totally addicted to caffeine and energy drinks. Packaging, buzz and nutrition reviews

Big Cock Energy Drink

2012-02-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

Not to leave any erotic market unturned, Erotic Beverages followed up behind their Little Pussie energy drink with a Big Cock energy, featuring a macho rooster showing off his big muscles. I, for one, appreciate how Erotic Beverages did not shun those who like fowl instead of kittie cats. After all, why leave aside all those caffeine drinkers who do not get turned on by a passion flavored Little Pussie and are instead lovers of Big Cock cola? Out of the hundreds of energy products I have tried that have alluded to sexual themes, this is one of the first I have seen to glorify male sexuality that was not in a medicinal get-harder-longer-faster kind of way. There is actually a second energy drink called Big Cock too, but so far that is just found in New Zealand.

Not to beat around the bush, it is very obvious that this drink is all about the marketing, but at least Erotic Beverages did right and made the drink taste great too. I just wish that they spent a little more money on their packages, printing their amusing labels on the can as opposed to going the cheaper, safer route and just wrapping their Big Cock energy in a plastic sheath.

Packaging:7
Like their feline counterpart, their whole design is well thought out - and is more funny than offensive. I love the winking rooster on the front of the can, and the shrunk ruler along the side gives it that little extra over-the-top goofiness that you can not help but giggle at.

But the problems that plague the Pussie drink are rooted in the Cock drink too. There is a lack of caffeine listing - so there is no idea how much of what is in here. It is annoying to not know what I am drinking. The dark blue on black printing did not have enough color deferens, and made it hard for me to actually read anything on the label, but after close examination with a magnifying glass, caffeine content is definitely not on there.

The use of a wrapped plastic wrap on the little can rubbed me the wrong way. It is hard to be taken seriously when your label can just be peeled off - like any private energy drink label. I love the idea, but having this energy drink on the shrinkwrap left me feeling shafted.

Taste:8
While I really do appreciate the flavor of Big Cock, I much preferred the taste of Little Pussie. This tasted like a decent cola - which I am not sure how that fits with the name. I am not sure that the fluid that comes out of a Big Cock drink should be cola related. At least the flavor should be related to the subject matter, even if it does not end up as an ingredient in this book. It would be cool if this tasted like chicken or oysters, If nothing else, they could have made it a cream soda.

The cola flavor, however, was pretty decent. It was easy to swallow the entire load in one go. Although this was not Flatt Cola, it was a yummy taste - though it did not taste natural or unique, like Red Bull Cola. It was just a decent cola drink - and one that is hard to beat. It is not like people buy this for the flavor, and they really could have skimped out here - going for a crappy knock off. Instead they took the time to make something you down mind sucking down.

Buzz:5
Remembering my experience from enjoying their Little Pussie, I had an idea what to expect from Big Cock. There is the usual cast of characters in here too - like Ginseng, glucurolactone, taurine and a bunch of vitamin B complex. I appreciate the use of real cane sugar for a sweetener, although I would not call this healthy in any way. It is loaded with food dyes and preservatives, but in a drink like this, natural and healthy is missing the point.

I had a hard time getting excited by just one of their drinks before, so knowing this I thought I could double up. I decided to have two Big Cocks at the same time. I really felt pumped up from drinking them, almost to the point of jitters. With all that sugar poured in me (54 grams), and a nice healthy dose of caffeine ( I am guessing in the 50-90mg range per drink) I definitely felt full of spunk. Yes, that also meant I had a big crash a couple hours later, but it was worth it. I would love to see them come out with a Giant Cock energy drink, something that would be a more potent version of this with a bigger bite.

Nawgan brain boosting energy drink

2012-02-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

My son recently got hit by a car and smashed his poor melon up. He managed to crack his skull up and got blood all inside his brain. Besides being hella painful, it also let to worries of bad long term brain injuries. Fortunately, the worst of the damage is he has lost his sense of smell, but we had to visit a number of brain doctors to be sure he was suffering from some unknown mental malady.

One of the things the neurosurgeon did was test his immediate, short term and long term memory. He had him remember a series of items, and then after about 30 seconds tell them back in order. My son did it no problem, but I will be darned if I could not remember what half of those items were. I found proof of something I have always suspected, that I my immediate recall memory did not work so well.

This is where today's energy drink review - Nawgan is brain boosting energy drink, akin to Brain Toniq and Thinq. The idea is to give your mind that extra little boost to help it along. The more interesting thing is what they use to do it. I wold have expected the standard "brain-Boosters", like Ginko Biloba and Theanine, but this went a very different route with cognizin, the brand name of citicoline. Just as importantly, it taste pretty good and looks fun in the process. Nawgan was nice enough to send along some samples - both caffeinated and non-caffeinated for me to try out.

Packaging:9
You can not miss that this is a brain drink. Even once you get the name (Noggin? Geddit?) it has a very pretty multicolored brain on the front, Also just importantly it says right in front that it is Non-carbonated - which because of my bad pre-Nawgan brain skills I did not read and was surprised by. The design looks very clean - especially for packing in all their text, and it looks minimal without being to clinical.

Functionally, they do amazingly well. They do list the caffeine content which I am grateful for, and for those who are concerned they are gluten free as well. They double - face the can so it is easy to read and stock on the shelf, They even go so far as to position the lid so the design faces the correct direction (outwards) when drinking!

Taste: Berry:8 Orange:9
I did not know what to expect from Nagwan, other than it being non-carbonated. Usually non-carbonated drinks use something recognisable as a base, like tea or fruit juice. In this case, there was none - it was more like a functional water flavor than anything.
The nice thing about both of these flavors is they are very lightly flavored. This has no overpowering notes or anything not easy to drink and yummy to boot. It is lightly sweetened in either a floral orange peel flavor or a mixed berry. The berry tastes a little artificial, or maybe it was just not as specific a flavor as the orange was. Both are very good, but the orange one tastes like real orange, and was light enough to have a couple of them through the day and not feel the glack that orange soda usually leaves in my mouth.

Buzz:6
While this drink is supposed to give you energy, the bigger reason to drink this is to give your brain a much needed boost. Fortunately for me, there was a bona-fide test they have on their website to test brain function - for a before/after test. You can take the test yourself at http://memory.nawgan.com and see how goodly your brain working is. Turns out - my memory was not improved at all after 3 different tries with the samples I had. The before and after scores had me improving my number score by 1 point, but losing in the word recognition area. All three times it showed that I might have done better with coffee than Noggin

To power my noggin, this drink is full of 100 mg of caffeine, citicoline and lycopene in it, and that is just about it. Unfortunately, after numerous tests, I was just as brainless as before, not scoring any better on the tests after I drank than before. What I did get however was a nice little buzz, about the same as from a good strong cup of coffee. I am not sure if this is one of those drinks that you need to drink for a month until you feel a difference, but in terms of an immediate brain boost this is fail. I gave the two cans of their caffeine-free they sent along with my kids lunch, and they reported no difference either (although they thought they were pretty tasty). I might get this for the light boost and pleasing flavor, but nutritionally and functionally Nawgan is pretty weak.

Caf Fusion coffee infused energy drink

2012-02-07T11:25:00.000-08:00

One of my none-year-old's favorite things to do when I go for coffee is to sneak a couple packages of that pre-sweetened extra-glacky non-dairy cofee creamer that comes in chocolate, caramel and a dozen or so other flavors. She happily pops the little paper cap and slurps them down with relish.

Now that same experience can happen for grownups - only with an insanely strong boost of caffeine to go along with it! I know these can be drunk by themselves, but the real power of Caf Fusion comes when using them as your coffee creamer. these can provide quite a boost to your morning cup - and do a pretty tasty job of it too.

Packaging:9
I could tell immediately that God Star Beverages made Caf Fusion to be portioned out. Firstly, this comes in a widemouth bottle - something you don't see very often in coffee energy drinks. Also, there is 1.5 servings inside, meaning they already expect you to dole this out in pieces anyway. The design was catchy enough, but more importantly they listed caffeine content (thank you)! This means it is actually possible to know how much of a buzz you are giving yourself. The design of the package was unique, the art was well done and original - overall Caf Fusion did a kick ass job on making this work as well as it looks.

A couple things to note: They actually use real milk in these, even though it is buried in the chemicals in the ingredients list. This arrived on my doorstep in a nice iced down cooler, so everything was fresh and cold. This means that unlike most other coffee drinks, this one should be kept in the fridge, not in the cooler. Also, this might have a tendency to separate, so a vigorous shake may be in order too.

Taste by themselves: Mocha: 4, Vanilla: 3, Original:6
Taste as a creamer: Mocha:9, Vanilla:8 Original:9
Originally, I have to admit I did not like them very much. I do love my coffee, and these coffee-infused drinks tasted about as close to coffee as a Nestles Nips Candy. When I drink something that is supposed to be a coffee drink, my first inclination is to have a great mouthful of coffee. But Caf Fusion is to coffee what YooHoo is to chocolate milk. Sure, YooHoo is a chocolate drink, but if you are expecting a mouthful of homemade whole milky chocolatey goodness you are going to be very disappointed.

It is exactly the same thing here. If you are really wanting your Illy Issimo Canned Espresso, buy that instead. I figured since it tastes so much like coffee creamer, I thought I would use it as such - and that's when I found that it makes the PERFECT coffee creamer. Yeah it might ruin your Intelligentsia blend 20$ bag of coffee, but why the hell are you adding creamer to that kind of coffee anyways? Not only does ALL of Caf Fusion's flavors work well in a cuppa' joe, but they come in the right flavors to use as creamer too; Vanilla, Mocha and Original.

On their own, they make poor coffee drinks - tasting like Nonfat Dry Milk, non-dairy creamer and chemicals, but added to coffee this seriously kicks Coffee-Mate's ass and makes International Delight go Emo.

Buzz:9
Same goes true for the buzz - as the 200mg of serious caffeine and energy ingredients will make your heart sing. True, they are packed with all sorts of unhealthy things (like hydrogenated coconut oil, sweeteners like corn syrup solids, chemicals like sodium caseinate, dipotassium phosphate, propylene glycol, mono and diglycerides, sodium silicoaluminate,sodium citrate, silicon dioxide and artificial flavors/colors), but that is how it should be. This is not meant to be all natural and organic and made for the Whole-Foods crowd. This was meant to pour into your mouth with coffee and get you moving - and move it will!

I got a great burst of speed by itself or turbo-ing up my coffee. It has a great blend of a big 200mg dose of caffeine from coffee, guarana and the lab, taurine and even some ginseng to make it look good. The thing is it works. Massive almost jittery energy which takes hours to come down from. If you are looking for a drink to get you into high gear, Caf Fusion will do absolutely it - just dont expect the healthiest or classiest way to get you there.

