Today's Tripe (T Squared)

In the name of Coxits*

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Mon, 19 Oct 2020 11:00:00 +0000

Let's begin in the before years. When the dynamic duo of iron & gipper more or less declared society was dead. Long live the individual, and all he/she (it was a time before gender pronoun liberation) can plunder! Knowing that it would be their mates, and every dodgy second hand used bank salesman out there, who would go on to pocket quite a pretty penny/cent, or two!

Everything in the uk was for sale. The americans had a bit of pride and in those days a bit more sense, so ensured some things had to remain off the sales ledger and in the cubbyhole of national silver; but since most of the stuff wasn't public anyway, it really didn't make that much of a difference.

Fast forward a few decades, and in the sunny slowly morphing dystopian uplands of the uk, many of your favourite companies have being hoiked off to the highest bidders, in a process known by that reverential title of: under new management. For example, superdrug is owned by a.s. watson, who are part of ck hutchinson holdings, a chinese company. Boots did a dance, to be finally consumed by an american company and is now a part of the megcorp walgreens boots alliance which had 2019 revenue of $137 bn, with 2020 potentially being a very nice bumper crop for them - which makes more sense after looking at the prices in their online store. A company which of course loves the nhs - just ignore a subsidiary being one of the top five american health insurers providing lovely affordable healthcare, which is lovely. Now do remind me why so many americans wish they just didn't need to go bankrupt to live?

The nhs is underfunded, over-managed, and dying by hundreds of ideological cuts; becoming ripe for the plucking – seeding growing public anger, which once sufficiently massaged and perceived to be no longer behind the nhs, will allow them (those in power) to deliver the coup de grâce and finally allow the vultures to heartily tuck into the spoils.

Holland & Barrett, a health food chain (akin to the usa’s whole foods but way smaller - especially as it’s now part of amazon), is owned by a russian billionaire who bought it from the american private equity firm the carlyle group. BA is spanish, most of the uk’s utilities and water firms have overseas owners. Trains are run by the french and germans. Chocolates are owned by american, or swiss companies, with a light sprinkling of a belgian company, or two nicely shaken into the mix. The technological marvel that was arm was allowed to be flogged off to japan's softbank group which would be the equivalent of america allowing intel, nvidia and amd to fall into overseas hands, without giving more than a shrug. Even the quintessential dyson vacuum cleaner is manufactured in malaysia and headquartered in singapore, whilst the allure of his singaporean penthouse must increase his need to visit sunnier climes; far away from the wash, or the unwashed, now they’ve served their purpose! Newspapers are owned by non-domiciled billionaires, so it’s no wonder they want a neutered bbc. And the conservatives want to hoike nuclear reactors off to the chinese, whilst our strongest weapons (nukes on subs) actually belong to the americans.

And most of the above was before brexit and covid struck. So with all that in mind, precisely which sovereign bit of the UK did those who voted leave, believe they were saving?

Now, where’s the covid file...

* Take your pick: Cockup and Brexit. Covid and Brexit. Crapshoot and Brexit.

In alternate reality 45823...

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 00:01:00 +0000

The dust from three years internecine warfare across the Channel has finally settled. Birds are haunting as the morning quiet of an exclusive Parisian neighbourhood, is rudely broken by a national anthem ringtone.

“Monsieur Président. C'est lui, de l'autre côté de la Manche, au téléphone!”

“Sacrebleu! Que veut l'idiot blond maintenant?”

The return

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 26 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

Sometimes, there's nothing better than taking a little break away. To refresh the mind. Fill the lungs with fresh only semi-polluted air, and- Oh merde! Sommes-nous encore en train de parler de Brexit?!

Dreaded Drug Decriminalisation

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 15 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

For the majority of people when they hear the term drugs they are more in mind of those substances which alter consciousness and states of mind, and of course which may or may not be hallucinogenic, make us feel good, love our fellow species members, make us look better, question the bollocks we're fed on a daily basis and realise the nonsense of contemporary power structures and paradigms; and are subsequently banned, excoriated and war'd on.

In our modern society drugs are taken by the majority of people, in one form or another, at some stage or another, for things that are now so routine we forget that only 50 years ago, without them would either mean a certain death or being the recipient of severe life-shortening disability. We’re including vaccinations in that pantheon too, as vaccines are also drugs.

