Tragic Sensation

Strawberry Shortcake RULES, but Smurfs ROCK MY WORLD!

2011-07-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

Some Favorites From My Personal Collection

I loved the 70's, and the 80's, long before VH1 did. I have consistently retained my 1980's hair, downloaded the best axe-grinding power ballads I can find on ITunes, and am frequently found sporting shredded Levi's. Is that so wrong? I may be delusional, but I still think ripped jeans are cool. I'm not talking about carefully cut up True Religion Jeans for $300.00, although I love those too, I'm referring to real Levi's brand denim jeans, the kind that are beat down and worn out, because I loved them THAT much. I'm also totally stoked that neon colors are vogue again, along with the resurgence of shoulder pads, big hair....oh sweet joy, I knew the 1980's were going to make a come back! I've been waiting, patiently. Grateful I lived long enough to enjoy it for a second time.

One of the best parts about being a kid growing up in during the 1970's and 1980's was Saturday morning cartoons. OMG! LOVE. There was no Cartoon Network, no YouTube, no Tivo or Netflix. Saturday morning cartoons were an event, a treat! If you slept in, had to go to dance practice, were at your grandma's house and she didn't believe in TV, whatever, too bad.......and if you missed, the seven days waiting for the next opportunity were an eternity. The only thing that could be worse was accidentally missing A Charlie Brown Christmas or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, we only had one shot per year at those, and missing.....well it was simply devastating. Check out this fabulous vintage picture; here I am on Christmas morning with my Sweetie Face Doll, stuffed Pink Panther, Mork and Mindy suspenders, our Hungry Hungry Hippos game in the background. Does it get more 80's than that? Look how much fun I was having! Just chillin', playing, man, I'd love to go back. (To my DIY/craft peeps, notice my early crafting; the Mod Podge Vases on the television, the golden soup can decorated with macaroni that my little brother made, and that DAMN ANGEL HAIR! What was my mom doing, trying to slice us all up, one kid at a time? If that angel hair reference went over your head, read this). Oh yeah, and for those of you who haven't seen something similar before, that big brown thing with the buttons, it's a television.

It Came From the 80's

I used to anxiously wait all week to watch Fat Albert, The Littles, The A Team, The Pink Panther, Rocky and Bullwinkle; Fractured Fairy Tales, and my two absolute FAVORITES: Strawberry Shortcake and the Smurfs. YAY! I've been re-living many of these shows late at night via Netflix, I just love that The Pink Panther was so awesome, and never a word was spoken. Genius. Sponge Bob has nothing on my childhood lineup!

Yes, it's my real hair.

As a child, I was a member of the Strawberry Shortcake 'cult' if you will. She was awesome, and she smelled like berries, what better? In the 1980's, toy companies liked things to smell, and I was on board. Scratch N' Sniff Stickers, dolls, bears...we were a nasally fixated generation. Since approximately 1984, I don't think a year of my life has gone by that someone hasn't given me a birthday card, stickers, vintage glassware, bed sheets, binders and folders, wrapping paper, paper plates.......something depicting Shortcake herself. So fun. I appreciate that my friends and family pay attention to my obsessions. Last Halloween my son suggested I dress up like my cartoon idol, brilliant. I hadn't worn a Halloween costume since the last time I was at a fraternity party. I had abs back then, there was less of me altogether, but I went ahead and donned the outfit anyway, much to the excitement of the little girls that live next door, they think I'm the real Strawberry Shortcake. One day they saw me leave the house in work clothes, their poor little faces looked so crushed. Now, I hide from those little girls, I don't want to buzzkill their dream. I would have been totally into it if I thought there was a real live cartoon living next door to me as a kid. Must be how Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley felt all of those years when KISS couldn't go anywhere without the makeup. It's a lot of responsibility being a cartoon.... I guess I will have to dress up like her again this year. I think I'm going to mix it up a bit and get the 'modern' version of her costume. Strawberry Shortcake experienced a makeover a few years back, now she's all stylish and stuff. She lost the frilly apron and weird red dread-locks, she's gotten a nice new blowout, clearly some type of laser resurfacing or a chemical peal, WAY BETTER shoes....it's good right? I respect her wanting to renew her look, she's gotta keep up with Kim Possible and those Bratz and Barbie Dolls. It ain't easy being a cartoon in 2011.

Strawberry Shortcake, Before and After

This morning, while waiting in line at McDonald's, I was greeted with a sight that always gives me a bit of a thrill. Strawberry Shortcake toys, and Star Wars for the Boys! Well, actually Clone Wars, but who cares, I'm not concerned about the boy toys. I don't ever buy Happy Meals, I won't have to.....my friends always hook me up with the toys, and then I hoard them. (That's an epic post for another time, I'm not ready to come out of the closet on my McD's toys situation yet). It's honestly not even about the toys though in this case, I just like knowing that little girls still like playing with SS, and she's still scented! You know, the circle of life and all of that Lion King crap.....I'm glad the redheaded little doll didn't disappear from the social vernacular, like so many of her toy counterparts. Teddy Ruxpin, Hollie Hobbie, Baby-That-Away, The Brooke Shields Hair Styling Head, Glamour Girls....nobody gives a crap about them anymore.

Photo Courtesy of HappyMeal.com

As I turned the corner to get my coffee, which is the bomb at McD's btw, the billboard that greeted me was EVEN BETTER than my Strawberry Shortcake discovery. SMURFS! OMG, I'm so excited, you have no idea. Once the Shortcake/Clone Wars promotion is finished, there will be 16 adorable Smurfs to collect. Now that, I cannot resist. Aren't they totally ADORABLE?

Photo Courtesy of HappyMeal.com

I used to babysit to collect money to buy the original Smurf figurines. I still have them all, stashed in my original pencil box from 2nd grade. I told you, I hoard. Speaking of hoarding, there was a Hoarders marathon on TV all weekend, and I learned that hoarders think they are collecting, not hoarding. FYI, I'm collecting them all, with no shame, and I can't wait. La La- La La La Laaaaa, La la la la la laaaaaaa.....ya, you know the song. Admit it! Here's a few pics of my stash from back in the day. Enjoy!

Little House On the Prairie and Hoarding

2011-07-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

I'm very mesmerized by the A&E television show, Hoarders. I think the new season starts this week, I'm pretty excited about tuning in. I don't know if there will be an episode that can possibly trump the one with the lady that had thousands and thousands of dolls and teddy bears, but it's worth watching to find out! I know, that's a pretty tragic admission, but it's the truth, I love that show. I suspect I could become a serious hoarder without much difficulty. But, I would be an organized hoarder, meticulously labeling all of the hoarded items with my P-Touch. Wait! I already do that, uh oh. Is it still considered hoarding if all of the junk is neat and labeled?

In the spirit of self-help, I'm going to try and purge some of the items I don't need. The experts say if you haven't used it in three years, get rid of it. I can't begin to express how hard this is for me. I am attached to my stuff, my memories, I need them. Recently, my dad forced my hand on one particular item that I probably would have stacked in a 'keep' pile. I received a phone call from pops informing me that he was throwing away my book report diorama from grade school. GASP! There was no negotiating, and with hundreds of miles separating me from my childhood treasure, I had no choice but to let it go. What if I need my book report from thirty years ago, what if? Dad didn't care, he was sick of a faded piece of cardboard taking up space in his garage for the last three decades. Can you blame him?

Dad begrudgingly agreed to take a picture of my little keepsake. Is it weird I demanded he photograph it before sentencing my art to the dump? All of these years later, I still think my 'award winning' report on The Long Winter, by Laura Ingalls Wilder, was pretty sweet. I highly doubt I read any of those books, I hated reading. I loved the television show though, I still watch it on the Hallmark Channel all of the time. If you think about it, this is possibly my first primitive example of Knock Off Decor, not sure if Beckie will count it as a true knock off or not! If you are/were a fan of 'Little House' as we die-hard fans call it, then it's obvious I just copied the NBC version of the cabin. I give myself a solid 10 for the knock off! It's awesome when one can win a hand-made ribbon for a book that was never read, before the days of Internet plagiarism. I can't believe my dad felt the need to trash something so wonderful that won an award for 'mood' and everything! Clearly, he doesn't understand my talent. 'Honorable Mention' goes out to my mom, I'm sure she did the angel hair as snow, she never would have let me touch that stuff. Every Christmas she would rant and rave, "Angel hair can cut worse than a knife, people have died from handling angel hair." I made up the part about people dying, but it was funnier that way. She probably just didn't want us fooling around with her Christmas vignettes, but her warnings worked, I'm still terrified of the stuff ripping my meat hooks to pieces. Ah, the memories.

Mob Bosses and Crocheting

2011-07-08T02:12:00.000-07:00

The women in my family crochet, I'm talking SERIOUS crocheting. They don't crochet ugly afghans like the ones that are stereotypically draped across the backs of couches in white trash situation comedies, I'm talking the kind of needlework that will blow your mind. Their creations are a true art form, a craft, a talent. I'm lucky enough to be the recipient of some amazing crocheted items from my talented aunts, grandmas, sister-in-law, and cousins. Everyone crochets, and they all do it at an elite level. One of my aunts in particular has gained national recognition time and time again for her crocheted pieces, I'm always so impressed, she is seriously a crocheting genius.

