Tongue Kiss Boy Cats

Why would anyone want to dislike 'Inception'?

2010-07-17T08:36:00.002-06:00

(Stephen Vaughan/Warner Bros.)

Why do I do this to myself? What is the point? I've seen the sort of hate that spews onto the internet when a professional film critic like David Edelstein publishes a negative review of a movie everyone is dying to see. People want him dead. Or at least fired. He is an "unprofessional" "retarded" "arrogant" "pretentious" "school yard bully," about as "useful as a poopy flavoured lollypop," and—even worse—he's "worse than Armond White." His sin is simple: he disliked Inception, and was brazen enough to say that he was frustrated by the near-fanatical Hype surrounding what he believes to be a "clunky and confusing" movie.

Also, he disliked The Dark Knight, therefore he must be bad.

The thing is, I thought Edelstein's review in New York Magazine was well-reasoned, honest, and articulate. His confusion and frustration is clear, and I think it's appropriate (if not downright necessary) to address the Hype head-on; to ignore it would have been to pretend he wasn't aware of what was going on around him; namely, that Inception was quickly becoming the most talked-about movie of the summer (of this new decade?), long before it ever reached theatres.

Who among us hasn't been in this position before, utterly baffled by the near-unanimous response (positive or negative) to a popular movie, a response that we simply cannot agree with?

I have not seen Inception. I can't speak to the details of Edelstein's opinion of the movie (though I can admire his prose; when he marvels that Marion Cotillard is "clock-stoppingly gorgeous," it seems both an efficiently handsome and subtly informative phrase). But here's the thing: when I finally do see Inception, I want to dislike it.

...I think.

Maybe.

It's not that I like being contrarian (a label that has lately been tossed in the direction of both Edelstein and Toy Story 3-hater White as if it were the greatest indignity). The more great movies that exist in this world, the better. And the more people that see and like those great movies, well, that's pretty great, too. So with this fresh, new, and (possibly) exhilarating and inventive movie on a silver platter in front of me, why would I want to send it back? Am I just a mindless part of the new New Media cycle, fulfilling the prognostications of an impending and inevitable backlash?

In a word, yes.

I want to have an honest reaction to Inception. If it's thrilling, I want to be thrilled. If it's mysterious and confusing but ultimately thought-provoking, I want to be provoked. I don't want my reception to be skewed by some external force, as part of a shifting movement toward Hype (as represented not just by applauding mainstream film critics [like Roger Ebert—always level-headed] but more so by the zealous fans who so fiercely and single-mindedly attacked David Edelstein). I don't want to be in a position where I've either got to align myself with one camp or another; I don't want to camp at all.

But the volume of both sides (though especially the fervor of fanboys and fangirls) is obstructing my non-partisanship, and making it impossible to enter the movie theatre open-minded. I am actually weary of Inception without having ever seen it. This seems an especially relevant problem for a movie that, for all intents and purposes, should be unabashedly new and unfamiliar.

I do not blame this on the fans—die-hard or casual—of Inception. Nor do I blame the media, at least not directly—Dennis Cozzalio at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule intelligently dissects the Los Angeles Times' Patrick Goldstein's response to the Edelstein brouhaha, whereas Jim Emerson, on his Scanners blog, laments the release of a movie's reviews before the release of the movie itself, and the trouble this causes.

The blame, I think, lies squarely on the cash culture of Hollywood, where exorbitant advertising budgets for studio tentpole releases (some estimates I've seen put Inception's advertising budget well above $150 million) and the need for a big return on opening weekend have created a culture based around the bandwagon.

I don't want to speculate how many millions of dollars Inception is making right this minute, but it's a lot. Hollywood feeds (and feeds off of) a culture that creates outsiders out of people who miss this weekend's Next Big Thing; to be sufficiently in the loop, I've got to spend $10 and see Inception NOW (the laws of Facebook and the trends of Twitter nearly demand it).

Is it such a bad thing to recognize this manipulation and actively oppose it? No. But... Who pays the price if I do? Me, or Inception?

For several reasons, Inception has connected with a huge audience, and did so well before this audience even had a chance to see the actual film. The Hype is huge; it just goes to show that $150 million spent correctly will get people's attention. But the immensely positive response also suggests that maybe Inception is just a really good movie that a lot of good people (and some bad ones) really, really like. And there is nothing wrong with that.

