Tortilla Chips and Milk

2014-05-20T14:33:00.003-07:00

The Rant: Man of Steel

2013-06-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

Oh Superman, how you keep bringing me back out of blog retirement. I didn't want to see Zack Snyder's Man of Steel (MoS), not after Watchmen and Sucker Punch were such terrible movie going experiences. However, I was a comic fanboy before there was even the term and the buzz had been so positive, I compromised and saw the Man of Steel last week so I could see the movie but I would avoid being part of the opening weekend total. MoS made over 200.3 million world wide it's first four days in release instead of $200,300,007.50 so take that suckas! So here's the MoS rant. As usual, this is not a review just some observations. SPOILER ALERT STARTS NOW

Before we get into the movie, imagine that you are throwing a Super Bowl party for about 50-ish of your friends, big enough that you might not know everyone who walks through your doors. You see someone you don't recognize and you ask one of your bros if he knows that dude. He replies, "I don't know, but he brought a case of Tecate so it's cool." . Before you even get to the part where you question how bringing Tecate is a qualifier for anything, a group of dudes bust into your house and want to beat the Tecate guy down. They tell you if you throw Tecate guy out, they'll TCB somewhere else and leave you alone. Tecate guy is cool with this, so you say "Aight" and go back to your Super Bowl festivities. A few minutes go by, the group of dudes come back and decide that they want to fuck with you instead. They go all The Passion of the Christ on your crib. Your TV? Smashed. Your couch? Eff'd. Your walls are caved in, your floor boards are cracked, anything glass is shattered. Everything you own, destroyed. Still you and your buddies manage to fight off the group and Tecate guy comes back to help and ends the fight by snapping the ringleader's neck to save some of your cowering buds. When all is said and done you are now left living in squalor and at the mercy of your homeowner's insurance. You and your friends are emotionally scarred since the Super Bowl and/or house parties will never be the same. So what does the future hold for you and Tecate guy? Do you appreciate that he did you a solid and saved some lives by snapping a fools neck? Probably. Do you ever want to hang out with Tecate guy again? HELLS NO!!!!

That, in a lowbrow nutshell, is my biggest problem with MoS. The one thing that most people are missing about Man of Steel is that the film fails to address a huge societal element that is necessary if Snyder and Goyer want to bring a stark, gritty, realism to the Superman story. The confrontation portion of the plot centers on a group of Kryptonians who come to Earth solely for the purpose of reclaiming Kal. Without Kal's presence on Earth Zod wouldn't even know about Earth since the movie explains that Kal's beacon led he and his platoon right towards Earth. Every Earthling is aware of this as a result of Zod transmitting to every TV in every language that they are there for the sole purpose of reclaiming Kal. Of course, the Zod army decides they want to turn Earth into New Krypton after scoping out the place. I mean who wouldn't? The Earth rules! Kal then goes into action as Superman for the first time and with the help of Army led by Chris Keller, thwarts Zod's plans. This doesn't happen without astronomical damage and loss of life as estimated here. In reality, Superman doesn't save the Earth from anything, but rather Superman prevents the Earth from getting destroyed from the wake of his own personal drama. There is a difference, and I'll defer to Nature Boy Ric Flair for a second.

To be more precise, Naitch, the answer is SUPERMAN!!! You have what seems to be DAYS of Metropolis, on screen, going through a disaster that dwarfs 911, caused by Kal's presence and his people that are there to claim him. According to the storyline, Zod would have never known about Earth if it weren't for Kal!!!

After The Metropolis Disaster of 2013 and all the Metropolis Strong shirts have been sold, there is no mention of outrage or debate regarding Superman's presence on Earth and whether or not it's citizens accept his Earthling application. This can't happen, especially in modern day America! This is a country that will split in opinion over how to deal with handguns when a tragedy occurs that involves much fewer deaths and less property destruction than the one we saw in MoS. Again ,the Metropolis disaster was initiated by Kal's presence on Earth. Kal hasn't built up any good will prior to his debut, since his ID has been secret and his good deeds were limited by a father with fucked up priorities. Earth was doing just fine before he showed up. All the citizens of Earth know about Superman is that he is the harbinger of your cities being wrecked. The more I think about it, there would be no debate, the consensus would be "Get the Hell off my planet!!!" I'm all for gritty realism in the Superhero universe, if it's not half-assed. The Dark Knight Series dealt with this issue well, since we constantly saw public reaction to Batman and the relevance of that opinion over the course of three movies. The Spider-Man reboot dealt with this as we saw a ham-fisted approach to how public opinion and goodwill is important to Spidey functioning in New York. In MoS, we have a 33 year old drifter who finally gets his shit together, but he's also the indirect cause of the biggest disaster in the history of the United States.Sure, he may or may not have (since it's not shown) have helped rebuild the city with his superpowers. I'm leaning towards the latter, since he couldn't even spare the time over the last decade or so to paint his Mother's house.

Welcome to the Planet, my ass.

The saddest thing is that this failure of logic and common sense would have been easily remedied if the script explained that Zod ending up in Earth's grill was inevitable. That's all. Then Superman is actually saving us from something. If you remove him from the equation in the remedied scenario, Earth is doomed. The way it's written in MoS, if you remove Superman from the equation, Earth isn't affected at all.

As far as the neck snapping scene that seems to be getting all the attention, I really don't care either way. I mean it's important to me that Superman is the ideal and should look for alternatives before killing. Ultimately though, it's DC Comic's call, and I think that's where the finger should be pointed. You can choose to support it or not support it with your money. Still, Goyer and Snyder knew what they were doing when they put Kal in a position to kill or not to kill. It's a giant smokescreen that polarizes fanboys in an attempt to hide all the flaws in the story. For the most part it's working since that's what comic related sites want to talk about. For me, it's a story choice, if they didn't want this debate they would have rewritten that scene.

Now for some hit and run.

Anytime Russel Crowe was on screen I wanted to parrot his lines out loud in his nasally Javert from Les Miserables singing voice.

About Johnathan Kent's death scene... it's so cloying and manipulative that I actually burst out laughing while the little kids behind me were bawling their eyes out. Johnathan Kent has a responsibility to both his family and for ALL OF HUMANKIND to ensure that he remain a positive and nurturing role model to Kal, as he will inevitably help direct the course of Man's fate. If you haven't seen the movie let me spoil it.for you. The Kent's are driving on their way to Branson (maybe) and all of a sudden, it's a TWISTER. Kal gathers Ma Kent and takes her to an underpass while Pa Kent leads all the other people on the road there. When they all meet at the underpass Ma realizes that they left the dog in the car. So Pa Kent decides to go get the dog, the car gets crushed and he breaks an ankle and refuses to let Kal help him . Then to sad music Pa kent gets swept away to OZ (The "land of" not the prison where he'll be Chris Keller's prag). Such bullshit! So Pa Kent is willing to put himself in harms way, after he had already reached shelter, FOR A FLIPPING DOG ?!? He's the Father of the alien Jesus! Does he have that low a self worth that this is the only lesson left to teach him? Say what you will about the choice for Kevin Costner to pull out his best Diana Ross pose, the thought process that put him in that situation to begin with is beyond ludicrous and undermines any gravitas that scene was meant to possess.

The scene with Grabby Trucker also stands out as another one that missed the mark logically. In this scene Kal intervenes and saves a waitress he is fond of from excessive fondling/sexual assault from a trucker who we saw earlier was hauling timber. Kal lets the trucker beat on him and throw a beer can at him which doesn't faze Kal at all. Kal is forced to eat it and walk away Witness style. The next shot we see is Grabby Trucker's rig hoisted up on the logs it was hauling, effectively destroying both the truck and the haul. This got exactly one loud guffaw from the audience. Probably because I live in a blue collar town and people understand that the truck is the guy's livelihood and he's on the hook for the the damage to the freight. So yeah, Superman just cost this guy his income for the next few weeks and if the guy has children they aren't going to be living well. How is this a better alternative then roughing the guy up a little with just a smidgen of your super strength? Bruises don't keep you from earning a living. Little brother the guy until he collapses from exhaustion, don't cripple the guy economically. Asshole.

The last big nitpicky thing was the unveiling of the iconic Superman costume, dark and edgified for 2013, but still in primary color glory. Okay, that's fine, but according to the movie, Jor-El designed the uniform. That works to explain the S=Hope family crest since they established that in the the Krypton opening scenes. In fact, we spent almost a half an hour in a Krypton that is is essentially colorless with the exception of shades of grey and bronze. Its so drab that it makes Tatooine look like Disneyland palette wise. Even their telecommunication devices use a greyish-black liquid metal that morphs to facial shapes rather than a video image. So why the fuck would Jor-El color the costume blue and red? All it would have taken is one line to explain why he chose the colors for his son. If you're going to take the time to explain the crest, the colors are just as important to the symbolism and shouldn't be ignored.