Drugs have had a bit of a mixed audience over the centuries, suffering ups and downs along the way. A way to keep the less fortunate sophomoric and their better offs giddy with delight. But who can forget wandering along the Thames river in the Victorian era and popping into an apothecary to get a vial of cocaine to help with that pesky cold?

Since Jenner and his smallpox vaccinations there have been problems with drugs along the way. With Governments (USA) doing experiments on their third class citizens with STDs, or governments (USSR/Russia) being early proponents of gender swapping, as long as it only (okay mainly) involved sports women! Of course it’s understandable why people would prefer not to have their children vaccinated in the hope of saving them from one of the many dreadful side-effects that may impact them, or saving them from deliberately introduced side effects just to see what impacts there might be. But apart from the few highly reported incidences regarding adulterated vaccines, the improvement in global improved life-span, over only a few decades, hasn’t just being down to improvements in food, nutrition, and improved water supplies, all of which played a huge part, but mainly the ability of medicine to bring to heel once terminal illnesses and diseases.

Getting through the blah blah on the war on drugs in the USA, we quickly realise that it’s not really a war on the perceived horrors that impact poorer sections of communities, but a war on many other fronts to ensure that power remains in the hands of those who believe they know better! A Nixon aide famously said that the reason for the war on drugs was basically to divide and conquer, with a healthy dose of racism thrown into the mix. Three of his colleagues have poured scorn on the whole idea, but as jailed prisoners are unable to vote, what better way of killing many stones with the one policy. That was before gerrymandering really took off, which makes imprisoning an unnecessary throwback to a more barbaric time. Make black people and hippies who consume marijuana appear to be the bogeyman of all that’s right and just, and those who support them being just as bad. So why not help such perceptions along by ensuring gang wars, supplies can get through, and the media reporting like the good boy’s that they are. Once people have a conviction for drug possession they become forever a felon. Felons are not allowed to vote. So the war on drugs disproportionately affects black men, many end up in prison as part of the money making venture that is the prison industrial complex of a privatised prison system. Then when they get out they are not allowed to vote. Which helps with gerrymandering, especially as they would only vote democrat anyhow.

In the 1930’s the drug war was against mexicans, Will Randolph Hurst was a politician, owned a lot of newspapers and also a lot of paper producing companies. The target was the evil hemp, “reefer madness” 1936, with white women being seduced by reefer smoking black jazz musicians. As that was so successful a similar war on drugs was enacted a few decades later, using crack as the weapon of choice for Ronald Reagan, ans targeting the black community because white people tended to do powder cocaine. Before reefer madness there was a campaign against opium because the Chinese were smoking it!

Of course in about 1900 you could legally buy cocaine, morphine, cannabis. Queen Victoria used cannabis for period pains.

Why do we care here in the UK? Well ever since the master and servant roll was reversed, the UK has slavishly followed whatever US policy they can get away with implementing.

Over the years, the US policy has helped limit and hold back research into the use of LSD or molly MDMA for sufferers of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Ergo, a lovely catch 22. No research, no proof that it works. So cannot (legally) be used for treatment. Even internationally, politicians prefer people (poor) to die of cancer in Africa and India, than for them to get morphine to relieve their pain.

Hypocrisy much? As society guzzles vast tankers of alcohol with terrible damage to individuals, and a community cost of pub fights hospital bills, prison, it is rarely viewed as a drug that shouls be banned, as it brings lots of money in to the chancellery, and those with power do enjoy the off tiple. Whilst prescribed opiods have more people becoming hooked on them, and deaths from their use increasing. But, have one person (out of millions that week) unfortunately die, who popped a pill to enjoy themselves and it’ll be plastered across the headtops for weeks to come.

That time of year already.

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 12 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

Happy 15 shopping weeks of Christmas!

In alternate reality 45823...

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Tue, 10 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

The latest edition of 'Democracy for The End Times', lands on the desk of the British Prime Minister. "Are you a PUSSY LICKING DRUGKING, or PROGRESSIVE LOVING DATER?"

