Toward Consciousness

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 13:56:00 +0000

spirit first

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 17 May 2008 02:49:00 +0000

while i have been absent from my toward consciousness site, i have been posting at Spirit First.

april 15, 2008

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:26:00 +0000

today is a day of celebration, as it is every year on april 15. today i paid my taxes, and i give thanks that i am able to do so.

during the past several years i have found april 15 is not a day to complain about being required to give to the irs something of what i have earned, but rather it is a day to take joy in having had another year of making a living, of working, of receiving in return for my labors. there are many around the world who would envy the position i hold.

and so it is that when i sealed my envelopes today for the department of the treasury and the comptroller of maryland, i breathed a prayer of thanksgiving. i am given many gifts, and being able to pay taxes is one of my gifts.

(a special thanks to my tax lady Diane for helping make it happen…)

photography by permission
cindy lee jones

thank you, Jon

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:22:00 +0000

thank you, Jon, for your gracious response to my apology for my long absence. i have been teaching every day of the week these past many weeks but now am returned to working at home. i am very happy to be here. thank you for your gentleness and acceptance of my inconsistency in writing.

stargazer lilies

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 12:10:00 +0000

every day i am witness to a miracle. every day i am witness to new petals opening up to the Universe in glorious vulnerability, beauty, and faith.

the fragrance of lilies fills my home, wet and earthy and heavy in the air.

i breathe deeply.

i drink it in.

i keep this flower next to me because i love it so, and it has become for me a symbol of my own opening up, my own readiness to receive, my own willingness to trust. every morning i begin my day in silence and in reception. and all day i breathe the fragrance of flowers that remind me.

what a beautiful gift these flowers in my world.

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 12:04:00 +0000

i am sorry for my long absence, and for my many absences.

i have been teaching these past weeks and am doing so seven days a week (this will continue for one more month). life is busy, but good.

thank you for being here, for being part of my path and part of my world. let us continue our struggle together in our efforts to be awake, to be aware, and to be alive.

thought for today

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 13:40:00 +0000

Life does not accommodate you; it shatters you. Every seed destroys its container, or else there would be no fruition.
~ Florida Scott-Maxwell

photography by permission

marc goldring

peaceful warrior

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 04:15:00 +0000

the world holds many gifts, gifts that feed us and warm us and entertain us, but sometimes among all those gifts is a jewel that shines more brightly than all the others, a treasure that fills us and guides us. i have found such a treasure in the movie peaceful warrior, the story of dan millman and his teacher socrates. what a beautiful, unexpected gem this film is for me.

i saw this movie today (never even knowing about it until today); i will watch it again and again, adding it to my own library.

one of the lines in the movie reminded me of a discussion in my past several posts. dan comes to socrates with an insight claiming anger, hatred, and violence are only products of fear, and i realized he gets it! anger, hatred, and violence, when distilled, are proven to be merely expressions of fear. (this is not the theme of the movie, simply a single statement.)

i hope you will love the film as much as i do.

guest house

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 11:46:00 +0000

a practice that has had profound influence on helping me reduce fear and anger in my life is the practice to accept and welcome each, not resist it or hate it or deny it. i learned this concept first from a speech by Thich Nhat Hanh, and i have continued its practice. i talk to my fear or anger, acknowledge it and say hello, even thank it for its gifts (for everything has a gift, and even fear carries some kind of protection or help even if it is misplaced and even if it hurts more than it helps). i welcome this voice at the table and give thanks and somehow in the acceptance, the potency and the sting are diminished and then the fear or anger is dissolved.

i like the words of Rumi that seem to speak on this same idea....

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
--Rumi

photography by permission

graham jeffrey

fear, continued

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:55:00 +0000

a few days ago i started discussing love and fear as possibly our only two states of being, with every emotion emanating from one or the other of these two states. (it is important that we stop and feel whatever we experience to know if it is fear-based or love-based.)

during the unfolding of that writing, i began to sense fear as all coming from one of two: fear of not being good enough and fear of being alone. fear of success, fear of failure, fear of public speaking, fear of losing a job, fear of losing a lover...every kind of fear seemed to me to come from fear of not being good enough or from fear of being alone.

after further pondering, though, i narrowed down fear of not being good enough to being simply fear of not being enough.

fear of being alone then also begged being narrowed down to fear of not being enough (after all, if we learn/know we are enough, how can we be afraid of being alone?). so i began to see all fear being distilled to the fear of not being enough. all fear, every fear, has a foundation of our being afraid of not being enough. or so it seems to me.