In a fair-minded and slightly bemused piece from NPR, Linda Holmes wonders how we've come to a point where we demand unanimous assent from our film critics. That seems wholly misguided, she argues, because while art may not be entirely objective, by it's very nature it should allow space for "individual sensibilities" and personal preference. When we get stuck on aggregate scores from sites like Rotten Tomatoes, we lose an important piece of the discussion. "There's no destination that criticism is trying to reach," she writes, "where if we all get smarter and fairer and we all 'get it' (oh, how desperately we need to rid ourselves of the language of 'getting it'), we'll wind up rating everything either 100% or 0%."

My conundrum: If I enjoy Inception, I'm just like everybody else. Which I don't like. But if I dislike Inception because of that, I'm just a reactionary, intent on being unlike everyone else—which is just a bandwagon of a different color. But if I genuinely dislike Inception because I find it's not very good, well, like David Edelstein, I must be an "idiot."

I'm lost in my thoughts. This is a head trip worthy of Christopher Nolan.

Jedi Shmedi! Give Me Scum & Villainy!

2010-04-16T14:39:00.005-06:00

In celebration of 30 years of The Empire Strikes Back and the galaxy's greatest Bounty Hunters (Boba Fett, Bossk, IG-88, 4-Lom, Zuckuss, and to a lesser extent, Dengar), here are the hired guns' best moments from Robot Chicken's most recent Star Wars special.

How I'd Spend My Summer Vacation (if I had one)

2010-04-11T15:32:00.009-06:00

For every 10 minutes I spend playing a video game, six new games are being born (real statistic). Granted, most don't even catch my attention, but there's always a gem or two (or 8) I anticipate on a yearly basis. Most of the following are rooted in existing franchises, therefore, have the benefit of the doubt. Slap Castlevania or Metroid in front of something, I'll likely buy it on the spot (with a few exceptions). So in order of release date (that way you'll know when to buy them for me...or for yourself...AND me), LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Red Dead Redemption (May 18): Not sure how to feel about a western video game? Go watch 3:10 to Yuma and The Proposition then try to imagine a Quentin Tarantino remake of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Throw in this trailer of gals that would put Annie Oakley to shame, and pard'ner, you got yerself a customer.

Transformers: War For Cybertron (Jun 22): Now that The Transformers have been sodomized and will forever be synonymous with Michael "That's right, I fucked your childhood in the ass" Bay, I'm blown away to see a TF game that isn't a movie tie-in. Although, this could be trickery and upon loading the disc an image of Bay appears on screen with Optimus spread eagle in front of him. Watch this and mourn what a Transformers movie could have been.

Metroid: Other M (Jun 27): The Metroid Prime games are fun, but I'd take Super Metroid any day. So why not fuse the two? Oh wait, that's exactly what Team Ninja did! The look and feel of a side scrolling Super Nintendo game that's been given a Wii makeover. I'll take it!

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow (TBA 2010): I mentioned I'd buy anything with Castlevania attached to it. Add Patrick Stewart to that list. This one speaks for itself. You either know Castlevania or you should know Castlevania.

If you're not thoroughly satiated, maybe one of these are more to your liking:

Super Mario Galaxy 2 (May 23), Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4 (Jun 29), and for those seeking the beautiful marriage of retro and new, Sonic the Hedgehog 4 and Mega Man 10 (both available via WiiWare & Xbox Live)

Remember when Tom Cruise & Penélope Cruz were a thing?

2010-04-02T18:46:00.004-06:00

Oh yeah. That happened.

But just because it really happened doesn't mean it makes any logical sense. It's like thinking about the Holocaust--I mean, you know it happened (unless you're one of those Holocaust deniers, but I don't think you are), even though it's nearly impossible to rationally conceptualize. Did I just compare the pairing of Cruise/Cruz to the single most devastating event of the 20th Century? Yes.

I mean, why on earth would this honest-to-God Spanish goddess ("it's French for goddess") and future Oscar® winner canoodle with that Oprah®-freak-outter? Look at Oprah®’s face!

