toxic_myth

Beginner Work out. #ZUZKA LIGHT 'S follower

2012-07-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

since i watched a few videos from #victoria secret's model daily workout.i am so tempted to work on my body, i would love to see progression in my work out system, see how far this GOD's creation can cop up with intense work out. i started training since a few months ago when i discover about bodyrocks.tv, it's amazing! and i also follow ZWOD (host by ZuZka Light) from Youtube. now let's get started. ;) wish me luck! people! xoxoxo

i hate when i can't ignore people wh are not true to me

2011-06-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

i hate it.

let's forget about the fact that these people dont embrace ur good deeds instead brought up such an issue when u can't do what it seems out of ur WILL. it doesn't really matter.

what matter is, u have faith in these people. without saying they should knew it all along.

they dont have to thank you for whatever good things happened between you both. it really unnecessary thing to do, at least for some one like me.

you know someone like what? some one who born the way like her kindness or the best part of her will be translucency despite one big mark of a judgement other people think SHE'S NO GOOD.

and then there's a wound deep on my tiny little heart am i not doing enough? being such a person noted quite importance for your current episode of life. such as maybe friend, maybe close colleague or maybe "we bound because we live here together and no one else fit us better" or maybe when we need something , me or ur name is among the names that come out in our mind in that time..

i dont know what's the definition is. but now i start hoping there's NO definition.

i already told myself, i dont mind what others think about me. i dont mind when u tell people how she is...... she is....., she supposed to be a good friend. she supposed to see me more often or surrounding know that we quite close.. so i'm hoping ...but she's ignoring me...bla bla bla.

i know this is not the exact words that come out from your mouth when u just feel like u wanna spill out something to the ummm common people..i really dont mind even if it is true.

but it feels like that.... just like that...the feeling u cant describe in a word. i lose my respect on you, some of the trust and im quite dissapointed.when i did that. dissapointed with myself not you.

through all of my life honestly, i do really like pretender so much. i think the fun part is, it's lot of joy watching someone faking their ass in front of ur eyes. and u play ur role.. u make it a lot of fun. and let the people see we happy the way we did the faking role play. but now i realize i just dont, because the fun part isnt funny any longer. i need something real.

then, this idea just suddenly shoot my head. no matter how many thousand good deeds i offer people. it will be unnotice. and then disregardly , when it comes to the things "i can't do something they hope i can do, but it's obviously out of my will, and it's consider nature that i can't be in everything PERFECT.

there is the point.. i dissapointed people. people noticed that part.and eagerly wanna make that small thing such a big issue. u brought it up . exposing it let the others know the things that u just found out about me is i'm not really good to you. then people start calculating based on personality.

true that.

seriously i dont give a damn if the whole town think that im no good, or think that im the most suspicious ganster, or im dangerous, or whatever could possibly seems bad on me.

what i really do care is.. why this thing has start with you. i know we dont have anything special definition. and i know we could care less towards each other. we do our own things, but sometimes we together. like , like friend maybe.. maybe for before i feel dissapointed.

im not important for you as i do u. but sometimes we need each others hand just like normal people .like when we need help we asking then if either one of us cant make it, no no i mean if im asking ur help then u cant make it, then i turn to other people who can. is just simple to me as that. TO ME. no big deal..but not to you. u think a bit different.

then i start thinking i would ignore u for many reason. but it's my nature, i ignore most people around and make myself hidden or keep my distance with any ,anyone. so i can concentrate on my self more.MYSELF I REPEAT. then some colleague and friends i give them these small space to fit together completing me. and my daily life.

i dont get it when i try to put myself in ur shoes, how can u feel so eager so wanted to spill out easy to just anyone about ur...umm... NO DEFINITION. maybe it;s not u, maybe it's somebody who cared too much bout u. but no matter what the issue exposed.

im not ur consideration, and im not sad about that. because im happy enough for what we had. but at least i shouldnt trust you so much an d i shouldnt being nice on you not even a bit.

it's a big thing for me, i aware so much. to make nice to just anyone.. and i make some nice thing to people i consider no harm or no threat to me. and for the rest i give them zero. because that's the rest i keep for... when start talking bad bout me.. i can feel nothing. but u're the other case...

u go to my list " watch them closely, and more aware than your enemy, because they tend to stab behind your back'....

end of the story.

i hope after this u will be straight to my list not so a dangerous person i could care less. give them zero.''

i know for now i can't make it yet..but somehow i'll try. because i want to live my life better, no vengeance no hatred. that's my rule..

keep on playing my games. tq

99%?

