Tootsie's Roll

Check in...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 02:19:00 +0000

*cleans out cobwebs*

I'm just stopping by to dust things off. I have been caught up in #allWEDDINGeverything so I have done a terrible job in posting. I promise I'll be back though.

If you're bored, check out some of my other e-cribs:

www.twitter.com/tootsiesroll
www.kellyball.tumblr.com
www.kellyandrodneygetmarried.tumblr.com
www.fiercebynature.blogspot.com (joint hair blog with @missgchic)

Peace, love and hair grease!

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Mon, 03 May 2010 03:35:00 +0000

Wow, where did the time go? I'm ashamed of the fact that I completely missed the month of April. I have a good reason though. April was quite a busy month, one that I'll never forget. HR asked me to marry him on April 10, and I've been floating on cloud 9 ever since. In fact, we just got back from a much needed vacation to Playa del Carmen. My too brown skin hates me for it, but we had a great time. I can't wait to go back. This fool even said 'what about Memorial Day?'. He must've forgotten that we have a wedding to get ready for. I told Miss G Chic that I would write while I was away, but I vacationed from most everything. He even threw me a couple of side eyes if I was on the computer too long, so I mostly had to sneak to do anything. Pitiful, I know, but liberating at the same time. So yeah, where was I? Oh right, I's engaged now. HR decided to make it official and bestowed me with a pretty, magnificent ring. I'm still not used to it and sometimes find myself staring at it during the day, while working, driving, etc. That can't be safe right? I think I'm still suffering from the shock of it all. I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't expecting it, but regardless it's still a surprise when it happens.

This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life right? Unfortunately, wedding planning has its ups and downs, but it's all worth it for the ultimate goal. This is how I look at it at least, but ever since I've been engaged, everybody and their mother has some sort of advice. While most of it is unsolicited, I appreciate the bits and pieces that I filter out. And trust me, there's a lot that has to be filtered out. One of the best pieces of advice that I've received is to not try to please anyone buy myself. After all it is my (our) day, not anyone else's. With the few decisions I've made thus far, including date, bridesmaid dress ideas, if I bothered myself with other's opinions, I'd be completely stressed. To be quite honest, I think a lot of the 'stress' that comes with wedding planning is caused by other people. I've decided to not let other people's idea of what MY wedding should be like get to me.

While I've decided that I'm going to be in an eternal state of bliss until I become Mrs. HR, there are a few things in particular that rub me the wrong way and if you don't want to get on my bad side, you should try to avoid.

"Wow, that's quick. Shouldn't you enjoy your engagement?" - What does that even mean anyway? Besides saving up money, what is the point of a long engagement? No one grows up and says, "I can't wait to be engaged!". (at least I didn't) If you make up your mind to be married, and need to have a long engagement for reasons other than money, or if you need to get your mind right (unless it's premarital counseling, which I think is important)...chances are you probably aren't ready. To be honest, I can't wait to be a newlywed. I know this comes with it's own set of challenges, but it's called life. I actually had someone ask me if I was pregnant. o_O I think the days of long engagements are behind us. I know quite a few people who either are engaged or recently married who had 'short' engagements. Many of the venues that I checked out even confirmed this. One even mentioned that they need to change their contracts to reflect the shortened engagement periods.
"I assume I'm invited." - Big mistake. Don't assume anything when it comes to weddings. It's not that I don't want to invite people, it's just that I know a lot of people and it's just not possible. Part of the reason I chose to have the wedding in Atlanta was to shorten the guest list. (my Daddy really does know everybody) If we're fake friends or you made a comment like 'hey, I didn't know you were dating anyone', you definitely won't get an invite. Plus ones (and definitely not your entourage) aren't even a given on my list. Let's be honest, if you're not super serious with someone and/or I don't like them, they aren't invited. It's not like my wedding will be the social event of the year or anything, but you'd be surprised at stuff people say. Real friends (who don't make the cut) will understand.

Other than those couple of things. Life is good, real good. I can't wait for what the future holds. I will do my best to do a better job of updating more often. Please hold me to that. If you care to keep up with the preparations for the big day, check me out at kellyandrodneygetmarried.tumblr.com.

No Digital Drama for me...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 20:09:00 +0000

I've often said that Facebook is the Devil. Apparently, I'm not the only one who has seen the light. Recently, MTV had a show titled 'I have Digital Drama' that focused on the drama caused by social media sites, as well as excessive texting, etc. I'm a FIRM believer in the notion that I should keep my boos (or potential boos) completely separate from my social media life in order to avoid such drama. This was my declaration when I first joined Facebook (I've been a member since it was in beta and only a handful of schools could participate. I should really clean up my pics as I have some from 2004.) I remember a former boo tried to question me on some things that were on Facebook..mind you, he didn't even have an account. Since I was getting stalked by people who didn't have accounts, imagine the damage that can be done by someone with an account. I'm ashamed to say this, but since I'd been in the FB game so long, I myself knew one too many tricks about accessing information.

While Twitter has not become as mainstream as Facebook, the rules still apply. Social media sites cause people to get messy and promotes stalkerish behavior. Yeah, I said it, stalkerish. One of the girls from the show knew exactly who'd posted on her boyfriend's site and knew that he'd deleted posts from females that had been posted within the past 5 minutes. I know that's over the top, but that's the behavior I try to avoid. (I don't have anything to hide, but #imjustsayin) Also, I just don't see the point of following someone on a social site. Anything you want to know about me, you should be willing to ask and not have to go searching through my pages. Once upon a time when KG was in the picture, he'd recently joined twitter and knew I had an account so asked for my username.

Me: Nope, you know the rules (I wouldn't friend him on Facebook either)
Him: Why are you so secretive?
Me: I'm not, I just don't believe it's necessary.
Him: Um, um, um (I imagine he was shaking his head)

So I'm on Twitter last night and I see a tweet from Lance Gross that appears to be a response to a tweet that Eva had tweeted about 5 minutes before. I thought it may have been in response, but didn't think twice about it until I saw this and realized that I wasn't the only one who noticed.

Eva: So many to choose from...I've been so outta loop...I'm back, let's rock
Lance: Don't play urself...

At first I was a bit sad to see the demise of their relationship because I thought they were cute in love, then I felt bad that their failed relationship has to play out in the media. Now, all I want to do is give them the o_O. Sending subliminal messages to each other via Twitter is a bit too childish for me. I know it's 2010 and our culture is becoming more technologically advanced, but I think that relationships should take the more old fashioned approach as far as communication is concerned. Life is too short to spend it arguing back and forth on Twitter, Facebook, GChat or whatever...

