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THE KIND OF MEN TO AVOID IF YOU WANT A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

2022-09-02T06:19:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION

Some women enter relationships even marriage with men they barely know. People divorce but they don’t think they will. When you choose a partner, you should realize you are choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children. Someone they will look up to as a role model. This is a very important life decision to get right because after some women have gotten it wrong, they do everything they can to keep their relationships at all cost with the hope that their commitment will be reciprocated. I know that many of us wonder why many good, smart and otherwise logical women end up choosing life partners that leave them dissatisfied and unhappy. The ability of a man to enter into a loving long-term relationship is dependent on his character and personality. Men and women have different characteristics and qualities that when properly combined, achieve completion, harmony and the balance that makes relationships sustainable. The more you think about the long term consequences of making a bad choice, the more likely it is that you will make the right choice. So knowing how overwhelmingly important it is to pick the right life partner, a single woman should give it a serious thought and not rely on fate, hoping for the best after the mistake has been made. So when you have to make a choice always avoid men with the following characteristics.

LIAR

Trust is the lubricant of relationships because where there is high level of trust between partners marital bliss flourishes. When your partner willingly deceives you, it is obvious he cannot be trusted; as a result you are not likely to have a happy married life. A liar will often make promises he cannot keep. He will make up stories which are not true. In order for your relationship to flourish, you have to be able to rely on him. The fundamental quality for a happy married life is trust. If you can no longer trust your partner, this is automatic red flag that the marriage is in danger. If you are dating a man who is prone to lying and making up stories, it will do you a world of good to quit the relationship.

ABUSIVE MAN

If you feel you are being bullied and manipulated by your partner, it is advisable to end the relationship. I have heard women complain of their partner; “He beats me. I’m tired of being beaten.” Another had said, “I had to leave my husband. He beats me such that my life was in danger. I was in the hospital for months.” Apart from beating, another form of abuse is not being allowed to make decisions. He will decide the persons you can or cannot talk to, the type of dresses you can or cannot wear. He tries to dominate or intimidate you at any time. They are usually jealous and suspicious of your relationship with others and try to keep tabs on you at every moment of the day. It is important you let him know from day one that there is an extend you are willing to bend backwards. If you don’t, he will believe you are desperate to stay in the relationship and the more he will expect you to bend. You are supposed to be the one who gets to decide what you can or cannot do.

WOMANIZER

When you first meet a chronic cheater, you will wonder why some women have not walked with him down the aisle long ago. No matter how you approach him with caution, his charm and persistence will win you over. His lovely treatment will make you want to take the relationship to the next level. If you are looking for a long term relationship, drop the womanizer and try to meet someone else who is also looking for a lasting and deep relationship. However, if you are dating a womanizer, this next phase may not come. Womanizers are players, and always want to keep your relationship in a superficial level without any serious commitment. They are often vague about their whereabouts and plans; and are constantly texting other women. Then when you start thinking of introducing him to your family, he will suddenly disappear. He will not introduce you to his family or friends which go to show that he is not considering any serious and lasting relationship. In the end, they will break your heart, shatter your ego and get you frustrated. A lady has regretted marrying her husband. She married him because he was wealthy without taking other things into consideration. It was her worst mistake in life, she claimed. He proposed to her after several months of dating and she gladly accepted. During their honeymoon, he did not make any physical contact with her but was rather completely absorbed in pressing his phone. When he fell asleep, she took his phone and discovered he had been chatting with several women.

SELFISH MAN

Selfish men will only think of themselves. They always put their interests first. Any man you date who show little interest in your needs and emotions is selfish and should be left immediately. Marrying such a man will end in frustrating experiences and even divorce.

ARROGANT MAN

Arrogant man always feels that he is the greatest man on earth. He has an over-inflated ego and he tries to show that he is an expert at virtually everything. He is usually brilliant and accomplished which contributes to making him have unflagging belief in his infallibility. No decision you take is always right. If the man, you are currently dating have this characteristics you should look for someone else.

LAZY MAN

When you are dating it is not only the man that should do all things but when he puts no efforts in the relationship; you have to always contact him and have to do everything to keep the relationship afloat, then the relationship is not balanced. He depends on you to pay most of the bills when you go out on a date. You are with the wrong man if he takes advantage of your nurturing and caretaking. Both of you should create time to be together and get to know each other. If you do all the giving and he only receives without giving anything in return, this relationship will not end well. He has the ability to get into your wallets as well as your bed. If he feels nonchalant about earning a living, then you should better spend your time with someone else.

MOM’S MAN

He is affectionate and understanding but unfortunately, he is still tied to his mom’s control. His mother influences his decisions in virtually all areas of his life. She decides the type of woman he should date, where he should live, who he should vote for and even the car he should drive. You are bound to have a running battle with his mother if you decide to marry such a man. He has no clear values. He is weak and irresolute.

UNCOMMITTED MAN

This man is not committed to the relationship. It is off and on type of relationship. He will go out with you for some time on dates and you will no longer hear from him for some time. When you have concluded that he is gone, he will call most likely in the night. You cannot depend on the man who calls you when he wants to, maybe because he is bored or because he is looking for company or fun. You should look for a man who places priority on having you in his life. You should avoid this kind of man whose intention is to use and dump you.

UNAFFECTIONATE MAN

Dating a man who is emotionally unavailable is a great challenge. He may never open up to you. He keeps his opinions bottled up. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, it is best to avoid such a man because he will never let you fully into his life. He will always keep you at arm’s length and will never let his guard down. This attitude will make it very difficult if not impossible to getting to know the real person you are dating.

CONCLUSION

When you fail to make the right choice, don’t attempt to foist responsibility for your failed marriage on others. Marrying the wrong man will undermine your characters, weaken your resolve and diminish your humanity. Most times, women don’t accept complete responsibility for their lives. They continually complain, criticise and make endless excuses. They blame the men for the things in their lives about which they are not happy. The consequences of this way of thinking, however, can be disastrous in achieving harmony in marriage. They sabotage all hopes of achieving success and happiness in marriage. The best remedy is to choose carefully and wisely when you decide to marry.

THE KIND OF WOMEN TO AVOID IF YOU WANT A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

2022-08-28T02:16:00.000-07:00

God created man and woman with distinct qualities and traits and when married are supposed to take a selfless and loving position in each other’s lives. Such a relationship means you come together to make each other better. It is not all about you. Women have flaws, weaknesses, and faults, including the men so when they are joined in marriage, they will experience challenges along the way. The only panacea is for both to develop goodness, faithfulness and self-control. A woman’s words, attitudes and actions have a powerful impact on the peace in the home .No marriage is devoid of challenges, but having a great relationship and blissful marriage is possible if you choose your partner with caution. Women are the tone-setters for our homes. There are women that can create problems through the negative tones they set. Here are some of them:

UNSUPPORTIVE WOMEN

Any woman who does not support your goals will not make a good wife. If you make the mistake to marry this kind of woman, you will regret it. You need a wife who will support you with your dreams and visions as much as you are expected to support her with hers. You need a wife who will make you better and encourage you to go beyond average. Both of you should be able to pull the greatness from within each other. Find a woman who willingly shares responsibilities. You will work as a team. Find a woman who values your opinions and a willingness to learn. A good woman will help her man with encouragement and ideas and help him save and invest his money wisely.

VERY CRITICAL WOMEN

Women who choose to live positively through the storms of life should be embraced. Those of them who always have negative things to say about people and things around them should be avoided. When your partner complains about a situation, she is just letting you know what she finds annoying, displeasing or frustrating. But when she criticizes you, she is attacking your character or personality. Good women will avoid condescending phrases or character attacks. A woman that loves her partner will respect him and not insult him unnecessarily. Her words will be gracious and a balm to his heart. Critical women make mountains out of mole hills. A critical spirit has the ability to prevent good relationship and often produce retaliatory critical response.

COMPLAINING WOMEN

They are some women who complain about everything you do or say. Run away from such women. They will give you high blood pressure. You will never know peace. If you buy them gift maybe a bag they would preferred a pair of shoes. They are unappreciative of any gift they receive. They always want something else. Anything you do is not acceptable to them.

TALKATIVE WOMEN

Most women like talking but the ones that talk unendingly should be avoided. A talkative woman will not know when she will leak family secrets. A woman who will make a good wife will know when to talk and when to keep quiet. Decent women will listen more and talk less. Whenever, they should speak clearly, thoughtfully, and respectfully.

PRETENTIOUS WOMEN

If your woman is a pretender, then you are in serious trouble. It means you can never trust her and trust is very essential in all relationships. A pretentious woman is good at lying and pretending to be a good person. She makes life miserable and often cause family quarrels and regrettable misunderstandings.

DEFENSIVE WOMEN

Defensiveness occurs when the guilty person refuses to apologize or back down from a conflict. Instead a defensive woman will give excuses for her behaviour and even blame her partner as the guilty person. Defensiveness results in a serious standoff between couples. There is wisdom in accepting when we are wrong. Some things are worth fighting for; some things are not. Sometimes some women want to win at all cost that they will not let an issue go.

SELFISH WOMEN

You can never be happy with a woman that thinks only of herself. Taking care of another person’s need requires maturity and self-control. Marriage, like all relationships, involves give and take. It is not about selfish interests and desires. When a woman loves, she is able to get her selfish needs and desires out of her mind. But a selfish woman is always thoughtless and resentful.

DISHONEST WOMEN

Honesty is one of the most important traits of a pleasing personality. If you marry a dishonest woman, you will never have a happy marriage. Love and marry a woman who is honest. Honest with you all the time. Deceit and dishonesty are obstacles to a happy married life. The form of deceit which is cunningly laid out and unworthily carried on under the disguise of love is, of all the most detestable. A woman cannot be justified in deceiving or misleading her partner. Still less, then, is she justified in inspiring confidence by smooth words and a gracious manner, only that she may further her selfish end by breaking the trust placed in her.

UNFORGIVING WOMEN

It is difficult to move forward in any relationship when you are thinking of the wrong done you in the past. If your woman is fond of dwelling on past bitterness, you have to step back and reconsider your relationship’ it could mean that she is naturally unforgiving. Some of the reason why some women are unforgiving are ; adultery, domestic abuse, assault, horrible lies, great injustice, damaging gossips etc. The offence may have caused a deep pain. If you have caused such a pain to a woman that loved, trusted you and gave you access to her heart, you should make efforts to apologize and pet her because you betrayed her and she feels devastated. Frustrations, disappointments, hurts and sadness can make a loving woman bitter. The offence to you may look minor but bitterness correlates to the extent the woman loves you. Sometimes it is difficult to admit we are wrong. If all your efforts to make amend fails, you should not continue with the relationship because bitter women have natural tendency toward retaliation.

RESENTFUL WOMEN

Avoiding resentful women will save you from tragedies that will result if you continue down the destructive path of anger and resentment. Some men know that the woman they want to marry have anger issue but still go ahead racing ahead towards a head-on collision with her blemished character. During courtship some women show many times that when angry they could be very dangerous. But they don’t take them serious believing her violent temper will never be a threat to their happy marriage. Couples who have had happy marriage are those who have learned to control their temper.

CONTEMPTUOUS WOMEN

Contemptuous women show disgust for their spouses such as name-calling, mocking, condescending hum or belittling, demeaning and body language (rolling of the eyes, huffing, glaring and sneering). Their contemptuous behavior will grow worse over the time if nothing concrete is done leading to accumulation of unresolved conflicts which stack negative thoughts into a mountain of disgust. Contemptuous women’s belligerence and aggressive actions could provoke you into harming them. This will invariably worsen the conflict and pushes you further from reconciliation, thereby living parallel lives. This will lead to separate financial lives and even separate bedrooms. This could include turning to ignore you, turning her back and walking away from you or simply surfing the internet or tuning up the television when you attempt to talk with her. A decent woman will not look down on her partner because of his present state of life and financial status but will encourage you to become better.

CONCLUSION

No human is perfect but if she has no respect for you it will be almost impossible to have happy marriage. If you see a woman who believes in your dream, who respects you, who is committed and who is not all about herself alone then you should not let her go. Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person but you must be able to withstand her weaknesses and traits .it will be almost impossible to have a happy marriage with a woman with four and above flaws mentioned above. You need a woman you can weep on her shoulders without feeling ashamed and someone that you want to be there with you through thick and thin. Do not settle for

How To Tell If Someone Likes You, According To The Way They Look At You

2018-04-03T11:32:00.001-07:00

Figuring out if someone likes you can feel like trying to solve a very complicated riddle. Sometimes you feel so certain that they're sending flirtatious vibes your way, and other times you're convinced they must be staring at someone else who's your exact same height and standing directly behind you. (Ugh, hate it when this happens.) How to tell if someone likes youbased on how they look at you might seem a bit far fetched, but it's actually totally legit.

As it turns out, there are several visual cues that could mean someone is totally into you. In a nutshell, those smoldering eyes people give each other when they're interested is known as the copulatory gaze, according to a studypublished in the U.S. National Library Of Medicine. This come-hither look is surprisingly one of the most scientific ways to measure attraction based on instinct.

And after all, it only takes roughly 100 milliseconds for our eyes to see someone and process whether or not we would want to mate with them, the same study reports. To get the full lowdown on interpreting if someone is into you based on their gaze, Elite Daily spoke with love biologist Dawn Maslar and relationship expert Susan Winter.

1Their Pupils Are Dilated

Remember that copulatory gaze we talked about earlier? Well, according to Maslar, while that’s happening, the black part of your eyes get larger.