WIN! Hard Nutrition functional water

2012-02-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

Hard Nutrition drinks are one of the more original ideas for a functional water around. They come with all your chemicals, nutrients and supplements in a little pill bottle inside the cap. The whole idea is that you swallow all these little pills, then wash it all down with the functional water inside. Orignal? Absolutely! However, I found the actua process of taking all these little pills and trying to wash it down with this weak and watery lemonade hard to swallow.

Hard Nutrition was created by the guy behind Turn Left and Dickens Energy Cider. According to their website, he hurt himself years ago from skiing, and was completely healed from all of his his maladies from non-traditional herbs. Because of this, he gave up on his energy drinks and focused his attention on these new pills + water. He ended his production of his more straightforward energy drinks to out all his energy to these new idea.

Even with the ridiculous Charlie Sheen moniker, Win! performance drink is something I could really use in the gym. According to their website, "These formulas help clean the lactic acid from the cell to reduce muscle fatigue. What makes WIN! Work is the blend of our Muscle Cleanse formula which will assist your body in clearing out the lactic acid build-up that causes muscle fatigue". I suffer from muscle fatigue in the gym ALL THE TIME. enough so that I regularly get the wife and kids to smash them with a rolling pin just to squish them back to actual leg form. I found the idea intriguing enough to pick a couple bottles up at my local GNC.

Of course it promises to do a dozen more things to help you too, from helping you breathe easier to increase your stamina during workouts.

Packaging:8
This package is full of as many little gimmicks as you can pack into a 20 ounce pet bottle. Firstly, ever one comes with a silly blue livestrong-esque bracelet, which says "You Change Your Life Won't Change Until." Thanks Yoda. No Matter on what word you start out on, that does not make sense. After visiting their website, I found one of their mottos are "Your Life Wont Change Until You Change Your Life" which is about as stupid as "Wherever you go, there you are" and "your Car Keys will always be in the last place you look". Big Bracelet Fail.

Then there is there pill bottle in the cap.This is really cool - as it combines a way to keep your multivitamins along with something to wash it down. The vitamins come plastic wrapped - so they are not left just floating loosely in their cap waiting to leap out at you. This really is cleaver, and quite functional too.

Next gimmick is the double label, that you read once and then pull back to reveal even more labeling! This package design is already more busy than a Dr. Bronners Shampoo Bottle, and doubling it is just insane. First you have the drawings of the pills so you dot forget to take them, followed by instructions (pop cap, take pills, drink fluid), a big drawing, explanations of all the pills benefits, a couple warnings and a stop sign, Then you get to peel the label back and look at what pills you are lucky enough to get hold of, including a muscle cleanser (containing willow and cherry tree bark, cofea, saw palmetto berries, shavegrass, valerian root, black cohosh root, maca, alfalfa and black walnut hull) Cell Charge (Suma powder and extract), Stamina X (Kola Nut, Yerba Mate, Guarana, more suma, Ginseng, Fo-Ti, Eleuthro Root, more saw palmetto, echinacia, garlic and cayenne) and O2 Pills ( beet root, ginko biloba, hawthorne root and more alfalfa). The problem? No Idea How much I am taking of anything! Forgetting the fact that they leave off how much caffeine they have in here from guarana and yerba mate, what if I have already had my daily supply of alfalfa? Almost all medicines list how much of anything you are consuming - and even with all this packaging they decided to not tell you how potent this drink actually is.

For as cool as the cap is, all this crazy labeling and still not knowing what you are taking is obnoxious.

Taste:5
The pills in here dont really count, unless you count the aftertaste which is really not that bad. The functional water however is so weak and watery I am not sure I get the point. The ingredients in the water are supposed to be the catalyst for all the pills you just took, but really I can not see what makes it work magic - unless you count the water needed to help melt the pills. While there is more undisclosed amounts of energy stuff in here like taurine, inositol and everything you can find in a normal energy drink, all I wasted is a very weak and slightly sour berry tea flavor - like the someone made a powdered berry tea and tried to stretch the flavor into more than one container. Win! does not taste bad, but it really does not taste good either.

Buzz:4
I Took this to the gym and gave it a very real workout with me, trying to see if it could help me keep up with my morning routine. I also took Win! with me to work to see if it could help muscle fatigue later in the day and help with energy and mental clarity. For all the talk of the death of DC Brands putting an end to their energy drinks, this is in every way filled with energy drink ingredients; sugar, inositol, taurine - it is all in here.

Unfortunately, for all this promise of energy, focus and endurance, I was left unimpressed. My Gym workout was like all my gym workouts. I felt very tired after busting my ass on the treadmill and was a big jellyfish after. If I was less winded or less exhausted I had no idea. In terms of a Gym drink, what I needed was something loaded with caffeine and potassium, and I felt pretty let down. My legs felt just as tired, and my upper body workout left me just as sore as I had without drinking Win! I have no idea if my blood was more oxygenated and my cells were more charged, but I just did not feel like I turned into the powerhouse this drink promised I would be.

In terms of energy at work, I also felt cheated. I was promised more focus, more energy, more endurance. Instead, I felt nothing. No intense focus - no oxygeny blood, no nothing. This drink was Guarana in it - it has Yerba mate in it - and the fluid itself has caffeine too. This should have been a massive blast of energy and instead it left me blah. I wanted to Win!, and instead I just placed.

Catuma Sparkling Passion energy wine

2012-02-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

I am not a connoisseur of wine, not yet. Really, I never hope to be. I became a of Vodka, Gin, Scotches and Beer, and now I can not enjoy a shot of Johnny walker red or a mixed drink with anything under 10 bucks. I would rather drink warm tap water than have to chock down a Bud, Miller or Coors (or god forbid Keystone or Busch). However, even through all my years working as a waiter I have no appreciation for good wine. I can tell you why you are supposed so pair your duck with an older Burgundy, and your Pasta with Chianti, but I could not tell you the difference in champagnes if the cork hit me in face - and I like it that way.

This becomes most apparent near New years, when my choice of champagne is done purely by cost. I know a Champagne flavor from Cold Duck variety - and I prefer the Cold Duck.

So it is with this knowledge I am able to try a most amazing wine - Catuma Sparkling Passion energy wine. This is a delicious sweet Riesling based wine is out of south Germany, near Bavaria. None of that means anything to me ( I have yet to taste a difference in wine from regions, no matter how much I sniff, spit or swallow) except it is wonderful to know that this is actually wine, opposed to the many alcoholic energy drinks I have had in the past that taste like straight alcohol and Kool Aid.

Catuma is very intercontinental. This is mostly sold in Asia, as my samples were very graciously sent from Hong Kong. The wine itself is German, but the energy ingredients are all from the Rainforest. They even donate a portion of their profit to helping rainforest initiatives. You might have a hard time finding this in the United States, but I am sure it will be taking over all of Europe and Asia very soon.

Packaging:9
From the outset one thing is abundantly clear - this is a party wine, not something to be opened and served with your Foie Gras. The bottle opens like a champagne bottle, complete with a pop off top that bursts with pressure. The label has this woman who is is in a most uncomfortable pose - but covered in cool looking flowers. This radiates exotic fun. The bottle advertises all the extra fun stuff it adds, like Guarana, Ginseng, Catuaba and Muira Puama. There is even an ingredients listing on back, although there is no mention of how much caffeine is in here.

Taste:9
For having all those minerals in here, this tastes pretty great. Yes, it is a little sweet, but they use Fructose, not Sucrose. This means there is less actual sugar in here because Fructose is much sweeter than sucrose. While I would not say one kind of sugar is more preferable than the other, Catuma insists that the change in sugar means less hangover. The wine was very very easy to drink, having a flowery easy to drink flavor, reminding me of green apples and roses. Catuma was very light and bubbly, and found it was so easy to drink it was a little scary.

Buzz:7
I certainly appreciate all the different minerals and nutrients they put into their wine. On top of the 10% alcohol, They add guarana and Ginseng to keep up energy. Catuaba is sold as an aphrodisiac and remedy for erectile dysfunction. Muira puama, or "potency wood" as it is called in the amazon rainforest,is also used as a sex booster. Overall, I can not think of anything more awesome to add to wine than a sex booster and energizer! Unfortunately, it is pretty weak in all of those ingredients. My wife and I enjoyed drinking a couple bottles one afternoon, and certainly felt more awake and happy. However, there was no real buzz in here, and I certainly did not feel sexually charged either. I just ended feeling mildly more energetic than beforeI drank. What I would LOVE is to see them kick things up a notch. Double everything in here and really make some powerful potion. I know there is the flavor to consider, but the idea of creating a wine that perks you up and "perks" you up is a winning idea. Still, if you were able to find this in a store near you, I would definitely pick up a couple bottles and try it out yourself.

http://health.howstuffworks.com/sexual-health/sexual-dysfunction/herb-sex-boosters.htm

Fighter Energy tablets

2012-02-01T22:36:00.000-08:00

Fighter energy tablets are trying something new for tablet drinks. Yes, many energy drinks have reached out to the MMA badass fighting edge. Fighter energy drinks come in tablet form, like many on the market, and even contain normal energy drink stuff like taurine. So what makes Fighter Energy different? It is actually less that they put less caffeine in their drinks, and believe it or not - this turns out to be a good thing!

Fighter energy has a much more interesting idea than just packing their drink with a ton of caffeine and letting the consumer spike and crash. Instead, fighter energy has just a small amount of caffeine per tablet, and you drink four or five tablets a day. This way you can keep a very mellow alertness going for hours and hours and fight fatigue over an extended period. This idea actually works - they are bona-fide Army studies to prove it. I tried it with a canister they sent my way to try to get me through a very hard Monday morning - starting with forgoing my morning cup of coffee for eight ounces of water with a Fighter thrown in.

I knew going into this trial the mornings were going to be hard. I usually start off my morning with about 16 ounces of coffee - and instead I am having a measly 37mg of caffeine. Handily, the package let me know the caffeine content, as well as all the other energy ingredients, so I knew what to expect.

Unfortunately, the single dose just did not cut it - and I found myself downing another 8 ounces of Fighter Energy induced caffeine about 15 minutes after that. And about another 15 minutes after again. So in the first hour, I ended up going through three tablets just to wake up and function. Fortunately, this tasted good enough to be not an issue.