Growing Up is Hard to Do

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 03:31:00 +0000

Tootsie and ______ (fill in the blank) kissing in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

I know y'all remember that right? Whenever one of your elementary friends had a crush on a guy, you'd tease them by singing that song. It all seemed so simple back then right? When I was younger, I had my life plan laid out. I was always a cross between a tomboy and a girlie girl, but I still knew what I wanted and when I wanted it. I had my life laid out in 5 simple steps:

Graduate High School and go to College (I do process work for a living, so I know that's really 2 separate steps, but to me, that was one as one couldn't be done without the other) at 18 years old
Graduate College Summa Cum Laude at 22 and get a good job
Get married by age 24
Have my first child by 25
Live Happily ever after...

o_O right? Yeah, what was I thinking. I mean, I did accomplish 1 and 2. I should get some credit right? Now that I've missed step 3 and 4 by a good 4 years, I know that it's not that easy. Actually I knew it wasn't that easy before I completed step 2 but I was still trying to keep hope alive. Again, o_O. Now that I'm ~~wiser~~ older, I understand that my plan couldn't have been more far off, nor is it that easy. If I'm being honest, the idea of making some of these decisions gives me a wave of anxiety.

Thinking back, I'm not even sure what drove me to have such a restrictive plan. Was it an innate desire that I couldn't control, or was it something that I picked up from my surroundings? As a child, I knew that one day I was supposed to get married and have kids, but why wasn't I told that it's not as easy as it sounds? At any rate, I know the plan is out the window and I'll have to take it as it goes.

I'm ready for what's next. ;)

Life is like a box of chocolates...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 04:23:00 +0000

... you never know what you're gonna get. "- Forrest Gump

I love this movie. I really do. Unfortunately, I can't watch it without shedding a fistful of tears. It's one of the funniest, saddest movies ever. This past weekend I saw it and it was the basis for a brunch debate over its meaning. Who debates Forrest Gump you ask? Well, HR and I can debate just about anything. Sidebar: it's great debating with him because he actually listens...not just in it to hear himself think.

The debate was about whether Forrest Gump's story was a tale of accomplishment and overcoming the odds or if it was about accomplishments meaning nothing without experiencing love. I believe the latter, although he almost convinced me otherwise. Although I'm sure just about everybody reading this has seen the movie, let me remind you or familiarize you. Forrest was not a smart man. In fact, he had an IQ of 75, just a smidge below normal. His mom did whatever she could in her power (literally) to make him as 'normal' as possible and reminded him that he was not stupid...Stupid is as stupid does. (whatever that really means) Not only was he not a smart man, Forrest had a crooked spine and had to wear leg braces at an early age to straighten it out. In spite of his handicaps, Forrest went on to play football at the University of Alabama, fight in the Vietnam War, where he won a Congressional Medal of Honor, played for the national ping pong team, met 2 Presidents, became a successful entrepreneur...the list goes on and on and on. In short, he went from nothing to something.

Forrest Gump: Will you marry me?
[Jenny turns and looks at him]
Forrest Gump: I'd make a good husband, Jenny.
Jenny Curran: You would, Forrest.
Forrest Gump: ...But you won't marry me.
Jenny Curran: [sadly] ... You don't wanna marry me.
Forrest Gump: Why don't you love me, Jenny?
[Jenny says nothing]
Forrest Gump: I'm not a smart man... but I know what love is.

In spite of all his successes, Forrest longed for his longtime love Jenny throughout the movie. He'd known Jenny since his first day of his school and he could never get his mind off of her. Even when she wasn't in the best circumstances, he looked past her faults to see her for who she was to him. She played him to the left many times in the movie, but he loved her anyway. At the end of the movie, he finally gets to be with his Jenny, but only after he finds out that she's dying about 5 years after the fact of her birthing his child. From that point to the end of the movie, it's downhill for me.

Yes, Forrest accomplished a lot, but would he have even appreciated it had he not finally had his love reciprocated by Jenny? I don't think so. To me, this movie is a lesson that regardless of how many worldy things you obtain, they mean nothing without someone to share it with. That is all I have to say about that.

What are your thoughts?

Lessons in Love

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:00:00 +0000

*not me, just a generic couple from the web...lol*

Often in relationships and in life, people are quick to point out flaws in others. More often than not, these flaws are identified during heated arguments or after one has reached their boiling point. Sometimes these arguments turn into drawn out discussions identifying examples of when someone demonstrated this flaw and not spent on identifying resolutions or ways someone can improve. In extreme cases, one becomes so frustrated with the other’s issue that they decide to leave the relationship, completely blind sighting the other. The recently abandoned individual is left to wonder ‘wait, what happened? What did I do?’ and not having an idea of how they can prevent this same thing from happening in the future. Wouldn’t life and relationships be that much easier if we changed the paradigm and offered solutions to solve problems instead of empty complaints?

Due to my repressive nature, I have been one to let my frustrations with someone eat at me until I can’t take it anymore and it comes out at the most inopportune times. You know when you get mad at someone for not wiping the toothpaste out the sink but you’re really just upset at something they did two weeks ago. I’m not the only one am I? Well, I’m making a conscious effort to do better. Thankfully, I’ve had a little help from HR. He went to a management development conference recently and one of the exercises he learned was to get feedback from your employees and let them identify ways that you can improve. Periodically you're supposed to seek feedback on you area of improvement and they are also supposed to give you feedback on a regular basis. One of those you can't complain if you haven't helped come up with a resolution type things. After returning, he decided to take some of the concepts he'd learned and apply them to our relationship. Clever huh?

When he first suggested we do it, I was a bit confused, but I embraced the idea nonetheless. I didn't think it'd be so hard, but I find it easier to give criticism after the fact than upfront. I'm not gonna go into the deets of what we identified as each other's developmental need but I will say that it opened the door for a great conversation. It is comforting to be involved with someone who is willing to put in work to maintain a relationship. Taking this approach definitely puts me in the driver seat. I guess this means no complaining down the road huh? For those of you in relationships, I definitely suggest that you try this with your mate.

Bag Lady..aka Debbie Downer

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:00:00 +0000

Debbie Downer @ Yahoo! Video

I can't stand a Debbie Downer. If you're not familiar with the SNL skits, Debbie Downer is the one who can find something wrong with everything and always has something negative to say, often at the most inappropriate times, including birthday parties or during trips to Disney World.

Generally speaking, I'm a positive person. I probably tend to be a bit too positive at times. During most of my performance reviews that I've received, my ability to contribute to a positive work environment is always mentioned. I've even earned the nickname Positive Polly. I've been asked how do I remain so positive or why is it that I don't seem to let much effect me. I don't have a solid answer, but in short I know that there's no used crying over spilled milk and more importantly I know that God has my back. What's the point of getting beat up about something that won't matter in about an hour or it's something that I can't change? There isn't one. Even when giving advice to others, I often try to play devil's advocate or try to find a silver lining. (key word: try) Now don't get me wrong, I try to maintain a positive attitude but I'm not perfect, I can sometimes have my moments where I too can be a sour puss. I can't say this for everybody. Some people have a tendency to lean towards the negative side.

