To the People

Can Anyone Shoot Off Leash Dogs? Or Just Cops?

2012-02-17T11:07:00.005-05:00

Quick re-cap of the most recent dog-killing-by-cop story. Police report here.

--Off-duty city cop takes his department issued dog for a walk in Druid Hill Park. By the officers own statement, he sees a large dog (turns out to be a pit/mastiff mix) peeing on a bush. He sees no owner near.

--Off leash dog then "looks" at officer and his dog. Cop attempts to walk away to avoid a situation.

--Off leash dog then moves in the direction of the officer and his dog -- he "barks loudly", and "lunges" in what the officer describes as an aggressive move.

--Cop "fears for his life", takes out his department issued glock, fires a round in the dog's head killing him instantly.

--Owner runs up screaming immediately after and identifies the dog as her own.

So those are the basic facts of what happened, according to the officer's own statement. Even if you took his version of events at face value, there doesn't seem to be any legitimate reason that the officer should have feared for his life and taken the deadly action that he took. The dog "peed", "barked", and opened his mouth. No biting, or pouncing on the officers dog.

Bottom line, the officer was scared by a big dog and acted on impulse, making a huge mistake. WITH A FUCKING FIREARM. If we switched places with the officer and it was a normal citizen who took this action, we can be sure that charges would have already been filed (as they should be). Since it's a cop, the BPD will most likely hope that this news finds its way out of the cycle after this weekend and everyone can go back to their normal day-to-day lives without consequences. Except, you know, the owner who lost their dog.

Admittedly I'm a dog lover. So I'm biased against people shooting dogs for no reason.

But I can't understand how anyone can be OK with police officers needlessly firing their weapons in situations where someone else could catch a bullet. Shouldn't that get a reaction from people even if you don't give a shit about dead dogs? You would hope so.

P.S. The Baltimore Sun doesn't do the truth any favors by washing over this story by originally publishing a blog post with the title "City police officer shoots, kills dog in Druid Hill Park after attack" They have since changed it (after I pointed out that there was no attack) to "City police officer shoots, kills dog in Druid Hill Park after saying he was attacked"

There was no attack. By the officer's own admission there was no fucking attack. A big dog barking does not equal an attack that you can respond to with bullets.

Here's hoping that owners keeps this alive and sue the shit out of everyone involved, because the consequence for illegally having your dog off leash shouldn't be a bullet to the head.

Social Security Employees Really Worried About Level of Service Provided To You. Really. I'm Not Making This Shit Up.

2011-03-03T11:33:00.003-05:00

Ugh.

Social Security Administration employees rallied outside the agency's Woodlawn headquarters and offices across the country Wednesday in a union-organized protest against proposed budget cuts.

Workers shouted "furlough Congress" after hearing an American Federation of Government Employees leader say cuts in a House-approved budget would be the equivalent of workers taking off an entire month without pay.

Congress is five months into the current fiscal year but has yet to pass a budget. The version passed by the Republican-controlled House of Representatives would reduce total spending on all agencies by $61 billion compared with last fiscal year.[...]

It's unclear whether Social Security officials would spread the cuts out by operating with fewer workers constantly or closing offices on certain days, said Witold Skwierczynski, who heads an American Federation of Government Employees bargaining unit that represents about 30,000 Social Security employees. Either way, the result would increase the time it takes for Americans to resolve problems, have claims processed and get approved for retirement and disability checks, he said.

"It would have a severe impact on the level of service," he said in an interview before the rally.

Maybe the Social Security Administration operates in an efficient, effective manner. I wouldn't know, all they do is steal my money, but I'd guess that the SSA functions like any government agency and probably has some room for customer service improvement. Either way, as an PR approach, if you're representing government employees I wouldn't advise bringing up your customer service during the conversation. Ever.

"I get to school by 7:45 a.m. and I work until 4:30 or 5:00. At least one night a week, I stay later than 5."

2011-02-16T15:11:00.006-05:00

If you are attempting to sell me that you should continue to pay NOTHING into your pension plan and health care premium, perhaps you should craft an argument that doesn't hinge on how hard your job is because you have to work 8 hours a day. THAT'S A NORMAL FUCKING WORKDAY LADY.

Let's meet this teacher in question:

Dear Friends,

I don't normally like to talk about my private life,

Did I mention that this was an article in a fucking paper? Because it is. She doesn't like to talk about her private life, except when she writes articles in fucking papers. It's like how I don't like talking about my sexual fetishes.

I am a second-year teacher. I work in a rural school district in Wisconsin. Many of my students come from poor families. Some of them live in the trailer park near our school or down the street in the subsidized apartments.[...]
The people who live here are hard workers and proud. But they can't afford the cost of educating their children.

She works in the village of Marshall, outside of Madison, WI. The median income for a household is above $51,000/yr. Only 2.7% of families live below the poverty line. I'm not really sure what this means other than she's a liar. Also I hate google. Google made me look at this.

And now we come to Walker. His proposal to have public workers pay more than 5% of their salary into the state pension and double their share of health care costs will not save my district any money.

Well...that's just...outrageous?

My district has never required us to pay anything into the pension or for health care.

Yeah, that's pretty standard in today's workplace. A fully paid for pension, employer paid health care premiums.

People accuse state workers of having cushy jobs, with exorbitant benefits, job security and fantastic salaries.

That would be me, yes.

So while admitting this makes me uncomfortable, I'm going to do it so you can see just how ridiculous that accusation is: My salary as a second-year teacher, with a Bachelor's degree and one class short of a Master's degree, is....$36,000.

Maybe I missed a beat somewhere. Am I suppose to feel sorry for you because you make more than I do? I'm confused. You don't pay for your health care, you have a state funded pension plan that currently allows you to retire at 57, and receive half of what your top pay was, and you want me to feel bad for you? No, sorry. Go fuck yourself.

Walker's proposal would cost me about $400 a month.