For all it's huge flaws, I still enjoyed MoS more than I disliked it. The action scenes are stunning and in a vacuum or in a movie less serious in tone would be enough to polish most of the flaws in the script. I'm also happy that they stuck to the mythos and had Superman waste at least 40 hours a week as a journalist, as opposed to being on patrol saving people and averting disasters, essentially for the sole purpose of tapping the well of journalistic poon. The idea that the omnipotent can boldly shit where they eat will always keep me coming back for more.

The Olympic Flame is snuffed out - Superman style!

2012-08-13T00:31:00.001-07:00

Would you believe that I had this post planned four years ago only to have to wait until the very last minute before I have to wait another four years to post this? In honor of a wonderful 2012 Summer Olympiad, Tortilla Chips and Milk presents to you my absolute favorite Olympic related movie scene brought to you by Douchebag Superman, not-quite-kryptonite, and my pal nicotine. Everything about this scene is perfection. From the pseudo-pageantry of the ghetto Olympics, to the gravity of the announcer's tone, to Superman waiting in the stadium lights...yup. Superdouche could have just snatched the torch miles away and thrown into the sun, but no he'd rather wait and pounce with his Ctrl button pushed. Like no one can see the blue and red tights up the lights yo! The idea of Superman sitting and waiting for anything is so perposterous that it's perfect here. He's just so casual in his olympic ruining dickery...and the look on the the torchbearers face!!!! Besides being funky fresh on the one, the Superman III olympic torch scene was the first time I ever lost my shit in the movie theater. Before Vincent got shot in the face, the American Pie trailer, Ben Stiller's zipper incident, Dirk Diggler singing "The Touch" the Superman scene was the grandaddy of me losing my shit. I laughed so hard for so long that my friends were embarrassed to be sitting with me and it spilled over the next five minutes of the movie and yes, some pee dribbled out, but not enough to make it through the second layer of my fruit of the loom dick flap. With next year's Superman reboot threatening to be angsty and filmed through grit covered digital vision, I'm holding on to this Superman, unless he can manage to be an even bigger tool.

Guess where I was last weekend!

2010-09-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Edit this setlist | More Pixies setlists

American Idol Finale = Yacht Rock Lives!

2010-05-26T22:19:00.000-07:00

If there's anything that can get me back on the blog tip, it's a Yacht Rock freakout moment. Blah blah blah Lee sucks blah blah blah Alice Cooper blah blah blah Janet Jackson's covered titty, the truly memorable moment during last night's American Idol finale was the reunion of the major players of the back alley songwriting duel of 1978 also known as the day Yacht Rock lost it's innocence.

After a bizarre Alice Cooper appearance, and a welcome chance to sing along to "How Deep is Your Love" They brought out the wrecking ball Michael Lynch and as soon as the song started, I nearly shit myself. Hey that song...it's so ...smooth. It's was the Doobies and OH SCHNAPP!!! it's Michael McDonald...and he's "Takin' it to the Streets" Motherfucker!

He sang it with the same steely resolve as he did when he defiantly drove off Geno the manager. Double M is like bulletproof glass, so hard, but yet so smooth.

So yeaa I texted my old Yacht Rock buds and just as I'm done exchanging "Dude!" "Wut?" "Fer Reals!" texts the traditional American Idol "Boys Only" medley starts and it's eventual winner Lee DeWeezy Jefferson busting out "I Can't For That" (no can do). The next few seconds went like this NNNNNNNNNoooofuckingWAY! hallandoateshallandoateshallandoateshallandoates hall and oates hall and oates then I made the double hook 'em horns sign, I ran across the room and did a leaping karate kick into the air HALL AND OATES!!!!

HALL AND OATES!!!

HALL AND OATES!!!

HALL AND MOTHERFUCKING OATES!!!

They rocked out "You Make My Dreams Come True" and after I ran to every mirror in the house to catch Han Solo winking back at me, all I was left with were questions.

Did Mike finally get revenge for Koko's death? Was Oates still daring Sara to smile? Was Loggins ever going to make out of the Danger Zone?

Then Chicago made an appearance...in 2010 everybody...okay YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE IDOL!!! I would talk about the Chicago performance but as the man Oates said, "You're a fucking loser Cetera"

I will spend the next hour or so watching every episode of Yacht Rock again. Thank you American Idol finale. I am now going to keep the fire and sail the ocean smooth. I just have one question to ask. Has anyone seen my lucky harpoon?

Tortilla Chips and Milk So You Think You Can Dance Podcast- The Top Eight

2009-07-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

This week on So you Think You Can Dance... The Top 8 perform! Ellen Degeneris tries to fill a half an hour worth of schtick. The worst hour ever in the history of the show. Back to back dance routines dealing with breast cancer and zombies. Paj and Erizzle recap it all...SUCKAS!

Tortilla Chips and Milk Podcast - So You Think You Can Dance Recap Top 12

2009-07-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

Double podcasts tonight. Paj and Erizzle recap the 7/08//09 Top 12 episode of So You Think You Can Dance. Six couples, twelve dances,one halo, halo, halo.

Tortilla Chips and Milk - Caddyshack part 2

2009-07-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

Here's part 2 of our Caddyshack viewing. Tortilla Chips and Milk podcast now with fewer dead air moments ...promise!

Tortilla Chips and Milk - Classic Movie Podcast featuring Caddyshack

2009-07-03T11:24:00.000-07:00

We're trying something new here... Listen as Paj and Perk comment on the first half of the Classic movie Caddyshack. Experimental podcasting at it best. Well not really, but it's a good time.

The So You Think You Can Dance Top 14

2009-07-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

We've got the So You Think You Can Dance Top 14 podcast. Dancey Vampires and Sparkly Aliens can't phase Paj and Erizzle!

Tortilla Chips and Milk Podcast - The So You Think You Can Dance Recap

2009-06-24T23:29:00.001-07:00

Paj and ERizzle are taking their So You Think You Can Dance recaps to another level. We're recapping this week's So You Think You Can Dance Top 16 performance show. (Note: I'll have a bunch of screenies from the show up soon-Paj)

Tortilla Chips and Milk Podcast - Summer Movie Chat

2009-06-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

Suckas! We're back after a computer meltdown. On this weeks show Martha joins the TCM crew and we try to talk about summer movies, but sticking to the format sheet is not how we roll.

The White Castle substitute face off

2009-05-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

For this episode of the Tortilla Chips and Milk podcast we do a live head to head review of what to grab when your going through a slider craving. It's microwaveable White Castle burgers vs. Burger King's Burger Shots in the mini burger showdown. So how will we roll when were 1500 miles from a White Caste? Listen and find out suckas! Yes, I still sound like a robot.

The Debut of the Tortilla Chips and Milk podcast

2009-04-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

Yep, we're back suckas! TC and M is coming back with a huge splash with the debut of our very own podcast. For the first episide Perk and I will take a look back at some of the fondest memories of our youth. Memphis Wrestling's Fabulous Ones music videos.

At about five minutes into the podcast we start watching the videos in the order presented here. When we give the appropriate cues in the podcast just click the video to watch along in time. You might want to turn the youtube player down a bit since it will drown out our comments.

After previewing the show...yes I know I sound like an effin robot. I also shouldn't smoke during the show as well. Yes, it is kind of rough, but we'll get better, but right now we roll like a train wreck. Click the player to start and let the new TC and M era begin.

We'll start watching the first vdeo about 5 minutes in.

After the Terminator credits hit, cut the video.

Suckas disabled embedding, youtube will open up in a new window.
The Third Fabs Video

There's about a minute of Badstreet but we let it play through.

So You Think You Can Dance: The Top Eight Quick Thoughts

2008-07-24T00:23:00.000-07:00

For the past two seasons, Top Eight week is where I have lost my favorites: Alison from Season Two and Sara and Dom from Season Three. This season my favorites have been Mark and Chelsie. Odds are this show is going to piss me off once again. Odds are also pretty good that I will hate everything about this show when I'm done with this episode. Since I couldn't get any screenies up I'm just going roll a little more scatterbrained than usual.

Okay this "IV Real" business has got to stop. The intro solos had every single one of the dancers posing with their "IV Real" signes on their shoulder. You know who else used the "IV Real" saying as their trademark? Chris Benoit, my favorite wrestler who went nutso and killed his wife and kid. Not saying there's any intended connection there, it just makes it all that more fucking annoying.

Cat grabbed the oranger cream instead of the bronzer cream tonight. Whoa Toni Basil is our guest judge. Thoughts immediately go to the fat cheerleader in the "Mickey" video. She would have been awesome on this show. I also flashback to the time I actually said "Yeah, that Mickey song is okay, but I think "Shopping From A to Z" is a hundred times better".

As far as the couple go Josh gets Chelsie, Will gets Courtney, Twitch gets Katee, and Mark gets Comfort. Guess who the jidges want to send home this week?

