Towards Nothing

The solitude of solace.

2014-02-06T19:50:00.001+00:00

A screaming silence dawns in my thoughts, the painful awareness of irrelevance is pushed through, numbing my existence. An impairment only possible to the unimpaired of thought. Solitude is more than a word or a feeling, it is a state in which we sometimes we take solace. The faint comfort of being just with ourselves gives us a glimpse of relevance. This mythical relevance of the promise of belonging to this world in some way or form. I truly wonder if the glimpses of this place provided by our lives is there to gives fuel to live or to taunt us while we pass. Life is more than just thoughts, and yet these are my only refuge in times of pain. It is strangely comfortable to shield the pain and yet inside you see only yourself and your own pointless existence, which merely validates the reasons why you find yourself in these thoughts.

Not really sure how to feel about it...

2013-04-20T02:23:00.002+01:00

As you get better at writing, it becomes increasingly hard to write. just wanted to say that to start a post that has no real direction. I have to admit for starters as well that the driving inspiration to start writing is Rihanna, somehow this song touch me in a way that made me want to say something back to the universe. Round and around, we go... It is obvious that I am listening to it while writing this. For me the song is about myself, not sure how to feel about it, but I do want me to stay. Not in a place or a era, but I want to stay me, somehow I feel it is kinda slipping away. This stupid kid that thought himself as better than everyone else. A one of a kind kid with endless possibilities. That is the funny thing about potential, if you have very little there is very little you can feel you wasted. It sounds redundant and it is in fact, why formulate such thoughts. Life is what happens when you are busy thinking, and yet one cannot stop himself from doing it. At least I can't. This is one of the reasons I like playing around with the idea of being a farmer. The reason why i fantasize of living in a different era, where technology plays a smaller role. I wonder what sort of potential this kid would have grown into. Don't get me wrong I like this version of me, my knowledge, my abilities, and yet wonder on other versions of me. i think I am diverting, the biggest issue is me wondering if I am still true to myself. Playing scenarios allows me to see more of myself, or at least i like to think it does. It is funny how I can say some truth in the mix of a bunch of bullshit (true in its own way, but...). The sabotage factor, saying simply what the problem is would be too open, so i just use words to make it more complex that it is... The simple fact is a song that questioned me "not sure how to feel about it?" About me, do I have something to prove to myself? Or to others? How can I feel nostalgic about something I know I am. The perfect sense of a lyric made to talk about love, and yet I feel it clearly as introspection of myself. Funny things, I guess it is the horoscope syndrome, if you say some generic things people will fit it to their life. And yet I can see the duality of this song I see its intention, but that is not what it makes me feel. Ohh well, "not really sure how to feel about it", but I do want it to stay, perhaps it gives me a glimpse of the feeling attached to "the reason I hold on".... Enjoy....

Killing God... and the rise of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? I will stick with Jedi master :P

2013-02-24T01:57:00.002+00:00

Today I was checking Facebook and a person status stated "Trying to understand "God" is like being back in high school and hitting my head against a brick wall.". Well for those of you that know me, you understand that I would have to post something. I checked of few of the comments to see what the issue was about. It was and pretty much about an essay on why monotheism is better than polytheisms considering the premise that god or gods do exist. Of course I had to state:

“One can look at it as a natural progression, first we killed all gods except for one, and now we are progressing in killing (some already did) the last remainder of this illusion. God is in the unknown, and with knowledge comes its natural demise, this is true now has it was for the Greeks... It is just simpler to kill gods when they are responsible for something, as opposite killing a god that is always hiding in the next question. Thus, why the one god concept is still with us...”

It is interesting how the construct of a single god can evolve and keeps eluding finding its place in the next big question. God created men. Unless man has evolved, in that case god created evolution, which in turn created men. So actually god created men, just a bit more indirectly than originally stated. It is easy to see that the death of god is in absolute knowledge, and since the premise of achieving absolute knowledge is an absurdity (despite it being more probable than the existence of such being as god is portrayed) , one will never be certain of its death. And yet, one cannot be certain of nothing really, so the it is quite simple some believe in god, some in the flying spaghetti, others that in a far, far away galaxy there is this little green alien with pointy ears called yoda who is a master Jedi…. I like this Jedi one, the idea of the force seems more plausible and yet still absurd…

P.S.- This does not cover religion, that would be a huge can of worms. Still quite simple to address considering it is easier to debunk religion, whatever it may be, than the concept of god :P

A small change on the way to what might come...

