http://www.todayilold.com/rss.php Funny everyday stories from around the world. Lolz galore. en-gb Mon, 28 May 2012 05:31:13 CDT Mon, 28 May 2012 05:31:13 CDT http://www.todayilold.com admin@todayilold.com (Mark Walsh) admin@todayilold.com (Mark Walsh) Sat, 22 May 2010 21:49:53 -0500 Today on Facebook I saw this girl named Molly's status, and found out this boy's nicknames for her. She always wears Hollister. The nickname? Her name and Hollister mixed together. Mollister. I said it out loud a few times. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1482 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1482 Fri, 21 May 2010 16:19:38 -0500 Today I told my friend that the room smelled funky. She responded saying that it was because she was wearing a new scent: "Queef by Dior." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1479 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1479 Wed, 19 May 2010 22:49:25 -0500 Today: so basically there I am, sitting up straight, minding my own business. When my goldfish dies. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1474 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1474 Tue, 11 May 2010 18:41:04 -0500 Today while reading the newspaper my mam looked up at me and said nonchalantly, "I read on iBook that you're on Facenet". I lol'd. Alot. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1461 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1461 Fri, 07 May 2010 20:30:07 -0500 Today my friend randomly texted me and said "I fell off a boat. Well someone pushed me off. Well we were going 40mph." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1457 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1457 Mon, 03 May 2010 17:17:00 -0500 I was working in the library when this kid walks up to me and hands me a book to check out. I ask him his last name and he says "Semen". I begin typing it in but then realize what I'm writing. I ask him again, and he repeats it. Finally i ask him to spell it. S-E-A-M-U-N. Oh. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1455 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1455 Thu, 29 Apr 2010 07:52:38 -0500 Today, I discovered the girls in my 8th grade class (13 and 14 year olds) don't know what a clitoris is. All the boys in my class including myself lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1429 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1429 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:31:38 -0500 Today, I was in class and heaps of people were talking to my teacher at once. He said "Shhh, I'm not an octopus". I lol'd at the nonsensical comment. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1422 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1422 Mon, 26 Apr 2010 14:08:04 -0500 Today I visited my Aunt Nora. She told me it was Uncle Tom's birthday and she was sending a card. Nora and Tom! She had written "Happy Birthday Tomm". I said, "Aunt Nora, you've got to take out an 'm'." "Which one?" she said. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1421 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1421 Mon, 26 Apr 2010 10:35:44 -0500 Today, my friend Adam asked my teacher when Mother's Day was. My friend Sam asked, "Oh, you mean sandwich day?" He got kicked out. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1420 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1420 Fri, 23 Apr 2010 07:36:37 -0500 Today, a girl sitting in the office said to my friend, "We did it, but I got bored. Now my wrist hurts." I lol'd at the sexual incompetence. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1258 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1258 Thu, 22 Apr 2010 08:41:55 -0500 Today, an elderly teacher at my school was frantically searching for pills in the school cabinet. She said, "I need drugs! I need drugs! Where's my drugs?!" I love my school. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1252 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1252 Wed, 21 Apr 2010 11:12:48 -0500 Today, my principal said she didn't want to have a "you-know-what measuring contest". My assistant principal and I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1247 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1247 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 13:11:16 -0500 Today, I searched on Google, "Google is". One of the auto-complete searches was, "Google is better than Yahoo". Subliminal messaging FTW. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1229 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1229 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 15:08:31 -0500 Today my friend was talking about her first time horse-riding. She said "It was hard to get on top of it, I kept sliding off." I said "That's what she said!" Everyone lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1221 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1221 Tue, 06 Apr 2010 10:39:19 -0500 Today, in the college library a girl started playing music really loudly from her laptop, obviously not realising her headphones weren't plugged in. The whole floor started laughing as she didn't notice until someone beside her pointed it out. We all lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1218 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1218 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 04:57:36 -0500 Today I was reading an article online about how some women can orgasm simply by doing sit-ups, and most of the comments were from people who said "how they are proud to be women". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1217 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1217 Fri, 26 Mar 2010 22:08:10 -0500 Today I was looking at a flyer for a church giving away new and gently used items, I thought it was a good idea... That is until I looked at the first item under the 'gently used' category - diapers. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1164 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1164 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 13:55:27 -0500 Today, my friend misread a Facebook group that I had joined 'feed a child with a click', as 'feel a child with a dick'. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1154 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1154 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 14:44:57 -0500 Today a girl's cell phone went off very loudly in class. She ran out of the room but not before looking right at her cell phone and going "Shhhhhhhh!!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1149 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1149 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:39:08 -0500 Today, in philosophy class my professor spent about twenty minutes explaining a theory. He then asked the class if we all understood, to which everyone stared blankly at him. He then said "FML." We all lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1148 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1148 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:35:48 -0500 Today my friend's Facebook status said she was going to Austria with her family for Spring Break. A girl commented underneath, "bring me back a koala!" I don't think geography was her strong point. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1147 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1147 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:34:15 -0500 Today, I was helping my little brother with his English homework. He needed to put the word 'blue' in a sentence. He wrote down, "I have blue balls." He meant his toy balls. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/1146 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/1146 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:33:04 -0500 Today, my friend called in sick to work and then posted on her Facebook that she'd pulled a sickie and was going shopping instead. She obviously forgot she was friends with her boss on Facebook as there was a comment from him underneath saying "Don't bother coming in tomorrow." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/1145 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/1145 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:27:31 -0500 Today, while watching reruns of Friends with my friend, Monica made some reference to Ross being family. My friend turned to me and exclaimed, "Wait, they're related?!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1144 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1144 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:25:58 -0500 Today, my brother came home from his soccer match and my mother asked him what the score was. He told her it was a draw, and she responded, "to who?" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1143 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1143 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:23:30 -0500 Today, my friend was trying to cheer me up and said "I'm sure Louie Armstrong never thought he'd end up being the first man on the moon!" I'm pretty sure she meant Neil. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1142 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1142 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:22:30 -0500 Today my grandmother kept talking about some singer called 'Sinead Twine'. No one had a clue who she was talking about until my brother realised she meant Shania Twain. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1141 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1141 Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:21:08 -0500 Today, my friend and I were standing looking at the headlines of the newspapers. One said something about the USA criticizing Nato over something. She turned to me and said "Who's Nato?" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1140 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1140 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 13:41:19 -0500 Today I saw my friend walking oddly down the street, taking differently lengthed strides. He's a bit OCD, but otherwise perfectly normal. I caught up with him and asked what he was doing. He calmly said "Oh, I just can't walk on the cracks because none of my dreams will come true if I do." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/1136 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/1136 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 11:48:04 -0500 Today my dad was trying to work my phone - I have a touch screen. He said he "couldn't use that bloody touch screen". He has an iPhone. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1135 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1135 Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:16:04 -0500 Today, my girlfriend had been acting angry with me. I had no idea what I'd done. Eventually she told me she was acting this way because I cheated on her last night - in her dream. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/1134 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/1134 Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:24:21 -0500 Today, I was in a public toilet and saw the following graffiti: "RIP JD SALINGER, AUTHOR OF THE BOOK THAT SPAWNED THE BELOVED PORNO: CATCH HER IN THE EYE". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/1133 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/1133 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 09:03:39 -0500 Today my mother told me to "look at this picture of David Beckham with his baby". It was a picture of Boris Becker with his baby. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1132 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1132 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:24:46 -0600 Today I was in a giant mini van with a lot of family and we went past this field of cows most marked with green paint across their sides. My mom says "looks like next week's hamburger". My sister, who is blonde, says, "yeah baaacoooon!". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1131 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1131 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 05:16:19 -0600 Today, I saw the Irish Spiderboy. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1129 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1129 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 05:15:50 -0600 Today, my flatmate walked in, looking a little miffed. I ask her if she was alright, she said "Not really, a pigeon just flew in my face." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1128 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1128 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:33:56 -0600 Today, me and my friends wanted to play some football, but the ball was flat. I said, "we can't play with this, it's too soft". My friend immediately added "that's what she said". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/1127 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/1127 Sun, 07 Mar 2010 03:35:06 -0600 Today, after chatting to my friend on MSN for a while, she said "Anyway, I've gotta go do a shit and have a shower. See you later". She's usually the most polite girl I know. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1125 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/1125 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 05:21:04 -0600 Today, I walked in on my friend talking to himself. I had a sneaky listen and realised he was interviewing himself on the David Letterman show. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1124 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1124 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 04:39:24 -0600 Today, my friend told me that he spent a large portion of last weekend playing The Sims. He created several characters and built them houses with no toilets, just so he could watch them humiliate themselves. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1123 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1123 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 12:28:40 -0600 Today I saw this image forecasting future Apple products. I lold. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1121 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1121 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 01:45:21 -0600 Today, I found out my friends cousin died by choking on a lifesaver. I lol'd at the irony. The tragic irony. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1119 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/1119 Tue, 02 Mar 2010 05:48:58 -0600 Today I was reading a thread online about "things you do to women when you start liking them". The first reply was simply "watch them". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/1116 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/1116 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:00:15 -0600 Today, my friend said he was "as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish factory". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1115 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/1115 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:00:04 -0600 Today, my friend told me how he got really drunk last night and tried to order a pizza from his local pizza place in New York. He's on holiday in Peru. I don't think he got it in the end. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1114 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/1114 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 11:05:59 -0600 Today, I had just finished dinner and heard my parents talking about schools. My dad said that they're only teaching us students what the government wants us to be taught. So I replied, "what do they want us to be teached?" and in unison both my parents exclaimed "taught". We all lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/874 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/874 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 06:45:56 -0600 Today, my friend wanted pizza. He lives 30 seconds away from the pizza place, and it was 5pm. He wasn't sure if it opened at 5pm or 6pm, so instead of walking a few yards to check, he went onto Google Street View and zoomed in on the sign in the window with the opening times. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/872 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/872 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:28:52 -0600 Today my friend was taking out the rubbish, and as she was bending down trying to tie the bin bag, someone opened the door, which hit her in the ass and pushed her face right into the rubbish. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/871 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/871 Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:50:45 -0600 Today, I received a text from my friend: "I went for a risky fart in work. Gambled and lost - I followed through. I'm at home now. I left without saying a word to anyone. Unemployment is a better outcome than THAT level of embarrassment." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/869 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/869 Tue, 23 Feb 2010 16:36:18 -0600 Today I found out there's a place in Pennsylvania called 'Intercourse'. I lol'd. [Editor's Note: 'Tis true.] http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/867 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/867 Mon, 22 Feb 2010 05:03:44 -0600 Today on the bus, there was a man in a suit, with a briefcase, and wearing leather gloves. Complete business look. When he sat down I could see his socks - bright ones with kangaroos on them. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/865 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/865 Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:53:43 -0600 Today, me and my friends went to this trendy to new bar. I went to take a photo, and as I was backing away to get a good angle, I bumped into someone. I turned around while apologising. I turned around to see a mirrored pillar. I had just apologised to myself. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/864 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/864 Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:38:13 -0600 Today, my brother went shopping to get a pair of shoes. He hates shopping. He came home with a nice pair of shoes. However, he'd somehow managed to get one size 8 shoe, and one size 10. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/863 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/863 Sun, 21 Feb 2010 06:32:22 -0600 Today at school, the principal caught a girl smoking in the bathrooms. He came into my class to tell my teacher this, and said "I've just fingered a girl in the toilets for smoking and -" he didn't finish his sentence due to the raucous laughter of the class. We lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/862 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/862 Sat, 20 Feb 2010 04:49:51 -0600 Today, while playing football, a team-mate accidentally kicked the ball into an opponent's face. His shoe also came off and hit the guy square in the nuts - an incredible double whammy. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/861 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/861 Fri, 19 Feb 2010 06:23:50 -0600 Today I asked my sister if she knew the capital of Spain. She replied "Mexico?". She's 24 and working full time in a decent job. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/859 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/859 Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:05:20 -0600 Today, it was my grandmother's birthday and my grandfather bought her a neck massager as a present. When we arrived to their house my grandmother said to my mother, "oh wait until I show you the vibrator that your father bought me!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/858 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/858 Wed, 17 Feb 2010 06:13:57 -0600 Today, my friend told me what he wrote on his Valentine's card to his girlfriend: "Roses are red, violets are blue, the sink's in the kitchen, so why aren't you?". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/855 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/855 Wed, 17 Feb 2010 06:08:44 -0600 Today, after being on a drinking binge for three days, my friend turned up for work at 10pm at night. He starts work at 8am. He thought it was the morning of the next day and he was two hours late. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/854 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/854 Wed, 17 Feb 2010 06:06:57 -0600 Today, while working at Game, a man came in asking if we had any PS3 controllers with longer leads. He didn't realise the controllers are wireless, and thought the little charger lead was the actual lead. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/853 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/853 Tue, 16 Feb 2010 08:52:45 -0600 Today I was with my girlfriend, and she was telling her friends about her sister that just got married. She married a man from Nepal. My girlfriend said she'd married a "Napolean". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/851 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/851 Sun, 14 Feb 2010 07:15:24 -0600 Today, while in the shop with my mam she asked a guy at the till if the sun was out. The guy looked outside and went "uuuh...". It was lashing rain. She was talking about the newspaper. She was embarrassed. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/850 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/850 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:41:55 -0600 Today, while working at pizza hut a lady asked me if bbq wings have bbq sauce on them. I waited until she hung up, then I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/849 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/849 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:39:53 -0600 Today I saw this video about the dumbest kid alive: I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/848 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/848 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:08:53 -0600 Today, I unplugged the speakers from my computer while this girl was using it. It froze. Then my other friend said "Aha, he whore-proofed the computer!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/847 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/847 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 18:10:20 -0600 Today I found a Facebook group named, "Dear Lord, make Taylor Lautner never find his shirt again, AMEN!" Also, the description box of the group read, "He is a beauteous specimen of beautiful beauty. He's also a part time love boat and a full time sex God." I LOL'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/846 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/846 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 05:43:38 -0600 Today, I found out there is a place in Ireland called 'Muff'. They also have a diving club. I lol'd. [Editor's note: It's true you know.] http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/844 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/844 Fri, 12 Feb 2010 23:55:43 -0600 Today, i went with our school's Jazz Band to go do a show, on the way to a place on a red light, we were stopped in front of a place named Cocula. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/843 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/843 Fri, 12 Feb 2010 03:52:29 -0600 Today, my friend told me that his Dad has two TVs, stacked on top of each other. This is because one of them had no sound, while the other had no picture. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/842 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/842 Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:03:39 -0600 Today, in english class, the teacher was writing on the board about advertising and spelt the word "cumulative" as "cummulative". A student pointed out this error and she rubbed out the second 'm', making it "cum ulative". Everyone lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/841 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/841 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 01:28:07 -0600 Today, while sitting in my Math 125 class, the prof was taking roll. I wasn't paying attention until he called out a "Will Smith". It legit was on the roster. I LOL'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/840 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/840 Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:41:05 -0600 Today, on the bus an old man kept muttering to himself under his breath. Most passengers just ignored him until he shouted, "VERY NICE LEGS" at a girl waiting to get off the bus. The poor girl was mortified. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/839 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/839 Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:10:45 -0600 Today, I saw this picture. I lol'd so hard, looked at it, and lol'd again. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/838 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/838 Tue, 09 Feb 2010 04:59:02 -0600 Today, I realized that lol'd, the past tense of lol, is inaccurate. That would mean 'laugh out louded'. I lol'd. [Editor's note: I'm going to go take a long hard look at myself and re-evaluate this whole website.] http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/837 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/837 Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:35:31 -0600 Today, I heard the story of my friend getting drunk last night and vomiting profusely, and inbetween bouts of vomiting, he continued to scream "I've hit rock bottom". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/836 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/836 Sun, 07 Feb 2010 15:36:36 -0600 Today I watched that video of the guy looking at naked pictures on the computer without realising he was on national television. Link is here. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/835 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/835 Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:27:21 -0600 Today, I saw eagles pushing goats off cliffs. Youtube link. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/834 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/834 Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:12:31 -0600 Today I saw this weird picture of a donkey. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/833 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/833 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:04:56 -0600 Today, I saw an advertisement for a flooring company called 'Lino Ritchie'. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/832 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/832 Sun, 24 Jan 2010 23:53:35 -0600 Today I went to type, "where does rain come from" into google. I got as far as, "where does" and Google recommended, "Where does Justin Bieber live?" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/829 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/829 Sun, 24 Jan 2010 03:56:02 -0600 Today I was on my way to pick my friend up to go hang out so I texted him "I'm coming". To which he replied "Ok. When you're done can you pick me up?". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/828 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/828 Sun, 17 Jan 2010 05:36:23 -0600 Today I saw a man with bigger boobs than his wife. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/827 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/827 Sat, 16 Jan 2010 07:42:14 -0600 Today, I signed in to Facebook and I noticed my girlfriend's facebook status was "constipated people just don't give a crap." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/826 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/826 Thu, 14 Jan 2010 12:51:19 -0600 Today, I was talking to my friend on facebook. We were talking about Freudian Slips and she invited me to hang out. At which point, I typed, "Sure, be down in a sex." Talk about a Freudian Slip. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/825 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/825 Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:09:33 -0600 Today, I was playing a horror theme multiplayer computer game with a friend. We were on the defensive and feeling very insecure with our location when he asks "Should we stay or should we go?". I replied "If we stay there will be trouble, if we go there will be double." He said "we should obviously stay then". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/763 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/763 Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:23:09 -0600 Today (I'm a teacher) while correcting sentences for grammar, one read, "The curtains and carpet match." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/761 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/761 Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:27:17 -0600 Today my pregnant friend was pissed off and she wanted to fight this chick so she yelled "HOLD ON TO MY PREGNANT BELLY, I' M ABOUT TO FIGHT THIS CHICK!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/600 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/600 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 22:31:29 -0600 Today I was joking around with my family acting like I knew nothing and getting everyone mad. So I crash on the couch with my brother and tell him " I love playing the dumb card." His response "what's the dumb card?" He was serious. I lol'd, http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/598 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/598 Mon, 28 Dec 2009 23:34:09 -0600 Today, I watched a guy holding a large popcorn with both of his hands while waiting for his wife to buy tickets. He decided to eat some popcorn by using his tongue to pick up individual pieces of popcorn so he didn't have to move his hands from the bag. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/596 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/596 Thu, 24 Dec 2009 20:44:43 -0600 Today at work (I work medical collections) I called a man and was checking the info, and the referring doctor was a urology place. I meant to say, "Be advised this is an attempt to collect a debt" but instead said "Please be advised this is an attempt to collect a dick... I mean debt!' I was so embarrassed, but lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/583 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/583 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 20:42:50 -0600 Today in maths I noticed my male, very butch, teacher had a sticker on his laptop of a little cartoon hedgehog that said 'keep trying'. I LOL'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/580 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/580 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:14:40 -0600 Today, I guy in my class told me he was better at using computers than me. His challenge? To safely remove a USB stick. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/579 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/579 Tue, 15 Dec 2009 10:48:39 -0600 Today, I typed in Google "what are" and as a suggestion I got "what are these strawberrys doing on my nipples I need them for the fruit salad". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/578 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/578 Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:05:20 -0600 Today I was on my computer, thinking of something to do. I said "I can has cheezburger!" and went on the site. A few minutes later, my mam came in with a burger for me. She thought I asked for one. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/567 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/567 Mon, 07 Dec 2009 23:27:58 -0600 Today, while working at McDonald's, one of my massively overweight managers came in, with her arm in a sling. She's 21 and she just got a Pacemaker. I lol'd. Then felt bad. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/563 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/563 Sat, 05 Dec 2009 20:51:47 -0600 Today, my teacher was talking about how we had one final major assessment left. He then wrote on the board "One Major Ass." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/556 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/556 Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:06:57 -0600 Today my mum told me that I was adopted because I'm so blonde and stupid and dumb. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/555 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/555 Mon, 30 Nov 2009 16:30:07 -0600 Today, I saw a sign that read "All Positions Available", I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/554 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/554 Fri, 27 Nov 2009 11:08:51 -0600 Yesterday I was at my aunt's house for dinner. After we ate, my cousins and I were playing keep away. All of the sudden, I hear a huge CRASH! and then my brother saying, "oh crap, I'm outta here!". Turns out my cousin put a massive hole in my aunt's wall. She felt awful, but we all lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/552 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/552 Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:09:31 -0600 Today I saw this picture. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/549 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/549 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:11:31 -0600 Today, I realized that my boyfriend looks like Ron Weasley, and I look like Luna Lovegood. Then I wondered " but what Hermione will think?" And then I lol'd at my own ridiculousness. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/548 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/548 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:56:10 -0600 Today I heard a loud thud and looked over to see that my roommate had, for the second time this semester, leaned too far back in her desk chair and was on the floor staring at the ceiling. She tried to play it off all cool. She didn't succeed. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/547 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/547 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:18:29 -0600 Today, I heard the word 'mubjunt'. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/546 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/546 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:28:07 -0600 Today, I found a random pack of avocados in the fridge. On the packaging it said, "Ready and ripe!". I always test that by squeezing them. After I did I realised on the packaging it said, "Don't squeeze me!". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/544 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/544 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:27:26 -0600 Today, I was talking to a friend on GoogleTalk as I was about to leave work and decided to type "I'm going home". Instead, I typed "I'm going homo". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/541 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/541 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:20:02 -0600 Today, I was on the bus with a few friends, the bus went silent, another passenger announced this. My friend then burped. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/539 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/539 Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:11:29 -0600 Today me and my friends were in McDonald's, when this really fat guy that had his shirt hanging partially over his trousers walked in, and my friend bet that he only came in to take a shit. He walked into the toilet, and after a while, walked out of the building. My friends and I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/538 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/538 Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:12:16 -0600 Today, I heard that the last only original member of the Sugababes left the band. The band now consists entirely of replacements. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/537 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/537 Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:05:18 -0600 Today me and my friend were sitting in the canteen when this staff member was wearing her ID card round her neck, but it was on her back, and I asked my friend if she could see her name. And she kept turning round to look at it but couldn't, then the staff member angrily moved seats. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/463 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/463 Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:24:48 -0600 When I used to get child train fare tickets and I put it into the ticket barrier, it always read "ENTER CHILD" and I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/461 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/461 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:28:10 -0600 Today in math class, my math teacher was talking to another student and said "don't, stop", me and my friend burst out "BELIEVIN'!" and the whole class looked at us like we were crazy. We high-fived. Then lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/458 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/458 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:30:09 -0600 Today, I worked out that if you type into the UK google maps to get directions by car it works. However, if you 'get directions' from Brisbane Australia to California US it suggests kayaking across the pacific ocean. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/457 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/457 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:03:29 -0600 Today, I was walking past two Chinese guys as they were violenty beating rubbish into a bin with metal rods. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/455 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/455 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:05:49 -0600 Today I saw a picture of a bear sticking its head out the window of a cab. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/454 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/454 Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:52:00 -0600 Today I was at the traffic lights and a car pulled up beside us, I looked into the car and the driver was eating a big corn on the cob . I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/453 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/453 Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:32:09 -0600 Today, I was sent to to store to buy some butter. I grabbed a couple of Land O' Lakes containers and headed over to the self checkout. The butter came up as LOLBUTTER. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/452 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/452 Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:28:00 -0600 Today I was watching Spongebob. Him and Patrick were about to wrestle and Spongebob ripped off his clothes to reveal a really muscular body. Patrick ripped off his to reveal a suit. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/451 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/451 Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:46:30 -0600 Today I was at a store buying pack of cigarettes and had two pizza boxes in my hand. In front of me there was a heavily overweight kid and he starts to look at my pizza boxes. Then he suddenly pops out "Gimme a slice!". I said: "no." Then he asks again "C'mon! Gimme a slice, bitch." I'm a man. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/450 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/450 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:44:25 -0500 Today, I saw a fat old guy in a Hannah Montana shirt. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/449 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/449 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:43:08 -0500 Today, I saw a guy in a giant banana costume at a halloween party. He was dancing and singing to "Peanut Butter Jelly Time". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/448 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/448 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:38:56 -0500 Today, I saw that my ironing board was all wrinkly. I lol'd at the irony. Then I lol'd again because irony has the word 'iron' in it. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/447 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/447 Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:59:31 -0500 Today, I went to my friends house. She has a big orange cat. Pissed that it sat on my laptop, 2 remotes and my 1 liter of Mt. dew (Yes it's that big) I kicked it off. It got mad and attacked the couch. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/445 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/445 Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:28:48 -0500 Today I banged my elbow on the doorjamb. I yelled out "Ow! God!..." my two year old daughter chimed in "...damn it!". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/442 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/442 Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:11:32 -0500 Today, I heard my gramma singing, "My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to yard, the other 10-15% are lactose intolerant." I lol'd. For a long time. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/441 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/441 Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:40:40 -0500 My manager tells me she's going to the store to buy some items for the hotel. The Director of Sales stands up and mentions that he is going too. He asks the Ops Manager what she was getting, "Emergency items." she says, and without missing a beat he answers "What, batteries and tampons?" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/440 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/440 Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:24:22 -0500 Today, I used the word "lol" in real life and people frowned at me. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/439 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/439 Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:40:32 -0500 Today, a girl on the bus was abusing the bus driver. When the bus stopped, she fell forward and hit her head on the bar thing, right as she was in the middle of insulting the driver. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/438 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/438 Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:01:04 -0500 Today, I saw his video. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/436 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/436 Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:10:12 -0500 Today, I was sitting in the kitchen with my dog beside me. A squirrel hopped into the back yard and my dog went to chase it but ran straight into the closed glass door. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/435 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/435 Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:42:51 -0500 Today, I watched the video on www.swinetastesfine.com, I lol'd. (editor's note : this is so catchy!) http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/434 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/434 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:18:08 -0500 Today I was on MSN and I was talking to my friend and I meant to say "I'm too sexy for my shirt", but I said "I'm too sexy for my shit". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/433 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/433 Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:23:54 -0500 Today, I was using a program called Drill Assistant. When I tried to open a file, it directed me to a folder where the program is installed. The folder is called "Drill Ass." I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/430 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/430 Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:31:12 -0500 Today, after going to Photoplus for over 2 years, I realised that when you peel the back off the photos they are actually stickers. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/429 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/429 Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:08:25 -0500 Today, I looked up my friend Jennah's name on Urban Dictionary. It says it means to screw a squirrel. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/428 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/428 Mon, 12 Oct 2009 09:46:39 -0500 Today, I said "rawr" to my friend, and that it meant "I love you" in dinosaur. He said that dinosaurs can't say love, and that it probably meant "I'm about to bite your tits off." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/427 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/427 Sat, 10 Oct 2009 10:13:44 -0500 Today, my brother was in the middle of watching a video when he got Rick Roll'd. I lol'd. Then sang along. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/425 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/425 Sat, 10 Oct 2009 10:05:31 -0500 Today, my best friend told me she had a dream her dad was Basshunter. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/424 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/424 Fri, 09 Oct 2009 23:14:50 -0500 Today, I found out there's a Chinese school at WIC (a private school near my house) that teaches Mandarin (on weekends), and that they call their school: the "Chinese Confucius School". I Lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/423 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/423 Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:47:19 -0500 Today, my German lecturer pronounced Mel Gibson as 'Mel Jibson'. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/421 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/421 Tue, 06 Oct 2009 10:10:25 -0500 Today, my sister and I were watching the episode of Spongebob where he smells and it comes to the part where he makes the realization that patrick didn't know because he has no nose. My sister turns to me and says "omg did you know that patrick has no nose!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/419 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/419 Tue, 06 Oct 2009 01:41:24 -0500 Today I was at work, cashiering at a grocery store early in the morning. I noticed a man standing to the left and a pregnant woman to the right; I noticed on his shirt he had two stick figures, a man on the left, and a woman on the right, and the woman had a giant belly. Underneath read 'bullseye'. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/418 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/418 Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:31:49 -0500 Today, I saw this picture. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/417 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/417 Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:31:04 -0500 Today, I texted my dad asking what he was doing. I don't think he realizes "your mom" just isn't the response his son wanted to hear. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/416 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/416 Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:50:18 -0500 Today, I was using StumbleUpon to guide me through the internet. It took me to "ratemycameltoe.com". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/415 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/415 Mon, 05 Oct 2009 03:16:18 -0500 Today I was watching a YouTube video of a band with a tall guitarist. I checked the comments and saw a guy saying he wished he was taller so he could play his guitar lower. Someone replied "But then it'll look like you're just enjoying your guitar hit your dick". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/414 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/414 Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:38:27 -0500 Today in church I asked my mum if she had any change for the collection plate and she said "No, your goddamn sister cleaned me out". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/413 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/413 Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:53:53 -0500 Today I was listening to Thriller by Michael Jackson while using StubleUpon. Three times in a row, I stumbled a site about zombies. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/412 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/412 Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:05:44 -0500 Today, while riding the city bus I saw a man roll up a joint in front of me. I texted my mom to tell her about it and she suggested I ask him for some. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/411 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/411 Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:14:23 -0500 Today, I saw a woman riding a tandem bike. Solo. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/410 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/410 Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:21:05 -0500 Today, I was standing behind a girl, while waiting for the elavator. When the doors opened she got on and quickly pressed the button. Midway through getting on, the doors closed. Scared, I quickly raised my arms to protect my face. I got on, unscathed. After the awkward silence, she lol'd. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/409 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/409 Wed, 30 Sep 2009 11:32:38 -0500 Today my friend told me that his mum has a friend who has a degree in jellyfish and that she knows the second most about them in the UK. He lol'd. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/408 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/408 Tue, 29 Sep 2009 23:55:51 -0500 Today, my dad wouldn't let me have friends over. His reason? He didn't want to put a shirt on. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/407 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/407 Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:37:11 -0500 Today I listened to this guy's voicemail attempt to chat up a girl. Genius. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/406 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/406 Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:50:13 -0500 Today, I saw two stop signs. On the first one someone had sprayed through a stencil so it said STOP "Hammertime". Then a few blocks later someone had done the same but it said "Don't" STOP "Believin'". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/405 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/405 Sun, 27 Sep 2009 07:18:29 -0500 Today, I watched Gordon Ramsey : Where's the lamb sauce. This video. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/402 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/402 Sat, 26 Sep 2009 21:18:39 -0500 Today, I saw this picture. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/401 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/401 Sat, 26 Sep 2009 06:18:30 -0500 Today, my male friend was talking to a girl he liked. Mid-sentence, his voice broke and went all high pitched for a second, like the 'squeaky voiced teen' in The Simpsons. He's 22. He was embarrassed. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/399 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/399 Sat, 26 Sep 2009 06:17:55 -0500 Today, I was walking down the street, and saw my friend driving towards me. He beeped and waved. The man walking in front of me (a total stranger) looked up and waved back at my friend. Then he turned to me, realised what happened, and mumbled. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/398 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/398 Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:23:30 -0500 Today I watched grape lady falls on youtube. Classic. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/394 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/394 Tue, 22 Sep 2009 03:16:32 -0500 Today, I went to town after school and I was hanging out with one of my mates when my guy mate walked into garden place with a chihuahua in his arms, it's his pet. My friend and I shouted 'WHY THE HELL DOES HE HAVE A RAT?!'. We lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/392 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/392 Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:36:54 -0500 Today I typed in "I have" in google, it suggested "I have no friends" . I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/391 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/391 Mon, 21 Sep 2009 08:16:36 -0500 Today, I was working in a video store. An old woman came in, and asked if we have adult movies to rent. I felt a little ill, and told her we don't. She left. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/388 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/388 Mon, 21 Sep 2009 06:54:56 -0500 Today, I read a comment about a music video on YouTube (the song Infinity by Guru Josh Project) that said 'How sexy is that lady? I wanna put my sledgehammer inside her'. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/387 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/387 Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:25:01 -0500 Today, I saw a constuction guy bent over, working on some pipes. I got a full view of his butt crack. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/386 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/386 Sun, 20 Sep 2009 09:56:02 -0500 Today, I found Hats Of Meat. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/380 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/380 Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:45:01 -0500 Today I was sitting at the computer and my cat was sitting next to my keyboard. My cat then pressed the eject button on my keyboard and was pushed off the desk by the disc tray. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/379 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/379 Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:09:45 -0500 Today, at the mall, a very sexy guy started talking me. He tried to get my number, and right before I could respond, a nerdy looking fellow who was watching the entire time passed by and announced, "Oh, look! A water fountain is near if you're thirsty." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/376 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/376 Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:13:40 -0500 Today I went to pet my cat's tail while he was bathing himself and then when i touched his tail he gave me a total "oh-no-you-didn't" look. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/374 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/374 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:22:27 -0500 Today, I went to a computer store that was selling FF3 for 3 dollars. I held it up to my dad and said "look, you can buy it for 3 dollars instead of downloading it for free!" and I heard a passing by employee laugh. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/373 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/373 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:16:53 -0500 Today I saw the new ShamWow commercial that was made from a song on youtube. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/372 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/372 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 14:13:57 -0500 Today, my math teacher wrote 'D:' on the board. It looked like a face. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/371 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/371 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:27:30 -0500 Today, I found my grandmother watching the information channel on our digital TV. I asked her why she was watching it and she said she was waiting for the news to come on. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/370 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/370 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:26:14 -0500 Today, my friend texted me telling me the club we're going to tonight has a promotion on 'jagerboobs' tonight. She meant jagerbombs. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/369 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/369 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:23:12 -0500 Today, my older brother came downstairs after being at a party last night. He was in such a hurry to get to work that he didn't see that he had PENIS written on his face in permanent marker. I didn't tell him and he left for work. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/368 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/368 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:20:25 -0500 Today, my 4 year old cousin was sick with a really bad flu. Being just 4 he didn't understand why his mom couldn't make him feel better so he could go out to play. He told her "I'M LEAVING HOME". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/367 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/367 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:19:06 -0500 Today, I heard that Obama called Kanye West a 'jackass'. Video here. What a hero. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/366 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/366 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 08:10:05 -0500 Today in class, my HUGE-assed teacher bent over beside my desk and let out a long, wet fart straight in my face. I coughed alot, then I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/365 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/365 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 05:07:22 -0500 Today, as I was putting some rubbish in a public bin, I noticed someone had defaced the bin so that instead of saying "Litter", it said "Clitterus". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/364 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/364 Mon, 14 Sep 2009 16:12:23 -0500 Today I was driving down my road and there was a man and a woman bending down looking in the boot of their car. When the woman stood up, the man was still bending down a little bit ,so her breasts were pushed into his face. They lol'd and I lol'd . http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/363 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/363 Mon, 14 Sep 2009 07:23:10 -0500 Today my mom was singing along to La Roux in the car but sang, "Mulletproooof". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/362 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/362 Mon, 14 Sep 2009 03:21:07 -0500 Today, my mum came home from France etc. When my Dad was out getting dinner, my retarded cat decided to jump into my mum's open empty suitcase. Then I closed over the lid and she somehow jumped out of like a 20cm gap. It was freakish. I don't know why, but I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/361 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/361 Sun, 13 Sep 2009 05:14:00 -0500 Today on Dublin bus stopped at traffic lights, a elderly lady sitting in front of me leapt across the bus to the other window and screamed "BLOODY FUCKING PUSH-BIKES!" at a cyclist harmlessly parked beside us. Most people edged slowly away while the bus driver and I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/359 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/359 Thu, 10 Sep 2009 06:59:52 -0500 Today I glanced at a picture of what I thought was a skeleton. A second glance revealed it was in fact Britney Spears. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/284 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/284 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 06:24:10 -0500 Today, i watched "David After Dentist", I lol'd for about 20 minutes. Go youtube it. ( Editor's note : here's the link. It really is hilarious.) http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/283 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/283 Wed, 09 Sep 2009 02:42:48 -0500 Today I was in class and it was really quiet, and my friend started talking to herself, and she said "What about your education? Oh, my mum wants me to work at McDonald's so she can get free big macs". I lol'd. Nobody else found it funny, which made me lol even more. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/282 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/282 Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:55:53 -0500 Today, i googled "Today I" and it suggested "Today I cried - thoughts of non profit information technology". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/279 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/279 Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:43:47 -0500 Today, I was sitting with my mates, and all of a sudden I burped so I said "Haha, I burped" and one of my mates said "I thought I felt something on my foot just then! So it was you!" I lol'd because it was so retarded and made NO sense. I lol'd again. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/278 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/278 Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:26:43 -0500 Today, my boyfriend was sending me dirty texts. His intention was to write "Fuck Me", but he didn't look over the message, so when I read it, it said "Duck me", I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/277 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/277 Sun, 06 Sep 2009 19:49:21 -0500 I googled "Why are" and it recommended "Why are all of the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria. I lol'd hard. XD http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/276 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/276 Sat, 05 Sep 2009 03:20:33 -0500 Today there was an ad on TV for a crime/drama show that had Maroon 5 guest starring on it. Part of their teaser was "as if seeing Maroon 5 live in concert wasn't bad enough, things are going to get a lot worse". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/274 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/274 Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:09:09 -0500 Today, I was trying to spell "yaoi" in a text message, but I was using iTAP autocomplete. It came up as "wang." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/272 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/272 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 22:37:20 -0500 Today, I was on yahoo! answers and a women wanted to know how you can tell if you're too 'loose' because she recently had kids. One of the replies was "If you can stick both hands in there and clap." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/271 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/271 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:51:16 -0500 Today, while I was on the bus I noticed the "Stopping" sign inside the bus wasn't working properly. The bulbs to light up the 'S' weren't working, so everytime the bus was about to come to a stop, it read "topping" in bright letters. I lol'd at the random innuendo. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/269 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/269 Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:17:32 -0500 While at camp my friends and I were reading messages written on a bunk. One was 'Here on the Moon, there is a big fat poon, wanna spoon? 1800 6969696 call me soon I'm open for suggestions' We lol'd. Later we texted it to a friend, his girlfriend had his phone and read it. We lol'd some more. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/268 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/268 Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:12:08 -0500 Today, on the bus, I heard a drug deal take place between a man and a woman. The woman had two children with her. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/265 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/265 Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:10:40 -0500 Today, my 5 year old sister was throwing a tantrum. As she was storming out of the kitchen she turned to my mom and screamed "I want a divorce!". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/264 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/264 Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:06:48 -0500 Today, someone uploaded a photo onto Facebook of my sister's ex-boyfriend making out with guy on a night out. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/263 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/263 Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:05:11 -0500 Today, I discovered that there's a place in Austria called 'Fucking' - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/262 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/262 Sun, 30 Aug 2009 23:12:09 -0500 Today I parked my car on the side of the road and swung my door open. I hit a cyclist and he crashed his bike. I was speechless and offered him help but he got back on and biked off. Not before saying "fuckin' good one" when he left. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/261 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/261 Sun, 30 Aug 2009 20:07:31 -0500 Today on Google I was going to look up some symptoms. When I got to "What are these s..." at the bottom of the recommendation list it said "what are these strawberries doing on my nipples I need them for fruit salad". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/259 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/259 Sun, 30 Aug 2009 08:53:49 -0500 Today, I asked my hungover mother how she was feeling. Her response was simply ''just let me die.'' I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/258 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/258 Sun, 30 Aug 2009 08:26:40 -0500 Today, I noticed that my friend has a spanner in his bath. It's been there for months. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/257 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/257 Sun, 30 Aug 2009 05:03:03 -0500 The other day me and my friends were driving around, there wasn't enough seats in the car so one of my friends had to go in the boot, he thought it would be funny to fart. He was the only one that could smell it and then vomited when he got out of the car. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/256 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/256 Sun, 30 Aug 2009 00:33:52 -0500 The other day I was in the car when I looked out and saw a billboard, it read 'Why speed?'. I then saw that someone had written underneath 'Need to take a shit'. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/255 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/255 Sat, 29 Aug 2009 23:56:01 -0500 Today, I remembered one time at school I told my friend about how a girl asked me what $1.20 + $1.00 was, my friend replied 'it's $1.20' I was like 'it's $2.20, nice to see 11 years of education weren't wasted on you' she said "What? I started school when i was five". She also happens to be a year 11. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/254 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/254 Sat, 29 Aug 2009 21:22:48 -0500 Today, me and my friends were talking about the song Obsessed by Mariah Carey. My friend started singing it "Why you having sex with me?" we told her it's actually "Why you so obsessed with me?". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/253 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/253 Sat, 29 Aug 2009 16:51:54 -0500 Today, I was sending a text to a friend citing a private joke: "I think it's guillotine time". Having recently got a new phone, I plugged in the digits and sent. I got no reply. When I mentioned it later, he told me he never got it- wrong number. It was sent to some terrified stranger. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/252 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/252 Fri, 28 Aug 2009 21:37:08 -0500 Today, my wife told me she was leaving me and taking the kids with her. I ... didn't lol at all actually it's been a very traumatic day and to laugh at such a scenario would be utter madness. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/250 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/250 Fri, 28 Aug 2009 21:32:22 -0500 Today I was in the mall. As I shopped, a woman was pushing her pram in front of me. She was wearing those ridiculously baggy tracksuit bottoms. As she waddled along, her trousers slid down her legs and she didn't notice until they were at her ankles and she was receiving angry glares. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/249 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/249 Fri, 28 Aug 2009 21:30:43 -0500 Today I was on the bus. As we approached a bus stop I saw a man desperately running to catch the bus. So intense was his focus on the bus that he ran directly into a streetlight. He clutched his chest and heaved after the impact. When I saw he was ok, I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/248 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/248 Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:06:18 -0500 Today, one of my high school juniors held out a giant green blow-pop and said, "Look at my candy." Without thinking I said, "That's not candy; that's practice!" She and I lol'd and then I had to leave my classroom because ALL my students heard me. In the hall, I lol'd some more. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/247 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/247 Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:58:25 -0500 Today, my tickets for a Bell X1 concert arrived. I'd paid with my dad's credit card so they were addressed to him, he opened the envelope and shouted up the stairs, "Your tickets for 'Bollicks' arrived!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/246 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/246 Thu, 27 Aug 2009 14:11:49 -0500 Today, my best friend's cousin asked me if I wanted to sleep with her. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/245 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/245 Thu, 27 Aug 2009 14:11:29 -0500 Today, my cousin asked my best friend if she could sleep with him. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/244 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/244 Thu, 27 Aug 2009 02:36:43 -0500 Today whilst my mother was checking the history on a computer only children under 12 use she found sites including one called "clitgames". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/243 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/243 Wed, 26 Aug 2009 21:26:26 -0500 Today, my friend showed me the website http://obamaisliterallyhitler.tumblr.com/ . I lol'd. Being a staunch Republican as well as a Jew, I actually lol'd quite hard. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/242 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/242 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:41:32 -0500 Today, my friend's Facebook status was "my mam called my dad a lesbian today". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/240 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/240 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:34:28 -0500 Today, my parents were giving out to my little brother for being a brat as usual. All of sudden my mother shouts at him, "You're such a wanker sometimes!!" We were all taken aback and feeling awkward until she said, "What?! I don't know what that means!!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/239 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/239 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:20:10 -0500 Today, I was walking home and saw a road sign saying 'slow', someone had scrawled underneath it 'sex!!'. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/238 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/238 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:15:30 -0500 Today, my mom received a text from my little brother saying, "no seriously, you give amazing blow-jobs baby." It was obviously meant for his girlfriend 'Marie' and not his 'Mam'. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/237 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/237 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:13:31 -0500 Today, I was lurking on my ex-boyfriend's Facebook page. We broke up last year after I found out he'd been seeing someone else while still dating me; he proposed to her a few months later. Today, I noticed he'd recently changed his relationship status from 'engaged' to 'single'. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/236 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/236 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:08:50 -0500 Today, I was on the bus. A woman across from me had fallen asleep but when the bus came to a sudden halt she banged her head off the window and yelped as she woke up. Everyone stared. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/235 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/235 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 09:55:24 -0500 Today I was texting my mother to let her know I was coming home that night. At the end of the message I put "See you soon" but I use predictive text so it came out as "See you poon". Because it was the last word of the text I didn't see it in time before sending. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/234 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/234 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 05:40:42 -0500 Today, I woke up hung over. When I asked about last night to my friends, they showed me a video of me falling down a flight of stairs, standing up, bleeding and scraped, and screaming "IT'S OKAY! I SAVED MY BEER!" everyone in the video and I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/233 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/233 Tue, 25 Aug 2009 05:37:36 -0500 Today, I was house sitting for my friends' parents. When taking out the garbage I saw the package for a 8 1/2" ass plug. I lol'd. Then I sent my friend a picture message of it . Then I lol'd again. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/232 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/232 Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:58:33 -0500 Today, I was in Statistics learning about the cumulative factor. My teacher wrote cum factor on the board. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/231 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/231 Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:09:53 -0500 Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and tried something new for once since I just started having sex. It's been a year for him, and he was my first. We did it from behind. He lasted a whole 4 seconds before he busted his load. He got embarrassed. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/230 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/230 Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:02:25 -0500 Today, I was at our county fair. This teenage boy(13-15) saw this hot, beautiful girl and seemed to want to impressed her. It was raining the last few days and he was in line, on this metal walkway. He fell on his butt, she laughed, his friend laughed. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/229 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/229 Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:10:29 -0500 Today, I typed in "I am" into Google. One of the suggestions was "I am extremely terrified of chinese people." Since I am Chinese, I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/228 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/228 Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:08:56 -0500 Today, I was at the store, and I put all my stuff on the counter and the clerk started cracking up. And then I realized how hilarious this must look, you've got me, your average 14 year old guy buying 4 five hour energy shots, six cans of monster, and a twelve pack of ribbed Trojans. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/227 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/227 Fri, 21 Aug 2009 05:37:56 -0500 Today while walking to an exam I saw a car with the licence plate removed, the numbers were poorly scrawled in marker. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/226 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/226 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:18:29 -0500 Today, I was driving in my car behind a guy on a motorcycle. The back of his shirt read, "If you can read this the BITCH fell off." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/225 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/225 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:47:16 -0500 Today I was at the book shop buying stationary for my little cousin for going back to school. She wandered off and a few minutes later I hear her shout loudly across the shop 'I NEED MORE RUBBERS!' I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/223 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/223 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:44:55 -0500 Today my young cousin and his friend decided to make beans on toast for lunch. Midway through cooking the beans they asked me what beans are made of. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/222 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/222 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 14:40:55 -0500 Today me and my boyfriend were sitting on my couch when he got an erection which hit off my cat who was on his lap. The cat then clawed my boyfriends crotch. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/221 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/221 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 12:28:35 -0500 Today at work, a woman was buying school supplies for her three children, who all looked to be 17. The last item I rang up for them was a pair of safety scissors which their mother saw, then refused to pay for them, and grounded her son because they were "stabby" and "pointy". I lol'd. A lot. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/220 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/220 Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:16:57 -0500 My friends and I love to watch the credits on movies and look for funny names. Today we saw Mo Henry... I imagined Christopher Walken saying it: I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/219 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/219 Wed, 19 Aug 2009 21:11:41 -0500 Today, I went to our local fair. It was very muddy because it had rained. As we were walking through some of the mud, I thought in my head "Jesus this is muddy". I then look to my right to see a cannon with "Jesus" written on it. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/218 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/218 Wed, 19 Aug 2009 13:01:12 -0500 Today I was on Today I lol'd and there was an advertisement that said '1 tip of a flat belly: cut down 3lbs of your belly every week by using this 1 weird tip' and there was an arrow pointing towards 'kids' under the categories. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/217 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/217 Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:43:44 -0500 I was driving home today and ended up behind an ice cream truck. As the music played I saw an obese man come running out of his house in flip flops running after the ice cream truck. Between his desperation to catch the truck and his bouncing titties, I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/216 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/216 Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:33:12 -0500 Today while reading Today I Lol'd, I read a story about my friend. Now the whole world knows she likes a winebottle in the bajingo. I Lol'd. (editor's note : This story right here folks) http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/214 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/214 Tue, 18 Aug 2009 08:44:01 -0500 Today, I left my hand brake off in the car with my dog in it. When I came outside the car was gone I looked down the road and there it was crashed into a bus stop. My dog was pretty shook up since nobody was driving the car when he was in it. When I realised he was okay, I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/213 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/213 Mon, 17 Aug 2009 06:07:42 -0500 Today I left to go to work, and my neighbor was shooting leftover fireworks off. I stopped and told him not to get any debris in my yard. On my way home as I pulled around the corner I saw firework debris on my lawn :( . I finished turning and saw a firetruck hosing down his burnt up house. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/212 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/212 Sun, 16 Aug 2009 22:35:31 -0500 Today my friends and I were writing in secret code. Every letter was changed to the next letter in the alphabet. I was writing to my friend Anna. Her code name was boob. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/211 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/211 Sun, 16 Aug 2009 19:27:41 -0500 Today my friend made a joke about making me sniff crack off a hookers ass. When I said no he replied with, "but, it's CRACK" I said (with no pun intended), "it's still ass crack." We lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/210 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/210 Sat, 15 Aug 2009 15:33:44 -0500 Today while playing 'I never', a girl I never really talked to and always seemed shy said ''I've never pleasured myself with a winebottle''. She's now a good friend and I still lol. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/208 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/208 Sat, 15 Aug 2009 15:29:10 -0500 Today in work a man asked me to try on sunglasses he wanted to buy for his girlfriend. I agreed but said ''They dont suit me''. He said ''Don't be silly they suit everyone''. Two seconds later he said ''Oooh you were right''. I was sad but just lol'd to keep my job. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/207 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/207 Fri, 14 Aug 2009 10:55:18 -0500 Today I watched an old lady walk into an exit door that you can't go through. She looked around and noticed I was looking at her. We both lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/205 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/205 Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:57:08 -0500 Today I watched that Lady Gaga 'penis video'. I lol'd. (editor's note : Video Here ) http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/204 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/204 Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:44:01 -0500 Today, I was yelled at for doing my job TOO efficiently. Apparently, I'm making everyone else in the office look bad. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/203 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/203 Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:21:19 -0500 Today My Bald Dad in passing stated he, "Got Herpes as a young man. It was very expensive to get but in the end found it way too itchy so he couldnt stick it and finally gave it to a friend with a similar condition." Shocked and sickened. I finally found out he was saying hair piece.I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/201 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/201 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 22:45:26 -0500 Last night my roommate walks in at two in the morning. She tells me that she shit her pants walking home and then proceeded to buy a bean burrito at the closest fast food restaurant before cleaning herself up. I lol'd myself to sleep. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/200 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/200 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:39:41 -0500 Today, Oprah was on TV. She had some random person as her guest. Oprah says to her, "I hear you've completely changed your outlook on life." Her guest said, "yeah, completely. 360 degrees." I know that 360 degrees is a full circle, which means she hadn't changed her outlook on life at all. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/199 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/199 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 05:12:29 -0500 Today, I purchased some new French Connection perfume. When I got home I noticed it was named 'Eau de Fcuk', I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/198 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/198 Tue, 11 Aug 2009 18:41:29 -0500 In work a pregnant lady came to my till, her boyf walked off on her with the kids leaving her to pack, I helped with the heavy stuff but still it was a lot of shopping, at the end she said "Men, I'm 9 months pregnant and he just left me." and that I almost replied "Thats the story of my life". But I didn't, I just lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/197 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/197 Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:30:14 -0500 Today, I did shrooms for the first time. I accidentally knocked down a door and tried to climb in, and thought a bottle of soap was going to kill me. When I awoke in the hospital naked, I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/196 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/196 Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:54:16 -0500 Today, I was eating out my girlfriend on my couch when my roommate, who is ten years older than I, walked in from work three hours early. He chuckled at us and said, "Oh you kids and your public indecency," and walked out of the room. I lol'd. My girlfriend put her pants back on. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/195 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/195 Tue, 11 Aug 2009 09:31:47 -0500 Today me and my friends smoked some good pot. We all lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/194 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/194 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:04:28 -0500 Today, I was on a bus and saw a guy running with a sub sandwich. He then trips on a curb, drops it, rolls three times and gets up and starts lol'ing. I also lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/193 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/193 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:14:47 -0500 Today I heard the word fuckalukadingdong. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/192 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/192 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:09:03 -0500 Today in the supermarket a lady asked me to get a box of rice off the top shelf for her. I'm 6' 4", she was about 5'. So I smiled and asked her to please grab me a can of chili off the bottom shelf. She lol'd. I got the rice for her. She said thanks and left. I lol'd and got my own chili. Bitch. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/191 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/191 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:28:36 -0500 Today, my friend told me the funniest joke ever: "There are four gay guys sitting together in a bath tub. All the sudden, a little cum floats to the top of the water. First thing anyone says is: 'Who farted?'" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/190 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/190 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:26:16 -0500 Today, I was at my cousin's house playing video games. I heard a loud crash, only to hear screaming from the stairs afterwards. My cousin had fallen, and I was sitting there laughing at him while he was crying. It turned out that he had sprained his ankle very baldy. I felt guilty, but I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/189 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/189 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:42:27 -0500 Today I was at a movie and got some popcorn. The guy behind the counter said "enjoy your movie" and I said " you too." It took me a second and then i said "Shit, sorry" then walked away. He lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/188 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/188 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 12:11:15 -0500 Today after a night of heavy drinking I split a cab with a girl I didn't know who said she was going the same way. When she asked to pull over so she could use a payphone the cabbie informed me that she was a prostitute and was going to get her pimp. We drove off, I was freaking out, then I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/187 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/187 Mon, 10 Aug 2009 05:12:37 -0500 Today, I went out to my garden and there was a random, mysterious burger on the steps. Completely untouched. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/186 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/186 Sun, 09 Aug 2009 23:27:26 -0500 Today I saw an angry woman throwing all sorts of things out of her trunk, she was yelling about how her husband had cheated on her. All the stuff was his. A man was trying to stop her from breaking the TV, I thought he was the husband. He was just a guy who wanted a TV. She gave it to him. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/185 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/185 Sun, 09 Aug 2009 23:18:09 -0500 Today my family and I were at the mall. We turned the corner and walked by a gorgeous young lady. As I turned my head to see if my brother had spotted the hottie he was turning to do the same. We lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/184 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/184 Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:38:13 -0500 Today I saw an ad that said, "Want famous friends like The Jonas Brothers?" I lol'd extra hard. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/183 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/183 Sat, 08 Aug 2009 09:21:50 -0500 Today my friend uploaded a photo album to facebook "Vancouver photos that weren't eaten by my dickhead camera". In the preview on the sidebar it just said "Vancouver photos that weren't eaten by my dick...". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/181 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/181 Sat, 08 Aug 2009 08:39:50 -0500 Today my friend walked into the room covered in blood. He'd forgotten his bike had no brakes and he was going down a hill, he was forced to jump into a hedge. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/180 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/180 Sat, 08 Aug 2009 06:41:39 -0500 Today I was in my local bar with my family and the barman brought down our drinks that my dad ordered. Looking at my sisters (I'm a guy) he said "the rose westcoast is for?" I said "me!". He replied "of course for you sir". My dad looked so proud ... not! Awkward. But deep down, I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/179 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/179 Fri, 07 Aug 2009 08:59:56 -0500 Today I was walking on a wall and when I put my right foot forward it didn't go on the wall, I missed it. I the proceeded to fall, but I caught onto the wall and pulled myself up. Feeling like a secret agent, I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/177 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/177 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:28:54 -0500 Today, I was serving woman in work. As she put in her credit card into the card machine, her child started pressing the keys. She says aloud, "Don't push those buttons, you're a very naughty boy!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/175 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/175 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:29:25 -0500 Today, I got a headshot with a bayonet in a game. I lol'd. It happened again with an airplane. I lol'd again. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/174 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/174 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:29:38 -0500 Today I was sitting outside McDonalds when an elderly (key word) woman with a rather large ass walked out. A random passerby screamed from his car "Shawty got a donk!". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/173 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/173 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 08:34:36 -0500 Today, I was sitting on a damp, grassy field with my girlfriend. When I got up, she asked if I was wet. I said no, and then she promptly responded with, "That's what she said." I lol'd, and then died a little on the inside because it was my girlfriend who said it. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/115 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/115 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 05:25:31 -0500 Today, I was ringing up an older man at work. Since I'm 17, he was very critical of everything I did. After forgetting a coupon, he told me to get my head straight and that I couldn't tell left from right. On my break, I then saw him leave, pull down a one way street, and hit an Ford F250. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/114 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/114 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 01:48:24 -0500 Today, while watching videos on youtube (editor's interpretation : masturbating), I heard a knock on my second story balcony door. I then opened the door to be asked if "Ty still lived here". I replied no and the guy climbed down my fire escape in confusion. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/113 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/113 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 00:32:54 -0500 Today, I was out at the mall giving out free hugs. Someone called the cops and cited me for solicitation, and as they were explaining it to me, the guy behind him took out a "special" brownie and took a bite and lol'd. I groaned at the irony and idiocy, then lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/112 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/112 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 22:33:34 -0500 Today I was eating out this girl and her two friends walked in on us. They asked to join. I lol'd. The girl didn't. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/111 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/111 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 22:11:23 -0500 Today, I saw a facebook group called "binge drinking - not cool". I lol'd. Binge drinking is totally cool. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/110 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/110 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:48:22 -0500 Today, while walking to my car, a friend asked ''How many calories is in a mouthful of semen, I need to know before I give you head''. I'm a girl. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/109 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/109 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:30:33 -0500 Today I saw a kid riding on heelyz fall. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/108 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/108 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 08:55:17 -0500 Today, I arrived home from a late drinking session, just as my neighbour was going to work. He said, "I hope you're not only coming home now!". My poor alcohol-addled mind could think of nothing better to say than "...Ah well." I cringed. Then I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/104 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/104 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 05:39:54 -0500 Today I heard the word "Absofuckingloutly".I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/103 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/103 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 05:39:25 -0500 Today a relative of mine wished me a Happy Birthday, I happily received his present and said 'same to you'. He lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/102 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/102 Tue, 04 Aug 2009 10:54:31 -0500 Today, my friend told me about his actions last night. He got lucky with some girl in a nightclub, then blacked out, so next thing he remembers is waking up beside her, still feeling drunk. Decided to sneak out. Only when going down the stairs did he realise he was actually in his own house. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/101 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/101 Sun, 02 Aug 2009 17:00:53 -0500 Today, was at a friends house. My friend picked up a plumb and didn't like the look of it so he put it down. He picked up another, then his Dad said 'Stop messing with my plumbs'. I lol'd. He did too http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/100 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/100 Sat, 01 Aug 2009 07:47:20 -0500 Today, I was reading an internet forum thread about "Could you survive as just a head?". People were getting serious, talking about the science of it and previous experiments on animals. One guy replied "not without a hat". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/99 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/99 Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:19:18 -0500 Today I was at a waterpark. At one slide, I saw one (large, to say the least) woman slyly skip the queue and get to the front. It's a pretty fast slide she went down, and when she emerged from it, her left boob had popped out of the bikini. It looked hilarious, just the one boob popped out. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/98 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/98 Tue, 28 Jul 2009 23:47:05 -0500 Today I read a story on todayilold.com. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/97 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/97 Tue, 28 Jul 2009 23:44:09 -0500 Today at a resteraunt a drunk guy tries to make a quick grab and getaway with someone else's to-go order. As he heads for the double doors he tries to open both for a dramatic exit, without realizing there was a pole in the middle. He went face first into the pole and the food went flying. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/96 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/96 Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:58:45 -0500 Today, I called to my friend's house. His mom let me in & I went up to his room. When I opened the door I heard the laptop lid click shut, and he was in the bed, looking rather flustered. Obviously been masturbating. I asked "what you doing?". He sighed & just said "Masturbating, alright?". I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/95 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/95 Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:33:45 -0500 Today I was watching TV and tried to change the channel. I got frustrated when the remote wasn't working. Perhaps because I was actually pointing my cell phone at the TV. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/94 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/94 Mon, 27 Jul 2009 08:47:05 -0500 Today at work, I was alternating between saying "thanks" to customers, and saying "cheers". After serving a particularly cute guy, I was a little flustered and blurted out "Chanks". He gave me a bewildered look. I was embarrassed. Then I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/93 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/93 Mon, 27 Jul 2009 00:40:08 -0500 Today I was on facebook and realized that I only had 69 friends and was a little sad cuz that's pretty lame.... but then I realized that it was 69! I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/90 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/90 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:13:10 -0500 Today, I was watching TV and decided to go make some tea. Later on I reached for the remote control and saw only a carton of milk. The remote was in the fridge. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/89 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/89 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:02:41 -0500 Today, I saw a man get out of his car and walk to the post box. He had his car keys in one hand & an envelope in the other. He popped the keys into the box and strolled back to his car. I saw his facial expression turn to one of horror when he tried to put the envelope in the car key hole. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/88 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/88 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:14:35 -0500 Today I was walking down the street and I passed a homeless woman. When she asked me for money I said "sorry" and kept walking. She in turn said, "don't be sorry, just be useful." It was ironic. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/87 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/87 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:23:04 -0500 Today, my mom called me a son of a bitch, I don't think she realized the irony. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/86 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/86 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:10:24 -0500 Today, when I opened up my fridge, I saw a cucumber. I stuck it down my pants and used it to make a bulge. Then my blind girlfriend came home and was going to give me a blowjob. Instead she started eating the cucumber. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/84 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/84 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 07:37:49 -0500 Today, my friend was texting his girlfriend when suddenly he gasped and covered his face in his hands. I asked what was up, he showed me the text he'd just sent his gf. At the end it said "Love you abby". He meant to put "baby" but screwed it up. His girlfriend has a friend called Abby. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/83 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/83 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 07:34:11 -0500 Today, I lost my phone. I panicked a little as I searched for it, as I really don't have the money for a new one. It was in my hand. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/82 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/82 Sat, 18 Jul 2009 14:31:54 -0500 Today, I took my little cousin (4 years old) to tennis camp. He was wearing very short shorts due to the heat and when he was done he came over and I happened to notice that his pesky was hanging out. I asked him if he was wearing underpants. He said no because he only wears undies when he feels like it. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/81 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/81 Fri, 17 Jul 2009 11:40:13 -0500 Me and another friend were waiting for some other friends to arrive. I felt it had been a long while, so I attempted to say that it "Feels like it's been forever," except I got stuck at "been," thinking I might instead say "hours." My friend quickly sits up and shouts "Yes, it HAS been." I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/80 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/80 Fri, 17 Jul 2009 11:29:56 -0500 Today i read more bigotry against video games. Apparently, you can't have a single black-skinned target in a videogame. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/79 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/79 Fri, 17 Jul 2009 09:25:50 -0500 Today, I witnessed a couple having a heated argument on the street outside a bar, with a few onlookers gathering. Finally, the woman screams "Fine! I've had enough! I'm outta here, so fuck you!", and turns around and walks directly into a lamp post. I lol'd. Everyone lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/78 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Love/78 Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:56:57 -0500 Today, I was at the mall in line for Chinese. The 4 year old in front of me kept saying to his dad, "I want noodles!" It annoyed the Chinese lady serving food after a few minutes(the father was ordering for several people), so she leaned over the counter and screamed, "I GET YOU NOODLE!" I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/77 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/77 Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:15:39 -0500 Today, my friend told me about a conversation he had with a homeless person. It went well and my friend was feeling good about himself. The homeless man said "safe home" as a goodbye. Instinctively, my friend replied "you too". To a homeless man. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/76 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/76 Tue, 14 Jul 2009 23:19:27 -0500 Today, I rode the bus home. During the ride, i noticed that someone on the other end of the bus looked a lot like me. He even looked to be wearing the same colors. I got really excited. Getting off, I then realized that I was looking at my reflection in a mirror. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/75 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/75 Tue, 14 Jul 2009 23:04:50 -0500 Today, I was at a petting zoo with my parents and nieces. My mom and dad were preparing for a donkey ride. My mom was struggling with saddling the donkey. So, my dad says to her, "Just take it up the ass women." I began puking violently. Then lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/74 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/74 Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:20:17 -0500 Today, on the traffic update on the radio, they said the left lane on the 403 was blocked by a large package. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/73 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/73 Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:46:01 -0500 Today, I voted on one of the 'I lol'd' submissions, and the number of votes changed to 69. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/71 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/71 Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:36:30 -0500 Today, I made a typo while talking to a friend. Instead of writing "lol", I wrote "olo". I instantly thought of a penis. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/70 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/70 Sun, 12 Jul 2009 01:26:04 -0500 I went to a funeral today for the loss of my best friend's mother. As we were talking to my best friend, his nephew was in the background. My best friend then said "I'll bet you a dollar he will come up and say something about his shoes". Shortly after, his nephew came up and talked about his shoes. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/68 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/68 Sun, 12 Jul 2009 01:01:30 -0500 Today I realized that in the next few weeks todayilold.com will probably be as popular as FML, only nobody will believe me that I discovered this site while there was only one page of posts. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/67 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/67 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:11:36 -0500 During the credits of the Transformers 2 movie my Friends and I saw that there guy named Logan Hard. We lol'd. alot http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/66 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/66 Wed, 17 Jun 2009 08:52:39 -0500 Today i walked past my friend who has a face the size of the moon. Several stationery items were in a geostationary orbit. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/25 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/25 Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:33:04 -0500 Today, my own mother appeared in the "People you may know" section of Facebook. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/24 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Kids/24 Thu, 11 Jun 2009 09:06:16 -0500 Today, I found out about my friend's actions last night. He has a bit of a reputation for causing trouble when drunk. Last night, he promised to behave, and managed to get home without passing out, throwing up, or starting a fight. He walked in proudly. And promptly got sick on his stairs. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/23 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/23 Wed, 10 Jun 2009 10:32:19 -0500 Today, my Mom arrived home in her car just as my Dad was leaving in his. Later, my Mom exclaimed to him "I came just as you were pulling out!". I lol'd. Then I remembered it was my parents and I felt disgusted at myself for laughing at the unintentional innuendo. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/22 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/22 Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:33:02 -0500 Today, I drove my friend to the store. A few minutes passed as I waited in the car. I then watched as he left the store, got into the wrong car, apologised to the woman sitting in the passenger seat, got out of the car, into mine, and said "well that was embarrassing". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/21 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/21 Mon, 08 Jun 2009 13:23:18 -0500 Today, my mother tried to cook a microwave dinner. After five minutes, the microwave did its "DING!" and she opened it, only to discover she never put the dinner in there in the first placed. She had cooked only air. I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/20 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/20 Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:14:07 -0500 Today, I woke up and got dressed for work. Then I realised it was Sunday. I lol'd. Then I went back to sleep for eight hours. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/19 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Work/19 Sun, 07 Jun 2009 10:22:10 -0500 Today, I watched this video about spiders on drugs : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2HipedgM3I . I lol'd http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/18 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/18 Sat, 06 Jun 2009 17:14:24 -0500 Today, I was watching the boats from the Volvo Ocean Race leave Galway harbour from across the bay in Clare. We parked on a narrow road and it soon became packed with spectators. One woman took it upon herself to direct traffic, shouting 'Bloody foreigners-Fecking yanks!!!' at passing cars. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/16 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/16 Sat, 06 Jun 2009 11:58:32 -0500 Today, on the way to our last exam my friend got caught in a sudden downpour. Exasperated, she walked into the exam hall and exclaimed, "I've never been so wet in my life!". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/14 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Sex/14 Fri, 05 Jun 2009 11:16:35 -0500 Today, during a maths exam, someone dropped a 7-up can. Sounded like an explosion. Everyone stared. I turned around and saw him, with his hand out stretched, frozen in humiliation. I lol'd. Everyone lol'd. He did not. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/12 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/12 Fri, 05 Jun 2009 09:29:38 -0500 Today, I was on the bus. The man sitting in the seat in front of me sneezed and snot went everywhere, including the hair of the woman in front of him. She didn't notice. I did. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/11 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/11 Thu, 04 Jun 2009 07:43:20 -0500 Today I masturbated over a girl in my class. A while later I left the house and saw her holding hands with her boyfriend. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/10 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Oh+the+humanity/10 Wed, 03 Jun 2009 07:58:08 -0500 Today, I saw a bumper sticker that said "Cyberspace scared me so much, I downloaded in my pants". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/7 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/7 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:58:58 -0500 Today, I went on todayilold.com. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/6 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/6 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:23:42 -0500 Today I saw a tshirt slogan: 'Aim for the moon. If you fall short, at least you'll still be among the stars.' Congratulations, you're retarded on an interstellar level. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/5 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Stupidity/5 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 12:50:10 -0500 Today, I farted. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/4 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Out+and+About/4 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 11:44:42 -0500 Today, I got sick of everyone raving about Susan Boyle so I checked her out on Youtube. I finally saw the woman everyone was raving about. I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/3 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/3 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 11:05:17 -0500 Today, I went shopping to buy a cake. I went to look at the price for an assorted fruit cake. The label said "ASS FRUIT CAKE". I lol'd. http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/2 http://www.todayilold.com/view/Miscellaneous/2