Energy drink tablets usually have three things that can go wrongly with flavor, and Fighter energy manages to sidestep all three issues. Usually, these tablets make water fizzy by adding a combo of citric acid and sodium carbonate, so you get the volcano effect when you add it to water. This also make the drink taste like toothpaste and cleaning detergent. Also, getting the tablet to the right strength is very difficult. If you make the tablet too soft it will crumble to pieces as the consumer uses it. If you make the tablet too hard, it will not dissolve - and leave crap at the bottom of the glass. Thirdly, if you add too many ingredients it does not dissolve completely, leaving foamy floaty bits which are bad to look at and worse to taste.

Fighter had none of these problems - even dissolving completely in a glass of ice water within 30 seconds ( I dunno how they did this - but it is something I have rarely seen happen). There was no trace of anything floating around in the water, foaming at the top or stuck to the bottom either - all ten tablets dissolved perfectly!

The taste was not an issue either. While this was not amazing, it did turn into a very pleasing berry Kool Aid flavor, and barely carbonated. The overall berry flavor was not the best in the world, but it was decent enough and hide the minerals and vitamins inside. While I am not sure I would be impressed if this were a full size canned drink, for being a fizzy tablet Fighter energy tastes pretty good.

I was especially glad of the taste at about 4pm, after I was on my 8th tablet - and 8th glass of water too. It says on the package that you should only be drinking three of these a day, which is downright silly. I finally had enough caffeine in me to keep me buzzing all day long - and through much of the night too. The added taurine and usual energy chemicals did their jobs. By the time I had my last tablet, I powered through the day very nicely - with a ton of energy to spare - and still was able to crash at my midnight bedtime. I am not sure how effective it is to be taking a full pack of 10 tablets a day - as I am sure that can get quite expensive, but my entire caffeine dose for the day was a mere 375mg (which is about what I have a day - a cup of coffee in the morning an an energy drink in the mid-afternoon), and still got quite buzzed and perky - while never crashing or losing my mental focus. I would LOVE to see a more intense version of this for harder days or extra time in the gym, with 50 or 60mg of caffeine in each tab, or a super-sized tube that holds more of the good stuff.

All this - and I was forced to drink the recommended amount of drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day too!

Packaging: 8 (decent enough, but extra points for listing caffeine content)
Taste:8 (for a tablet, this was made to perfection)
Buzz:9 (based on the whole tube, not just the recommended dose)

Flatt Energy Cola

2012-01-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

I used to enjoy a Coke or Pepsi every now and then as a way to kick back and relax with a heavily sugared soda. I did not do it very much - as the calorie count is a little higher than I would like, but I still found Coke or Pepsi to be tasty enough , if not a little bland. Unfortunately, I am now ruined. Coca Cola now tastes like a mix of old cigarette butts, vinegar and cheap alcohol. My enjoyment of mass produced colas are ruined forever, and it is all the fault of Flatt Cola.

Flatt Cola is not actually flat, not even close. Everything about this drink puts every other cola drink to shame. This is not a high falootin' craft cola you can only find in fancy stores for 3 bucks a bottle - if you are fortunate enough to live in Wisconsin you might even find them in your local Piggly Wiggly. This is just the best damn every-day drinking cola product I have seen to date. I am truly surprised more people have not demanded Flatt to be carried around their areas. I know I now have a small following who I gave some samples to that are now craving more Flatt too. I need global Flatt domination, in a big way. Flatt looks great, tastes amazing and gives a great little boost of energy - what more could you possibly want?

Packaging:10
In case you were ever wondering how you make the perfect design for an 8 ounce energy drink - you really need not look further for examples. When they sent me samples, they came in a beautifully designed cardboard case - amusing enough that it was difficult to toss it into the recycling. One of my co-workers wanted it for her desk inside. For being a small cute 8 ounce can, they put a ton of work into it. the design looks like a Where's Waldo cartoon, but because everything is drawn in outlines the design does not overtake the logo - which is very unique and striking. They double face the can, and even list the caffeine content! This is the type of can which compels a person to want to drink what is inside.

Taste:10
It is unbelievable how bad this makes regular Pepsi taste. After drinking down a mere 8 ounces of Flatt, I don't think I will be able to drink commercially available cola anymore. I had to pour my Coca-Cola and Pepsi samples down the drain because they were so completely undrinkable.

Unlike Red Bull cola, which was a reinvention of what cola flavor is supposed to taste like, Flatt really concentrated on making their cola taste like a cola. While they certainly brought out a mouthful of great flavors, unless you are a Cola Connoisseur you probably won't be able to call out the individual spices (Cinnamon? Ginger? Chocolate? Maybe...). Flatt tastes all spicy and bold - something refreshing and satisfying, even in just an 8 ounce container.

Buzz:7
Flatt Cola markets itself as a high energy cola, not really an energy drink. This is a very accurate description too - as it is first and foremost a cola. The ingredients list has cola-like ingredients, like caramel color, preservatives, and the mysterious "natural ingredients", so there is no way of finding out why this cola tastes so much better than any others. But there is a fe very unique ingredients I did not expect to see in here.

Rather than the usual overdose of Vitamin B almost every energy substance in the world has in it, Flatt went for 100% of your daily value of vitamin C. I am not sure what vitamin C has to do with energy or taste, but I like it for a change of pace. Flatt also uses real sugar (no sucralose or HFCS found in here) and is powered by 65mg of caffeine.

I liked the buzz you can get out of a can - even if it is not super-powerful. For one, this means that you could down two cans of it and not feel like your heart is going to explode. Also, with the high sugar content it is just enough of a boost to help with the afternoon slump and not get you wired up the whole night long. Of course, I would go NUTS if they ever had a high-test version - something with a serious dose of caffeine.

Still for being a high-octane cola, this is by far the best one I have ever had the pleasure to taste. If you are not fortunate to live in their area of the world, you can also find them online here.

Fast Twitch performance drink

2012-01-25T15:07:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has ever taken protein shakes before heading tot he gym knows the best thing you can ever take beforehand is a Muscle Milk. OK, well there are some that deride it, but that is like pissing on Gatorade if you are a football player - no one takes you seriously. I have only had one complaint with Muscle Milk - no caffeine.

While I have not seen any caffeinated Muscle Milks, the people behind it, CytoSport, have released something that works just as well for hard cardio in the gym - Fast Twitch. Unfortunately it is not in nearly as cool as container as their other products, but for powering into and recovering from intense cardio, I am very impressed.

fast twitch describes a certain kind of muscle fibers, that control something or another - really don't know or care. I dont even know what that has to do with workout drinks, but apparently they do. According to their site, "the nitric oxide enhancing system in Fast Twitch provides important nutrients to enhance blood flow and oxygen delivery to exercising muscle that help speed the recovery process". I have no clue what that means either. I would call shenanigans on the whole thing, except this drink truly is a killer in the gym.

Packaging:9
For being a plain ol' PET bottle, they really pushed this to the extreme. Firstly, it is a big 20oz bottle, although it still fits into a stationary bike cup holder pretty easily. It is very busy - but they pushed all the important information tot eh top, and let the unimportant stuff blend into the background. The bottle is widemouthed, so it is supremely easy to suck down - and the printing is very nicely done too. They handily list the caffeine (twice!) as well as other nutrients in a very easy to read fashion. While they did not go out on a limb with design or uniqueness, they made a pet bottle function about as well as one possibly can.

Taste: 8
They did a great job here with the flavor too. The one I picked up is flavored purple; not grape - but actually purple flavored. If you have recently eaten a purple otter pop you will know what I am talking about. This does not taste grapey or even berry - just purple and yummy. When compared to other purple flavored sport drinks, this easily kicks Powerade and Gatorade's ass. This is the same sort of flavor, only Fast Twitch is less sweet and more salty - really refreshing me on the treadmill. I loved how this was not sticky, and was so easy to guzzle down in the middle of a hard workout.
Of course, I would not get near this if I wasn't working out. There is something about the saltiness and medicinal tinge which always is off putting if you have it while just hanging around. But if you are in the middle of doing sweaty physical stuff, it is sweet sweet nectar.

Buzz:9
This is one of the more powerful and near perfect recovery drinks I have tried - and I have tried a lot. there is a good 200mg caffeine boost in here, enough to help recover as well as get a good dose while working out. While I still don't buy the whole nictric oxide thing, I can tell you that it absolutely hydrates and boosts stamina. All this for a zero calorie drink that also packs in good workout stuff too.

The other good things I found in here was a nicely sized dose of creatine and L-Arganine. The arganine, Citruline and betaine is supposed to speed up your metabolism - but i dont think it is in a strong enough dose to work for you. I certainly did not feel the usual thermogenic heat I get after drinking something high in those three nutrients. To help the boost they also pump a bunch of vitamin B, taurine an glucurolactone.

While Muscle Milk might be everyone's favorite in the free weight side of the gym, Fast Twitch certainly has what it takes to comfortably take over the cardio side as well.

Vigor-Ex extreme sexual enhancement pills

2012-01-23T22:59:00.000-08:00

Bhelliom energy products never cease to amuse me. I have had a good number of their pills to try for a number of years, and they seem to range from the ridiculous to the downright deadly. My last products I have from them is a powerful sexual pill called Vigor-Ex. While it might seem like this might be a good thing if you were going to get back with your old flame, turns out this is just supposed to make men feel...something. I mean, it is pretty obvious from the packaging that it will try to improve sex lives for men. To be specific the packaging states that it will "supercharge your love life and produce an extreme sexual experience". While it doesn't say bigger stronger or longer anywhere on the package I guess that's to be assumed.

Just to make sure, I thought I could put it to test during my last date night with the wife , which was going to conclude with a late night showing of Girl With Dragon Tattoo. Now, for those of you who really do live under rocks, the movie features a few titillating scenes, the bulk of the movie involves twisted family dramas, Nazis, psychopathic killers being very icky and brutal anal rape, all taking place in the very romantic backdrop of sweden in the winter. I guess we could have seen the latest Twilight movie instead, but then I would have had to burn my eyes out to stop the pain of mormon vampire abstinance porn and that would have really been unromantic.

Instead, My wife and I popped a pill (even through it specifically said it was formulated for men, headed into our getaway hotel room and waited to see if I would explode in a vigorous fury of sexual energy. Unfortunately, instead of it keeping me UP for hours and hours, it just kept me up hours and hours. Aphrodisiac this isn't, but it worked great for a pill that will make sure you won't be able to fall asleep for a long long time.

One of the more amusing things about this package is it doesn't really give any specifics as to what it's going to do. I guess this way they can not get into any trouble when it does not do anything. until I read the ingredients, I could not tell if this as supposed to make me harder, longer, faster or even punch holes into cinderblocks. All I knew is it was supposed to make me superman.

Part of that confusion is that they do not list their ingredients, and instead say that this i full of a fake ingredient, called Vigor-Ex. it is only upon very close inspection that you can see the real power behind this formula - in the way of an undisclosed amount of caffeine and Yohimbe.