2013-02-22T03:17:00.001+00:00

So today I decided to make a small change in look of the blog. Was not really on the posting mood and yet I kinda need to post something. Even if what I have to say is not really relevant, or maybe even stupid. I decided to go against the quote "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt". I was never one for silence, and yet my silence in past times has been quite loud, at least for those who have the ability to look beyond what is there. I digress and this is not a post for this, this is a shallow post, one of the shallowest, at least from what I can remember.

What can be a shallow post? I am glad you asked, or didn't :P It is going to be about shoes! Well don't leave yet there is a reason for this. First let me clarify that by shoes I mean trainers ( snickers in the US), I hate shoes. So I saw some I really liked, and decided to take my girlfriend to see what she thought. Before you ask why? Well I don't like spending money on me that much so a bit of validation does help :P. She also liked them, so I asked for a pair. Unfortunatly they did not have it in my size. Because I liked i decided to order them online. So far so good. I know they are a bit flashy, but everybody seems to find it funny flashy. I still like them so guess what don't care :P But it did got me thinking why is it not appropriate to wear trainers in all situations, I mean if I have a orange and pink tie that would be OK for formal wear, why are trainers any different... Anyway leave me or thoughts on my new pair of trainers or on this if you so choose :)

Am I Back?

2013-02-11T02:11:00.004+00:00

Hello world! It's been a while. Quite longer than I expected, specially because time pauses for no one. A lot to tell you about, considering I did not even post anything when awarded my PhD, so now I am a doctor, so you can trust my wisdom, or not, but know that now I have a fancy title to go with my meaningless words :P

I decided to write something to establish a more concrete thought process, and you the world will always be there, either real people, or not. As always it is words for the void, being that I don't expect reactions from the void, but if the void provides reactions that will be most interesting :)

I am in a stage of my life that is quite intriguing if one would see from the outside, I am old, or lets say older for my ego not to be bruised too much, but yet don't feel it. I am supposed to be wiser and more mature, and yet it all seems the same. It is like music I guess, you can't really see what is old or new so long as you grew up with it, or pay close attention. Think about it, if you hear something from the 60s, 70s or 80s, of course not counting the things you listen quite a lot and consider timeless, you think this sound is from that era. However when you think about your era, so when you started to really listen to music all seems like one big era for which there is not characteristic sound. This is of course and illusion, the 90s had a sound and the 00s had a sound, maybe the 10s doesn't yet :P

I guess it is hard to see evolution when you live with it, I am sure it is there, and yet not, I listen to stuff from the 90s, it is part of me, and yet if I am honest I don't listen to it that often. Think about it, it is mostly reminiscing of some time it the past, it is great you still relate to it, but you simply don't have it always in mind. We are our past and present, but in all honesty I think the past is what brought us to the present, meaning what made us who we are, it is nice to think of the path but most of the time one simply walks to the next thing. We don't let go of the past, we carry it with us, but we cannot forget to keep moving since time stops for no one.

But what does one do when the notion of where to go is not clear from its past and present...

Hey ya...

2011-07-25T22:35:00.000+01:00

Let's all say it, HEY YA...

I wander the internet as I wander in life and find these pieces of truth from the collective wisdom of masses... It is funny how wise the masses can be at times...

Helmsman - Homem do leme

2011-07-12T01:35:00.000+01:00

Navigating my thoughts away in the vastness of youtube songs, I had to share this one, a favorit of mine from time to time it reflects a lot of me, or what I think at times... The problem is it is in portuguese so here goes a shoot at translation hope you like it :)

Alone in the night
A ship sails where to?
A light in the dark shines straight
overshadows all others.