The PM smirks, and licks his lips. He hadn't tasted the good stuff in quite a while. And with all those paparazites outside, it might be a while before he would again. As for the other stuff, his young fillies were doing rather well. Jeni even beat the bookies with a 100 yards to spare at the Goodgrove races

He looks down his to-do list and maniacally mutters. "Scuppering Parliament, check. Drowning the Speaker in a grab the apple contest, in progress. Hanging out promises of a better tomorrow without jam today, that's our mantra. In the record books, even as the shortest serving PM since 1827, by Jove still on track!"

As financial, social, and international storm clouds gather in growing intensity, the asymmetric flapping wings of destiny ferociously beat towards an approaching darkening maw.

Lounge of green borders

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 08 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

Ah good evening.
It is Tuesday.
Have a care.
Our army of beetles, spiders and exploding ants,
Vicious vipers, poisonous pythons and bristling badgers,
Are all ready to defend the borders of my fine realm!
Now leave me in peace.
Let me lounge.

A hit to the twitbix

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 05 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

Being tasered more than twice, involves a little bit more than bad luck!

Floppy bits

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Tue, 03 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

I had an email pop in regarding the exciting news of “going from a couch potato to 5k in just 9 weeks".

Why?I wondered to no one in particular. I neither have a couch, nor do I wish to run 5k - never have done. Plus there’s hardly enough hours in a day to get a dot of what I wish to, and the bits that I do are interspersed with bouncing between walls before bed. Time to run? Hardly time to gather thoughts and firmly tie them down with coherent ropes of logic and reason.

For those out there who do 5k’s, you are an inspiration. Keep up the wonderful work, but remember that couch potatoes exist, so everyone else can feel good.

Rocking it like Methuselah

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 23:01:00 +0000

There is an increasing amount of research being published relating to the possibility of extending life by tinkering with the inner workings of genes. Soon the question may well be when can you take the age adding serum, rather than if; as societies will start to experience citizens leading longer, healthier, happier, and more fulfilled lives!

However, not to be outdone, rightwing think-tanks are working to swing the pendulum back on life expectancy, by flexing their ideological control over governments and swathes of societies across the globe - their snake-tongues finding fertile ground. Whether it’s the burning of the rainforests, selling arms to rival groups, or whittling away the remaining safety nets leaving nothing but bare concreted ground. They will have a solution to your problem which will decimate those with the least in your society. But that stark eventuality is at least a generation or two removed from coming back to bite anyone implementing the measures, so really, where’s the harm?!

One such think tank has already instigated the disaster which is Universal Credit in the UK. The very same organisation, with chief snake Ian Duncan-Smith, has recently being blowing in the wind their latest wonderful idea of increasing the retirement age from 68 years to those reaching their 75th birthday. With every increase in the average lifespan, such bodies will always exist trying to ensure that people (the undeserving poor, the disabled, the workshy, the skivers, the menials, the unwilling, the lazy, the febrile, the mentally unwell, and the IQ challenged) will work for as much of that time as possible. That, after all, is simply their lot in life.

People are, rightly, grumbling a bit. But that is only a seven year increase, with a possible working life range of 59 - 66 years - for those lucky enough to be in fully paid/perked/benefitted employment, or successful self-employment, or atop black market income stream verticals. If you think retiring when you are 75 might put a spanner in your idyll of a happy pension everafter, just imagine being alive centuries from now, when the retirement age has (after consultation) been raised to 540, only to find that on your 539th birthday a new legislative directive has been automatically implemented raising the retirement age by another 50 years. So your retirement party and presentation of a golden teapot, for 500 years good service, has been postponed until you reach the tender age of 590! On a positive note, after 570 years of working imagine the size of that pension pot, which will just be enough to buy a broom cupboard on the empires farthest off-world outpost.

All of the above currently sounds nothing but far-fetched grandiose nonsense, but if the species doesn't kill itself, or significantly regress its ability to build on incremental medical and technological advances being made, we can only imagine how things will look in 500 years time. The first recorded use of a firearm was under 700 years ago in 1364. First passenger jet airliner entered service in 1952, mobile phones in 1973. Ultrasound guided nerve blocks (pain blockers for us lays) for anaesthesiology in 1978. Will be a remnant homosapien rump scratching out an existence amongst the wreckage of its fall, or will it rise beyond the always-on-display-of-itinerant-pettiness, towards a future only restricted by its ability to imagine.

