Total Life Counseling Center Resources

10 Warning Signs of Mental Instability in the Workplace

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:21:00 +0000

With the recent shootings in Downtown Orlando by Jason Rodriquez, many people find it hard to go to work without being paranoid something similar might happen to them. Many people are left wondering how they could avoid the same kind of danger. Are there ways to prevent this kind of violence in the workplace?
Not every incident of violence in the workplace can be prevented but there are some warning signs to look for if a person is mentally ill.

10 Warning Signs of Mental Instability

1. Paranoia
2. Extreme Jealousy
3. Fascination with violence
4. Depression
5. Addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs and legal drugs
6. Are extreme loners
7. Exhibit extreme mood swings
8. Emotionally unstable
9. Been violent in the past
10. Explosive anger problems

If you spot three or more of these traits in a person you might want to telling your employer or human resources department. Your employer or human resources department can interview other employees to corroborate your story and then recommend counseling for the employee through an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) or mental health counselor. The counselor could then determine if the employee should be be hospitalized under the Baker Act. The Baker Act is Florida’s involuntary treatment law. It can be enforced by judges, law enforcement officials, mental health counselors, and physicians. If you spot someone who you feel might be mentally ill you can call a mental health professional or 911 and report them so they can get help.

They would be taken to a mental health facility for an evaluation by a professional to determine if they are indeed mentally ill and could be a danger to themselves or others. Once they are evaluated and diagnosed as mentally ill, they will receive treatment and care so they don’t become a danger to themselves or others.

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact. About the Author: Debbie Haughton, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern. Debbie Haughton has performed career assessments & coaching for students and professionals. She has counseled clients ranging in age from young adolescents to mature baby boomers and from many different walks of life. Her ability to relate well to the wide range of individuals comes from her caring and compassionate personality, her true desire to help others, her 20+ years as a parent and wife and the variety of professional endeavors she has pursued. Throughout her career, she has worked in sales, television broadcasting, advocacy for the handicapped, advertising, teaching children’s music performance, music and event production and counseling. Total Life Counseling Center uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Our Blogs
Our Total Life Counseling Site

Four Signs to Prevent Workplace Violence - Nidal Hasan

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:31:00 +0000

This week our country and specifically, many families have experienced tragedies as a result of workplace violence that will change their lives forever. Major Nidal Malik Hasan is alleged to have murdered 13 fellow military personnel and wounded 30 more at Fort Hood Thursday. There are reports that red flags were apparent in Major Nidal Hasan’s behavior and performance.

The day after the Fort Hood massacres, a man named Jason Rodriquez shot and killed a co-worker and wounded five others at an engineering firm in Orlando, Florida. The reoccurring questions that are being asked is if he just snapped or were there warning signs? In most workplace violence, there are common signs preceding the horrific events.

Below are four common warning signs that are often overlooked:

1. Overreaction to criticism and resistance to changes in procedures.

2. Anger that is directed at co-workers and/or the company, which seems stronger or more intense than the situation seems to call for.

3. Obsession about co-workers or company policies. This can also include repeated violations of company policies.

4. Bullying others to do things a certain way or possible threats to supervisors directly or indirectly.

These signs can be very subtle or very obvious to those around the individual. In many post-incident investigations, employees and co-workers often stated that they observed one or more of these symptoms but considered them insignificant or just "weird" behavior. Report these signs to your human resources department or employer.

If you struggle with any of these symptoms or know any one that does, there are many resources available to assist you or your company in preventing workplace violence. Total Life Counseling offers a monthly Eight-hour Anger Management Workshop to the community. Individuals learn how to manage their own emotions along with how to deal with difficult or disgruntled individuals in their personal or work life.

Resources:

CNN Video on Workplace Violence

8 Hour Anger Management Workshop

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

About the Author: Janie Lacy, MS provides counseling in the Orlando area and has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. She has a relational approach and a unique ability to connect with individuals. Drawing upon her broad range of experience in private practice, not-for-profit organizations, hospitality and the medical industry, she has helped countless people in many arenas of life. She offers keen insight on all aspects of relationships – family, marriage, parenting, dating, and personal growth. Visit her webpage to learn more about her or for more counseling and coaching resources go to Total Life Counseling Center's site.

Parenting the Difficult Defiant Child: The 4 Avoidable "T's"

noreply@blogger.com (James L West, MA, LMHC, NCC) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:57:00 +0000

*'!#$ you mom said Anthony at the restaurant with his family. Jackie, his mother responds "Don't you talk to me like that and if you say that one more time I will slap you!" I knew when Jackie was telling me this story what Anthony was going to do. Anthony cursed again and Jackie in a moment of temporary insanity slapped Anthony, her 14 year old son in front of the entire restaurant. She was fortunate no one reported her! This article is to help you to prevent these periods of "temporary insanity."

Jim West on the Fox News Interview on the 4 Avoidable "T's":

Below are a few tips I gave Jackie and other families.

1. Triggers: Knowing what the triggers and avoiding them is helpful to reduce explosive outbursts. Saying "No" before validating the child's wants or feelings is the ultimate trigger. It's important to have a structure in place, set times for getting up, going to school, starting homework, dinner time, and bedtime. Once this is established then you use questions to lead the child to the solution.
Example:
Child: "Mom can I stay up late and watch the rest of this movie?"
Mom: "I can see why you would like to stay up late as I know how much you like this movie." Pause
Child: "This movie is awesome!"
Mom: "I know I like the movie too, but what time is it?"
Child: "9 o'clock"
Mom: "What time is bedtime?"
Child: "9 o'clock, but I want to watch my show!"
Mom: "I know how much you love this movie but what time is it?"
Child: "Bedtime"
Mom: Feel the way your child feels when saying this next line. "I know and I'm sorry for how you feel and I appreciate your obedience."

2. Threats - "If you say that one more time!" or "You will go to your room right now!" Threats like these are tough to WIN because all the child has to do is say again whatever it is you do not want them to say and in their mind they WIN & you LOSE. When making threats like these the one with the most energy wins.

3. Temporary Insanity - Emotions (Right Brain) & Logic or Reason (Left Brain) do not usually work well together. In other words if Emotions are high (temporary insanity) then the brains ability to use Reason & Logic are low. If Emotions are low then the ability to use Reason & Logic is High. Allowing time to calm down the emotions is important before we can have meaningful discussions. Sentencing (giving consequences) the child during intense emotion will escalate the child as well. Misery also loves company so if your child is upset they want to bring you into their misery! So Validate their feelings:
Parent: "I can see your are frustrated" and pause.
Student: "Yes I am because I hate going to bed at 9pm!"
Parent: "I can see why you are frustrated because you love to stay up later."
Student: "Yes, so why don't you let me stay up later?"
Parent: (do not get caught up in explaining something you have explained before, your child knows the answer) "I can see how that would be nice for you, but we all need plenty of rest."

4. Tone - If you escalate your tone and lose your cool then the child feels they WIN emotionally because they made you join them in their misery. So as hard as it is you need to use a quiet tone. Often children or teens will calm down or stop yelling so they can hear what you have to say. Also, a calm tone will help them calm down faster.

