Top Floor Family

What does it mean to be bold?

2012-02-10T20:58:00.001-07:00

What does it mean to be bold? That is a question that I had to ask myself today when I felt so strongly that I had to defend why Christians do and say the things they do. My Facebook today was inundated with status updates talking about the beliefs of Christians being superbly cruel and our God being an imaginary poof that shouldn't have bearing on our lives or country. This is what I wrote, for reference:

"I am surprised at just how many status updates today are expressing anger toward the Christians today. I want to try and explain why so many of us try to tell the world what the Lord wants from us and why we are so passionate about things like abortion, even though it doesn't always come out the right way. Please read this all before commenting.
We believe with every fiber of our beings that there is One God who made us and this world and made us in a certain way and requires a level of obedience to have a relationship with Him. His main desire is to never be apart from us, so he desires that all would have faith in Christ as their God and Savior who died on the cross to cover all our sins and was resurrected. If you have faith in Him, and let Christ pay for your sins,making you sinless in death, you will live in eternity with Him when you die. Those that do not accept Christ as their savior cannot enter Heaven because he cannot be around sin as Heaven and God are perfect.
How terrible of a people would we be if we didn't desire that all people would have that peace and joy for eternity. We don't want you to have the pain of a life away from God. So you betcha, we'll tell you about Him and we will protect the things He wants us to protect, like human life which He made very clear starts at conception. Just like as a mother you tell your child not to touch a stove because it will hurt, even if your child thinks it will be fun, out Lord has told us the things that will hurt us not only in this life but the next. Because I love you all I could never sit on my hands and watch you touch a stove because I don't want to hurt your feelings. I will tell you, the rest is up to you. Please don't be angry when Christians assert themselves into politics or other things that can hinder salvation. We're all on the same team, all children of God and he loves every human that has or will ever live. We would be pretty rotten people if we really believed all of this and never tried to share His love and promises with all our brothers and sisters in the world. Sometimes it comes out hateful, and that is our flesh and our humanity and not to glorify God. For that, of course I am sorry. I'm sure I've done that, too. But if we are bible-believers we cannot sit here and say, "hey, do whatever you want to anyone you want in anyway you want. I don't care if you never know the Lord." That would be much more cruel."

So... I was using my phone and apparently don't proof ready. let's just get that out of the way :). It's hard to tell context and tone by text, but I intended this in my usual upbeat, trying to be loving, cadence. You do have to expect that when you say the "C" word it will bring about some strong emotions. We are ingrained with the desire to seek Him, and I think hearing about our beliefs pricks something in that area of ourselves and it makes people who don't want to know Him angry. I had a few people do the usual, "so, then, I go to hell if I don't believe in your God", or "what about if someone is raped" (you can see my position on the latter one here ). Disagreeing, yet very civil, and they are still my friends, even though they greatly disagree with me. For my brother, though, it was too much. He defriended me! Now-a-days that's the equivlent of disowning someone or a divorce. Talk about hurtful! So it made me think, was I too bold? Should I hear the slander against Christ and stay away from the keyboard so as not to risk causing offence? Of course I immediately consulted a strong friend via text and felt so reassured to just follow where I'm led in words and actions. So I consulted the Word, and this is what I came across (I'll go through it bit-by-bit):

2 Corinthians 10

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Spiritual War

10 Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent am bold toward you. ²But I beg you that when I am present I may not be bold with that confidence by which I intend to be bold against some, who think of us as if we walked according to the flesh. ³For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. ⁴For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, ⁵casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, ⁶and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.

Well, I know I am guilty of v. 1! I tend to be much more bold with written word than in person. That can really be confused with being hypocritical or, in my case, fearful. Totally true for me! Saying something to someone's face about something so bold as our Savior's message can be a bit scary. The world does not like to hear it. But, "boldness" and "lowliness" can absolutely exist in the same person. Christ was bold and yet a servant. Never did he stand on the holier-than-thou stool, even though he truly could have! He is the Holy of Holies, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace! When we come under the cleansing blood of Christ, we too can take His attributes and desire towards it. Plus, it is really easy to sound severe when talking of the things of Christ. He really is so black and white and the Word is fact, so it can come roll off our tongue as harsh and too blunt if we let it and forget that we are lowly and above no one.

And, O our flesh! (v. 3). As Christians we still walk in the flesh, battling it and our own desires that are apart from His. When it says "we do not war according to the flesh" I was a bit stuck. Does war according to the flesh mean live life according to the world or speak according to the world? I consulted the BlueLetterBible.com for help:

"b. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal: When Paul battled in his wars, his weapons were not material, but spiritual, suited for spiritual war.

i. The carnal weapons Paul refuses were not material weapons like swords and spears. The carnal weapons he renounced were the manipulative and deceitful ways his opponents used. Paul would not defend his apostolic credentials with the carnal weapons others might use.

ii. In Ephesians 6, Paul lists the kind of spiritual weapons he did use: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit. To rely on these weapons took faith in God instead of carnal methods. But truly, these weapons are mighty in God for pulling down strongholds!"

Oh! Manipulation and deceit. Those are methods that are so easy to use and can be so destructive to whatever cause you are standing for or words you are standing behind. But when we stand behind the weapons God gave us and stand on His truth and don't waiver in our faith who could defeat us?

I love v.5. That's what I felt like I was doing today, but didn't know if I was wrong. There are so many things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God, saying they know more or better than God or deny His existance all together. But we are called to bring all our thoughts to Christ in boedience of Him and His Word. Through that we will win, because in the end of it all God wins. Period.

Blue Letter Bible also said the strongholds being stated here "in this context are wrong thoughts and perceptions, contradicting the true knowledge of God and the nature of God". That means, we do need to be bold! We need to be trying to being down these strondholds that tear apart people's lives and mean to harm our Lord.

i. Many commentators think the phrase to punish all disobedience is taken from the Roman military court. Paul is saying, “We are all soldiers together in this battle, and I am ready to bring in some discipline among these troops.”

Ahhhh. So are we to only be bold to our believing brothers and sisters? To me, those who have chosen to follow Christ must adhear to a higher standard; God's standard. All of us are much more accountable to our actions among one another than non-believers. So then, should we stand by when a non-believer ridicules God? Hmmm.

Reality of Paul’s Authority
⁷Do you look at things according to the outward appearance? If anyone is convinced in himself that he is Christ’s, let him again consider this in himself, that just as he is Christ’s, even so we are Christ’s.^[a] ⁸For even if I should boast somewhat more about our authority, which the Lord gave us^[b] for edification and not for your destruction, I shall not be ashamed— ⁹lest I seem to terrify you by letters. ¹⁰“For his letters,” they say, “are weighty and powerful, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible.” ¹¹Let such a person consider this, that what we are in word by letters when we are absent, such we will also be in deed when we are present.

V.8 (b)- YES!! This is why we are called to be bold. Not for the destruction of people or lives, but for the edification (lifting up) of our body! This is not to make people feel "bad" or "wrog", but to make us stronger and unified as a whole so others can see our God and rejoice in it!

While searching boldness, I found this quote from Answers in Genesis

As Christians, we need to have the utmost integrity in all areas and be careful not to be a stumbling block to a fellow Christian. We should make every effort to live at peace with others (Romans 12:18). This does not mean, however, we will never offend a fellow Christian if, for example, a rebuke is needed. Even though we speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), we might still offend. We must live by the truth of God's Word, and those people who are living contrary to the truth are often offended. Non-Christians may be offended as well. After all, the message of the gospel declares that they are sinners who need to repent and put their faith in Jesus Christ. In a sense, we need to offend unbelievers in order to witness to them!
Although we cannot keep people from getting offended, we should make sure that it is the truth that offends rather than our attitude, actions, or approach. We must follow biblical principles in all areas. At times, offending is wrong, and at other times, it is necessary. As we spread the truth of God's Word, we should do so in love, humility, and boldness, making sure we are living by the truth.

There we go. If we are letting it be The Truth that is offensive or" too bold", and not a hateful approach or better-than-you or sour attitude than that is exactly what we should do. We are called to spread the word of our Christ so that they too may be saved. So long as we share the Word and the Truth with love and humility, though some may be offended, others will be saved and our Lord will be proud.

Thoughts?

"With the blood of the Lamb and the words of our Testimony...."

2012-02-08T09:12:00.001-07:00

After consulting ye olde Facebook for advice about delivering my testimony to the youth group at church I had a lot of people who wanted to know my testimony. Here is an abbreviated version that is focused o my teen years. If you have questions or want more details of anything, let me know :)

I’m going to start my testimony in my Junior High years, as this is when Christ really started leaving me “bread-crumbs” in my life to get me to really follow Him. I grew up in a very loving agnostic home where my parents never told me about God or Christ, yet I have known Him since a very young age. As far back as I can remember I had prayed to Jesus and I knew who He was. My parents never once hindered my desire to pursue religion, but encouraged my making my own choices. So, honestly I don’t know a time without Christ, but I did not attend a church (save for a Lutheran bible camp I went to in the summers) so I didn’t really understand who He was or what was required of me.

In Junior High I went through a very rough year, and a very good year. In 6th grade I had my first boyfriend, whose name funny enough was Kyle! My best friend at the time had turned our friendship into a very hateful enemy situation by the end of that grade. I felt so alone and scared that this Kyle did something that would be a hint of my future and the beginning of many trials for me. He brought a gun to school with plans of shooting my friend. When he showed me the gun at school I went crying to the principal’s office, terrified of what could happen. It ended up only being a sawed-off BB gun, but it was my first taste of true fear. Needless to say he was not allowed in our school district for 2 years and I began 7th grade so hated that I ate in bathroom stalls or in my health classroom for lunch. I did everything I could to be kind to everyone and by 8th grade I had become popular. In those two years my brother, who is 2 years older, had escalated into the drug culture and had brought a lot of fear for his future into our family. My parents made the bold choice to move him out of this environment to the “big city” of Boise just before I started high school.

