TortuousPath

The End of an Era

2008-07-23T02:31:00Z

This is the end of an era for me. This chapter is coming to a close. Never, did I imagine 6 years ago that I would still be in this job today. After nearly a year of unemployment, I finally came across a job that came close to supporting my family. I had to uproot my family and move us to a small town in southwest Missouri. For my wife and I, it was a job and it was a good chance to start over.

We had been in Tulsa for 10 years and the final year was tough, the terror attack on the World Trade Center had just occured and the economy was horrible. We gladly took on this challenge, even if only for a short time.

It didn't take long for us to fall in love with Carthage, such a different pace than what we were used to. Eventually, we have become like our neighbors and bemoan the fact that we have to go all the way to Joplin for something. What a tortuous 15 miles that has become. In Tulsa, we lived far enough out of town that it was 15 miles to get anywhere we were going, on a daily basis, man, have we become soft or what?

The job I took never really excited me, it only excited me to have a job. I figured I'd land something better at some point, but the economy continued to lag and we continued to enjoy our small town life. This job has been hell probably more than I care to admit and it has made me miserable at times. I have earned promotions and raises in every job I have had prior to this but for the past 6 years, I have been lucky to get a 2-3% raise annually and I'm leaving with the same title I was hired under.

God has transformed me in this place, He has given me a heart to equip the church to effectively use technology, which is still a role I struggle with. I have talked with many people in ministry who have been at the point of throwing in the towel at least once and I approach that more often than many people realize. Yet I still feel this tug.

I have felt drawn to ministry and God has changed my heart to see this as an option and over the past year, I have really felt like the time was close for me to make the switch. My employer laid off a lot of people the week before Christmas last year and that pretty well sealed the deal for me, I knew it was time to move on.

I have had a desire to be with a church fulltime for awhile and this year has been my year to pursue that. I have some contacts and began getting the word out and even talked with a couple of churches. One church in particular had a great staff and they were doing many great things in ministry. This occured at the same time I was interviewing with a local company and that position seemed like a great fit for my experience, although it wasn't the Church.

When it came down to it, it seemed that God led me to this local opportunity and opened the door for me there, in a big way. After much discussion and prayer, I accepted a position with this company. Not long after that, I received a call from the church I talked with and they were still interested. We talked for a few minutes and I let them know I already accepted another position. It's hard to turn down a possible opportunity, especially an opportunity with a great church, but in my heart, my decision was right and from God.

As I reflect on all of this now, I think God is telling me that it's not time for me to be in the church yet. It's become clear in the past couple weeks that I've got to work through some things in my own life, then I will be freed up to give it all to God.

I'm thankful that God has provided a new opportunity for me and I'm confident that my career will get back on track. I also trust that God is in control and leading me where He wants me to be. I have 2 full days left at my current job and for that I am also thankful.

The funny thing is my wife and I moved to Tulsa 16 years ago just to get back on our feet, then we had plans to move on. 10 years later, we finally moved on. We came to Carthage with a plan to get back on our feet then we had plans to move on. 6 years later, we are still here and are happy with our life in this small town.

This week is the end of an era for me and my career but in fact, it's really just a continuation of this journey that God is leading me on.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times

2008-07-22T07:14:00Z

I have a place I go when I need to get away, a safe place, a place where I can simply let it all hang out. I think we all do, whether we know it or not. For me, the place I go is here.

I haven't written in quite awhile and it's starting to wear me down. I can't go where I normally go to write and I can't fully explain why. It's not that anything is stopping me, I can go there and log in and write to my heart's content, but there's something inside me that tells me to not go there. I want to go there, I want everything to appear normal and right, but it's not. Inside me, there is a turmoil, there is a storm brewing. It's a bitter sweet time, it's a time that I want to shout to the world about what's coming up for me because it's so exciting, so fresh and new. At the same time, I'm going through some things that make me want to crawl in a hole and hide from everything.

Charles Dickens describes it well:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us

That is exactly where I am.

I am in the process of leaving a job I should have left long ago and I am getting ready to start a job that seems to have tremendous potential, in many ways. At the same time, I have some personal things going on that are not good, not good at all.

