Today's Distraction

Miss Jean Louis

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 06 Aug 2016 19:03:00 +0000

Known to GISHers everywhere as the feisty voice of reason and wrangler of Misha, MJL was "born kicking and screaming in a hut in Khor Angar." After a childhood spent in anger management and art therapies - including a strange new therapy involving listening to the recorded works of William Shatner - all of which failed - she decided to put her emotions to good use to benefit humankind.

She is a friend to the downtrodden, a fierce protector of the weak, and a hope for the hopeless.

She recently attended HRH Queen Elizabeth's 90th Birthday Celebration under the alias Lady Halolen Kilroy.

IT Advice: Borrow A Neighbor's Computer - A Rant

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:26:00 +0000

This morning I have IT Neck. That's a sore neck from holding the phone between your ear and shoulder while you're on with one or more "support" people who are "trying" to help you get your technology working like you're paying for it to be working.

First up: AT&T. We have UVerse. And wifi. I think it's funny that when I pull up wireless networks in my house I get a HUGE list - apparently all of my neighbors have super strong wifi (which are password protected) but my wifi barely reaches the entire first floor. (And it's not like I have a huge house). Try to get some work done in the living room and you're out of luck. If you're on the second floor, forget it. So AT&T, instead of saying "Hey, our bad. Let's fix that/make it stronger/whatever." said "Yeah, you probably want to get a wifi extender."

Just what I want to do; spend more money.

But I did. Because we needed it. And the extender worked (mostly just ok, not great) for about a year but then I had to unplug it when we had work done on the alarm last week and now it won't re-hook back up to the wifi.

TP-Link, you are up to bat. The first Technical Support person I talked to couldn't help me so she emailed me some instructions. Which I followed. They didn't work. The second Technical Support person I spoke with took more time to try and resolve the problem but then (apparently) decided that the problem was my Mac laptop (which is not true - I had hooked up the extender with it when I bought it last year) and told me to try a different device. You can't use a PC that is physically connected to the internet, so all I have is the Mac laptop to which he said "Well, maybe you can borrow a computer from a neighbor."

Seriously. THAT is technical support?

I hate giving my money to companies who don't try to fix problems but just shrug their shoulders and say "I guess it doesn't work." It's YOUR job to make it work. I'm PAYING you for something that works.

So, who is happy with their internet and wifi providers? I'm in the market.

Things I Noticed As A Salvation Army Bell Ringer

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 13:42:00 +0000

We continued our WOMC tradition of manning Salvation Army kettles all over metro Detroit this past weekend. This has become one of my favorite holiday traditions. And it really makes me respect those bell-ringers I see on a regular basis where I shop. Even though it was a moderate day I was chilly and stiff after my two-hour shift.

Even if you don't have cash or have already donated for the year, please say Hi or smile at the bell-ringers. They get ignored a lot. And while we're out there ringing we realize that not everyone is going to donate so you don't need to avoid us, or slink away.

I did notice a few consistent things while out there ringing:

1. Kids LOVE to donate. They get such a kick out of stuffing money through that X in the barrel.

2. Birmingham police officers and fire fighters don't wear coats.

3. The Kroger employee who brings in the carts NEVER gets a break.

4. Winking is still a thing. I would have preferred a smile or a nod, but I guess any acknowledgement is a good thing.

Happy Holidays!

Depression and Gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 21:27:00 +0000

I don't like to admit this, but I have battled depression on and off - for most of my life, I think. I don't like to admit it because it makes me feel weak, but I don't think of anyone else who is dealing with depression as weak. I think that's how it gets you.

For whatever reasons, it's been a rough couple months. And nothing I've been doing has seemed to help. I'm not myself. I'm not my best self with the people who love me (and probably not for the people who listen either).

And I'm tired of not being my best self. Or even being a better self than I'm being right now.

Yesterday, I was checking Facebook and one of my friends had shared an article about how people who live with gratitude live longer. I clicked on the little thing that said Save For Later and of course I can't find it now. Frustrating.

But, I remembered the article when I got up this morning and decided to switch out the word "have" with "get" for the day. And to write down these switches so I wouldn't forget them.

Because, while I know that depression has nothing to do with will power or how strong of a person I am, I also know that the human brain is an amazing thing. I am going to force my brain to work for me instead of against me.

So when my alarm went off in the middle of the night I changed "I have to go to work" to "I get to go to work and talk on the radio."