We were only there a few months before my brother’s drug use got so out of hand he was choking my mom while he appeared to be “sleeping”, had multiple attempts at getting him to a hospital and he did a month-long rehab in Utah. He ran away to Seattle and slept on the streets, stole, and began a career as a dealer. One semester into high school my parents decided to move not just to another city, but to another state, to colorado. My Dad and brother moved in January of 1999, and my mom and I followed after we sold our house in March. In that time he had attempted suicide because he went from being adored and popular in Idaho to being an outcast in a very large, very preppy town. My parents had done a lot of research into what they had thought would be the best school in the metro area and had settled on Columbine. He was an instant outcast, being accepted only by the small grunge groups who were heavily into drugs. I went and found instant popularity. I tried to spend time with my brother and be friends with his friends first, but I couldn’t do it. I wanted friends, lots of friends. I was very outgoing and within a week had more friends than I ever had in Idaho. My focus was purely on myself, popularity, and boys. But within that week, after feeling guilt over hanging out with my brother’s friends as they sought drugs, a few girls approached me and invited me to their church. I had never really been to church before, but these girls were beautiful, the boys they hung out with were beautiful, and they were also popular. I said yes and the next day I went to this huge church that had more people in the youth group than in my school back home. I had never felt so loved in such a short period of time. I was surrounded by happy people who wanted to be my friends. Within the week of going I had a basic understanding of Christ and I became saved. But my focus was still on me. I wanted to be popular within the church. I wanted them all to love me and look up to me and I wanted all the boys to want me. I really had no plans for obedience to God, but I was striving for obedience to the group.

A month and a half after moving here I had amassed a large group of friends, a boyfriend, and self validation. Since my goal was my friends and nothing else I had been ditching my science class with my boyfriend to go hang out with the people from church who had that period for lunch. I had already learned about cumulous clouds and ROY G BIV back home so I didn’t feel like I needed to go to class. But on April 20th, 1999 my boyfriend and I were outside of our science hallway, ready to go to the library to hand out with his friends when an overwhelming feeling came over me, telling me I had to go to class. I tried to shake it off, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even move a step forward. I told him I needed to go to class. Disappointed, he went to his class too. I was sitting in class, re-learning things I already knew, being angry with myself for not going to the library, staring out the door where I could see the library and the stairs to the cafeteria wishing I was there, when the floor began to vibrate and a stampede of kids came up the stairs. It was senior prank day, so my table mate assured me it was probably just another mustard hazing or something. It took two seniors coming in saying that someone was shooting in the school before we closed our doors and hunkered under our tables.

The next hour I heard gun shots, screams, what sounded like bombs, and the constant sound of the fire alarm and class bell. Soon we heard nothing but those bells. We sat under our tables for hours, not knowing what we had heard or the depth of what had happened. When it had been long enough without a gun shot our teacher turned on the television and we were stunned. The first thing we saw was Patrick Ireland coming out of the library window, leaving a bloody trail on the glass and wall. I was in instant shock. Only then did I begin to pray. I prayed that my friends were okay. Shortly thereafter I saw my friends Crystal and Erika on the news. They were frantic, but they looked unharmed. A wave of relief covered me, thinking they were all okay. The teacher turned off the tv and my thoughts and prayers turned to my brother, hoping he had nothing to do with this. I knew he wasn’t at school because it was a “holiday” in the drug world, so I didn’t worry about his safety but I was scared for his involvement. I felt a wave of reassurance that he wasn’t and just stayed under my table waiting to leave. After over 4 hours of uncertainty we were rescued by the SWAT team who had us at gun point until they knew no one in the class was involved. They forced us to face to wall, and sometimes crawl, on our way out of the school to avoid seeing what had happened just outside our door. Up until that point, I thought everyone was okay. Injured, maybe, but alive. We ran down the grassy knoll outside of our school and through the fence across the street and were taken to the elementary school to find our parents.

A youth leader at me church saw me walk into the school and called my parents to reassure them that I was fine. When I turned a corner and saw my parents I saw the fear on their faces and my heart sunk. I couldn’t speak, because I was afraid of what I might hear. On our way home the radio said there were 50 students believed to be dead. I asked my parents to take me to my church. It was youth group night and all my friends were there. My friend Erika who I had just seen safely on the news, ran up to me, embraced me and cried that our friend was missing. She never came out of the library. People were talking about how some kids had hidden in the vents of the ceiling, maybe she was there. I knew in my heart it was not going to end up that way. I was in such shock that when I went home to watch the news, praying for a miracle for her, I couldn’t remember her name. I couldn’t remember anyone’s names.

It hit me at that moment what Christ had done for me. My life had been spared. My mind had also been spared having to see what my friends had seen. I knew in that instant that the overwhelming feeling I followed that wouldn’t allow me to even take a step towards the library was Christ. It caused me reflection back to the times I had felt that before. He had saved me from ever doing drugs, having sex, retaliating, and many other things that would have harmed my future in Him. That was the moment that I dropped to my knees in obedience. I had no doubts of His sovereignty, love, grace, and mercy. I also knew that He had been in every second of my life as long as I can remember. That was the moment that I truly gave my life to the Lord.

In the weeks and months that followed I completely changed. I didn’t speak for nearly two weeks because I just couldn’t. (I was insanely outgoing, perhaps annoyingly so. I had to fill every empty space.) The reality of what had happened was very difficult to process. I still had tendencies toward wanting everyone to like me, but I was much more focused on the Lord. Being at the school where my friend died and all the regrets and guilt that came with that became so overwhelming that I transfered schools, and did my best to not let anyone know which school I came from or what I experienced. I was very involved in my church and spent nearly every day there.

In my life since I have made many mistakes, lost sight of my obedience and shamed the Lord. I have had nightmares for years and insane fear over dying and losing those I love in a violent way. But I have never not felt His love and presence in every aspect of my life. Realizing just how much He loves all of us is so overwhelming and beautiful that I want nothing more than everyone to know our Savior. I am not the best evangelizer and I am praying He changed that. Even after all we went through my family still are all unbelievers and the fear of them not living in eternity with our Lord can be crippling at times. I can hardly remember a life without knowing God and I can never go back. Nothing is worth an eternity apart from our Lord. No amount of money, popularity, boys (or girls), or any other selfish tendency. Our lives are amazingly short and we don’t know if we will only life to 15 or to 105, live each day serving the only everlasting truth - our Savior.

The Wednesday Word - Only He Knows

2012-01-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

This is a story I seldom tell. Not because it is painful or otherwise difficult, but because I just don't even think of it. Yet, for some reason, it's been coming up a lot lately.

I believe everyone and every event has a purpose. Doctors have been given amazing gifts and skills that can show us miracles and put us on our knees. But I do think that sometimes , when a Doctor has been around a while and seen the same things day-in and day-out conclusions may be jumped, people and symptoms maybe lumped into a category, and things can get a little...blazay. Does that make any sense? If you belong to Kaiser it probably does. Wow, way to make a blanket statement, Kelly! Okay, there are many Doctors who do not fit into that category at Kaiser. I just haven't had the pleasure of meeting that Doctor yet.

When my son was learning to crawl my husband and I decided that he needed a sibling. We wanted them to be close in age so we started charting and trying. A few short months later I got that beautiful little + sign on that special little stick. I immediately bought like 10 more sticks just to verify. So over the moon! I treasure that feeling of knowing a fresh, new being was growing in you. Everything in the weeks before that test felt different, much different form my 1st pregnancy. I knew I was pregnant about 1 week before the test told me. And with the help of my charting, I called to set up the 1st appointment for when my little bean would be about 8 weeks old.

My bestie Kate came over to watch Little Man so I could have this appointment be special, just me and the new baby. (The Hubbs was working a lot -something that is the norm now- and didn't get to go to the appointments for this baby). I couldn't wait to see her heart and her little blobby shape. I was already convinced it was a girl. It just felt right. My daughter, I was going to see my daughter! I was also hoping to see pigtails in there:) Ha ha. This visit was nothing that I planned.

After some joyous 'Hello's' with the doctor and all the staff, it was time for the ultra-uncomfortable 1st ultrasound. It is not the belly kind you get later on, its internal. Moving on... the NP was really quiet as we were looking at the screen. She kept moving the wand around and all I could see was a tiny circle inside of a big oval. I was searching for her, but hadn't seen her yet. She excused herself and said she'd be right back. She came back with the doctor and had her try, this time also incorporating a belly wand. I thought, "hey, maybe the NP is not used to this machine and is learning or something". Then came some of the most painful words I've ever heard. It was all a blur but the summation was: you've had a miscarriage. More precisely, the baby never even really formed. I would need to have a D&C to get the sac and placenta out (what we had seen on the monitor) so that I don't get an infection. I should have "passed" it all by now.

How could this be? I felt her...life force or soul or whatever you want to call it. I felt her. How could she not exist? Stunned and devastated I told her I'd like to "pass" her naturally. She said after 2 weeks I'd have to have it done or I could get a devastating infection. She made it sound like I would die. No pressure! I left to go get blood work done, took my complimentary picture of my baby sack, and went home. I don't remember driving. I don't remember getting home. I do remember being a blubbery mess to Kate after she asked me how it went. I'm sure she had never been more uncomfortable. I called my husband and he was devastated. When he got home he held me and said we'll try again. I didn't want to. I felt like I had lost my son, someone I knew and loves, and had held. And I still felt her. I kept praying "God, how can this be?" over and over.

And who did I consult next? Google of course. I googled "missed miscarriages" and all sorts of things came up, from what happens in a D&C (inspiration for this, my most popular post), to what it means, to this website for missed-diagnosis. There I saw post, after post, after post where someone had been told they had a miscarriage and were instructed to do a D&C. These women also paid for the remains to be examined to see the cause of non-development. In the cases posted there, nothing was wrong and the baby had been alive and growing. You read that right. Alive. Healthy. Growing. I felt that little twinge in my heart that you get that says - this is you. I called Kaiser and set up another appointment for an ultrasound in 1 week.

Do you know what they saw at that appointment? My daughter. My teeny-tiny very alive heart beating daughter. They didn't have an explanation. They didn't have a reason. They also had no shock or emotion about it. Just, huh... that's interesting. Interesting? Try a miracle! Try, that baby was there and you wanted me (with a lot of pressure) to get rid of her.