I'm not going to share the issue that my wife and I are facing, it's too personal and it's not up for public debate or discussion. It's an issue we are facing together and we need to walk through it one step at a time. It's still very raw and painful to us and the main thing I would ask for is prayer. Prayer for wisdom and discernment, prayer for courage to make the right decisions and endurance to make it through. We have made decisions in the past and in a way, the results of those decisions are coming back to bite us.

For now, our inner circle of friends will know many of the details of where we are and what we are facing because we seriously need specific prayer and support. Also, I'll continue to write somewhere about the things that I need to sort through.

I thank God for the prayers He has answered and some other things that He has provided and I also thank God for drawing us to Him in this time of great need. It is truly the best of times and the worst of times.

God sized vending machine

2008-05-16T13:06:00Z

How do I talk to God?

Put that question into perspective. How do I, a tiny man, with limited thought capacity and strength, talk to Almighty, all-knowing, all-powerful God of the Universe and beyond?

That's what I laid in bed last night thinking about. I almost got up to write this but felt it was already too late to be lying in bed awake, let alone being up and awake.

My prayers are often a list of things I'm begging for to make my life more comfortable and complete. It's no wonder my prayers seem hollow and empty. THEY ARE!!!

Yes, I believe in God. Yes, I have faith. Yes, I believe God answers prayer and provides for all my needs, even more than the flowers in the field. So, why the heck does it seem like my life is simply me spinning my wheels and looking for my big break?

Maybe because that's where my focus is.

How do I communicate with God, the God who created me and loves me and loves me more than I love my own wife and kids?

Is God more than a "need" vending machine? I believe He is but I think it's going to take some practice on my part, to change my expectations and perspective.

I have more questions than answers, but the main answer I need to get to is to the question 'how do I talk to God?' He's not a God that comes running to me like a puppy when I walk in the room, not because He loves me but because I might have something for Him, like a tator tot or some raw hamburger.

He's the God that created me in His image because He has a plan for my life, a plan that is far greater than any selfish need I think I have.

Good Friends

2008-05-11T18:04:00Z

I have a new appreciation for good friends. Lately, we have had some challenges and I mean extreme challenges and it has impacted friendships. As we have become intentional about distancing ourselves from some "friends" to preserve our own sanity, we have also come to realize that we have some true friends and we value these friendships more than ever.

I think God has allowed us to go through these challenges to make us stronger and to help us to realize the value of friends. We don't have a lot of true friends but that's fine with me. I would rather have a few that I know have my back, than have a lot and not know where I stand. That's clearly too painful, it makes you want to pull back and not put yourself out there.

We have friends that we can just hang out with and do nothing and that in itself is a great time. (especially if there is good food, like quesadillas) Friends are a gift from God and that is not something to take for granted. I hope that I am teaching my kids this value too. Last I saw, they were sitting in the neighbor's front yard just chatting about who knows what. I'm glad my kids have good friends too.

Time For A Change

2008-04-10T08:32:00Z

I think I'm beyond the end. My employer has held me down for far too long. I am the eternal optimist and in this case, I think I have held out hope for too long. In a way, I'm realizing that I'm pretty spoiled, back in the "good 'ol days" (I guess I'm getting old!), during the time of the internet bubble and the strong growing economy of the late 90's, I got a new job whenever I wanted. Being in Tulsa for 10 years, I had my network, I had my peeps and I knew who to call. All I had to say was, "I need out, I need something new" and in a short amount of time, I had something new.

A new company, a better title, more money, more everything. When September 11 happened, all of that ended. After being virtually unemployed for nearly a year, I landed a job here in Missouri. It was a job and that's all. The company never seemed to excite me like in the past, what did excite me was income again. Even that was substantially less than what I had grown accustomed to.

So we uprooted our family and moved to this small town with a slower pace where we knew no one. Life is pretty good now, we love our home, our neighborhood, our church, our friends and the area. We've adjusted our lifestyle, we've cut up the credit cards and we try to live within our means but it's tiring.

One other thing, I am very motivated person and I like to take on new challenges and master them. It frustrates the snot out of me when I can't master something, I don't give up easily. Every job I have had in the past 15 years, I have built new systems, figured things out, analyzed new ways to do things and my career has advanced. I have walked away from further advancement in a job before because I think it freaked me out. I realize that now.