In the life extension experiment simply blocking the expression of one gene increased the lifespan of a test subject (a nematode, is still a test subject) by up to 25 percent. If a similar extension could be enabled in humans, then potential life expectancy could be pushed up to 143 - for those already lucky enough to be living towards the top end of human life expectancy. For those on the other end however, it would at the very least provide an extra few months of existence, regardless of how grubby and miserable that existence is. How many years of endless grind would society deem acceptable? Or would another enlightenment take place and consign such ideas to the periods of barbarism.

Okay 550 years is hardly a dent on Methuselah’s fictional lifespan. But if you had to work over 500 years of your life, just what would that look like? Surely you wouldn’t be working for the same company, that would be tragic! But then again, if the company rotated roles, offered stock options and flexible possibilities, became more dynamic, and less static, was 100% open and transparent, why not? Apart from seeing the same 50 people, over and over and over and over and over and over again!

Happy 20- oh f'it

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

We are well past the midway point of 2019, and weather records across the globe are being broken like each lane in a bowling alley scoring record after record. With the Gulf Stream slowing, Greenland ice sheets and glaciers experiencing record melting, plus a slew of scientific data indicating that we’re more or less fucked. What are governments around the world effectively doing to alleviate the awaiting crisis of having many of their populace sploshing around halfway through the night?

So far, it seems not much. There’s a lot of PR and marketing guff doing the rounds, but when it comes to the nitty gritty day-to-day reduction in waste, inefficiency, switching from fossil fuels to renewables, a whole bucket of snails would beat these hares in a race, and that’s only if the race covered a 10 yard stretch.

There is an increasing awareness amongst the general populace that there is a growing issue taking place with the climate, simply from the increasing reports even on their favourite TV/cables nesshows, that the 500 year and 100 year occuring records now appear to being broken on a monthly basis.

Of course the Gammonistas take it as a matter of pride to ignore all these warnings. As we know, we don't need experts (Mr Gove), regarding anything we know nothing, or very little about. Naturally this is taken to extremes in america, rolling coal, with your breakfast quadruple burger? Helped of course by Trump and his minions taking great pride in rolling back environmental protections. With methane as one of the potent greenhouse gases, what better thing to do than relax the regulations regarding their emissions from oil & gas drilling, as that might save up to $19m a year. With methane approximately 30 times more potent a gas as carbon dioxide at trapping heat, show that you understand the calamity the species is heading towards, by pouring more fuel on the fire. Perhaps they are reptilian after all, and their evil plan is working towards warming the planet up, so they can increase the size of their clutch eggs.

Bolsanaro in Brazil carries on as a mini-me henchman, encouraging the burning of the Amazon rainforest. The Amazon, often called the vital lungs for the world. If burning your lungs weren’t bad enough, we find out that the Democatic Republic of the Congo, home to the largest Ebola epidemic and 38 private armies all battling each other, now has more fires than the Amazon basin. This is a country which is as big as Western Europe… Oh, and it also happens to have the biggest measles epidemic which has so far killed about 5 times as many kids as the Ebola epidemic has killed people. There appears to be no end in sight for any of these catastrophes, and the list only seems to be getting bigger. Any help from the west? Well, there are lots of tut tutting, action plans and promises. Which, as we all know, is the battle nearly won.

Unconventional Carnival attire

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Tue, 27 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

The Overton window

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 25 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

The Overton window, no not the Oval window, nor the square window, nor the round window - from Rainbow (may it r.i.p), nor is it any other type of window constrained by those pesky general laws of physical dimensionality. The Overton window is the range of ideas tolerated in public discourse at any moment in time. “But,” you say. “What the fuck,” or for those out there with a more gentler constitution, “WTF, does that mean?” Here’s a contemporary example from British politics. Jeremy Corbyn is described as being on the extreme left by many commentators, and especially those with many column inches to fill in today's billionaire-owning newspaper class. But when you look at him in context, he is an ordinary lefty from the 1970s. It's not that he is so extreme, it's more that the Overton window has shifted to the right since the 1970s.

