Today's Words Of Glass

2 Weeks Post Mohs Surgery

2021-06-10T19:47:00.002-04:00

May 26, 2021 3:40pm

Finally, the phone call that I'd been waiting on. It was the Medical Center. (Finally, we can schedule my surgery.) She tells me who she is, and then tells me that she has a cancellation for tomorrow. (Me stammering... ) "Ok, but I was thinking the end of June." Then I hear "We just had a moment to look at your file. We really don't think that you should wait. We really think you should come in tomorrow at 8:15am" (Me stammering again) "Ok, I'll be there."

Wait, what? My mind is all over the place. I'm supposed to work. How am I going to get our son to school? Will my husband be able to go with me on such short notice. I expected this to be the end of June, not tomorrow. I'm not prepared! I was overcome with emotion.

May 26, 2021

Surgery Day

I woke up at 1am with a horrible headache. By the time we arrived at the surgery center, I was definitely a bundle of nerves. I got checked in, went through the usual lists of medical information and allergies etc. The dr comes in an explains what he's about to do. I asked about scarring. He said at this point he had no idea what he was going to get into. Sometimes it is left to heal on its own. Sometimes it is stitched. Sometimes they have to do skin grafts. At this point, it was unknown. They mark my face with a permanent marker, and get started. First came the dreaded shot. Then he began cutting. One area was not completely numb, but he was almost finished so he kept on until he got what he needed. Then they burned it to stop the bleeding. I told them the smell made me very sick. So she had me hold my breath before she used the machine. She gave me a cold cloth for my headache and for my nausea.

Then we waited.....

.... and waited....

..... a half an hour passed.... then 45 minutes

(I'm starting to feel some pain. I am so nervous about them having to cut me again.)

... a little over an hour the doctor and 2 nurses walk back in...

"We got it all. You are cancer free"

I cried a little with relief.

He said he couldn't stitch it. It would be an open hole that would have to heal from the inside out. "It will take 6-8 weeks to heal, and it will scar. We won't know how bad until it heals."

I left swollen and in pain, but I was cancer free.

2 Weeks Later

June 10, 2021

The pain has been tolerable. The bandage has been unpleasant. And the hole is still there. I have to keep vasoline on it several times a day and a bandage.

After 14 days, which is today, the dr. said I could take the bandage off.

However, it's more painful with the bandage off.

It is healing SLOWLY.

I'm still very self conscious with and without the bandage. I'm hoping that once it heals I will feel more comfortable in my own skin. But I'm very thankful to be cancer free!

6/14/21

Please Note: This post may contain affiliate links, which means I receive a commission if you make a purchase using the affiliate link.

Feel All the Feels Then Deal

2021-05-20T20:34:00.004-04:00

Not what I expected when the phone rang. It was a routine dermatology appointment.

"Do you have any concerns?"

“Yes, a small spot on my face. It comes and goes. Two weeks ago it had disappeared (again). So I'm actually glad that it’s back.”

It was the size of a pin head. It was teeny tiny. A nuisance, but not something that really seemed to bother me.

“I suspect that it’s skin cancer.”

“So, we just burn if off, right?”

“No, it needs to be cut out and sent to the lab.”

I was not prepared for this. It’s on my lip! She’s going to cut a hole in my lip! She warns me that the shot is going to hurt and possibly a lot. She tells me this several times. (I’m thinking surely it can’t be that bad.)

I was wrong.

It hurt.

A lot.

I’m creeped out at the thoughts of her taking a chunk off of my face at the top of my lip. I’m even more creeped out as she tells me she’s going to burn it to stop the bleeding. Time and time again I hear the sizzle and the smell is nauseating. I’m trying to remain calm and tell myself that surely it will stop. Eventually she stopped and put a bandaid on.

I left the dermatology office swollen and a little dazed as a I was given a wound care sheet. A wound care sheet? I have to clean it out with peroxide, put ointment on it and keep it covered to try to help with healing and scarring. What I thought was a routine visit turned into me having a chunk about the size of my little finger taken out of my face.

Fast forward 4 days when I get the call….

“This is Dr. ______, I’m calling with your test results. It is cancer. It’s basal cell carcinoma. I believe that we hopefully caught it in its early stage.”

“Ok (not surprised and not concerned), so we got it all?” (I mean the spot was tiny. The still swollen hole in my lip is huge. I had zero concerns or doubts that she did not get it all. I mean she had to with the amount of tissue that she took out.)