I Hate Yohimbe.

Yohimbe is this crazy bark that is found in Africa. Yohimbe is a psychoactive drug which for some crazy reason is still legal - and really fucks me up. I hate the stuff. It does weird and freaky things to me and the worst part is that those effects are completely normal too. Yes - yohimbe does increase your desire to have sex, and can stimulate your penis if you are having a problem getting it up. They used to prescribe the stuff before Viagra to men with erectile dysfunction.All would be fine there - except for those damned side effects.

Side effects like nausea, high blood pressure, a racing heartbeat, dizziness, uber sexy drooling, sinus pain, irritability, headache, frequent urination, bloating, rashes, vomiting. mmm nothing says "Lets get it on" like a drooling vomiting dude with a headache.When you add in there that it will make those with PTSD and schizophrenia psychotic, causes kidney failures and heart attack, yohimbe can be some scary shit indeed.

I can tell you that this is what Yohimbines to do me. In a big enough dose, I start to tremble - like someone walked over my grave. My skin starts to prickle up, and I get cold shivers. This is because of something else it is known for, called thermogenics. This is where your metabolism speeds up, and makes your body hot while your skin gets cold - linda like going from the hot tub to a cold shower. It's not pleasant. But, it is a great fat burner which is the reason it is in a whole lot of fat burning products too.

Also it keeps we wide awake. When this is mixed with caffeine I know I am in for one long ass evening. While I have had stronger formulas of caffeine and yohimbe, this one still kept me awake for hours. I felt fortunate actually. Some of Bhelliom's products have the effect of , turning me into a sex crazed sleep deprived jittering fool. Vigor-Ex is a much more mellow dose of chemicals. Fortunately, my wife was feeling the effects too, and we had enough J& B and Grand Marnier to make for a really fun early morning - dragon tatooed Fincher films notwithstanding.

Packaging:5 Buzz:4

Lipton Energize To Go tea mix

2012-01-20T14:47:00.001-08:00

Big Lots usually has products that are being put out to pasture - and in this case it is very troubling. Lipton is not normally a company I stump for, as they are part of Unilever, a huge global-hyper-mega corporation. like all corporations, they are known for doing works of great evil and works of great accomplishment. In this case, Lipton created a drink of great yumminess - a fakey yummy iced tea treat called Lipton Energize To-Go, which comes in a tart Blueberry flavor and gives out a nice burst of energy too.

Packaging:8
From the outset, you never would really take this powdered tea mix as being really an energy supplement. It looks just like any other tea mix - appealing to pretty much their already established user base. I am sure this would be right there with other Lipton products on the shelf - and unless you were into drinking Crystal Light you would probably not see it.

Overall, it still does a nice job putting all the things you would want to know about what you are drinking, as well as a bunch of reasons to choose this tea over just about any other drink in the world. There are instructions on how to make it, as well as caffeine listing. The package inside is nie too, being easy enough to open, and is durable to last for a couple weeks in a stuffed backpack and not leak.

Taste:9
First, you must understand that I am the kind of guy who empties two or three packages of saccharin into every glass of iced tea i drink. Hot tea is a different story, but sometimes there is nothing better than a crappy black iced tea with a big hunk of bitter bad-for-you sweetness in it. If you can not make a tea out of good healthy and natural ingredients, it is perfectly acceptable to make it out of crappy ingredients and just candify it. I spent many summers chugging down Arizona's blue bottled iced teas, which is about as close to real tea as Coca Cola is to the Kola Nut.

Possibly the craziest part of this drink is that there are these little white seeds floating around in the bottom of my drink. They were not terribly chewy or disgusting, but just strange. The drink mix dissolved well in cold water - although it was almost immediate in hot water.

Lipton Energize tastes like a blueberry candy turned into Kool Aid mix. There is very little difference between this and and fake flavored drink mix in taste. I loved it - in all of its fakey glory - enough at I managed to drink down about eight of these in one work day. It goes down smooth, cool and refreshing. I could easily see summer turning dangerous if these are still around so cheaply around Big Lots.

Buzz:6
You would think with a name like Energize, they would be pushing the energy angle - but turns out not to be the case. Instead, they are pushing all the other stuff in here - mainly something called flavonoids. These are supposedly full of anti-oxidants and drinking them will help rid your body of free radicals - which are supposed to be dangerous for you. Now first of all - as it has been rpoven many many times, getting anti-oxidants or flavonoinds through ingestion is stupid. It just does not work. By the time the food is digested, only 10% or so of all the stuff anti-oxidants are supposed to do actually can get to any organs in your body. "anti-oxidant" is just a buzz word used to sell fruity or tea based drinks - but don't actually have any way of keeping you more healthy.

That being said - this does have some other nice stuff in it for energy. There is a nice boost of caffeine from natural and unnatural sources - 50mg - along with a bunch of vitamin B complex and ginseng too. For being a Lipton product, I am pretty impressed. Yes, there is only 50mg of caffeine in the packet, but it is far too easy to knock back three or four of these in a sitting, giving yourself a great caffeine boost.

For all of the talk of health, it is about as healthy as knocking back a diet soda. It is packed with aspartame, silicon dioxide and food dyes. It neither looks natural, tastes natural or is natural - but none of that matters. Next time I am looking for some cheap tea flavored goodness to knock back on a hot day, there is a good chance I am going to grab one of these from my shelf.

Archer Farms Coffee Energy Drink

2012-01-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

You always have to be wary when trying out store brand drinks. Most of the time they are less expensive, but usually thy are about half as good as normal drinks. I am thinking of past winners I have tried, like Max-E-rush from Save-a-lot, Loop drinks from K-Mart, and Kroger's Deton8. Target's line of Archer Farms energy drinks always have a bizarro look and feel to them, but the drinks are serviceable in a pinch. However, unlike other stores that sell their own brand names for less money, this new round of coffee energy drinks they have cost just as much as the other coffee energy drinks sitting next to them on the shelf.

Target does advertise a 100% satisfaction Guarantee - which I am thinking might be fun to try out. I mean - this drink is just not that good. IT is not terrible - I have certainly had worse, but neither am I 100% satisfied. More like about 64%. Many Monster coffees have been better, but this beats the flavor of a Seattles Best canned coffee. Either way - it might be a way for me to legitimately try the whole line, or achieve full Target brand satisfaction.

Packging:7
I do 100% enjoy the can. It does everything right - First, it is brown - the color of coffee. Secondly, it is in the standard slim energy drink container, just so you dont confuse it with, say, real coffee. They also label the caffeine at the top, as well as have an easy to read font for everything.

But there is something about the down-hominess, the pretty fonts and quiet design and color scheme make this drink much more Hills Brothers than Monster - more quaint than energetic. I really do not mind the packaging, but I think anyone would agree that this is much more suited to an orange juce package than an energy drink.

I do enjoy how the can advertises that it uses Natural Flavor. Do you really need to say that in a coffee drink? Is is supposed to make me feel better that they decided to splurge and use coffee crystals? Even crap like Tasters Choice is natural, right? So you would think. But there is still Natural Flavor added in the ingredients list - like the coffee they have in here is not quite good enough to really bring out the coffee flavor they are looking for.

Taste:5
I like my coffee to taste like coffee - and this misses that mark. Archer Farms coffee energy is to real coffee what warm YooHoo is to real milk chocolate. They are in the same genre, but are a completely different breed. This is so sweet and smooth and creamy and thick, it could taste like any flavor and be yummy - a good coffee drink for people who don't particularly like the flavor of coffee. There is a slight bitterness to be found in the cool-and creamy which is a little off putting. Something about Archer Farms Coffee that gives off a bitter edge - like the addition of minerals and vitamins set is a touch off.

Now it is certainly smooth and sweet and creamy and thick - so it is not all that bad. It drinks down very quickly, and only leaves a slight film to the mouth. In a pinch, knocking a couple of these icy-cold coffee drinks back on a warm day would be pretty easy.

Buzz:6
And you will need to knock back a couple if you want to get any sort of pick-me-up from this too. Nutritionally, this is slightly interesting, being high in calories (100 in the 11 ounce can), but also has a little vitamin B C and D in here. There are three kinds of sweetener in here - maltodextrin, sugar and sucralose, To make things all creamy they add Carrageenan - which is what you get when you boil seaweed seaweed - it is used a lot in chocolate milk and thick drinks like Slimfast shakes.

Now in terms of Buzz, Don't expect much. This has a whopping 65mg of added caffeine - which is very strange. Normally, you don't need to add much caffeine to coffee to make it caffeinated. It comes that way - unless you are not actually using coffee in your coffee drink and instead of using coffee flavor. Then you need to add in lab caffeine and guarana to give you the expected coffee jolt. I wonder why they just did not make their drink out of real coffee and then not worry about it?

Xtra Vitamin Shot - Rest and Relaxation

2012-01-18T10:03:00.000-08:00

Xtra energy shots, on the whole, contain a whole lot of bargain fun. They can usually be found in dollar stores and other places where energy shots should cost around a dollar or so. This variety I have had sitting around a while - a vitamin shot with special rest and relaxation powers. I can usually handle a decent amount of stress - but then there are those times when I find myself all wide and awake at 4am, knowing that it's going to be a looong night.

Waking up in the middle of the night because my kid just got hit by a car and now I have medical bills and I dont know how much they are and why can't someone shut that fucking dog up because it is four thirty in the morning and who just LETS their dog keep barking like that and I seriously do not have enough money to cover all my bills and chat about the woman who destroyed her car and I understand if it was a burglar but you know that goddamn mongrel is barking at a fuzzy squirrel or something stupid and WONT SHUT UP and ohmygod I need a relaxation drink N O W!!

The thing is, I have no problem falling asleep when things get stressful. When I get stressed - my natural instinct is to crash. I once fell asleep during the opening performance of a Bertolt Brecht play with a naked guy in a bathtub on stage - and I was the guy onstage! So when I get stressed out - I really don't need to take something to bury my head in the sandman. What I do need is something to just help me RELAX. This means that melatonin is fun but not really necessary if I am actually in a stressful situation. But, from first glance it does not look like the ingredients in Xtra Vitamin Shot's Rest and Relaxation Formula is powerful enough to help me either.

Of course I knew what I was getting into from the big label on the shot too. I love how it lists exactly what you are drinking right on the front - like a giant nutritional label. While this is not so great from a design sense - I like the straightforwardness of Xtra's relaxation formula. Xtra relaxation shot is about the most boring plain shot design I have ever seen - but I like it a whole lot for that too. I enjoy its clinical prescription-esque feel. It would be cool if all of Xtra's shots were as straightforward.