Have you ever been around someone who always has something negative to say? With them the glass is NEVER half full, it's always half empty. You know, the people who even on a bright and sunny day, will mention the 30% chance of rain in tomorrow's forecast. These are the people who I try to avoid like the plague. The same people who when after having a conversation with, you are emotionally drained from hearing about their baggage. I am a firm believer in the notion that you can speak things into existence, laws of attraction, or whatever you may call it. If you constantly think everything's all bad, everything will be all bad. The 'I don't give an F' attitude can only take you so far, which isn't very far.

One thing I can say about the Debbie (or Donald) Downers is that because of them, I can see my blessings a little bit clearer. They are just another reminder that even when you think you've got it bad...someone's always got it worse. Maybe one of my purposes is to have some of my positivity rub off on the Debbie Downer's of the world...I know one things for sure, I can't save everybody, nor can I save anyone who don't wanna be saved. Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved...lol

Let IT Go

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 05:26:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, ABC featured a story on Nightline that questioned why were 42% of black women unmarried? As I watched this story, I thought to myself: not THIS again. I feel like every couple of years this statistic resurfaces, gets people all riled up, sparks discussions about the woes of black women and then it finally dies down, only to be brought right back up. *Sigh* Honestly, I tried to not feed into the hype by doing a post on this topic, but I've been reminded in some form or fashion of this statistic every other day on twitter. It just kept calling me man....

Let's be real. At the end of the day, calling attention to these statistics doesn't do anything but make the situation worse. It's not like (black) men go on a mission to help the sistas to 'not become a statistic', but instead, view this as justification for their ability to play the field. With all the single sistas floating around, why have just one? Many women who are already a bit too focused on having the title of 'wife' (not to be confused with wifey- big difference) become even more obsessed. Single sistas begin to stress so much over the possibility of never marrying and becoming a part of 'the statistic', that they find ways to make themselves overly available often appearing desperate to the opposite sex. Others who find themselves in committed relationships settle for those that may not be the pick of the litter but at least they have the parts in the right places.

I'm a firm believer that men can smell desperation and I haven't known too many women 'looking' for a man/husband who've actually 'caught' one, but I can only speak from experience. I've been told that 'I always have a man'. While this isn't 100% true, I can say with certainty that I've never been on the prowl. I've never been the type to go clubbin' with hopes of landing a boo. I'm not knocking those who do, it's just not me. Flossie (my mom) told me to never chase a man and I definitely took that to heart.

On another note, although I believe in the happily ever after, with divorce rates being so high, why should anyone rush into marriage? I'm certainly in no rush to get married for it to end two years later. Why is it that some statistics are beaten into our skulls, but some are so often overlooked? People can quote how many black women are still single, but don't have an idea about the impacts of cohabitation on divorce rates, with some studies putting the divorce rate for couples who cohabitate at about 85%. I'm certainly not judging, but this statistic definitely deserves a raised brow at least.

Am I the only person that thinks that this discussion needs to be laid to rest? Can someone start a petition to ban it from discussion ever again?

I'm coming out...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 20:55:00 +0000

If you are reading this and expect a huge surprise, get your mind away from whatever you may have been thinking. I love men VERY much. I am however coming out of the blog closet. I started blogging in 2008 as a way to release some of the things that I tend to bottle up inside. Until now, I'd only shared with a handful of people, a loyal group of people who I felt wouldn't judge and have something of value to add. I've expanded my inner circle of readers over the last couple of years and I figure what's stopping me from expanding to a larger group?...yeah, I couldn't come up with anything either. I have always valued my privacy and while that is still something I treasure there's no need to be secretive about my life anymore. #weoffthat Besides, it's not like I'm going to share anything juicy anyway. Hehe..

So I extend a Welcome! to all my new readers. Add me to your readers (or favorites if you're ol skool) and feel free to comment, comment away. As a loyal reader, you also get the priviledges of harrassing me when I don't post as often as I should. I would also like to give a big THANK YOU! to those who've been reading and commenting over the last couple of years. I truly appreciate the support. Keep up the good work! Your comments whether posted to the site (preferred method), sent via Gchat, twitter, OC or BBM inspire me to write more. I hope to give you good things in the future. Until then, kick your shoes off (well maybe not if you're at work), grab a drink (again, non-alcoholic if you're at work), get comfortable and play a game of catch up.
Oh..and Happy New Year!

On to the Next One...2009 Year in Review

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:23:00 +0000

2009 has been an interesting year to say the least, but a good one. If you would've told me on December 20, 2008 some of the things that I'd experience in '09 I wouldn't have believed you. This post will be pretty brief as I'm headed to Savannah shortly to bring in the new year with the beau, but feel free to read through my posts over the past year to get a more appropriate rundown. Some things have been left out, but you'll get the point.

I think one of my most memorable moments of 2009 was being in attendance at Inauguration (with actual tickets) where the FIRST African-American president, Barack Obama, was sworn in. I was freezing cold, but that weekend was full of wow moments. I can't wait for the day when I can share that moment with my children. "you know baby, I was there when Barry and Shelly first stepped into the White House"...lol

In 2009, relationships of all kinds were tested. There were a few times when I thought I was going to move on to the next one, but the old one stepped up and showed out. I had two families come together for Thanksgiving at my house, and lived to tell about it. Oh and I was almost written off by a dear friend who I think took me back. :) All in all, I learned this year that love is patient and kind, keeps no record of wrongs- all that good stuff. Holla at I Corin 13:4-7 for the rest.

The J-O-B took too much of my time in '09. It took away from some other things in my life that needed nurturing. Next year, I want to learn to focus more on working on me and my goals instead of working for 'the man' and his goals.

I'm not big on making resolutions, but I am excited for what 2010 has in store. I'm certain that the best is yet to come! Happy New Year to you and yours!

Play your Position, OPP and all that good stuff...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:24:00 +0000

For the past 2 weeks, Tiger Woods has been a major topic of conversation, the butt of many jokes. Today I did a search in Google for his name and one of the first things that popped up in the suggested search list was 'Tiger Woods Women List'. It's become a game similar to guessing the number of jelly beans in the jar, except it's guessing how many women will be on the list. I don't think the fact that he was a cheater was a big deal, but this seemingly perfect athlete, who went to great efforts to make sure that his personal life was kept private, had finally slipped up. However, I don't think anyone expected his slip up to be such a huge slip up. And to think, it all started with him not wanting to talk to the police...

