This Day in (almost) History

January 13

2012-01-13T06:43:00.000-08:00

January 13, 888 - Holy Roman Emperor Charles III (Charles the Fat) died. Ironically, he died (like most people in 9th century Europe) of starvation.

January 12

2012-01-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

January 12, 1998 - Nineteen European nations voted to forbid human cloning. However, suspicions arose when the 19 leaders of the 19 nations managed to unanimously vote on the measure by a final tally of 27 - 0.

January 11

2012-01-11T08:40:00.000-08:00

January 11, 1759 - The first American life insurance company was incorporated in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Among the first people to sign up was Santa Claus, who knew that Philadelphia was the one place even his life was in jeopardy.

January 10

2012-01-10T21:59:00.000-08:00

January 10, 1949 - Boxer George Foreman was born. Foreman was the youngest of four brothers, born after George Foreman -2nd, George Foreman -3rd, and George Foreman -4th.

January 9

2012-01-09T07:54:00.001-08:00

January 9, 1998 - The decapitated head of the statue of the Little Mermaid in Copenhagen, Denmark, was returned. The head thieves were never found, but the prime suspect has always been Bart Simpson, who the experts believe stole the head in an effort to look cool.

Jaunary 8

2012-01-08T17:44:00.001-08:00

January 8, 1940 - Great Britain was forced to introduce food rationing as a response to supply shortages during the Second World War. British citizens were ecstatic, as it limited the amount of horrible traditional English cooking they were able to eat.

January 7

2012-01-07T13:12:00.000-08:00

January 7, 1862 - Confederate soldiers under general Stonewall Jackson withdrew from their position on Orrick's Hill, Maryland, and set out for Romney, West Virginia, as part of the Romney Campaign of the American Civil War. To this day, this remains the most successful Romney campaign ever.

Jaunary 6

2012-01-06T08:01:00.001-08:00

January 6, 1839 - The most damaging storm in over 300 years swept through Ireland, destroying over 20% of the houses in Dublin. It later turned out that the brunt of the damage was not actually from the storm itself, but was caused by drunken Irishmen rioting when the storm prevented their favorite bars from opening.

January 5

2012-01-05T07:00:00.001-08:00

January 5, 1914 - The Ford Motor Company instituted an 8 hour work day and a 5$/day minimum wage. This was a major victory in the workers’ rights movement, and the move was celebrated by all of the eight-year-old child laborers who were employed by the Ford Motor Company.

January 4

2012-01-04T07:11:00.000-08:00

January 4, 1951 - Chinese and North Korean forces captured Seoul during the Korean War. All over the world, people were upset, especially the South Koreans and their American and UN allies, but nobody was more upset than American singer James Brown, the Godfather of Seoul.

January 3

2012-01-03T09:27:00.001-08:00

January 3, 1496 - Leonardo da Vinci unsuccessfully tested a flying machine. Or, as da Vinci would later brag to his friends, he very successfully (and very luckily) tested a landing machine.

January 2

2012-01-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

January 2, 1974 - President Richard Nixon signed a law lowering the maximum speed limit in the United States to 55 mph, in order to reduce oil consumption during the OPEC embargo. A significant percentage of the oil saved went towards enabling President Nixon to maintain his signature greasy hair.

December 14

2011-12-15T07:49:00.001-08:00

December 14, 1911 - A team lead by Norwegian Roald Amundsen became the first group to reach the South Pole. The team was shocked to discover bizarro Santa Claus and his workshop, with his elves plotting to steal Christmas gifts from every house in the world.

December 13

2011-12-13T19:49:00.001-08:00

December 13, 2006 - The Baiji, or Chinese River Dolphin, was announced as extinct. Chinese restaurants all over the world were impacted negatively, as they were forced to eliminate Baiji Chow Mein, a very popular dish, from their menus overnight.

December 12

2011-12-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

December 12, 1923 - Bob Barker, host of The Price is Right, was born. Unfortunately for the Barker family, his father, Byron Barker had gambled that Bob would be born on December 14, and since his guess was higher than the correct date, the family lost the bet.

December 11

2011-12-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

December 11, 1972 - Apollo 17 became the sixth and last Apollo mission to land on the moon. Further Apollo missions were cancelled, as budgetary restrictions forced NASA to cut all funding to the movie set used to stage moon landings.

December 10

2011-12-10T11:39:00.000-08:00

December 10, 1817 - Mississippi became the 20th state in the United States. Leading politicians in Mississippi were actually against this move, as they and their base of extremely conservative constituents saw bringing a new state into the union as a prime example of big government exerting too much power.

December 9

2011-12-09T09:24:00.000-08:00

December 9, 1988 - The Michael Hughes Bridge, in Sligo, Ireland, was officially opened. The bridge was notable for being the first bridge in the world made entirely out of recycled materials -- all empty Jameson and Guinness bottles.

December 8

2011-12-08T06:05:00.000-08:00

December 8, 1927 - The Brookings Institution, one of the oldest think tanks in the United States, was founded. High ranking officials in the United States Department of War were briefly very interested in the new institution, but that interest waned when they realized that a think tank was in fact not a combat vehicle equipped with mind control.

December 7

2011-12-07T07:00:00.001-08:00

December 7, 1963 - Instant replay was used on television for the first time, with CBS using the new technology during its broadcast of the Army-Navy football game. Viewers of the game, unaware of the new technology, were amazed at the ability of both teams to repeatedly run the same plays over and over again, somehow getting the exact same result every time.

December 6

2011-12-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

December 6, 1956 - Hungary defeated the Soviet Union in an Olympic water polo game later nicknamed the “Blood in the Water” match due to the violence exhibited by both teams. Hungary won the game, but the real victors were the wild great white sharks, who went into a feeding frenzy from the blood in the water and feasted on Hungarians and Soviets alike.

December 5

2011-12-05T07:02:00.001-08:00

December 5, 1978 - Pete Rose signed a 4 year, $32 million dollar contract with the Philadelphia Phillies, becoming the highest paid player in professional baseball. Rose then decided 32 was his lucky number, threw the entire $32 million on 32 red, and rapidly became the poorest player in professional baseball.

December 4

2011-12-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

December 4, 1674 - Father Jacques Marquette founded a mission on the shore of Lake Michigan, which would later grow into the city of Chicago, Illinois. Just prior to receiving permission to found the mission, Marquette made massive campaign donations to the governor of the territory, founding Chicago while creating pay-to-play politics.

December 3

2011-12-03T16:50:00.002-08:00

December 3, 1982 - The temperature in Cleveland, Ohio, reached 77 degrees, the highest ever recorded in the city in December. The actual temperature was around 50 degrees, but close to 30 degrees was added by the toxins always present in the atmosphere in Cleveland.

December 2

2011-12-02T07:17:00.000-08:00

December 2, 1823 - President James Monroe delivered a speech promising American neutrality in future European conflicts. The day was celebrated as a holiday in Germany, while all over France people panicked like they had never panicked before.