For More Tips for Difficult Oppositional Defiant Students.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the Author: James L West is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and in practice since 1994 with a primary focus on child and adolescent issues. James is an author, professional speaker, school consultant, counselor and coach in Orlando Florida. He provides consultation to public and private schools across the state of Florida. His retreats are dynamic and with a purpose. Jim has clients come from all over Florida, Georgia, the Bahamas and England as 85% of his clients do not need medication. Jim uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families.Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Products: DVD’s, Workbooks, iPod Downloads & Power Point
News Segments & Videos
Articles & Blogs

Media Body Image and Self-Esteem

noreply@blogger.com (Jada Collins) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:40:00 +0000

Images of the female body are used to market everything! Toothpaste, shampoo, cola and sports cars! Beautiful women—and every body part—sell almost anything from potato chips to sport cars. Female celebrities and entertainers are becoming thinner, taller and younger.

Fashion magazines are saturated with articles suggesting that if a woman can simply loose weight or enhance their physical image they can have it all—a fairytale marriage, a gorgeous husband, loving children, fantastic sex, and a satisfying career.

These principles are aggressively forced on women in order to profit advertisers, marketers and popular brands.

Take the Media/Self Esteem Test!

-Do you compare yourself to female images in media (commercials, music videos, movies, etc)?
-Do you attempt to alter your personal image to mirror female entertainers, movie stars, etc?
-Do you use your appearance to enhance your self-esteem?
-Do you feel inferior in social situations?
-Do you have an intense need for recognition and approval?
-Do you have a need to be perfect?
-Do you have an inability to handle criticism?
-Are you overly critical of yourself or others?
-Do you constantly worry about the future?
-Are you unable to make decisions?
-Do you feel that no one loves you?
-Are you carrying extra baggage?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may need to talk to a self-esteem or image enhancement coach.

Remember, we must find strength and courage within ourselves to embrace the reality of who we really are (mind, body and spirit). If we are insecure with our bodies, we are more likely to purchase beauty products, new clothes, and diet aids that we really do not need at all! We can easily become ensnared in the cycle of spending unnecessary money to feel better about ourselves. Research indicates that exposure to media driven beauty is linked to depression, loss of self-esteem and unhealthy self-concept. So, ladies, I want to encourage you to Be-You! Because you truly are Be-You-Tiful just the way you are!

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the author

Jada is the author of Be-You-Tiful and from 1999-2009 she had the pleasure of modeling worldwide with Ebony Fashion Fair. As the Commentator and Spokes Model for the world’s largest traveling fashion show, she developed a passion to guide others into meaningful and purposeful living, particularly in the areas of personal enrichment, emotion management, and image enhancement. She is also a life coach and image enhancement specialist. For more information on Jada visit her webpage at www.totallifecounseling.com/jada.htm.

You Wanna Hook Up? - The Long & Short Term Effects on Women

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 04:47:00 +0000

Why bother asking someone to dinner or to the movies when you can meet at a party, down a few drinks and go “hook up” for the night?

In my freshman year of college, I can remember going down the hall to the shared bathroom among the dorm rooms and seeing some of the girls hung-over around the sinks. I caught my roommate’s eye and asked her what happened last night with that guy she had met at the party? She said, “We had fun together with no strings attached if you know what I mean. It was great!” Since those days, very little has changed in the female world of sexual freedom, it has only evolved into what we now call “hooking up”.

“Hooking up” can include all of the bases, and the ambiguity is intentional. Modest types can imply that less happened than did, and braggarts can hint at hitting a home run. Hookups can be defined by alcohol, physical attraction and a lack of expectations in the morning.

“Hook-Up Mentality”

One of the legacies from the sexual revolution is the “hook-up mentality”. The assumption behind that mentality is that sex is just another recreational activity.

There are many reasons why hooking up has become the name of the game and old-fashioned dating virtually does not exist anymore. A big reason involves the changing social roles of women and the evolution of female sexual freedom.

These concepts can be baffling to parents and members of older generations who are used to a courtship culture, not a hookup culture. However, it can also be confusing for those active in hooking up. Hooking up often leaves participants confused about the status of their hook up relationships, leaving them in relationship limbo.

Watch Janie Lacy, Relationship Expert explain the "Hook Up Mentality" on the National Syndicated Daily Buzz Show.

Sex and the City

In spite of “hooking up”, people want to matter to their sex partner, or they want to matter to them.Even the girls on Sex and the City are figuring out that sex is more than a game. One character has become absorbed by taking care of her baby. She longs for a relationship with the baby’s father. Another character describes herself as “lonely, really lonely.” The hook-up mentality doesn’t allow people to face up to the deeply embedded fact that they want to matter to their partners.

Hook Up Effects

Hooking up behavior is dangerous. There are more than 24 different sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) today and 15 million new cases are reported each year. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year, the CDC also reports.

Hooking up happens, so what happens after hooking up? It isn't always as carefree as it seems.What happens is usually one of the two partners becomes attached, emotional needs are denied, there is a higher risk for depression, higher risk for sexual transmitted diseases, and challenges later on in life to maintain a healthy monogamous relationship.

If you are interested in seeking guidance on this or other issues or interested in booking a seminar on this or other topics please call 407-248-0030. For more information on this subject check out our website or these websites below.

http://www.americanvalues.org/Hooking_Up.pdf

http://www.cdc.gov/

http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/consequences.php

About the Author: Janie Lacy is a Mental Health Counselor who has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. Janie has invested in the lives of others through public speaking, leadership training, educational instruction and small group ministry. For more information on Janie visit her webpage at www.TotalLifeCounseling.com/janie.htm

Exercise Improves Your Mood

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:31:00 +0000

After recently giving birth to her first child, a friend of mine decided to join a local gym to get back into shape. It wasn’t easy at first but once she got into the routine of getting regular exercise she found she not only was more physically fit but also was much happier. Throughout the years my friend has battled mild depression but never really exercised much. Once she started working out she noticed her depression went away. “I have so many friends on depression medication and I just knew I’d eventually have to do the same. But after seeing how my exercise has improved my moods I don’t feel depressed anymore. It is amazing how exercising helps!” I’m so happy my friend has found a natural way to help her moods and is in better shape too!

There are many studies that prove exercise improves your mood. One example is in a recent study conducted by the University of Vermont, it proved exercise does in fact elevate your mood. An exercise group was formed and showed significant positive effects on mood—regardless of gender, age, or fitness level—for up to 12 hours after only 20 minutes of moderate intensity cycle exercise. Some evidence suggests that exercise may boost feel-good endorphins, relieve muscle tension, help you sleep, and reduce the stress hormone cortisol. With this kind of scientific proof, exercise is part of my therapeutic plan for clients struggling with depression.
In addition to my friends’ new exercise routine, she also increased her interaction with people reducing her isolation which also decreased her depression. So, the next time you are feeling a little blue, try the following few tips:

1. Take a long walk with a friend
2. Go for a bike ride
3. Go swimming
4. Try ballroom dancing
5. Roller Blade
6. Take up a new sport such as tennis, softball, or golf.
7. Join a running club

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact. About the Author: Debbie Haughton, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern. Debbie Haughton has performed career assessments & coaching for students and professionals. She has counseled clients ranging in age from young adolescents to mature baby boomers and from many different walks of life. Her ability to relate well to the wide range of individuals comes from her caring and compassionate personality, her true desire to help others, her 20+ years as a parent and wife and the variety of professional endeavors she has pursued. Throughout her career, she has worked in sales, television broadcasting, advocacy for the handicapped, advertising, teaching children’s music performance, music and event production and counseling. Total Life Counseling Center uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Our Blogs

Our Total Life Counseling Site

Tips to Relieve the First Day Back to School Nerves

noreply@blogger.com (James L West, MA, LMHC, NCC) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 19:40:00 +0000

For most students there is the fear of the unknown when going back to school.