"When someone is sexually attracted to another, their pupils become very large, sometimes taking up more than half the pupil area," Maslar tells Elite Daily.

So it's safe to say that if their eyes look like total saucers when they're looking at you, then there's a pretty big chance they totally like what they're seeing.

2They Look At You Longer Than Normal

If you notice someone isn't only giving you a smoldering look, but it also seems like it's lasting longer than usual, then this is definitely something to note.

"There's a depth of contact that doesn't occur in a casual glance," Winter tells Elite Daily.

We've all felt it — those searing eyes that keep finding ours in a crowded bar. As long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable in a bad way, then wandering closer in their direction might not be a bad idea.

Winter explains that if they "hold the gaze a bit longer than is normal," this often means that they have a strong desire to connect.

3They Seem Flustered

Although being smooth and swooping in like a sexy ghost in the night is usually the goal, being near someone you're attracted to can really make most people act a bit all over the place.

"We can easily lose our cool composure and become self-conscious," says Winter. "We may spill a drink, stumble or get flustered in our speech."

If they seem to be looking at you in a way that gives off a nervous vibe, there's definitely a chance that you're the reason they're trippin' out.

4They Look Away When You Catch Them Lookingiphy

According to Maslar, playing eye-tag is a pretty big sign that someone's attracted to you and wants to chat.

"Maybe you are in a crowded area and notice someone looking at you," she says. "When you look, they turn away. However, moments later you notice they are looking again."

And while looking away might seem like a bad sign, the truth is that they know they just got caught openly gawking and probably feel awkward about it.

There are definitely ways to decipher if someone might be into you based on the looks they send your way, but in the end, looking can only get you so far. If you're into them as well, then a good way to let them know is to return their eye contact, or send a flirty smile their way. Then hopefully you're both feeling confident enough to introduce yourselves. Honestly, what have you got to lose?

Article by Tayi Sanusi culled from ELITE DAILY.

This Mom Wants You to Know the Mistake Almost Everyone Makes When Meeting a Kid With Autism

2018-03-31T12:58:00.000-07:00

Heather Jackson's 5-year-old son has autism. Knowing that, you might already have an idea of what little Oliver is like. That, however, would be a big mistake — one that Heather admits most people make.

"Autism covers a wide spectrum, and while many people on the spectrum share the same difficulties, it doesn't mean that every person with autism is the same," she told POPSUGAR. "They are all different."

She then referenced a quote used often among those in the autism community: "If you have met one person with autism, then you have met one person with autism."

Heather has found that, often, people assume "that because they know someone with autism, it means they know what autism should 'look like,'" which, she said, "leads [to] a lot of misunderstanding and uneducated views" on the disorder.

"To understand Oliver is not the same as understanding autism and, conversely, understanding autism is definitely not the same as understanding Oliver."

For Oliver, autism means that his speech is delayed, he often repeats phrases, and he struggles to read people's facial expressions, which can cause him to give inappropriate responses to different situations. He can be distressed by certain loud noises, finds change to be difficult, and has no sense of danger.

But he doesn't have all the behaviors of what one might define as classic autism signifiers: "Oliver is very sociable with adults and does play with other children," Heather told POPSUGAR. "He also makes eye contact. A lot of people think that they don't give eye contact or play."

She also has to remind people that, no, Oliver isn't a genius: "He is funny and smart, but he also struggles to learn," she said. "I've met a lot of people who seem to think people with autism are geniuses . . . most films with autistic characters are portrayed that way."

Heather's father, Arthur Tonkinson, echoed his daughter's sentiments as to why people need to treat each child's autism experience on its own:

"When I see Oliver, I do not see a boy with autism," he wrote on Facebook. "I see my lovable grandson with his own special personality. Understanding autism is, by its very nature, difficult to understand and so I don't even try. I try to understand Oliver and the reasons why he acts and reacts the way that he does. To understand Oliver is not the same as understanding autism and, conversely, understanding autism is definitely not the same as understanding Oliver. He is just one of my grandchildren, each of whom have their own special personality, all of whom I love in equal measure."

So if you've ever stereotyped a child upon learning he or she had autism, even if only subconsciously, let those words forever change the way you perceive those on the spectrum.

Article by KATE SCHWEITZER culled from Flipside.

Everything You Need to Know About Adaptogens - Natures Natural Stress & Cortisol Reducer, Energy Booster and Hormone Optimizer

2018-03-22T12:32:00.001-07:00

In the article, 12 Sex Drive Killers + What To Do About Each by Dr. William Cole, I published in this blog on 18 January 2017, he wrote:

2. ADRENAL FATIGUE

Adrenal fatigue happens when your brain is not speaking very clearly to your adrenals. The brain-adrenal-axis problems cause cortisol levels to be either too high or too low, and this can leave you feeling exhausted and more interested in eating junk food than having sex.

What to do: Having struggled with adrenal fatigue myself in the past, I know firsthand the most effective tools. A comprehensive approach that includes stress and sleep management, adaptogenic herbs, and healing foods are some my top tools to rehab from adrenal fatigue.

Anna Kucirkova has written a detailed article on Adaptogens. Below are the details.

Have you ever heard of “adaptogens”? They sound like something out of a science fiction movie, right?

Something like, “Our defenses are crumbling! We need to release the adaptogens!”

But they’re very real, and they can do wonders for your body.

If you’re not sure what adaptogens are, where you can find them, how you should use them, when you should consume them, and more, then you’re in luck.

We’re about to teach you everything you need to know.

Adaptogens: The Basics

Adaptogens are natural, non-toxic healers.

In fact, it’s quite possible you’ve been consuming adaptogens your entire life without knowing it, unwittingly reaping adaptogenic benefits.

We’ll stop here for a minute, because we know what you’re thinking. Adaptogens aren’t the newest, hottest wellness trend that’s come to stake its claim over beet juice smoothies, rose water, and quinoa.

Adaptogens are more than a trend. They’ve been a part of medicine for centuries.

Simply put, they can be described as natural substances that work with a person’s body to help them adapt (hence the term “adapt”ogen) to the various challenges of life. Most notably, they’re said to help your body regulate homeostasis and return to its natural balance, especially when it comes to stress.

That’s the 30,000 foot view. Now let’s get into the nitty gritty.

Adaptogens: The Nuts and Bolts

Our bodies have a built-in fight-or-flight system that is triggered in response to stress. This system is incredibly useful in emergencies or when we’re threatened and need to take immediate action.

Cortisol is released, which then triggers the adrenal glands and sympathetic nervous system. Blood pressure is increased and your digestive secretions are restricted. Essentially, your body readies itself to either run or to stand and fight.

Unfortunately, we increasingly live in high-stress environments in which we encounter stressful situations multiple times per day. The meeting with the boss. Driving through heavy traffic. Dealing with irate customers. Caring for a screaming baby.

Each of these stressors triggers our fight-or-flight response, releasing a flood of cortisol through the body. Our bodies weren’t designed to handle so much cortisol, and it can lead to the adrenal glands failing, stress on the digestive tract, and rapid aging.

Cortisol levels and stress are only meant to exist in your body in short bursts -- as a hormonal response designed to protect you in survival situations. Adaptogenic compounds (whether in food or in herbs) help mitigate the body’s stress response and get your adrenal system back into balance while overcoming adrenal fatigue. These compounds keep your body at a balanced level.

A natural ally to your body, adaptogens can help your body deal with persistent stress and fatigue, and help get you back to proper, functioning order. They work with your body to help regulate hormones and adjust your cortisol levels over long periods of time to help regulate chronic stress.

You can think of them like a thermostat for your body. When your stress “temperature” begins to rise, adaptogens can support your body as it comes back to its normal levels. They can help keep stress hormones from running rampant throughout your body.

For example, studies of Panax ginseng, a well-known adaptogen, have suggested that it can be significantly helpful in reducing the body’s overall response to stress. The same goes for numerous other adaptogens.

But that’s not all. Adaptogens also may boost your immune system, help you manage a healthy weight, increase your physical endurance and your mental focus, reduce discomfort, reduce cortisol levels (which contribute to stress), and encourage a balanced mood.

Adaptogens: Sources

Adaptogens are a unique class of plants that can have particular healing abilities. They may be able to help balance, protect, restore your body, and normalize psychological functions.

The list of helpful, healing adaptogens is long - so long we can’t possibly include all of them in this article. But, we’ll list out of a few helpful adaptogens you can utilize in your daily routine.

In fact, you might already use some of these without knowing how much you’re helping your mind, body, restoration, and balance.

Some of the most popular adaptogenic herbs are things you’ve probably heard of, such as:

Ginseng

Basil

Mushroom

Rosemary

Aloe

Licorice root

Others, you might not be so familiar with include:

Rhodiola

Astragalus root

Ashwagandha

Milk thistle

Bacopa

Schisandra

Moringa oleifera

Gotu kola

Ginseng eleuthero

These adaptogens can be consumed in a variety of ways, including food and supplements. The main point is simply to start getting a number of these adaptogens in your diet, especially if you find yourself constantly under stress.

Adaptogens: In Your Diet

Adaptogens that are most notable for helping lower or balance your cortisol are compounds like rhodiola rosea, ashwagandha (indian ginseng), milk thistle, asian ginseng, holy basil, and panax ginseng. You’re probably going to be challenged to find ways to include milk thistle in your diet, meaning you’ll need to consume it in supplement form.

However, adaptogens can be present in food as well. Just like the herbs and other compounds, there are specific foods that can contain the healthy adaptogens your body can benefit from. Add basil to your meals to gain adaptogen benefits, eat specific kinds of mushrooms, or spice up your dishes with rosemary.

Additionally, consider things like ginseng tea and other herbal mixes. The goal is simply to find numerous ways to get adaptogens into your diet, whether it’s through supplements, food, or mixes.

And while most adaptogens can be used individually, many herbalists prefer to blend them together to create an even more potent effect. In essence, they stack the benefits on top of each other.

A Few Cautions With Adaptogens

The benefits of adaptogens seem endless, but knowing what they are and what they can do for you doesn’t answer a few of the remaining questions you probably have about the compounds.

For example, when should you take them? How do you know how long you should take them? In what amounts should you take adaptogens?

The positive thing about adaptogenic compounds is that there are only a few instances in which you can overdo it or they can cause you harm. In fact, one of the driving features of adaptogens is that they’re safe and non-toxic.

However, it’s possible, however, that some herbs can cancel each other out when taken together. For example, if you’re taking an herb that stimulates you and one that helps you sleep, the effects will probably cancel each other out.

It’s also possible that some of the herbs should only be used for limited amounts of time or once every few months. Herbalists and doctors often recommend rotating the adaptogens you use every few months.

As always, it’s important to check with your doctor before you start taking any form of medication or herbal remedies. Some herbs and foods that contain adaptogens can interact with other medications you’re taking, so ensure that you’ve approved any new herb or botanical with your doctor before you consume it.

Additionally, consider reading The Botanical Safety Handbook, which contains all the information you need to know about adaptogens.

If you’re breastfeeding, use particular caution. While no adaptogens have been shown to be of any concern for breastfeeding children, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re safe. Again, talk to your doctor.

Adaptogens and You: Final Thoughts

If you’re thinking about about adding adaptogens into your diet, you might find yourself wondering, “Do I really need them?” The answer is both, “Yes,” and, “No.”

You don’t need them in the sense that you need an antibiotic to treat a particular infection. You do need them to help you body stay in balance amidst the constant stresses of life.

It’s important to note that adaptogen supplements don’t treat specific conditions. Rather, they help boost your overall well-being. Instead of wondering if you “need” them to solve a problem, ask yourself if taking adaptogens can help you feel better, more balanced, less stressed, and healthier?

Ask yourself how you feel. Is your digestive tract functioning to the best of its ability? Do you have a healthy appetite? Is your skin vibrant and healthy? Are your stress levels easily manageable? If you answered no to any of these questions, it’s possible you’re a candidate for adaptogen inclusion in your diet!

Adaptogens help adjust your body’s stress response and keep it at a desirable level, similar to how you’d adjust the temperature from becoming too high or too low.

If you want to keep your body in balance, adaptogens might be the perfect solution to add to your diet and supplement plan!

Article by Anna Kucirkova https://www.vitamonk.com/blogs/health/what-are-adaptogens.

There Are 4 Styles of Parenting, But One Raises More Successful Kids Than The Rest, According to a Psychotherapist

2018-03-20T12:13:00.002-07:00

Raising kids in today's world is no easy task. From warnings about too much screen time and too many food additives, to the pressure to help your child succeed in school and on the sports field, parenting has become more challenging than ever.

Parents are employing specific strategies and coping skills to deal with the challenges of the modern world. And as a psychotherapist, I see four main types of parents in my office:

1. RELAXED RULERS

Relaxed rulers give kids plenty of freedom to explore and try new things. They let kids solve their own problems and they make it a priority to "let kids be kids."

Relaxed rulers are the opposite of the stereotypical "helicopter parent." They want their kids to play hard, have fun, and learn from the natural consequences of their own behavior.

While their laid-back approach is sure not to stifle a child's development, children of relaxed rulers might not receive enough guidance and hands-on training. As a result, kids may not learn all the skills they need to become their best.

2. NO-NONSENSE COMMANDERS

No-nonsense commanders make sure kids have plenty of structure and plenty of rules. They have high expectations and they make many demands.

They worry that today's kids are 'too soft.' They hand out serious consequences when their kids get out of line in hopes it will teach them a valuable life lesson.