Flash back about 35 years. I remember sitting next to my grandma in her velvety burnt orange Lazy Boy, watching with wonder as her fingers, crippled with arthritis, crocheted chains at what seemed like the speed of sound. I would beg for her to teach me every time I would visit, and invariably she would sit patiently demonstrating a chain stitch again and again. Usually, she would give up, glue two Popsicle sticks together, and I would end up wrapping yarn around them to make those weird stars (I think they are actually called "God's Eye's) that kids made back in the 1970's. I still have a box full of those yarn stars, and by the quantity, it must have taken me a very long time to grasp the concept of the chain stitch. My grandma was clearly a saint, they both were. I have almost the exact memories with my grandmother on the other side of the family.

About a year ago, I decided I wasn't going to be the only woman in my family that couldn't make things with yarn. I looked up how to crochet a chain stitch on YouTube, and eventually taught myself how to make the second row. I practiced the stitches all winter, but could only seem to concentrate on crocheting while watching mob movies. For some reason, gangster flicks and needlework in combination really chills me out. I know, random. I have probably watched Casino twenty times in the last year, and I have twenty scarves to show for it. Plus, I think I've heard the F-Word about 3000 times in the process. Sidebar, I'm not a prude, but I think Scorsese overdid it a bit with the cursing in Casino, but even so, it has seriously become my all-time favorite movie. I LOVE IT!

I can complete one scarf per viewing of Casino, Goodfellas or The Godfather. I know that sounds weird, but probably not for the reason one might think. The issue is not that I have a weird penchant for mobsters and cursing, it's that I don't know how to link in another skein of yarn. I'm a failure, unless I'm making something that only requires one skein. I've watched the tutorials, read the manuals.....it's not happening, I have a crocheting learning block. There, I said it! My dirty little secret is out, the whole world knows that I can't connect yarn, I can only make lame scarves.

One of my goals this summer is to spend the day with my aunt who is the crocheting goddess, and figure out how to move on to a baby afghan. It has to happen, it is number one on the bucket list. Until then, I will make scarves. I've given my little projects to all of my friends as gifts and donated scarves to homeless shelters in the winter, but even that isn't doing it for me anymore. I must move forward!
Tonight, I changed my standard operating procedure and knocked this raspberry warmer out while I watched a PBS Frontline movie about climbing Mount Everest. Wow, that kind of makes me sound like a total loser. Watching PBS and crocheting, is that what I've been reduced to? MAN! I need to get out more!

Office Evolution, Part 1

2011-07-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

Back in the day, I was on the recently-divorced, broke as a joke, single-mother budget. Classy, I know. For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of living on that particular financial diet, it's not really very exciting. At the time, I think I was making about $10.00 an hour, decorating was not my priority. Survival, and diapers, quickly became more important than Pottery Barn, which was a fairly painful realization. Years later, I am still in the same house, still a single mom, but have managed to find creative ways to decorate that don't always involve laying out the big dollars at the pricey decor stores. I have lost count as to how many gallons of paint I have utilized trying to change the aesthetic of every room in my crib. In fact, if I were to have the house surveyed, I suspect there may be less square footage from the layers of latex that I've brushed and rolled throughout the years. I'm going to go ahead and blame that old TLC show, Trading Spaces, for my painting problems. For years, that poorly-produced show got me through some lonely Saturday. Although most of the designers were usually fairly sloppy with their work, which annoyed me to no end, I typically ended up in a home improvement store buying paint the next morning. Thanks Vern and Genevieve!

One room that has always troubled me was originally supposed to be a bedroom. When the house was initially purchased, said bedroom was missing doors and the closet hadn't been built out. I think the realtor said it was a den, so that's how I left it, a den. My son was learning to talk at that point, he understood me to be saying 'ben' instead of 'den' and so we actually referred to the room as such for a few years. Lame.

I know I have painted Ben, I mean the den, at least seven times, and I'm probably forgetting a few painting episodes. It has been kelly green, builder's beige, white, hunter green, lime green, yellow, and the most horrific, that whole episode with the Brown Ralph Lauren Suede. Talk about a nightmare paint application, and an equally hideous result. I honestly never gave more than five minutes thought to paint color, just a wild trip to the paint aisle, and the next thing I knew I was rolling on a color that I would grow to hate within days, sometimes only hours. The before scenario was straight up IKEA. Not horrible, not special, not anything. My friend Natasha always refers to ordinary, plain, unnoticed men as "wallpaper." That's what this room has always been, "wallpaper." It makes me sad to look back at it, I had kind of tried to block out the massive IKEA addiction that I once suffered.

When I started working from home several years ago, I didn't have any office furniture. I had the above boring room, and an SUV packed full of new work files to deal with. I look back now and wonder what I was thinking because I didn't even give one moment of thought to what I would do with my office. I went down to an expensive furniture store and purchased basically the first thing that caught my eye. Well, that's a lie, my parents bought it for me, because they are super sweet like that, but still, I picked out the furniture without even thinking about it overnight. It's weird I didn't select dark wood, I always pick mahogany or black. But, I still love it.

I used to just waltz into Home Depot, grab a Ralph Lauren paint chip that looked semi-appealing, and immediately have two gallons mixed. GASP! I KNOW! Who does that? No test swatch on the wall, I didn't even bother to see what the color looked like in natural light, just blind faith that I would like it once I'd spent the cash and put in the effort. I certainly had a much more 'zen' approach to decor back in those days, but I was rarely happy with the finished product. One must always think these types of decisions through, I believe that. PS, on one of the den painting fiascos, I dropped a full can of "Catamaran Green" paint on the driveway, it lives in infamy. Sometimes when I walk to the mailbox, I can still see traces of it in my neighbor's gutter.

I have literally spent years of my life sitting at the above space, and while I still like the furniture, the room is just like my friend's description of boring men, "wallpaper." Earlier this year, my boss wanted to see pictures of our home offices to inspire the new hires. I guess he was expecting something more "me" from my office. Twice, he mentioned that he was shocked that I worked in such a boring space, considering how I usually like to "roll" in life. It's pretty bad when a straight dude points out that your decor bites. I decided at that moment, I was going to create an exciting new space that would change my life, or at least change my boss's mind.

Here is your first hint into my new design.

The Sister Wives Invade Sin City

2011-06-08T20:58:00.000-07:00

Dang it! Although the good folks of American Fork, Utah, can now breathe a collective sigh of relief, the beautiful people of Las Vegas are faced with a new worry. Will Kody cause a shortage of hair mousse at Wal-Mart? Let's hope not! And while I'm on the subject, didn't we stop using hair mousse back when Whitesnake and Warrant were replaced with Nirvana and Soundgarden? I'm still confused by that. Dear Kody, have one of your casserole-making slaves take an electric clipper on about a one or a two, and just shave that mess off.....like baseball bat-wielding Britney did a few years back. Just off with it! You will thank me later, I promise.

Once again, I was sucked in. The train wreck that is TLC's Sister Wives, robbed me of brain cells and hours of my life for the second season in a row, read my thoughts on last season here. I tried not to look, but I couldn't stop myself. I've been a blogging slacker since last season ended, but this nonsense has brought me out of retirement.

Okay, so the bad taste that was left in the viewers' mouths last season was that of the newly-wed fourth wife, their obvious hump-fest, bizarre zoo-visiting honeymoon, and all kinds of uncomfortable weirdness. No like button. Season 2 of Sister Wives, did not fail to produce more Creeper McCreeperton reality tv drama. Actually, it shouldn't be called reality, I speculate that even the real-life Utah mainstream, non-compound, plygs find Kody completely to be a complete insult to their way of life.

For the record, if you read my last post, just as I predicted......the Utah Attorney General's Office did come-a-callin' on Mr. Brown! Actually I think it was the Lehi Police, but close enough. So, if you are Kody, and the po po are after you, what do you do? Duh, go on Good Morning America and brag about your harem, and then send all of the kids to public school so they can suffer massive ridicule. That's what you call smart decision-making in this ding-dong's brain. A fine example of cognitive reasoning at work!

Throughout Season 2, we are forced to watch the Kodester try to 'make nice' with the less attractive, older, and barren wives. The new wife is clearly the one he is into. Duh, winning....I think. I can't figure out if these other three realize what is going on, or if they are so mesmerized by his nervous banter that they really believe he likes to romance all four of them equally. I somehow doubt it.

Long story short, and it isn't short because TLC makes us live through staged crap like they did on John and Kate Plus Eight, i.e., Halloween, picnics, bowling...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Where was I? Oh yeah, falling asleep after watching the stupid hippie-inspired birthday party of Meri...because when you are wife number one, and your man is sleeping with three other chics because you are inept at child production, that's what you get....a rainbow wig from Party City and cupcakes lovingly made by the filthy hands of 17 kids, 16 of which you did not birth. Anyway, like I was saying, long story short.....they make, I mean Kody makes, the decision to leave Utah and head for the Nevada desert.