With all this discussion about Tiger has come the conversation of side chicks, side ho3s, side joints, whatever you choose to call them. {For those who are too lazy to click the links, a side ____ is someone who is not the main chick, but rather someone who is on the side} Some opinions, like the notion that ALL men cheat, I expected (don't necessarily agree with), but there have been a handful that have caught me off guard. Someone that I know, or maybe I should say familiar with, took the stance that there's nothing wrong with being a side chick. My mouth pretty much dropped when I read this on twitter. How dare a beautiful, educated black woman be ok with being the side chick? For the life of me, I don't understand this.

Now, realize that there is a difference in being the side chick unknowingly versus knowingly dealing with a man who you know has a female that he is in a relationship with. The latter I don't have much respect for. One may argue and say that the relationship isn't that serious if he has a side chick, but that's not for a side chick to decide. I would go as far as to say that if women would stop willingly being side chicks, many men would find it that much harder to cheat on their women. I was GChatting it up with a friend, who said it so eloquently:

"Men are genetically prone to wanting more than one partner but it is up to the woman to set the standard....some women don't understand what having standards means and feel like "since he chose to be with me then at the end of the day how can I be wrong". They try to pass the responsibility to the guy but that's not right because men only do what we allow them to do. We are always in control."

At the end of the day, women do have the power or at least we should act like it. I've heard another argument that some women are willingly the side chick just for the sex. I give this the o_O. (blank stare) I get that some women are desperate, but there are too many men out here without attachments for such women to prey on men who are not available. Whatever happened to respecting Other People's P-, I mean property? Who's with me in the fight to take a side chick down, one h-- at a time?

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:23:00 +0000

Recently, I started a new assignment at work and I see that it's going to be a new kind of challenge. Not because the work is any more challenging than other projects, but because my direct report drives me crazy. This will definitely be a lesson in people development and patience.

I have a laundry list of things that irritate me about this guy, some of which may make it to his evaluation, others are things that just generally annoy the ish out of me and won't make it to paper. It will be a true test for me to continue to be able to ignore these things and not let it cloud my assessment of his performance. Honestly, I think I'm being 'mentally' hard on him because he looks like me. {I apologize in advance if you're reading this and you don't *smile*} Some may argue that in the age of Obama, we live in a country that's colorblind. I'm not 100% convinced, but I know we've made progress. Because I've always been around others that didn't look like me, (with the exception of college- primarily because I wanted to know what it was like to be around people like me) I think I've always been conscious of how 'we' are viewed. This awareness was forced upon me since I was constantly reminded of our differences. I've always had people from other cultures who felt comfortable enough to ask certain questions- I oblige because I want to encourage awareness so to speak...Maybe I'm a little too aware. Maybe some of these things that bother me, don't bother others.

Without going down a laudry list of things that annoy the crap out of me, I'll name a few:

Appearance- Hmm, I know you want to be true to your sense of style and all and I'ma let you finish, but Rocawear is NOT the greatest label of all time. If I'm not being clear, I just don't think it's appropriate to wear pants that borderline fall off your bum, with belts that aren't at your natural waistline. Then he has the nerve to couple this with Rocawear type short-sleeved button down shirts that are plaid. I can't..I just can't do it.
Too comfortable- Second day of knowing me, he tells me he's interested to see how I interact with the client, who's female...because "you know, women have a tendency to be catty..I've seen this with my girl". Sir, I don't know you from Adam, we just met, and I'm definitely NOT your chick. Furthermore, I'm not the chick that has issues with other chicks. Today, after a brown skin fella speaks to me at work, this fool talmbout "dark skinned guys must like you"...Maybe not a big deal, but we just met and would you say that to me if I didn't look like you?
Fuels stereotypes- Must this dude on the first day start talking about his baby's mother. I understand that things happen, but once again...WE JUST MET. I don't need to know the ins and outs of your relationship with the live-in mother of your child. Also I'm not sure it's appropriate to discuss your struggles with getting a home loan with your boss and your boss' boss. Must you perpetuate the stereotype of blacks not having credit?

I'm probably going a little too hard on old boy, but apparently it's not just me who he has made a not so favorable impression on. I've already been encouraged to speak to him about a few things that have been identified as areas for improvement. Sometimes I think, why me Lord? But I realize that what don't kill me only makes me stronger. Hopefully I can be a positive influence on him...that's if he can get over the fact that he reports to me, which is another story for another day.

Lovers and Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 02:50:00 +0000

Unlike the title suggests this has nothing to do with the thin line that exists in platonic relationships. It is about the balancing act that sometimes has to occur when lovers and friends mix like oil and vinegar. The feeling of uneasiness that you experience when you try hard to not make it a big deal, but you are constantly reminded that the two may never quite blend. Then it hits you...Should you have to choose? I don't think one should have to. Right?

Unfortunately, not choosing is often harder than choosing. As my dad says, sometimes you are stuck between a pilar and a post. (That right there folks, is one of the million reasons I love my daddy- he can take a pretty common phrase and throw his own spin on it, a remix of sorts..loves that guy) Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who you think could be the one, but one of your dearest friends has something against him? Not fun, not fun at all. It becomes almost hurtful to not feel as if you can share in the joys of your relationship with someone that's close to you, especially when your lover is a significant part of your life. When you try to pretend as if everything's ok and share the important moments, like holidays that are spent together, it feels like a slap in the face when your friend pretty much pretends as if you didn't say anything or they tend to forget the details where your lover is concerned. Sometimes you feel as if your friend would take pleasure in the demise of your relationship. Especially when comments similar to 'we'll see how long this lasts' have been made. As a result, you tend to shut down or find other outlets, when deep down you yearn to be able to share the joys as well as the ups and downs with one of the people you care about the most. This results in added frustration from both parties. Not a good look, but what do you do?

Honestly, I try to overlook the seemingly minor details and tend to pick and choose my battles. Unfortunately, I tend to step on landmines without realizing I'm in a war. It shouldn't be this hard. The easy answer is: Let your friend know how you feel Toots...but I rather not deal with the drama (I'm not a confrontational person) although it needs to be done. In the past, I've been accused of not trying to resolve issues but I know that I should learn from my past and not make the same mistakes. I still find it hard to confront an issue when it's not me with the problem. I've lost one friend maybe I should say associate due to man drama and I have no desire to lose a real friend over foolishness.

Pray for me y'all, I'll need it. :)

Karma...You do dirt, you get dirt

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:56:00 +0000

or something like that. My mom always said that 'what's done in the dark will always come to light'. For some reason, I always stumble upon what's done in the dark. *sigh* Most of the time, not on purpose.