We, as normal people or extensively trained medical professionals, do not know everything. We have a tiny glimpse into things and we are so quick to think we have all the answers. God knows. He knew her from the moment she was conceived. He revealed to me that she was a girl early on and He helped me to feel that she was very much alive. Something that should have been a part of my testimony I found joy in then sort-of "moved-on". I didn't talk about it much and just found joy in her life. I went into labor on my original, charted due-date and teeny 5lb 15oz Little Miss was born. She's still very petite, but super smart and always been healthy. Here she is, Mommy's little miscarriage:

God is in and about everything. Lean on Him, not man (no matter how well versed or knowledgeable). He will answer you, in His own way and time.

When we become believers we have the Holy Spirit descend upon us and live in us, making us one with Christ and securing our salvation. Having the Spirit also helps us to know things that are of God, feel the things God has done, and have discernment between the world's thoughts and His. Here is some insight into how we just know things differently sometimes:

1 Corinthians 2:6-16 (NIV... I know, I know) copied from BibleGateway.com
"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. ⁷ No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. ⁸ None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. ⁹ However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”^[a]—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
¹⁰ these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. ¹¹ For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. ¹² What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. ¹³ This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.^[b] ¹⁴ The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. ¹⁵ The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, ¹⁶ for,
“Who has known the mind of the Lord
so as to instruct him?”^[c]
But we have the mind of Christ.

I know that The "secret wisdom" speaks of Salvation, but this passage is also talking about how He guides us on paths where we can't see the destination, but He can. Breathe easy, have faith, He know ALL things, someday we will, too. Close your eyes, look deep into your soul and know He rests there. And follow what He says.

Love you all!

Oh! I'm flying to visit my parents for a long weekend, leaving toimorrow. Please pray for our safety and minimal hang-ups when it comes to having 2 toddlers along :)

Neighbor knock-knock-knocking on heaven's door. Err... our floor

2012-01-17T13:02:00.004-07:00

Since we have so much catching up to do, I want to rewind to a few months ago to October/November (2011). I deleted most of my "Debbie Downer" posts a while ago, so unless you have been reading for a while (or are a dear friend) you probably don't know about our neighbor issues. (Please enjoy this picture of Little Miss' 1st haircut as a visual of how cute my kids are as you read this, And, of course, the boy being adorably silly!)

Quick summary: we live on the 3rd floor of a building (Top Floor Family...get it?), meaning of course that we live above someone else. I've lived here on and off for 10 years in the same unit and we purchased it over 5 years ago and changed the thin carpets to beautiful bamboo floating floors (you have to have a ton of padding underneath to be approved by the HOA to have wood floors). I have never, ever had a problem with anyone. But that all changed when we had our oldest and he started to crawl. The young (30's), single woman who owns the unit below us was not a fan of the noise our baby was making. By the time he could walk, and I was pregnant again, she started banging on the ceiling. Only when he walked, or dropped a toy, or even *gasp* colored in his coloring book on the floor. She couldn't care less about if I walked, our dogs ran (we had two at the time), listened to music, or watched a movie. It was only centered around the budding toddler, and it was between the hours of 7:00am and 7:00pm. He was not allowed to run, jump, or walk on his heels-only his toes. In the TWO years that followed it got progressively worse as our daughter was born and began to move, even after I talked to her, wrote her notes, etc trying to see what was up. We started complaining to the HOA and after two years they decided to hold a meeting. SO let's start there:

After years of her banging (violently banging) on our floor, her ceiling The Hubbs and I submitted an offer through the HOA. We told her that if it would help her noise sensitivity and have us all live in peace she could install carpet in our unit at her expense. We loved our floors. They were beautiful and made a small space appear larger and less apartment-y. But I was crying all the time, stressed out of my gourd, and honestly fearful of my families safety around her. I was yelling at the kids for walking too much, talking too loud, or playing too much. Crazy! They should not be punished for being kids. But me-being-me I did not want to make more noise to upset her and did not want things to escalate to dangerous places. We never, ever, not even once banged back. And believe me, that took every fiber of my being to not do so. I frequently had to drop on my knees and pray for what to do and to pray for our neighbor (who is a professed Christian). We were prepared to just throw in our chips, amass a huge amount of debt and sell our condo for way below what's owed, because that is what it's worth on our lovely economy, and rent a house somewhere , ANYWHERE so that our family won't suffer anymore.

Anywhoo... they ended up fining her after seeing that we've done everything we can and having some 3rd party people who've heard the banging talk to them. Our neighbor was furious. She asked that an emergency meeting be held with the HOA and the council (or whatever you call it) about...get ready... our excessive noise. What the what?? I, of course, was panicking. What if they tell us our family is too loud? What if they tell us we have to change our flooring? How are we going to afford that? What if they agree with her and she feels okay in banging more? What if what if what if????? And even though I could never hear it through my spirit of fear, my family and friends were saying, what if they tell her to stop? What if they tell her you're in the right? What if it all works out?

The meeting came, unexpected witnesses were there, it was very long and uncomfortable. She denied having ever banged more than once, two years ago. Witnesses came to say they had heard it as recently as that week. She we signed up for the "condo lifestyle" and should not allow noise on the weekends before 10 so people can sleep. She said she has emotional distress and can't work well because of us. She also said she's never home to hear any noise (to try to say it was impossible for it to be her banging), while in the same breath saying the noise of our kids dropping things or walking is unbearable. I was so blessed by the Lord because I was so calm and even-toned and my emotions didn't take me over. The Hubbs was visibly upset at the things she was saying and was pretty upset. She was literally shaking with anger. Her sister was there to say she and her children had spent the night once and were woken up at 8:00am on a Saturday because of the kids playing and that it was inappropriate. The council, all elderly men living in 1st floor units, are what some might initially describe as a stereotypical "crotchety" demeanor. I thought for sure they were going to say "those dang kids" or something. But do you know what I heard?

"That sounds like kids being kids. We live in a family community, not an adult-only community. Their floors were installed to our specifications. This is all happening during the day, when you say you aren't home. We can check your installation to see if maybe it is inadequate, but that is all we can do for you." I was relieved. A wave of relief crashed all over me and I thought this was all over.

It wasn't.

Our neighbor was so mad, so upset that she was not the victor that she did something that I can't even imagine someone doing. She found out what the Hubbs does for a living (law enforcement) and called to file a complaint saying he was harassing her and illegally investigating her. She even threw around the word emotional distress. That may not seem like a big deal, but it's huge. Something like this could have gotten him fired and unable to find another job in law enforcement. He is our only source of income so this would have left our family without money for food or a roof over our families head. Not to mention the defaming of his character! God bless that everything my Hubbs does at work is documented on their computer. They track everything (and I mean everything) their employees do. If he had searched her name, driven to her work, looked up her license plate, address, etc, it would be there for all to see when it's researched. Well, he is one of those black-and-white guy. He doesn't believe in living in grey, it's either right or wrong and he stays in the right. Follows the rules to a T. Makes him a very serious individual, but a very respectable one. It took all of 5 minutes for them to find him innocent. She was even still on the phone when they told her so. I'm so glad my husband doesn't read my blog because he would be so embarrassed by this...when he got home from work he erupted in tears. Tears. He is the strong, silent type (well, not so silent at home) and not ever the person you would think would break down. He knew he was in the right, he even went out of his way over those two years to never talk to the neighbor in case she would try to sue for harassment once she finds out what he does (happens a lot in that industry, unfortunately) and the hearing was the first time they had ever talked or been face to face. It had to always be me before.

Needless to say that relief was gone and my anxiety was through the roof. Who would try to strip someone of their livelihood, risk an uncertain future for two little children, all for "revenge" for not getting her way? I called a very kind friend who prayed with me over the phone and I felt immediate relief. She also gave me some advice on comforting my husband at this time that sort of shocked me as I'd never heard that before, and I'd heard it all. No shame, but I won't repeat it :). God had closed every door and window we tried to escape out of to leave this home. He wants us here, at this time moving is just not an option. So we ripped up our floors, put in super-de-dooper thick carpet and padding and decided we cannot let her actions bring down the kids. We'll give our burden of this to the Lord, still not make excessive noise, and be kind to her if we see her (although not talk to her; attorney advice). We've let the kids play, be kids, and have fun. We've relinquished this whole thing from the neighbor to the house to the debt to where we live to the Lord- took it off our shoulders and I have never felt so much relief. It's like a whole new world. I can still tell that she does not like the kids' playing even after changing the floors. She blasts her music or TV now and shouts at the top of her lungs. But our places are built so well (concrete between floors) that we can just hear the faintest of noise and it doesn't bother us. She's just hurting herself. But after all of this , our familial relationship has never been better and we've never felt so settled in our home. And I had no idea how much our other neighbors thought of us. So many of them have rallied around us in support, some of whom we had never even talked to before. Who knew? This is definitely an instance of God refining us through the fire. We had to go through years of uncertainty. hating where we live, fear for our children and selves (which sounds so petty for the situation, but was very real while living it), and lashing out at each other since we couldn't at her. And because of it we're better people.

Moral of the story: Once you stop focusing on what is going wrong in your life and see light through the stress and pain there is clarity and hope. You just have to keep you eyes on Him and not on our own paper-cuts.

Who knows? Maybe we are meant to be here as a witness to "the" neighbor. Maybe through all of this she'll be saved. Or maybe a neighbor? OR... who knows! But a plan is definitely in place. I don't know what the future holds or when/if we'll be allowed to leave, but we'll take it a day at a time. Oh, and this also means all my mommy friends are going to have to start doing play dates over here. It's small, it's up some stairs, but it's our home.

Okay that's today's update. Wednesday Word is (finally) back tomorrow!

A Crafty Place Mat

2012-01-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

I got something awesome for Christmas. It was of epic proportions and I have been in HEAVEN! It's called and Accuquilt Go! and it cuts perfect pieces of cloth. It's similar to a paper dies cutter, but much cooler :). I also was given some moo-lah from a kind family I do learning-play dates with and I immediately took to eBay and won a ton of dies in a huge lot for super cheap, because apparently no one was bidding on Christmas eve. The first thing I made was a lap quilt for my mother-in-law for her birthday (she got me the Accuquilt). Second I made this, a place mat for the messiest eater I have ever met...my daughter. (excuse the picture quality, it was my phone).