The older kids go bananas, the younger kids cry or cheer or stare their blank, confused stares, everyone packs boxes, the cars break down, the moving trucks aren't big enough, and finally they all head to Clark County amid much drama. Can someone please tell me what this ass-clown husband of all husbands does for a living? I must admit, I am semi-impressed that he was able to house 21 people in a vacation home for a month, while simultaneously acquiring four tract homes to rent in a Las Vegas suburb. And, he accomplished all of this last-minute, without a semblance of a of plan. Maybe he does have mad skillz. Yes, those would be skillz, not skills.

I would never hate on anyone that bailed on Utah to move to Las Vegas. In fact, I think it's generally a pretty cool thing to do. Everyone loves Las Vegas, it's easy to get a job making great tips there, and one can take advantage of the devastated housing market. Plus, a person can only go to Lagoon and The Spaghetti Factory so many times before the mind starts to wander off to exotic places like Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Flin Flan, Manitoba. But, those poor kids, they aren't mentally equipped to handle Vegas, they aren't really equipped to handle Draper, Utah. One of the daughters is already rebelling by showing an inch of her neck......what's going to happen next? Will we see knees? GASP! But seriously, Vegas will prove to be too much for most of the poor kids, makes me sad.

Tune in for Season 3, where you will see Meri spontaneously combust as new wife Robyn and the 'hair pole' announce they are expecting their very own little muppet baby. I can't wait.

Infamous Bunny Pots

2011-04-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

I know I'm late to the party on this one, everyone and their dogs have made versions of these adorable bunny pots. I really liked how Rook No. 17 put her bunnies together, so of course, I copy. What could be better than an adorable green, moss covered bunny topiary?

For everyone who had been living under a rock with me and didn't already make these, Pier 1 has the most ADORABLE moss covered bunny rabbits on faux branch sticks, only $2.95. In fact, all of their Easter decor is positively darling! Get some! The terra cotta pots were from Hobby Lobby, 50% off sale, which made them about $.84 each. I purchased them in several larger sizes as well. You will need the slightly taller version if displaying in the crate. I had some styrofoam spheres from previous failed projects, and leftover floral foam, I used that to anchor the bunnies. I used Spanish moss to complete the pot, but one could use moss, rocks, Easter grass.......there are so many possibilities.

I made several of these pots as singles and gave them away as Easter gifts, but wanted to use the crated version for my kitchen table. The crate unpainted cd storage box from Michael's Crafts. $4.99, but only $2.00 with an online printable 40% off coupon. I sponged some acrylic paint on the crate, under $1.00, in green.....of course. After the paint dried, I sanded the crate down a bit and applied some Ralph Lauren Glaze tinted with black paint. I just wiped it on with an old clean sock, and wiped it off with a damp cloth.

The pots were whitewashed with basic white acrylic craft paint. I added several drops of paint to about 1/2 cup of water and brushed it on. For the taller pots, I used even more water to make them less white.

I found that using the styrofoam balls in the bottoms of the pots really helped anchor the bunnies. I cut the floral block to fit in the remainder of the space. I hot glued the moss on top of the floral block and then stabbed the bunnies right through until they hit the bottom of the pot. The taller pots are a snug fit in the crate, so be sure to check your sizes when buying supplies....I failed to do that, and had to make a second craft store run.

Scrap ribbon for girl bunny, and I'm finally part of the mossy bunny topiary club!

Ceramic Solitude

2011-04-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

Oh how I love painting ceramics! I wish I could quit my day job and do it full time! I come from a long line of the ceramics enthused......my mom, aunts, and grandma were busy making gorgeous creations long before I was born. I remember going to ceramics shops with my mom and looking at the rows of greenware, I was drooling even at age four. Utopia, then and now.

I used to try and paint at some of the strip mall pottery painting studios, but I have to be honest, I can't concentrate when there are giggling teenagers painting coffee cups and class field trips spilling paint and making all kinds of noise. One day as I went to my favorite pottery studio after work to finish a project, there were so many children, I couldn't even get a seat. That was the best day ever! I realized I could take my projects home and bring them back at a later date to be fired. Heaven.

I immediately started collecting paints and pieces I wanted to work on. The paints are fairly economical, and the studios will usually sell tiny cups of paint for about $1.00 if I find a color I just need a tiny amount of. What could be better than sitting at your own kitchen counter, watching The Real Housewives of Orange County, painting away in peace and quiet with high quality paintbrushes that haven't been sucked on by a teething baby that has been forced against their own will to sit in a car seat while mom paints a seasonal platter with all of the kids names on it? Almost nothing I say!

If you are a friend or family member of mine, you likely have pottery or ceramics in your house that someone in my family made. Lately, I'm all about pasta bowls. Paint, fire, fill with fine pasta, sauces, olive oils, etc.....such a fun gift to give. I just got this bowl back last week, kind of a random design, only took about 30 minutes to paint....small price to pay for a hunk of sanity.

Personal Failures and Gnarly Swimming Pools

2011-04-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

Talk about tragic! It's as though March never even happened. Flu, work, sinus infection, flu again, basic life drama....no blogging. I hang my head in shame. Thank you to all of those who nudged me to post, but I bombed. March is my FAVE crafting month because it is all about my favorite color....GREEN. I didn't even bother to do my standard holiday sock wreath and Eighteen 25 subway art, and those two items probably take no more than fifteen minutes total. I'm a disgrace to the blogosphere. Art was printed, too lazy to stick it in the frame, socks were purchased, too lazy to cut. I throw myself on your mercy. I promise I had good intentions, see?

I did get one green thing in March....my once refreshing pool diseased with black, yellow, and green algae. Green is definitely on my list of top ten favorite things, but a green pool, not so much. I have been fighting the algae for years, it's one of those things that once you get, it's hard to get rid of. It's like the herpes of sun states; irritating, ugly, and shameful.

Every year I make the swimmers in my family dive down with chlorine hockey pucks to scratch off the black spots, but the black algae is stubborn, leaves a stain, and with a 17,000 gallon pool, it's too much work for average folk. Nonstop stress about the algae, this winter I gave up on the pool altogether and was left with this horrifying scene. After several bids from pool companies, I realized the salt water chlorinator was no longer with the living, causing this unholy mess.

Sometimes, things are better left to the professionals. What haunted me for years, was solved in the space of hours with a slow drain, acid wash, chlorine wash, and refill. Why oh why didn't I hire someone to fix the pool issues sooner? I couldn't believe how quickly the plaster was back to it's natural beauty. The pool had some pretty massive and unsightly scratches on the bottom from a few years ago when a terrible wind storm whipped all of the metal patio furniture in the water, I had them buffed out while it was drained so that I could sleep at night. Imperfections make me nuts. So what if we eat Ramen Noodles for the next six months to recover the repair costs, at least it's no longer a neighborhood health hazard, and the scratches are a distant memory.

I designed this pool and had it constructed because I don't like the idea of swimming in other people's urine, and uh, other stuff. As a kid, my friends and I spent every day of summer vacation at the public pool, and true....we survived. But whoa, that indoor petri dish was like swimming in a vat of Clorox, now I know why! Probably 500 kids swimming each day, and yes even I peed in there....like all the time. I'm woman enough to admit it. To all those that still swim in public pools, hats off to you brave folks! I dare you buy test strips at your local pool supply store....dip them before you get in, just to see. Pool chemicals are a tricky and mysterious business, and they can only do so much even under perfect conditions. I'm impressed with people who swim while on vacation or partying in Las Vegas at places like Rehab. Wait, impressed is not the correct word, I mean HORRIFIED! Beer, urine, vomit.....much worse. DON'T DO IT! I can't even let my mind wander to public jacuzzis.....the devil's playground. GAG. Okay, that's my public service announcement for 2011.

Las Vegas Advisor

The pool refurbishment was the only real project that got done in March, and only because I paid someone else to do it. I'm trying to relish in the fact that it looks so clean and beautiful and not focus on the fact that the weird guys who solved the problem, also enjoyed perpetually spitting their chew all over my tumbled stone pool deck. Who does that? Better something accomplished than nothing. April will be better. I promise.

Valentine Subway Art

2011-02-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

Traditionally, the extent of my Valentine decor would be half of a bag of pink and red M&M's in the pantry. But not this year. Thanks to the creative ladies over at eighteen25 and their darling Valentine Printable, I've decided to step up my 'Heart Day' game.....but only a tiny bit. These chicks create the BEST subway art in the blogosphere, and the coolest part, they share it for free! Just download, print, and frame.

I have seen so many beautiful heart-filled vignettes from my talented counterparts, but I've never jumped on that bandwagon. (Check out this DARLING Valentine scene over at 320 Sycamore...too cute!) Everything in my house is so minimal, some would say plain, it literally stresses me out trying to add color. The only pops of color I am typically able to manage are greens and sometimes brown. So, infusing a bit of red and pink, well it's kind of a big deal of in my world.