And more than a wave, more than a tide...
They tried to arrest him, impose him a faith...
But, drifting at ease, breaking the sorrow ("Saudade" does realy translate)...
goes the one that fears nothing any more, goes the helmsman...

And a will to laugh, is born for the deepest of our being...
And a will to go, depart and run across the world,
life is always lost...

In the depth of the sea
lie the others, the ones who remained there.
In grey days
eternal rest they found there.

And more than a wave, more than a tide...
They tried to arrest him, impose him a faith...
But, drifting at ease, breaking the sorrow ("Saudade" does realy translate)...
goes the one that fears nothing any more, goes the helmsman...

And a will to laugh, is born for the deepest of our being...
And a will to go, depart and run across the world,
life is always lost...

In the depth of the horizon
a murmur blow, where does it go?
In the depth of time
the future escapes, and it is too late...

And a will to laugh, is born for the deepest of our being...
And a will to go, depart and run across the world,
life is always lost...

Some food for thought...

2011-07-08T23:30:00.000+01:00

Or thoughts as food... Here I am another day of soundtrack navigation and I must say I had a weird and very tangled path to get to where I am today... I see it crystal clear today, the funny thing is I could see the sliding doors moments when they where occurring which makes my life a mix of my decision and a set of circumstances, well so what? So is everybody else's... Today I will do one of those things that I love to do, which is to speak but not really say anything, and yet saying it all... I can see now as I could see then the impact of my decisions... I am a moral men, even though I play around and joke a lot about things, my decision have always been guided by a very strict moral code, funny enough I did do got it from anywhere in particular, it is unlike anyone else (or so I like to think, yes a bit arrogant I know) and yet it has forced me to make decision against my better judgement based on what I wanted at a given time... Time is funny, it does put things in perspective, not that I did not see the perspective of the impact of what I did then, but simply I could not see where I would be because of it... It is easy to see doors closing, things evolving when you know them... The hard part is to try and start from scratch new paths in life... It is the roads that are not yet built for you to take them... The real unknown... Funny I divert my words to get away from the point of the past and bring them to the point of the present... In fact I don't want to speak of the present, the past is so much more nostalgic and provides me such a weird feeling of comfort to accept who I am, a person that has brought me to where I am today... The moral compass for its good and bad has provided me with a path which has marked me deeply and provides me with memories of things, events and decisions that even though they are not shared, I know for me that I did what I should have and the rest was just circumstances which provided the filling of the blank possibilities...

An interesting medley of a couple of my favorite Adele songs :)

2011-07-01T07:23:00.002+01:00

Just found it on my through the night navigations, I have come across this guy with other covers it is quite good... Enjoy...

Is blogging dieing?

2011-06-29T00:49:00.000+01:00

I am again on one of my wondering music navigation nights, check my multiple emails, even the ones I never checked, and thought that I should write something, inicially I was on facebook, so I thought maybe I should do a status update ( for the first time ever :P ), and that got me thinking people are more concern with all their contacts that they care less and less for blogs, finding thoughts of people that you have to search for? I mean come on just check facebook, there is a world of thoughts, photos and gossip and of people you actually know :P

Well I am being ironic, I thought once of posting my blog on facebook, but they I wondered why? If someone would really want to know about me they would ask, or find the blog anyway...

I think the time for blogs as passed, it got somehow incorporated into social networks...

Today it is all about the network, who you know, not so much what you know, people can be as interesting or uninteresting as they want, but if more people press the "like" bottom well those are the thoughts that all will follow... Just another one of those thoughts I decided to share, have a good one...

Navigating the night away...

2011-06-28T03:29:00.000+01:00

Today I feel unease, nostalgic, not exactly, it is just of those nights, tried to sleep... couldn't... One of those nights that in a film of your life requires a soundtrack, and guess what, it helps to navigate through youtube finding the next piece of the soundtrack. Not sure if it is just me, sometimes I like navigating youtube to think about life, the funny thing is today is less thoughts but more feelings. It is like I have the need to match my mood to songs, and yet there is no song pattern, it is like my spirit is all and nothing in one single moment... Not sure this makes much sense, but then again didn't start a blog to make any sense... Just another piece on the weird combination of topics on this blog...