(A Google search for Tom Cruise+crazy yields 1.75 million results, while Oprah+crazy turns up over 3 million. It's all relative.)

The world sure was a different place back in 2000-early 2004.

This now concludes your random thought of the day!

Not quite! I would totally have a threesome with any two of the following three:

Also, according to this "news" report, Cruz apparently went on to make a movie called Sahara. Story developing...

Owls, Dragons, and Iron Men...Oh My!

2010-03-29T16:38:00.007-06:00

Can you remember seeing a movie trailer you weren't expecting to see? For example, it's 1994, you don't have the internet, and you see this:

Kirk AND Picard...together?! I feel that in the age of web browsing phones we know too much about movies going into them. Don't you kind of feel like you've already seen Iron Man 2? Like, twice?

I've been trying to limit myself with what and how much I read about movies online. In some cases, I don't even want to watch the trailer. That was the case with The Hurt Locker and it blew me away (pun very much intended). It's so rewarding to go into a movie completely fresh. That's what I did this weekend with How To Train Your Dragon (in 2-D, save your money). I went in with no reservations or expectations and left grinning. Maybe a tad underdeveloped, but thoroughly enjoyable, nonetheless. And my God, Toothless is the most adorable dragon I've ever seen! I want 10 of him. But I've always been a sucker for a good animated film. Problem is, they are a rarity. And they certainly don't come from DreamWorks. But this was a treat!

But to bring us back, two of the trailers attached to How To Train Your Dragon were The Last Airbender (the real Avatar) and Legend of the Guardians. Both trailers I had seen online (more than once) but I really wish I hadn't and was watching them for the first time on the big screen. However, I don't care if you watch them online (hence the links). But if you're planning on seeing Dragon this week, wait it out.

The "Everyday" Quote of the Day - Now For Everyday Use!

2010-03-27T23:53:00.009-06:00

"Poison!" (Repeat.)

For use in situations involving:

A chicken, hidden, unbeknownst to you, inside a bratty girl's pumpkin-headed warrior-friend, dangling from the fingertips of the vengeful Gnome King, over his literally cavernous throat, seconds from a gruesome and unhappy ending, surprising everyone (the chicken--herself--included) by laying a single, solitary, and unbelievably TOXIC egg in a moment of penultimate fear, which the Gnome King has no choice but to ingest, thereby ensuring his (and your) shocking and agonizing demise (see: the gnomes in Return to Oz)
The unintentional and/or unavoidable consumption of oft-maligned foodstuff (esp. vegetables) during an otherwise pleasant meal--like when you've been putting off eating the carrots on the edge of your plate in a half-ironic/half-genuine attempt to avoid consuming anything healthy, until you finally relent and therefore feel obligated to make a big show out of the act by exaggerating every "disgusting" bite

Press PLAY below for a lesson in the "everyday" application of this handy quote!

Tell me: How did you use the "Everyday" Quote of the Day today?

How quickly would you become a supervillain? NOW

2010-03-20T19:49:00.021-06:00

If you had superpowers--you and only you--what would you do with them? How soon after you were gifted the power of invisibility (or super strength; or flight; or mental telepathy; etc.) would you find yourself abusing the power you were given for selfish reasons?

This is not a rhetorical question. The answer is "Almost immediately." Don't even pretend you wouldn't sneak into an opposite sexed locker room, or surprise everyone and win an arm wrestling contest, or help your beloved football team end the waffling and answer the eternal question ("Are you coming back?!") by just reading Brett Favre's damn mind.

I was at dinner with Garrett and Claire, and this question of superpower use (and abuse) came up. (FYI, Garrett is a total supervillain.) It would be sooooo easy to take advantage of your new sitch (short for 'situation') without the possibility of any real consequence; you could do almost anything without repercussion.

But this brings up a plethora of follow-up questions:

Which celebrity would you most want to see naked?
How much money is too much money?
Can I trust Hung Truong enough to let him in on my secret? (No.)
What is the best way to wreak havoc on Bryan Costilla's miserable life? (that is a question we all must answer)

The most intriguing follow-up question, though, has got to be: What superpower would you want?