This week the dancers give an extended video piece on how they started dancing. The most interesting bits are that Comfort actually went to a performing arts school where she had technical training. Twitch choreographed videos in South Korea for nine months. Will was inspired to start dancing by Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. What are the odds any other young African-American dancers were inspired to dance by Patrick Swayze? Sigh, I hate you Jidges. There's also this part where Mark explains that he was kind of an outcast and that he was the only make dancer at school and he was recalling the label which the other kids at school gave him. He stumble a bit bit before he settled on "the boy dancer". Yeah, Mark sure that's what the kids in high school called you.

All the routines were pretty good as a whole but when you add the judges comments to what was actually performed, it becomes a shit storm. Will and Courtney did an okay Samba which was overpraised. Mary even did a checklist of Will's technical mistakes but glosses over them. Meanwhile, Mark and Comfort did an okay Foxtrot. Every technical mistake was highlighted. The Samba by design was a bit more fun, but technically it was as flawed if not more than the Mark-Comfort Foxtrot. The audience reaction was pretty much the same. The Nigel and Mary trashed Mark and Comfort to the extent that Toni Basil had to remind everyone that their Hip-Hop was fabulous to balance it out.

Going back to earlier in the show Comfort and mark had an actual hard hitting Nappytabs Hip-Hop which was probably the best number of the night. Nigle used his time to criticise Comfort's solo. WTF? Mary thought it was great but no Mary scream. Meanwhile, Will and Courtney have a "lyrical hip-hop" piece by Nappytabs which of course revolved around another needy chick, who this time can't let go of a lover's memory. For the dance to be called hip-hop was bulshit. The Jidges loved it of course and there were screams even though this was not a make you scream kind of piece. I hate this show so much right now.

Other tidbits from the performances.

Joshua and Chelsea had a disco routine that had some amazing lifts . It also had the worst dancing of the night and at one point Joshua actually fell the fuck over. There was no mention of this at all. this was the last routine and I was convinced the jidges had prewritten all of their critiques tonight.

Katee and Twitch had a Mia Michaels contemporary routine which involved a door a pshyco girlfriend, an open mouth kiss, and some good old fashioned domestic violence. It was pretty much an educational film on when you should file a restraining order. K and T also did a Broadway to "Sweet Georgia Brown" a song I thought was only whistled at Harlem Globetrotter games. I had no idea the song had lyrics. It was as shocking to me as if someone busted out a singing version of the 90210 theme.

Will put on a wig and supposedly did a James Brown impersonation. Since when did the Godfather of Soul ever do ballet pirouettes? It was such a "look at me I've got personality" move.

This show was pretty much designed to boot Mark and Comfort out of the competition. So no predictions are necessary and it looks like Mark will be carrying on the tradition of the TC and M Top Eight jinx.

So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 10

2008-07-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

There's so much to cover tonight with ten routines and ten solos. First off, the big news is that Jessica has suffered broken ribs and is out of the competition. Either Will dropped her during the disco a few weeks ago or the Jidges took a baseball bat to her for dragging Lord Will St. Dancington into the bottom three last week. I was suprised the Jidges didn't point that she was likely to be the girl eliminated this week, so the injury isn't a big deal.

So out goes Jessica, in goes Comfort and all the couples that we've grown accustomed to are now banished into the realm of SYTYCD fanfic. Even without the Jesscia injury, this would have been a whole night full of shenanigans. We're just going with bullet points tonight because there was some serious bullshit going on. I'm also going to roll a little old school and pick myself up with tasteless screenies of the female dancers which have nothing to do with the context of what I'm typing.

Mark and Kherington picked the Country Two Step? Seriously, what the fuck? I can understand new dances introduced during the early part of the season but really, Country Two Step for a top ten show? The problem I have with this is that you could have had the two greatest Country Two Steppers perform on the show and they would have still looked like assholes. In fact, chances are if the two greatest country two steppers in the world auditioned for the show they wouldn't make it to Vegas. Let's get real here! There are styles of dance that are more crowd pleasing than others. If you are given Lindy Hop, Steps, Quickstep, Viennese Waltz, Smooth Waltz, Dan Karaty hip-hop, and yes, Country Two Step, no matter how well it's danced you are hosed and the reaction will likely be a big fat "Meh". So yeah, Mark and Kherington didn't even come close to dancing it well, but it really didn't matter, they were screwed from the beginning. It didn't really help my disposition towards the routine when I saw that the choreographer was pregnant.

In contrast we have Will, the pre-ordained SYTYCD champion and the reality TV equivalent of a shot HgH he got this week. First, he was paired with Katee, who was one of the two girls who have avoided the bottom three. Then Desmond Richardson, supposedly one of the greatest dancers alive, decides to slum it and choreograph for a week and Will and Katee just happen to pull it out of the dance hat. Then they just happen to dance to David Archuletta's "Imagine" a recording which we were told for the last six months on American Idol "Up yours John Lennon, little David's version is the best song ever to grace human ears". You know there's a reason Blake, Travis, and Danny all came up short. If you try to manipulate the best guy and try to turn him into the most popular guy as well, people will turn on them. This is Ameriker and we like our reality show winners to be scrappy underdogs.

As if Archuletta and his shitty "Imagine" weren't enough, we also had to hear "Hero", by Enrique, the usual sellouts to SYTYCD Chris Brown, Celine Dion, Brian Setzer, and TWO Rhianna songs, neither of which were "Umbrella". Poor Mark and Kherington also had to dance to not only country, but Jamiroquai's Vote For Pedro song from Napoleon Dynamite. The worst moment had to be when Twitch and Comfort had to dance a Waltz to Journey's "Open Arms". They couldn't have been more like fishes out of water if they were on ice skates, in an Ambercrombie and Fitch, set in a Brendan Fraser movie.

Congratulations Tyce, your shitty choreography has now hit Dorianna Sanchez and Dan Karaty levels. Will and Katee did a piece to "Rockin' the Boat" where they actually danced in a boat, but then when they left the boat supposedly they werent in the ocean but on solid ground. Why the hell would you care about rockin' the boat when it's on land. Couldn't you have at least pretended that they were in the water when they were out of the boat. OF course the judges loved it. Then he goes on and give Mark and Kherington a Jazz piece with no story and no theme. Really? Like Jazz isn't a hard enough sell. This is the top ten where the audience half expects every routine to be elaborate in it's storytelling to really please the crowd. Of course Mark and Kherington got dinged for not showing any character in their dance. It's like blaming Katie Holmes for her terrible acting when...wait that's a bad example. Still, way to mail it in Tyce.

Nigel was pretty much ridiculous as usual tonight. First the "Gev isn't over Courtney" bit which was just an assy thing to say. Then there was the Will and Katee mistake in their ballet piece that was glossed over by his claiming that the mistake was a good thing otherwise the routine would have been so good they would have nothing else to live for.

As far as the routines went there weren't any real trainwrecks other than the Twitchfort Smooth Waltz, both Mark and Kherington pieces, and Will and Katee's Broadway. The solos for the most part were pretty much on par the level of each dancer. Kherington's was probably the weakest of the night.

There were several good things about the show. I liked Lil C as a guest judge even though he slipped into prisoner with a thesarus mode at times. He referred to Courtney as "eloquent" when he must have meant elegant, since Courtney wasn't saying a damn word at the time. Still he was fair in his critiques and managed to give the viewer insight on how a dancer and chorographer would actually see the piece.

Dave Scott was back on hip-hop and hit a home run with both of his numbers. His pieces were hard hitting, told a story, and were very entertaining. Comfort and Twitch were the best of the night. I've enjoyed some of NappyTabs work but they shouldn't be called hip-hop. Call them Pop, R and B, or Clingy Emo, just don't call them Hip Hop no mo.

I thought the best number of the night was actually Gev and Chelsie's Sonja contemporary. "These Arms of Mine" , the costuming, the lighting, all of it reminded me of the the Don johnson and Virginia Madsen movie "The Hot Spot" where it's all about sweaty sex. Nigel likened it to a diner where the customer hangs out and seduces a waitress...not quite the porn scenario I was thinking of, but it did inspire that kind of mindset.

Predictions:
Bottom three guys:
Mark
Gev
Will only so we can see the judges rant on dumb Ameriker

Bottom Three Girls:
Comfort
Kherington
Courtney

I'm thinking Gev and Kherington are the next ones to go. I find it hard to believe that a guy like Mark can go from avoiding the bottom three to being eliminated. We'll see though. Time for me to split.

I've got a new side project

2008-07-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

In an effort to keep all of my interests from co-mingling, I've made another blog at The Fake Sports Sketch Comedy Show.It's my running view of the sports world as sketch comedy in an SNL - Mr. Show, The State vein. Yes, I didn't list Monty Python's Flying Circus. I was never really a fan.

