The website is a whitelabel crowdfunding platform based on Catarse, and now I need someone to do customization (Somerville/Cambridge/Boston-area preferred). I’m estimating it’s around 20-40 hours of work. Experience with Heroku and/or Cloud 66 is a plus. Compensation is negotiable (1099).

Before I get started, let me remind you that I am not a medical doctor.  Please use common sense when selecting materials and designing toys.  I’m presenting you with the best information that I have, but using a condom over any homemade toy is the safest course of action.

The focus of this particular post is on materials, not the casting and moldmaking process itself. If you haven’t done much casting or moldmaking, I suggest you take a look at this Instructable to get you started.

Casting Materials

The silicone I use for my toys is a brand called Smooth-On. According to the folks at Reynolds Advanced Materials, where I purchase my casting supplies, any of the Smooth-On platinum cure silicones are body safe: http://www.smooth-on.com/Silicone-Rubber-an/c2_1115/index.html

I’ve used both Dragon Skin (20 is what The Hammer is made of; 10 is softer, 30 is harder). I’ve also used Sorta-Clear 18, for the TARDIS Tickler — but unless you have a way to degas the silicone, it will be so full of bubbles you won’t be able to tell that it’s really clear.

Moldmaking Materials

I use LEGOs for building custom-sized mold containers, which I learned about from this article on making cock-sicles. It works really well — the LEGOs fit tightly enough together that the silicone doesn’t leak out.

For the filler material, I have used homemade Play-Doh using this recipe: http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Make-Playdough-Play-doh/. The downside is that it’s hard to get a nice part line, but the stuff is super cheap and easy to work with.  You can also use clay as your filler material — but if the clay is going to be touching any silicone, make sure the clay is sulfur-free. Otherwise, the sulfur in the clay will prevent the silicone from curing.

For The Hammer and for the TARDIS Tickler, I made both of the molds (and the resulting toys) out of silicone.  This gets to be very expensive! You might want to try experimenting with Oogoo to make your mold instead (see http://www.instructables.com/id/How-To-Make-Your-Own-Sugru-Substitute/ and http://www.instructables.com/id/Using-Silicone-Caulking-to-Make-Molds/ ).

You’ll also need to use mold release — Since I’m pouring silicone into a silicone mold, I use Ease Release.

If you have other questions about materials, don’t hesitate to post them in the Comments section below!

To all of the people who have a penis (a bio-cock) and who enjoy using it with other people:

Greetings! I’m writing to you because I’d like to tell you about some of the things that I’ve been thinking about with respect to sex and penises. These aren’t things that are said very often in mainstream US culture.

Most importantly: You are not your penis.

That is, your worth as a person is in no way related to the size, shape, or performance of your penis. I want to tell you this explicitly because in my culture, people with penises receive a lot of messages that attach their worth to the things their penis can do. This is complete bullshit.

You have a mind, you have emotions, and you have ideas. The things that you do — the things that you create, the relationships that you build, the ways you use your time — those are what make you an interesting individual. It does not hinge on getting your genitals to do tricks.

I will even go so far as to say that you don’t have to define yourself as a lover, or as a sexual being, by the performance of your penis. It’s pretty common in our culture for people with penises to define their sexual ability in terms of the size of their penis, how hard it is, or how long it can stay hard when they use it. This is a choice. You don’t have to be so focused on your penis! There are other ways to think about your sexuality and pleasure.

Mainstream culture tends to focus on penis-in-vagina intercourse as the gold standard for what “sex” is.¹ You can tell because generally when people say “sex,” most people assume they mean penis-in-vagina — if they mean something else, they have to start adding other adjectives, like “oral” or “anal.”² Mainstream pornography, in particular, idealizes the image of the long, hard penis, and vaginal intercourse that lasts for a really long time.³

That whole paradigm is just one way to think about sex. You can choose to buy into that…or you can throw it out.

