Today's Letters

{Happy Martin Luther King Day!}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 03:40:00 +0000

Our 10th annual MLK lunch reminded us the importance of acknowledging the beauty of color.
To say we don’t “see color” is to say we don’t see the person.

I see you black, white, and brown friends.
You are beautiful, you are whole, you are family.

PS - If you haven't seen The Butler, 12 Years As A Slave, or Selma we highly recommend them!

{Past MLK dinners: 2010 // 2011 // 2012 // 2013 // 2014 // 2015 // 2016 // 2017 // 2018}

{True Stories of Becoming A Nurse} Book Review

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 19:14:00 +0000

This book drenched my cheeks in tears and made my belly sore from laughter.
A must read for every nursing or medical professional!
I wrote down my takeaways from each chapter below ...
Hoping they challenge and encourage you!

1. Hitting the Bone: A nurses first injection is a rite of passage.
2. The Haunting: Not all injuries are visible.
3. Becoming A Nurse: Your patient's family members are also your patients.
4. Next of Kin: In nursing crossing professional boundaries is inevitable.
5. Healing Wang Jie's Bottom: The hospitalization of a child is one of the most stressful events a family can encounter.
6. Zeitgeber: Hospital walls are covered in tears and often tell a story that is unseen.
7. A Long Night's Journey Into Day: It is not impossible to experience a friendly intimacy with death.
8. Don't Ever Forget Me: Let everyone die with dignity.
9. Heart Lessons: In time, joy always follows grief.
10. Docking in Togo: Self-pity always lives at the edge of uncomfortable situations.
11. I See You: Where there is no peace there is no health.
12. Listening: The simple act of listening is a lifesaving measure-- delight in your patients' stories.
13. Careening Toward Reunion: Every nurse use psych skills no matter their specialty.
14. Nurse Nora at Nineteen: Give patients the opportunity to say what they need even if you can't fix it.
15. Four Sticks: After each shift list one thing that happened to make you a better nurse.
16. Messiah, Not Otherwise Specified: Delusions are often shaped by one's culture.
17. All Alone and Afraid: Learn to immerse yourself in the parts of your patient that go beyond their bodies.
18. Individually Identifiable: Nurses hold the first funeral for every infant who dies.
19. Approaching Death: Move with the kind of calmness that infuses hope into impossible situations.
20: The Nurses Whispered: Hospice nurses are the dying's last true confidant.
21: Becoming: Sometimes nurses juggle swords. Other times torches.

{What a Year!}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 06:29:00 +0000

This year I took nine classes and quit nursing school at least once a day in my mind. Never before had I done something so challenging and beautiful in my life! Everyday I made mistakes. I failed two exams, tried to plug in a Dinamap into an oxygen outlet on a patient’s wall ... I even hit Tim’s Jeep at 2am while trying to park after studying for finals (insert humble pie here). That said, I also got to do things that made me feel alive. I flushed my first IV, removed an epidural catheter from a postpartum mama, and got to sit with a patient who had just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I learned a lot from my classmates and professors, but mostly from my patients. They were gracious, hilarious, and reminded me often not to take my health, education, or family for granted. Each day after clinical I’d write down a lesson they had taught me ... They reminded me to make sure the diaphragm of my stethoscope was open before declaring a patient had a bowel obstruction. They showed me the absence of caring family members can be more painful than packing an unstageable pressure ulcer. They taught me not to take it personally when a patient calls you a $2 whore and to instead tell them you don’t do favors for less than twenty. They taught me I can learn more about a person by spending time with them in their room than I can from studying their file in Epic— that sitting with them for 10 minutes will feel more like 45. They taught me that one of the best things you can do for a patient who gets diagnosed with cancer is to offer them a ride to their chemo appointments. They taught me that sometimes you get to wake up new baby daddies on the couch only to discover they’ve been sleeping on half a sandwich and a handful of mayonnaise packets. I could go on but I’ll sum up the past 12 months by saying true growth happens when we do the things we’re terrified of failing at. Oh ... and remember the sweet 96 yr old named Shirley who emailed me back in August and was part of the reason why I decided to stay in nursing school? Well, my first patient was also 96. Bet you can’t guess what her name was.

Here’s to another semester of growth.

{Today's Letters}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 18:39:00 +0000

Dear Timothy James, since cutting down our Christmas tree we’ve A) almost watched it fall onto Stovezilla twice B) discussed lassoing it to our ceiling with kite string C) looked for Aunt Bethany’s cat hidden within its branches or D) all of the above. Dear Bravey Train, yesterday you asked if the sun goes into the ground when it sets and lights up people in cemeteries like a flashlight. Three points for channeling my inner Christopher Columbus for our discussion, two points for always making my day with your questions. Dear Dr. Pruitt, watching you receive your daisy award was sweeter than winning the Jelly of the Month club. So encouraged and challenged by the way you love, care for, and serve your patients in L&D! Dear Mr. Loerke, there are many things I love about the holiday season, you turning on our leg lamp each night is one of them. Ps- there might be a bowling ball under the tree this year with your name on it. Just sayin.