Xtra's Relaxation Shot tastes great going down. I was unsure about the shot's relaxing blue-green color. Other than the occasional Mountain Dew Baja, I rarely down bluish drinks. Along with the color, the flavor was very unnatural too. but did taste quite delicious. The taste was unlike mostly every other shot I have had. The closest I can come to in taste is an herbal iced tea Jolly Rancher. The sweetener is sour - but worked well with the whole flavor profile.

It worked too! yeah - it did make me sleepy too, but it also worked well in getting me to mellow out and not want to kill canines - even annoying little yappy ones. However I was able to just take it easier after drinking the anti-energy shot. I was not ready to crash - but I was a bit more mellow - like if I had a nice cup of Celestial Seasonings. Yeah - it was most likely psychosomatic, as it did not contain anything in it other than some Tryptophan and L-theanine (which was pretty cool to see) and some herbal tea filler, like Valerian Root, lemon Balm, white willow bark, chamomile and passion flower.

Taste:9, Packaging:8, Anti-Buzz:8

Rip It energy fuel - Fruit Bomb

2012-01-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

I Love Rip It. Fruit Bomb is another in the long line of products I have reviewed. They were one of the first drinks I wrote about way back in 2008. I have tried over a half dozen different kinds of Rip it, and love each cheesy variation. Sometimes they have been clever - like putting aluminum foil on the top, and even have their own energy shot line. I love it that after all this time, they are still finding a way to keep kicking - even if it is regulated to warehouses and dollar stores.

Packaging:8
As much as I am a broncos fan, the pastel orange on pastel blue is just off putting. Add to that the drink flavor and image being so poorly conceived it actually makes you laugh, and you are in for a real treat of a $1 wonder drink. The flavor name is written in multicolored worms - kinda squishy ones at that. I guess they tried to update it from the old look, but got their 9 year old kid to draw the letters. There is a stock illustration of fruit, I think. There was definitely a pineapple on it at least. However, they did do quite a few things exceptionally well.

First, it did not spring a leak - something important when reviewing discount beverages. It also held itself into more or less a can shape. Even more surprisingly, it both listed the caffeine content and double faced the can - something even Monster or Red Bull seem to have never learned to do. SO this can provides not only the funny, but also performs remarkably.

Taste:9
I think the bombs refer to the explosive burping I expelled. I am not really a heavy burper - but this stuff had me so full of gas I felt like I was hosting the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. Fortunately, it all escaped out my mouth, or I would have been laying another type of Fruit Bomb around the office.

I was thinking I wold be drinking a fruit punch, as it is called Fruit Bomb. However, it really has not as berry as I would have imagined. Instead, this is almost exactly what you get by carbonating and caffeinating the heavy syrup left in the jar of fruit cocktail. The cloying fake sweetness is there - the thick consistency and the almost chlorinated aroma - it is a taste and smell which will bring you back to school cafeterias and summer camps. I know the flavor does not really make much sense, but I enjoyed the citric sweetness. No, it is not healthy or clean or crisp, but any drink that can bring back such precise times in my life gets a thumbs up from me.

Buzz:8
This Bomb has some pretty explosive power behind it. While Rip It has never been a slouch when it came to the energy department, it has never been stellar. My opinion is completely changed with this one-dollar-rocket! Fueling this mix is the usual energy stuff - like taurine, inositol and vitamin B. There is only 210mg of caffeine in here - more than what you can find in a Monster or Red Bull, but not particularly unique. Both Full Throttle and Nos have equally powerful mixtures as well. However, Fruit Bomb kept me up and full of great energy for hours and hours. The 33 grams of sugar played a big part in the rush I am sure - but really this kept me up and cranking for longer than I would have ever expected!

Little Pussie Energy Drink

2012-01-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

Just when you thought energy drinks could not get any classier, Erotic Beverages in Las Vegas have released Little Pussie energy drink - a yummy passionfruit flavored eight ounce can of silliness. Like Sum Poosie and Pussy energy drink, this one is using naughtiness to get some exposure in a town that is known for in-your-face sexuality. Right now this drink is only found in Vegas smoke shops and a few casinos, but with the right marketing and a bit of luck, expect to find these filling adult novelty stores, head shops and Spencers stores across the nation soon.
While many other sex-themed themed energy drinks might be on the market - this is the most playful and least serious one of the bunch. Sum Poosie is a bottled drink with a an absolutely beautiful Hard-R sexual feel to it, reminding me of Maxim and FHM girl spreads. Pussy looks like something from Christian Audiger's catalog, and really just tries to offend and titilate with the name. Both drinks are definitely pushing the envelope, but Little Pussie is like Dicken's Cider; it is is more playful and goofy than that - like the dirtiness of a Ralph Bakshi cartoon or Little Annie Fanny.

Packaging:7
First, the good news. Little Pussie looks tight - the big buxom kitty cat is adorable and sexy in a Jessica Rabbit way. The whole design is well thought out - and is more funny than offensive. But that does not mean there are not problems.

Mainly two problems: Firstly, there is a lack of caffeine listing - so there is no idea how much of what is in here. It is terribly annoying to not know what I am drinking. I do have a bigger problem however; the use of a plastic wrap on the little can. It is hard to be taken seriously when your label can just be peeled off - like any private energy drink label. I love the idea, but having this energy drink look just like every drink that you can get from FYE or the Hot Topic shelf takes a whole lot away from its credence.

Taste:9
For being a tiny drink in a thin aluminum can, this tastes pretty amazing. Little Pussie is supposed to be passion fruit flavored, but I truthfully have no idea what passion fruit is supposed to taste like. I can say that this Pussie tastes pretty fantastic - and unlike most energy drinks I have had. I expected this flavor to taste like a private label clone too - like Raspberry or fruit punch. The closes thing I can think of it that this tastes like a mouthful of sour skittles; very candy-like and full of fake juiciness. Truthfully - I love it.

Buzz:5
This is the one place where I wished for a whole lot more excitement from my Little Pussie. There is the usual cast of characters in here - like Ginseng, glucurolactone, taurine and a bunch of vitamin B complex. I appreciate the use of real cane sugar for a sweetener, although I would not call this healthy in any way. It is loaded with food dyes and preservatives, but in a drink like this, natural and healthy is missing the point. This is supposed to be a novelty drink you can make your coworkers/girlfriends/boyfriends/parents giggle/get offended about. Tasting good means you can drink it without destroying your taste buds to get the chuckle. It is not like you would want to find this in your Whole Foods anyways.

I would appreciate it if this had more energy in it though. This was pretty standard fare - with a very moderate amount of energy. I would love to see a more potent version of this with a bigger bite. The most that I could wish for it this in a diet size - and about 16 ounces larger. It would be truly amazing to see this Little Pussie stretch to hold more.

Manhattan Special Espresso Coffee Soda

2012-01-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

Manhattan Special Espresso Soda used to be everywhere and synonymous with New York City. Certain foods are just a New York thing - and Manhattan Special is one of them. Like Fox's U-bet chocolate syrup, and Guss' Pickles on the Lower East side, if you don't live there you just don't get it. I have the fondest memories of visiting my grandma in Bayside and her stocking the house with real bagels and Drakes Cakes Devil Dogs.

Living in Denver, getting hold of real New York stuff is near impossible. Regardless of what bakeries may try, the altitude is too high to even attempt to make a good bagel - and no deli sandwich can bring me to heart melting happiness like the way Stage Deli's Reuben does. However, in the cooler inside an ACE Hardware I find they stock it with these awesome black bombers of East Coast happiness.

Packaging:9
This soda is about as old fashioned as it gets. It SCREAMS 1930s, with the old New York skyline (pre-World Trade Center) and an old flapper kissing a Clark Gable dude featured in the middle of an old movie circular dissolve. I get what they are up to here - and it works. Everything from the date of creation (Since 1895) to the color scheme is perfectly suited to invoke that Olde Tyme feel. If it were not for the website listed on the side you never would have thought this label to have changed in the last hundred years as well.

The bottle itself is cute too - a little 10 ounce shot of goodness that is just the right size to pound down - and still in thick glass so it feels right in your hand too. Of course there is no listing of caffeine - but seeing as this is just a drink made from coffee sugar and water, you know what you are getting into on the very first sip.

Taste:10
And you only need one sip to be hooked on this sweet liquid crack. But you have to know what you are drinking before you try it out. Firstly, you have to love coffee - and I mean actual coffee. Anything that involves the words Half-Caff, soy or whipped do not count as coffee. Secondly, you can't be a snob about it either. This is good coffee - strong and rich and dark and sweet. This is NOT your natural-foods-store-fair-trade-organic-shade-grown stuff; it is just good regular coffee and tastes like it.

Manhattan Special is such a pleasure to swig out of the bottle. The thick cold heavy coffee is suffused with big ol' seltzer bubbles - like they actually used seltzer to make it! Yes, the sweetness is strong, but it is a real sweetness that comes from adding just a touch too much sugar packets to your coffee - using real cane syrup to give it a real mouthiness that sticks with you well after the first sip. Yes, I am a fan because of the memories this brings up, but that does not change the fact that this is a damn fine fizzy espresso drink.

Buzz:8
The ingredients in here are about a simple and straightforward as it gets. Coffee, water, sugar, caramel color, and preserved with potassium sorbate and sodium benzoate. Usually, the flavor of sodium benzoate kills coffee drinks, but in this case there is just the perfect amount of sweet to cover the flavor. This is good strong coffee - and the buzz you would get depends clearly on how many of these you want to drink down. Will one of these drinks get you buzzy? Probably not. But, by the same token, pound 3 of these and I dare you to try and sit still.

Aeroshot Breathable Caffeine powder

2012-01-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

I am a big fan of breathable foods, used before with much success in a product called Le Whif. Le Whif is the same basic product as Aeroshot, only that delivered a coating of absolutely delicious chocolate and coffee powders to coat your mouth in. The great idea behind this product, besides the novelty, is the concept that you can enjoy the taste and aroma of food without actually having to consume much. You actually are consuming it - as the little pellets you suck into your mouth have to be absorbed either subcutaneously or digested in the stomach, but the overall effect is that you can enjoy all the wonders of food without actually eating. This is great if what you are tasting is a sweet raspberry chocolate, but not so good when youare sucking in lime tinged evil straight from the Hellmouth.

Recently, Aeroshot has recently hit the news because some ignorant and media hungry senator (Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-New York)) thought this should be not-for-sale because this little 100mg shot of caffeine could be used as a party drug. Of course that is absolutely inane - I can not imagine anything less party-inducing than drinking what amounts to caffeine equivalent of a 20 ounce bottle of Mountain Dew. He is afraid of people taking this product with alcohol - but it is VERY obvious he has never taken the product, not will. His reasoning for banning the sale of Aeroshot is one of the most pointless arguments I have heard in a long time - but it might make more people hear of Aeroshot - but it is fantastic advertising for the product.