Good thing we've already got the answer! According to a very scientific Facebook poll (brought to you by the movie Kick-Ass), a majority of you would choose "Time control." Okay. Duh. But it is far from unanimous. Facebook user Joseph SquadUp Johnson writes, "damm i put fly i wanna fly shit fuck time control i live life to the fullest anyway." But it clearly is a difficult choice; Brandyn Grabowski comments, "i picked fly cuz thats just bad ass but then i thought about it. id pick time control cuz id go back and invent all those crazy things like shamwow! and snuggies. and snuggies for dogs lmao!. and microsoft. AND apple. and then once i got like a billion bucks id go further back and put it in a bank then come back to present day and be like a qudrillianare lmao." Dilemma! I think the existential quandary this elicits can be summed up by Fertile, Iowa's own Zach Hermanson, who says (quite poetically), "time control. so I can pause time go behind your back stab you with a pencil. walk back to my seat and then start time again. 'WHAT HAPPEND??!??!' zach hermanson." Preach it, zach hermanson.

But really, this mostly just reminded me of an episode of This American Life, based around the idea of superpowers, which featured Mr. "and I'm a PC" himself, John Hodgman. He wanted to know: Which is better: The power of flight or the power of invisibility? Look at how curious he is!

The Hodg's respondents are a lot more interesting (Going-to-Paris Man!) than the Facebook dredge. In the audio link below, "Act One: Invisible Man vs. Hawkman" starts about 6 minutes in, and lasts about 13 minutes. But, seriously, you might want to just listen to the whole show. What is the opposite of a waste of your time? Whatever it is, this is it.

___________________________________________

This American Life

178:

Superpowers

Originally aired 2.23.2001

___________________________________________

(Click anywhere above to listen--for free!--to the complete Superpowers show. Read the episode guide or listen to a 30 second promo here--all for free! Donate $ to TAL here--not free!)

Answer any and all of the above questions in the COMMENTS below, as well as in the poll above. If I could be invisible, I would most want to see Jonah Hill nekkid, obvs (short for 'obviously') ...NOT!

Are you a fearful, crouching masturbator like I am? Also, re: "Act Two: Wonder Woman"--would you marry Zora? I would.

"Japonese [sic] Amazing Show"

2010-02-05T23:56:00.007-07:00

What is the best part of this YouTube discovery: the succinct written description* of the video ("it's amazing what this japanese does"), the clearly audible (and enthusiastic!) sounds of a man screaming as the performer accepts her medal(!), or the captivating trick itself?

WELL?? What is the best part? Vote in the comments below.

Also, only 895 views! I am soooo ahead of the viral curve, I feel like this is my discovery! But it isn't. It was Roger Ebert's.

*Succinct, but possibly inaccurate. There is reason to believe she's Thai.

And The Nominees Are...

2010-02-02T15:33:00.004-07:00

The nominees for the 82nd Annual Academy Awards are..

To impatient to watch the video? Click Here for a complete list.

Walt "Backwards G"isney

2010-01-18T23:08:00.006-07:00

~~Why is Disney all up in my face trying to make me be a better person?~~
I was going to write about Walt Disney Studio's collaboration with the Ad Council on a series of PSAs--Sleeping Beauty has teamed up with Smokey the Bear to prevent forest fires (logical!)! Fat bear Baloo is the poster child for healthy living (makes sense!)!--but when, long story short, during my research I ended up reading pages of "The Walt Disney Company's 2008 Corporate Responsibility Report," I kinda lost my mojo. So instead I wanted to pose this thought:

As a child, whenever I saw the logo for Walt Disney Pictures, I never knew that it said Walt Disney. Or, I guess I kinda did, on some intuitive level, because, you know, duh. But as it's written in Walt's own handwriting, I never recognized the "D" in Disney for what it was. It always looked like...I don't know, a backwards "G" or something. (Hey, I didn't think about it that much.) It was only years later that it hit me that it was, in fact, just a "D" with a little loop around the front. Whoa. Wacky Walt.

Even still, nowadays, I sometimes find my brain reverting back to my 7-year-old self and I just can't see the "Disney" in "Disney." It's that damn D! It has far too much going on around the straight line/the left side; it seems so...off balance.