I don't really believe her math, assuming everything she writes is the truth. If she makes $36,000/yr and is asked to start putting 5% of her salary towards her pension that works out to $1,800/yr divided by 12 months is $150/month. Assuming she isn't currently paying anything towards her health care premium that would mean she would be paying $250/month for health care under the governor's budget proposal. This I don't believe. For a single person within a group plan (I'm assuming she's single because, well, because I saw this) $250/month is unheard of. That would be crazy high.

Frankly, I won't be able to survive. Because not only do I have the usual debt -- mortgage, car payments -- I owe tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. Getting a Master's degree is actually kind of pricey, but I assume you want a highly educated teacher in the classroom, right?

Actually, no. I don't think a Pre-K teacher needs a Masters degree. That's fucking stupid.

I'm not sure how Walker thinks reducing the salaries of thousands of workers like me is going to save the economy. With that kind of wage reduction, I won't be able to buy new clothes, go to movies, go out to eat, go to happy hour, buy Christmas presents, buy birthday presents, get haircuts or buy pet food. I won't be able to replace my 20-year-old furnace or my 20-year-old kitchen cabinets. I already gave up cable and I drive a used car with more than 140,000 miles on it. So it's clear I won't be buying any iPods or iPhones or anything else shiny any time soon.

Oh, so clearly you own a fucking home. Poor people don't buy homes.

My cube mate is a single mom. She makes what I make, if not less. One day I was complaining about being poor as I was eating some fancy sandwich from Panera. She said, "Robert, poor people don't eat Panera." She was fucking right.

Lady, poor people don't own homes. Poor people don't go to the movies. Poor people don't go to fucking happy hour. Poor people don't buy ipods, or replace cabinets that are 20 years old. You are not poor.

I suppose I could get a second job to supplement my reduced income.

I suppose you could. Most people I know who aren't highly paid professionals work two jobs. It sucks. But when you think you need more money, or you ACTUALLY need more money, you don't have a choice.

I get to school by 7:45 a.m. and I work until 4:30 or 5:00. At least one night a week, I stay later than 5. I'm supposed to get a half hour of "duty free" lunch every day, but I usually spend that time helping students or prepping for a lesson. There are some days when I don't eat lunch at all.

OH MY GOD. YOU TOTALLY WORK 8 HOURS A DAY. SOMETIMES YOU EVEN STAY LATE???

By the time I make it home, I am so exhausted, I usually drop on the couch and fall asleep by 9 p.m. I can't even stay awake to watch the news to see what Walker is going to do to us next. Getting a second job? It would probably kill me.

No. It wouldn't kill you. Heart disease may kill you. Diabetes may kill you. Working more than 8 hours a day won't kill you.

I don't want to leave my students. Because the truth is, teaching kids is a fantastic job. This past week, I taught a four-year-old how to spell his name. I taught another child how to sound out words, so he could start reading a Dr. Seuss book on his own. And I took my class to the planetarium, where they got to gaze in awe at the planets, moon and stars. The universe, they decided, was a pretty special place. Watching them, for a little while I felt it was.

Nice to see you making use of that Masters degree. You can spell BOBBY and read Dr Suess.

I hope you will join me in a candlelight vigil on Tuesday and Wednesday on the steps of the Capitol. Like thousands of other teachers, I am a dedicated and hard-working public employee, so I won't make it there until after the school day ends. I don't want to miss a single day away from my students.

"I don't want to miss a single day away from my students" -- Headline today at Fox -- Union Protest: Wisconsin Teachers Calling in Sick en Masse

Happy Thanksgiving! Wait, Holy Fuck It's December 8th

2010-12-08T09:41:00.006-05:00

Belated Thanksgiving greetings to you all. I hope yours was as pleasant as mine, spent at the soon-to-be in laws. It was great. I got to watch one hour of shitty football on a Clinton-era TV before participating in one of the more awkward dinners of my life. It made me miss all those Thanksgivings in college I spent alone with a Stouffer's frozen lasagna, a bag of pot and a handle of whiskey. Can't wait for Christmas.

Other rants: I've been pretty successful as of late at not getting a new job. It's not as easy as it sounds. It takes a lot of fucking work to keep applying to jobs and going through the whole interview process where I have to sound motivated, all the while pretending that I didn't google the guy who's interviewing me and find his geocities website from 8 years ago full of his poetry.

I'm allowing this guy to judge me? Where did I go wrong? I always imagined by this time in my mid-20's I would be filthy rich answering to no one but the smart jewish guy that I let run my finances. That's it. Just filthy rich. I didn't really think through that plan too well.

The new job has become more pressing as they keep laying people off at my current employer. I'll give everyone a tip about how you can tell if your company isn't doing well -- They keep laying people off. And you know who suffers the most from these layoffs? Me.

It really isn't fair to make me deal with old ladies crying, unless I did something like have sex with them and now they regret it. Which I've totally never done in the workplace. But when I had nothing to do with creating the tears, it's really unfair to make me be in the same room. I have no clue how to handle situations like this. What are you suppose to say?

"Look lady. I wouldn't worry, the labor market for a 50 year old woman with just a high school diploma is really looking up. You'll find a job in no time."

Instead I just sit there in my chair, shaking my head saying "this sucks". I'm very compassionate. Can't we do these layoffs off site? Or after work? You need to do them on a Tuesday at 11:30am? Worst timing ever.

Look, I realize I'm fortunate to have a job. Really, my life is pretty great when compared to the African version of me who is somewhere in West Africa complaining about how it's awkward when his village mates get their arms hacked off by a machete wielding madmen. I would just rather have a non-shitty job. I don't think that makes me too greedy.

Morning Links

2010-11-16T09:53:00.003-05:00

Those guys over at the TSA sure do have a good grasp of the public mood: 'TSA to investigate body scan resister'.