And when I was getting frustrated because the web site wasn't cooperating while I was trying to write a post I changed "I have to write a post" to "I get to help my friends get the word out about the important work they are doing."

When I realized I hadn't talked to my dad in a good couple weeks I thought "I get to call my dad and talk to him whenever I want to." (I didn't call him today, though. Sorry Dad! I was running around all day. I promise to call tomorrow!)

I get to go work out with a personal trainer.

I get to help with costumes for the school musical.

I get to live long enough to start looking old.

I'm keeping this up. I feeling like it's helping already. Though the session with the trainer, Jaclyn, probably didn't hurt : ) Exercise is great for your brain.

And, please, if you EVER hear me say "I have to do" anything correct me and say "You GET to do that."

And to anyone else dealing with depression or the blues or just feeling down in the dumps, my thoughts are with you. Hang in there.

And if anyone knows how to find articles you have Saved For Later on Facebook, please email me!

sduford@cbs.com

After Market Air Conditioning

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 22:05:00 +0000

An electrical hiccup;
for less than half a second
the house loses its hum.
A sudden loud whoosh
as too much air is forced
through long snaky tubes
out tiny circular vents
then dispersed throughout the rooms.
We raise the volume of the TV
or radio
as rooms cool.
I don't know what magic lives
in the metal box sitting outside our window
that controls this process.
It could be pumping in chemicals
or controlling my thoughts
or making me fat;
I wouldn't turn it off.

A Belated Father's Day Toast To My Dad

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 12:05:00 +0000

I'm ashamed to admit that I take my dad for granted. I frequently talk more than I listen. My check-ins and visits and sporadic and sometimes too brief. I know I'm so fortunate to have him, and to still have him around - yet I treat that fact like it's a given and I often forget how amazing he is and why I should try to be more like him.

The biggest reason; his passion. He is always learning. I have lists of things I want to learn about but my dad is the guy who goes to meetings, talks to people to find out what they know, and pays attention. He doesn't flaunt his knowledge. In the midst of a very casual conversation I will discover that he attended a seminar on helping to replenish the diminishing deer population up north and can now tell how old a doe is just by looking at her.

I don't always have the same interests, but it doesn't matter. He is interested enough for the both of us. And his passion is contagious. He listens when anyone talks, and I'm always amazed at the things I tell him that he remembers. He has an incredible memory.

He's also the guy who can fix anything. Anything. When his pipes burst in the winter he fixed them himself. After he fixed his pipes he went over to his church and fixed the broken pipes there.

He looks on the bright side of everything: he discovered that his pipes had burst when the washing machine overflowed, pouring soapy water into the den. His response: "That carpet needed to be cleaned anyway."

At an age when many people are slowing down he is forging a new career making metal parts for machines. He says that so many machines are now being made with plastic parts that people can only get replacement parts for some of their old machinery made out of plastic. He can look at a part or a drawing and make it out of metal, so it will last longer.

And he's so supportive; he drives around the state to see his grandchildren perform in concerts, recitals, sporting events, and plays. He came to my Halloween party -- in costume! He drove 2 1/2 hours (each way!) last Friday to see my brother perform in Les Miz even though my brother told him he was busy after the show and wouldn't be able to chat with him. My dad waited around anyway, just in case, so he could tell my brother how great he was (and chatted up the Director while waiting, telling him how great the show was), then went in to see why my brother was so busy. They were taking official show photos and, instead of leaving, my dad sat and watched as they recreated every scene from the show for photos. Because it was interesting, not because he had nothing better to do. Then he got in his car and didn't get home until 2:30 am.

He's kind and generous. If you want something, he'll give it to you. "It's just stuff," he'll say. When one of my childhood friends was having lingering car issues, he showed up to help her fix her van. He's driving a truck with 400,000 miles on it because "it still works fine." When the odometer hit 400,000 he actually pulled over on the side of the highway to snap a photo. He's shooting for 500,000. He's witty on Facebook and will scan old photos for #tbt (throwback Thursday). He brags up everyone he knows. He would never tell me - or even suggest - that I'm too busy; he shows up whenever I ask him to whether or not I've been consistent in showing up for him.

He's so smart he probably knows how much he means to me, even though I don't tell him enough.I love you dad, and I'm grateful for you every single day.