Happy Tuesday, y’all!

{Gobble Gobble!}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Fri, 23 Nov 2018 20:58:00 +0000

HAPPY THANKSGIVING BUTTERBALLS!
We spent the day stuffing our bellies with extra sweet potato casserole and elk roast.
My favorite memory (besides taking a mid-day nap on the couch) was playing
backyard soccer with Squanto and William Bradford.

These three have been such a gift in my life!
Rowan's birth gave me the courage I needed to become a mom.

Bravey's birth showed me I could do (really) hard things.

And Maggie's birth inspired me to go to nursing school at 38 and become a midwife.
Love your little people well today and tell them often what world changers they are.

Gobble, gobble!

{Gratitude Lately}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Mon, 05 Nov 2018 13:21:00 +0000

Lately I've been thankful for warm afternoons and front yard chickens.

For slow mornings reading by Stovezilla.

For backyard pumpkins ready for picking.

For a new season of change.

And for chances to play hard after working hard.
Here's to gratitude and how it turns everything into enough.
Happy Monday, y'all.
What have you been thankful for lately?

{Worth It}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sun, 28 Oct 2018 04:19:00 +0000

{The City Museum} St. Louis

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sun, 28 Oct 2018 04:11:00 +0000

Watching Tim's relationship with Brave grow has been as magical as experiencing her birth.
Feeling nothing but gratitude for the little road trip these two took to St. Louis last week.
Tim, you give our little root so many opportunities to grow in courage.
You are impacting her more than you know!

What's something you loved doing with your dad growing up?

{Today's Letters}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Tue, 23 Oct 2018 11:00:00 +0000

Dear Timothy James, after long days on campus and regularly questioning my sanity about staying in nursing school you often remind me of why I started this journey in the first place. Thank you for helping me pivot back to my heart of caring for the vulnerable. Dear Fall-la-la-la-la, welcome back. You were missed more than thrifted flannels and leaf angels. Dear Resilience, lately you've shown me that I suffer more in my thoughts than I do in reality. Here's to growing in mental toughness and gratitude! Dear Brave, each morning you bang your pancake plate on the counter while trying to put it into the sink, leaving a trail of powdered sugar and syrup behind. Another six months and you'll clear this with ease, but for now it reminds me to embrace your smallness and all things sticky. Dear Mr. Loerke, to the man who loves the month of October as much as I do, please keep crushing cider donuts with me. To the moon!

Happy Tuesday, y'all!

{Stay Curious}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Tue, 23 Oct 2018 01:13:00 +0000

When you've been studying for 8 hours but your people bring you Thai food and cookies to help draw you out of your oxygenation and med admin hole.

Insulin draws served with a side of Sunergos coffee and humble pie.

How Brave and I really feel about diffusion and perfusion.
Keep channeling your anxiety into curiosity, brave ones.
Stay curious about the unknown ...
It will be one of the many things that help get you through nursing school.
Happy Monday.

{Mountain Rest}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Thu, 18 Oct 2018 01:40:00 +0000

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not healing, not curing, that is a friend who cares." -Henri Nouwen

I'm convinced the difference between living well and thriving is in part due to having someone who can help you see yourself and others more clearly. Call them a spiritual sensei, a mentor, a life guru ... either way they are delivers of hope suspenders of judgement, and messengers of grace. For the past 13 years this woman has been that for me. She's shown me the importance of self work and creating space to grieve all things, no matter how big or small. We work hard and play hard together. We support one another's families. We embrace the challenges of student life (only one more year until you have your PhD sweet Elizabeth!). We remind each other of how little we actually know and how much we are in need of forgiveness. I'm incredibly grateful for you, Elizabeth. The last four days in the mountains have filled my heartbox more than you know!

{Keep You're Head Up, Keep Your Heart Strong}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 01:21:00 +0000

This is the classroom where I took my first nursing class.
It's also where I fell more in love with OB and failed my first exam. Oops.

My ABSN program has by far been the hardest thing I've ever done,
but it's also been one of the most rewarding!

Hang in there felllow nursing students.
Keep doing the next faithful thing ... you're gonna make it!

{Morning Thoughts}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sun, 09 Sep 2018 13:30:00 +0000

Here's to remembering good food doesn't always have to be eaten with a fork.
Happy Sunday, brave ones.