Me? I’ve thrown it out. I agree with Dr. Marty Klein, who defines sex as “the exchange of erotic energy.”⁴

This is a fantastic way to think about sex, and you’ll notice that his definition is missing a few things that people associate with sex. There’s no emphasis on genitals or genital performance. There’s no emphasis on orgasms. These things can be a part of sex, but they aren’t the be-all and end-all. When two (or more) consenting adults decide what kind of activities generate erotic energy for them, and they start having fun doing those activities: that is a recipe for awesome sex.

This means that you can have fun, delicious sex in a lot more ways than just penis-in-vagina (or even penis-in-anus) intercourse. All that stuff that most people lump in as “foreplay”— like it doesn’t really count as sex? Like it’s just “the stuff you do before sex”? You can savor those activities, you can focus on them, and you can enjoy them as sexual experiences. And that’s just the beginning! You can use toys on your partner. Your partner can use toys on you. You can masturbate while your partner tells you a sexy story. You can role-play in a chat room. And on and on.

Maybe sometimes you don’t orgasm. Maybe sometimes your partner doesn’t orgasm. The number of orgasms you have is less important overall because you’re enjoying yourselves together.

Of course you can use your penis and have fun with it! But when you’re focused on erotic energy and not specific acts, it doesn’t matter so much how hard your penis is and for how long. You and your partner (or partners) can find many different ways of building up erotic energy and playing together. You can let go, relax, and experience pleasure.

But…What if the only kind of sex you really want involves putting your penis inside someone else? What if your idea of the perfect sexual encounter involves ejaculating inside your partner’s vagina (or anus)?

You have the right to define your own wants and needs. I’m not going to tell you that what you want is wrong or that you should want something else instead.

All I can do is try to show you that there are many ways to think about what sex is. That there are many ways to be a good lover.  I know you’re probably not going to be convinced by a few paragraphs, but I hope that you will take some time to think about what sex is to you and what you want to get out of it.

You are not your penis.  “Sex” does not have to mean one activity or even a few activities. You can choose to transform sex into a vast world to explore!

Best,
Kristen

Update, 5/24: Rephrased the introduction based on ShaxAjax’s comment on http://www.reddit.com/r/SexPositive/comments/1ex2e5/an_open_letter_to_people_with_penises/ .

Dear Trich,

It’s kind of hard to know where to start.

I always used to pick at my scabs when I was a little kid. I still have the scar on my face from the first chickenpox that I got — which I picked at before I knew what it was — and then I have a few more chickenpox scars from pox that I picked that even after I was told not to scratch them.

When I hit puberty, I picked it my face incessantly. I squeezed blackheads, I popped zits, and I just generally couldn’t help myself anytime I saw a blemish. Just keeping my face clean wasn’t enough: I needed to be doing something about these imperfections. It was bad enough for a while that my mom was trying to keep me from doing it. I remember she kept reminding me about not picking at my face, and I think for a while I even tried to keep track of how many days I could go without popping something.

After a while, I got into college. I still picked it my face a bit, but it wasn’t all that bad.

And then, about eight years ago, I got my first full Brazilian bikini wax. Afterwards, I noticed that the aesthetician had accidentally missed a few hairs. So when I got home, I got out my tweezers and tried to clean things up a bit. And then when new hairs would start to grow in, I figured I should take care of those, too. And then there were ingrown hairs — I couldn’t just let those alone, right? It didn’t seem like they would go away on their own…

And that was how we met. Over the next few years, sometimes several times a week, I would find myself looking up at a clock with a pair of bloody tweezers in my hand, realizing that I had just lost twenty or thirty minutes of my life.

A couple of years ago, I started seeing a therapist. And after a number of months, I finally decided to tell her about you. I was mortified, but I was really tired of losing so much time. I accepted that you really weren’t all that good for me, and I wanted to try to do something about it.

I’ve now spent months talking with my therapist, trying unsuccessfully to find other behaviors to replace you with, and so I’m writing you this letter.

I think what you have been doing for me is providing me a way to punish myself. I think that’s probably what I was doing when I used to pick at my scabs and blemishes, too. I was punishing myself.