The Cat and the Fire Department

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 11:35:00 +0000

This morning on Liar Liar I partially told the story of the time I called the Fire Department to rescue my cat off the top of an apartment building. First, I would like to state that I have nothing but respect for Firemen everywhere. Here's the rest of the story I didn't have time to tell.

We lived across the street from an apartment complex and all the kids there LOVED my cat. He roamed around the neighborhood freely but at least twice a week some cranky mom would pull into my driveway with a car full of kids; one of them holding my "lost" cat. They were so proud of themselves so I never bothered to tell them that he always made it home. (Until he didn't, but that's another story).

One day some kids ran over to tell me that my cat was stuck on top of one of the apartment buildings and he was crying. I still don't know how he got up there, though there was a very large tree next to the building and Barney WAS quite the daredevil. I called the Fire Department, who gave me the run around for a while but eventually agree to come rescue him.

It was right after school, so a group of kids gathered around as the firemen set up a ladder and climbed to the top of the building. My cat ran to the other side of the roof. The fireman came down and said "Even if I catch him I can't carry him down the ladder." Without a word an eight-year old girl opened her backpack, dumped the contents on the ground, then handed the empty bag to the fireman who reluctantly went back up the ladder, chased down my evasive cat and stuffed him into the backpack.

He climbed down the ladder and handed the backpack to me. I pulled Barney out and noticed that he had something stuck in his paw. I showed it to the fireman and said "I think he couldn't come down because of this." When I got home I realized he didn't have something stuck IN his paw, he had one of those sticky things from a cotton weed tree stuck TO his paw. Still, it helped me save face a little.

New Michigan Business

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 Feb 2015 12:29:00 +0000

Hello Michigan Businesses!

Do you have a product that you'd like to get in the hands of new customers? Are you as addicted to Subscription Boxes as I am? I'm combining Michigan and Subscription Boxes in a new venture so -- let's chat! I am SO excited!

Send me a note at sduford@aol.com!

Cindy Crawford and Leeza Gibbons

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:56:00 +0000

A lot of women are talking about this picture

I think it's less about what Cindy Crawford really looks like and more about how anyone can take an unflattering photo. Apparently the shot is from a December 2013 photo shoot so perhaps she hadn't quite recovered from an over-enthusiastic Thanksgiving. And judging by the sunbathing pic that her husband posted on Valentine's Day she doesn't really look like this. And she wants us to know it.

Still, I have to admit that it's nice to see an unretouched photo and one that shows that Supermodels, while being super, are still just women who age like the rest of us.

I actually wish that she would address what she's doing to her face. There have been several photos of her with that puffy-just-got-a-lot-of-filler look that is so disturbing and unnatural. Every time I start to get tired of my aging face in the mirror and begin to think about doing something to combat the lines and wrinkles I'll come across a picture of a celebrity with "filler face" and that calms me right down. I don't want to be wrinkly but I don't want that stretched-skin-Joker-from-Batman-mouth look either.

Yes, I'm talking to you, Leeza Gibbons.

She was SO amazing all season on Celebrity Apprentice! She was inspiring, effective, kind, and funny! She was so passionate about her charity and her final project and presentation were fabulous. Yet I couldn't get over her face - so tight and puffy and shiny that it looked painful.

It's hard to be an aging woman in today's world. It must be extra hard to be a woman aging on TV. I know the pressure; I feel the pressure. But I found it hard to concentrate on the great work that Leeza and her charity are doing when the words are coming out of a near-Joker-mouth.

It's too bad we can't all be like Frances McDormand. Granted we don't all have her genes, but I like her attitude. It's what I shoot for every time I look in the mirror.

Sore Muscles, Sore Foot - Will Paczki's Soothe My Pain?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 12:32:00 +0000

Happy Paczki Day!

Today I am distracted by my sore muscles and sore foot. I'll start with the muscles. I have been working out once a week at RPM in Birmingham, my daughter and I worked out there together while she was home for the summer (it was a great bonding experience, I highly recommend it) and I kept it up after she left. I swing kettle bells, do ball slams, and am working towards being able to dead lift 150 lbs. (Check out this article on the benefits of doing dead lifts). My trainer, Jaclyn, got hit by the flu last week and I didn't have time to get in so I - foolishly - asked if I could work out with her Monday AND Tuesday this week.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

My arms and back are SO sore today I can barely open the door to the studio (it IS a really heavy door). I don't know how I'm going to live through another hour today. This could be my farewell blog post. If so, thanks for everything.

