Touchline Dad

Mirror.co.uk Top 10 Fat Footballers

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 13:25:04 +0000

YOU may remember we turned the spotlight on fatty footballers some time ago asking Who Ate All The Pies? Admittedly it's a bit unfair, especially taking into account the extra couple of pounds I've put on since my hey day. Our friends at Mirror.co.uk have been equally unfair with their Mirror.co.uk Top 10 Fat Footballlers.

Robbie Keane £20m Transfer: A Big Gamble for Rafa Benitez and Liverpool FC. Is He Worth the Money?

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:17:52 +0000

LIVERPOOL fans are holding their breath over the signing of Robbie Keane. He's a good player, possibly a very good player. The former Crumlin United (Dublin) striker may even blossom into a world class player alongside Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres. And, there's a strong argument that Torres needs a fleet-footed playmaker snapping at the heels of defenders. Comparisons are already being made between Keane and Dalglish. For 'King Kenny and Rushie' read 'Keane and Torres?' Hmmm, we'll have to see...

Joey Barton: A Poor Example to Children

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 12:06:13 +0000

SERIAL thug Joey Barton slipped out of Strangeways Prison, Manchester, into the arms of Kevin Keegan. Keegan, a decent bloke who believes in forgiveness and redemption, says the Newcastle player deserves a second chance. No. Barton has had plenty of chances to prove himself and he's done just that. He's a violent tearaway who sets a poor example to young people. By giving him a second chance, Keegan is showing every child that violence can bring rewards.

VIDEO: Stephen Warnock's 'Chewy' Prank on Riise

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:40:05 +0000

STEPHEN Warnock pulled off one of the oldest playground pranks on John Arne Riise - and thanks to YouTube the Norwegian may struggle to live it down.

It's Showtime! Harlem Globetrotters Hit the Target

Sat, 17 May 2008 08:35:56 +0000

THE Harlem Globetrotters are surely the greatest entertainers in world sport - alongside snooker trickshot king John Virgo and that table tennis guy with mirrors and combs concealed in his bat. I'm being ironic about the last two. This Saturday morning is all about slam dunks, flip shots and dribbling in our house after Jack's visit with his cousins Alice and Michael to the Globetrotters at the Manchester Evening News Arena last night. I've not even had my breakfast (c'mon Gaffer) but already I'm familiar with names like Showtime, Sweet Pea, Buckets, Handles and Slick. Oh, and Moo Moo...he's cool.

'Mary Mary' Turns Jack into a Model Evertonian

Fri, 16 May 2008 18:02:55 +0000

JACK is following in the footsteps of David Beckham and David James by doing a spot of modelling. Unlike Becks he's not dressing in a skirt (sorry sarong) or, like Jamo, featuring in a grandstand-sized Armani poster on the wall of a building in Milan. Instead, he's posed in his Everton kit for children's illustrator Mary Yoxall-Hannigan who is branching out into the lucrative children's football market.

Fair Play: Losers Can Be Winners

Fri, 16 May 2008 15:01:10 +0000

MANCHESTER City get drubbed 8-1 on the final day of the season and have a man (Richard Dunne) sent off. Dunne was the team's fourth red card of the season - only four teams have a worse disciplinary record in this regard (Blackburn, Chelsea, Fulham and Reading). Man City's reward? A place in the UEFA Cup for being England's fairest team in the Premier League. For the record Everton had the least yellow cards in 2007/8 with 40, six less than Liverpool in second place and 11 less than Man City. Tricky one to explain to kids. Lose. Cheat. And you might just win...

VIDEO: Liverpool Top Ten Goals 2007/8

Thu, 15 May 2008 08:23:34 +0000

LIVERPOOLFC.TV are generously offering a free link to their 'Top 10 Liverpool goals of 2007/8.' It's had Jack's nose glued to the computer screen. Without giving too much away, the compilation highlights the pace, control and potency of Senor Torres. I remember speculating in the close season about Torres being another Ian Rush. At the time, I thought it may be optimistic, bearing in mind he'd never kicked a ball for Liverpool. If he retired tomorrow, Fernando Torres would go into the club's history books as one of Liverpool's greatest strikers, although some would say you're only as good as your last trophy. Take a look at the top ten by clicking here. Feel free to comment by posting a message below. Anonymous or pseudonyms are fine by me.

VIDEO: Greatest Ever You'll Never Walk Alone?

Wed, 14 May 2008 07:40:20 +0000

HOT on the heels of the Fernando Torres song in its full Kop glory, here's some stirring stuff to help Reds block out Chelski's trip to their fatherland with Ronaldo & Co. I thought Anfield stadium announcer George 'It took the biscuit' Sephton was going to cry at the end...

Kop That! Stevie G Grabs The Headlines

Tue, 13 May 2008 21:06:39 +0000

THERE'S a famous anecdote about George Best lying in his hotel bed with Miss World, surrounded by discarded champagne bottles, awash with banknotes from a lucky night at the casino. The bellboy stands in the doorway and, with a heavy heart, asks: "Where did it all go wrong, George?" You've heard it before? I know. My point is...if you're going to make the headlines, do it style. So what does Steven Gerrard get caught doing?

Top Ten Finish in Fantasy Football

Tue, 13 May 2008 07:15:14 +0000

LIKE Rafa Benitez my fantasy football season was pretty much over by Christmas. In the hurry to get my team registered in August, I'd picked some donkeys including Gary Speed, John Terry, Micah Richards and Didier Zokora (where did that choice come from!!).

May 18, 1968: Astle Fires Brom to FA Cup Glory

Mon, 12 May 2008 06:29:48 +0000

IT was 40 years ago that Jeff Astle went down in Everton club history - as the man who stole the FA Cup. Just three minutes after the 1968 FA Cup Final had staggered into extra time at 0-0, up popped centre forward Astle to bag the winner and break Evertonian's hearts. He didn't know it, as he gnarled his Farley's rusk, but 13-month-old Adrian Chiles was enjoying one of the best days of his life. The day belonged to Baggies. Young and old.

Gerrard and Pienaar Top Study of Most Assists

Sun, 11 May 2008 10:32:43 +0000

YOU may have expected Mikel Arteta or Tim Cahill to top the table of Everton's goal providers this season based on their creativity over the last few years. You may also have expected them to chip in with 20 or 25 goals between them. If they had, the Blues could have been been nudging Arsenal for third place, never mind Liverpool for fourth. However, the stats for all matches reveal, it was Steven Pienaar who is credited with the most assists (14) behind Arteta (10) and Cahill (4). Here's the full list (up to May 11, 2008):

Scrubs: Everything Comes Down to Poo

Sat, 10 May 2008 10:03:55 +0000

HI! Jack here. Dad's gone to the tip...again (I'm sure he's got a floozie in Bootle) and he's left Touchline Dad logged on. I know his password anyway. It's Sally James. "Aaaaah Sally. Them were the days," he sighs as he cranks up. Does he get paid for this self-indulgent twaddle? Christ, he writes some tosh about me. And, who's The Gaffer? Poor cow.

Top Tips for Tip-Top Touchline Dads

Sat, 10 May 2008 07:21:13 +0000

DURING my 18 months as a touchline dad, I've been privileged to become pals with some good people, while sharing the line with some of life's losers. I have been uplifted by acts of camaraderie and kindness one moment; crushed by incidents of thuggery and abuse the next. I will reserve further comment for a piece I'm working on (crikey, I sound like Antony Gormley) about the 'Tyrants on the Touchline.' Believe me, I've seen some dislikeable, dangerous people stalking the line. Screwballs who shouldn't be allowed near children.