Where I am now, I haven't advanced and I have never really found my groove. Actually, the first year was good, I was hired for a specific project and that was great. I lead the project, implemented a new system, then the VP driving the effort left, so everything I had done was not used anymore. Not a big thing, that happens in IT more than most people realize but the problem in this case is that I've really been drifting aimlessly for the past 4 1/2 years. They have made somewhat of an effort to plug me in to areas where I can contribute, but not really.

At one point, they said we want you to be a coder and we'll train you. Great, I thought, I can do this. The week or two of training they were going to send me to turned into doing some online training which turned into buying me books which turned into borrowing books from a co-worker which he thought he had one at home and I never saw it. After a year of being expected to write code in a language that I wasn't strong in so I didn't produce as expected, I got a bad review. That seems to have set the tone for every review since then.

So, after being patiently optimistic for far too long, I've got to go, I think. I'm trying to discern if the Lord is kicking me in the butt to get out and do things more in line with what He has called me to or if He is tempering me to become stronger in certain ways so I can more effectively do His will in the future.

I pray that I discern His will for my life as I work to provide for my family more effectively. My job is really dragging me down and it's wearing me down and starting to affect other areas of my life. I know that the Lord is preparing me to do more and He is preparing me for it, I'm just really ready to get started. For now, this is where I am and I need to be faithful to what He has called me to right now.

This is the end of my rant, it's time to get busy!

Stuck in the mud

2008-02-05T12:42:00Z

In today's world, presidential candidates spend a lot of money trashing their opponent. A LOT OF MONEY! I read where 2 candidates each put a million dollars a day for advertising to trash the other person for the 7 days leading up to today, Super Tuesday.

Is anybody talking about the issues? Is anybody trying to convince me why I should vote for them? Does anybody have any values? Does anybody care?

For the first time ever, I walked into the polling place unsure of who to vote for. I wish somebody would stand out and even rise above the crowd. Why don't you spend as much money and energy convincing me why I should vote for you as you do trying to convince me why I should not to vote for the other guy?

What if a candidate refused to throw mud? I don't think this system was designed to be like this, was it? Why not have 2 men go head to head simply on their beliefs, their style and their core values. Then, may the best man win!

In today's climate, do you think a candidate could rise above, not get ugly about others, stand out and actually survive? Would you vote for this man? There's a good chance I would, but of course there are some core values that I will not settle for, but likely any Christian man who acted as I describe above would get my vote.

Here's an idea: why don't a bunch of us get together, go start a Christian nation and establish standards like that, where we put others before us and where we love our neighbors and people are free to believe the way they want and we actually have faith in our leaders?

Oh wait, I guess that's already been done!

web 2.0: deja vu

2008-01-05T14:58:00Z

This is too funny.

Get Over Yourself, You Have A Job!

2007-12-28T23:20:00Z

Today marks the end of an era for some. I guess you could say it's a new beginning but in this situation, we tend to look back, not forward. It's hard to look ahead when the future is so uncertain and unknown. Several people in my department left the building for the last time today, not because they won the lottery or because a better opportunity came along but because of a company wide layoff.

In my opinion, being laid off changes your life forever, it changed mine. I was laid off from my job less than a month after September 11, 2001. That was something that wasn't supposed to happen to me, that happens to the other guy, but not that time. If you haven't experienced it, you don't understand. You might think you do but you really don't. The feelings cover a wide range, mostly negative. It's not a time when you think you have the world in the palm of your hand, it's a time when you think those that are staying behind are better than you and that they are looking down on you and also you feel like an outsider and a loser.

When I was laid off, it was immediate, follow my boss upstairs, go in the office, blah blah blah, sign something, walk back down, box everything up, don't touch your computer because you are clearly now a criminal (that's how it feels), then be escorted out. The people at my office now found out last week, then stayed through today, which is extremely hard for everyone

Those of us who get to stay had several impromptu meetings to reassure us and to tell us that they couldn't tell us anything and all kinds of other irrelevant things. Outside of these meetings, it fascinated me to hear the gossip and the rumors. I didn't hear much directly but people like to talk tell each other how sorry they are about those people that lost their jobs and who knows what and what new information is there and on and on. I just want to scream

SHUT UP! DON'T YOU GET IT! THESE PEOPLE ARE LOSING THEIR JOBS!!