2011-05-16T02:49:00.000-07:00

99%? how could it be possible?. we're medical student for godsake!. it's 99%. that's how u do it?

sorry, it dont make sense to my silly ears( it just me, im a bit silly). i could manage myself 60% enough to pass with my half body paralysed after that.fooh..and 99%? way too much for me..i dont know what u're doing to your brain, it must be something gifted or trained well , but it just damn!. what are u? what creature are u?dont u see urself as someone weird? i reckon u must've some feeling of being different than the community..maybe. when the whole world moving on and u just stare at one point which is the books. why dont u feel like get ur ass up, being loud, get rough, and noise...loose urself or something? dont u...dont u think it's some part of missing to ur hell routine> how could u do that, it's brilliant..be ignorance. apparate in a world like normal while u're the other thing. u know what i mean. (u dont) no matter what, u're insane lunatic creepy genius. u're still wondrous (maybe u just have to fix a lil on ur face, then there it is.. no no i was just kidding. u're perfect) keep up~

what come may......

2010-08-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not givin' up, no, I'm not turnin' 'round,

By the grace of God, I'll win a shinin' crown someday.

Well, I'll keep holdin' on to that nail scarred hand;

I'm not givin' up, No, I'll keep goin' on.

I've been walkin' through the valley, thru this vale of tears;

At times I've even questioned even if my Lord was near.

Many times that ol' tempter says, "Why not turn around?

You can't get any farther, you're just losin' ground."

But, I'm not givin' up..........................................................

Would you mind to tell me, there's been something bothering me?

Why is it that old devil just won't let God's children be?

You see he has purposed and determined to get right in the way;

And turn us from the way of life and lead our souls astray.

But, I'm not givin' up, tho i'm not givin' in as well~

The jealous mind can be unfair

I hear them make their accusations

come what may

No matter what the people say

I'm never givin' up, not givin' in

If there's the slightest chance that I could win

The battle may be lost, but I can win the war

And get the lovin' back the way it was before

At times it's hard to see the changes

Or read the writing on the wall

We may become the best of strangers

But I'll keep holding on

Until I know my chance has gone

ON THE GOD'S LOVE I DEMAND~~~

2010-04-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

kainku tinggi menyinsing peha mengamankan negara,

apakah kau sekarang tidak lagi eperti dulu?

apakah sudah hilang kasih sucimu terhadapku?

adam.....

marahkah kau jika kukatakan andainya Hawa terpesong ,

maka Adam yang patut tanggung!

Adam kau selalu berkata, Hawa memmang degil, tak mau dengar kata,

tak mudah makan nasihat, kepla batu, pada hematku yang dhaif ini,

Adam, seharusnya kau tanya dirimu, apakah didikanmu terhadapku sama

seperti didikan Nabi Muhammad S.A.W terhadap isteri- isterinya,

adakah Adam melayani Hawa seperti psikologi Muhammad terhadap mereka?

Adakah akhlak Adam-Adam boleh dijadikan contoh terhadap kaum Hawa?

Adam..

kau sebenarnya imam dan aku adalah makmummu,

aku adalah pengikut-pengikutmu,

kerana kau adalah ketua.

jika kau benar, maka benarla aku,

jika kau lalai, lalaila aku,

kau punya kelebihan akal manakala aku kelebihan nafsu.

akalmu sembilan, nafsumu satu.

Aku...akalku satu nafsuku beribu!

dari itu Adam, pimpinlah tanganku, kerana aku sering lupa dan lalai,

sering itu aku tergelincir ditolak sorong oleh nafsu dan kuncu-kuncunya.

bimbingla daku untuk mendalami kalimah Allah,

perdengarkanlah daku kalimah syahdu dari tuhanmu agar menerangi hiudpku.

tiuplah roh jihad ke dalam dadaku agar aku menjadi mujahidah kekasih Allah.

Adam,

Andainya aku masih lalai dengan kerenahmu sendiri,

masih segan mengikut langkah para sahabat,

masih gentar mencegah mungkar,maka kita tunggu dan lihatla,

dunia ini akan hancur bila kaumku yang akan memerintah.

malulah engkau Adam, malulah engkau pada dirimu sendiri,

dan pada Tuhanmu yang engkau agungkan itu.....