Since no-nonsense commanders emphasize obedience over everything else, kids don't always internalize the message parents are sending. They may follow the rules to avoid getting in trouble, rather than strive to reach their greatest potential.

3. EAGER ADVOCATES

Whether it's a teacher with an unfair grading process or a coach who speaks too harsh, eager advocates are quick to speak up for their kids. They want to ensure that their kids are treated with kindness and fairness and they aren't afraid to voice their concerns when they think their kids are getting a raw deal.

Eager advocates have their kids' best interest in mind. They often worry that without their help, their kids will be cheated, bullied, or taken advantage of in some way, shape, or form.

By stepping in at the first hint of trouble, eager advocates may prevent their kids from experiencing uncomfortable emotions or from struggling with certain hardships. When parents err on the overprotective side, kids may not learn the emotional skills and problem-solving skills they need to become successful adults.

4. MENTALLY STRONG LEADERS

Mentally strong leaders strive to create a balance between giving kids enough freedom while also offering plenty of guidance. They have high expectations but they support kids in their efforts to reach their goals.

Mentally strong leaders aren't trying to toughen their kids up. They're interested in helping them grow strong. They aren't afraid to ask for help when they need it.

They also lead by example. They work on building their own mental strength so kids recognize that there is always room for improvement. And most importantly, they refuse to engage in the popular parenting habits that are robbing kids of mental strength.

HOW TO GIVE YOUR KIDS THE SKILLS THEY NEED FOR LIFE

From the way you discipline your children to the way you solve parenting problems, your choices could have a lifelong effect on your kids. Studies consistently show that your parenting style affects everything from your child's grades to her physical and mental health.

Becoming a mentally strong parent is the key to helping your kids reach their greatest potential. Mentally strong parents raise mentally strong kids who have the skills they need to tackle the challenges of life.

Article by Amy Morin/Mar 16, 2018 culled from Flipside

32 Things You Should Do To Straighten Your Relationships

2018-02-26T10:18:00.000-08:00

Author and his wife on her 55year birthday on o2/18/2018 after 31 years of marriage.

How to Improve Your Relationships

Strong relationships don’t just happen. When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to make compromises because no relationship is perfect. Relationships aren’t easy and maintaining good relationship requires acceptance, patience, and above all, daily practice. These are 32 things you can do to improve your bond if you want to have a flourishing relationship with your partner. . They will make your partner feel loved, appreciated and desired, and will make you feel more connected to him or her. A healthy relationship is one of the important components for living a fulfilled life.

Remember special dates

It is important to remember special occasions, such as Valentine Day, birthdays, anniversaries, or any other dates on your love calendar. Special dates give you the opportunity to tell your partner that you still love and appreciate them and that they mean so mean to you. Write those dates in your diary or keep a reminder in your smart phone to remind you of important dates.

Give gift

These are some of the gifts you may consider sending to your partner on your special dates:

send flowers. Red is the color of love, so give roses. Red roses mean “I love you”;

send chocolate box;

present him/her a book from an author you know he/she loves;

send a greeting card expressing how you care;

get tickets for that movie your partner has been longing to see;

take him/her down memory lane by giving picture album with old pictures of the two of you;

pay for the subscription to a magazine he/she likes;

present him or her a calendar with pictures of both of you, highlighting special days in your relationship;

you can present jewelry or clothes.

Send text

Send him/her well-worded text messages.

Write poems

Write a love poem for your partner and place it where he/she can easily find it.

Record your poems

You can also record yourself reciting the poem and burn it into CD and place it where he/she can find it and listen to it at his/her convenience.

Present recorded music

You may also record your partner’s favorite love songs for his/her listening pleasure while relaxing.

List your partner’s strengths

You can make a list of things you love about your partner and place it where he/she can find it or slip a love note in a strategic place where he/she will find it.

Spend private moment together

Sometimes, the best way of celebrating your love for each other is to have some private time together. Check into an affordable hotel and spend the night ordering room service, cuddling in a big bed and taking bubble baths.

Cook his/her favorite meal

Cook his or her favorite food. Nothing will make your partner delighted than his or her favorite meal or you can decide to cook dinner for your partner. It will be exhilarating to see him/her move around the kitchen.

Keep talking

One of the most important things in a relationship is talking about how you feel and sharing honestly with one another. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Life is not always going to be rainbows; relationships will inevitably face rough waters and bumpy roads. We have all loved and lost, been hurt and scared, and we are all choosing to put one foot in front of the other in an attempt to love again, so honest communication should be part of every healthy relationship. Good timing and tact must be employed when communicating because deep conversations require deep listening which is not possible when you feel angry. Going into a conversation with a fixed mind may lead to missed opportunities for connection; deeper understanding of your partner will fail.

Endeavor to know your partner

One of the keys to being in a successful relationship is to endeavor to know your partner. If you study your partner and learn about him or her, you will know his/her personality, likes and dislikes, “dos and don’ts”, which will enable you to easily do things he/she will really appreciate. Be interested in why your partner loves what he/she loves. Ask questions because it will help you make space for what they love. Learn about their hobbies.

Be patient

We live in a world where anything we want, we want it instantly. But love is different; it takes time and work. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Be patient with your partner.

Say sorry

Know when to apologize. Saying sorry has many benefits. It diffuses tension and gets rid of bad feelings. It is not every argument that needs to be won. Although there may be inner pleasure in winning an argument, there’s maturity in apologizing when you find out you are wrong.

Forgive

Accept her/his apology. Forgive your partner when he/she offends you. If you've been fighting and he/she makes an attempt to reconcile, don't rebuff him/her. It’s better to walk away than say something you’ll regret.

Intimacy

One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy. Intimacy can be as easy as kissing on the cheek, holding hands, hugging, giving a back scratch, or putting a hand around the other person’s shoulder.

Sexual Relationship

In some relationships, there is an unfortunate tendency to ignore the role of sex but it is very important. Sex is important in building a lasting relationship so make sure your love making is great. Do something different in bed regularly. Bathe together periodically.

Trust without wavering

Nothing hurts and breaks a relationship as quickly as dishonesty. When trust is lost it motivates behaviors such as criticism, rejection, and jealously.

Be supportive.

Go that extra step in trying to please your partner. There are many ways to be supportive of your partner. Give emotional support: listen to them when they’re upset and need to talk. Give them information that they might need. Give them a hand when they need it. Do something that he normally does or want to get done before he has the chance. Repair something of hers that he/she hasn't gotten around to fixing. Feeling understood and cared for by someone else improves relationships and well-being.

Love in action

It is not enough to say you are in love, it must show in your actions. Perform little acts of kindness for your partner that let them know you love them. Along with expressing your gratitude to your partner, expressing actions to show how much you care about him or her is also suggested. Some ideas include the following: When you’re out shopping get him a little surprise gift. Just as most men love to be waited on, women also love men that can do things for them, especially physical things like helping out with the chores.

Fight fair.

It’s not disagreements that destroy relationships, but how you deal with them. Avoid character assassination. Be willing to compromise. Take responsibility for your actions and growth by giving top priority to the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your life.

Set goals as a couple

One of the components of a happy relationship is having a set of goals that you’re trying to achieve together.

Allow your partner the space to be themselves

Lovers want closeness, but they also want space. The key is to allow your partner some space; the man should go out with his friends and the woman with her friends as well. This will give the partners enough space so that no one feels trapped.

Let go of unrealistic expectations

A relationship is like a team made of two people who both bring talents and skills and resources to the relationship.

Seeking for help

It is human nature to seek advice and consolation from loved ones when facing both highs and lows, but it’s imperative to remember that your relationship is not the same as any of the relationships around you. Relationships have enough problems, struggles and limitations independently; so don’t borrow problems from those around you.

Relationships need work

Relationships, like anything else worth having in life, take work. This does not mean that you should be bending over backward and causing riffs in all other aspects of your life in order to make a relationship work. While it’s important to continue to grow and develop individually, it is just as important to grow together and strengthen the bonds that brought you together in the first place. The grass is greener when you water it, and love grows fullest when worked on a daily basis.

Promise without forgetting

Endeavor to keep your promises. It means you should not promise what you know you might be unable to provide.

Give compliments

Compliment your partner when she/he has done something remarkable. It is essential you let your partner know you share in his/her achievements. Compliment something that he's improved upon. If he/she dresses for a date, compliment the dress.

Give appreciation

Express your appreciation. Say thank you often. Thank your partner for what he/she have done to uplift your relationship or your own life. This type of effort will reinforce your partner to be thoughtful.

Seek for your partner’s advice

Seek for the advice of your partner. It will give a lot of confidence that you believe in him/her.

Be interested in what your partner likes

Listen when your partner talks about things that are important to him/her.

Show sympathy

Be there for your partner when he/she is undergoing emotional distress. Your partner’s burden will be easier to bear if you show sympathy to his/her plight.

Make your schedule known

It is important you let your partner know your schedule so that he/she doesn’t plan something and get disappointed. it’s a kind gesture to compare both of your schedules to see if it’s possible to spend more time together. While you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your carrier or job to satisfy your partner, your ability to compromise should be enough to make him or her happy.

Conclusion

Doing what you can to improve your relationship should be a daily practice not just special days.

The 36 Questions Scientists Say Can Make Any Two People Fall in Love

2018-02-01T21:01:00.000-08:00

Love is more than a feeling; it's a choice.

Relationships are hard. They can bring out the best in us, yes, but also the worst. They test the very essence of our beings: our capacity for forgiveness; our ability to trust (both ourselves and another); the true extent of our self-love; the strength of our boundaries; and the power of attachment.

Anything that can help bring us together, then, should be explored. And one scientific finding about love rises above others in the literature, if only for its rom-com level of magic.

Yes, I'm talking about the study made famous by the viral New York Times article by psychologist Mandy Len Catron. It not only outlined the original study, but backed it up by revealing that Catron herself had tested the concept ... and fallen in love with her question-answering companion.

The original research was conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University. He split participants up into two groups, then had people pair up to talk to one another for 45 minutes. One group made small talk; the other received a list of 36 questions they went through one at a time -- a list that got increasingly more personal. They then shared four minutes of sustained eye contact.

If there was ever a question of whether you can generate intimacy in a lab setting, it was answered by this study. Six months later, one of the pairs was in love. When they got married, they invited the whole lab staff to the ceremony.

When Catron, author of the New York Times piece, did the questions with an acquaintance, she wasn't totally prepared, especially for the eye contact at the end:

"[T]he real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected."

The unexpected place? It was a state of being more than anything, and one that led to more connection than perhaps either thought possible.

"I wondered what would come of our interaction. If nothing else, I thought it would make a good story. But I see now that the story isn't about us; it's about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known."

We all want to be known. We want to be known by our friends, our colleagues, our family members, even our neighbors. We want to be seen for what we have to offer, what we provide, for who we are.

But the person we often crave to feel most known by is our partner. This is the person with whom we share the most intimate details of our lives (not to mention our bodies). It's the person who sees us at our best and our worst. The one who knows our history and is a primary part of our future.

We want them to know us -- really know us, and these questions can help. As Catron says, "Most of us think about love as something that happens to us," she said. "We fall. We get crushed. But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action."

There are lots of ways to celebrate upcoming Valentine's Day. This year, consider doing something different. If you're not in a relationship, propose doing this experiment with someone you've always thought was interesting but have yet to take the leap with. What do you have to lose?

And if you're in a relationship, skip the fancy dinner or other high-pressure, conventional thing.

Instead, grab a bottle of wine and make the choice to commit to the magic of the questions. Allow the vulnerability of the answers to carry you even closer together. Take on the challenge of revealing yourself even more deeply to the person you cherish most in the world, and revel in the soul-deep connection that can ensue.

Take action.

Fall in love.

---

Set 1

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling _______."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share _______."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Article by Melanie Curtin culled from FlipDigest.

Millions of Americans keep the same dirty secret from their partner

2018-01-31T20:43:00.001-08:00

Some people love their money so much they don’t even tell their partner about it.

One in five people in a live-in relationship admit to “financial infidelity” — keeping a private bank account or credit card without telling a partner, according to a study released Monday by CreditCards.com. The survey of 2,000 people found 31% of millennials, 24% of people ages 38 to 53, and 17% of baby boomers have at some point had an account they keep secret from a partner.

Lying about having private accounts is actually more common than many people think, said Kimberly Palmer personal finance expert at NerdWallet. “People are often embarrassed about the money choices they are making, or they want to have a slush fund of spending money they can use without asking permission,” she said.

Although the practice may be common, that doesn’t mean it’s widely-accepted: 31% of those in a relationship think that keeping a credit card, checking account or savings account secret from a partner is worse than cheating physically. “Keeping financial secrets in a relationship, just like any other type of infidelity, is a sure-fire way to spark an argument,” Matt Schulz, senior industry analyst at CreditCards.com said.

People in relationships often have good reason to hide their financial issues: People can judgmental: 40% of Americans saying they wouldn’t date someone who had a bad credit score. Women were nearly three times as likely to consider credit score a major influence on a potential partner compared to men (20% versus 7%). More than half of Americans would not marry someone with significant debt.

Everything, of course, is relative. Financial infidelity can be defined differently by different people, Palmer says, and have varying consequences: Keeping a private credit card account so you can buy your husband gifts without his knowing is different than hiding a low credit score or thousands of dollars in debt. Because of this, couples need to be honest about their financial issues preferably before they move in together and, certainly, before they marry.