It's not like their shoes don't match and nobody wants to ttell them, their life and their family's lives are seriously altered from this moment on and all you can do is sit around the office and talk in hushed tones about who the latest casualty is and speculate who will get their office. Give me a freaking break! Stop being selfish and respect this event for what it is. It sucks on many levels.

It has been awkward around the office because it was not "officially" known who was leaving, but we knew, yet we couldn't necessarily openly talk about it and we still had to carry on business as usual. Today, now that the end arrived, I talked to a friend, a guy I have worked with for many months on a variety of projects. He has done a lot to help me out and I respect him a lot. Today was his last day. There is nothing that I could say to make it better. I told him that. I told him I have been there. I told him it's hard to see right now but it will work out. I told him to let me know if he needed anything, I'd be happy to help. That's how it ended. No goodbye, no 'see ya around', no hugs (thankfully!). Just an awkward ending. I probably said too much, yet I wish I would have said more.

I hurt for him and his family. I wish I was able to ride through this with him. I'm thankful for my job. In a way, I wish I could trade places with him but that's not realistic. He'll do fine, just as I did fine. It's not easy to go through it but now that I'm several years on the other side, I wouldn't change a thing.

Next week, I have issues and things to work out at work, deadlines and projects to wrap up, yet at this moment, I'm not as annoyed as I have been in the past about my job. I'm thankful that I have these issues and I hurt for many people in my community that have the chance to pursue new opportunities.

Guide My Heart

2007-12-26T00:08:00Z

I have a degree in business administration and I have spent the past 12 years in corporate IT. I have also spent the past 4-6 years dabbling in church technology and the Lord has really shaped my heart towards this type of ministry. In my ideal world, I would be in ministry fulltime, yet as that scenario becomes more of a reality, it scares me!

I served as the lone, volunteer tech guy of a mega church for about 2 years and we discussed me joining the staff fulltime. In the end, due to a series of events beyond my control, I was burned, big time. It potentially could have taken me out of church tech ministry as well as out of the church for good, but it didn't. I laid low for about a year and a half, not really being committed to any church, and now I find myself in a similar situation, only much better. About a year ago, we began attending a new church and I just sat and watched and pondered if I wanted to be involved in any way. At first I did not, but at some point, felt drawn to get involved.

I didn't want to take anything over or be in charge, I just wanted to participate. Next thing I know, I am asked to take on the responsibility of all things technical in the church. On one hand, it was exactly where I desired to be and on the other hand, it scared me. Since I had already been there and done that, and also since I had many months to ponder what I had done right and wrong in the past, I had some new ideas. First of all, this new role was much larger than my previous role and I knew I couldn't do it alone. Also, I know that change comes slowly, especially in the church and I slowly made changes and improvements. I also began building a team of people to surround me and follow my vision.

Now, the discussion has started again about bringing me on staff fulltime and it was not started by me. Once again, this seems like a good idea to me, as I am tired of my regular grind at my job and church is where I really long to be. I think the Lord is leading me in to ministry fulltime, but I'm skeptical too. My heart tells me this is right and I feel at peace about where this is headed. My logical mind screams "Same song, second verse!".

Fortunately, I'm learning to listen to my heart more and trust the Lord's leading. I'm in a great situation in a church with strong, Godly leadership. One definite difference is I am much more public about the work I am doing and more upfront about my vision, desires and goals for this ministry. The last time I was in this role, I laid low and flew very much under the radar and many didn't even know anything I did, although they benefitted. Instead of only being at the church after hours, I am there at various times throughout the week and I'm building a team of servant geeks who have a strong desire to serve.

Prior to a few years ago, I thought working in a church would be a great big love fest, so to speak, but after being burned and hurt by the church I love, I realize the church is simply made up of people, people that make mistakes and sometimes have a hard time owning up to their mistakes. Sometimes the church can be as brutal or more brutal than the corporate world I am used to. Many people who have devoted their lives to ministry have been burned and hurt and even bounced back stronger.

