Touched By A Monkey

A fine book by Mistry

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 02:28:00 +0000

I finished Rohinton Mistry's A Fine Balance today. Monkeys are mentioned. Poetry, too. Neither is a large part of the story (though monkeys play a larger role than poetry). If you haven't read this book yet, you should do so. It's really one of the best works of fiction I've ever read. If you're one of those people who roll their eyes whenever they see an Oprah's Book Club sticker, get over yourself. Seriously.

Jane Goodall on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:55:00 +0000

Jane Goodall was the guest on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart last night. Needless to say, chimps were discussed.

"The full range of chimp emotions is the same as ours," Goodall told Stewart. "It's exactly the same. They have a dark side, they have a bright side. I've worked with chimpanzees in the wild for nearly 50 years. They don't bite off our faces. They're not meant to be in homes. They're wild animals."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Jane Goodall

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

More information, including info about Goodall's Roots & Shoots program, can be found at JaneGoodall.org.

Oh, and if you're wondering what to get me for Christmas this year, this is it.

Just monkeys

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:08:00 +0000

Humans aren't the only creatures who think, "No fair!"

Lil Wayne documentary preview

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:48:00 +0000

in which Lil Wayne says something largely inaudible about poetry.

Seriously, put the cough syrup down.

Via Videogum.

The Onion: "Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla"

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:28:00 +0000

"Although [David] Seaborne never let on to friends or coworkers that he was desperately fighting for his life with a violent primate, many suspected that something was wrong."

Poor guy never had a chance.

"Terrible Poetry Jokes" by Peter LaVelle

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:19:00 +0000

"A man, a woman, and a blackbird walk into a bar. 'Table for one, please,' they say."

This joke and more are yours for the taking at McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Try them out at your next workshop or poetry reading. Sure to be a huge hit. Except for the whole "terrible" thing.

Were your parents awesome?

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:56:00 +0000

While the definition of "awesome" seems to be applied very, very broadly, My Parents Were Awesome is pretty darn addictive.

Bad NASA, no banana

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 14:00:00 +0000

I think someone at NASA has been taking Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" a bit too literally.

Via Boing Boing.

Thanks, Laura, for the tip.

Kirby on Gerstler in The New York Times

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:43:00 +0000

Poet David Kirby reviews Amy Gerstler's new book of poems Dearest Creature in The New York Times.

The review begins: "Look, a poem either sends you a bill or writes you a check."

It ends: "Dearest Creature is an A.T.M. — the letters standing, in this case, for 'artistic thrill machine.' In Amy Gerstler I trust."

There. I just saved you some time. Now go read some poetry (I hear Amy Gerstler is pretty good).

The performance poetry of Suzanne Somers

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:13:00 +0000

Kristen Wiig reads the poetry of Suzanne Somers. (Via Videogum.)

Of course, Garfunkel and Oates did this first.

Video game wagon

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:22:00 +0000

Q: Do I want to play video games on my computer?
A: Not really.
Q: What if the video game was based on the music of REO Speedwagon?
A: That would change my answer to a maybe.
Q: What if that game used primarily very recent REO Speedwagon songs?
A: Please see my original answer.

But hey, I'm not the target audience for Find Your Own Way Home, the new REO Speedwagon video game.

Here's how the game's distributor describes it:

"In Find Your Own Way Home, the player takes the role of Ruby, a hip Hollywood reporter for the entertainment television program, Entertainment Now. For the past few weeks, Ruby has been on assignment with the legendary rock band, REO Speedwagon. On the day the game takes place, the band is releasing their new CD at a star-studded album release party. Ruby is on assignment for Entertainment Now, and as her busy day is unfolding, as she prepares for the nightly broadcast and launch party, Kevin Cronin, the band’s leader, goes missing. The player has the chance to be the hero by tracking down clues to locate the missing star, and getting everyone to the party on time."

Okay, first of all, who does Ruby work for? Why would any TV program that's not being made in the 1970s or 80s want several weeks worth of REO Speedwagon footage? As for the "star-studded album release party," I suspect the "stars" are likely of the Bruce Hall, Neal Doughty, Dave Amato and Bryan Hitt variety. Also, did you know Kevin Cronin's name? You did not know Kevin Cronin's name. Also, can you tell from looking at a picture of him that Kevin Cronin is not, in fact, an old lesbian? You cannot tell from looking at a picture of him that Kevin Cronin is not, in fact, an old lesbian.