Yeah, there are things I would do differently, for sure! But it was my first one so give me a break :). Just in case you are dying to make this, here's how I did it:

1. I let my son go through my fabric and choose 4 fabrics that had yellow in them. I wanted it to be cheerful! I think he did a great job.

2. I took my fancy schmancy Accuquilt and used my 2 1/2 strip cutter to cut one strip of each fabric 37 1/2 inches long. I cut them all at once and literally did a little jig at the accuracy. I can't cut straight for beans.

3. I sewed all the strips together (side by side) with a 1/4 inch seam. I then pressed all the seams open.

4. I laid out my newly-sewn long fabric and used my rotary cutter to cut it into thirds. Each section should be 12 1/2 inches tall.

5. Sew those sections together! Make sure you press your seams!

6. My next step was my favorite. When I first got my dies I had to try them all out so Little Man chose some fun colors and we went to town. Some of the things we cut were these critters (butterfly, dragonfly, and bee) and a ton of flowers. I decided to use some of my critters and one of the flowers and sew it on. I had applied fusible web to the fabric before sitting the shapes so all I had to do was iron on the shapes, and sew around the edges with a zig-zag stitch.

7. I then cut a piece of fabric that was 24 1/2 inches wide by 12 1/2 inches tall for the backing, and the same size for a piece of thin batting. I then made a "sandwich with the right sides of the fabric together and the batting on top. Stitch around the outsides with a 1/4" seam and left an opening about 2 inches wide at the bottom for turning.

8. I turned my place mat inside out and topstiched around the edges, being careful to ensure it closes my opening on the bottom. I then decided I wanted a more quilted look and proceeded to quilt about a 1/4" around all my shapes. I don't know if I'd do that again. My husband said maybe I shouldn't :) It still looks really cute, but the extra quilting gives it a lumpy effect.

So I made a couple more, without quilting (or piecing strips- I just used a singular fabric for the background since it was for a gift and not everyone wants it so busy. It still looked busy anyway, because I am apparently allergic to solid fabrics). Also in the picture I made a bib in the shape of a hunter, a baby book (from a kit), and a burp cloth.

Making your eyes dizzy? Yeah, I love it!! But I really need to get some solids so everyone else can stand it.

What do you think?

Where have I been?!?!

2012-01-16T11:29:00.001-07:00

Umm.... I have a problem. Well, many I'm sure, but in relation to my blog I have a big problem. Huge. I haven't posted in... forever! That was not my intention but life and time slipped away from me and before I knew it it had been months! I want to thank all my followers for still coming to my blog. I thought for sure I would have no hits during those months, but I had the same amount (some months more) coming to visit. Alright, I get it, you want me to write. Thank you all for caring!
Alright, I've been busy. I've gotten more involved with my church. I love this church and have been going for years, but felt like I needed to really get in there and help. That is something that is so difficult for me. My flesh is so comfortable sitting in the back, soaking in the lesson, then disappearing. No one knows my name? Fine. I don't want church to be about me, something that I've found in the past is so easy for me to do.
I've also been crafting again! So way back when I was pregnant with Little Miss I starting a blog to chronicle my learning to sew. Last post on that blog was just before I had her. She's nearly two. So I'm going to put my crafty-ness on this blog, too. Hopefully you don't mind :). Sewing is so relaxing to me. It can be stressful because I mess up a lot, but it feels so good and I get a chance to worship and sing and talk to God and come out with a project.
The Hubbs has also been working a lot more, so I've been worn down for sure. He just added another day of work to his already packed schedule. We'll see how this goes...
And the neighbor-chronicles came to a head while I was on my unintentional blogging-sabbatical.

All these stories and more will be coming to your eyes!!! Stay tuned... First story of 2012 starts NOW!

Out with the old...

2011-09-12T21:18:00.000-06:00

You may have noticed a lot is missing from my blog. This blog didn't start out depressing, but totally ended up that way. It was allowing me to dwell in the unhappy side of my emotions and I just want to "shake it off" and dwell in all the joy I have! No more "here comes Debbie Downer" on my site. Yep, I'll express my emotions, good or bad, but I'm choosing not to make the negative a focus of my live (ergo, my blog). I also am not going to do giveaways anymore, Sorry! I may still enter them to try and win Christmas presents (worked out awesome last year- I even won a stroller!), but I'm done with the gimme-gimme's too. I have more than enough in my life.

Plus, I have so exciting stuff coming up in the next few months with church-goings-ons that I can't wait to share with you as that gets going.

So to start the joy, today I am thankful for:
Little girl pigtails. Seeing such a teeny, happy face under high pigtails when I got home from my (new) job it made my whole day. It was awesome!

What are you thankful for today?

VBS 2011 Scrappin'

2011-07-18T07:30:00.001-06:00

Well... looks like that "steady internet" was a bust, I've been having to use my phone which I can barely type an appropriate sentence on. My fingers and brain were made for a real, physical keyboard I think!

We just finished Vacation Bible School and it was so exciting and maybe just a teensy bit stressful. Though, it shouldn't have been, I gave that all to myself. Once I "let go and let God" everything went so smoothly! Best part of the whole week was when 17 kiddos accepted Christ! Pray that they are able to affect change in others, especially their families, and that they have the strength to hold true to their beliefs!

Every night when i came home I was so pumped that I had to digi-scrap all of the Hubb's pictures. He's getting better and better all the time! So I wanted to share with you a few of the pages. Look at it like a child did it, so you can be impressed :) And these aren't all of them, just-a-some.

This is the final page-thing. I just wanted to show the shadows of some of the "wanted" posters that are in there,

My how they've grown!

2011-02-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

With all my absenteeism I noticed the last pictures of my kiddos was from Halloween! While Halloween was awesome and so much fun, they have really grown since then.

The Hubbs' birthday is this week so I took Little Man and Little Miss to the mall for some portraits. Normally I use a photographer, but funds are low. So here they are!

The A Word...

2010-11-05T08:48:00.001-06:00

Ooh, this is such a touchy subject but it is something I feel so strongly about that after reading this interesting fact today I had to write about it.

***Warning-the nature of this subject is graphic and there are also pictures at the bottom of this post***

Did you know that our wonderful country will happily lock you up in prison (a maximum of 5 years) for breaking open a bald eagle egg? The government considers our once endangered national bird as precious and worth preserving and have classified that egg as no different than a full grown eagle. Why is it so different when we try to classify humans?
We are happy to save trees, protect unborn animals, and shout about saving our whales yet when it comes to the most precious form of life, human life, it is wrong to tell a woman to save her child. It is her body, her choice right?
Wrong. I mean, if we were talking about a boil that gets in the way of wearing her favorite high heels and she chooses to remove that from her body, then fine. That truly is part of solely your body, remove away! When you are pregnant, that baby is being grown by your body, but it isn't your body. You didn't just develop a new internal organ or something, you are the new grower of a completely separate human being. Just look at yourself for that greatest example. Look in the mirror, search your thoughts and ask yourself, "am I just a replica of my mother? No different, nothing of my own.". Of course you're different. You are an entirely new and unique individual. There has never been someone exactly like you before. Do you think you only became different when you were born and before that you were just an extension of your mom; a nameless, lifeless blob that didn't form into "you" until pushed through the birth canal? No way. Just like that eagle egg being classified as no different from a born eagle in the eyes of our laws a human being should be no different. Plus, in some states if a pregnant woman is murdered the law allows prosecution for two murders, not one. To me that makes it seem like a life is only worth protecting if it is wanted by the mother. If that same mother had gone into an abortion clinic she wouldn't have been prosecuted for the murder of her own child.
I think we are so concerned on "self" that we are focused on conserving our own way of life and making it as convenient as possible. Not the "right time", get rid of the baby. Don't want to get fat, get rid of the baby. Forgot to use a condom, get rid of the baby. Afraid to tell my parents, get rid of the baby. How selfish. Here comes the age old adage- give the baby up. No where in life does it say you have to become a mother. Just take the baby to a fire-station, contact an adoption agency, or ask your doctor for help finding another family. You don't ever even have to meet your baby, but you have the obligation to let this human being that has been created to safely carry them to term and deliver them. They don't have to disrupt your life, just don't keep it. Simple. You don't want the discomfort of having people know you got pregnant, too bad. We all have to own our choices in life and pregnancy just happens to be a very visible one.
Plus, as a believer in Jesus Christ His Word is very clear about when we are considered human, his children.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:13-16

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you (Isaiah 46:3-4).

And now the LORD says—he who formed me in the womb to be his servant to bring Jacob back to him and gather Israel to himself, for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD and my God has been my strength (Isaiah 49:5).

The word of the LORD came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations" (Jeremiah 1:4-5).

When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy" (Luke 1:41-42, 44)

He also tells us murder is wrong. Murder is willfully taking the life of another human being (not to be confused with killing, which is having to take another life to preserve your own or someone elses'
Now for the classic objections. What about if a woman is raped or forced into an incestuous situation? If you are raped, you go to the police or at very least the hospital. When there they will give you the choice of a pregnancy prevention cocktail and you should take it if you do not want to become pregnant. This is much like the birth control pill and prevents pregnancy, it doesn't get rid of an already made baby. Anyone who has tried to conceive a baby knows that "conception" does not always happen on the same day as the deed. It can take up to about 5 days afterward to result in a fertilized egg. If a woman is too ashamed to go to the hospital or to a police officer and gets pregnant is a hard scenario. While rape and incest are terrible, awful situations that I would wish on no-one you take the risk when not going to the hospital that you may conceive an unwanted baby. I have much sympathy for those women, but they should not have decided to take that risk if they were not prepared to have to give birth to the product of such an awful crime. Adoption.
Abortion is the way to ensure we don't get too overpopulated/humans are a dime a dozen. If this is the way you feel would you like to be the first to jump off the cliff to allow more resources for others? No? Because you are important? Yes you are. So is every other human. God will provide.
There aren't enough people to adopt these babies. So false. There are so many families that are jumping thru hoops trying to get a baby to love and finding it difficult. Believe me, you decide to give up your baby they will find a family. The big problem is trying to find foster families, that's what you see in the media with waiting children. It is much harder to find a family willing to go through the adventure of taking care of an older child that they may have to give back to their birth families. We need many more foster families, but really there are plenty of adoptive ones.