Ultimately, I think the church is where I'll be fulltime but I need to fully trust my heart and retrain my mind . I still have time to do this as I wait on the Lord's timing.

Lord, give me strength to stand firm, even when there is opposition, give me patience to wait on Your timing. Guide my heart into Your will as I trust You with all that I am. In Jesus name, amen.

The Word Became Flesh

2007-12-24T23:44:00Z

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

John 1:1, 2, 14

The Value of Christmas Lights

2007-12-21T14:18:00Z

I've thought recently about Christmas lights. There is a Vietnamese Catholic training center for priests just down the street from my house and each year they put up many thousands of Christmas lights. We drive through, we listen to their radio station playing music, including Feliz Navidad, sung by Vietnamese people. Also, in a city a couple of hours away where I used to live, there is a Bible training center that claims to have millions of Christmas lights.

Last weekend, we had an ice storm that crippled much of middle America and subsequently heavily damaged both of these huge light displays. Ice has a way to bring things into perspective. I have a massive pile of branches in my front yard, as do most people in my community and there is still a lot of destruction all around, to trees, houses, cars and more.

The larger of these 2 Christmas light displays announced they would not reopen this year and for several nights after the storm, the one down the street remained dark. We could see damage, just driving by in the daytime. There was an arched passage that we would drive through and lights would flash all around, very cool effect, and it totally collapsed. For all we knew, they were done for the year, if not forever. These kind of things tend to grow year after year and I'm sure it's hard to start over at the same level they ended.

All of these events have caused me to consider what the value of Christmas lights are. They're nice to look at but does it bring Glory and Honor to God? It's nice to see all of the animals on the ark in lights and it's pretty cool to see David take Goliath down in animated lights but is it really that important to God? Does it add value to His Kingdom?

The larger display claims that people have found their salvation as a result of their light display, but did they really? Do people look at Christmas lights and proclaim that they have seen the light, so to speak, and surrender their life and heart to Jesus Christ? Call me skeptical but I don't buy it. The lights may play a role in sealing the deal but there was much sowing and watering going on leading up to that point, if that was the case.

Granted, God can reach people any way He chooses and He may choose to use Christmas lights. Praise God for His power in all situations. Aren't we called to be light to this world and to spread the message of Jesus' love? It seems to me that my role in God's plan is to build relationships with people and let them see Jesus in my words and actions.

Perhaps I don't have the gift of Christmas light ministry. Perhaps there is real value in the Kingdom of God for Christmas lights. Perhaps I need to be more intentional in my efforts toward reaching people for Christ, with or without Christmas lights.

By the way, two nights ago, the lights were back on down the street. That's a great thing because it wouldn't be Christmas without those lights.

Lead me there

2007-11-18T22:57:00Z

I'm wanting to write something quick, so this is it. This week, I pray that I go to a place that God is blessing so I can be a part of that. Lead me there God, I am yours!

Beyond My Comfort Zone

2007-11-16T14:07:00Z

This has been an interesting week. Sometime Wednesday, during the day, my other blog took a dive. The site is gone, for no reason, I hadn't even done anything on it that day, no new posts, no messing with the database or cpanel, nothing. I have spent time trying to fix it and my wife has done the same and still, to this moment, it's still not up.

My 3 years worth of posts are still there, on the server, and I have backed them up to my computer now, but something has gone tremendously wrong. I have a plan in mind, for how to restore things back to normal and I will continue to focus on it tonight and over the weekend. I've had friends who have emailed and a few commented during a brief window when I had a new blog up, all offering encouragement and prayer. I'm confident things will be restored, it's just frustrating that this has happened.

This happens at a time when I really want to do more writing, beyond just that blog. I also want to start submitting some writing to various publications and ideally writing fulltime would be awesome. The reason why I came back to LwC after months and months of neglect is that I love this community and I'm glad to be back.