The song at the moment is from my past Bush - Inflatable, at a given time of my life this song meant hope, actually hope at a time I felt hopeless, funny enough what started as a break with the past to look at a future, became a symbol of past destruction, something forever attached to one of those people I am sure I touched and who touched me, but yet is a mere memory of the past, a feeling that you get when you listen to songs that were soundtracks for episodes of your life... Episodes that define you, and yet seem to simply be there as a feeling not a real lesson learned kinda thing. At times like this I wonder if we are just what we feel and we find words and logic to justify simply that... And just like that the song has stop, time to navigate somewhere else...

Bryan Adams - Everything I do, well what to say for this one, from a time where I was learning what music was, were the lyrics started to make sense, when this concept of liking a girl came to past... The first kiss, the first heartbreak, my first girlfriend if you can call her that at a age of 11, and yet I did, and lived at the time thinking I felt the lyrics of this song... And yet, that is not really the case, but hey I was 11 give me a break... The memory of all of this under the most romantic umbrella and the first hint on how hard would be to find a match for such a moral kid, already full of himself and all knowledgeable about what relations should be and trust in these relationships. Long story short, she questioned my commitment because of a rumur started by a guy that liked her and I broke up with her on the spot, I know quite dramatic for an 11 year old, but I was kinda of a dreamer... Still am in many ways... And the song stop, time to navigate further and yet not sure I should share more...

Meredith Brooks - What would happen if we kissed, a song from a pivotal point in my life, mine and a couple of other people, a clear sliding doors moment, where I could see several paths in front of me... I wish I could say I made this choice completely alone, and in a way I did, but I have a clear notion that the slightest difference would have produced a different outcome... A time where I thought I knew what I wanted, and yet knew that it would destroy a lot of who I am... The simplicity of a kiss for others, has always had a different tool on me... I remembered this because I was a moral kid and I managed to remain a moral man regardless of circumstance... Despite of this not being clear for all in my life, but then again who is fishing for recognition... The guy with the blog... Well I only have a blog because this sort of thing would remain in past time only with me... And another song is pasted...

I will continue navigation but I am tired of writting for now... Not that anybody is listen... From me to the world, take care and catch you next time...

The forks in the road...

2011-06-22T19:36:00.000+01:00

Life is funny at times, the things that you think are holding you back are simply excuses that you have to justify your inertia. The interesting thing is how much we hold back even without these excuses, we simply avoid thinking about it. The time to move on is at least for me clear, in the past it was clear and now it is again, and yet it gets harder and harder to actual perform changes. What we lived is like a weight that increases with time making change harder and harder, regardless of your overview...

Overdue update

2011-05-16T08:05:00.000+01:00

Hello world, I've been meaning to post something for a while now, but the extra time I thought would have did not really materialized. So two big news, the main is I submitted my fucking thesis so now I am only waiting for the viva, and hopefully I will be a doctor, not the kind of doctor that helps people, but still a doctor :P

On another news, just got back from Cornwall where I did my Day Skipper practical course, which means I can chatter (rent) yachts, so I am licensed in a way for yacht skippering. Funny enough I though it would be a holiday like course, but it was more like a military regime week with a lot of exercises, a lot of repetition, which at the time made me wonder if it was worth it. Now in insight I think it built up my confidence and I can see myself easily taking a yacht out with no worries...

This is it for an update, there are a lot more stuff happening at the moment but I wanted to post first these major news...

From the depth of darkness...

2011-03-01T06:26:00.000+00:00

In the deepest darkness, even the smallest light will shine... Or something like that, a nice quote from one of my Geeky Tv series. I got reminded of it since I am literally in the dark with only my laptop, so not that small the light but still... Funny enough this is a darker light since it represents what I dread the most these days, but lets not go there... As usual a lot has happen but no real motivation to put in words, I mostly feel I blog is slowly fading away... Which I guess is related with how I feel... In any case I will not go down without a fight so I am sharing my thought from the morning... First let me set up the scene, yesterday went to bed at 5 AM and woke up at 8. Well maybe 8 30 :P can't resist the dammed snooze button ( the devilish invention :P ).