but i failed to include a particular class of fears, and that of the fear of physical pain and fear of death. for some, this class of fears is overwhelming and crippling. this kind of fear might not be so connected with the fears that underlie our attitudes and behaviors and interactions, but it is a present fear for many nonetheless.

for me, i am becoming more of who i am meant to be as i explore each of my own emotions and actions as coming from a position of love or of fear. and in realizing those things with a fear base representing a fear of not being enough, i begin to deepen my understanding that i am enough.

it's kind of funny how it works, but it works. and i become ever less fearful. and ever more grounded in love.

paradox

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 10:09:00 +0000

the minute i see myself as being arrogant,

i at once step into greater modesty.

the minute i see myself as being humble,

i am immediately less so.

i walk a razor's edge.

photography by permission
graham jeffery

love and fear

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 17:20:00 +0000

it seems to me that underneath every emotion and every practice, we have one of two states of being, and all that we experience stems from one or the other. those two states are love and fear. some may suggest love and hate but it doesn't seem to be so. we experience love or fear.

in my beginning efforts to understand my own emotions, i began to practice observing them and uncovering them at deeper and deeper levels. in considering anger, i looked more deeply and found hurt, but beneath the hurt i then discovered fear. can we have any emotional pain without fear being underneath it?

looking at my own tendencies toward procrastination, i found fear as its roots. studying arrogance, or depression, or the need to please, the need to be perfect, the need to be right, or the need to be in control, i found fear to be its base.

being afraid can come in the guise of fear of not being good enough or fear of being alone. until just now i had not thought about their being only two kinds of fear so now i'll need to ponder that too. we could suggest the fear of being wrong--but fear of being wrong has beneath it the fear of not being good enough (if we know the truth of our perfection, which is far more than being good enough, then we have no fear of being wrong). we could imagine the fear of getting hurt, but then the "getting hurt" that we fear is tied to fear of not being good enough or fear of being alone.

now then, it seems to me our work is to recognize and to acknowledge each expression of our fear, and allow it to transform into love. i begin by saying what i am afraid of, aloud, quietly and alone with myself. if i need to, i say it again and again. something about recognizing and acknowledging immediately begins the work. i begin to accept my fear and in the accepting, it begins to change.

love, then, seems to be the only thing that is not fear. and love is the source of everything beautiful, everything strong, everything good.

photography by permission

cindy lee jones

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 14:05:00 +0000

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your life depends on it; and when the time comes, to let it go.
~ Mary Oliver

attachment and resistance

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:33:00 +0000

Gautama Buddha once said: "i teach one thing and one only: that is, suffering and the end of suffering." and what causes this suffering? he answers this question in his Four Noble Truths: "the origin of suffering is attachment."

i’ve been considering my words recently that resistance is the cause of stress, always the only cause of stress (see post on stress). i’ve given this message often while teaching stress management but only now have i considered its connection to the Buddha’s words. while “resistance” and “attachment” sound like two very different things, it seems to me the Buddha and i are saying something similar. i am saying the “resistance to letting go” of something (which is attachment) as well as the “resistance to accepting” something (resisting something we believe we do not want so we are attached to an opposing action) are always and only the cause of stress.

resistance is not the natural order of the Universe, not the natural flow. and when we practice resistance, we suffer stress.

photography by permission
cindy lee jones

Christine Kane

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 04:04:00 +0000

i have fallen in love with new music, the sound of Christine Kane. she's young, beautiful, brilliant, funny, smart, spiritual, and honest. in addition to playing and singing, she writes a thoughtful blog and hosts occasional women's retreats (which are quickly sold out). she is a joy, and a gift to the rest of us. you can find her, and listen to a sample of her music, at her website. her tagline is wise counsel and an example of the light she lives: be creative. be conscious. be courageous.

introducing Spirit First

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 03:58:00 +0000

i am honored to introduce you to my dream of an inclusive meditation center, a quiet sanctuary with beautiful gardens and labyrinths nestled in a wood. you can read of the unfolding of this dream at Spirit First.

stress

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 10:25:00 +0000

for several day i have struggled with how to put my thoughts and my spiritual viewpoints into words to put onto these pages. i've spent my life working on figuring out my spiritual path and now i struggle to put it into words. please forgive my fumbling in doing so.

i started our conversation about stories, about narratives, because frequently people from my audience come to me seeking help for stress management, sometimes people who are overwhelmed with extreme stress, and i find it difficult to offer help without building an understanding of how we live our story based on our beliefs. a corporate seminar break does not allow me the depth of conversation i would like to have.

what do we tend to believe is the cause of stress? traffic? difficult people? money problems? other things? the truth is, there is one cause of stress, only one, and always the same one. resistance. resistance is the cause of stress.