I invite you to read my other blog, once it's back up, but honestly, I don't tell my friends over there about this blog. Why is that? Well, I started blogging 3 years ago here, at this blog and out of this, Church Tech Matters was born. My full intention was to not be known, just to write and learn and share but CTM has become a larger part of my heart and passion than I ever anticipated. God is good and through that blog, He has pushed me to become way more transparent than I am comfortable with sometimes, yet I want to be out there more and more. That blog has become a way for me to interact with other church leaders, other church IT people and other people that just enjoy what's going on there. It has become something I take very seriously and devote time and thought and prayer to, and God leads me to new things way beyond myself. Over the years, it has gone back and forth from being personal to non-personal etc., and being what it is now, it's not a place that I want to just bare my soul about anything and everything. I need a place to do that and that's why I'm here.

As I have said, you are more than welcome to join my world over there, I would love it, especially if technology in the church is something that's important to you. I don't invite those people over here though, it's almost like 2 separate worlds that I live in, that world, at CTM, is my public world and this world here, at LwC is my private, personal world. So, there you have it.

CTM will bounce back eventually, but I still need to focus on what's important, which is God, my family, my writing.

I want to do more with CTM, more here and more beyond my comfort zone.

Dad, you're freakin' me out!

2007-11-14T23:49:00Z

I freaked my daughter out the other night. We were driving home and it struck me that she was growing up similar to how I grew up, in a small town. She's 11, almost 12 and fairly independent and moreso all the time. Here's how the conversation went:

Prolonged Silence
Me: This is as good as it gets.
Her: Huh?
Me: This is as good as it gets.
Her: What are you talking about, Dad?
Me: This is your life.
Her: What?
Me: This is as good as it gets, this is as bad as it gets.
Her: Huh?
Me: This life is what you make it, do you wanna win?
Her: Yeah
Me: Then work hard, focus and win
Me: Do you wanna be good at math?
Her: Yeah
Me: Then study hard and learn it the best you can
Me: Do you want a clean room?
Her: Yes
Me:Then go home and clean it:
Her: Dad, you're freakin me out
Me: Good, my job here is done.

Losing a friend

2007-11-12T20:11:00Z

Last night, I wrote a long tribute to my dog of 16 years, who has gone on to a better place now and when I hit post, the screen went blank. Everything I wrote was gone, going back didn't bring back my words.

I don't think I can recreate it, not to the extent that I had written. It makes me sad because I thought it was well written and I thought I expressed my feelings pretty well and that alone is an accomplishment. It was raw and honest and now it's gone. Maybe the act of writing it was enough. Maybe my anger toward losing that post serves to replace the hurt of losing my dog. Now I sound bitter and angry and I'm really not, it just frustrates me that the words are just gone.

Mikki was truly my wife's dog, she joined our family at a time, 16 years ago, when we were new to town, living in a small apartment on the wrong side of town and I was working nights. She was my wife's comfort and friend. Over the years Mikki was always there for us, especially for my wife and I know Mikki was there for her the times that I have hurt my wife more than either of us imagined was possible. She has moved several times with us, always adapting to our new home. Mikki accepted the other puppy into her home less than 2 years later. Mikki was still the boss of the other dog, even when the other dog was 3 times her size. Mikki accepted the baby into her home and protected it just like she always protected her mommy. Mikki accepted the second baby into her home and protected it just like she always protected her mommy.

Mikki outlived her bigger, little sister by just a few months and really, from that time on, her health has deteriorated to what it became this past weekend. Mikki lost a lot of weight and for being a 10 pound dog, that doesn't take much, she shivered a lot, even when it was nearly 70 degrees yesterday and she walked in circles constantly, counterclockwise circles.

Long gone are the days of our turbo puppy running into the bathroom as soon as we got out of the shower to lick our ankles furiously, I guess to make sure we were really clean or maybe just because she was thirsty.

This morning, we went as a family to the vet and said good bye to Mikki. My wife went in the room alone, the kids didn't want to, and I didn't really want to either, so I didn't mind sitting in the lobby with them while my wife held her puppy for the last time. We heard Mikki yowl the way she does when she's really upset at you for being gone too long and I wondered if the medicine was really hurting her. Come to find out, that occured when they shaved her, no pain, she was just annoyed. True to her character.

As she laid her head down my wife held her, making sure she knew she was loved. When she came out, she said that it started with just the two of them and that's how it ended.