And remember, if you choose not to allow the Feds to take a picture of your naked body you're really just being irresponsible. Says the TSA chief in Sand Diego:

“It really is irresponsible to encourage anyone to opt out of a technology that is there in place specifically to protect the public.”

As always, you're too stupid to know what's good for you!

'Congressional freshmen vow not to party like it's 1994'. Fuck as many hookers as you want incoming Republican freshmen. All I ask is that you attempt to restrain federal spending.

PG County cops implicated in black market cigarettes and booze ring.

If you're going to have a nickname, Merchant of Death is a pretty cool fucking nick name to have.

Your Android phone might soon double as your credit card. Which would be sweet and all, but I'm looking forward to the day a headline reads, 'Your Android phone might soon be able to receive phone calls before the incoming call goes to voicemail'.

Can We Just Please Pay College Players and Get Over This Nonsense?

2010-11-12T10:10:00.003-05:00

Two stories in the sports media that are currently driving me fucking crazy -- 1) How violent the NFL has gotten+concussions are really bad. & 2)The Cam Newton pay to play scandal and any other NCAA players getting paid scandal.

I don't really have anything new to say on the NFL thing. I think anyone who whines about how dangerous the NFL has gotten and how we need to do something about the violent/cheap hits, is a fucking pussy. Don't watch the NFL. Women's college basketball just started, tune into that shit.

I'm not eager to see someone die on the field, but that doesn't mean I want to turn the league into a two-hand touch pusssyfest. That would be dumb. So let the players play. Hopefully in this upcoming round of collective bargaining the players association manages to get some concessions from the owners like guaranteed money and expanded rosters. That would be nice for them. But most of these guys get paid fairly well to do a job they love. It's a choice. So if you don't enjoy watching 250lb men run into each other at top speed then maybe you should tune out. It won't happen -- the NFL is more popular than ever -- but nothing is stopping you from watching some shitty 80's movie on the WB network on Sunday afternoons instead of football.

As for the NCAA...

FUCKING PAY FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL PLAYERS. The NCAA just signed a new 14-year TV deal for the basketball tournament worth...10.8 BILLION DOLLARS. That's a truckload of cash. None of which trickles down to these players who are responsible for those deals being made. Merchandise is sold, sky boxes at the stadiums are sold, cash comes in from bowl games and additional media contracts. There's all this cash floating around the industry and it would be beyond silly to think that the players wouldn't want a piece of it. They deserve a piece of it. Most won't make it rich in the NFL or NBA, and they are being used by the NCAA to make everyone but them rich. The NFL and NBA have labor rules in place that REQUIRE their future employees to go through colleges first. If someone wants a shot at professional sports they have to make a stop at college athletics first.

But that's just my opinion. I don't think it's fair that players don't get a monthly stipend. But the real reason you change the status quo is because you can't keep the "corruption" out of college. Agents will find a way to pay the players. Schools and alumni will find a way to take care of the players. The people hurt in this current system are those that follow the current rules. It doesn't create a level playing field when you have schools and coaches who play "clean" and those that don't. It frustrating as a fan to know this. So even the playing field. Take away the power from schools that will compensate players and agents who will influence players. Give players a cut of the jersey's they sell, plus a monthly stipend to help pay the bills. It's not like there isn't enough money floating around.

Morning Links, FOP Rant

2010-11-12T09:07:00.004-05:00

Drugs in sandals.

Drugs in buttons.

Is the recent backlash against the TSA for real? Naked pictures, harmful radiation and sexual harassment in front of hundreds of strangers is all it took for the public to push back?

Can we trade the disgusting images for the hefty tax? I'd take that deal.

Ugh. Fucking cops. Wouldn't it be great to get to vote on proposed salary cuts and raises at your place of work? Would you ever say yes to a pay cut?

"Well boss I've thought this over, and I agree. I do shit for work and the budget looks tight this year. Go ahead and take a couple percent off my salary."

And it's my goddamn money they are fighting over. Why the fuck don't I get a say in their salary and benefits? I certainly don't think any BPD officer deserves anymore money than they are getting. The starting salary of $43,000 is plenty, plus annual increases, the ability to add regular overtime that bump your annual income up to the high 5 or even 6 figures and a million plus pension that's going to bankrupt this fucking city.

Your job isn't that dangerous. (the last officer to die at work from something other than an automobile accident was in 2007) None of you live in the city you work in, and a lot of you are downright shitty at your job. When the average salary for a resident in Baltimore is in the neighborhood of $28,000 and the city is broke, you're going to lose some of your bounty. Or maybe you won't, because everyone is stupid. But you're not entitled to keep it, that's for sure.

/longer rant than anticipated
//should have been a post

Morning Links

2010-11-10T10:11:00.004-05:00

I don't really get excited about the holidays anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a 26 year old with out kids SHOULD be excited about Christmas or whatever; because that would be queer, but I don't even really care about the holiday season anymore.

It's a busy time at work dealing with obnoxious fucktards, and I only ever take off one lousy day, or two at the most for Christmas and Thanksgiving. You have to see family, which is just a total goddamn burden for me. It's cold, you can't golf or fish, and it gets dark at like 3:30 in the fucking afternoon. It's a really depressing time of year. Basically the Christmas season licks my asshole.

So what do I have to look forward to? How about the peak of sports season. College basketball just started, we get the first Thursday night NFL game this week, the stretch run of the regular season of football, and the NBA and NHL are underway. It's a great time of year for sitting along in your living room in the dark, drinking a shit ton of booze and yelling at the TV. If anything it's the only time of the year where that behavior isn't totally frowned upon by other people in your life. So enjoy it. I know I will.

Now for some morning/afternoon links

The quick points of this story:

-Mother-to-be eats an everything bagel day before giving birth

-Pennsylvania hospital (for some reason) performs drug tests on all expectant mothers, reporting positive results to the county's child services department

-Woman tests positive for opiates because of poppy seeds on everything bagel

-County seizes woman's baby before doing ANY investigating of the positive drug test

If inner city decay, ruthless violence and a lost generation (or two) of young black males doesn't cause you to rethink the drug war maybe the above story will.