I was raised in a very conservative, religious household, and guilt over my sins (both things that I had done that I shouldn’t have, and things that I should have done that I didn’t do) weighed very heavily on me, even as a child. I took to heart the idea that when I sinned, God was sad and disappointed. I internalized the notion that every time I sinned, every time I made a mistake, I was fundamentally a bad person.

Once I left religion and once I moved out of my parents’ house, some deep part of me still clung to the notion that I was a bad person. You gave me one way to deal with that. And I guess it’s kind of counterintuitive, but I thank you for it. You gave me a way to deal with stress and a way to escape my life when things were difficult. I needed that. Thank you.

I appreciate everything you did for me in the past, but I have to move on. I don’t have any reason to punish myself like this anymore. I love myself now. I love my life. I’m not perfect, and I make plenty of mistakes, but, fundamentally, I don’t think there is anything wrong with who I am, what I want, or what I need. Being queer, or being kinky, or being an atheist, or being a sex blogger, or being a toymaker, or being a wife who is any of these things — some people see those as morally wrong. I’m just not one of those people anymore.

Leaving you means that I’m fully committed to accepting myself. And in a way, that’s kind of scary: I have to own my identity, and my decisions, and my actions, and my mistakes. I have had enough of lost time, bloody tweezers, and tiny scars. I would rather love myself and my body the way that I am.

You’ve kept me company for a long time, but I am no longer the little girl who truly believes she is a bad person. Let’s part ways here.

Best,
Kristen

Here’s the original video, now re-posted:

Update 4/19/13: Reposted video to a new host. It should now stream correctly, and I won’t have to worry about any more takedowns!

I now present to you teasecraft.com for anyone who wants to organize or attend similar meetups:

teasecraft meetup groups are for folks interested in making their own sex toys / BDSM equipment / other kinky and fun things. All are welcome, regardless of your (a)sexuality/orientation/gender or what materials you work with (electronics, wood, metal, leather, software, etc.).

This isn’t a company or a for-profit effort — we’re just offering a directory for people who want to start meetup groups. I was originally inspired by dorkbot, an un-organized set of meetup groups for folks interested in electronics and similarly geeky things.  You can find dorkbot groups all over the world.

That’s what I would love to see for teasecraft, too. I want to be able to travel anywhere and share ideas with other creative, sex/kink-positive people!

If you’re in the greater Boston area, you should definitely consider joining teasecraft-boston. If not, consider organizing a meetup group yourself, or with friends, and then submit it so we can list it on teasecraft.com. It doesn’t cost anything to have a new teasecraft chapter listed — all we want to do is to encourage folks to start getting together, sharing their expertise, and inspiring one another.

Many of the resources listed are local to Boston, MA.  

Home Depot – Hardware, fasteners, metal, wood, rope, tools.
Lowe’s – Hardware, fasteners, metal, wood, rope, tools.
Round’s Hardware (Stoneham, MA) – Fasteners including specialty items.
Marine Supply Stores – Find one near you.  Rope, rope fastening & handling hardware.
McMaster-Carr – http://www.mcmaster.com/ – Online industrial supply.  Basically everything, and the best stock search database around.
Grainger – http://www.grainger.com/Grainger/wwg/start.shtml – Online industrial supply.
Sugru – https://sugru.com/ – Air setting silicone putty that’s useful for just about everything.  A great way to add soft and custom grips and join parts together.
Tandy Leather – Local store is in North Chelmsford, MA and much of the staff is BDSM-friendly.
Sewfisticated (Framingham, MA) apparently has good prices on leather.
Metal Source (Woburn, MA) sells metals including aluminum, brass, copper and stainless steel.  http://www.metalsource.com/
Boulter Plywood (Somerville, MA) sells sheets of a variety of plywoods including marine grade, and will cut to order.  http://www.boulterplywood.com/
Turner Steel – http://www.turnersteelcoinc.com/
Instructables – www.instructables.com
Online Metals – Good prices, good selection.  http://www.onlinemetals.com/