And yes, I do manage to center the meat of the 1st segment around two seperate dick jokes.

So You Think You Can Dance Top 12: Part 2 w/results

2008-07-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

Here's a quick bite of what I wasn't able to get to from last night's performance show.

Mark and Chelsie did a hot Broadway number. Chelsie probably needed her weight in adhesive to keep from flashing the crowd. Mark seemed to get some sharp criticism for the first time.

Comfort and Thayne did a contemporary piece to George Micheal's "A Different Corner". Out of nowhere Thayne was called brilliant which sent my conspiracy sense tingling.

Gev and Courtney seemed to have moved up a few notches with their "Secret Map" routine. Why do I call it that? Because they danced with a map that had" Secret Map" written on it. They were probably the couple of the night.

Will and Jessica did a quickstep to the fucking American Bandstand theme song. My Pavlovian conditioning suddenly made me feel like cartoons were over and I wanted to go outside and play. Either that or switch it to Soul Train. Then I thought about my favorite AB in which The Junkyard Dog lip synced the all time classic "Grab Them Cakes" with the chick who sang "Turn the Beat Around". It was just a nightmare. Jessica got the slam of the season when Mia told Will that he was tired from carrying Jessica all season and that it was time for a new partner.

Twitch and Kherington slept walked through a Tang which was supposed to be a Mr. and Mrs. Smith inspired piece. It sucked big time. Twitch was especially bad.

Joshua and Katee did a Bollywood piece. This show is kind of a little late on the whole Bollywood thing, but it was actually fun to watch and looked more like a hip-hop piece than a Nappytabs joint.

So that brings us to the results show and we start out with a group dance. It's Ne-Yo who must have a deal with SYTYCD since all of his fucking songs have played on this damn show. The dancers are all in tracksuits and it's supposedly hip-hop. The blacklight hits and the dancers are reduced to glowy stripes. Steal from the BoogieBots much? When the lyrics mention the word "star" the dancers formed a star which screamed Napoleon and Tabitha. There was a lot of dull hip-hop and the dancers in the back missed a lot of spots. It was the worst group dance ever on this show.

On with the Bottom 3 announcements! The first pair of couples is Thayne and Comfort and Joshua and Katee. I don;t know why they even bothered with any suspense.

Thayne and Comfort are in the bottom three. Mia says America got it right and she makes it sound like she'll be fighting for Thayne.

The next pair is a tougher call. Jessica/Will and Mark/Chelsie.

To my surprise Mark and Chelsea are safe. It turns out Debbie Allen is in the audience and there's no way in hell that Will is going home tonight. Mary says she'll be fighting for both of them.

Last spot in the Bottom Three is between Twitchington and Courtney/Gev. The recap edit had no mention of Kherington's exhaustion in the Krump routine.

In a shocker Courtney and Gev are safe! Nigel pretty much assures Twitchington that they're pretty much safe this week, but they need to step it up,

So we know Will and Twitchington aren't going to be eliminated right now, So the only real suspense is between Jessica and Comfort.

First we have the Alvin Ailey Dancers. If I remember correctly I think this was the group that accepted LeRoy from the movie Fame. The routine is pretty much three solos and a group ending sequence where it looked like someone was off by a beat. This is not the kind of dancing I enjoy.

We have the solos, nothing really to write about other than that Kherington's solo was probably the weakest of the night.

Katy Perry sorta sings "I Kissed a Girl" and it's such a poseur song that I want to throw up. I'm going to avoid going into a Gen-X rant and just offer this as a song that was 100% more clever.

"They can have their diamonds and we'll have our pearls" maybe one of the best lesbo lines ever written.

Nigel throws a change-up and a switcharoo before kepping Jessica over Comfort. Meanwhile when he eliminates Thayne, Nigel wishes out loud that they could have eliminated two girls this week. Somewhere offstage, Jessica whimpers.

So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 12

2008-07-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

Aight, now we're getting down to serious bidness on this show. This is the last week of established couples and the last week that the Jidges will have any direct effect on who gets eliminated. So I'm preemptively calling shenanigans right now because you know that there's going to be some serious manipulation before we get to the Top Ten. Already it's starting out wierd as my local weatherman cuts off the dancer intro just to remind the viewers that it's 8 pm and 103 degrees outside. No tornado, flood, or, fire warning, just that it's hot. Good lookin' out, yo.

Cat is very subdued in her look this week with straight hair and a pastel dress that the guys all try to flip up like they're in sixth grade and in catholic school. She looks great though. Our Jidges are Nigel the Perv, Annoying Mary, and Mia the bitch. No time to dick around this week with 12 routines so we hit the ground running with Mark and Chelsie.

They've given up on the themed rehearsal footage and are just playing it straight. TC and M's favorite couple is going to start out with an Alex Da Silva Salsa routine. This should be right in Chelsie's wheelhouse being a latin dancer and all. Mark should be okay since he's done well in character partnering pieces all season long. Alex is promising a very "hip" salsa this week. Whenever I think of someone trying to ass "hip" to a latin dance I always think that they're going to add "We Will Rock You" to the mix. Chelsie promises some sick tricks and apparently we're going to see a dangerous lift. See this is much better than "Twitch laughs like a bear" bs we've been getting backstage the last few weeks.

Chelsie's wearing this half dress with a feathered boa as a tail which both hides her ass and accentuates it at the same time. Lot's of turns in series which I think is impressive and Chesie's legs are a pleasure to watch. Mark looks like he's hunched up in the shoulders but facially he looks like he's into character. There's a cunniliftus to the side and the big drop to the floor, which was the dangerous trick they were referring to, takes place after the music stops. Kinda strange. Another solid perfomance from these two and they're still my favorite couple.

Nigel thought Mark's upper body was tight, he liked their footwork as a pair. Nigel pervs out on Chelsie's outfit and remarks that he would be tense if he was dancing with her. The salsa worked for Mary, and actually gets technical with the ballroom, SHe thought Chelsie was beautiful dynamite. Mia creeps out and says Chelsie is so gorgeous that she just wants to stab her. WTF? It's all like "hey baby you look soo hot!" then you take a knife to the eye. Why do I watch this show? Mia thought Mark was awkward but couldn't place why. She thought it was a great performance though.

Comfort and Thayne are next with a NappyTabs fake hip-hop routine. Now I saw this preview for a show where Napoleon and Tabitha are going to choreograph newlyweds for their first dance at the reception. Are all the dances going to be about clingy brides who can't be apart from their husband's ? Can you really be a true hip-hop choreographer and take that gig? I'm almost hoping for Dan Karatay to come back. Okay, I didn't mean that. During rehearsal COmfort is happy and Thayne can't stop smiling. Then there's a lot of shot of the "put your hand over your mouth and reveal a different expression than the the one you had before" move, which I hate. I don't like Comfort and Thayne. I really don't like Napoleon and Tabither.

The song is "Can We Chill" by Ne-Yo and it's going to be hip-hop lite AGAIN! There really isn't a narrative, which means the only redeeming quality of Nappytabs choreo is missing. Comfort dances so smoothly that it makes Thayne look really goofy and awkward by comparison. OF course the grinning like crazy doesn't help much either. I guess there was a little story reveal when Comfort reveals a ring at the end. Thayne act all upset but it's more of the "Aw Damn her boyfriend has a girlfriend" variety. Whatever. BOTTOM THREE

Nigel starts to compare Thayne and Comfort's routine to the Workaholic routine and they actually cut to a clip of it. That's kinda wrong. Then he goes on to say that what he just saw sucked compared to that one. He thought it was danced okay , but didn't relate to each other and banishes them to the Bottom 3. Mary harps on the lack of chemistry and compares them to Napoleon and Tabitha who are connected even when they are apart. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN SHE WON'T LET HIM GO NOWHERE!!?! It was just good. Mia thought it was a little better than good. She says she's jumped off the Comfort bandwagon because she's not bringing it. She thought Thayne was a little thin.

Ugh it's Tyce Diorio with a piece laced with the essence of the "Garden of Eden" . For Jessica and Will I guess it's has added symbolism as Will is the father of all dance and Jessica is the creator of all that is evil in the world. Poor Jessica. From the looks of the clips it looks like there's going to be a a lotta rolling around on the ground .

Will is wearing a loin cloth and Jessica looks like she's having a hot flash . The song is "Silence" from the UnFaithful Soundtrack and it's very Enya-y. There's alot of flow to this piece, but the meat of it is pretty much simulated sex. I think I would find watching real sex between Jessica and Will boring, so yeah I almost fell asleep during this. IT's the kinda of artsy fartsy dance that I hate and would never pay to watch

Nigel gives Tyce a slurp job and remarks of the eroticism. He says that Jessica is finally keeping up with him which is almost ghostly in it's praise. Mary thought it was one of the best pieces ever on the show. Mary also thought Jessica held her own this week. Mia loved that they went to a different place with the piece. She compliments Jessica which means she won't be hanging her self in the dressing room tonight. Tyce gets more praise than Will.