As you can imagine I was tired and I was about to have a day of meetings, which I must say make the day feel pointless and tiring... But I leave my thoughts about meetings for another day... Funny enough I charged my MP3 for going swimming in the weekend and add this year Christmas selection ( this year I did not post it here, but hey if you want it ask :P ) so today I used it instead of the mobile for music. This actually made my day, the fact that I started the day with the stupidest corniest happy song, that I still have in my brain right now... I would share but I am afraid to spread this disease :P

And the moral, well it is the little things that make up life, be on the lookout for them or risk not living ;)

From the land of small duvets....

2011-01-22T20:10:00.000+00:00

Long time no see, it is funny how time flies. Well after a series of bad news in conjunction with a set of bad circumstances, where Murphy was the key narrator (yes, the one from all the "nice" laws) I didn't feel let's say too motivated to write here. In addition to the fact that I had to stop writing my thesis for a while (should be able to restart in a couple of weeks). Anyway that is on the background, the usual apologies for my absence, so wide open internet, my dear routers and servers that allow my words to stay on for posterity, I am deeply sorry. As for all the others, well either you know me and I suggest picking up a phone, or you live in the north pole and come out once a day for the joy of little children all over the world. In either case, I believe the big numbers for my apology is the technology that supports my blog, so here you are a series of random characters for you to store.

Well I am in the land of small duvets, for a week now, and will be here for the following 2, and you might be asking yourselves where is the land of small duvets, and more importantly what the f*ck is he talking about ( notice how nice I am by not writing fuck :P). So I get to the hotel, check in, the usual bullshit form, etc. Then go to my room again normal room, the bed is somewhere in between a single and a double, which is fine. The duvet was folded on top of the bed so you don't realise it at first, but when I when to cover myself I realised it the duvet is smaller than the bed, weird I thought, in fact it is smaller even if I am not under it. This might seem like no big deal but I move at night so you have space in the bed to move but you get out of the duvet, get cold, wake up... You see the problem. So the next day I casually introduced the topic to some locals(for those who don't know me, casual is my middle name, followed by the PI (political incorrect) :P ) and found out it is normal here, imagine that. I immediately thought these guys are genius they save on a third of the fabric :P. The locals where like, yes we did notice that when we go other places the duvet is bigger but never made much of it... How weird is that?

In their defence it is my god knows time in this place, I noticed it before but my humour did not made me do much of it either. So I guess my humour is quite affected these days...

Anyhow, I am going under the duvet know and be very still so not to be could, changed hotel and the heating on this one is not that strong, and smaller bed, and guess what? even smaller duvet... Ridiculous... :P

P.S.- I bet you can't guess where I am, unless you already know... :P

The sadness within...

2010-11-22T15:45:00.000+00:00

There is a lurking sadness within us, the potential to feel down, some might say the dark potential of feeling down... It is an intrinsic part of who we are, in one way or the other, on some more evident than in others... Despite its dark and bad connotations, people's sadness is one of the biggest sources of inspiration, just think about how many sad songs have touch you in one form or another, and think about how many happy songs do you actually know... Sadness is bad, and yet we hold some sort of fascination for it, it is like it is something we don't like feeling but like staring at... We understand its beauty when we don't feel it, and when we do feel it? Well, then it consumes us... Old myths come to mind, the guy that flu too close to the sun... In reality we normally jump in and out of sadness, not in a controlled manor, but it is like there is on most of us a balance of how much we endure the sadness before we jump out of it... We find ways to comfort ourselves in it, normally using the results of sadness on others (music, poems, films...)... Sadness is something you feel at your core, it is always there, but sometimes it simply cannot be ignored... Or... Or...