Joe Morgan and Jon Miller are out at ESPN. Great piece by Joe Posnanski, offering his thoughts on Joe Morgan. It's especially moving when he compares Morgan to the bump that he backs over everyday on the way out his driveway.

Missile or not?

Life is good for Google employees. I'm just hoping for another $50 AMEX gift card from my employer this year. MY JOB ROCKS.

When looking for slutty teenagers, seek out those who have their faces buried in a cellphone. That's the point of this stupid survey, right?

Afternoon Links: DOOM EDITION

2010-11-04T10:27:00.004-04:00

Cholera breakout has killed 442 and hospitalized another 6,742 in Haiti. Cholera outbreak?

For all the progress we've made from producing fire, to farming, to not throwing shit and piss out our windows onto the streets; this is a helpful reminder to be thankful that you were not born in a shit hole like Haiti, where you can still die from a cholera outbreak in 2010.

Get your wheel barrels out. You're going to need them to buy bread shortly.

What is the impact of the national election on Maryland? Federal dollars might dry up.

Only in Maryland would that be the analysis of a huge mid-term election that saw upwards of 60 Democratic members of the House get sent packing. From the article:

Few areas of Maryland are likely to be spared as Washington turns its attention to curbing spending growth. Among those who could feel the pinch: taxpayers, commuters and government workers at all levels. In short: almost everyone.

Republicans in Congress want to cut federal spending by $100 billion. President Barack Obama has called for what amounts to a freeze on spending, starting in 2011.

For Maryland, the budget-tightening could hit military and health research facilities, road and mass transit programs, aid to state and local governments and the federal workforce.

Except it won't. Don't get me wrong, I hope road projects that we can't afford will get scraped, that defense spending that we can't afford is reduced, and government employees' benefits that we can't afford are slashed. I hope all that happens. But it won't. And if they manage to reduce spending even in the tiniest we are talking about going back to 2008 levels. Not exactly the Calvin Coolidge era of governing.

I will miss horse racing when it dies in Maryland.

More ponies -- Breeders Cup weekend starts tomorrow. I'd love to spend all day Saturday throwing shit at my TV and enjoying the races. Instead I'll be at the Annapolis Food and Wine Festival with the missus and her friends. YOU CAN NOT GAMBLE ON FOOD AND WINE FESTIVALING.

If only we could ban tunnels.

Important things have been done by the San Francisco City Council.

The Day After the Day After Election Day: Thoughts and 3rd Parties

2010-11-04T09:35:00.006-04:00

Republicans pick up 60-70 seats in the House and 6 in the Senate. Yay..?

Look, turnover in Congress can never be a bad thing. And maybe, just maybe the general mood of the country is different than ever before. Maybe the Tea Parties won't become co-opted by special interest groups. Maybe they will hold the politicians that they sent to Washington accountable for trimming entitlements and cutting spending. Maybe. But you wouldn't bet that way.

-----

Jim Geraghty over at NRO laments 3rd party candidates that cost Republicans even more House victories. These were mostly Libertarian Party candidates that were taking up to 5% of the vote away from GOP candidates. I saw the same thing on the election night, only I was encouraged by it not discouraged.

Geraghty reads this the wrong way. To assume that those votes going to the LP candidate would have automatically gone to the GOP candidate if there hadn't been a LP on the ballot is a mistake. Most of those votes are either protest votes or actual Libertarians voting for their party. Neither of those voters would have voted Republican under any circumstance.

You can argue that voting for a 3rd party candidate is stupid, but you could make the same fucking argument about voting for any of these retards on a generic ballot. Either way, 3rd party candidates didn't cost the GOP more House seats, the GOP running on one thing and doing another for the past 10+ years is what cost them those few extra House seats. You can't blame libertarian minded voters for not trusting the GOP to do what they say they will do this time around when they've never done it before.

Election '10 Drunkblogging: Can't They All Lose?

2010-11-02T12:27:00.014-04:00

Whose ready for some bad ass election night, cable news gadgets? I AM. Holograms? Anderson Cooper? Graphs? Blogging kitties? Gigantic touch screens? BRING IT ON.

So I went against my better judgement and voted this evening. I feel dirty. I feel only slightly better because outside of voting for Ehrlich for governor, I wrote my tabby cat (Tiger) in for the rest of the ballot. WIN. I'm also 100% sure that the poll workers at my downtown Baltimore polling place tossed my provisional ballot out once I left. I'm pretty sure I was the only registered Republican who voted there today.

Stay awhile with me and enjoy the bloodbath (while mourning the Republican victory). I'll be getting drunk. Very drunk.

7:32 Rand Paul projected to win. That's fun. Looks like it's a bigger margin than predicted? Also, Indiana looks downright disgusting for the Democrats.

Candy Crowley from CNN should not be on HD. HD would have never happened if they first tried the technology on her ugly mug. Can you imagine if that was the first image you ever saw in HD? Also, I originally typed "Cindy Crowley" before I googled and saw I had her name wrong. I'd like to apologize to Cindy Crowley for the mix-up.

Do we think CNN has enough TVs on the set? I'd have South American horse racing on at least one of those if I was on of the 75 pundits on their panel.

7:45 I forgot to get whiskey and my old lady won't go get me any. Reason enough to break off engagement? I say yes. I've only got 3 bottles of wine and two shots of vodka. WHAT IF THE WORLD ENDS TONIGHT??

8:15 I'd like to quibble with the CNN=Politics graphic CNN is using. CNN=Cable News Network. Not politics. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME TED TURNER.

I finally saw some results in the MD Gov race (really the only one I care about), and I zoomed into the county view on the NYTimes election map to study carefully as though I know what I'm doing. Talbot County is only 58% for Ehrlich? NOOOO, THIS MUST MEAN BAD THINGS!!!