Cat pimps the tour briefly and we get to Courtney and Gev who are doing the Cha Cha. Cat promises old firends of the show and it's Pascha and Anya! Man, I forgot about Anya's hotness...anyway Gev speaks Russian with Pascha about giving her the "message" which is a hip thrust in Courtney's booty. Week after week Gev just happens to be the luckiest man on television.

Rhianna's "Please Don't Stop the Music" starts up...this is a cha cha right? The dancing is fast paced and with the music comes off as very disco-like without the lifts. I have no idea what makes this chacha. What I do know is that Courtney is half naked and looks smokin' this week.

Nigel thought Courtney lives up to Anya's sexiness. He thought Gev pursed his lips a bit much. He thinks that as a couple they are perfect for each other. Mary screams and breaks out into a Jimmy Durante Cha Cha Cha and I stuck a pen in my eye. There's some criticism on the technique but the performance overcame that . Then there's a hot tamale train scream. Mia thoguht it was "fabulosity at it's best". She says that there are better dancers on the show but there are great as a couple. Apparently, Gev shaved his chest and I go take a pee break.

Whoa Crumping and Lil C are back again and Twitchington are the victims this week. We get the usual fish out water scenes with Kherington saying things like "I can get buck" Hmm Lil C's assistant is a cutie! Not much more to this footage.

"2 Buck 4 TV" starts up and Twitch pulls Kherington on the stage and they hit the dance steps...HARD! Finally happy to see some real aggressive street dancing on this show. Suck it Nappytabs! Kherington's got her mad face on which equals HAWT! Twitch looked right at home even though he's not really a Krumper. He just finally been let loose where he can just go. They do this really cool chest pop thing and it's looking like this is the routine of the season. Then Kherington...got tired. She's suddenly transformed onto Kourtni from last week. She barely makes it through the last 1/4 of the routine.

Nigel conveniently says he's just going to ignore that part because he thought it was great! Really? You can ignore someone sucking for a good part of the routine? i mean I've become of Kherington fan, but this type of favoritism is the show at it's worst. SHENANIGANS! MAry says she's become a Krump fan. Mia goes off on her street cred soliloquy as she praises Twitch and he served Gangsta on a platter. Since when do gangstas dance? Mia also ignores Kherington's exhaustion and it looks like they are one of the couples the jidges want to see at the end.

Katee and Joshua get a Viennese Waltz with Jean Marc Genereaux without the sad family backstory . This time it's a sad cliched backstory where Katee is dancing with Joshua who is a ghost. Pirate ghost would have been much cooler.

THe Goo Goo Dolls "Iris" start playing and already the wavy lines of TC and M time travel start. Reminds me of my homegirl back in the Yay who started dating this guy around her birthday. I always thought the guy was shady and kinda of a loser. Anyway, I remember getting her 20 lbs of Jelly Bellies since she they were her favorites and she started gushing over how that was the greatest present that she had gotten. I played it off and asked what her new beau got her and she goes "A fucking GOO GOO Dolls CD" as she flung it across the room. Of course the relationship was doomed and of course he somehow blamed me for the break up. The best part was that on the night she dumped him we went to our bar to celebrate, meanwhile he also went to the SAME bar to commiserate. She thought it was too awkward and wanted to jet, but I made her stay long enough while I played "Name" on the jukebox as he sat there crying in his Guinness. Since I played it seven times it was the best 5 bucks I ever spent. I am teh awesome! Oh yeah and Katee and Jshua waltzed.

They all thought it was bouncy. Various levels of praise for Katee and I'm so tired that I'll have to do the second half of this from work.

Quick thoughts: So You Think You Can Dance Top 14

2008-07-03T00:48:00.002-07:00

My computer is being emo tonight so I only got halfway through my long-ass recap before I realized I'm not getting it done tonight. It was a really bad idea to have 14 f'n dance routines on the show. All the routines seemed like they could have used a little more attention. Instead dancers like Kourtni and Gev were focusing on just getting their steps right.

The sloppy routines along with Nigel trying oh-so hard to be the star of the show made this really tough to watch at times. The show did have some highlights though.

Kherington - Found a mad face in her Paso Doble which turned her immediately from annoying to "Dayum!" in a split second. I thought she was pretty good in the bed routine as well.

Mia Michaels - Both her routines were really good. Katee and Joshua's routine had so many really cool partner work. Twitchington's Bed dance was one of my favorites this season.

Mark and Chelsea- They weren't given the most crowd pleasing routines with Mandy Moore's jazz and the fox trot. Stil they are my couple to beat.

Courtney's hip-hop: She looked right at home being a Knicks City Dancer and all. This is why she's hot, yo!

The Bad:

Katee's hair: You know that one hairstyle which makes Gwen Stefani look like an asshole? Yeah, they gave Katee the pompadour mohawk look.

Eli Manning Jerseys - Courtney and Gev wore these during their hip hop routine. Eli Manning = hip-hop in BIZZAROWORLD

Jessica's critiques: Yes, Jidges, Will could have healed the sick with his dance if Jessica hadn't been on stage with him. She is the Charlie Brown of this competition.

Kourtni's hip hop: Joins the hall of shame for worst performance along with Cedric crying in a corner and fat Allen going off to war.

The Schwimmer's return: Both of them...I almost chucked my remote through the TV.

Nigel: His hip-hop critique saying Courtney wasn't ghetto enough to dance hip-hop. Um she's a Knicks City Dancer, hip-hop is kinda part of what she does kinda ALL THE TIME.

Predictions:
Bottom Three:
Courtney and Gev
Thayne and Comfort
Kourtni and Matt

Eliminated:

Kourtni and Matt

The Rant: Wanted

2008-06-29T00:03:00.001-07:00

Wanted, is yet another comic book inspired movie to hit screens this summer. Since the (box office) failures have been few and far between this genre, it gives comic book readers like me a slight problem. At what point can I keep enjoying these movies when I know what's going to happen? When I've likely read the source material several times over, when is the novelty of seeing comic-book characters come to life going to wear out?

Wanted helps delay this conundrum for at least a few more movies, because after the first half of the film, the similarities between the movie and the comic arrive at mainly at the last scene. I said similarities, mind you, the movie does not end as the comic did with Wesley saying "This is my face, while I'm fucking you in the ass". Hollywood wusses.

So yeah, fans of Mark Millar's Wanted, you do not get the pleasure of seeing "Sh*thead" on the big screen. Sucks to be you assholes. I don't know about you, but I wanted to see a fucking poo-man onscreen. Dogma and the Golgothan was a long fucking time ago and I was digging the idea of a walking pile of doo doo in the movies again.

As usual, spoilers galore and this is not an actual review, just some impressions.

So, in the original Wanted comic book series, the premise is that an army of super villains actually rules the world and the plot involves an coup d'etat among those villains. Wesley, our main character, is recruited into the super villain army and the story deals with the struggle of accepting his new found abilities and dealing with a super powered civil war at the same time. Okay, I understand why they ditched the super villain portion of the story. The concept kind of a bit silly, expensive to produce, far-fetched etc. But did they have to have to replace it with a thousand year fraternity of assassins whose targets are chosen by reading imperfections in weaving of fabrics? This mystic loom determines the targets through fate as a defense system for society? The assassins believe that they are serving the greater good with a "Kill one, save a thousand" philosophy? The loom can pick out a random Chicago business man as an assassination target, but miss out on Hitler, Pol Pot, and Idi Amin? Good lookin' out there, Loom!

Two things involving the direction of the acting bugged me. James McAvoy, was great, but he reminded me a bit too much of Tobey McGuire during his milquetoast who slowly realizes he can stomp some ass progression. The douche bag who played Barry, the movie's douche bag, was way too reminiscent of Sean William Scott (Stiffler) king of the present-day douche bags.

One way to get around ridiculous premises and a dumb script is mask those holes with sperlative star-powered acting. It worked for Iron Man with RDjr. and it worked for Wanted with Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman. I swear, Morgan Freeman as the commanding voice in a movie really makes it easier for me to swallow a premise, no matter how preposterous. I think it all started on Electric Company when Easy Reader helped convince me that "Reading is heavy and outta sight!" Angelina Jolie can do so much to fill dead moments in a script. First of all, you can't help but stare at her while she's onscreen. While your staring you can catch all the littel nuances in her stares that range from mocking to emasculating, to "I really believe that you can curve that bullet around my head. I wish younger and equally hot actresses would take notice. I'm looking at you Jessica Alba!