The only framed pieces of art or photography I own are black and whites, framed in black and white. But, last December when I saw the cute Christmas subway art (check it out here at eighteen25), I broke down and purchased a white frame. When the holidays were over, I promptly hid said white frame in my guest room closet, assuming I wouldn't see it again until Thanksgiving. But, a quick trip to the Costco Photo Center, $2.88 later, and I have my lovely 16x20 Valentine print neatly displayed on my kitchen sideboard.

I typically only deal in white dinnerware and serving pieces. IN LOVE WITH WHITE DISHES, especially square ones! I love to use my collection to decorate as well as entertain. I picked up this cool rectangular piece with modern hearts at Kohl's for half-off, which made it less than $5.00. So that's it, my infusion of red and pink and the lone white frame that still makes me think about the cans of black spray paint in the garage. All in the name of love. I can't wait to fill that new dish up with chocolate covered strawberries. xoxoxo

Sock Wreath, Sock It To Ya

2011-01-27T11:59:00.000-08:00

There are adorable sock wreaths hanging on doors throughout the blogosphere, I remember the first time I saw them last summer over at Blue Cricket Designs, so cute! I had totally forgotten about wanting to make one until I ran across Lori's Valentine's Day version over at My Life Among the Three Stooges. LOVE! I had to make one, or three, which is how many I have created so far.

Easiest. Craft. Ever. These can be made for around $3.00 with supplies from any dollar store, or less if you have the items on hand. Foam wreath, colorful socks, and that's it. So simple.

Use a knife or rotary cutter to remove the toes and heels from socks in your favorite theme. I used knee-high socks that I found at JoAnn's Crafts for 40% off, and then cut them in 'relatively' even lengths. There were so many cute colors, I got slightly carried away. I typically go with more monochromatic designs, but I was feeling daring. Yes, that's about as daring as I get! I will probably give all of these wreaths away, and make a plain....one-patterned version for myself, cause that's how I roll.

The foam wreaths have a joint where they are connected, simply score the foam along the seam and it should pop apart quite easily without cutting all the way through. Slide the socks onto the wreath form in whatever pattern your glittery Valentine heart desires.

When your pattern is finished, the wreath will need to be secured back together, otherwise it will be crooked in one spot. I used a glue gun on the cool setting, if the glue gets too hot, the foam will disintegrate. Once the glue is dry, arrange the socks so that the raw edges are tucked in. I experimented with a few different methods, but eventually found that tucking them in worked with my socks. Embellish with whatever you like, I just used a simple wired ribbon......so easy and fun.

Quick Candle Holder Makeover

2011-01-26T12:09:00.000-08:00

One day prior to Christmas, I was perusing Home Goods and saw a huge selection of GAWD AWFUL HIDEOUS candle holders. I had to have some! They sat in my office for weeks while I figured out what to do with them. These bad boys were a funky flashback to my 1970's childhood, had they been a color that even partially fit in with my decor, I might have kept them as is. I love the shape, and they are sturdy, could totally be used as weaponry if necessary.

While I was allowing the glazed hippie chick holders to jack up the vibe in my office, I saw some cool black candle holders at Pottery Barn that were very similar in style. To purchase three of those in varying like-sizes, I would have been out $107.00, plus tax. Easy decision, I would do the same thing to my little lighting treasures that I do to 99% of the odds and ends that I come across in my life...... paint them black. I need to start an entire blog category called "Paint It Black" because that's what I really love to do. Painting things black, it's a good thing.

Pottery Barn Version

This was the first time I had ever attempted painting over glaze. After the first coat of KILZ Primer, I was a little nervous that it wasn't going to work. After a few hours, I sprayed on another layer of KILZ, which made me think seriously about using white paint instead. The all white of the primer looked so nice! I was worried about the glaze causing me grief, so I was overly cautious with my primer drying time. After the second coat, I let the holders go a full forty-eight hours without touching them, which I rarely do with KILZ, that stuff is the bomb dot com. Two coats of Krylon Spray Paint in Black Satin, and for the moment I am done.

People always comment that everything in my world is either black, white, or green. True DAT! Although high school was many years ago, many years, I am still very captivated by my school colors. I think everyone has their 'signature colors' but maybe they just don't realize it......I've embraced mine. Loves.

Back to these idiot stick candle holders.......I'm very pleased with my ten dollar investment, even more pleased that I refrained from once again subjecting myself to a Pottery Barn gouging. Been there. Done that. And in all honesty, will likely do it again. I always like to live with a project for a minute if I'm not completely sure if it's totally 'done' or not. I have a feeling I may rough these up with some sandpaper and glaze them with some dark chocolate to make them look a little less black, stay tuned.

UGH! My UGG Boots Got Ugly!

2011-01-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

More than five years ago, someone gave me a pair of sheepskin UGG Boots for my birthday. I live in a warm climate, so I don't abuse them too badly with snow or water, but they were starting to show some wear and I made a specific trip to Macy's with every intention of purchasing a new pair. Every pair of new UGGs that I admired was over $200.00. I was okay with the price until I saw a display of the UGG Sheepskin Care Kits. I read the back of the box, seemed easy enough, especially for a DIY fiend like myself. $20.00 was not a big deal when I had nearly forked out $250.00 for the pair I liked, which in all reality, was almost exactly what I had back at home. Care Kit in hand, I headed home to try out my unexpected do-it-yourself project.

As you can see, my boots were pretty trashed. I rifled around under the sink and found a bottle of the boot conditioner, which I had never bothered to use. Note to self, always use the UGG Water and Stain Repellent when boots are new.....if I ever pony up for another style. I suspect my boots would have been in better condition had I been more proactive about protecting them when they were new.

This project didn't require much: Paper towels, new sponge, damp towel, and I chose to use some old cardboard so that the dirty bottom of the boot didn't make contact with my work surface. Is that psycho? Oh well, I'd rather be psycho than put my boot on the counter after I walked all over the mall and in and out of public restrooms, GAG. Anyway......

First, dampen the entire outside of the boot damp. I used a slightly wet, clean hand towel, which seemed to work fine. It's important to get the entire boot wet as evenly as possible to avoid water marks. I didn't know how difficult the entire process would be, so I opted to clean one boot at a time.

Next, I diluted the UGG Sheepskin Conditioner and Cleaner, using 1/2 water and 1/2 cleaning solution. Never apply the cleaner directly to the boot. I used a new clean sponge, and gently scrubbed the entire surface of the boot. It got pretty sudsy, but don't be alarmed at that.

I rinsed the boot with cold water in my garage sink. Shoes kind of gross me out, I think I mentioned that. I didn't want rinse my UGGs in the same place I was dishes or my face, so the garage was the best option. I'm sure a garden hose would work fine too. Once the soap was rinsed off, I gently 'wrung' the excess water out of the boot. Keep in mind, the boot shouldn't be drenched, just lightly rinsed. I immediately stuffed the boots with paper towels and placed in a shady spot on my patio.

Allow the boots to dry for twenty-four hours, preferably away from direct sunlight. I was in a hurry to pack them for a trip, so I left mine outside and they did just fine. Once they were completely dry, I used the soft suede/nubuck brush and brushed the suede in one direction only. The toes still looked a little gnarly so I used the VERY COOL 'eraser' on the opposite side of the suede brush. The eraser worked AMAZING!

They aren't perfect, but definitely an improvement. Had I cared for them properly in the beginning, the result may have been even better! UGG also makes cleaning products for cleaning the inside of the boot and deodorizing purposes. To make them REALLY perfect, use Armor All or fingernail polish remover to clean up the rubber on the soles. Good luck!

Pimping Out Your Tree

2010-12-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

I'm behind on Christmas decorating this year, I usually like to have it done by the day after Thanksgiving, but out of town visitors, the flu, another round of the flu, things just didn't get done. So, this year I'm scrambling. After my two week long fight with my pre-lit tree, you can read about that here, I have finally completed the decorating, just in time to enjoy it for five seconds before I have to take it down. UGH. That's why I like to have everything done early, it's such a shame to work so hard to put a tree together, and then turn around and take it down.

I often get asked how I decorate my trees, and I'm flattered, but I am not a professional. It's mainly trial and error. Sometimes they look cute, sometimes not. This year I hit the Black Friday sale at Michael's, that started on Thanksgiving Day at 5:00 pm. I went to get this bad boy....yes, a $199.99 Cricut for only 59.99, THAT ROCKED!

While waiting in line with my new cutting treasure, I noticed some purple flower stems that were marked down for the sale. I gave up my space in line, grabbed a cart, and picked out a bunch of hydrangea and poinsettia-ish looking stems. They were regularly $5.99, but I snagged them for $1.99. The ribbon and Christmas picks were also marked down. The creme ornaments I used are about twenty years old, the green and chocolate ornaments were on a SICK DEAL at Walmart where an entire box of eight glittery ornaments is only $5.00. The Walmart bulbs are plastic and look super cheap close up, but once on the tree, I thought they looked fairly upscale.