With each passing decade the ideology in the UK, indeed of the Tory party and successive governments have been in chasing the right so hard, they have become fascistic. We don't hear that discussed much amongst the everyday news fare of celebrity toenails and trump's latest tweets, as we’re rummaging through our mornings breakfast offerings do we?

You might find yourself muttering that you really don’t care that the window has light-speeded to the right of politics. After all, it’s served you well. You’re sitting pretty. Retirement and pensions are all planned out. Income from rental or at the very least money from AirBNB and equity dividends are doing great guns. You could retire now, if you wanted to, and let all that money flow in. But then what? What about the future? What about a society where people don’t have to work 50 hour weeks, or three (predominantly in the USA this one) jobs just to sleep in a car at night? What about the future of the species and where it's potentially headed? Do you really want to leave behind a narrow focused, work until we drop, dystopian society - along the lines of Elysium? Sucks to be you, you non-quintillionaire.

But surely, things really aren’t that bad? Apart from a few retail casualties, job losses, and mutterings of boardroom coups, not only can you still buy your wonderloaf for 57p, but you can marvel at the artisanal Bakeries latest offerings and plump for a freshly baked loaf for only £15. How many artisanals can you, or anyone else for that matter, purchase from, that would redress the issue of work and pay? The reason an increasing number of jobs are paying less isn’t down to immigration, that’s just a useful sop used by capitalism to trip up the unwary, If pay had kept pace, even just with inflation, people would be earning much more whilst also being able to work far less hours, and enjoy a decent work to leisure balance. Subsequently many more people could be employed. More money would be distributed amongst communities, potentially allowing communities to resist the empty houses yet homeless syndromes too.

How bad? Doctors believe that if there’s no change in which window the country keeps popping through, then the NHS will, to all intents, be private within a decade. And for those who believe that an American style healthcare system can’t be all that bad. Of course it isn’t. If you never have to use it. If you don’t have pre-existing medical conditions. And having your employer, part paying for your insurance, checking up on you to make sure you haven’t broken any of their purity test conditions along the way. The introduction of university tuition fees where, just like the USA, students are facing large debts before they’ve even started on a career, let alone thinking of buying a house - which that money grabbing generation has also fucked for them. Universal Credit, almost the antithesis of the very idea of the welfare state; instead of caring for you from cradle to grave, the emphasis now appears to be quickly bury you from the cradle so saving on all those unnecessary middle bits. Any and every company is up for sale for the right price, actually any price will do. Just sponsor/buy UK Blue. National security? Pffft, who cares about such sacrosanct nonsense - which makes the wibble over Huawei even more brown-nosing than normal.

So that's it in a nutshell. Politics has shifted so far to the right that Corbyn, within the context of the Overton window, is now an extreme evil Marxist waiting to steal all your money and give it to the next terrorist organisation desperately mewling in the wings. Whilst the Tories, are just jolly public schoolboys and gals, who want nothing more exciting in life than to run through fields of wheat gently squealing as they’re poked by the beards, so don't mind them. All the while the BBC, the majority of the newspapers and commentators have been dragged along on this trip. All without any hint of a meaningful discussion amongst their ranks. This has been described by Noam Chomsky as “Manufacturing consent”. I have mentioned this before? Good lad! Or Lass, choose your own pronouns. It’s nice that you're paying attention.

If we were truly living in a democracy Noam would receive as much mainstream air time and analysis on the major broadcasting channels as the latest snowball in congress, or at least the same as the week’s breaking headline on the latest celebrity to dabble with a toenail disaster. His insights could be seriously discussed and compared to the current paradigm. Instead of mainly being confined to YouTube channels, or Russia Today.

Let the words...

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 22 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

Brief quotes from the years.

Caligula

"I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Let them hate me, so long as they fear me."

Hitler

"Who says I am not under the special protection of God? The broad masses of a population are more amenable to the appeal of rhetoric than to any other force. The great masses of the people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one. Strength lies not in defence but in attack. How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think. It is not truth that matters, but victory. Humanitarianism is the expression of stupidity and cowardice. If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed."

Trump

"We will no longer surrender this country or its people to the false song of globalism. You have to think anyway, so why not think big? I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big. People love me. And you know what, I have been very successful. Everybody loves me. We are going to have an immigration system that works, but one that works for the American people. We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example for everyone to follow. The problems we face now - poverty and violence at home, war and destruction abroad - will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them in the first place."