Sadness is a modern invention for people with too much time to think about things that are simple... In fact depression is a form of permanent sadness only present to those who don't really have to fight for their survival... At the end of the day, you have within what you are, and nowadays can anybody that has access to this blog really say they are not the result of their society... Can anybody say beyond a reasonable doubt that they are not a mere result of modern times, modern living, modern cravings... We are what we choose to be, however that choice is very driven, and thus not really a choice... In the end I am one of these mere results, we the need to think I am special in some way or form, and thus feel the need to go to my sadness within to inspire the worst states where I come up with dark shit like this, that may or not make sense... Well at least I can write from the dark places in my head, good or bad, that is something....

Does Anything Happen at Random?

2010-11-18T17:09:00.002+00:00

The other day I came across a very interesting talk about probability if you have time I definitely recommend it... You might see quite different ;)

Talking out loud...

2010-11-16T20:29:00.000+00:00

I've been working heavily on my thesis, which drains me from writing in the blog. Nevertheless I thought I could talk to the blog, try to make a coherent text of my speech. This natural language to is quite interesting, however it's not very useful for writing a thesis since it requires a lot of rework after you dictate the content. Still quite useful for blogging since you don't really care to misspell something or if the logic is correct, or if it's in the right place. I have a backlog of posts that I wanted to write, I can't find it in the strength to do it, on the upside I did write the titles for them, so I won't forget to write them in the near future. I just want to say hi, still alive, still breathing at least, all in all not bad but feel that. It's funny how you can know that you aren't bad, but still feel like crap. A friend of mine told me yesterday that he doesn't read my blog because he feels it's too depressing, which might be true actually. But as the last event whatever frustrations of the day I have, plus not like I have that many followers anyway, hopefully I'm not making anybody depressed. If I am, well, you shouldn't feel depressed life is great, life is what you choose to do with it, and if you choose to do a PhD, well it's only for a few years. Now the rest of your life still happy and to be fair it's only the last year that really takes to energy out of you, until then actually quite a nice experience. Like I said I don't when really, find out what you want to do with your life and be happy, if you aren't happy that means that whatever you're doing is not right. So take a leap and change all I can say.

P.S.- Written using natural language, so might contain errors ;P

Writing a post in natural language

2010-11-13T19:10:00.000+00:00

hello world, today I'm not writing but dictating to the computer and seeing what comes up. It is surprisingly quite accurate system and I've only trained it in the first instance. It is remarkable how far technology has come in and understanding the way we speak. Most people are not aware of the system and are not aware that they could use such a system, in fact I can see this as a great substitute for certain secretaries that do mostly nothing.

You just have to speak and give commands and this actually interprets everything like nicely. I'm not correcting it in on purpose so you seen the limitations of this software. In fact it's not done on the previous line had a problem but you can still understand the content of the message. And you have to still bear in mind that I only did the one training exercise in fact this has quite advanced exercises with very elaborate text. Another thing that you might consider is that I'm talking fluently and not spelling each word. Again it has some bugs but I'm quite impressed by the software if you're using a proper microphone. I have tried this in the past using a rubbish microphone and it didn't give me any results so don't underestimate the power of a good microphone. Hopefully all of this makes sense because I do not checking all the words that I've been ordering written.

This is just an interesting post for me, and it shows the potential of technology if you know how to use it. I think that that's one of the biggest limitations that our society has. Most people have no understanding of how to use technology or even have the smallest notion of its potential. So I find it quite remarkable that peoples still say that we to progress technologically, when in fact if we use the technology available to us right now we would be already in the far far future.

Thank you for listening, and in this case it's really listening because I haven't touched the keyboard ( well I mostly didn't but sometimes I spoke out of turn in the software product wrong, but hopefully it gives you a good impression on this software with minimum configurations to your voice and your speech).

"I believe in me"... (or do I?)

2010-11-11T22:56:00.001+00:00

Bravely I look further than I see, knowing things I know I cannot be, not now... I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is and there's something right in front of me and I...

Touch the fingers of my hand and I wonder if it's me, holding on and on to theories of prosperity, someone who can promise me: "I believe in me"...

Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I'll be, time has fooled me into thinking it's a part of me.
Nothing in this room but empty space, no me, no world, no mind, no face...

Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it's me, holding on and on to Love, what else is real?
A religion that appeals to me, "I believe in me"...

Can you turn me off for just a second, please, turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless, vacuum state of peace....

On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...

Wait for me, I'm nothing on my own. I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now. I'm so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real, and as long as you're in front of me then I'll watch the fingers of our hands and I'm grateful that it's me, holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...

What is harder, to write or to edit?

2010-11-10T20:13:00.000+00:00

Well today I have a pragmatic topic, what is harder to write or to edit? Well, the immediate response is writing, but is it? Writing is very hard it is creating something from nothing, it requires a specific state of mind, creativity, inspiration, art... It is funny but writing is as much about art as it is about content.

Creative writing, this is what we need to produce when writing a thesis, at least in my field... It is as much as the way you tell the story as it is about the content. And I reach my point, the problem is writing is mostly about the content, the editing part is the one where you do the creative writing, restructure, cover holes in the story, put more content, shift things around, etc...

Funny enough, I think writing is harder, to start something is always harder than to change something that already exists (well maybe for programming with certain code this is not true :P). I have more respect for editors though, you don't need great inspiration, but you require a lot of art, and it takes longer than what you envision... In the end of the day, shaping something to look go can be harder than to create something...

I am a ideas men, this means I have loads of ideas about any given topic, when I writing I tend to have a lot of things in mind, and these things don't always transpire in the text. Thus, editing my things does take a lot of effort from me, and honestly I find it has hard as writing... But in a simpler way... Not sure this makes sense, but editing is as hard as writing but more straightforward, simpler, as writing is more complex but less caring...

Well what is the moral of the story? Anything related to writing or editing is hard... Funny enough blogging is easy... I wonder if the difficulties are content related! ;) (everything is clearer for the things we like doing) ;)

The repulsor field...

2010-11-09T15:21:00.001+00:00

Well as you may or may not know I am doing a PhD. I am in the writing up process, and I must say it is the worst part of the whole thing. It puts your self confidence, your intelligence, your coolness, your nerves, your emotional state (and for a guy to say emotional state bears as proof of this) to the test... And you inevitably FAIL the test. It is a marathon with good days, e.g. good km, but in the end you always break, you hit the wall like the marathon runners call it. The invisible wall that you feel is there but isn't... The wall of questioning why you are doing, why don't you quit, why doesn't it work, why doesn't it make sense (after all you wrote it), the series of why's that cause the seed of doubt...

I once thought I was one of the smartest persons in the world, well if you feel like that do a PhD... You will never say that again... It is a process that makes you lose yourself, what defines, you... I have no idea what I am doing any more... I am revising a chapter that my supervisor made comments on, and I feel utterly lost about it... "too descriptive", "too vague", "too much detail on simple concept", "not enough detail", and in the end I can't even read the content any more... It is a battle against an invisible wall, and you fight yourself, your feelings, your thoughts to do it, but this only makes it worst, and the feeling is enhanced you you ultimately feel like shit... And when you do, I promise you, smart is something you don't feel.

In the end of the day it is a humbling experience, but too destructive, at least this is what I feel now, people tell me after they finish that it is liberating and you are better built for dealing with the world... Honestly that for me is bullshit, but a PhD provides you with the basic tools to justify even the stupidest of things in order to make some sense given a set of conditions, that may or not be true :P...

In the end you listen to people saying, well doing a PhD was good because my reality is/was__________, but I can see why it wouldn't make sense IN ACTUAL REALITY ;P

And in case you think this is just me enjoy the PhD comics about the repulsor field, it is self explanatory....

The Catalyst, a long overdue Linkin Park post...

2010-11-07T00:33:00.002+00:00

Hello world, so yesterday was not able to write anything because I was away, in a Linkin Park concert, which remind me of a lot, including the fact that I should have wrote something about one of my favourite bands new album.