While we're on the subject of Angelina Jolie, is there anything hotter than watching her kick a guys ass? I thought it was just a unique phenomenon after watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith (83 times) but that same warm fuzzy feeling happens in Wanted as well. Watching Angelina Jolie beat the shit out of someone > porn

Third Jolie bit. There's a scene where Jolie kisses Wesley in front of his hoebag ex-girlfriend. It was just a steamy kiss, no groping, no nudity, just a kiss. Well a good portion of the packed theater actually cheered. Phrases like "Yeah, boy!" and "Get some!" were actually shouted. Out loud. By real people.
The special effects and CGI motor this film to the point where it's almost exhausting to watch. It's 21st century Hong Kong action style film making and I'm digging it. Sure, it's excessively violent and maybe the scene where Wesley shoots the Repairman in the face, runs with his carcass, and shoots several more assassins while his gun is still implanted in the Repairman's skull is a bit much, it's quick and it's the kind of fun you can only get at the movies...well at least until the release of Grand Theft Auto 5.

Fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! This movie sure does love to say fuck!

Curving bullets with a twist of your gun, yo! If that concept alone bothers you, just try to wrap the idea that bullets can be fired to block or deflect other fired bullets

After two different car flipping-in-an-intentional-and-functional-manner scenes, nearly back to back, I really was anxious regarding what I would see next. It's been a long time since I've been absorbed like that in a movie.

Story?: Dumb. Acting?: Pretty good and times erection inducing. Fun?: Word

So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 16

2008-06-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry about not blogging results show last week, though we did see the return of Shane Sparks in the group number which included a rare "Check out my tain't" move from Marquis, I ignored the male flamenco dancer, was simultaneously aroused and disgusted by Flo Rida's backup dancers and the return of my favorite: The contrived Jidge's conference shot.

After a WTF? comparison of the dancers Kobe Bryant of all people (Nigel, tell me how my ass tastes) we lost "Hot Teacher" Suzie and her partner Marquis. They were pretty low on my SYTYCD food chain so I'm not offended enough to stop blogging. On to this week's Soyouthinkyoucandance?

Our Jidges tonight are Creepy Uncle Nigel, Mary "Fake Bake" Murphy and Adam "Hairspray" Shankman. Adam mentions he just finished choreographing an Adam Sandler movie in which he casted Lacey and Travis from prior seasons. What he doesn't mention is that he's already worked with one of the dancers he'll be jidging tonight. I...call...SHENANIGANS! Twitch was a dancer in "Hairspray"! Shouldn't they at least address it for the sake of clearing any possible bias? I'm starting to get that feeling again, Show. I'll be keeping my eye on you.

There's a mention of Cyd Charisse and her passing. Then it's on to the routines where we'll also get to see what secrets the partners are willing to dish to Ameriker.

Up first is Twitchington. Instead of telling Ameriker that her partner was in "Hairspray", she instead dishes that Twitch laughs like a bear. Nu-UH! We get clips of Twitch laughing and sounding nothing like a bear...Kherington clarifies that if a bear could laugh that they would sound like Twitch or something. Loathing! Twitch reveals that Kherington has a shopping problem and has 427 pairs of shoes. HA! Them women be SHOPPING! This segment so far? Sucking.

They'll be doing a Napoleon and Tabitha Hip-Hop piece tonight. Apparently, tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak. They warn Twitch about coming down to match Kherington's novice level Hip-Hop. OF course, by the end of the training they proclaim that Kherington is kicking Twitch's ass. Whatever.

So they're in orange jumpsuits...I gotta stop right here...I don't know how I feel about NappyTabs style of narrative Hip-Hop routines. I don't necessarily want or need story lines in my Hip-Hop. I can be quite happy with "This girl is wearing pants. Look, she's got too much booty in them."

So to Busta Rhymes " Don't Touch Me" they run around pretending to be on the lam. The jumpsuits really help Kherington hide any awkwardness. This is just "okay" no spectacular moves. The song was actually a Hip-Hop song this time and allowed for some really hard hitting moves. Sadly there weren;t any to be seen. It was too "yacht-hop" for me, just a little too smooth. It had the annoying pantomime of the lyrics which is apparently a tm of Nappytabs. It was good for what it was so expect the slurp job from the Jidges.

Here we go, Nigel says he'll start of with the positives, counts the positives on one hand, and then proclaims no negatives! Mary says they're going to be on STYYCD's Top Ten Most Wanted. She said Kheri brought it and Twitch was great in his own style. They get a Mary scream. Adam gives tips, which is actually refreshing. Twitch needs to help Kherington more, they have a good sense of dance timing and Kheri needs to watch breaking character.

WTF? Kherington is now wearing neon green frameless glasses. I think I hate them now. Here's a new feature, their SYTYCD "vote for me" mugging shot.

Now it's Rumba time with Courtney G. and Gev. First Courtney fills us in that, when he was little Gev looked like a girl. Well he did...and I laughed.

Unfortunately, Gev doesn't lie and reveal that Courtney is cheating on her boyfriend with him, instead he takes the high and honest road and says she's in school to be a special ed. teacher and it shows what a good person she is. They're working with Tony Merideth and Melanie. The highlight of the training montage is the Gev working Courtney's side boobs and then being instructed to grab her butt. Gev is again lovin' it.

I think I sense a trend here, which will be confirmed if Courtney has to suck on Gev's fingers next week.

They rumba to "Wishing on A Star" by Rose Royce which always brings me back to afternoons listening to Kiss-108 in Boston. Which probably means I'll be in a good mood for a few minutes. It's actually really well done. It's got an improved hotness quality from last week. It doesn't hurt that Courtney's half dress is smokin'. The crowd absolutely goes apeshit when Gev grabs Courtney's ass, which must be awkward for everyone involved.

Nigel was very happy with it and loves them as a couple. He snarks at the butt-grab and says Gev reminded Him of Dominick from last season. He of course, mentions Courtney's dress. Mary thought it was great and actually gets technical and mentions some of the difficulty in their routine . I like this Mary so much better. Adam loved it as well, and gives advice. Gev needs to watch his hands if he does contempoary, Courtney needs to work on her arabesque. Mary and Nigel fake dozing off.

Comfort and Chris, who barely survived last week. Comfort thinks that Chris is a big moocher of food.

Comfort used to be a pageant girl when she was younger. Tyce get to fuck with them this week and they're doing Jazz with sheets! It's supposed to be African Jazz, which doesn't make any sense aesthetically. I can feel the pull of the bottom three already. Chris is hoping for a Mary scream.

I am curious to what the music will be for this one...Hmmm Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People". Exactly what I think off when I think of African Jazz. Poor Chris and Comfort. Given the right choreo they really could have ripped shit up.

Instead they're left with doing African Jazz hands all over the place. They aslo don't do anything really exciting with the sheets. This is the closest thing to a trainwreck since the jewel heist piece in week one.

Nigel was letdown by the "capes". He was disappointed with the lack of energy and it was too soft. Mary thought it should have been wilder and crazy. Hmm I agree. What's going on here. She then tells Chris she's not getting a scream. Adam thought their performance was lacking and they weren't feeling the music though them. He declares it "on the chain" Chris ends up beggin' like a strawberry.

The Disco Ruler mysteriously ended up on my desk which can only mean Dorianna Sanchez is up next with...Jessiker and Will. Will gives up that Jessiker's nickname is "Ariel" because she resemebled "The Little Mermaid" and sadly, not the sorceress from "Thundarr the Barbarian".

Anyway he thinks the concept of being nicknamed after the "Little Mermaid" is just CRAZY! Jessica's big secret is that Will is a (gasp) gentleman. It's just scandalous here this week.

Jessica is kinda emo about her critiques last week and the general feeling that she's in Will's shadow. Doriana makes it a point that she's gonna highlight Jessica, but she's just not absorbing things. This just seems like damage control for the sake of keeping Will out of the bottom three. Jessica get ready for your first slurp job tonight.

The song is "Heaven Must Have Sent You" by Bonnie Pointer. Awesome! A non-obvious disco song! They really are pulling out all the stops for Jessiker this week. This routine was supposed to highlight Jessica but really all eyes are on Will. I'll admit that Will knocked it out of the park tonight. He's really that good. Jessica, not so much. Instead of a cunniliftus or a flying gyno, we get an airplane spin which was actually pretty cool.

Nigel...is pretty critical of some of their tricks, but said they carried them off. Mary thought it was an extremely difficult and that Will owned the routine. She says Jessica stepped up to the plate. Adam points out that Jessica might be her own worst enemy and she shouldn't be because she's beatiful and a great dancer. He says Will is scary and so good. Will gives a Travolta point on request.

It's our 12 feet of dance! Matt reveals Kourtni's tattoo on the back of her neck...which is actually pretty cool.

Matt on the other hand wears a ninja mask from time to time leads me to believe that he really wishes he was a member of Supercr3w.

We get a new choreographer this week in Sonya!

I mean this with every fiber of my being. HAWT! She gives Matt some sword strikes when he tries to front on her dojo with his ninja mask on which makes her even that much more attractive. Her piece is about two comic book heroes chasing and flirting with each other. Let's hope Matt and Kourtni aren't supposed to be Filipino heroes otherwise they would explode at the end of the piece. I'm really looking forward to this.