Now for the foot. I've had plantar fasciitis since June. I've tried stretching, cold/heat, injections, etc. I finally decided to get smart and am now visiting Blast Pain in Troy. It no longer feels like I'm walking on needles, but some days feel better than others. I'm not resting it like I should either (obviously). I have finally stopped running. So that means any day now I'm going to have to stop eating. It's going to be Fat Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday for me.

Bravo, Stop Trying To Sell Me Trash

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 13 Feb 2015 16:34:00 +0000

I don't remember when I jumped on the Real Housewives train. And I guess it doesn't matter. I'm not proud but I'm riding it. I can give or take those crazy women from Atlanta and New Jersey but can't help but Hate Watch those dames from Beverly Hills. Even though NONE of them are technically housewives.

I have no trouble watching them fake fight, pretend parent, or have faux "intimate" moments (though I REALLY don't need to see those, Bravo) but when you start using those women to sell me stuff - like I take them seriously - well, that's when I start to get offended.

Those ridiculous car ads with Kyle and her husband? I drove a Jeep Cherokee for 10 years - and LOVED it - but will never buy one again. Sorry, Jeep. And I had no plans to see 50 Shades of Grey but if I did, seeing Kyle and Lisa (and I like Lisa!) sitting on the couch talking about seeing it as a girl's night made me want to gag. And not the kind of gag like from the movie.

Listen, Bravo, I will watch your trash, but I'm not going to pretend that it's anything but trash. I'm not going to pretend that these women have anything to tell me about parenting, or shopping, or party-throwing, or flower arranging. And I'm certainly not going to let them influence what I buy. I watch them because they are ridiculous. Let them sell their overpriced crap to each other, but leave me out of it.

Why Are All My Pants Chastity Pants?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 06 Feb 2015 13:44:00 +0000

This has been bugging me for years. Especially when I find myself running to a restroom in a ... ahem ... hurry. Why are all my pants built like Fort Knox? The pair I'm wearing today have a double hook and eye

a zipper

and a button.

Add a belt and my pants are like the multiple locking system on the door of a New York apartment. NO ONE is breaking in!

Is this really necessary? Are men's pants made like this? Why all the security? Really, my hips can keep a pair of pants from falling off me without much help. If I need to make a quick change I am out of luck in this outfit.

James Robertson and the Internet

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:19:00 +0000

One of the great things about the Internet is that a story like James Robertson's - the guy who walked 21 miles each day as part of his commute to work and kept a perfect attendance record - can get to people around the world and give anyone who wants to help a way to do so. The bad thing about the Internet is that judgy people also have a forum for their opinions. I am shocked by the people I have seen that are calling James "stupid" for not "finding a better paying job closer to his house." Really? When you are working and commuting for 20 hours each day there is no TIME to look for a job. When you are making just over $10 an hour and barely getting by all you can do is do whatever you can to get by.

How about instead of criticizing James' supposed lack of ambition we choose to appreciate his work ethic and commitment to his employer? How about we acknowledge the employer and coworkers who obviously make him feel valued?

My favorite part of the story - and the part that shows me how moving James' story really is - is the quote from the banker, Blake Pollock, who noticed James walking and started giving him occasional rides. He said "I always say to my friends, I"m not a nice guy. But I found myself helping James."

Wouldn't we all like to meet someone who moves us to be a better person? I know I would. And I think Mr. Pollock is too hard on himself. There were plenty of people who kept on driving when he stopped, who did nothing when he asked questions. I think both of these men are role models. And I'm so happy to see this story embraced and shared.

I read a disturbing statistic over the weekend: children in low-income families (whose parents are working two or more jobs just to get by) enter pre-school or Kindergarten at a disadvantage because children from wealthier families hear 30 million more words throughout their early life and have bigger vocabularies. It must be so daunting to be doing everything you can for your child only to hear that your children are still at a disadvantage.

One of the worst feelings I know is feeling like you are stuck and can't change your situation. It's nice to see that people are willing to help.

Movies at the Theater (What's in the spray bottle?)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 26 Jan 2015 13:24:00 +0000

I know it's not original to complain about behavior in movie theaters. Between people talking like they're in their living rooms and constantly checking their phones I spend most of my time in the theater biting my tongue so I don't yell at people. And it's a bummer because I LOVE seeing movies and going to the theater. I love eating popcorn and M&Ms for dinner.