A few days ago, I stumbled upon something that now I wish I hadn't. Blame it on social networking. Youtube now shows you which of your gmail contacts have youtube accounts...so I clicked the first name on the list- KG. I see he has one video which is a montage of pics from a trip that he and his then girlfriend took. No biggie right? Right..or so I thought. As soon as I IM him to make fun of this display of corniness..I see that the pictures start to resemble something from a proposal. I immediately start to feel awkward. Normally I think, simmer even, before I act/speak, but for some reason on that day I jumped the gun to make fun of him. Then I see the ring. For some reason, I'm slightly traumatized and I feel like I've violated his privacy. (disclaimer: anything you post on a social network is fair game)

Once I get over my initial reaction, I start to think..hold up, when was he engaged? I was totally not expecting a proposal video because I remember specifically asking him if he'd ever proposed/been engaged- and his answer was no. I'm doing all sorts of calculations in my head like comparing the dates of the video posting to when he met me. I ask why he'd never told me and he says 'because it wasn't important'. Uh, ok, maybe that's a typical male answer, but if you proposed to someone less than 4 months before you met me..it's kind of a big deal. All the times he told me he'd never done this, never done that- this video made all of that conversation just words. Another thought that popped into my head was..wait, was I rebound girl? (sidebar: HR always tells me that I tend to make things about me that really aren't...maybe this is an example...lol)

I'm overreacting right? Yeah, I know. I think I'm especially bothered by the fact that he blatantly lied to me. Also by the fact that many times he'd accused me of not being open, when he was hiding this big thing the entire time. According to BFFL, you attract what you are (or something like that) Maybe she's right. Maybe, I'm being a bit hypocritical considering my former car situation, but not really. While I may not have been totally upfront about my relationship, when asked I was. Guess I should've have been a bit more upfront. I shouldn't even be thinking about this since I'm in a relationship...but I just needed to get that off my chest.

Back to regularly scheduled programming.

So Fresh, So Clean

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:54:00 +0000

"...Everytime I leave refreshed with a renewed confidence and purpose"- Tweet from a fellow Aggie after attending the Greatest Homecoming On Earth.

The Monday after Homecoming, I woke up and did what I normally do which is to check the tweets that have come in over the night. I'm lame, I know it, and I'm ok with that. This tweet pretty much summarized all that GHOE is to me and many other Aggies who attend year after year. I saw it and was like, yep that's it. Often times people don't get why I make such a big deal about Homecoming. I try to explain and I struggle to articulate my feelings. You would think that it'd only be difficult explaining it to people who didn't have the HBCU experience, but I've even received this same blank stare from some that did. You know the people who go to the other HBCUs but haven't attended a Homecoming since they graduated. Maybe it's because Aggieland really does have the GHOE!

It really is about more than the game, the outfits, the parties and the beverages. No really. I'm not going to lie, I did feel like Outkast was playing everytime I put on a new outfit. On the 3rd day, when you've realized that staying in a room with more than 2 people was worth it to hear the compliments on your outfit, to provide last minute accessories to outfits (you secretly knew that one of your girls would have the perfect something to complement your fit..cha-ching $ saved), to make late night Cook Out runs with, to keep the beverages flowing and to share the 'girl, guess who I saws' with. The impromptu party in the room that turns into a side chick bashing session never hurts too.

When it's time to say the goodbyes (after the group lunch that takes place every Homecoming), and before you can catch up on that much needed sleep that you missed over the weekend- that's when it finally hits you. It'll be at least another 365 days before you can experience this 'high' that you've been on all week. It's time to go back to the daily grind that takes such a toll on your personal life. At least by then you've received enough 'hey girl you look greats' and other random ego boosters from the guys from homecomings past that want to be the current year HC JO, to provide that boost of confidence that will at least get you through the crap at work (for a little while anyway). Homecoming also gives you that extra push that inspires you to work harder at work or whatever that hustle is with hopes that the next time you go to GHOE, you'll be able to stunt on them h@es just a little bit more.

Shoot, I'm still going through withdrawal but it's a small price to pay for the GHOE experience.

Family Matters

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 03:34:00 +0000

No really, it does.

I strongly feel that an individual's upbringing has a direct impact on their feelings about family and marriage. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date someone who came from a single parent home or a broken home (insert your own definition), but it would be hard for me. This is not to say that a person who comes from a two parent home will make a perfect mate, but I think that there are better odds.

Personally speaking, my 'real' relationships have been with people who came from solid homes. Coincidentally, my fly by night (not to be confused with one night stands) relationships were with guys that didn't come from a stable family. One particular person sticks out in my mind, Kwame. Kwame was born to parents that never got married. He'd tell you that his father was a rolling stone of sorts. I remember when we were getting to know each other, the topic of marriage came up. He was a few years older than me and I was curious to know how he felt about it. He told me that he had no intentions of getting married. All I could do was give him the blank stare. o_0. When asked, he didn't even have a reason except that he didn't see a need for it. I guess he figured, if his dad never put a ring on it, then why should he? Sigh. With people actually walking around with this logic, there's no wonder there are so many people with baby mama/daddy drama. No thanks...

When I started dating HR, it was so refreshing to be with someone who came from a similar background. He let me know upfront that he held marriage in high regard. It wasn't an immediate priority, but it was high on the list. We both came from two parent homes that had their share of ups and downs, but our parents made a way to stick through it. They weren't quick to give up as so many people are these days. Growing up in this atmosphere made me realize that love really is patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongs, etc.

So if a person doesn't grow up in this type of atmosphere, it will be that much more difficult for them to be in a loving relationship that can endure. Unfortunately, they don't have examples to live by. All they know is what they see on TV and hear on the radios unless they are blessed enough to have close family members that they can learn from. Where are the Huxtables when you need them?

Questions Existing

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 22:35:00 +0000

In case you didn't know already; let me fill you in on a secret about me. Sometimes I get angry about things that don't really upset me. You may think I'm angry for you taking fries off my plate, but I'm really mad that last week you got ketchup on my shirt and didn't apologize. It's a character flaw that I'm trying to work on. Certain people, not calling any names, BFFL, HR, remind me of this- often. I defend myself by saying that I don't fly off the handle when something bothers me, I think about it and maybe I won't be mad about it the next day...but sometimes I am. I was reminded of my fatal flaw recently...

A friend of mine is finally getting married at the end of the month and I told HR about this 2 months ago. You already know where this is going. He has a legitimate work conflict that he was going to try to get out of, but I didn't think it would be a good look that the HR guy is not at the Family Fun Day event that his team plans. When we discuss again and he tells me that he can't escort me to the wedding, I get angry. Makes no sense right? Right. Especially when I told him to go to the work thing. Well, I got salty. For one, why didn't he say anything sooner? For two (is that a real phrase?)...well, this reason has nothing to do with him. It's a case of me having a delayed anger reaction or being bothered about something totally unrelated.