The magic money tree - update.

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

Will there ever be a use for magic money trees: M.M.T.

Somewhat overheard - August 2019

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 18 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

There's nothing worse, during the fading summer months, than sleeping with the window open after the witching hour has passed. Whilst local members of the inebriation society, with slow and meandering deliberation, make their way back to their respective roosts.

Just as you finally feel yourself dozing off, for the briefest of moments you believe that you have been transported back to the 1930's, as you hear in the distance the lilting tones of closed doors being banged on, or kicked, and furious male voices raised in unison bellowing "Let me in! Open the door you cow! This is my house!"

In alternate reality 45823....

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

In alternate reality 45823....

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Tue, 13 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

The Magic Money tree

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

We are told that there is no such thing as a “magic money tree” to pay for public services. But over periodic bumps we find out that there is most definitely something there, in the misty uplands of our green and pleasant land. Need support from one of the most backwards looking parties in the union? Money to bribe the DUP to support the Tories in Parliament? Here you go, one billion pounds! Money to bomb Libya? Maybe £1.25bn plus. Money to support the economy, in the form of quantitative easing? This snugly nudged upwards of £435bn as of 2016.

So the maybot was right, there wasn’t a solitary magic money tree. There's a huge forest of the bloody things. Which can only be harvested for things that the Tories like. For a country with a sovereign currency, i.e. one that the country alone controls there is an infinite amount of money that can be printed. The limits are simply how much can you get away with before investors and markets get skittish and the value of the currency plummets.

Before we go further, let me introduce another phrase that will help set up the argument. Fiat currency. Fiat from Latin meaning made up, or manufactured. This applies to currencies that are not tied to a base, which was formerly the gold standard. This means anyone who has the keys to this magic process can create money. And in Western economies this means banks. Every time they approve a loan the money is created by magic. Yes, if you get a loan or mortgage the bank does not descend into the basement to gather dollar bills or pound notes. They enter a number into a spreadsheet and bingo! The money now exists. Transferred straight into your account to buy the house of your dreams, or the car that your worst narcissistic self wishes for. The Bank of England found that the process was so misunderstood by MPs that they had to produce a guide.

But as Upton Sinclair once remarked “It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it!" MPs will persist in wilfully mis understanding this concept and return to the magic money tree concept. It suits the purpose of the Tory MP to publicly state that the magic money tree will not allow spending on housing, health, education or any socially useful purposes. The press gleefully follow in this misunderstanding as their career progress depends on the patronage of politicians. A living demonstration of Chomsky’s “Manufacturing Consent”. Basically a consensus is formed between politicians and the press to accept a common world concept. No secret cabals are needed. People learn that they need to express belief in the current view, in this case “there is no magic money tree” allied to “we need austerity so we don't become a broke country, like Greece”, or “we don’t want to be like socialist Venezuela!” It suits Tories and their sycophants to stick to this story, even though it is patently false. Corbyn and Labour are terrifying because they don't subscribe to this myth.

Let's hope we can reach a state of modernity where the UK can be part of a modern EU and hopefully aspire to the quality of life of the Nordic states.

In alternate reality 45823….

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

The Pots woke terrified and heavily sweating, and begins recalling his vivid dream. He was laying naked amongst a bunch of nukes; rubbing his parts over their very large, very big, smooth and metallic exteriors. He remembers being exultant hearing them “ooooo”, and “ahhhh”, calling out his name at his every touch and each of his gyrations -he’d never experienced that before- he was finally doing what he wanted, and getting to play with his nukes! In the next instant he is speeding with them to China, Russia, and North Korea, all at the same time. The next, he watches as billions of bodies ignite and burn to ash, before being ripped asunder by a ferocious gale. He shudders, still remembering, as the sweat drips from his third chin.

Hours after the latest nuclear summit between: North Korea, China, Russia and the USA, President Trump, normally referred to as Pots (President Of the Thin Skins), flushed the toilet after a 3am text dump. Headed down for his early morning briefing, and helped himself to the generously proportioned breakfast happy-meals.