The Toymaker Project - www.toymakerproject.com
Teasecraft (meetup for kinky makers every 3rd Friday at Artisan’s Asylum) - www.teasecraft.com
Passionate Produce (sex/kink-positive crowdfunding) - www.passionateproduce.com
The Better Built Bondage Book by Douglas Kent
Artisan’s Asylum (www.artisansasylum.com) especially for their woodworking/metalworking shops and casting/moldmaking classes
Reynold’s Advanced Materials (http://www.reynoldsam.com/) – 45 Electric Avenue, Brighton, MA 02135, (617) 208-0300
FetLife: BDSM Toys Craft Corner group (https://fetlife.com/groups/80)

I’m going to be speaking and giving a live demonstration of The Hammer at a couple of events coming up this month. If you’d like to bask in the glow of my rainbow cock in person (assuming the Demo Gods shower me with their favor), check out:

• Friday, January 11 at MIT: I’m going to be giving a 5-minute lightning talk at Ignite Craft Boston 3. It’s free, but you need to register for a ticket. Doors open at 6:30, talks start at 7pm.
• Sunday, January 20 at Arisia: I’m participating on a panel called “Home Depot in the Bedroom” at 11:30pm. You’ll have to register for Arisia (either for the whole conference or just for that day) to attend.

A Surprising Truth About Sex/Kink-Positive Spaces

The truth about sex/kink-positive spaces is that a lot of them are basically public.  They may feel kind of private because you’re probably with a group of like-minded individuals who share a lot of common interests.  They may feel kind of private…but they aren’t.  It’s important to realize this distinction because it affects what counts as polite, acceptable behavior (as opposed to creepy behavior).

What makes a space private? When the only people present are either people who I invited myself or who were invited/vetted by someone I know and trust.

This means that most spaces where I am likely to interact with someone I don’t know are public spaces.  This includes places you probably normally think of as public, like a neighborhood park or a grocery store, but also spaces you might not normally think of as public:

• Sex/kink-positive events like Transcending Boundaries Conference or the Fetish Fair Fleamarket because anyone can register or buy a ticket
• Munches and meet-ups because anyone can show up
• FetLife because anyone can join and message anyone else who’s already joined

Understand that I will interact with you, and react to you, largely in the same way that I would with any person walking up to me at, say, my local drug store.  I might be willing to have a wider variety of conversation topics with you than I would standing in the drug store — if I just gave a talk on sex toys and you asked me about it, I would be happy to talk with you — but there are a whole slew of things that you probably wouldn’t say to a random person in a drug store that are probably not a good idea to say to me, either.

The truth about most sex/kink-positive spaces is that they are public, and so the normal rules of behavior towards people you don’t know — such as being polite, respectful, and courteous — still apply.

Allow me to illustrate.

Good Idea / Bad Idea

Good Idea: Meeting someone new for the first time.
Bad Idea: Meeting someone new for the first time and telling them they’re hot.

This has happened to me both years I’ve attended Transcending Boundaries.  I’ve had a very brief interaction with someone, or just been introduced, and they make some comment about me (or some physical characteristic of mine) being hot.  This is awkward, and kind of creepy!

Yes, we’re in a sex/kink-positive space, but it’s a public space.  There’s a huge difference between having a polite, respectful conversation about sexuality and sharing thoughts about sexual attraction in a public space with someone I just met. There are perfectly reasonable ways of complimenting a stranger (e.g., “those are nice shoes”)…but if the compliment isn’t something you would say to a coworker, or in front of a parent/close relative, it’s probably not a great compliment to use with a stranger in a public sex/kink-positive space, either.

Good Idea: Messaging someone on FetLife asking about their meetup group.
Bad Idea:  Messaging someone on FetLife asking about their meetup group and then propositioning them.

I’ve had this happen, too.  For all of their talk about security, FetLife is basically a public space. A message from a person I don’t know very well is like a random person walking up to me in the drug store and starting a conversation.  You’d like more information about my (public) meetup group? Awesome.  You want me to come over afterwards and help you try out some toy? WTF.