/has no idea what it means

//puts glasses on forehead while studying laptop screen to appear as though I know something

8:50 Is it possible to NOT get hired as a pundit on CNN for election night coverage? What about a KITTY PUNDIT??

9:13 OK, that was a gratuitous kitty picture for no real reason. But I do not apologize. Any time you can glasses on a cat and take a picture, you should.

ABC calls MD for O'Malley. I'd like to see something out Baltimore County before calling it for O'Malley.

Republicans win control of the House. Whew. I'm sure this is the begining of something special and unique, right?

9:30 David Vitter called the winner. Thoughts Spitzer? Nothing?

P.S. Our Spitzer meltdown coverage.

9:51 TWITTER MAP ON CNN. The "Twitter Pulse". I just heard the term "plurality of the twitterverse". This is the ridiculousness that I look forward to on election night. Will CNN also dissect the black twitterverse? I hope so, because I have no fucking clue what those folks are talking about 90% of the time.

Thoughts On O'Donnell's Vagina and the Douche Who Wrote About It

2010-10-29T13:27:00.004-04:00

Here's what we know about my favorite ladybug, based on the one sided account that Gawker posted without editorial comment.

--She didn't/doesn't shave or wax her pubic hair.

--She looks incredibly adorable in a ladybug costume.

--She might be a bit of cock tease -- or if we're being generous in our opinion of her -- smart enough not to open her legs for a dipshit douche bag that fully admits to the world that he's only attracted to pussy if it looks like it belongs to a 12 year old girl.

--O'Donnell was/is(?) single, attractive and in her 30's.

--According to anonymous she's also apt to make the first move in her pursuit of penis for the evening.

Here's what we know about anonymous d-bag:

--As mentioned above, he's only attracted to pussy that looks like it belongs on a prepubescent girl and he thinks everyone else is too.

--In his 20's and still has access to a boy scouts uniform, that fits his pudgy, adult frame.

--Thinks a "one night stand" means "a girl slept in my room for one night and I didn't have sex with her"

--Thinks it's "aggressive" for a woman to remember meeting him a year before, and for making up a lie to come see him at his apartment.

--Thinks he sounds cool be saying he turned down future opportunities to potentially have sex with an attractive older woman.

Here's what I think -- Fuck this immature pencil dick. I'm done getting laid due to the whole marriage thing in my immediate future, but I'm not so removed from having sex with slightly desperate 35 year old women that I can't remember what a fucking privelege it is to do so.

To publicly humilate one of those ladies and to shame the rest by association is not only a low, gutless act, but it's also fucking up the delicate balance that keeps people having random and most often reckless sex. Just because you don't care for it, or more than likely, O'Donnell (and probably many more) turned you down at the last minute doesn't mean you have to fuck shit up for everyone else.

That's what an act like this does. It insinuates that it's some how wrong for a single woman to hook up with a younger man. And to not only hook up, but to be the aggressor. Let me be clear about this -- IT IS NOT WRONG. IT'S REALLY, REALLY RIGHT.

Does it make it right because she's a political candidate with wacky views on sex and shit? No, it doesn't. O'Donnell's views on masturbation are wrong. But that doesn't make publishing something like this right either. Gawker didn't catch her fucking a prostitute, or her Mexican pool boy who also happened to be an illegal. All they did was find out that she fooled around with someone one time, but stopped before having sex. THIS IS NOT DIRT IN 2010 and I find it creepy that this is being sold as dirt by Gawker.

Give People a Job...Go To Federal Prison

2010-10-29T10:35:00.004-04:00

Baltimore Sun:

A Kingsville man who owned restaurants in Baltimore and Anne Arundel counties was sentenced to four months in federal prison Thursday followed by four months' home detention after pleading guilty to the "harboring of unlawful aliens for financial gain."

"harboring illegal aliens for financial gain" sounds a lot worse than "giving an above minimum wage job to people who really need a job", doesn't it?

Morning Links

2010-10-28T09:24:00.003-04:00

Black eye? Or plastic surgery? Rumors swirling over Putin's bruised face. My guess? Bruises are easy thing to get when you spend your free time WRESTLING BEARS.

I guess if the Orioles can hit Cliff Lee so can the Giants.

STEALTH EJACULATOR.

More death in Baltimore. But hey, look at the bright side. The city might not be able to protect you from being shot or stabbed, but they're doing a bang-up job with black market margarine!

What the Fuck Is Wrong With This Picture?

2010-10-26T13:09:00.004-04:00

Two headlines in the Baltimore Sun:

1) City carry-out business rapped for trans fat violation

2) Four killed in 15-hour stretch; victims include 16-year-old

Note: The four victims were not killed by giant tub of crisco.

Morning Links

2010-10-26T09:17:00.002-04:00

Georgetown students busted for running a drug lab on campus, producing a psychedelic drug known as DMT.

That Giants line of +3 against the Cowboys looked like an easy gimme. So of course I stayed away from it. You know what happened? Cowboys were beaten 41-35 in a game that was never as close as the final score indicated and lost Romo to an injury. I'm really good at predicting games and then not betting on them. NOSTRADAMUS OF FAILED GAMBLING.

Worth noting that the other game this past week that Vegas threw up a questionable line for because the team was in a "must win game" at home and can't-really-be-as-bad-as-their-record-indicated, lost as well, as the Patriots (going into the game as +3 underdogs) destroyed the Chargers at home. Sometimes things really are what they look like.

Clarence Thomas in his younger days sounds like a fucking champ.

CNN) -- Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was a binge drinker who had a pornography habit or fetish in the 1980s, then changed radically when he stopped drinking alcohol, his former girlfriend told CNN on Monday.

If I ever got to sit down with Thomas I would be all like "What's you opinion on the commerce clause.....AND BIG TITTED WOMAN IN FULL NYLON BODYSUITS???"