I know I'm not alone on this. Someone who shall remain anonymous* said she had a similar problem with, you know, reading the D in Disney. I wonder: did anyone else ever misread or simply fail to recognize a popular phrase or logo because of the typeface?

This post is best read with musical accompaniment: SpinitLet'sbeginitBear'n'grinitWhenyou'reinitYoucanwinitInaminuteWhenyouspinitspinitspinit!

*It was Claire.

Too Many Penguins Eating Lunch

2009-12-29T21:21:00.004-07:00

I don't really know what this is, but it made me cry. Someone with far too much time on their hands dubbed over some Star Trek: The Next Generation with pure nonsense. The result: hilarity.

1315329-6673

2009-11-20T15:33:00.003-07:00

If I possessed the power to manipulate time and space, I would travel back to Nov. 18 and catch The Swell Season show in LA. Glen will set everything up for you.

Best guest performance ever!

Turtles Forever!

2009-11-15T12:42:00.004-07:00

As a final hurrah for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle's 25th Anniversary Shell-ebration, 4Kids Entertainment has been working on a very special feature length TV movie, Turtles Forever.

The film is a melting pot of all things Turtles from every medium. Alongside the characters from the current animated series will be those of the 1987 animated series, some from the movies (like Tokka & Rahzar), and even the original B&W Mirage Comics Turtles, all joined together via some form of interdimensional travel no doubt (Wormholes? The Nexus? Mikey dreamed it?). Check out the teaser trailer below.

Turtles Forever will air November 21 on the CW.

As a side note...Turtle Mania(or is it Turtle Insanity?) doesn't stop with their 25th B-Day. Early in 2010, Playmates will be re-releasing the best action figures ever made: The "Movie Star" Turtles!

Oh, but there's more! There are also plans for a brand new figure line. Their intention: A beautiful marriage between the original line and that of the 2003 era. The result? This prototype Splinter!

I want everything mentioned in this blog...right...now!

Ornery Ewoks!

2009-11-01T13:20:00.001-07:00

Ewoks are known for ruining a scene. In this case, they made it watchable. Be patient for the first minute or so, it gets hilarious toward the end.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Barbie Ladies of the 80's!

2009-10-26T15:32:00.005-06:00

Many years ago I stumbled upon a Poison Ivy Barbie at Wal-Mart. I of course bought her immediately. The cashier, possibly feeling uncomfortable that a grown man was purchasing nothing but a lone Barbie doll at 3am, commented on how that was going to make a great gift for my daughter. I decided against telling her, "Oh, I don't have a daughter. This is for me!"

I wish I could say my Barbie collecting could be labeled as an isolated incident, but Poison Ivy was the catalyst to a very expensive (and emasculating) hobby. So with every shred of manliness gone, I have no shame in admitting squealing like a schoolgirl at the announcement of Barbie's next Pink Label Series (Holiday 2009). It has officially rocked my socks...and soon, will rock my pocketbook.

Ladies of the 80's!

Debbie Harry, Joan Jett, and Cyndi Lauper!

I love the selection! I'm glad they didn't just settle for the likes of Madonna and Pat Benatar.

Note: I hope they make Madonna and Pat Benatar.

Oh My Tauntaun!

2009-10-10T02:07:00.006-06:00

It started out as the best April Fool's joke this side of Hoth, but now it's a beautiful reality. Ladies and Gentlemen...Wookies & Mynocks...

The Tauntaun Sleeping Bag!

Click the world's cutest rebel to read more.

This prototype was made as a gag, and as you know, you can't go around selling merchandise based on properties you don't own. Certainly not Star Wars. (My homemade Alf memorabilia is all over eBay). But what truly amazes me is that Lucas actually approved this. That's the only good that has come from him since The Empire Strikes Back (how fitting).

And feel free to pre-order me two or three of these.

I'm serious. I would sleep in it every night.

Japanese Read Comics Backwards

2009-10-08T21:44:00.006-06:00

Kodansha, Japan's largest publisher, has set up shop stateside leaving tens upon dozens of manga kids in shambles. Basically what this means is anyone publishing titles owned by Kodansha, no longer holds licence to those properties. Dark Horse lost Akira and Ghost In The Shell, which isn't much of a blow considering numerous volumes have been out-of-print for some time now. But for the manga-only Tokyopop, they lost everything Kodansha. So it may be awhile for the legions of pimply, sexually confused tweens to see anymore volumes of such masterworks as Chobits, Love Hina, and Samurai Deeper Kyo. Anyway, none of this is really important...