“No, have you ever heard of Mohs surgery?”)

Massive groan from me… and I can feel panic and tears rising… “You’ve got to be kidding me. Yes, I am familiar with Mohs surgery. I need more cut out. It’s my face…. My lip…"

“It’s cancer.”

“I just can’t believe that I need more cut off.”

“Yes, it’s cancer, and they need to take more tissue. I’m referring you to…… they will call you within 11 days to set up surgery. Surgery will take at least 2 hours. They are booking about a month out….. )

At this point I’m just writing down details and trying to process what is being told to me.

Shocked. Is this what shock feels like? This can’t be real. I mean it was so tiny. I can’t believe that I've got to have my face cut open and stitched. How long has it been growing? How deep is it? I’m still swollen from what happened before. My lip is all tingly and weird feeling and I look like I've been punched. How bad is it going to be after surgery? Stitches in my lip?

Tears…. followed by informing my husband what the dr just told me… tears… call my mom… tell her….. more tears… inform friends.. more tears… I cried for hours non stop. And still at times I get overwhelmed and cry some more.

As I write this, I’m waiting for the medical center to call and set up surgery….

I’m scared.

scared of the pain of the surgery

scared of the healing process

scared of trying to take care of stitches/wound care

scared of scarring

scared it’s spread more than they thought

scared this is the beginning of a journey that I would rather not take…..

So many things that I can not control….

It’s ok to be upset. It’s ok to feel emotion. It’s ok to feel scared or even a little angry. It’s ok. Feel all the feels… then deal.

To be continued…

Please Note: This post may contain affiliate links, which means I receive a commission if you make a purchase using the affiliate link.

It's Been a Hot Minute

2021-05-11T12:22:00.004-04:00

It's been a hot minute since I've written anything.... over a year. Between being a mom, full time student, and a substitute teacher during a pandemic, writing hasn't been a priority. More than once, I've felt like I was in survival mode with classes. I didn't expect early block to be so intense. I admit that I broke down and cried several times this semester with feeling overwhelmed. But, I endured until the end, and I got straight A's for the semester. I'm proud of myself that I didn't give up. I am enrolled in 2 summer class, and 4 fall classes and studying for standardized tests that I must pass before I can begin my student internship.

I will be close to 50 when I graduate. Am I too old to do this? Who starts a career at 50????? I guess I do. I don't know what's going to happen when I graduate. I do know that I am enjoying the course work, and I'm enjoying being able to put what I have learned into practice as a substitute.

This school year... wow... it's been a learning experience on so many levels.

I'm taking a tech class this summer that I'm excited about. I feel that technology will play a larger role in education. So I'm excited to learn some more tech tools that I could use as a future teacher.

So, why am I here on this little ole blog of mine after a year long hiatus? Because I feel a tugging, a longing, a desire to use my voice. I'm not sure how or in what way, or what will come of it. But I have a yearning deep in my being that just won't stop. I'm too busy. I don't have time to write or manage social media. Some days my head feels barely above water as it is... and yet that longing is there... and it's getting louder and bolder... so here I am. I'm not sure where it will take me, but I feel the tugging and the importance to listen...

"I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do." Jana Stanfield

Where to Begin - 47 Year Old College Student

2020-05-01T19:06:00.002-04:00

I suppose I should start at the beginning....

I graduated High School in 1991. I didn't have the funds to pay for college, and I really didn't know what I wanted to do anyway. I considered Elementary Education, but the course catalog scared me. I remember seeing chemistry and thinking no way. So instead, I decided to go to the local community college. I earned an Associates of Applied Science in Computer Programming. Fast forward to 2004 when I started working for Mississippi State University... Since they paid for part of my tuition, I signed up for classes. Little by little I worked my way toward a bachelor's degree. I graduated from Mississippi State University with a Bachelor of Science in Interdisciplinary Studies (with a concentration in Business, Communication, and Geosciences).

Fast forward to fall of 2018 when I decided to step out of my comfort zone and become a substitute teacher. I found a passion that I didn't know existed.

I also found that being a substitute on a 'guest' teacher certification put me at a disadvantage.
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My Life As A Sub

2019-04-02T18:39:00.001-04:00

For someone who craves consistency, and is definitely a planner, life as a sub has really been a change. Day to day I really don't know where I will be or what I will be doing once I get there.