Aeroshot comes in a foil pouch - this keeps the sucking tube safe from harm, and also lets you know about the product. The pack is very nicely designed, The instructions are very clear and concise too. They do a great job listing all the ingredients - helpfully listing the caffeine content contained in one tube. There is no other product out there like this - and would be amazing if they could get something people wanted to inhale into it.

I also agree this product should not be on the market - but not for some sanctimonious self-edifying media hungry reason, but because of the horrendous and insanely bad flavor - the kind that leaves your face squished into Jim Carey-esque contortions as the badness coats your taste buds and won't let go! After you inhale the little pellets from the tube, you won't be wanting to eat again for a while. It is almost unbelievable how bad it is. The best way to describe it is if you take rotten and dried lime - one where the rind is all wrinkly, hard and sour. then zest that lime's rind off so you have a rotting lime-flavored powder - then mix well with crushed up tylenol - and you are pretty close.

In fact, the only way I managed to make my way through the tube was to take it with a chaser. I did the old tequila trick - using the trifecta of a donut hole and a shot of sugar to help it go down. First, you lick the sugar from the webbing of your finger to kill the immediate taste. Then, take a big inhale of the Aeroshot - followed immediately buy a big bite of powdered donut. This worked admirably! Using this method, I was able to inhale all 6 or 7 mouthfuls of powder from the capsule.

It is pretty obvious the problem here is the Vitamin B6 and b12 they add in the product which is horribly horribly bitter. They don't even try to mask the bitterness with sweetness - using only a hint of (also bitter) stevia to help things along. The other ingredients are caffeine (which is also bitter), and baking soda. All those ingredients taste bad by themselves - and taste even worse all together.

Of course, if the buzz is worth it then the whole thing can be worth it. After all, products like Dyna-pep might taste awful - but work so well that it is worth the pain. Unfortunately, that is not the case here. There is just 100mg of caffeine, about as much as a small cup of coffee. Of course it gets absorbed so fast in my system that I could not help but feel the rush from it. However, it also goes away just as fast - leaving me feeling droopy about an hour later. While it is a cool idea and a fantastic job at creation- the noxious flavor does not make things worth it, and certainly not worth the news stories around it. Maybe they will re-release this with a flavor not so revolting and with a serious buzz worth getting worked up about, but for now I would try Aeroshot at your own peril.

Packaging:10 Taste:0 Buzz:6

Monster rehab green tea energy

2012-01-12T06:22:00.000-08:00

With the 4000 flavors Monster has, it is a challenge to find the good ones from the not so good. In the case of these Rehabs however, it seems you can do no wrong. They look good, taste yummy and have a pleasant kick to them too. Green tea energy is the last for me to try in their Rehab line, which also includes Lemonade and Rojo Tea.

What I thought was very interesting about this line is that it can be used as a workout supplement to recover - like you would a Gatorade, the can mentions this would make an excellent hangover drink from the night before too. While I still prefer a v8 or Hot D juice as my recovery drink of choice, there is some goodness to be found in here too.

Packaging:7
Monster Rehab Green Tea starts off right - with a very pretty package in different shades of green to blue messiness. I am not sure what the background design is supposed to be - sorta like an artist's impasto - but it definitely gets across energy and grunginess without going to the normal cliches. Like the others in the Rehab line, I Love their new design scheme - completely blowing away their stale black packages.

There are the usual monster problems with this too - a complete lack of caffeine content, a lame paragraph that is supposed to explain how cool this drink is, and a bunch of worthless energy info. The big things to notice is that the drink very explicitly states that it is NOT carbonated, so you dont end up drinking and complaining it went flat.

Taste:10
Because the taste is anything but flat. Their green tea does have some green tea flavor, but that is tertiary to the juiciness that hits you. This is a delicious mi of pineapples, apples and pear juices, of course with enough citric acid and sucraloe to really get those taste buds going earthy. I really enjoyed this flavor - more than ny of the others in the line - and that is saying something too.

I loved the rojo flavor so much, I thought there would be no way to come close - but this gets right up there. Depending on your preference between black and green teas the Rehab tea line is one of the tastiest drinks you can find in your convenience store shelf.

Buzz:9
The buzz to be found in a Monster is completely dependent on who you are as a person. I have never gotten an actual caffeine buzz from Monster - but it has helped me wake up on many a morning. If you are the ind of person who drinks a double espresso or a large coffee, then you might not see a whole lot o fireworks if you are just downing a can for the energy. However, Rehab does have is a great mix of antioxidants and recovery ingredients to get you moving again after a hard night - or good workout.

This almost looks like a Rockstar in the ingredients list - with milk thistle, L-carnitine, acai extract, quercetin,goji berry extract, and mangosteen extract. They even throw in coconut water for some inexplicable reason. But the real reason this works is because of the magnesium, sodium and potassium they have in here, enough to quench you after a hard night of partying. There is all the usual gang of energy ingredients in here as well, like inositol, glucuronolactone, .ginseng and Vitamin B in abundance.

Recovery-wise, this did OK after a good sweaty exercise. Like Gatorade, the feeling you get from drinking it when you dont need the recovery power is minimal. The real joy of a workout drink is how fast and complete these drinks can do after a grueling couple hours of physical activity. Monster Rehab does a great job of getting you back on your feet.

Neurogasm

2012-01-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

Neuro is another in a long line of functional energy drink companies coming out with dozens of favors for dozens of specific functions, like sleep, bliss and energy. OF all of the different kinds I can find in my local 7 11, the first one I am attracted to is Neurogasm - not only because it is bright red, but also because Neurogasm is one of the more funny and goofy energy drink brands I have ever heard. It just rolls off the tongue; Neurogasm, Neurogasm, Neurogasm.

In all honesty am already biased towards this company and their drinks, and find it a bit difficult to maintain my impartiality. I found this drink when it was not yet available nationwide - discovering it on a trip to San Francisco. I asked Neuro for samples of their energy products, and was refused. Unlike Hansens and Rockstar that Do Not Send Samples to Anyone Ever, these people actually took the time to write to me to tell me that I would not be receiving samples from them. No one likes rejection.

But now these drinks are everywhere. In my travels around the country I find these bottles all over the place - and with good reason; with great function categories and such a unique bottle shape - these drinks have the chance to be something special.

My first foray into Neuro, Neurogasm, kinda missed the mark though. Except for the name, there is not a whole lot of reason to buy this one. And, after visiting their website, it seems like they might have taken enough slack to change their product name from the very amusing Neurogasm to the much less exciting Neuro Passion. While I might not be in love with the product, the one reason I might have purchased it again was for the funny awesome name - now there is almost no reason to enjoy them again. Without the sexual boost, the energy or the flavor, the only thing left was the cool brand name - which is gone now too.

Packaging:9
One thing going for Neuro is the very unique bottle - unlike anything else out there - except for maybe a lava lamp or shampoo bottle. It is certainly unlike any energy drink bottle I have seen before- from the oddly tapered lid to the extra squishy contoured canister. You can not help giving the bottle a good squishing sas it empties out. This has got to be one of the most unique and well produced bottles out there. There is a reason this brand won Best Functional Beverage for 2010. I didn't want to throw the bottle away - trying to think of a reason to keep it around.

However, it needed a little more help on the functional side. There is no list of caffeine, so you don't know if you are taking a huge dose or something that will give you a little boost - something you want to know if you are taking it during intimate moments. There is no listing for any ingredients in their unique blend - which is pretty annoying - and takes away from what would be a stellar design.

Taste:3
Neurogasm certainly did not win that Bevnet award because of how this tastes - a mix of odd fruits and berries that I have yet to see anyone enjoy. I bought three bottles to try during various situations, and of the near dozen people that tried it - their reaction went from mildly distasteful to absolute disgust. There is just no way someone would buy this because it they love the flavor.

When you first pop the top - the smell is nice. Unfortunately, my memory kicks in and I am reminded of strawberry shampoo because of the bottle shape. Fortunately, it does not taste like shampoo, although it does not taste terribly good either. Neurogasm is lightly carbonated, which helps with the cloying citrus slightly berry flavor, and the nutrients and herbs are front and center in the flavor profile - giving it the odd mix of tasting medicinal and vitamin-y.

Buzz:3
Neuro has a number of products with caffeine in them - and I hope to be trying them all soon enough. Of course, the one I try first is the sex-themed one... Unlike other aphrodisiacs, Neurogasm is not a drink to help make you feel more sexy, try to be a liquid viagra nor give you an orgasm, which is a real shame. Instead, it is supposed to supports healthy circulation (not sexy) provide playful energy (not completely sexy - although the word playful hints at slight naughtiness), helps support the pleasure response (no idea what this means, but has the words pleasure in it) and promotes healthy aging (WTH??? is healthy aging sexy?). So it seems That the difference between Orgasms and Neurogasms is one makes you feel good, and the other helps you age more energetically and pleasurably?

Well, unfortunately, it did none of those things. The caffeine in here is not listed but very minimal - my guess is around a Diet Mountain Dew's worth of caffeine. Nothing is very energetic about this mix - and I was able to even drowsy enough to want to a nap about 10 minutes after drinking. Not Sexy. Also, the ingredients do not seem to be very sexifying either. L-theanine is a fun ingredient - and one I particularly like to help keep focus and mental alertness. There is also Alpha GPC, Phosphatidylserine and unsurprisingly a big dose of B-vitamins. Alpha GPC is a very mild mental booster which you will not feel unless you happen to already be suffereing from Dementia or Alzheimers, and the jury is still out as to whether Phosphatidylserine does anything to you at all - and might be very dependent as to where they get this and in what dose.

Overall I am not impressed with my first Neuro experience. While other flavors might be more what I am looking for, I wonder if their response to me was less a rejection letter - and more like why they never let movie critics into previews of bad B films, and the fear of rejection might go both ways. Still, with such a beautiful bottle and interesting ingredients, I am hoping Neuro might be redeemed in another of their ever-growing line of drinks.

On Point Energy Shot

2012-01-05T12:51:00.000-08:00

On Point energy shot seems like a cloned 5 hour energy shot from the outset. Other than having an interesting wrap on it, On Point seems like any other energy shot out there, except for one big selling point.

When other for-profit companies that talk about giving back to a charity, they do so in a very meaningless sort of way. Sure, they might turn 2% of their profits to buying some kid a thirty cent dinner in a third world country or give a pittance to breast cancer or the rainforest.