(petikan warkah dakwah 1986)

p/s : after reading this article, i wonder is there's any Men still deserve to be called Adam~

sungai besar, sabak bernam= changlun, kedah= mansoura egypt

2009-04-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

my life pawned to fate
throwned up
stranded
isolated
in the huge prison with no end.
i end up found myself
i cant even when i've tried
mom said; life is hard
so i can live a little bit HARD
but not THIS MUCH
it's too hard, TOO MUCH notta "little" not even close
depressive
i repeated myself again n again
i guess this is the fate against me
sungai besar changlun mansoura
why ME??
why it's alway s be me to have this fate
i cant go on ,
i feel like giving up
cuz i know myself well
this is not a good idea to go on and be strong
i tried again to make sure it's possible on me
but i failed again.
i failed myself and the will to try
like i did before
i end up gave up.. and return back home
where the most place i would like to be
this whole life..
i thought
i tried, cuz i thought, i've growned up
strong enough to stand the life alone
but WHY, this feeling drag me down.
22
i hope that i'm
giving the best last shot
cuz i want to win myself ...
in this situation that always become the most
most problem i had in life...
................................................................................

maybe i'll go.FLAC

2009-03-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

you think you've made it

everything is going so fine

but then appear someone who wanna tear you down

wanna rip you off those

few nice things you've found

when and if you hit the ground

then it's falling kinda hard cause all you do is being yourself

trying everything to succeed somehow

but that's not the way things are right now

feeling kinda lost

those reasons those unkind words being expressed

oh, they'll get to you, i promise, one day

but maybe then it's too late for you to say

i knew it from the go, 'cause you know

that's some miles away from the truth

don't forget

hey, what do you think of me now?

am i not like i once were?

still if you don't know me what's the story of this pen?

i guess you're not a stranger

and i can tell you're not a friend

it might take a while but i guess i'll manage waiting till then

then, when you confront me with your thoughts

and you think i don't notice

don't get a bit hurt by what you do

i ask to please think of what i've done to you

please search inside and let me know

if i've done something wrong i guess i'll go

far

hidden

never to be found

just let me know

then i'll go

then i'll go

stopo to point..

2009-03-29T21:43:00.000-07:00

if it is one thing,

a large call memory or many things,

a dark road winding through me,

let up say it is a bullshiitted ..

ive been regreting everyday

regreting and singing them going to grow in one of the precious mine,

or now it is half over my head,

a partially open door..

pain dripping from the dream.

like yours it could be anything,

a hallway that leads to a thousand rooms.

wish that whatever happen to fload them away.,

when i close my eyes and look out a window for more than a few minutes,

so that some days i think,

it must be everything and nothing at once…

and my life is the breeze that blows through the whole scene stirring everything it touches…..

i KiSSED A Girl... NOT My INteNTIoN...(tot just a title from katy perry)

2009-03-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

huhu…. i don’t knoe wut to do with my blog..this is not the location of my feeling….i only come undone in myself, in my heart.(berengset)… i keep thinking wut is blog use 4? and i’m tired to even think about it…=/hurm, what to say huh,the becoming examination are soo close and it didn’t go to waste i think, cuz i’m still alive..hoho. but i’m pretie sick rite now. currently, i’m watching shin chan/dik cerdas, super miang and naughty boy like hell!..haha..i like this cartoon, so cute.okay2, so rite here, through all of the blogs i’ve read, most of them revolve around love and relationships. when i m\ean about relationship, i’m talking bout the one on one kind, urm….sumthing like girl n guy, guy n guy, girl n girl….whuteva it is suits 4. i’m talking bout the relations that rili exist in this world…we call it ‘life’ rite. the straight relationship is common in our daily life, but wut make me wonder,’wut’s the actual thing that turns out this kinda…gay or lesb or bi. i remember, when i was in form 3,i hang out wit one of my buddy who’s involved wit this kinda..hurm lesbo, i’m not shock at all, but i’m wondered.. and sumtyme i do blame my lesb buddy, why she involved wit all of this shit…she told me,this is not the actual thing her heart wanted for.i’ve seen the heart break inside of her,the way she choose to be, the regardless of good or bad, (derw, yela tuh)has lead her here(lesb community..ahaks!) and i just huh, ‘lantak kau ar’… i’m a type of gurl who didn’t care too much bout other people, i just… live my life, love my love..hahahaha…. i used to be an easily trust-giving person before, trust.. trust..trust..haha. until one stage in my life, i’m giving up my trust in… …i don’t know in what, but all i knoe i’m giving up.. my…trust, and start feeling insecurity most tyme as i can’t easily trust. .huh, there’s two type of gurls after they ‘or being hurt, the one who keep trying and the another one who bcome "phobia tic" person,then tend to do sumthing like stupid, idiot things!( no matter what it is). no, i’m not going to talk so much on dis.
why is that, most people just having fun wit sum1 like-minded? could it be possible the loyalty to take place? honesty? maybe this is true, "the teenagers get into relationship to fulfill their lustful desires rather than it being a pure commitment to each others wholistic needs" im totally agreed with this statement…huh, our lives are pawned to fate….nah, the issue is so played, that i’m tired to even think about it.."..people that afraid to face the same experience in the straight relation, r tend to choose the another path (this is really for you) (muslim got ‘imaan’ to prevent this, i still have. hehe)so, for this very fact my dear friends, some kinda bi/gay are not fully hv any feelings towards their own sex, but they choose to be that way untill the true person will come their way. they actually still open their heart,but be fully certain b4 they close it.(thesis 3 roman)so, before they close it, they r still waiting fer sum1 to grab them outa from this………okay2..i know, i know.. i’ve talked so much and i will stop crapping, k…..stay safe and god .bless…i am a normal human being, natural feeling towards opposite sex…heehee….-writer-
[end]
-gooboo production sdn bhd-