Will my teacher(s) like me?
Will I make friends or what do I say to make friends
Will my classmates like me?
Will I have a lot of homework?
Can I make it on time to my classes?
What do I wear the first day?
Will I be the last person picked in P.E.?
What if the kids think I am stupid or call me names?

These are just a few questions and fears students will express or internalize before starting back to school. As a parent it would be good to ask your students about their fears and if they have trouble expressing their concerns you might explore some of the above listed questions. Here's some suggestions Child/Adolescent Expert, Jim West gave on the Nationally Syndicated Cable News Show, The Daily Buzz:

Assure them their questions and concerns are normal and to show respect to the teachers and they will like you!
Agree with their feelings. Parent: "I can see you are concerned and I understand why because you are concerned some of the kids may not like you." Student: "Yes" Parent: "Let's talk about some ways to start conversations and affirm your peers to make your peers feel like a million bucks!"
Do tours of the school and map out how they will go from class to class.
Discuss what books and notebooks they will need for a few periods so they do not have to go to their locker every period.
Go to orientation and meet their teachers as well as connect with mother's of students in your kids classes. This relationship can lead to play dates and help your child to form relationships before school starts.
Role play how to start conversations: Student: "My name is Johnny, whats your name?" Peer: "Austin" Student: "Nice to Meet you Austin. What do you like to do for fun?" Peer: "Play video games and basketball." Student: "Me too. What lunch do you have?" Peer: "First lunch." Student: "Me Too!" Peer: "Maybe we could sit together." Student: "Sure"
What to wear if you are unsure what your student should wear then withhold the new outfits until after the first couple of days. Your child can observe what the other students are wearing and then this will help them see what they should wear.
Name Calling: Teach your kids how to roll with teasing and not to react or provoke the aggressor back: Peer: "You are a freak or gay!" Response: "That's the best thing I've heard all day." Peer: "Man you are really weird!" Response: "No wait that's the best thing I've heard all day!" Peer: "You are strange!" Response: "Okay, well that's the best thing I've heard all . . . no wait 'strange' was better!" Other responses can be found at this site.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the Author: James L West is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and in practice since 1994 with a primary focus on child and adolescent issues. James is an author, professional speaker, school consultant, counselor and coach in Orlando Florida. He provides consultation to public and private schools across the state of Florida. His retreats are dynamic and with a purpose. Jim has clients come from all over Florida, Georgia, the Bahamas and England as 85% of his clients do not need medication. Jim uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families.Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:
Products: DVD’s, Workbooks, iPod Downloads & Power Point
News Segments & Videos
Articles & Blogs

Jaycee Dugard: Three Answered Questions On Everyone's Mind

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 04:46:00 +0000

This past week the breaking news headline was: Jaycee Dugard Discovered After 18 Years with convicted rapist Phillip Garrido. This was a shock not only to anyone who heard the story, but also to her family. In the Jaycee Dugard case, as well as with Elizabeth Smart and Shawn Hornbeck cases, there are three common questions that people ask:

1) How does Jaycee Dugard reunite with her family?

One of the main things that has to be considered before starting the process of reuniting is that it needs to take place over a period of time and it needs to be done with sensitivity…meaning that she is no longer the 11 year old girl that her parents last knew her to be. There is an entire part of her life that she may not want to talk about for a long time. She also now has two daughters of her own, who are very limited in what they know. Therefore, reuniting should be as stress- free and low-key as possible. Jaycee and her daughters will need to be allowed to process the shock with taking in this new reality.

Watch Video below: Total Life Counseling's Janie Lacy, MS, answers the 3 Questions on NBC's WESH 2 News

2) Why Jaycee Dugard did not try to escape Phillip Garrido?

There are a variety of reasons why a person does not try to escape their captor. One main reason is what we call “learned helplessness.” We can only speculate in the Jaycee Dugard case, but in research studies whether the threat is actual or perceived when the person thinks of escaping, they may suffer from a negative effect. Therefore, the feelings of having no control can take over a person’s senses and that feeling of powerlessness kicks in a survival response. In the research, we also look at something called "traumatic bonding." What this means is the kidnapped victim potentially can develop an emotional response that is related to his or her powerlessness in a life-threatening situation. This can explain why the individual may seem immobilized and unable or unwilling to attempt an escape.

3) Can Jaycee Dugard have a normal life again?

One of the most recognized stories of a kidnapped person returning to a normal life is the story of Elizabeth Smart. She was found nine months after she was taken from her home in Salt Lake City, Utah and now lives a normal life as a university student and political activist. Therefore, a kidnapped person can have a normal life again with the right support system and healthy coping mechanisms to get them moving in the right direction.

The cases of Jaycee Dugard, Elizabeth Smart and Shawn Hornbeck all can provide hope to other parents of missing children that one day they can be found. There is no doubt that not all cases result in happy endings; such was the case with Adam Walsh and Megan Kanka. However, as a result of the tragic loss of their lives, we have “Megan’s Law” which requires all sex offenders to register when they move to a new neighborhood and we have America’s Most Wanted, whose host John Walsh is passionate about helping put criminals behind bars. For More on this story go to WESH 2 NBC News.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

About the Author: Janie Lacy, MS is provides counseling in the Orlando area and has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. She has a relational approach and a unique ability to connect with individuals. Drawing upon her broad range of experience in private practice, not-for-profit organizations, hospitality and the medical industry, she has helped countless people in many arenas of life. She offers keen insight on all aspects of relationships – family, marriage, parenting, dating, and personal growth. Visit her webpage to learn more about her or for more counseling and coaching resources go to Total Life Counseling Center's site.

10 Ways to De-Stress Your College Life

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 20:11:00 +0000

I was speaking with an old college friend the other day who was talking about her daughter going off to college for the first time and how she was worried about her. Her daughter was afraid of how she would do in school and if she would have a social life. I hear so many stories about how college freshman are so stressed out during their first year of school and struggle with balancing school and living on their own. Many end up moving back home because it is too difficult.
Going off to college can be a stressful time but here are a few simple tips that could help de-stress your life when moving away for the first time.

1. Force yourself to meet new people and get to know them. Don’t isolate yourself and stay in your apartment or dorm. It is one of the worst things you can do.
2. Join a club, sorority, or any type of group that you can meet new people. Being involved in activities helps you make friends and do something useful.
3. Determine what things are relaxing and fun and make a list.
4. Determine what things cause stress and make a list.
5. Increase the things that are relaxing and fun.
6. Decrease the things that cause stress.
7. Spend time with people you care about and that care about you. If you don’t have anyone close to you at school yet, make sure you maintain contact with your close friends and family. This is a way for you to process what you are experiencing in your new life.
8. Try to replace worrying with positive thoughts. It is so easy to let your mind think only negative things.
9. Exercise.
10. Get adequate rest. If you are going to stay up late make sure you can sleep in the next day.