Once again, I'm not a professional tree designer, I've just figured out how to do this myself over the years. I have tried many different methods to decorate, but have found that it's easiest to do the garland first. I know some people would disagree with that, but I think if the garland goes up last, it covers ornaments. I knew that I wanted a big ribbon at the top, with streamer tails coming down. This little gal that works in the craft store was tying them up in a fury one day, and I asked her if she would tie mine. She was happy to oblige but the price was $79.00 plus the ribbon. Uh, no. Now, I've tied bows before, but not in a LONG time, like fifteen years. I pulled up a couple of tutorials on YouTube and figured it out. I actually don't like how my ribbon topper turned out, the ribbon is too sheer, but after fiddling with it for an hour, I was over it, and I guess I saved $79.99 by doing it myself. I used a pipe cleaner in the same color family as my ribbon to tie the bow, and to secure it to the tree.

The tails coming down the tree are looped in haphazardly. I'm all about using the branches to fasten the ribbon, but one could use paper clips, twist ties, anything really. I would suggest using wired ribbon, as that is easy to secure to the branches, and holds it's shape better.

Once the ribbon was secured, I cut my flower stems down. I had a difficult bringing myself to cut them because I always worry that I might want to use the long-stemmed version for something else later. But, I figured I had gotten such a good deal on them, no big deal......that's how I talked myself into it, it's all about justifying things to myself. I pealed the leaves off and then trimmed the stems to about 6 inches with wire cutters. I just 'stab' the floral pieces into the tree in places that have the biggest bare spots. I'm not a fan of fluffing trees, so this one had quite a few 'holes' to hide. I started with one type of flower, attached all of those first. I try to be strategic so that the colors are evenly disbursed. It's important to always 'stand back' and assess your progress, I inevitably find that I put two similar things too close together. I repeated with the other flower types until the tree was covered. I thought the tree looked pretty cute with just floral, and even debated about hanging the ornaments. I had the new WalMart pretties though, and wanted to try them out.

Ornaments are the same as flowers as far as my method. I do all of the same color/style at once. I think this is the best way not to have too many like ornaments in one spot. I do not like the ornament hooks to be visible. I have found that if I manipulate them around the branches a time or two, they don't show as much, it looks nicer. Don't be afraid to move branches and adjust lights, ornaments, etc. I find myself doing that as days go by, it's part of the fun of Christmas.....the constant fussing with the tree.

This tree is in my front room, so I was kind of trying to match it to the rest of the colors in the room. I don't know if I like that or not, but it is what it is. The entire tree revamp came in at under $50.00, which isn't toO shabby. I spent entirely way too much energy on this tree, the light snafu, etc., but now that it's completed, I guess I'm pleased with it. Three more to go!

Christmas Ornament Storage Solution

2010-12-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

For years I have dealt with the anxiety of unpacking and re-packing my collection of Christmas tree ornaments. I don't know if it's simple laziness, or the fear that something might break, but it's been a constant source of stress. Maybe stress isn't the best word, it's more like DREAD! Probably the worst thing about Christmas.....the setting up is a bit exciting, but the post New Year's Day cleanup, well it's downright depressing. I could do an entire post on glitter removal, it's daunting to face a brand new year and then add in the post-celebratory cleanup of decor! HATE.

I have tried every method possible to store ornaments. For a long time I tried to keep them in the original packaging, stored in cardboard boxes or Rubbermaid bins. Sometimes that is the best option if the packaging is sturdy enough to protect the fragility of the ornaments. Realistically though, after a few moves or summers in a hot attic, those boxes with cello windows on the front, or round plastic containers start failing and one can end up with a hot mess.

For many years I used the above method. At the time, I was married to a rat that didn't believe in spending money on Christmas decorations, and I had very little decor to worry about....what he did 'let' me buy was crap anyway. Clearly, he had to go! The first thing I did when I got rid of that scrooge and started controlling my own cash flow was to invest in every expensive ornament my heart desired. My house and trees were BEAUTIFUL, it was the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER! Until, I had to pack that stuff up. I had paid full price for about 75 Pottery Barn glass ornaments that year.........it was a post divorce meltdown, I wouldn't spend that much now...........but I did get some good loot and one must never question the healing powers of old-fashioned retail therapy. But sadly, every year after I would find myself worrying that those pricey ornaments were in a million bits in the attic. Who wants to worry about their Christmas ornaments in May? But, that's what I was doing.

Two years ago I came up with a pretty decent solution that has worked well so far. I had custom cabinets installed in my garage to hold all of my crap, holiday and otherwise. They look beautiful and eliminated the hassle of begging whichever victim I was dating at the time to go up in the attic and root around for my holiday treasures. I mean, it's pretty bad if you want to break up with some loser, but can't do it until after all of the ornaments and icicle lights have been retrieved from the attic. The cabinets were worth the investment for several storage reasons, and even better, if on the Fourth of July I happen to panic about my ornaments potentially being a pile of broken glass, it's easy to 'check in' on them and make sure they are doing okay. I know, kind of psychotic.

At first I just used cardboard boxes and stored them in the cabinets, but they didn't look nice and were a bit hard to maneuver. The round packaging from some of the stores for ornaments wasn't fitting in the boxes neatly, I didn't like the wasted space. One day, I found these cool Rubbermaid Ornament Storage containers. They fold down into totally flat, stackable squares, which is nice if your storage space is limited during the holidays. I have simply stacked mine in one of my cabinets and they have held up perfectly for two years......not one break.

Having said that, one must put some effort into the packing. I'm sure there are people that would just throw the ornaments in the box and be done with it, but I can't be friends with people like that. In this scenario, said ornaments could easily break. I would suggest investing in white tissue paper or bubble pack to wrap each ornament individually. Tissue will protect the ornament from scratching, and it's easy to see through the white paper or bubble pack when unpacking which makes it easy to recognize which oranments, without unwrapping the entire thing. The collapsible cardboard grids enable each ornament to have a separate storage space which eliminates the potential for breakage.

These Rubbermaid boxes are NOT heavy duty. I would suggest they be kept indoors, or someplace well protected from bugs, dirt, water, etc. Remember they are made from fabric and cardboard. I think it's bad luck to store things under beds, but if that is not an issue, or there is a storage space limitation, these flat boxes would work well.

After the holidays, as I pack each ornament, I keep a little note card of what ornaments are in each box. I know, it's sounds kind of crazy, but it's been a great solution. The next season, I can easily refer to the card regarding which ornaments are within each storage box. As I unwrap each individual ornament, I neatly fold the tissue paper into a square and put it in the empty square. After writing all of this down, I realize how nutty that sounds, but it makes it easy to find each ornament's 'cubicle' after the holidays. And besides, who really wants to keep buying new tissue paper year after year? I remember my grandma folding up wrapping paper to reuse, there is no shame in that, we are in that recession 'they' say is over now right?

So far so good, nothing broken as of 2010! Ornaments are not only an investment, but family keepsakes, I'm all about keeping them in mint condition if possible.

Five Bucks = No More Naked Wall

2010-12-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I fail at life. About a year ago I decided that I wanted to paint my dark chocolate dining room/living room walls something more neutral. Don't even get me started on the amount of primer that necessitated, but at the end of that drama, I had walls that were basically the same color as my sofa and love seat, cream. Let it be known that I DETEST this sofa and love seat. One day a few years ago, during a terrible relationship breakup/break, we still haven't sorted out what that was, I purchased two lovely Crate and Barrel Potomac Collection pieces on a whim. They are not my aesthetic, too country/cutesy/shabby for my taste. I have spent the last three years trying to make them fit into the rest of my home. Note to self; retail therapy is not always the answer.

Once the painting debauchery was completed, I was left with an off-white room, and have struggled to incorporate my usual black and white style into it. Cream doesn't easily fit in with black and white, at least the way I've been doing it! Oh man, it stresses me out just recalling the thought and trial and error I have put into that room, and still come up with very little. At any rate, the walls have been BARE. I have resolved to do something with this space.

First step, hang something up. Anything. Last weekend I took the plunge and started with an Ikea shelf that has been wrapped and collecting dust in my garage for years, this was a HUGE step. I usually like to have everything decor-wise planned well in advance, but maybe it's time to just be 'organic' about it, to see what happens without getting psycho about everything being perfect. I moved a few framed photos in from other parts of the house, finally.....a place to start.

Later that day I was checking out a great post over at Thrifty Decor Chick about her amazing Christmas vignette. She used the most ADORABLE ornaments to cast a little holiday spell over her dining room.........and they were only a buck at WalMart! For the record, I personally detest WalMart and all it represents. The location near my home smells of something, nobody knows what, but it's rancid! My next door neighbor even had a guy bite her in the buttocks in the curtain rod aisle, it's just weird there! But because I was so impressed with TDC's finds, I put a brave face on an ventured out into the dangerous big box store in search of Christmas Cheer! $3.00 in ornaments, $2.00 in eco-friendly snowflakes (made from potato starch), and I was set. For the record, I was not bitten, fondled, or given the stink eye by anyone. I came through the WalMart experience completely unharmed.