The good news: More people have the conversation about their finances before they set up house. Some 30% of couples who do not live together say they have never discussed their combined finances compared to just 11% of those who do live under the same roof. “People experiencing this need to set aside some time for an honest and difficult conversation,” Palmer said. “If you’ve been keeping secrets from your partner, it will do you both good to come clean.”

Article by Karl Paul culled from WSJ

Authoritative Parenting: What It Is and How to Apply It

2018-01-31T20:34:00.000-08:00

Authoritative parenting is praised as one of the most effective parenting styles. Get the definition, learn about its effects and get tips on how you can apply it.

By TRACY GUTH SPANGLER

Camille Tokerud/Getty Images

We all want to find balance in all areas of our lives, including how we take care of our kids. It turns out that the best and most effective parenting style, called authoritative parenting, focuses on just that.

What Is Authoritative Parenting?

Authoritative parenting is characterized by both high expectations and emotional responsiveness. It incorporates clear limits and fair discipline as well as warmth and support, and it’s an approach in which neither the parent nor the child has the upper hand.

In the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind studied child-parent interaction in families with preschool-age children to determine the most common and effective parenting styles. Her groundbreaking research defined three main styles, contrasting the authoritative parent with those who are authoritarian or permissive. Authoritarian parents are highly demanding but offer little emotional support; they simply demand obedience, and are harshly critical when their kids fall short. Permissive parents are warm and loving but don’t set enough limits, and can be reluctant to make rules or follow through on punishments. The child is left with unclear boundaries and expectations and ends up regulating his or her own behavior.

What Is the Authoritative Parenting Style?

The authoritative approach is more moderate, including high standards but also nurture and responsiveness, and engaging in a relationship with the child as an independent-minded being. Authoritative parents don’t let kids get away with bad behavior; they enforce rules and have expectations. But they are also gentle and rational, explaining the reasons for the rules and the consequences for not following them, and even asking for and listening to the child’s opinions about them. According to Baumrind’s research, authoritative parenting is the optimal parenting style, based on the positive effects it has on children.

Authoritative parents share some common characteristics: They set clear and consistent limits. They have high expectations but are warm and nurturing in encouraging their kids to meet them. They listen to and talk with their children, giving them the opportunity to be independent in their thinking and actions, encouraging their opinions, and discussing options with them. They are flexible and reasonable, and their kids know this and can depend on it. When it comes to consequences when expectations aren’t met, they are fair and, again, consistent with discipline.

What Are the Effects Of Authoritative Parenting?

All of this benefits their children enormously. “There are thousands of studies showing that kids develop in healthier ways if their parents are authoritative,” says Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Temple University specializing in child and adolescent psychological development, and the author of The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting. “They are happier, more competent, more socially skilled and more popular as a result, and achieve more in school. They are less likely to develop emotional problems, like depression or anxiety, and less likely to develop behavioral problems, like aggression, acting out, delinquency, or substance use.” Children of authoritative parents also develop good emotional control and regulation, as well as self-confidence about learning new skills or being in new and different places and situations. They are assertive and resourceful.

The key is that authoritative parents are role models, and their kids learn these effective relational skills from them. The balance of boundaries and loving support creates a secure attachment between parent and child that benefits everyone, and the child takes these qualities into his or her relationships out in the world, and eventually with his or her own children.

How To Apply This Parenting Style

So how can you be sure you’re parenting authoritatively? “Be warm and affectionate with your kids, but also have clearly articulated rules and expectations for their behavior, and enforce them consistently,” Steinberg says. And of course, the amount of independence you grant your child will depend on when you deem them ready: “Gradually increase the amount of autonomy you grant your child, but in an age-appropriate way, and only as he or she demonstrates the ability to handle it.”

Being involved in your kids’ lives is another crucial aspect of being an authoritative parent, according to Steinberg. In order to be supportive and understanding, and to set expectations and limits, you need to know what’s going on in your child’s life—at home, in school, and during after-school activities. Ask questions and monitor progress; initiate discussions about classes, sports, friends, and what your kids are reading, watching, and listening to.

And being present in your own parenting is paramount. “I think the most important thing is to parent mindfully,” Steinberg says. “Try not to make disciplinary decisions when you’re stressed or emotionally taxed; take a breath and think before you act. And always be aware of why you are parenting the way you are—what your goals are and what you are trying to accomplish.”

Authoritative parenting will take commitment on your part: “The problem with permissive and authoritarian parenting is that they are easier to do and require much less self-awareness on the part of a parent,” Steinberg points out. Like anything else worth doing, there’s work involved. But the benefits for your children are more than worth it.

5 Types of Women That Make Bad Wives

2018-01-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

1. A Dismissive Woman

“If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”

Years ago JP and I adopted this saying. I’m not sure whether we heard it or if we made it up ourselves, but it’s kept us in tune with each other over three decades of marriage.

Honestly, though, having an attitude of prioritizing one another’s needs, preferences and opinions didn’t come naturally. Frankly, it can be easier to dismiss your partner’s needs than to deal with them.

A dismissive woman devalues or diminishes her spouse’s preferences, opinions or desires. Sometimes you’ll hear a dismissive woman turning the conversation back to herself, (“Yes, but what about my needs?”) or failing to really consider the desire (“That’s just not practical/realistic/happening in this lifetime.”) or even shaming the need (“Oh, for heaven’s sake, you’re not one of the children! Grow up.”).

Sometimes though, a dismissive woman is more subtle. She won’t tell her partner she’s dismissing his need or preference; she’ll simply ignore it. Or she’ll become unavailable physically, sexually, or emotionally.

Why is this “bad”? When a woman unilaterally dismisses her partner’s need or preference, her husband feels rejected, unloved and unimportant. He may not say it, but he feels it. Plain and simple, it hurts.

Anything that hurts a marriage partner hurts the marriage. Period.

Does this mean a wife should be at her husband’s beck and call, ready to fulfill every desire? Absolutely not! It does mean, though, that she genuinely cares about her partner’s feelings and wants to meet his needs when she can.

Really, this attitude is the mandate for all Christ followers, in every relationship. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Phil 2:4)

2. An Undependable Woman

The first description of an excellent wife in Proverbs 31—the very first one—is this: “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.” (Proverbs 31:11, NLT). The NIV says “Her husband has full confidence in her.”

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that if a good wife is trustworthy, a bad wife isn’t.

If you’re considering marrying a woman whose integrity you question, let me offer you a friendly piece of advice: run.

A dependable woman can be trusted to be faithful to her man, responsible in her decisions, and wise with their children. She’ll hang on with you through the tough times and hold on to you in the good.

She’s honest and she’s honorable. She doesn’t withhold the truth; she upholds the truth. Even in small matters.

3. A Disrespectful Woman

“How many kids do you have?” I asked. “Three. Four, if you count my husband.” Everyone laughed… sort of. But her answer was no laughing matter. Comments like this—though they sound innocent on the surface—indicate something underneath: a lack of respect for one’s partner.

Disrespect doesn’t always come in the form of words. It can come with a look: eye rolling, a shaking head, or a deep sigh. It can be an attempt to control, to mother or to demean a husband. These actions send the same message: You’re an idiot. I don’t respect you.

God gives only one command directed to wives: “Wives see to it that you respect your husbands” (Ephesians 5:33). In healthy, life-giving marriages, wives respect their husbands and husbands love their wives. God’s plan is a win for both sides.

Are some men are easier to respect than others? You bet. But every healthy relationship, both inside and outside of marriage—every single one—is built on the foundation of respect. Without respect relationships crumble.

4. An Overly Dependent Woman or Overly Independent Woman

All healthy relationships have a level of both dependence and independence, but when the pendulum swings too far on either side, something is amiss.

The overly dependent woman looks to her partner to meet most, if not all, of her emotional needs. She often has a hard time encouraging his independent interests. She frequently manipulates through tears, emotional outbursts, withdrawal or demands. She can even be dramatic, if necessary. Why does she behave this way? She’s prone to see romantic relationships as her savior and feels lost without one. Even in unhealthy scenarios, an overly dependent woman has difficulty severing ties.

Conversely, the overly independent woman has difficulty cementing ties. She may fear commitment. She may fear being controlled. She may be so used to doing things her way, partnering with another person seems foreign.

In relationships neither over-dependence or over-independence is healthy. Marriage is a team sport, meant for two equal partners.

5. A Discouraging Woman

There are two relational truths many women fail to understand:

Truth 1: At the heart of every good man is the desire to please his wife.

Truth 2: It’s hard to stay emotionally, physically and spiritually connected to a person who consistently makes you feel discouraged… even if that person is your wife.

This is why the discouraging wife can be so lethal to a life-giving marriage. The discouraging woman makes her man feel like he can’t do anything right, no matter how hard he tries. In the inner recess of her mind she’s thinks I would like him more if he… Her unspoken goal is change him. She might use criticism (not the healthy, constructive type). She may complain incessantly. She may name call, nitpick, or control. No matter how her discouragement manifests itself, the outcome is the same: Her husband usually feels worse in her presence than better.

This isn’t to say a wife can’t disagree or express disappointment. It doesn’t mean wives can’t have hard conversations. It does mean, though, that we learn the art of having hard conversations without being hard-hearted.

The Bible speaks to this issue: “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Good wives encourage the best by raising the bar, not discouraging the worst by lowering it.

Are there certain types of women that make bad wives? Yes. There are certain types of men that make bad husbands, too. But God’s Word offers practical advice on how to be a healthy, life-giving partner.

None of us has to be a “bad” spouse—or marry one—if we follow His plan.

Article culled from MINDBODYCARE

My husband and I didn't live together until we got married - here's what I learned

2018-01-31T20:00:00.002-08:00

Before my husband and I got married seven months ago, the only guys I'd ever lived with were related to me. Between college dorms, sorority housing, and the money vacuum that is NYC real estate, I've had many a roommate in my day, but never lived with someone I was dating. My husband and I never even lived in the same state before we promised to spend the rest of our lives together — a fun fact that makes people's eyes get really big when I tell them. I had a job in New York, and he was in school in Chicago until he graduated ... two days before our wedding. Another fun fact: Our honeymoon was the longest amount of time we'd ever spent together at that point (are your eyes getting big now, too?).

My husband and I were friends for years before we started dating, but from the day we left the friend zone until day one of marriage, we only knew the long-distance way of life: texting each other in the morning, tagging each other in memes during the day, calling each other before bed, FaceTiming each other if the lighting was flattering, and catching flights every other week to see each other. And although LDRs have their challenges, so does living with someone for the very first time. Don't get me wrong! I don't mean this in a bad way. But gone are the days of having my own room and space to myself. And here's what that's been like.

1. One of you will be the clean one. And that means one of you will be the dirty or the messy one by default. This is the case for any roommate, but when you share a room with someone, you can't use their side of the bed, or that random chair in the corner, or like, any square foot of the floor or counter as storage for stuff you're too lazy to put away. Because the clean one (my husband) will not put up with the habits of the messy one (me) — and the clean one always seems to win.

2. Cooking with someone else is 1,000 times better than doing it by and for yourself. I fixed myself some pretty dismal dinners in my single days because a) I don't care, and b) I don't like to cook things that serve four people when it's just me. But my husband — who I've learned cooks breakfast every morning like we're in a Disney Channel original movie — has opened my eyes to a culinary world beyond grilled chicken and cereal. Plus, washing the dishes is better when two people do it.

3. You really don't see each other that much just because you live with them. You know how on snow days you're stuck inside and don't do anything except stare at the other person stuck inside with you? That's what I thought living with someone would feel like. But it's not like that at all! Unless you work with your significant other, you spend your days apart and come home just in time to eat dinner, maybe squeeze in a TV show, and go to sleep. So it's really not as full-on as I had anticipated.

4. Still, you both will want some time away from each other. Now, your home very well may be larger than our 600-square-foot apartment, and have more than one bathroom sink, so maybe this isn't such an issue for you. But for those of us who can't just "go in another room" — because there is no other room — having your own space is precious. Maybe you prefer to work out alone or read on your sofa uninterrupted. Whatever it is, it doesn't mean you don't like your S.O. anymore. It simply means you would like to watch Bravo in peace without judgement and without having to lay out a timeline of who got to choose what you both watched last.

5. Bathroom time is weird, and there's just no way around that. You know the famous teeth-brushing scene from Bring It On? Yeah, that's us before bed every night. And my husband's a dentist, so I'm especially self-conscious about my teeth-brushing form. When we first moved in together, I tried to be discreet and hide my tampons in a decorative box in the bathroom, but now my husband just calls it my tampon treasure chest. So, yeah. There's always Poo-Pourri, though.

6. You will both complain equally about each other's hair being everywhere. They will say your hair always clogs the shower drain or is all over the floor in the form of dust bunnies. You will say their shaving remnants are all over the bathroom counter and sink. This will continue until you die.

7. My husband, who is sitting next to me as I write this, wants me to say,"Splitting wardrobe storage space 50/50 really means she gets 70% of all the room." I can't help that I have more things than he does.

8. You will have to choose one side of the bed for the rest of time, which is a very pressure-filled commitment to make. No more sleeping smack dab in the middle!Choose wisely, because I've never heard of someone switching sides of the bed years into living together. Or maybe people do it all the time, and it's simply a weird question to ask someone or bring up in conversation. I truly don't know.

9. Unlike with past roommates, you don't have to be passive-aggressive. Maybe you tip-toed around issues you had with former roommates, because y'all were friends and you didn't want to cross the line and not be the chill one. But because you and your significant other can be more open with each other, you can just say to their face, "You peed on the toilet seat again. Stop doing that," and there you go. Easy pee-sy.