But last night, well last night I observed something I had never seen (or heard) before. I knew the couple behind us were going to be trouble during the previews. Their volume level was set at "talking from different rooms of the house." And they continued to chat with each other throughout the movie. At full volume. Then I heard a strange "whoosh whoosh" sound. I heard it again. And again. I finally turned around and the woman was squirting something from a plastic spray bottle into her mouth. The bottle looked like one you get at the hardware store for your 2/1 ratio of white vinegar to water. Though I doubt that's what was in her bottle. My guess: vodka. That way when the usher tries to confiscate it she can say "I wasn't DRINKING vodka!" and technically she would be right.

Books on Tape

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 04 May 2012 21:05:00 +0000

God bless the two of you who still get alerts when I update this blog; you have shown tremendous tenacity and you shall be rewarded someday. Probably in heaven. I have no way of knowing who you are so I can reward you myself, but apparently you are doing something right because I haven't been here since February and yet there are teens of people checking out this blog on a daily basis.

I'm training for the Detroit Half Marathon in October and, yes, I realize that's still five months away but you wouldn't believe what a tremendous time suck running four (really three) days a week is. Especially when you're trying to fit in napping. And I've been writing some fiction. OK, only since the beginning of April and I only have two pages but I AM working on it and between that and the running and the college visits (for my daughter) and worrying about prom (again my daughter) then worrying about the prom dress (the daughter again) and the orthodontia (son this time) and work (that would be me) I have barely any wine, I mean time, and creativity left.

That's it for my excuses. The running was going really well until I broke my toe. About two weeks ago I had a particularly exhaustive day with a surprise funeral thrown in and when I got home I should have tried to get some sleep but instead I thought 'I CAN fit in a run today!" even though it was super-windy out, and when I was making a turn onto a sidewalk my pinky toe got caught - or caught itself - on the sidewalk (I wear Vibram Five Fingers when I run and now I'm wondering why they're called that because your toes aren't fingers) and that baby toe CLUNG to the sidewalk as if it were trying to make a break for it and head back to the house on it's own and I knew right away that I'd done some kind of damage but I ran another mile and half anyway because my app said I was supposed to run 30 minutes that day and by the end of the night at the Capuchin event at my son's school my toe was large and painful and purple and thank goodness for the cold front that made me not look like an idiot when I wore my Uggs, the only shoes that would fit, into work the next day. I was pretty sure the toe was broken so I buddy-taped it to the next toe, but the swelling subsided after about 4 days though it's still a little sore after I run on it, and I'm signed up for two 5ks this weekend so Sunday could end up being spent in a wine haze. As if that weren't enough, I've been listening to Book of Spies while I run and I was about 75% through it when it just QUIT (thankfully near the end of my run) on Tuesday. For some reason, the last 1/4 of the book didn't download from the library and I had to get on a wait list for it (even though I seriously considered spending $21.95 to download it from the iTunes store because I have invested a lot of miles into that book) and last night's run was not so great because I started listening to some John Grisham book and he's totally forgotten how to write characters and is just writing cases now and it's so. very. dry. But I opened my email today and Book of Spies is available for checkout so I downloaded it and I have a feeling I'm going to ROCK those 5ks and that's what I've been doing and now you're probably wishing I'd just left it alone, aren't you?

Still Laughing

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:54:00 +0000

You know how sometimes you have the perfect comeback or the perfect line at the perfect moment and maybe it only makes sense in that place and time but in that place and time it is BRILLIANT (or so it seems to you)?

I'm still cracking up over one of those moments from this week. I'll probably come back to this in a few weeks and read it and think "That's not funny; that's just stupid." But I don't care. Today I still think I was HILARIOUS. And I don't often think I'm hilarious in all caps.

We were talking about the cemetery that Donald Trump plans to build next to his high-end golf course and Bobby Mitchell wondered aloud if The Donald would be buried there and if his hair would be buried next to him.

My line: "His hair isn't going to be buried. It's going to be frozen in case they find a cure for it in the future."

Sorry. Still cracking myself up.

Running Into My Fat Jeans

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:55:00 +0000

Last year at this time I started training for the October Detroit Free Press marathon and actually got myself up to running four miles at a stretch until I suddenly went back to work full time which brought pretty much all exercise to a sudden screeching halt as I have to get up at 3:20 am (but I am NOT complaining! LOVE this job!).

