it the day of standing over your child's shoulder is gone now that everyone is busy, yes me too, looking at their own screen) it is also imperative that you activate the settings so that restricted material is blocked. Google, Bing, YouTube and every other major searching site has a setting option that allows you to choose the level of security for your tablets and home computers. Also available are blocking programs for purchase or download that notify you if someone in your home has searched unapproved material.

Consider knowing your child's password. It’s not a good idea to allow your child to have a phone or iPod that you can't access and remember to check the devices on occasion.

Also, discourage your children from sleeping with their phones. Other than the obvious ramifications of a poor night's sleep, it is not healthy for our children to be plugged in and online into the wee hours of the night. Don’t feel bad for controlling how much time your child is online. Texting, searching and watching videos into the wee hours of the morning is not a good idea. Ever. Confiscate the devices or disconnect your Internet if you must. (I hope your children aren't reading this for I am sure I am about to become the most hated parent in Twitter-verse).

Whether your child is a responsible and mature Internet user or young enough to still be naïve and innocent, parents must be anticipatory rather than reactionary when it comes to Internet access. The dangers of the world are and will remain out there but as long my kids live in my house I will be diligent in keeping their world wide web a little more local. Why? Because I’m the mom and I said so! That’s why!

Stephanie is a Parent Educator for the Monmouth-Roseville School District and a mother to five Internet savvy children. She blogs at www.stephaniesikorski.blogspot.com and is available for parent consultations. You can reach her at ssikorski@mr238.org.

This article appears as a part of a weekly parenting series at The Daily Review Atlas.

https://twitter.com/steph_sikorski

Menu Monday

2012-01-16T15:52:00.001-06:00

Oh, Menu Monday, how I've missed thee. The holidays and basketball seasons have overwhelmed my life with quick meals, missed meals and yes, Gasp!, drive thru happy meals. In fact, true story, I've been so absent from my local grocery store that when I did go through my favorite checkers line last Saturday she actually said, "how have you been? I haven't seen you in forever!" This is true because A.) you can't forget a grocery bill the size of mine too easily and B.) I shop frequently. So here it is. On a budget, semi-homemade meals that are easy to make and will keep your family happy and healthy! Enjoy!

Sunday Quiche and Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Monday Bear Creek Soup Cheddar Broccoli with Sub Sandwiches

Tuesday Chicken Alfredo with Steamed Broccoli and Garlic Bread

(season chicken breast pieces in olive oil and saute till awesome. serve with a side of your favorite noodles cooked to al dente with Alfredo sauce)

Wednesday Pizza

(say anything you want about Wa-Mart but their pre-made HUGE pizza's for $7.99 are just the right size and price for my Tribe. I always pick a few up whenever I can)

Thursday Shredded Pork Sandwiches and french fries

(I used Pioneer Woman's recipe 'cept I only had Pepsi on hand. Still ... just as good!)

(Also, I used the leftovers as inspired by this awesome recipe! Thanks S.M. for the idea!)

Friday Macaroni and Cheese (for the kids) and Panini's for me!

Saturday Chili with tortilla chips, hot dogs and corn bread

I love linking up to this Menu Plan Monday every week! check her site

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Jeans vs the Sweater: Finance Friday

2012-01-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

Somewhere along the line of the development of the "American Dream" we've somehow conveyed to ourselves that
success = money.
And having money frees us up to consume.
To buy.
To have.
To own.

But I think this is a very dangerous motto to adopt.
Money isn't a guarantee of happiness (ask Bernie Madoff)
nor is it proof you've lived a successful life (Paris Hilton)
or even a long life (Steve Jobs).

In fact, the Good Book tells us "The love of money is the root of all evil" 1 Timothy 6
Don't misread that quote - Money isn't evil...
the love of it is.

The love of money makes people do crazy things.
Like buy stuff they don't need.
(really you need a newer T.V. ??!??)
buy stuff they don't use
(you need more clothes??!?? the twenty shirts you have aren't enough?)
pay for space to house all our unused stuff
(storage units)
and update perfectly functional gadgets and mobile devices
(new iPhone, anyone?)

I recently complained to a friend about a sweater I owned. I said I didn't like it because it was embarrassing how old it was. He challenged me with "So what? It's in perfectly fine condition!". He was right. It was fine. It wasn't terribly outdated. It fit nicely. Why did I feel the need to update it and replace it when it was still perfectly .... cute??

Two days ago I was wearing my favorite jeans;
a pair of hand-me-downs from a name brand store. I've owned them for at least five years and who knew how long my sister wore them before me. We could be talking about an eight to ten year old pair of jeans. (!! Now that's a relationship !!) They started to get worn thin in a few areas a while back so I put patches on them. (I mean I really loved these jeans!) But this week the denim gave way and they finally ripped out. And not in the cool I'm-a-hip-mom-kinda way. No they ripped O.U.T. and are completely unfixable.

There are still sitting on my banister. I just can't bring myself to throw them away.

Why? Why in my mind is it ok to hold on to one item but be so quick to dismiss another? Because the jeans were name brand and the sweater wasn't? Maybe, but I think the real reason I wanted to keep my jeans was because I had an affection for them.

So that makes me wonder what if we liked what we owned? What if instead of consuming massive amounts of random things we focused on only consuming what we really like? Or enjoy? Or love? Or what we really need?

Would we consume less and thereby ironically end up having more?

Sure in our lives we are in a season where we are forced to consume less because we have less (much less) disposable income but are we less successful? Less happy?
No!
We just have less stuff.
And old television sets.
And uncool phones.

Well after much thought, I've decided I loved those jeans enough that I am going to try and replace them. The exact pair. Here's hoping my $7.99 bid on ebay is a winner!

you see, I've had my own personal struggles with this financial season in my life and I've said a lot about it but here's one thing that will remain through it all: I have learned an important lesson. The advertisers are not correct. The photos in the magazines are inaccurate. I don't need money to be happy or successful. Apparently, all I need is an attitude adjustment

and my favorite pair of jeans.

It's Friday friends.
This is Finance Friday!

https://twitter.com/steph_sikorski