First-time home buyers credit: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

So if Prop 19 passes (I think it's looking less so, but I still have hope) how far north will be able to hear the collective "What the fuck?" from Mexico?

This Is the Way Parenting Was Meant To Be Done -- With a Drug Sniffing Dog

2010-10-21T08:56:00.007-04:00

Lazy. Fucking. Parents.

A new service in Maryland is promising parents peace of mind by allowing them to essentially rent a drug-sniffing dog, a highly trained canine that will come to their house and within seconds, detect even the tiniest whiff of narcotics. The program allows ordinary moms and dads access to a search tool typically reserved for law enforcement — and typically aimed at suspected criminals.

Even though the first thing I jerked it to as a kid was a "Where Babies Come From Book", I don't really consider myself a parenting expert. So I'll just call it an opinion when I say that renting a drug sniffing dog at a going rate of $200/hr to root out your kid's room might end up doing more harm than good. It might erase any sense of trust you share with your kid, so if s/he actually had a problem or questions about drugs, they might choose not to talk to you first. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW.

Except this. I know teenagers are pretty fucking stupid. I hid my marijuana in my heating/air vent in my room. The day after doing that for the first time I walked back into my room and was mystified as to why my whole room smelled like pot. I would have made an excellent criminal.

So if you're really concerned about your little princess getting fucked up on the weekends and blowing the soccer team's goalkeeper (and you probably shouldn't be too concerned about this happening, because based on my own experience IT NEVER DOES) you probably don't need to go the extreme route of hiring a drug sniffing dog to find out what's going on in their life. And if you do, then maybe you're just a really bad parent.

Baltimore Rates for Black Males In Baltimore Improves In 2010

2010-10-20T14:33:00.002-04:00

Good news if you want to have any hope about Baltimore's future. Baltimore Sun:

After a push to get dropouts back in the classroom and to provide students with a greater choice of schools, Baltimore has seen marked improvements in both the graduation and dropout rates for black males.

In 2007, for every diploma the city handed out to a black male student, another had dropped out. In 2010, the city handed out two diplomas for every one who dropped out.[...]
The decrease in the number of black boys who left school has been the most significant. Between 2007 and 2010, the rate declined from 11.9 percent a year to 4.9percent a year.

Morning Links

2010-10-20T09:06:00.003-04:00

Do you know what makes for the best sleep ever? Sharing a full size bed with a 5'9" woman who talks in her sleep and two cats, one of which has a habit of sleeping on your face. Clearly I've done well for myself at 26. On to the links...

'Britain Details Radical Cuts in Spending, Citing Debt'

'Mexico seizes 105 tons of marijuana in Tijuana. Does it matter?' I'll go with a no.

'Angry James Harrison says he may quit NFL after $75,000 fine'

'Jeffrey Maier Revisited in the Bronx'. Fortunately for Rangers fans it didn't decide the game (and in the case of the '96 ALCS, the whole momentum of the series) and Texas took a 3-1 lead over the Yankees, giving them a chance to end the series this afternoon. Good luck Rangers, everyone who doesn't fuck little puppies is rooting for you.

New Feed

2010-10-20T08:53:00.002-04:00

Be sure to update your feed subscription for TtP if that's how you read us. New feed.

It's Like That Gym Membership I Bought, Only I Mean It This Time

2010-10-19T15:33:00.007-04:00

For lots of reasons over the past year or so I’ve reduced my daily blogging into a quarterly digital newsletter consisting of a few paragraphs. I don’t really regret this, because a) no one is paying me for this and b) I’m fucking paying for the privilege to do this.

Here’s the deal about do something for free: You should only do it if you really enjoy it, or come in contact with lots of drugs and/or loose women because you’re doing it. Obviously I’ve always blogged because I really enjoyed it. And the hope that one day I’d grow a following of coked-up whores who follow me around the country in a tour bus as I sell out 80,000 seat stadiums while putting on a live-blog show. WHAT?? IS THAT SO UNREALISTIC AMERICA??

So if the coked-up groupies never show, and it suddenly feels like work to fill out the blog on a daily basis, the only thing left to do is put this thing out of its misery for good. But I don’t want to do that. I, along with a handful of other people have put a lot into TtP for more than 4 years. I wouldn’t sell the domain (unless someone offered me money), and I wouldn’t stop paying the hosting fees because I enjoy that I’ve got an archive of sloppy writing to go back and look at whenever I want.

What did I write about that guy who had his genitals ripped off by an angry chimp?

Or what about that time I drank ¾ a fifth of whisky, a bottle of wine and a few beers short of a 6-pack? Oh, that was election night. I’M QUITE AN ELEQUENT DRUNK.

So I’m giving this one last shot of daily or semi-daily blogging. I’ve thought over the past month or so about focusing on a couple issues that interest me the most right now. In order of interest: 1)Sports 2)Gambling 3)Alcohol 4) Naked Women Touching Themselves 5) Multiple Naked Women Touching Themselves. 5)My Wedding.

Not sure if I’ll stick to a particular focus or just blog about how bad my office chair smells, but I think I need to start writing on a regular basis if for no other reason than my own sanity, even if it's just about office etiquette or that wierd bump on the tip of my dick that is totally normal to have.

It Would Be Eaiser To Roundup All The Remaining Smokers and Shoot Them

2010-09-17T10:05:00.006-04:00

If I was single and resourceful I would move to Montana and build my own compound where I could smoke whatever I want, grow whatever I want and shoot whatever I want. Fuck cities. NY Times:

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, who has already banned smoking in restaurants and bars, wants to prohibit it in much of the great outdoors: parks, beaches and even pedestrian malls and plazas like those around Times Square, on Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn and Broadway on the Upper West Side.

The proposed law, which is to be introduced to the City Council on Thursday, would cover all 1,700 parks, playgrounds and recreational facilities, and 14 miles of city beaches, as well as boardwalks, public marinas and the public pedestrian malls and plazas.