Frankly, it would be unsafe and unwise of me to accept such an invitation.  One of the most basic pieces of advice in sex/kink-positive communities is don’t play with a stranger in a private place…so it’s kind of creepy to get an invitation to do just that.  I honestly don’t know anyone who plays with people who are total strangers — even the people I know who do casual play do so with people they already know or with people they may have just met but who are already friends with people they trust. Even then, they don’t generally start out playing in private.

If the person making this kind of proposition to me identifies as a man, it gets even more awkward.  My own gender is kind of complicated, but I am a person who was assigned female at birth and is generally read as a woman.  I am especially sensitive to the fact that for hundreds of years, people with my particular set of genitals have been treated as property.  Being propositioned by someone I don’t really know in a public place makes me feel like I’m being objectified, and it feels disrespectful.

Worst Idea: Messaging someone on FetLife asking about their meetup group, propositioning them, realizing their FetLife profile says they’re married, and then asking them to pass on the proposition to any available women at the meetup group.

…

Analysis of this one is left as an exercise to the reader.

TLDR: Don’t Be Creepy

If I don’t know you well,
…even if we are in a sex/kink-positive space or environment,
…even if you know that I’m a sex/kink-positive person,
please treat me with the same courtesy and respect as you would any stranger in a public place. 

Have your own Good Idea / Bad Idea stories, or advice for dealing with similar situations? Please share them!

Edited, 10/23: Clarified that there are ways of complimenting strangers that aren’t problematic.

Fortunately, since we are talking about a sex toy and not a person, I can say that I’ve figured out how to fix it so that I don’t have to deal with any of its crap anymore.  Enter sugru, a silicone-based “self-setting rubber.”

In particular, my favorite toy is a corded vibrator affectionately referred to as “The Bunny.”  It’s a combination of this bullet vibe and this sleeve. Total cost of toy: about $27. What’s really special to me about this toy is the controller: it has four speed settings, and the “up” and “down” buttons do just what I expect — I don’t have to cycle through a bunch of weird patterns to decrease the speed from high to low.

My favorite toy: a bullet vibe with a rabbit sleeve.

Unsurprisingly, a toy this cheap, designed in this way, is not particularly durable.  The wire at the base of the bullet got bent back and forth so much that it broke within a few months. It wasn’t until I was on my third one that I figured out a way to make it more durable: sugru!

If you’re not familiar with sugru, it’s marvelous stuff.  It’s a silicone-based putty that you can use to hack all sorts of things — you can use it to repair things (patch holes, fill in gaps, add missing parts) or customize things (e.g., add bumps or ridges to make things easier to hold).  It’s waterproof and heat/cold resistant, and it’s easy to work with. Once you open a pack, you have about half an hour to mold the putty, and it cures in about a day.

On my third toy, I added some sugru to the base of the bullet, and it lasted almost two years…until the end of the wire attached to the controller broke.  I just bought another bullet. This time I’ve added sugru to both ends, and I expect it to last even longer.

My favorite toy, improved with sugru!

I might also add some small dots of sugru to the “up” and “down” buttons to make them easier to use by feel.

Tips on hacking toys safely with sugru

• The makers of sugru do not say that it’s body-safe, and in fact they say it contains a couple of substances that may cause allergic reactions, Methyltris(methylethylketoxime)silane and Gamma-Aminopropyl Triethoxysilane. Even if you’ve handled sugru and found you’re not allergic, I would not recommend using sugru on anything which will be in contact with mucous membranes. Don’t put sugru directly in contact with genitals or inside someone.  If you do want to modify something that will directly come into contact with genitals, cover the toy (and your sugru hack) with a condom first.
• Sugru does not adhere well to silicone. I learned this from direct experimentation: I was hoping to add texture to a silicone dildo, so I molded some rings of sugru and wrapped them around the toy. Unfortunately, when the sugru dried, it popped right off of the toy.
• What can you do with sugru? Protect wires (like I did), modify buttons or switches, make handles grippier…

If you have other tips on hacking sex toys or BDSM equipment with sugru, please share them in the comments!