I am not one to really 'deck the halls' with Santa Claus imagery and gingerbread men. I find I become even more minimalist during the holidays......Christmas trees are usually enough for me. A little glitter goes a long way in my decor world, but these were sooooo cute. I grabbed some square vases from under the kitchen sink and dumped the WalMart 'finds' in. I utilized an extra poinsettia from my tree decorating escapades and a chocolate brown tribal vase from the stuff that didn't sell in my last garage sale and done. One portion of a wall done, about 12 to go.

Ghosts of Christmas Trees Past

2010-12-07T14:16:00.000-08:00

DONNY AND MARIE DOLLS, WHAT BETTER CHRISTMAS GIFT? SANTA YOU ROCKED IT!

Every December, I have fights with Christmas trees. Decorating, lights, nothing seems to work like I want it to, or I can't figure out a way to make my 'vision' come to fruition. I don't know why I obsess about the tree decorating, but I do. I've been known to get up in the middle of the night and re-decorate an entire tree. It's a sickness really.

I've been fighting with a hand tied ribbon tree topper all morning, yes, I fight with inanimate objects.....only sometimes though. I wonder, as I sit covered from head to toe in glitter from my six failed attempts at perfecting my bow-tying, am I the only person that does this? Is there a twelve step program for problems of this nature? Sometimes I feel so alone in this suffering.

My mother always produced lovely trees, she never had my problem. We would come home from school and be dazzled with the most beautiful trees any eyes had ever seen. If we had made some ghastly ornament out of a toilet paper roll and red lace at school or primary, she'd happily hang it in the center of the tree for all to see. Luckily, my son is a real boy's boy, he doesn't care about these types of things. If he ever made a hand-made ornament at school, I never saw it. Anything like that would have probably been crushed at the bottom of his backpack and not discovered again until Easter. He would have considered that a 'girl' thing and ditched it or crumpled it long before arriving home. I'm grateful too, because it would have really tested me to interrupt the perfect color scheme of one of my obsession trees with a kindergarten ornament. OMG, I know that is so terrible! I guess I don't understand the meaning of Christmas, or I'm just a psycho, tree-obsessed freak. For the record, if my child had shown up with a hand-crafted tree ornament, I would have totally talked him into his 'very own tree' in his room for his special creation. Is that horrendous? Wait, don't answer that.

Back to my mother and her trees. German women love Christmas, they love decorating, and she is no exception. My uncle had a fantastic Christmas tree lot in our hometown, and every year he would let my mom pick out her heart's desire. Sometimes flocked, sometimes natural, always the most amazing and magical trees. She would effortlessly make them into a visual masterpiece, in short order it seemed.

Every Christmas Eve, my dad would take a photo of the family tree, and then a picture of my brothers and I in front of mom's fabulous interpretation. Some of the pictures are of only one kid, which meant the other two refused to stand there patiently for the photo op. He didn't care about that, whoever was willing to stand there and behave long enough, that's who was captured for posterity. He didn't have time to 'mess around' with whatever nonsense hyper kids get into on Christmas Eve. He was probably so irritated at the prospect of staying up all night putting toys together, it's no wonder he would be totally annoyed by 9:00 pm. We used to have some real meltdowns over this yearly holiday photo. Now that I think about it, I only know of one picture that has all three of us in it. Good times. Of course we didn't have digital photos back then, it was film baby! Sometimes it was the only photo taken all year, and usually he would cuss the 'damn light meter' which never seemed to work.

A few years ago for Christmas, my dad patiently scanned over 2000 slides into his computer and gave all of us ingrates a disc with the photos. Probably the best gift I've ever received. Here are some of my faves, in all of their 70's and 80's glory.

Luckily the obligatory sibling feuds in front of the Christmas tree stopped when the grand kids arrived.

Hope you enjoyed my little trip down memory lane, now it's back to making memories for my son.......memories that will inevitably land him on a psychiatrist couch because he wasn't allowed to help with decorating trees. I'm sure Christmas will be TOTALLY spoiled if the loops on my tree topper don't come out even. Happy Holidays!

Festive Ribbon Wreath

2010-12-04T12:18:00.000-08:00

I'm a giant hypocrite! I know, I know, I recently professed my traditional distaste for wreaths, but now I've made about 7 different varieties in six weeks time. I'm back on board people! It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind right? I am loving wreaths. There, I said it. I saw this ADORABLE ribbon wreath by Ellen over at The Long Thread before Halloween, and it's been nagging at my 'right brain' since! It's was too easy and too chic to pass up!

When I first decided to do this project, I was going to do the all black Halloween version, but then one day I saw this holiday bad boy at Pier 1 Imports and I was inspired to buy 32 yards of 5/8 inch ribbon at Michael's Crafts in a gorgeous cranberry grosgrain. Yes, you really will need 32 yards. (Don't forget to print online coupons to save 40% on your rolls of ribbon!)

I grabbed a few foam wreaths at the dollar store, I tried both the ten and twelve inch sizes, both work great. I have seen similar ribbon techniques executed elsewhere on a wire base, but my honest opinion is that the 'coat hanger' forms do not provide the fullness that is necessary to make this style of wreath "work" the way it should. It's all a matter of preference, but I find the thin bases encourage a floppy and semi-tragic end result. There are certain things in this world that are better when they aren't "limp" and this wreath is definitely one of those things.

I found that strips cut into 12" lengths gave the desired effect for both the 5/8" ribbon on the 12" base, as well as on the 10" version. I was a bit psycho and ironed all of the ribbon out flat prior to cutting, I get really insane when it comes to wrinkles in grosgrain ribbon......maybe 'normal' people won't be compelled to take that extra step. Be sure to use GOOD scissors so the cuts are clean and not ragged. After I had cut the majority of my strips, a certain hot Italian guy pointed out to me that I should make a template with a piece of tape. I did that for the remainder, and will definitely be utilizing that method for measuring as I plan to make a few more for gifts.

BEWARE: I have seen some interpretations where the ribbon length appears to be longer than necessary, and it turns into a full on tragedy if one is not careful. Too much length will cause the hole in the center to shrink resulting in an odd silhouette I think less is more on this piece, and at least for me, there is a fine line between classy and trashy on this one. I think one could execute this with alternating ribbon colors, but for me it's all about the simplicity. I suggest cutting your first ribbon length a little longer than 12 inches, and then adjust to meet your desired look.

What other tutorials won't tell you is that there is the potential for the wreath foam to peek through if one is not cautious to really tie the ribbon tightly and 'scooch' it together after every knot. If you are not interested in being tedious with the overlaying of layers (I used a 'technical' combination of a single random drywall nail and fingernails to tuck the backside layers after each bow so they would lay flat), then it might be a good idea to spray paint your form the same color as the ribbon prior to your tying.

I am not going to win any awards for tying bows or knots, and this stressed me out for quite a while on this project........but eventually I got over myself and found that the key is to be consistent. I just used a basic double knot, right over left, and right over left again. Upon completion, trim the loose edges because some fraying is completely inevitable. A product like Fray Check could be used at this point, however I don't like the little stains those products sometimes leave, and I was feeling daring and decided to live on the wild side and not seal every edge.

I chose to leave this wreath plain, but one could certainly embellish with holiday berries, bling, etc. Save enough ribbon, or buy a complimentary ribbon like they did at Pier 1, for a big sexy loop in order to hang and approximately one hour later you will have a gorgeous holiday piece for under $10.00. Take THAT Pier 1 Imports $49.99 Blooms and Berries Wreath! You've just been OWNED!

Holiday Santa Hat Craft

2010-12-02T14:54:00.000-08:00

When I first began spending my late nights in the DIY and craft blogosphere, I became so inspired by Sarah over at Thrifty Decor Chick that I practically stalked her blog. The ideas and inspiration.....limitless. I have already utilized a bunch of styrofoam cones in a project I'll debut a bit later this month, but when I saw this idea for hand crafted Santa hats, I just had to share. FAB FAB FAB. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Check out the fantastic tutorial on how to make these lovelies here. Super easy and lots of fun, would be a great project to do with kids. I think the handmade versions look so much better than those you can find in stores like Stein Mart.

Major festive points. Through the roof on the 'cuteness' scale. Even though I think I am 'styrofoam coned-out' at my place, this would make a great hostess gift or project for kids. Ho Ho Ho.

Oh Christmas Cards, Oh Christmas Cards

2010-11-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

Now that the final turkey casserole has been eaten, time to get the cards out! I remember my mom writing her holiday cards out night after night, with long notes and sometimes letters written in cursive on steno paper. So glad that I am able to keep up with my friends and family on Facebook and via email, the handwritten cards that mom did seemed so labor intensive. Hers were certainly more personal and beautiful, the handwritten card is an art form that is sadly being lost.

I've noticed there aren't many people my age that even carry on the tradition of exchanging cards, let alone hand writing even a signature. Costco, click, click, click, print labels and done. I do have a handful of over-achieving friends that handcraft literal works of art, but most people send photo cards of family and friends. I love sending and receiving the array of styles, but more than that, I love displaying them.