I'm sure the law will pass. If not on this go around, the next or the one after that. And it's important because New York leads the way in municipal smoking bans. [Not overlooking the fact that plenty of places do have these types of smoking bans already. It's just more important when New York does it]

The funny thing is that this strikes me as less offensive than telling a business owner what he can and can not allow on his property; but the problem with that logic, is that these fucktards wouldn't be able to pass this type of legislation if they hadn't already laid the ground work with very "reasonable" work-place smoking bans that have left property rights in this country in tatters. So I'm not OK with a government telling me I can't smoke in a public park. They can go fuck themselves.

More from a separate piece in the Times, discussing citizens potentially policing new smoking regulations.

In Bryant Park in Midtown Manhattan, a sleekly dressed woman, teeth clenched in barely suppressed rage, asked, “Is it illegal?”

Informed that soon it might be, she grudgingly snuffed out her cigarette in the grass: “The last time a government endeavored to keep people from smoking, it was actually Hitler. You should look into it.”

A smoker nearby who was approached with the same request marveled, “You came all the way over here to tell me that,” gesturing to the sea of empty lawn chairs around him on a cloudy day.

Amid a tide of resentment, only one young woman, eyes crinkling in a friendly smile, immediately complied. “I can go farther away if you want,” said the woman, Claire Delmas, 29, a financial consultant. But maybe she did not really count. She was from Luxembourg.

It was a sort of “Candid Camera” experiment, inspired by the suggestion of city officials that Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s proposal to ban smoking at city parks, beaches and outdoor plazas would be enforced not just by the police and parks agents, but by ordinary citizens asking other citizens to do their civic duty to just stop smoking.

God bless the reactions of most of the smokers -- but if the general idea of empowering some random asshole to go around telling people to put out their cigarette doesn't make you want to want to give up on society, then I don't know what will.

Via Reason.

Annoying Shit In the Workplace

2010-09-15T14:13:00.005-04:00

Allow me to vent a litte...

1) What the fucks the deal with office cleaning people? I've documented my run-ins with a particular lady (Who's since stopped working on my floor. There's a real chance that I had something to do with that.) who made it a habit to disrupt my shits as often as she was able to. Now I've got this fat cleaning guy who pounds on the stall to see if anyone is there when he comes in for his afternoon cleaning session. Scares the shit out me, especially when I'm watching streaming porn on my phone with ear buds in.

Here's a thought -- Ever think to look under the stall doors? Most people aren't double amputees. You should be able to see feet.

2) I need an office chair that isn't made out of super-odor absorbent fabric. When I lift my ass off my chair my nostrils are greeted with a smell that is a cross between cat urine and human shit. My ass and chair are causing a hostile workplace for the rest of my body. And probably my cube mates. Not cool.

3) Holy fuck I'm tired of douchey IT manager types. Why is it that IT managers are 10x more douchey than other managers in the office? And that's not easy. Most managers are in fact real big douchebags, but IT guys take it to a whole new level. I've got one (not my manager, I don't work in IT) who tries to fist bump me in the hallway. The dude is 40 years old and severely overweight. I'm only fist bumping you if I've just made fun of you. Otherwise please put your fist away.

4) I received an email from a senior director with the subject "Dick Hug". It was about a guy named Dick Hug. Not annoying, but funny.

5) My cube is in a hallway. I'm expected to do work in a hallway. It's crazy the way we tolerate open office space. Cube walls aren't sound proof. They are 5 ft plastic walls. People lean on my cube walls and have conversations with people in the hallway. So if I have something to say to one of these assholes I stand on my chair and interupt their conversation about their kids school, or whether to go to PF Changs or Panera for lunch. They consider me the rude one. Fuck you. Your the one having a conversation 2 ft away from my desk about pointless bullshit. You wouldn't stand in some one's office and do that would you?

6) I have the slowest computer that has ever been used for a professional purpose ever. If you are my age or younger you can remember computer (or typing) class in high school. Remember how slow those spyware infested machines were? My is worse. I've got a typewriter with a screen. I'll go to minimize my browser when my boss sneaks up behind me and it'll wait until she walks out to leave my screen.

I used to have a great computer. Responsive, quick...all that. Then I started having problems printing to a particular printer. So one of the IT techs switched my computer out for what he called the"intern" computer.

Couple things -- Would that be the first thing you try if you were having trouble printing on your home computer? Go out and replace you computer? Of course not. This guy is an idiot. It didn't fix anything. Also, the intern computer? That's the computer I get? Based upon how little I do at work, I can only imagine how much time the interns at this shithole spend surfing the web picking up god knows what viruses and malware along the way. I've got the computer equivalent of Antonio Cromartie's dick.

TtP Body Cleansing Formula: 4 Days in Montreal, 3 Bottles of Vodka, 2 Cases of Beer, Little Water and No Sleep

2010-08-10T12:56:00.008-04:00

So I was in Montreal for my quasi bachelor party this past weekend. Two words: NEVER AGAIN. Some random thoughts as I continue my week long recovery...

--The Montreal casino is the worst. I've been to lots of casinos in many different states and countries, and the Montreal casino is by far the worst I've ever been in. Of course we still went back...and back.....and back, but we didn't like it very much. We just kept going back because we all have gambling problems. Not the best endorsement.

There's no fucking drinking allowed on the floor. You have to pay for, and drink your drinks at one of the bars. They call it Responsible Gaming. I call it gay.

--If you are looking to VanderSloot an American college student I highly recommend Crescent St in Montreal.

--Addendum to above point: I'm never having a daughter.

--Don't ever take advice from a local about where to go. Case in point: Two people told us to go to this after-hours drug party at a club. SOUNDS GREAT. Followed directions and ended up at a McDonalds in the gay district. Bacon Frommages are not substitutes for designer drugs.