Would it help if you knew how babies were aborted? If it makes you uncomfortable to read or think about than somewhere inside you you know that what they are doing is wrong and that this fetus is really a human. It should make you uncomfortable. It should make you sick.

**warning there are pictures, but if you don't believe they are human it won't other you**

In a medical abortion (usually performed before 9 weeks) a woman is given a ton of medicine that basically forces the lining of your uterus to expel itself (like a period) and eventually forced the placenta to detach from the uterine wall. The placenta is what passes blood, nutrients, and oxygen to your baby. With that detached your baby dies. It's like someone putting a bag over your head. This is really a slow process and can take up to five days for it to die and you to expel the baby from your body.
In a surgical vacuum abortion the baby is literally sucked out of your body. It is much quicker, but has the same result. Many times, though, it doesn't work completely and the doctor will need to do a D&C to remove the body parts and tissue left behind. Yes, you just ripped apart a human being and left behind the pieces. Not the way I'd want to go.

In a surgical dilation and evacuation a baby is given a shot that kills it in addition to the medications given to the mom (similar to a medical abortion) . Then the babies head is crushed so that is can be more easily divided into pieces to be removed. God forbid the shot didn't take and the baby was ripped apart alive, but they never really know.

Dilation and extraction. This one should make you want to vomit. I couldn't sleep for days when I first heard of how this worked. The baby is delivered feet first up until the neck (if the head is delivered it is considered a live birth). The doctor makes a hole in the neck, inserts a tube, and -get ready for it- sucks out the babies brains. When the head collapses it is delivered, dead.

And what is done with the babies? Most clinics (including planned parenthood) sell the babies to research facilities and often they are "parted out".

Murder. No doubt about it. Your thoughts?

A Day of Praise

2010-10-19T09:16:00.000-06:00

Outside it is a little windy and gloomy (perfect for the Halloween month) but it's all sunshine inside. The Hubbs is FINALLY here and a huge weight is off my shoulders. I have been fully taking advantage of him and letting him take care of the kids while I literally do nothing. It has felt so good. The first few nights were a little rough, though.

Night 1-Saturday. We tried the Expedia mystery flight thing where it only costs like $50 after tax, but you don't know what time or airline you will be flying, but you do select the day. All the other flights were $160+ one way so it was worth a shot. Luckily it was a non-stop flight on Frontier but it came in at 11:00 PM! That means after getting his bags and driving the looooong ride home we got in at 12:30 AM or so. So late! Plus, he had only had 3 hours of sleep in the previous 48 hours from crazy work events so he was a bit delirious. When we got home, The Hubbs had to check on Little Man and then the poo hit the fan.
Once it clicked in Little Man's head that he had seen his Daddy, there was no sleep to be had all night. He didn't want Daddy out of his sight and he was so excited that he just couldn't calm down. It was about 3 or 4 in the morning before he passed out. Then both kids woke up at 6:30am as usual. Rough night for The Hubbs!

Night 2-Sunday. We had a wonderful day (pictures tomorrow!!) going to Westcave Preserve in Round Mountain, TX and eating at this awesome Mexican restaurant that had a huge yard area for kids to play while we eat to reduce the screaming and let them run. Great day. But we noticed that all day Little Man didn't want to eat or really drink either. By the time we got home and tried to eat dinner he was horribly upset. We thought he was just overtired from not participating in nap time and maybe it was time to go to bed.
Within minutes of going to bed we heard crazy screaming and run into his room. What do we see?? He had puked allllllll over the room. The couch, his bed, and all over the floor. And he wasn't done. I felt so horrible because he had never, ever vomited before and he was very upset. He spent the next several hours being attended to on the couch and relieving his stomach several more times. At around midnight he had one final relieving and immediately fell asleep. Sitting up. So we laid him down and took shifts sleeping next to him in case he woke up and was sick again. Very little sleep that night too.

Thank the Lord Little Man was perfectly fine yesterday and last night we had a great sleep. Little Miss is still getting up every few hours at night, but it still felt like heaven. Today I am sitting here, finally attending to my blog (like the new style??) and relaxing a bit while The Hubbs runs around after the kids he has missed so much.

Ahhhhhh this is the good life.

Door to Door Organics

2010-09-09T15:50:00.000-06:00

Well I am chock full of awesome issues these days and I have to really watch my diet. I have found it next to impossible to get to the grocery store with the two kids to get fresh, healthy fruits and veggies. Let me paint you a picture of our usual shopping trips.

First, I have to get both kids ready and sloooowwwwwwllllyyy walk down three flights of concrete stairs because Little Man is learning to do outdoor stairs independently. Yet I still hover around him because those stairs are more than brutal and I can't stand the thought of him breaking something. Half and hour later we are in the car.

Second, the store. If you have two or more little kids you know that they are never well behaved at the moments you really need them to be. Forget about checking over the produce to find the best with two screamers and a ton of dirty looks. So we race through the store and no doubt end up with a lot of frozen and processed foods.

Third, the trip up the stairs. Because I don't have a garage attached to my home or anything I have to carry the kids and anything else I purchased up the death stairs all at the same time. So picture a wiggly, screaming toddler, a floppy baby, and several bags of groceries. I am half way to the nut house by the time I am in the door.

Needless to say I was pretty excited when I saw a Facebook post about a friend who was trying Door to Door Organics. I looked it up and the price is more than reasonable (same as I pay at the farmer's market) and they deliver. So no juggling kids and groceries and pulling my hair out just to get nourishment. Plus, this would ensure that I would eat what my body requires.

I got our first box today and it was full of beautiful organic produce. Plus, they let me make substitutions to our box so the Hubbs got the avocados he craves. I am so excited to start making healthy, fresh meals and start feeling better all around. I think everyone should give this a shot if they are in a delivery area! (plus, if you search Google, there are plenty of coupons to save you money!)

Have any of you tried anything similar? I'll keep you updated on what I make with it.

(Today I made a toasted chicken sandwich with an avocado relish for Hubb's work lunch. It looked so yummy!)

The Wednesday Word

2010-09-08T09:00:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt like you were so worthless that not even God wants to hear you? I have. I have had those moments where I am so stresses out living on two hours sleep, tripping over toys and laundry, trying to breastfeed a screaming baby while cleaning an explosive toddler diaper, and tried to hold back tears. I have felt so alone, invisible, and unimportant. To make matters worse, you run into an old friend who "has it all". Well behaved kids, a large house with a yard to let those well behaved kids run around in, no financial stresses, and friends/family abound to help when they need it. Then come the angry prayers of "why, God, do you forget me? Why do I have to go the hard way?".

I was feeling this way when I read Psalm 4.

(Passage courtesy of http://www.BibleGateway.com)
¹ Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
         You have relieved me in my distress;
         Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

² How long, O you sons of men,
         Will you turn my glory to shame?
         How long will you love worthlessness
         And seek falsehood?  Selah
³ But know that the LORD has set apart^[a] for Himself him who is godly;
         The LORD will hear when I call to Him.

⁴ Be angry, and do not sin.
         Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.  Selah
⁵ Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
         And put your trust in the LORD.

⁶ There are many who say,
         “Who will show us any good?”
         LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.
⁷ You have put gladness in my heart,
         More than in the season that their grain and wine increased.
⁸ I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
         For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

I realized that I'm not alone. Even David felt like he got the short end of the stick at times, but he always had faith that God heard him. In truth, I know He hears me I just usually don't like the answers he gives me. I feel like I deserve some financial relief, better health, and a yard. But God says, "no, no, and no" for right now. I don't know why. I don;t know why this is my journey while others seem to have to "so easy" but there has to be a reason.

I need to be silent and reflect in my heart to who I'm meant to be and stop focusing on what I don't have. What have I been given? Healthy children, my husband has a job, a roof over our heads, and family who loves me. Yet even while I listed those things, I couldn't help but think about the negatives.

Healthy children, my husband has a job (a job that keeps reducing pay, not paying overtime, time demanding, and putting us in a really rough spot), a roof over our heads (with a too-small house we don't fit in that is upside down thanks to the real estate bubble bursting, we'll never be able to get out of it, and carrying two kids up and down three flights of concrete stairs is difficult to say the least), and a family who loves me (but lives too far away and is unable to help me when I really need it. They are just too far.).

I need to really clear that garbage from my head. No wonder God doesn't bless me with things I desire, maybe He feels I won't appreciate them. I don't know... I just need to focus on Him I think.

What about you? Have you ever felt this way?

The Wednesday Word

2010-09-01T09:00:00.015-06:00

Homosexuality. There is a word that can conjure up all kinds of feelings in a person of faith. Many of us don't want to discuss it amongst one another because we are not sure if we should be "tolerant" or "condemning". Are those really our only options?
I admit, I have struggled with how I feel versus what people tell me is "right". I have sat in my seat at every church I have been to and heard the fleeting mention of homosexuality and that it is wrong, then quickly passed over so as not to stir controversy. So is being homosexual okay? Is it something that automatically sends you to hell? Should I not spend time with my gay family members? Are they all filled with demon like some pastors have suggested? But I don't feel they are choosing this lifestyle, why is it so wrong?

Now, I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I believe in the Bible to be whole and true. That said, I think we really miss the point of the Bible. The front cover does not say: "The Bible. A guide to condemning those different from you and to make you feel like a worthless person.” At least, mine doesn't. I have noticed people taking clips out of the Bible-one verse here, another there, and making an absolute blanket statement. "God says it is wrong". But, does he?

Where in the Bible does it say, point blank, that homosexuality is wrong? And before you start typing passages from Genesis, Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy, and Jude let me state my case on those passages. They all refer to rape, orgies, molestation, adultery, beastiality, sex in a temple, sex as part of a pagan ritual, sex before marriage, or purposely forcing sex to humiliate someone. The same thing is said about heterosexual behavior throughout the Bible. God believes these things are wrong and I am right there with Him. But none of them say, "Jake and Johnny became one, living out their lives in a committed relationship and were condemned to eternal damnation." I saw nothing like that. And before you start quoting Leviticus you need to remember a few things about the laws/prophesies in the Old Testament. 1) They were put in place to set Jews apart from the rest of the world to not be tempted and to more easily spot the Lord when He came, and 2) Jesus states in the New Testament that he came to fulfill those laws and that we are no longer bound by them because we don't have to look for the Lord anymore. He's here! That is why we can eat pork, cut our hair, wear blended fabrics, and get tattoos all of which were before forbidden by levitical laws.