i am not saying resistance is a bad thing—i’m not even saying stress is a bad thing (i spend enough time in the gym to know that without resistance or stress, we would never develop strength). i am saying, though, that resistance is the cause of stress, and if we want stress management, we must know its source.

here is a simple example: last year my sister-in-law died and i grieved her death (for i loved her very much). one might say i grieved because she died, but the real truth is i grieved because i did not want her to be dead (resistance to her death). it is important to distinguish the difference. her death simply is, and simply is what it is. my resistance to it is what causes my grief.

every time we feel stress or pain, we can ask ourself the question, "what am i resisting?" and we then decide if we want to experience it or not (i chose to experience the grief of the death of a loved one but i choose not to grieve the loss of a job or the loss of some material thing).

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 10:20:00 +0000

photography by permission

cindy lee jones

stories and emotions

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 10:17:00 +0000

sometimes people get upset, sad, or angry, and then, claiming there is nothing they can do about their emotions, they say, "i can't help how i feel. it's just the way i feel." emotional reactions become something automatic, outside control.

sometimes someone will even say it is another person who makes him feel sad, makes him feel small, makes him feel unworthy (which, of course, then makes one into a victim). "you made me feel bad."

over the years i have come to deeper understanding of emotions, and i have learned that everything comes from what we believe, even our emotions. emotions come from our story, from our narrative.

it works like this...when i am driving down the street and another driver cuts me off, my response might be anger or even rage, and i may claim my anger is caused by the other driver's behavior. however, it is not the other driver's action that causes my anger, but rather it is my belief that the other driver is wrong that is the cause of the anger. the action (what happened) is simply what happened. my belief is the cause of my emotion. imagine the same scenario but this time i was cut off by a friend rushing to the hospital to save the life of a child. i believe cutting me off was important for so urgent and valid a need and i am not angry. the action is the same but the belief is different; the action is considered to be acceptable under this circumstance, and the emotion is different.

every time you feel an emotion (negative or positive), i ask you to go deeper and seek within, "what is the belief under this?" take all other parties out of the formula.

the beauty of this is that we decide how we feel by choosing what we believe. (i understand, of course, that changing our beliefs takes some work!)

stories

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 11:40:00 +0000

i have a story. you have a story too. it goes something like this….

a little girl is born (this much of the story is true). a little girl is born and she is told her name is katie (the name katie is not “true,” but is simply something that is being applied). she is told her name is katie and she is a smithsmart. she is told she is an american. she is told she is a christian. she is told what it means to be a smithsmart, what it means to be an american, what it means to be a christian, even what it means to be a girl. she is told lots of things, some things by the people around her and some things by the voice in her own head. she believes she is strong, or she believes she is weak. she believes she is smart; she believes she is stupid. she believes she is pretty. she believes she is ordinary, or plain, or ugly. she believes she is better than other people, or she believes she is lesser, or trashy, or poor. she believes she is a good student, a good employee, a good boss. or an okay one. or a bad one. she believes what belongs to her. she believes her house is hers, her land is hers. she believes what she believes.

everything, though, is a belief. everything is part of the story. we are living our story, our narrative.

the truth is that each one of us simply “is.” I AM, and everything else is a belief. diana christine is merely a name given to me at my birth, just a label by which to address me. american is simply a brand attached to me. everything i have believed since my birth is part of my narrative. everything you believe is part of your narrative.

and we need a story; we are here to play out a story and learn something from our narrative.

our problems arise when we become overly identified with our story, when we become attached to our story, when we believe our story is truth. we become stressed, we become depressed, and we become confused.

i am not here to suggest your story is not important, that it is not worthy of your best efforts. after all, your story gives a reflection of what is on the inside of you and provides a map for what you need to learn and how you need to grow. but i am asking that you recognize it for what it is, a story, and not “truth.” and i am asking that you spend some of every day in detachment from and observation of your story and your beliefs.

in truth you are whole and complete and pure. you are good. you are strong. you are beautiful. you are perfect.

so now, let’s bring that part of the truth into your story.

beautiful photography by permission

graham jeffery

eat pray love

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 12:39:00 +0000

during my travels of the past month i read a marvelous treasure. eat pray love. in between my many classes and studies, i read. i read while cramped in the middle seat of an american airlines flight, i read while soaking in a jacuzzi in a conference center hotel in las vegas, i read while sitting on a balcony under a bright sun in atlanta, and i read on a cool mountain ridge in the shenandoah valley. i read about italy and laid the book down, and then busyness kept me from getting to india until a week later and indonesia another week after that (it really won't take you a month to read the book). sometimes i cried and the people around me pretended not to notice and looked away. i cried a lot but laughed, too, as i followed elizabeth gilbert’s wondrous journey. liz gilbert shares with us her torment, her longing, her searching, and her coming into being. she is honest and vulnerable and very real as she takes us into her struggle and brings us into her light. what great joy eat pray love is to me—thank you, ms. gilbert, for such a beautiful gift as this book.