...what is important is the status of a property Kodansha owns that ins't available in the states, nor has been for almost a decade. One that they haven't even announced plans to re-print, but I can't for the life of me figure out why it wouldn't be the first thing they'd release. When you think of manga/anime, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Osamu Tezuka? Well, only if you're awesome. I'm of course referring to Sailor effing Moon! I have no shame in the following three words: I want now.

But even more important than a possible re-print of the entire manga series (which I'd hypocritacally buy even though I hate 99% of manga and it's readers) is a little poll Funimation had on their site this summer asking: "Would you watch a re-dub of the entire uncut Sailor Moon series?" Unfortunately, there was not a tab I could click to offer them my soul if they were able to obtain the rights to re-dub an uncut Sailor Moon (the rights are locked up tighter than a dirty metaphor involving school girl uniforms).

So, to make a long story just a little longer; I love Sailor Moon...and I wanted the world to know. But now that I have that out in the open...who's with me?

Happy 40th, Monty Python!

2009-10-05T14:57:00.006-06:00

October 5, 1969: six young lads change the face of television forever.
October 5, 1989 (probably): Toddler Garrett watches Holy Grail for the first time.
October 5, 2009: The Pythons are all old farts (or Graham would be) yet their fanbase is ever growing. And I'm still laughing.

In celebration of 40 glorious years of Monty Python, here are two of my favorite Flying Circus sketches.

What are your favorites?

Back To Pepperland?

2009-09-13T11:38:00.007-06:00

High on the resurgence of Beatlemania, Disney snagged the rights for the 1968 classic this past week with Robert Zemeckis at the helm. Sigh. And since people are stupid, Yeller Sub (as I imagine the exec's refer to it) will be filmed in 3D (of course) using the same motion capture technology used in Zemeckis' previous films: Beowulf and The Polar Express. Now, I didn't see Beowulf or The Polar Express...because there was no reason to see Beowulf or The Polar Express, for I am neither 8, nor mentally challenged (the latter is arguable). Maybe that statement is unfair...but I'm not too worried about it. Here are some things to consider in formulating your opinion on the subject:

Pros:
All 16 original songs will remain in the film.

Cons:
3D
Motion Captured CGI
Zac Efron will likely be John Lennon (total speculation)
The film being made in the first place.

As Paul would say, "Let It Be." Well, maybe not 2009 Paul since he's obviously okay with this project. Someone should give him this letter I wrote.

Dear Mr. McCartney,
There are good sell-outs and bad sell-outs. Bad=Yellow Submarine remake. Good=Beatles Rock Band!
Yours Truly,
Garrett

P.S. Please forward this to Ringo.

I leave you with my favorite scene of the movie.

'Lemony Snicket' End Credits in HD - Happy Labor Day!

2009-09-07T08:01:00.007-06:00

I don't know what Labor Day has to do with the delicious end credits of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. These events are--unfortunately--unrelated. But let us not linger on that fact. Likewise, let us move past the real unfortunate use of puns, on this eventful day. Click on the image below, and enjoy some of the best-designed end titles ever!

Fun Fact: Title designer/animator/artist Jamie Caliri and his associates aren't even credited by name in their own credits.

Click on the image above--or right here!--to view the end credits in HD.
Click here to view the end credits in SD.
(Bless you, The Art of the Title Sequence!)

If you are not excited about the start of Season 6 of 'So You Think You Can Dance,' why are you so stupid?

2009-09-06T16:05:00.011-06:00

Rhetorical question. Duh. Everyone is excited about Season 6 of So You Think You Can Dance. Fox made sure of that, by airing the super-special special "The 15 Best Routines Ever" last week, as a warm-up to this Wednesday's season premier.

And unless you are in league with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and therefore hate all good things (and me)--dude, the rhythm is gonna get you. I dare you to resist. Actually, I dare you not to resist.