The real reason I'm bothered is because this means I'll be dateless. Who cares right? Normally I don't, but in this case I do. Not because I'll be dancing with no one…but because Andre 3000 will be there. (not really, but that will be his name). Who is Andre? Well, I gave a brief mention in another post, but Andre was a friend of mine that got married and I haven’t heard from since. Not only have I not heard from him since he told me he was engaged, I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I’m not going to lie, I was hurt. I cried. That’s big for me because I’m not big on crying. I was sad that this person who I had on a pedestal for so long was no longer my friend. Apparently, we weren’t as close as he always said we were. Of course there’s more to the story, but maybe another day. I don’t want to have an awkward moment at the wedding. I haven’t spoken to him in over 1.5 years. What do I say? Do I pretend I’m happy to see him? I’m sure his wife will be there…more awkwardness. No thanks.

I was talking to BFFL earlier about her potential encounter with her old boo. She mentioned that she has some questions that are still unanswered and she wants answers. I begin to think about my unanswered questions related to Andre. Mainly: Was our friendship a lie? I told her that sometimes questions will remain and you’ll never have answers. Or the answers won’t be what you want to hear and they’ll just reopen the wounds. Will they really provide any closure? Or will they just leave you with more questions?

Things that make you go hmmm…

What about Your Friends?

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:51:00 +0000

Cue the TLC...

At church last Sunday, Pastor began a series about The Top 5 indispensable relationships. He posed the question: who is your Jonathan? Or for us non-Bible scholars, who are your true friends. In I Samuel, the story of Jonathan and David is told. To paraphrase, Jonathan was King Saul's son and David's dear friend. He was supposed to be the heir to the throne but he knew that David was better suited for the position. He was willing to sacrifice his own life for his friend David. People often say that, but Jonathan was truly a ride or die friend, one that put his friend's needs before his own.

As Pastor is preaching, I begin to think about my Jonathan(s). BFFL instantly came to my mind, but I also began to wonder about all the people in my life who I thought were my true blue friends. You see, I've never had a problem making friends. My issue comes with keeping them. My mom used to always make fun of the way that people latched on to me. I had several occasions where chicks were 'fighting' for my friendship, for the right to call me their BFF. As I've gotten older and think about who I can call on in times of need, that list has gotten shorter. I think in part due to the fact that people grow apart, no love lost, you just go in different directions. Figuratively and Literally. Sometimes I think about what could I have done differently so that I'd still have some of these friendships.

One friendship in particular sticks out in my mind when I think about friends I've lost- Winnie. We're still friends, but definitely not as close as we were. Winnie and I met when I was a freshman. We were from the same area and knew many of the same people but had never met. She used to love to tell people the story of how we became friends. The week before classes started, all the freshman spent a lot of time outside trying to see and be seen. One day I was walking with my friend from home, Sunshine, headed to the Student Union. I was STARVING. When I'm hungry, my entire body language changes. I attribute it to my sugar getting low...lol. Anyway, Sunshine was taking her precious time talking to anyone who said hello. Meanwhile my stomach is knocking against my spine. I feel myself getting weak. Winnie is among the group that we'd stopped to talk to and she notices that I'm not right. She's like 'are you ok?'. I tell her I'm fine but I'm just hungry. So she's like 'let's go get you something to eat'. From that point, I'd knew we'd be friends forever.

Or so I thought...fast forward to our Senior year. We're roommates but barely speak. I don't exactly know why. I say 'exactly' because I knew that when I made line and she didn't, things were different. I admit that I didn't do a good job of trying to solve our problems. I figured that if she had issues with me, then she should come speak to me about it. Right? Wrong apparently because when we finally talked about our issues, she was also angry at the fact that I didn't try to figure out what's wrong. *Sigh* I've never done the girly girl thing too well. If you have a problem, let me know. I don't read minds.

I could get into details about the day it finally came to a head (my birthday nonetheless :( ), but that would make for an even longer post, so maybe one day. All I know is that I felt that Winnie let me down. I'd told her things I'd never told anyone before. (huge for me considering I'm a private person) We'd cried together over many things. When she found out that I was no longer 'pure', she cried. I cried too because she cried. We were close and she let something so trivial {something between Sororities and Cinnamon Toast Crunch}come between us. I didn't want to believe that we were only meant to be college friends.

I think I'm about to have a Joan moment when she finally breaks down about Toni. {If you've never watched the show Girlfriends, you may not understand that...sorry, google it.} Maybe I should call her up and let her know how I really feel. Considering that this happened a long time ago, maybe not. Regardless of how we end up, I'm thankful for the experiences that Winnie and I had. I will always have my memories. She will always be the girl who felt sorry for me and walked me to the Union to feed me before I passed out. And for that, I thank her.

Here we go again...Quarter (third) Life Crisis

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:58:00 +0000

Remember that song? Here...we...goo....going through the same things...here we go again. I believe it was by Portrait. Random, I know.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she was telling me she thinks she's finally having her quarter life. All of the thoughts she was having, (the uncertainties, the what ifs, etc) I definitely remember having at her age. (she's not yet 26) I told her it'd be ok, she'd make it through on top. As I was talking to her, I started to wonder...Is there something between the quarter-life and mid-life crisis? Is there such thing as a third life crisis? If not, I'm going to make it up, cause I swear it's real. A lot of things have been happening lately that just make me wonder. For example:

1. Went to DR with the boo. I had a great time. The hotel where we stayed was more like a bed and breakfast. It was owned by a couple that moved there from Spain. They got tired of working the 9 to 5 life and just up and moved. We talked to them a LOT about their thought process, how they did it, etc. We've always talked about how we could transition out of corporate and do something more meaningful (join Peace Corps) or less mundane (move to an island). Hearing about their story gave us hope that it is possible.

2. Also while in DR, I realized how much I love the culture and the language. A while back I had a goal of becoming fluent in Spanish and somehow it fell by the wayside. I was one class short of a minor in college and I used to be halfway decent, but if you don't use you lose it right? I did ok, but I realized how much I really want to get it together and really do it. I have a 'copy' of RosettaStone (thanks BLT), but need to use it.

3. Got a notification via Facebook for a 10 year high school reunion planning committee. This brought on one long sigh.....When I was coming out of high school, I really had a plan. I just knew that I would be married with at least one child by now, have a masters, etc. womp.womp. I have none of the above. I realize that I've had most of the control around these decisions, but now it makes me wonder what do I have to show for these 10 years. Yes, I graduated from college. Yes, I have a good job (such a blessing considering today's economy). I own a home. Yeah, yeah, big whoop. I'm not doing enough and that upsets me.