2009-03-29T21:08:00.000-07:00

when u hate sum1 u can’t hate

when u be sum1 u don’t know

when u miss sumthing u can’t tell

when u heart sum1 (so much) u can’t feel

when u think about the old tymes,

u think about how great the thing is for you..

but when u think it twice,

u wonder how much u did for them?

when u think n think again,u couldnt find any, u lost..

and when u lost, u cant do anything, u cant move, u stare.

when u loved sum1 which is not rili ”L.O.V.E”. they still think it is LOVE.
on the other side, it just a luv, 4 sumthing they did the best 4 u before, its not sumthing u want from them.
when u keep on blaming others, u couldnt find the end of it. but when u try to look at ur own mistakes, u dunno how to fix it. u think u will b given the second chance, u start a new life, u leave the past.
but the past will remain to be the past forever in you unless u fix it, or else u live with it and all the guilt will haunt untill the tymes u dunno when.
so when u hate sum1 so much, u think u hv ur right to do so, u dun realise how the ‘hate’ thingy is actually hurting urself and make ur life miserable. y dun u just love urself?..
for godsake just LEAVE IT!.

fAKe MysElf.

2009-03-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

bullshit~ creating insanity on yourself to fool others could not make sense at all. somebody once

said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expected a different result. the

result may ruin your life, then u will fix it later. symphaty~ will not show ur right. it is

unnecessary to be right all of the times, but its alright to be always kind. claim

for the forever doenst mean anything, but take thing as it comes and goes is something.forgiveness~ can be said

or written, it cant be mean with honesty.

I AM TOO PROUD OF MYSELF, WHEN I DO,..THEN I'VE DONE MY VENGEANCE..HIHIHIHAHAHAHA

you B.O.R.e me...

2009-03-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

what am I trying to do now is wasting my tyme as much as I can..hehe .tomorow is Monday u knoe, n I got class. Uh, like I care, bwek!.

Um, what can I say huh, my life quite okay lately.Everything goin smooth, good life, good

new stuff, good friends, but my pocket money not so good la…(hehe just like usual)..everything is

so great I think..um, but y I still feel incomplete like something missing maybe, or maybe im

missing something or maybe I missed to do something..wuteva crap it is..i just feel it. Sumtymes

I need to pretend to be sum1 else to make people satisfied with me.but actually they hate it. They said I shouldn’t hv to do such thing. But when I become myself, arh, they still didnt satisfied with whateva i tried to be.. They still hate it.Duh.. so I don’t move, just shut and do nothing. Cuz wuteva move I take, it’s still wrong.So wuteva i do, it will never be the right thing rite. Hee..even how hard am I trying to prove dat its not my fault, it still mine.huh. its still mine wuteva it is.ya lah, 4 sure I did wrong sumtymes but ….erh, did I never do the right thing? Did I never be good at least or maybe a bit? Never? Did I never left any sweet memories even once?

Is dat all the bad things ive done? .sometyme when I started to hate sum1, I really do, hated so

deeply, I keep on telling myself, the bad things they did, the bad words they said to me. I

blocked my mind from giving chance to think about how good they ever be to me. Then my heart full with hatred i cant stop it nemore. C how great the 2%of mistakes can lead to full-

hatred until people get blind. The cant c the good things nemore, cant gv the chance for forgivnes nemore…not even gv the chance to appreciate the best things they have before.cuz people get blind, they full of hatred.huhu…c hw funny dis thing is. Hurm. But since I couldn’t think of any

gud things dat I ever did, maybe I did, maybe I did not, I hardly cant remember anymore so I have no right to claim for it. Let it be, cuz people used to seek for other people’s mistake rather

than seeking for their own.um…so what’s the purpose of inviting sum1 u asked to ‘’stay away

from u”, sum1 who make ur life become miserable huh? gee, just feel like to do so ha?..so, dun
ever do something without purpose, it getting worse (so mengantok) huah…saje merepek buat kerepek

3 o’clock
dude..so chow.=)