Then there are the guys at On Point Energy. The two veterans who started this company are doing more than sending care packages of their energy shot to troops stationed overseas (which they do). They are also giving a whopping 40% of profits to military groups, such as Operation Home Front. Regardless of how you feel about the government or the military as a whole - there is no way not to give props to the soldiers in our armed forces - and now it is possible to do that just by buying a different brand of energy shot.

I just wish that On Point went out of their way to show this off a bit better. With a flavor and buzz like all the hundreds of energy shots out there, they really need their design to sell people on the idea that when they but an On Point, they are buying something that can help make a difference. Unfortunately, the lack of info about how cool they are really hurts their chances.

Packaging:7
On Point looks very militaristic, with Desert Storm camouflage, planes and decked out soldiers. I liked the look - down to the slightly video-gamey fonts used on the front. yeah - the military camo thing is a little over the top, but still works. THe only thing I was wanting to see is where they put the information about how their company actually tries to make a difference. On most energy products, their little asinine paragraph about how cool their drink looks is pointless. In this case, however, I really wanted there to be more explanation as to what sets this shot apart from all the rest.

Another issue was the lack of listing the caffeine on the bottle - something that fewer and fewer energy products are doing. Of course - they mention it has the same caffeine as a cup of coffee , which means absolutely nothing - as a cup of coffee varies in the amount of caffeine it has.

Taste: 6
This berry flavor is about on par with almost all the other energy shots you have ever had. This tastes fake berry with fake sugar, and a bit of medicinal herbal notes - just like you would get from a Worx or a 5 hour or a 6 hour or a Rock On or .... It is not bad - especially by energy drink standards, but it is not very standout either. This is a very tame flavor profile that takes no chances. It would have been cool if they tried to actually come up with their own flavor - something that fits with their image - like going for Chai tea. Standard berry flavor seems like a cop-out.

Buzz:5
Again - no surprises here. This has about what you would expect from an energy shot - including the amino acids and caffeine and such. This is the basic generic formulation you can find anywhere - without any real differentiator. I am surprised they don't put a stronger dose in here - especially as it is meant to keep soldiers more alert and awake too. This is certainly not a bad energy shot - but it is about as middle of the road as you get.

It is a shame - as I LOVE what this company stands for and what it is trying to do. It just needs to be selling a more unique product more tailored to its target consumer base - rather than just having a clone, even a decent one as On Point is.

Vegasfuel Energy Drink

2011-12-31T08:57:00.000-08:00

Naming drinks after cities is a risky proposition. Now there are not many of these out there- as most cities are not cool enough to even think of having drinks named after themselves. Really, the only other one that I can think of is Seattle's best coffee. While some cities like Detroit would work (Motor City Energy), I can't imagine sucking down a Provo Fuel or Cleveland Power energy drink. This gets even weirder when you find that the Las Vegas energy drink is actually made in New Buffalo, PA. It reminds me of when John Ferolito and Don Vultaggio looked at a map to see where it was hot, and named their drink company Arizona without ever even visiting the state. However, Fegasfuel is a whole hell of a lot better than NewBuffaloFuel.

Not surprisingly, I found this at a Spencer's Gifts - a store with just about as much appeal as Vegas itself. Their website states they sell this in gas stations and convenience stores all over other parts of the US, but this was my first can I have seen. Spencers Gifts is usually in a mall, is filled with lights and neon, bursting to the walls with obnoxious merch ranging from pot leaf clothing to supersized double headed dildos. So pretty much, Spencers is a smaller version of Vegas (without as much gambling).

However, Vegasfuel has almost nothing to do with Las Vegas. Las Vegas is about vice and fun and late lights and partying until you collapse. Vegas is all Sun, Sand and Sin - a place where glitz, sex, alcohol, and all things bright and shiny are overflowing in abundance. I am not sure a moderately peppy fruit-punch in a bland container is a good fit.

Packaging:7
You would think that since your drink is all about embracing the city, you would cover the can in the essence of that look. If you were to do an energy drink for New Orleans, you would put bijous, jazz instruments, swamps and voodoo on it. Arizona drinks are covered in southwestern art and that Santa-Fe look. Vegasfuel is a stark single color black drink, with a circle on it. On the back, it has a stripper on it. Not a real one - as that would not fit with their post-modern Movado styled package. Instead, it is a truck flap-esque outline of one who is either sporting very long hair, jazz hands on her hips or Wolverine-like claws out of her intestines. Either way, her other hand is reaching for the sky in a sexy Flashdance fashion, so we can all get that she is a performer.

Even though their packaging is about as lame as a Las Vegas Pro sports team, they still do some things right. They list the caffeine content. They double face their cans. Everything is easy to read and the asinine paragraph about how-cool-our-drink-is is kept to a minimum. It would just be cooler if a drink about Vegas actually looked like a drink from Vegas.

Taste:9
Once I cracked the can open, I was really hoping for the scent of Las Vegas - like a casino or strip club (wonder what a strip club smells like? These people sell it in a can!). I am not sure what Vegas Fuel should taste like - but is is definitely not this. Vegasfuel tastes like a lightly carbonated Hawaiian Punch. It is a little sour and a little sweet and works very well in the mouth. That is not Vegas. Not that Nevada does not know about well working mouths (Wikipedia even has a list by county of places that do) but I would picture a drink about Vegas to taste like gin, stale cigars and broken dreams.

But the odor of this was very pleasant. And the taste was something I would happily drink again too! Overall, I loved what they came out with - but don't understand what this has to do with the City of Sin at all. Other than apples and some raspberries, they don't even grow fruit-punch worth fruit in Nevada. It is like coming out with a Wisconsin themed drink and having it taste like coconuts. It just does not make sense.

Buzz:5
I was really not expecting much buzz from Vegasfuel, as it already was a bad fit for all things Vegas. It should be an amazingly powerful drink to keep you rockin' at late night casino shows, keep your wits at the table or help you recover from all the two-dollar margaritas you had the night before. So it was no surprise that this drink has a decent energy-drink sized amount of energy.

There is 142mg of caffeine in here, a bit less than you could find in Rockstar or Red Bull. This is helped along by the usual cast of energy drink characters, like Taurine, ginseng,Vitamin B, glucurolactone and inositol. There is a buzz to be found in here - but it felt weak and did not last very long before I was looking for more caffeine.

e6 energy shot

2011-12-28T11:16:00.000-08:00

I am always on the lookout for new and exciting energy shots - as this category has pretty much settled down to the top 5 or 6 boring competitors. The market is just too small for lots of different players - at least without offering something revolutionary. So I was taken by surprise when my local corner stores started carrying a new brand, E6 energy - which is a straight-on energy shot, taking on Rock On, 6 hour, 5 hour, and Worx. For this to even make it this far into stores is an accomplishment, so I had to pick up a couple and try them out. Will this drink be a big contender with the big boys? Probably not unless they really go all out with marketing and promotions; which is a shame. I thought this tasted better than most of the other energy shots filling my 7 11 shelfspace - and gave a nicer buzz too.

Packaging:6
There is only so far you can go making a shot in a 5 Hour Energy container - and this one did not go very far. E6 is about as standard as they come - with a decent yet non-original logo and color scheme, utilizing basic bet easy to read fonts and clip art drawings of fruit. THere is no listing of caffeine either, which does not make sense - as they advertise they have 150mg all over their website. While they did not make any errors with this run-of-the-mill package, they did not take any chances either.

Taste:8
I had the choice of a whole bunch of flavors - all with more or less the same ingredients. I chose a berry and a peach one - as they seemed the most different than the other standard energy shot flavors - like grape and fruit punch. Neither of them were particularly good - but not particularly bad either. I enjoyed both in a very superficial way - like I would enjoy a fruity Sour Skittles. I could not really say that either tasted much like the fruit they were based on, but compared to the slew of crappy flavored energy shots out there, these ranked pretty well.

Buzz:9
Now about the actual buzz - you wil not be disappointed. While there is not six hours of energy, there is a good deal of power in here: enough that I was able to power through an extra four hours of life that I barely had in me beforehand. Both times I tried I found an explosive burst of energy - although not enough that I got jittery or felt over-caffeinated.

They also load this with a nice lookin' energy blend; taurine, a usual overdose of vitamin B complex, tyrosine, glucurolactone, and interestingly, Phenylalanine. Now, I have seen Phenylalanine before, but usually it is something found in aspartame (Nutrasweet, Equal), and is usually followed by one of my most favorite sayings on diet soda cans "Phenylketonurics - Contains Phenylalanine!". This always sounds very scary - even though it is really harmless. Unless you have the metabolic disorder called Phenylketonuria, you are safe. And how do you know if you are a Phenylketonuric? Simple. Chances are - if you have never heard of it and live in the US, you don't have it. You can find out more about PKU by clicking here.

Thinq Energy drink

2011-12-26T15:17:00.000-08:00

Thinq energy drink is supposed to be more than your standard energy drink. This one is supposed to perk you up and keep you feeling good, improve your focus and concentration, and be an all around performance enhancer. While I appreciate the claims, I also found this claim hard to swallow. Literally. This has a whole lot of great natural ingredients powering it - but these same ingredients make the flavor hard to get past the tongue. For the energy Thinq gave me I would at least hope for an easier flavor to drink down - but to slam this can an get not get powered by a real energy burst or mental laser focus made it hard enjoy.

Packaging:6

I have read where this comes, or came, in a really slick tapered bottle. However, the samples they sent me had this in the very normal - and probably a whole lot cheaper - slim 12 ounce cans. They are not bad in this form either - coming in very shiny black on red or orange. They double face and have everything nice and readable.

Still, I really think it is obnoxious that they hide their caffeine content. For a drink that is supposed to give you energy and improve your mood, a l ittle more information as to the ingredients you plan on doing that with would be helpful.

Taste: Citrus:4 Berry:1

I got sent quite a few of both flavors they have now - a citrus blend and a berry blend. While they both definitely have some similarities, I would not really say either are particularly good. They both share the flavor of lip balm and perfume, something while might smell good - but not anything I want to be savoring.

The citrus one is not that bad - although way too aromatic. The taste reminds me of a tangerine or a blood orange, but there is an underlying medicinal quality that makes the whole experience unpalatable. I am not sure if it is all the other ingredients in this that they can not disguise or if there is a deeper problem.

But the problem only gets worse when you switch to the berry flavor. It is not just me either - I must have given a half dozen of these away, and the general consensus is this really is not a yummy drink. Not a single person who tried it liked the berry flavor, and only 2 of 7 would try the citrus again. If you like the buzz enough to have this - I would recommend slamming it down fast with a chaser.