This year I decided to try again, but have lowered my sights a little and am shooting for the half-marathon because I still need to nap occasionally. I bought an app that tells me how long to run every day and I've been running about 7 miles a week and all I have to show for it are tighter pants.

That's right. Tighter pants. What the what?

How is this fair or right or even possible? My eating has remained about the same yet my thighs are straining the material of my jeans and I may or may not have had to undo the button on my pants one recent morning when I was feeling particularly uncomfortable.

Is this lactic acid? Am I sleep-eating? Am I going to be a size 22 by the time October rolls around? Do I keep running?

Help!

The Golden Globes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 22:03:00 +0000

10:55 pm - Best Picture Drama = The Descendants. Yay George again! Oh, and Alexander Payne.

10:48 pm - Yay George! Clooney wins Best Actor Motion Picture Drama.

10:41 pm - The Artist wins Best Picture Comedy or Musical and Penelope Ann Miller is welcomed into the Spray Tan Gang.

10:35 pm - Why does Meryl Streep always act so shocked? It's almost Taylor Swift-ish. And is she wearing a Country Western formal gown? I'm so confused.

10:19 pm - Great acceptance speech, Modern Family. Thank you for planning ahead.

10:16 pm - Why was Ricky Gervais bleeped?

10:14 pm - Martin Scorcese wins Best Director for Hugo. I love his eyebrows. They should have their own sitcom.

10:05 pm - Morgan Freeman interrupts his own speech to say "Hi Elton." I guess we all would.

9:54 pm - Ok, I love Reese Witherspoon, but A) her dress doesn't fit at the top, B) she can barely walk in it, and C) her hair looks like she just had sex backstage. WTH?

9:45 pm - Truly happy for Matt LeBlanc. Episodes is fabulous and he deserves to win.

9:43 pm - Tina Fey, that is not your dress.

9:42 pm - Bad hair, Emily Blunt. That's all I'm saying.

9:26 pm - What is Mary J Blige so pissed about? Is it because Tina Fey is wearing the same dress? She just looks sour every time the camera captures her.

9:23 pm - How friggin' cute are William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman?

9:22 pm - I can't decide if I love or hate Nicole Kidman's dress. Because it's one or the other.

9:15 pm - Is that Michelle Pfeiffer sitting with the Speilbergs?

And let's keep track of the tragic spray tans: So far I have Jessica Alba and Rob Lowe. Who am I missing?

9:10 pm - Why did Amanda Peet put her glasses on? It doesn't look right. I refuse to believe she can't see without them.

9:01 pm - Seth Rogen is so funny.

Michelle Williams wins Best Actress Motion Picture. I've heard she's fabulous as Marilyn Monroe. I really need to see more movies.

8:52 pm - WHO was the woman from Turkey with the Flock of Seagulls hairdo? Who? Why? We're so confused!

8:51 pm - Madonna wins best song and Elton John looks really sad. They're trying to play her off and she's ignoring the music. Awesome.

8:47 pm - Best Score, The Artist. Did he say "I'm sorry I'm French." or "I'm sorry, I'm French."? Big difference.

8:35 pm - Best Actor TV Series Drama - Kelsey Grammar. Nice short speech.

Best TV Series Drama - I don't watch any of these shows! But congratulations Homeland. I'm sure you are fabulous and I'm totally missing out.

8:25 pm - Kate Winslet wins Best Actress Mini-Series. I want to know who her date is. Is it that Branson nephew? And she gets played off! Hysterical!

8:13 pm - Ashton Kutcher has cleaned himself up. Yay, Tina Fey for getting in on Amy Poehler's camera shot.

Laura Dern wins Best Actress TV Series. I like her green dress. It reminds me of Christmas.

8:10 pm - Best Supporting Actor - Christopher Plummer for Beginners.

Long speech and he thanked someone for martinis. His wife looks great. Can't believe they waited instead of playing him off.

8:07 pm - Ricky Gervais was funny, but seemed a little restrained. Until he asked Johnny Depp if he's seen The Tourist yet. And Johnny Depp dyed his hair waaaaay too dark. And when did he get an accent? He sounds like Madonna.

8:00 pm - Time for the show! Yay!

7:53 pm - My friend Pam just pointed out that many of the dresses have an 80s feel to them. We're not fans.

7:40 pm - The girls from Glee need some help. Diana Agron's dress ("laser cut swans!") looks like it went through the shredder and Lea Michelle's dress looks more like body paint.