I discovered this amazing game via Slog. Here's what The Stranger Testing Department (a.k.a. Rob Lightner and Paul Hughes) has to say about it: "Make no mistake: People will pay money for this. Find Your Own Way Home is like a poem about a dead pet waiting for you just outside Heaven—it means something to someone, even if what it means is stupid."

And you can't fight that feeling.

Parry Gripp: monkey burrito man

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:43:00 +0000

I know I haven't posted in a while, but this should more than make up for it.

First, watch this, which I came across via Videogum:

Then, visit Parry Gripp's Web site, where you'll find the original song (for your listening or downloading pleasure), as well as classic songs like "Chimpanzee Riding A Segway" and "You're a Monkey" and "Up Butt Coconut," which isn't about monkeys, but features monkeys in the artwork (which is done by Nathan Mazur).

Here's the video for "Chimpanzee Riding A Segway."

More videos on Parry Gripp's YouTube channel (or channels, I should say).

And YOU are welcome.

There's no such thing as po' money

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:17:00 +0000

Pictures for Sad Children

Nami Mun is a winner

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 02:25:00 +0000

The 2009 Whiting Awards have been announced, which means a bunch of poets and writers got $50,000, a prize that basically drops into their laps from heaven.

Most exciting is that my friend Nami Mun is one of the recipients. Her novel Miles from Nowhere was hands down the best novel I've read this year. I am very proud. If you haven't read her book already, you're doing yourself a disservice.

Poets who snagged an award: Jericho Brown, Jay Hopler, and Joan Kane. I am not familiar with any of the work, but extend my congratulations anyway, as I always like when good things happen to poets.

Chimp grief

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:36:00 +0000

Xeni Jarden posted this National Geographic photo on Boing Boing as proof that chimps grieve. I'm already a believer, but this helps reinforce that.

I think some of the comments on Boing Boing are quite funny ("I too would like to be pushed past my mourners in a wheelbarrow" and, "Grief, or animal curiosity? Don't anthropomorphise these creatures, they hate that"), but some are quite callous, and also very telling, I think. Perhaps chimps have more heart than humans.

The full story behind the photo is on the National Geographic blog.

Thanks, Laura, for the tip.

Ain't no homage like a pumpkin homage...

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:27:00 +0000

No doubt William S. Burroughs would be touched.

Via Boing Boing.

Thanks, Laura, for the tip.

The acrostic poetry of Arnold Schwarzenegger

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:20:00 +0000

It's hard to write an acrostic poem that doesn't sound forced. After all, the goal of an acrostic poem is to spell something out with the first letter of each line, which means the poet sometimes has to stretch things a bit and use language that ends up sounding a little off.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's little acrostic contained in a veto letter to lawmakers is no exception. Each line is arranged in order to spell out the oh, so subtle "Fuck you."

Nice.

Read the whole story at the Huffington Post.

Thanks, Laura, for the tip.

"Band" rhymes with many things but cool is not one of them

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:28:00 +0000

If only all local commercials were like this.

You can nominate your favorite local business for the chance to get these guys to make a commercial for them. Rhett and Link explain it all in a video on their web site. And, proving that poetry and monkeys are forever converged, Link is wearing a Planet of the Apes shirt in the video.

Via Videogum.

C'mon ride the train, and ride it...

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:15:00 +0000

I'm not exactly a Precious Moments connoisseur, so I never knew they made anything other than those creepy tear drop-eyed children with the Bible quotes inscribed on them. But apparently they do.

Behold the wonder that is the Precious Moments Birthday Train. From birth all the way up until age 16, you can buy that special child in your life something they'll eventually have to dust.

Number 15 is a gorilla.

Because I can't think of anything a 15-year-old would like more than an addition to the Precious Moments Birthday Train their grandma started for them before they were even conscious and that they were probably forbidden to play with until, oh, now, at which point they'd rather be sexting their friends.

Retro ed videos proof of evolution

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:21:00 +0000

Now out on DVD: How To Be A Man, a collection of short educational and instructional videos from the 1940s through the 1970s.

As John Thompson writes in Metro Times, "Looking at these shorts, it's quite obvious men developed from primates."

There's also one for the ladies.

Now go buy them for me, please.

Heath care costs, 19th century German poetry, and you

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:17:00 +0000

This American Life's "More Is Less," an episode on America's health care system and its rising costs, features 19th century German poetry. Really. (It's a small part, granted, but it's a part).

Pond scum for brains

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:43:00 +0000

A confluence of events today. As I walked through the diag at the University of Michigan on my way to teach my class, I passed by a small anti-animal testing protest which consisted of a few students, a dog crate that some guy was trying to squeeze into, and a poster with a monkey on it. A student handed me a flyer which I accepted but, admittedly, did not read.