Buzz:6

This is not supposed to be just an energy drink - but a drink to help your body get more energy and better mood over the long run. They do this by addign gionseng, acai Ginko Biloba, SAMe, Gaba and Coenzyme Q10. This is a beautiful mix of ingredients - many of which I approve heartily of. Coenzyme q10 is one of those miracle health foods - used to treat heart conditions, muscular dystrophies, Parkinson's disease, cancer, diabetes, and HIV/AIDS - although, like Acai, the word is out on whether eating them actually does anything to you. Same goes for the ginseng and SAMe, where they are supposed to be good for you if you take it for a long time - but the results are still debated. A nice addition is the potassium, so it helps after a day of working out too.

What is the clincher for me (of course) is the caffeine - which is unlisted and most likely an afterthought. I did not feel even a little more happy or a touch more caffeinated from drinking down a bottle. My mood did not really improve after a week of drinking it, which probably has to do with frustrations of cubicle life more than a factor of the drink. Still, you would think that a stressful week would be a good test for if this help me cope - and the only thing which really helped me get through stressy work days are a sweet family and a good amount of alcohol. It took a full three cans for me to feel any caffeine at all from this - so I am guessing there is around 45-55mg of caffeine per 12 ounce can - about as much as a Diet Mountain Dew.

For a healthy functional drink this has a lot going for it - but for any sort of energy - I would Thinq of a different beverage to drink.

Rockstar Punched Citrus energy drink

2011-12-25T00:02:00.000-08:00

So today my teenage son bought me an energy drink. Now this might strike some as irresponsible, and others as just plain strange. Why, if I am the caffeine expert, does my son feel the urge to spend his money on making sure I am well caffeinated? Well, being close to someone so into caffeine has its price. My son now knows the difference between energy drinks and coffee, has a litany of explanations to his teachers as to why it is OK for him to be slugging down Monster energy drinks by the dozen - and knows more about caffeine and its effects than most 40 year olds I know.

So when he saw me flagging after spending a day christmas shopping in the pink aisles of a toy store - he knew JUST what to get for me; one of his favorites - a Rockstar Punch Citrus energy drink.

Packaging:9
I am in love with diamond plating. Don't know why - but tere is something about those little diamonds that make me think of all things rugged and burly. When I was riding Red Handed Jill, my 186cc custom Scooter, I covered the every inch I could with shiny custom cut diamond Plating. Nothing helps get over an aisle full of toys with brands like cutesy lover nicknames, like Weezles, Schmoopsies, Wuzzles and all that crap. I think I might like Rockstar's new look just because they carried my favorite pattern into an energy drink layout.

But they also do lots of other stuff right too. They list the caffeine and all the other energy drink ingredients, they double face the can and position the lid accordingly, and even make their drink tab unique! Their paragraph about the drink is not even inane - but small and straight to the point. Everything about this drink's design is very well thought out and works very very nicely.

Taste:9
This citrus flavor is a bunch more different than other citrus drinks you have had. Rockstar citrus punch is less like a Squirt or 7 Up, and a whole lot more like grapefruit with sugar on top. I certainly liked this more than the original punched flavor, more than most citrus flavors on the whole. It is saying something that I would choose this over any grapefruit or pineapple soda, and maybe even like it more than Mountain Dew!

The only thing is that all the uber sweetness makes this a little hard to finish. The heavy sugar content gives this drink a heft that really weighs it down. I would LOVE to see this same flavor done - only with no sugar and much less calories. I think a sugar free citrus punch would be about the best thing in the whole entire energy drink universe.

Nutrition/Buzz:8
Like the other Rockstar Punches and Juices, all that rush comes on quick, punching you in the face with a boatload of caffeine and sugar - enough to get even the slothiest sloths up and moving. There is a healthy 240mg of caffeine packed in here, along with a whopping 62 grams of sugar! 62 grames of sugar is a tremendous amount - equal to 13 teaspoons in one drink. Actually, according to Cha Cha, The FDA declared that one can of this is the maximum safe amount of added sugar per day. So don't even think of going for another soda or candy or even a slice of bread, because that will tip you over and you might just become a sugary version of Lot's wife.

As you can imagine, all that sugar leads to one gigantic sugar/caffeine crash - but in a way it is totally worth it . For al the milk thistle, vitamin B packed goodness in here - the rush is definitely worth the crash.

Sambazon Organic energy juice

2011-12-22T19:37:00.000-08:00

After reviewing the last number of juicy drinks that actually contained no juice in them, it was nice to be able to get hold of an energy juice that actually has juice within its ingredients. Sambazon Organic energy juice is not just a a mishmash of different juicy bits either, but an amazing blend of acai, apple and lime juices which give this an irresistible strong fruity flavor. Like the fruit blend is not tasty enough, they then add two of my favorite ingredients, yerba mate and guarana, into the equation, giving me a little more bounce in my step as I pound down a couple bottles.

My karma feels good when I buy Sambazon too. They work with local non-governmental organizations (“NGOs”) to build the supply of organic and sustainable açaí. They put people in the Amazon to work for them in a way that these farmers have an incentive to manage and control their land. They are just one of those companies whose practices are enough to make you want to donate to them - which I happily do one bottle at a time.

Packaging:7
There is definitely some strange things going on with the design on this bottle of Sambazon. Firstly, they have the words of the flavor written like chalk on a chalkboard - while the rest of the look is very professional. This is in direct contrast tot he illustrations of the gourd - and slightly off-putting orange and purple.

Besides the design, the serving size is weird too. Although there is 10.5 ounces, this lists 1.3 servings. I really want to see someone drink one serving, and save the .3 in the bottle. Fortunately, they do list the caffeine content and a whole host of vitamins in the ingredients list. While this squat bottle might be cute enough in the general shape - I still find it too confusing to really get into.

Taste:10
It is so easy to suck these little squat bottles down - like a V8 only with yummy fruit juice. The flavor is actually on of Acai, a disgusting fruit with a horrid flavor - which magically they turn into something so yummy. This reminds me a whole lot like those Jumex nectars - only full of natural, organic 100% juice rather than high fructose corn syrup or filler (although some might argue that apple juice is just a filler too). If you are in the mood for a delicious healthy dose of fruit - look no further.

Buzz:8
Have you eve drank something and felt completely healthier? This drink makes you feel like you just drank a triple shot of wheatgrass or a big glug of V8. Especially when cold - this feels like you just took a drink of pure power! In actuality, this only has a mere 50mg of caffeine from yerba mate and guarana, but it makes you feel more alive than that. Other than the caffeine, there is no other real energy in here - except for the awesome power of fruitiness. It is highly caloric, as most juices are, but it feel like those calories are important.

I am told that this has a bunch of antioxidants, but over the yearsI have called into question whether or not that actually means anything. Most studies say that the drinking antioxidants do absolutely nothing for you - but in this case I just don't care.

Rockstar Coconut Water Energy Hydration drink

2011-12-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

Not to be outdone by the likes of Hansens, the third most popular energy drink company has come out with a new exciting line of non carbonated Hydration energy drinks too. Not content to let Monster be the only kids on the block with non-carbonated hydration drinks, Rockstar has come out with the ir own line of Rehab-esque flavors. Rockstar has entered into the foray with a lemonade a little earlier in the year, along with a grape and an orange blend. This time however, I found a much more interesting flavor to hit the shelves, and one of the more difficult flavors to master - coconut water.

Coconut water is a tricky thing. Yes, it is the new fad drink - and there are more coconut flavors getting released to market with big backers, like Coca Cola and Pepsi with their own coconut water drinks hitting the shelves. It is easy to see why people are going nuts for the stuff, as coconut water is low-calorie, fat-free, cholesterol-free, and full of electrolytes. But that is real coconut water - usually 100% and natural and healthy. Rockstar is not really known for healthy - as they like their preservatives and chemicals. This is a true Rockstar version of coconut water - one packed with all the stuff people don't want to drink when they get coconut water - and devoid of all the things people want in their coconut water. But hey - this does manage to make one hell of a mixer.

Packaging:9
The first thing you notice about this coconut drink is the awesome standout color that pops right out of the shelf. This is a bright blue color that is brilliant as it is clean, and full of loveliness. Like all Rockstars, this is their basic theme in a chosen color - but it works well enough to not need any change. This incarnation has all the stuff that energy drinks packaging should have: listing of caffeine and other energy ingredients, a nice and easy to read can, double facing the logo and a little explanatory paragraph that is neither reaching for hipness or sink to new levels of idiotic Xtreme blather. FOr being a standard drink without any big innovation, this is still very well done.

Taste:4
Without too much work, it is really easy to turn a yummy coconut drink into something that tastes of bath water and sweatsocks. Fortunately, the energy drinks I have tried (Power Trip Coconut and Go Fast Hybrid) have been fairly successful.

Rockstar's version is different than these though. First, it is not carbonated, so you don't really get the sensation this is an energy drink or a soda - so you are left drinking this like a juice - which is also isn't. This is not also just a drink like a Kool Aid or a punch, as it is not terribly sweet or juicy enough to be either of those. It never manages to get beyond the taste of sweat sock either - as the whopping 10% real juice is filled full of sugar water and enough stevia to give it an herbal and slightly medicinal edge.

I like coconut water, and the thought of mixing it with caffeine is brilliant. However, when I drink it, I want want it to be natural and flavorful, not taste like a YooHoo version.

Buzz:5
I was so hoping for all the good of coconut water to be in here. Alas, this was severely lacking in all of what I wanted. Sure, this has 160mg of caffeine in the can, but that is not really the powerhouse of rockstar's other flavors. Instead this was a light lift - about as much as a strong coffee. Plus, the whole recovery and hydration did not really work for me. Although I was not drinking the night before, I was trying to recover from sleep deprivation, and this did very little to help. I was a bit more awake, but just as groggy with my head still packed with cotton. If you were hoping for something with coconut's healing powers, you will be disappointed too.

Rockstar should be absolutely loaded with potassium and Sodium - great for helping with recovery from a long run or a longer night getting wasted. Potassium is a necessary if you drank too much the night before and dried yourself out. Slamming some coconut water should help you regain some of your last shreds of energy and nurse you back to life.

Now the big question then is just how much coconut water is inside Rockstar Coconut water - and the answer is not much: just 10 percent. That means that this is 90% other crap - like sugar water to fill it out. Unfortunately, this completely negates the benefits of coconut water - including not much vitamin C, not much potassium and an increase in calories too.

It is nice that they tried to do good while cashing in on the coconut water craze. If you were looking for just a Rockstar drink, this might be OK - except for the carbonation this has all the usual Rockstar Sugar Free stuff, with the addition of a bit more electrolytes. IT is not that this was bad - but this Rockstar just can not live up to the potential it had. Now only if they actually worked on the reason people liked coconut water as a sports drink...