toerino82

Just Words of a Hopeless Guy

2009-09-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

Words

(pardon my English)

These are what I feel right now..

Am I really needed on this Earth? Still digging the cause of why am I here. Keep trying to find ONE good reason why should I continue.. Life hasn't worth anything until this point of time.

If it's destiny or fate, so forgive me GOD for I'll try to change the path you've chosen for me. But, please lead me to the reason and give me strength to change the fate/destiny written for me.

Family and friends are all I have. But, cheering them are not always mean that I'm happy. It's starts to get hard just to keep the smile on the face. Only try to memorize the smile on their faces, and hopefully it will pour down the emptiness inside.

Dreams are luxury that I wouldn't dare to have. Not being pessimistic, it's just too hard to be optimist when facing the reality. The premonitions of the future have always been gray. 1 question remains. Why am I still here?

In my life, everything's happened either too fast or too slow. The past got lots of ups and downs. Still, it always had a little bit sweetness that somehow made me go through. But now, whose shoulder could I lean on? Dear GOD, why am I still here..

You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless? Feel like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But at the same time, hoping that she still find happiness, even if it's never gonna be with you..

The fat body is here, but inside, it's already empty. The soul has rove wander somewhere in the dark, trying to find the light. Will it lead me to my Mom, Dad, and Bro? Am I really here?

Equator

2009-09-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

Just had a wonderful dream. Kind of dream I never had for a long time.
Gue ngimpi bisa knalan ama ce Equator!!
Ce 1 lantai beda kantor ama gue di Citylofts Sudirman lt.21 yang bikin gue kesengsem dah lama banget. Hehehe..
Dari dulu pengen banget knalan ama dia, tapi karena gue tergolong co pemalu, gak pede, coward, so I missed every chance I had with her.
Bahkan waktu sekali2nya gue punya kesempatan 1 lift berdua doank ama dia, dari ground ampe lt. 21. What a stupid idiot am I?
Gak tau napa, tapi ngerasa tenang banget klo bisa liat dia.
Ce yang keliatan cool, tenang, cuek, keliatan tanpa ekspresi, but everytime I looked at here, she seemed to smile..
Dan buat gue, dia ce termanis yang pernah liat.. :">

Jadi di mimpi gue yang aneh, dimulai dari usaha gue ama temen gue Saloko yang pengen ngebongkar something tentang sindikat something. Something karena gue gak inget apaan.
Intinya pas udah berhasil ngebongkar sindikat tersebut, gak nyangka tuh ce equator muncul juga, bareng ama co bule keren gitu deh.
Gue dah patah hati aja, tapi pas dibilang ama temen gue klo itu cuma rekan kerjanya, jadi tenang juga.
Trus, dia waktu itu memperkenalkan diri ke masing2 temen gue and ke gue juga.
Namanya so pasti gue lupa lagi.
Yang pas ampe giliran gue, dia juga bilang klo dia haus.
Dengan pertimbangan sebagai co gentleman, and ngeliat ada kesempatan klo gue bisa ngobrol lebih jauh ama dia, gue tawarin diri donk ambil minuman buat dia.
Well, ternyata pas gue ngobrol ama dia, dia bilang klo besoknya dia dah kudu terbang ke London untuk urusan pekerjaan, dalam waktu yang gak ditetapkan.
Huhu... Seneng bisa knalan ama dia, tapi sedih juga karena langsung ditinggal pergi gitu..
Trus the end.

Yahh.. Mimpi gue emang selalu aneh2. Sering gak make sense.
Tapi, gak tau napa lagi, ngerasa seneng juga dapet mimpi gitu.
Seneng juga bisa liat dia lagi di mimpi.
Walo gue cuma bisa bilang gue suka ama dia based dari penampilan luarnya, tanpa tau karakter ato sifatnya.
At least, she found a way to make me smile again. Smile that's worth heaven on this horrible and miserable time of my life. Even though it was just a dream..

Thanks Ce Equator =)

iseng aja

2009-09-05T11:58:00.000-07:00

haha..
ngeblog juga?
males banget...
abisnya daripada iseng, bete.
dari yang mo ng-ebay, accountnya bermasalah, kena Unpaid Item Strike
cari duit di internet juga bingung pegimane caranya
mo karaokean, lagi pada gak semangat
mo belanja online, duit kok makin tipis mulu
mo pulang kost, cuma bengong doank
mo pacaran, blom ada yang sudi jadi ce gue.. :(
so.. coba2 ngeblog dehh.. soalnya denger2 ngeblog juga bisa bikin duit.. :D

so, here we are, the first entry.

belakangan gak jelas napa, mood lagi bener2 gak jelas.
tiba2 klo gie sendiri jadi bete gak jelas
yang ada tidur kemaleman, bangun kesiangan, titip absen gawe deh :) hehe..

"Am I really needed on this Earth? Still digging the cause of why am I here. Keep trying to find ONE good reason why should I continue.. Life hasn't worth anything until this point of time."

that's how I felt 3 days ago..

dunno why, cuma ngerasa sekarang ini idup dah 27th lebih kok gak keliatan ada maknanya yaa?
niat dari dulu pengen kerja sosial, gak pernah kesampean. niat pengen kerja sosial tuh biar bisa nebus dosa gue yang makin bejibun aja.
gara2nya gak pernah semangat cari juga seh, apalagi dengan lifestyle yang ada sekarang, kepikiran juga..

anyway, back to the mood.
jadi penasaran juga apa pernah ada yang ngalamin kayak gue?
bete mendadak gak jelas alasan?
kayak kemaren, tiba2 jam 17 bete banget.
dieeeeemmm aja, diajak becanda ama anak2 kantor juga gak napsu.
ampe nonton pelem yang judulnya Final Destination: Rest in Pieces juga tetep gak semangat
cuma mau ngangguk ato geleng aja klo ditanya..

jadi penasaran juga apa pernah ada yang ngalamin kayak gue, apa pernah ngalamin yang namanya "pencerahan"?

karena sekarang emang bener2 gak tau hidup selama ini tuh untuk apa?
bener2 berasa kosong banget..
pengen banget yang namanya punya someone yang bisa gue ajak share... orang yang bisa gue ceritain semua masalah gue, orang yang terima gue apa adanya..

wuihh.. dah ahh.. kepanjangan neh.. iseng2 nulis kok malah jadi curhat!
gak jelas banget..

bye..
Frans KT