At the same time, all three of my classes were turning in their rough drafts today. Rhetorical analysis. Fun stuff (actually, I really think that. It's an essential skill for any literate person). For their essay they were to choose from three Frontline documentaries, including one called My Father, My Brother and Me, which is about Parkinson's disease and includes a scene of monkeys in a lab of researchers trying to find a cure.

And then I get home and read in Wired about optigenetics, a type of gene therapy using algae and light, that shows promise for treating Parkinson's. In the article, researches do testing on rhesus monkeys.

I am, in principle, against animal testing. I love animals. I don't eat them. I hate to see them harmed. I am part of the anti-cruelty set. But, man, I am also super against Parkinson's. And if a cure can come from all of this, let's just say I'm not going to crawl into a dog cage over it.

"Craft" and "crap" share a lot of the same letters

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:41:00 +0000

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I'm talking laugh so hard you almost start crying and for a second think you might throw up and then wonder whether or not you're actually laughing or having a psychotic episode. Regretsy is a compilation of terrible handmade goods and art offered for sale on Etsy.com alongside hilarious commentary. Keep in mind, I like Etsy very much, but I am in love with Regretsy.

And what do you know, I found poetry and monkeys. There's the Michael Jackson sock monkey, blue jeans with verse written on the inside so you're never without reading material in the john, and a couple of other items that reference poetry in the commentary.

Searching for other monkey and poetry related Etsy tragedies to submit to Regretsy should keep me busy for quite awhile.

Chick or treat

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:24:00 +0000

Well I know what I'm handing out to Trick-or-Treaters this Halloween. Nothing says, "Happy Halloween" like Chick Bible tracts!

"Big Daddy?" is about how evolution isn't true and how anyone who believes in it is a condescending prick and all it takes is a little Biblical wisdom to dismantle scientific knowledge. And then your fellow college classmates ask you to help them get into Heaven. Happens all the time.

I remember getting these in my bag while trick-or-treating when I was a kid. They were the equivalent of getting pennies or Starlite mints. Worse than Smarties, even. But now I think they're kind of cool. They're like little fanatic artifacts. (In fact, I have the"One Way!" tract around my house somewhere. It's a strange story about personal hygiene and "God's love gift"). And I don't care if people give them out at Halloween. After all, if you're going door to door asking people to give you stuff, you can't really control what people give you (which is why the police station scans candy for razor blades).

On the Chick site (and they're called "Chick" tracts because the guy who writes and illustrates them is Jack Chick. Sorry, nothing to do with the ladies) there is a list of "Halloween Chick Tract Usage Ideas," many of which are funny in a sad way. For instance: "Leave Chick tracts at Costume shops." Yes, slip a few into the Naughty Nurse outfits or some packages of Sexy French Maid stockings.

They also suggest you "Hit the streets, shouting, 'Free comic books!' You'll be swarmed with requests." I think there should be more instructions with this suggestion. For example, are they saying to just do this on Halloween or every day? Should you wear a costume? What do you do when the swarm realizes you aren't actually handing out comic books? And "the streets" is a pretty broad term. Do they mean just your street? Maybe a busy street in a public place? Or maybe by "the streets" they mean somewhere rough, like the inner city. If so, how do you deal with panhandlers and crackheads who don't accept tract currency? I don't really feel like the Chick people thought this one through.

Of course, while it's easy to dismiss the tracts marketed to children as harmless propaganda, some of their tracts are really hateful, like the rabidly anti-gay "Doom Town" and "Sin City" or the anti-Muslim "Who Is Allah"?" (one of several tracts created just for black people), the anti-Jew pro-Israel "Somebody Angry?" and the anti-Catholic "Evil Eyes" and "The Death Cookie." The way Chick draws Jews and Arabs, with exaggerated facial features and ugly expressions, is an especially nice touch.

Happy Halloween!

"Don't look now, there's a monkey on your [face]"

dwit@umich.edu (D'Anne Witkowski) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:06:00 +0000

Step away from the face paint. This guy has dozens of these videos. About a half dozen are monkey related. I can't explain it. I guess it'd be best to just let the artist (his term) speak -- or, not speak, I guess -- for himself.

But wait, there's more! Monkey with Cymbals! Flying Monkey! Planet of the Apes! King Kong! Sea Monkeys!

And I assure you, the monkey-related ones are the least frightening.

Via Videogum.