Somehow, Mikki acquired the name Mikki Moo and that's what we have always called her, sometimes even Moo dog.

I don't know if dogs go to heaven, never really considered it, but as far as I'm concerned at this point, they do. As far as my kids know, they do and both of our dogs are running and playing, in their new bodies, Mikki can see with cataract free eyes, colors that she never imagined, bright and clear. She can hear sounds that she hasn't heard since going mostly deaf, bright and clear, she can once again be the turbo puppy of her youth.

You are missed, Mikki Moo. You will always be a part of our family, in our hearts and in our memories. You were an example of devotion and love like no other. Rest in peace, Moo Dog.

Rebound Relationship

2007-11-08T07:58:00Z

It feels good to be back at LwC, this is where it all began for me, as far as blogging goes, and over the past few years, blogging has opened up a whole new world to me. I have made friends with people that I never would have had the opportunity to meet outside of blogging. God has grown me in ways that are way bigger than myself and it's overwhelming sometimes. Ok, a lot of times, it's overwhelming.

One of my last posts here, my annual visit last year, was about my struggle at our church and our lack of involvement. Really, it was the beginning of the end for us at that church. We stayed through Christmas Eve, for our kids, they were in a musical that they had already committed to by the time we knew we had to go. But I remember looking back at my last post on here, from September, 2006, a few months earlier, where I had said we needed to go and that God was really stirring in us.

Fast forward to now, we are in a church that is literally 4 minutes from home, the church is alive and growing and the pastor is pumped for trying new things and focused on the right things, which is reaching people for Christ.

After leaving our long time church home in December, 2005, I was burned and not anxious to serve in church or even go to church. The church that I talked about a couple of posts ago was like our rebound church. It was like seeing the love of your life making bad decisions and going a direction that you know is wrong but you know you are powerless to change. So, in an effort to try to be normal you start dating someone else but you know you can't commit to her, you just need somewhere to hang while your heart heals. That's what our rebound church was to us, we made some friends but it was mostly surface level. I remember looking around one day and wondering what I was doing there. I was no longer being fed and my heart cried out that there was so much more out there.

Yet, I also still felt the pain of leaving our last church, the conversations with each of my young daughters was still fresh in my mind, their tears and questions about why we had to leave. My kids had made connections at this rebound church now and I knew it was time to go.

That separation was much easier than the previous one, even for our kids. God led us to a church home where we instantly felt the love of the people of the church. It's similar to the one that dumped us 2 years ago and that made it scary in a way. The pastor quickly reached out to us and initially, I heard the same words that my previous pastor voiced. Empty words.

Then the weirdest thing happened. This new pastor did what he said he would do, he followed through, he listened. Even now, after knowing my pastor and friend for nearly a year, doubt creeps in. Yet, he's never done anything to give me a reason to doubt and I praise the Lord for that.

The healing is still going on, in my mind and in my heart. But I feel like I'm back in a real relationship, a relationship where I can grow again and become what God created me to be and use my gifts the way God intended.

There will always be a loss in my heart, where the church hurt me. I still have friends that call that church home, although the interesting thing is that the initial blow that hit me between the eyes and ultimately led my wife and I to leave is now reaching the general masses and our friends that were there now see what we saw 2 years ago and they are leaving. That hurts. The Bride of Christ is the church and to see her intentionally doing things with no regard for the lives affected, that hurts. I pray for the leadership of that church, that they would change direction and turn back to the ways that God intended.

We have actually suggested to a couple of different friends to go to our rebound church, it's a great place to be fed and sit and heal. It's not a bad church, in the end, it just wasn't for us.

Wow, I didn't start writing this with this in mind. I guess I really am just letting it flow.

Annual Visit

2007-11-08T07:39:00Z

Well, here I am for my annual visit to this blog. I spend most of my time lately at my other blog, Church Tech Matters, but come here apparently about once a year. That's been the pattern for the last 2 years. Last year about this time I thought I would come here and write on occasion and it didn't stick.

I'm back with the same intention this year, maybe it will stick this time. I like this blog and I like this community, so I want to keep going here. What you will probably see here is a different side of me, a part of me that just is what it is. Writing is what I want to do and it's where I need to focus. Church Tech Matters is a part of me, it's who I am and where my heart is, but I think I need both my church tech writing as well as my writing where I can just let it flow.