10. You will really miss them when they're away. I used to go days or weeks — months, even — without seeing my husband, and although I definitely wished I could have seen him more, I got used to it. But now, I wonder, "OMG where is he?" if he's gone even for 24 hours. That, my friends, is love.

11. It's not as tricky/different/weird as other people who moved in with their significant others warned me it would be. You definitely learn a lot about someone's quirks and weird tendencies by living with them, but nothing has been all that ... surprising. My husband didn't have to spend two seconds with me to know I'm a messy person, and I realised from the first time I visited him that he had a weird obsession with washing the dishes immediately after using them. Life pretty much feels the same, except now I get a really cool roommate with whom I share my home and my life — and all the awkward moments that come with it.

Article by By Brooke Shunatona culled from COSMOPOLITAN

8 Gross Things Girls Do, According To Their Loving Boyfriends

2018-01-28T10:59:00.002-08:00

Do you have a gross habit that you've accidentally (or not so accidentally) revealed in front of an SO? I know you do, even if you won't admit it. I'll go first. I pee a lot and I talk a lot; sometimes, for the sake of efficiency, I'll do both at the same time. So, yeah, I'll carry on a full-length conversation with someone, boyfriends included, while going to the bathroom. I've checked with guy friends who've assured me that, as long as all I'm doing is peeing, this doesn't quite make the list of gross things girls do. But an ex mentioned it was weird once and you don't forget feedback like that.

Anyway, I figured there was absolutely no way I was the only person with a weird habit that grossed their partner out. Like, do you remember on Friendswhen Chandler finally unlocks Monica's junk closet? He's horrified to find out that his neat-freak of a wife could be so secretly messy, which explains why she kept it a secret in the first place. Luckily, it wasn't a deal-breaker for Chandler and it probably won't be for your relationship, either.

I mean, on a good day, I like to think I look like this.

But I hope my partner won't mind if sometimes (read: most times), I actually look like this...

Life's all about balance, right?

Just like guys, girls have weird, gross habits, too. Our pillow cases have mascara stains from those nights we just couldn't be bothered to take off our makeup. Clearing the shower drain is an unsightly ritual that likely saves us thousands of dollars in plumbing repairs each year. And in the winter, we don't shave our legs regularly. It's just who we are.

Here are eight other gross things girls do, according to the guys who've dated them.

I feel personally attacked. It's called skincare, OK!

- OvyZ_

For the record, this is 100 percent not what I meant earlier.

- Zach*, 23

To be fair, I've also been out with guys who've done this and just, no.

- Naramie

While yes, this is kind of odd, I still think this guy might be overreacting a little.

- Private_Parts87

Is this like marking her territory?

- Clay*, 27

I think this means he cares.

- Dennis*, 27

I like to leave the Starbucks cups in my car for a few weeks, really get to know them, show them around the city.

- jwilliamshcmc

I feel like this is the female equivalent to leaving the toilet seat up.

- Nate*, 29

To be honest, we could be a lot worse.

If it helps, we're only truly gross around the people we feel comfortable with so if you see us walking around the house in three-day-old sweatpants, your first, immediate thought should be how to pop the question.

I mean, this guy gets it.

- Francis, 23

Acceptance is the first step.

*Names have been changed.

Article By Sydnee Lyons culled from Elite Daily.

My nipples and clitoris are very sensitive. Could it be my husband’s technique?

2018-01-16T04:46:00.000-08:00

We are recently married and I can no longer enjoy stimulation. I have never had this problem before, but I have undergone major surgery and a termination

I am 33 and newly married. I have come not to enjoy nipple or clitoral stimulation by my husband. My parts are very sensitive and I find such stimulation overwhelming. I was abused as a child, but have not had this problem before. There is a chance that it’s my new husband’s technique, but I have also had major surgery and a termination of pregnancy, which could be contributory factors.

It is essential that you share all of this with your husband. Surgery certainly can contribute to physical sensitivity, while a history of abuse can affect one’s long-term sexuality in a number of ways and requires professional help. But your husband also needs to join with you in seeking answers and in improving sensation.

Help him to understand your exact feelings, and ask very specifically for what you need. Many women are afraid to say anything critical about a partner’s technique, or to disclose their sexual fragility. But, if gently presented in a non-blaming fashion, it can lead to better sex, as well as greater closeness and bonding. You both deserve to be known to each other for who you really are sexually – at every point in your lives together; this is a cornerstone of intimacy. When sharing truths about your sexual needs, always begin by reaffirming your love and by letting him know the positive things you enjoy about lovemaking with him. Then help him to fully understand your specific physical sensitivities, and try to be brave enough to share your masturbation technique with him. Gently micromanage his efforts until he gets it right, then reward him in the best possible way – including implementing his requests for improved technique on your part.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

Serena Williams on Motherhood, Marriage, and Making Her Comeback

2018-01-12T13:22:00.002-08:00

On a moist South Florida morning at the end of a relentless hurricane season, their wedding only a week away, Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian are seated side by side at their long kitchen table discussing the Marshmallow Test. Some 50 years ago, in a famous experiment, the Stanford University psychologist Walter Mischel invited children to choose between a small immediate reward, such as a marshmallow, or, if they could sit and wait for fifteen minutes, a larger prize. The children who found ways to stave off temptation—by singing songs or pulling pigtails—went on to have higher SAT scores and lower body-mass indexes than their ravenous peers.

“I would have eaten that marshmallow,” says Serena, who, in conspicuous contrast to that image, sips a radioactive-looking broth, which she nudged her chef to prepare after reading online that ginger and turmeric were supposed to aid in breast-milk production. She positions this tincture on a stack of gold lamé swatches: Golden Harvest, Gold L’Amour, Golden Daydream, Victorian Gold. One of these will be selected for the tablecloths at the wedding dinner. Thinking better of her coaster choice, she shifts her glass to a stack of photocopied pages from assorted newborn instruction manuals. Serena loves printing and collating and stacking. She loves paper. She is the analog to her husband-to-be’s digital.

“Are you kidding?” Alexis shoots back. “You would never eat that marshmallow. You would stare down that marshmallow like it was the enemy. It would be Serena versus the marshmallow.”

“You’re right,” she admits with a squeak of laughter. “But it would have been fear. I would have been scared to eat it. I would have been like, Am I supposed to eat this? Am I going to get in trouble if I eat this?”

Watch Serena Williams Absolutely Tear Up an Airport Runway:

It’s no secret that a high capacity to delay gratification—to place discipline and self-sacrifice in the service of a dream that shimmers in the distance like a mirage—is among the distinguishing characteristics of the elite athlete. Serena is a special case, of course, an athlete whose unique gifts fused with years of hard work to produce an avalanche of victories—more, she swears, than she ever dreamed of as a braided nine-year-old captured uncomfortably in the pages of her local newspaper. A more painful vision of reality has also encroached over the years: the drive-by murder of her older sister Yetunde Price, in 2003; a slip on a piece of broken glass at a Munich restaurant that led to pulmonary embolisms, which in turn led to a year on the sidelines (and then, somehow, after age 30, the five most brilliant seasons of her career). One gratification she always knew she’d be keeping on the back burner was motherhood. But on September 1, Alexis Olympia Ohanian Jr. arrived. Serena calls her Olympia. Alexis prefers Junior.

Months earlier, when she was pregnant, Serena had confessed to me that she worried intensely about whether she’d make a good mother. She is a perfectionist, she is rule-bound (“Am I allowed to eat that marshmallow?”), and her longtime fans know that her fiery self-belief is sometimes undercut with self-doubt; in fact, that tension is part of what makes a Serena Williams match such nail-biting entertainment. Two rather harrowing months after giving birth, though, Mother has her sea legs—just in time to get those legs back onto the tennis court. From her new vantage point, Olympia is both irresistible temptation and ultimate reality check.

“We’re not spending a day apart until she’s eighteen,” Serena says, only half-joking. “Now that I’m 36 and I look at my baby, I remember that this was also one of my goals when I was little, before tennis took over, when I was still kind of a normal girl who played with dolls. Oh, my God, I loved my dolls.” She breaks into the jingle for Baby Alive, the doll with an eerie array of lifelike bodily functions: “I love the way you make me feel,” she croons in a cracking falsetto. “You’re so real.” Serena named her Baby Alive Victoria, drawn even then to triumphal monikers. Suddenly, shrieking with laughter, she’s on YouTube watching eighties TV commercials in which little girls in soft focus change their dolls’ wet diapers.

“To be honest, there’s something really attractive about the idea of moving to San Francisco and just being a mom,” she says. Reddit, the news aggregator of which Alexis is a cofounder, is based there, and they’ve just found a house in Silicon Valley. “But not yet. Maybe this goes without saying, but it needs to be said in a powerful way: I absolutely want more Grand Slams. I’m well aware of the record books, unfortunately. It’s not a secret that I have my sights on 25.” She means 25 Grand Slam victories, which would surpass the record of 24 held by the Australian tennis legend Margaret Court and make her the undisputed greatest of all time. (Serena, already widely regarded as the best there ever was, currently owns 23.) “And actually, I think having a baby might help. When I’m too anxious I lose matches, and I feel like a lot of that anxiety disappeared when Olympia was born. Knowing I’ve got this beautiful baby to go home to makes me feel like I don’t have to play another match. I don’t need the money or the titles or the prestige. I want them, but I don’t need them. That’s a different feeling for me.”

Serena changes into leggings and a T-shirt, and we walk over to the manicured red clay tennis court belonging to a neighbor, hers whenever she wants it. It’s only the third time she’s picked up a racket since giving birth. Her father, Richard Williams, drops by to have a look and to offer a pointer or two. Get your racket back earlier, he advises. Alexis has brought his drone, which sounds like a swarm of bees as it whirs above the court grabbing video footage of the champion and her hitting partner. (“Serena doesn’t dwell on this stuff, but I’m making a point to document it all,” he explains.) She’s not serving yet, and there’s no split-step as she prepares for another ground stroke, but the shots hiss into the corners, and she’s pleased. Just a week earlier, Serena walked the length of a neighborhood block for the first time since returning from the hospital.

Though she had an enviably easy pregnancy, what followed was the greatest medical ordeal of a life that has been punctuated by them. Olympia was born by emergency C-section after her heart rate dove dangerously low during contractions. The surgery went off without a hitch; Alexis cut the cord, and the wailing newborn fell silent the moment she was laid on her mother’s chest. “That was an amazing feeling,” Serena remembers. “And then everything went bad.”

The next day, while recovering in the hospital, Serena suddenly felt short of breath. Because of her history of blood clots, and because she was off her daily anticoagulant regimen due to the recent surgery, she immediately assumed she was having another pulmonary embolism. (Serena lives in fear of blood clots.) She walked out of the hospital room so her mother wouldn’t worry and told the nearest nurse, between gasps, that she needed a CT scan with contrast and IV heparin (a blood thinner) right away. The nurse thought her pain medicine might be making her confused. But Serena insisted, and soon enough a doctor was performing an ultrasound of her legs. “I was like, a Doppler? I told you, I need a CT scan and a heparin drip,” she remembers telling the team. The ultrasound revealed nothing, so they sent her for the CT, and sure enough, several small blood clots had settled in her lungs. Minutes later she was on the drip. “I was like, listen to Dr. Williams!”

But this was just the first chapter of a six-day drama. Her fresh C-section wound popped open from the intense coughing spells caused by the pulmonary embolism, and when she returned to surgery, they found that a large hematoma had flooded her abdomen, the result of a medical catch-22 in which the potentially lifesaving blood thinner caused hemorrhaging at the site of her C-section. She returned yet again to the OR to have a filter inserted into a major vein, in order to prevent more clots from dislodging and traveling into her lungs. Serena came home a week later only to find that the night nurse had fallen through, and she spent the first six weeks of motherhood unable to get out of bed. “I was happy to change diapers,” Alexis says, “but on top of everything she was going through, the feeling of not being able to help made it even harder. Consider for a moment that your body is one of the greatest things on this planet, and you’re trapped in it.”

The first couple of months of motherhood have tested Serena in ways she never imagined. “Sometimes I get really down and feel like, Man, I can’t do this,” she says. “It’s that same negative attitude I have on the court sometimes. I guess that’s just who I am. No one talks about the low moments—the pressure you feel, the incredible letdown every time you hear the baby cry. I’ve broken down I don’t know how many times. Or I’ll get angry about the crying, then sad about being angry, and then guilty, like, Why do I feel so sad when I have a beautiful baby? The emotions are insane.” Her mother, Oracene Price, has been staying in Florida to help out. She has encouraged Serena to relax around her daughter and is making the case for a strict parenting style in an era in which children often have the last word. “Obedience brings protection; that’s what my mom told me,” Serena says. “That’s straight from the Bible, and she wrote it down on paper and gave it to me. I was always obedient: Whatever my parents told me to do, I did. There was no discussion. Maybe I had a little rebellious phase in my 20s, when I tried liquor for the first time. Maybe having a baby on the tennis tour is the most rebellious thing I could ever do.”

Oracene says that she mainly bites her tongue, that daughters don’t tend to respond well to parenting advice from their own moms. Her primary concern right now is that Serena find a healthy equilibrium. “Serena works herself too hard,” Oracene explains. “She’s always been that way, ever since she was a little girl. She’s going to need to learn to slow down. She’s responsible for another life now. You should see how they travel with that baby. They pack everything! It’s a bit extravagant for me. But once she’s back on the tour, she’ll find a balance.”