For more information on how to adjust to college life, go to our TLC website.

Our Blogs

Our Total Life Counseling Site

Warning Signs & Tips To Prevent Suicide

noreply@blogger.com (Marta Rocha) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:20:00 +0000

Could the champion’s death been prevented? Arturo Gatti, 37 year-old Canadian boxer was found dead by his wife, 23 year-old Amanda Rodrigues in their two-level apartment rental in Porto de Galinhas, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The cause of death was announced to be suicide after investigations concluded that Gatti had committed suicide by hanging himself with a handbag strap from a staircase column more than seven feet off the ground on the Friday of July 11th. Gatti’s wife, once suspected of killing the former champion, has been released from jail. Arturo’s family and friends confirmed that the couple was having problems but they don’t understand why Arturo would commit such an act.

Could Arturo’s death been prevented? The Journal of the American Medical Association has reported that 90% of all suicides occur during or following a depressive episode, such as an argument, a lost relationship, or financial problems. Also people who have a dependence on alcohol or drugs in addition to being depressed are at greater risk for suicide. And four times more men than women kill themselves; but three times more women than men attempt suicide.

What we need to understand is that suicide is preventable. Most suicidal people desperately want to live; they are just unable to see alternatives to their problems. Most suicidal people give definite warning signs of their suicidal intentions, but others are often unaware of the significance of these warnings or unsure what to do with them.

Warning Signs

Here are some of the warning signs. A suicidal person may:

Talk about suicide, death, and/or no reason to live.
Withdraw from friends and/or social activities.
Have a recent severe loss such as relationship, or threat of a significant loss.
Have attempted suicide before.
Take unnecessary risks; be reckless, and/or impulsive.
Increase their use of alcohol or drugs.
Express a sense of hopelessness.
Be faced with a situation of humiliation or failure.
Have a history of violence or hostility.

Preventing Suicide Tips

Once you have seen the signs, here are some tips on how you can help someone who is threatening suicide.

BE DIRECT: Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
BE WILLING TO LISTEN: Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
BE NON-JUDGEMENTAL: Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
GET INVOLVED: Be available. Show interest in support.
OFFER HOPE: Other alternatives are available.

And remember that you are not alone. If you have a friend or family member who is having suicidal thoughts, you can seek out help at:

A community mental health agency.
A professional mental health counselor or psychologist.
A suicide prevention/crisis intervention center.
A family physician.
A religious/spiritual leader.

All of us will have to face difficult moments and disappointments at some point in our lives. Every single problem has a beginning, middle and an end, therefore we need to remember that this too shall pass and we should use every adversity as a learning experience that will allow us to grow. You are not alone; if you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, talk to someone and seek help. For more information on how to prevent suicide visit our website Total Life Counseling.

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the Author: Marta Rocha is a Graduate Student Counselor Intern from Webster University. Marta is fluent in Portuguese, Spanish and English. Marta Rocha is specialized in the areas of Marriage Counseling, Family Issues, Stress Management, Leadership Training, Anxiety, Depression, Sports Psychology, Grief, and Substance Abuse & Addictions. Marta Rocha has 12 years of experience in sales & marketing, advertising, promotions, management, and professional development. Her professional affiliations are with the American Counseling Association, and the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from Total Life Counseling Center (407) 248-0030 by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Five Top College Majors in a Bad Economy

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 00:11:00 +0000

I ran into a friend of mine shopping with her daughter who was getting ready to go off to college. I asked her daughter if she was excited about going off to college and was surprised to hear her express a lot of worry and concern over what to study. I know when I was in college I didn’t think much about it because at that time as long as you had a degree, getting a job was pretty certain. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case anymore.
With a sagging economy, graduating college students aren’t finding jobs. They are moving back in with mom and dad and waiting to find a job in their career. I spoke with one college graduate who was so frustrated because she can’t leave her waitressing job because there is no work in her field. She’s been working there since high school.
As students get ready to start their first year in college they have a tough decision to make regarding their college major. Listed below are the 5 top college majors that students should consider if they want to find work when they graduate.

Debbie Haughton's TV Interview below on 5 Top College Majors
On the Daily Buzz - Nationally Syndicated Cable News Show

1. Engineering
Electrical
Mechanical
Computer
Chemical

2. Health Care
Nursing
Physician Assistants
Physical Therapists
Medical Assistants
Medical records
X-ray technicians
Dental Hygienists

3. Business Administration/Management
Software Designer/developer
System Administrator
Business Analyst (software implementation)
Database Administrator

4. Accounting

5. Digital Media
Graphic/web designer

BONUS: A student becomes more employable if a second language is spoken especially Asian.

Unfortunately, many students entering into college choose majors that don’t set them up for finding work when they graduate. Those college majors are:

Most Popular College Majors with less job placement success
1. Psychology
2. Education
3. English Language/Literature
4. Economics
5. Communication
6. Political Science
7. Music
8. Art
9. Philosophy
10. Religious studies

It is important to keep in mind that when choosing a college major that you also choose to study something you would have the aptitude for and enjoy. If that doesn’t apply, no matter how much a job is in demand, it won’t be a good fit if you don’t enjoy your work.

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the Author: Debbie Haughton, MS has performed career assessments & coaching for students and professionals. She has counseled clients ranging in age from young adolescents to mature baby boomers and from many different walks of life. Her ability to relate well to the wide range of individuals comes from her caring and compassionate personality, her true desire to help others, her 20+ years as a parent and wife and the variety of professional endeavors she has pursued. Throughout her career, she has worked in sales, television broadcasting, advocacy for the handicapped, advertising, teaching children’s music performance, music and event production and counseling. Total Life Counseling Center uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Our Blogs
Our Total Life Counseling Site

5 Tips to Manage Your Marriage with Children

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 03:16:00 +0000

Have you asked yourself the following questions: What is a healthy balance between couple time, kid time, and family time? Is it better to be kid focused or couple focused? Does it seem impossible to create a balance, to continue to build a strong marriage, while nurturing your kids?

Below you will find five things that will help you build your strong and happy family.

1) Fight Respectfully: It is normal to have disagreements in a marriage. Many times these disagreements can present themselves while the children are around. This is a good opportunity to demonstrate to our kids what conflict resolution skills look like in a healthy and respectful manner. When couples belittle each other and tear each other down in front of the kids, we demonstrate to them that we do not respect each other. They are more likely to mimic that same behavior towards you when they are in disagreement with you.

2) Remember the fun times: Usually after the kids enter into the dynamics, couples can easily get into a rut that can feel like a “routine”. Therefore, it is important that couples take time to remember what they did for fun before the kids arrived. They can recreate those moments for an ongoing connection with each other.

Watch Janie Lacy’s Live Interview on the Daily Buzz on this topic!