Ugh. They come out to "Wrestlers" by Hot Chip...costuming just ruins it. Instead of looking like comic book heroes they look like two assholes. It's quirky and they're jumping all over the place and tie-grabbing. The look really killed it for me though.

Nigel thought they looked comfortable with the style. He thinks Ameriker is too stupid to get it while dancers will love it. Mary screeches something good about it and thought it was a good showcase for them. Adam loved Kourtni's control and thought they were great dancers. He blasts wardrobe for putting Kourtni in a shopping bag. Word.

Now to the part in the recap where I cut corners.

Chelsea and Thayne: Secrets: Chelsea steals flowers. Thayne embroiders his own t-shirts. I guess Thayne is a pansy isn't really a secret.

Quick Step + Phil Collins + The Charleston - the move where you put your hands over your knees as you knock them together = Bottom Three.

Nigel says get your solos ready. Mary gives a retarded gravity filled speech about how Chelsea is now off the HTT and Thayne is now barely hanging on. I don't care what Adam has to say unless it involves strangling Mary.

Let's see who's left...

Oh yeah, Chelsie and Mark are doing hip-hop this week, but before we get into that Mark has crooked pinkies and Chelsie is a tomboy. Napoleon and Tabitha admit that they choreograph to match the lyrics and he sings out "I-Don't-Care-what-they-say" which means that this is gonna be to Leona Lewis' "Bleeding the Love"

According to the script. Mark plays a workaholic and Cheslie is his clingy housewife. The costumes however suggest the dance they're doing tonight is the "Forbidden Love of Danny and D.J. Tanner"

Seriously! What is up with the costume people this season? 'Kay, just a few paragraphs ago I dismissed the storytelling in hip hop dance. I don't necessarily take it back, but what Tabatha and Napoleon have done best on this show has been to tell relationship stories. Mark and Chelsie were just as good if not better than Katee and Joshua in the "No Air" piece. It's watered down hip-hop but it's still entertaining.

Nigel raves and takes a litle dig at America's Best Dance Crew. Mary gets all serious about the problem of work interfering with relationships. Adam labels them the couple to beat. I agree, which means they'll be gone on Top 8 week.

Joshua and Katee? Oh yeah, they danced and got their tounge bath. Kate is actually sexy and Joshua and his dad have big bums.

Fine, if you have to know. They danced the Samba and it was pretty good but it didn't cure cancer as the judges would have you believe.

Okay my favorites tonight:
Chelsie and Mark
Courtney and Gev
Twitchington

Bottom Three:

Chris and Comfort
Chelsea and Thayne
Matt and Kourtni

I'm willing to go as far as to predict that Chelsea and Chris get sent home so they can keep Comfort and Thayne.

Songs You Should Know: Fu-Shnickens w/ Shaquille O'Neal "What's Up Doc?"

2008-06-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

Looks like Shaq all up in the news today over his freestyle dis of Kobe Bryant (with a little wink to Kareem, Patrick Ewing, and homeless men on the side) check it out here:

"Kobe,tell me how my ass tastes!" Heh, that's pretty catchy and probably on a hundred cafepress t-shirts right now. I can't wait for Kobe's response rap entitled "Quick, PR people tell me what I'm supposed to say while I grin and stall for time"

In honor of my new personal Summer Anthem, "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes!" (Gold I tell ya!) TC and M is continuing our "Attack of the Summer Song" series featuring a much younger, slimmer Shaq.

"What's Up Doc?" was a huge summer song for me 15 years ago. It had the combination of one of my favorite groups of the time and Shaq, for whom I rocked the pinstripe Starter LSU cap for years. I remember I first heard this on a road trip with my family. We were in Philly and headed to a huge outlet mall in the burbs. This song managed to play 18 times on the way there. I bought the cassingle and it played the rest of the summer (well, more likely a week or two).Unfortunately, this was kind of the end of the Fu-Schnickens, since this kind of mainstream hit moved them to from Tribe Called Quest's "quirky underground following) territory to the unfortunate one-hit wonder territory occupied by people like Positive K, Candyman, and Snow. They also had their gimmick improved and used to greater success by the Wu-Tang Clan. Meanwhile, Shaq went on to have MTV hits like "Biological Didn't Bother" and "I'm Outstanding" Oh yeah, add that to the over 100 million he's made in his basketball career and life really isn't fair.

I hadn't heard this song in awhile and the references to Tom and Roxie Roker, Randy "Macho Man" Savage, and the Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood shout out are priceless. Nuff talkey, here's "What's Up Doc?" by the Fu-Schinickens w/ Shaquille O'Neal

So You Think You Can Dance: Top 18

2008-06-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I heard a rumor about last season (no I'm not going to repeat it here suckas) that justifies every suspicion that this show is rigged beyond belief for certain people. It's one of the main reasons I stopped SYTYCD blogging for a few weeks. What's the other reason you ask? Heroin. Sweet, sweet heroin. Anyway, this season, hopefully, will ease up on the blatant dance politics favoritism and if they do play favorites, i hope it's with contestants that are actually likable.

Now on with this weeks recap of So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 18 suckas!

Cat comes out in a smokin' hot black dress and looks lovely as always. She's still sticking with the audience participation schtick where the crowd is expected to complete "Let's meet your____" It falls flat...again. Mia is the third judge and describes this cast as "banoodles" as in this shit is banoodles b-a-n-o-o-d-l-e-s ...where did I put that heroin? Since there's there's the requisite 15 minutes or so of bullshit to fill and the Pussycat Dolls can't be on every week, they're going to ask the dancers their favorite and least favorite thing about their partners.

Chelsea T. and Thayne are up first. Thayne thinks it's great that Chelsea is so positive. Chelsea thinks Thayne is generally happy and that balances her sassy side. Chelsea's kinda narcoleptic since she sleeps whenever their supposed to meet and Thayne is a bit superstitious and has to knock on wood for good luck constantly.

They're doing a jazz routine by Mandy Moore, and it's theme is forbidden love between a king and the other role isn't really quite mentioned, so we don't know if Chelsea is supposed to be from a rival kingdom, a lowers social class, or simply a black Jamaican-American. We get some extended clips of Thayne knocking on wood...maybe his real problem is ADD.

Luckily, we had it all explained to us before hand, because without the intro I would have no idea that this piece was supposed to tell a story. I mean a poofy shirt, eyeshadow, and a pocket chain do not a king make. It's not really getting the forbidden love idea across either..there's a green feather or leaf involved? Was there something I missed in history class?

Mia loved the concept but hated the execution. She said Thayne was too dumpy and not regal at all and lacked power. She then states "you've been kicked off the (hot tamale) train. Mary said it didn't have any impact and lacked chemistry. Mary relegates them to the (hot tamale) caboose as a reward for their poor performance. Nigel said it wasn't real and said the costume didn't help and that Chelsea looked like a clown and to make a train metaphor trifecta,says the train jumped the tracks.

Mark and Chelsie H. are in the dos spot tonight. Mark loves the scent of Chelsea's hair. Chelsie thinks that Mark;s best feature is that he's quirky. Chelsie thinks that his reserved nature makes him tough to partner with at times. He thinks she's like a pestering little sister at times.

They get Alex and Argentine Tango tonight...I wonder if there will be the usual kick in the nuts move? Anyway they confirm that the brother-sister feeling makes the close dancing weird. Chelsie hits him a bunch, but no kick in the nuts move tonight.

Their Tango starts out with some traditional tango accordion music, but then a funky beat drops. This is actually entertaining. Chelsie has great legs and does most of the work. I think Mark's quirkiness is his best asset since he's probably the best actor out of all the dancers, so if he's out of his element he can throw himself into a role and fake it. After seeing Thayne look more like a queen than a king, this talent cannot be understated.

Somehow Chelsie's pinky toe gets out of her shoe and Cat gets on her knees and fixes it. She's so awesome. Mia is in love with the two of them. Mary loved everything about that. She thought Chelsie's legwork was great and that Mark looked like a movie star tonight. Nigel fakes a negative comment with a groan but thought it was actually great. He felt that sweet little Cheslie wasn't sleazy enough to appease his filthy daydreaming during the routine. Nigel shouldn't be allowed near young girls.

Will and Jessica have hip hop with Cecily and Olisa. Will loves Jessica's personality and picks his mood up. She loves his focus, but sometimes he's too serious and internal. He thinks she's got confidence problems. Now what I remember about these choreographers is they let the female show off a bit. Alison had a great performance with them in Season Two.

Ugh...I spoke too soon about the Pussycat Dolls since they're performing to Nicole Sherzingwhatever. The routine involves chairs and Will and Jessica and they jump around and the steps are definitely women friendly. Will looks comfortable and Jessica is workin' it. There's no story or cool partner tricks, they just switch hats around alot. It's pretty good, just nothing new.