Her tennis friends have been broadly supportive, especially the dads. Stanislas Wawrinka gave Olympia a pair of tiny blue Tod’s driving loafers, and Novak Djokovic continues to send articles in accordance with his everything-natural philosophy. Serena and Novak call their babies doubles partners since they were born a day apart. Roger Federer, in some respects her only real rival on the tour—the person she’s always sought to keep pace with, the person she refuses to retire before—now has two sets of twins. “It’s so unfair,” Serena complains. “He produced four babies and barely missed a tournament. I can’t even imagine where I’d be with twins right now. Probably at the bottom of the pool.”

Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg is a longtime hero of Serena’s, and in the last year she has offered invaluable advice about marriage and motherhood. The two met years ago after Serena, in an interview, was asked to name someone she’d like to have dinner with and chose Sandberg. “I saw that, and I called her and said, ‘I’d love to have dinner with you!’ ” Sandberg recalls. They did not become close until after Sandberg’s husband, Dave Goldberg, died unexpectedly in 2015. “Serena really stepped up. I’d get texts and emails from her from all over the world telling me how strong I was at a time when I didn’t feel strong. She had experienced loss in her own life, and I think she knew what to do.”

Many of her friends from women’s tennis—Caroline Wozniacki, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Angelique Kerber—have reached out to remind her how much she’s been missed this year. This is hugely important to Serena, who insists that contrary to the rumors, this is a group of women that genuinely cares for and respects one another. “I really believe that we have to build each other up and build our tour up,” she says. “The women in Billie Jean King’s day supported each other even though they competed fiercely. We’ve got to do that. That’s kind of the mark I want to leave. Play each other hard, but keep growing the sport.”

Back at the house, Olympia has awoken from her nap. Serena lays her on a play mat in the TV room so that they can do some tandem exercises while Chip, the Yorkie, runs in circles around them, eager to get in on the action. Mother tests out a few crunches, but her stomach is still too weak; baby kicks out her chubby legs a few times, which proves irresistible to Serena, who rolls over and grabs them. “They’re not calves!” she says. “They’re not ankles! What are they? That’s right—Mommy loves your cankles!”

“I think she got them from me,” says Alexis, overhearing, from the next room.

Olympia tries to wriggle out of the baby gym, with its dumbbell-shaped rattles, but Serena says not so fast. “Some other seven-week-old is in the gym right now working,” she jokes. But she has no wish to push her daughter onto the court. To her mother’s horror, Olympia sat transfixed by the Argentine star Juan Martín del Potro recently. “I was distraught when I saw her,” says Serena. “I would hate her to have to deal with comparisons or expectations. It’s so much work, and I’ve given up so much. I don’t regret it, but it’s like Sliding Doors: Go through a different door and lead a different life. I’d like her to have a normal life. I didn’t have that.”

“She’s obviously going to have a very special life,” Alexis says, “but there are enough cautionary tales about kids who grow up in the spotlight. How do you make your kid live in reality when your own reality is so . . . unreal? This kid is going to have more Instagram followers than me in about three weeks.” (At press time, baby was narrowing her father’s lead.)

The biggest question in women’s tennis last year was who would end up number one in Serena’s absence, and the answer didn’t become clear until the penultimate day of the season, when Serena’s friend Simona Halep, of Romania, snuck off with the crown. It could have been anybody, really, including the tour’s elder stateswoman, Venus Williams, who at age 37 was a couple of victories from the number-one ranking. The fact that Venus’s extraordinary year coincided with Serena’s absence from the tour is not lost on her younger sister. “I know that her career might have been different if she had had my health,” Serena says, clinging to the fantasy of sisterly parity. “I know how hard she works. I hate playing her because she gets this look on her face where she just looks sad if she’s losing. Solemn. It breaks my heart. So when I play her now, I absolutely don’t look at her, because if she gets that look, then I’ll start feeling bad, and the next thing you know I’ll be losing. I think that’s when the turning point came in our rivalry, when I stopped looking at her.”

The truth is that dominant number ones like Serena are rare, and no one has made a bold declaration during her absence. “It’s interesting,” she muses. “There hasn’t been a clear number one since I was there. It will be cool to see if I get there again, to what I call my spot—where I feel I belong. I don’t play to be the second best or the third best. If there’s no clear number one, it’s like, yeah, I can get my spot back. But if there is a clear number one, that’s cool, too, because it’s like, yeah, I’m gonna come for you.”

Serena is never more lethal than when she zeroes in on a target. (Just ask Maria Sharapova.) She had hoped to defend her Australian Open title in January, but the recent medical gantlet has forced her to move her return date to March, where she’d like to play for the trophy at Indian Wells. She has set her sights beyond the tennis court as well. She will debut a new clothing line in March on her website. She continues to invest in tech ventures owned or led by women and African Americans. Her philanthropic endeavors focus on children and education. Although she thinks she’d be a terrible tennis coach, she imagines it would be gratifying to mentor an emerging player. (She admires the young and powerful Russian Daria Kasatkina.) And she would like to have more children, though she’s in no rush.

“I remember how stressed I was about getting to Grand Slam number eighteen, tying Chrissie and Martina,” she says. “I had lost every Grand Slam that year. I was in the U.S. Open, and Patrick [Mouratoglou], my coach, said, ‘Serena, this doesn’t make sense. You’re so stressed about eighteen. Why not 30? Why not 40?’ For me, that clicked. I won eighteen, nineteen, and 20 right after that. Why would I want to stand side by side when I can stand out on my own? I think sometimes women limit themselves. I’m not sure why we think that way, but I know that we’re sometimes taught to not dream as big as men, not to believe we can be a president or a CEO, when in the same household, a male child is told he can be anything he wants. I’m so glad I had a daughter. I want to teach her that there are no limits.”

Recently Serena agreed to sit on the board of the Billie Jean King Leadership Initiative, whose mission is to nurture a more diverse and inclusive corps of future leaders. “I’ve been telling people that I think Serena, with her prowess and her platform, can do more than I ever dreamed of—not just for women or for people of color but for all people,” says King. “I’ve been trying to figure out who I’m going to pass the torch to. Serena’s speaking like a leader and talking about making a difference in the world. Personally I’d like to see her get into politics. Why not run for president? But first I’d like to see her break every record—to be the big kahuna.”

For guests at Serena and Alexis’s wedding, on a Thursday last November at New Orleans’s Contemporary Arts Center, it was hard not to be knocked over by the collective power of the assembled women, among them Beyoncé Knowles, Caroline Wozniacki, Eva Longoria, Kim Kardashian West, and Ciara. The Tony Award–winning singer-actress Cynthia Erivo delivered a knockout rendition of “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” at the reception. “I never wanted a traditional wedding,” Serena says. “I wanted a strong wedding.”

Strength is much more than a mere physical detail for Serena Williams; it is a guiding principle. She had it in mind last summer as she considered what to call her baby, Googling names that derive from words for strong in a mix of languages before settling on something Greek. But with Olympia home and healthy and the wedding behind her, it’s time to shift focus to her day job. She knows that she’s hurtling toward immortality, and she doesn’t take it lightly.

“I’ve been playing tennis since before my memories started,” she says. “At my age, I see the finish line. And when you see the finish line, you don’t slow down. You speed up.”

Article by ROB HASKELL culled from Vogue

9 Guys Confess How They Caught Their Partners Cheating

2018-01-12T12:32:00.000-08:00

"I went downstairs to get a drink and she was on a couch hardcore making out with some dude."

1. “I had a feeling something was going on behind my back, just because [my ex] had a lot of ‘late nights working’ and a lot of ‘girls nights’ all of the sudden. I pushed her on the issue a few times, but she denied it. I absolutely should’ve just trusted my gut. But the third time when I pushed her on it and didn’t back down, she just admitted it. I walked out and never talked to her again. I don’t think she even deserved any follow-up or closure or a chance to explain. To me, it wasn’t just that she was cheating with some other guy, it was that she lied to me multiple times. Why even bother with that?” — Adam, 28
2. “It started because I got a text that I was pretty certain was for someone else. She had told me she was sick so she wasn’t going to come over. Then about a half hour later I get a message that she was coming over in a half hour and she was excited to see me. It seemed really out of place. She followed up quickly by explaining away that she felt better for a second and was going to come visit after all, but then threw up again. It wasn’t enough for me to drive over to her place and check on her; I didn’t want to look crazy. I did snoop through her phone later and found enough incriminating messages that I broke it off.” — Charles, 29
3. “I found out through a mutual friend who saw her out with some guy at a local dive bar. She denied it, but the friend really had no reason to lie. After we broke up she started dating the guy she was out at that bar with, so I’m pretty sure I made the right choice.” — Rob, 27
4. “We had been dating for a few months and went to a house party together. I went downstairs to get a drink and she was on a couch hardcore making out with some dude. I didn’t even say anything, just left and never spoke to her again. There were a lot of other unrelated red flags in the relationship that I ignored. That just sealed the deal for me.” — Devin, 26
5. “She started hanging out with a group of friends I didn’t know well and I honestly didn’t like them. We had been dating since we were like, freshman in high school, and I’m pretty sure a part of me knew this was the beginning of the end. I had started to check out myself, too. I kinda figured she was cheating and she eventually confessed it when we broke up.” — Russell, 30
6. “My ex and I moved in together right after college to a city pretty close to where we had gone to school. I had gotten an entry level job in my field and she hadn’t yet, and was making ends meet with a retail gig during her job search. It started to drive a wedge between us. I was trying to be helpful and supportive, but she always thought I was being judgmental. Anyway, I had a half day that I guess she didn’t know about and I came home to her having sex with her coworker. There was this weird moment before I opened the door where I could hear what was going on and I had to decide if I even wanted to see it going down. It only lasted a split-second, but there was still this little self-check moment: ‘You sure about this?’ I whipped open the door and screamed. She’s doing fine now and even tried to rekindle things with me recently, but I have a hard rule on no cheating. Plus, if that’s going to be her reaction whenever things aren’t going great, why would I want to spend my life with her?” — Will, 27
7. “This is one that I still have trouble wrapping my head around. I was dating this girl who I had known for a while in my circle of friends, and she had recently broken up with a guy who I also knew from this same group. Things seemed good. I even ran into this guy at a party and we talked a bit and he basically gave us his blessing. And then about three months into our relationship I find out from his best friend (who was also my friend) that they’d basically still been hooking up since they broke up. I asked her about it and ended things. I just don’t get what the hell either of them were thinking. I still don’t. If you want to break up and hook up, fine. But why see other people and lie to them about it? ” — Sam, 28
8. “My ex kept texting a ‘coworker’ named Jen. She’d get messages sometimes at weird times of the night or while we were out on the weekends, but her whole thing was just that her and Jen were really close at work and Jen was going through some rough times. She even took a phone call from ‘Jen’ once when we were out on a date because she had apparently gotten hospitalized. Then one night, we’re in bed together and she’s asleep, and her phone goes off. I look at it, and ‘Jen’ texted her something to the effect of ‘I want to fuck you so bad.’ It turns out she had this dude saved in her phone as Jen and made up the whole backstory so she’d have an excuse if she ever got messages while we were out. I woke her up, and she tried to deny it for some reason, even though she’d been caught red-handed and I’d seen enough of the conversation history to basically piece this all together on my own. That ended that.” — Brandon, 28
9. “So early on when we started dating, she had cheated on me. It became this huge argument, and she felt like we weren’t officially a couple at the time so she didn’t realize it, but now she knew she loved me and cared for me and all this stuff. I had found out about it a few weeks after it had happened and she swore up and down it was just a stupid mistake. She didn’t tell me since she felt like she didn’t technically do anything wrong at the time. A month later, I went to meet her at a restaurant. My table had a pretty good view of the street, and I saw her get dropped off by this guy. To clarify, I knew who he was because he was a friend of a friend of a friend type-deal, not a total stranger. At that point I knew she was manipulating me. What I did next probably wasn’t the most mature response, but I don’t really care. It pissed me off that she would literally get dropped off by this dude she was clearly hooking up with right before she came to see me. I acted like everything was fine, which was tough. I ordered a bunch of expensive stuff, had dinner, and then ‘went to the bathroom’ but really I just left. She texted me incredibly angrily until I said ‘I know everything.’ She didn’t respond after that.” — Joe, 29

Article By Frank Kobola culled from FlipDigest.

23 Ways Of How To Be A Kind Wife

2018-01-08T04:03:00.000-08:00

A lot of people are confused about marriage these days. In the eyes of many, the institution of marriage has become irrelevant and archaic relic. The longer you are married, the more effort is required to stay remain married, so remember often, why you married him instead of why you shouldn't have. Remind yourself of the good feelings you had before it got hard and complicated. We live in a time when marriage has largely lost the sense of permanence. Marriage doesn’t last any longer. Put on a cloak of kindness because marriage is the deepest and most intimate of all human relationships. Every man wants a good wife, and every woman wants to be one. Kindness is a virtue. Most of the qualities needed to be a kind wife are already there in a woman, and the rest can be developed or learned. Sometimes it calls us to sacrifice our pride, sometimes it calls us to walk in courage, and other times it requires both. There’s no room for kindness in a heart full of pride. Marriage is not an easy relationship to maintain. With countless marriages ending up in divorce, it is high time to shed some light on what makes a successful marriage. So what does a woman need to be a kind wife? Irrespective of the fact that no two women are similar, some basic qualities apply to all. I have composed a list of 20 suggestions of simple things women can do to be kind wife. A surefire way to focus on your husband and make him feel like he's your number one man of all time is to treat him with kindness. I challenge you to make a significant difference in your marriage by focusing solely on being kind.