3) Share Responsibility: It is important that couples agree to share responsibility in the household duties. For example, you can take turns each night putting the kids to bed while the other one cleans up the kitchen. This will lessen the chance of one spouse getting resentful because they feel like they do a lot around the house and may not feel appreciated. It will also demonstrate to your kids what teamwork looks like at home. You can also have the kids share in this so they can be part of the team while learning responsibility.

4) Date Night: Some couples avoid scheduling a date night because the fear that it costs a lot of money, however, couples can be creative in being proactive to continue to date each other. You can take walks holding hands, you can sit in a park and watch the sunset or you can rent a movie and eat popcorn. The important part is not how much money you invest in date night but that you are still investing in each other

5) Schedule Sex: This is one of the hardest things for my clients to hear, but it is the best advice to keep the physical intimacy part of the relationship a priority. Many couples say they want spontaneity, but how often is that interrupted by a headache or I am just not in the mood. This way you both know this is our night and you both can look forward to it. It also gives couples an opportunity to be creative with their night and it creates less anxiety for the couple (wondering when it is going to happen).

Remember how creative you were when you were dating and pursuing each other? This does not have to stop in marriage but it does take being intentional and creative. The results are not only incredible for the marriage but also give the kids a great role model and security in their home.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

Quick Tips for Transitioning into Middle School

noreply@blogger.com (James L West, MA, LMHC, NCC) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:01:00 +0000

What is their goal today?
• To learn
• Be polite
• Greet and affirm the teacher
• Greet and affirm my classmates – Make Peer Feel Like a Million Bucks
• Stay focused
• Stay out of trouble What are you supposed to do in class?
• Raise my hand
• Let other’s answer the questions before trying to answer
• Stay focused
• Take my time
• If finished early I need to check it over very carefully

What are you supposed to do at the end of each period?
• Write down all assignments
• Make sure I have what I need for the next class

What is your goal after the bell rings?
• Get to my locker
• Get what I need for the next class
• Get to class on time with time to spare
• Talk with your friends after you have what you need and make sure you are on time to class.
• Not to mess around, play jokes or for pranks. Do only what builds relationships.
• If someone is messing with me ignore the behavior or roll with teasing rather than be defensive. For More Information on Rolling with Teasing.

What do I need to do before I leave the school?
• Review assignments
• Note and grab each book or item I need to complete my assignments
• Throw it all in backpack
• Get to the bus or pickup location

Note: It might be a good idea to walk with your child through the school starting from 1st period schedule to the last class.
Do the following:
• Map out their steps
• Map when they should go to their locker.
• What books should they get for the next class or the next few classes (depending on the way the periods are mapped out)
• What assignments, class work, homework, and utensils they need.
• Print out this process in a format that would fit inside the door of their locker

The tendency is to go to their locker and only grab the books they need for the next class and then depending on the location of their classes, they may have to go across the campus to get their books for the next class (which could be close to their previous class).

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the Author: James L West is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and in practice since 1994 with a primary focus on child and adolescent issues. James is an author, professional speaker, school consultant, counselor and coach. He provides consultation to public and private schools across the state of Florida. His retreats are dynamic and with a purpose. Jim has clients come from all over Florida, Georgia, the Bahamas and England as 85% of his clients do not need medication. Jim uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families.Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:
Products: DVD’s, Workbooks, iPod Downloads & Power Point
News Segments & Videos
Articles & Blogs

Six Tips When Breaking Up Via Email

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:43:00 +0000

Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. However, when you are going to break up with someone you have been dating, often times it is best, to do it face-to-face. There are times when electronic communication is advisable, such as if there has been violence or abuse in the relationship. There are other times when it is just a matter of convenience. If you are going to break off your relationship via email, below are six tips to keep in mind.

1. Do your best to stick with the facts when discussing the break up as opposed to sharing your feelings. It's hard for the other person to dispute facts. If you share your feelings, they may try to convince you to change your mind.

2. Refrain from posing questions in your email. This could encourage a response, which is not desired. After all, do you want to engage in an email debate?

3. Take the other person's feelings into consideration. Use phrases that show your empathy such as "I would imagine you are feeling___________." Be firm in your decision but compassionate.

Watch Janie Lacy’s Live Interview on the Daily Buzz on this topic!

4. Keep in mind that putting things in writing can come came back to haunt you later on down the road. Therefore, choose your words carefully; don’t write anything that you would regret later.

5. Remember that email can be forwarded, so decide ahead of time how personal you want to get in the message.

6. Finally, if the relationship is definitely over, don’t give the other person any other impression.

Again, face-to-face communication is more respectable to the other person. Remember to be firm in your decision and be kind in your words. After all, this was once a person you were interested in dating.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

About the Author: Janie Lacy has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. She has a relational approach and a unique ability to connect with individuals. Drawing upon her broad range of experience in private practice, not-for-profit organizations, hospitality and the medical industry, she has helped countless people in many arenas of life. She offers keen insight on all aspects of relationships – family, marriage, parenting, dating, and personal growth. Visit her webpage to learn more about her or for more counseling and coaching resources go to Total Life Counseling Centers site.

Three Reasons Women Blame the Other Woman

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:15:00 +0000

When an affair has occurred, who is to blame? The responsibility most often should be allocated to the betrayer of the relationship – the husband. This is not to say the “other woman” does not have responsibility, especially if she knew he was married. However, it's understandable that the other woman becomes the target for a lot of the anger and rage people feel. It makes sense to most people that the other woman is responsible for much of the misery brought on as a result of an affair. It is tempting to believe that if it were not for the other woman, the affair would not have occurred. However, that's not necessarily true. It's more likely that it just means there would have been a "different" woman.

Watch Janie Lacy’s Live Interview on the Daily Buzz on this topic!

What are the main reasons that women blame the other woman? There are three main reasons that I have seen women blame the other woman. They are listed below:

There is a false belief that if it were not for the “other woman” the affair would not have occurred.
In the mind of the betrayed person, it is less painful if she believes someone else did this to her family rather than her husband made a choice to betray her.
In some cases, the couple bonds by blaming the other person. When a woman is in shock after finding out about her husband’s affair, often times it is easier to hate “the woman” especially if the “other woman” knew the man was married to someone else.

The blame primarily is the betrayer and the key to healing the marriage is getting help to walk the couple on their journey to restoring and rebuilding the trust that was broken in the relationship.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

Protecting Your Kids from Molesters at Water Parks

noreply@blogger.com (James L West, MA, LMHC, NCC) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 01:44:00 +0000

In the past month, there have been four charges of exposure or molestation in the Orlando area water parks including Typhoon Lagoon, Wet n Wild & Aquatica. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 7% of boys and 25% of girls will be molested by the age of 18. As a result of the recent events, Orlando's NBC affiliate, WESH 2 News contacted the President of Total Life Counseling Center to ask Jim West, MA, LMHC, NCC these 3 questions (See News Video Segment Below):

What can parents do to protect their kids from sexual predators?
What can a child do if they are touched inappropriately or someone exposes themselves?
What makes a sex offender do molest children?