Recently I walked into a classroom full of shop/woodworking equipment.
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Above All Else Be Kind

2019-04-01T18:21:00.000-04:00

It’s something that I’m constantly saying as a reminder to myself and a reminder to my son. It’s something we all could use a little more of... KINDNESS.

He’s only 8, but he knows what it’s like to receive and give kindness. He also knows what it’s like to be teased and picked on.

Have You Tried Ellie Claire Art Journals?

2018-11-30T15:47:00.001-05:00

Full Disclosure: I received products free of charge for the purpose of providing a review. My opinions are completely my own based on my experience. This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive a commission if you make a purchase using the affiliate link.

I’ve always enjoyed journaling. You’d think I’d have decent handwriting, but it’s quite the opposite. And although I do enjoy blogging, I also enjoy putting pen to paper. In addition to journaling, I enjoy coloring. So I was super excited when I found the best of both worlds.

Drum roll please... journaling and coloring in one beautiful book - better known as an art journal. Well, to clarify, let’s make that 3 beautiful art journals. But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself.
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Get Out Of The Pit Of Despair

2018-03-04T16:18:00.000-05:00

So, I came across some of my old writings when typewriters were a thing ... oh goodness.. 18 or so years ago?!?! before I blogged.. but I obviously still had the desire to share my heart with others..... and I thought I would share it with you... so this is straight from my former self ... when I was in my late 20's.

Get up, get up, get up! Get out of that pit that you have dug for yourself. Get out of despair! But I can't Lord, there are so many things going on, it's just too much to bear. Get up! Put on the whole armor of God and face the day.
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God's Great Love For You By Rick Warren

2017-11-10T10:37:00.000-05:00

Full Disclosure: I received products free of charge for the purpose of providing a review. My opinions are completely my own based on my experience.

What a difference a year makes! I can't believe how much progress that Lil Man has made with his reading. He's in 1st grade this year. It's definitely been an adjustment for our family with him going to school all day, and I rejoined the workforce. (My Life As A Non-instructional Aide) But I'm extremely happy with his progress in school. I love watching him grow, and it amazes me that he is now able to read to me.

We enjoyed reading God's Great Love For You by Rick Warren together. I could tell that he was proud of himself for being able to read most of it to me.

I loved this book. There is a big message behind the book (God's great love) but it's written in a way that children (in my opinion) can identify. The main character is the little girl that's on the cover. You see her in various situations while the captions explain that wherever she goes, God's great love is with her and that it never ends.

The illustrations were beautiful, and overall I truly enjoyed the book. This would make a great addition to one's reading library. And if you are looking for any type of gift idea, I think this would be perfect. It's definitely a book that I would highly recommend. I believe that children of all ages would enjoy this book. It's an easy to read book with a great message - beautifully written and illustrated.

I have one copy to give away! So enter the giveaway below to win a copy of God's Great Love For You by Rick Warren.

“Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post. Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won a prize from our sponsor Propeller /FlyBy Promotions in the last 30 days on the same blog, you are not eligible to win. Or if you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.

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Writing is one of my passions, and I'm stepping out there on faith to follow my dream. If you like this blog or this post, please take a moment to share it with friends.

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Adjusting To The Power Of Change

2017-09-14T09:50:00.000-04:00

Change - even good change is not always easy. I didn't realize how hard it would be to spend such little time with my son. Yes because of my job I do get to briefly see him throughout the day. But the quality time that we spend together is significantly much less than before he started school.

I know I know. It's good for him. It's good for me. I know that we should not be connected 24 hours a day. But I didn't expect
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My Life As A Non-Instructional Aide

2017-09-10T16:21:00.002-04:00

Because I keep answering this question over and over and over, I thought I'd put it here in case other people might want to know. Now, please keep in mind this is for my current school and situation and I know it will vary from school to school etc.

As a non-instructional aide this is what I do...
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I Found My Happy Planner

2017-04-14T13:29:00.001-04:00

This post contains affiliate links.

I'm a planner. I always have been. And I have tried several planners throughout the year. Although I use my phone calendar for all appointments, I still like to have a paper calendar. There is just something about writing it down, crossing it off, and just seeing everything in print.

And I don't even know how I stumbled across this planner, but somehow I did. It's the me & my BIG ideas create 365 The Happy Planner.

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And Then There Were 12

2017-04-05T10:48:00.001-04:00

New theme and hopefully a new breath of fresh air for this little blog of mine. Many of you know that I blog at Will Run For Ice Cream. However, I have 2 blogs, and I've had them for quite some time. I bought the domain for this one at the same time that I bought #WillRun4IceCream. But for some reason, I've never had a clear direction where to take Today's Words Of Glass.