1. Apologize quickly

If you know you're in the wrong, just say, “ I'm sorry.” Most people find it very difficult to apologize when they are wrong.

2. Brag about him publicly to someone else

When, you’re among his or your friends, make sure to say something nice about him. Extort his good qualities. Tell them your husband is reliable, hardworking, considerate, etc and how you’re so proud of him.

3. Go On Dates

You may have big responsibilities on your shoulders, but those should not be a hindrance to romance. Going out now and then will rekindle the romance as the spark between you and your husband should not be allowed to die. Go on dates whenever you can, like you used to do before you got married. It is wrong to believe that is only men that can initiate outing. Go out for dinner and a movie or arrange a picnic for two. A great date will leave a lasting impression.

4. Find out his love language

Study what makes him happy and feel loved and try to give it to him. It could be physical touch, quality time, receiving gift, etc. Your husband is sure to be thankful for your consideration and for recreating the magic.

5. Express Your Love

Do one small thing every day to show him that you love him because hiding love does not help your relationship. He needs to know how much you admire him. Let him know that you still think he's attractive, a hard worker, and an amazing dad and that you are a lucky woman to be his wife. Your partner will appreciate if you are expressive about your love for him if you celebrate the little things with him, remember special days in his life and get occasional gifts that will make him smile. At least once a week do something romantic. Leave sweet love notes for him and leave it on the dashboard of her car. Who doesn't love a little love note on actual paper every once in a while?

6. Show Appreciation

Show your husband that you appreciate everything that he does for you and your family. A simple “thank you” can make a difference in your relationship. When your spouse makes the effort to do something nice for you, show your appreciation. It is also heartening to know your thoughts and actions have been appreciated.

7. Smile and Laugh a Lot

Greet him whenever he comes in the door with a big smile, a bright face and a happy hello. Smile at him for no reason at all. A sense of humor keeps a marriage cordial. If he gets home before you, come into your house with a smile; happy to be home to him.

8. Communicate Always

Good communication is crucial for a successful marriage. Have calm heart-to-hearts instead of going hostile on him when something bothers you. When you communicate properly with your husband, he will be willing to listen to you. Listen when he's talking about his day. Ask him how his day was and actually care about the answer. Communicate by restraining yourself from doing all the talking. Give your spouse the courtesy to share in the conversation. Listen well, and listen more than you talk. It will also make him want to communicate with you.

9. Spend Quality Time With Him

Put your laptop, switch off the television and put your cellphone away and focus on him. Give him your undivided attention. Everyone knows it's not that fun to talk to someone who's also scrolling through cellphone or reading email or watching movie.

10. Prepare his favorite food

Put a little effort into making his favorite food, and see your love grows deeper. Food is the way to a man’s heart.

11. Give Him Space

Let him spend time with friends. You need to realize and accept that your husband has a life separate from you. He has other people and relationships too, such as his parents, siblings, and friends. He also has his interests and hobbies. Do not stop him from having this other life. Giving him space is important in any relationship and this will make him love you more.

12. Stop Nagging

Do not nag when problems arise. Instead, talk to him in a way, that makes him want to listen to you and resolve any problems that might have arisen. If you nag and complain constantly, it can create an unwanted rift between you and your husband. This could create complications, forcing him to avoid you; and things could turn worse as time passes. You cannot expect your husband to like you if he feels that you are constantly disappointed with him.

13. Keep Him Happy In Bed

Every marriage requires sexual intimacy. Making your husband happy in bed is essential to cordial relationship. If you do not, he might look for gratification elsewhere.

14. Keep Your Home Organized

No one wants to live in a house that is in a mess including your husband. Keep your house neat and clean at all times. Think of creative ways to make your home a peaceful sanctuary for him. Chores can be a pain, but necessary. The healthy environment at home will uplift his spirits and mood and it will make him think he is the luckiest man to have a wife like you.

15. Be Interested In His Interests

Write a list in your phone of all the things he mentions that he likes and try sharing them with him; he is sure to appreciate what you are doing and will love the fact that you are enjoying something that he likes. If he mentions he really likes a song you hear on the radio, write down the title. Help him to have fun. Put the song he likes on the stereo and make his favorite food. This way, you both can spend time enjoying an activity together.

16. Be His Best Friend

The best marriage is the one where the couple is each other’s greatest and most trusted friend. A kind woman will allow a healthy friendship to develop between her and her husband, and this will make a difference in their relationship.

17. Be Respectful

Respect is denoted by the kindness and reverence that you show toward your husband. Treat him with the ultimate respect always especially when his friends and his family are around. Think before you speak so that you don’t say things you may regret later. Mutual respect is important in any relationship. So respect your husband so that your husband will respect you. Do not belittle, humiliate, strike or harm him in any way, whether in private or public.

18. Fight Fair

There is no married couple that does not have fights? In fact, every relationship has its share of differences. Speak softly, especially during times of anger and stress because Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.” The louder it gets, the worse things become. Spend time praying about it first, and then respectfully address your feelings with your man. Don't bury feelings and then explode. A kind wife weighs the importance of the issue know and which fights are necessary and which are not. She shrug off the tiny irritations. If it's not really that big of a deal, she doesn't make it one.

19. Seek His Advice

Don't pretend to know it all. Ask for his advice over issues happening in your personal life. Incorporate his opinions into your life as much as you can and you will see how happy it would make your spouse. It will make him know you treasure his opinion.

20. Improve Compatibility

You and your husband were attracted to each other because of some traits you admire in each other. However, after some time dissimilarity may crops up, this does not you are incompatible. As a kind wife, you have to make yourself compatible with your husband by resolving conflicts and making compromises.

21. Learn to forgive

As a kind wife, learn to forgive because it helps the forgiven become a better person. You need to forgive so that you can be forgiven also when you err. Don't dwell on past mistakes. Stop looking behind; you are not going that way. Look forward; learn to forgive, and forget, then move on because it is emotionally healing.

22. Compromise

Making compromise means making concessions. Making sacrifice is part of marriage because a happy marriage is give and take, so be ready to make some sacrifices in your marriage.

23. Look Good

Take care of yourself and look good after marriage because many women make a mistake of ignoring their looks after marriage. Men love having a wife who takes care of herself and looks good. Looking good, will enhance your confidence and self-esteem, and make you attractive to your husband. Your looks will keep your husband attracted to you and will make him keep his attention on you. Maintain your health as well by engaging in exercises, as good health reflects on your looks and mood

24. Accept His Friends

Accept your husband’s friends. You must understand that your husband has friends, realize that they hold a special place in your husband’s heart and he needs to spend time them. Take the time and effort to get to know his friends and he will love you for making an effort to know and welcome them. Women, who try to keep their husbands away from their friends, always ignite disagreement in the home

Article by Anthony Modungwo.

Relationship Coach.

31 Things to Stop Doing in 2018

2018-01-03T03:51:00.001-08:00

The new year isn't only an opportunity to reset goals; it's also a time to reconsider how you've been leading your life. Take a moment to recap your 2017. What do you regret? What do you wish you could've done more or less of? Let that all fuel a better year and a better you in 2018. To put your well-being and happiness at the forefront, stop doing these 31 things ahead.

Caring about what others think.
Ignoring what your body is telling you (if you need sleep, sleep!).
Justifying every unnecessary purchase as something you "deserve."
Keeping negative people around.
Putting so much pressure on yourself.
Saying yes to things you don't want to do.
Neglecting your physical health.
Playing it safe.
Putting your passions aside.
Wasting your energy on people who don't deserve it.
Allowing others to dictate your life.
Getting caught up in drama.
Delaying overdue catch-ups with friends.
Being afraid of change.
Getting upset over trivial things.
Putting the needs of others before your own.
Criticizing yourself.
Worrying about things out of your control.
Ignoring calls from your parents or loved ones (no matter how crazy they drive you).
Neglecting your personal happiness.
Letting fear win.
Caring so much about social media.
Dwelling on the past.
Forgetting about self-care.
Trying to please everyone.
Treating your body like you're invincible.
Passing up amazing opportunities.
Taking things so seriously.
Settling for less.
Allowing others to bring you down.
Living every day like tomorrow's guaranteed

Article by NICOLE YI culled from POPSUGAR

How To Be A Perfect Girlfriend/Wife — 12 Simple Tricks

2018-01-01T12:13:00.001-08:00

Relationships are never easy – they take hard work. But you can make sure you’re doing your part by trying to check at least three of the below points off your list, and your man will feel the positive vibes ten-fold.

1. Never be passive aggressive – it will be the downfall of your relationship. Instead, ensure proper communication and a straight-forward manner of doing things. Don’t make him play guessing games when something is wrong.

2. Show your appreciation! Whether it’s an expensive date night, or just taking out the trash, if your man puts in effort in your relationship, not only should you reciprocate, but make sure he feels the love!

3. Respect your man, and yourself. Low self esteem will make you a worse partner. Respect might seem like a formality, but it’s necessary in every step of your relationship.

4. Let him have his independence and space. But same goes for your own! If you give each other sufficient space, getting through milestones like moving in together and marriage will become a lot less scary.

5. Take care of yourself – just because you’re comfy in a long term relationship doesn’t mean you need to stop maintaining appearances. Keep at the grooming, blow outs, and skincare that gives you that ultra glow. And please don’t stop shaving your legs!

6. Don’t be high maintenance or a drama queen. If something doesn’t work out in a situation, learn how to be adaptable. Tackling issues together will bring you closer, but complaining and whining about it is a fight waiting to happen.

7. Realize boundaries still exist no matter snow close you are or how long you’ve been together. Boundaries are essential so that he understands what your no-go zone is, and same for you. No boundaries can lead to clinginess and control problems.

8. Be a great conversationalist. Men are always intrigued by a woman that they can just talk for hours with, about anything and everything. If you have dinner and all your hear is crickets, that relationship probably won’t last much longer.

9. Let your man be himself, and make sure to be yourself at all times. Accepting someone for their true selves and vice versa is the key to being happy in your relationship. You can only pretend you’re someone else, or try to change someone for so long before it backfires.

10. Learn how to cook! Help your man be healthy, remember the way to his heart is his stomach, in most cases. Cooking is a great way to make him fresh, healthy food that’s probably more impressive than his current eating habits, and cooking together is a sensual bonding experience.

11. Surprise him with little things every now and then. Just like a guy might bring you flowers or a yummy chocolate treat to remind you how special you are to him, you can surprise him with treats as well (bedroom favors don’t count.) What about some new joggers or that beard oil he’s had his eye on?

12. Show him tough love, but don’t be a nag. And yes, there’s a difference. Nagging is exhausting and just makes people feel bad about themselves, whereas tough love helps him become a better person and just delivers the hard-hitting facts in an honest way.

Article by Chanté Kaety culled from Newione.com

25 Things About Sex That All Men Would Like Their Women To Know

2017-12-18T19:28:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered why the sex lives of most couples fall in a rut after some time? There's a lot of action, yes, but not the kind they'd really, really like.

When couples stop having honest conversations about sex, it all goes downhill from there.

Not just a self-pleasuring act, sex is about two people and what they both like.

And the only way you can really find out what your partner desires is to sit down and talk to them.

To all the women out there, here are 25 things about sex all men would like you to know:

1. There's nothing sexier than a woman taking initiative in bed. Absolutely nothing!

2. Sexy lingerie is always a great idea!

3. When you whisper in our ears, we know you want it just as much as we do.

4. Blowjobs, blowjobs and more blowjobs!

5. Don't be afraid to guide us. We may not want to admit it but we could do with some help!

6. Nothing keeps us in the moment as the sound of our own name.

7. We're up for anything as long as you're in agreement.

8. Take control. And then, take some more!

9. Show us what you'd like us to do to you.

10. Size matters. At least for our ego!

11. Can we watch some porn together?

12. Silent sex is the worst kind. The worst ever!

13. Believe it or not, we do like foreplay!

14. We'd love to go down on you. Don't be shy to ask!

15. Tell us your fantasies. And we'll tell you ours.

16. As tough as it is to believe, we don't always want sex.

17. Your sexual experience is not a bad thing. It's actually good!

18. Porn is not like real-life sex. And we know that!

19. Just like we keep things clean for you, don't forget to do the same for us.

20. The bed is just one of the places. Definitely not the only one.

21. Sex toys? Bring 'em on!

22. The messier the sex, the better it can be.

23. Your body is indeed a wonderland!

24. If you haven't climaxed, let us know and we'll try harder!

25. We love having sex with you!

Article by Saurav Bhanot culled from SCOOPWHOOP

Wife Says She Left Her Husband After Finding Incriminating Photo On Another Woman's Instagram

2017-12-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

A woman says she ended her marriage after discovering her husband was cheating when she recognised the view from her bedroom window - on another woman's Instagram feed.

The Independent has covered the usual ways in which to catch your significant other cheating (chattier than usual, more interested in sex, refusing to make long-term plans) but we didn't expect a man's infidelity to be exposed in such an unusual way.

Yulia Agranovych, from Russia, says she was scrolling through her Instagram feed when she discovered a major clue that her husband was straying. She made the claims on the Russian news channel Ren-TV.

Agranovych said “I wasn’t searching for anything, it was a normal morning,” when she opened the app and came across an account owned by Vlada Abramovich.