But first let me say the concert was great, has any Linkin Park concert you feel the energy of the people around you, even in england where concerts tend to be a bit calmer... The concert had a big mix of songs, new, old, older, eldest :P. In fact I didn't actually realised until now that is has been more than 10 year that I am following this bands career, and connecting to their lyrics in one way or another. I have say for a while for me, Linkin Park are the one of the greatest poets of modern times... Their music does reflect the extra feeling that I think poets wish they could add to their creations...

OK, I am a big fan, so the hot topic is the new album, well hot and hard topic. To be honest I listen to it three times and I still have no opinion about it. It is not bad, but I can bring myself to say it is good, or anything else for that matter. It is simply different, like some sort of weird experiment, while there are some thing I really like it in, other I simply don't get. Because I am such a big fan of the band it is hard for me to just say it is not good, I think it is too experimental, to a certain extend it seems overworked, over thought. A proof of this is the music catalyst can be found on youtube the various versions, and some are better than the mix in the album. I feel the band doesn't want to be labelled as a certain style, but in the fight against this I feel they lost whatever made the perfect combination. Again brilliant poets, but the mix is lacking something to make it work. To be fair the single did grow on me so maybe the album will as well, I haven't been in the right mindset to give it more chances... So in conclusion a great band can always experiment a little, specially with a performance like this...

Feeling this song live does put it into perspective, in a way the band focus more on wider social problems instead of personal and individual ones. I am of a slip mind on this one, I think they should do what they feel is right, but without trying to be too activist about it, I think in the end of the day they should help people think and not direct people's thoughts. I think that is what made them great in older albums... Again not throwing a punch a that band, love them, but I think to the point and back to basics is better... I think we lose a lot if they don't, it is not for their sake I say this, but for our sake...

And again would not miss a Linkin Park concert, the amount of energy you feel and release, the purest trip across the last 10 years of my life where their music has been always present, and it provided the soundtrack for majority of major events... Well like Linkin Park said "It starts with..."

Even the smallest light shines in the dark...

2010-11-04T18:00:00.000+00:00

This is one of those sentences that makes perfect sense but would rarely come to mind. I heard it once, in some lost movie or tv series, and thought "how true".

Well today this came to mind, has I was taking walk in the darkest part of my mind. It is funny that we normally use the dark tunnel metaphor for explain how we are in the dark, how we feel lost, disorientated, without a centre... And we say "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel"... Well I have been saying this for quite some time, but in searching for the light at the end of the tunnel you seem to dismiss all the little lights that might give you comfort along the way. The tinny glimpses of light(hope), and you only focus on the fact that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel... Stop walking and make a light it will make you feel something different, maybe not better but at least feel something different.

The darkness path is long and hard, but there are always little things that will not be dark and cold, the question is how can we use them to make us feel better. At the end of the day, this all makes sense, but do we notice the tinny lights? We are just too focused on the dark, and even if for a instant we remember that even the smallest light shines in the dark, we quickly dismiss it and the dark engulfs us into total darkness...

There is no such thing as a free lunch...

2010-11-03T18:10:00.000+00:00

Well another day, another story, was considering not even bothering, but I decided to share it with the world...

So I got a nice email, from Google saying that amoung other things "After reviewing our records, we've determined that your AdSense account poses a risk of generating invalid activity.", so translation no more ads for the Blog. There is an appeal which I am sure is there just for show, which I filed. In any case thank you for all who did support the Blog by clicking, on ads that you actually saw and therefore fulfilled the proposed for doing ads. A little bit of sarcasm considering I was given no specific reason for the cancellation, but then again had nothing to start with, have nothing to end with, net result is not negative :P

Well I thought this might be a way to fund my little dream, however how the saying goes "there is no such thing as a free lunch...", even if for a while you think it is free, in reality the carpet will always be pulled from under you feet. Live and learn, in some cases relearn...

I thought I restarted to write this blog for the purpose of supporting the dream, but I fact I like ranting about things, it gives me a bit of purpose in it self, and thus I'll keep on writing, even if I don't do anything towards making people read. So it is a see you latter for me and I guess a goodbye to the ads...

For those who supported the blog, a big THANK YOU, hopefully you found curious things in the ads, plus you made me smile, even if just for a short while...