Tootleg Boy

The Woman I Love is a Bitch

Tootleg Boy — Sun, 29 Mar 2026 14:54:45 +0000

The woman I love’s a bitch
My friends all say she’s a bitch
I see that she is a bitch
Objectively she’s a bitch
And Sarah said she’s a bitch
What she did makes her a bitch
And Claire yelled God, what a bitch
But I can’t call her a bitch
So thank you for reminding me
I can’t be mad as you
Coz she called me a sexy man
She called me a sexy man
She called me a sexy man
Yes

Shitting at the Table

Tootleg Boy — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 03:32:42 +0000

You put down your fork and you look at me.
I stare back at you and go, “tee hee hee”.
Whyfore do I laugh but not say a word?
I am shitting out an enormous turd.

Oh oh, anticipation.
Waiting for the smell that’s gonna hitcha hitcha.

Shit is coming out as we speak.

Oh oh, shitting at the table.
Oh oh, shitting down to eat.

Shitting down to eat.

My Name (Up My Browneye)

Tootleg Boy — Mon, 14 Apr 2025 04:28:47 +0000

Put your finger up my
Browneye, browneye, browneye
Take a chance, take a chance
This is how they check ID these days
You can trust me, stick it up
My name is Captain Anus
Age 69

The Drive

Tootleg Boy — Tue, 18 Mar 2025 09:39:55 +0000

Headlights in the night
Road winds left and right
Creatures hide out of sight
Fur dark, eyes bright
One hour to go
Dark, but for the glow
Of the radio turned right down low
Sleeping
Are you sleeping
Sister, are you sleeping
Just like me
Just like me

South Melbourne Markets

Tootleg Boy — Fri, 12 Jan 2024 23:23:49 +0000

Markets, South Melbourne markets.
South Melbourne dim sims, yeah.
And although Preston is still the best one,
they don’t have oysters there.
They’re open Fridays and Wednesdays and the weekend.
Don’t forget money, money to spend.
$12 gets you a fruit platter fit for kings.

My Bike Adventure

Tootleg Boy — Sun, 07 Jan 2024 23:10:37 +0000

I went for a bike ride for the first time in over a year since I serviced my bike-bike. I went up Moonee Ponds Creek right up to that towering train bridge that I really like-like. Beyond that there was that boujie suburb. There was a blonde mum walking her two kids. Trailing behind her was her husband just staring at his phone like a cock. Plus he was ugly. After that part there was a cool big drain. There was graffitti of the Ninja Turtles. I stopped and took a few photos. Hopped on my bike and pressed on yeah, yeah. Rode along, wiggled around, under a road, over a mound. Under a bridge and what do you think I saw? A lonely sports bar at the top of a hill! Shimmering grass hills and nothing but silence. Peaceful and grey like the road to the ghost world. There was no sound to be heard. No noise or traffic, no person or bird. Zeeby Zeeby. It was time to turn around a go home. My legs were okay but my bum bones were aching. Passed over two freeways, down to a station, then past those labs where they do chemical making. Took a shortcut through the Fawkner graveyard where the people have been Lord and Savioured. On your bike my friends. On your bike my friends.

A Giant Piece Of Fish (and Steamed Vegetables)

Tootleg Boy — Sat, 23 Dec 2023 23:29:27 +0000

A giant piece of fish and steamed vegetables
A giant piece of fish and steamed vegetables
A giant piece of fish and steamed vegetables
A giant piece of fish and steamed vegetables
A giant piece of fish and steamed vegetables
A giant piece of fish and steamed vegetables
A giant piece of fish and steamed vegetablesA giant piece of fish and steamed vegetablesA giant piece of fish and steamed vegetablesA giant piece of fish and steamed vegetablesA giant piece of fish and steamed vegetablesA giant piece of fish and steamed vegetablesA giant piece of fish and steamed vegetables

A giant piece of fish

Showers

Tootleg Boy — Tue, 21 Nov 2023 23:27:03 +0000

Have a shower, you’re stinkng kinda bad
I know it’s coz you’re sad
Your brain’s fucky
Showers, you’re kinda rank
Wash off that uberstank
Cleaned the shower, I used old toothbrushes
to clean the crevices
Not mine, I mean the showers
It looks so clean
Shiny and so pristine
Have not felt this beautiful since I was gestating
Fuck the water bill, I ain’t going nowhere

The Pirate Song II

Tootleg Boy — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 05:56:30 +0000

I am a pirate.
La la la la la la.
If there’s a cannon I’ll fire it.
That’s because I am a pirate.
I think that land can fuck itself, fuck itself.
That’s because I’m no landlubber.
And I’m no cassette tape dubber.
More like a pirate of large boaties.
Boats are my passion.
Smashing waves is my fave.
Tubular fucken kahunas.
And for dins yellow fin tunas.
Pillage the sea-seas, fishies for tea-teas.
Pass me the lem squeeze, yum yum.
Sailing the sev seas, pirates forevsies.
We got sea legs, see, yum yum.
Yum.

Better Call Saul

Tootleg Boy — Thu, 22 Jun 2023 03:17:42 +0000