Clicking on the account, Agranovych noticed her and the woman had a lot of followers in common - among other things, as it turned out.

One picture, in particular, caught her eye - a post of the view from Agranovych’s own bedroom window. Her interest piqued, Agranovych then found “many other interesting photographs, including those of my husband.”

Acting as any other scorned wife would, Agranovych confronted both her husband and his mistress, even commenting on Abramovich’s post, “Beautiful view from my husband’s bedroom.”

Initially, the guilty couple denied the claims, with Agranovych’s husband insisting Vlada was not his mistress, but the girlfriend of a friend, and she had taken the picture when he had invited some friends over for a drink before heading to the movies.

The mistress, on the other hand, was less willing to go along with the lie. Unapologetically admitting to sleeping with Agranovych’s husband on social media, Vlada posted that “She is his wife, not mine, what’s the problem?” and sarcastically asked, “Is he just a vegetable without free will? Don’t make me laugh.”

Clearly having no other choice but to come clean, Agranovych’s husband admitted to having lovers while his wife was away - but insisted he was never “mentally unfaithful” and “told every girl he was married.” Because that makes it better, right?

Agranovych then decided to reach out to all the other women her husband had had affairs with. Agranovych said, "The other girls were much more pleasant, one even crying on the phone to me, saying she had no idea he was married."

Agranovych said, for her, divorce is the only answer. Taking the high road, she said, "If he finds a woman who is ready to be with him, and to accept it, let them be happy together." She is just glad she "got to know about it now and not when I became pregnant, for example, because we were planning to have a family."

Article By CHELSEA RITSCHEL IN NEW YORK culled from independent.

This May Be One Of The Biggest Benefits To Marriage We've Ever Seen

2017-11-13T20:08:00.002-08:00

Indeed, more than one in three people (37%) say that they started paying more attention to finances once they got married. What’s more, 30% said they started saving more money once they got married, and 10% say they started spending less money.

Of course, some of this could be that generally when you get married your household income rises — which could make it easier, for example, to save more. Data from the IRS found that taxpayers who are single claim that they have an annual adjusted gross income of about $35,000 per year, compared to married people who tend to claim between roughly $65,000 and $118,000 a year.

But that’s just one part of this. Indeed, a lot of this has to do with how marriage changes our views on money. For many, it’s the first time they really focus on things like saving to start a family or saving to retire together — so it spurs them to behave more responsibly with money, notes JJ Kinahan, the chief market strategist at TD Ameritrade.

Also see: This is the shocking amount it costs to raise a child in America today

Plus, you now have another person to answer to when it comes to how you deal with money. Indeed, three in 10 married people say that the single biggest financial benefit to getting married is having moral support and assistance keeping on track financially from another person.

Having that support and assistance is key for Bethesda, MD-based journalist Kimberly Palmer and her husband, who have been married 12 years. “He loves investing in the stock market, doing research on companies, and I am better at paying the bills, doing the day-to-day finances,” Palmer, a personal finance expert for NerdWallet, says of their financial differences. But they help each other to be better with investing and day-to-day bills, respectively, she says. Palmer’s husband for example, encourages her to put more into stocks. “I would prefer the money in a safe account, but he makes the case that we will miss out on potential growth. We talk through all of that.” And she makes sure bills are paid and keeps him on track with that. “It works,” she says.

Public relations professional Emily Yeap says marriage changed her financial habits as well. “There are three main things I do differently with money after being married,” Yeap, who has been married since 2009, says. She’s more cautious about splurging on wants like new shoes or bags, makes it a point to discuss big purchases she wants to make before she makes them, and pays more attention both to investing for retirement and saving for her child’s education. “I believe these behaviors changed first and foremost because I realize the decisions I make about money after marriage don’t just affect me, but my spouse and our child,” she says.

Of course, marriage doesn’t necessarily improve your financial situation. “Marriages survive and thrive when spouses are willing to adapt to the financial habits of the partners,” says Jean Marie Dillon, a certified financial planner at Freedom Financial Counseling. Many couples don’t do this and their marriages may suffer as a result. Indeed, money fights are the No. 1 predictor of divorce.

And this shouldn’t make all you singles out there despair. You can focus on saving more and spending less without having a romantic partner (here are some great tips for singles) and you can enlist friends and family to help you stay financially on track.

Article by Catey Hill culled from Moneyish

This Is What To Do When Your Child Is Being Bullied By People They Consider Friends

2017-11-13T20:00:00.001-08:00

Many parents live in fear of their child being targeted by the playground bully; stealing their lunch money, calling them names and generally making life at school difficult.

But what if the person bullying your child isn’t an enemy, but someone they consider a friend? Someone they confide in, and come face-to-face with every day out of choice.

Siobhan Freegard, founder of ChannelMum, said: “A recent study [by the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction centre] found 30% of youngsters have been bullied by friends. But many of the usual tactics to end bullying aren’t effective when it is happening between friends.”

GEORGIACOURT VIA GETTY IMAGES

So for Anti-Bullying Week (13-17 November), HuffPost UK has spoken to four experts about what parents can do to support their child when faced with a bully who is supposedly a “friend” rather than a stranger.

1. Keep Your Cool

Finding out that the very people you thought were closest to your child, are actually the ones upsetting them, can be distressing. But Chris Cloke, head of safeguarding in communities at NSPCC, says it is important not to let this cloud your judgement.

“However hard it is, try to stay calm and don’t jump to conclusions,” he advises. “If you react strongly you could worry your child further.”

2. Talk To Your Child About Being A Good Friend

Martha Evans, national coordinator at the Anti-Bullying Alliance, explains that a lot of bullying between friends is based on ‘false friendships’ where children manipulate the power the relationship gives them. And this can be hard for adults on the outside to identify.

“Talk to your child about what it is to be a good friend,” she advises.

“For example, a good friend is kind and makes you feel good about yourself. This will help to highlight where there may be false friendships,

“Some children are more likely to have false friendships, for example disabled children, it is especially important that disabled children understand what makes a good friend.”

3. Establish The Difference Between Banter And Bullying

Part of your child understanding the role of a good friend, is knowing when the jokes in a group cross the line and become hurtful and manipulative.

“Banter is playful where both parties find it funny. Bullying is repetitive and hurtful,” Evans explains.

“It also involves a power imbalance. Tell your child that if someone constantly puts them down they are not a real friend.”

4. Do Not Ignore It

Freegard said: “Lots of conventional anti-bullying advice tells you to simply ignore the bully, but you can’t - and shouldn’t - do this between friends.

“Don’t laugh it off either. Bullying is nasty and destructive.”

Advise your child to call them out by asking if they are their friend (to which they will presumably say yes), and then explain that the way they are making them feel isn’t what friends should do.

“It will normally stop a bully in their tracks and make them consider their own actions,” says Freegard.

“If the bullying starts up again, remind them of the conversation.”

. Encourage Them To Move Into New Circles

One of the hardest parts about being bullied by people who are supposed to be your friends is that you don’t have people at school to support you when you’re trying to avoid the perpetrator.

Lauren Seager-Smith, CEO at anti-bullying charity, Kidscape, explains: “BFFs (best friends forever) don’t always last and it can really hurt when friendships fail.

“It is important to encourage your child to have a wide circle of friends - both inside and outside of school so if things go wrong they have a safety net.”

Encourage your child to broaden their horizons, take extra curricular activities, or move offline if that is where their friends are targeting them.

Freegard adds: “Encourage your child to develop their healthy friendships and move offline and into the real world.

“It’s harder to be negative face-to-face than online, as online you cannot always connect the consequences to your actions.”

6. Encourage Them To Speak To Parents

Of course, if the bullying is happening at school bring it to the attention of your child’s teacher and see what support systems they have in place. Most schools have mediation and robust anti-bullying policies.

Cloke added: “Your child may be afraid to ask for help if they are being bullied so make sure they know they can always talk to you or another trusted adult such as a teacher if they are worried or upset.”

Article by sophie Gallagher culled from Family Time.

These are the women who are most likely to cheat

2017-11-12T19:32:00.001-08:00

Experts have revealed that women with a certain three qualities are most likely to cheat on their partners.

Women who describe themselves as “lonely” and “virile” are more likely to cheat … but if your Mrs. is a housewife she is even more likely to be a love rat, according to a new study.

A survey carried out by lllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading dating website for married people, studied over 10,000 profiles to find out which traits are most common among cheaters.

As many as 30 percent of the websites female users describe themselves as lonely, while 27 percent of the women described themselves as “virile.”

And 20 percent of the websites females are homemakers – making it the most common occupation among the website’s many cheaters.

And when it came to the men, tall, smart and rich guys came up trumps as the top cheaters.

The results show that men are likely to cheat because of lust, arrogance and their ego, while women may turn to cheating if they begin to feel neglected by their partner.

Another popular indicator is height because 40 percent of all males on the site are 6 feet or taller.

The site’s spokesperson, Christian Grant, explained: “Our results show that men have a tough time suppressing their ego.

“Tall, affluent, smart – these men have it all… or at least, they think they can have it all.

“They want to have their cake and eat it too, and that includes having as many relationships as they see fit.

“Not to mention, as a smart, wealthy and tall man, you’re more likely to be attracting female attention, whether you like it or not, which only serves to fuel their ego and make them consider an affair as a plausible option.”

“Women on the other hand, paint a different story “Women on the other hand, paint a different story altogether.

“Your typical cheating woman isn’t driven by arrogance, ego or lust, but by a sense of loneliness, thanks to a lack of satisfaction in her marriage.

“This loneliness is further compounded for housewives, who potentially spend hours alone, only to further be neglected when their husbands come home.”

We previously brought you a hilarious gallery of the worst swimsuit fails ever – and also proof that mums are the funniest members of the family… even if it’s not always intentional.

Article By Natalie Keegan, The Sun

How to Find a Balance Between Taking Care Of Your Kids and Career

2017-11-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

When patsy and her husband Jones got married, he was a civil servant while she worked in a multinational company. Her job paid well, but was demanding. Sometimes she worked seven days in a week. She also had to travel at short notice, she did not mind because she loved traveling; besides she made extra money on these trips.

Jones made the bed most of the days, vacuumed the house every week, got the children to school every morning with good breakfast and picked them up, bought the groceries, helped the children with their homework, transported them to school and church activities, took clothes to the cleaners or used washing machine. He did the ironing as well. He stayed more with the kids than their mother. When they were ill, he was the one who sat by their bed, and nursed them back to health.

Then there came a time when it became a crisis, for she spends so much time earning money she found no time to be with her family. She found domestic chores dull and uninteresting. She found her principal satisfaction in just one thing- her career. She never had time for her children, and usually snapped at them when they asked questions because she was usually tired when she came back from work. They would show her some of their school work, but she would just shove them aside telling them she could not go through because she was tired.

As Patsy went higher in her career, she became more unavailable, but Jones did not complain. Things started to change after she rose to become a director in her company. She started to feel unsatisfied with the status of her husband, when she compared him with the company executives she met in course of her duty. She decided to divorce him and hire a housekeeper to look after the home and take care of her children.

When she informed the children of her plan, they told her that they would prefer to stay with their father even in a shank than to follow her to a palace. As far as they were concerned, she did not love them or care about their welfare. Though, she was richer, the children loved their father more. They reminded her how she had been too busy to care for them, play with them, or talk to them and their father had always been by their side.

Pain pierced her heart as she realized that though she had pursued a career and became successful, but she had missed the most important aspect of life, which was taking care of her children and showing them love.

Really, the reason for pursuing a career is both for financial stability and sense of achievement. But when your career becomes so fascinating that it interferes with the survival and comfort of your family, it is not an advantage but a serious disadvantage. You must develop the ability to plan your life and to include your family especially the children in your plan. This does not have to diminish your vocational goals. It only means that when you get to the top, your children will be with you.

You have worked hard to climb up the organizational chart of your company and you are proud of your accomplishments. You have dreams for the future and there are indications that within few years you would be where you want to be. But what is the joy if you get there alone? If you want your family to be with you on the successful climb, you have to create time for them.

No matter how busy you are, that is not enough reason for you to abandon your family. You must create time to nourish your relationship with your spouse and your children. Off days and annual leave are important times that can be spent to rest and make up for lost time with your spouse and children. Spend quality time with your family.

By quality time, I mean giving them your undivided attention. A woman pursuing a career must balance her time well so that she does not ignore her spouse or their children. Children love those who love them, and while it is natural for children to be more attached to their mother than to their father, if the children spend more time with their father than their mother, they would be more attached to him, as could be seen in the above story.

Spend time talking with the children about their school experiences. Spend time playing with them on weekends if you don’t have to go to work. When you sit on the floor, rolling a ball to your small boy, your attention is not focused on the ball but on your child. The important thing about this is the emotions that are created between you and your child. Your spending time with your family communicate that you care about them, that you enjoy being with them. Take a vacation with the family at least once a year.

You must make time for your family as you make time for lunch and dinner, because it is as essential to a happy home as meals are to your health. If you are a very busy person, it might be a bit difficult, but it is possible with careful planning. It does mean you might give up some individual activities. The sacrifice is worth it. The pleasure of living with family, who feel loved, and who knows that you have sacrificed for their comfort will be great.

Children need nurturing, and care. They are willing to give love, but they must equally receive love in return. While your career is important, you must never allow it to stand in the way of loving and raising your children. Do your children want to talk to you? Listen to them. A time is coming when they will be grown up and lives far away from home. A parent, who does not show the children genuine love and care, may be miserable later in life.