Okay to get the full effect of the the judges critiques you must do this while you read them. Make a fist with your hand and hold it in front of your face. Slowly move the hand towards your mouth and while doing so push your tongue against the side of your cheek. Mia tells Jessica with a partner like Will she has to set herself on fire to get any attention. She says Will is so powerful and is so much to match and she needs to step it up. She calls Will a genius. Mary agrees with Mia. She calls Will a dancing machine and that he is a force. Nigel agrees, but sticks up for Jessica, and says Will is going to be in the final. So to sum it up it's "slurp slurp slurp slurp" "Jessica killed a puppy with her bare hands" "We already have a chosen one, and he's nicer than Danny, so suck on it Ameriker"

Next up is our 12 ft. of dance Kourtni and Matt. Matt professes that "She has the best eyes" and Kourtni loves "that he is always complimenting me". Shallow much? She says he can't sing, Matt thinks she's tone deaf. They get Jean-Marc and a Fox Trot this week and he goes off into this rant on how this is a dangerous routine and then justifies every stereotypical French-Canadian imitation known to man. "Meh deh meh deh pleaze don't cresh!"

Fox trot...um yeah, not much but an untrained opinion, that I kinda liked it, but I don't know why or even why it's just "kinda"

Mia thought it was old Hollywood elegant and that Kourtni only shows strength when her leg is in the air...shush twelve year old Paj! She also thinks that she needs to own her size and length which causes me to do a Deuce Bigalow yell of "Hey Bigfoot!" Mary loved the choreography, but it was a mixed bag and that the turns were good but the foot work wasn't there. Nigel compliments Matt on being able to lift his Amazon partner and thought his arms were "twee" and that their facials were very fake. He liked it though.

Next our resident cute couple is up next Gev and Courtney G. Courtney digs that Gev is really strong. Gev goes for the obvious and says the best thing about Courtney is that she's really pretty and the worst thing about her is that she has a boyfriend. There's so much awesome behind that statement. What's the worst thing about your partner Gev? Um, we won't be hittin' it later. She says he's short. there's a bit about Gev wearing man-thong.
Meanwhile Courtney is rockin' the Valerie Bertinelli look and I keep expecting Schneider and his awesome tool belt to hop on by. Mandy Moore plays both choreographer and trouble maker for the Cutesies. She gives them a love story and she makes the comment that there's a connection there and that Gev really likes Courtney. Gev gives Mandy a thumbs up for the inanimateness she put in the piece.

It's a contemporary piece and they are pretty much all over each other> Courtney makes some pretty constipated facials which bother me. It's a slow slow piece and i guess it's okay. No real heat though.

Cat disagrees with me though and has goosebumps. Mia loves Mandy's choreo. She thinks that the performance was too jazzified. She expected her to melt into him more and that she was the man in the relationship. Mia was proud of Gev and that his movement was believable. Mary loves it and woos and I tune her out. Nigel Freuds that Gev has more emotion for Courtney outside of the dance than during the routine. So now we know who the Jidges have labeled as year's "Couple we want you to think are hittin' it". Interesting...sucks to be Courtney and her boyfriend right now.

Joshua and Katee (no J-Man I am not calling her "Asian") are up next and seem to be the favorites coming in from last week. Katee loves that Joshua is a caring partner and Joshua loves her smile. Joshua is always picking on her and Katee is always doing this dumb dance. Oh wait, no joke, Katee's dance is actually a pose we used to call the "suck me" pose.

So Tyce is in charge this week and it's Broadway. He's got them running around and they do a catalog of their various moves like "Mixing the Bowl" "Playing the Trombone"...wait this reminds of Andy Dick's telling of "The Aristocrats.

So they're doing a bit from "Godspell" and they are in 30's garb and high energy and they really do run around on stage...a lot. Joshua looks like he's got Demolition face paint on his eye, while Katee has a teardrop on her face, which I think means she killed someone in prison who tried to attack her or something. Anyway this was fun, they looked off in some spots, but the crowd is going apeshit.

Oh no Nigel is up and prancing around. Here comes another slurpie! Nigel freaks out over Joshua dancing Broadway because he's a popper. Um Nigel if we're aware that Joshua is more than a popper, you shouldn't be trying to pull that snowjob on us. He loves Katee's beautiful spirit and calls it entertainment at his best. I'm ignoring Mary now, because she's just annoying. Mia thought the connection between them is unreal. She puts Joshua into the Top 4. Ugh.

They jump into Marquis who says Susie has so much energy and that she always has an energy drink in her hand. Susie likes that Marquis is a goofball. She doesn't like that he's always eating and gets all in her face with his stank Sunchip breath. hE doesn't like getting smacked with Susie's hair.

They are doing an Alex de Silva Salsa routine so I guess this should ne up Susie's element. Heh, Susie starts complaining that she can't do some of the moves. Alex says to the camera that She's not really a salsa dancer and that she dances "street salsa" Susie overhears this and starts crying over the fact that she over heard him saying that she was a "street dancer"

Well, she kinda mis- air quoted him, but it doesn't matter because they start sucking in their dance immediately. It looks all awkward and Susie is just flailing around.

Mia loved the choreography but wasn't crazy about the performance. Marquis was rubbery and that Susie was hot didn't get what she wanted. Mary is back to normal (sorta) thought Susie was disappointing and there was no chemistry. Nigel thought it the Cuban and Puerto Rican Fire Brigade but the fire out before the routine started.

It's Twitchington time! Twitch likes the fact that Kherington tends to think everything is alwayss going to be okay, because he tends to freak out. Kherington loves that Twitch is muscular and that he can lift her. Twitch doesn't like Kherington's leg strength because he's Sir Kickedintthefacealot. She hates his eyeglass frames sans lenses. Seriously Twitch, what the hell? That's dumber than Kherington's "h".

Uh oh we have an early "very special" dance routine ala Mia's Dead Father Dance. Apparently Jean Marc's daughter has a condition where she lost all of her motor skills and she reacts strongest when people dance. So this Viennese Waltz is dedicated to uplifting his daughter.

I like the idea of not going to Hell so I'll just say that they danced dewinely. Well, except for Twitch looked heavy on his heels. They're also both barefoot. Oh yeah and Kherington with her hair that way looks like a slimmer version of an ex-girlfriend. Whose breakup kinda sorta sent me seeking therapy. Sigh...stupid "very special" dance routines. I will say that it was very touching and a nice moment for the show.

Mia thought Kherington needed more reality on the routine since she smiled a bit too much for her taste. Nigel interrupts her and disagrees on the purpose of the dance. Mia gets kind of pissy that she was cut off. Kherington and Twitch get some input. Mary is a crying mess. Nigel actually gives some interesting history of the Viennese Waltz and thought the routine was beautiful. So of course after a touching tender emotional routine, Twitchington still has to do this ...

unbelievable.

Comfort and Chris bump as out dancing Krump but they looked like effeminate Cowboys. We'll see...Comfort likes that Chris is humble.Chris likes Comfort's versatility. He thinks she talks so fast. She doesn't like that he's sweaty and he doesn't like that it get all over her face.

Lil C is back with some Krump, which is usually a mixed bag. Of course Chris has never Krumped before...

And it shows. Again the song hurts the routine. It's a Timbaland joint and it's just okay. Chris does look like a fish out of water. This routine looks so watered down and palatable for what they think the audience wants. It just doesn;t work There's nothing there that keeps the attention. Another whiff for Krump on this show.

Mia is a big Comfort fan. She thought Chris worked hard this week and pulled it off. Mary is just kinda meh on everything and thought Comfort could have hit it harder. Nigel just goes on this embarrassing rant on Krump and how he wants it hard and tells Chris his Grandma is more gangsta than him. Nigel wanted Nigel to get his Hulk on and then gets up and does a shitty crotch grab.

Ugh. Nigel and Mary are ruining this show. Maybe they'll decide the rest of the top 4 next week.

Quick thoughts on So You Think You Can Dance: Top 18

2008-06-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

I had some technical difficulties with the screenies that I couldn't fix this morning so the full post will have to wait until this evening.

Quick thoughts:

Was Will's critique the worst slurp job ever by the Jidges?

Will they ever acknowledge that Twitch might have spent all of last year training in other styles?

Do you think Alex would have referrered to Susie as a (airquotes) "street dancer" if she didn't buy her clothes from the "Whore Shop"?

Chris should have challenged Nigel to a Dance-Off right then and there.

Nigel was so pervy last night he even gave a guy who accentuates female crotch shots the creeps.

Just in case the post doesn't make it tonight here's my bottom three:
Matt and Kourtni
Thayne and Chelsea
~~Will and Jessica (even though Comfort and Chris weren't as good)~~
I forgot about Susie Trampskirt and Marquis