I've tried several methods for display over the years: taping them to the wall/door/fridge/wherever, the pom pom string swag with clips, the ribbon with mini clothes pins. I love them all! I scoured the net to find a new idea for this year, and there are tons to choose from! Here are some great ideas, would love to hear yours.

Wire Card Rack from Pottery Barn

Ribbons Over the Door, Country Living

Branches and Berries, Martha Stewart Living

CPR for Failing Artificial Christmas Tree

2010-11-27T17:10:00.000-08:00

One particular artificial tree usually finds a home in my front room this time of year. I love this tree because it has branches that continue all the way down to the floor, and since we don't place gifts under said tree, I think the down-swept branches look nicer than a big exposed piece of dark green PVC pipe. The above image is from 2009, happier times for this tree and I. When I unpacked this pre-lit bad boy this year, I was bummed to see that eight of the ten light strands were not working. OYE.

Last year one strand didn't work, and I had really good luck with the Light Keeper Pro. I clicked once or twice and the entire tree was illuminated. I had anticipated the lights dying again later in the season, but I am happy to report they lasted throughout the holidays. Completely expecting I would have the same success this year, I pulled out my trusty light remedy gun and started clicking away, testing lights, attempting to reset the interrupted circuits. Fairly quickly, all of the lights were twinkling back at me with the exception of a singular pesky strand.

I started working on the section that was not cooperating......what a nightmare. I clicked and clicked and clicked some more, the entire house was annoyed with the constant beeping. Frustrated, I still sucked it up and started pulling out burnt bulbs, replacing bulbs, clicking, beeping, blah blah blah. I will never have those four hours of my life back, and I miss them terribly. I was left with the an entire lower strand......DOA. Most people probably wouldn't have noticed the twenty dim lights, but I would know they were there. Not acceptable. If that weren't tragic enough, I had also killed my fingernails, my thumbs, poked my hands everywhere, and all for nothing. If I had to make a list of things I hate in this world, unhooking bulbs from pre-lit trees would definitely make my Top 20. White flag. Towel officially thrown in.

For a minute I got cocky and decided to go out and shop for a replacement tree. I looked in at least ten stores and found nothing that met my expectations. Where were all of the trees with low-falling branches? And besides, we are in a recession right? I know they say it's over, whoever "they" are but, $350.00 for a new plastic evergreen? In the words of Dana Carvey as George Bush on Saturday Night Live, "NA-GA-DA!" At this point my worst nightmare became a reality.....I would have to mix in a strand of lights. GASP! Unheard of! Unthinkable. All of the neighbors would point at me, kids would get off the school bus and whisper about 'the lady with the ghetto tree' or worse!

I resolved to temporarily lose my perfectionistic attitude and spend the weekend decorating trees. I wish I had a Polaroid of my face as I plugged in the green nemesis to see that two-thirds of the lights had gone dark again. Maddening! I didn't panic, I pulled out the red savior gun and began clicking. Nothing. I spent an hour going back and forth from YouTube tutorials on fixing pre-lit trees, all the while wondering if there were any stores that had amazing deals on trees. Still no holiday glow. The dream had died.

Epiphany! I wouldn't have to give up my low lying branches, I would just remove all of the existing light strands and restring with new LED's. Simple. It wasn't the worst idea I've ever had, but the old lights were twisted in so tightly, it took me a good four hours for the entire removal. After a while, I was able to notice a pattern, and the unwrapping of lights did seem to go more quickly. It was tedious, but oddly rewarding because at least the lights would totally match. I'm really terrified to open my twelve-foot tree and see what horrors that may bring, but for the moment, one crisis averted. I spent $12.00 on new lights, much less expensive than a new fake. Bah Humbug!

Tragic Little Turkey Day

2010-11-23T14:48:00.000-08:00

Last year's Thanksgiving was one of those holidays that entire movies are made to mock. Clark and Ellen Griswold would have fit right in! The details still stress me out a year later, so I'm going to completely skip over that memory....saving it for a blockbuster screenplay! CALAMITY!

If the holiday plans being leveled by cosmic forces wasn't bad enough......I found myself on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving with no turkey, no fixings, nothing, and three people to feed. This was a huge problem, mainly because I always make such a big deal about table settings, and was completely ill-prepared. Table for three? I hate table for three, no symmetry! But alas, we needed turkey! Only one thing to do, hit the the twenty-four hour supermarket.

As a general rule, I detest marketing, food shopping, grocery stores, hate it! But, there's nothing worse than the scramble that occurs the night before major eating holidays, what a nightmare. I lucked out though, there were several pre-cooked turkey dinners that had been abandoned in the deli. JACKPOT!
The only thing missing was a great fall centerpiece, which proved more difficult to locate than the bird. I was forced to grab the last sad little bouquet of fall flowers; droopy, wilted, some deceased.

I always like to set the holiday table the day before if possible. I'm not really sure why, but some of my relatives always did it, so I just acquired the habit. Is that weird? I cut the stems off the remaining living flowers, dunked them in a square Ikea vase, and done. It didn't look bad, but I wouldn't say it was good either. I phoned it in. Is that bad?

There would only be three of us, so I just used the kitchen table........I had given up before I had begun. Why mess up a perfectly spotless dining room? Limit the mess is always my motto. The linens hadn't been to the dry cleaner, I ironed for over and hour, they still looked wrinkled. No big deal, I would be the only female, nobody would notice. (I noticed though, it drove me nuts that day, and it drives me insane looking at the photos). I disguised it as best I could with some leftover craft leaves, some 'Gobble' dessert plates from Pottery Barn, and done.

I dumped the contents of my 'box o' turkey' into everyday serving dishes, heated the bird for an hour and done. I wish I could say I have the entire thing planned out this year, but sadly, that would be a lie. The only thing in the pantry are Ramen Noodles, the whole wheat pasta nobody would eat, and half a jug of Beverly International Protein Powder. We are just one of those last minute families, keeps it interesting. Honestly, I don't really love Thanksgiving, it puts too much stress on me before the 'real' holiday, BLACK FRIDAY!!!!

Twist on Photo in a Frame

2010-11-22T21:52:00.000-08:00

I love the holidays, excuses to make cute and fun gifts for friends and family. So many times I find myself giving people photos in frames. I hate picking out frames, my style always seeps in, and everyone has a black and white photo with a white mat. This project is a great way to give photos, and show the love that comes along with a handmade gift. I've seen variations on this theme, and thought I'd make a few as gifts for the upcoming holiday.

The best part of this craft was the trip to Home Depot. I like the way that section of lumber smells, sooooo good. Even better than that, the opportunity to announce to a group of men in orange aprons that I was looking for a big STUD. The men seemed to enjoy that, and one of the middle-aged ones hooked me up with a 4×6, and then cut it into 9″ sections for me. I had no idea what type of price point a piece of wood would fall into, but I was shocked that it was only $3.17.

I painted the blocks with acrylic craft paint, which I already had. Just laid it down with a sponge brush. (Those dudes on Amercian Chopper always talk about “laying down the paint” so here is my opportunity to utilize their verbiage). After I laid down the paint, I used one piece of 12×12 scrabooking paper cut to fit my design.

Enter, my long lost friend, Mod Podge. I used to OD on this stuff as a kid, and I have to say it’s just as fun now. Mod Podge is sticky white glue stuff, many might remember it from childhood, or from permanently sealing jigsaw puzzles. It’s good stuff.

I ‘Mod Podged’ the scrapbook paper down, and when that was dry, I did the same with a photo, and then some stickers. One or two gloppy layers of the fine ‘Podge’ on top of everything, and that was it. This was so easy, took like 20 seconds. Then I drank some wine and watched ‘Teen Mom’ on MTV which is a fantastic reality show by the way.

I let my creations dry overnight, and then embellished with ribbon, and a blingy buckle. Good times. I wrote notes to all friends on the back in Silver Sharpie. I just love making and receiving handmade gifts, it’s one of the best things in life. Hope my friends enjoy!

Behind the Green Doors

2010-11-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

After completing my fun Lima Bean Wreath project, I went outside to see what color ribbon might look nice……uhm, not good. My front doors have not had an ounce of attention in the life of the house, I’m ashamed of myself. I’m tragic, my doors even more tragic. Cracked, paint chipped, dirty, a big shameful hot mess. The brass handles looked brown, and I hadn’t noticed it, EVER! GROSS!

I started googling front porches and doors, and was shocked at the care people put into them. Mine were bad and I’d totally missed the boat. I’m so meticulous about things, I still don’t understand the front door epic fail. How could I have been so remiss? I mean, the first thing people see when they come up to my crib, is a faded, chipping, oxidized calamity. The doors were a lovely shade of mid 1990′s misty green, a total turnoff. I put up a swatch of dark brown, and a bright green, neither worked. At this point I decided to take a chance on a bright and modern chartreuse. LOVES.

The actual sanding/painting wasn’t bad at all. The brass, that was another story. A large bottle of Brasso and about three hours of elbow grease later, the hardware looked semi-presentable. As soon as I have an extra $200.00, these bad boys are history, but for now at least they look better. I may attempt a spraypaint makeover, still thinking about that.