If you don't think you could ever get into "dance" or "reality TV" or--God forbid--"a reality dance competition," then you are wrong. Do not confuse So You Think You Can Dance with all that other schlock out there; SYTYCD has spent five years elevating itself above all other "related" programming by repeatedly offering beautiful and genuine artistry during it's killer dance routines. Do not let the live studio audience/screaming automatons deter you.

Watch, oh God yes, please watch. Give it a chance. Click play below. Find one of SYTYCD's most famous routines--"The Hummingbird and The Flower"--at the 1:25 mark. Watch it. Then, click around the timeline and find another totally different but still totally ah-may-za-zing routine (this bit is from Season 3), including a boardroom-inspired jazz, a sexxxy samba, and a transformative hip hop. Or, better yet, click here to watch the whole Top 15 special. Yes, do that. If you are not inspired to feel, or simply to get up and move, in mock, amateurish imitation, then you cannot be helped.

Oh my goodneeeess. It's so good. C'est si bon, indeed.

(Bonus Mark!)

Shaft? Dolemite? F@*# No!

2009-08-25T17:31:00.010-06:00

What may be this century's only Blaxploitation film (unless you count my film, Sweet Sweetback's Even Mo' Badasssss Song, that I just made up) the Sundance hit Black Dynamite will be ass whuppin' it's way into theaters on October 16. How it managed to make it this far without becoming "Quentin Tarantino Presents" is astonishing to me. My favorite bit is at the end: "Hush up, little girls..."

You may recognize the lead, Michael Jai White, from Spawn (ha ha) or the deleted scene from Kill Bill Vol. I.

Those Glourious Basterds!

2009-08-24T20:54:00.011-06:00

Quentin Tarantino has been talking about Inglourious Basterds for, well, forever. That's what he does, he talks. But I find, more often than naught, the man can put the money where his mouth is. I've adored every one of his films, but for some reason couldn't get behind Inglourious Basterds. I wasn't won over by the trailer and the mixed reactions from Cannes didn't help sway me. It wasn't until Wednesday, August 19 at approximately 2:14 pm that it hit me...a new film by Quentin Tarantino comes out this week! What am I so worried about?

All uncertainty was immediately quelled with the opening scene on Mr. LaPadite's dairy farm. This scene alone is worth your $10 admission. I will say nothing about it.

I'm actually not going to say much about this movie. Most of you have already seen it. The rest of you need to go see it. Then we can all have a nice chat. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll eat nachos, and you may kill a few Nat-zees on the way.

What I will say before leaving you:
This is by far Tarantino's prettiest film. There are shots in there that should be taught in film schools. The dialogue is as good as it has ever been. He wrote the farm scene back in 1998 and has never let go of it. Thank God! And Christoph Waltz? Oscar nomination. Col. Hans Landa may be one of the best villains in a movie ever. And Brad Pitt's Lt. Aldo Raine is so fun to watch I want a spin-off movie! Hell, throw in a spin-off for Landa and Hugo Stiglitz too!

Although it is 153 minutes long, the movie feels short. I need to see it again. Then maybe once more after that.

Ponyo!

2009-08-18T15:00:00.010-06:00

Hayao Miyazaki. The name alone puts a smile on my face. Through all of my cinematic exploits, there have been very few things that bring me as much joy as visiting a world created by Hayao Miyazaki. Ponyo is no exception. I already had a bias toward Miyazaki and the films of Studio Ghibli (four of which are among my favorite films ever made), so I expected to like Ponyo. I never would have guessed I'd walk out of the theater having seen a movie I would call perfect.