Then there are the Ten Commandments. Let's go thru them together shall we?

ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me.'
TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.'
THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.'
FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.'
FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.'
SIX: 'You shall not murder.'
SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.'
EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'
NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.'
TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.'
So we have gossip, envy, murder, adultery, lying, disrespecting your parents, swearing, and not worshiping God. Where is the commandment about which sex we are allowed to marry? It isn't there. God was very specific with his very basic commandments for us all to follow. I don't think He would leave something out just to confuse us. I think it wasn't the issue we are making it now. Where are the picket signs that say "God hates gossipers" or "You like this bracelet? That envy will send you to Hell?" or other ridiculous nonsense like "God hates Gays". We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God, have we not? We have all failed to honor the commandments and we are all forgiven. There is no single sin that in an automatic sentence to hell, nor is there a clear cut passage that even states that homosexuality in and of itself is a sin.

Plus, in the New Testament when Jesus was asked which of these commandments was the most important to follow he said to love Him with all our hearts and to follow Him. He also says that the ONLY way to get to heaven is to have faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord, Savior, and Redeemer. There are no works that will get you in and no sin that will kick you out. You either believe or you don't, the rest is obedience. That is why His sacrifice is so important. He died to cover all the sins we commit on a daily basis so that those sins are not the basis of our salvation.

Now you may say that there are no passages showing a committed/married homosexual couple or courtship in the Bible so it must be wrong. True, I don't know of any but there also aren't many passages about a plain heterosexual couple that just love each other, the end. All the passages are about struggles, obedience, finding the Lord, and loving each other despite ourselves. There isn't much in regards to romance either way, just how we should treat our spouses.

I beg of you out there, please think twice before shunning someone based on whom they love. If they profess to be Christians, than absolutely hold them to God's standards as listed in the commandments as well as not raping, molesting, having orgies/sexual rituals, and not having sex before marriage (or, I guess commitment ceremony as the case may be) whether they are gay or straight. If they do not profess to be believers, than regardless of their orientation you cannot hold them to God's standards that they don't subscribe to, only the standards of the world, which is who they belong to.

So, yeah, I'm going to say it. Homosexuality as a sexual orientation is not wrong; it is not a sin. God loves them just like he loves me. Just like he loves you.

I really hope to hear your thoughts on this one. I'm human and know very little, I could be wrong...

Chaps and a diaper? Yes please!

2010-08-31T09:10:00.000-06:00

Just to show you how much fun we have in Texas, here is my next story in pictures. I could try to describe this, but really... the pictures do it the only justice. Within the first few days Little Man decided to wear his Woody hat (from his Toy Story costume he wore last year), the came out the diaper jeans, then the chaps, then the laughs....

This may sound silly, but I couldn't help but hear the song from The Full Monty that goes "you can leave you're hat on...". Feel free to do the same :)

Love it all! Do any of you have a great diaper moment to share?

"No One Told Me" Thursday

2010-08-12T09:00:00.002-06:00

...I would shed like a dog.

During pregnancy there are some pretty amazing benefits from the hormones and prenatals. One of which is a lush mane. My hair seemed to feel fuller, silkier, and shinier. Then you have your beautiful little baby and it all goes down the drain. Literally.

When Little Man was born I distinctly remember standing in the shower two weeks later, shampooing my head, looking down and what do I see? Hair everywhere! I ran my hand through my hair and looked at my hand. Even more hair! I felt like I was in the middle of a beauty shop horror film. For days I shed like this.

I don’t know if it was the screaming baby or the long nights, but I swear my hair just freaked out. It either went grey or just jumped ship completely. I was so upset. I had enough to deal with, being a first time mom and all. I thought something was wrong with me and that I was going bald.

Luckily that wasn’t the case. I didn’t go bald and I was completely normal! When looking online I read that while pregnant your head stops shedding hair. When your hormons change after your baby is born all those wonderful hairs that held on for 10 months decide to make a run for it. So don’t worry if this happens to you! You’re just shedding the hairs you would have lost all those months and it will slow down.

Why didn’t anyone tell me so I could have saved myself from a hair heart attack?

The Wednesday Word

2010-08-11T09:01:00.001-06:00

Do you see the signs?

Due to my vacation I have really been thinking about driving. With my silly thoughts the way they are I naturally went from thinking about the super long drive with two teeny kids to thinking about the signs on the side of our life's "road". There is always something in every event in our lives that we can find God in if we pay attention. I believe he always tries to tell us, "hey, I'm here and you are not alone". I wanted to share with you one of the events in my life where I was shown a sign of His existence. I've had many other signals from God, too, and sometimes those signs were ignored.

I can remember being little and talking in my head to Christ. I didn't grow up in a religious home so I didn't grow up with the knowledge of something greater than myself out there. Yet I knew who it was I was talking to. So I think we must be made with a longing to know our creator just like we are naturally instilled with the knowledge of right and wrong. Okay, so maybe this isn't an exact "sign", but just knowing He was there was pretty huge for me.

Fast forward several years and past several signals to my being a teenager. I had just moved from Idaho to Colorado and started a new high school towards the end of the school year. I had only lived there a month or so when I started dating a boy who was not really my type, but very fun. I had been ditching my science class for the first week we were together so we could hang out for two hours (that class was right before lunch). It wasn't like we were doing anything cool- just "hanging out" in the library or cafeteria. I was only a freshman after all- where else could I go? One day my boyfriend wanted to ditch again and go to the library to hang out with some other kids from church. For some reason I felt really strongly that I had to go to science class. I didn't want to go to class, there wasn't any assignment due, I wasn't falling behind or anything, but I felt strangely compelled to go. So I went to class and so did he. That was a day that would change my view on life and confirm my belief in God.

That day two students went on a rampage at my school and killed 13 people and themselves. And where was most of the carnage? The library. One of our friends was killed, many others experienced something that I believe I am not mentally capable of handling. I could barely handle what I went through that day and I know in my heart of hearts that Christ was looking out for me that day. He knew what was going to happen and spared not only my life, but a total mental breakdown. I got down on my mental knees that day and said "okay, you're there- I'm not alone. I have faith in you". That couldn't have been just me. It wasn't just a coincidence. I'm not psychic. I had no idea what was going to happen that day, but I knew I couldn't ditch that day.

I've learned to follow that pull within myself. I know what it is and I know what it means. I have also found out the hard way what happens when I ignore it. Now I look for the signs. I try to see where God is in every situation and am often shocked by how obvious He is, and yet how easily I can oversee it.

What about you? Has there been an instance in your life, whether big or small where you saw the sign? I would love to hear it!

"No One Told Me" Thursday

2010-08-05T09:00:00.003-06:00

...About the Jell-O Belly.

Okay, I did not expect to pop out a 7 pound, 3 ounce baby and have my stomach bounce back to a size 4 but I didn’t expect what was to come.

When you are fully pregnant and ready to pop all there is in your abdomen is baby. Everything else has been moved out of the way, most are up towards your ribs or hovering around your bladder. I don’t know why but I fully assumed that all those organs would just kind of fall back into place pretty much immediately. Not so! I felt strangly empty in the ab area and when I pushed on it, it felt like pushing on a ball of dough. I was afraid my hand would get sucked in there never to be seen again if I pushed too hard. Plus it was really unflattering to look at. Just like, you guessed it, a bowl full of peach Jell-O.

Have you ever seen that Simpsons episode where the scientists are measuring Homer’s body fat? They smack his belly to time how long it jiggles and it just keeps going and going with little waves of fat all over his tummy. That is exactly what my stomach looked like! I had to wear my maternity pants for what seemed like forever just to keep the fat from exploding out into the world in a Jell-O sunami. I wished I could have kept wearing my maternity pants to keep my stomach in for longer, but you really only have so much leeway after having your baby. It would probably be a faux pas to wear maternity clothes on my childs first birthday.

In the weeks that follow childbirth your trusty organs move back to where they belong and I felt more solid. The Jell-O may have been gone, but my stomach moved on to another tasty treat. The ever hardy, ever present muffin top. Oh how I wished I could have zapped back into my pre-pregnancy body like the bionic-bodied friend of mine who was back in pre-pregnancy clothes just two weeks after her first baby looking like she never gave birth! (Oh and she just had another baby and zapped right back into her pre-preggo jeans. Ugh. Hey Jealousy.) The evidence of my birthing a child can be seen just by glancing at me from across the room. You can see that I greatly represent another food in overall appearance now, an overripe pear.

It does get better. I’ve noticed with this baby I have lost the weight much faster and am on my way to being at a comfortable size. While I may never again see a size 4, I am seeing the jiggle leave my Jell-O. I just need to somehow get my hips to come back together and maybe then I'll be able to fit at least one leg into my old jeans. Heck, at this point I'd settle for just my calf to be able to fit in those things! But that’s a topic better left to another day.

The Wednesday Word

2010-08-04T09:00:00.001-06:00

“Bad Advertising”

I was watching Last Comic Standing Monday night and felt incredibly convicted when a very non-politically correct comic made the comment that went something like,

“I hate it when people say ‘Jesus loves you’. If that were true then he would have sent someone else to say it to me. You’re not a very good representation.”

I should have been offended, instead I thought, 'oh my gosh it’s true'. As a Christian and a follower of Jesus I have been there. I have judged others for their actions and told them of a better way. But I hardly ever find myself thinking, ‘if I was looking at me, would I want to be saved?’. If someone was to see me on the street, in my car, or pushing my kids in the stroller would they be able to see the light I represent before I ever open my mouth? What about when I do open my mouth, what am I expressing? Is it love or is it condemnation.

Let’s face it, we find it easy to judge. It’s a heck of a lot easier to see and point out what others are doing wrong than to look into ourselves for faults. I’ve done it. I did it yesterday. I found myself fuming in my head about a family member who I was thinking was so judgemental, unloving, and misrepresenting Christ. So while I condem their judgement, I am judging too. Where is the love? That’s what we are called to do. Love. Why is it so hard?