Madonna is wearing an odd dress and has Popeye forearms.

7:35 pm - David Duchovny and Jessica Chastain have the same hairstyle. That must be embarrassing for them.

7:33 pm - Why are Reese Witherspoon and Jimmy Fallon together?

7:31 pm - Heidi Klum is wearing big turquoise jewelry with a gown. It does not like right. Nicole Kidman is in a light purple pharoah's tomb/bondage dress.

7:28 pm - Sarah Hyland's dress is lovely. Mila Kunis looks a little off. She looks like she's wearing last night's makeup and her black dress is sheer in some weird places.

There is a lot of blush on the red carpet. What is that about? I like Kate Beckinsale's version. It's got some bling on it.

7:17 pm - Angelina Jolie's dress is very satiny and very fitted and looks like she stuck a red cocktail napking in the top of it. And her lipstick matches the cocktail napkin perfectly. She and Brad Pitt obviously have projects to promote because they stopped and talk to Ryan Seacrest. Remember just a few years ago when he chased them down the red carpet and they acted like they couldn't hear him? Bahahahahaha!

7:13 pm - Charlize Theron's pale pink low cut dress is pretty except for the oversized square bow on the waist. What the what? And speaking of what the what....what the what is Salma Hayek wearing? It looks 1980s. It also kind of looks like a building. Like her dress is a Transformer.

7:06 pm - I like Kristen Wiig's simple peachy low-cut gown but I wish it had a little more color. It would just be more striking. She looks great and I love it when comediennes glam it up.

7:00 pm - I like Zooey Deschanel's green into black sparkly dress except for the white mini-clown collar around the top. It kinda ruins it for me.

6:59 pm - I like Jane Lynch's black halter dress, but no matter what she wears her breasts always look too low.

6:57 pm - I'm usually not a fan of one-shoulder, but Viola Davis looks incredible in a dark rust-colored dress.

6:55 pm - I'm not sure about Jesse Tyler Ferguson's tux. He kinda looks like he's going to be playing the piano later. And I'm NOT loving Zachary Levi's beard. I don't care if Chuck is over. You still need to look like Chuck.

6:47 pm - Julie Bowen is dressed and styled like a Disney princess.

6:46 pm - What is on the back of Rooney Mara's dress? From what I can see it looks like someone attached a black tulle flower to it. I wonder if she knows.

6:43 pm - Sophia Vergara looks gorgeous, but I'm over those mermaid bottom dresses.

6:38 pm - Diane Lane is ridiculously impossibly gorgeous. Why doesn't she age?

6:36 pm - Sarah Michelle Geller let her two-year old pick out her dress. Obviously.

6:30 pm - What's with all the Dallas housewife hair? (Jessica Chastain). Though I kinda don't mind Nicole Richie's interpretation with a ponytail.

Oooh, just saw the back of Shailene Woodley's dress and wish I'd seen the front.

6:24 pm - I love Melissa McCarthy, but she looks like she's wearing her grandmother's dress and hairdo.

6:14 pm - Piper Perabo is wearing the HUGEST dress! It looks like one of those tents you get your kids to play in!

6:12 pm - Ryan Seacrest is talking to George Clooney and Stacy Keibler (or "the other Stacy" as I like to call her). A) Stacy is taller than George, B) George picked out her dress C) she looks pretty (grumble grumble).

6:04 pm - George Clooney just arrived. Don't the big stars usually show up at the last minute?

5:50 pm - 'Whose tat?' .... really?

5:40 pm - Giuliana just said "Who is going to win the Red Carpet?" There's a Red Carpet award now? Good grief.

5:05 pm - Watching Countdown To The Red Carpet on E!. I hate to speak ill of someone's who's BEEN ill, but Giuliana Rancic's dress looks like it's trying to choke her.

And I'm not saying this show is lacking in content, but some roving reporter just teased "I'll tell you which actress got her nails done THREE TIMES this week in preparation for tonight's show!" And George Kotsiopoulos is treating celebrity women like paper dolls by picking out designer dresses for them and Photoshopping them on them. Kelly Osbourne and Giuliana keep cooing "Good choice."

Live From My Couch

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:14:00 +0000

Check back here Sunday evening, I'll be live-blogging the Golden Globes. I'll cover everything from the Red Carpet, the reporting on the Red Carpet, Ricky Gervais, and all the speeches.

Things Overheard At The Nail Salon

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 22:17:00 +0000

"He has asthma, or something. It's like Autism."