The news segment was limited to 1 minute 20 seconds and therefore the following are additional tips and answers to these questions:

Parents need to be careful not to use water parks and their season passes as a baby sitter for their children at the parks. If a child or teen is touched inappropriately they would rather tell their parents. If their parents are not around they may just feel dirty, shameful, responsible for the act and therefore not say anything at all. Be there at the Park with your children and make sure they tell you where they are at all times.
Parents need to supervise their children/adolescents and tell them if anyone is following them, making them feel uncomfortable or touches them to come to scream or yell first and tell them immediately. Draw attention to themselves and the perpetrator so the lifeguards and officials can spot the perpetrator.
Sexual offenders in most cases have been molested as children. When children are molested it's important to get counseling so they can work through the issues of guilt, feeling dirty or shameful. Additionally, they need to learn that this was not their fault and learn appropriate boundaries as well as healthy sexuality when age appropriate. Sex Offenders often will offend on someone they know whether it's a neighbor, friend of the family, family member, etc. Sexual offenders often have difficulty interacting with same age peers which effects their ability to have healthy relationships. Additionally, sexual offenders have sexual addictions to include heavy pornography.

If your child has been molested or abused please get help for your child so they do not repeat the same behavior on someone else. Once a sexual offender always a sexual offender according to research.

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.About the Author: James L West is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and in practice since 1994 with a primary focus on child and adolescent issues. James is an author, professional speaker, school consultant, counselor and coach. He provides consultation to public and private schools across the state of Florida. His retreats are dynamic and with a purpose. Jim has clients come from all over Florida, Georgia, the Bahamas and England as 85% of his clients do not need medication. Jim uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families.Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:
Products: DVD’s, Workbooks, iPod Downloads & Power Point
News Segments & Videos
Articles & Blogs

3 QUESTIONS ANSWERED: MARRIED MEN AND THEIR MISTRESS

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:35:00 +0000

What do Steve McNair, Mark Stanford and John Edwards have in common? You guessed it! They all had a mistress. Below you will find the three most common questions that people ask about married men and their mistress.

1 - Why do women find themselves in relationships with married men?

The work place is the #1 place that men meet their mistress. What this means is that most start off as friends, business acquaintances, etc. However, there are some that start off mutually attracted to each other and working together feeds into those feelings. The highs of loving someone you can never see enough is addictive to some people.

Most people’s deepest desire is to be in a committed relationship where they can just be themselves and entering into a relationship that is based on fantasy will not get you there. In most cases it is the circumstances of that situation that is more important than the actual person.

Watch Janie Lacy’s Live Interview on the Daily Buzz on this topic!

2 - What do men and women, who might presently be carrying on a flirtation with a married individual, need to know if they are considering taking it to the next level?

If you or someone you know is considering taking things to the next level, you need to know that this is the quickest way to end up with feelings of being hurt, confused, and alone.

How likely is it that the married individual will leave their spouse for their mistress?

Statistically only 3% of married men marry their affair partners and 3% of those actually work (Bercht, 2005).

3 - In the recent case of Steve McNair and his mistress, the mistress was emotionally unstable. What are some specific warning signs or behaviors that people should watch out for in their romantic relationships?

The most common, specific warning sign or behavior that may tell you that you need to be cautious is the partner tries to control elements of your life. This can be done in a passive aggressive manner. Do they make you feel guilty? Do they make you feel fearful? When you make decisions out of fear or guilt, it usually is not the healthiest choice.

Does any of this describe what you or someone you know may be going through now? Do you feel alone? Are you asking yourself what you should do next? You don’t have to stay stuck so pick up your phone and call us today at 407-248-0030. We are awaiting your call.

Resources:

Bercht, A. My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Happened to Me. Trafford Publishing (July 6, 2006).

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

About the Author: Janie Lacy has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. She has a relational approach and a unique ability to connect with individuals. Drawing upon her broad range of experience in private practice, not-for-profit organizations, hospitality and the medical industry, she has helped countless people in many arenas of life. She offers keen insight on all aspects of relationships – family, marriage, parenting, dating, and personal growth. Visit her webpage to learn more or for more counseling and coaching resources go to Total Life Counseling Centers site.

3 Lessons Learned from Jon & Kate

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 03:11:00 +0000

Jon & Kate made the BIG Announcement on their reality show “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” that they will be separating and that it was what was best for the kids. Marriages of the children of divorce have a much higher rate of divorce than the marriage of children from intact families. A major reason for this is that parents model marital commitment or permanence for their kids. Let’s look at three lessons we can learn from the Jon & Kate story with the potential of avoiding this in your family.

Watch Janie Lacy’s Live Interview on the Daily Buzz on this topic!

1) It is important to balance personal needs with the needs of children.

There is no denying that attempting to meet the needs of sextuplets and twins and still have time for the couple was difficult. Often times when this pattern is developed it can lead the couple down a path of a “child-centered relationship”, which can drive any couple apart emotionally.

2) Couples must be intentional to stay emotionally connected to each other.

It is very easy to get caught in the cycle of having a busy life much like Jon & Kate, however, if you do not schedule time for each other, you are at risk for emotionally detaching from each other. This can leave you vulnerable to outside distractions or self-interests.

3) Couples need to respect each other with their verbal and non-verbal communication.

It is important for couples to know the difference between “sharing” and “dumping”. When each partner can be sensitive to each other’s needs this can lay the foundation of effective communication. When you put yourself in the other’s shoes and consider their needs (without sacrificing your own need) that is empathy, which is the cornerstone for marital satisfaction.

Let’s learn from the mistakes of Jon & Kate and take an assessment of the important relationships in our life. If you answer "No" to any of these questions please seek guidance as it's easier to get help before things get out of hand. Be proactive!

Are you emotionally connected?
Are you being respectful to each other in your communication?
Are you balancing your personal needs with the needs of the family?

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

8 Ways to Start Over: What if you Lost it All!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:48:00 +0000

Watching the news every night I am reminded of the many losses people are facing as our economy continues to struggle. Recently a family in Heathrow, Florida was found dead from a murder-suicide. Investigators believe it was financial woes that pushed the father to his breaking point to kill himself and the rest of his family. We are seeing more job loss, bankruptcy, divorce, suicide, and homicide as the economy plummets. How do people survive this crisis?
How do we help others or ourselves when there is a need to begin again, following a tragedy, major loss or failure? After discussing this informally with a few friends who have been released from local jobs I have learned all recognize the need to grieve. Each has struggled with anger, discouragement, disappointment, sadness and anxiety. These people know that things may get worse before they get better. They recognize that life will never be like it was before. But they're finding ways to recover and rebound. Here are a few:

1. Embrace the feelings. Admit the pain. Give yourself permission to grieve.
2. Don't rush the process. Few people bounce back. Recovery and renewal are more like steady growth with periodic setbacks.
3. Keep in contact with others who are supportive but who can gently and sensitively push you forward.
4. Don't dwell on injustice, revenge, or on things beyond your influence or control. Fantasies about getting even only hurt the fantasy-maker and slow the recovery process.
5. Get exercise, even when you don't feel like it. Exercise can help your body and brain resist illness, think more clearly, fight depression, and have a more positive attitude.
6. Keep learning. This is something that we can control. It has been suggested that "use it or lose it" applies to every part of your body, mind, and social life.
7. Prioritize what is most important. Go to family, friends and spirituality for support rather than alcohol, drugs and anything else that might be unhealthy.
8. Let yourself dream about what can be. Keeping visions alive can help us all grow beyond the past and move forward to a positive future.