I'm praying that this sticks.

Church 2.0

2006-09-30T01:13:00Z

The book Revolution by Barna also makes the point that people are not going to come to our church and ask us to tell them about Christ, in fact, just the opposite. There is little interest for the unchurched to actually attend church and honestly, there's sometimes little interest for the churched, like me, to actually attend church.

That sounds bad but it's honest. We need to take Christ to the people in this world, meet them where they are and make Christ real. If it's not relevant, then it's a no go. So forget inviting people to come to church, that may be a losing battle. Instead, meet them where they are. let them see Christ in you and demonstrate how Christ is real to our lives, not just an inconvenience on Sunday.

Speaking of Sunday, this Sunday, we are visiting a former church of ours, which I am pumped about. We have to be back in the city we used to live in on Sunday afternoon so we decided to make it a very long day. We have spent 3 years at another church since then, plus about 6 months at our new church, which we are on the verge of leaving, and neither one even comes close to the church we're returning to this Sunday. The teaching, the passion, the community, the expectation that we, the people, are there to serve and find a place to plug in, it's exciting. I've been listening to some recent podcasts from this church and I am homesick, big time, not for the former life, but for this church family.

Church 1.0

2006-09-28T09:26:00Z

I'm reading the book Revolution by George Barna. It has to do with the way many committed Christians are leaving church and finding spiritual community outside of the church walls. It's fascinating and it hits close to home for me.

My family and I left the comfort of our church last year and still now don't feel like we have landed in a place where we will be long term. We are at a church where the pastor is extremely knowledgeable and passionate about the Bible, which is refreshing, but there is not a tight community in this church. It's not a place to make deep friendships and feel that you will be supported in a time of need and that you can be there for others in their time of need. There's more to church than just having a good pastor to listen to, ya know?

God is stirring in our hearts and we don't know where He is leading us, but I feel like it's something that if I don't completely surrender to Him, then it won't happen. He's taking me somewhere much larger than myself and it's something I can't do without Him.

Over the last few years, God has given me a desire to create a church in a different way, in a way that is not standard, in a way that makes God real. This has been stirring in me at some level for probably 4 years and I am just now to a point where I'm able to step back and let God lead me into this new thing.

My wife and I just recently have agreed that we will go where ever God is leading us and honestly, I see some opportunity in places that are not right here where we are, exciting opportunities, with existing churches. I also see equally exciting possibilities right here. It's in God's hands.

There is more on my mind, but I'll stop for now.

Flying Observations

2006-09-18T13:42:00Z

I have spent alot of time on an airplane lately and I have some observations.

1) Once I'm in the plane, I have no control over the outcome. I know people freak out when they get on a plane, but the reality is, there is nothing I can do to affect anything once the door is shut. If we crash, it's out of my control, if we're high jacked, it's out of my control, even if we take off on time, that's out of my control. I pray, give it up to God and let Him take it from there.

2) I like bigger planes better than smaller ones. The smallest one I have been on recently is one seat on each side of the aisle and about 10 rows. It's very loud and very shaky. The big ones have more leg room too.

3) The airport is like another world. It's a place where you trust no one and no one trusts you. You have to prove your trustable before you can enter the place where you can trust no one. It should be one big happy family in there, we have all made it thru security. Someone says, 'will you watch my bag?' I should be able to say 'Sure, I'll watch it, I know I can trust you, you made it thru security just like I did.'

4) Everything in the bathrooms are automatic. The toilets, the faucet, the soap. But not the paper towels. Apparently, someone didn't see that project thru to completion.

5) The sun is always shining above the clouds. No matter how dark and dreary life gets, once you rise above 10,000 feet, everything looks good. There's a parallel here somewhere.

I've also learned that I like some airports better than others. My favorite, by far, is Atlanta. That is a nice airport and well laid out, lots of signs, to direct people like me. It was even easy to get back to it from the city. Out of 9 airports, that is the best. My least favorite was Kansas City, although that 's the one I'm most likely to fly out of, so I better get used to it. I need to learn my way around because there are no signs!