I hung my freshly crafted Lima bean wreaths, and voila. The fleur de lys was another 'brilliant idea' that I had, and while measuring I dropped it straight down onto a bare toe, not good. The toe hung on for dear life, but with the scar that’s now forming, my potential for a career as a foot model is completely non-existent. DRATS.

This entire project, including the wreaths, came in at under $50.00. I wish I had done this a long time ago, but live and learn. I love the green, and I love that this post allowed me to reference the very famous porno from the 1970′s, “Behind the Green Door.” I only know this because they talked about it in one of my all time fave movies, “The Cannonball Run” which is an AWESOME cult classic btw. RIP Dom Deloise.

UPDATE!!!! I have received a notice from my Homeowner's Association that these doors are offensive and must be removed IMMEDIATELY. They had the nerve to say they were better before, so now I'm forced to submit to a committee that will ultimately tell me they have to go. I have been provided with a lovely selection of early 1990's colors to choose from including the original sea foam green, a terrible yellow, and something that resembles the color of old ham. When my appeal is ultimately declined, I'm going to put the horrendous HOA 'approved' colors for an internet vote......let the fun begin.

Lima Bean Wreath

2010-11-21T19:16:00.000-08:00

I have always had a strange aversion to wreaths. I’ve avoided the round lovelies for most of my adult life, normally finding them to be 'a little bit country' for my 'a little bit rock-n-roll' taste. But, late one night while surfing the blogosphere, my wreath ill-will was challenged. All Things Thrifty was featuring the most amazing and economical wreath made from simple Lima beans and Styrofoam! LOVE.

I made the decision to climb back on the wreath train and take a ride. $5.99 for the foam ring, $1.39 for the baby Lima beans, and I was on my way. One certainly cannot argue with the investment! I should have used a 40% off coupon for the wreath at JoAnn's and it would have been even less! Note to self: Keep all coupons in my handbag and at the ready! I can't count how many times I've been out and purchased something I could have gotten almost half off had I been planning ahead.

This project was very easy, anyone old enough to manage a glue gun could attack it with ease. My only warning would be the amount of time spent gluing! The first wreath was an investment of about six hours. I used a diagonal method for placement, and it did get crooked in certain areas, but once complete it looked great. Crooked is 'artisan' right?

The foam in between the beans is somewhat visible, so I decided to lay on a coat of Krylon Ivory Gloss to even out the color. Be sure to remove any leftover hot glue strings prior to spray-painting, as they become VERY noticeable once the paint dries. Small imperfection, definitely not enough to justify another six hour stint with the glue gun. I used to coats of paint, but one would have been sufficient.

I've seen versions of this wreath made with nuts, kidney beans, marbles, etc. I think any hot glue-friendly medium would work nicely! I love how sleek and modern the Lima beans turned out, one could easily change paint color and/or ribbon color to fit the season.

Now for the bad news, I had to make a second wreath! Unfortunately, I have double doors, one wasn't going to cut it. For this wreath, my approach involved a bottle of Oregon Pinot Noir, which seemed to speed up the process by at least two hours. I think the less perfectionistic on this project, the better.

Two wreaths, ten hours of gluing...but time well spent. I found some cute chocolate-colored grosgrain ribbon that I thought would blend nicely with my front door beautification efforts, and voila! Done and done. I think wired ribbon might work better, I'll probably change it out after Thanksgiving and see how that looks.

Miner #2 is Mine!

2010-10-19T01:58:00.000-07:00

Like everyone else on the planet, I was horrified to learn of the 33 trapped miners in Chile. I am still dumbfounded at how their note to the outside world was discovered, how they all survived those first undoubtedly BEYOND wretched days. What an amazing group of human beings! God willing, none of us will ever experience the horrors they suffered mentally and physically. Let us hope not!

So captivated by the story, I signed up for the 'Google Alerts' regarding the miners and their plight. When finally, they were discovered alive, for some reason I had serious faith that eventually they would be rescued, somehow.......some way. So many heroes, above ground and below, proof that miracles do happen, and I for one am so profoundly grateful that these people and their loved ones are now finally immersed in a sea of reunited bliss. It was wonderful to watch the capsule bring each person to the earth's air again, I bawled 33 times, and then I bawled some more. It's rare to cry such happy tears, but it felt so good.

The 33 Rescued Chilean Miners

For me, the rescue operation was top shelf reality TV, I stayed up all night glued to CNN, no coffee needed. What a high, what a rush! Moral and emotional Robitussin for the entire world. I loved it. One of those moments that we feel connected with the planet. No Black versus White. No Arab Israeli conflict. Nobody trying to say that the Oakland Raiders suck when everyone should recognize that they have been and will always be the BOMB DOT COM! WOOOOHOOOOO! Okay, I got off the subject there for a minute...........back to my thought.

Now that everyone is safe and sound, and from what I understand from news outlets, in amazing health considering the whole near tragedy, I think it's okay to say what a lot of women were thinking. SOME OF THOSE MINERS WERE SUPER HOT!!!!!!!! I'm not talking kind of cute, I mean Level 4 or 5, I will stalk you and do shady drive-by your house missions at 3:00 AM hot. Who would have thought?

Rescued Hottie Miner #1, Florencio Avalos

I guess from the grainy videos we saw of these guys shirtless in the mine, I expected them to all kind of look like that character "Mr. Edwards" from Little House on the Prairie. WRONG. The first one popped out of the capsule and I was like DAMN BOY! I felt bad for thinking it. Was I a sicko? I felt kind of like I was drinking wine coolers in the back of the bus on the way to band camp. Sometimes though, being bad feels sooooooo good. When the second one emerged, HE WAS HOT TOO! Totally cute and rock star charisma, I was digging it! One after the other, the man candy emerged from deep within the earth, accompanied only by the steam that either rose with them, or oosed from their hot bods! Suddenly being trapped in a dark mine with these 33 studs didn't seem too bad. Maybe more like an underground Disneyland for single moms! One text written to a girlfriend of mine said, "Is it just me or are some of these miners hot?" That's all I had to write and the floodgates were open. Texts back and forth between about twenty of my girlfriends and I, ranking these dudes like they were Chippendale's Dancers and we were all bombed out of our minds on a girls' Vegas weekend. My favorite texts went something like, "# 2 is mine" and "did u c 27's butt?" I was glad I wasn't the only one who noticed how major these guys were. One friend's mother said to me, "I liked the one with long hair, he looked like a rocker." I agreed with this chic in her 70's, he was cute.

SUPER MARIO! Mario Sepulveda, who I like to call HOTTIE #2

Okay, now for the ugly part, Number 21. Bad boy bad boy, watcha gonna do? Yonni Barrios was the miner whose love triangle was discovered when his wife and mistress practically came to blows at Camp Hope. Almost like speaking ill of the dead, I feel bad for what I'm about to say, and in no way should this diminish his earned hero/miner status. But, Yonni is a creeper. The creeper part wasn't even that he had a mistress, it was that he allegedly asked both of them to greet him as the capsule returned him to Chile and quite possibly a hellstorm of woman fury. According to the Sun, his mistress, Susana Valenzuela, reportedly spoke of her joy at having Barrios back, to which his wife Marta supposedly said, "She's welcome to him." Go Marta, Go Marta, Go Marta! Some men are so narcissistic. I mean, did he really think they would both show up, on worldwide television to greet him Hugh Hefner style? (Hef is the only one allowed to do that!) Kudos to Marta. She needs to ice that man down, permanently. The only exception to the obligatory icing would be if she needs to play nice as long as it takes to cash in on some of the Miner-Celebrity dough, and then boot his sorry ass. She earned some of that money, he's obviously a toolbox. Marta has reportedly told press outlets that she only had "two or three days of happiness" in their 28-year marriage, and has also said, "I'm not even going to watch him on TV. I know he is OK and that's enough for me." You go girl! I'm sure you are smarter and cuter and funnier than "OLD SUSANA" anyway, I mean YOU DESERVE BETTER RIGHT!

Naughty #33 and his hook, aka Yonni Barrio (Creeper McCreeperton) and homewrecker Susana Valenzuela

I haven't blogged in forever, and when I mentioned to my dad that I was going to do a ranking of the miners' hotness, 1-33, he told me it was a 'bad idea little girl." That's dad code for, "you do that and I'll disown you and you will still be orbiting the earth ten years from now because I will put you there with my boot." I still might do it, but I'll let a little more dirt fall on it, no pun intended.

For now, in 33rd place, miner number 21, sweet Yonni.

Having said all of that, I couldn't be more thrilled for the miners, the rescuers, the families, Chile, and even my main man Yonni. They are all heroes, courageous, brave, true examples of what a wonderful thing the human spirit can be. Thank you to Oakley for hooking them up with those dark sunglasses so they all looked so sexy as they greeted us via our flat screens, and to the good folks that sent down the razors and dry shampoo, GOOD THINKING! We ladies ENJOYED!

VIVA CHILE!