Our Blogs

Our Total Life Counseling Site

8 Ways a Therapist Can Help Someone Understand Their Homosexuality

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:57:00 +0000

A friend of mine was worried about her 16 year old daughter who seemed to be struggling with same sex attractions. She said her daughter seemed to be depressed and was having difficulty in school socially. She didn’t know if this was a phase her daughter was going through or if she was born this way. My friend felt uncomfortable talking to people about this situation for fear her daughter would be judged harshly. She was desperate for some answers but didn’t know where to turn. She thought that seeing a counselor would cause more harm to her daughter because they would try to change her.
Do Genetics Play a Role in Forming Homosexuality?
According to the American Psychological Association, there is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture (the intimacy/relationship with their parents while growing up) both play complex roles.
If a person experiences same sex attraction, they have several options for finding encouragement, acceptance and assistance. Gay and lesbian couples can also receive help. Many people experiencing homosexuality don’t know they have resources at their fingertips to help them on their journey. Seeking a mental health professional is one option that many homosexuals avoid because they fear they will be manipulated to change.

Do Genetics Play a Role in Forming Homosexuality?

According to the American Psychological Association, mental health professionals must respect a person’s right to self determination; be sensitive to the client’s race, culture, ethnicity, age, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, socioeconomic status, language, and disability status when working with that client; and eliminate biases based on these factors.
If a person finds they want help in understanding their same sex attraction, seeking a mental health professional can help them in many ways. Here are just a few ways a mental health professional can help someone who is experiencing same sex attractions:

8 Ways a Mental Health Professional Can Help

1. They can explore their past and try to understand what factors may exist that might play into the present.
2. They can find a safe place to express themselves and find acceptance in a non judgmental environment.
3. They will develop tools to learn to improve their self-esteem and make changes where they can.
4. They will learn new ways of seeing themselves and have hope for a better future.
5. They will develop tools to find support and encouragement within their environment.
6. They will learn to think differently about themselves.
7. They will learn about their sexuality and where it comes from.
8. They will set goals and objectives for how to improve their quality of life

Our Blogs

Our Total Life Counseling Site

3 Ways FaceCrack (Facebook) Ruins Relationships

Janie@totallifecounseling.com (Janie Lacy, M.S. Counseling/Psychology) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:57:00 +0000

Are you a part of this social-networking phenomenon? It has been described as addictive and “like crack.” I, myself, have joined Facebook in the last several months. I got tired of “why aren’t you on Facebook?” Please don’t get me wrong, I love staying connected with family and friends through the network, however, I have several clients that have ruined the intimacy in their relationship by allowing Facebook to consume their time and energy more than their spouse. According to a recent University of California, Los Angeles, report “the cost of Facebook could be the devaluing of real friendships and the reduction of face to face interactions.”

Let’s define Addiction in its simplest term: Anything that we use or turn to over and over to meet a legitimate need in an unhealthy way.

If you relate with the below, you could be a Facebook Addict!

1. You use Facebook as a distraction and it takes you into a fantasy world on some level. Facebook can give you the illusion that you have many friends and yet does not require personal contact face to face.

2. You are constantly thinking of what you could share with your online Facebook friends. Individuals now have the ability to update their status right from the phone. Anywhere and anytime! Do people really want to know what you just had for dinner?

3. You have no boundaries online that you would normally have if it were face to face interactions. Online boundaries should be treated just like regular boundaries — even if those people are only a click away.

Consider the recent news headline in Flowery Branch, Georgia: Ojinnaka Accused of Fighting With Wife. Ok…What’s the big deal? We all fight with our spouses! The first line of the article posted on ESPN’s website’s news section: “Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Quinn Ojinnaka is free on bond after being accused of fighting with his wife over his Facebook activity, police said Friday.” The article later describes, “Police said Ojinnaka’s wife confronted him about contact with a female friend on Facebook. Police said he tossed her down some stairs and threw her out of their house…"

Have a balance in your relationships. Make sure you are putting more time and effort into the relationships around you then your online relationships.

THREE ONLINE BOUNDARIES YOU NEED FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP

1 – Discuss with your spouse what friends are acceptable or not acceptable? What kind of personal information will you post?

2 – Choose your friends wisely. It can be exciting re-connecting with friends from the past. One question you want to ask yourself before hitting the accept button: “would my spouse be comfortable with me being ‘friends’ with this person?”

3 – Do Not Post negative things about your spouse. I have several couples mention this to me, that after they had a fight, one of them let their Facebook friends know about it. In the heat of the moment, avoid the temptation to blast your spouse or say something embarrassing about them through your status or wall postings.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Stressed & Depressed in College

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 00:51:00 +0000

A 20 year old college student was discussing her grades with another student at a coffee shop. She appeared anxious and fidgety. As I watched her continue to speak with her friend she reminded me of all the other adults I see worried about their finances and the current economy. She looked so tired and seemed overly stressed. I always thought college students should be carefree and enjoy life. I know I did when I was in college. However, today’s young college students are not carefree but are feeling the stresses and strains of the economy and pressure to succeed in tough times. They are facing a worse economy than most of us did when we were in college.
According to an associated Press-mtvU poll, 85% of college students reported feeling stress in their daily lives in recent months, with worries about grades, school work, money and relationships. 50% of those who reported having seriously considered suicide at some point in the previous year had not received counseling. These findings are extremely alarming and need to be addressed.
As high schools all over the country are graduating a new group of students preparing to enter into college, those students need to remember 5 ways to prevent depression.

5 Steps to Prevent Depression While in College

1. Don’t isolate yourself. Make sure you are spending time with friends and family.
2. Make sure you allow yourself the proper amount of rest. It is so easy to cram before a test and not get a good night’s sleep. Feelings of depression often creep in when there is sleep deprivation.
3. Eat a balanced diet. It is tempting to skip meals and eat junk food all the time. Good nutrition plays a big role in giving your body what it needs to fight depression.
4. Allow time for doing activities you enjoy. Depriving yourself of “fun” isn’t helpful and can contribute to increasing depression. College is a lot of work but try to make time for recreation.
5. Talk about what you are struggling with. Bottling up your feelings only exacerbates the problem.

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact. About the Author: Debbie Haughton, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern. Debbie Haughton has performed career assessments & coaching for students and professionals. She has counseled clients ranging in age from young adolescents to mature baby boomers and from many different walks of life. Her ability to relate well to the wide range of individuals comes from her caring and compassionate personality, her true desire to help others, her 20+ years as a parent and wife and the variety of professional endeavors she has pursued. Throughout her career, she has worked in sales, television broadcasting, advocacy for the handicapped, advertising, teaching children’s music performance, music and event production and counseling. Total Life Counseling Center uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Our Blogs
Our Total Life Counseling Site

Parenting Tips to Deal with Sexting Teens

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:46:00 +0000

A friend of mine was complaining about how her teenage children are always texting instead of speaking with one another and was horrified to find out her daughter had just received a picture of a male penis. She was horrified that anyone would do such a thing.

Unfortunately, with cell phone usage being at an all time high especially among teens, there is a new phenomenon called sexting. Wikepedia defines it as the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones.