Studio Ghibli and Pixar are often viewed as equals when comparing both their body of work and their inner workings as a company. Both are overflowing with imagination, integrity, and a deep-rooted love for the medium. Both produce films that are lightyears ahead of the other animation studios, both visually and with masterful storytelling. The attention to detail and vast effort put into their films result a higher caliber of filmmaking. They don't make "kid's movies," they make movies that are marketed to children, because animation equals kids. But what sets Ghibli apart, and puts them closer to my heart, is their love for hand drawn animation. As much as I love Pixar and their films...I will never love computer animation. The layers of hand-painted cells, each one every bit as important as the last, all starting out as a single line from a pencil. I feel more connected to and have more respect for hand drawn art than I do something run through a computer, made up of microscopic bits of data; rendered and perfect. I want to see flaws and imperfections. Because through imperfection I see perfection. I see beauty! And Ponyo is beautiful. You'll notice I haven't really said anything about the movie itself. I don't intend to. The story is simple and it's themes are universal. It doesn't tread any uncharted waters. But the magic of it, for me, is unreal. I don't mean the magic of the world in the story, I mean the hold the film had on me. Jaw wide, head tilted, eyes absorbing eveything they see. Feeling like child again, but not at all. That's what makes Miyazaki a master at his craft. No matter your age, child and adult are synonymous when watching his films. A G rating doesn't have to denote "kid's movie." This is a film for anyone who dreams, loves, hopes, laughs, cries, feels. I'm sure Ponyo isn't going to make a profound impact on your life, or make you stand in the street shouting praise to the heavens, but I hope it will touch you in some way.

I dare you to watch it and not smile uncontrollably.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

2009-08-16T12:03:00.006-06:00

District 9. It is a...movie...that I watched. It's also a movie I'm having trouble writing about. I've been staring at the monitor for well over 40 minutes now with nothing but the words District 9 on the screen, so bear with me.

District 9 leaves me very much on the fence. This sentiment will eventually change (and I feel the pull toward the positive side), but my problem lays in how...alien it all was. It's a familiar film, yet entirely new. The mockumentary style feels like it's been done to death, but it works really well here. However, it still feels like this style of film hasn't been perfected. It's still very much experimental, therefore, doesn't feel like a finished product. But at the same time, I can't quite put my finger on how to resolve it. The same problems arise in a biopic that is dramatized yet heavily references stock footage. The stock footage (the real footage) tends to take you out of the reality of the film. At some point, District 9 needed to stop being documented. And to some extent it did, but it didn't feel confident about this decision.

With District 9, some things worked and others didn't. It feels like a Catch-22. The mockumentary aspect worked...except when it didn't. The action (namely in the third act) went on too long and was your average popcorn fare, yet the movie needed more action. It's like a recipe that you followed to the letter but the meal still doesn't come out right. What variable is missing?

I loved the shifting sympathies in the film. You start out really liking Wikus van der Merwe and detest the disgusting, bottom-feeding prawn. Wikus and his armed goons are sent to District 9, the camps outside of Johannesburg where the aliens live, to serve them all eviction notices. The aliens are to be relocated some 20 miles outside of the city. So they go around confiscating weapons and evicting alien residents, fining them on unfair grounds, shoving rifles into their faces. Yet the prawn never once raise arms at the humans. The only thing they use these weapons for (weapons humans can't operate) is as tender; they trade Nigerian gangsters the guns for food. They don't seem very dangerous. And they love cat food! How menacing! You spend a good while remaining neutral until introduced to the alien named, presumable by humans, Christopher Johnson and his son. You instantly cling on to them. You also come to realize that they are the most human element in the film. Their desire to get home, to be free, takes precedence over anything else in the film. Although you follow Wikus, he never quite recaptures your sympathy until the very end. Since he is your main protagonist, I think this also means you never really care about the human race throughout the course of the film. While Wikus' motives are self serving, Christopher's are for the benifit of his entire race. The aliens, the prawn, are never fighting amongst themselves. Bickering sometimes, but they never harm or kill one of their own. They never even harm or kill humans unless provoked past the point of their own safety. They are not invaders. They are a lost people. And they can't go home because they are prisoners living in internment camps and the human government wont allow them to. This isn't too unfamiliar considering we're talking about South Africa under apartheid. Why is it I sympathize with these conditions more when it's an alien race this is happening to? Because I can say "It's only a movie?"

I'm put in a love/hate relationship with District 9 because of the disdain I feel for the human race. The cliché is aliens come to wage war and humanity can unite against a common foe. That isn't present here, of which I'm very grateful, of course! But humans are so stupid and don't learn from their mistakes. There's still war. There's still money in war. A peaceful alien race gets lost, we capture them, enslave them, and exploit them to the fullest. It leaves you wanting those clichés. Send the howling beam from the belly of your mothership and wash away this big blue blemish called Earth. We deserve it.