4. While my relationship is finally going smoothly (just a few bumps here and there), I'm starting to feel the pressure. Not from within, not from him, but from others about getting married. I ame back from DR to rumors at work that I'd gotten engaged. *blank stare* I was talking
on the phone to my mother earlier and she told me that they'd received an invitation for a wedding of one of my friends. Later in the conversation she asks me, 'so have you decided on a venue?' me: 'A venue for what?' her: 'Your wedding.' me: 'Uh, you realize I'm nowhere close to being engaged right?'. She laughs it off, but I think she was really having this conversation for real cause she starts mentioning some new place at home. What?!? I can't... I think she's starting to feel grandmother pressure, but I'm sorry mom, I can't deliver right now. I want to get married, I want children, but I can't make that happen overnight.

5. Work. As I mentioned, I'm glad that I have a job......but....I'm not feeling it. I had my annual review today and while I was pleased with the outcome, I'm bothered that I don't get a raise. Ok, I get a bonus, but it doesn't make me want to work harder you know. I don't like the 'I just get up for the check' feeling. Especially when you find out that the company isn't giving raises, so you don't even get to look forward to getting more money.

With all that being said, I feel like I need to make some changes. While some things are low hanging fruit (i'm such a consultant), others require a bit more thought. I'm confident that I can get it together though before I start to go crazy for real.

Watching Water Boil...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 02:08:00 +0000

via twitter: RT @MissLaPetite (not me): @BB Forget about it, give up, stop looking N ur perfect mate will find you. promise...(aint that da truth.-me)- In response to BB's question of how long was God gonna make her wait.

later via BBM:
BB: what you said earlier is easier said than done
me: I know but seriously, take a step back, otherwise it's like watching water boil.

I truly believe that looking or waiting for a man is like watching water boil. Have you ever noticed when you're trying to boil some water and you're just standing there, it takes forever...but when you walk away for a second, the water starts to boil before you know it. I'm sure it takes the same amount of time, but that's just one of them things that old folk say that don't really make sense, but really do when you think about it. Whenever you wait on something, it takes so much longer to happen and before you know it, you've wasted time when instead you could've been doing something else more valuable with your time.

Lately, it seems like everyone has been on this 'gotta get a man' kick. This has more often than not been the topic of many conversations. Maybe I'm being a bit insensitive because I'm involved, but I'm not sure if I've ever been the go out and find a man type so I don't really understand the logic. My parents burned into my brain the importance of not chasing after a man. Flossie always said if a man wants you, he'll let you know. It shouldn't be the other way around. Maybe this train of thinking has gotten me in trouble. I admit sometimes my aloofness or unwillingness to chase has gotten interpreted as me not being interested. But at the end of the day, I'm good. {I even told myself that me and Former Boaz didn't work out because I didn't show I cared enough- or at least that's what he told me...but that ain't nothing but the Devil. If he was as sincere as he said he was, then he would've put forth a bit more effort and stop throwing that weak niggra game}

I'm by no means a relationship guru, but The Bible, Proverbs 18:22 to be exact, says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." Not the other way around. Not "she who goes looking for a man and makes the man realize her value, finds a good thing". LOL. I'm sure I'm taking this too literally, but am I? I and many others are guilty of picking and choosing what scriptures we choose to apply to our life.

Day mentioned the other day that she's about to put as much effort into getting a man as she did to getting a job. I'm sure she already knew how I felt about this before she said this ( :) ), but I had to gently correct her. A man needs to be on operation make Day his boo, and not the other way around. She switched it up to say that she should be more open to being available and giving off different vibes. That I can agree with. No one is going to approach someone with a stank attitude who doesn't seem willing to be chased. You attract more bees with honey or something like that right?

I think men are a bit more perceptive that women tend to give them credit for. If many of us know that we should be more open or approachable, shouldn't we also be less pressed. I think men can sense desperation, and no one wants a desperate woman. If I were a man and a woman is being pressed or throwing herself at me, yeah I may think 'let me hit that real quick', but I'm not going to be pressed to wife her up at first because I'm also gonna think 'something must be wrong with her, cause no one else wants her'.

Moral of the story: Relax. Walk away from the water, it's not going to boil any faster.

They smile in your face...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:28:00 +0000

All the time they want to take your place, them backstabbers....

A friend, Real Talk, emailed me earlier about another mutual friend, Maneater, who she just found out is a habitual man stealer. Sidebar: Does anyone ever pay attention to those Google Ads on the side? Well I happened to glance over while reading the email, and there was an ad for a few books : 'How to Keep a Man in Love' and something that said 'Do you have backstabbing friends? Take this quiz and find out.' Google is too smart for its own good.

Anywho, Real Talk found out that Maneater has a habit of taking her friend's ex-boyfriends. Now a while back, Maneater gave us a sob story about how she was in love with this man who her friend, Sideline, had previously jumped off. They had a stronger bond than just the jump off sex, but Maneater didn't want to betray Sideline. At the time, it was kinda well known that Sideline was like the neighborhood jump off. JO's don't get to catch feelings, it's a part of the game. So we tried to make Maneater feel better about the situation and help her see that she shouldn't turn away from love because Sideline was just a JO. *Sigh, we're not right for encouraging, but we didn't have the facts* Well, Sideline never saw it like that. Forget the fact that she was a HO, i mean JO, she felt as if she was betrayed so to this day, they don't talk...Although Maneater has the happily ever after with the dude.

Today, several years later, additional light was shed on the situation. This wasn't the first time that Maneater had found her way into the arms of one of her friend's former boos. Hmm, she's a repeat offender. Now I understand (kinda) Sideline's betrayal. True indeed, I may have just been a JO, but...do you prey on other people's men? For some reason, knowing that this wasn't a once in a lifetime thing, I've kinda lost a bit of respect for her. It's like dang, do I have to watch my man around you? Will you pray and pray for our downfall so you can swoop in and pick up the pieces? Why would you prey on your friend's boo anyway? Are you really that desperate or lazy that you can't find or let another man find you?

I'm not sure about the man laws regarding former boos, girlfriends, JOs, whatever...but generally speaking it's like women law to not date your friend's (i'm not talking associate, i mean FRIEND) former boo. In my mind, it has to be a mutual boo, not an 'in my head he was my boo' type of thing. I think women have a hard enough time with men as it is without having to worry about keeping another h@3 off her man. If this code wasn't in place, women would never talk to their friends about drama (which might not be a bad thing, 1 less person in your business) because they'd be worried that the friend is giving shady advice just so they can take your man. Who has time for all that extra worrying?

Am I the only one in favor of the h@3 over bro's rule? Speak on it...

Never Can Say Goodbye...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:46:00 +0000

That title may not be appropriate given the context of this post, but fitting and in tribute to the icon we lost this month. I wanted to title it 'Never Can Say Goodbye Fast Enough'..but didn't want to disrespect the King of Pop. June has been a month that I can't wait to see come to a close. I'm not trying to rush my life away but I've never been so happy to see a month end. It has been filled with loss, sadness, and shock.