“Oo, oo. When I was on my fifth happy meal at the Nuclear Summit, I heard President Kime say to President Vlade that he’d fix the whole ecological thing, real good.”
“Fix, Mr President?”
“Yep, fix. I liked the sound of that. Which is why I have my ecological big-boy pants on, ready for our next meeting.”
“I see Mr President.”
“Has Miss beautiful Peach Lady called?”
“Who, Sir?”
“The one with an even more voluptuous rear than me. The one going out with that singing butler. It’s surprising he’s still a butler, he talks as much sense as i do.”
“You mean Kanye, Sir?”
“Yes, my best friend Kimye.”
“And, Kim Kar-”
“Yes Kime two. She's very cool. All the best people are called Kime. What’s your name?”
“It's still Bruce, Sir.”
“Good.”
“Er, we were talking about the ecology Sir?”
“Yes, Kime the fourth, you’re right. We were. Now, what did he... Ah yes. President Kime said they’d be sending lots of things over, to help us out with our ecologicals, but that I shouldn’t worry. They’ll create the biggest and brightest shield; a really really big shield, full of the best little floating particles, that will blot out the sun for weeks...”
“Er, Sir?”
“And help bring down the temps. Ah. Kime the fourth, where are the temps on this briefcase? I can’t see them anywhere.”

The ecologist

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Tue, 06 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

So here is a proposition, hear me out now, "Donald Trump is an ecologist!"
"What?" You shriek in horror.

Well he is determined to use nuclear weapons and he has been fascinated by them for years. Go on, Google it. I will wait. Ah fuck it, too slow, but take my word for it, that it predates his stay in the White House. After all, why have these powerful shiny and expensive things if you can’t use them? They appeal to his inner spiteful toddler.

The ecology part? Well if he starts a hot war with China, for instance, there will be barrages of icbms between China and the USA. This will kill a lot of people. Dead people don’t produce carbon emissions, well some briefly would as they rot. But they will not be driving around, nor using air conditioning. So that’s a plus for the planet. More importantly the nuclear explosions will send clouds of debris into the air and decrease solar warming. The "nuclear winter" benefit bonus. It’s what we used to worry about before other new fangled anxieties like global warming and genocide, rudely decided to intrude.

So there you have it. Donald Trump, the ecologist.

Trickle down deficit austerity

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

Trickle down economics, deficit reduction, austerity, or whatever the next new wonderful wheeze and its stated resolution will be called, when economies again go tits-up. They should simply combine all the terms into one, and call it trickitity. When it's over hose it down re-jiggle and reuse, the next time economies are slammed into a wall.

In 2010 george osborne set a target for the elimination of britain's deficit, its current day-to-day budget if you will. Thanks to the mom & pop enterprises who blew up the economy, radical action had to be taken. Naturally, as they were the majority cause of the financial meltdown, they had to be the most severely penalised by having trillions showered on them, with a firm reminder printed on their foreheads saying "don't do it again." Oh wait, that's just a bit of fiction someone somewhere is thinking of working on, and turning into a film.

The right of centre press managed to pin the blame firmly on labour with enough of the electorate, whose critical thinking skills were lost amongst the fog of alarmist red headlines. The conservatives & liberals (finally with the stick of power in their chubby little paws) told the country that everyone had to dig deep. Dig really, really deep, and do their bit for queen and country. They, with radical agenda, would lead the stalwarts and make all the hard choices - we were in this mess together and we would only arise triumphant by acting with single purpose, together.

It should have been unsurprising that when measures finally made their way into the daylight, the "all, we, together" pact, had transmogrified to impact households that had already been pilloried & vilified in the media. If it was a household with at least one disabled person in tow, then all the better. Their voluntary act of service would be offering themselves to be a part of the first deployed battalions, ready to suck up all those evil fiscal lemons of austerity. Ensuring their unwavering sacrifices would be greatly appreciated and remembered, once the rush of non-exec-with-benefits emails started to arrive during the morning slew of g&t's whilst basking in the french riviera.

If those unfortunates had enough money to buy more than eight tins of dust, well that was one more tin than they'd need for a week; rightly showing their frivolous and wasteful nature. No, it was far better their already bloated waistlines were tightened a bit further, and tightened at least until their bones started cracking.