If we were truly trying to lead by Christ’s example and bring others to God we should not be pointing out what will “drag them to hell” because no-one would ever listen. No-one likes to be told that they are wrong (just see yesterday’s post). And that is not what we are called to do. Plus, let's not forget that we are all sinners. We all deserve horrible things and not one of us is above another. I am so thankful that someone better than us crazy people came along to save us and show us some love. Okay, so everyone knows this verse I’m about to quote about God’s love. I bet you’ll say it in your head the second you see the verse. It’s on signs at football games, bumper stickers, and wrist bands. It’s John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son so who so ever believes in him will not parish but have ever lasting life.

But what about the verse after that. Do you know it? It completes this thought and is an incredibly important example of how we are to act and how Christ loves us. I can’t say that I knew it previous to this weekend. I’m glad I know it now.

For God sent His Son into the world not to condem it, but the world thru Him might be saved

Why don’t we know this? Why don’t we follow this? Let’s put down our signs (whether real or figurative) that say “God hates ________”. Lets show love. Lets show why Christ is different and why life can be better outside of the world. We can only show that by not condeming people, but showing them love so they might be saved. Boy, that would make family get-togethers a lot nicer! Heck, if Christ isn’t condeming anyone then who am I to think I can?

Competitive Talking

2010-08-03T09:00:00.006-06:00

image from lifesnip.com

I think it’s human nature to stand fiercly behind a belief you have, even if what you believe in is shaky. Take your favorite football team, for example. So they haven’t won a single important game in years and can’t even spell the word P-L-A-Y-O-F-F-S yet you get in a room with someone who is wearing red and silver instead of your trusty orange and blue and they become the enemy. You’ll rip apart their team down to the awful boots their cheerleaders wear while at the same time lording the immaculate nature of your precious team over their heads. And admit it, in your head you’re listening to their points and thinking, “hmmm, that’s true, they can’t catch a ball”, but it comes out “the ref wasn’t looking and we were robbed. We Rock!!”. You stand firm in the slop that is your football team and shove their greatness down your friend’s throat.

Feeling guilty of that? I know I am. Maybe not the football part, but about a lot of things (mainly baby related things). It’s almost like I feel that someone is trying to personally offend me when they prefer a different brand of stroller, sippy cup, or even if their baby rolled over before mine and I feel the need to defend my life, hoping to show how “right” I am. Huh? What’s up with that? Who cares if Timmy prefers his Dr. Brown’s sippy cup when my Little Man needs a Nuk? Aren’t they both happy? Neither one is right, and I know that. Why, then, when around another intelligent mommy I feel the need to defend the honor of my favorite products or my baby's development, when their honor isn’t even being questioned?

It’s got to be deeply ingrained in us moms somewhere way down deep that we must be right. We have to be right. We have to be the best or have the best and somehow that makes us right and the have-nots wrong. Is that why we feel “wrong” when we don’t have what they have? I can’t tell you how many times I have felt that it is wrong for me to be growing my family in a small, 1100 square-foot condo with no yard or even garage. Other women at my young age with growing families have yards, garages, seperate rooms for their kids, and don’t even have to go up three flights of concrete stairs while wrangling a screaming toddler, sleeping baby, and groceries just to get to their front door. I feel like I need to get on the “right side” of this topic so I can be right and have all the right things. And yet, when someone mentions my living situation I feel an incredible urge to defend my choices.

Why can’t I just say, “yeah I love where I live, and your house looks so wonderful too”. Instead it comes out snarky and a bit too fierce. Then I feel like I have to show them all the other things I have right; like how great is this accessory or that product that I just happen to have. Plus, the way I live is not wrong. I shouldn’t feel the need to defend anything! And why is it that while “defending” our silly possetions we have to try to knock down what others have or believe in? I act like I am defending the miracle of Christ or something, not just the best diaper brand. It never actually makes me feel better or truly right and I leave the conversation knowing that I didn’t change their minds because when moms get together, sometimes we are unable to “hear” eachother and are just competative talking.

Plus, my team’s due for a comeback - your team doesn’t stand a chance.

(Oh boy, I didn’t learn anything)

"No One Told Me" Thursday

2010-07-29T10:06:00.000-06:00

When you are pregnant women flock from what seems like the four corners of the Earth to tell you all the wonderful things to come, as well as some advise...whether it's wanted or not. Yet there are still so many things that happen when you deliver your first child that make you think - "why didn't anyone tell me this would happen???" So here I am, telling you every Thursday what you may not know or be prepared for. Today, lets talk about boobs.

No one told me....

Breastfeeding is lonely and hard. You hear it morning, noon, and night starting the second you realize there is a tiny being in your belly, "breast is best". Women, doctors, websites, and baby books sometimes go a bit overboard in pushing how wonderful it will be for both you and your baby, how natural it is, and how much easier it is than formula all in an effort to ensure that you keep your baby on the boob juice for as long as possible. Naturally, I thought it would be easy and maybe even fun. Then came Little Man.

I was so sure I would breastfeed for at least a year and when that little guy came out and attacked my mammaries with vigor I knew it was going to be a struggle. Your milk coming in is PAINFUL! Like full on, keel over pain. And what about the sharp stabbing pains for the first few weeks while your nips are getting used to the abuse of a baby sucking? I can't tell you how many times I cried. Before you ask, no it didn't hurt because he was latched on incorrectly. I had a lactation consultant look and said it is right, my breasts just need some "learning time" then the pain would subside. Plus I have a forceful letdown, meaning I spray like a fire hose. That is more of a pons-and-needles feeling that I can manage but it is uncomfortable at first. Don't even get me started on engorgement and clogged ducts. Childbirth is nothing compared to the pain of Mastitis (clogged ducts). I had that with each baby.

Don't let the pain scare you, though. I wanted to give up so badly that first month or so but I am so glad I stuck thru it. I was only able to feed Little man for just under 6 months (I had to quit due to milk issues) but I did treasure the time I spent cuddling him. He is a busy body and hates to cuddle so that was the only cuddle time I got. With Little Miss I'm going on four months with no end in site. It was still painful, and I still wanted to quit but it has been "easier" this time.

What I struggle with the most is the loneliness that comes with it. If you are like me and are very modest you want to ensure you don't show your ta-tas to the world, even if it is a natural thing. So I won't breastfeed in front of people without a cover. And even then it is difficult sometimes. Plus, my babies tend to feed close together (like every hour and a half) so I really can't go anywhere without kids. I can't go to the movies with my friends or just have an afternoon alone. Little Miss won't take bottles so that is especially difficult. And nighttime I feel overwhelmed at times because I am literally the only person who can satisfy her hunger and comfort her to sleep. The Hubbs gets to sleep all night and I have to get up as much as 6 times a night and it can be exhausting. I have cried many times. But I still do it out of love for them.

And for a lot of women (like the vast majority) you have to actually teach your baby to latch. Most don't do it naturally. This can be very frustrating and you may end up blaming yourself. It's not your fault! It's just that no-one told you it would be hard. And don't hate yourself if you decide to formula feed. Your baby will get all the nutrition they need and you may just save your sanity and marriage if things were getting really bad.

Now there are many, many benefits to breastfeeding. But you can read about those just about anywhere. Instead I will tell you how to ease the discomfort of clogged ducts of you are lucky like me and are plagued with these in the beginning. I don't know why it works, but it totally does.

Soak a wash cloth that is big enough to cover your breasts in hot water. Wring out the excess water and place it on your bare chest until the cloth starts to cool. Place a cooled piece of cleaned cabbage (yes cabbage) on the hard spot of your breast for 10 minutes or so. Then pump! Once you've pumped what you can, re-soak the towel in how water, wring out the water, and place it on your chest again until it starts to cool. Repeat the towel a few more times and pump one more time. You should be feeling a million times better at that point!

The Wednesday Word

2010-07-28T12:58:00.000-06:00

Have you heard the Jason Grey song "More Like Falling in Love"? I hear it on K-Love all the time, but this week I have actually started listening to the lyrics. I sing along with the songs all the time, but all too often I don't pay attention to what it is I'm singing about. The chorus just hit me.

"It's gotta be

more like falling in love

than something to believe in.

More like losing my heart

than pledging my allegiance"

When we fall in love (whether it is a husband, boyfriend, or even a new baby) what do we do? We tell everyone! It occupies our every thought and is a part of everything we do. We post endless pictures of this person on every website imaginable and tell our friends every little thing about this person. We just can't get enough! So why can't our faith be like that?

I have fears at times when expressing what I believe in. I always worry that I'll be viewed negatively or lose a friend (heck, even an acquaintance!). What I should be doing is shouting it from the rooftops in hope that others will fall in love with Christ as well and stand side-by-side with Him in Heaven.

So that is my goal - to try and fall back in full-on love with my Savior and not be afraid to tell everyone about him and how much he really does love us all. I need to get over these silly fears because, really, people won't hate you for what you believe. I greatly love people who have fundamentally different beliefs than I.

So let's fall in love with Him again. It's not something thats there to just "believe" in for the sake of believing in something and I need to stop treating it that way when I truly have faith. What about you? Will you join me?

Jeremiah 31:3 (New King James Version)

³ The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying:

“ Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;

Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.

Bible quote from BibleGateway.com

The Stroller Wars

2010-07-27T12:46:00.000-06:00

I have found myself inadvertently on the quest for the perfect stroller for two kids under 2. I never imagined myself to be "that person" with a different stroller all the time, but I can honestly say that I have had (gasp) SIX strollers in the last TWO years. Okay, so let's break this down and see how it started and how it's ended (with a little review of each stroller).

Stroller 1: Evenflo Single Stroller $60

When I found out I was pregnant with Little Man I knew that I was going to be buying my own stroller (my parents

and my in-laws already had other gifts picked out) so I chose an Evenflo stroller that would accept the Evenflo hand-me-down car seat that I received from my father-in-law. It was inexpensive and it looked terrific. I can't remember the model name, but it was a beautiful beige with a checkered print on the hood. I actually got compliments on it! It cost about $60.00 on Amazon. It worked really well and stains came out of it easily. My car seat clicked in well and it strolled around isles with ease. It also had a nice parent console with a cup holder.

On the negative side, it didn't fold super compactly, the wheels squeaked no matter how much WD-40 was on it, and it seemed like the wheel was bent easily. It really served us well for his first year of life.