{Good Vibrations}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Tue, 28 Aug 2018 02:41:00 +0000

As I harvested honey last night I thought a lot about the sound bees make when they vibrate their wings. This buzz is familiar to me, as are the vibrations caused by rocks moving underfoot when walking up a trout stream. Recently, nursing school has introduced me to a new set of sounds— external tremors, abnormal heart rhythms ... These vibrations are less familiar but nonetheless I find them equally as fascinating. Here’s to chasing the things that energize us (thank you Becky Page) and to staying curious about our surroundings.

{A Memorable Reunion} Arkansas

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Thu, 23 Aug 2018 18:57:00 +0000

Reunions with family have a way of grounding me. While in Arkansas we made homemade ice cream on the same ice cream maker I used when I was 8. At night I slept beneath an oil painting of my grandmother, a strong silver haired woman who gave me my middle name. We spent time teaching my nephew how to fly fish on the same waters where I first learned how to roll cast. We watched old family videos and was reminded of my father's love for gardens, staying connected to the earth, and his appreciation for old things. We took hikes and collected peacock feathers and driftwood. My sister Jen made me laugh more than I thought possible and my cousin and aunt gifted me vintage Orvis flies and a turquoise bracelet that was my grandma's. Family can be hard and complicated sometimes but one thing I've learned is that restoration is possible.

Thankful to be a part of this beautiful group of people.

{Gratitude by Big Red Machine} Justin Vernon & Aaron Dessner

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 12:59:00 +0000

All the feels for Justin Vernon's new band with Aaron Dessner of The National.

Gratitude. Always a great way to kick of a Wednesday.

{First Day Thoughts}

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 16 Aug 2018 01:15:00 +0000

{There Are Many Things that Can Change A Life}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 02:31:00 +0000

{original post via Instagram}

Two weeks ago I almost withdrew from nursing school. In fact, I sold back my books, cancelled my private loan for financial aid, and told my close friends and family that I wouldn’t be returning to my ABSN program in the fall. Everyone was so supportive, but I continued to wrestle with this decision a hundred times over. I couldn’t deny that I was physically and mentally fatigued, not to mention missed time with Tim and Bravey beyond words.

As I was getting ready to tell my classmates about my decision to withdraw, I received an email from a 96 year old great grandma. Her name was Shirley and she said she had asked her nurse aid to help type me a message. She mentioned she was in a hospice care facility in NY and had outlived all of her children, family, and friends. When her doctors had given her three days to live her nurse asked her how she wanted to spend her final days. Shirley said “in gratitude.” So her nurse showed her our blog and read her my gratitude posts for hours. She said it made her happy and that she just wanted to send a message to say “thank you” before she died.

It was by far one of the most powerful emails I’ve ever received, as well as one of the hardest. I sat there afterwards weeping knowing God was using Shirley’s words and story to remind me not to lose hope of one day becoming a nurse and being able to care for the physically and emotionally broken. I share this story with you (not only because most of you know how I feel about letters) but because I want to tell you that you’re not alone or crazy for wanting to jump ship when things get hard. Hang in there. Don’t give up on your dreams. Persevere and stay curious, and may we all spend our days like Shirley living from a place of gratitude. Here’s to gratitude and how it turns everything into enough. Here’s also to fall and to another semester of growth.

{A Four Year Olds Brainbox}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Mon, 06 Aug 2018 14:24:00 +0000

"Mama, did you know there are over 100 different feces of jellyfish?"
No Bravey, I didn't but you win cutest human award.
Feces, species it's all the same right?

{Rest}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sat, 04 Aug 2018 01:00:00 +0000

After 3 hours of sleep and 18 hours of studying for finals I'm freeeeeee!

Here's to a much needed date night at Holy Grale with my dude.

Happy Friday y'all.

{A New Month}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Thu, 02 Aug 2018 03:48:00 +0000

It's finals eve and the first day of August.
Here's to things looking up and to remembering there is always good in the hard.

{Palliative Care}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sat, 28 Jul 2018 03:43:00 +0000

This morning a friend dropped these cukies off before I gave a presentation on palliative care.
Feeling grateful for my health and for friends who support my pickle addiction.

{Perspective}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 03:40:00 +0000

Sometimes when the future looks tangled in my brain box I have to bring it back to simple things like Bravey's morning bead head laugh or Tim's Chaco tanned feet or
something made and gifted by a dear friend.
Here's to gratitude and how it puts things into perspective.
Here's also to not having shit figured out and that being okay.

{All The Pretty Girls by Kaleo}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 04:11:00 +0000

Listen. Repeat. Listen. Repeat.

{Miracles}

noreply@blogger.com (Today's Letters) — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 03:35:00 +0000

You can try to explain miracles to a 4 year old or you can just put them in a garden for 15 minutes.
Either way I love watching this kids curiosity shift to awe and wonder.