a man in atlanta

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 11:54:00 +0000

i’m in atlanta. last week i taught a course in las vegas, and this week i am in atlanta.

on sunday morning past, i walked about to explore my temporary neighborhood for where i might find fresh fruit, brown rice, tofu, or steamed vegetables (i don’t often find these in my lovely hotels). as i was walking about, a man approached me, and as soon as he caught my attention, he begged me to hear him out. “please,” he implored, “i am not a panhandler, but i need to ask you something.” i smiled at him and listened. he explained his situation of being diagnosed with pancreatitus, now needing to have a prescription filled and finding himself $6 short, thus needing my help. “i am not asking you for the entire $6, just something to help with part of it, and i will find others to help with the rest.” he explained that due to his condition he usually could not work, that he was subject to bouts of nausea and vomiting. he was as nervous as my conference attendees will be today when they must present a business case to finish their course. his hands were shaking and he was breaking into a sweat and had to pause for a moment to compose himself before he continued. “i have the prescription here so you can see….” he held out a piece of paper to me. i didn’t have my glasses on and, well, i didn’t need to see his papers anyway. where has it ever been indicated that the Universe’s request for generosity and an open heart needs to be supported with proof or documentation? i didn’t need his papers. i had in front of me an opportunity to be kind, generous, and loving. i quietly reached into my handbag and pulled out a ten-dollar bill, folded it into a tiny bit and slipped it into his hand. (i didn’t think it needed to be apparent to others walking about that i was helping this man; he was embarrassed enough to be asking for help.) oh, my goodness, he was so grateful and so shocked i thought he was about to pee his pants. tears filled his eyes, a rush of words ran from his lips…he explained that he had just asked for help from church people leaving their morning worship service and they had chastised him, told him he should be working, that he should not be begging. he was humiliated and devastated to be shunned by church people.

there are those who would respond to my story by asking me how do i know he was telling the truth? how do i know he won’t spend the money on alcohol or drugs? i don’t know. and it is my understanding that i don’t need to know. my work on my path is to give to the poor; his work on his path is to use wisely what is given to him. i am called to be loving and open-hearted. i am not commissioned to be his judge.

the man said he will not forget me, not for as long as he lives. he said it is my smile, and my acceptance in listening to him and not pushing him away, that he will remember the most. and you know, i believe he is telling the truth. he will not forget that on a hot day in downtown atlanta, for a moment he was heard and accepted and given to. he will remember.

surrendered

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 02:07:00 +0000

perhaps my greatest courage is in my moments of surrender to the present moment, surrender to what the Universe has for me, surrender to what wants to be, and opening to it joyfully and expectantly.

i would love for life to meet my expectations; i would like to be everything i ever wanted to be--be as good as i've wanted to be, do wonderful things i have imagined, have beautiful things i have dreamed of. i've worked hard, struggled, tried to pay my way. but just when i think i can figure things out, make it all come together, i feel my intuitions calling me to greater surrender, greater letting go.

not letting go in a way of giving up, but letting go into trust, expectation that the Universe has far more to offer than i can ever come up with on my own. surrender is only part of the work. the other part is in being open, expectant, and receiving. perhaps it is the greater part.

my meditations now are to hold my openness to the Unknown, and hold it with surrender and expectation.

i will let you know how this unfolds....

the path

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 01:38:00 +0000

finding our way is the purpose of our path.

“If you see your path laid out in front of you -- step one, step two, step three -- you only know one thing... it is not your path. Your path is created in the moment of action. If you can see it laid out in front of you, you can be sure it is someone else's path. That is why you see it so clearly.”

-- Joseph Campbell

photography by diana christine

taking in light

noreply@blogger.com (diana christine) — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 16:39:00 +0000

it's a simple act, really, yet profound. my friend plucks a tomato from her garden and hands it to me and i take a bite.

it's not the kind of garden you might be envisioning, just a few bits of basil and parsley and tomatoes in between coleus and lamb's ear and morning glory in the front yard of her suburban home. but no matter its unlikely setting, the tomato is a rich, ripe offering from the earth.

the juicy bite is hot, still resonating with the brilliance of the sun, and i suddenly realize i have just taken in light.

tell me, can anything i buy in a supermarket give me this?

photography by permission

cindy lee jones