Where is it now? I gave it to my sister-in-law who is expecting her first baby. It still looks great and has a lot of life left.

Stroller 2: Jeep Overland Jogging Stroller $80 (after coupon and sale)

My husband is a public servant and his physical fitness is very important to ensure he stays safe on the job. So before Little Man was born my husband was absolutely, positively sure that he would want to go jogging with Little Man to stay in shape. Thus, we got this stroller. It was so comfortable for my boy (once his head was steady enough to be in it), it had a neat "Music on the Move" console that you could plug your mp3 player into for you and baby to listen to some nice tunes, and it glided beautifully over bumps and grass. Also, the fabric was very breathable and released stains easily with minimal effort. And how often did my husband take it jogging? Zero. He was "too tired" or it was "too late" so he never went jogging at all, let alone with the stroller.

So I took it upon myself to take it when we went to the Denver Zoo or on walks to the store for groceries. I ended up not using it as often as I would have liked because of the fixed wheel. While a necessity for jogging, just walking around with a fixed wheel is very cumbersome as I rarely just needed to go straight. I had to pick up the entire front end to turn the stroller. And this thing is not light. Also, it folded up largely because of the large wheels and was very heavy to get in and out of the car. It ended up taking up all of the trunk of my Jeep Liberty because we don't have a garage to store these things in.

Where is it now? When I found out I was pregnant with Little Miss I knew we'd need a double and put it up on CraigsList for $100. It sold immediately, praise God.

Target Umbrella Stroller $19

When visiting my Mom in Texas she had one of these little umbrella strollers and it was handy, especially compared to the hulk of a jogging stroller that we had at the time. So when we got home we decided to pick one up for quick trips (or any trip where I wanted to turn, really).

This stroller was a very cheap price and is just that; cheap. It is uncomfortable to push because the handles are so low down, the straps are incredible difficult to loose or tighten, one of the wheel breaks broke almost immediately.

However, it is small and takes up nearly zero space in our trunk, is easy to open and fold, and is comfortable for my son. So it ended up being a wash.

Where is it now? In our storage unit. My husband wants to hold onto it for travel or if our other stroller ever breaks. Plus, I couldn't, in good conscience, give this to anyone.

Graco Quattro Tour Duo $100

After selling the Jeep Jogger I immediately bought this stroller off of CraigsList for a great price (the exact amount I sold the jogger for!!). It was all I thought I wanted. It had comfortable seats, two cup/snack holders for each kid (and two for the adults, too), a one hand fold, automatic lock, large basket, and was relatively easy to turn. It actually folded quite small in comparison to other tandem strollers I tested in the stores. Quite a bit smaller, but it was still large and took up most of the trunk in my Jeep Liberty. However, when we traded in the Jeep for our Honda Odyssey minivan, it fit perfectly into the storage well behind the third row of seats with plenty of room for other things. I was only 2 months pregnant when I bought this - I was a bit excited for my second baby :) So we had about eight months of strolling my son around in this solo and I loved it. It held so much and it was so comfortable for my son. Plus, the handlebars were at a comfortable height to allow my husband to push it around. It was heavy, but I didn't have a problem getting it in and out of the car while 9+ months pregnant. What a relief that was! So, what could possibly be the problem? Why would I want to get rid of this wonderful stroller?

There are some negatives. The canopies aren't very large, they do shade adequately, but there are no pickaboo windows to see how the kids are doing. There are clear panels on the sides of the canopies, but you have to be next to them to see thru it. Also, there is a mesh "window" in the back canopy, but you still can't really see thru it clearly; you just see a figure. When Little Miss finally came and we put her in the stroller in her car seat (a Graco SafeSeat) it fit well, but Little Man couldn't recline when he was tired. Not a huge problem, but an inconvenience. Also right around this time my son decided that he did not want to ride in a stroller. He was a big 1 1/2 year old and he wanted to walk! That combined with Little Miss wanting to be held meant I was constantly pushing around an empty stroller with just a diaper bag in it. The breaks were also a bit difficult. You had to get them in the grooves just right in order of them to truly lock. The wheels squeaked a lot and was both frustrating and embarrassing. It was seriously louder than it needed to be. Even with all of that I loved this stroller and I believe it to be the best tandem out there.

Where is it now? Well, this is sad for me. I actually listened to my husband's complaints about Little Man always walking and the stroller taking up space so I sold it. I really thought that was what he wanted. I sold it on CL for $90. He then told me it was "just talk" and he didn't care what kind of stroller we have. I was very sad.

Joovy Caboose Sit and Stand $100

When my hubby was talking about my son always walking and daughter always wanting to be held I came to the natural conclusion of a sit-n-stand. I thought it would take up less room in the trunk while also providing two "seats" if either child decided to sit, and a fun standing platform for a wiggly toddler. This was a huge mistake. I exchanged a bunch of kids items at a consignment store for this new, last year's model stroller. So it didn't really cost me anything (thank The Lord) due to the exchange but I have found myself wishing I hadn't listened to my husbands complaints.

Let's start with the positives. It was a bright orange color that my Little Man loved (I let him pick it, there were 3 other colors there), and the one time he stood on the back he said "weeeeeee". It is relatively easy to steer and is much thinner than our tandem, so although it took up more space in our trunk lengthwise, it took up much less width wise. The canopy is also great. It is large and can easily be maneuvered to block any sun. It doesn't have a window, but it isn't really needed because it sits up to high off the seat that I can see the top of his head. Also the stroller itself is much smaller than most sit and stand types.

Now for the negatives. It has an infant car seat adapter that is easy to use, but if you do there is zero room for your older child to seat in the back "seat"; same thing if the front seat is reclined at all. It only has 2 seat positions for the front seat, straight up and slightly reclined, not enough to be comfortable for a sleepy child. The seat is hard and uncomfortable. The straps on both seats seem flimsy. It is very difficulty to get up on a curb due to the odd center of gravity on this thing. The tray table is useless, it's cup holder is very small and it is difficult to get a child in and out of it with it attached. My son finds the standing platform scary and only rode it once happily. The basket is practically non-existent and difficult to access. There are no cup holder for the adults. I cried a little after using it the first time and thought "What have I done!!!!". This was my only true regret of a stroller. Also, my son and daughter both decided they wanted to ride in a stroller shortly after selling the tandem and purchasing this. Of course, right?

Where is it now? In storage with the umbrella stroller. We decided to keep it to try again in a year and see if Little Man will be more inclined to ride like that and less scared. We'll see.

Bumbleride Indie Twin $225 (we ended up paying $0)

After doing a lot of research, looking at every review for every double stroller, and testing doubles in store, this stroller became my dream stroller. Barring a miracle lottery win there was no way I was going to be able to get this $700+ stroller. It just wasn't worth spending money we didn't have on my crazy stroller obsession. But I did find myself praying that one would just fall into my lap. I decided that a side-by-side stroller was right for us and this one would just be perfection. Lo and behold I was perusing CraigsList (as I do daily) looking for a double when I saw the most beautiful words I have ever seen on this site "Bumbleride Indie Twin--$225". Any high quality double stroller has been selling on there for $500+ even at a few years old. And those have been snatched up in a days time! The only problem? It was a town an hour away and my kids were napping. It could be taken before we even got them into the car.

So we called my mother-in-law who lives just north of this town. Luckily for us she was driving back from a gambling anniversary trip to the mountains and would be passing by that town at any moment. She was very kind in picking it up for us. We went to her work the next day and looked in awe at the stroller that is in nearly perfect condition. It was hardly used. I tried to pay her, but she wouldn't take it. I guess they won some money and gave it as a gift to us. Divine intervention for a stroller? I think all things are possible with God and you better believe I was saying my thank-you's to Him all day and night. Okay, on to the positives/negatives. Just for reference, this is the 2008 model that you can still find for sale online for $600, but is not currently made and Bumbleride has made many improvements to this stroller since then.

It maneuvers like a dream! I can push it one-handed and it turns on a dime. It can get up curves ,over grass, through rubble and I barely notice. It is beautiful with very high quality fabrics which are also comfortable and easy to remove stains on (there was a chocolate stain that I removed). It has HUGE shades with attached storage bags to hold all the mommy-daddy essentials. Plus, it has great pickaboo windows. Both kids seem very comfortable and like to be able to see each other, too. Also, the basket is very large and can fit a lot. It doesn't take up much more space than the Joovy in the trunk, but is still large. Also, it came with the foot muffs that now have to be purchased separately and will be wonderful for Colorado falls and winters. It also feels lighter than the Graco tandem stroller when pushing and storing.

Negatives, there had to be some! The HUGE canopies can't be maneuvered too far down so sometimes you cannot block the sun well. There are no cup holders for anyone. I put the Bumbleride snack pack on my Christmas wish list for the kids. Then they'll have a place for drinks and snacks. I still need to figure out the parent part. The fold is seriously a 3 step process which although easy, is a bit time consuming. Plus, it doesn't have a lock to keep the stroller together when folded (Bumbleride fixed this on the newer models). Other than that, it is everything I thought it would be!

Hopefully that ENDS my battle for the best stroller. My husband says it is over and we have won. Lord, I hope so!

What about you? Any stroller battles to share?

Introducing Myself

2010-07-27T12:38:00.000-06:00

Hello to all of you out in the blog-o-sphere! I have decided to share some of my experiences with the hope that I will help people just like me; people who don't "have it all" and have to be careful in choosing what to have and people who want to have an honest, christian opinion on products and experiences. My family of 4 lives in a third floor condo in the great state of Colorado where living in an apartment/condo with a family is not so popular.

Honestly, I have struggled at times with not having what "everyone else has", especially when I began having children. Seeing pictures of other children exploring their backyard or in their own room that they don't have to share has turned me into the green-eyed monster at times. And haven't we all been there?

"Wouldn't life be better if I had what the Jones' have?"

Well, I've looked deeper into myself and prayed for my being grateful for what The Lord has already given me. I have a healthy family, we own our home, and I have the ability to stay home with my babies (even if it is a constant financial struggle).

This blog is more of a fun look at products we can all dream about, but don't "own" us. I would love to hear you opinions on products and suggestions, too!