And I still can't say with certainty that I know where that will be. But I can say that like Will Run For Ice Cream, I will be honest and transparent with my writing. I don't need fake in my life, and I'm sure that you don't either.

So last weekend, we were on our way to the Healthy Kids Running Series where Lil Man is running this year. This was his second race, and we were super early.

So, we decided to stop by the tractor supply store to look at the chickens.

We did this last year, but this year somehow we walked out with......
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Remembering When I Zigged When They Zagged

2016-12-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

I was thinking today about how far I've come with stepping outside my comfort zone. But as I came across this blog post from 2013, it still made me chuckle.

Reposted from May 2013

Many images came to my mind as I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone and tried Zumba (rolling my eyes) of all things today. Fish out of water, an innocent squirrel being electrocuted on an electric fence - I'm pretty sure this was what I looked like as the room hip hopped, Salsa and swayed. I don't have a rhythmic bone in my body. If I ever thought I did, today proved otherwise. I stayed in the back of the class and tried not to get in anyone's way. But then we had to turn around.
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Happy To Be Finding My Rhythm

2016-12-09T14:34:00.000-05:00

Apparently I've been recharging a little too long.. it's been awhile since I've posted here. Honestly, I've been busy at Will Run For Ice Cream. I decided to take a big step and put my health first. You can read how it all started (How I'm Going To Overcome Sugar Addiction) or if you want to just jump to the end and see how it went, you can click here (day 7) or here (the journey continues).

I'm still trying to find.. I would say balance... but someone (thanks Pastor G) told me that rhythm was a better word .... and I have to whole-heartedly agree. I'm trying to find my rhythm with family, exercise, goals and dreams.

I have truly loved being home with Lil Man, but I have also felt the increasing pressure to generate some income. And my dream for the longest time has been this blog and social media. I would love to be able to generate some income from what I love which is writing and sharing with others.

And I've been spending some time doing some
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Recharge For Your Mental Health

2016-11-18T20:29:00.002-05:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, to be the best person that you can be, you need to take time for you to recharge, refresh, re-energize. I know I know I know. Trust me, I do know that sometimes it just seems impossible to get 5 uninterrupted minutes. But I assure you, take those minutes. Because the reality is, if you are running on empty, you can't be the person that you need to be for yourself and for those that depend on you. Otherwise, you are going to wind up looking like this picture in this post :)

For me, it's often a soak in Epsom salt. Not only does it help my muscles, but it helps me mentally with getting some magnesium sulfate
(#TuesdayTidbit - Using Magnesium Sulfate), PLUS having that time to myself.
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Blogging Isn't For The Thin-Skinned

2016-10-31T15:04:00.000-04:00

Now let me say, if you enjoy blogging and never look at stats/numbers/apply for any type of product reviews or sponsored post, then maybe being thin-skinned is fine.

But if you ever apply for any sponsored posts or product reviews or generally (like me) get sucked into looking at performance, then I've learned that I often need thicker skin than what I have.

Rarely does google analytics make me smile. In fact, I've thought of giving up completely when I see just how little traffic can be.

But that being said, I enjoy this.. writing.. blogging.. sharing ideas.. my thoughts... so I continue on .. for now... and I'm focusing on the joy of it all instead of numbers. Quite often I allow numbers to dictate my mood... If you read my blog Will Run For Ice Cream then you are aware that I battle
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Great Autumn Crafts For Kids

2016-09-21T15:12:00.006-04:00

I am not crafty.. like.. no... really I'm not... like glue my fingers together with glue, can't color in the lines and please don't ask me to cut something with scissors and expect it to be straight.

But there is something about the fall season... the upcoming holidays that makes me want to do crafty things with Lil Man.

A simple google search will spit out more crafty ideas than you physically have time to do.

But I wanted to share a few with you that I plan to do with Lil Man this year.

I thought these looked cute and fairly simple.
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Soaking In Epsom Salt Baths

2016-09-19T08:54:00.001-04:00

I wrote a #TuesdayTidbit on my Will Run For Ice Cream blog back in March 2015 about using Magnesium Sulfate. You can read that article here if you'd like.

But I often get questions from people about my Epsom salt baths, so I thought I'd answer a few of those.

Yes, I actually do soak in Epsom salt baths at least once a week - sometimes more. And yes for me, I really can tell a difference in soreness and my mood.