It took eight years for george osborne's deficit target to be reached. Yet less than a year after for the headline "deficit surges over £7bn in june 2019". But wasn't the entire purpose of the hack and slash austerity to reduce the deficit? Of course not. That was a handy ruse used by the usual suspects, after numerous outlets successfully painted the sick, disabled, and benefit scroungers as being perfect fodder to reduce the involvement of the state; and in time, allow private corporations to begin the process of hovering up all that spare money-tree cash. Which is why the magic money-tree no longer had any, when it came to providing a leg-up for the unfortunates in society.

The idea that every country is just like a household where each penny has to be fully balanced otherwise we would end up looking like that house at the end terrace with its doors hanging off, rubbish covering the garden, and strewn over the fence, the feral cats and dogs biting anything within spitting distance, and the husband flitting off at night to put furious deposits elsewhere. Sorry, my mistake, i'm getting that confused with the johnson house. But that the household, in time of distress, can just print as much money as it wants, or hack and slash as much spare flesh off as they can without rendering themselves unconscious and being air-lifted to an emergency room.

After years of reagen & thatcher trickle down, the conservatives & liberal austerity, then just the conservatives austerity drive, what more proof do whole swathes of the poor (who still vote conservative), non-parachuted handcuffed workers, social & public services users require, that they really just don't like you. They don't like what you represent. They don't like how you dress. They don't like how you eat, walk, nor talk, and when there are colonies in space, you do know which groups they'll be criminalising to send out and do all the grunt work first.

In alternate reality 45823....

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Thu, 01 Aug 2019 23:01:00 +0000

The man with power girded his loins with grim determination, and headed north, to beyond the wall. His guests were ready and waiting to receive him.

"Well, where is he? He should be here now!"

"Ay, that he should. But he ain't. Hold on... Hey Angus!"

"Ay, Fraser?"

"Any word on when that southern jessie's ganna arrive?"

"Ay Fraser, he should be here now."

"Ay he should be here Angus, but he aint."

"Hold on Fraser. It's coming back to me. There was a daft looking fella wandering around earlier. Had a face like a skelped erse, and prime minister scribbled on his chest. His mouth kept opening, but only gibberish was coming out. So I locked him in the cupboard, with the cleaning supplies."

"Oh Angus. What have you done."

"Saved the country Fraser, saved the country."

Trumbor

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Tue, 30 Jul 2019 23:01:00 +0000

The gathering of the clan was a departure from tradition. By electing two leaders and surgically joining them together, the collective membership had -apart from losing its mind-, finally caused the world to notice them.

Scribes from far and wide descended on the unprecedented gathering, all of them wanting any sort of exclusive.

One scribe was too keen, and slips in between the chairs, to be garrotted by another scribe sitting down at the same time. However, luckily for the now seated scribe, his deceased colleague's question paper gently flutters into his hands. Not believing his luck, but happy to take it anyway, he quickly springs up. "Er, I have some questions," he blurts out.

"Yes, the boring scribe in the fifth row!" Trumbor says, cleaning its teeth of that morning's breakfast: char lady, cocker spaniel, and a brace of peasants.

"How will you tackle the unequal distribution of wealth?"

"That's easy. Taxes are now cut for everyone." Trumbor, in unison says. Immediately causing uproar in the clan.

"Everyone?" Many of the gathered scribes ask at the same time.

"Yes, everyone." Trumbor says. Irritation clearly already getting the better of them.

"How about the poo-," another scribe begins.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. What was that? Weeeeeeeeeeeee. Can't hear you. Guards!"

In alternate reality 45823....

noreply@blogger.com (Planado) — Sun, 28 Jul 2019 23:01:00 +0000

It's b-day, plus 10 years, and the uk is now the 51st state of the usa.

The nhs has being bled to death by a billion cuts and the tasty filleted remains sold off to the fastest swooping vulture funds.

The first term rees-mcvey government has discovered a very large hole in their plans. After promising the electorate the sky, they have discovered that is the only thing in the country left for them to privatise.

"Ah, prime minister. Would you like to comment on the rumours that we are the new puerto rico?"

"Oh really, what a nonsensical question! Listen mush, once we've sold off the sky, we shall all be fantastically wealthy. There will also be some stale crumbs for the poor. Although, they'll have to fight marzebub for those!"