This was from the woman who loosely described the plot of 5 independent films, 3 made-for-Lifetime movies, and 4 books to her poor, unsuspecting manicurist who may or may not speak English. Or who may have been pretending not to understand English so he wouldn't have to comment. She totally butchered the plot of The Hunger Games ("After the world ends, people all divide up into tribes and then the kids all meet once a year to fight"), and obviously has no clue about what constitutes asthma OR autism, so I'm guessing that most of the details she gave were incorrect/embellished/just plain wrong.

But she was entertaining. And she was something to listen to in an otherwise quiet salon. The owner argued with his client about the price of her manicure and pedicure off and on the whole time he was working on her, and the very nice woman who gave me a manicure spoke such poor English that I'm still not sure whether her husband was put away or whether he passed away and hope that I conveyed the correct amount of sympathy.

Lost Guitar Picks And Good Samaritans

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 14:02:00 +0000

My daughter has started a fundraising effort to raise money for her class trip to France AND recycle used gift cards and hotel keys. (You can read about it here, if you're interested) Aaron, who owns 2 Fat Guys & A Pipe in Allen Park, MI offered to sell some of her guitar picks in his store, so Alicia put five packages in an envelope and mailed them off.

Then Aaron let me know that the envelope, and Alicia's thank you note, arrived, but the envelope was open and the picks were missing. So I did what we all seem to do today; posted it on Facebook.

Totally let down by the U.S. Postal Service today. They lost the Picks by Guitarishy my daughter sent to a store.

Apparently I have a Facebook friend, "Dave," who works for the USPS. "Dave" asked for all the info and said he would do some checking. When he couldn't find them, he sent me the info on how to file a loss report.

We hear a lot about the "power" of social media. But all social media does is empower good people, like "Dave" and Aaron. Sure, without social media they never would have heard of my daughter and our situation. But they didn't have to step up.

I think the "power" of social media is that it gives people the opportunity to be heroes in a grander scale than they already are. I have no doubt that Aaron and "Dave" are helpful and heroic on a daily basis. And that no one ever hears about it. Given the opportunity to be bigger and better, they took it.

I must admit, I don't always take those opportunities. But I will now. I've been inspired by the generosity of two "friends" I don't really know, and I plan to be the same kind of hero for someone else that they've been for me. That is the real "power" of social media.

Going Green

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 22:27:00 +0000

An Open Letter To The Person At The Office Who Decided To Put Used Paper In The Copy Machine:

Since you did not know to put the printed side down I had to reprint 30 pages of prep material. And it wasted ink.

Fail.

Stacey

Disturbing

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:20:00 +0000

My son brought this home from art class. "It's what I'd look like if I was a pig."

The Bachelor Is Stealing My Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 21:32:00 +0000

Are you watching The Bachelor tonight?

I am. Because apparently they read my blog and have no qualms about stealing my ideas.

In June 2009 I wrote this post about my intention to attend a local Bachelor casting call as a sassy old lady and if you've seen any of the 40 million promos for tonight's show (including the one with the unfortunate proposal to the chick with the unfortunate bangs) you must have seen that one of the 25 bachelorettes showing up tonight is A SASSY OLD LADY!

Kudos on the addition of the crutches, ABC and Woman Who Stole My Idea. Well played.

What I Learned While Ringing The Bell

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 14:34:00 +0000

This past weekend employees of my radio station, WOMC, scattered around metro Detroit to man kettles for The Salvation Army. I don't know about you, but when I leave a store I'm A) frequently in a hurry B) usually distracted and C) don't want to be judged so, unless I have specifically planned to donate and have some change or singles at the ready I find myself ducking and running past the Red Kettle and its attendant. I can't afford to donate every single time I walk by a kettle and I'd feel like an idiot saying "I donated yesterday.' But here's what I learned.

1. There's no judging. I could tell when people were avoiding looking at me and let me assure you, there's no need. Sure it's nice when people stop and donate but a smile or even eye contact is just as good.

2. You can tell the Bell Ringer that you've already donated without looking like an idiot. I loved it when people told me; it gave me the chance to say "Thanks for your support. Happy Holidays!"

3. You get lots of different reactions to the question "Would you like a kiss?" Yes, I was handing out Hershey's Kisses. I'm not above bribing people. And yes I did hand out real pecks on the cheek to anyone who was brave enough to ask for one.