Tomb Wrecks

In Hiding

2011-02-28T08:37:00.000-06:00

I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for answering the call for submissions. As soon as I survive midterms, the Tomb Wrecks will resume!

-Steph

Sharing

2011-02-07T08:51:00.001-06:00

Tomb Wreck submissions have been on the low side these days. It's like you don't want to wander around cemeteries in the freezing cold or something.

Don't worry, I have an archive of my own... somewhere. While I work on that, here's an article from Dave B. with some pretty awesome tombstone photos.

DICK

2011-02-04T06:16:00.025-06:00

This guy was a real, well, you know.

Actually, I'm totally loving the name in the background: Newspickle. And the graves just in front of that one look like they have little MST3K* silhouettes on them.

*If you're not familiar, please drop everything you're doing and watch that show.

WMD, thanks for not being a dick and sending me a photo.

Lost and Found

2011-02-03T06:09:00.000-06:00

Look what Kate P. found!
Surely he's buried in that red and white striped shirt.*

*Don't call me Shirley.

Jeepers

2011-02-02T06:01:00.010-06:00

I couldn't find a tombstone with a groundhog on it, so here's a jeep from Jen and a quote from Groundhog Day:

Do you ever have deja vu?
Didn't you just ask me that?

Negativity

2011-02-01T05:51:00.016-06:00

What's with all the negative space? I left this photo unaltered so you could all appreciate the vast emptiness on this headstone. Perhaps it represents vast emptiness. Perhaps there were supposed to be some roses carved there. Or, maybe the tombstone guy forgot to carve a poor likeness of Kermit the Frog driving a Corvette towards a giant Miami Dolphins helmet.

WMD, we'll never know.

Boob(s)

2011-01-31T06:56:00.008-06:00

This lovely piece of work comes to us from Amanda. She tells me this marker is inside a church in England. Fascinating. I'm pretty sure if this was in a church in the U.S. there would be a big black censored box involved.

Wait, What? Again.

2011-01-28T06:50:00.001-06:00

Lindsey S. found this mystery.

Are the husband and the child buried here? Or was this wife saying her husband acted like a big baby? Or did this lady actually marry her son? My brain hurts.

Wait, What?

2011-01-27T06:03:00.001-06:00

WMD was kind enough to share this mystery with us.

Is Vera the first wife? Or the second one? Who is buried here? Just Elmer? Just Elmer's second wife? Is that Vera? I'm exhausted.

Three's Company

2011-01-26T06:57:00.000-06:00

AJ found this gem in a mormon cemetery. Honest.

Is anyone else singing in their head?
Come and knock on our door...

Pimped Out

2011-01-25T06:58:00.000-06:00

I can't think of anything 'pimper' than a football, a basketball, and some kick-ass records.

AJ, do you think they'd ever do a "Pimp my Headstone" show? Me neither.

Tasty

2011-01-24T07:12:00.014-06:00

Wait, we can pick spices to represent us on our headstones? Hmmm, based on A Colbert Christmas*, I definitely want to be nutmeg.

*The greatest gift of all!

Explorer0713, you can have Lawry's Seasoning Salt.

Oh Stewardess...

2011-01-21T06:28:00.001-06:00

Today we have planes, trains, and um, nursing caps.

I love that the stone says "stewardess" instead of "flight attendant". Gives it a nice retro feel. Also it makes me think of Airplane.

Explorer0713, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

SCREWED

2011-01-20T06:58:00.002-06:00

AJ, this is a pretty unfortunate last name for a devout Mormon family. Also it is totally awesome.

Vacation

2011-01-19T17:12:00.000-06:00

Hello Tomb Wrecks fans*!

*Or fan.

I'm back after an awesome vacation at Walt Disney World. My husband and I are quite the Disnoids, and we had a magical time as usual.

I know the lack of tombstone photos has created a tremendous void in your lives, which you most likely tried to fill by ingesting large amounts of donuts, beer, and/or nachos*. Rest easy, stomachs! The tombstones are back.

Yours,
Steph

*If you have photos of this, please send them in most urgently.

Tombstone Tombstone

2011-01-19T16:57:00.000-06:00

I wonder if Dimitri was a big fan of Little Caesar's pizza?*

*Or should I say pizza pizza?

To Jen - thank you thank you.

The Indians Strike Again

2011-01-06T09:29:00.000-06:00

Once again the Indians get top billing on a headstone. I love the border around the phrase - kind of looks like a used car windshield: "42 years, low miles, ran great, just killed by Indians..."

Great job, Jen. Perfect accompaniment to the first one.

Monsters

2011-01-05T09:13:00.000-06:00

They're ALIVE!!!

Wait, no they're not.

False alarm, Heather B.

Embarrassing

2011-01-04T09:38:00.000-06:00

Explorer0713 found this nickname gem.

Sweet punky isn't so bad, but fruit noodle? That sounds like something you call a kid after he gets spaghetti stuck up his nose. Which by the way is disgusting to those of us who don't have children, so please don't share that photo with me on Facebook. Blarf.

Boxing Betty

2011-01-03T10:49:00.001-06:00

AJ sent me this wonderful copyright infringement headstone.

I like to think this woman actually hated Betty Boop, so she hung those boxing gloves as an eternal reminder to Betty that she better shut up or else... boop-boop-e-doop ka-pow!

1/1/11

2011-01-01T06:39:00.000-06:00

Jen sent this wreck to me months ago, but I've been saving it for 1st wreck of the new year.

I can't think of anything more appropriate to celebrate the arrival of 2011 than a pioneer wagon, a guinea pig, random San Francisco icons, and a Church Lady quote.

And, yes, it is special.

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T10:36:00.000-06:00

Peace out 2010!

Thanks for the wreckage, Erin C.

Enlightening

2010-12-23T09:22:00.000-06:00

I'm all for xmas lights - but a little thought and a little care (and some extension cords) go a long way.

This is a net light no-no. Just because you can throw it on a bush and it sticks does not mean it looks good. And by the way - we can't see the top of the bush, just the front and the sides.

Strings of lights are not extension cords. If you have to do this, at least make some sort of attempt to shove the lights down in the mulch.

It's not Halloween, people. And half of that string is out. Either shake the hell out of them to make them come back on or start using them as the sad spare bulb string.

Rimpy R. has found the ultimate in poor planning. No extension cords? No problem! And why bother with the sides? Or the trees? Or the windows?

Boz vs. Bevo

2010-12-22T10:31:00.000-06:00

Here in Texas, we take our football pretty seriously. So seriously, in fact, that it infiltrates our xmas decor:

I realize to the non-Texan and/or non-football fan that this probably looks like a horrible accident playing out in someone's front yard in which a pickup truck rams into a steer causing a tremendous flinging of bloody truck and steer parts. You'd be absolutely correct.

The truck driver is from the University of Oklahoma and the steer is the famed Bevo from the University of Texas, which makes this gorefest charming and festive.*

*If you're an OU fan.

Blown Up

2010-12-21T09:02:00.000-06:00

Ah, inflatables.

Rimpy R. was kind enough to stop and aid this poor snowman who has apparently been shot.

These sneaky snowmen stole Santa's sleigh for a joy ride and are about to face some serious consequences. Uh, fellas, the tree goes in the sleigh, not haphazardly tied to the back of it.