According to a nationwide survey by the National Campaign to Support Teen and unplanned pregnancy, 20% of all teens partake in the activity of sexting. Of course, if you were to ask any Orlando teen about sexting they would probably say it happens all the time!

In January, 2009 three teenage girls from Pennsylvania allegedly sent nude and semi nude cell phone photos of themselves to three male classmates who are being charged with child pornography. Another student in Texas was placed in juvenile detention center after his football coach discovered a nude photo of a classmate on his cell phone. This is a serious felony and could have long term affects.

Unfortunately, sexting poses a serious dilemma for teens, their parents and schools and no one seems to know what is best.

One mother wanted her daughter psychologically evaluated because she was concerned about her provocative behavior over the cell phone. What drives a young teenage girl to want others to see her naked? Other parents are concerned because of the relationship problems it can cause. Sometimes out of spite nude pictures are being sent. This causes a great strain in relationships among teens.

What teens call innocent flirting others are calling it pornographic and dangerous. In a study done last year by the University of Alberta, 90% of boys and 70% of girls ages 13 to 14 have viewed some kind of pornographic material. Today’s teens want notoriety and this is a way of gaining it. They like the attention they receive even if it is short lived and have devastating effects.

Tips for parents:

1. Talk openly with your teen about sexting and the serious felony charges they could received if caught
2. Help your teenager to see that even though they see it as innocent flirting it poses serious consequences and complications
3. Keep an open line of communication between you and your teen so they are free to express themselves to you.
4. T-Mobile & Sprint have online tools to limit texting and block certain phone numbers from texting from offenders.

For additional information go to: Good Morning America

More Information on Debbie Haughton

Total Life Counseling Center

TLC Blogs

5 Best Ways to get the Job

noreply@blogger.com (Debbbie Haughton) — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:03:00 +0000

How do you compete and land the job with 500 qualified applicants who want the job as well?
Let’s start with looking at all the ways you find a job. There are 16 job hunting methods and they are as follows:

1. Mailing out resumes
2. Answering local “want ads”
3. Going to the state and Federal unemployment service
4. Going to private employment agencies
5. Using the Internet (Monster.com, Career Builder, Indeed.com, Etc.)
6. Asking friends, family or people in the community
7. Asking a professor or former teacher
8. Knocking on doors
9. Yellow Pages
10. Joining a “job club” or professional associations in the career you are interested in
11. Taking a Civil Service Exam
12. Looking at professional journals or web sites
13. Going to work for a temp agency
14. Volunteering

In order to be the most successful in your job search, you should use 4 of the above methods. Research has found that if you use more than 4, your likelihood of success begins to decrease, and continues to decrease with each additional method that you add to your job search.

THE FIVE WORST WAYS TO LOOK FOR A JOB
1. Using the Internet
2. Mailing out resumes to employers at random
3. Answering ads in professional or trade journals
4. Answering newspaper ads
5. Going to private employment agencies

THE FIVE BEST WAYS TO FIND A JOB
1. Asking for job-leads from people you know
2. Knocking on the door of any employer, factory, or office that interests you, whether they are known to have a vacancy or not
3. By yourself using the phone book’s yellow pages to identify fields of interest to you in the place you live and want to work, and then calling up the employers listed in that field, to ask if they are hiring
4. With a group using the phone book’s yellow pages to identify fields of interest to you in the place you live and want to work, and then calling up the employers listed in that field, to ask if they are hiring
5. Doing a life changing job hunt

WHAT IS A LIFE CHANGING JOB HUNT?
1. What? Assess your transferable skills (skills you already have and enjoy using)
2. Where? Determine your best job environment
3. How? Find out the names of the companies you want to work for and determine the jobs they offer that best fit your transferrable skills. Find out who you should talk to so you can show what you have to offer.

Finally, if you have found yourself answering ads in the newspapers or job-postings on the Internet and so far you haven’t found a job, DON’T JUST DO MORE OF THE SAME!!!!!!! CHANGE YOUR TACTICS. TRY A NEW STRATEGY.

Recommended Books:
48 Days to the Work You Love
What Color is your Parachute?
Do What You Are

More Information on Debbie Haughton

Total Life Counseling Center

TLC Blogs

Quick Tips to Handle the Grief of Job Loss

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Haughton) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:32:00 +0000

A friend of mine who has worked with the same company for over 10 years was laid off recently. He was devastated. Providing for his family was what he was supposed to do and now he could no longer do that. Not only did he lose his job with a regular paycheck but he lost all the benefits that went with it. He was in a state of shock and wondered how he would face the future with little to no job prospects (similar companies were laying off).
When a person loses a job they are facing a great loss. Experiencing grief is a natural response to that job loss. When a person is laid off from their job they lose many things such as identity, income, self-worth, friends and colleagues, structure, benefits, stability, a place to belong and the list goes on. It is normal to feel a great sense of loss and grief when losing a job. Sometimes the effects of a job loss create all kinds of turmoil within a person.
Remember, grieving is different for everyone. How a person grieves over their job loss depends on many different factors such as personality, coping style, life experience, support systems in your life and faith. The grieving process takes time and healing cannot be forced or hurried.

Here are a few tips to remember when facing a job loss:

Don’t ignore your pain. Express it with a close friend or family member. If you ignore your pain it will fester and get worse. In order to fully grieve you must face your pain and actively deal with it. Expressing yourself to others that care for you is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. You can also journal or keep a diary as a way of expressing your feelings.
If you are feeling sad, frightened or lonely don’t try to put on a strong front for others. Putting on a brave front doesn’t help the healing process but prolongs it.
Remember to allow yourself as much time as you need to feel the pain of your job loss. There is no deadline for grieving, it is a process and varies from person to person as to how long it will take.
Don’t forget your basic health needs. Make sure you get the sleep you need, exercise and proper nutrition. Job loss is one of the highest causes of stress in your life. Your body will feel the effects and your resistance to illness will be lowered.

Common symptoms of grief:

Shock and disbelief
Sadness
Guilt
Anger
Fear

Physical symptoms: weight loss or weight gain, loss of sleep or too much sleep, aches and pains, nausea, fatigue, or lowered immunity system

Coping with your job loss:

Turn to friends and family
Draw comfort from your faith
Join a support group
Talk with a therapist
Exercise regularly even if it is just walking and being outside
Allow yourself time to do something for yourself that you enjoy

In these tough economic times it is important to allow yourself to grieve and experience job loss in a healthy way. Don’t give up and make sure you take good care of yourself!

Call Debbie for a Complimentary 15 Minute Phone Consultation for additional tips.

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact. About the Author: Debbie Haughton, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern. Debbie Haughton has performed career assessments & coaching for students and professionals. She has counseled clients ranging in age from young adolescents to mature baby boomers and from many different walks of life. Her ability to relate well to the wide range of individuals comes from her caring and compassionate personality, her true desire to help others, her 20+ years as a parent and wife and the variety of professional endeavors she has pursued. Throughout her career, she has worked in sales, television broadcasting, advocacy for the handicapped, advertising, teaching children’s music performance, music and event production and counseling. Total Life Counseling Center uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Our Blogs
Our Total Life Counseling Site