I do usually buy in bulk. I find it's cheaper than getting smaller bags.

(affiliate link)

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Staying Organized

2016-09-08T18:09:00.002-04:00

I don't know about you, but Lil Man has in school for less than 2 weeks. And almost every single day there has been some type of paper work that I've had to fill out or review.

I keep an online calendar as well as a wall paper calendar. But I wasn't prepared for the actual paperwork that I was going to need to keep track of.

So I went old school (no pun intended) with a file folder and expandable folder system.

The red file folder opens from the top.

I use this for my 'keep' items of projects that he's doing. I did this with preschool, and it was nice to have all of his work in one place. So I got a new folder for kindergarten.

The expandable folder is for all of my important school papers. I have the school evacuation plan in the front along with school delay info and so forth.

When Life Twists And Turns

2016-09-06T13:14:00.000-04:00

I never thought that I would be a stay-at-home Mom. No, really, I never did. Because, I honestly thought that I would never be able to have children.

But here I am, a stay-at-home Mom to Lil Man, who just started kindergarten. And truthfully, it feels like it was just yesterday that I was holding a tiny baby in my arms.

But life is full of twists and turns and unexpected moments - some good - some not so good.

At 43
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Finding The Beauty

2016-09-01T14:14:00.000-04:00

Well, it's no surprise that I was struggling a little with Lil Man going off to kindergarten (Where Has The Time Gone) And I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body as he walked to get on the school bus.

But we are 4 days into kindergarten, and we are still working on adjusting and finding our schedule. The bus system is getting better. We are starting to sort of get into a routine, but it's still a work in progress.

With preschool, I knew what happened while he was at preschool - even down to the snack that he was given.

Now, I have to rely on Lil Man who is turning out to be a lot like his Dad which means I get very little info. He definitely needs time to decompress. It's often hours, sometimes the following day before I get a small tidbit of information. I try not to push, and just give him space and time.

I personally am struggling with the fact that I basically don't see anyone all day long. With preschool, I saw the teacher, other moms, other people at drop off and pick up. Now, well.... it's just me.

I know, get involved with the school, volunteer, PTA blah blah blah. I'm working on it. I have my forms in, and the first meeting is on the calendar. And yes, I plan to attend. But that being said, kindergarten is very different for us.

But we are adjusting. And in time, we will find our 'new way'.

But sometimes it's really easy for me to focus on the ugliness. The part that just isn't what I would like for it to be.

Look at this rose bush for instance.
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Twas The Week Before School Starts

2016-08-24T15:53:00.000-04:00

In my last post (Where Has The Time Gone) I'm sure you could gather that sending Lil Man off to kindergarten isn't an easy thing for me to do.

This week was orientation. He met his teacher (which he really liked - I did too), along with his principal (Nice guy. He knows how to command the room). Possibly his bus driver (not sure on that one) but he did get to ride the bus for the very first time, see his room, and find his seat.

Overall, it was a positive experience for both of us. And he is excited for the first day of school. In fact, he asked yesterday why we had to wait so long for the first day of school to get here ;)

I plan to keep my tears in check until he's on the bus, then I'm sure they will flow (for awhile). It's not easy.. this letting go... trusting someone else to take care of my child in the way that I would take care of him......
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Where Has The Time Gone?

2016-08-16T20:36:00.000-04:00

As he kisses me on the cheek, and gives me a hug, Lil Man says "Momma, I love you so much. Love you more than school." I know that's his way of saying he's going to miss me when he goes to kindergarten this year. Kindergarten, how did that happen?

I remember when Hubby and I were trying to conceive. I honestly never thought I would be able to have children. I had tried my best to prepare myself for that scenario. We talked of fertility options. We even went and got 'checked out', but I just couldn't do it. I knew that emotionally, I just wasn't at a place to take that route.

The fertility Dr had suggested
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I Love You Just Because Children's Book Review and Giveaway

2016-08-14T08:59:00.000-04:00

Full Disclosure: I received products free of charge for the purpose of providing a review. My opinions are completely my own based on my experience.

We began reading to Lil Man when he was just a baby. He's always enjoyed reading, and we enjoy reading to him. It's hard to believe that he's starting kindergarten soon. And I know he's going to be reading to us before long!

But I had the opportunity to read and review I Love You Just Because (affiliate link) which is the 3rd book in a series.

I felt that this book had several messages.
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