--Strip club recommendation: Solid Gold. Stay away from downtown strip clubs. You want to go to the strip clubs in the sections of town that look more like Baltimore than Montreal.

--Play golf in Quebec. Amazing deals. Half the price of US courses.

--Ran into Phil Ivey at our hotel. Annoyed the shit out of him and his girlfriend. Told him "I grew up playing at the Trop". What a douche I am.

--You should be following me on twitter for great live tweets like this one.

--I judge these debaucherous trips this way: If at the end I never want to take a another trip with my asshole friends ever again, it was a raging success. This fits in that ranking.

--Doesn't quite top the Vegas trip from last year.

--I can't wait to get married.

Seriously....No One Could Be Bothered To Send Me A Link To This?

2010-07-28T13:45:00.008-04:00

It's another round of FUN WITH DOUCHEBAG MILLENNIALS: A very special NYT edition.

I should note that this story is over two weeks old. So likely I'm not writing anything original at this point. This doesn't bother me, because original writing is sooo much harder than you would think and totally not worth it. HARD WORK BLOWS. Now, on to the story...

GRAFTON, Mass. — After breakfast, his parents left for their jobs, and Scott Nicholson, alone in the house in this comfortable suburb west of Boston, went to his laptop in the living room.[...]

The daily routine seldom varied. Mr. Nicholson, 24, a graduate of Colgate University, winner of a dean’s award for academic excellence, spent his mornings searching corporate Web sites for suitable job openings. When he found one, he mailed off a résumé and cover letter — four or five a week, week after week.

Fantastic. Good to see him working hard and looking for jobs. Being unemployed is never easy unless you really enjoy smoking pot, watching TV and playing online poker. But I'm glad to see he's looking hard. It'll probably pay off.

Over the last five months, only one job materialized.

Yikes. It's tough out there for a 24 year old with no job skills or experience.

After several interviews, the Hanover Insurance Group in nearby Worcester offered to hire him as an associate claims adjuster, at $40,000 a year.

Great! End of story. Boy, that was a short NYT article. Not sure I understand the point of it though....Oh, wait there's more...

But even before the formal offer, Mr. Nicholson had decided not to take the job.

Rather than waste early years in dead-end work, he reasoned, he would hold out for a corporate position that would draw on his college training and put him, as he sees it, on the bottom rungs of a career ladder.

HOLY FUCK, THIS KID IS STUPID. I have a job, with 5 years professional experience and pretty handsome beard, and I wouldn't turn down a job that pays $40,000/year. That might make me pathetic, but at least I'm not living with my mom, RIGHT SCOTT?

Let's hear from Scott's grandfather. I'm sure he has some grizzled war veteran advice like, "Grow a sack dipshit. Be an adult and take a job you don't like"

“I view what is happening to Scott with dismay,” said the grandfather, who has concluded, in part from reading The Economist, that Europe has surpassed America in offering opportunity for an ambitious young man. “We hate to think that Scott will have to leave,” the grandfather said, “but he will.”

Oh God. This guy is worse than his grandson.

It's like this family has lived next to power lines their entire lives, and instead of the power lines causing cancer or some shit, they cause extreme douchbaggery. They should sue somebody or something.

While Scott has tried to make that happen, he has come under pressure from his parents to compromise: to take, if not the Hanover job, then one like it. “I am beginning to realize that refusal is going to have repercussions,” he said. “My parents are subtly pointing out that beyond room and board, they are also paying other expenses for me, like my cellphone charges and the premiums on a life insurance policy.”

If by "subtly pointing out", Scott means his parents have smashed his cellphone with a mallet, or have ordered a hit on his life, then I approve of their tactics. Otherwise they need to stop being subtle and throw him out of their house and force him to make it on his own.

How about Scott's college educated friends? What are they doing?

“Going it alone,” “earning enough to be self-supporting” — these are awkward concepts for Scott Nicholson and his friends. Of the 20 college classmates with whom he keeps up, 12 are working, but only half are in jobs they “really like.” Three are entering law school this fall after frustrating experiences in the work force, “and five are looking for work just as I am,” he said.

Great. It's a fucking fantastic sign of things to come for our country when things like "Going at it alone" and "earning enough to be self-supporting" are "awkward" concepts for COLLEGE GRADUATES.

And what's with this bullshit of jobs they "really like"? I hate my job. Other people hate their jobs. It's called work for a reason. You have a job so that you can make money to do fun things like golf, pay for drugs and gamble.

Basically, I'm saying that people like Scott need to find addictions and dangerous habits to fill the void left by meaningless work. WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD.

“As frustrated as I get now, and I never intended to live at home, I’m in a good situation in a lot of ways,” Scott said. “I have very little overhead and no debt, and it is because I have no debt that I have any sort of flexibility to look for work. Otherwise, I would have to have a job, some kind of full-time job.”

Yes you are in a good situation...YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK. Scott is basically a retired old man at the age of 24. What a gig. I'd love that shit.

Scott said, “and then I worked hard through college to graduate with the grades and degree that I did to position myself for a solid job.” (He majored in political science and minored in history.)

I majored in political science and minored in new testament textual criticism. I have no defense. I smoked a lot of pot in college, had a great time and never thought about my future career prospects. I have no clue what Scott's excuse is, but I can say with 100% confidence that neither I nor Scott positioned ourselves for a good job.

I'll leave you with a bleak look into Scott's future that includes unheard of jobs like "bartending" or "temp work"
/shudder

So he struggles to get a foothold in the civilian work force. His brother in Boston lost his roommate, and early last month Scott moved into the empty bedroom, with his parents paying Scott’s share of the $2,000-a-month rent until the lease expires on Aug. 31.

And if Scott does not have a job by then? “I’ll do something temporary; I won’t go back home,” Scott said. “I’ll be a bartender or get work through a temp agency. I hope I don’t find myself in that position.”