The month started off with the passing of a recent acquaintance. Someone who I had just come in contact with, but no doubt left an impression. The lesson I learned from Chris' sudden departure was to always live life like it's your last day. At first I couldn't understand why his brother wanted to still hang out and party like a rock star a day after losing his baby brother...but he was living life the way Chris would have, celebrating his life and not the loss.

Mid-June was rough, real bad. The 18th marked the 1 year anniversary of my brother's death. I was on vacation with HR's family and I think it helped keep my mind off of it. Of course I had a moment (in private), but the day wasn't as bad as I thought. Part of me wishes I was with my family, but if you think I'm repressive...I come by it honestly. Regardless, Maurice wouldn't have wanted me moping around anyway.

June 25th, the undisputed King of Pop, Michael Jackson dies. What a shocker! Regardless of the fact that many of us 'counted him out' over the last few years, I was actually hoping that his upcoming tour would actually be a comeback. At least remind us that he still got it. It's like I always expected him to be around. It has been nice to feel that MJ vibe again though. Hear the songs all over the radio, do my best efforts to remember the many dances that I memorized. I can't believe that when the Scream video came out, I used to actually drop and slide on the floor at the start of that dance sequence. LMAO! I'm pretty sure I know just as many Jackson 5 lyrics as any 'older' person who was actually around at that time. I went through a phase where I was slightly obsessed with the group, I still know every line to the Jackson's: an American Dream movie. Don't get it twisted. Reminds us that we should give the flowers to the living while they are still able to smell them...

On June 29th, I almost lost Misty (my car) in a parking garage collapse. Funny thing is..I never work in town and when I do, I rarely go into the office. The day I decide to go downtown, the parking lot collapses...FML. I am still unclear of the damage done to my car, but at least it didnt get caught in the pile.

Is God trying to tell me something? Clearly I need to make sure my house is in order...You never know what lies around the corner.

P.S. June wasn't all bad...one of my dearest friends welcomed a baby boy in the world..Yay! There's always a silver lining right? The circle of life continues.

Pumped and Dumped?

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:22:00 +0000

I have been trying to get one of my friends, who is a loyal reader and happens to be one of my fav people to talk to about relationships because she keeps it real, to 'guest blog' for me. She finally obliged! How happy I was to receive an email from her with this entry. Enjoy!

Most young women I know are looking for the husband, 2.5 kids, the mini mansion and the weighted down ring finger. The problem is none of us know how to get there. I dont have all the answers, but I do feel like there are ways to significantly cut your chances. My personal favorite is sex at first sight.

How do I feel about sex on the first date?....Great if you are secure with yourself and know what you are looking for. But if you are looking for more than a wild night why not portray yourself as such up front? Men are simple. So if you present yourself as a "Sports Fish" per Steve Harvey, it makes it very difficult for him to view you in any other light. Why doesn't it dawn on us that he may think you do this all the time. Been all up and down the block.

True or not first impressions do what they do. As opposed to building some sort of connection before getting physical. I'm not saying start using the three month rule or anything, I'm just saying let the beat build. So the calling, the texting, picking you up, being seen with you in all your fabulousness just makes him want you even more, at that point the cookie is a bonus. And hopefully over dinner, or while watching a movie, you share a moment and all of a sudden you're wifey material and he's hooked. Because then he has it all, a girl he can take home to mama, and she got that good good too.....it's a wrap.

Now there are those few situations when a JO can last longer than a few months. But why chance it? The odds are against you.

What do you think? How important is giving up the cookie too soon?

One Sweet Day

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:14:00 +0000

Its been a while since I last posted. I have no excuse. This entry will be short, but I'll get back on it.

Today was hard. This entire week was hard, even this past year, but today marked the one year anniversary of my brother's death. It feels like it was just yesterday when I heard his laugh or voice that sounded so much like my father's. It also feels like yesterday when my mom called to give me the news I would never forget. I've spent the past year wishing I could have another opportunity to say all the things I didn't get to say, like how much I appreciated him giving me $5 per 'A' or hooking my car up with a CD player when I got a 4.0 my first semester in college. Or how much I wish he could meet HR, give him a hard time and give his stamp of approval. Although I won't have the opportunity to tell him in person while here on earth, I look forward to that day when we'll meet again in heaven.

Maurice, I know your looking down from Heaven. I love you.

Teaching Dogs new tricks...

noreply@blogger.com (Tootsie) — Thu, 21 May 2009 18:21:00 +0000

"That's why men are called dogs..they have the ability to sniff something and tell when it ain't right"- Flossie (my mom)

This post will be a compilation of convos I've had over the last few days, that I will try to make cohesive in this entry. It may seem random, but hey, that's how I think. Bear with me.

So I was talking to my mother last night. Now, if you know me and think I'm random..I have NOTHING on my mom. When we have our longer than 10 minute conversations, the topics range from news to family to anything else. Case in point, last night she asked me if I'd heard of Big Pun..she'd watched the Rappers Wives show that was on VH1 (?) and thought the story about his wife was so sad. My mom doesn't even listen to rap..but we had an entire discussion about this. It seemingly came from nowhere, but I was just telling her about one of my friends who has tons of drama and I think it's a cry for attention..not help, attention. That's another story for another day....

Anyway, we ended up talking about this upcoming weekend. HR is coming home with me for the first time. My dad's class is having a reunion and my mom thought it was important that we showed our face. I told her I was hesitant about bringing HR around my dad's friends because he's not my husband and I thought it could cause awkwardness. She said 'Well he is your boyfriend, right?'. Pause, 1. I think she missed the point and 2. I guess he is...lol, still weird to say. I don't want these old(er) men and women looking at me with their judging ways, wondering why I'm not married. I'm ok with it, but don't feel like answering questions. Ok, I should get over it, no need to bring him if I'm concerned right? Right..moving on. She then goes on to say, 'well..you were talking about some other guy trying to step in, you've forgotten about him, so he must be'. Well...I tell her that I believe HR must've known something was going on because he stepped up his game. She opines that men are called dogs for a reason- they hunt and chase, they sniff out things and can tell when something is wrong. So, so true.

Often women say that men aren't as smart as we give them credit for. I think that men are a lot smarter than women give them credit for, they just know when to turn on those smarts and when not to. They react based on how they are trained, or their learned behaviors and rewards (Thanks Drea!). According to Steve Harvey (who lately everyone is proclaiming THE relationship guru), women hold all the power. So it seems as if women need to learn how to train their man. Right? Well, if it's that easy, why are there so many unhappy women? Why is it that women have a 'moldable' man, but crave the man that is too far gone cause after all, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. An old dog who over time has been trained by the current/past women to do bad things but gets rewarded. Instead, there is a man in your face who has all (most) of the qualities you've wanted, but they are still not you want. Why do women always want what they can't have? Why did Eve bite the apple? How can this cycle be broken?

Who knows. Thoughts?